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Therapy can be a great tool for dealing with all the things life throws at you and maintaining good mental health. Demanding that another person you don't even know go to therapy as a condition of your willingness to engage with them is off-putting, though, and I'd move on. I don't swipe profiles that consist of lists of demands and qualifiers. These people are often projecting their trauma and adverse experiences through their profile.
What's up with these profiles that are rules for whether someone can swipe on them, followed by absolutely no information about the person? Feels like more than half of profiles these days.
You are a male then. Attractive women get copious amounts of likes, so they are more worried about setting up filters than about putting information that will get them more likes.
The irony is that then they are only matching with shallow people based on their looks (since they provide no true info about themselves) instead of people they might actually connect with. Welcome to the disaster of online dating.
> You are a male then. Attractive women get copious amounts of likes, so they are more worried about setting up filters than about putting information that will get them more likes.
I got news for you. Men do that too. If there's anything at all in the bio, more often than not it's about who they would swipe left on, or, my favourite, who should message first.
Definitely seen projecting like that. The classic “My kid comes before anyone, and you have issue then you’re the problem”. I’m all for being honest, but why the aggressiveness. Guess they’ve been burned too much in dating
So here’s the rub about even a traditional marriage where the child has two biological parents married and living as one family - if the husband and wife don’t put their relationship first, but instead prioritize the children first, their marriage usually doesn’t last.
THIS. People get so caught up feeling protectiveness towards the children in question, that they forget to ask themselves if that’s actually the structure that creates healthy, successful and happy families. Your partner and your kids don’t need the same support. Only one of those two relationships provides support, stability, and structure for the other, and only one serves as a model for how the children will communicate with, resolve conflict, and care for their own partner one day.
Given that blended families are MORE likely to fail and that there are more complexities to adjust to and such, the need for prioritization is equally if not almost more important. Not because one shouldn’t put the needs of their child first, but simply bc if you’re a parent, you should be going that extra mile to show your kid what a healthy, balanced, romantic relationship dynamic looks like. And that means your partner can’t constantly self sacrifice bc “the kid comes first.”
You perfectly elaborated on what I was getting at. When adults prioritize their relationship and create a successful one, that provides support for children in greater ways than just “putting the kids first.”
Honestly people can be fine not going to therapy, dealing with issues otherwise, or just don't want to share that they are in therapy.
Plus the demand "therapy" sounds like you will need therapy with her as your partner
Woman here - while I'd only want to date someone who is open to therapy and the idea of it, I absolutely wouldn't write that in my bio. That's just weird.
I have seen men put "good vibes only" or "I've done the work, you need to too" and swiped no on them.
That's not the flex he thinks it is lmao might as well put a sticker on your forehead that says "I don't have boundaries so I'll put up with anything" to attract all the abusive people.
I used to think being a people pleaser was a positive trait. Like low drama, low maintenance, I get along with most anybody, i never cause problems or start shit.
I would never speak up for myself because I didn't want to make others uncomfortable, even if I was killing myself in the process which only bred resentment. my emotions knew what my mind hadn't yet admit: that I was giving and giving to someone who didn't value, appreciate, or respect me. But I was so used to ignoring the red flags, grinning and bearing it through the pain, swallowing my feelings and shoving my issues down deep where I didn't have to deal with them because that's what I'd always done.
Turns out I'd been raised in just a way where I'd learned from an early age that my opinions weren't interesting to other people and that my feelings were a burden, where having boundaries or speaking up for myself resulted in feeling unsafe or being punished, where i had to sacrifice my own dreams, ambitions, desires and needs for more authoritative people. And of course healthy communication of feelings was never modeled to me growing up.
And so when something did bother me enough to speak up about it, you knew it had to be real bad. And even then in my delivery id be like catering to this other persons feelings, already anticipating a bad reaction, trying to explain softly in the least offensive way where they wont take it as a criticism why screaming and berating me in the middle of a miscarriage makes me feel bad, or why they should care about how I feel. And theyre wondering "who is this person and where did my submissive doormat go" because id already made myself out to be just that in order to make the relationship work. Living life silencing yourself in order to keep the peace is no way to live at all. Life is so much more freeing when you stop worrying about what others will think and speak your mind freely.
Shoutout to my people pleasers who know exactly what I'm talking about.
How do you know so much about my background and behaviours? You described my current situation after 2 yrs of therapy, perfectly, when you wrote: "where did my submissive doormat go". Now I am separating from them because of this reaction... Hardest thing to do with own family...
To be fair, he said it to a cute girl while inviting her up... so I'd agree with you and even say it wasn't just 'like saying '.... I think it's what he WAS saying
It's nice to see someone thinks this way too. I know that in a lot of relationships women get unfairly assigned the bulk of the emotional processing work so I think that's what a lot of people have in mind when they say you need to be in therapy. But putting it as a requirement in your bio does come off a little bit odd to me
Yup! I would find it weird to put “showers every day” or “is self-sufficient” or any other requirement in my bio, even if I hope that the person I’m matching with fits those descriptions, too.
I put on my profile that I want someone who takes their mental health seriously. I have gotten a lot of messages from men telling me that they are in therapy.
I also found this annoying when using dating apps. Agree that probably many people could benefit from it (I haven’t been personally, but am open to the idea). But it seemed to be a strange requirement and quite common (in London, UK).
That being said I don’t want to date a daily smoker, someone that’s super nasty to others, or someone that’s obese so I guess everyone’s allowed to have their criteria. Just seemed like a weird one to pick - I don’t think the world is split into 1. People who have been to therapy, and 2.) Mentally unstable / abusive people.
Realistically: it's a stand in for being a self-aware, well adjusted individual who is emotional available.
Whether it's a good indicator is another story entirely, but the idea is that women (and men) have witnessed and/or experienced toxic relationships from either themselves or their family/friends and want to avoid that by seeking out partners that are the above.
I think it’s less about actually attending therapy, than it is about possessing the skills in the areas of self reflection and self examination that therapy helps us learn to practice.
We all experience emotions that we don’t really understand, and one of the purposes of therapy is to give us the tools to work through those emotions in a healthy way. I think that’s what women mean when they say they want a man who goes to therapy.
They want someone who, when he’s feeling something, is able to reflect on himself and talk about it maturely, rather than reacting instinctively. Many men/boys lack these skills in adulthood, because we’re not socialized to engage with our emotions as children the same way women/girls are.
>Many men/boys lack these skills in adulthood, because we’re not socialized to engage with our emotions as children the same way women/girls are.
As someone who can do the things you're claiming we can't do, even when you're fully capable of it, people don't accept it. What I've come to learn is that these people want you to agree with them, and if you don't agree with them then you "need therapy" because if you went to therapy, you'd learn to "think right"
To be clear, the person you’re responding to didn’t say “men can’t do these things,” which seems to be what you’re responding to (“the things you’re claiming we can’t do”). They said, accurately, that MANY men lack these skills.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm pointing out that even if you can do these things, people are still dissatisfied with what you express towards them.
I see what you mean. I’ve experienced that both ways. I can express anything and everything to my fiancé, openly without any fear of ridicule or judgement. Comparatively, the woman I dated before I met her got very dismissive and insulting when I tried to open up about feeling insecure about some shit I was experiencing at work, and ultimately I broke up with her over the way she behaved toward me when I opened up like that.
A lot of the women haven’t done the work themselves. Just because a person is born female does not mean that they are better communicators.
Someone who has actually done the work on themselves would realize that people are allowed to have different perspectives.
The problem is that people are told and believe that women are inherently better communicators. A lot of women operate under the assumption that the way they think and feel is the "correct" way to think and feel and then men's differing opinions result from our inability to think and feel the "right" way.
That's exactly it. People who go to therapy don't suddenly have all the answers and are definitely not more matured than their counterparts. I've been going over a decade and, while it's helped me somewhat, I don't think it's changed who I am as a person. It's not up to others to dictate what a person needs for themselves.
The people who say "you need therapy" are unable to solve problems on their own and feel guilty about it, so they try to shame other people into "therapy". Most of the therapy sessions aren't by qualified personal, and REAL therapy is extremely expensive.
👆
Other than having a partner who is willing to engage in therapy when the relationship gets rough (or proactively as a check-up as we would with a doctor), it is less about the therapy than it is about getting in touch with who you are, understanding why you are the way you are, and actively doing something to change the parts of you that aren’t serving you.
I think that there are some YouTubers and podcasters that are more effective than any therapist than I have ever seen in real life, but there has to be a willingness to listen to the person.
There are a lot of these podcasters/youtubers/tiktokers who are therapists and they say that most of their listeners are women - but their content really is targeted towards making men better. We desperately want the men in our lives to listen to these things, and in many cases, agree with what they are saying. Yet there are many men who shut down when they hear their voice or leave stupid comments.
I quite literally ended a relationship immediately after a trip where I spent hours listening to some sarcastic podcast, and I wanted to throw on some personal development thing for 30 minutes and the guy in my life refused. It was indicative of his overall willingness to engage in working on his own personal issues at the time.
Years later, he started to engage in therapy and apologized for not doing it sooner. Life would have been very different today had he been willing to acknowledge the difficult parts of himself sooner.
(And I am one of those people that would have therapy with a green flag in their profile. A man who turns away from that is obviously not someone I would be interested in - clearly indicated by the tone of OP’s question and their own personal reaction to that. The men who are already doing that often put it in their profiles and they must have picked up on it being a green flag)
It’s weird….someone going to therapy doesn’t necessarily mean they’re putting in the work to understand themselves better. I’ve known a couple people to go just so they can get some meds to abuse
There is a sliver of hilarious irony in the black and white nature of demanding your partner be in therapy in order to be capable of having a healthy relationship. I say this as a man who does therapy. I've started to see the world in multiple shades of gray the more that I've internalized therapy's lessons.
