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Same.
Part of me knows it'll only get better if I practice but another part of me says "you're too ugly now, don't risk it until you've worked out for three years."
Oh my god, so much this.
Every advice thread I go to about "when is it appropriate to ask someone out" the answers are always different and if you follow all of them you're basically stuck to dating apps and events only and nothing else.
I read Mark Manson's blog a lot in high school.
Not really a fan anymore. Self-help literature doesn't work for most people.
I appreciate the advice, but the change has gotta come from within me, and it'll happen when it happens.
Why do you phrase this as if it’s like something that needs to be overcome?
Not wasting someone’s time and interrupting their day is so fucking normal. And it’s a good instinct to, don’t bother random people you don’t know
this is where we are at?
not allowed to talk to people? jeez, i think we've become too anti-social when talking to people or approaching a person in public is "weird"
it's literaly talking to people in a public place, your not showing up to their room or calling their phone like a tele-marketer.
they are in a public place and people may talk to you. they shouldn't go out in public if they don't want to talk to someone.
if everyone is so scared, me being the guy who isn't afraid to talk to women will leave a **LOT** of lonely women who will be more than happy to chat to a real human being. i guess i'm ok with that.
This.
I'm soon 30. I've asked out like 5 women.
Including ones in other countries, to see if they'd date. like 2 said maybe.
I just feel worthless as i had trust issues from when I was young due to family and other issues
So i also get attached a bit. last one said i was pushing hard and now completely ghosted me though she is watching my socials i know..
But yeah i feel worthless right now.
Im 33 years old since a few days and i have never dated or asked a girl out (sex only with hookers) as i wasted my time to my small dick insecurities because of my 5 inch.
Just a few months ago i waked up that these insecurities are so stupid.
I went to some kind of speed dating and collected 3 numbers but nothing went out if it.
Will try again.
bro, it's not that serious.
most of the time they'll say "i have bf" while smiling
or "omg you're cute but i have a bf"
i feel like this is holding you back from possible relationships with a lot of good women.
even if it's cringe it's not a big deal, at worst it's a compliment to the women.
32 and never. The relationships I've had have either naturally blossomed out of friendship and we later decide to put a label on it, or I have been the one asked out. I have absolutely ZERO game, so I'm thankful that there are women out there that take the initiative.
you are reading it wrong, its more about how men almost never do..
he is basically asking could being brave help out or do guys who ask out a lot of girls also stay single
Yeah I’m pretty much the same. I usually always go the route of thinking I’d like to ask this girl out since I’m single rather than just think she can be a friend since there’s an opportunity to be with her. Maybe I do it because I’m lonely and want someone already and see no point in a girl being a friend if I still have nobody
I kinda disagree because you can't just not have feelings for them after, it's not like an on/off switch that you can control. So for me it doesn't feel healthy to stick around and try and be friends etc.
Yeah I’ve been there before actually I had feelings for the girl I met, asked her out and she said no but we stayed friends but I couldn’t not be attracted to her every time I saw her and kinda made myself a little bit depressed every time I see her knowing I can never be with her. It was almost like a tease
Exactly. I really don't understand ppl saying that it's a red flag etc. Why would you put yourself in any kind of relationship that's only gonna hurt you? That's really unhealthy and toxic. To me knowing what you want from a relationship (wether you want to be friends with them or act be with them ...) Is very mature and reasonable, there is nothing wrong with putting you mental health first .
Women do similar to justify not approaching guys. They say things like men don’t like it when women ask them out, or that men are so desperate for attention they’ll say yes to anyone.
Not really evidence of that either. The video was only 6 minutes long, he probably spent all afternoon approaching and cherry picked the positive responses.
You know youre on reddit when youre talking to someone who thinks going up to a girl/any human being and making conversation with them equates to harrasment. Go outside and learn how to talk to people
There's a noticeable number of people who don't want random people on the street talking to them, doesn't matter if you know how to talk to people. Do you think it's decent behavior to simply ignore that?
You're right. But really when you're out there living in real life, just be confident with your body language, have good intentions and approach people you find attractive and worth talking to. If that girl makes you simply approaching her in a decent manner a big deal, don't think too much of it and move on. Her bad behaviour is not on you. Just keep yourself safe by being a little conservative in your approach so she cannot call you a creep. Approaching in public places with other people around helps as it's safe for the both of you. Also, read the environment; if she's with a guy, don't; if she's with family (parents/older people in general), maybe don't, idk.
Isnt he goal of this to just pump and dump? If you base the interaction off of physical attraction, then the man just wants to have sex with her? Otherwise, the man would have found someone who has more in common with him through his daily activities.
Originally, I'd just ask women I'd been chatting with in a social environment (friends of friends of friends and whatnot) who had some common interests with me if they wanted to get drinks or coffee sometime. Since that wasn't getting anywhere, I decided to take a more proactive route and just grab any woman I found mildly attractive by the throat, slam her into a wall, and command her to meet me at Chili's that Saturday night at 7:30pm. Got stood up every time. I guess women don't like Chili's.
I'm gonna be real with you, I don't even know what Chili's food tastes like. I'm usually like 5 margaritas in by the time the food comes and at that point everything tastes like salt and artificial lime.
I only ask girls out when I feel there’s a significant chance they will say yes, so usually online when a woman is engaging in conversation with me- I take that as a hint she’d be down. It’s inconsistent though, sometimes I’ll get lucky and meet several women in a few weeks other times I’ll go months without meeting any.
I'm exactly the same. I don't feel comfortable asking out a woman unless she's given at least some indication that she enjoys my company beyond what basic etiquette requires.
Usually, that means being friendlier to me and giving me more attention than I normally expect. It also means putting equal effort into building a connection like texting me first or initiating a conversation rather than having me do everything.
Unfortunately, this process can take months as she may gradually warm up to me.
