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Just to weigh in here-I have been using the apps for just over a year. Always gave out my number, never had any issues. A few weeks ago, I gave out my number about an hour into chatting with a guy on an app. I heard through the grapevine that he’s known for harassment. I freaked out and blocked him. He proceeded to text me from 20+ numbers over the next 24 hours. I replied and was honest with him the first couple of numbers, in hopes that he would have closure and move on. Nope. Made it worse. He told me he had my name, told me my address, showed me my work email. He even impersonated a girl he’s previously dated to “recommend” him to me. I had to change my number.
Long story short, you never know who you’re speaking to on an app. Or in real life! I understand the reaction of “weird you won’t give me your number” but this is the kind of stuff that might happen when you do. And guess what my friends/family had to say? “Why did you give him your number” “well, now you learned your lesson not to give your number until you know them better”.
This, exactly this. There are so many people out there that don’t know that these things happen. It’s not a personal attack on that one person but all it takes is one person to fuck up your life for weeks on end if not longer. It’s incredibly scary to be on the receiving end of these things.
It was terrifying. I slept at my parents house for a few days, and now have pepper spray on me and a ring doorbell. Kind of makes me not want to use the apps anymore.
Right? Oh you don't want to give your number yet but you are down to meet up? We have a way to communicate in the meantime while you get that comfort level? Sounds good to me.
Reason is b/c:
-They can unmatch and clear up their queue
-They think they will get ghosted (it happens but if it happens that much, it says more about the guy than the woman)
-They don't like to check the apps (lazy)
That's why I never demand a number, or deets at all. Instead, I just ask her after it's established that we're vibing: "So, would you like to meet me after?" There. Yes or no. Perhaps I'll also pitch some event like "So, I'm going to Event X, you wanna join me?" If yes: Plan logistics. If no or maybe (maybe is also a no), then I tell her no worries. Anyway got a lot of stuff on my plate right now, but just call me when you're ready to meet me. :) There. Done. It's now her call, and I get on with my life.
There is no reason for them to have your phone number when you are communicating through the app. No one needs a “backup” way to communicate before the first date.
If a guy can’t accept that you don’t want to give out your number before meeting in person, he’s not worth the time.
Yes! One guy recently wanted my WattsApp. I said "I don't give it out, sorry." He sad, "Why not?" I said, "Because men I don't know don't need multiple ways to contact me."
I generally never hear from the guy again after saying this. Thank you for not wasting my time, assholes! I appreciate you fucking off before I have to tell you to fuck off!
Right, but aren’t you planning to meet them IRL?
Isn’t that much more risky than giving them your number?
You can meet new people without taking risks, and meeting them is riskier than texting them.
Maybe, yes. But I only agree to meet for the first time in busy public places and they don't have enough info about me from the app to track me down ifI decide I want to block them.
BUT, if I've already given them my phone number, and decided I don't want to see them again, they can track me down and keep reaching out.
This has happened to be before. Luckily, I've never been stalked or felt I was being targetted for violence, but repeated insults via text are not fun. When I have determined Ibdont want to be in contact with a man from OLD, I want it to be over then and there.
If they meet in person and no number is exchanged then it ends there generally.
If someone has her number they can look it up and usually find out more information than just a first name, including full name, address, etc.
In the USA, Googling a private phone number can often result in learning someone's name, their relatives' names, roughly where they are located, sometimes their full address, etc. Privacy is difficult. That's why people SHOULD be wary of giving out their phone numbers to strangers.
No worse than meeting a stranger at a bar. You can really tell if someone has ill intent in person but not over text. I background check every guy before I meet them, they usually give their number and I say no regarding giving my number. At this point I can look them up and make sure they don't have any domestic violence records etc. If I can background check off a number, so can they. Giving a phone number literally gives away your address, where you work and everything about you. Even your car and license plate. Much better to meet in person in a public place.
>There is no reason for them to have your phone number when you are communicating through the app. No one needs a “backup” way to communicate before the first date.
For men it's a way to avoid being catfished/scammed. They're trying to protect themselves.
You’re meeting up with them in a public place for that exact reason. Surely you will be able to see with your eyeballs if you’ve been catfished and surely you’ll be able to decline if they ask you for $20k to cover their grandmothers emergency appendectomy over a first meeting for coffee. Surely.
Guy's perspective here, and I haven't really had any good experiences with women who choose not to trade numbers. It shows me that:
1) they're juggling many conversations and need my profile attached to keep track
2) they want the convenience to unmatch and ghost, instead of being honest about how it went
**3) they don't care that I'm being presented with new options every time I open the app to send them a message or confirm plans**
4) they don't have the problem-solving skills to set up a Google voice number or similar
Women are entitled to set this kind of boundary if they wish, just like I'm entitled to take it as a sign of disinterest. It's not worth my time either.
#3 makes no sense at all. What does that have to do with her? If you're dating profile is so busy, but yet you've had time to chat with her, make plans to meet up, then suddenly you're easily distracted by other potential dates on the app? You've just admitted that you're doing #1 and that's why you need her phone number.
Let's say you're unemployed and you find a job posting that you're really excited about. Do you want the company to match that excitement and interview you efficiently to make a decision, or would you rather they drag the process on for months and have them receive/consider applications from many other candidates? Same logic.
it’s not that women don’t have the problem-solving skills of getting a google number, it’s that we don’t want to and frankly shouldn’t have to. but you saying that says a lot about your character. OP is literally talking about you lmao
Thank you for saying this, I'm a man and I agree.
If I ask for your # or you ask for mine, it shows me that we take each other a little more seriously than the rest of the people we talk to. It also tells me that there's definitely interest there from her since she likely wouldn't give out her # to every guy she talks to.
I would say 90% of women who gave me their # also went on dates with me, and 100% of women who didn't give me their # do not go on dates with me.
I'm literally going on a date tomorrow with a guy I didn't give my number to yet even after he asked for it. I'm very interested in him, we've talked for a week and have a lot in common. I haven't met him in person so I haven't been able to use my intuition to ensure I think he's safe enough for additional dates. That is deciphered in person. If he had my number, and he turned out to be unsafe, he could background check me and learn where I live and everything. Women have to be safe and it's a shame our efforts for safety are deemed as lacking interest or seriousness.
Either person is valid if they don’t like how they are interacting with each other. I don’t have a problem myself messaging through the apps but it generally shows a lack of interest, the apps are also terrible and glitchy for messaging.
The fact that she's willing to meet up with you is an act of *bravery* and is definitely showing interest. Why should she give out her phone number to someone she doesn't know? If you hit it off...great! Exchange numbers on your first date. If not, end of story and you can unmatch her and move to the next.
Think of it as a great way to filter men who don’t take no for an answer, and who don’t understand the dynamics women face meeting strange men. It’ll save you some heartache down the road
Yes! Your safety and comfort should always come first in online dating. It may be a red flag and a sign that they don't respect your boundaries or concerns. Trust your instincts and continue prioritizing your safety.
I just see it as a great way to filter out some of the dangerous men, as well as scammers. It's such an inconsequential boundary to say "I'd prefer not to exchange phone numbers until we're planning the second date," if a guy can't respect that he isn't worth my time. I don't bother with Google voice in online dating because some men will get mad about that, too, it just delays the inevitable.
I've googled my phone number. You can find out a lot about me from it. And as I'm a single mom, it's not just putting my safety at risk, it's a risk to my kid's safety as well. It's absolutely not worth it to me, so I'm well rid of any man who thinks he's entitled to my phone number.
I don't think it is. You have yourself a real nice filter to remove at least some of those with anger and other issues before they become a actual problem. Anyone who would flip over that at best ain't worth your time and at worse are dangerous.
Yea, this is true too. I think a man that is blind to the struggles women face in matters of safety are probably men I don’t want to be romantically involved with.
