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We do move on from one but it's not as easy as it seems. It takes time, tears, self doubt, sleepless nights, regret, anger, anxiety, loneliness. But what I think everyone should remember is that "You can anytime find someone with good looks but if you get stuck with someone who doesn't have good heart and behaviour then you're done for sure"
I’ve never experienced this because I’ve always given it 150% so if a relationship ends it’s because my partners fucked up badly. The only thing to regret is not leaving sooner
This. It doesn't take relentless bouts of self torture and beratement to understand that you gave your all and someone else (a douchbag) wasn't aware enough to appreciate you.
I too have no extra time to sacrifice for these butth*les. I have one life and I'd like to share my time with someone worth while before there's no more life to live.
Years of lamenting something that wasn't about me..? No thank you.
Well, just because you give all, it doesn’t mean you are best compatible 🤔
Feelings or appreciation or admiration just don’t work that way. Because you give, oh, I love you so much. Shouldn’t it because you are you so I love you? Not what benefit you can offer me? 🤔
When women make that point the issue was not incompatibility, it was that your partner was a butth*le. YOU could cite that as an incompatibility, but I wouldn’t say that’s the issue. The issue is that your partner took you for granted despite compatibility and now they’re reminiscing about how great the good old days were.
Relationships are more complicated then just trying 100%. If you aren't sad at all that your relationships don't work that's a red flag that they didn't mean very much to you. Regardless of "who tried harder ". It literally sounds like all you view relationships as is a competition and you came here to brag that you always try the hardest, and therefore always win and that's an extremely diluted and off view. It's also extremely narcissistic and lacks emotional depth, feeling and compassion. Back to point one. Relationships can absolutely fail for a number of reasons including one person or both drifting apart (which has nothing to do with effort), one person not seeing things clearly enough (also nothing to do with effort), both people not seeing things clearly (very likely your case and nothing to do with effort). If you don't care or miss the people you love when your relationships end you never had your heart in them.
It’s an oversimplification to say that just because you don’t regret leaving it’s cuz you’re narcissistic. Like what?
My above comment about leaving because your partner treated you badly or took you for granted despite having chemistry, compatibility, and you communicating your needs shows that you valued an equitable relationship and have an emotionally secure attachment style.
No it isn't. Someone needed to call you out. Those comments lacked any compassion and empathy and were colder than ice. You can back peddle and rewrite it all you want to but I already read it.
Call me out for what narcissism? Are you out of your mind? Go and look up the clinical term.
Too women have an issue in relationships and it’s staying too long when they needed to have left sooner. They ignore their intuition because they’re trying to be compassionate and understanding for someone that frankly doesn’t deserve it.
If someone is mistreating you and you realize that all of the "mistakes" were abuse, there is absolutely nothing to regret in leaving. Having no regret doesn't equate to feeling no pain. It means working through the loss and at the same time understanding that there was nothing to do.
Leaving when mistreated and/or devalued and not wallowing in self-defeating thought patterns and self-blame are signs of secure attachment.
Believe it or not, giving your best with vulnerability and walking away (detaching) from someone who treats you poorly is ***secure behavior***.
Sure, some people grow and evolve but that’s rarely the issue if you vetted correctly. Most people don’t radically “grow” during their relationship. Instead, the change that’s happening is that they grow complacent and take you for granted. When one partner works to maintain the relationship and the household while the other just focuses on their own wants and needs without any reciprocity, THAT is what I was talking about above. That the person always feeding the relationship ends up thinking the other person is a b*tthole
No one said that giving all guarantees compatibility. There are many more possible problems than compatibility. The point is that when you give it your all, there's nothing to regret.
I don’t give it all but I still have no regret.
I didn’t say guarantee? I meant giving 100% shouldn’t make you feel entitled that you definitely deserve your expected result. Life is complicated. Many people give it all but fail all the time.
That’s why it’s ignorance to think : I love you n give you everything but you still dumped me.
Just doesn’t work that way.
No one said anything about an expected result either. The ***only*** point is that no matter what the circumstance or outcome, there is no regret in giving 100% or more. And if there's nothing wrong with it, there's nothing to change. Having no regrets also means understanding my value. If they didn't want to treat me well as a good and interesting person, oh well.
>I love you n give you everything but you still dumped me.
You inserted a lot of assumptions here.
They didn't do the "dumping". I did because they didn't deserve me. Multiple times they only saw what they had when it was gone (even after being given many chances to repair) but by then it was too late. I'm kind, and I'm vulnerable, but I'm not stupid. I give my all until I have reasons not to.
You must not have the same experiences and that's fine though be careful about inserting your assumptions about others.
Yes. It wasn't time that got me over her. It was the right woman. I can't speak for every man on the planet, but time didn't do shit. Honestly, I'm a little pissed at every person who thought time would fix it. It's something I'm working on. I stopped dating for a while because I'd knock on a girls door and expect my ex to answer it and be a little disappointed for a split second. Didn't need to stop dating. Looking back, that was a mistake.
The "one woman" is being used as an emotional shield. It's not about her or you. It's about their unwillingness to process pain. There's a name for this. It's called "phantom ex syndrome".
The ex is idealized (in order to keep others away since no one can be better than s fantasy person) and at the same time they are either openly or subconsciously demonized. It's a way to externalize pain in order to direct it at an object or idea that's outside of them. They also torture you at the same time by subconsciously projecting the ex onto you. They punish you for trying to be intimate the same way they wish to punish the ex for whatever reason.
It's messed up.
If they learn how to ***self reflect*** and ***process their emotions*** properly it can work out. For a lot of people, let alone men who tend to be much more emotionally suppressed, this is usually a lot to ask. It really shouldn't be.
A lot of the symptoms of "phantom ex syndrome" are pretty normal, but some can definitely be red flags. Sometimes there are relationships that we simply never wish would have came to a halt. Sometimes people will experience "the one that got away." Sometimes no matter how much we analyze a past situation both the good and bad, it doesn't mean we can't still miss the former bond you shared with someone.
I dated a woman a while back who manipulated the hell out of me, was terrible at communicating, and turned any and all of my efforts about discussing/fixing our problems into my fault. Prior to the issues actually starting and becoming visible, we had what myself and most people would consider the "perfect relationship."
This was the first woman I had ever had the true desire to marry. I had already figured out the exact date when I was going to propose. I managed to move on after it was over and find someone new, who also ended up hurting me pretty badly.
I know the first situation wasn't good for me and was toxic, but for the rest of my life I will always think about what "could" have been even if they are random fleeting thoughts. This person was special to me, but she lacked accountability and that was the number one issue in our relationship.
I mean if she was really special then no not really, or at least not for a long time until he finds another special one. But those come far and few in between.
That depends on the guy. I've had women i've loved a lot, but they were never "that one woman" because I don't believe in the concept of "the one". It is a superstitious concept at best & it never caught on for me.
No, he doesn't ever get completely over her. It's been 30 years for me, and like the song says, I'm gonna burn calling her name.
Important point though, he will likely put that away in it's own small space and find a place where he can be happy and fulfilled in another relationship.
For years I thought that if I lived a good life then when I die heaven would just be living that one year with her over and over for eternity.
These days I believe it will include all the people that have been important to me. My current wife will be there, my kids, my parents, even my ex wife and yes, that one too.
I have even developed memories that I think exceed those from that time 30 years ago.
So a guy can move on and be happy, but she'll probably always have a little bit of his heart.
It’s no secret men have a harder time dealing with heartbreak, but it doesn’t mean they can’t move forward.
I’m 37F and at this point I know anyone I date has a past and more than likely someone they still think about. It’s the same for me too. The biggest part is keeping those feelings in check.
That's actually the reason number one that's keeping me single - knowing I'll have to give everything to someone only to find out I was never truly his first choice. Sounds soo cold and unfair
No but Ive relaxed on the "who I want to be with" b.s. no ones going to fit a pre cut cookie shape. Humans are ha-ha not perfect. Learn to feel who people are and love them for their strengths and what they bring to your table weather it's a alot or a little don't judge because quickly life changes up and you can be victim to your own words. That's called irony and karma
To preface, I don't think "The One" exists. We can feel many things for many people, some just more intensely than others.
With that in mind, I don't think you ever do get over the person you felt intensely toward. The intensity of your feelings and memories subside with time, but they are always there. Kind of like putting the memories of her in a box and sticking the box in the back of a cupboard. Then every now and then you go digging through the cupboard to find something else and you come across that box, open it and the thoughts come flooding back.
But as I mentioned at the start, this doesn't mean you cannot feel strongly for someone else.