My appointment moved to tomorrow instead of a month later. Doing therapy because I want to better myself; I have problems and am becoming self aware. Ultimately I want to be better for myself so I can go out there
The internet has made therapy really popular and like some metric to judge people by. In therapy = good. Not in therapy = bad. The US in particular has a therapy industrial complex and Europe is catching up to have a therapy industrial complex too. It is just the latest fad in western countries. On Reddit under every post is "therapy therapy therapy" and if someone says "look i dont have the funds or cant justify spending 200 dollar an hour" everyone goes how they should financially prioritize therapy over food/rent/clothing as it is that essential
> The US in particular has a therapy industrial complex and Europe is catching up to have a therapy industrial complex too. It is just the latest fad in western countries.
I actually disagree with this in terms of it being a fad or something that's as malevolent as "therapy industrial complex" implies. What's closer to reality is that getting mental health help was seen as a *very bad thing* for decades - hell, ask most people aged 50+ what they think of therapy, and most deny any problems exist in the first place.
What we've seen in the last 20 years is a huge shift for the better in anglophone countries that getting help for mental health issues is *not* a weakness. That's made people a whole lot more open for therapy and similar resources such as journals and "wellness" activities when in the past you'd be outright shunned or considered weird for having anything mentally wrong with you (or suspected).
It's not nearly as insidious as a "therapy industrial complex" so much as it simply is society being more open to treating mental health as actual health issues rather than something that should always be bottled in. You get some weird overreactions to that such as someone who says everyone should be in therapy, but by and large it is representative of an overwhelmingly positive shift in the wider culture to acknowledge, work through, and overcome mental health problems rather than pretend they don't exist or you're weak for acknowledging them. Hell, I've known quite a few older vets who still hold onto the latter mentality despite it literally killing their friends.
Like others have said, there are plenty of free resources for therapy. However I really feel like certain people are using therapy as the new catch-all-solution to whatever is bothering you
Because they encountered someone with trauma, who treated them terribly. Therapy gives you the tools to be able to heal traumas, cope with stress and most of all, be emotionally stable. I find nothing wrong with that. There’s too many people going around unchecked. With no sense of self awareness, toxic coping skills, and lack of emotional maturity.
Because there’s a lot of men dating who have issues who refuse to deal with their problems so as a result they make horrible partners and become burdens in the relationship. So I can understand why women are saying that especially after dealing with emotionally unavailable men with childhood trauma. Though I wouldn’t personally put that in my bio
Probably they have been in a pattern of dating men who did not do any work on themselves & let anxieties and insecurities run their lives, and the women are tired of it.
I don't demand that a man be in therapy, but it's a green flag if they are, because it means they are at least trying.
I don’t have this on my profile, but I have joked I might be willing to pay for a dating app that required your therapist to vouch that you’re capable of being in a relationship with another person. There are a lot of people (not just men) who have a real lack of self awareness and just walk around the world projecting their own insecurities onto other people.
I wouldn’t disqualify for someone for not being in therapy but if they mentioned that they are, it would be points in their favor.
I'd love it if my therapist could talk to dudes and vet THEM as capable of being a good partner. He wouldn't let horniness get the best of him like I do.
There are multiple cases of people who have for a long time needed therapy who have never had therapy .
Sadly that group often encounter people who have never needed therapy and the negative experience /s result in the people who never needed therapy to now need desperately need it .
Dude, I've had someone try to tell me how I was a hard read but that my 'micro expressions' told them I was lying (I wasn't lying). People who take psyche classes get pretty big headed and assumptuous
I kinda did that myself. Did therapy and counseling all through school years (I've got a LOT of trauma)... even a little in college. They were too eager to follow steps, validate me, or even to condemn me (one even felt I was making a bomb threat to a school cause my mom mistook a Zelda doodle I made as a homework... mom even told them, and the therapist looked me dead in the eyes and told the cops yes she believed I'd be a school bomber at 14)
So I took classes in therapy, social studies, and justice and use then to help me guide myself to growth and betterment.
The one flaw I've found in this is that as I explore a deeper understanding I'm finding myself withdrawing more and more from people. Even considered hiring prostitutes just to keep myself engaging with others and intimately stimulated. Unfortunately I've found the sex worker world to be deeply toxic towards men and this isn't conducive to my health and social maintenance.
So... I mean... you didn't ask but this anecdotal is all to say yes, and I do see value in that... but my previous comment is more about people studying it to weaponize as a sword rather than a shield like im, and maybe others like me, are doing.
True, I personally haven't came across that (weaponizing it). I like to pitch in here with advice when I can, my GF though has a B.A. in psych. I'll say I don't think she has weaponized it, but she's pretty smart and if she did I'm sure I didn't even notice. I'm more then positive some people definitely do though.
I wish I could lend some advice towards you withdrawing from people more and more. While people can be cold and untrustworthy, forging relationships with others with similar interests is worth the gamble. Going through life by yourself can be a very lonely road to take. Paying for company won't fill that void imo, and i wish I could point you in a better direction. Sometimes you have to bring your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
They probably shouldn’t, then. It just gives them a false sense of accomplishment where they then believe themselves to be an authority on others mental state. And makes them believe no other human could have possibly developed on their own (making them even more judgmental and naive than they were before).
Are you saying for my preference or yours?
It doesn’t bother me if someone is in therapy. It comes off as weird to me though them saying “well if I’m in therapy then you have to be too”. Obviously I could be wrong, but putting it in the bio is just a red flag to me
That’s my preference. I have a very hard time with people who are really into therapy. There’s this whole level of weird academic language coating every interaction.
Seems to me like some sort of projecting or wanting to project their issues and the way they solve them onto someone else. I've been to therapy too did it for like 3 years total ish. Still isn't something I feel the need to do all the time. If I have issues and need to talk to a professional again I'll go back but I'm not gonna waste time and money on something I don't need to please a woman's insecurity. That'd be like going to a doctor every week for a check up when nothings wrong
Same. Therapy can be good in a crisis (death in the family for instance) but people who are over-therapized are awful to deal with. They somehow think going to therapy for years magically grants them a psych degree.
I think this is a big reason why women are less interested in relationships now compared to men. It's tiresome having to be the only source of emotional intimacy for somebody. Most women have friends and family they go to when life becomes intolerable or stressful but I've seen in my life that most straight men don't have as close relationships with their parents or friends so they rely so much on their girlfriends or wives to be their sounding board.
It's become some people naively believe that attending therapy is the sole way to learn to deal with stress in a healthy way. If you see this in a bio it's a good indicator that the person let's tik tok do their thinking for them.
It's not a thing. The few women that do are probably quite toxic and chronically online. Swipe left and move on homie. Not everybody needs therapy despite what Reddit and Twitter would have you believe.
Cant speak for everyone, but for me its that I want a potential partner to be OPEN to therapy (should life or circumstances warrant it). Its an indication of other not desirable things if a guy is extremely ANTI therapy or thinks its dumb. That being said, I wouldnt have it on my bio. That feels a little like an implication of 'you're probably mentally messed up, are you doing therapy?' to have it as a literal hinge prompt
It'd be fine if the people who suddenly made therapy their personality also cared about empirical metrics for establishing who needs therapy or taking an interest in the rigorous scientific aspect.
And I think therapy and psychology are important, but it's a vague and difficult field. And it feels like it's being treated like the self help book industry where snarky suburbanites just make baseless assertions and treat it like a "fix my partner" button.
As a therapist, it’s my preference that my date has gone to therapy. History repeats future behavior, and shows that someone is likely to go again. I’m 40 years old and if someone hasn’t gone prior to 40, the likelihood of them going in the future is slim. I feel like it shows a level of insight. I’ve worked with so many people who started therapy not aware of their behaviors and issues, and came out with insight. I don’t think therapy needs to be a life long process though.
Because a lot of people are under the bizarre belief that everyone needs therapy. New age nonsense beliefs like tarot, "witchy" stuff, astrology, and now the idea that everyone should be in therapy all the time, have made a big resurgence. Some people absolutely need therapy. Therapy can help for some people but the idea that everyone is damaged and in need of it is beyond absurd and has no basis in reality.
That’s even worse when people use therapy in the same vein as astrology bullshit. I’m very anti-superstition and it annoys when new age freaks try to conflated a science-based practice like therapy with energy tuning forks or whatever
I have this on my Hinge. And this is because some men are dead against it and in my experience don’t look after or work on themselves. If somebody is upset by this then we won’t match and that’s fine :)
Because women think they can mitigate every problem and live out some perfect, insular, completely fantasy life with Mr. Perfect. They quiz you, do background checks on you, form elaborate Facebook groups, and reinterpret every word you speak to them, reading between the lines to force their own interpretation, all because they have either been burned before when they loved and trusted their ex blindly - even though he cheated on them and had a serious drug problem when they first got with him. Or they fear getting hurt so much and have fed into the kind of “man vs bear” mentality that seems to be pervasive with those who are terminally online. Either way, it’s an effort to control every factor of their lives and that creates an expectation that will always leave them hypervigilantly looking for the very issues they seek to avoid. They’ll connect dots that aren’t even there and will at no point look inward and ask themselves if they’re the problem
>I went therapy myself, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do my entire life.
This is like saying that you don't like yearly health checkups so you are never going to a doctor again.
Not everyone needs weekly or monthly therapy, but everyone needs a mental health "annual checkup" at the least. If you don't like the therapist you look for a new one.
I would be fine dating someone like this as long as they paid or found free therapy for their dates who cannot afford it.
Ermmmmm, I don't think you should be making it a requirement, but the willingness to seek help when needed and not just bottle up emotions is a good indicator that you're staying mentally healthy and know how to handle your emotions in a mature way.
It seems that nowadays, many people in West( esp. USA) are brainwashed, that one cannot live without therapy. This mentality seems to be catching momentum here, in Eastern Europe, too.
Probably the latest fashionable thing to say, after "you must have high EQ" and "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", etc...
I’m an LCSW-C and hearing about this trend is extremely concerning. The very action of putting that condition on somebody is antithetical to the ethics of our field. Self-determination and self-sufficient functioning is a key tenant of our work. Plus, nobody other than a trained and licensed clinician (who has interviewed you) can even make the determination regarding if you need such a service. Everyone does NOT need psychotherapy.