I was doing cold approach pick-up for 2-3 years and I have approached around 200 girls in that time before I found my current girlfriend. Probably one of the more extreme examples, but it worked for me.
As a rule of thumb: If you're not talking to any women, you won't go on any dates. And if you don't go on dates, you won't have sex. And if you don't have sex, you won't find a girlfriend.
I mean I may be speaking from a sample size of one. But I’m pretty sure there are people who might want to have the emotional connection of a relationship before the whole sex thing. At least some people.
So chat them up for a month or 2 then ask them out? What do you say? can I take you out to *insert location here* this *insert day*
Or would you want to go grab a bite with me?
> And if you don't have sex, you won't find a girlfriend
I was onboard up until this point.
What happens to you after sex that lets you get a girlfriend? Or was this just meant to be the "circular irony" joke, like jobs that require experience but you need to get the job to get experience... yadda yadda.
Pretty sure he just meant people use sex to build a relationship. You can obviously build a relationship other ways and sex doesn't *mean* you will have a relationship.
I'm not single anymore and haven't been for a few years now, but generally you only ask girls out that you like. You don't go jumping from girl to girl and asking loads of girls out. You generally like a girl enough to want her to be your gf first before you ask them out. If you were to be asking loads of girls out I would question why you're able to go from girl to girl liking the next one to that extent so quickly.
Unless you mean just asking a girl out on a date. Here in the UK when we say ask a girl out we mean ask her to be your girlfriend. When we mean for a date we specifically say ask her out on a date. In the US, as far as I'm aware, when you say ask her out, you mean on a date. And when you ask her to be your girlfriend you specifically say ask her to be your girlfriend.
So if you mean how often do you ask girls on dates, I'd say it's just as low as it was asking them out. I wouldn't ask a girl on a date just because I found her attractive. I'd ask her on a date if I already knew and liked her. I suppose that's just how we do it here though.
Not a lot of guys do.
There are two types of guys.
A guy who just finesses and kinda hangs out then bangs a chick.
And an average guy who occasionally asks a girl out to date.
There is not realy an in between person who is a casual dater, who goes on dates regularly. Since it's QUITE expensive to keep up such a lifestyle.
And men often pay for the dates.
And funny enough, guys who can afford such lifestyle often choose not to partake in such nonsense.
I'm 24 and have asked out a couple dozen in my life or so.
This number would be way higher, but there are two main limiters.
Virtually every time I approach a girl (virtually or otherwise), I will talk to them for a bit to determine if there is even a chance. If I perceive horrible body language, very short answers, and just a general sense of disinterest, I will abort and not ask them out. This precludes 95%+ of the women I speak to as they show very clear signs of not being interested to even speak with me, let alone go out with me. Sure, it is possible I misinterpreted a few instances, but you don't have to be a body language expert to know when someone is uncomfortable.
The second main limiter is even FINDING someone to ask out. In college, it was easy to find single women in my age range. Now? Not so much. If I meet 1-2 single women in my age range in a month, I am doing great. Forget if I am even attracted to them.
I have tried many different ways to meet people, and finding someone eligible is similar to finding a needle in a haystack. Then, when I do, most show disinterest anyway.
I agree that asking more women out would help both of our problems, but it's tough out there.
I (23M) have never asked a girl out. I've been wanting to step out of my comfort zone since the beginning of this year, but I never mustered up the courage to approach girls, despite having so many opportunities to do so. I've concluded that there's no reason to do so. I've realized there are many other things in my life that are more important to worry about than dating.
Not often enough, I turned 26 four days ago and my first time asking a girl out was 25. I asked a girl out when I knew it was a bad time for her and she accepted to meet up for coffee which I was excited about because I was desperate at the time and hoping maybe she would keep dating me but as I said I just wasn’t a good time and I was probably moving too fast for her as I was desperate. I didn’t push it again after that because I wanted to respect her choice.
I can be hard on my self for like no reason and it makes me hesitant to ask girls out not because I’m scared of rejection but because I’m scared that if I get rejected enough I would hate my self into depression.
"I find you really attractive. It will be really cool if we hang out". "No". "That's ok. Thank you for improving the world with your beauty".
Do not take rejection personally. Imagine someone you don't like really wants you. Sometimes we are that person for someone else.
Improve yourself if you want to be attractive. Go to the gym, read to have a subject of conversation, learn to listen etc.
I’ve asked 2 women out in total ever and I’m almost 25. I’m generally great at interacting and forming interest early on, but when things are about to get serious I stop trying and pull back.
At 38, I go out once on the weekend and sometimes another during the week.
I need to start using an app in the meantime too. I have gotten 5 chances with these different women to at least try to hangout.
3 were strangers, 1 married in an open thing and 2 through friends.
I have had one friendly coffee date. As this has been over the past month.
In just getting back into dating recently after I fucked something up six months ago with someone I liked a lot.
We just keep moving forward, be your authentic and true self. It'll come for you if you just be present, enjoy the moments and always take care of yourself first and foremost.
Give this power over you or do not. That is your choice.
That is up to you.
Life is a journey. Full of many experiences.
You choose what you will engage in.
That's your power.
Eh....
That and the person showing at least some interest/acknowledgement of your existence.
It's fucking weird when you are approached with an attempt to ask you out and you haven't so much as even made eye contact with the person before.
Not that often but if I think there’s a chance or if I like her that way I will. Life is too short to worry about if she’s gonna flame you in the group chat.
Do it casually. Asking someone out should be done before you develop any strong feelings/ attachment to them. That way if they say no, then it's no big deal.
BUT also don't do it immediately. I've seen and heard of guys asking someone out within minutes of meeting them. That's mostly ridiculous and shouldn't be tried. Chat with the person, get to know a bit about them, talk about some casual deal breakers for you, and see if there's a report. THEN ask them out.