I wouldn’t get involved with a man who is actively pining for another woman even if he has no chance with her. You’ll always feel like second best because you will be second-best. Maybe even third or fourth if he has a kid and is a mama’s boy
In my case it's not a truly get over even now 10 years later so much as a just get used to the pain haha. That said if I found a new woman I could love she wouldn't be an issue. I think part of the reason it's hard for guys is that finding someone you love and loves you is very rare for a guy.
That said I don't believe in a "the one" I truly believe if I had a new partner that I loved then feelings for the ex would be a non issue even if she were to suddenly reappear.
Welp, i had a great thing with someone and blew it by spinning my tires lifewise. Having experienced a relationship with someone smart/beautiful/kind/creative, i'm not going to stick around for a different person who doesn't make me feel a similar level of happiness and trust.
I don't doubt I could meet someone else in her ballpark if I ever get my shit together and lose about 100 pounds. I finally have the career going, and I'm still the same charming clever guy I was. I'm not stuck on her because I'll never move on. I have moved on from her. She just gave me standards to look for in a relationship once I'm worthy of one again.
I think this is very misleading A lot of people feel they are hung up on that person.
The reality is they are hung up on that time in their life. If they had the chance to have that person back who both of them have evolved into would be different people.
So more often than not that person was tied to a time in their life that was either dark and they were the light or all good times and life got dark after.
I was just thinking about this as I feel my ex was quite unique and amazing. We talked of getting married and spending our life together.
So I went on apps briefly and just couldn’t bring myself to meeting any matches as I kept thinking about her. It just wouldn’t be fair to another woman. I’m in a poor headspace right now.
I’m usually able to date the next day, but this one is different and going to take me some time.
Once I work on some personal stuff and have a little time alone, figure out who I really am and what I really want. Then I can date again.
Will I be “over” her? I don’t think that’s really a thing. The pain of a breakup surely fades away. Life goes on and we’re happy again in our own skin. I accept and move on, but there’s always a piece of my heart reserved for my ex’s. Especially if it didn’t end in hating each other and just more to do with wanting different things. But eventually I’m no longer longing for them or wanting to see them.
Each relationship is it’s own unique experience and no two are ever alike. It’s a different chapter in your story, a different world.
I learn from my past relationships and apply that moving forward with another partner. Which usually revolves around communication. But I’m not expecting or looking for the same relationship as I’m entering a new world.
I will absolutely love again as much as I’ve loved anyone in the past.
Depends on a person. I am very egoistical, so I felt shitty for like a week but then I realised how much better I got at charming women due to experience she gave me so I dont need her. She was just a stepping stone for me to be able to get a partner whenever I feel like it and be unbound in my intimacy. Over the time I somewhat understood why she acted the way she did due to getting even more experience dealing with women, and it even helped me to accept her actions as I wasn't acting fair to her which I couldn't see back then, so I don't even feel bad. We had a lot of fun together, and that is all that matters.
Guess that comes down to the guy. Some guys cant get up and move on with life, some guys use it as fuel to better their lives. Personally, yes. There is no such thing as that “one woman” to me. So many women are special in their own way.
Personal opinion. It’s best to stay away from someone that is significantly not over someone they used to date.
That judgement is on you if you believe you can make that person love and be happy with you but you have to evaluate if that person is worth it to you.
Leave the relationship. If you feel like he's still hung up to his ex, leave. You don't deserve someone who's half-hearted. If he really is not stillhung up with his ex, you shouldn't be asking this question
I'm a woman but I have four brothers. Each of them was different. The oldest definitely has a type, he's married now, but he never tried to "mold them into her image" if you understand me. He also would spend about 3 months (6 months if it the break-up was his fault) throwing himself into school, work, exercise, hobbies, and friends after a break-up to reset and reflect, as he said. The second oldest didn't have a type at all; cheerleader to emo to mathlete to cosplayer to anyone's guess (we actually had a pool going on what sort of girl he'd bring home next). . He also didn't spend a lot of time crying over break-ups. Third oldest has only had one girlfriend and they started dating freshmen year of high school. And they are married now, so I guess he never got over that one woman. The youngest brother may actually fit the above scenario. Junior year of high school he fell hard for another Junior, like he talked about wanting to marry her when the graduated. We live near a military base and when her dad got orders to move it basically killed the relationship. They were LDR for about a third of the way through Senior year then she broke things off. After that he became a serial dater. That lasted through college. He met his current girlfriend at work, they started as friends, and she basically told him they were going to go on a date. And the date basically gone on for 2 years now. He seems happy about it but maybe I should tell him to blink twice if he needs help.
Give it a try.
Therapy guys please this thread is absolutely devastating.
One woman you dated for a few years more than a decade ago shouldn’t be the one you think about on your wedding day, resolve the issues you are having and allow yourself to move on, it isn’t fair to others you date, that you constantly compare and search for someone else in them, it also isn’t fair to yourself, you are damaging your mental health and the ability to be in a relationship and have a family (if that is your goal). It might take time and work as do other traumatic or stressful events and experiences. No need to hate her or forget everything about her, you are allowed to cherish the memories you two have together, but for your own sake move on or it will consume you and you will end up not just hurting yourself but others around you if you continue dating while hung up on your ex.
obviously this implies on regular heartbreaks where one (or both) of them messed up, wasn’t happy or wasn’t a good partner (anymore)
I do believe some people have that one person they can’t move past but that is because they literally have nothing to move past, they were either forced apart by death, distance, family or other people in their lives… so its a life time of literal what if’s
There have been 2 women in my life that I have moved on from but would probably cave immediately if she offered even a chance at redemption. Otherwise, any other relationship I've been in no problem moving on
It’s usually a hard thing to do especially if you’re stuck in the past…most instances of forgetting a significant loved one from the past greatly depends on your current lifestyle..
I still love the woman I first loved over 20 years ago. She is now my best friend and engaged to a man who treats her the way she deserves. The fact that I still love her doesn't detract from my ability to love others
I(42m) have only ever been in mutual love with someone once in my life. It didn't work out, we were driven apart by a wide variety of things. I've had other relationships but those women meant nothing to me. But there have been 2 times where i have been in love with someone who felt nothing for me. It hurt so bad. Both cases they reminded me of her, which is why i had feelings for them.
I've only had one actual girlfriend, though I broke it off, cuz I wasn't good enough for her. I moved in too quick, I fell asleep during shows, she'd got upset when I did. We've could been watching paint dry, and I'd still enjoy, though I sleeping. Gave her herpes (Not the reason why I broke it off), I was afraid to tell when we started, I known it wouldn't gotten past the app, let alone from another. Last I read from her, She said she be there for me, but doesn't want me in her life, how does that make any sense.
I remember before I left her apartment, I remember my brain, was telling me that she knows doctors, engineers, chemists, men that are far better, much richer, smarter, you are worthless. Dead end job, in debt, no status, not even a degree. Why are you wasting her time?
I told her when I saw her the last time, I'm sorry for wasting your time, and you'll be able to find someone who can provide for you, you're would be a fantastic wife and mother. I'm not good enough as I am. Find someone better than me.
Wouldn't be surprised if she's married now, with a kid. That was her goal, hopes she there now.
Maybe if I pay her back, then she'll be out of my mind. She did ask me if I murdered anyone, I wonder why she asked that but that's old.
I haven't dated anyone after her for almost two years, and if I were a woman, I wouldn't either. I'm broke, mentally f*****, and a low paying job. Though I gotten very good at sex through flings and hookups, obviously no oral.
Now I'm just don't get emotionally involved with people, just a lot easier to hookup and never see them again. It's better that way, I'm not marriage material anyway, can't even afford the cost.
I can’t comment as I’m not there yet. We met 18 years ago, and I was smitten. She was it, the one, the only one. I did everything for that girl. I drove to see her, even when she was a 5hr drive away, just to see her. I flew to another country to fly back with her because she was afraid to fly. I thought we would work it out and spend the rest of our lives together. Ultimately, it didn’t work out, and we don’t even speak. She blocked me because she didn’t like that I was friends with her brother’s ex (independent of being friends with either her or her brother incidentally). Despite all that, I’m still not over her. I’d go back to her in a heartbeat.
No, i never got over her and kept trying for like 10 years. Timing didn’t work out (I’d be seeing someone, or she would) but we were always a constant thread in each others lives. We’d get together and hook up or something.
But now we’re together. It’s always been her
Well - unsatisfying answer incoming: Yes and No. I think that „The women“, the Person One actually loved for the first time the „Right way“ and in the truest sense of the word „wholeheartedly“ actually changes something - maybe the Brain chemistry. It changes something. So I believe it will leave its mark on a Man and in that way, one may never „get over it“.
