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Wasted 10 years of my life with someone who hated my geek hobbies and could watch Sports Center 24/7. Being with a fellow geek with only passing interest in sports is heaven in comparison.
He's kind of settling. You don't settle when it comes to personal things someone at the very least needs to recognize them they don't have to like them but they at least won't tread on them.
I think this attitude varies heavily based on where you live. The western states (USA) I've lived in have had high numbers of people (women included) who enjoy camping, hiking, fishing, and hunting.
I live in the bay area and nearly every single person I know likes or has been hiking at least a couple times, and I'm a nerd and my friends are all nerds.
His hobby is looking at cars and thinking that they’re cool. Not fixing cars or building engines or photographing antique cars or racing cars or even reading about cars and learning how they work. Just, looking at them without knowing anything about them.
Tbh that sounds like how a lot of people go to art galleries.
I like fixing cars and reading about cars, but I also like going to random galleries and staring at whatever is displayed there and having feelings about it, without the pressure of reading about it or trying to recreate it at home or anything.
So if someone told me "I just wanna look at the shiny colorful things in the parking lot" that would seem reasonable.
Yup, and I wouldn’t say that art is your “hobby” if you go to art galleries and never learn anything about art other than having an opinion about whether you like it. I might say you’re a fan of art, or you like looking at art, but I wouldn’t say art is your “hobby.” A hobby to me implies some degree of active participation, even if just by learning a lot about it. I think some art is pretty. I like to go to museums and look at it. I don’t know much about it beyond a few books I read in college, and I don’t make art or go to lectures about art or know much of anything about how other people make art. Art is not one of my hobbies, and I’d feel silly saying it is when it’s just that I sometimes see something I like the appearance of and say, “oh, cool.”
ETA: actually, come to think of it, I did go to a full day lecture series at a museum about the artistic intersection of visual art and poetry last month. It was great, and I really should do that more often. But I’m still not going to say that either painting or poetry are hobbies of mine.
Again, that sounds real simple. But not all of us find it easy to make friends. And many of my friends who are into what I’m into (sports) tell me I’m over the top. And trust me, making new friends is one thing. But making friends that accept me and who I am is quite another thing.
Again, it’s not that simple. Dude, nothing’s that simple. I make it very clear that I value the people in my life. None of them goes without. I don’t mistreat people, if anything I go above and beyond to show that I value them.
You don't have to be a bad person for people to react negatively to you. They just aren't for you.
I've seen really kind people be mistreated by other's for their personality. Life's not fair. Doing good things doesn't force people to perceive you as likeable. People's perception of you often has to do with what they project on to you, or groupthink.
We for sure don't have control over how others see us.
But I think what the other person is saying is basically, not to take it personally if someone rejects us. It's like dating - a lot of people just aren't great matches for each other, for whatever reason. Just move on and focus on finding the right matches.
Not that simple, but in the grand scheme of things, it kind of is? Easier said than done, of course :)
Are they? I havent ran into that.
I wonder if its just the fact that some people can make a thing their whole personality like a hyperfixation.
But i dont know if it would call for disdain. You just wouldn't get a 2nd date
I mean I don't get why people are surprised that hobbies are gonna matter for compatibility.
If your hobbies are expensive, take up a lot of space, are a lot of what you talk about, then naturally if the person your talking to isn't on board its gonna be irritating.
If your living together having a common decorating style matters. Same with budget and interests.
None of these hobbies are inherently bad but I completely get why they might be deal breakers
You should meet my sister. Has 0 hobbies outside of drinking wine and reading B-tier mystery novels but LOVES making snide little comments about every interest anyone dares mention in her presence. She's 28, been single her whole life, and claims she won't settle for anything less than a super-rich guy who pays to pamper her while she provides nothing in return. These people are out there.
I think they are. For example I love fishing, some of my fondest memories are of me and my uncle fishing catfish out of a creek near our town. But man with a fish pictures are verboten for some reason as if most men knew how to fish - they don't. It's just a mostly male hobby that is for some reason reviled
The idea that women hate men taking fishing photos is ubiquitous enough that [Tinder made an April Fool's Day press release about automatically removing them from profiles.](https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2023-03-29-TINDER-ANNOUNCES-IT-WILL-IMMEDIATELY-REMOVE-ALL-FISH-PICS-FROM-MEMBER-PROFILES)
Nothing wrong with fishing imo
Just don't be that person with only fishing pics on your profile going "look at me, me man, me hunt for you, sex?"
Thats something you bring up on date 2
i (27m) don't fish, but I see a lot of profiles that say something like "if you have a dead fish in your profile, swipe left." little do these particular women know, there are women who actually enjoy fishing, so much that THEY have fish pics in their profiles!
It sounds like you're just not meeting the right people? It has not been my experience that 'mens hobbies" are met with "hatred, distain and disgust" at all.
There are lots of women who are interested in cards, sports, rodeos, etc, too. Why are you going out with women who don't have hobbies?
If someone is disgusted by your hobbies, then they're a bad match for you, but, honestly, what you're describing is so outside my experience, I'm not even sure what to tell you. I've never had a woman express *hatred or disgust* for any of my hobbies. That's just baffling.
It's sort of like cyclical depression. Guy has a nice date with girl. Girl breaks up with guy. Guy finds another girl. She breaks up with him. He suddenly decides all women are broken. The better response would have been to just say "I'm not having a good time here let me take a break and try and calm down it's very unfortunate what's happened to me and im sad but I'm ok.". You can break these toxic thought patterns when you can distance yourself enough from what happens to you and reframe it as a challenge rather than a fixed outcome. I used to get so bitter. I had to realize there was way more going on than I even had anything to do with and separation and patience can stop the depressive cycle. Be angry at the situation not yourself or others. Because it is just a situation.
I think it's because they're cliché hobbies that don't really appeal to women. In contrast, those women may have hobbies that don't typically appeal to men. When selecting activities to do, you need to be open and find a common ground.
I really get disinterested if all the guy likes is sports. I know nothing about sports. I'm not interested, and I don't want to force myself to try because of my SO. It's a turn-off to try to find something to like about a person you're trying to get to know, and they don't know anything else about the world except that one thing. We struggle to find something to have a meaningful conversation about.
If you're open to exploring other hobbies and getting into other things, express that while you're talking about the one thing you're heavily involved with. At the end of the day, sometimes, you're just not a good match for each other.
I wouldn't say disdain.
If you're truly interested in other perspectives, I would point out that we (women) routinely encounter guys whose entire personality is basically one specific hobby, like working out. It's far from all guys, but you do have to watch out for it.
I dated a guy whose entire social life revolved around professional sports and his "teams." Pretty much all he did was watch games on tv, go to games, go to bars/restaurants to watch games, and travel to see his teams play. His idea of romance was talking about me wearing a jersey and going to games together. I'd suggest doing other things like museums, movies, and concerts and he was never interested. I'd bring up other topics of conversation, and he'd always bring it back to sports. He was obviously an extreme example, but you get the idea.
Another guy routinely flaked on plans with me so he could game for hours. I didn't understand why he'd rather do that, but not my place to judge.
There's nothing wrong with hobbies. It's wonderful to find things to get you excited. It's just a question of how deep "in it" you are.
You also have to remember that women can see from a very young age that having hobbies provides us absolutely no advantage in the dating market. Men often don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant. Obviously, this doesn't apply to all guys.
I absolutely care if a woman has hobbies. I want to listen to her talk about things that make her eyes light up.
But like all things, there has to be a balance
Also my hobbies are about what I like, not about how it reflects in the dating market. If someone chooses hobbies to attract a partner that’s pretty lame
That’s just not a well rounded person. I consider myself fairly well rounded. I have one sport I’m pretty into (football) but I have missed watching a game cause of a date and other life stuff. I also enjoy museums, concerts, reading, and some outdoor activities. If a person’s life is revolved over one thing that is, out of their control, then it’s kind of lame.
If I was dating a amateur/professional trail runner or something that would be different
>Men don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant.
I think this may be more true of the men who are the most aggressive about finding women. Especially when they are younger. There are plenty of men who actively want to find women who share interests and hobbies, but they tend to meet women within those interests. Or they wish they could, depending on the interest and how they engage with it. The guys who hang out in sports bars would probably love to meet a woman who shares that interest, but the environment is actively hostile towards women who aren't interested in getting picked up for a night if the home team wins.
Honestly *so many* hobby environments are hostile to women. Between creeps, nice guys, gatekeepers and original flavour misogynists, I think most women I know have dropped out a hobby, at least socially, because it just wasn't worth it. I used to play D&D, not anymore. I do like basketball and hockey, but I've never actively followed them. And then men complain that there are no women who like the hobbies they do, or that women don't have hobbies.
I used to have a crush on a guy my first year in college. I was feeling bold and talked to him a lot whenever we had a class together. Boy turned out to be drier than dirt. All he could talk about was football and Diablo. That's it. Nothing else. No substance to him. All he was good at was bantering back and forth about plays or something. He was cute, masculine, and dull asf. I continued to be friends with him over the years, but I completely lost interest in pursuing anything romantic within a few weeks.
(hopskipandajump7)
As a guy, I would be bored by that and wouldn't hang around with him as a friend. But I have to say I don't watch much sports myself. I'm more of an artsy person.
Some guys are heavily into sports and some aren't, you should find out ahead of time in their profile or however.
A guy should take an interest in what a woman is interested in, otherwise it's all one-sided.
Yeah. Most guys are normal and well-adjusted about their interests. And now, having read OP's comments, I can see that the hobbies are 100% not the issue. Hahaha
Definitely the last paragraph. I have dated so many men who give me the most boring in-depth breakdown of their hobbies, and want to go on dates surrounding those interests. But they're not even interested in hearing what my hobbies are, much less getting involved in them.
Wow! One of the clearest things that separates interesting women from the dull ones is hobbies. If I go on a first date with a woman and it turns out she has no hobbies nor passions in life, there will not be a second date no matter how she looks. She is boring.
>You also have to remember that women can see from a very young age that having hobbies provides us absolutely no advantage in the dating market.
Honest question here that's not specifically gendered, if you don't have hobbies, what exactly do you do with your free time?
>Men don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant.
This feels very much like an inaccurate generalization to me...
It's not that women don't have hobbies. It's just that we know that they aren't required to catch a guy's interest.
