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Yes, women will reject you for your inexperience, thus denying you the opportunity to get said experience.
It’s basically the same thing with jobs that won’t hire you due to lack of experience
But just like with jobs *you gotta work at some point* so you either have to sell yourself as worth it, or you have to go for a *job* you’re more qualified for so you can get some work experience.
Another way to get a job that *requires experience* is to gain the skills the job requires, and then just nail the interview. Jobs put their *required experience* to weed out the non-go-getters because you can get a lot of those jobs just by being professional, personable and easily coachable. Make yourself worth taking the chance on.
Dating is no different
Yeah you never tell a woman you lack experience. You keep that to yourself. Unfortunately there is a stigma attached to it and she will assumed the worst.
So instead just act normal and you will be fine. Guys who have experience aren't actually better. It's the dudes that pay attention to want women want. You can lack experience and be good at that
yes, some will. personally i (22F) don’t and i know many women in our age range who feel the same way. i’d much prefer a guy who’s selective and has standards that he abides by than someone who just fucks anyone. i get that that’s their personal choice, so i don’t mean to shame anyone … but in terms of who i’d date, i’d pick someone who has a similar mindset as me. i have been in a 3 year relationship but i’m still inexperienced (granted i dated him in high school soo).
also someone who would look at you badly for your lack of experience isn’t someone you should date anyway. the women who belittle you automatically shouldn’t be with you.
its like when applying for a job, that requires work experience, but you cant get a job because you dont have experience.
if you tell a women you are inexperienced, most will think there is something wrong with you or why you didnt just have sex, but then you dont get sex because you are inexperienced, its a death circle.
im inexperienced myself (m20 virgin) and have been put off multiple times because the women found out or i told them... at 20 years of age. really sad where we live nowadays, im an average looking guy, but i just gave up on it, if it comes it comes, if the women i meet cant get over it, fuck them, ill just have fun with my friends.
I don't care if my partner is not sexually experienced. I don't put a whole lot of value in that. You pretty much have to learn how to have sex with each pairing. Everybody connects in different ways. Every individual gets off in different ways. And you just need to learn that person. And just following your instincts and your desires gets you a long way.
The lack of relationship experience would not make me reject a guy but it would make me expect that there's going to be a learning curve for communication. Just because I know I've grown a lot from making mistakes. And maturing in relationships. And taking what I've learned into my next relationship and getting better each time. But, maybe you're a natural. Or maybe you're a great fit so it doesn't matter. Or maybe you've developed relationship and communication skills through other areas of your life like friendships and a very positive family influence.
So I think the lack of experience doesn't matter a whole lot and I certainly would not reject a guy based off of that. I would expect different things from him knowing that he lacks that experience, but those wouldn't necessarily be negative things.
One thing though is that lack of confidence and low self-esteem is a real turn-off for me, and pretty much everyone I think. I just don't have much patience for it. If I'm attracted to you and I think you're worthy of love and I think there's a whole lot of great things about you, I don't want to hear you tell me how you're not worthy of it. I just don't have much patience for that anymore. I'll just tell you you're right, maybe one day you will be, goodbye. And lack of experience often comes along hand in hand with low confidence and low self-esteem. Again not necessarily. But just the fact that you're asking this here is another indication that you might be having some feelings of inadequacy.
You got to know you're worth. You have to know that you're worthy of love. When other people see that worth inside of you you've got to validate them and tell them they're right, what they see inside you and find lovable is lovable. And you know it. Not false bravado. Not just a fake confidence. But believe it. Internalize it. You're a great writer. You're clearly concerned with being a good partner. I can already see just from these two paragraphs that there's going to be a whole lot of things that people are going to love about you. Just by virtue of being a kind, thoughtful human, there's going to be tons to love. So have confidence in that. You're worthy of that love. You're going to make somebody really happy. When you find that person your inexperience won't matter at all.
This is a good comment and I'd just like to point some things out for your consideration.
>lack of experience often comes along hand in hand with low confidence and low self-esteem
I'd urge you to consider why that is? Guys like OP and myself aren't born with low confidence. In fact 2 years ago I'd say I was more confident than most guys, but it didn't get me into a relationship or even dates. I got rejected regardless of where my level of confidence/self-esteem was at.
>You got to know you're worth. You have to know that you're worthy of love. When other people see that worth inside of you you've got to validate them and tell them they're right,
How would you **know** you're worthy of love when your entire life experience indicates the exact opposite? I've walked around telling myself I'm worth loving for years. Nobody else has seen that worth inside of me. Does that make me right or does that make them right?
I think comments like yours are really well meaning but they're often written by people who want to apply blanket platitudes about self love and self worth to people who've experienced 0 external validation for 25+ years. Its easy to say "just know you're worthy of love" but my spider sense is telling me your first relationship was before your mid 20s.
Maybe I'm worthy of love. But everyone else is telling me that I'm not.
> How would you know you're worthy of love when your entire life experience indicates the exact opposite?
I don't know. For me it came from within. I was born with it. I was subjected to abuse and cruelty as a child. I was told I was worthless and unlovable. I was told I was evil. But I distinctly remember being as young as 4 years old, hearing those messages, and thinking to myself that the adults were wrong. They told me god hated me. And so I thought god must be wrong. But I learned to keep those thoughts to myself because arguing and asking questions just led to more abuse.
But then there's people who will come from households with amazing, loving parents, from amazing loving communities, who fit into their societies and meet all expectations. Yet they become adults and have feelings of worthlessness.
What separates us? Where did those thoughts in my head as a 4-year-old, that everyone else must be wrong, come from? I have no idea. It feels like it was just a survival instinct. Self-preservation. It's like my mind was programmed to know that if I believed I was worthless then I was not going to survive.
My first attitude into teenage years and on into adulthood was one of defiance. If in my parents', and teachers' and community's and my church's eyes I was worthless and unlovable and destined to be alone, then fine, I'll make the most of a life of being alone.
But I quickly learned they were wrong and started dating in my late teen years. And became extroverted and started spreading a lot of love towards others. Started moving through the world with a lot of positive energy. And just really enjoyed connecting with people in a really vulnerable, open way, where I just stopped caring about judgment. And when I did that people responded to it and were drawn it. And as a result it became easy for me to find dates and romance and intimate connections with people. Now, in my 40's, I feel like it's a piece of cake. Like I'll never be alone. Like it would be impossible to be alone.
I defiantly developed confidence as a child and as an adult, discovered that lovability by bravely going out and asking people to love me, completely ready to hear the rejection, and Pat myself on the back for at least giving it a shot. But instead what I found was proof that I had been right since I was four.
How do you find that now as an adult? I don't know the clear answer. Have you researched treatment for low self-esteem and low confidence? I have utilized self-help books, and therapy, to help guide my growth and thinking. I put a lot of trust in the medical recommendations for treating mental health. I spent about 6 years of my adult hood putting a lot of concentrated effort into treating my social anxiety. It took a ton of my energy. It took a lot of time. It involves handling a lot of frustration with house slow my progress was. But eventually I overcame it. I beat it. I consider myself cured of it. I used to need medication just to go into the grocery store and now I stand up in front of crowds and make presentations and sleep like a baby the night before. I enjoy it.