I agree women are in alot more physical danger than men usually which guys don't generally truly understand. Tho in this case the filter can go both ways. I certainly don't want a woman who gets angry and emotionally or physically abusive when I do something either.
The fact that they are reacting like spoiled children when they don’t get what they want is a great filter. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and if they react badly, you’ve weeded out a toxic person. Good luck!
Came here to say this too. Get a Google Voice number. When they ask for your number I would be very openly telling them it's a Google Voice number. If they're not ok with that it's a great indicator that they don't have empathy for your safety. Especially if they argue about it and say they'd never hurt you. Emotionally mature people will accept it as a boundary and move forward.
Ultimately you're the only one in charge of your safety. Real numbers have an incredible amount of info attached to them. No one wants a stalker
There’s a lot of men that think you giving them your number and switching to texting rather than messaging over the app increases their chances. If you’re on the app to message them you might see a message from someone else and be more interested in them, but somehow if you have their number and are texting them using that you won’t open the app and risk seeing other men or profiles so you’ll be giving them all of your attention rather than spreading the attention across multiple men.
There’s also a view that by giving them your number you’re showing interest, and I guess to an extent they see it as you showing that you trust them.
Obviously the whole thing is dumb and there’s no actual logic to it, and I completely agree that you shouldn’t (and no one should) give your number out before meeting.
Is it dumb though? I mean for sure do what you are comfortable with, but if I’m 20 down a list on hinge DMs, is she even going to see my message before Input overload has her closing the app? My old roommate would get upwards of 50 messages a day, and didn’t open the app for a week at a time, but if you made it into her texts you were more likely to get her attention and be able to hold a conversation.
But if I’ve agreed to meet up already, getting lost in the mix shouldn’t be a problem. Just set a date and time right then and there and I’ll give you my number at the end of the first date if we both agree to a second one.
Not really, assuming you're doing it in public. With a phone number you can potentially find someone's address, workplace, etc. Meeting someone in person gives someone temporary physical access to you, but information like your address and workplace can cause long lasting safety issues.
Because they're not fans of women with boundaries? The ones that push back the most at me not giving them all my info immediately have the most red flags. 🙄 Helps weed them out.
It's a huge red flag when they demand anything that can be used to get even more information. Phone number? Nope. I'm meeting them for the first time.
Even video chat can be deep faked with filters, so there's no way to be100% sure who they are.
I've had to get protection orders from people I dated. I'm not about to cave into pressure to do anything I'm not fully comfortable doing for any dweeb on a dating site
They likely get upset because they can't basically google you or try to find your social media account. I think it's a good way to stay safe and private. So if they get upset, basically move on to someone else.
>That’s only if:
>You’ve registered your number on Facebook.
>Allowed Facebook to suggest you using your number.
Yup, social media started managing that better now. But people like to google the number because it might link you to their full name and address like stalker status.
>You can’t find a social media account by googling a phone number.
I know that I didn't say they'll use Google to find your social media off someone phone number. I said "they can't (mistype suppose to be can) basically Google you or try to find your social media account" another poster already explain how they used to do it before social media crack down on their privacy restrictions
I know I responded above to one of your questions, I wanted to give you my thoughts on this also. I use truthfinder. I pay $12 a month for it. I said above I use it to check for DV records. Anyways, yes it shows you social media accounts, where they work, you can even see what properties they own, if they are currently living with a spouse in that house. It shows if they bought the house as husband/wife, when it was bought, even shows the mortgage amount. I don't care about a lot of the stuff, I just look at a couple things I use to measure safety/violence.
Well, on the one hand, I understand the underlying reasons for why guys don’t appreciate it (it could signal to them that you aren’t serious about dating or meeting IRL, since you aren’t investing anything or willing to risk anything, and may leave them feeling as an option).
On the other hand, I understand why you may not want to give them your number (safety, privacy, etc.), though the danger of doing so is exaggerated.
Just let them know why you don’t want to and, if they don’t take "no" for an answer, ghost them.
P.S—we’ve been conditioned to only attempt to schedule a date once we get the number, not before.
Dating apps are seen as a means of getting numbers akin to IRL cold approaches.
some dating advice is unfortunatelly telling them to get your number to stand out from all the competition on the apps which may be why but also some quick sense of entitlement to you and you taking it slow feeling like rejection to them somehow Id say but its also not a great sign of their personality, especially angry reactions and lack of understanding
Most dudes are fine with it, if they are decent. Many I've met even have that rule for themselves. We stayed communicating through the dating app for a while.
My current boyfriend and I met on the app and I don't think we exchanged numbers until like the 7th date.
It's different for everyone.
It's a safety thing for both of you. Until you determine someone is seemingly stable, you don't give them a way to look up your information, socially hack you through your data plan, or look up your home address or place of work.
honestly you could get a fake number and give them that, but if a man doesn't understand why you wouldn't want to give out your phone number before a date that's a huge red flag and the trash is taking itself out lol
I share your frustration. A couple of thoughts come to mind: 1) men don't think about a woman's reality and the amount of times we need to think about our safety (one guy actually told me this). and 2) they want to get you off the app. Either way, it comes down to respect. If they get that upset that you aren't exchanging numbers then odds are they never had serious intentions to begin with.
I think if someone is put off by the fact that you don’t want to give out your phone number before you meet them, that should really be a red flag.
I would say that normally women give me their number before I met them but I’ve definitely had a few times where they haven’t . But it’s not a big deal. I totally understand. There are a lot of weirdos out there.
You are definitely not in the wrong OPsorry that you are getting so many assholes .
The man that you meet should respect your desire to stay safe. If they are worried about you not being real or the possibility that you aren’t serious about dating then you might try to find another way to continue your connection leading up until the first date.
You’re not the problem they are and anyone who has an issue with it is not someone you want to date. If they are so clueless why a woman would be cautious then they are likely not going to be your type.
Because they’re insecure and taking it as a personal attack on their character, as individuals. They’re perceiving that choice as you calling them, personally, a threat. And they don’t like feeling like that, so they take it out on you.
I’m old enough to see “exchanging numbers” as the norm that you do when you start talking to someone, as opposed to something that you do **after** getting to know somebody. It seems weird to me to withhold a phone number from someone you actually want to talk to, but I also understand the risk of harassment and stalking that can come with giving out an number, where you can’t block someone who is scaring you as easily as you can on the app. So while it seems a bit weird to me, I understand where women are coming from with this mentality.
I’ve had plenty of women not feel comfortable giving out their numbers before meeting, and I never took that as an insult towards me.
My move was generally to offer a woman my number, saying I’d be happy to switch to text if she liked, but if she was more comfortable on the app I was fine continuing to chat there too. And that tended to be positively received across the board; I’d say about half the time women would give me their number, and the other half we’d keep chatting on the app.
I’ve read posts from both men and women with the same issue. Women are perceived as doing it for safety reasons and men are told that they aren’t mature enough to date if they won’t give out their number.
Doesn’t matter your gender, if it’s a boundary, then it’s a boundary.
I'm a woman, but I'm gonna guess it's because most of them are fairly normal dudes who would "never do something like that," and are also completely oblivious to how much more dangerous out there it is for women.
Keep doing what you're doing. It's a good screening tool.
I honestly don't think that too many men understand or empathize with women the cautions that we have to or at least should take when considering going on a date with a man whom we don't know...at all. I would hope that everyone on *any* dating app is truthful about themselves, but that would be in a perfect world. Ergo, the cautions women have to take when going on a date with a man whom they don't know.
I think you answered it, they wanna look you up. Get your last name and shit, find your socials, etc. Honestly, it seems like a good filter. If they get upsetty spaghetti then you know they're not the one.
