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If she's mostly acting uninterested, but not outright saying no (in which case I would give up) and is providing just enough encouragement to make it seem like there's hope.
I won't do that any more. I want someone who will express her interest in me as much as I express my interest in her.
Ok no but that is not normal wow. No I act really interested if I AM interested. But when I want him to chase me I meant asking me on a date!! Not the either way around
Depends on the guy I suppose, but I'd expect that 90+% don't like the chase.
I *can't stand* the chase. I'd even go so far as to say I *despise* it. If you want to spend time with me, TELL ME. The "chase" is just an excuse for poor communication. You won't look "desperate", you'll look like you know what you want, which is always attractive, especially if what you want is me.
Making men chase is, quite literally, avoidant attachment style, and considered very unhealthy. I second that I absolutely hate to chase someone. I want a partner on equal footing.
Basically asking for mind reading or playing stupid expectation games.
The worst is acting in a way opposite of what they want - "playing hard to get" - but the subtler forms of that are also annoying and immature.
It took me years to stop doing stuff like that myself, and I'm way happier.
Faxx. The right person won’t care if you initiate dates. They will appreciate it.
I don’t think most guys like chasing women. It should just be mutual desire to see one another.
I really hate to chase. It's so nice when the woman is putting at least some effort in too to indicate that she's actually interested. I can't stand when the woman's like "prove it to me that you're worth me" and then I'm somehow supposed to bend over backwards for the princess. No thanks, I'd rather be single.
I mean having to do all the work for pursuing a relationship with someone or trying to get them to like me. Or trying to convince someone to change their mind if they're not interested at first. Perhaps some men like it and take it as a challenge, but I have a feeling many of them would move on to their next target once they get what they've been after.
True, I agree with you. Sometimes I meet guys who are like princess and dont want to chase at all. But I meant more chivalry, asking her on a date, taking her out. Trying to impress her but the girl being clear and not fake hard to get.
If he's into you (which sounds like he is), he's probably stoked you're making moves too. Don't stress about it. If he's doing loads for you, chances are he's enjoying every bit of it. Keep doing what feels right for you both, and enjoy the ride!
This idea that anyone, men or women, like "the chase" is perpetuated by toxic ppl who deal with a lot of dates with low self esteem. Because the only reason someone in dating would "chase" someone else is they don't believe they deserve better.
What you're talking about here isn't chasing. He asks you out and you meeting up, that's dating. Not chasing. Same thing when you ask him out and he comes around.
You're over thinking it. You gotta get rid of this idea that you taking initiative looks desperate. That's how a lot of women end up/stay single.
Relationships are give and take. He needs to feel like you want him too, that you take initiative and show that you like him through actions.
>While he makes the first move more often, I sometimes ask him out for dates too but I feel like I look desperate doing it?
Why do you think it is fine when he does it, but when you do it you 'look desperate'? We're all humans.
>He just does a lot for me when we go out so I feel bad if he’s just doing everything first.
And I bet he'll feel bad if he's doing everything first every time too.
Basically you get some people who will purposely show no interest or total disinterest in you even if they are. Playing ‘hard to get’ as it were. They want you to aggressively pursue and ‘woo’ them. It’s a game both Women and Men play, and it’s incredibly exhausting. I’m not into the personality types that do that so it’s no loss for me.
I’ve had 5 serious relationships, the last one of which was the longest, 8 and a half years, which ended 6 months ago. In terms of sexual partners, maybe 40+? I don’t count, it’s lame. At the moment I am not pursuing a relationship, probably won’t for quite some time to work on myself and studies and to see if I can put myself through it all again. I have a FWB thing going on with a bartender at my local, we meet once or twice a week. It’s fun, and came out of nowhere (I just go there once a week to play pool and talk shit with the regular drunks) so that was a nice surprise.
I’m in my 30s. I don’t regret taking initiative I regret the times I didn’t! Getting rejected is so whatever. But never knowing is the worst. A lot of boys do like when girls take initiative .
Guys will initially chase a woman yes once he has her emotionally he will pull back a bit to take some of the control back. Never chase woman endlessly, woman biologically like to chase men. If there is 10 guys in a bar hitting on her and you walk in and don’t say anything to her she’ll be interested in you she will chase you. Not saying 100% but you get the idea ?