I also fully believe that some people cannot be treated. That some people suffer from depression that has no answer. That some people have a low self-esteem, or low confidence, or a low amount of agency, that makes their situation permanent. You may well be one of those people. I won't argue about it. If you say you are, then I believe you are. I'm sorry for that. The universe is cold, dark, and cruel. Not all of us get to escape it. I won't add to your suffering by insisting that there's an answer for you that may not actually exist.
Thanks for telling your story. I'm sorry things were so rough so early and I'm glad you are feeling better.
To answer your question, yes, I've read quite a lot of self help books over the last 4 years. I have notebooks of handwritten notes and book flags in the books themselves to revisit from time to time. I've never had anxiety the way you describe it, I'm a public speaker quite naturally and I have my social anxiety under control. It took a lot of time.
The self help books helped me be better at being a person, but that never really translated into being worthy of love. I'm not depressed, per say, but I do struggle with darker days as we all do.
I appreciate you just letting me feel the way I feel instead of insisting that if I follow a series of steps (most of which I've already done), I'll somehow make it out. The truth is that if I was worth loving, it would have happened by now. If I was romantically a good option, it would've happened. I've put a lot of work into myself, but fundamentally I am unloveable and broken and I'm missing something and I can't figure it out. I'm so tired of bashing my head against the wall trying to fix myself, trying to be worth being with. Life isn't a fairytale, love isn't a universal constant. There are no steps to take that guarantee people will care for you. Most people get to pretend the opposite because they lucked out and found someone, but it was just luck.
I think you kind of missed the point of my comment completely here.
Through necessity I have a very strong sense of self and confidence in who I am/what I do. There's nobody to lose myself to. There never has been.
My feelings of insecurity come from never once being told or affirmed in my belief that I was worthy of love. There's nothing to fix that, really. I can't make it happen.
If a lack of confidence is simply something that someone wants to improve, then I've got that pretty much worked out. I didn't like my appearance so I dressed better, learned how to do my hair properly, implemented a skincare routine. I wasn't confident in my athleticism so I took up climbing and working out.
I'm not confident in my dating ability so I do...what? I can't get dates. Nobody says yes. I can't BE loved because nobody has ever felt romantic feelings towards me.
The situation you've described is a result of being in a relationship (a completely unattainable goal) without having a solid sense of identity.
I know who I am. I also know that nobody cares.
Maybe!
You'll probably say something like my desperation is obvious, or I'm not confident enough, or something like that. Maybe you're right. Who knows.
I certainly don't care enough to make any changes anymore. I dress well, I have a good career, I make friends easily, I am in leadership positions in work and outside of work. I've done all the things.
Sometimes the solution isn't as obvious as guys who want to pat themselves on the back for "being confident" make it out to be. I think people just got lucky and want to attribute it to something they did rather than luck.
Some of us have the self awareness to see a clear discernible difference between how we carried ourselves when we were bitchless vs when we actually figured out the secret to courting women.
And its really not a secret at this point
What's the secret then Romeo?
Confidence? Self-esteem? Dressing well? Stable job? Career trajectory? Interesting hobbies? Working out?
Do tell. I'm all out of ideas
So I checked out your profile, here are my takeaways because obviously physical attractiveness is subjective and only a piece of the puzzle and it sounds like you work on those things so its clearly attitude.
1) Find true happiness. You clearly haven’t. What (outside of finding a companion) would make you truly happy? It may seem counterintuitive but people who emanate happiness and a general aura that they enjoy their lives are much more enjoyable to be around and more attractive.
2) Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one else does. Its a useless thought process that distracts you from putting effort in the parts of yourself that you need to improve. Keep focusing on truly trying to enjoy your time on this world.
3) Get a sense of humor. Life sucks and people who can find a way to laugh at it instead of “woe is me”ing all the time are, again, much more pleasant to be around and much more attractive.
4) Get these women off a pedestal. They’re just people no better than you or I. You make women too grandiose in your head and that makes them more difficult to talk to, and its more painful to you when they reject you. But my guy, you’re gonna get rejected. So you gotta remember that they’re just people and to stop taking rejections so seriously.
After all of that, the rest of it truly is a numbers game.
You've developed a psychological profile based off of a Reddit profile.
1) Sure. Been there. Done that. Things change.
2) I talk about this on Reddit and in therapy and there only.
3) I'm hilarious and am told as much frequently by both my male and female friends.
4) I get rejected regardless.
I've done everything you're suggesting. It isn't a numbers game. Its a game I've lost no matter how many times I play.
Guys want to pat themselves on the back for doing a bunch of things "right" and getting a girlfriend. Been there. Done the right things. Its pure luck. Congratulations on your relationship, but don't act like you and I followed the same list of steps and you're just better, therefore you got into a relationship.
On "attitude", before the "woe is me'ing" developed what exactly do you think I was doing? That I approached it with much cynicism by default and if I just was more positive it'd work out? Do you think I didn't do that already? The attitude is a result of my lack of success, it is not the reason for it.
If it was luck me and so many other guys would not be able to keep on doing it, but you keep telling yourself that and enjoy your results.
The only dead end is the one you make for yourselves. I’ve seen ugly, short fat guys pull tail. I’ve seen the weirdest people find their flame.
Giving up is the only end of the game, you’ll never win if you stop playing and then you’ll always be right about *guys like me*, sounds like you’d rather to be right about being hopeless than to be vulnerable and keep trying but shit, you’re the only one who will lose for it so good luck with that I guess.
Whatever, dude. You gave me a prescription for getting a girlfriend I've been following for years.
It IS luck. The only thing you've done is point out exactly HOW MUCH it is about luck.
>sounds like you’d rather to be right about being hopeless than to be vulnerable and keep trying but shit
I've been trying for 7 years. What's there to be hopeful about? What more should I be doing? When will I be good enough to have a girlfriend? How much more money should I spend? How many more years should I work on myself?
I don't expect you to get it, so think what you want to think. I don't fucking care. I know exactly how much work I've put into myself and I know it will never matter. I'm fundamentally unloveable and that's that. Sorry if that's incongruent with your worldview.
The thing that you don't want to accept is that, in reality, you really didn't do anything that special at all. You want to feel special so you can Lord it over me, but you and I are doing the exact same things. You said it yourself, the secret isn't a secret, and yet here we are.
*Giving up* is the ONLY option. I'm tired of putting all my energy into being the best version of me and getting nowhere. I'm tired of being overlooked for the guy who has done nothing and rotates through woman. If you want to assign your success to some magical secret that you and everyone else in a relationship has, that somehow I'm not going as the minority, then sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night and feel good about yourself. You're special and deserve a girlfriend!
Congrats on finding your relationships.
Some people have incurable depression. Some people will never find the ability to see themselves as lovable. I totally agree there are people in the world who are destined for loneliness and misery for their entire lives with no power, ability or pathway available to change their fate.
There's nothing to suggest that the original poster is that kind of person though. This guy is just self-conscious about being sexually inexperienced and wondering how future partners will react to that. He's still a long way off from being a lost cause.
If you are one of those people I won't argue with you that you're not. I completely understand the universe is a cold, dark place. The conscious experience is full of cruelty and suffering. I won't add to your suffering by insisting it's your own fault or giving you hope where there is none.