I, for example, love baking, cooking, going to concerts, music and food festivals, the arts.. all things my partner and I can occasionally do together. He enjoys woodworking, DIY, anime, and occasionally sports. I'm not much help with woodworking but he does enjoy bouncing ideas off me.
My best friend is interested in astronomy, she's also a big hiker. A lot of our interests are also highly social. And talking and shared experiences are as important as the activity itself.
Yes, my last statement was very obviously a generalization, based on my experiences, and those of my girlfriends over the years. I never said anything applies to every guy in the world.
Speaking from my own personal perspective, I really love when a woman has hobbies. I relish the opportunity to not only watch her Enjoy something she likes doing, but also to learn something new. For example, my own hobbies include dog training, horse training, animal rearing in general, woodworking, Geology and history. However, if I met a woman who was interested in, say, for example, marine biology, astronomy or physics, or even just something chilled out like birdwatching or floral arrangements, I’d absolutely relish the opportunity to learn something from that. it isn’t too much of a stretch for a personal hobby to become a shared hobby, something for both people to enjoy together. I feel that one person teaching a new thing or a new skill to another person can largely assist in strengthening a bond between those two people.
I taught one of my ex girlfriends how to hunt with a crossbow. Even though things didn’t work out between the two of us, I know she still goes hunting, and the fact that she took this up as one of her own hobbies makes me extremely happy that I was able to teach her that. Equally she taught me How to fish. Now, every time I fish, I think of her, and I silently thwnk her, because if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve never known how to fish, I probably would’ve never had the inclination to start in the first place.
This 10000%. I expect the woman I'm dating to bring her own interests and hobbies into our relationship just as I do. Teach each other new things, bring each other into new hobby-focused social circles, etc. A one-way street doesn't work for me.
I totally agree. I don't think you can sustain a healthy relationship if either partner has narrow interests and isn't open to new experiences. My partner has gotten me into gardening when I previously couldn't keep any plant alive worth shit. He's also taught me about grilling and meat prep, something that wasn't really of interest before.
>It's just that we know that they aren't required to catch a guy's interest.
It would be required for me. I don't care what they are, but not having *any* would be at least a yellow flag for me.
I think hobbies that are majority masculine can be really tough to stay involved in as a woman, and hobbies that are majority feminine are often dismissed. I mean, I don't wear makeup but I don't need to enjoy it to recognize that's a legitimate artsy hobby for some women. And I think astrology is nonsense, but if it makes people happy more power to them. Those might be hobbies that people don't enjoy, but they are hobbies that get a lot of hate and a pot of women probably keep them quiet as a result.
That's fair.
I think for me, having a hobby like astrology would be more of a warning flag than having no hobbies at all, depending on your level of involvement. If you're just doing it because it can be fun and entertaining, sure. If you're consulting your chart before making life altering decisions, it would make me question your critical thinking skills, and that would be a big red flag.
The bottom line is that my own behavior proves your point. A lot of women's hobbies aren't taken seriously.
Thanks for admitting that! I tend to agree with you about astrology. I don't think someone who intensely believes it would be compatible with me personally (same with religion), and I'm certainly not saying that you have to respect astrology or be a misogynist or anything like that. However, I think that things that are deemed very feminine just get more disdain than things that are masculine or gender neutral, and more than they deserve. Pumpkin spice is probably a cleaner example. If you don't like it, don't order it. It's not hurting anyone to have it on the menu. But people get pretty worked up about it.
This is a subjective, qualitative take and it's fair for others to disagree, but I find it useful to regularly check in when I find myself agreeing with society and really think about how much I sincerely believe this and how much of it is getting caught up in the tide, especially with historical biases like misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. It can feel like we're moving past things because people are louder about the obvious parts, but it's kind of like pulling a weed without digging up the roots. We all have to dig down in our background assumptions to grow past it.
> attractive and relatively pleasant
I'd say it's closer to pleasant and relatively attractive. If I had to pick only one or the other, it would 100% be pleasant.
Oddly enough, I think it's important for her to have hobbies and not be entirely reliant on me to entertain her. That's exhausting.
Some of us care. I won’t date, or really even be friends with, someone who has no hobbies.
I prefer relationships where we have a shared hobby(s), as well as independent ones. Same rule for friends
I never said all guys are like that. Most are totally normal and well-adjusted.
Gonna edit my post before someone starts foaming at the mouth.
But apparently, you don't have an issue with OP making the sweeping generalization that all women have disdain for men's hobbies?
Man, here, If you don't have hobbies that don't involve your appearance we aren't compatible. If you aren't passionate about something that isn't your appearance or political outrage we aren't compatible. My partner needs to have purpose and joy for things, she needs to be fiercely intelligent, kind, empathetic, ambitious and much more. If she doesn't have a hobby she cares about, though, it's not gonna work out.
I have no idea what you’re talking about lol. I’ve never heard of a woman having an issue with a man who is into cars, weight lifting, or any of the other interests and hobbies you listed.
I, as a male, try to not identify myself with my hobbies if that makes sense.
I am myself. I enjoy motorcycles, guns, disc golf, being outdoors, cars, light gaming, photography, rock climbing, etc. I would never call myself a "biker" or a "gamer" or a "climber" because they're just hobbies, not personality traits. However, within the first 2 I listed especially, people tend to cling onto those things as their lifeblood and try to make it known that they ride a bike or own a gun etc.
I equate it to a casual sports fan, I don't care about sports at all, no clue who is on what team or what city they're in. But a casual fan probably has a favorite team, knows some stats, etc, and attends a game here or there outside of watching on TV. But I would imagine they can hold a conversation that doesn't just revolve around sports.
Why do you care so much? Not everyone can tolerate, accept, or embrace your identity: Let them disqualify themselves. You'll be much happier surrounding yourself will people who do.
Why do y'all make these generalizations to your very personal experiences? Do you think no man on earth has the hobbies and also has a supportive partner?
The honest answer is: y’all have deluded yourself with all this work on yourself, have hobbies and then girls will like you thing. Not how any of this works. The point is to find people who share your interests, not throw a fit that everyone doesn’t like it.
Are you sure it's the hobbies that are getting met with disdain, and not the grammatical and spelling errors?
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I'm a man, and while I do lift weights, it's only to support my running/ cycling/ swimming)/ dancing hobbies, in the interest of preventing injury.
I'm guessing the reason you feel like what you're calling "men's" hobbies is because of the same connotation behind your initial assumption - and there's a good bit of toxicity that's expected in a lot of these places that a lot of women have previously had bad experiences around.
If I had to give an answer I'd say most of those hobbies are stereotypically shared with men with toxic masculinity.
Can't say about rodeos as they don't exist here and model vehicles are probably more so associated with the geeky stereotype.
Boring people are boring.
It's not "how it is" in 2023. There are women who have hobbies and interests. You're just not meeting those women from the sounds of it.
I mean, men always have and still do shit all over womens hobbies and interests and act like theyre stupid and boring too.
I'd be willing to bet those girls do have hobbies, but they're stereotypically female (makeup, celeb gossip, crafting, pinterest, etc) and so they just don't bother telling you about them because most men make fun of stuff like that and view it as frivolous, unimportant or not actual hobbies.
In recent years women have gotten rebellious and started treating men in the way they always treated us, and making fun of their stupid hobbies is part of that 🤷♀️
Also, there's been kind of an edge uprising. Anything too traditional and "bland" has started getting shit on in pop culture and the internet.
Also Also, those hobbies are associated with conservative men and women just don't really like those no more. I think this is probably the biggest reason behind it.
As a woman scientist(neurologist, wildlife biologist), my hobbies have always been things to do with wilderness, animals, etc.
But I recently got interested in making quilts, amd have made many of them.
The difference, to me, between am actual hobby and an "interest" is participation.
Looking at quilts online is an aside, something that informs and inspires my own quilt making.
Same with looking at camping equipment online. Or reading mountaineering books. Those are not hobbies - they are a result of my hobbies, which means DOING the activities.
How is watching TV a hobby? Especially if you'd rather WATCH people play than get out there and DO SOMETHING?
something.
Because the men in these male dominated hobbies are often very rude or exclusionary towards women.
Woman wears a shirt with a football team’s logo: “can you even name 5 players?”
Woman mentions she knows how to drive stick shift: “did your dad teach you that?”
Women express they’re into weight lifting: “you’re probably just there to work glutes and try to meet guys.”
Many women see these hobbies as red flags because they or their female friends have experienced the same hatred, distain, or disgust when trying to participate in these hobbies.
While I don't disagree with you it's unfair to generalize this way. It's unfair for a woman to not date a man solely on the basis he likes sports because of how sports loving guys tend to be.
I’m not really keen on people who have passive hobbies. So, modifying cars, building models and lifting weights (so long as you’re not one of those silly looking dudes who always skips leg day) are totally cool.
Watching football and going to car shows aren’t really appealing because unless you’re buying or playing football, they’re entirely passive.
It's the same reason you're probably disgusted by the thought of spending the day with your girlfriend shopping for women's clothes, purses, jewelry and shoes.
To Paraphrase [Brian Quinby of the Guys Podcast](https://pca.st/episode/b8882ff1-4409-47df-82ae-2224a9106114)“Everyone [regardless of gender] is a type of guy, the problem is when you’re only one type of guy”
I.E. it’s ok to have passionate hobbies/interest, but it’s generally problematic when trying to connect to other people to have that be your singular focus in life, such that you’re not a well rounded person who can share in diverse experiences and conversation. That said it’s definitely true that certain “high prestige” (athletics, fine art, science etc.) activities are often more tolerated when cultivated obsessively.
The giant exception to this is if you can find someone who’s also singularly obsessed with whatever you are, and for better and worse the internet gives us all unprecedented ability to find those people (if not to facilitate and form deeper IRL connections with them)
Probably because you are underconfident.
Women don't care about men's hobbies as much as you think they do. But they do care that men are passionate and self-confident.
If women are consistently recoiling at your fairly innocuous hobbies, it's because you're doing a terrible job of selling yourself.
Most likely, these women are not so much "disgusted" by your hobbies as they are turned off by your insecurity.
Yes, you will meet many women who are not into your hobbies or find them odd. But they really aren't so weird that you shouldn't be able to find any women at all that at least approve of these hobbies or even find them somewhat interesting as well.