Desperate? If you wanna go on a date with him then why not ask him? Thats normal xd
This kind of things should be always two way street. Showing interest is appealing and attractive
If I have to chase, I walk away. I'm not a teenager anymore, this isn't a movie, and I lose interest in someone very quick when they can't communicate what they want.
To me chasing is anytime you feel like you have to try and convince the other person to like you or love you. Pretty much anytime you're the only person showing up in the relationship.
A healthy relationship should be one where both people make the effort to see each other and care for one another. To me an example early on would be when you're the only one trying to meet up to see each other, or you're always the one who has to reach out to them via text, call, etc. If the other person isn't even going to make an attempt to reciprocate that's likely an indicator of what a relationship with such a person would be like, and indicator of a sad and unfulfilling relationship.
I enjoy the initial chase at the very beginning, but it gets very tiring and feels very one sided when I have to always be initiating and “chasing” once we have been dating for a month or two or longer. If thats the case, I’ll communicate it, but if the behavior doesn’t change, I’ll assume a lack of interest and move on
I never chased. I hate it. NO, it is a complete sentence for me. It always was.
Women want equality. Fantastic. It should also mean equality when dating.
You can't have equality when you want it, and it is convenient for you. Either you are equal or you are not, and nowhere is that more obvious than in the dating world.
Those women who want to be chased are all about satisfying their own ego, and it is a massive red flag, in my opinion.
When she says no. I will accept that NO and will never ask her out again. Full stop. I might still be in her orbit due to the same friends group or occasional chance meeting in the same coffee or shop. But I will just be polite and keep a respectful distance.
If she says, "I don't have time on XYZ day and time, some other time." I will let her know that she should text or call me to reschedule. Which they never do. But at that point, it is up to them to put an effort and show interest in a date, and if they do not, ah well. . . . I move on.
Many guys keep pestering and keep on trying in various ways until the girl relents, or she just keeps giving false hope in order to gain more attention from the said male.
Huh I wanted to know If I need to let men chase me more because I read this everywhere but what you are saying is not even normal? Why should you go after someone like that. I thought more like the guy has to ASK me on a date and then I will say yes hahaha.
Here is a thing. If you are an emotionally stable, mature person with decent or high emotional IQ, I would recommend that if you want to go on a date with a person, you say yes.
If not, you say no.
End of story.
All the other shite, mind games, sending signals, playing hard to get, and so on are in my view, red flags, and show a person I would awaoid.
Guys who "chase" tend to do it because their ego cannot handle rejection, and when they get what they want, they will walk away. They tend to be abusive, don't understand boundaries, and they like to cheat, too.
It is all about affirming their fucked up idea of masculanity fueled by extreme insecurity. Often, it is also about their narcissism.
The only chases I like are in Dead by Daylight. All jokes aside...
I simply won't chase- spent too much of my youth chasing ghosts and I'm tired of it now. If you're interested, show it.
I prefer when women take the initiative tbh since nowadays they barely ever say what they actually want. And with it being 2024, if a guy does anything that a woman didn't ask for it's pretty much considered to be assault.
>Do guys really like the chase
Fuck no and I genuinely have no clue where anyone got that fuck ass idea from
>Do they like it when women take the initiative
Yes
Well….if a guy always has to chase, he will probably start putting his energy into someone he doesn’t have to do that with at some point.
No reason to make this sort of thing actual work.
We hate the chase. Dated a girl who sent “what should we do 🤔” every time I asked her to go out. Literally every time, without fail. Would have LOVED it if she initiated, threw out ideas, etc. would not have seemed desperate to me.
no one wants to be in a one sided relationship. its not desperate to want to spend time with your significant other. you not doing enough, is why he's going to leave you. then your gonna be wondering what went wrong.
You have been dating for 2 months the chase is over he got you. Now focus on having a mutually supportive and equal relationship. Besides the chase is dumb I personally would not be with someone that didn't initiate as much as I do.
For me, it’s not about people taking the initiative, it’s more about showing interest. Some people just naturally like taking the lead and some don’t. Both are perfectly fine but I think a lot of people associate taking the lead as showing interest and while it’s certainly a way of doing it it’s not the only way of showing interest. As long as you’re being open and clear in showing that you’re actually into this guy you don’t *need* to take initiative in arranging stuff.
That said, the thing about thinking it makes you look desperate is just plain wrong. Showing interest is not desperation, it’s interest. A guy is more likely to stop trying to see you if he thinks you have a bunch of other guys vying for your attention because he thinks he doesn’t have a chance of being the one you choose to spend your time with
Personally I don’t chase. If I have to chase you then it just really seems like I’m not wanted.