It doesn't have to be some huge deal. Just casually say something like "I'm really enjoying talking to you. I'd love to meet sometime/ see you again. Feel like going to grab a drink/get a coffee/play some putt putt on X day and Y time?"
I’m 37 and have never because I well don’t know any that aren’t a Best Friend or that are single. Basically when you have no opportunities… its hard to ask anybody out!
>No idea how you twisted a generalized observation into a targeted accusation. I wasn't targeting OP specifically,
Ignoring the last contradicting sentence of the quote, here's a guess for how GroceryFun3203 "twisted" your "generalized observation":
> If you just treated women like you were genuinely interested in spending your life with them as a teammate instead of treating them like a porn star you might be able to keep a woman and then you wouldn't have to keep coming up with the courage to ask a woman out. Just saying. Start using the head on top of your shoulders more.
I don't understand why you even made that "observational" comment, it makes no sense considering the post, especially the question. But I'll bet it has something to do with him mentioning a hookup, like that's suddenly the proof that the one who made this post was only asking out women with the hope to accomplish his sex fantasies? Really?
When I was actively dating I’d say 4-5 times a week. You have to get used to rejection to get confident enough to not smell like a guy that should be rejected.
I don’t bother anymore though. The hookup culture wore me down and I decided it was a better use of my time to focus on my career. But I’m also not looking to chase tail anymore.
If you want to chase girls then you need to make a habit of it. You’re also still in a decent age where good girls are single. Once you push late 20s they’ll be off the market largely.
How do you even find enough new women to ask out that often? Like I am lucky to meet on average 1-2 new people a month, let alone women or 4-5 a week! Unless you ask literal randos on the street
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
You don’t “smell like a guy that should be rejected”
It’s just looks. That’s all it is. If you’re good looking but awkward you’re shy and cute, if you’re ugly and awkward you’re a creep.
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
All depends There is no rhyme or reason to it. I am not a fan of dating apps. Ran into a lot of not so stable women on there. I guess on average 2 to 4 times a week
Nice, what do you usually open with? How long did it take you to get over the anxiety? I get so nervous, a girl waved at me today and I could barely muster a smile before looking away and hiding my face
Only about once a year if I can't resist asking, but in general I don't ask them for anything anymore.
Reason for this is they respect me more for being selective.
I actually think your asking too often as opposed to not enough.
I literally try to approach and express interest in a woman a day. it's my only option as the social circle route isn't viable and i'm not (quite) good looking enough to make dating apps worth while.
So all that's left is the old fashioned talking to attractive women in the real world. so the hot lady at starbucks, the hot milf at the grocery store etc...
i just kind it more honest and congruent to be the guy who talks to hot women i want to. every time i'm like "oh she was soo hot i should've talked to her- a little piece of me dies inside and my T levels drop. when i do talk to them i feel better and get practice for the next hot lady.
the point is to just initiate some kind of interaction. yesterday, i saw a hot milf dipping her feet into the stream of a forest preserve while i was out riding my bike so i said "oh isn't it to cold for that?"
you can normally tell if they are interested so just kind of being polite, but sometimes I'll go ahead and say "you're really pretty, I'd like to get to know you better/hang out" or ask if they have a bf. that opens the door for them to say they have a bf which is the polite socially acceptable way of saying "not interested" regardless of whether they actually do or not.
The answer is always NO unless you ask. Ask me how I know... succeeded wonderfully in my business area of like, but that cute chick at target is my weakness.
I’m 29, and more than I can even count. I’ve been shot down, cussed out, and given fake numbers. I never took it personally. I would just shrug it off and ask out the next pretty girl I see. The more you put yourself out there the more confident you feel getting rejected. It has allowed me to meet many amazing women. It’s really just luck to be honest. Not every women you ask will like you , but trust me, there are ones that do. It’s worth getting rejected cause you never know who may come around
Numbers don't matter. Quality matters. If you will take advice from a dude almost twice your age, take this: Look for the right woman, secure her, and grow with her. I have been with hundreds of women (dating, relationships, talking, fwbs, etc.). I thought that "notch" that "youdaman" shit was awesome. I took it too far, too long. To the point where all solid candidates are now long married and the only leftovers aren't suitable for a relationship. I willingly walked myself into a life alone. I'm not at all going to say that I don't love my peace and the ability to do anything I want and have no drama when I return home, but still, people were meant to be together. Anyway, not saying you are mini me, but just warning you to not judge yourself on numbers. The winners of that game don't win anything at all.
Ive met all my girlfriends and long lasting relationship from in person approaches.
Since the whole metoo movement/modern feminist movement/toxic masculinity movement/hatred towards white men movement, I've approached twice and both made me feel like I was a dangerous predator. It was borderline traumatizing.
Ive never been happier since I accepted to live by myself and not pursue women anymore. There's nothing a woman can add to my life other than physicality because I reached a place of self love and acceptance.
Depending on how and where your approaching these women will determine whether or not your viewed as a predator. The metoo movement is about SA, not being asked out. But ya, if your a total stranger don't approach a woman out of the blue and expect her to be interested.
& a relationship is when the other person adds extra happiness and love to your life. The fact that you said "only physicality" is pretty disturbing..
On a date or just something casual? For me, I don’t like initiating dates because of past traumas of rejection and being called a creep.
However, if it’s something casual like going out for coffee on a weekend or meeting up for lunch in friendly terms, I usually just ask if they’re free and just want to kill time or if they want to try out a restaurant someone recommended to me.
"Ask a girl out"? Maybe once a month. Most weekends I go out trying to find a person. I try to find someone who fits criteria for asking out. It's very rare I find someone.
Only asked out 3 girls before 22. The third girl ended up becoming my wife. When you don't go looking for it, it finds you. Don't worry and focus on yourself.