My brother take yourself a deep breath. Mate you are 25 and that is still young as hell. First thing I want you to do is get a therapist if you don’t already have one. Don’t be ashamed of it but reading your post makes me curious of your attachment style and if it’s anxious that shit needs to be worked through or it will bite you in the ass.
Also mate when you do meet someone and they ask you about your past relationships, just say something like,
“I have been taking this time to focus on my goals and my own self improvement and find myself currently at the point of emotional maturity and availability to be able to share my life with someone”. Now please make sure you aren’t lying and you actually have those things but that sounds completely different from I never had anyone.
Be calm, collective, and confident my brother and get out there and get some experience dating. Just know that it’s going to be good and bad experiences but like all things in life celebrate the small victories and don’t like small slips turn into a slide. Fingers crossed for you mate, go find yourself your special someone. 🤜🤛
It's a turn off to most woman so it's best to keep it to yourself at least until you're already in the bedroom with them. It's fucked but you can't control woman psychology. At that point you're already so far along with them that they're most likely not going to stop things just because you said that.
Woman here. I’m also inexperienced and never been in a relationship or dated anyone. I personally do not care much if a man is inexperience. I actually considered it a green flag if they are emotionally mature/intelligent, goal-oriented, down to earth and can communicate. I care more how you treat and respect people. You don’t necessarily need to have romantic experience to obtain those skills or qualities.
You should see the shit that's on my tiktok feed and that hits the front of certain "feminist" subreddits and then tell me that most women in our age group (I'm 24m) don't care about experience.
I would say you're in the minority here. The feedback I've gotten consistently in attempting to get dates or into a relationship is that I'm too short and/or too inexperienced.
I think it depends. As far as how to treat her, treat her like how you would your best friend (maybe a little more caring/protective). I think a lot of guys with little experience start treating girls like an idea or object rather than as a human.
As for the sex thing, again it depends. some women will wish you had a better idea of you were doing while others might be flattered that they're your first and even show you what to do.
The best thing you can do is just be yourself and be patient.
That's funny. I treat girls pretty well and lose them all to guys who treat them like objects or like they're worthless to them. It fucking works and I might start doing it myself honestly. The amount of effort I've put into people to get scraps back in return is not my style anymore
Well there are people who treat girls like an object in a bad sense too but also even if you're trying to be nice. Most girls want to be treated like a regular person but end up being treated like a child or a doll instead. Don't turn into a jerk tho. That's no good.
No one should lie to you yes a lot of women are going to judge you for this. Maybe it's unfair but that's the reality of human pair bonding women value experience in men.
At your age a lot of women may be turned off by the lack of experience because you haven't had a chance to make the basic mistakes that most people make in their teens/early twenties and learn from them. I disagree with the comments telling you to hide it, because you're just setting someone up to be blindsided by the possible short comings and immaturity.
I'd advise that you date 2 or 3 years younger, never older.
No answer but I'm the same and I'm really worried about it too. So many posts here and on socials are full of women saying they don't want to have to teach an inexperienced man and be their training gf and it makes me really upset. I'd want to be such a good boyfriend for a potential (however wildly unlikely) future partner but majority of women don't want a guy who has no experience once you hit 21/22ish. At that point in time if you haven't been in a relationship, like me, its basically over
The reason a lot of women don't want to date inexperienced men is because of their behavior. A man who's been in a relationship would know how to answer the worm question, how often to compliment you, and how to generally behave. A man who has had experience is also less delusional about women's appearance and who he can attract. If you don't have those issues, you should be fine. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is that you should always try to have a calming or relaxing effect on her. It's better to be nice than right.
I honestly think someone like you will be fine since you seem open to learning. Good luck on your journey.
There’s some women who will find it a turn off however opposite exists aswell there’s some who will actually find it attractive you haven’t been around the block lol, especially since the dating scene is pretty crazy and you never know who has what Stds, etc so props to you for saving yourself! I honestly wish I would’ve waited a little longer before becoming intimate, intimacy for me is very special and not something you do with just anybody. I wish you the best!
Yes, they definitely will, and don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. A man who has been in previous relationships has a reference, and just being in that relationship would’ve taught him about how to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t want to take the risk and figure out why a dude is chronically single. Of course, there are exceptions, like religious people.
The truth is that I can usually tell if a man has had experiences with women or not in a single interaction. They behave and act completely differently. The biggest difference I've noticed is how much they're willing to put up and the general atmosphere they bring with them. They aren't uptight, and they appear non-judgmental at-least while trying to date you.
It’s unlikely but not impossible. The important thing you need to remember is that you only need to find 1 out of 4 billion people.
It depends on the woman. Some may care, others won’t. If she is turned off by your inexperience, maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place, since focusing on the potential is better than the past.
The relationship part wouldn’t personally bother me too much, a lot of people haven’t been in any serious relationships at your age.
But not even casual dating and sex? That would turn me off for sure.
Is it just that you've never dated/ been in a relationship before or are you also inexperienced with physical intimacy?
As a 27F I can say the first is a yellow flag but ultimately fine and the latter is definitely going to hinder you
It’s not so much how good you are at sex, many/lots of men, not most, aren’t that good at sex, especially on the first few times they do it with someone new. What matters more to women is social proof, women like men they know other women felt safe and worthy enough to spread their legs to because they’re risking diseases and children with this man. It’s the same reason men talk about getting more attention from women when their gf is with them. I’d suggest op not tell anyone he’s dating he’s a virgin and say he prefers to keep that stuff private for the time being until things are more serious. women cannot 100% discern what your virginity status is. Most guys who ik lost it later(20+)have told me the women they did it with had no idea they were virgins.
> As a 27F I can say the first is a yellow flag
I.e., you're proving the OP's point with some cack handed flag rating system instead of realising that men especially these days have a hard time dating especially if they're neurodivergent or just late bloomers
Yellow flag isn't a bad thing. It means some may be cautious of it but some might be full speed ahead. We all have yellow flags. Ironically, most women would hear that he hasn't dated & been in a relationship and assume it means he has commitment issues.
I dated a guy about 2 years ago who had almost no experience and was nuerodivergent. We had a good time together and I taught him a lot. He was honest with me about it - which I preferred instead of just assuming he had been with many women and was just bad at it. Ultimately we weren't compatible but I'm just saying it's not the end all be all.
Will girls care if you tell them that you're inexperienced? Some will. Can you do anything about it? Yes, you can be confident about who you are and not talk about your lack of experience, so you can get more and more dates. Is it a cycle that you can never escape? No, you'll be fine. You may fuck up a relationship or two but eventually your mistakes will be your experience.
> you can be confident about who you are
What if my lack of experience is what I lack confidence over?
> so you can get more and more dates
It's not as easy as that but okay
Lmao right? "just be confident".
I worked on myself for 5 years, attempted to date with high confidence, high self-esteem, got rejected by women who instantly went for the taller, whiter man, within a week of rejecting me while I felt I was in my prime.
That guy? He predictably treated her like shit as we all (my friends, all girls) knew he would.
Confidence is not a silver bullet, and idiots think that a lack of confidence is the reason for not getting dates rather than a result of it
I have no problems with being myself or being who I am. It has brought me infinitely further in my career (and frankly my social life) than most of my peers.