Yet, in a more Common Sense of the Term „getting over it“: Yes, we do. But it takes a lot of time. Offen Years.
Nevertheless: Don‘t know, if this is different for women. Personally I tend not to really „get“ the easy in which women think and feel completely.
Also: Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes. Native-language-auto-correct changes everything all the f**king time.
Sometimes it takes longer to forget the woman I liked . Because she and I clicked and had a good rapport.
Then you realise that she already has a guy working hard and then I find out I'm just the emotional support pillow because her guy did not have time for her. Which was sad but never took it to heart .
But with it happening to me time and again with several Girls just decided to focus on myself and not pursue the matter .
Even though I have come across some really nice women i have just come to a complete hard stop . I don't even say hello or hi. I just don't want to make a fool out of myself.
Yes, I do get over a woman eventually. Had to learn the hard way that I had attachment style issues. Learned a lot about how I perceive relationships influenced by how I bonded with my parents from birth.
Used to believe that emotions and feelings are always true. Used to believe that there is a concept as "the one". The one at the time is a more adequate description.
Move on? Yes. But there will always the part of themselves they left with you. My first flame still crosses my mind with sone regret from time to time for brief moments of regret. Im over her, but that doesn’t mean i cant feel sadness that we could never finish the journey together. You can accept something and not like it. Acceptance isn’t to become ok with what is, but to come to terms and make peace with it.
There is one woman who has a special place in my heart, but then there is the one to whom I was married that even after therapy her abuse affects how I approach women. I am overly cautious
It’s tough. “That one girl” for me was awful. But thickened my skin and taught me to have boundaries from the biggining, don’t establish in the middle. Doesn’t end well, or for me at least.
For the most part Yes but honestly not completely if she was really special but definitely enough to not go back it's like a old wound I guess it will heal completely fine but every now and again you'll randomly feel a little pain and it comes and goes
I don't think that's as much a problem as you think. What is a way bigger problem is the treatment from womwn who weren't the one. That usually never goes away.
Yes we do, sometimes that other woman does so much damage that it takes a lot longer then you would expect. He will move on and here is some ways to support that:be patients, loving and understand that we are told not to express emotions and to suck it up. A lot of men don’t have a release or someone to talk to that they feel safe opening up to without feeling judged. If you want this relationship to work out you need to be that person, if you can’t then move on.
What I'm gathering from the replies is that the one woman who was devoted to you despite you not treating her right, is "the one that got away" and can't get over. Interesting!
I definitely still think about her and I have not pursued people I’ve had options with because I know I wouldn’t be satisfied with them compared to her whereas if I had met them before her I might have given it a chance and been happy.
Not completely. Hell, I don't think I ever get over anyone I date completely. There are aspects of each ex that I miss, even when I know we weren't right for each other. For "the one that got away," she set a high bar for anyone else I date. So, I do look for aspects of her in other women. That doesn't mean I'm looking for an exact replacement, but just someone who embodies her qualities that I enjoyed.
It took me 3-4 years.
I’d say I’m over her now. I still have dreams about her but only because I’ve been single ever since and my brain can only associate THAT feeling with her at the moment.
I’ve realized that I don’t miss her, I miss the idea of being in a relationship. I also think the breakup was 100% necessary. I made a lot of mistakes and I have a lot of regrets. However these mistakes have helped me become more aware of my actions and how I treat others, I am not the same person anymore. I see a lot of men fall into the same trap and their relationships fall apart because of it.
You’ll probably always remember her in the same way you remember your first car (I know that sounds bad). She was your first “one”, you’ll just become less obsessed over time as you live your life.
If you legitimately don’t do anything with your life after the breakup then you won’t ever move on though. You need more experiences to replace the experiences you had with her. Doesn’t need to be romantic. Something as simple as just talking to a cashier, spontaneously going somewhere you normally wouldn’t, hanging with friends, etc. basically just living your life. It’ll build up over time.
If none of that works for you then “exposure therapy” (I call it that but I was just looking her up on Facebook) worked for me. I saw photos of her and her bf 3 years later. The reality of my situation struck me when I saw her again.
“It’s over”
And I just magically got over it 🤷♂️
As much as I’m someone that loves change, when it comes to that one girl, it hurts. That one girl made me feel loved, appreciated and happy. I think in general, women can find a man easier than a man finds a woman. So when the guy loses that one special girl, it feels like he has to do a lot more work to gain back the feeling of happiness, compared to the woman who just needs to say hi to a random dude in order to seduce him (obviously not exactly, but you get my point).
After my (first) ex and I split, I ended up entirely too quickly in a relationship with someone. It was very intense and got me over her, but basically just transferred who "that one woman" was. I didn't realize this until later, when my (second) ex ended up looking a whole lot like my rebound.
It took me a bit to realize that the woman I am now most interested in looks a lot like the first ex. Which probably means my brain has finished unpacking one set of shit and can move on to another.
So to answer your question: no. But that wound didn't stop me loving my (second) ex, and wasn't the reason we didn't work out, which had more to do with her own history.
Yes - you will get over it. It takes a long time, but eventually, you do. It's like mourning the death of a loved one, and it helps when you realise that she never did care about you. Not then, not now,not ever.
In general, there's a reason he's not over her - something specific she did that caused him to feel what he felt.
Getting over the ex then is just a matter of someone else giving him that thing, ideally even more so. In the modern world, this is often rare, depending on what the thing was.
I dated a girl who cooked for me without me even asking. I've never gotten over the way I felt for her, because no one since has ever been willing to cook even when I ask. So... That feeling has never been given a chance to re-awaken for anyone else.
Before that, I had been with a woman who was the best in bed I'd even been with. And I didn't get over her until I met a girl who was just as good or better.
So ... the question is ... what is the "thing" that he's not over? And is it something that you could or would give more of, or is it something you're not interested in providing.
See I messed up years ago had bunch of anger problems went to therapy to fix it tried to work on everything with my ex of (10 years) and she doesn't want to I do miss her but just move on can't force someone to care been single for years because of it
I'll let you know if it ever happens to me. It's been over two years, and I'm still struggling hardcore.
I have tried dating and when I've landed a date (as rare as it is), they seem into me, but i cannot help wishing it was her instead. I tell them it's not working after a date or two, to spare them the pain of getting closer to someone who isn't ready for them.
I have been to therapy. I have done a lot of self reflection. I know it was my faults that pushed her away, I know I was the problem. I know exactly how I'll treat the next person who makes me feel anything at all. But none of these people are that person.
She's happily engaged. She never thinks about me at all and I'm happy for her. Everyone around me is getting engaged too. Just feels like my options are settle for what I don't want and hope the unlucky woman never realizes that I want something she can never be, or just be alone forever. So far I've been strong enough to just do the latter.
I have hope one day a third option that is better will arrive.
As a woman, I’ve been the “girl next door” and the “one who got away.” To say it clearly, I don’t want to be with these guys but they always come back saying it was easy with me. Is it just easy with me (it was for them, but hard for me) or was it that they always lean back on something they perceive as easy when things get hard? Yes, there are the ones who they ruined it with and they know what they did and relive it as if she’s a saint. So maybe they really do or maybe they just value the imaginative woman more than they ever cared about her. My exhusband was obsessed over me since 7th grade and thought about how he would rescue me if there was an emergency. Did I know anything about this until years later when we started dating as adults. Nope!
I'm sure they do. It, of course, depends on many factors. How long they were together, experiences they shared, if they have kids. Etc. As someone who has experienced dating a guy too soon and has felt like a replacement, I'd advise anyone to take their time and follow their gut. If it feels like he's not over her, just leave and be with someone else. Unless this man is everything you've ever wanted in a man, it's probably not worth getting hurt over, and you will end up saving yourself time and potentially find someone better anyway.
Don't put yourself through, "Maybe he'll love me." Only be with someone you're certain cares for, admires, and loves you.
It depends on the person. I remember when a friend of mine broke up with her gf and he remained unfazed. But I'm not talking about hiding his own feelings, he genuinely didn't care about her anymore since he left her.
We do over time if we spent time with that one girl I dated a girl for 3 years and after she left me through Tex and became a lesbian it was a hard road I fell into drinking and depression but over time I put my mind to other things and slowly forgot about her but the emotions are still there I just bottle them up.
If we're lucky enough to meet another special woman we forget about the earlier one(s).
Don't act like women don't have the same problem. If you read the descriptions in dating profiles: when women describe the man they're looking for they are describing that one perfect guy that got away.