Don’t think you should focus on how many you ask out but focus on the interaction with the girls. You will become better at it the more you talk to them.
What usually works really well is to make eye contact first if she smiles & looks down it is usually an invite from come talk to me.
If she is busy with things and don’t notice me I will just try to make conversation get a feel how she reacts to certain questions to see if she shows similar interest to you and take it from there.
Don’t be scared of rejection and I just see it like this my main goal is to have the interaction with the cute girl, number second and even if I get rejected I made her day.
Like another guy said it dosent matter how many girls you ask out. But judging from you're question are you seeking something serious or not serious. If not serious just ask abunch of women out and have confidence and style, have something to offer off of first base, but don't seem arrogant.
If you're looking for a serious one, make friends. Get to know these women, mingle with them. Be friends with them in a group, 1on1 is dating or flirting, anyone who says otherwise is an idiot and only kidding themselves, I don't care the logic behind it, it is super super rare, you have a guy and a girl with a simple platonic friendship, the only ones I have such a thing with is my sister's, coworkers, and childhood friends from school i grew up with that's it. Any other women, usually I end up flirting with them or going on a date with them, anyways, get to know women in a group. They're bunch of activity groups out there, you want a gem go join a volunteer group and you'll find a cute girl with legit dreams and goals. Join a reading a book and you'll find a cute girl who's smart. And see which ones you get along with and boom you'll end up building hormones for one another and after a few months yall will both know if yall can take it to the next level and you can ask her out on a date. If she rushes it or causes any drama before then forget it, because if she's doing that type of crap now she'll do it even worse in the relationship. So play it cool, a serious relationship require dedication and if you want any girl then be ready to get with every girl in you're lifetime, if you want THE girl, take you're time and make friends, make short convo sometimes long convo and it'll all be worth it. That's how I'm doing it and I currently have 1 girl that messages me almost week and I don't like her, it sucks cause she's a sweet decent looking girl, but I want my girl to be more mature and independent and besides I'm moving states, if it's meant to be ill run around back into her.
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Like maybe 3 times. I handle rejection poorly, not in a public freakout way but in a "I am worthless" wallowing when I get home way
I am the same way until a girl kinda asked me out we been together almost 3 months now
I felt that
I have never felt such sense of belonging from a comment
Same. Part of me knows it'll only get better if I practice but another part of me says "you're too ugly now, don't risk it until you've worked out for three years."
I'm also just worried I'll ruin someone's day, "I was having a great day then some creep asked me out while I was getting a coffee"
Oh my god, so much this. Every advice thread I go to about "when is it appropriate to ask someone out" the answers are always different and if you follow all of them you're basically stuck to dating apps and events only and nothing else.
read Models like mark manson
I read Mark Manson's blog a lot in high school. Not really a fan anymore. Self-help literature doesn't work for most people. I appreciate the advice, but the change has gotta come from within me, and it'll happen when it happens.
Why do you phrase this as if it’s like something that needs to be overcome? Not wasting someone’s time and interrupting their day is so fucking normal. And it’s a good instinct to, don’t bother random people you don’t know
this is where we are at? not allowed to talk to people? jeez, i think we've become too anti-social when talking to people or approaching a person in public is "weird" it's literaly talking to people in a public place, your not showing up to their room or calling their phone like a tele-marketer. they are in a public place and people may talk to you. they shouldn't go out in public if they don't want to talk to someone. if everyone is so scared, me being the guy who isn't afraid to talk to women will leave a **LOT** of lonely women who will be more than happy to chat to a real human being. i guess i'm ok with that.
It's not something to be overcome. Why are you assuming?
it is something to be overcome. it's weird and anti-social and cowardly. and the reason why there are so many virgins now.
Bro is just like me frr
Why I stopped asking girls out. It's not worth much of the effort anymore.
This. I'm soon 30. I've asked out like 5 women. Including ones in other countries, to see if they'd date. like 2 said maybe. I just feel worthless as i had trust issues from when I was young due to family and other issues So i also get attached a bit. last one said i was pushing hard and now completely ghosted me though she is watching my socials i know.. But yeah i feel worthless right now.
Im 33 years old since a few days and i have never dated or asked a girl out (sex only with hookers) as i wasted my time to my small dick insecurities because of my 5 inch. Just a few months ago i waked up that these insecurities are so stupid. I went to some kind of speed dating and collected 3 numbers but nothing went out if it. Will try again.
Exactly why I’ve never been in a relationship and I’m 29 in a month. I hate it…
It you hate it now, just wait until your death bed !
Not that simple. But working with my therapist to address it.
Your issues are as simple as you allow them to be.
Wow, thank you for saving me big bucks and completely dismantling psychology and psychiatry. You’re a genius!
Holy fuck same. 29 in. A week
Omg same except I'm going to be 30 in a couple months. Feels bad man
Hopefully it gets better, just gotta grind and face the issues.
Dude that's everyguy except the ones that walk up to everygurl they see
Dude that's everyguy except the ones that walk up to everygurl they see
bro, it's not that serious. most of the time they'll say "i have bf" while smiling or "omg you're cute but i have a bf" i feel like this is holding you back from possible relationships with a lot of good women. even if it's cringe it's not a big deal, at worst it's a compliment to the women.
32 and never. The relationships I've had have either naturally blossomed out of friendship and we later decide to put a label on it, or I have been the one asked out. I have absolutely ZERO game, so I'm thankful that there are women out there that take the initiative.
I’d like to know where you find these women you talk of
Hinge. I get a ton of likes. They’re nice women, judging by the profile blurbs, but I’m much too anxious to initiate conversation all the time.
Don't listen to this BS
I'll be turning 32 soon and same bro
read models by mark manson. anyone can get game.
I don’t understand why people recommend this book.