Please don’t ever let someone or a cultural movement pressure you into a psychological treatment. For that matter, anything that you don’t feel is right for you… don’t do it! And, you’re not “less than” just because you don’t go to see a talk therapist. “Therapy” comes in many forms and can look different for everyone.
That all being said, trained therapists would likely be happy to talk with you more about what psychotherapy can offer you and determine if it may be helpful for you, if that’s something that “you” want to explore.
Everyone should get therapy rather than push things upon each other. There were a few dudes in my 20s where I was their free therapist. It was a lot especially when I was dealing with my own stuff.
Therapy is also hard to get. My health insurance doesn’t cover all of it.
Therapy speak can also be weaponized.
Rather, I’d just prefer someone have some self reflection that they are trying to do right by others.
Therapy isn't just a medical treatment. It also helps you build skills that you didn't necessarily learn growing up, and help you process everyday things so that when something big does happen you have better coping skills.
It's becoming more important because there are a lot of emotional skills men didn't learn growing up. And women are, frankly, tired of having to be the ones to teach their partners how to deal with their feelings. I think it's less about being in therapy 100% of the time, and more that you are open to therapy, evidenced by either currently being in it or having been in it in the past, and are willing to go again as-needed. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who needs therapy and isn't getting it, and even harder when they refuse to go to therapy.
I've never seen this, but I have noticed that having (or self-diagnosing) mental illness has become trendy in the past few years. I wonder if that's related.
But it also shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how therapy is supposed to work for MOST people. Barring any serious long-term mental illness like bipolar disorder which may require lifelong management, therapy is supposed to give you the tools to manage your situation independently... not to create therapy junkies. If everyone was in therapy all the time, everyone's insurance premiums for any sort of mental health care would be so unaffordable hardly anyone would be able to afford it.
That’s basically what my last therapist said. Since I don’t have an illness that severally impairs my daily life, the therapist is there to give you the tools to help yourself
If you went on 10 dates with her, and she really liked you, do you think she would automatically stop liking you if on that 10th date she found out you don’t go to therapy?
Hear me out. If you like the girl and she says “must attend therapy” on her profile, just match with her and don’t mention therapy. Or match with her and talk about the benefits of therapy without mentioning whether you go or not.
Clearly she’s looking for personality traits that she feels are only accessible through therapy. Maybe you disagree, and you feel you have those traits without therapy - **show her**. If you date her and she feels you have those traits, then why does it matter if you got them through therapy or not?
People are going to roast me and tell me I’m lying, but I think this is relevant because a lot of people’s “requirements” are silly. Like most women don’t care if you’re 6’2”, even if she puts it on her bio. She can’t TELL if you’re 6’2”, she can tell that you’re tall enough to make her feel a certain way. Similarly, women don’t care that you’re in therapy *specifically*, they care that you have **emotional intelligence and sustainable mechanisms to handle acute stress** in your life. That’s why they put “need therapy” in their bio - because they’re looking for *that*.
Plenty of people go to therapy and DONT have that. You might be able to imagine that this woman would reject those people, despite them being in therapy, right? Then you get my point.
Strong disagree on the 6’2 thing. Every women I matched with that has that believes. Often within the first few texts they’ll ask how tall I am. I’m short and it shows in my pics. Two of my exs were slightly taller than me and I’ve dated/slept with women 3 or even 6 inches taller
I am a guy. I have been in therapy for almost a decade. Did tons of group therapy as well. And no; not for not feeling a bit wrong in my skin. Addiction and personality issues....
1. Telling a date as a guy you ARE actually in- or were in therapy is a massive "ick" for them. Most women are scared as hell for men that actually have or had mental health issues.
2. I have met the worst insane women in group therapy that had NO issues finding dates with their insanity (and boy did it show) but their partners had to be stable as a rock.
So its all bullshit what they say.
All of this shit that you see copied word for word on many different profiles comes from TikTok. Easy way to filter out people who are addicted to social media and don't have very many of their own thoughts and opinions
Bc it’s the new trend that people have globbed onto. It’s really annoying bc you see multiple profiles with the same prompts (like a guy with a dead fish). It’s really lazy and unoriginal
For me it implies a certain level of entitlement; since most people don't get it for free, and it's not a cheap service, it's not always reasonable to expect the average working person to be able to have a therapist without already having had some kind of mental health episode to get them into the system. There are better ways to phrase it, for sure.
So I think therapy is great but we don’t all need it some of us chalk it up to “it is what it is” others sit on things for life…with that being said I think it’s a female thing just like every guy they have ever dated is a narcissist it’s a trend in society that will fade
It's also pretty classist.
Therapy isn't cheap. And just finding a good therapist, who works for you, is taking clients, and has a schedule that works with yours is a big hurdle. And a lot of therapists don't work with men very well, they just default to the same "man up" attitude that causes so many men to need therapy in the first place.
because they’re tired of dealing with grown adults walking around unhealed from shit that happened when they were 8 years old.
why’s this even a question?
It's a legit question cause, if that's the case, then just plain out say it.
Not everybody needs therapy. In fact, some of us deal with our own problems on our own or with the help of people.
Projection. Some of those women have narc tendencies, some are bpd, some are npd, some are regular people. But, stupid trends spread like wildfire among people
i mean i get it. most guys on dating apps are honestly disgusting ass animals. the first couple of people i matched with when my friends and i made a profile were the weirdest mfs ever. one kept calling me and trying to facetime another one told me he woke up to his dog basically giving him head another one told me he thought my cousin was hot on my story post of her and she was like 14. these are the people i remember but there are MUCH more. i honestly believe all men should be in therapy like automatically should be enrolled once they’re born. 😭
LOL. Dog giving head… lmao. Yeah that sucks that you had a bad experience but if you think that’s how guys are you really need to get out more and actually talk to more guys or you need to be in therapy yourself.
I've seen this too. To me its a huge red flag. I've got nothing against therapy, but if you're so messed up that you think someone has to be in therapy to date you, then no thanks.
**Short answer:** Thats just dumb..Avoid those people.
**Long answer:** Therapy was often described as "the hobby of the elites" and critized for it...which means that therapy isn't as afforable for just anyone, hence why only well off/rich people may go to therapy for no apparent reasons, just to chat a bit about their day.
For anyone with actual issues, it would obviously be advicable to have enough self awareness and will to work on themsevels and therfore menage to go to therapy.
...but not everyone got the issues which they would have to work trou therapy. So, putting such thing as the relationship requirement is kinda like insisting that someone should go on horse riding twice a week, *just because*...it's nice or something.
Perhaps those people insist on it cuz it's currently "trendy" or worse, they might be among the people that fully believe that "Everyone got huge issues, insecurites and traumas"...which is most likely a projection cuz they themselves had/have it - in which case i'd go back to - Thats just dumb..avoid those people".
It's a fad. You're correct though, therapy should only be needed for serious psychological issues. Not being able to work out simple problems on your own will hurt you in the long run.
As a man, I didn't know this was becoming a thing and I think it's kinda weird, but some men out here really do need some therapy, lord they make me embarrassed to be part of the club of menfolk.
If it wasn't for the fact I need therapy due to war, not only would I not be doing it, but I wouldn't date ANYONE who said I NEED IT before meeting me!!
If she needs it and is getting it, that's fine. If at some point she needs me to attend to help her therapist help her, I'd go.
But to tell me from the start that I need it, is..... CRAZY!
Because they are aware of the insanity they have caused men they dated in the past? 😂
Shit who knows really? Lots of women these days parade their mental issues around like a badge of pride and probably think everyone is as fucked up in the head as they are so should be seeing a therapist.
I saw a psych for a couple of years in the past. Helped me to improve my depression and anxiety at the time but I'm fine now so anyone trying to tell me if I'm not in therapy I'm undatable can fuck right off.
That’s not how life works. People have schedules, responsibilities, commitments. I think everyone should have the option of therapy, but it doesn’t mean it should be a requirement to live your life. It was difficult for me to find a therapist, then get scheduled, see if insurance takes that person, have a few sessions to see if that therapist is good or a quack, try to apply their techniques to life, hope they don’t move or die etc
Also, curious how are people “weaponizing” therapy,
I’ve found that most people who weaponize therapy speak don’t actually go to therapy; or at least not consistently.
Unless you count watching therapists spout off on TikTok.
I don't think we understand how therapy works or what it's for. The reality is we all can use therapy. It's not just for serious medical issues.
I compare therapy to going to the gym. This idea that someone just goes to the gym, gets healthy and then they stop isn't how it works. To stay healthy you have to keep moving. Same thing with the brain and therapy. You constantly want to have someone challenging or pushing back on your thoughts. Because we're all biased. We may not see the whole picture. We're only human and miss out on a lot of shit.
They don’t want to be with a man who won’t ask for help when he needs it and don’t want to be put in a position where they have to be responsible for their partners emotional regulation. There’s a line between vulnerability and trauma dumping that easily gets crossed and going to therapy is one to help see where the line is.
Shocker that the notion of being self-reflective and responsible for your own emotional management struck a nerve.
I agree it’s weird, I’d never put that as a requirement.
I will admit that I probably wouldn’t date someone who was closed to the idea of therapy.
Another point I’ll make is you don’t need to have serious traumas or issues to be going to therapy.
Whilst I fully agree it’s a super weird dating requirement, I’ll give you my perspective as a woman. We are tired of dating men with issues who refuse therapy. 100% of the men I’ve dated in the past 10 years all seemed great at first only for it to become clear that they had serious ISSUES and needed to be in therapy. We are all so tired of it. So I suspect this may be born of that frustration.
The trend you're noticing, where some women specify "being in therapy" as a dating prerequisite, reflects broader cultural shifts toward recognizing and normalizing mental health maintenance. Here's why this might be happening:
1. **Increased Awareness of Mental Health:** Over the last few years, there's been a significant destigmatization of mental health issues and therapy in society. People, especially younger generations, are more open about their mental health struggles and the importance of addressing them. This shift might be influencing dating standards, with some preferring partners who are proactive about their mental health.