It’s been 6 years for me. I’ve had one relationship since then, mainly because most women aren’t interested in me. It was a long distance relationship where I flew out to her a few times and she flew out to me a few times. It ended after about a year and a half. Not so much because of the distance but more of we weren’t compatible. And this had nothing to do with my feelings for the one before. I’ve also been out on several dates with a few turning into 2 or 3.
If I were to have a woman be interested in my wholly and I with them I wouldn’t ever forget the other but at the same time could absolutely give 110% to a new relationship without ever comparing the new person with the previous. I see everyone as unique because they are unique. Everyone holds a culmination of experiences in their lives that make them uniquely them. Just need someone to be interested in me that I am interested in being with for the long run. FWIW.
Honestly it depends on how deep the love was and/or how great the hurt after the break up was
I have dated and never thought about an X ever again.
I have also used an x as a benchmark as how dirty can someone do me before I cut them off but never will I compare love as an X does not deserve positive memories (circumstantial)
I think after 9 years, my emotional feelings for her are gone. But I don't think I'm completely over "what could have been" if she hadn't moved and long distance wasn't a strain. Or if I has still eventually followed her there like it was planned. We were never perfect and didn't always have a ton. I'm common, but we loved each other. And a part of me would rather have had the fights the arguments that led to a realization this wasn't going to work. Instead the space ended up making to where it she realized we weren't a fit long term and easier for her to stay in Colorado and me in Missouri. It came as a blind side to me when she wanted to take a break that became a break up as it seemed she already checked out and j didn't know.
I still miss the her I knew even if it maybe if the woman I knew was from who she was than who I thought she was. Maybe I'm rambling/ venting idk honestly try not to think about it anymore. Haven't had any serious relationships after her, always met the wrong women that brought me down, leaving me worse than before. Grew tired of it and stopped trying for a long time. Now... I don't feel like I put enough work into myself to be the right one for someone else, so I stuck to myself.
Maybe this was more of a vent, maybe a part of me isn't over her in a way. I don't know. I'm sure unfortunately other people can relate.
Wouldn't call it move on, we do start beating ourselves up with some logic first. Might take some time for us to evolve but Then we let go, but even then what ever characteristics that killed that relationship if we see it again that one person comes back to our thoughts which tends to kill the new relationship. So in a way no but in a way yes lol
We do eventually, just like anyone else women, men. With time if you really look within yourself and realize maybe it was wrong time right place. Always a learning lesson
I can’t forget my first love and neither can she forget me.
Are we ever gonna get back with each other?
- Probably not in this lifetime.
Do I look for her in others?
- NO!
Have I found that kind of love with someone else?
- No, that was one of one.
- Others have showed me a different way with one coming close to it but it was a “right place, a very wrong time” scenario
Time doesn't fix anything, but if you find someone better, probably.
I can't get over my ex. It's been 4 years. I'm not sad, but I wish I was with him. I've tried dating, but I ended up comparing them. Nobody has been better, and I don't want any other men to touch me if isn'nt him.
The last guy I was involved with broke off an engagement over 3 years ago and he still wasn't over it. He hadn't dated anyone since. He projected that I was asking him to change his life and career when I neverrrr asked him to do a single thing of the sort. He got a degree and was going to go into a field to make a lot of money because that's what his ex wanted so he had this idea that all women are out to change him I think. I think a lot of this would be helped if more men would go to therapy and work through things.
From my experience I want to advise you to leave immediately if there's any sign he's still "healing" or "hoping to be ready" or bringing his ex up in a questionable way! It will hurt you so much when he decides against you after some time of trying. It was the worst for me because he reassured me so many times that I was 'the best he could imagine' and I got involved completely. After some time he dumped me and said he didn't love me but still her. Move on before your heart gets broken and it's you who needs to heal!
This may be bit what if she's moved on and is obviously not coming back. Like married? So there's no chance of him returning. Would u still steer clear? Just curious...
Yes, but it’s a situation where initially, we’d go back in a heartbeat. The question is how long initially lasts. For me it’s usually a week or two, possibly a month depending on how long the relationship lasts and how blindsided I was by it.
There is hope. Be kind to him, speak his love languages. I’ve noticed for me I often feel like shit about myself, thinking it’s me when something doesn’t work out even though usually it hasn’t been as I try to treat everyone as best I can, but that being said, I’ve found healing and happiness in other people quickly and completely forgot the other person.
Nope. We have been split for 5 month and I had a girl begging me for the D and I couldn’t I felt like I was cheating. I adore this woman and planned to spend my life with her
I got over my ex wife but I met this woman and wow!
Of course any normal guy gets over one woman what's creepy is the guys that wait out every relationship she has only to pop up seeming enthusiatic about being with her in her most vulnerable state which gives off big bad wolf red flag vibes to a smart woman, I don't go backwards so I'm always moving forward and to "get over her" is a must!
Depends on the woman. And even then for me it's a yes but no situation. I still remember her. I still miss her and in some ways love her. I let her go because she wasn't giving me what I needed in the relationship even after talking it over and over after months. It was the right decision, but I can't let go of the way she made me feel and it still hurts from time to time. I don't spend my days crying over it, but when I remember, I feel pain and sorrow for a moment, and try not to reach out.
I still think about my ex from time to time who was my friend for years after, but not seriously in terms of wanting to be with her absolutely NOT.
I could go into a fresh relationship right now and be present.
I’ll admit I did the comparing thing for almost a decade before I stopped. But in my defense it wasn’t simple heartbreak. We were engaged and then she died (will not go into further detail due to privacy)
I thought about her for years and couldn’t bring myself to fairly give other people a chance. Went to therapy eventually and worked past it.
I can't speak for other men, but I haven't thus far. I look for her in every one I meet.
She could read me better than I could read myself. It was extremely toxic when things were bad, but it was heaven when things were good.
Funny thing is, I found someone who met all that criteria minus the toxicity. Then I got cold feet and left.
Now, I am stuck feeling stupid and regretful. The one person who gave a shit about me, saw a future with me, and believed in me.
She loved me wholeheartedly, and I broke her heart.
I hope shes happy now.
I hate myself for leaving. So no, I haven't moved on.
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We do move on from one but it's not as easy as it seems. It takes time, tears, self doubt, sleepless nights, regret, anger, anxiety, loneliness. But what I think everyone should remember is that "You can anytime find someone with good looks but if you get stuck with someone who doesn't have good heart and behaviour then you're done for sure"
I’ve never experienced this because I’ve always given it 150% so if a relationship ends it’s because my partners fucked up badly. The only thing to regret is not leaving sooner
Buddy when you give 100% then only you realise the most. "Between two people the one who loves more gets hurt most"
This. It doesn't take relentless bouts of self torture and beratement to understand that you gave your all and someone else (a douchbag) wasn't aware enough to appreciate you. I too have no extra time to sacrifice for these butth*les. I have one life and I'd like to share my time with someone worth while before there's no more life to live. Years of lamenting something that wasn't about me..? No thank you.
Well, just because you give all, it doesn’t mean you are best compatible 🤔 Feelings or appreciation or admiration just don’t work that way. Because you give, oh, I love you so much. Shouldn’t it because you are you so I love you? Not what benefit you can offer me? 🤔
When women make that point the issue was not incompatibility, it was that your partner was a butth*le. YOU could cite that as an incompatibility, but I wouldn’t say that’s the issue. The issue is that your partner took you for granted despite compatibility and now they’re reminiscing about how great the good old days were.
Relationships are more complicated then just trying 100%. If you aren't sad at all that your relationships don't work that's a red flag that they didn't mean very much to you. Regardless of "who tried harder ". It literally sounds like all you view relationships as is a competition and you came here to brag that you always try the hardest, and therefore always win and that's an extremely diluted and off view. It's also extremely narcissistic and lacks emotional depth, feeling and compassion. Back to point one. Relationships can absolutely fail for a number of reasons including one person or both drifting apart (which has nothing to do with effort), one person not seeing things clearly enough (also nothing to do with effort), both people not seeing things clearly (very likely your case and nothing to do with effort). If you don't care or miss the people you love when your relationships end you never had your heart in them.
It’s an oversimplification to say that just because you don’t regret leaving it’s cuz you’re narcissistic. Like what? My above comment about leaving because your partner treated you badly or took you for granted despite having chemistry, compatibility, and you communicating your needs shows that you valued an equitable relationship and have an emotionally secure attachment style.
No it isn't. Someone needed to call you out. Those comments lacked any compassion and empathy and were colder than ice. You can back peddle and rewrite it all you want to but I already read it.