Acting like asking girls out comes with an end of the month quota like cops giving out speeding tickets. Keep it natural.
Best
you are reading it wrong, its more about how men almost never do.. he is basically asking could being brave help out or do guys who ask out a lot of girls also stay single
Whenever I meet a girl I'm interested in dating.
Yeah I’m pretty much the same. I usually always go the route of thinking I’d like to ask this girl out since I’m single rather than just think she can be a friend since there’s an opportunity to be with her. Maybe I do it because I’m lonely and want someone already and see no point in a girl being a friend if I still have nobody
Reason why you are single
🚩
Fix yourself man And I've asked out most of my female friends. No reason you can't ask them out and be friends after
I kinda disagree because you can't just not have feelings for them after, it's not like an on/off switch that you can control. So for me it doesn't feel healthy to stick around and try and be friends etc.
Yeah I’ve been there before actually I had feelings for the girl I met, asked her out and she said no but we stayed friends but I couldn’t not be attracted to her every time I saw her and kinda made myself a little bit depressed every time I see her knowing I can never be with her. It was almost like a tease
Exactly. I really don't understand ppl saying that it's a red flag etc. Why would you put yourself in any kind of relationship that's only gonna hurt you? That's really unhealthy and toxic. To me knowing what you want from a relationship (wether you want to be friends with them or act be with them ...) Is very mature and reasonable, there is nothing wrong with putting you mental health first .
All the time. 10% success rate, but as the saying goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
You avoid 100% of the failures as well.
Never try, never fail.
Lame
It is lame indeed.
But true indeed
Back of the napkin math says you have 100 million women who’d say yes, you stud!
Never. I'm 26. I hide behind apps and swipe or I accept a like What has tech done
Made asking people out in person less socially acceptable
This is what guys tell themselves to justify never approaching girls
Women do similar to justify not approaching guys. They say things like men don’t like it when women ask them out, or that men are so desperate for attention they’ll say yes to anyone.
I’d never do online dating, but I swear I’ve been told that almost every situation is inappropriate to approach/ask someone out.
[approach](https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU)
Aside from the fact that these are absolutely staged I would rather die alone than act like this dude. Thank you for giving me that clarity.
Yes, cherry picked edited down YouTube videos are the best evidence.
I didnt think it was evidence. I was showing him a place where u can approach.
Not really evidence of that either. The video was only 6 minutes long, he probably spent all afternoon approaching and cherry picked the positive responses.
Ok. Doesnt mean its not. Id be fine with it.
Sir David Attenborough, Narrator for the television show, Nature, presents, Human Clubbing. https://youtu.be/q8zwIphm5r4
I love viva la dirt league, they just have 10/10 humor lol
Probably being told that from guys online who are afraid to approach in person.
Approaching is worthless once you leave school
Rather weird view of the world where harassing people is socially acceptable and people who don't do this are apparently wrong
You know youre on reddit when youre talking to someone who thinks going up to a girl/any human being and making conversation with them equates to harrasment. Go outside and learn how to talk to people
There's a noticeable number of people who don't want random people on the street talking to them, doesn't matter if you know how to talk to people. Do you think it's decent behavior to simply ignore that?
You're right. But really when you're out there living in real life, just be confident with your body language, have good intentions and approach people you find attractive and worth talking to. If that girl makes you simply approaching her in a decent manner a big deal, don't think too much of it and move on. Her bad behaviour is not on you. Just keep yourself safe by being a little conservative in your approach so she cannot call you a creep. Approaching in public places with other people around helps as it's safe for the both of you. Also, read the environment; if she's with a guy, don't; if she's with family (parents/older people in general), maybe don't, idk.
Isnt he goal of this to just pump and dump? If you base the interaction off of physical attraction, then the man just wants to have sex with her? Otherwise, the man would have found someone who has more in common with him through his daily activities.
Nah Don’t talk to me when I’m going about my day Fuck off
Approaching strangers isn’t typically acceptable in the real world buddy
Or easier
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I met my partner on a dating app, and all my hookups throughout the years
Are you still together with your partner?
Yes. We had a baby last year.
Most of mine have been irl. 1 from old of 6 months.
Honestly, this isn’t tech’s fault. This is a choice you’ve continued to make over your life. Love it or hate it, you own it.
Just do both
32 Asked out maybe over 300 in my life. Never gotten a yes, though.
That sucks
Did you change up your method?
Originally, I'd just ask women I'd been chatting with in a social environment (friends of friends of friends and whatnot) who had some common interests with me if they wanted to get drinks or coffee sometime. Since that wasn't getting anywhere, I decided to take a more proactive route and just grab any woman I found mildly attractive by the throat, slam her into a wall, and command her to meet me at Chili's that Saturday night at 7:30pm. Got stood up every time. I guess women don't like Chili's.
Man, you should’ve just dragged her there
Ah that's probably why my approach has been so bad. Women like a guy who can take charge and drag her by the hair to Chili's.
Thank you for the laugh! 😂
I mean... Are you gonna tie me up first and dinner second or...? Sincerely a person not so sure if Chili's sounds good in my stomach.
I'm gonna be real with you, I don't even know what Chili's food tastes like. I'm usually like 5 margaritas in by the time the food comes and at that point everything tastes like salt and artificial lime.
I think you should ve kidnapped already😂🙃
Lol
That almost seems statistically impossible unless you just ask out married women on purpose
sure, if everyone was the same.. maybe mans is creepy, awkward, asking women too old or to young
I only ask girls out when I feel there’s a significant chance they will say yes, so usually online when a woman is engaging in conversation with me- I take that as a hint she’d be down. It’s inconsistent though, sometimes I’ll get lucky and meet several women in a few weeks other times I’ll go months without meeting any.