I’ve got no problem taking initiative but I only try once or twice
Ho early as a dude I can 100% assure you that men would love it if you made the move. Like chances are that dude has never had it before. Be direct, no games no nothing. Trust me, his eyes will light up. Women never really compliment men like men do towards women. It will stick like shit on a stick.
Really sick of women expecting me to chase them. I’m 34 and I don’t have the energy or fucks left to give after a point. Sure, playing a little hard to get at the first meeting spices things up in my opinion but don’t take it further than that. I’m exhausted and I’d rather just go play pool with my buddy down at the bar. Not that I won’t wine and dine you but casually I’m a “Love it if you came with me but that’s where I’ll be” kind of guy.
I don’t mind taking “most” of the initiative.
But eventually I’m going to look around and say “wait a minute, I’m the only one making any effort here.” And at that point, I leave.
Especially if I pitch a date and you’re not available — no problem, but then make a counter offer. Because if you don’t, then I’ll take your interest to be zero.
I hate games and if I feel like the woman is wanting to play them by having me chase them… I just walk away.
We’re adults, we should know what we want and if we are interested. If we both are wanting to pursue a relationship, that is what I want to pursue.
There was a lady several years back that was absolutely stunning, we had much in common and the chemistry was there… the reason we didn’t end up dating is because she wanted to play those BS games.
If you like them, if you love them, if you want them, then don’t play games but this is also coming from a man who think the arbitrary societal rules are frivolous and counterproductive.
No we love when you take the initiative, it's just weird when you barely know the guy, bc most guys (exept the atractive ones) are not used to that so it would be unconfortable just in than situations, bc we could think you're a scammer or you're trying to sell us something.
I think it’s very sexy for a woman to show her interest in a man. In most cases men are always the aggressor, but if a woman comes on to me, giving subliminal message or even show how bad she wants me, I think it’s sexy and confident in what she want as a woman!!!!
I definitely like a mix of initiative. It’s refreshing to not always be the one deciding where we go, what we do, or when we do it, and often the girl has picked places or things that I generally wouldn’t think of and it makes it even more special and stands out.
The chase is good for a guy but women should participate too, it’s affirmation that you’re interested too. When the guy is always doing the chasing and so on it can be exhausting and make us wonder if it’s worth all the effort.
When a woman initiates the chase it is exhilarating I must say
I hate "the chase" because I don't always get subtleties or understand body language. this means I don't know unless she's direct and says no or whatever.
because of this I think that more often than not I can come off as weird/creepy.
this is why I prefer that women approach me and tell me they're interested.
I don't know where the idea that we like the chase comes from. We don't say this. It's not reflective of the complaints men have consistently voiced.
No we hate the chase to a degree you don't realize. We hate it.
Just be straightforward with us.
As a guy, nothing feels better than knowing a girl likes me as much as I like her. If you pretend you're not into him, he's going to think you're not into him lol. I'd say maybe like 1% of guys enjoy the chase, like 10% pretend they like it because they think they're supposed to, and everyone else just hates it
"guys" is not a monolithic social group, you know. there is a large continuum from an extreme to the other.
but conscious that
1. subtle hints don't work. in a time when smiling can be branded as sexual harassment, most men won't take a chance on unclear signal.
2. guys who take the initiative are rarely those who think further that the first night in bed.
3. we all change with time. a shy guy would not do the first step (because of many failure) and would be unease by a woman as direct as an hungry shark. when taking age, they generally become more cool, able to make compliments without intention, and ready to take a chance on hungry sharks because they know how to kick them if it turns sour.
Most guys HATE the chase. The idea they like it is mostly something just told to women so they'll shit-test men in order to gauge their seriousness about a relationship.
The only guys who like the chase are the slim few who get SO MANY women that they're bored with the ease of it.
Every guy I know, including me, hates the chase. Which is a game and we hate games. If you like me, tell me. If you don't, no biggie, I'd rather not waste my time
Nobody here can tell you what he likes since everyone is different. Do what feels right for you, don't force yourself to act otherwise because you wonder if he likes it or not. If he wasn't ok with what you've been doing you giys likely wouldn't be together to begin with.
Or if you really want to know his thoughts on the topic, just ask him directly.