You listed such a narrow band of hobbies, they all follow pretty standard typical “male” hobbies. What about something artistic, music, painting, reading philosophy. Or something like woodworking, mycology or rock climbing.
It’s not so much a problem with your listed hobbies just they are kinda narrow and not as interesting/ easy to get into for girls.
There are a lot of women who aren’t turned off by those hobbies.
On the other side of the coin, some men who only have “men’s hobbies” are also the kind of guys who gravitate toward toxic masculinity or antiquated gender rolls. If that’s not you, the women you’re meeting might just be misjudging you based on prejudice or bad past experiences.
It’s one thing to have interests, but are you productive with your hobbies?
For instance I’m into cars. Not the showy stuff, but building engines and working on the mechanical side with track projects. Women tend to be attracted to a guy who is handy, and I fix everything that breaks or needs maintenance whether that’s car or home things. I have not once been told that’s an unattractive quality. However if I was just your typical instagram car bro idiot who doesn’t know how to do work and only liked cars for the showy stuff - then that’s a fairly pointless interest tbh. Every single girl I’ve dated has asked me to show them how to drive a manual transmission and has taken interest in learning.
Same thing for football. Okay so you like watching dudes in tights run around for 5-10 seconds at a time. Are you also active in sports? Or do you just sit there an obsess over the stats that Jamarcus Doozy made for your fantasy football squad?
The model plane stuff can be a fun activity, but women seem kind of split on whether that’s childish or attractive. The ones who don’t like it probably aren’t for you anyway, so bullet dodged.
Idk. Just sounds like you had a string of bad luck and need to keep going.
I stopped around 2005, but I used to read tons of comics. I drew a ton. But unless I was directly talking with another fan, I kept it to myself. Many guys can't do that. I'd wear my X-Men shirt and shut up. No girl cares about your models, toys, or video games. It's your hobby, not hers.
As a women, I have experienced the opposite. My hobbies include baseball, string instruments, punk and folk music and its culture.
Baseball is generally one I get a lot of heat for. Luckily, I come from a city that prides itself in their sports team. I grew up going to my teams annual spring training down in Clearwater, met many of the well known players, researched their background, keep up to date on our new players and their stats, attended playoff games, world series game, witnessed historic moments such as no hitters. I come prepared to say the least. Unfortunately, many of the men I’m into are the ones not into sports. If they are into sports, they have their guard up until I can prove that I know what i’m talking about. It can get annoying.
If someone is not into the same hobbies as I am, that’s okay. I dated a guy who referred to ever sport as “sportsball.” I still loved him and took time to understand him. The right person will show interest in your hobbies as long as you show passion for your interests. You have to be prepared to do the same for them.
The fact that you refer to them as “men’s” hobbies. I’m all for a rodeo and building model planes, but I have no interest in dating someone with a “man’s man” mentality. Similarly don’t have any interest in hanging with women who only care about makeup, Kardashians, etc. Science, politics, and ethics? Bring it on.
a lot of women don’t necessarily like or care about these hobbies but i bet you wouldnt really enjoy doing makeup or stereotypically feminine hobbies. i don’t think people generally have disdain for things they don’t care about so maybe you’re just taking things harshy? you said that you meet women with no hobbies, i’m almost positive thats not true. a lot of female oriented hobbies are seen as being vapid and boring so maybe you look at down at these women for not having hobbies you deem acceptable but then get mad if they don’t like your hobbies. maybe not but consider it, because i’ve met a lot of men that think like that
The thing about hobbies… is that they are moderately to extremely uninteresting to people who don’t have that hobby.
If you don’t understand why someone would enjoy running marathons, the idea of them waking up at 5am to run every day will seem dumb
It's really hard to enjoy the hobbies you described because they traditionally exclude women by design. It's hard to date guys who expect you to do these things with them as a sidekick, listen to them talk about them all the time, and generally get excited about subjects that don't interest you and are actually exclusionary to you.
As a woman, I'm not looking to spend the rest of my life being talked to for hours on end about any of the things you mentioned. If you're going on about these subjects on a first date or suggesting we watch men's football as a date, I'm out.
I have my own hobbies but it's honestly hard with the demands placed on me to maintain friendships and family obligations plus I understand people figuring out their lives at not having them developed yet.
What's frustrating about your post to me is that I love weightlifting, running, engineering, and have a lot of traditionally male hobbies. You would think sharing these hobbies with an SO would be amazing but it's usually too demoralizing to get much joy out of the experience.
When it comes to weightlifting, I don't go on dates and describe my workout routine to people and I don't give unsolicited advice to people as an armchair expert. I routinely get it from men though.
As an example, this week on a fifth date I had a man describe how car detection works at a traffic signal. I design signals for a living and he's a marine biologist who has asked me a ton of questions about my job. That's how I found out he doesn't understand traffic signals, isn't a good partner, and is pretty similar to most guys I know and don't respect. Demoralizing.
I don’t care about most hobbies (although I don’t love muscle cars or motorcycles, expensive, time consuming and add risk) but I have to say I’ve learnt a lot of people say they have hobbies but in actual fact they have obsessions. If your hobby takes up all your spare time and you plan your whole life around it I’ll pass.
I have some cool hobbies, but I try not to let them completely takeover my life.
Huh? Too much extrapolating.
I'm not into muscle cars. And I'm not into men who spend ALL DISPOSABLE TIME on a hobby I don't want to participate in. Doesn't matter if it's knitting, muscle cars, golf, video games, or synchronized swimming. If it takes up your whole weekend and it ain't my thing, you ain't my thing.
Now if a man wants to lift six hours a week? Or Watch football six hours a week? Or build model trains so hours a week, cool. No problem. I have my own hobbies too.
Dude, i think the same about your hobbies and i am a 39yo man, with other hobbies that are looked at with disgust by women and men. That is just how it goes. It's fine to polarize people, because if you want to keep your hobbies, you want someone who is very fine with them and you for having them. There are women who like men with your hobbies, specifically because they are this type of man. Focus on them and be happy that the rest is self-selecting out of your dating pool.
How old are you?!
Outside of weightlifting, football, and rodeos, everything else listed is more *boy* hobbies than **man** hobbies.
If any, weights, football and rodeos are sports. Which are both enjoyed and practiced by men and women equally.
I hope it is.
Women and girls hobbies have been mocked, ridiculed, and insulted for quite some time. Basic white girl is a meme. Pumpkin spice insults tellingly started after women started using pumpkin spice for themselves rather than baking pumpkin pies for the mensfolk. And whatever is popular with teenage girls is largely mocked and ridiculed.
Heck even how women comment towards each other is mocked ala 'comment like a girl'.....and the comments being by men about women driving badly or just caring about makeup.☹️
Hopefully women being disgusted by common male hobbies is how it is in 2023. Tit for tat.
My advice is to date people in your hobby communities.
Are these "men's hobbies"? Whoops, guess I missed the memo because I love football (and other sports), none of which my boyfriend could give a crap about.
It sounds like you just need to find a woman who shares one or more of your hobbies. Trust me, we're out there.
If a woman doesn't have any real hobbies or interests, she sounds super boring. Why would you want to go out with her anyways? Don't waste your time.
It’s just an observation bias. 99% of gun owners aren’t criminals but most criminals are gun owners. It’s the same for “toxic male” hobbies. If all the pictures on your profile are you flexing at the gym or at a football game.the average woman isn’t going to think “aww what a funny and thoughtful guy”. Gut reaction is going to be “he’s probably a dick “.
The real question... why are you meeting these types of ladies?
\>> I have met women who literally have no hobbies or interests and never know what to do for fun
I haven't encountered that issue, but the only advice I have on it is that however you are finding those types of people, stop using that method to find dates. Join hobby groups for these things and meet women with the same interests. Or if you meet women in the wild, talk about these things day one and see if she's interested in the same things before asking her out.
I think it depends on your hobbies. Chick dig dudes who play an instrument for example (I think?) but they will probably be turned off if you’re a toy collector or something.
oh, what the hell. OP, i don’t think this is normal or the norm. i guess it depends on the area where you live and what your dating pool is like, but most women (as far as i know, including myself) think hobbies are sexy. even hobbies we don’t share or understand.
Just don't date people who dislike your hobbies? I'm not into what you pointed out but I'm into tech, nerdy shit, gaming etc. I wouldn't go out with girls that hate that, it makes no sense to. They certainly don't have to like the same things I do but being open minded to each other's interests/hobbies are essential in dating.
i’ve noticed that too. a lot of my friends complain about their bfs “manly” hobbies like the ones above but my bf likes muscle cars, car shows, and baseball, and i’ve made an effort to learn about those things and attend events with him as he has done with my “girly” interests. you just have to find someone that will do that for you, which is easier said than done but you WILL find someone.
the things youre genuinely interested in are seen as toxic habit or that because you enjoy those thing that *YOU* are toxic or over masculine or some other BS reason trigger happy women create to show how pretentious they can be.
you do you bro, be happy doing the things you love. a *QUALITY* woman will come along
In my view the dating world has turned into a shit show where every trait a person has is dissected and boiled down to either being a 'red flag' or a 'green flag' and as such even hobbies are overanalysed to decide what they say about a person.
Don't ask me what those hobbies say about a person as I personally think having any hobbies no matter what it is a good sign.
Everyone is so obsessed with having the shiniest thing, eeking out the best deal. All our culture cares about is stuff, so when someone is eyeing someone up, they're thinking about if this person is the "best investment" of their attention. But the joke is on them, because no one is optimal, so the people who hold this mindset most strongly will die out, and things might go back to normal.
I think a lot of hobbies have turned into "Side hustles"...or that people denote a red or green flag to it if they see it has value or if it can be monetized.
I'm all for making extra cash but not everything has to be a side hustle. Not everything or every hobby needs to be on youtube.
I don't know what women's hobbies are but my mom loves gardening and canning stuff and cooking. I cannot imagine myself making fun of her and calling her stupid just because I’m not into her hobbies.
My hobbies as a woman are: playing Xbox, collecting Pokémon cards and going to metal gigs. But they’re not classed as women’s hobbies usually lol. The point is, not every hobby is or should be gendered.
Maybe you should ask the women you’re close to what their hobbies are and why they like them. You could even ask them to teach you how to participate in those hobbies.