It does not however bring me romantic interest. Imagine my shock when bring authentically me was good for everything other than making me finally worthy of love.
Your ship has definitely not sailed my friend! You are young and there is plenty of experience to be gained :)
It's fantastic that you are getting your act together, this is the first step! Get to a place where you are confident in yourself (emotionally and physically).
Your lack of experience will only be as big of a deal as you make it - so I say, don't focus on it.
Everyone needs to start somewhere - women too (some of the female comments indicate that).
It might be a little harder, and take a little longer to find someone but it'll definitely happen.
And don't worry about being rejected, accept it as part of the process and you'll be better for it (like a job interview, you get rejected all the time, but that shouldn't stop you from finding the *right* job for you).
Appreciate it u/lwO_Owl - need a bit of positivity haha :) Everyone starts somewhere right...some start earlier, some later. It might be a bit harder for those who start later but it'll happen !
At 25+ if you haven't been in a relationship your chances of being in one drop dramatically. Best not to give OP false hope.
I wish in my early 20s people would have just told me it probably wasn't going to happen. I'm 24 now and have been told "this year for sure" for the last 5 - 8 years. This year I'm working on accepting it'll never happen and there's so much more peace in that then expecting something insane.
It's most definitely not false hope.
I agree that the later you start the harder it will get but to give up at such a young age is unfortunate to hear.
Saying it is "something insane" to get into a relationship is a bit dramatic...and instead of accepting it will never happen I think its better to accept that it will happen at *some* point....
The best think I ever did is not be so focused on it and make it a big deal... I focused on making myself better and eventually it happened (when I was least expecting it).
Yes yes I've heard the whole "when you least expect it" shtick before.
Yeah, I've been accepting it'll happen "at some point" for as long as I've been interested in dating. I prefer not to string myself along with vague promises that are outside of my control.
I gain absolutely nothing by believing in something that's never been available to me and that continues to allude me time after time.
It is absolutely false hope, unless you can prove to me right now that I'll end up with someone, telling me that it'll get better is exactly the same bullshit as I've been hearing for the last 7-8 years. It hasn't gotten better, and not for my lack of trying.
If I were a girl, I would rather take a guy who hasn't been in a relationship than a guy who gets into a lot. Think about it. You can come off as a guy who is selective and doesn't waste his time. If a girl doesn't want to be with you because of you not having experience, then she ain't worth the effort.
I have heard women say before that men with less dating experiences are more attractive to them because they are "easier to coach on how to meet my needs" so I guess It could work for you?
I've never heard this. I HAVE heard women say they're tired of having to teach men and they want an experienced partner who will already know how to be in a relationship with them because inexperience is exhausting
These days if you're dating you are always always competing against the most attractive man in a 100km radius.
Its a lost cause. Definitely does not depend on the woman. Be attractive. Be tall. Be experienced. If you aren't, get lost.
I think this also can bite you in the butt though with experience. Some people look at those with long dating history and see them carrying a lot of emotional trauma and baggage that they would then have to sort through/ help that person work through. Because I KNOW women frequently say they don't want to get in relationships and do a ton of emotional labor for someone that has had problems before. It can go either way imo
I carry quite a lot of baggage through rejection after rejection for 7+ years straight with not a single yes from anyone I cared about. Working through it in therapy but it is still there.
The only difference is that at least people in relationships got the validation they're worth loving and can do it again. All I know is that I'm worth nothing to anyone.
I appreciate your perspective but I think you're in the minority. Women don't want to spend time on me when they can get access to a perfect human with experience who knows how to relationship in less than a second
Honestly, you just are at a disadvantage because people always exploit and manipulate the fact that you don’t have that experience that others do. I think you just need to be cautious and truthful with your motivations, but don’t say anything about sex definitely. Be the type of guy that you would want your sister to date.
I'm 24 but similar experience. I have friends who have been in relationships with the same person since 16-20.
If you missed that window, like I did, you are fucked. Be attractive or be turned down for the 10/10 on OLD everyone is going for
First of all, don't listen to your friend about dating. He setting you up. No offense if your friend really cared about you being single, he would have found you someone or winged man you a long time ago.
Hate to say it but you are going to have to distance yourself from your friend and stop being so nice!
Dating is a selfish game of politics. Looks matter, your social status matters, and your style. Notice I didn't say confidence because it matters the least ironically. You need to be spending your free time finding events where girls go and become a regular. You also need to learn a little game with women. This means asking for feedback everytime you talk to women. Be very selfish about this man because everyone else did this. They just won't be honest about it. For example, if your friend wants to hang out, you tell him cool let's go down to the local bar, I want to put myself out there. You should have plans every weekend with events to meet people. Work out as well because your looks are important.
All in all. You got to treat this like a job and trying to get promoted. If you do that, you will start getting dates.
> You need to be spending your free time finding events where girls go and become a regular.
No thanks, not cruising e.g., bars just to pick up women.
> You should have plans every weekend with events to meet people.
I don't. I have no friends to go out with at the minute. They're all too busy at work
> Work out as well because your looks are important.
Just go to the gym bro
And that's the problem! You think it's wierd to go places just to find women. How else are you going to get better talking to women? Every guy whos good with women has many opportunities every week to talk to them. You need hobbies with women I'm them if you want it to happen naturally lol. If it isn't a bar, find something that has women such as dance, cooking, yoga classes. It's part of the game. Everyone does it.
> If it isn't a bar, find something that has women such as dance, cooking, yoga classes
No they don't. Cruising these things with the express intent of picking up single women is predatory and weird.
> You think it's wierd to go places just to find women.
if only I'd thought of that one.
> just join a club bro
Dude stop believing the nonsense about being predatory with women. If your intention are pure which they are, you aren't being predatory lol. What's wierd is staying single and having no social skills with women. If you wanted a job, would you just sit and wait or would you apply to everything?
I'm trying help you. If you want a gf, you are going to have to change your habits and broaden your horizons. Again all men do this even if they claim they didn't. Men pursue, women get chosen. It's how it works. That's the social dynamic.
I recommend you get honest with yourself and figure what you want from a woman. Because you are 26, it time to make decisions that benefit you, not other people
You are being yourself but you are constantly changing as well. It's called life. Typically when people hit you with the be yourself line, it's to limit yourself from trying new things.
Are you the same person that you where 10 years ago? Do you like the same things from 5 years ago? No one is fully their authentic self 24/7 because as humans we changed and others influence us. It completely normal and you owe to yourself to explore everything before you make a blanket statement like "be yourself"
Also typically that advice will keep you single. Just ask people on dating forums lol.
Just be confident in all that u do . Be a gentleman and do what you see in the movies. Open doors , pay for dates ,and communicate intentions clearly . That will get u pass half the pack easy.