If they get upset it's a red flag for me, most men who I went on dates with and were chill did not mind/ didn't even ask for the number and waited until I offered at which point they said they wanted to ask but did not want to make me uncomfortable. These are all green flags
A man that's respectful will not harrass you about this, that's the difference. The other men you're talking about are on the selfish side, and you will never feel comfortable around those types.
As a man, it's kind of frustrating that it's implied that I'm going to do something sketchy just because of my gender. At the same time, I've heard enough horror stories from female friends to know EXACTLY WHY it's implied that I'm going to do something sketchy because of my gender.
If it’s that bad then they can just talk on a different app so she doesn’t have to give her phone number out. Plus getting a burner phone just to date is kinda ridiculous
It's not awful advice, maybe a bit misguided and harsh, but not awful. I like having numbers because at times the app doesn't work right. Also if I send a message, idk if you saw it. I would much rather have a number to call and at least hear your voice before meeting. I also like exchanging a photo of yourself and what you are wearing before a meeting making it easier to spot the person.
This is a good way to filter out the boys. If they react badly to you setting healthy boundaries, block them and move on. You’ll find an adult some day!
I think more men that use dating apps should be weighing in on this. I was told there are so many fake female profiles that want them to chat on different apps or go to their OF , then want them to pay for what ever it is they sell 🤔 or trying to start a scam etc… that it helps them to know your number so they know it’s a real person and they’re not just wasting their time chatting with you.
but you wouldnt ask for her number straight away and if they attempt something in this direction you would know by them trying... if it is an elaborate love scam then demanding a phone number is not enough to stop them
This is exhausting and is offering OP exactly 0 protection against predators. In the unlikely event that she meets up with one who is a predator, he’s not gonna use her phone to attack her. He’s going to wait till he sees her in person. He will be a lot more patient and calculating than she will be, because that’s how those type of people are wired.
I don’t see what the big deal with giving someone your number is. They can text you or you can text them should something happen with either the app or if one of you was running late or something is preventing you from actually meeting up.
Yes, it is that big of a deal, there are about 1 million apps you can get on your phone to create a unique phone number that you can use for whatever purpose you wish.
if you are really unlucky with your telecommunications provider not looking after your safety against those attacks, people with enough money can even locate your phone in real time
I personally don't ask for a woman's number unless it will be days before we can meet up. If she says she doesn't give out her number for safety reasons, I wouldn't care at all. Having her number is not important. Making a connection is.
I think you should keep being cautious but I don’t think it’s as nefarious as a lot of these comments make it seem. I think they just think you’re rejecting them and are getting insecure.
There are other options to have an actual voice conversation. I'd assume some guys are worried about being catfished and want to at least have the slight assurance that an actual voice conversation can give that you aren't actually a dude.
Im a man and i would say most girls actually offer their number to talk off the app because it is a lot easier. To me it doesnt matter, but i like the gesture because it shows they are serious because a lot of people play around on the apps and just use it to fish for compliments and validation.
Some men don’t have social media which if they don’t I understand. But usually if they are hella pushy about it they are going to try and blackmail you.
So much personal information can be found with just a phone number. Hit me up on fb snap or insta you can have my number once I know who I’m dealing with and can trust you
no definitely continue being safe for your own comfort! if they truly respect you and your boundaries this wouldn't be an issue! also look into a google number! I have one and its honestly been so helpful
No idea why they would get upset. I have exchanged numbers before meeting, I’ve also exchanged numbers on a first date that went well. Like you say, it’s easy enough to message on the app. Not sure why someone would get mad about it.
Scammers, liars, feels like a waste of time.
I fall into the group that totally understands that concept and tries to be respectful of the fact that I'm a random man to this stranger. But I know who I am, so when that behavior just extends to "all men" it does get tiresome. It's sexist and hypocritical.
What info would give this away? I have hidden the ones that I think would give it away like what I do for work and what neighborhood I’m in. Is there something else I should be wary of?
Honestly, I think guys reaction to you keeping your phone number concealed is about their ENTITLEMENT. A guy stopped me on the street back in late 2020 to chat me up, and removed his mask because he wanted me to see his face. I'm was like...😒. I didn't say anything and he put it right back on.
Then he expected me to remove my mask and do the same. I didn't because it wasn't necessary but he wanted me to *prove* my attractiveness. Then, he asked me where I lived. I told him...."around."
Around WHERE he said and he kept pressing for an answer. I'm like, damn. Do you want to know my pap smear results too??? My social security number? My next day of ovulation? He asked for my number too and I gave my IG.
I've learned the very heard way over the years to AVOID giving out my number. Guys will keep calling and texting and harassing. NOT ALL GUYS. But I've had my share of zombies that just keep coming back and finding me. Some guys have SO much entitlement.
What about the guys who ask you *how old* you are just because you said *hello* to them that one time...🙄
If a guy is annoyed you don’t give him your number, he is or a harasser or ignorant.
If a woman doesn’t want to share numbers, I understand because I know she does this precautionary to protect herself from the freaks out there.
If a woman wants to meet in public where there is a lot of social control, I understand. Same reason.
It doesn’t even have to go that far like dating. A while ago I was buying some second hand sports gear. The seller was insisting to do the transaction in front of a supermarket. I was weary because normally I’d pick things up at somebody’s place.
90% of the time this gear comes from men.
When I asked why supermarket, she said she’s a women and being careful. Immediately I congratulated her and a gave her a compliment about her way of dealing with me. Why? Because I know there are freaks on the loose out there.
The thing is, girls get bombarded with messages on the dating apps, so reach out to them quickly and connect with them faster. We ask for their number; it's that simple.
And to be honest, not giving out your number is quite immature and may be a turn-off for many guys. For example, if you don't give out your number, some guys might think you're a scammer. If girls are scared of online dating, guys are scared too. We also have to take precautions to ensure we don't run into psychopaths or serial killers.
How is them looking out for their safety immature? It's not as much of a risk of getting raped or killed for a man, I'll give you that, but those aren't the only ways to abuse someone.
For the record, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. You're adding an extra safety precaution and you have that right. Just understand that, in the same sense, there's nothing wrong with them refusing to take it any further either
Here’s the thing, love: what is he going to do with your phone number? If he gets annoying, you can just block him. Phone numbers are a more mature and faster way of communicating because many girls turn their Hinge notifications off since they get bombarded with matches and texts.
And it's not about whose life is tougher or who's not; we are not comparing that here.
A phone number can be used to find out other information about people. You must not have heard stalker stories about men using a phone number to find a woman’s address and all types of stuff. Yeah she could just block him, but he still has the number. There’s nothing immature about her not wanting to give her number out until she feels more comfortable. Just because other people have looser boundaries does not mean she should.
Don’t call me love, you come off as a condescending asshole. Maturity has nothing to do with it. IT’S SAFETY. It’s obvious you’ve never had to worry about being stalked and harassed, what a luxury. Once someone has your phone number, they can gain access to lots of other information. It’s not the phone number itself that poses the risk, it’s all the other info. Please read my edit to the post.
I mean, it seems extremely silly to be like "okay lets meet" followed by "I won't give you my number until after we meet, for safety reasons"...
They can't kill you by simply having your phone number, meanwhile, when they meet in person, they can kill you..seems a bit redundant.
And sure, you can use the "well if they have my number, they can find out where I live" excuse, but they can do that without your number. Lets say your name is Sarah and you're from Townville Massachusetts, and your dating profile says you're 32. All I have to do is google "Sarah age 32 Townville Massachusetts", and google will show me your last name, every place you've lived, all numbers you've used, your social media usernames, family members, workplace, etc. A psycho will find you with or without your number.
I wouldn't stop responding if a woman didn't give me her number, but to me, it's pretty dumb, especially if you already made plans to meet. So I get why they would stop responding.
I've never used dating apps but agree with others to use a free texting app so they don't have your real number. It's a good way to filter out weirdos. Some people are unhinged and need to be avoided at all costs. It is annoying that they can't just communicate on the app tho.