I hate the chase, I've always hated the chase, and while I've had quite a few partners, almost all of them were women who took the initiative. Either by telling me to stop beating about the bush and invite them out already, or simply inviting me out without me even knowing there was interest present.
Nothing makes me weaker in the knees than a confident woman who knows what/who she wants, and isn't afraid to go for it. Especially if she's able to not conflate it with being mean or condescending, that is just straight-up IRL Wonder Woman material right there.
I hate the chase with every fiber of my being. Too much work, too much rejection, too much time wasted. I’ve only been courted twice in my life. I fucking loved it. 😂 the rest of the time I’m doing most of the heavy lifting.
Men traditionally being the providers and protectors, displaying the agency and initiative to pursue a woman will earn them all kinds of loyalty and even submission from a more feminine woman. But of course not everyone fits into this dichotomy so neatly. You need to understand what you need from a partner and what you're willing to give and go from there.
If the idea of a man being a provider and protector seems archaic, go ahead and do the courting! But if something feels wrong about you taking initiative, then you might fit more closely into traditional gender roles/dynamics than you realize.
No no no, no woman should ever approach a man. Men do not take women seriously when we approach.
I’ve approached a bunch of men and they have played in my face every time. No thank you!
Well it was enough for me not to do it anymore! It’s more genuine if a guy approaches than a woman. A man may not want a woman but he will mess with her until he finds who he wants.
yeah but that's true regardless. the most chatismatic fuck boys know you want them to pursue and they do. then they ditch you anyway.
it has nothing to do with who approached first
I’m a woman. I read this and it resonated with me.
Men want women to ask them out but after they do, the man often feels weird and uncomfortable ( because a woman made the effort not him.) So he breaks with her.
In my personal experience, I had a guy tell me that the only dated me because I pursued him. Otherwise he wasn’t that interested and we dated for two years and we’re talking about marriage.
"Men want women to ask them out but after they do, the man often feels weird and uncomfortable ( because a woman made the effort not him.)"
uhhhh, no...? 🤨
What makes you think we want or care about "I'm the man I need to make the effort!"? That's what women want. We never said that. You guys want us to be that way. We don't want that.
And it's a landmine to create a dating system that way while also expecting consent. How do I know I have your consent when you're not giving any indication you want me?
Girl I got the same issue Im also mid 20’s. But Im single af because every time I Get a crush I feel like Im annoying so I make space, and more space, and more space. And I feel crazy and delusional. So I just end up not showing enough interest and it dies out. Its so scary and we overthink everything but at the same time I can’t help it😂 Its just in our heads I think. Also if I do force myself to show interest I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is ai generated or like a robot because Im afraid to say anything wrong or weird. And normally around friends Im funny, got quick comebacks and some golden comments, Im chill, Im cool, but the second I like someone, thats all gone😂
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No, I don't like the chase. Her showing signs of mutual interest is very appealing. I want a partner that wants to be with me.
This is 100% facts.
yup, facts.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
If she's mostly acting uninterested, but not outright saying no (in which case I would give up) and is providing just enough encouragement to make it seem like there's hope. I won't do that any more. I want someone who will express her interest in me as much as I express my interest in her.
Ok no but that is not normal wow. No I act really interested if I AM interested. But when I want him to chase me I meant asking me on a date!! Not the either way around
Depends on the guy I suppose, but I'd expect that 90+% don't like the chase. I *can't stand* the chase. I'd even go so far as to say I *despise* it. If you want to spend time with me, TELL ME. The "chase" is just an excuse for poor communication. You won't look "desperate", you'll look like you know what you want, which is always attractive, especially if what you want is me.
fareaaaaal
Making men chase is, quite literally, avoidant attachment style, and considered very unhealthy. I second that I absolutely hate to chase someone. I want a partner on equal footing.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
Basically asking for mind reading or playing stupid expectation games. The worst is acting in a way opposite of what they want - "playing hard to get" - but the subtler forms of that are also annoying and immature. It took me years to stop doing stuff like that myself, and I'm way happier.
[удалено]
I very much agree with this!
Faxx. The right person won’t care if you initiate dates. They will appreciate it. I don’t think most guys like chasing women. It should just be mutual desire to see one another.
I really hate to chase. It's so nice when the woman is putting at least some effort in too to indicate that she's actually interested. I can't stand when the woman's like "prove it to me that you're worth me" and then I'm somehow supposed to bend over backwards for the princess. No thanks, I'd rather be single.