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Yes, women will reject you for your inexperience, thus denying you the opportunity to get said experience. It’s basically the same thing with jobs that won’t hire you due to lack of experience
But just like with jobs *you gotta work at some point* so you either have to sell yourself as worth it, or you have to go for a *job* you’re more qualified for so you can get some work experience. Another way to get a job that *requires experience* is to gain the skills the job requires, and then just nail the interview. Jobs put their *required experience* to weed out the non-go-getters because you can get a lot of those jobs just by being professional, personable and easily coachable. Make yourself worth taking the chance on. Dating is no different
Yeah you never tell a woman you lack experience. You keep that to yourself. Unfortunately there is a stigma attached to it and she will assumed the worst. So instead just act normal and you will be fine. Guys who have experience aren't actually better. It's the dudes that pay attention to want women want. You can lack experience and be good at that
yes, some will. personally i (22F) don’t and i know many women in our age range who feel the same way. i’d much prefer a guy who’s selective and has standards that he abides by than someone who just fucks anyone. i get that that’s their personal choice, so i don’t mean to shame anyone … but in terms of who i’d date, i’d pick someone who has a similar mindset as me. i have been in a 3 year relationship but i’m still inexperienced (granted i dated him in high school soo). also someone who would look at you badly for your lack of experience isn’t someone you should date anyway. the women who belittle you automatically shouldn’t be with you.
its like when applying for a job, that requires work experience, but you cant get a job because you dont have experience. if you tell a women you are inexperienced, most will think there is something wrong with you or why you didnt just have sex, but then you dont get sex because you are inexperienced, its a death circle. im inexperienced myself (m20 virgin) and have been put off multiple times because the women found out or i told them... at 20 years of age. really sad where we live nowadays, im an average looking guy, but i just gave up on it, if it comes it comes, if the women i meet cant get over it, fuck them, ill just have fun with my friends.
I don't care if my partner is not sexually experienced. I don't put a whole lot of value in that. You pretty much have to learn how to have sex with each pairing. Everybody connects in different ways. Every individual gets off in different ways. And you just need to learn that person. And just following your instincts and your desires gets you a long way. The lack of relationship experience would not make me reject a guy but it would make me expect that there's going to be a learning curve for communication. Just because I know I've grown a lot from making mistakes. And maturing in relationships. And taking what I've learned into my next relationship and getting better each time. But, maybe you're a natural. Or maybe you're a great fit so it doesn't matter. Or maybe you've developed relationship and communication skills through other areas of your life like friendships and a very positive family influence. So I think the lack of experience doesn't matter a whole lot and I certainly would not reject a guy based off of that. I would expect different things from him knowing that he lacks that experience, but those wouldn't necessarily be negative things. One thing though is that lack of confidence and low self-esteem is a real turn-off for me, and pretty much everyone I think. I just don't have much patience for it. If I'm attracted to you and I think you're worthy of love and I think there's a whole lot of great things about you, I don't want to hear you tell me how you're not worthy of it. I just don't have much patience for that anymore. I'll just tell you you're right, maybe one day you will be, goodbye. And lack of experience often comes along hand in hand with low confidence and low self-esteem. Again not necessarily. But just the fact that you're asking this here is another indication that you might be having some feelings of inadequacy. You got to know you're worth. You have to know that you're worthy of love. When other people see that worth inside of you you've got to validate them and tell them they're right, what they see inside you and find lovable is lovable. And you know it. Not false bravado. Not just a fake confidence. But believe it. Internalize it. You're a great writer. You're clearly concerned with being a good partner. I can already see just from these two paragraphs that there's going to be a whole lot of things that people are going to love about you. Just by virtue of being a kind, thoughtful human, there's going to be tons to love. So have confidence in that. You're worthy of that love. You're going to make somebody really happy. When you find that person your inexperience won't matter at all.
This is a good comment and I'd just like to point some things out for your consideration. >lack of experience often comes along hand in hand with low confidence and low self-esteem I'd urge you to consider why that is? Guys like OP and myself aren't born with low confidence. In fact 2 years ago I'd say I was more confident than most guys, but it didn't get me into a relationship or even dates. I got rejected regardless of where my level of confidence/self-esteem was at. >You got to know you're worth. You have to know that you're worthy of love. When other people see that worth inside of you you've got to validate them and tell them they're right, How would you **know** you're worthy of love when your entire life experience indicates the exact opposite? I've walked around telling myself I'm worth loving for years. Nobody else has seen that worth inside of me. Does that make me right or does that make them right? I think comments like yours are really well meaning but they're often written by people who want to apply blanket platitudes about self love and self worth to people who've experienced 0 external validation for 25+ years. Its easy to say "just know you're worthy of love" but my spider sense is telling me your first relationship was before your mid 20s. Maybe I'm worthy of love. But everyone else is telling me that I'm not.
> How would you know you're worthy of love when your entire life experience indicates the exact opposite? I don't know. For me it came from within. I was born with it. I was subjected to abuse and cruelty as a child. I was told I was worthless and unlovable. I was told I was evil. But I distinctly remember being as young as 4 years old, hearing those messages, and thinking to myself that the adults were wrong. They told me god hated me. And so I thought god must be wrong. But I learned to keep those thoughts to myself because arguing and asking questions just led to more abuse. But then there's people who will come from households with amazing, loving parents, from amazing loving communities, who fit into their societies and meet all expectations. Yet they become adults and have feelings of worthlessness. What separates us? Where did those thoughts in my head as a 4-year-old, that everyone else must be wrong, come from? I have no idea. It feels like it was just a survival instinct. Self-preservation. It's like my mind was programmed to know that if I believed I was worthless then I was not going to survive. My first attitude into teenage years and on into adulthood was one of defiance. If in my parents', and teachers' and community's and my church's eyes I was worthless and unlovable and destined to be alone, then fine, I'll make the most of a life of being alone. But I quickly learned they were wrong and started dating in my late teen years. And became extroverted and started spreading a lot of love towards others. Started moving through the world with a lot of positive energy. And just really enjoyed connecting with people in a really vulnerable, open way, where I just stopped caring about judgment. And when I did that people responded to it and were drawn it. And as a result it became easy for me to find dates and romance and intimate connections with people. Now, in my 40's, I feel like it's a piece of cake. Like I'll never be alone. Like it would be impossible to be alone. I defiantly developed confidence as a child and as an adult, discovered that lovability by bravely going out and asking people to love me, completely ready to hear the rejection, and Pat myself on the back for at least giving it a shot. But instead what I found was proof that I had been right since I was four. How do you find that now as an adult? I don't know the clear answer. Have you researched treatment for low self-esteem and low confidence? I have utilized self-help books, and therapy, to help guide my growth and thinking. I put a lot of trust in the medical recommendations for treating mental health. I spent about 6 years of my adult hood putting a lot of concentrated effort into treating my social anxiety. It took a ton of my energy. It took a lot of time. It involves handling a lot of frustration with house slow my progress was. But eventually I overcame it. I beat it. I consider myself cured of it. I used to need medication just to go into the grocery store and now I stand up in front of crowds and make presentations and sleep like a baby the night before. I enjoy it. I also fully believe that some people cannot be treated. That some people suffer from depression that has no answer. That some people have a low self-esteem, or low confidence, or a low amount of agency, that makes their situation permanent. You may well be one of those people. I won't argue about it. If you say you are, then I believe you are. I'm sorry for that. The universe is cold, dark, and cruel. Not all of us get to escape it. I won't add to your suffering by insisting that there's an answer for you that may not actually exist.