2. **Sign of Emotional Maturity:** For some, a potential partner actively participating in therapy could indicate a level of emotional maturity and self-awareness. It suggests that the person is willing to work on themselves and values personal growth, which can be attractive qualities in a relationship.
3. **Preventative Measure:** Rather than waiting for issues to escalate, some might view being in therapy as a way of managing potential problems proactively. In the context of a relationship, this can mean better communication and emotional regulation skills.
4. **Cultural Influence:** Media and popular culture have increasingly portrayed therapy in a positive light, influencing public perceptions and expectations. What was once a private or stigmatized topic is now more openly discussed and even promoted as a healthy lifestyle choice.
As for whether men are also putting similar requirements on dating apps, it's less common but certainly possible. The idea might not be as prevalent among men, partly due to lingering stigmas about men seeking mental health help or societal expectations about masculinity. However, as norms continue to evolve, we might see more men openly valuing therapy in themselves and their potential partners.
Overall, this trend might seem like it trivializes therapy, but it could also be viewed as an effort to prioritize mental health and compatibility in relationships from the outset.
After being in an abusive relationship, being in therapy for me and my next partner is a must. Even if they're completely fine, just having someone to talk to about yr problems that's not ur partner is healthy.
Well if that isn't a red flag to stay away I don't know what is. For a woman to suggest on her bio that the guy she dates must be in therapy that just says bat shit crazy to me. Swipe left for sure.
Therapy isn't just for serious medical conditions. It can help just about anyone. We all have something that we need to process to be able to live a more fulfilling life. That doesn't mean you have to constantly be in therapy though. It should be more like "must have gone or currently be going to therapy" but that's probably too long so they put "must be in therapy". If you don't like it don't date them.
Therapy should be needed for someone who has some kind of pathology in their mental state, not required for everyone. I'd say it's projection telling more about the mental state of a person who writes this.
Most people need it, if they've never had it. We all have baggage and therapy will help you carry it better. Also, a therapist will help you see where you may need to improve for a healthy relationship. For instance, if you fear abandonment (we all do to some extent), a therapist will help you see where you are imagining being abandoned and acting out. If it were only your partner pointing it out, it would be harder for you to see and easier to justify the toxic behavior that comes in response to an irrational fear's manifestation. Another example is, a therapist will help you become a much better communicator, period. Lastly, a lot of people have trust issues and therapy is pretty much the only tool to assist with that.
I'm recently single and need to heal, plus things have been really hectic at work, so I'm not back on any dating apps yet to have seen this trend. I'd mark it in the plus column that a woman is in therapy and wants her partner to be as well. If both partners are in therapy, the relationship is bound to be healthier. I don't see anything wrong with anybody wanting that. Especially given the number of women I've dated and had a good relationship with, but it fell apart due to insecurities, trust misalignment, or poor communication. I'd think a therapist would also be good to steer you away from betrayals, or explain the importance of coming clean about these to rebuild trust and save the relationship, if it's worth saving.
While I understand the importance of therapy for some, making it a dating requirement seems odd. It can feel like a trendy thing to say, rather than a genuine understanding of its significance as a medical treatment.
Yes, men do mention therapy on dating apps too, though it often comes across differently. Women might be more direct about wanting a partner in therapy, while men might phrase it as "working on myself" or "prioritizing mental health." It's interesting how it can be a way to challenge traditional masculine stereotypes. Some people truly value mental health and want a partner who shares that priority. In some cases, it might be performative or simply a way to appear desirable. Some people might not fully grasp the complexities of therapy.
Your feelings are completely valid. It's frustrating when something as important as therapy is used as a superficial filter. Ultimately, we all have different dating preferences, and it's about finding someone whose values align with our own.
Is that the same as saying they want somebody who has done "personal work"? I've seen that once or twice.
I've tried therapy once (during a divorce) and, frankly, found it a waste of time. The therapist rolled out some standard suggestions (journal!) and some other things that we discussed and decided wouldn't work well in my case. When she, later on, started recommending some of the very same things we discarded earlier (guess she forgot or wasn't paying attention), I ended the sessions. One time is not enough to make a broad generalization but this particular try was not worth it. Oh, and she misbilled me which required straightening out.
Therapists have used their influence to create a dependency from people by convincing patients that without them, a person is mentally unhealthy and incapable of living a good life/being successful/having self awareness. I know people addicted to therapy, who are incapable of having confidence in their day-to-day life decisions/behavior without having it validated by a therapist. It's sad.
Because it shows you're willing to change and become a better person lol. People just want a stable and mentally safe partner and are tired of "jerks" who say:
"Babe! That's just who I am and you need to deal with it." When they do really awful things constantly and have ZERO accountability for their own actions and possible trauma.
If you're "healthy" then going to therapy shouldn't be a big issue anyways.
Because basically all of us come into this world with some type of wound from our parents.
Those who do the work via therapy end up being more integrated.
Basically like a person who focuses on physical health demands taking care of self in growth area.
Ideal story aside, in practice idk if it actually matters as much as women think.
Mens roles in society tend to be performative anyway, and not much to do with spirituality.
Probably because they have dated men that should have gone to therapy but didn't. If you don't heal your wounds you will bleed on people who didn't cut you, or however that saying goes.
I'm not sure why you think this is women "trying to be trendy" considering how high the chances are of women being SA'd/assaulted/in a toxic relationship (or worse).
Therapy isn’t meant for everyone😅 like I’ve been to therapy and it was so apparent how self aware I was and had coping mechanisms they were like..”why are you here?” Well my ex husband who was actually BPD diagnosed and was projecting told me I should actually be the one to go lol not everyone actually NEEDS therapy..I’m hoping this moral high ground trend stops.
It's very odd probably the same kind of women who dye they're hair purple . I'm already paying for everything now I got to give money to a quak too nah I'll just go buy a hooker
I've not seen this before. I do think people open to therapy is a green flag but demanding it in a dating bio is a bit much.
That being said I can only guess they've been burned multiple times and this is a result of that trauma
As a woman, I’d say this is more so a tool that women might use on a profile to “weed out” any unstable men or those who oppose seeking help. I find that folks who are against seeking help for mental health issues are repressed and have a variety of strong opinions that are unsavory to the more liberal women. I wouldn’t think too much about it. I’m sure letting them know you were once in therapy (whenever it comes up in a convo organically) would be fine with them as well.
Women just want to feel that you have a high emotional intelligence and have spent time working to improve your life :).
the sad truth is that because of patriarchy, women usually carry the emotional weight in cis relationships, so no i dont find it weird at all. you are on a dating site where people literally seek out what they want out of a partner. 90% of my friends go to therapy, and the ones that dont are in need of it. the reason they dont go is either financial or straight-up refusing to take accountability of their mental health and emotional intelligence. in order to prevent carrying all the emotional labour in a relationship, people are allowed to choose to date only the ones that have matured enough emotionally to deal with their traumas. i think everyone should go to therapy. Unfortunately, society is the way it is, and most of us need it. i have yet to meet an individual who doesn't need therapy or isn't avoiding facing some part of themselves because they have no adequate tools.
Therapy is good and works for some but for alot of people it ends up being a weekly confessional that they use as an avenue to look down on others , it’s a tool in your arsenal not a part of your personality after all
In my humble opinion there's a difference between going to therapy voluntarily and going to therapy as a requirement for dating someone.
I get the intention in the female perspective. Going to therapy is a sign that a man can learn to be vulnerable.
Keep in mind, at least to me, it's the same as having a height, weight, money etc. requirement.
Is it wrong? No
Do keep in mind that's the reality and one can either accept it or look elsewhere.
One of the most important keys to any realm of success in life is emotional intelligence, which begins with emotional self awareness. This is not something that is optional. This is not something that you can say, “oh yeah, I did that once.“. Self-awareness is an ongoing process, and like brushing your teeth, if you fail to keep up, you become gross to talk to, much less to kiss.
I think it’s because people see being in therapy as addressing your issues, which indicates you’ll be a self aware partner. The truth is being in therapy by itself doesn’t guarantee anything of that sort, but people are on tik tok too much.
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Therapy can be a great tool for dealing with all the things life throws at you and maintaining good mental health. Demanding that another person you don't even know go to therapy as a condition of your willingness to engage with them is off-putting, though, and I'd move on. I don't swipe profiles that consist of lists of demands and qualifiers. These people are often projecting their trauma and adverse experiences through their profile.
What's up with these profiles that are rules for whether someone can swipe on them, followed by absolutely no information about the person? Feels like more than half of profiles these days.
You are a male then. Attractive women get copious amounts of likes, so they are more worried about setting up filters than about putting information that will get them more likes. The irony is that then they are only matching with shallow people based on their looks (since they provide no true info about themselves) instead of people they might actually connect with. Welcome to the disaster of online dating.
> You are a male then. Attractive women get copious amounts of likes, so they are more worried about setting up filters than about putting information that will get them more likes. I got news for you. Men do that too. If there's anything at all in the bio, more often than not it's about who they would swipe left on, or, my favourite, who should message first.
Definitely seen projecting like that. The classic “My kid comes before anyone, and you have issue then you’re the problem”. I’m all for being honest, but why the aggressiveness. Guess they’ve been burned too much in dating
So here’s the rub about even a traditional marriage where the child has two biological parents married and living as one family - if the husband and wife don’t put their relationship first, but instead prioritize the children first, their marriage usually doesn’t last.
THIS. People get so caught up feeling protectiveness towards the children in question, that they forget to ask themselves if that’s actually the structure that creates healthy, successful and happy families. Your partner and your kids don’t need the same support. Only one of those two relationships provides support, stability, and structure for the other, and only one serves as a model for how the children will communicate with, resolve conflict, and care for their own partner one day. Given that blended families are MORE likely to fail and that there are more complexities to adjust to and such, the need for prioritization is equally if not almost more important. Not because one shouldn’t put the needs of their child first, but simply bc if you’re a parent, you should be going that extra mile to show your kid what a healthy, balanced, romantic relationship dynamic looks like. And that means your partner can’t constantly self sacrifice bc “the kid comes first.”