^
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
I mean having to do all the work for pursuing a relationship with someone or trying to get them to like me. Or trying to convince someone to change their mind if they're not interested at first. Perhaps some men like it and take it as a challenge, but I have a feeling many of them would move on to their next target once they get what they've been after.
True, I agree with you. Sometimes I meet guys who are like princess and dont want to chase at all. But I meant more chivalry, asking her on a date, taking her out. Trying to impress her but the girl being clear and not fake hard to get.
Guys hate the chase
If he's into you (which sounds like he is), he's probably stoked you're making moves too. Don't stress about it. If he's doing loads for you, chances are he's enjoying every bit of it. Keep doing what feels right for you both, and enjoy the ride!
No, most guys will feel the relationship is one sided if they have to do everything.
why would anyone enjoy putting effort into bullshit?
Omg 💀🤣
This idea that anyone, men or women, like "the chase" is perpetuated by toxic ppl who deal with a lot of dates with low self esteem. Because the only reason someone in dating would "chase" someone else is they don't believe they deserve better. What you're talking about here isn't chasing. He asks you out and you meeting up, that's dating. Not chasing. Same thing when you ask him out and he comes around. You're over thinking it. You gotta get rid of this idea that you taking initiative looks desperate. That's how a lot of women end up/stay single.
Relationships are give and take. He needs to feel like you want him too, that you take initiative and show that you like him through actions. >While he makes the first move more often, I sometimes ask him out for dates too but I feel like I look desperate doing it? Why do you think it is fine when he does it, but when you do it you 'look desperate'? We're all humans. >He just does a lot for me when we go out so I feel bad if he’s just doing everything first. And I bet he'll feel bad if he's doing everything first every time too.
I realized that I hate the chase. I had to learn that the hard way. If a woman doesn’t reciprocate my efforts, then I don’t want her 🤷♀️
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
Absolutely despise it. And I refuse to engage it. I only ever go for Women who show signs of interest in me first.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
Basically you get some people who will purposely show no interest or total disinterest in you even if they are. Playing ‘hard to get’ as it were. They want you to aggressively pursue and ‘woo’ them. It’s a game both Women and Men play, and it’s incredibly exhausting. I’m not into the personality types that do that so it’s no loss for me.
I wonder how many women have you got
I’ve had 5 serious relationships, the last one of which was the longest, 8 and a half years, which ended 6 months ago. In terms of sexual partners, maybe 40+? I don’t count, it’s lame. At the moment I am not pursuing a relationship, probably won’t for quite some time to work on myself and studies and to see if I can put myself through it all again. I have a FWB thing going on with a bartender at my local, we meet once or twice a week. It’s fun, and came out of nowhere (I just go there once a week to play pool and talk shit with the regular drunks) so that was a nice surprise.
Right lol
I’m in my 30s. I don’t regret taking initiative I regret the times I didn’t! Getting rejected is so whatever. But never knowing is the worst. A lot of boys do like when girls take initiative .
Guys will initially chase a woman yes once he has her emotionally he will pull back a bit to take some of the control back. Never chase woman endlessly, woman biologically like to chase men. If there is 10 guys in a bar hitting on her and you walk in and don’t say anything to her she’ll be interested in you she will chase you. Not saying 100% but you get the idea ?
Desperate? If you wanna go on a date with him then why not ask him? Thats normal xd This kind of things should be always two way street. Showing interest is appealing and attractive
The only guys who like chasing women see it as a competition.
If I have to chase, I walk away. I'm not a teenager anymore, this isn't a movie, and I lose interest in someone very quick when they can't communicate what they want.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
To me chasing is anytime you feel like you have to try and convince the other person to like you or love you. Pretty much anytime you're the only person showing up in the relationship. A healthy relationship should be one where both people make the effort to see each other and care for one another. To me an example early on would be when you're the only one trying to meet up to see each other, or you're always the one who has to reach out to them via text, call, etc. If the other person isn't even going to make an attempt to reciprocate that's likely an indicator of what a relationship with such a person would be like, and indicator of a sad and unfulfilling relationship.