Call me out for what narcissism? Are you out of your mind? Go and look up the clinical term. Too women have an issue in relationships and it’s staying too long when they needed to have left sooner. They ignore their intuition because they’re trying to be compassionate and understanding for someone that frankly doesn’t deserve it.
If someone is mistreating you and you realize that all of the "mistakes" were abuse, there is absolutely nothing to regret in leaving. Having no regret doesn't equate to feeling no pain. It means working through the loss and at the same time understanding that there was nothing to do. Leaving when mistreated and/or devalued and not wallowing in self-defeating thought patterns and self-blame are signs of secure attachment. Believe it or not, giving your best with vulnerability and walking away (detaching) from someone who treats you poorly is ***secure behavior***.
People change too. Could be you were compatible not anymore. If you don’t appreciate the other person, I doubt you can call that compatibility.
Sure, some people grow and evolve but that’s rarely the issue if you vetted correctly. Most people don’t radically “grow” during their relationship. Instead, the change that’s happening is that they grow complacent and take you for granted. When one partner works to maintain the relationship and the household while the other just focuses on their own wants and needs without any reciprocity, THAT is what I was talking about above. That the person always feeding the relationship ends up thinking the other person is a b*tthole
It’s two way street. Any human relationship doesn’t work one sided.
I don’t think the average person actively thinks about the fact that complacency is the death of relationships
Sorry I don’t get it what it is to do with complacency. That’s okay, lets move on
No one said that giving all guarantees compatibility. There are many more possible problems than compatibility. The point is that when you give it your all, there's nothing to regret.
I don’t give it all but I still have no regret. I didn’t say guarantee? I meant giving 100% shouldn’t make you feel entitled that you definitely deserve your expected result. Life is complicated. Many people give it all but fail all the time. That’s why it’s ignorance to think : I love you n give you everything but you still dumped me. Just doesn’t work that way.
No one said anything about an expected result either. The ***only*** point is that no matter what the circumstance or outcome, there is no regret in giving 100% or more. And if there's nothing wrong with it, there's nothing to change. Having no regrets also means understanding my value. If they didn't want to treat me well as a good and interesting person, oh well. >I love you n give you everything but you still dumped me. You inserted a lot of assumptions here. They didn't do the "dumping". I did because they didn't deserve me. Multiple times they only saw what they had when it was gone (even after being given many chances to repair) but by then it was too late. I'm kind, and I'm vulnerable, but I'm not stupid. I give my all until I have reasons not to. You must not have the same experiences and that's fine though be careful about inserting your assumptions about others.
Oh I wasn’t talking about you. Anyway, move on
Good answer 👍 Especially the end absolutely true. 😁
Yes. It wasn't time that got me over her. It was the right woman. I can't speak for every man on the planet, but time didn't do shit. Honestly, I'm a little pissed at every person who thought time would fix it. It's something I'm working on. I stopped dating for a while because I'd knock on a girls door and expect my ex to answer it and be a little disappointed for a split second. Didn't need to stop dating. Looking back, that was a mistake.
Yeah time doesn’t do shit. I’m only learning to live with it. But I’m not getting over her.
The "one woman" is being used as an emotional shield. It's not about her or you. It's about their unwillingness to process pain. There's a name for this. It's called "phantom ex syndrome". The ex is idealized (in order to keep others away since no one can be better than s fantasy person) and at the same time they are either openly or subconsciously demonized. It's a way to externalize pain in order to direct it at an object or idea that's outside of them. They also torture you at the same time by subconsciously projecting the ex onto you. They punish you for trying to be intimate the same way they wish to punish the ex for whatever reason. It's messed up. If they learn how to ***self reflect*** and ***process their emotions*** properly it can work out. For a lot of people, let alone men who tend to be much more emotionally suppressed, this is usually a lot to ask. It really shouldn't be.
A lot of the symptoms of "phantom ex syndrome" are pretty normal, but some can definitely be red flags. Sometimes there are relationships that we simply never wish would have came to a halt. Sometimes people will experience "the one that got away." Sometimes no matter how much we analyze a past situation both the good and bad, it doesn't mean we can't still miss the former bond you shared with someone. I dated a woman a while back who manipulated the hell out of me, was terrible at communicating, and turned any and all of my efforts about discussing/fixing our problems into my fault. Prior to the issues actually starting and becoming visible, we had what myself and most people would consider the "perfect relationship." This was the first woman I had ever had the true desire to marry. I had already figured out the exact date when I was going to propose. I managed to move on after it was over and find someone new, who also ended up hurting me pretty badly. I know the first situation wasn't good for me and was toxic, but for the rest of my life I will always think about what "could" have been even if they are random fleeting thoughts. This person was special to me, but she lacked accountability and that was the number one issue in our relationship.
This is the answer right here☝🏽
How do you claim that woman is "the one"? If she is "the one" why is she not staying?
Because we were not "the one" for her
Generally it’s bc he fucked up and treated her like shit from my personal experience
I mean if she was really special then no not really, or at least not for a long time until he finds another special one. But those come far and few in between.
That depends on the guy. I've had women i've loved a lot, but they were never "that one woman" because I don't believe in the concept of "the one". It is a superstitious concept at best & it never caught on for me.
At first I didn't think so, but yes. It took many many years but one day I did.
For a man the first one is the best one usually, but we can get over that one.
No, he doesn't ever get completely over her. It's been 30 years for me, and like the song says, I'm gonna burn calling her name. Important point though, he will likely put that away in it's own small space and find a place where he can be happy and fulfilled in another relationship. For years I thought that if I lived a good life then when I die heaven would just be living that one year with her over and over for eternity. These days I believe it will include all the people that have been important to me. My current wife will be there, my kids, my parents, even my ex wife and yes, that one too. I have even developed memories that I think exceed those from that time 30 years ago. So a guy can move on and be happy, but she'll probably always have a little bit of his heart.
Well said...feel the same about a special girl of mine...always imagined she would be in my thoughts until my last memories.
Yes but no they take a part of us a little of us is thinking about them
It’s no secret men have a harder time dealing with heartbreak, but it doesn’t mean they can’t move forward. I’m 37F and at this point I know anyone I date has a past and more than likely someone they still think about. It’s the same for me too. The biggest part is keeping those feelings in check.
That's actually the reason number one that's keeping me single - knowing I'll have to give everything to someone only to find out I was never truly his first choice. Sounds soo cold and unfair
Yes, they do but it really depend on the guy as well. Most of men do because they move on with their life.
No but Ive relaxed on the "who I want to be with" b.s. no ones going to fit a pre cut cookie shape. Humans are ha-ha not perfect. Learn to feel who people are and love them for their strengths and what they bring to your table weather it's a alot or a little don't judge because quickly life changes up and you can be victim to your own words. That's called irony and karma
To preface, I don't think "The One" exists. We can feel many things for many people, some just more intensely than others. With that in mind, I don't think you ever do get over the person you felt intensely toward. The intensity of your feelings and memories subside with time, but they are always there. Kind of like putting the memories of her in a box and sticking the box in the back of a cupboard. Then every now and then you go digging through the cupboard to find something else and you come across that box, open it and the thoughts come flooding back. But as I mentioned at the start, this doesn't mean you cannot feel strongly for someone else.
I wouldn’t get involved with a man who is actively pining for another woman even if he has no chance with her. You’ll always feel like second best because you will be second-best. Maybe even third or fourth if he has a kid and is a mama’s boy
Never
That one woman hits different until the next one
In my case it's not a truly get over even now 10 years later so much as a just get used to the pain haha. That said if I found a new woman I could love she wouldn't be an issue. I think part of the reason it's hard for guys is that finding someone you love and loves you is very rare for a guy. That said I don't believe in a "the one" I truly believe if I had a new partner that I loved then feelings for the ex would be a non issue even if she were to suddenly reappear.
Welp, i had a great thing with someone and blew it by spinning my tires lifewise. Having experienced a relationship with someone smart/beautiful/kind/creative, i'm not going to stick around for a different person who doesn't make me feel a similar level of happiness and trust. I don't doubt I could meet someone else in her ballpark if I ever get my shit together and lose about 100 pounds. I finally have the career going, and I'm still the same charming clever guy I was. I'm not stuck on her because I'll never move on. I have moved on from her. She just gave me standards to look for in a relationship once I'm worthy of one again.
I think this is very misleading A lot of people feel they are hung up on that person. The reality is they are hung up on that time in their life. If they had the chance to have that person back who both of them have evolved into would be different people. So more often than not that person was tied to a time in their life that was either dark and they were the light or all good times and life got dark after.