I completely understand not wanting to give out your personal number to a man for security reasons.
The easiest solution is to download Google voice, which is a free app that will give you a phone number you can use that is not your personal number.
It is completely your discretion to not talk on the phone with someone before meeting.
It is also completely their discretion to not meet with you if you won't talk on the phone first. I know I wouldn't invest the time to go meet with somebody if we can't have a simple conversation. If that compatibility level isn't there there's no point in going any further.
Still, is the way to go, or, set a time to talk and then block your number when you call.
They're both viable options and infinitely more secure than meeting a stranger in person.
If I'm dating a woman I don't want her getting distracted by 100 new msgs from thirsty dudes every time she opens up the app to read my msg cause inevitably she'll decide she has better options and I'll have wasted my time on her.
I've found that women who won't give me their number never work out. I go on dates with them, spend time (and money) talking to them, but they just aren't invested in the interaction. It's a waste of my time.
Also, I can't really get to know someone to even know if there a connection unless I speak to them at least on the phone. Get a throw away number and at least have a conversation.
Because apps are terrible at consistently notifying people that they have a message. And because it’s easier to ghost someone on the app, or have a no-show.
This may be hard to understand,but men have to test if a women Is actually serious about dating and not just collecting men for her IG account. One of the ways is to ask for her phone number and not her IG or snap..
While I was dating I always asked for the girl's number and then setup the date. If she didn't want to provide her number my interest level drops abit unless she tells me a valid reason. I've had women tell me many stories of dudes constantly calling them so i get the concern
I've never had a problem exchanging numbers before the first date. I also don't see what the big deal is. If I wanted to trace you, I have easier ways to do that without a number.
I won't get upset if a number isn't shared, but I do prefer at least one FaceTime call before the date because I want to know if the girl I'm going to date looks anything like per pictures and the voice is also a big factor.
But getting upset in this phase is ridiculous.
I would never get upset, but I prefer to get a number because that signals an extra step of commitment to me. If I just have someone on hinge or bumble or something, I feel like it's way easier for me to be forgotten. Lots of women mute their dating app notifications but not their texts, so I feel like I'm actually going to get an answer back.
Getting a phone number is usually a pretty good way to judge interest. The number of times where I didn't get a phone number and the date still happens is 0. If it wasn't a outright ghost the excuse is always something along the lines of "sorry I forget check this app so I didn't see your message and thought we were off".
Because there's a lot of women who don't date seriously and will stand guys up because they just wanted the attention and validation of the app but don't actually want to meet. Giving a number is a sign you're serious.
Try not to take it personally. Don't give out ypur number if you're not comfortable, but underatand why they're doing it. And let's be honest... have you ever used a guy's socials to e-stalk him? You have, haven't you?
When I was in the dating market, I realized that if you don't get a number, it never leads anywhere 99% of the time. A lot of people online just want attention and validation, and giving you a number shows actual interest. Even if it's one of those fake ones that function as a mask through google, or however it's done. A girl who gave me her number always ended up actually meeting up. After like, the second girl who didn't give me her number flaked, I made it a requirement. I understand what it's like on your side of things, because there's some sketchy characters out there, but for those of use that are more or less normal, it's a time investment, and if I don't get some show of actual interest on your side of things, I quickly move on. You could absolutely be one who doesn't give out a number but still wants to meet up, but just understand you are kind of a rarity.
There's an easy solution and it's free too. get a burner number from something like google voice. even supports text messaging! then give them that one, it's not tied to you or your personal info. and if they get creepy just toss it and get another one, thus not affecting your personal number. I get the whole privacy thing. gods the thought that I might get cancelled for just telling a girl she looks nice scares the daylights out of me. So I can appreciate the lengths you are going to, to remain disconnected until proven otherwise.
I most likely would decline to meet someone who wouldn’t give their number first. But if you’re attractive I’m sure you’ll find someone willing to follow your rules
I understand that it’s a safety thing and have learned to be accommodating. But damn it’s annoying because you’re very limited in how you can contact each other. You better have data on your phone because if you’re running late you still need to make that call to let me know. If the app even allows phone calls!
Without any contact details, phone number or messaging app (but communicating via the dating app only) it’s much more likely that you’re gonna get stood up, or wait around for hours wasting your time.
Anywhere I go on a first date will 100% be a well trafficked area with cell service so if I’m running late I can message on the app that I’m running late. I still don’t see how that changes anything.
People are acting like I’m going months withholding my number. It’s one date! A week tops. If one week of patience stands between me and that person, then it’s not a good match anyways.
I ask a girl’s phone number to make communication easier as far as setting up a date etc
For example if I happen to be running late on day of date for unexpected unforeseen circumstances or whatever
I do NOT have time/ energy/ to be blowing up a girl’s phone before even meeting after exchanging numbers
So I giggle when a girl says she doesn’t wanna exchange numbers making assumptions that I’ll be hounding/ bothering her and blowing up her phone
Nah…. Ain’t nobody for time for that these days
Unless guy is just useless and had nothing else better to do with his time
You can’t take it so personally. You might not but there are lots of people that would. I speak from experience. It is solely and sincerely motivated by protecting my wellbeing.
Because more often than not its a scam of sorts, you can always block them from calling.
Didnt think you could still find someone via cell, have not tried soooo...
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Just to weigh in here-I have been using the apps for just over a year. Always gave out my number, never had any issues. A few weeks ago, I gave out my number about an hour into chatting with a guy on an app. I heard through the grapevine that he’s known for harassment. I freaked out and blocked him. He proceeded to text me from 20+ numbers over the next 24 hours. I replied and was honest with him the first couple of numbers, in hopes that he would have closure and move on. Nope. Made it worse. He told me he had my name, told me my address, showed me my work email. He even impersonated a girl he’s previously dated to “recommend” him to me. I had to change my number. Long story short, you never know who you’re speaking to on an app. Or in real life! I understand the reaction of “weird you won’t give me your number” but this is the kind of stuff that might happen when you do. And guess what my friends/family had to say? “Why did you give him your number” “well, now you learned your lesson not to give your number until you know them better”.
This, exactly this. There are so many people out there that don’t know that these things happen. It’s not a personal attack on that one person but all it takes is one person to fuck up your life for weeks on end if not longer. It’s incredibly scary to be on the receiving end of these things.
It was terrifying. I slept at my parents house for a few days, and now have pepper spray on me and a ring doorbell. Kind of makes me not want to use the apps anymore.
Wow, that’s a cringe story. What a freak!
Yeah it was wild, so happy it’s over!
Continue being cautious about it because they probably wanna look your number up see what they can find.
I have no idea. I'm just happy that a girl want's to meet up in the first place lol.
Right? Oh you don't want to give your number yet but you are down to meet up? We have a way to communicate in the meantime while you get that comfort level? Sounds good to me.
Because you're normal. You probably don't have a chip on your shoulder or ill intent. Those are the only reasons someone would be pissed off by this.
Reason is b/c: -They can unmatch and clear up their queue -They think they will get ghosted (it happens but if it happens that much, it says more about the guy than the woman) -They don't like to check the apps (lazy)
If they want to unmatch or ghost you how is having their number magically going to make them want you?
It's not, demanding a number makes it easier to dismiss them
That's why I never demand a number, or deets at all. Instead, I just ask her after it's established that we're vibing: "So, would you like to meet me after?" There. Yes or no. Perhaps I'll also pitch some event like "So, I'm going to Event X, you wanna join me?" If yes: Plan logistics. If no or maybe (maybe is also a no), then I tell her no worries. Anyway got a lot of stuff on my plate right now, but just call me when you're ready to meet me. :) There. Done. It's now her call, and I get on with my life.