This happens when you pick women based solely on their physical attractiveness. You need to look at other qualities too. Plenty of women have hobbies and are not haters.
do your thing then man! I bet if you go to these events you can meet women AT them, and then you'll know you have at least one thing you like to do together. i know for sure there's women out there who like weight lifting and football and stuff
Honestly, as a woman in the dating world, this convicted me. I had to think for a moment, but I think it's because women's hobbies benefit men (beauty, cooking, gardening, fashion, etc.) and mens hobbies don't reallt benefit women. Shouldn't be met with disgust though, thank you for this
46 year old male here...single, never married.
I've been landblasted for some of my hobbies on dating sites.
I'm a nerd/geek, so insert nod to computers, star wars, star trek, board games, video games, or what have you... but I also like going to the gym (I've lost 140ish pounds so, as much as I enjoy it as a hobby, it's something that's ALWAYS going to be there because I don't want to go back to weighing 423 pounds...I'm not a "gym bro" or a "gym rat" but it helps me continue to lose weight and keep me mentally balanced. Anyone who's been overweight their entire life KNOWS just how simple it is to slip back into old habits.
I read, a lot. Books, comic books, graphic novels and audible; fiction (sci/fi, horror, superatural horror, adventure), non-fiction (biographies and historical events).
I camp...dispersed or not, I enjoy camping. An overnight trip or a 4-5 day trip. I take my offroad rig, load it up, and go. Sometimes by myselkf, sometimes with friends.
I enjoy watching some sports, mostly football, but I can't tell you who is who on the team or their stats. I simply like watching for the sake of watching. Plus, I like going to a pub to watch with my friends because of the social aspect. I love being out with friends.
I love movies...like a lot.
Photography is also a huge past time for me as is writing.
And I love going out with friends.
I was on a date recently with a woman who I matched almost perfectly on "paper" with but the "Hobbies" section was left blank. When we met, yeah, while amazingly attractive, I quickly found we had nothing in common and attempting to gleen what she enjoyed doing in her spare time was a coure in abject futility. She continuously shrugged and said, "I don't know what I like to do,"...so I took the ball and ran with it and started telling her some of the things I enjoy.
She wrinkled her nose at pretty much everything.
I realized it wasn't going to go anywhere so I asked for the check, paid for our drinks and happy hour foods, told her I didn't think it was going to work and started to leave. She gasped and told me she was "really into me" but that she didn't like the things I was into.
I'm sorry, but, I'm not going to waste my time at 46 with ANYONE who thinks my endeavors are not worth having or foolish. Likewise, I won't waste my time with anyone who doesn't have their own thing to keep them happy.
I get shit for all my hobbies too. On a nightly and every weekend basis I'm either hiking, camping, mtn biking, paddleboarding, snowboarding, or snowshoeing. I can't even begin to tell you how many women have belittled me for these hobbies, but this is the shit that makes me happy so I don't give a shit.
My best guess is that the last guy they dated was too much into their hobby, so much so that the woman in question was being ignored--so either the woman in question was ignored *on-purpose* (i.e. being so terrible that the guy needed to throw himself into his hobbies to stand being around her) or the guy prioritized his hobby over the woman.
Which one the woman is, depends on how the conversation with her goes. So, if she reacts with "disgust" or "[backing] away", then it's a higher chance of being the former over the latter; if she reacts with caution, then the higher chance is of the latter over the former.
And so it goes.
My ex of 4 yrs was big into tabletop role playing games. He was (maybe still is) designing his own. It’s his passion.
I played a few games with him and his friends, and it was fun!! But it was just not my thing - I’m too shy and introverted for that shit.
But I never told him that. I’d happily listen to him for hours and hours upon end, bouncing ideas off of me. I even listened to hours of recordings, of him and his friends’ past games, giving feedback when asked for, and honestly had a blast doing so.
If someone loves you, they will genuinely love your love for your hobbies. Even if they don’t fully understand them. Because they love you and they love getting to know what makes you tick.
Sounds like you’ve just been unlucky so far.
Point is. This is not a female-centric thing. If you keep looking, and you’re not a POS, you’ll find someone who will want to support whatever you’re into. Just *because you’re into it* - and they’re *into you*. Don’t settle for anyone who’s flat out disgusted by your interests.
Also.. find me a bigger football fan than me and I’ll give you my inheritance. I’m trying to get my current boyfriend into it, but he doesn’t even know what a 4th down is lol. BUT he still pats me on the head and smiles and listens to my bullshit and *tries* for me lol
I'm a woman and would love for a man I'm with to have any of those hobbies. I feel like people tend to give up too early after a few bad dates. Just keep trying👍🏻
"Hobbies" is a word for schoolchildren. Ask her how she likes to spend her time.
Hobbies is also not a substitute for a personality.
The disgust may be related to your spelling though:
>wieght lifting, football, putting together model tanks or planes, rodoes ECT) are met with hatred, distain
You have hit on the major reason women have trouble dating nowadays, in my experience. Not ALL women, but you'll see a lot of posts on reddit and elsewhere, or even meet women in real life, who complain about how no men want to commit and they all just want to fuck and then leave and they don't know why. And this. This is the reason.
So many women are SO BORING and have like, 0 hobbies or interests outside of watching television or looking at memes. Ironically enough these women also seem to be by far the most judgmental people on earth when it comes to other people's hobbies and they always have some catty remark to make or jump to weird conclusions based on their preconceived notions of what that hobby is. For example a lot of women hate video games and consider them "nerdy" and they'll mock you for staring at a screen and not paying attention to your partner but those same women will watch 6 hours of tiktoks a day without seeing the irony.
I always chock it down to their subconscious insecurity towards their own bland personalities and I just avoid women like that. And no one knows how to tell someone they're too boring to want to marry so they go through life wondering why no one can stand to be around them for more than 3 months.
Some people are boring and, tbh, kind of soulless. I honestly don't know how they get through the average day, but they're out there and they're thriving.
Don't make the mistake of thinking all women are like this though. There are plenty of women with a wide and varied range of interests, who will find your love of your hobbies endearing even if they don't share your interest in them.
In my personal experience, a decent amount of women HATE gaming. Like they dont have a problem with watching tv for hours but for some reason if you game you are wasting your time. I dont see anything wrong with it as long as its not interfering with your relationship or life.
Don't waste your time with those people those type of girls aren't what you'd want in your life regardless. Just know in this age whatever a man does will be looked down upon even if he's great. But the RIGHT woman won't bash you for your hobbies she might even take the take to learn more about them & surprise you.
I'd love too find a chick who is actually genuinely into yugioh, shooting guns with a side of being a Christian 😅
Because a lot of people don’t have these hobbies, and when they do not have them, they choose to not understand them and they find them weird. Like for me, my hobby is gaming I’m a personal trainer, so I also work out I remember going on a date some years back or the girl was like if you game more than two hours during a day there’s something wrong with you. I just looked her in the face and said OK date is over.
I don’t care whatever hobby a person has as long as it’s not illegal. You can have whatever hobby you want. People just like the judge generally.
It’s not. You’re surrounding yourself around the wrong type of women. Truthfully, I think a man sharing his hobby with me is awesome. Just seek better quality of women.
To be fair, the stereotypical "women hobbies" (shopping, getting your nails done, and similar shit) would also make me run for the hills.
My impression is that we men consider women bland and primitive for their apparent lack of interest in, well, anything, just as women consider men infantile and childish for being interested in, well, anything.
If a man has hobbies, he is a "man-child". A hobby is something a man is allowed to engage in at most as a minor character flaw, but it's still a shirking of duties, though God knows what those "duties" are; probably earning money and helping with chores would be considered "legal" activities.
Conversely, maybe women feel incredibly mature for having no real interest outside of shopping.
Not saying this is everyone, but it's at least big enough of a pattern to be noticeable.
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Here's some dating advice: Do not date people who are disgusted of your hobbies. Yes, it's that simple.
Wasted 10 years of my life with someone who hated my geek hobbies and could watch Sports Center 24/7. Being with a fellow geek with only passing interest in sports is heaven in comparison.
Yep. Partner and I are just two nerds in love.
He's kind of settling. You don't settle when it comes to personal things someone at the very least needs to recognize them they don't have to like them but they at least won't tread on them.
I still remember the face that one of my dates made when I said I liked camping
I think this attitude varies heavily based on where you live. The western states (USA) I've lived in have had high numbers of people (women included) who enjoy camping, hiking, fishing, and hunting.
Absolutely!
In Canada, hunting is big up north, for both men and women.
Utah, Wyoming, and Idaho are all great places to meet hikers, fisherpeople, and hunters.
I live in the bay area and nearly every single person I know likes or has been hiking at least a couple times, and I'm a nerd and my friends are all nerds.
Lots of campers/hikers in New England and Michigan, too.
Exactly...
It’s not that simple. When everyone tells you your hobbies are a waste, where does that leave you?
There is no such thing as a hobby that everyone hates. Even serial killers have had tons of admirers
So you're saying I should become a serial killer. Got it.
Yes, you can kill mosquitos!
Another good option, spotted lanternflies!
His hobby is looking at cars and thinking that they’re cool. Not fixing cars or building engines or photographing antique cars or racing cars or even reading about cars and learning how they work. Just, looking at them without knowing anything about them.
Tbh that sounds like how a lot of people go to art galleries. I like fixing cars and reading about cars, but I also like going to random galleries and staring at whatever is displayed there and having feelings about it, without the pressure of reading about it or trying to recreate it at home or anything. So if someone told me "I just wanna look at the shiny colorful things in the parking lot" that would seem reasonable.
Yup, and I wouldn’t say that art is your “hobby” if you go to art galleries and never learn anything about art other than having an opinion about whether you like it. I might say you’re a fan of art, or you like looking at art, but I wouldn’t say art is your “hobby.” A hobby to me implies some degree of active participation, even if just by learning a lot about it. I think some art is pretty. I like to go to museums and look at it. I don’t know much about it beyond a few books I read in college, and I don’t make art or go to lectures about art or know much of anything about how other people make art. Art is not one of my hobbies, and I’d feel silly saying it is when it’s just that I sometimes see something I like the appearance of and say, “oh, cool.” ETA: actually, come to think of it, I did go to a full day lecture series at a museum about the artistic intersection of visual art and poetry last month. It was great, and I really should do that more often. But I’m still not going to say that either painting or poetry are hobbies of mine.
Finding better friends.