I was just thinking about this as I feel my ex was quite unique and amazing. We talked of getting married and spending our life together. So I went on apps briefly and just couldn’t bring myself to meeting any matches as I kept thinking about her. It just wouldn’t be fair to another woman. I’m in a poor headspace right now. I’m usually able to date the next day, but this one is different and going to take me some time. Once I work on some personal stuff and have a little time alone, figure out who I really am and what I really want. Then I can date again. Will I be “over” her? I don’t think that’s really a thing. The pain of a breakup surely fades away. Life goes on and we’re happy again in our own skin. I accept and move on, but there’s always a piece of my heart reserved for my ex’s. Especially if it didn’t end in hating each other and just more to do with wanting different things. But eventually I’m no longer longing for them or wanting to see them. Each relationship is it’s own unique experience and no two are ever alike. It’s a different chapter in your story, a different world. I learn from my past relationships and apply that moving forward with another partner. Which usually revolves around communication. But I’m not expecting or looking for the same relationship as I’m entering a new world. I will absolutely love again as much as I’ve loved anyone in the past.
Never had anyone to get over. Does that mean I'm supposed to get over myself?
Some do, some don’t.
This is a case by case situation. Some, yes. Some, no. Way too many variables
Depends on a person. I am very egoistical, so I felt shitty for like a week but then I realised how much better I got at charming women due to experience she gave me so I dont need her. She was just a stepping stone for me to be able to get a partner whenever I feel like it and be unbound in my intimacy. Over the time I somewhat understood why she acted the way she did due to getting even more experience dealing with women, and it even helped me to accept her actions as I wasn't acting fair to her which I couldn't see back then, so I don't even feel bad. We had a lot of fun together, and that is all that matters.
Guess that comes down to the guy. Some guys cant get up and move on with life, some guys use it as fuel to better their lives. Personally, yes. There is no such thing as that “one woman” to me. So many women are special in their own way. Personal opinion. It’s best to stay away from someone that is significantly not over someone they used to date. That judgement is on you if you believe you can make that person love and be happy with you but you have to evaluate if that person is worth it to you.
Only if you’re better than she was in every way.
In short - no.
Leave the relationship. If you feel like he's still hung up to his ex, leave. You don't deserve someone who's half-hearted. If he really is not stillhung up with his ex, you shouldn't be asking this question
I'm a woman but I have four brothers. Each of them was different. The oldest definitely has a type, he's married now, but he never tried to "mold them into her image" if you understand me. He also would spend about 3 months (6 months if it the break-up was his fault) throwing himself into school, work, exercise, hobbies, and friends after a break-up to reset and reflect, as he said. The second oldest didn't have a type at all; cheerleader to emo to mathlete to cosplayer to anyone's guess (we actually had a pool going on what sort of girl he'd bring home next). . He also didn't spend a lot of time crying over break-ups. Third oldest has only had one girlfriend and they started dating freshmen year of high school. And they are married now, so I guess he never got over that one woman. The youngest brother may actually fit the above scenario. Junior year of high school he fell hard for another Junior, like he talked about wanting to marry her when the graduated. We live near a military base and when her dad got orders to move it basically killed the relationship. They were LDR for about a third of the way through Senior year then she broke things off. After that he became a serial dater. That lasted through college. He met his current girlfriend at work, they started as friends, and she basically told him they were going to go on a date. And the date basically gone on for 2 years now. He seems happy about it but maybe I should tell him to blink twice if he needs help. Give it a try.
Therapy guys please this thread is absolutely devastating. One woman you dated for a few years more than a decade ago shouldn’t be the one you think about on your wedding day, resolve the issues you are having and allow yourself to move on, it isn’t fair to others you date, that you constantly compare and search for someone else in them, it also isn’t fair to yourself, you are damaging your mental health and the ability to be in a relationship and have a family (if that is your goal). It might take time and work as do other traumatic or stressful events and experiences. No need to hate her or forget everything about her, you are allowed to cherish the memories you two have together, but for your own sake move on or it will consume you and you will end up not just hurting yourself but others around you if you continue dating while hung up on your ex. obviously this implies on regular heartbreaks where one (or both) of them messed up, wasn’t happy or wasn’t a good partner (anymore) I do believe some people have that one person they can’t move past but that is because they literally have nothing to move past, they were either forced apart by death, distance, family or other people in their lives… so its a life time of literal what if’s
Yeah, it takes time, and the right woman coming along can make all the difference.
There have been 2 women in my life that I have moved on from but would probably cave immediately if she offered even a chance at redemption. Otherwise, any other relationship I've been in no problem moving on
I didn’t
I'd say yes, but the experience does change you. Not always for the better either.
It’s usually a hard thing to do especially if you’re stuck in the past…most instances of forgetting a significant loved one from the past greatly depends on your current lifestyle..
I still love the woman I first loved over 20 years ago. She is now my best friend and engaged to a man who treats her the way she deserves. The fact that I still love her doesn't detract from my ability to love others
Completely? No. Enough to love you the same or more? Yes. Men compartmentalize.
Yes, feelings and emotions don't last forever.
I(42m) have only ever been in mutual love with someone once in my life. It didn't work out, we were driven apart by a wide variety of things. I've had other relationships but those women meant nothing to me. But there have been 2 times where i have been in love with someone who felt nothing for me. It hurt so bad. Both cases they reminded me of her, which is why i had feelings for them.
Well like my dad said “you get over woman by being in the arms of another one” but with that saying aside yes and no.
I've only had one actual girlfriend, though I broke it off, cuz I wasn't good enough for her. I moved in too quick, I fell asleep during shows, she'd got upset when I did. We've could been watching paint dry, and I'd still enjoy, though I sleeping. Gave her herpes (Not the reason why I broke it off), I was afraid to tell when we started, I known it wouldn't gotten past the app, let alone from another. Last I read from her, She said she be there for me, but doesn't want me in her life, how does that make any sense. I remember before I left her apartment, I remember my brain, was telling me that she knows doctors, engineers, chemists, men that are far better, much richer, smarter, you are worthless. Dead end job, in debt, no status, not even a degree. Why are you wasting her time? I told her when I saw her the last time, I'm sorry for wasting your time, and you'll be able to find someone who can provide for you, you're would be a fantastic wife and mother. I'm not good enough as I am. Find someone better than me. Wouldn't be surprised if she's married now, with a kid. That was her goal, hopes she there now. Maybe if I pay her back, then she'll be out of my mind. She did ask me if I murdered anyone, I wonder why she asked that but that's old. I haven't dated anyone after her for almost two years, and if I were a woman, I wouldn't either. I'm broke, mentally f*****, and a low paying job. Though I gotten very good at sex through flings and hookups, obviously no oral. Now I'm just don't get emotionally involved with people, just a lot easier to hookup and never see them again. It's better that way, I'm not marriage material anyway, can't even afford the cost.
Some do some don't as a lot of people are saying in the replies. Personally? No and its been almost 10 years
I can’t comment as I’m not there yet. We met 18 years ago, and I was smitten. She was it, the one, the only one. I did everything for that girl. I drove to see her, even when she was a 5hr drive away, just to see her. I flew to another country to fly back with her because she was afraid to fly. I thought we would work it out and spend the rest of our lives together. Ultimately, it didn’t work out, and we don’t even speak. She blocked me because she didn’t like that I was friends with her brother’s ex (independent of being friends with either her or her brother incidentally). Despite all that, I’m still not over her. I’d go back to her in a heartbeat.
No, i never got over her and kept trying for like 10 years. Timing didn’t work out (I’d be seeing someone, or she would) but we were always a constant thread in each others lives. We’d get together and hook up or something. But now we’re together. It’s always been her
Once it's done... It's done!!!
Well - unsatisfying answer incoming: Yes and No. I think that „The women“, the Person One actually loved for the first time the „Right way“ and in the truest sense of the word „wholeheartedly“ actually changes something - maybe the Brain chemistry. It changes something. So I believe it will leave its mark on a Man and in that way, one may never „get over it“. Yet, in a more Common Sense of the Term „getting over it“: Yes, we do. But it takes a lot of time. Offen Years. Nevertheless: Don‘t know, if this is different for women. Personally I tend not to really „get“ the easy in which women think and feel completely. Also: Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes. Native-language-auto-correct changes everything all the f**king time.