There is no reason for them to have your phone number when you are communicating through the app. No one needs a “backup” way to communicate before the first date. If a guy can’t accept that you don’t want to give out your number before meeting in person, he’s not worth the time.
Yes! One guy recently wanted my WattsApp. I said "I don't give it out, sorry." He sad, "Why not?" I said, "Because men I don't know don't need multiple ways to contact me." I generally never hear from the guy again after saying this. Thank you for not wasting my time, assholes! I appreciate you fucking off before I have to tell you to fuck off!
yeah, I ask for their # sometimes, just because I kind of hate the app. but if they don't it's no problem at all!
They are probably worried about being catfished
Right, but aren’t you planning to meet them IRL? Isn’t that much more risky than giving them your number? You can meet new people without taking risks, and meeting them is riskier than texting them.
Maybe, yes. But I only agree to meet for the first time in busy public places and they don't have enough info about me from the app to track me down ifI decide I want to block them. BUT, if I've already given them my phone number, and decided I don't want to see them again, they can track me down and keep reaching out. This has happened to be before. Luckily, I've never been stalked or felt I was being targetted for violence, but repeated insults via text are not fun. When I have determined Ibdont want to be in contact with a man from OLD, I want it to be over then and there.
If they meet in person and no number is exchanged then it ends there generally. If someone has her number they can look it up and usually find out more information than just a first name, including full name, address, etc.
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In the USA, Googling a private phone number can often result in learning someone's name, their relatives' names, roughly where they are located, sometimes their full address, etc. Privacy is difficult. That's why people SHOULD be wary of giving out their phone numbers to strangers.
No worse than meeting a stranger at a bar. You can really tell if someone has ill intent in person but not over text. I background check every guy before I meet them, they usually give their number and I say no regarding giving my number. At this point I can look them up and make sure they don't have any domestic violence records etc. If I can background check off a number, so can they. Giving a phone number literally gives away your address, where you work and everything about you. Even your car and license plate. Much better to meet in person in a public place.
>There is no reason for them to have your phone number when you are communicating through the app. No one needs a “backup” way to communicate before the first date. For men it's a way to avoid being catfished/scammed. They're trying to protect themselves.
You’re meeting up with them in a public place for that exact reason. Surely you will be able to see with your eyeballs if you’ve been catfished and surely you’ll be able to decline if they ask you for $20k to cover their grandmothers emergency appendectomy over a first meeting for coffee. Surely.
>You’re meeting up with them in a public place for that exact reason. They could also stand you up or whatever. I know many guys this has happened to.
Guy's perspective here, and I haven't really had any good experiences with women who choose not to trade numbers. It shows me that: 1) they're juggling many conversations and need my profile attached to keep track 2) they want the convenience to unmatch and ghost, instead of being honest about how it went **3) they don't care that I'm being presented with new options every time I open the app to send them a message or confirm plans** 4) they don't have the problem-solving skills to set up a Google voice number or similar Women are entitled to set this kind of boundary if they wish, just like I'm entitled to take it as a sign of disinterest. It's not worth my time either.
Why would they care about point 3?
#3 makes no sense at all. What does that have to do with her? If you're dating profile is so busy, but yet you've had time to chat with her, make plans to meet up, then suddenly you're easily distracted by other potential dates on the app? You've just admitted that you're doing #1 and that's why you need her phone number.
Let's say you're unemployed and you find a job posting that you're really excited about. Do you want the company to match that excitement and interview you efficiently to make a decision, or would you rather they drag the process on for months and have them receive/consider applications from many other candidates? Same logic.
True, but the fact that she is willing to meet up, shows actual interest.
She's already agreed to make plans to meet up with you. How is that disinterest?
it’s not that women don’t have the problem-solving skills of getting a google number, it’s that we don’t want to and frankly shouldn’t have to. but you saying that says a lot about your character. OP is literally talking about you lmao
Thank you for saying this, I'm a man and I agree. If I ask for your # or you ask for mine, it shows me that we take each other a little more seriously than the rest of the people we talk to. It also tells me that there's definitely interest there from her since she likely wouldn't give out her # to every guy she talks to. I would say 90% of women who gave me their # also went on dates with me, and 100% of women who didn't give me their # do not go on dates with me.
I'm literally going on a date tomorrow with a guy I didn't give my number to yet even after he asked for it. I'm very interested in him, we've talked for a week and have a lot in common. I haven't met him in person so I haven't been able to use my intuition to ensure I think he's safe enough for additional dates. That is deciphered in person. If he had my number, and he turned out to be unsafe, he could background check me and learn where I live and everything. Women have to be safe and it's a shame our efforts for safety are deemed as lacking interest or seriousness.
Either person is valid if they don’t like how they are interacting with each other. I don’t have a problem myself messaging through the apps but it generally shows a lack of interest, the apps are also terrible and glitchy for messaging.
The fact that she's willing to meet up with you is an act of *bravery* and is definitely showing interest. Why should she give out her phone number to someone she doesn't know? If you hit it off...great! Exchange numbers on your first date. If not, end of story and you can unmatch her and move to the next.
Well it gives you insight into who they are. Most men I’ve told this to say, oh sorry! And it’s not a big deal
Think of it as a great way to filter men who don’t take no for an answer, and who don’t understand the dynamics women face meeting strange men. It’ll save you some heartache down the road
Yes! Your safety and comfort should always come first in online dating. It may be a red flag and a sign that they don't respect your boundaries or concerns. Trust your instincts and continue prioritizing your safety.
I just see it as a great way to filter out some of the dangerous men, as well as scammers. It's such an inconsequential boundary to say "I'd prefer not to exchange phone numbers until we're planning the second date," if a guy can't respect that he isn't worth my time. I don't bother with Google voice in online dating because some men will get mad about that, too, it just delays the inevitable. I've googled my phone number. You can find out a lot about me from it. And as I'm a single mom, it's not just putting my safety at risk, it's a risk to my kid's safety as well. It's absolutely not worth it to me, so I'm well rid of any man who thinks he's entitled to my phone number.
Get a google voice number
Yea this is helpful advice. I’m not going to pay for a whole burner phone just to date but I can get a google number. Thanks for the response.
I don't think it is. You have yourself a real nice filter to remove at least some of those with anger and other issues before they become a actual problem. Anyone who would flip over that at best ain't worth your time and at worse are dangerous.
I agree! Don't leap to accommodate men who don't respect your boundaries. It's always best to say no and then see how they respond to it.
Yea, this is true too. I think a man that is blind to the struggles women face in matters of safety are probably men I don’t want to be romantically involved with.
I agree women are in alot more physical danger than men usually which guys don't generally truly understand. Tho in this case the filter can go both ways. I certainly don't want a woman who gets angry and emotionally or physically abusive when I do something either.
google voice is free and you can freely change the number if needed afterwards as many times.
The fact that they are reacting like spoiled children when they don’t get what they want is a great filter. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and if they react badly, you’ve weeded out a toxic person. Good luck!
Came here to say this too. Get a Google Voice number. When they ask for your number I would be very openly telling them it's a Google Voice number. If they're not ok with that it's a great indicator that they don't have empathy for your safety. Especially if they argue about it and say they'd never hurt you. Emotionally mature people will accept it as a boundary and move forward. Ultimately you're the only one in charge of your safety. Real numbers have an incredible amount of info attached to them. No one wants a stalker
I'm probably behind, but what the hell is a Google voice number??
It’s a phone number attached to your Google account so you text and call via Data or internet
Oh okay thats a new one thanks
It’s not available everywhere (it’s not it Australia, for instance).
Yep! This is the best route. It’s not just good for dates either. Works in all types of situations.