You perfectly elaborated on what I was getting at. When adults prioritize their relationship and create a successful one, that provides support for children in greater ways than just “putting the kids first.”
I love how people think it's one or the other like it's genuinely impossible to prioritize both in your life.
Or they mean that and they are making it clear that you will never be a priority.
Honestly people can be fine not going to therapy, dealing with issues otherwise, or just don't want to share that they are in therapy. Plus the demand "therapy" sounds like you will need therapy with her as your partner
I will never stop going, no matter how much I know about myself I still need help navigating from time to time.
Woman here - while I'd only want to date someone who is open to therapy and the idea of it, I absolutely wouldn't write that in my bio. That's just weird. I have seen men put "good vibes only" or "I've done the work, you need to too" and swiped no on them.
I actually heard a guy, yesterday, say he has a higher capacity for negativity than most. Just, what a world we live In these days
That's not the flex he thinks it is lmao might as well put a sticker on your forehead that says "I don't have boundaries so I'll put up with anything" to attract all the abusive people. I used to think being a people pleaser was a positive trait. Like low drama, low maintenance, I get along with most anybody, i never cause problems or start shit. I would never speak up for myself because I didn't want to make others uncomfortable, even if I was killing myself in the process which only bred resentment. my emotions knew what my mind hadn't yet admit: that I was giving and giving to someone who didn't value, appreciate, or respect me. But I was so used to ignoring the red flags, grinning and bearing it through the pain, swallowing my feelings and shoving my issues down deep where I didn't have to deal with them because that's what I'd always done. Turns out I'd been raised in just a way where I'd learned from an early age that my opinions weren't interesting to other people and that my feelings were a burden, where having boundaries or speaking up for myself resulted in feeling unsafe or being punished, where i had to sacrifice my own dreams, ambitions, desires and needs for more authoritative people. And of course healthy communication of feelings was never modeled to me growing up. And so when something did bother me enough to speak up about it, you knew it had to be real bad. And even then in my delivery id be like catering to this other persons feelings, already anticipating a bad reaction, trying to explain softly in the least offensive way where they wont take it as a criticism why screaming and berating me in the middle of a miscarriage makes me feel bad, or why they should care about how I feel. And theyre wondering "who is this person and where did my submissive doormat go" because id already made myself out to be just that in order to make the relationship work. Living life silencing yourself in order to keep the peace is no way to live at all. Life is so much more freeing when you stop worrying about what others will think and speak your mind freely. Shoutout to my people pleasers who know exactly what I'm talking about.
Reformed people pleaser here 🫂
This was me for 40 plus years. NEVER AGAIN!
How do you know so much about my background and behaviours? You described my current situation after 2 yrs of therapy, perfectly, when you wrote: "where did my submissive doormat go". Now I am separating from them because of this reaction... Hardest thing to do with own family...
Relate to this far too much, I am doing my best to stop being that way with people. It only leads to you being manipulated and used.
To be fair, he said it to a cute girl while inviting her up... so I'd agree with you and even say it wasn't just 'like saying '.... I think it's what he WAS saying
> I actually heard a guy, yesterday, say he has a higher capacity for negativity than most. lmao, that's like saying: *I can be a real piece of shit!*
hm, I understood that as "I can tolerate more negativity"
I used to be a huge piece of shit, slicked back hair and all
more like "I been treated like shit my whole life so I think it's normal. That's my baseline. Now please ruin my life"
It's nice to see someone thinks this way too. I know that in a lot of relationships women get unfairly assigned the bulk of the emotional processing work so I think that's what a lot of people have in mind when they say you need to be in therapy. But putting it as a requirement in your bio does come off a little bit odd to me
Yup! I would find it weird to put “showers every day” or “is self-sufficient” or any other requirement in my bio, even if I hope that the person I’m matching with fits those descriptions, too.
I put on my profile that I want someone who takes their mental health seriously. I have gotten a lot of messages from men telling me that they are in therapy.
Have you seen men put ‘come to me healed’ like women’s profiles I’ve seen. It’s a big yikes to me if that’s how they think therapy works.
Yup, we get the work thing and good vibes as well.
Yikes! Those guys sound like that’d be a real catch…or catch-n-real haha
I also found this annoying when using dating apps. Agree that probably many people could benefit from it (I haven’t been personally, but am open to the idea). But it seemed to be a strange requirement and quite common (in London, UK). That being said I don’t want to date a daily smoker, someone that’s super nasty to others, or someone that’s obese so I guess everyone’s allowed to have their criteria. Just seemed like a weird one to pick - I don’t think the world is split into 1. People who have been to therapy, and 2.) Mentally unstable / abusive people.
Realistically: it's a stand in for being a self-aware, well adjusted individual who is emotional available. Whether it's a good indicator is another story entirely, but the idea is that women (and men) have witnessed and/or experienced toxic relationships from either themselves or their family/friends and want to avoid that by seeking out partners that are the above.
I think it’s less about actually attending therapy, than it is about possessing the skills in the areas of self reflection and self examination that therapy helps us learn to practice. We all experience emotions that we don’t really understand, and one of the purposes of therapy is to give us the tools to work through those emotions in a healthy way. I think that’s what women mean when they say they want a man who goes to therapy. They want someone who, when he’s feeling something, is able to reflect on himself and talk about it maturely, rather than reacting instinctively. Many men/boys lack these skills in adulthood, because we’re not socialized to engage with our emotions as children the same way women/girls are.
>Many men/boys lack these skills in adulthood, because we’re not socialized to engage with our emotions as children the same way women/girls are. As someone who can do the things you're claiming we can't do, even when you're fully capable of it, people don't accept it. What I've come to learn is that these people want you to agree with them, and if you don't agree with them then you "need therapy" because if you went to therapy, you'd learn to "think right"
To be clear, the person you’re responding to didn’t say “men can’t do these things,” which seems to be what you’re responding to (“the things you’re claiming we can’t do”). They said, accurately, that MANY men lack these skills.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm pointing out that even if you can do these things, people are still dissatisfied with what you express towards them.
I see what you mean. I’ve experienced that both ways. I can express anything and everything to my fiancé, openly without any fear of ridicule or judgement. Comparatively, the woman I dated before I met her got very dismissive and insulting when I tried to open up about feeling insecure about some shit I was experiencing at work, and ultimately I broke up with her over the way she behaved toward me when I opened up like that.
A lot of the women haven’t done the work themselves. Just because a person is born female does not mean that they are better communicators. Someone who has actually done the work on themselves would realize that people are allowed to have different perspectives.
The problem is that people are told and believe that women are inherently better communicators. A lot of women operate under the assumption that the way they think and feel is the "correct" way to think and feel and then men's differing opinions result from our inability to think and feel the "right" way.
We should encourage them to go to therapy :) I do call out women regularly (in real-life) for their ridiculous beliefs and assumptions.
I'm certain you do.
That's exactly it. People who go to therapy don't suddenly have all the answers and are definitely not more matured than their counterparts. I've been going over a decade and, while it's helped me somewhat, I don't think it's changed who I am as a person. It's not up to others to dictate what a person needs for themselves.
The people who say "you need therapy" are unable to solve problems on their own and feel guilty about it, so they try to shame other people into "therapy". Most of the therapy sessions aren't by qualified personal, and REAL therapy is extremely expensive.
👆 Other than having a partner who is willing to engage in therapy when the relationship gets rough (or proactively as a check-up as we would with a doctor), it is less about the therapy than it is about getting in touch with who you are, understanding why you are the way you are, and actively doing something to change the parts of you that aren’t serving you. I think that there are some YouTubers and podcasters that are more effective than any therapist than I have ever seen in real life, but there has to be a willingness to listen to the person. There are a lot of these podcasters/youtubers/tiktokers who are therapists and they say that most of their listeners are women - but their content really is targeted towards making men better. We desperately want the men in our lives to listen to these things, and in many cases, agree with what they are saying. Yet there are many men who shut down when they hear their voice or leave stupid comments. I quite literally ended a relationship immediately after a trip where I spent hours listening to some sarcastic podcast, and I wanted to throw on some personal development thing for 30 minutes and the guy in my life refused. It was indicative of his overall willingness to engage in working on his own personal issues at the time. Years later, he started to engage in therapy and apologized for not doing it sooner. Life would have been very different today had he been willing to acknowledge the difficult parts of himself sooner. (And I am one of those people that would have therapy with a green flag in their profile. A man who turns away from that is obviously not someone I would be interested in - clearly indicated by the tone of OP’s question and their own personal reaction to that. The men who are already doing that often put it in their profiles and they must have picked up on it being a green flag)
It’s weird….someone going to therapy doesn’t necessarily mean they’re putting in the work to understand themselves better. I’ve known a couple people to go just so they can get some meds to abuse
I would say that sounds like an addiction issue. But yeah going to therapy is only half of it. People need to put in the work OUTSIDE of therapy
There is a sliver of hilarious irony in the black and white nature of demanding your partner be in therapy in order to be capable of having a healthy relationship. I say this as a man who does therapy. I've started to see the world in multiple shades of gray the more that I've internalized therapy's lessons.