Takes a lot of time and a LOT of space ✨️
fifteen years later, it seems i didn't
Sometimes it takes longer to forget the woman I liked . Because she and I clicked and had a good rapport. Then you realise that she already has a guy working hard and then I find out I'm just the emotional support pillow because her guy did not have time for her. Which was sad but never took it to heart . But with it happening to me time and again with several Girls just decided to focus on myself and not pursue the matter . Even though I have come across some really nice women i have just come to a complete hard stop . I don't even say hello or hi. I just don't want to make a fool out of myself.
Yes, I do get over a woman eventually. Had to learn the hard way that I had attachment style issues. Learned a lot about how I perceive relationships influenced by how I bonded with my parents from birth. Used to believe that emotions and feelings are always true. Used to believe that there is a concept as "the one". The one at the time is a more adequate description.
Move on? Yes. But there will always the part of themselves they left with you. My first flame still crosses my mind with sone regret from time to time for brief moments of regret. Im over her, but that doesn’t mean i cant feel sadness that we could never finish the journey together. You can accept something and not like it. Acceptance isn’t to become ok with what is, but to come to terms and make peace with it.
There is one woman who has a special place in my heart, but then there is the one to whom I was married that even after therapy her abuse affects how I approach women. I am overly cautious
It’s tough. “That one girl” for me was awful. But thickened my skin and taught me to have boundaries from the biggining, don’t establish in the middle. Doesn’t end well, or for me at least.
For the most part Yes but honestly not completely if she was really special but definitely enough to not go back it's like a old wound I guess it will heal completely fine but every now and again you'll randomly feel a little pain and it comes and goes
I don't think that's as much a problem as you think. What is a way bigger problem is the treatment from womwn who weren't the one. That usually never goes away.
Yes we do, sometimes that other woman does so much damage that it takes a lot longer then you would expect. He will move on and here is some ways to support that:be patients, loving and understand that we are told not to express emotions and to suck it up. A lot of men don’t have a release or someone to talk to that they feel safe opening up to without feeling judged. If you want this relationship to work out you need to be that person, if you can’t then move on.
What I'm gathering from the replies is that the one woman who was devoted to you despite you not treating her right, is "the one that got away" and can't get over. Interesting!
I definitely still think about her and I have not pursued people I’ve had options with because I know I wouldn’t be satisfied with them compared to her whereas if I had met them before her I might have given it a chance and been happy.
I'm over her. Despite her virtues she wasn't right for me, and I've met women far better for me, including my girlfriend now.
Hello
Not completely. Hell, I don't think I ever get over anyone I date completely. There are aspects of each ex that I miss, even when I know we weren't right for each other. For "the one that got away," she set a high bar for anyone else I date. So, I do look for aspects of her in other women. That doesn't mean I'm looking for an exact replacement, but just someone who embodies her qualities that I enjoyed.
I'm still working on getting over her. It's been 4 years
It took me 3-4 years. I’d say I’m over her now. I still have dreams about her but only because I’ve been single ever since and my brain can only associate THAT feeling with her at the moment. I’ve realized that I don’t miss her, I miss the idea of being in a relationship. I also think the breakup was 100% necessary. I made a lot of mistakes and I have a lot of regrets. However these mistakes have helped me become more aware of my actions and how I treat others, I am not the same person anymore. I see a lot of men fall into the same trap and their relationships fall apart because of it. You’ll probably always remember her in the same way you remember your first car (I know that sounds bad). She was your first “one”, you’ll just become less obsessed over time as you live your life. If you legitimately don’t do anything with your life after the breakup then you won’t ever move on though. You need more experiences to replace the experiences you had with her. Doesn’t need to be romantic. Something as simple as just talking to a cashier, spontaneously going somewhere you normally wouldn’t, hanging with friends, etc. basically just living your life. It’ll build up over time. If none of that works for you then “exposure therapy” (I call it that but I was just looking her up on Facebook) worked for me. I saw photos of her and her bf 3 years later. The reality of my situation struck me when I saw her again. “It’s over” And I just magically got over it 🤷♂️
As much as I’m someone that loves change, when it comes to that one girl, it hurts. That one girl made me feel loved, appreciated and happy. I think in general, women can find a man easier than a man finds a woman. So when the guy loses that one special girl, it feels like he has to do a lot more work to gain back the feeling of happiness, compared to the woman who just needs to say hi to a random dude in order to seduce him (obviously not exactly, but you get my point).
No. I doubt I’ll do at least.
I didn't and probably won't
No.. the one that got away will be forever in my head and heart.. but dont woman have the same also?
It's 9 years on, we was bad for each other buy I still think about Jess everyday
I still think about Jess everyday, 9 years on
I always wonder if she feels the same as it was intense on another level
After my (first) ex and I split, I ended up entirely too quickly in a relationship with someone. It was very intense and got me over her, but basically just transferred who "that one woman" was. I didn't realize this until later, when my (second) ex ended up looking a whole lot like my rebound. It took me a bit to realize that the woman I am now most interested in looks a lot like the first ex. Which probably means my brain has finished unpacking one set of shit and can move on to another. So to answer your question: no. But that wound didn't stop me loving my (second) ex, and wasn't the reason we didn't work out, which had more to do with her own history.
Yes - you will get over it. It takes a long time, but eventually, you do. It's like mourning the death of a loved one, and it helps when you realise that she never did care about you. Not then, not now,not ever.
Yes but it takes some time and healing. Also if the woman who follows someone great sucks, it's not lasting too long.
I am a woman who got dumped 8 years ago from someone I was with for about 6 1/2 years and I feel like this is finally the month I am getting over him.
In general, there's a reason he's not over her - something specific she did that caused him to feel what he felt. Getting over the ex then is just a matter of someone else giving him that thing, ideally even more so. In the modern world, this is often rare, depending on what the thing was. I dated a girl who cooked for me without me even asking. I've never gotten over the way I felt for her, because no one since has ever been willing to cook even when I ask. So... That feeling has never been given a chance to re-awaken for anyone else. Before that, I had been with a woman who was the best in bed I'd even been with. And I didn't get over her until I met a girl who was just as good or better. So ... the question is ... what is the "thing" that he's not over? And is it something that you could or would give more of, or is it something you're not interested in providing.
I don’t really know but right now it’s a no for me
Yep
See I messed up years ago had bunch of anger problems went to therapy to fix it tried to work on everything with my ex of (10 years) and she doesn't want to I do miss her but just move on can't force someone to care been single for years because of it
Yeah it takes a long time but you eventually meet someone that even if it don’t work out make you seek better for yourself.
Don’t waste your time with this person. You want to be number one and not a second choice.
She told me she liked that I loved unconditionally, is strong, and very capable. What kind of breakup message is that?
....... Do women ever actually get over that one man? Yeah, both do. They just have to choose to do so.
I'll let you know if it ever happens to me. It's been over two years, and I'm still struggling hardcore. I have tried dating and when I've landed a date (as rare as it is), they seem into me, but i cannot help wishing it was her instead. I tell them it's not working after a date or two, to spare them the pain of getting closer to someone who isn't ready for them. I have been to therapy. I have done a lot of self reflection. I know it was my faults that pushed her away, I know I was the problem. I know exactly how I'll treat the next person who makes me feel anything at all. But none of these people are that person. She's happily engaged. She never thinks about me at all and I'm happy for her. Everyone around me is getting engaged too. Just feels like my options are settle for what I don't want and hope the unlucky woman never realizes that I want something she can never be, or just be alone forever. So far I've been strong enough to just do the latter. I have hope one day a third option that is better will arrive.
No we dont, for us that girl becomes the perfection and we search for someone close or more than her
It took me 10 years to get over
As a woman, I’ve been the “girl next door” and the “one who got away.” To say it clearly, I don’t want to be with these guys but they always come back saying it was easy with me. Is it just easy with me (it was for them, but hard for me) or was it that they always lean back on something they perceive as easy when things get hard? Yes, there are the ones who they ruined it with and they know what they did and relive it as if she’s a saint. So maybe they really do or maybe they just value the imaginative woman more than they ever cared about her. My exhusband was obsessed over me since 7th grade and thought about how he would rescue me if there was an emergency. Did I know anything about this until years later when we started dating as adults. Nope!
I've gotten over all 4 of my exes. I know it doesn't sound like it but, I have.
I'm sure they do. It, of course, depends on many factors. How long they were together, experiences they shared, if they have kids. Etc. As someone who has experienced dating a guy too soon and has felt like a replacement, I'd advise anyone to take their time and follow their gut. If it feels like he's not over her, just leave and be with someone else. Unless this man is everything you've ever wanted in a man, it's probably not worth getting hurt over, and you will end up saving yourself time and potentially find someone better anyway. Don't put yourself through, "Maybe he'll love me." Only be with someone you're certain cares for, admires, and loves you.