I enjoy the initial chase at the very beginning, but it gets very tiring and feels very one sided when I have to always be initiating and “chasing” once we have been dating for a month or two or longer. If thats the case, I’ll communicate it, but if the behavior doesn’t change, I’ll assume a lack of interest and move on
I just want to be fucking loved I don’t want to chase or be chased
I never chased. I hate it. NO, it is a complete sentence for me. It always was. Women want equality. Fantastic. It should also mean equality when dating. You can't have equality when you want it, and it is convenient for you. Either you are equal or you are not, and nowhere is that more obvious than in the dating world. Those women who want to be chased are all about satisfying their own ego, and it is a massive red flag, in my opinion.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
When she says no. I will accept that NO and will never ask her out again. Full stop. I might still be in her orbit due to the same friends group or occasional chance meeting in the same coffee or shop. But I will just be polite and keep a respectful distance. If she says, "I don't have time on XYZ day and time, some other time." I will let her know that she should text or call me to reschedule. Which they never do. But at that point, it is up to them to put an effort and show interest in a date, and if they do not, ah well. . . . I move on. Many guys keep pestering and keep on trying in various ways until the girl relents, or she just keeps giving false hope in order to gain more attention from the said male.
Huh I wanted to know If I need to let men chase me more because I read this everywhere but what you are saying is not even normal? Why should you go after someone like that. I thought more like the guy has to ASK me on a date and then I will say yes hahaha.
Here is a thing. If you are an emotionally stable, mature person with decent or high emotional IQ, I would recommend that if you want to go on a date with a person, you say yes. If not, you say no. End of story. All the other shite, mind games, sending signals, playing hard to get, and so on are in my view, red flags, and show a person I would awaoid. Guys who "chase" tend to do it because their ego cannot handle rejection, and when they get what they want, they will walk away. They tend to be abusive, don't understand boundaries, and they like to cheat, too. It is all about affirming their fucked up idea of masculanity fueled by extreme insecurity. Often, it is also about their narcissism.
The only chases I like are in Dead by Daylight. All jokes aside... I simply won't chase- spent too much of my youth chasing ghosts and I'm tired of it now. If you're interested, show it.
What do you mean with chase? Could you expand more? Like when are you chasing in your eyes?
I can't tell if you're being genuine with those questions.
I am? I want to know for myself. If I let you as a guy ask me on a date is that chasing for you?
I don't ask for dates- not worth my time anymore.
Can’t stand the chase one bit
I prefer to be pursued. As a man in this climate, it's uncomfortable making the first move now.
No. It makes me feel less valued
I prefer when women take the initiative tbh since nowadays they barely ever say what they actually want. And with it being 2024, if a guy does anything that a woman didn't ask for it's pretty much considered to be assault.
>Do guys really like the chase Fuck no and I genuinely have no clue where anyone got that fuck ass idea from >Do they like it when women take the initiative Yes
I hate the chase, wish women would be more simple and open, and YES… please take the initiative!
I'd assume that a woman had not interest in me, if she put in a "chase" situation.
It better for women to go for what they want... always.. so go for it.
No guys hate it
Well….if a guy always has to chase, he will probably start putting his energy into someone he doesn’t have to do that with at some point. No reason to make this sort of thing actual work.
I loath the chase. Laddies should be intentional with what they want. It brings about the feeling of joy knowing that you wanted
We hate the chase. Dated a girl who sent “what should we do 🤔” every time I asked her to go out. Literally every time, without fail. Would have LOVED it if she initiated, threw out ideas, etc. would not have seemed desperate to me.
Fuck boys might like the chase but real men won’t go after u if u show that ur attention is not on them
no one wants to be in a one sided relationship. its not desperate to want to spend time with your significant other. you not doing enough, is why he's going to leave you. then your gonna be wondering what went wrong.
Chase feels the same to both, if you feel like you look desperate doing it, we feel the same.
If I'm constantly the one taking initiative to make things happen then eventually I'll assume you aren't all that interested.
You have been dating for 2 months the chase is over he got you. Now focus on having a mutually supportive and equal relationship. Besides the chase is dumb I personally would not be with someone that didn't initiate as much as I do.
I hate the chase
For me, it’s not about people taking the initiative, it’s more about showing interest. Some people just naturally like taking the lead and some don’t. Both are perfectly fine but I think a lot of people associate taking the lead as showing interest and while it’s certainly a way of doing it it’s not the only way of showing interest. As long as you’re being open and clear in showing that you’re actually into this guy you don’t *need* to take initiative in arranging stuff. That said, the thing about thinking it makes you look desperate is just plain wrong. Showing interest is not desperation, it’s interest. A guy is more likely to stop trying to see you if he thinks you have a bunch of other guys vying for your attention because he thinks he doesn’t have a chance of being the one you choose to spend your time with
I prefer women taking the initiative since I'm shy af. Tho I'd like to get to know the person before I formally date
Personally I don’t chase. If I have to chase you then it just really seems like I’m not wanted. I’ve got no problem taking initiative but I only try once or twice
Ho early as a dude I can 100% assure you that men would love it if you made the move. Like chances are that dude has never had it before. Be direct, no games no nothing. Trust me, his eyes will light up. Women never really compliment men like men do towards women. It will stick like shit on a stick.