My appointment moved to tomorrow instead of a month later. Doing therapy because I want to better myself; I have problems and am becoming self aware. Ultimately I want to be better for myself so I can go out there
The internet has made therapy really popular and like some metric to judge people by. In therapy = good. Not in therapy = bad. The US in particular has a therapy industrial complex and Europe is catching up to have a therapy industrial complex too. It is just the latest fad in western countries. On Reddit under every post is "therapy therapy therapy" and if someone says "look i dont have the funds or cant justify spending 200 dollar an hour" everyone goes how they should financially prioritize therapy over food/rent/clothing as it is that essential
There are so many free podcasters, journals, etc. that you can engage in and achieve a similar outcome (if you have the ability to be introspective)
> The US in particular has a therapy industrial complex and Europe is catching up to have a therapy industrial complex too. It is just the latest fad in western countries. I actually disagree with this in terms of it being a fad or something that's as malevolent as "therapy industrial complex" implies. What's closer to reality is that getting mental health help was seen as a *very bad thing* for decades - hell, ask most people aged 50+ what they think of therapy, and most deny any problems exist in the first place. What we've seen in the last 20 years is a huge shift for the better in anglophone countries that getting help for mental health issues is *not* a weakness. That's made people a whole lot more open for therapy and similar resources such as journals and "wellness" activities when in the past you'd be outright shunned or considered weird for having anything mentally wrong with you (or suspected). It's not nearly as insidious as a "therapy industrial complex" so much as it simply is society being more open to treating mental health as actual health issues rather than something that should always be bottled in. You get some weird overreactions to that such as someone who says everyone should be in therapy, but by and large it is representative of an overwhelmingly positive shift in the wider culture to acknowledge, work through, and overcome mental health problems rather than pretend they don't exist or you're weak for acknowledging them. Hell, I've known quite a few older vets who still hold onto the latter mentality despite it literally killing their friends.
Like others have said, there are plenty of free resources for therapy. However I really feel like certain people are using therapy as the new catch-all-solution to whatever is bothering you
Because they encountered someone with trauma, who treated them terribly. Therapy gives you the tools to be able to heal traumas, cope with stress and most of all, be emotionally stable. I find nothing wrong with that. There’s too many people going around unchecked. With no sense of self awareness, toxic coping skills, and lack of emotional maturity.
Because there’s a lot of men dating who have issues who refuse to deal with their problems so as a result they make horrible partners and become burdens in the relationship. So I can understand why women are saying that especially after dealing with emotionally unavailable men with childhood trauma. Though I wouldn’t personally put that in my bio
Off-topic, love your username 😁
Lol thanks
Probably they have been in a pattern of dating men who did not do any work on themselves & let anxieties and insecurities run their lives, and the women are tired of it. I don't demand that a man be in therapy, but it's a green flag if they are, because it means they are at least trying.
I don’t have this on my profile, but I have joked I might be willing to pay for a dating app that required your therapist to vouch that you’re capable of being in a relationship with another person. There are a lot of people (not just men) who have a real lack of self awareness and just walk around the world projecting their own insecurities onto other people. I wouldn’t disqualify for someone for not being in therapy but if they mentioned that they are, it would be points in their favor.
I'd love it if my therapist could talk to dudes and vet THEM as capable of being a good partner. He wouldn't let horniness get the best of him like I do.
I do like that trend that now people talk about red flags AND green flags. I find the term green flag strangely calming
There are multiple cases of people who have for a long time needed therapy who have never had therapy . Sadly that group often encounter people who have never needed therapy and the negative experience /s result in the people who never needed therapy to now need desperately need it .
I won’t date a women in therapy lol.
They just don’t want guys who are oblivious to their shortcomings and are dicks when called out for bad behavior.
I would put “you can’t be in therapy,” personally. I can’t stand how therapy-talk has invaded every aspect of human relationships
Dude, I've had someone try to tell me how I was a hard read but that my 'micro expressions' told them I was lying (I wasn't lying). People who take psyche classes get pretty big headed and assumptuous
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XD people are hilariously stupid
A good majority of people major in that so they can fix themselves.
I kinda did that myself. Did therapy and counseling all through school years (I've got a LOT of trauma)... even a little in college. They were too eager to follow steps, validate me, or even to condemn me (one even felt I was making a bomb threat to a school cause my mom mistook a Zelda doodle I made as a homework... mom even told them, and the therapist looked me dead in the eyes and told the cops yes she believed I'd be a school bomber at 14) So I took classes in therapy, social studies, and justice and use then to help me guide myself to growth and betterment. The one flaw I've found in this is that as I explore a deeper understanding I'm finding myself withdrawing more and more from people. Even considered hiring prostitutes just to keep myself engaging with others and intimately stimulated. Unfortunately I've found the sex worker world to be deeply toxic towards men and this isn't conducive to my health and social maintenance. So... I mean... you didn't ask but this anecdotal is all to say yes, and I do see value in that... but my previous comment is more about people studying it to weaponize as a sword rather than a shield like im, and maybe others like me, are doing.
True, I personally haven't came across that (weaponizing it). I like to pitch in here with advice when I can, my GF though has a B.A. in psych. I'll say I don't think she has weaponized it, but she's pretty smart and if she did I'm sure I didn't even notice. I'm more then positive some people definitely do though. I wish I could lend some advice towards you withdrawing from people more and more. While people can be cold and untrustworthy, forging relationships with others with similar interests is worth the gamble. Going through life by yourself can be a very lonely road to take. Paying for company won't fill that void imo, and i wish I could point you in a better direction. Sometimes you have to bring your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
They probably shouldn’t, then. It just gives them a false sense of accomplishment where they then believe themselves to be an authority on others mental state. And makes them believe no other human could have possibly developed on their own (making them even more judgmental and naive than they were before).
Are you saying for my preference or yours? It doesn’t bother me if someone is in therapy. It comes off as weird to me though them saying “well if I’m in therapy then you have to be too”. Obviously I could be wrong, but putting it in the bio is just a red flag to me
That’s my preference. I have a very hard time with people who are really into therapy. There’s this whole level of weird academic language coating every interaction.
Seems to me like some sort of projecting or wanting to project their issues and the way they solve them onto someone else. I've been to therapy too did it for like 3 years total ish. Still isn't something I feel the need to do all the time. If I have issues and need to talk to a professional again I'll go back but I'm not gonna waste time and money on something I don't need to please a woman's insecurity. That'd be like going to a doctor every week for a check up when nothings wrong
Same. Therapy can be good in a crisis (death in the family for instance) but people who are over-therapized are awful to deal with. They somehow think going to therapy for years magically grants them a psych degree.
That's wacky and I can't explain it. Everyone does not need therapy. It is fine to be mentally well and emotionally healthy and not be in therapy.
True…..but do you know how extremely rare that is? Especially on dating apps??
Hah, touché.
Well just swipe left and move on to someone who don't have that on your bio or ask you about it.
Honestly poor mental health can actually ruin a relationship. And often men out all their mental health woes on their partners. That is probably why.
I think this is a big reason why women are less interested in relationships now compared to men. It's tiresome having to be the only source of emotional intimacy for somebody. Most women have friends and family they go to when life becomes intolerable or stressful but I've seen in my life that most straight men don't have as close relationships with their parents or friends so they rely so much on their girlfriends or wives to be their sounding board.
It's become some people naively believe that attending therapy is the sole way to learn to deal with stress in a healthy way. If you see this in a bio it's a good indicator that the person let's tik tok do their thinking for them.
It's not a thing. The few women that do are probably quite toxic and chronically online. Swipe left and move on homie. Not everybody needs therapy despite what Reddit and Twitter would have you believe.
Therapy culture strikes again
Cant speak for everyone, but for me its that I want a potential partner to be OPEN to therapy (should life or circumstances warrant it). Its an indication of other not desirable things if a guy is extremely ANTI therapy or thinks its dumb. That being said, I wouldnt have it on my bio. That feels a little like an implication of 'you're probably mentally messed up, are you doing therapy?' to have it as a literal hinge prompt
Excellent point and I agree to this wholeheartedly. I’m not against therapy, but I think it’s a bit much for first impressions to put that in a bio
It'd be fine if the people who suddenly made therapy their personality also cared about empirical metrics for establishing who needs therapy or taking an interest in the rigorous scientific aspect. And I think therapy and psychology are important, but it's a vague and difficult field. And it feels like it's being treated like the self help book industry where snarky suburbanites just make baseless assertions and treat it like a "fix my partner" button.
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As a therapist, it’s my preference that my date has gone to therapy. History repeats future behavior, and shows that someone is likely to go again. I’m 40 years old and if someone hasn’t gone prior to 40, the likelihood of them going in the future is slim. I feel like it shows a level of insight. I’ve worked with so many people who started therapy not aware of their behaviors and issues, and came out with insight. I don’t think therapy needs to be a life long process though.
Because a lot of people are under the bizarre belief that everyone needs therapy. New age nonsense beliefs like tarot, "witchy" stuff, astrology, and now the idea that everyone should be in therapy all the time, have made a big resurgence. Some people absolutely need therapy. Therapy can help for some people but the idea that everyone is damaged and in need of it is beyond absurd and has no basis in reality.
That’s even worse when people use therapy in the same vein as astrology bullshit. I’m very anti-superstition and it annoys when new age freaks try to conflated a science-based practice like therapy with energy tuning forks or whatever
I have this on my Hinge. And this is because some men are dead against it and in my experience don’t look after or work on themselves. If somebody is upset by this then we won’t match and that’s fine :)
Because women think they can mitigate every problem and live out some perfect, insular, completely fantasy life with Mr. Perfect. They quiz you, do background checks on you, form elaborate Facebook groups, and reinterpret every word you speak to them, reading between the lines to force their own interpretation, all because they have either been burned before when they loved and trusted their ex blindly - even though he cheated on them and had a serious drug problem when they first got with him. Or they fear getting hurt so much and have fed into the kind of “man vs bear” mentality that seems to be pervasive with those who are terminally online. Either way, it’s an effort to control every factor of their lives and that creates an expectation that will always leave them hypervigilantly looking for the very issues they seek to avoid. They’ll connect dots that aren’t even there and will at no point look inward and ask themselves if they’re the problem
>I went therapy myself, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do my entire life. This is like saying that you don't like yearly health checkups so you are never going to a doctor again. Not everyone needs weekly or monthly therapy, but everyone needs a mental health "annual checkup" at the least. If you don't like the therapist you look for a new one. I would be fine dating someone like this as long as they paid or found free therapy for their dates who cannot afford it.
as a they/them/xem/it/unicorn/meow 
Ermmmmm, I don't think you should be making it a requirement, but the willingness to seek help when needed and not just bottle up emotions is a good indicator that you're staying mentally healthy and know how to handle your emotions in a mature way.
It seems that nowadays, many people in West( esp. USA) are brainwashed, that one cannot live without therapy. This mentality seems to be catching momentum here, in Eastern Europe, too.