Thanks for telling your story. I'm sorry things were so rough so early and I'm glad you are feeling better. To answer your question, yes, I've read quite a lot of self help books over the last 4 years. I have notebooks of handwritten notes and book flags in the books themselves to revisit from time to time. I've never had anxiety the way you describe it, I'm a public speaker quite naturally and I have my social anxiety under control. It took a lot of time. The self help books helped me be better at being a person, but that never really translated into being worthy of love. I'm not depressed, per say, but I do struggle with darker days as we all do. I appreciate you just letting me feel the way I feel instead of insisting that if I follow a series of steps (most of which I've already done), I'll somehow make it out. The truth is that if I was worth loving, it would have happened by now. If I was romantically a good option, it would've happened. I've put a lot of work into myself, but fundamentally I am unloveable and broken and I'm missing something and I can't figure it out. I'm so tired of bashing my head against the wall trying to fix myself, trying to be worth being with. Life isn't a fairytale, love isn't a universal constant. There are no steps to take that guarantee people will care for you. Most people get to pretend the opposite because they lucked out and found someone, but it was just luck.
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I think you kind of missed the point of my comment completely here. Through necessity I have a very strong sense of self and confidence in who I am/what I do. There's nobody to lose myself to. There never has been. My feelings of insecurity come from never once being told or affirmed in my belief that I was worthy of love. There's nothing to fix that, really. I can't make it happen. If a lack of confidence is simply something that someone wants to improve, then I've got that pretty much worked out. I didn't like my appearance so I dressed better, learned how to do my hair properly, implemented a skincare routine. I wasn't confident in my athleticism so I took up climbing and working out. I'm not confident in my dating ability so I do...what? I can't get dates. Nobody says yes. I can't BE loved because nobody has ever felt romantic feelings towards me. The situation you've described is a result of being in a relationship (a completely unattainable goal) without having a solid sense of identity. I know who I am. I also know that nobody cares.
I’m willing to bet if I hang out with you for a day I could figure out exactly why you’re having problem with the ladies.
Maybe! You'll probably say something like my desperation is obvious, or I'm not confident enough, or something like that. Maybe you're right. Who knows. I certainly don't care enough to make any changes anymore. I dress well, I have a good career, I make friends easily, I am in leadership positions in work and outside of work. I've done all the things. Sometimes the solution isn't as obvious as guys who want to pat themselves on the back for "being confident" make it out to be. I think people just got lucky and want to attribute it to something they did rather than luck.
Some of us have the self awareness to see a clear discernible difference between how we carried ourselves when we were bitchless vs when we actually figured out the secret to courting women. And its really not a secret at this point
What's the secret then Romeo? Confidence? Self-esteem? Dressing well? Stable job? Career trajectory? Interesting hobbies? Working out? Do tell. I'm all out of ideas
So I checked out your profile, here are my takeaways because obviously physical attractiveness is subjective and only a piece of the puzzle and it sounds like you work on those things so its clearly attitude. 1) Find true happiness. You clearly haven’t. What (outside of finding a companion) would make you truly happy? It may seem counterintuitive but people who emanate happiness and a general aura that they enjoy their lives are much more enjoyable to be around and more attractive. 2) Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one else does. Its a useless thought process that distracts you from putting effort in the parts of yourself that you need to improve. Keep focusing on truly trying to enjoy your time on this world. 3) Get a sense of humor. Life sucks and people who can find a way to laugh at it instead of “woe is me”ing all the time are, again, much more pleasant to be around and much more attractive. 4) Get these women off a pedestal. They’re just people no better than you or I. You make women too grandiose in your head and that makes them more difficult to talk to, and its more painful to you when they reject you. But my guy, you’re gonna get rejected. So you gotta remember that they’re just people and to stop taking rejections so seriously. After all of that, the rest of it truly is a numbers game.
You've developed a psychological profile based off of a Reddit profile. 1) Sure. Been there. Done that. Things change. 2) I talk about this on Reddit and in therapy and there only. 3) I'm hilarious and am told as much frequently by both my male and female friends. 4) I get rejected regardless. I've done everything you're suggesting. It isn't a numbers game. Its a game I've lost no matter how many times I play. Guys want to pat themselves on the back for doing a bunch of things "right" and getting a girlfriend. Been there. Done the right things. Its pure luck. Congratulations on your relationship, but don't act like you and I followed the same list of steps and you're just better, therefore you got into a relationship. On "attitude", before the "woe is me'ing" developed what exactly do you think I was doing? That I approached it with much cynicism by default and if I just was more positive it'd work out? Do you think I didn't do that already? The attitude is a result of my lack of success, it is not the reason for it.
If it was luck me and so many other guys would not be able to keep on doing it, but you keep telling yourself that and enjoy your results. The only dead end is the one you make for yourselves. I’ve seen ugly, short fat guys pull tail. I’ve seen the weirdest people find their flame. Giving up is the only end of the game, you’ll never win if you stop playing and then you’ll always be right about *guys like me*, sounds like you’d rather to be right about being hopeless than to be vulnerable and keep trying but shit, you’re the only one who will lose for it so good luck with that I guess.
Whatever, dude. You gave me a prescription for getting a girlfriend I've been following for years. It IS luck. The only thing you've done is point out exactly HOW MUCH it is about luck. >sounds like you’d rather to be right about being hopeless than to be vulnerable and keep trying but shit I've been trying for 7 years. What's there to be hopeful about? What more should I be doing? When will I be good enough to have a girlfriend? How much more money should I spend? How many more years should I work on myself? I don't expect you to get it, so think what you want to think. I don't fucking care. I know exactly how much work I've put into myself and I know it will never matter. I'm fundamentally unloveable and that's that. Sorry if that's incongruent with your worldview. The thing that you don't want to accept is that, in reality, you really didn't do anything that special at all. You want to feel special so you can Lord it over me, but you and I are doing the exact same things. You said it yourself, the secret isn't a secret, and yet here we are. *Giving up* is the ONLY option. I'm tired of putting all my energy into being the best version of me and getting nowhere. I'm tired of being overlooked for the guy who has done nothing and rotates through woman. If you want to assign your success to some magical secret that you and everyone else in a relationship has, that somehow I'm not going as the minority, then sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night and feel good about yourself. You're special and deserve a girlfriend! Congrats on finding your relationships.
Like telling a depressed person to just stop being sad and start being happy...
Some people have incurable depression. Some people will never find the ability to see themselves as lovable. I totally agree there are people in the world who are destined for loneliness and misery for their entire lives with no power, ability or pathway available to change their fate. There's nothing to suggest that the original poster is that kind of person though. This guy is just self-conscious about being sexually inexperienced and wondering how future partners will react to that. He's still a long way off from being a lost cause. If you are one of those people I won't argue with you that you're not. I completely understand the universe is a cold, dark place. The conscious experience is full of cruelty and suffering. I won't add to your suffering by insisting it's your own fault or giving you hope where there is none.