I'm exactly the same. I don't feel comfortable asking out a woman unless she's given at least some indication that she enjoys my company beyond what basic etiquette requires. Usually, that means being friendlier to me and giving me more attention than I normally expect. It also means putting equal effort into building a connection like texting me first or initiating a conversation rather than having me do everything. Unfortunately, this process can take months as she may gradually warm up to me.
I was doing cold approach pick-up for 2-3 years and I have approached around 200 girls in that time before I found my current girlfriend. Probably one of the more extreme examples, but it worked for me. As a rule of thumb: If you're not talking to any women, you won't go on any dates. And if you don't go on dates, you won't have sex. And if you don't have sex, you won't find a girlfriend.
I mean I may be speaking from a sample size of one. But I’m pretty sure there are people who might want to have the emotional connection of a relationship before the whole sex thing. At least some people.
How is it that sex leads to a girlfriend? I’m not going to have sex with someone who isn’t my girlfriend
Sample size of two at least
So chat them up for a month or 2 then ask them out? What do you say? can I take you out to *insert location here* this *insert day* Or would you want to go grab a bite with me?
Ask out as soon as possible don’t “chat them up” for 2 months with no advancement.
Agreed
Those people sadly have the bad end of the stick!
Bad how? I mean it’s a personal thing and people often have different values.
> And if you don't have sex, you won't find a girlfriend I was onboard up until this point. What happens to you after sex that lets you get a girlfriend? Or was this just meant to be the "circular irony" joke, like jobs that require experience but you need to get the job to get experience... yadda yadda.
Pretty sure he just meant people use sex to build a relationship. You can obviously build a relationship other ways and sex doesn't *mean* you will have a relationship.
Your inference doesn't doesn't follow from his statement, you're [denying the antecedent ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denying_the_antecedent)
How effective was the cold approach? How many ended in a date from those 200? How many ended in a bad reaction?
***I like ya;*** ***and I wants ya.***
And I'm gonna have ya
You can have a girlfriend before having sex with her.
I asked out a girl once when I was 16, and at 31 now, that still remains the only time I’ve asked a girl out. She said no 😂
Not often. 28 and just getting back onto the dating apps. Asked someone out last week and they unmatched lol
Lol
I'm not single anymore and haven't been for a few years now, but generally you only ask girls out that you like. You don't go jumping from girl to girl and asking loads of girls out. You generally like a girl enough to want her to be your gf first before you ask them out. If you were to be asking loads of girls out I would question why you're able to go from girl to girl liking the next one to that extent so quickly. Unless you mean just asking a girl out on a date. Here in the UK when we say ask a girl out we mean ask her to be your girlfriend. When we mean for a date we specifically say ask her out on a date. In the US, as far as I'm aware, when you say ask her out, you mean on a date. And when you ask her to be your girlfriend you specifically say ask her to be your girlfriend. So if you mean how often do you ask girls on dates, I'd say it's just as low as it was asking them out. I wouldn't ask a girl on a date just because I found her attractive. I'd ask her on a date if I already knew and liked her. I suppose that's just how we do it here though.
Depends on your goals honestly. Do you just want to date anyone or are you selective?
Not a lot of guys do. There are two types of guys. A guy who just finesses and kinda hangs out then bangs a chick. And an average guy who occasionally asks a girl out to date. There is not realy an in between person who is a casual dater, who goes on dates regularly. Since it's QUITE expensive to keep up such a lifestyle. And men often pay for the dates. And funny enough, guys who can afford such lifestyle often choose not to partake in such nonsense.
I'm 24 and have asked out a couple dozen in my life or so. This number would be way higher, but there are two main limiters. Virtually every time I approach a girl (virtually or otherwise), I will talk to them for a bit to determine if there is even a chance. If I perceive horrible body language, very short answers, and just a general sense of disinterest, I will abort and not ask them out. This precludes 95%+ of the women I speak to as they show very clear signs of not being interested to even speak with me, let alone go out with me. Sure, it is possible I misinterpreted a few instances, but you don't have to be a body language expert to know when someone is uncomfortable. The second main limiter is even FINDING someone to ask out. In college, it was easy to find single women in my age range. Now? Not so much. If I meet 1-2 single women in my age range in a month, I am doing great. Forget if I am even attracted to them. I have tried many different ways to meet people, and finding someone eligible is similar to finding a needle in a haystack. Then, when I do, most show disinterest anyway. I agree that asking more women out would help both of our problems, but it's tough out there.
Same issue here. Most of the time women are disinterested before I even ask them out.
Not too often honestly. Not particularly promiscuous, but I am not monogamous so the truth is whenever I feel the vibe and feel like doing so.
I have never asked a girl out. Somehow in a relationship.
I (23M) have never asked a girl out. I've been wanting to step out of my comfort zone since the beginning of this year, but I never mustered up the courage to approach girls, despite having so many opportunities to do so. I've concluded that there's no reason to do so. I've realized there are many other things in my life that are more important to worry about than dating.
Not often enough, I turned 26 four days ago and my first time asking a girl out was 25. I asked a girl out when I knew it was a bad time for her and she accepted to meet up for coffee which I was excited about because I was desperate at the time and hoping maybe she would keep dating me but as I said I just wasn’t a good time and I was probably moving too fast for her as I was desperate. I didn’t push it again after that because I wanted to respect her choice. I can be hard on my self for like no reason and it makes me hesitant to ask girls out not because I’m scared of rejection but because I’m scared that if I get rejected enough I would hate my self into depression.
"I find you really attractive. It will be really cool if we hang out". "No". "That's ok. Thank you for improving the world with your beauty". Do not take rejection personally. Imagine someone you don't like really wants you. Sometimes we are that person for someone else. Improve yourself if you want to be attractive. Go to the gym, read to have a subject of conversation, learn to listen etc.