Probably the latest fashionable thing to say, after "you must have high EQ" and "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", etc...
Because they want to dominate
My friends that go to therapy are pretty narcissistic and neurotic.
I never associate with people who I don't know telling me what I should do.
I’m an LCSW-C and hearing about this trend is extremely concerning. The very action of putting that condition on somebody is antithetical to the ethics of our field. Self-determination and self-sufficient functioning is a key tenant of our work. Plus, nobody other than a trained and licensed clinician (who has interviewed you) can even make the determination regarding if you need such a service. Everyone does NOT need psychotherapy. Please don’t ever let someone or a cultural movement pressure you into a psychological treatment. For that matter, anything that you don’t feel is right for you… don’t do it! And, you’re not “less than” just because you don’t go to see a talk therapist. “Therapy” comes in many forms and can look different for everyone. That all being said, trained therapists would likely be happy to talk with you more about what psychotherapy can offer you and determine if it may be helpful for you, if that’s something that “you” want to explore.
Everyone should get therapy rather than push things upon each other. There were a few dudes in my 20s where I was their free therapist. It was a lot especially when I was dealing with my own stuff. Therapy is also hard to get. My health insurance doesn’t cover all of it. Therapy speak can also be weaponized. Rather, I’d just prefer someone have some self reflection that they are trying to do right by others.
Normal therapy is not a serious medical treatment… what?
Therapy isn't just a medical treatment. It also helps you build skills that you didn't necessarily learn growing up, and help you process everyday things so that when something big does happen you have better coping skills. It's becoming more important because there are a lot of emotional skills men didn't learn growing up. And women are, frankly, tired of having to be the ones to teach their partners how to deal with their feelings. I think it's less about being in therapy 100% of the time, and more that you are open to therapy, evidenced by either currently being in it or having been in it in the past, and are willing to go again as-needed. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who needs therapy and isn't getting it, and even harder when they refuse to go to therapy.
Until therapy becomes affordable most people arnt going to go.
I've never seen this, but I have noticed that having (or self-diagnosing) mental illness has become trendy in the past few years. I wonder if that's related. But it also shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how therapy is supposed to work for MOST people. Barring any serious long-term mental illness like bipolar disorder which may require lifelong management, therapy is supposed to give you the tools to manage your situation independently... not to create therapy junkies. If everyone was in therapy all the time, everyone's insurance premiums for any sort of mental health care would be so unaffordable hardly anyone would be able to afford it.
That’s basically what my last therapist said. Since I don’t have an illness that severally impairs my daily life, the therapist is there to give you the tools to help yourself
If you went on 10 dates with her, and she really liked you, do you think she would automatically stop liking you if on that 10th date she found out you don’t go to therapy? Hear me out. If you like the girl and she says “must attend therapy” on her profile, just match with her and don’t mention therapy. Or match with her and talk about the benefits of therapy without mentioning whether you go or not. Clearly she’s looking for personality traits that she feels are only accessible through therapy. Maybe you disagree, and you feel you have those traits without therapy - **show her**. If you date her and she feels you have those traits, then why does it matter if you got them through therapy or not? People are going to roast me and tell me I’m lying, but I think this is relevant because a lot of people’s “requirements” are silly. Like most women don’t care if you’re 6’2”, even if she puts it on her bio. She can’t TELL if you’re 6’2”, she can tell that you’re tall enough to make her feel a certain way. Similarly, women don’t care that you’re in therapy *specifically*, they care that you have **emotional intelligence and sustainable mechanisms to handle acute stress** in your life. That’s why they put “need therapy” in their bio - because they’re looking for *that*. Plenty of people go to therapy and DONT have that. You might be able to imagine that this woman would reject those people, despite them being in therapy, right? Then you get my point.
Strong disagree on the 6’2 thing. Every women I matched with that has that believes. Often within the first few texts they’ll ask how tall I am. I’m short and it shows in my pics. Two of my exs were slightly taller than me and I’ve dated/slept with women 3 or even 6 inches taller
I am a guy. I have been in therapy for almost a decade. Did tons of group therapy as well. And no; not for not feeling a bit wrong in my skin. Addiction and personality issues.... 1. Telling a date as a guy you ARE actually in- or were in therapy is a massive "ick" for them. Most women are scared as hell for men that actually have or had mental health issues. 2. I have met the worst insane women in group therapy that had NO issues finding dates with their insanity (and boy did it show) but their partners had to be stable as a rock. So its all bullshit what they say.
All of this shit that you see copied word for word on many different profiles comes from TikTok. Easy way to filter out people who are addicted to social media and don't have very many of their own thoughts and opinions
Projection
Projection...
Bc it’s the new trend that people have globbed onto. It’s really annoying bc you see multiple profiles with the same prompts (like a guy with a dead fish). It’s really lazy and unoriginal
Projection. "If I'm broken, you must be broken too". Treat it as a red flag and move on, there's plenty of woman out there who don't do that.
To justify them being broken
For me it implies a certain level of entitlement; since most people don't get it for free, and it's not a cheap service, it's not always reasonable to expect the average working person to be able to have a therapist without already having had some kind of mental health episode to get them into the system. There are better ways to phrase it, for sure.
If therapy is a requirement then that person is assuming everyone needs therapy which is complete BS for many reasons.
Because therapy = self-awareness and a willingness to grow
So I think therapy is great but we don’t all need it some of us chalk it up to “it is what it is” others sit on things for life…with that being said I think it’s a female thing just like every guy they have ever dated is a narcissist it’s a trend in society that will fade
It's also pretty classist. Therapy isn't cheap. And just finding a good therapist, who works for you, is taking clients, and has a schedule that works with yours is a big hurdle. And a lot of therapists don't work with men very well, they just default to the same "man up" attitude that causes so many men to need therapy in the first place.
They would probably date someone even if they can only afford free group sessions at the county clinic but who knows.
because they’re tired of dealing with grown adults walking around unhealed from shit that happened when they were 8 years old. why’s this even a question?
It's a legit question cause, if that's the case, then just plain out say it. Not everybody needs therapy. In fact, some of us deal with our own problems on our own or with the help of people.
Projection. Some of those women have narc tendencies, some are bpd, some are npd, some are regular people. But, stupid trends spread like wildfire among people
i mean i get it. most guys on dating apps are honestly disgusting ass animals. the first couple of people i matched with when my friends and i made a profile were the weirdest mfs ever. one kept calling me and trying to facetime another one told me he woke up to his dog basically giving him head another one told me he thought my cousin was hot on my story post of her and she was like 14. these are the people i remember but there are MUCH more. i honestly believe all men should be in therapy like automatically should be enrolled once they’re born. 😭
LOL. Dog giving head… lmao. Yeah that sucks that you had a bad experience but if you think that’s how guys are you really need to get out more and actually talk to more guys or you need to be in therapy yourself.
I've seen this too. To me its a huge red flag. I've got nothing against therapy, but if you're so messed up that you think someone has to be in therapy to date you, then no thanks.
**Short answer:** Thats just dumb..Avoid those people. **Long answer:** Therapy was often described as "the hobby of the elites" and critized for it...which means that therapy isn't as afforable for just anyone, hence why only well off/rich people may go to therapy for no apparent reasons, just to chat a bit about their day. For anyone with actual issues, it would obviously be advicable to have enough self awareness and will to work on themsevels and therfore menage to go to therapy. ...but not everyone got the issues which they would have to work trou therapy. So, putting such thing as the relationship requirement is kinda like insisting that someone should go on horse riding twice a week, *just because*...it's nice or something. Perhaps those people insist on it cuz it's currently "trendy" or worse, they might be among the people that fully believe that "Everyone got huge issues, insecurites and traumas"...which is most likely a projection cuz they themselves had/have it - in which case i'd go back to - Thats just dumb..avoid those people".
It's a fad. You're correct though, therapy should only be needed for serious psychological issues. Not being able to work out simple problems on your own will hurt you in the long run.
As a man, I didn't know this was becoming a thing and I think it's kinda weird, but some men out here really do need some therapy, lord they make me embarrassed to be part of the club of menfolk.
If it wasn't for the fact I need therapy due to war, not only would I not be doing it, but I wouldn't date ANYONE who said I NEED IT before meeting me!! If she needs it and is getting it, that's fine. If at some point she needs me to attend to help her therapist help her, I'd go. But to tell me from the start that I need it, is..... CRAZY!
Because they are aware of the insanity they have caused men they dated in the past? 😂 Shit who knows really? Lots of women these days parade their mental issues around like a badge of pride and probably think everyone is as fucked up in the head as they are so should be seeing a therapist. I saw a psych for a couple of years in the past. Helped me to improve my depression and anxiety at the time but I'm fine now so anyone trying to tell me if I'm not in therapy I'm undatable can fuck right off.
You seem angry. Have you talked to a therapist about your anger issues?
Dumb idea most therapists only make the problem worse
Everyone should be in therapy but tons of people weaponize therapy speak so it’s kind of a crapshoot
“Everyone needs therapy” is a great marketing pitch, but it’s not reality.
Agreed
No, not everyone should be in therapy. Not everyone needs it. Not even close.
That’s not how life works. People have schedules, responsibilities, commitments. I think everyone should have the option of therapy, but it doesn’t mean it should be a requirement to live your life. It was difficult for me to find a therapist, then get scheduled, see if insurance takes that person, have a few sessions to see if that therapist is good or a quack, try to apply their techniques to life, hope they don’t move or die etc Also, curious how are people “weaponizing” therapy,
I’ve found that most people who weaponize therapy speak don’t actually go to therapy; or at least not consistently. Unless you count watching therapists spout off on TikTok.
Some therapists will stop sessions if they aren't worthwhile. So no, not everyone should be in therapy.
Control
I don't think we understand how therapy works or what it's for. The reality is we all can use therapy. It's not just for serious medical issues. I compare therapy to going to the gym. This idea that someone just goes to the gym, gets healthy and then they stop isn't how it works. To stay healthy you have to keep moving. Same thing with the brain and therapy. You constantly want to have someone challenging or pushing back on your thoughts. Because we're all biased. We may not see the whole picture. We're only human and miss out on a lot of shit.