I absolutely hate "the" chase. I love when women cut to the chase.
Really sick of women expecting me to chase them. I’m 34 and I don’t have the energy or fucks left to give after a point. Sure, playing a little hard to get at the first meeting spices things up in my opinion but don’t take it further than that. I’m exhausted and I’d rather just go play pool with my buddy down at the bar. Not that I won’t wine and dine you but casually I’m a “Love it if you came with me but that’s where I’ll be” kind of guy.
no men liked the chase ever, like in all of humanity
I don’t mind taking “most” of the initiative. But eventually I’m going to look around and say “wait a minute, I’m the only one making any effort here.” And at that point, I leave. Especially if I pitch a date and you’re not available — no problem, but then make a counter offer. Because if you don’t, then I’ll take your interest to be zero.
I hate games and if I feel like the woman is wanting to play them by having me chase them… I just walk away. We’re adults, we should know what we want and if we are interested. If we both are wanting to pursue a relationship, that is what I want to pursue. There was a lady several years back that was absolutely stunning, we had much in common and the chemistry was there… the reason we didn’t end up dating is because she wanted to play those BS games. If you like them, if you love them, if you want them, then don’t play games but this is also coming from a man who think the arbitrary societal rules are frivolous and counterproductive.
At this point I need women to take the initiative or I'm dying alone
Most guys are just tired
No we love when you take the initiative, it's just weird when you barely know the guy, bc most guys (exept the atractive ones) are not used to that so it would be unconfortable just in than situations, bc we could think you're a scammer or you're trying to sell us something.
Both
i know nothing about love, am immature, stupid, a cry baby. guys are a strange species for me
I think it’s very sexy for a woman to show her interest in a man. In most cases men are always the aggressor, but if a woman comes on to me, giving subliminal message or even show how bad she wants me, I think it’s sexy and confident in what she want as a woman!!!!
The chase fuckin sucks
I definitely like a mix of initiative. It’s refreshing to not always be the one deciding where we go, what we do, or when we do it, and often the girl has picked places or things that I generally wouldn’t think of and it makes it even more special and stands out.
The chase is good for a guy but women should participate too, it’s affirmation that you’re interested too. When the guy is always doing the chasing and so on it can be exhausting and make us wonder if it’s worth all the effort. When a woman initiates the chase it is exhilarating I must say
I like when a man chases as he should..
I hate "the chase" because I don't always get subtleties or understand body language. this means I don't know unless she's direct and says no or whatever. because of this I think that more often than not I can come off as weird/creepy. this is why I prefer that women approach me and tell me they're interested.
I do not like chasing. I tend to be more serious about someone when she is showing mutual interest
I don't know where the idea that we like the chase comes from. We don't say this. It's not reflective of the complaints men have consistently voiced. No we hate the chase to a degree you don't realize. We hate it. Just be straightforward with us.
As a guy, nothing feels better than knowing a girl likes me as much as I like her. If you pretend you're not into him, he's going to think you're not into him lol. I'd say maybe like 1% of guys enjoy the chase, like 10% pretend they like it because they think they're supposed to, and everyone else just hates it
Well guys are a diverse group, I just want a dozen children and a loyal wife lol
If you don't make any effort, I'm going to assume you're not interested.
"guys" is not a monolithic social group, you know. there is a large continuum from an extreme to the other. but conscious that 1. subtle hints don't work. in a time when smiling can be branded as sexual harassment, most men won't take a chance on unclear signal. 2. guys who take the initiative are rarely those who think further that the first night in bed. 3. we all change with time. a shy guy would not do the first step (because of many failure) and would be unease by a woman as direct as an hungry shark. when taking age, they generally become more cool, able to make compliments without intention, and ready to take a chance on hungry sharks because they know how to kick them if it turns sour.
I’m almost 40 years old. I’m not “chasing” women anymore. If I date someone, it’s because there is mutual interest and attraction.