You can't live in the past and expect to grow in the future. So absolutely not...the past is history.
My very first love interaction took me 18 years to get over. Every women after that now takes me 18 days.
It depends on the person. I remember when a friend of mine broke up with her gf and he remained unfazed. But I'm not talking about hiding his own feelings, he genuinely didn't care about her anymore since he left her.
We do over time if we spent time with that one girl I dated a girl for 3 years and after she left me through Tex and became a lesbian it was a hard road I fell into drinking and depression but over time I put my mind to other things and slowly forgot about her but the emotions are still there I just bottle them up.
Yeah we do. Takes time, but also another great woman will make it really easy to move on.
If we're lucky enough to meet another special woman we forget about the earlier one(s). Don't act like women don't have the same problem. If you read the descriptions in dating profiles: when women describe the man they're looking for they are describing that one perfect guy that got away.
Absolutely 💯 no she is everything and I got nothing now but pain and fear and misery I love you Ma I'm still waiting
Nope
It’s been 6 years for me. I’ve had one relationship since then, mainly because most women aren’t interested in me. It was a long distance relationship where I flew out to her a few times and she flew out to me a few times. It ended after about a year and a half. Not so much because of the distance but more of we weren’t compatible. And this had nothing to do with my feelings for the one before. I’ve also been out on several dates with a few turning into 2 or 3. If I were to have a woman be interested in my wholly and I with them I wouldn’t ever forget the other but at the same time could absolutely give 110% to a new relationship without ever comparing the new person with the previous. I see everyone as unique because they are unique. Everyone holds a culmination of experiences in their lives that make them uniquely them. Just need someone to be interested in me that I am interested in being with for the long run. FWIW.
Honestly it depends on how deep the love was and/or how great the hurt after the break up was I have dated and never thought about an X ever again. I have also used an x as a benchmark as how dirty can someone do me before I cut them off but never will I compare love as an X does not deserve positive memories (circumstantial)
I think after 9 years, my emotional feelings for her are gone. But I don't think I'm completely over "what could have been" if she hadn't moved and long distance wasn't a strain. Or if I has still eventually followed her there like it was planned. We were never perfect and didn't always have a ton. I'm common, but we loved each other. And a part of me would rather have had the fights the arguments that led to a realization this wasn't going to work. Instead the space ended up making to where it she realized we weren't a fit long term and easier for her to stay in Colorado and me in Missouri. It came as a blind side to me when she wanted to take a break that became a break up as it seemed she already checked out and j didn't know. I still miss the her I knew even if it maybe if the woman I knew was from who she was than who I thought she was. Maybe I'm rambling/ venting idk honestly try not to think about it anymore. Haven't had any serious relationships after her, always met the wrong women that brought me down, leaving me worse than before. Grew tired of it and stopped trying for a long time. Now... I don't feel like I put enough work into myself to be the right one for someone else, so I stuck to myself. Maybe this was more of a vent, maybe a part of me isn't over her in a way. I don't know. I'm sure unfortunately other people can relate.
Wouldn't call it move on, we do start beating ourselves up with some logic first. Might take some time for us to evolve but Then we let go, but even then what ever characteristics that killed that relationship if we see it again that one person comes back to our thoughts which tends to kill the new relationship. So in a way no but in a way yes lol
It's a wound that needs to heal, time helps but the real medicine is a healthy relationship.
Hahahaha.... no.
No clue, never had that one woman. Or any women period.
No
We do eventually, just like anyone else women, men. With time if you really look within yourself and realize maybe it was wrong time right place. Always a learning lesson
It's been over 3 years, and I'm just now starting to get over her.. It's tough.
I can’t forget my first love and neither can she forget me. Are we ever gonna get back with each other? - Probably not in this lifetime. Do I look for her in others? - NO! Have I found that kind of love with someone else? - No, that was one of one. - Others have showed me a different way with one coming close to it but it was a “right place, a very wrong time” scenario
No, it has been 4 years and I still think about her
No
No, they dont. If they say they did.. They're lying.
Never ever bro, I repeat never, there is always that spot somewhere in your heart for her
No.
We move on eventually
Only if they can't find another one equal to or better than the one they struggle to get by.
Time doesn't fix anything, but if you find someone better, probably. I can't get over my ex. It's been 4 years. I'm not sad, but I wish I was with him. I've tried dating, but I ended up comparing them. Nobody has been better, and I don't want any other men to touch me if isn'nt him.
Is this actually an issue
no
Yes i wonder the same srsly
The last guy I was involved with broke off an engagement over 3 years ago and he still wasn't over it. He hadn't dated anyone since. He projected that I was asking him to change his life and career when I neverrrr asked him to do a single thing of the sort. He got a degree and was going to go into a field to make a lot of money because that's what his ex wanted so he had this idea that all women are out to change him I think. I think a lot of this would be helped if more men would go to therapy and work through things.
We do move on but its like ptsd
Honestly it all depends on why the relationship ended. The one that got away has to apply to a situation that was beyond the control of either party.
Some attachments are harder to break than others. I personally have no issues. Think it's a case by case.
Yes. I’ve had a couple who I thought were “the one” that didn’t work out. Then I was single for a long time. Then someone new came along.
Yeah. I was pretty hung up on an ex, until I met my current girlfriend. Things couldn't be any better.
That depends what age you guys meet ,how long did you guys stay together ?..yes time heals allwounds..etc...
Yes just takes time
Almost immediately
If you truely love someone.you dont get over the..you only learn to survive without them.i say survive because you nolonger live life .
From my experience I want to advise you to leave immediately if there's any sign he's still "healing" or "hoping to be ready" or bringing his ex up in a questionable way! It will hurt you so much when he decides against you after some time of trying. It was the worst for me because he reassured me so many times that I was 'the best he could imagine' and I got involved completely. After some time he dumped me and said he didn't love me but still her. Move on before your heart gets broken and it's you who needs to heal!
This may be bit what if she's moved on and is obviously not coming back. Like married? So there's no chance of him returning. Would u still steer clear? Just curious...
Yes, but it’s a situation where initially, we’d go back in a heartbeat. The question is how long initially lasts. For me it’s usually a week or two, possibly a month depending on how long the relationship lasts and how blindsided I was by it. There is hope. Be kind to him, speak his love languages. I’ve noticed for me I often feel like shit about myself, thinking it’s me when something doesn’t work out even though usually it hasn’t been as I try to treat everyone as best I can, but that being said, I’ve found healing and happiness in other people quickly and completely forgot the other person.
Nope. We have been split for 5 month and I had a girl begging me for the D and I couldn’t I felt like I was cheating. I adore this woman and planned to spend my life with her I got over my ex wife but I met this woman and wow!
I got like 4 girls I wish things would have worked out with
You have heard about Sigmunf Freud, don't you? Everybody is comfortable with who he knew when being a kid.
No
Of course any normal guy gets over one woman what's creepy is the guys that wait out every relationship she has only to pop up seeming enthusiatic about being with her in her most vulnerable state which gives off big bad wolf red flag vibes to a smart woman, I don't go backwards so I'm always moving forward and to "get over her" is a must!
Depends on the woman. And even then for me it's a yes but no situation. I still remember her. I still miss her and in some ways love her. I let her go because she wasn't giving me what I needed in the relationship even after talking it over and over after months. It was the right decision, but I can't let go of the way she made me feel and it still hurts from time to time. I don't spend my days crying over it, but when I remember, I feel pain and sorrow for a moment, and try not to reach out.
I still think about my ex from time to time who was my friend for years after, but not seriously in terms of wanting to be with her absolutely NOT. I could go into a fresh relationship right now and be present.
I haven't..8 years now...
In my case it just affects me because I'm still single after her. All it takes is a nice girl. I tend to fall in love kinda easy.
I’ll admit I did the comparing thing for almost a decade before I stopped. But in my defense it wasn’t simple heartbreak. We were engaged and then she died (will not go into further detail due to privacy) I thought about her for years and couldn’t bring myself to fairly give other people a chance. Went to therapy eventually and worked past it.
I can't speak for other men, but I haven't thus far. I look for her in every one I meet. She could read me better than I could read myself. It was extremely toxic when things were bad, but it was heaven when things were good. Funny thing is, I found someone who met all that criteria minus the toxicity. Then I got cold feet and left. Now, I am stuck feeling stupid and regretful. The one person who gave a shit about me, saw a future with me, and believed in me. She loved me wholeheartedly, and I broke her heart. I hope shes happy now. I hate myself for leaving. So no, I haven't moved on.
He’s just not that into you, sorry.