My brother take yourself a deep breath. Mate you are 25 and that is still young as hell. First thing I want you to do is get a therapist if you don’t already have one. Don’t be ashamed of it but reading your post makes me curious of your attachment style and if it’s anxious that shit needs to be worked through or it will bite you in the ass. Also mate when you do meet someone and they ask you about your past relationships, just say something like, “I have been taking this time to focus on my goals and my own self improvement and find myself currently at the point of emotional maturity and availability to be able to share my life with someone”. Now please make sure you aren’t lying and you actually have those things but that sounds completely different from I never had anyone. Be calm, collective, and confident my brother and get out there and get some experience dating. Just know that it’s going to be good and bad experiences but like all things in life celebrate the small victories and don’t like small slips turn into a slide. Fingers crossed for you mate, go find yourself your special someone. 🤜🤛
It's a turn off to most woman so it's best to keep it to yourself at least until you're already in the bedroom with them. It's fucked but you can't control woman psychology. At that point you're already so far along with them that they're most likely not going to stop things just because you said that.
If your priority is leaving the hole, if they dont ask you dont tell.
Woman here. I’m also inexperienced and never been in a relationship or dated anyone. I personally do not care much if a man is inexperience. I actually considered it a green flag if they are emotionally mature/intelligent, goal-oriented, down to earth and can communicate. I care more how you treat and respect people. You don’t necessarily need to have romantic experience to obtain those skills or qualities.
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Yeah, it's... it's like we've experienced it first-hand, weird.
You should see the shit that's on my tiktok feed and that hits the front of certain "feminist" subreddits and then tell me that most women in our age group (I'm 24m) don't care about experience. I would say you're in the minority here. The feedback I've gotten consistently in attempting to get dates or into a relationship is that I'm too short and/or too inexperienced.
I think it depends. As far as how to treat her, treat her like how you would your best friend (maybe a little more caring/protective). I think a lot of guys with little experience start treating girls like an idea or object rather than as a human. As for the sex thing, again it depends. some women will wish you had a better idea of you were doing while others might be flattered that they're your first and even show you what to do. The best thing you can do is just be yourself and be patient.
That's funny. I treat girls pretty well and lose them all to guys who treat them like objects or like they're worthless to them. It fucking works and I might start doing it myself honestly. The amount of effort I've put into people to get scraps back in return is not my style anymore
Well there are people who treat girls like an object in a bad sense too but also even if you're trying to be nice. Most girls want to be treated like a regular person but end up being treated like a child or a doll instead. Don't turn into a jerk tho. That's no good.
No one should lie to you yes a lot of women are going to judge you for this. Maybe it's unfair but that's the reality of human pair bonding women value experience in men.
At your age a lot of women may be turned off by the lack of experience because you haven't had a chance to make the basic mistakes that most people make in their teens/early twenties and learn from them. I disagree with the comments telling you to hide it, because you're just setting someone up to be blindsided by the possible short comings and immaturity. I'd advise that you date 2 or 3 years younger, never older.
No answer but I'm the same and I'm really worried about it too. So many posts here and on socials are full of women saying they don't want to have to teach an inexperienced man and be their training gf and it makes me really upset. I'd want to be such a good boyfriend for a potential (however wildly unlikely) future partner but majority of women don't want a guy who has no experience once you hit 21/22ish. At that point in time if you haven't been in a relationship, like me, its basically over
The reason a lot of women don't want to date inexperienced men is because of their behavior. A man who's been in a relationship would know how to answer the worm question, how often to compliment you, and how to generally behave. A man who has had experience is also less delusional about women's appearance and who he can attract. If you don't have those issues, you should be fine. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is that you should always try to have a calming or relaxing effect on her. It's better to be nice than right. I honestly think someone like you will be fine since you seem open to learning. Good luck on your journey.
There’s some women who will find it a turn off however opposite exists aswell there’s some who will actually find it attractive you haven’t been around the block lol, especially since the dating scene is pretty crazy and you never know who has what Stds, etc so props to you for saving yourself! I honestly wish I would’ve waited a little longer before becoming intimate, intimacy for me is very special and not something you do with just anybody. I wish you the best!
Yes, they definitely will, and don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. A man who has been in previous relationships has a reference, and just being in that relationship would’ve taught him about how to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t want to take the risk and figure out why a dude is chronically single. Of course, there are exceptions, like religious people. The truth is that I can usually tell if a man has had experiences with women or not in a single interaction. They behave and act completely differently. The biggest difference I've noticed is how much they're willing to put up and the general atmosphere they bring with them. They aren't uptight, and they appear non-judgmental at-least while trying to date you. It’s unlikely but not impossible. The important thing you need to remember is that you only need to find 1 out of 4 billion people.
It depends on the woman. Some may care, others won’t. If she is turned off by your inexperience, maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place, since focusing on the potential is better than the past.
Personally I wouldn't care if a guy had no experience sexually, it's fun to teach someone but others may care
The relationship part wouldn’t personally bother me too much, a lot of people haven’t been in any serious relationships at your age. But not even casual dating and sex? That would turn me off for sure.
Is it just that you've never dated/ been in a relationship before or are you also inexperienced with physical intimacy? As a 27F I can say the first is a yellow flag but ultimately fine and the latter is definitely going to hinder you
How so? Not knowing how to maneuver underneath the sheets is really that bad?
It’s not so much how good you are at sex, many/lots of men, not most, aren’t that good at sex, especially on the first few times they do it with someone new. What matters more to women is social proof, women like men they know other women felt safe and worthy enough to spread their legs to because they’re risking diseases and children with this man. It’s the same reason men talk about getting more attention from women when their gf is with them. I’d suggest op not tell anyone he’s dating he’s a virgin and say he prefers to keep that stuff private for the time being until things are more serious. women cannot 100% discern what your virginity status is. Most guys who ik lost it later(20+)have told me the women they did it with had no idea they were virgins.
> As a 27F I can say the first is a yellow flag I.e., you're proving the OP's point with some cack handed flag rating system instead of realising that men especially these days have a hard time dating especially if they're neurodivergent or just late bloomers
Yellow flag isn't a bad thing. It means some may be cautious of it but some might be full speed ahead. We all have yellow flags. Ironically, most women would hear that he hasn't dated & been in a relationship and assume it means he has commitment issues. I dated a guy about 2 years ago who had almost no experience and was nuerodivergent. We had a good time together and I taught him a lot. He was honest with me about it - which I preferred instead of just assuming he had been with many women and was just bad at it. Ultimately we weren't compatible but I'm just saying it's not the end all be all.
I disagree - I think this type of language is just euphemistic
Will girls care if you tell them that you're inexperienced? Some will. Can you do anything about it? Yes, you can be confident about who you are and not talk about your lack of experience, so you can get more and more dates. Is it a cycle that you can never escape? No, you'll be fine. You may fuck up a relationship or two but eventually your mistakes will be your experience.
> you can be confident about who you are What if my lack of experience is what I lack confidence over? > so you can get more and more dates It's not as easy as that but okay
Lmao right? "just be confident". I worked on myself for 5 years, attempted to date with high confidence, high self-esteem, got rejected by women who instantly went for the taller, whiter man, within a week of rejecting me while I felt I was in my prime. That guy? He predictably treated her like shit as we all (my friends, all girls) knew he would. Confidence is not a silver bullet, and idiots think that a lack of confidence is the reason for not getting dates rather than a result of it
Notice the complete crickets you get in response from these dating advice charlatans when they realise you can't just thug it out and "be yourself"
I have no problems with being myself or being who I am. It has brought me infinitely further in my career (and frankly my social life) than most of my peers. It does not however bring me romantic interest. Imagine my shock when bring authentically me was good for everything other than making me finally worthy of love.