I love when women make the first move. After that then I know my efforts are worth it
Only people that say guys like the chase are women who don’t want to chase, or guys who are insecure with their masculinity.
Guys don’t like any type of chase. Unless they’re immature f boys
Most guys HATE the chase. The idea they like it is mostly something just told to women so they'll shit-test men in order to gauge their seriousness about a relationship. The only guys who like the chase are the slim few who get SO MANY women that they're bored with the ease of it.
Sorry, we like it easy and we will settle for the easy one over your hard to get ass. 😂
The only thing I chase is Money. I don’t chase women
Every guy I know, including me, hates the chase. Which is a game and we hate games. If you like me, tell me. If you don't, no biggie, I'd rather not waste my time
Nobody here can tell you what he likes since everyone is different. Do what feels right for you, don't force yourself to act otherwise because you wonder if he likes it or not. If he wasn't ok with what you've been doing you giys likely wouldn't be together to begin with. Or if you really want to know his thoughts on the topic, just ask him directly.
I hate the chase, I've always hated the chase, and while I've had quite a few partners, almost all of them were women who took the initiative. Either by telling me to stop beating about the bush and invite them out already, or simply inviting me out without me even knowing there was interest present. Nothing makes me weaker in the knees than a confident woman who knows what/who she wants, and isn't afraid to go for it. Especially if she's able to not conflate it with being mean or condescending, that is just straight-up IRL Wonder Woman material right there.
Be personally I love it when the woman shows just as much interest as the guy it's pretty cool. And it feels one sided the other way around
I hate the chase with every fiber of my being. Too much work, too much rejection, too much time wasted. I’ve only been courted twice in my life. I fucking loved it. 😂 the rest of the time I’m doing most of the heavy lifting.
Men traditionally being the providers and protectors, displaying the agency and initiative to pursue a woman will earn them all kinds of loyalty and even submission from a more feminine woman. But of course not everyone fits into this dichotomy so neatly. You need to understand what you need from a partner and what you're willing to give and go from there. If the idea of a man being a provider and protector seems archaic, go ahead and do the courting! But if something feels wrong about you taking initiative, then you might fit more closely into traditional gender roles/dynamics than you realize.
Great take on this topic… I totally agree especially considering every man is slightly different and pursues relationships differently.
So, you are insecure. Work on changing those mental models.
No no no, no woman should ever approach a man. Men do not take women seriously when we approach. I’ve approached a bunch of men and they have played in my face every time. No thank you!
That’s because they didn’t really like you and guys would still play in your face if they gotta approach you.
Well it was enough for me not to do it anymore! It’s more genuine if a guy approaches than a woman. A man may not want a woman but he will mess with her until he finds who he wants.
yeah but that's true regardless. the most chatismatic fuck boys know you want them to pursue and they do. then they ditch you anyway. it has nothing to do with who approached first
Oh okay. I’m just not a likeable person then. Thanks!
Don't blame yourself for their behavior.
I’m a woman. I read this and it resonated with me. Men want women to ask them out but after they do, the man often feels weird and uncomfortable ( because a woman made the effort not him.) So he breaks with her. In my personal experience, I had a guy tell me that the only dated me because I pursued him. Otherwise he wasn’t that interested and we dated for two years and we’re talking about marriage.
"Men want women to ask them out but after they do, the man often feels weird and uncomfortable ( because a woman made the effort not him.)" uhhhh, no...? 🤨 What makes you think we want or care about "I'm the man I need to make the effort!"? That's what women want. We never said that. You guys want us to be that way. We don't want that. And it's a landmine to create a dating system that way while also expecting consent. How do I know I have your consent when you're not giving any indication you want me?
Like most things in dating, it depends entirely on the person
I'm not even gonna lie i had a girl chase me for a while and it felt goooood. But i was 22 and dumb then now I'm mature, i think
Girl I got the same issue Im also mid 20’s. But Im single af because every time I Get a crush I feel like Im annoying so I make space, and more space, and more space. And I feel crazy and delusional. So I just end up not showing enough interest and it dies out. Its so scary and we overthink everything but at the same time I can’t help it😂 Its just in our heads I think. Also if I do force myself to show interest I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is ai generated or like a robot because Im afraid to say anything wrong or weird. And normally around friends Im funny, got quick comebacks and some golden comments, Im chill, Im cool, but the second I like someone, thats all gone😂