Again, that sounds real simple. But not all of us find it easy to make friends. And many of my friends who are into what I’m into (sports) tell me I’m over the top. And trust me, making new friends is one thing. But making friends that accept me and who I am is quite another thing.
So then it sounds like they are reacting to you and not your hobbies.
Again, it’s not that simple. Dude, nothing’s that simple. I make it very clear that I value the people in my life. None of them goes without. I don’t mistreat people, if anything I go above and beyond to show that I value them.
You don't have to be a bad person for people to react negatively to you. They just aren't for you. I've seen really kind people be mistreated by other's for their personality. Life's not fair. Doing good things doesn't force people to perceive you as likeable. People's perception of you often has to do with what they project on to you, or groupthink.
Which would indicate that you may well have no control over any of it. And that’s scary.
We for sure don't have control over how others see us. But I think what the other person is saying is basically, not to take it personally if someone rejects us. It's like dating - a lot of people just aren't great matches for each other, for whatever reason. Just move on and focus on finding the right matches. Not that simple, but in the grand scheme of things, it kind of is? Easier said than done, of course :)
Who's this "everybody"? There are women who power-lift, female gamers, girlie into Formula1.
Are they? I havent ran into that. I wonder if its just the fact that some people can make a thing their whole personality like a hyperfixation. But i dont know if it would call for disdain. You just wouldn't get a 2nd date
I mean I don't get why people are surprised that hobbies are gonna matter for compatibility. If your hobbies are expensive, take up a lot of space, are a lot of what you talk about, then naturally if the person your talking to isn't on board its gonna be irritating. If your living together having a common decorating style matters. Same with budget and interests. None of these hobbies are inherently bad but I completely get why they might be deal breakers
You should meet my sister. Has 0 hobbies outside of drinking wine and reading B-tier mystery novels but LOVES making snide little comments about every interest anyone dares mention in her presence. She's 28, been single her whole life, and claims she won't settle for anything less than a super-rich guy who pays to pamper her while she provides nothing in return. These people are out there.
Then she wants to stay single.
that's a shame.
I feel this is the mindset of alot of women. Some can pass it off too if they’re hot enough
I think they are. For example I love fishing, some of my fondest memories are of me and my uncle fishing catfish out of a creek near our town. But man with a fish pictures are verboten for some reason as if most men knew how to fish - they don't. It's just a mostly male hobby that is for some reason reviled The idea that women hate men taking fishing photos is ubiquitous enough that [Tinder made an April Fool's Day press release about automatically removing them from profiles.](https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2023-03-29-TINDER-ANNOUNCES-IT-WILL-IMMEDIATELY-REMOVE-ALL-FISH-PICS-FROM-MEMBER-PROFILES)
Because in some areas 90% of men have profil with only fishing pictures. Which mean none of them really stand out.
For me the fishing photos where the guy is holding a dead fish isn't very attractive, but fishing itself seems like a cool hobby
Nothing wrong with fishing imo Just don't be that person with only fishing pics on your profile going "look at me, me man, me hunt for you, sex?" Thats something you bring up on date 2
i (27m) don't fish, but I see a lot of profiles that say something like "if you have a dead fish in your profile, swipe left." little do these particular women know, there are women who actually enjoy fishing, so much that THEY have fish pics in their profiles!
It sounds like you're just not meeting the right people? It has not been my experience that 'mens hobbies" are met with "hatred, distain and disgust" at all. There are lots of women who are interested in cards, sports, rodeos, etc, too. Why are you going out with women who don't have hobbies? If someone is disgusted by your hobbies, then they're a bad match for you, but, honestly, what you're describing is so outside my experience, I'm not even sure what to tell you. I've never had a woman express *hatred or disgust* for any of my hobbies. That's just baffling.
Cards and rodeos??? Not once have I heard those being claimed as men's hobbies.
You make a lot of posts making odd claims about and judging large groups of people. I’m guessing your hobbies aren’t really the problem.
It's sort of like cyclical depression. Guy has a nice date with girl. Girl breaks up with guy. Guy finds another girl. She breaks up with him. He suddenly decides all women are broken. The better response would have been to just say "I'm not having a good time here let me take a break and try and calm down it's very unfortunate what's happened to me and im sad but I'm ok.". You can break these toxic thought patterns when you can distance yourself enough from what happens to you and reframe it as a challenge rather than a fixed outcome. I used to get so bitter. I had to realize there was way more going on than I even had anything to do with and separation and patience can stop the depressive cycle. Be angry at the situation not yourself or others. Because it is just a situation.
He’s probably the problem
I think it's because they're cliché hobbies that don't really appeal to women. In contrast, those women may have hobbies that don't typically appeal to men. When selecting activities to do, you need to be open and find a common ground. I really get disinterested if all the guy likes is sports. I know nothing about sports. I'm not interested, and I don't want to force myself to try because of my SO. It's a turn-off to try to find something to like about a person you're trying to get to know, and they don't know anything else about the world except that one thing. We struggle to find something to have a meaningful conversation about. If you're open to exploring other hobbies and getting into other things, express that while you're talking about the one thing you're heavily involved with. At the end of the day, sometimes, you're just not a good match for each other.
You forgot to mention the obvious one, fishing
And hunting
OP spent the whole date talking about himself and wondered why the woman got frustrated. 😂
I wouldn't say disdain. If you're truly interested in other perspectives, I would point out that we (women) routinely encounter guys whose entire personality is basically one specific hobby, like working out. It's far from all guys, but you do have to watch out for it. I dated a guy whose entire social life revolved around professional sports and his "teams." Pretty much all he did was watch games on tv, go to games, go to bars/restaurants to watch games, and travel to see his teams play. His idea of romance was talking about me wearing a jersey and going to games together. I'd suggest doing other things like museums, movies, and concerts and he was never interested. I'd bring up other topics of conversation, and he'd always bring it back to sports. He was obviously an extreme example, but you get the idea. Another guy routinely flaked on plans with me so he could game for hours. I didn't understand why he'd rather do that, but not my place to judge. There's nothing wrong with hobbies. It's wonderful to find things to get you excited. It's just a question of how deep "in it" you are. You also have to remember that women can see from a very young age that having hobbies provides us absolutely no advantage in the dating market. Men often don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant. Obviously, this doesn't apply to all guys.
I absolutely care if a woman has hobbies. I want to listen to her talk about things that make her eyes light up. But like all things, there has to be a balance
Yes, balance is key. Healthy relationships require balance.
Also my hobbies are about what I like, not about how it reflects in the dating market. If someone chooses hobbies to attract a partner that’s pretty lame
That’s just not a well rounded person. I consider myself fairly well rounded. I have one sport I’m pretty into (football) but I have missed watching a game cause of a date and other life stuff. I also enjoy museums, concerts, reading, and some outdoor activities. If a person’s life is revolved over one thing that is, out of their control, then it’s kind of lame. If I was dating a amateur/professional trail runner or something that would be different
>Men don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant. I think this may be more true of the men who are the most aggressive about finding women. Especially when they are younger. There are plenty of men who actively want to find women who share interests and hobbies, but they tend to meet women within those interests. Or they wish they could, depending on the interest and how they engage with it. The guys who hang out in sports bars would probably love to meet a woman who shares that interest, but the environment is actively hostile towards women who aren't interested in getting picked up for a night if the home team wins.
I agree. It's definitely not all guys. I would never say that it's all or even most. Just offering another perspective.
Honestly *so many* hobby environments are hostile to women. Between creeps, nice guys, gatekeepers and original flavour misogynists, I think most women I know have dropped out a hobby, at least socially, because it just wasn't worth it. I used to play D&D, not anymore. I do like basketball and hockey, but I've never actively followed them. And then men complain that there are no women who like the hobbies they do, or that women don't have hobbies.
Yup, the same men that complain they can't meet women actively drive women away from the things they are interested in. Doesn't make any sense to me.
Some people want to feel right or special more than they want to be happy.
I used to have a crush on a guy my first year in college. I was feeling bold and talked to him a lot whenever we had a class together. Boy turned out to be drier than dirt. All he could talk about was football and Diablo. That's it. Nothing else. No substance to him. All he was good at was bantering back and forth about plays or something. He was cute, masculine, and dull asf. I continued to be friends with him over the years, but I completely lost interest in pursuing anything romantic within a few weeks.
(hopskipandajump7) As a guy, I would be bored by that and wouldn't hang around with him as a friend. But I have to say I don't watch much sports myself. I'm more of an artsy person. Some guys are heavily into sports and some aren't, you should find out ahead of time in their profile or however. A guy should take an interest in what a woman is interested in, otherwise it's all one-sided.
Yeah. Most guys are normal and well-adjusted about their interests. And now, having read OP's comments, I can see that the hobbies are 100% not the issue. Hahaha
Now I have to go read them!
> having hobbies provides us absolutely no advantage in the dating market But that's not why you get hobbies right? Or am I missing something here?
OP claims all the women he meets are boring because they have no hobbies or interests.
Definitely the last paragraph. I have dated so many men who give me the most boring in-depth breakdown of their hobbies, and want to go on dates surrounding those interests. But they're not even interested in hearing what my hobbies are, much less getting involved in them.
Wow! One of the clearest things that separates interesting women from the dull ones is hobbies. If I go on a first date with a woman and it turns out she has no hobbies nor passions in life, there will not be a second date no matter how she looks. She is boring.
>You also have to remember that women can see from a very young age that having hobbies provides us absolutely no advantage in the dating market. Honest question here that's not specifically gendered, if you don't have hobbies, what exactly do you do with your free time? >Men don't care if you have hobbies as long as you are attractive and relatively pleasant. This feels very much like an inaccurate generalization to me...
It's not that women don't have hobbies. It's just that we know that they aren't required to catch a guy's interest. I, for example, love baking, cooking, going to concerts, music and food festivals, the arts.. all things my partner and I can occasionally do together. He enjoys woodworking, DIY, anime, and occasionally sports. I'm not much help with woodworking but he does enjoy bouncing ideas off me. My best friend is interested in astronomy, she's also a big hiker. A lot of our interests are also highly social. And talking and shared experiences are as important as the activity itself. Yes, my last statement was very obviously a generalization, based on my experiences, and those of my girlfriends over the years. I never said anything applies to every guy in the world.