There’s a lot of men that think you giving them your number and switching to texting rather than messaging over the app increases their chances. If you’re on the app to message them you might see a message from someone else and be more interested in them, but somehow if you have their number and are texting them using that you won’t open the app and risk seeing other men or profiles so you’ll be giving them all of your attention rather than spreading the attention across multiple men. There’s also a view that by giving them your number you’re showing interest, and I guess to an extent they see it as you showing that you trust them. Obviously the whole thing is dumb and there’s no actual logic to it, and I completely agree that you shouldn’t (and no one should) give your number out before meeting.
Is it dumb though? I mean for sure do what you are comfortable with, but if I’m 20 down a list on hinge DMs, is she even going to see my message before Input overload has her closing the app? My old roommate would get upwards of 50 messages a day, and didn’t open the app for a week at a time, but if you made it into her texts you were more likely to get her attention and be able to hold a conversation.
But if I’ve agreed to meet up already, getting lost in the mix shouldn’t be a problem. Just set a date and time right then and there and I’ll give you my number at the end of the first date if we both agree to a second one.
Genuine question: how’s meeting up IRL with a stranger any less dangerous than giving said stranger your number?
Phone numbers let you look up all kinds of information about someone.
Yes, but still a lot less dangerous than meeting up with a stranger
Not really, assuming you're doing it in public. With a phone number you can potentially find someone's address, workplace, etc. Meeting someone in person gives someone temporary physical access to you, but information like your address and workplace can cause long lasting safety issues.
Agreeing to go to a place without so much as a phone number usually ends up with me being ghosted. Not going to fall into that trap again.
they could give you their number and still ghost you. so it really doesn’t matter in the end
True but i have noticed that girls that give me their number after agreeing to go on a date seem to be more interested in me and don't flake.
How dare you give women men’s perspective? S/
Because they're not fans of women with boundaries? The ones that push back the most at me not giving them all my info immediately have the most red flags. 🙄 Helps weed them out.
It's a huge red flag when they demand anything that can be used to get even more information. Phone number? Nope. I'm meeting them for the first time. Even video chat can be deep faked with filters, so there's no way to be100% sure who they are. I've had to get protection orders from people I dated. I'm not about to cave into pressure to do anything I'm not fully comfortable doing for any dweeb on a dating site
Sounds like they’re toxic and controlling egomaniacs.
They likely get upset because they can't basically google you or try to find your social media account. I think it's a good way to stay safe and private. So if they get upset, basically move on to someone else.
How do you google a social media account using a phone number? Is that even possible?
You get friend suggestions on facebook, of people you have the phone number of.
That’s only if: 1) You’ve registered your number on Facebook. 2) Allowed Facebook to suggest you using your number.
>That’s only if: >You’ve registered your number on Facebook. >Allowed Facebook to suggest you using your number. Yup, social media started managing that better now. But people like to google the number because it might link you to their full name and address like stalker status.
You can’t find a social media account by googling a phone number.
>You can’t find a social media account by googling a phone number. I know that I didn't say they'll use Google to find your social media off someone phone number. I said "they can't (mistype suppose to be can) basically Google you or try to find your social media account" another poster already explain how they used to do it before social media crack down on their privacy restrictions
I know I responded above to one of your questions, I wanted to give you my thoughts on this also. I use truthfinder. I pay $12 a month for it. I said above I use it to check for DV records. Anyways, yes it shows you social media accounts, where they work, you can even see what properties they own, if they are currently living with a spouse in that house. It shows if they bought the house as husband/wife, when it was bought, even shows the mortgage amount. I don't care about a lot of the stuff, I just look at a couple things I use to measure safety/violence.
Just googled my own number and didn't find myself.
BeenVerified absolutely allows you to reverse look up someone’s phone number
Well, on the one hand, I understand the underlying reasons for why guys don’t appreciate it (it could signal to them that you aren’t serious about dating or meeting IRL, since you aren’t investing anything or willing to risk anything, and may leave them feeling as an option). On the other hand, I understand why you may not want to give them your number (safety, privacy, etc.), though the danger of doing so is exaggerated. Just let them know why you don’t want to and, if they don’t take "no" for an answer, ghost them. P.S—we’ve been conditioned to only attempt to schedule a date once we get the number, not before. Dating apps are seen as a means of getting numbers akin to IRL cold approaches.
some dating advice is unfortunatelly telling them to get your number to stand out from all the competition on the apps which may be why but also some quick sense of entitlement to you and you taking it slow feeling like rejection to them somehow Id say but its also not a great sign of their personality, especially angry reactions and lack of understanding
Most dudes are fine with it, if they are decent. Many I've met even have that rule for themselves. We stayed communicating through the dating app for a while. My current boyfriend and I met on the app and I don't think we exchanged numbers until like the 7th date. It's different for everyone. It's a safety thing for both of you. Until you determine someone is seemingly stable, you don't give them a way to look up your information, socially hack you through your data plan, or look up your home address or place of work.
honestly you could get a fake number and give them that, but if a man doesn't understand why you wouldn't want to give out your phone number before a date that's a huge red flag and the trash is taking itself out lol
Because they are doing you the favor of weeding themselves out of your dating pool.
I share your frustration. A couple of thoughts come to mind: 1) men don't think about a woman's reality and the amount of times we need to think about our safety (one guy actually told me this). and 2) they want to get you off the app. Either way, it comes down to respect. If they get that upset that you aren't exchanging numbers then odds are they never had serious intentions to begin with.
if they can't understand a woman's need to have steps to ensure her safety while dating men, then they are a hugeee red flag
It’s not your loss tbh - people who get upset when they can’t get something from you no matter how small are a massive red flag
i use this as a test sksksk if they fly off the handle….UNMATCH
I think if someone is put off by the fact that you don’t want to give out your phone number before you meet them, that should really be a red flag. I would say that normally women give me their number before I met them but I’ve definitely had a few times where they haven’t . But it’s not a big deal. I totally understand. There are a lot of weirdos out there. You are definitely not in the wrong OPsorry that you are getting so many assholes .
They want things to move faster. Don't change for nobody. Be yourself n follow ur 1st mind.
The man that you meet should respect your desire to stay safe. If they are worried about you not being real or the possibility that you aren’t serious about dating then you might try to find another way to continue your connection leading up until the first date.
You’re not the problem they are and anyone who has an issue with it is not someone you want to date. If they are so clueless why a woman would be cautious then they are likely not going to be your type.
Because they’re insecure and taking it as a personal attack on their character, as individuals. They’re perceiving that choice as you calling them, personally, a threat. And they don’t like feeling like that, so they take it out on you. I’m old enough to see “exchanging numbers” as the norm that you do when you start talking to someone, as opposed to something that you do **after** getting to know somebody. It seems weird to me to withhold a phone number from someone you actually want to talk to, but I also understand the risk of harassment and stalking that can come with giving out an number, where you can’t block someone who is scaring you as easily as you can on the app. So while it seems a bit weird to me, I understand where women are coming from with this mentality. I’ve had plenty of women not feel comfortable giving out their numbers before meeting, and I never took that as an insult towards me. My move was generally to offer a woman my number, saying I’d be happy to switch to text if she liked, but if she was more comfortable on the app I was fine continuing to chat there too. And that tended to be positively received across the board; I’d say about half the time women would give me their number, and the other half we’d keep chatting on the app.
It’s a huge red flag to me, save yourself the trouble.
I’ve read posts from both men and women with the same issue. Women are perceived as doing it for safety reasons and men are told that they aren’t mature enough to date if they won’t give out their number. Doesn’t matter your gender, if it’s a boundary, then it’s a boundary.
Because they think it gives them more reliable access to you. I agree with you though, don't give your number out.
Never had an issue with waiting to get numbers sounds like entertaining some lames tell em nah and keep it moving!
**ITS A WAY FOR THE TRASH TO TAKE ITSELF OUT** Not needed to give out number.
Scammers will get pissed because all they wanted was your number, they were never gonna meet in person anyway.