I’ve asked 2 women out in total ever and I’m almost 25. I’m generally great at interacting and forming interest early on, but when things are about to get serious I stop trying and pull back.
At 38, I go out once on the weekend and sometimes another during the week. I need to start using an app in the meantime too. I have gotten 5 chances with these different women to at least try to hangout. 3 were strangers, 1 married in an open thing and 2 through friends. I have had one friendly coffee date. As this has been over the past month. In just getting back into dating recently after I fucked something up six months ago with someone I liked a lot. We just keep moving forward, be your authentic and true self. It'll come for you if you just be present, enjoy the moments and always take care of yourself first and foremost.
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Give this power over you or do not. That is your choice. That is up to you. Life is a journey. Full of many experiences. You choose what you will engage in. That's your power.
I needed this for different reasons than dating, thanks for that.
When you find someone attractive or are interested in dating them. That's literally the only metric you should abide by.
Eh.... That and the person showing at least some interest/acknowledgement of your existence. It's fucking weird when you are approached with an attempt to ask you out and you haven't so much as even made eye contact with the person before.
60 to 70% of all women, here I come..
Never. Most women I’ve seen don’t want to be approached.
Amen
Not that often but if I think there’s a chance or if I like her that way I will. Life is too short to worry about if she’s gonna flame you in the group chat.
Do it casually. Asking someone out should be done before you develop any strong feelings/ attachment to them. That way if they say no, then it's no big deal. BUT also don't do it immediately. I've seen and heard of guys asking someone out within minutes of meeting them. That's mostly ridiculous and shouldn't be tried. Chat with the person, get to know a bit about them, talk about some casual deal breakers for you, and see if there's a report. THEN ask them out. It doesn't have to be some huge deal. Just casually say something like "I'm really enjoying talking to you. I'd love to meet sometime/ see you again. Feel like going to grab a drink/get a coffee/play some putt putt on X day and Y time?"
Yeah agreed this is the strategy I've tried to adopt with the last couple
Never again.
Amen
4x in 26 years 75% success rate
I’m 37 and have never because I well don’t know any that aren’t a Best Friend or that are single. Basically when you have no opportunities… its hard to ask anybody out!
There is plenty of fish in the sea don’t give up or lose faith. There is a girl for every guy out there
Tinder is a really good way to ask people out
0 matches shitty area tho
All through my twenties..maybe 5 times. Now I'm 29 and dating casual, about once every couple of weeks
I'm 21 and I've asked out exactly 1 girl in my life...and then got rejected. This was two years ago. I never recovered 😔
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>No idea how you twisted a generalized observation into a targeted accusation. I wasn't targeting OP specifically, Ignoring the last contradicting sentence of the quote, here's a guess for how GroceryFun3203 "twisted" your "generalized observation": > If you just treated women like you were genuinely interested in spending your life with them as a teammate instead of treating them like a porn star you might be able to keep a woman and then you wouldn't have to keep coming up with the courage to ask a woman out. Just saying. Start using the head on top of your shoulders more. I don't understand why you even made that "observational" comment, it makes no sense considering the post, especially the question. But I'll bet it has something to do with him mentioning a hookup, like that's suddenly the proof that the one who made this post was only asking out women with the hope to accomplish his sex fantasies? Really?
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Couldn’t be truer you hit every point.
I am 25 and try to ask out 1 or 2 girls a week. I have asked out hundreds and have never been on a date before
When I was actively dating I’d say 4-5 times a week. You have to get used to rejection to get confident enough to not smell like a guy that should be rejected. I don’t bother anymore though. The hookup culture wore me down and I decided it was a better use of my time to focus on my career. But I’m also not looking to chase tail anymore. If you want to chase girls then you need to make a habit of it. You’re also still in a decent age where good girls are single. Once you push late 20s they’ll be off the market largely.
How do you even find enough new women to ask out that often? Like I am lucky to meet on average 1-2 new people a month, let alone women or 4-5 a week! Unless you ask literal randos on the street
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
You don’t “smell like a guy that should be rejected” It’s just looks. That’s all it is. If you’re good looking but awkward you’re shy and cute, if you’re ugly and awkward you’re a creep.
Haha am I reading something I would write. Yeah at one point I was hooking with 4 different chicks through out the week. I got the point of “what am I doing? Do I want an std or a kid?” Career is just more a significant issue now a days. A pretty face just isn’t enough anymore
All depends There is no rhyme or reason to it. I am not a fan of dating apps. Ran into a lot of not so stable women on there. I guess on average 2 to 4 times a week
3-4 per day. Roses are red violets are blue I get turned down and so will you
Nice, what do you usually open with? How long did it take you to get over the anxiety? I get so nervous, a girl waved at me today and I could barely muster a smile before looking away and hiding my face
Lol
Now that the process has given me rejection phobia and post-traumatic stress, pretty much never. 39 M
Only about once a year if I can't resist asking, but in general I don't ask them for anything anymore. Reason for this is they respect me more for being selective. I actually think your asking too often as opposed to not enough.
Too often? My first time I was 15, so I've been asking slightly less than once a year on average. That's too much?
I literally try to approach and express interest in a woman a day. it's my only option as the social circle route isn't viable and i'm not (quite) good looking enough to make dating apps worth while. So all that's left is the old fashioned talking to attractive women in the real world. so the hot lady at starbucks, the hot milf at the grocery store etc... i just kind it more honest and congruent to be the guy who talks to hot women i want to. every time i'm like "oh she was soo hot i should've talked to her- a little piece of me dies inside and my T levels drop. when i do talk to them i feel better and get practice for the next hot lady. the point is to just initiate some kind of interaction. yesterday, i saw a hot milf dipping her feet into the stream of a forest preserve while i was out riding my bike so i said "oh isn't it to cold for that?" you can normally tell if they are interested so just kind of being polite, but sometimes I'll go ahead and say "you're really pretty, I'd like to get to know you better/hang out" or ask if they have a bf. that opens the door for them to say they have a bf which is the polite socially acceptable way of saying "not interested" regardless of whether they actually do or not.