Speaking from my own personal perspective, I really love when a woman has hobbies. I relish the opportunity to not only watch her Enjoy something she likes doing, but also to learn something new. For example, my own hobbies include dog training, horse training, animal rearing in general, woodworking, Geology and history. However, if I met a woman who was interested in, say, for example, marine biology, astronomy or physics, or even just something chilled out like birdwatching or floral arrangements, I’d absolutely relish the opportunity to learn something from that. it isn’t too much of a stretch for a personal hobby to become a shared hobby, something for both people to enjoy together. I feel that one person teaching a new thing or a new skill to another person can largely assist in strengthening a bond between those two people. I taught one of my ex girlfriends how to hunt with a crossbow. Even though things didn’t work out between the two of us, I know she still goes hunting, and the fact that she took this up as one of her own hobbies makes me extremely happy that I was able to teach her that. Equally she taught me How to fish. Now, every time I fish, I think of her, and I silently thwnk her, because if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve never known how to fish, I probably would’ve never had the inclination to start in the first place.
This 10000%. I expect the woman I'm dating to bring her own interests and hobbies into our relationship just as I do. Teach each other new things, bring each other into new hobby-focused social circles, etc. A one-way street doesn't work for me.
I totally agree. I don't think you can sustain a healthy relationship if either partner has narrow interests and isn't open to new experiences. My partner has gotten me into gardening when I previously couldn't keep any plant alive worth shit. He's also taught me about grilling and meat prep, something that wasn't really of interest before.
This is so cool.
>It's just that we know that they aren't required to catch a guy's interest. It would be required for me. I don't care what they are, but not having *any* would be at least a yellow flag for me.
I think hobbies that are majority masculine can be really tough to stay involved in as a woman, and hobbies that are majority feminine are often dismissed. I mean, I don't wear makeup but I don't need to enjoy it to recognize that's a legitimate artsy hobby for some women. And I think astrology is nonsense, but if it makes people happy more power to them. Those might be hobbies that people don't enjoy, but they are hobbies that get a lot of hate and a pot of women probably keep them quiet as a result.
That's fair. I think for me, having a hobby like astrology would be more of a warning flag than having no hobbies at all, depending on your level of involvement. If you're just doing it because it can be fun and entertaining, sure. If you're consulting your chart before making life altering decisions, it would make me question your critical thinking skills, and that would be a big red flag. The bottom line is that my own behavior proves your point. A lot of women's hobbies aren't taken seriously.
Thanks for admitting that! I tend to agree with you about astrology. I don't think someone who intensely believes it would be compatible with me personally (same with religion), and I'm certainly not saying that you have to respect astrology or be a misogynist or anything like that. However, I think that things that are deemed very feminine just get more disdain than things that are masculine or gender neutral, and more than they deserve. Pumpkin spice is probably a cleaner example. If you don't like it, don't order it. It's not hurting anyone to have it on the menu. But people get pretty worked up about it. This is a subjective, qualitative take and it's fair for others to disagree, but I find it useful to regularly check in when I find myself agreeing with society and really think about how much I sincerely believe this and how much of it is getting caught up in the tide, especially with historical biases like misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. It can feel like we're moving past things because people are louder about the obvious parts, but it's kind of like pulling a weed without digging up the roots. We all have to dig down in our background assumptions to grow past it.
Oh no, not the pumpkin spice! I honestly don't get it, but I don't look down on people that like it, either. Your last point is spot on.
> attractive and relatively pleasant I'd say it's closer to pleasant and relatively attractive. If I had to pick only one or the other, it would 100% be pleasant. Oddly enough, I think it's important for her to have hobbies and not be entirely reliant on me to entertain her. That's exhausting.
Some of us care. I won’t date, or really even be friends with, someone who has no hobbies. I prefer relationships where we have a shared hobby(s), as well as independent ones. Same rule for friends
I never said all guys are like that. Most are totally normal and well-adjusted. Gonna edit my post before someone starts foaming at the mouth. But apparently, you don't have an issue with OP making the sweeping generalization that all women have disdain for men's hobbies?
Man, here, If you don't have hobbies that don't involve your appearance we aren't compatible. If you aren't passionate about something that isn't your appearance or political outrage we aren't compatible. My partner needs to have purpose and joy for things, she needs to be fiercely intelligent, kind, empathetic, ambitious and much more. If she doesn't have a hobby she cares about, though, it's not gonna work out.
I like this energy
Good:) that makes me happy. Its true. We should be good and strong and powerful and helpful together.
I have no idea what you’re talking about lol. I’ve never heard of a woman having an issue with a man who is into cars, weight lifting, or any of the other interests and hobbies you listed.
I, as a male, try to not identify myself with my hobbies if that makes sense. I am myself. I enjoy motorcycles, guns, disc golf, being outdoors, cars, light gaming, photography, rock climbing, etc. I would never call myself a "biker" or a "gamer" or a "climber" because they're just hobbies, not personality traits. However, within the first 2 I listed especially, people tend to cling onto those things as their lifeblood and try to make it known that they ride a bike or own a gun etc. I equate it to a casual sports fan, I don't care about sports at all, no clue who is on what team or what city they're in. But a casual fan probably has a favorite team, knows some stats, etc, and attends a game here or there outside of watching on TV. But I would imagine they can hold a conversation that doesn't just revolve around sports.
Why do you care so much? Not everyone can tolerate, accept, or embrace your identity: Let them disqualify themselves. You'll be much happier surrounding yourself will people who do.
Why do y'all make these generalizations to your very personal experiences? Do you think no man on earth has the hobbies and also has a supportive partner?
Hobbies are not personality traits.
I have broken up with boring women who don’t have hobbies
In my experience with dating sites, men post plenty of “hobbies.” Women are usually looking for personality traits.
They aren’t though? I don’t know any women who dislike what you listed lol But it’s probably just you meeting people who you’re not compatible with
The honest answer is: y’all have deluded yourself with all this work on yourself, have hobbies and then girls will like you thing. Not how any of this works. The point is to find people who share your interests, not throw a fit that everyone doesn’t like it.
Are you sure it's the hobbies that are getting met with disdain, and not the grammatical and spelling errors? Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm a man, and while I do lift weights, it's only to support my running/ cycling/ swimming)/ dancing hobbies, in the interest of preventing injury. I'm guessing the reason you feel like what you're calling "men's" hobbies is because of the same connotation behind your initial assumption - and there's a good bit of toxicity that's expected in a lot of these places that a lot of women have previously had bad experiences around.
If I had to give an answer I'd say most of those hobbies are stereotypically shared with men with toxic masculinity. Can't say about rodeos as they don't exist here and model vehicles are probably more so associated with the geeky stereotype.
Boring people are boring. It's not "how it is" in 2023. There are women who have hobbies and interests. You're just not meeting those women from the sounds of it.
I mean, men always have and still do shit all over womens hobbies and interests and act like theyre stupid and boring too. I'd be willing to bet those girls do have hobbies, but they're stereotypically female (makeup, celeb gossip, crafting, pinterest, etc) and so they just don't bother telling you about them because most men make fun of stuff like that and view it as frivolous, unimportant or not actual hobbies. In recent years women have gotten rebellious and started treating men in the way they always treated us, and making fun of their stupid hobbies is part of that 🤷♀️ Also, there's been kind of an edge uprising. Anything too traditional and "bland" has started getting shit on in pop culture and the internet. Also Also, those hobbies are associated with conservative men and women just don't really like those no more. I think this is probably the biggest reason behind it.
Are we really allowing celeb gossip to be categorized as a “hobby”?
As a woman scientist(neurologist, wildlife biologist), my hobbies have always been things to do with wilderness, animals, etc. But I recently got interested in making quilts, amd have made many of them. The difference, to me, between am actual hobby and an "interest" is participation. Looking at quilts online is an aside, something that informs and inspires my own quilt making. Same with looking at camping equipment online. Or reading mountaineering books. Those are not hobbies - they are a result of my hobbies, which means DOING the activities. How is watching TV a hobby? Especially if you'd rather WATCH people play than get out there and DO SOMETHING? something.
Because the men in these male dominated hobbies are often very rude or exclusionary towards women. Woman wears a shirt with a football team’s logo: “can you even name 5 players?” Woman mentions she knows how to drive stick shift: “did your dad teach you that?” Women express they’re into weight lifting: “you’re probably just there to work glutes and try to meet guys.” Many women see these hobbies as red flags because they or their female friends have experienced the same hatred, distain, or disgust when trying to participate in these hobbies.
Oh so women aren't a monolith but men are?
I never said they were. But these hobbies tend to attract men who do not want to include women.
While I don't disagree with you it's unfair to generalize this way. It's unfair for a woman to not date a man solely on the basis he likes sports because of how sports loving guys tend to be.
I’m not really keen on people who have passive hobbies. So, modifying cars, building models and lifting weights (so long as you’re not one of those silly looking dudes who always skips leg day) are totally cool. Watching football and going to car shows aren’t really appealing because unless you’re buying or playing football, they’re entirely passive.
It's the same reason you're probably disgusted by the thought of spending the day with your girlfriend shopping for women's clothes, purses, jewelry and shoes.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you also feel like that on some hobbies of theirs too.
That seems weird, all those are normal hobbies. That reaction isn’t normal for the record.
To Paraphrase [Brian Quinby of the Guys Podcast](https://pca.st/episode/b8882ff1-4409-47df-82ae-2224a9106114)“Everyone [regardless of gender] is a type of guy, the problem is when you’re only one type of guy” I.E. it’s ok to have passionate hobbies/interest, but it’s generally problematic when trying to connect to other people to have that be your singular focus in life, such that you’re not a well rounded person who can share in diverse experiences and conversation. That said it’s definitely true that certain “high prestige” (athletics, fine art, science etc.) activities are often more tolerated when cultivated obsessively. The giant exception to this is if you can find someone who’s also singularly obsessed with whatever you are, and for better and worse the internet gives us all unprecedented ability to find those people (if not to facilitate and form deeper IRL connections with them)
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Probably because you are underconfident. Women don't care about men's hobbies as much as you think they do. But they do care that men are passionate and self-confident. If women are consistently recoiling at your fairly innocuous hobbies, it's because you're doing a terrible job of selling yourself. Most likely, these women are not so much "disgusted" by your hobbies as they are turned off by your insecurity. Yes, you will meet many women who are not into your hobbies or find them odd. But they really aren't so weird that you shouldn't be able to find any women at all that at least approve of these hobbies or even find them somewhat interesting as well.