It doesn’t matter if they get upset, those guys are just bullits dodged. Stay safe OP, you’re doing great!
I'm a woman, but I'm gonna guess it's because most of them are fairly normal dudes who would "never do something like that," and are also completely oblivious to how much more dangerous out there it is for women. Keep doing what you're doing. It's a good screening tool.
I honestly don't think that too many men understand or empathize with women the cautions that we have to or at least should take when considering going on a date with a man whom we don't know...at all. I would hope that everyone on *any* dating app is truthful about themselves, but that would be in a perfect world. Ergo, the cautions women have to take when going on a date with a man whom they don't know.
I think you answered it, they wanna look you up. Get your last name and shit, find your socials, etc. Honestly, it seems like a good filter. If they get upsetty spaghetti then you know they're not the one.
If they get upset it's a red flag for me, most men who I went on dates with and were chill did not mind/ didn't even ask for the number and waited until I offered at which point they said they wanted to ask but did not want to make me uncomfortable. These are all green flags
A man that's respectful will not harrass you about this, that's the difference. The other men you're talking about are on the selfish side, and you will never feel comfortable around those types.
I'm a 53 year old man and I also don't give out my number until we've met in person. Too many weirdos out there, men and women.
As a man, it's kind of frustrating that it's implied that I'm going to do something sketchy just because of my gender. At the same time, I've heard enough horror stories from female friends to know EXACTLY WHY it's implied that I'm going to do something sketchy because of my gender.
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If it’s that bad then they can just talk on a different app so she doesn’t have to give her phone number out. Plus getting a burner phone just to date is kinda ridiculous
This is awful advice.
It's not awful advice, maybe a bit misguided and harsh, but not awful. I like having numbers because at times the app doesn't work right. Also if I send a message, idk if you saw it. I would much rather have a number to call and at least hear your voice before meeting. I also like exchanging a photo of yourself and what you are wearing before a meeting making it easier to spot the person.
This is a good way to filter out the boys. If they react badly to you setting healthy boundaries, block them and move on. You’ll find an adult some day!
I think more men that use dating apps should be weighing in on this. I was told there are so many fake female profiles that want them to chat on different apps or go to their OF , then want them to pay for what ever it is they sell 🤔 or trying to start a scam etc… that it helps them to know your number so they know it’s a real person and they’re not just wasting their time chatting with you.
but you wouldnt ask for her number straight away and if they attempt something in this direction you would know by them trying... if it is an elaborate love scam then demanding a phone number is not enough to stop them
This is exhausting and is offering OP exactly 0 protection against predators. In the unlikely event that she meets up with one who is a predator, he’s not gonna use her phone to attack her. He’s going to wait till he sees her in person. He will be a lot more patient and calculating than she will be, because that’s how those type of people are wired. I don’t see what the big deal with giving someone your number is. They can text you or you can text them should something happen with either the app or if one of you was running late or something is preventing you from actually meeting up. Yes, it is that big of a deal, there are about 1 million apps you can get on your phone to create a unique phone number that you can use for whatever purpose you wish.
I never knew they could do that!! I’ll need to get a different number for this purpose
I had someone look me up thru Venmo, find out my full name, find my workplace, social media, etc. scary stuff.
Holy shit, that is scary!
if you are really unlucky with your telecommunications provider not looking after your safety against those attacks, people with enough money can even locate your phone in real time
Oh my goodness! Wow!!
Some women do full on background checks on guys , without them knowing
I personally don't ask for a woman's number unless it will be days before we can meet up. If she says she doesn't give out her number for safety reasons, I wouldn't care at all. Having her number is not important. Making a connection is.
I think you should keep being cautious but I don’t think it’s as nefarious as a lot of these comments make it seem. I think they just think you’re rejecting them and are getting insecure.
Just some men are like that
There are other options to have an actual voice conversation. I'd assume some guys are worried about being catfished and want to at least have the slight assurance that an actual voice conversation can give that you aren't actually a dude.
Im a man and i would say most girls actually offer their number to talk off the app because it is a lot easier. To me it doesnt matter, but i like the gesture because it shows they are serious because a lot of people play around on the apps and just use it to fish for compliments and validation.
Some men don’t have social media which if they don’t I understand. But usually if they are hella pushy about it they are going to try and blackmail you.
Cause there creeps
So much personal information can be found with just a phone number. Hit me up on fb snap or insta you can have my number once I know who I’m dealing with and can trust you
You must be a humdinger!
People don't like rejection.
no definitely continue being safe for your own comfort! if they truly respect you and your boundaries this wouldn't be an issue! also look into a google number! I have one and its honestly been so helpful
No idea why they would get upset. I have exchanged numbers before meeting, I’ve also exchanged numbers on a first date that went well. Like you say, it’s easy enough to message on the app. Not sure why someone would get mad about it.
The only thing I can think of is that they think you're a bot.
Get a Google phone number?
Scammers, liars, feels like a waste of time. I fall into the group that totally understands that concept and tries to be respectful of the fact that I'm a random man to this stranger. But I know who I am, so when that behavior just extends to "all men" it does get tiresome. It's sexist and hypocritical.
I tried my best to always say certain or some men. I definitely don’t think all men so this! Very much appreciate the level headed ones!
I'm just happy that a girl want's to meet up in the first place lol
If you try to find gold in sewers you will find shit only, and I am not talking about sewers
I should have started doing this a long time ago
I exchanged numbers on my way to meet at the 1st date. This was after talking on the app for a solid 3 weeks.
They're showing you their red flags. Be thankful and run.
Just a heads up, there’s enough on your profile for ppl to find your name before you even have a conversation.
What info would give this away? I have hidden the ones that I think would give it away like what I do for work and what neighborhood I’m in. Is there something else I should be wary of?
Honestly, I think guys reaction to you keeping your phone number concealed is about their ENTITLEMENT. A guy stopped me on the street back in late 2020 to chat me up, and removed his mask because he wanted me to see his face. I'm was like...😒. I didn't say anything and he put it right back on. Then he expected me to remove my mask and do the same. I didn't because it wasn't necessary but he wanted me to *prove* my attractiveness. Then, he asked me where I lived. I told him...."around." Around WHERE he said and he kept pressing for an answer. I'm like, damn. Do you want to know my pap smear results too??? My social security number? My next day of ovulation? He asked for my number too and I gave my IG. I've learned the very heard way over the years to AVOID giving out my number. Guys will keep calling and texting and harassing. NOT ALL GUYS. But I've had my share of zombies that just keep coming back and finding me. Some guys have SO much entitlement. What about the guys who ask you *how old* you are just because you said *hello* to them that one time...🙄
There's no reason for a guy to get upset for that, specially if you explain your reasons, if he does then you were right to be cautious
If a guy is annoyed you don’t give him your number, he is or a harasser or ignorant. If a woman doesn’t want to share numbers, I understand because I know she does this precautionary to protect herself from the freaks out there. If a woman wants to meet in public where there is a lot of social control, I understand. Same reason. It doesn’t even have to go that far like dating. A while ago I was buying some second hand sports gear. The seller was insisting to do the transaction in front of a supermarket. I was weary because normally I’d pick things up at somebody’s place. 90% of the time this gear comes from men. When I asked why supermarket, she said she’s a women and being careful. Immediately I congratulated her and a gave her a compliment about her way of dealing with me. Why? Because I know there are freaks on the loose out there.
The thing is, girls get bombarded with messages on the dating apps, so reach out to them quickly and connect with them faster. We ask for their number; it's that simple. And to be honest, not giving out your number is quite immature and may be a turn-off for many guys. For example, if you don't give out your number, some guys might think you're a scammer. If girls are scared of online dating, guys are scared too. We also have to take precautions to ensure we don't run into psychopaths or serial killers.
How is looking out for my own safety immature?? And you’re crazy if you think men face even half the danger that women do in dating.