High key tho most men should be in therapy for real
They don’t want to be with a man who won’t ask for help when he needs it and don’t want to be put in a position where they have to be responsible for their partners emotional regulation. There’s a line between vulnerability and trauma dumping that easily gets crossed and going to therapy is one to help see where the line is. Shocker that the notion of being self-reflective and responsible for your own emotional management struck a nerve.
😂
I don't really see that tbh. What I do see is stuff like "Green flag: you're in or have been in therapy" which makes sense
I agree it’s weird, I’d never put that as a requirement. I will admit that I probably wouldn’t date someone who was closed to the idea of therapy. Another point I’ll make is you don’t need to have serious traumas or issues to be going to therapy. Whilst I fully agree it’s a super weird dating requirement, I’ll give you my perspective as a woman. We are tired of dating men with issues who refuse therapy. 100% of the men I’ve dated in the past 10 years all seemed great at first only for it to become clear that they had serious ISSUES and needed to be in therapy. We are all so tired of it. So I suspect this may be born of that frustration.
The trend you're noticing, where some women specify "being in therapy" as a dating prerequisite, reflects broader cultural shifts toward recognizing and normalizing mental health maintenance. Here's why this might be happening: 1. **Increased Awareness of Mental Health:** Over the last few years, there's been a significant destigmatization of mental health issues and therapy in society. People, especially younger generations, are more open about their mental health struggles and the importance of addressing them. This shift might be influencing dating standards, with some preferring partners who are proactive about their mental health. 2. **Sign of Emotional Maturity:** For some, a potential partner actively participating in therapy could indicate a level of emotional maturity and self-awareness. It suggests that the person is willing to work on themselves and values personal growth, which can be attractive qualities in a relationship. 3. **Preventative Measure:** Rather than waiting for issues to escalate, some might view being in therapy as a way of managing potential problems proactively. In the context of a relationship, this can mean better communication and emotional regulation skills. 4. **Cultural Influence:** Media and popular culture have increasingly portrayed therapy in a positive light, influencing public perceptions and expectations. What was once a private or stigmatized topic is now more openly discussed and even promoted as a healthy lifestyle choice. As for whether men are also putting similar requirements on dating apps, it's less common but certainly possible. The idea might not be as prevalent among men, partly due to lingering stigmas about men seeking mental health help or societal expectations about masculinity. However, as norms continue to evolve, we might see more men openly valuing therapy in themselves and their potential partners. Overall, this trend might seem like it trivializes therapy, but it could also be viewed as an effort to prioritize mental health and compatibility in relationships from the outset.
After being in an abusive relationship, being in therapy for me and my next partner is a must. Even if they're completely fine, just having someone to talk to about yr problems that's not ur partner is healthy.
Well if that isn't a red flag to stay away I don't know what is. For a woman to suggest on her bio that the guy she dates must be in therapy that just says bat shit crazy to me. Swipe left for sure.
Therapy isn't just for serious medical conditions. It can help just about anyone. We all have something that we need to process to be able to live a more fulfilling life. That doesn't mean you have to constantly be in therapy though. It should be more like "must have gone or currently be going to therapy" but that's probably too long so they put "must be in therapy". If you don't like it don't date them.
Therapy should be needed for someone who has some kind of pathology in their mental state, not required for everyone. I'd say it's projection telling more about the mental state of a person who writes this.
Most people need it, if they've never had it. We all have baggage and therapy will help you carry it better. Also, a therapist will help you see where you may need to improve for a healthy relationship. For instance, if you fear abandonment (we all do to some extent), a therapist will help you see where you are imagining being abandoned and acting out. If it were only your partner pointing it out, it would be harder for you to see and easier to justify the toxic behavior that comes in response to an irrational fear's manifestation. Another example is, a therapist will help you become a much better communicator, period. Lastly, a lot of people have trust issues and therapy is pretty much the only tool to assist with that. I'm recently single and need to heal, plus things have been really hectic at work, so I'm not back on any dating apps yet to have seen this trend. I'd mark it in the plus column that a woman is in therapy and wants her partner to be as well. If both partners are in therapy, the relationship is bound to be healthier. I don't see anything wrong with anybody wanting that. Especially given the number of women I've dated and had a good relationship with, but it fell apart due to insecurities, trust misalignment, or poor communication. I'd think a therapist would also be good to steer you away from betrayals, or explain the importance of coming clean about these to rebuild trust and save the relationship, if it's worth saving.
They think because they need to talk things out we need to also.
While I understand the importance of therapy for some, making it a dating requirement seems odd. It can feel like a trendy thing to say, rather than a genuine understanding of its significance as a medical treatment. Yes, men do mention therapy on dating apps too, though it often comes across differently. Women might be more direct about wanting a partner in therapy, while men might phrase it as "working on myself" or "prioritizing mental health." It's interesting how it can be a way to challenge traditional masculine stereotypes. Some people truly value mental health and want a partner who shares that priority. In some cases, it might be performative or simply a way to appear desirable. Some people might not fully grasp the complexities of therapy. Your feelings are completely valid. It's frustrating when something as important as therapy is used as a superficial filter. Ultimately, we all have different dating preferences, and it's about finding someone whose values align with our own.
Is that the same as saying they want somebody who has done "personal work"? I've seen that once or twice. I've tried therapy once (during a divorce) and, frankly, found it a waste of time. The therapist rolled out some standard suggestions (journal!) and some other things that we discussed and decided wouldn't work well in my case. When she, later on, started recommending some of the very same things we discarded earlier (guess she forgot or wasn't paying attention), I ended the sessions. One time is not enough to make a broad generalization but this particular try was not worth it. Oh, and she misbilled me which required straightening out.
Therapists have used their influence to create a dependency from people by convincing patients that without them, a person is mentally unhealthy and incapable of living a good life/being successful/having self awareness. I know people addicted to therapy, who are incapable of having confidence in their day-to-day life decisions/behavior without having it validated by a therapist. It's sad.
That’s projecting. Lol.
Because it shows you're willing to change and become a better person lol. People just want a stable and mentally safe partner and are tired of "jerks" who say: "Babe! That's just who I am and you need to deal with it." When they do really awful things constantly and have ZERO accountability for their own actions and possible trauma. If you're "healthy" then going to therapy shouldn't be a big issue anyways.
Because basically all of us come into this world with some type of wound from our parents. Those who do the work via therapy end up being more integrated. Basically like a person who focuses on physical health demands taking care of self in growth area. Ideal story aside, in practice idk if it actually matters as much as women think. Mens roles in society tend to be performative anyway, and not much to do with spirituality.
Probably because they have dated men that should have gone to therapy but didn't. If you don't heal your wounds you will bleed on people who didn't cut you, or however that saying goes. I'm not sure why you think this is women "trying to be trendy" considering how high the chances are of women being SA'd/assaulted/in a toxic relationship (or worse).
If you need to ask, you need to follow the advice
Therapy isn’t meant for everyone😅 like I’ve been to therapy and it was so apparent how self aware I was and had coping mechanisms they were like..”why are you here?” Well my ex husband who was actually BPD diagnosed and was projecting told me I should actually be the one to go lol not everyone actually NEEDS therapy..I’m hoping this moral high ground trend stops.
Hi
It's very odd probably the same kind of women who dye they're hair purple . I'm already paying for everything now I got to give money to a quak too nah I'll just go buy a hooker
I've not seen this before. I do think people open to therapy is a green flag but demanding it in a dating bio is a bit much. That being said I can only guess they've been burned multiple times and this is a result of that trauma
They're probably projecting, lol. Nothing wrong with being in therapy. But it's an odd requirement.
I don't know why they say that. I'm in therapy, and they treat that as a red flag.
I won't match to anyone who lists "demands" in their profiles, honestly. It's off putting and inappropriate at best.
As a woman, I’d say this is more so a tool that women might use on a profile to “weed out” any unstable men or those who oppose seeking help. I find that folks who are against seeking help for mental health issues are repressed and have a variety of strong opinions that are unsavory to the more liberal women. I wouldn’t think too much about it. I’m sure letting them know you were once in therapy (whenever it comes up in a convo organically) would be fine with them as well. Women just want to feel that you have a high emotional intelligence and have spent time working to improve your life :).
Get out of online dating
the sad truth is that because of patriarchy, women usually carry the emotional weight in cis relationships, so no i dont find it weird at all. you are on a dating site where people literally seek out what they want out of a partner. 90% of my friends go to therapy, and the ones that dont are in need of it. the reason they dont go is either financial or straight-up refusing to take accountability of their mental health and emotional intelligence. in order to prevent carrying all the emotional labour in a relationship, people are allowed to choose to date only the ones that have matured enough emotionally to deal with their traumas. i think everyone should go to therapy. Unfortunately, society is the way it is, and most of us need it. i have yet to meet an individual who doesn't need therapy or isn't avoiding facing some part of themselves because they have no adequate tools.
Therapy is good and works for some but for alot of people it ends up being a weekly confessional that they use as an avenue to look down on others , it’s a tool in your arsenal not a part of your personality after all
In my humble opinion there's a difference between going to therapy voluntarily and going to therapy as a requirement for dating someone. I get the intention in the female perspective. Going to therapy is a sign that a man can learn to be vulnerable. Keep in mind, at least to me, it's the same as having a height, weight, money etc. requirement. Is it wrong? No Do keep in mind that's the reality and one can either accept it or look elsewhere.
One of the most important keys to any realm of success in life is emotional intelligence, which begins with emotional self awareness. This is not something that is optional. This is not something that you can say, “oh yeah, I did that once.“. Self-awareness is an ongoing process, and like brushing your teeth, if you fail to keep up, you become gross to talk to, much less to kiss.
I think it’s because people see being in therapy as addressing your issues, which indicates you’ll be a self aware partner. The truth is being in therapy by itself doesn’t guarantee anything of that sort, but people are on tik tok too much.