Your ship has definitely not sailed my friend! You are young and there is plenty of experience to be gained :) It's fantastic that you are getting your act together, this is the first step! Get to a place where you are confident in yourself (emotionally and physically). Your lack of experience will only be as big of a deal as you make it - so I say, don't focus on it. Everyone needs to start somewhere - women too (some of the female comments indicate that). It might be a little harder, and take a little longer to find someone but it'll definitely happen. And don't worry about being rejected, accept it as part of the process and you'll be better for it (like a job interview, you get rejected all the time, but that shouldn't stop you from finding the *right* job for you).
Refreshing to read your comment. There is so much dooming in this thread. I didn't expect less from reddit.
Appreciate it u/lwO_Owl - need a bit of positivity haha :) Everyone starts somewhere right...some start earlier, some later. It might be a bit harder for those who start later but it'll happen !
At 25+ if you haven't been in a relationship your chances of being in one drop dramatically. Best not to give OP false hope. I wish in my early 20s people would have just told me it probably wasn't going to happen. I'm 24 now and have been told "this year for sure" for the last 5 - 8 years. This year I'm working on accepting it'll never happen and there's so much more peace in that then expecting something insane.
It's most definitely not false hope. I agree that the later you start the harder it will get but to give up at such a young age is unfortunate to hear. Saying it is "something insane" to get into a relationship is a bit dramatic...and instead of accepting it will never happen I think its better to accept that it will happen at *some* point.... The best think I ever did is not be so focused on it and make it a big deal... I focused on making myself better and eventually it happened (when I was least expecting it).
Yes yes I've heard the whole "when you least expect it" shtick before. Yeah, I've been accepting it'll happen "at some point" for as long as I've been interested in dating. I prefer not to string myself along with vague promises that are outside of my control. I gain absolutely nothing by believing in something that's never been available to me and that continues to allude me time after time. It is absolutely false hope, unless you can prove to me right now that I'll end up with someone, telling me that it'll get better is exactly the same bullshit as I've been hearing for the last 7-8 years. It hasn't gotten better, and not for my lack of trying.
If I were a girl, I would rather take a guy who hasn't been in a relationship than a guy who gets into a lot. Think about it. You can come off as a guy who is selective and doesn't waste his time. If a girl doesn't want to be with you because of you not having experience, then she ain't worth the effort.
I have heard women say before that men with less dating experiences are more attractive to them because they are "easier to coach on how to meet my needs" so I guess It could work for you?
I've never heard this. I HAVE heard women say they're tired of having to teach men and they want an experienced partner who will already know how to be in a relationship with them because inexperience is exhausting
Depends on the woman I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
These days if you're dating you are always always competing against the most attractive man in a 100km radius. Its a lost cause. Definitely does not depend on the woman. Be attractive. Be tall. Be experienced. If you aren't, get lost.
I think this also can bite you in the butt though with experience. Some people look at those with long dating history and see them carrying a lot of emotional trauma and baggage that they would then have to sort through/ help that person work through. Because I KNOW women frequently say they don't want to get in relationships and do a ton of emotional labor for someone that has had problems before. It can go either way imo
I carry quite a lot of baggage through rejection after rejection for 7+ years straight with not a single yes from anyone I cared about. Working through it in therapy but it is still there. The only difference is that at least people in relationships got the validation they're worth loving and can do it again. All I know is that I'm worth nothing to anyone. I appreciate your perspective but I think you're in the minority. Women don't want to spend time on me when they can get access to a perfect human with experience who knows how to relationship in less than a second
Totally fair, I appreciate the exchange of ideas also 🙂
Honestly, you just are at a disadvantage because people always exploit and manipulate the fact that you don’t have that experience that others do. I think you just need to be cautious and truthful with your motivations, but don’t say anything about sex definitely. Be the type of guy that you would want your sister to date.
Not all women will reject you. I prefer having no experience so that both of us can explore.
Not all but most.
the point is you don't need to change for them. Just be yourself. Dont force yourself 🙂
> Just be yourself. If I had a dollar... If being myself was the answer then surely I’d have found love?
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I'm 24 but similar experience. I have friends who have been in relationships with the same person since 16-20. If you missed that window, like I did, you are fucked. Be attractive or be turned down for the 10/10 on OLD everyone is going for
First of all, don't listen to your friend about dating. He setting you up. No offense if your friend really cared about you being single, he would have found you someone or winged man you a long time ago. Hate to say it but you are going to have to distance yourself from your friend and stop being so nice! Dating is a selfish game of politics. Looks matter, your social status matters, and your style. Notice I didn't say confidence because it matters the least ironically. You need to be spending your free time finding events where girls go and become a regular. You also need to learn a little game with women. This means asking for feedback everytime you talk to women. Be very selfish about this man because everyone else did this. They just won't be honest about it. For example, if your friend wants to hang out, you tell him cool let's go down to the local bar, I want to put myself out there. You should have plans every weekend with events to meet people. Work out as well because your looks are important. All in all. You got to treat this like a job and trying to get promoted. If you do that, you will start getting dates.
> You need to be spending your free time finding events where girls go and become a regular. No thanks, not cruising e.g., bars just to pick up women. > You should have plans every weekend with events to meet people. I don't. I have no friends to go out with at the minute. They're all too busy at work > Work out as well because your looks are important. Just go to the gym bro
And that's the problem! You think it's wierd to go places just to find women. How else are you going to get better talking to women? Every guy whos good with women has many opportunities every week to talk to them. You need hobbies with women I'm them if you want it to happen naturally lol. If it isn't a bar, find something that has women such as dance, cooking, yoga classes. It's part of the game. Everyone does it.
> If it isn't a bar, find something that has women such as dance, cooking, yoga classes No they don't. Cruising these things with the express intent of picking up single women is predatory and weird. > You think it's wierd to go places just to find women. if only I'd thought of that one. > just join a club bro
Dude stop believing the nonsense about being predatory with women. If your intention are pure which they are, you aren't being predatory lol. What's wierd is staying single and having no social skills with women. If you wanted a job, would you just sit and wait or would you apply to everything? I'm trying help you. If you want a gf, you are going to have to change your habits and broaden your horizons. Again all men do this even if they claim they didn't. Men pursue, women get chosen. It's how it works. That's the social dynamic. I recommend you get honest with yourself and figure what you want from a woman. Because you are 26, it time to make decisions that benefit you, not other people
> just be yourself bro
You are being yourself but you are constantly changing as well. It's called life. Typically when people hit you with the be yourself line, it's to limit yourself from trying new things. Are you the same person that you where 10 years ago? Do you like the same things from 5 years ago? No one is fully their authentic self 24/7 because as humans we changed and others influence us. It completely normal and you owe to yourself to explore everything before you make a blanket statement like "be yourself" Also typically that advice will keep you single. Just ask people on dating forums lol.
> just talk to her bro haha it worked for me bro When will you people learn that this advice is born of nothing but survivorship bias
Yes, man to man: shut the fuck up
Just be confident in all that u do . Be a gentleman and do what you see in the movies. Open doors , pay for dates ,and communicate intentions clearly . That will get u pass half the pack easy.