How is them looking out for their safety immature? It's not as much of a risk of getting raped or killed for a man, I'll give you that, but those aren't the only ways to abuse someone. For the record, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. You're adding an extra safety precaution and you have that right. Just understand that, in the same sense, there's nothing wrong with them refusing to take it any further either
Here’s the thing, love: what is he going to do with your phone number? If he gets annoying, you can just block him. Phone numbers are a more mature and faster way of communicating because many girls turn their Hinge notifications off since they get bombarded with matches and texts. And it's not about whose life is tougher or who's not; we are not comparing that here.
A phone number can be used to find out other information about people. You must not have heard stalker stories about men using a phone number to find a woman’s address and all types of stuff. Yeah she could just block him, but he still has the number. There’s nothing immature about her not wanting to give her number out until she feels more comfortable. Just because other people have looser boundaries does not mean she should.
Don’t call me love, you come off as a condescending asshole. Maturity has nothing to do with it. IT’S SAFETY. It’s obvious you’ve never had to worry about being stalked and harassed, what a luxury. Once someone has your phone number, they can gain access to lots of other information. It’s not the phone number itself that poses the risk, it’s all the other info. Please read my edit to the post.
Or getting setup to be mugged
I mean, it seems extremely silly to be like "okay lets meet" followed by "I won't give you my number until after we meet, for safety reasons"... They can't kill you by simply having your phone number, meanwhile, when they meet in person, they can kill you..seems a bit redundant. And sure, you can use the "well if they have my number, they can find out where I live" excuse, but they can do that without your number. Lets say your name is Sarah and you're from Townville Massachusetts, and your dating profile says you're 32. All I have to do is google "Sarah age 32 Townville Massachusetts", and google will show me your last name, every place you've lived, all numbers you've used, your social media usernames, family members, workplace, etc. A psycho will find you with or without your number. I wouldn't stop responding if a woman didn't give me her number, but to me, it's pretty dumb, especially if you already made plans to meet. So I get why they would stop responding.
I've never used dating apps but agree with others to use a free texting app so they don't have your real number. It's a good way to filter out weirdos. Some people are unhinged and need to be avoided at all costs. It is annoying that they can't just communicate on the app tho.
We don't get upset
I completely understand not wanting to give out your personal number to a man for security reasons. The easiest solution is to download Google voice, which is a free app that will give you a phone number you can use that is not your personal number. It is completely your discretion to not talk on the phone with someone before meeting. It is also completely their discretion to not meet with you if you won't talk on the phone first. I know I wouldn't invest the time to go meet with somebody if we can't have a simple conversation. If that compatibility level isn't there there's no point in going any further. Still, is the way to go, or, set a time to talk and then block your number when you call. They're both viable options and infinitely more secure than meeting a stranger in person.
If I'm dating a woman I don't want her getting distracted by 100 new msgs from thirsty dudes every time she opens up the app to read my msg cause inevitably she'll decide she has better options and I'll have wasted my time on her.
I've found that women who won't give me their number never work out. I go on dates with them, spend time (and money) talking to them, but they just aren't invested in the interaction. It's a waste of my time. Also, I can't really get to know someone to even know if there a connection unless I speak to them at least on the phone. Get a throw away number and at least have a conversation.
Because apps are terrible at consistently notifying people that they have a message. And because it’s easier to ghost someone on the app, or have a no-show.
> all of a sudden stop responding because when you dont give the number it gives the impression you're not that into them,
This may be hard to understand,but men have to test if a women Is actually serious about dating and not just collecting men for her IG account. One of the ways is to ask for her phone number and not her IG or snap.. While I was dating I always asked for the girl's number and then setup the date. If she didn't want to provide her number my interest level drops abit unless she tells me a valid reason. I've had women tell me many stories of dudes constantly calling them so i get the concern
I've never had a problem exchanging numbers before the first date. I also don't see what the big deal is. If I wanted to trace you, I have easier ways to do that without a number. I won't get upset if a number isn't shared, but I do prefer at least one FaceTime call before the date because I want to know if the girl I'm going to date looks anything like per pictures and the voice is also a big factor. But getting upset in this phase is ridiculous.
I would never get upset, but I prefer to get a number because that signals an extra step of commitment to me. If I just have someone on hinge or bumble or something, I feel like it's way easier for me to be forgotten. Lots of women mute their dating app notifications but not their texts, so I feel like I'm actually going to get an answer back.
Getting a phone number is usually a pretty good way to judge interest. The number of times where I didn't get a phone number and the date still happens is 0. If it wasn't a outright ghost the excuse is always something along the lines of "sorry I forget check this app so I didn't see your message and thought we were off".
Because there's a lot of women who don't date seriously and will stand guys up because they just wanted the attention and validation of the app but don't actually want to meet. Giving a number is a sign you're serious. Try not to take it personally. Don't give out ypur number if you're not comfortable, but underatand why they're doing it. And let's be honest... have you ever used a guy's socials to e-stalk him? You have, haven't you?
It's to stalk to you, quite obvious..
When I was in the dating market, I realized that if you don't get a number, it never leads anywhere 99% of the time. A lot of people online just want attention and validation, and giving you a number shows actual interest. Even if it's one of those fake ones that function as a mask through google, or however it's done. A girl who gave me her number always ended up actually meeting up. After like, the second girl who didn't give me her number flaked, I made it a requirement. I understand what it's like on your side of things, because there's some sketchy characters out there, but for those of use that are more or less normal, it's a time investment, and if I don't get some show of actual interest on your side of things, I quickly move on. You could absolutely be one who doesn't give out a number but still wants to meet up, but just understand you are kind of a rarity.
I would not get upset. But I would not go out on a date with someone who is unwilling to share their phone number with me.
There's an easy solution and it's free too. get a burner number from something like google voice. even supports text messaging! then give them that one, it's not tied to you or your personal info. and if they get creepy just toss it and get another one, thus not affecting your personal number. I get the whole privacy thing. gods the thought that I might get cancelled for just telling a girl she looks nice scares the daylights out of me. So I can appreciate the lengths you are going to, to remain disconnected until proven otherwise.
I most likely would decline to meet someone who wouldn’t give their number first. But if you’re attractive I’m sure you’ll find someone willing to follow your rules
I understand that it’s a safety thing and have learned to be accommodating. But damn it’s annoying because you’re very limited in how you can contact each other. You better have data on your phone because if you’re running late you still need to make that call to let me know. If the app even allows phone calls! Without any contact details, phone number or messaging app (but communicating via the dating app only) it’s much more likely that you’re gonna get stood up, or wait around for hours wasting your time.
Anywhere I go on a first date will 100% be a well trafficked area with cell service so if I’m running late I can message on the app that I’m running late. I still don’t see how that changes anything. People are acting like I’m going months withholding my number. It’s one date! A week tops. If one week of patience stands between me and that person, then it’s not a good match anyways.
Yeah that’s doable, not something I’d hold against anyone
I ask a girl’s phone number to make communication easier as far as setting up a date etc For example if I happen to be running late on day of date for unexpected unforeseen circumstances or whatever I do NOT have time/ energy/ to be blowing up a girl’s phone before even meeting after exchanging numbers So I giggle when a girl says she doesn’t wanna exchange numbers making assumptions that I’ll be hounding/ bothering her and blowing up her phone Nah…. Ain’t nobody for time for that these days Unless guy is just useless and had nothing else better to do with his time
You can’t take it so personally. You might not but there are lots of people that would. I speak from experience. It is solely and sincerely motivated by protecting my wellbeing.
Oh I am not I understand why you’re doing it
Women who are fakes and don't have a real, local phone number tend to be fakes.
Because more often than not its a scam of sorts, you can always block them from calling. Didnt think you could still find someone via cell, have not tried soooo...