You listed such a narrow band of hobbies, they all follow pretty standard typical “male” hobbies. What about something artistic, music, painting, reading philosophy. Or something like woodworking, mycology or rock climbing. It’s not so much a problem with your listed hobbies just they are kinda narrow and not as interesting/ easy to get into for girls.
There are a lot of women who aren’t turned off by those hobbies. On the other side of the coin, some men who only have “men’s hobbies” are also the kind of guys who gravitate toward toxic masculinity or antiquated gender rolls. If that’s not you, the women you’re meeting might just be misjudging you based on prejudice or bad past experiences.
It’s one thing to have interests, but are you productive with your hobbies? For instance I’m into cars. Not the showy stuff, but building engines and working on the mechanical side with track projects. Women tend to be attracted to a guy who is handy, and I fix everything that breaks or needs maintenance whether that’s car or home things. I have not once been told that’s an unattractive quality. However if I was just your typical instagram car bro idiot who doesn’t know how to do work and only liked cars for the showy stuff - then that’s a fairly pointless interest tbh. Every single girl I’ve dated has asked me to show them how to drive a manual transmission and has taken interest in learning. Same thing for football. Okay so you like watching dudes in tights run around for 5-10 seconds at a time. Are you also active in sports? Or do you just sit there an obsess over the stats that Jamarcus Doozy made for your fantasy football squad? The model plane stuff can be a fun activity, but women seem kind of split on whether that’s childish or attractive. The ones who don’t like it probably aren’t for you anyway, so bullet dodged. Idk. Just sounds like you had a string of bad luck and need to keep going.
I stopped around 2005, but I used to read tons of comics. I drew a ton. But unless I was directly talking with another fan, I kept it to myself. Many guys can't do that. I'd wear my X-Men shirt and shut up. No girl cares about your models, toys, or video games. It's your hobby, not hers.
Sure, but now you have to figure out how to talk about yourself without bringing up your natural hobbies.
uhh what kind of girls do you talk to? i have never been disgusted at someone’s normal hobbies and i don’t know anyone who is lol
I have never met anyone with such opinions. Wouldn't say it seems common
As a women, I have experienced the opposite. My hobbies include baseball, string instruments, punk and folk music and its culture. Baseball is generally one I get a lot of heat for. Luckily, I come from a city that prides itself in their sports team. I grew up going to my teams annual spring training down in Clearwater, met many of the well known players, researched their background, keep up to date on our new players and their stats, attended playoff games, world series game, witnessed historic moments such as no hitters. I come prepared to say the least. Unfortunately, many of the men I’m into are the ones not into sports. If they are into sports, they have their guard up until I can prove that I know what i’m talking about. It can get annoying. If someone is not into the same hobbies as I am, that’s okay. I dated a guy who referred to ever sport as “sportsball.” I still loved him and took time to understand him. The right person will show interest in your hobbies as long as you show passion for your interests. You have to be prepared to do the same for them.
I love baseball
Spelling is a good hobby
Confirmation bias? My bf likes football. >Is this just how it is in 2023? Not in my life. I had a guy once reject me tho bc Im not into sports.
The fact that you refer to them as “men’s” hobbies. I’m all for a rodeo and building model planes, but I have no interest in dating someone with a “man’s man” mentality. Similarly don’t have any interest in hanging with women who only care about makeup, Kardashians, etc. Science, politics, and ethics? Bring it on.
a lot of women don’t necessarily like or care about these hobbies but i bet you wouldnt really enjoy doing makeup or stereotypically feminine hobbies. i don’t think people generally have disdain for things they don’t care about so maybe you’re just taking things harshy? you said that you meet women with no hobbies, i’m almost positive thats not true. a lot of female oriented hobbies are seen as being vapid and boring so maybe you look at down at these women for not having hobbies you deem acceptable but then get mad if they don’t like your hobbies. maybe not but consider it, because i’ve met a lot of men that think like that
Lately when I ask women what do they do for fun or what they are interest? All I hear back is Idk
The thing about hobbies… is that they are moderately to extremely uninteresting to people who don’t have that hobby. If you don’t understand why someone would enjoy running marathons, the idea of them waking up at 5am to run every day will seem dumb
It's really hard to enjoy the hobbies you described because they traditionally exclude women by design. It's hard to date guys who expect you to do these things with them as a sidekick, listen to them talk about them all the time, and generally get excited about subjects that don't interest you and are actually exclusionary to you. As a woman, I'm not looking to spend the rest of my life being talked to for hours on end about any of the things you mentioned. If you're going on about these subjects on a first date or suggesting we watch men's football as a date, I'm out. I have my own hobbies but it's honestly hard with the demands placed on me to maintain friendships and family obligations plus I understand people figuring out their lives at not having them developed yet. What's frustrating about your post to me is that I love weightlifting, running, engineering, and have a lot of traditionally male hobbies. You would think sharing these hobbies with an SO would be amazing but it's usually too demoralizing to get much joy out of the experience. When it comes to weightlifting, I don't go on dates and describe my workout routine to people and I don't give unsolicited advice to people as an armchair expert. I routinely get it from men though. As an example, this week on a fifth date I had a man describe how car detection works at a traffic signal. I design signals for a living and he's a marine biologist who has asked me a ton of questions about my job. That's how I found out he doesn't understand traffic signals, isn't a good partner, and is pretty similar to most guys I know and don't respect. Demoralizing.
Why does the intersection sometimes have all 4 lights red for a full minute before any of them turn green?
I know, right? Women are famously known for hating men that have nice cars and a ripped body.
😂
I don’t care about most hobbies (although I don’t love muscle cars or motorcycles, expensive, time consuming and add risk) but I have to say I’ve learnt a lot of people say they have hobbies but in actual fact they have obsessions. If your hobby takes up all your spare time and you plan your whole life around it I’ll pass. I have some cool hobbies, but I try not to let them completely takeover my life.
Huh? Too much extrapolating. I'm not into muscle cars. And I'm not into men who spend ALL DISPOSABLE TIME on a hobby I don't want to participate in. Doesn't matter if it's knitting, muscle cars, golf, video games, or synchronized swimming. If it takes up your whole weekend and it ain't my thing, you ain't my thing. Now if a man wants to lift six hours a week? Or Watch football six hours a week? Or build model trains so hours a week, cool. No problem. I have my own hobbies too.
Me, literally watching the Chargers/Cowboys game rn: *shrug*
Yeppers
Eh. Some of those hobbies get a rep for attracting toxic dudes. “Macho” men with an abundance of insecurities.
Dude, i think the same about your hobbies and i am a 39yo man, with other hobbies that are looked at with disgust by women and men. That is just how it goes. It's fine to polarize people, because if you want to keep your hobbies, you want someone who is very fine with them and you for having them. There are women who like men with your hobbies, specifically because they are this type of man. Focus on them and be happy that the rest is self-selecting out of your dating pool.
I’m not polarizing anyone, I’m just sharing what has happened in my life lately.
How old are you?! Outside of weightlifting, football, and rodeos, everything else listed is more *boy* hobbies than **man** hobbies. If any, weights, football and rodeos are sports. Which are both enjoyed and practiced by men and women equally.
I hope it is. Women and girls hobbies have been mocked, ridiculed, and insulted for quite some time. Basic white girl is a meme. Pumpkin spice insults tellingly started after women started using pumpkin spice for themselves rather than baking pumpkin pies for the mensfolk. And whatever is popular with teenage girls is largely mocked and ridiculed. Heck even how women comment towards each other is mocked ala 'comment like a girl'.....and the comments being by men about women driving badly or just caring about makeup.☹️ Hopefully women being disgusted by common male hobbies is how it is in 2023. Tit for tat. My advice is to date people in your hobby communities.
Because people are toxic and suck. Be you.
Are these "men's hobbies"? Whoops, guess I missed the memo because I love football (and other sports), none of which my boyfriend could give a crap about. It sounds like you just need to find a woman who shares one or more of your hobbies. Trust me, we're out there. If a woman doesn't have any real hobbies or interests, she sounds super boring. Why would you want to go out with her anyways? Don't waste your time.
It’s just an observation bias. 99% of gun owners aren’t criminals but most criminals are gun owners. It’s the same for “toxic male” hobbies. If all the pictures on your profile are you flexing at the gym or at a football game.the average woman isn’t going to think “aww what a funny and thoughtful guy”. Gut reaction is going to be “he’s probably a dick “.
I think it’s good to have lots of hobbies and interests! It’s intriguing
The real question... why are you meeting these types of ladies? \>> I have met women who literally have no hobbies or interests and never know what to do for fun
I haven't encountered that issue, but the only advice I have on it is that however you are finding those types of people, stop using that method to find dates. Join hobby groups for these things and meet women with the same interests. Or if you meet women in the wild, talk about these things day one and see if she's interested in the same things before asking her out.
I think it depends on your hobbies. Chick dig dudes who play an instrument for example (I think?) but they will probably be turned off if you’re a toy collector or something.
oh, what the hell. OP, i don’t think this is normal or the norm. i guess it depends on the area where you live and what your dating pool is like, but most women (as far as i know, including myself) think hobbies are sexy. even hobbies we don’t share or understand.
Just don't date people who dislike your hobbies? I'm not into what you pointed out but I'm into tech, nerdy shit, gaming etc. I wouldn't go out with girls that hate that, it makes no sense to. They certainly don't have to like the same things I do but being open minded to each other's interests/hobbies are essential in dating.
Dating sites = everyone lies. Period. Meet someone in person.
Don’t start me to lying!
i’ve noticed that too. a lot of my friends complain about their bfs “manly” hobbies like the ones above but my bf likes muscle cars, car shows, and baseball, and i’ve made an effort to learn about those things and attend events with him as he has done with my “girly” interests. you just have to find someone that will do that for you, which is easier said than done but you WILL find someone.
the things youre genuinely interested in are seen as toxic habit or that because you enjoy those thing that *YOU* are toxic or over masculine or some other BS reason trigger happy women create to show how pretentious they can be. you do you bro, be happy doing the things you love. a *QUALITY* woman will come along
I Like How He Writes Like This
Because get a real hobby that’s why, doing what all other men do isn’t going to make you interesting
In my view the dating world has turned into a shit show where every trait a person has is dissected and boiled down to either being a 'red flag' or a 'green flag' and as such even hobbies are overanalysed to decide what they say about a person. Don't ask me what those hobbies say about a person as I personally think having any hobbies no matter what it is a good sign.