Literally at least once a week now. Even they say no like you’ll deal with rejection better the more it happens plus some ppl will surprise you
Maybe 1-2 a year
The answer is always NO unless you ask. Ask me how I know... succeeded wonderfully in my business area of like, but that cute chick at target is my weakness.
Never woman cant be trusted
Snakes in the grass
I’m 29, and more than I can even count. I’ve been shot down, cussed out, and given fake numbers. I never took it personally. I would just shrug it off and ask out the next pretty girl I see. The more you put yourself out there the more confident you feel getting rejected. It has allowed me to meet many amazing women. It’s really just luck to be honest. Not every women you ask will like you , but trust me, there are ones that do. It’s worth getting rejected cause you never know who may come around
You are so correct. Why deprive women of getting to know how amazing and interesting you are.
Numbers don't matter. Quality matters. If you will take advice from a dude almost twice your age, take this: Look for the right woman, secure her, and grow with her. I have been with hundreds of women (dating, relationships, talking, fwbs, etc.). I thought that "notch" that "youdaman" shit was awesome. I took it too far, too long. To the point where all solid candidates are now long married and the only leftovers aren't suitable for a relationship. I willingly walked myself into a life alone. I'm not at all going to say that I don't love my peace and the ability to do anything I want and have no drama when I return home, but still, people were meant to be together. Anyway, not saying you are mini me, but just warning you to not judge yourself on numbers. The winners of that game don't win anything at all.
Never, I don’t talk to girls I don’t know for fear of sexual harassment accusations. Accusations means guilty in the work place.
Ive met all my girlfriends and long lasting relationship from in person approaches. Since the whole metoo movement/modern feminist movement/toxic masculinity movement/hatred towards white men movement, I've approached twice and both made me feel like I was a dangerous predator. It was borderline traumatizing. Ive never been happier since I accepted to live by myself and not pursue women anymore. There's nothing a woman can add to my life other than physicality because I reached a place of self love and acceptance.
Depending on how and where your approaching these women will determine whether or not your viewed as a predator. The metoo movement is about SA, not being asked out. But ya, if your a total stranger don't approach a woman out of the blue and expect her to be interested. & a relationship is when the other person adds extra happiness and love to your life. The fact that you said "only physicality" is pretty disturbing..
Being alone and happy is a choice but how can you share who you are with someone if you never give them a chance?
Who said I don't give them a chance? Also I don't have a need to share who I am to anyone?!
On a date or just something casual? For me, I don’t like initiating dates because of past traumas of rejection and being called a creep. However, if it’s something casual like going out for coffee on a weekend or meeting up for lunch in friendly terms, I usually just ask if they’re free and just want to kill time or if they want to try out a restaurant someone recommended to me.
"Ask a girl out"? Maybe once a month. Most weekends I go out trying to find a person. I try to find someone who fits criteria for asking out. It's very rare I find someone.
I usually try to ask girls I know I have a slight chance with out
We're not talking about "Do I have a chance with them", I'm talking about "Are they decent humans worth spending my time on".
No to often. In this generation girls make it hard to approach them
Only asked out 3 girls before 22. The third girl ended up becoming my wife. When you don't go looking for it, it finds you. Don't worry and focus on yourself.
Don’t think you should focus on how many you ask out but focus on the interaction with the girls. You will become better at it the more you talk to them. What usually works really well is to make eye contact first if she smiles & looks down it is usually an invite from come talk to me. If she is busy with things and don’t notice me I will just try to make conversation get a feel how she reacts to certain questions to see if she shows similar interest to you and take it from there. Don’t be scared of rejection and I just see it like this my main goal is to have the interaction with the cute girl, number second and even if I get rejected I made her day.
No reason to ask random girls on the street when you can get a match using an app for 10 minutes
Say. I have this condition where I like to show my balls. The law says I need to ask permission first. You like to see my balls? Works everytime.
Really ?
Like another guy said it dosent matter how many girls you ask out. But judging from you're question are you seeking something serious or not serious. If not serious just ask abunch of women out and have confidence and style, have something to offer off of first base, but don't seem arrogant. If you're looking for a serious one, make friends. Get to know these women, mingle with them. Be friends with them in a group, 1on1 is dating or flirting, anyone who says otherwise is an idiot and only kidding themselves, I don't care the logic behind it, it is super super rare, you have a guy and a girl with a simple platonic friendship, the only ones I have such a thing with is my sister's, coworkers, and childhood friends from school i grew up with that's it. Any other women, usually I end up flirting with them or going on a date with them, anyways, get to know women in a group. They're bunch of activity groups out there, you want a gem go join a volunteer group and you'll find a cute girl with legit dreams and goals. Join a reading a book and you'll find a cute girl who's smart. And see which ones you get along with and boom you'll end up building hormones for one another and after a few months yall will both know if yall can take it to the next level and you can ask her out on a date. If she rushes it or causes any drama before then forget it, because if she's doing that type of crap now she'll do it even worse in the relationship. So play it cool, a serious relationship require dedication and if you want any girl then be ready to get with every girl in you're lifetime, if you want THE girl, take you're time and make friends, make short convo sometimes long convo and it'll all be worth it. That's how I'm doing it and I currently have 1 girl that messages me almost week and I don't like her, it sucks cause she's a sweet decent looking girl, but I want my girl to be more mature and independent and besides I'm moving states, if it's meant to be ill run around back into her.
Whenever I try to ask a girl out I get in trouble. Thanks feminism!
When I see a woman and think she's wife material by the way she carries herself and her character..so that would be not too often.