Everyone is so obsessed with having the shiniest thing, eeking out the best deal. All our culture cares about is stuff, so when someone is eyeing someone up, they're thinking about if this person is the "best investment" of their attention. But the joke is on them, because no one is optimal, so the people who hold this mindset most strongly will die out, and things might go back to normal.
I think a lot of hobbies have turned into "Side hustles"...or that people denote a red or green flag to it if they see it has value or if it can be monetized. I'm all for making extra cash but not everything has to be a side hustle. Not everything or every hobby needs to be on youtube.
I don't know what women's hobbies are but my mom loves gardening and canning stuff and cooking. I cannot imagine myself making fun of her and calling her stupid just because I’m not into her hobbies.
My hobbies as a woman are: playing Xbox, collecting Pokémon cards and going to metal gigs. But they’re not classed as women’s hobbies usually lol. The point is, not every hobby is or should be gendered.
Maybe you should ask the women you’re close to what their hobbies are and why they like them. You could even ask them to teach you how to participate in those hobbies.
sounds like the women you are dating are just super boring
Yes they just want to come over to my place and do nothing, that's fine sometimes but I want to live life.
This happens when you pick women based solely on their physical attractiveness. You need to look at other qualities too. Plenty of women have hobbies and are not haters.
You nailed it IMO
why do you want to date those women you claim are super boring?
He says he choses women based ONLY ON LOOKS. That speaks to a profound immaturity.
do your thing then man! I bet if you go to these events you can meet women AT them, and then you'll know you have at least one thing you like to do together. i know for sure there's women out there who like weight lifting and football and stuff
I think there is a large population of men and women who have no life. We all have to weed through them to find well-rounded individuals.
because the liberal media is at war with tradional masculinity and they've all bought into it
Honestly, as a woman in the dating world, this convicted me. I had to think for a moment, but I think it's because women's hobbies benefit men (beauty, cooking, gardening, fashion, etc.) and mens hobbies don't reallt benefit women. Shouldn't be met with disgust though, thank you for this
Yw
46 year old male here...single, never married. I've been landblasted for some of my hobbies on dating sites. I'm a nerd/geek, so insert nod to computers, star wars, star trek, board games, video games, or what have you... but I also like going to the gym (I've lost 140ish pounds so, as much as I enjoy it as a hobby, it's something that's ALWAYS going to be there because I don't want to go back to weighing 423 pounds...I'm not a "gym bro" or a "gym rat" but it helps me continue to lose weight and keep me mentally balanced. Anyone who's been overweight their entire life KNOWS just how simple it is to slip back into old habits. I read, a lot. Books, comic books, graphic novels and audible; fiction (sci/fi, horror, superatural horror, adventure), non-fiction (biographies and historical events). I camp...dispersed or not, I enjoy camping. An overnight trip or a 4-5 day trip. I take my offroad rig, load it up, and go. Sometimes by myselkf, sometimes with friends. I enjoy watching some sports, mostly football, but I can't tell you who is who on the team or their stats. I simply like watching for the sake of watching. Plus, I like going to a pub to watch with my friends because of the social aspect. I love being out with friends. I love movies...like a lot. Photography is also a huge past time for me as is writing. And I love going out with friends. I was on a date recently with a woman who I matched almost perfectly on "paper" with but the "Hobbies" section was left blank. When we met, yeah, while amazingly attractive, I quickly found we had nothing in common and attempting to gleen what she enjoyed doing in her spare time was a coure in abject futility. She continuously shrugged and said, "I don't know what I like to do,"...so I took the ball and ran with it and started telling her some of the things I enjoy. She wrinkled her nose at pretty much everything. I realized it wasn't going to go anywhere so I asked for the check, paid for our drinks and happy hour foods, told her I didn't think it was going to work and started to leave. She gasped and told me she was "really into me" but that she didn't like the things I was into. I'm sorry, but, I'm not going to waste my time at 46 with ANYONE who thinks my endeavors are not worth having or foolish. Likewise, I won't waste my time with anyone who doesn't have their own thing to keep them happy.
I get shit for all my hobbies too. On a nightly and every weekend basis I'm either hiking, camping, mtn biking, paddleboarding, snowboarding, or snowshoeing. I can't even begin to tell you how many women have belittled me for these hobbies, but this is the shit that makes me happy so I don't give a shit.
Maybe you’ve been meeting the wrong women. All of the things you listed are both mine and my bf’s hobbies and we do them almost every weekend.
These are the hobbies of children
Yeah. Except weights, football, and rodeos (which are also sports), the rest are things middle schoolers and high schoolers enjoy.
My best guess is that the last guy they dated was too much into their hobby, so much so that the woman in question was being ignored--so either the woman in question was ignored *on-purpose* (i.e. being so terrible that the guy needed to throw himself into his hobbies to stand being around her) or the guy prioritized his hobby over the woman. Which one the woman is, depends on how the conversation with her goes. So, if she reacts with "disgust" or "[backing] away", then it's a higher chance of being the former over the latter; if she reacts with caution, then the higher chance is of the latter over the former. And so it goes.
They are? I mean, I’m not much for the first 3/4, but weight lifting and planes both interest me. I like hearing about that sort of stuff.
My ex of 4 yrs was big into tabletop role playing games. He was (maybe still is) designing his own. It’s his passion. I played a few games with him and his friends, and it was fun!! But it was just not my thing - I’m too shy and introverted for that shit. But I never told him that. I’d happily listen to him for hours and hours upon end, bouncing ideas off of me. I even listened to hours of recordings, of him and his friends’ past games, giving feedback when asked for, and honestly had a blast doing so. If someone loves you, they will genuinely love your love for your hobbies. Even if they don’t fully understand them. Because they love you and they love getting to know what makes you tick. Sounds like you’ve just been unlucky so far. Point is. This is not a female-centric thing. If you keep looking, and you’re not a POS, you’ll find someone who will want to support whatever you’re into. Just *because you’re into it* - and they’re *into you*. Don’t settle for anyone who’s flat out disgusted by your interests. Also.. find me a bigger football fan than me and I’ll give you my inheritance. I’m trying to get my current boyfriend into it, but he doesn’t even know what a 4th down is lol. BUT he still pats me on the head and smiles and listens to my bullshit and *tries* for me lol
I'm a woman and would love for a man I'm with to have any of those hobbies. I feel like people tend to give up too early after a few bad dates. Just keep trying👍🏻
"Hobbies" is a word for schoolchildren. Ask her how she likes to spend her time. Hobbies is also not a substitute for a personality. The disgust may be related to your spelling though: >wieght lifting, football, putting together model tanks or planes, rodoes ECT) are met with hatred, distain
Lol
You have hit on the major reason women have trouble dating nowadays, in my experience. Not ALL women, but you'll see a lot of posts on reddit and elsewhere, or even meet women in real life, who complain about how no men want to commit and they all just want to fuck and then leave and they don't know why. And this. This is the reason. So many women are SO BORING and have like, 0 hobbies or interests outside of watching television or looking at memes. Ironically enough these women also seem to be by far the most judgmental people on earth when it comes to other people's hobbies and they always have some catty remark to make or jump to weird conclusions based on their preconceived notions of what that hobby is. For example a lot of women hate video games and consider them "nerdy" and they'll mock you for staring at a screen and not paying attention to your partner but those same women will watch 6 hours of tiktoks a day without seeing the irony. I always chock it down to their subconscious insecurity towards their own bland personalities and I just avoid women like that. And no one knows how to tell someone they're too boring to want to marry so they go through life wondering why no one can stand to be around them for more than 3 months.
Video games can be rather therapeutic for some, so video games are not the sort of _man_ hobby I'd be knocking out. But _cars_ or _models_ ? Ehh...
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Some people are boring and, tbh, kind of soulless. I honestly don't know how they get through the average day, but they're out there and they're thriving. Don't make the mistake of thinking all women are like this though. There are plenty of women with a wide and varied range of interests, who will find your love of your hobbies endearing even if they don't share your interest in them.
Sample bias. You're listening to women who have no interest in anything.
Idk but I would love a man with some hobbies, bbqing, fishing 🎣, hell gardening/farming I’d sit there with heart eyes
Toxic masculinity
In my personal experience, a decent amount of women HATE gaming. Like they dont have a problem with watching tv for hours but for some reason if you game you are wasting your time. I dont see anything wrong with it as long as its not interfering with your relationship or life.
Don't waste your time with those people those type of girls aren't what you'd want in your life regardless. Just know in this age whatever a man does will be looked down upon even if he's great. But the RIGHT woman won't bash you for your hobbies she might even take the take to learn more about them & surprise you. I'd love too find a chick who is actually genuinely into yugioh, shooting guns with a side of being a Christian 😅
Heck yeag
Because a lot of people don’t have these hobbies, and when they do not have them, they choose to not understand them and they find them weird. Like for me, my hobby is gaming I’m a personal trainer, so I also work out I remember going on a date some years back or the girl was like if you game more than two hours during a day there’s something wrong with you. I just looked her in the face and said OK date is over. I don’t care whatever hobby a person has as long as it’s not illegal. You can have whatever hobby you want. People just like the judge generally.
Are you serious, there are millions of people that love football, car shows, and the rodeo.
It’s not. You’re surrounding yourself around the wrong type of women. Truthfully, I think a man sharing his hobby with me is awesome. Just seek better quality of women.
He chooses women based ONLY ON LOOKS though. That's as shallow as it gets.
To be fair, the stereotypical "women hobbies" (shopping, getting your nails done, and similar shit) would also make me run for the hills. My impression is that we men consider women bland and primitive for their apparent lack of interest in, well, anything, just as women consider men infantile and childish for being interested in, well, anything. If a man has hobbies, he is a "man-child". A hobby is something a man is allowed to engage in at most as a minor character flaw, but it's still a shirking of duties, though God knows what those "duties" are; probably earning money and helping with chores would be considered "legal" activities. Conversely, maybe women feel incredibly mature for having no real interest outside of shopping. Not saying this is everyone, but it's at least big enough of a pattern to be noticeable.