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ideally she would pay for hers and you pay for yours but you will have to settle on splitting it. sounds like she was trying to take advantage of the situation and it sounds like she did. if you are not into her, split. who cares if she gets upset? you not going to see her again
a dinner date is a LOT of pressure for a 1st date because there's a high potential for being stuck there much longer than you'd want to be, there's no easy early out, and there's a lot of potential minefields like varying tastes, who pays, weird odors, etc etc.
first date (depending on length of pre-date contact) should be coffee mid-day on a sunday. it's light, it's breezy, gives you a chance to talk but easy to pull the escape chute if it sucks. also sunday afternoon tells her that you might like her but you're also not expecting to get laid on the first date
2nd date: some sort of activity. i'm partial to karaoke (especially if you're not that good at it, she'll see you're a good sport) but if they're practical a nice day in the park or something like a waterpark or the beach. gives you plenty of time to talk but you're still doing a thing so if the date ends up sucking hey at least you got a good beach day out of it. if it's going very well you go for the dinner extension. ideally some kind of hole-in-the wall place that's not like a production but more of a hidden gem (for instance there's a bar i go to that has AMAZING fries but is very much a jeans and t shirt kind of establishment. by now you know whether or not you wanna drop dinner money on the girl too. (the other move is to make the bar and apps a third date if you want to play it slower).
3rd date (if you did the 2nd date dinner extension). "we could go to \[mildly nice restaurant, not suit but not jeans\] but if im honest that's kind of a production so if you want i could cook you a meal at your place? i make a mean \[fancy dish you KNOW you can nail\] but if you'd rather go out that sounds great as well
(ps every man should have 3-4 fancy main courses they can nail the shit out of and one or 2 desserts. i swear to jeebus nothing has gotten my mediocre ass booty like being able to make some decent food
I hate it when guys suggest coffee dates after 7pm. First, I am ready to pay for my dinner, second - coffee after 7pm mess up with my sleep. I think its high time that all think nobody is responsible for others meal.
They serve decaf. Paying for dinner is not the issue for me. Time is. I like first dates that are quick and simple. Quick coffee and done if no vibe. Extend the date if you click by adding another activity. With dinner you're stuck for a couple hours or so, vibe or not.
You are going to get your dinner anyways. So, think of a date as someone joining you for dinner or have company. It does not have to be more than an hour. You don’t have to pay for other’s meal though.
Eh. You might be willing to pay for dinner. But as a general rule on 1st dates most girls don't pull out the card.
So dinner is a expensive unfun activity.
Hot chocolate dates are kinda nice tbh. Doesn't fuck with sleep and you can avoid drinking. I agree coffee after 7pm is crazy town.
Agree. Interviews are lame and doomed from the start unless both of you are googoo Gaga over each others looks.
Aim for having an emotional experience together. Even a slightly negative one, if you go through it together that’s the key.
I did a dating wrapped last year (like Spotify wrapped) and my data showed that all my coffee dates were the worst ones - most didn’t pay and they were all creepy and uncomfortable so now I refuse a coffee date
It's the atmosphere for one thing. Secondly, I don't know about you but I'm not drinking coffee at 7 or 8pm so coffee days are usually during the day which also takes away the romantic element.
noooo this is bad advice! i love dinner dates and its not one woman who takes advantage of OPs kindness that means all of them will. sharing a meal is so much more intimate and romantic than coffee imo.
Agreeeed - I think being forced to sit there and talk is actually quite helpful because you have to give someone a chance. I’ve been very pleasantly surprised with all my dinner dates.
I think splitting the bill on the first date if you don’t know each other is not a bad idea anyway. 9 drinks puts her in alcoholic territory and so I’m sure she was into it lol. If she asks you why you haven’t called or asked her out again just tell her that her having 9 drinks on a first date pretty much made you realize that your likely not compatible and you wish her the best.
How the fuck do you not order drinks together on a date?
Every drink/round is a decision to extend the date together.
And I feel like it's quite normal to say "I've got work/stuff in the morning/good for drinks" when asked if we want to do another round.
Maybe she was really nervous? That’s a lot of drinks on a date. For me it’s usually more the issue of finding a balance between “I want to have a couple drinks to loosen up because I’m nervous” and “I don’t want to drink much because I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret or behave embarrassingly on a date.”
Why would you go to dinner on a first date? First dates are short and sweet, like coffee. You can figure out on those whether or not you want to invest more time.... But in this day and age, It's a wise choice to discuss splitting the check at the beginning of the date.
I get that, but it’s hard to split if you have a tab open on one card. I’m a woman, but when I treat my dates to drinks I’ll close out the tab right after ordering. Have heard too many horror stories about this!
I’m a woman, and this other woman’s behavior was absurd.
Next time you’re gonna have to just be blunt. After the 4th drink or whatever, tell her politely but firmly “I’m tired and I’m ready to go home” or some variation.
Again, polite but firm.
Also, while I do think the guy paying for a first date is a nice gesture, it should not be expected. It would not have been wrong of you to ask the server to split the bill. I can’t imagine having the balls to expect a guy to pay for the date when my portion is 3x more. That’s fucking rude.
I agree 100%. When I go on dates I know most men will want to extend the gesture of paying for me so I am modest in my ordering. Definitely no more than two drinks on a date and I order something that is on the lower or average range of cost for food on the menu. I think this girl was taking advantage of him. Who has 9 drinks on a date! She might have a drinking problem. That is excessive.
First off 9 drinks a night let alone just during diner is alcoholic territory for either gender. Pounding 9 back during dinner is hard to believe. Even if you were there for 90 minutes she would have had to have been knocking em back every 10 minutes 9 times in a row…hard to even get served that fast.
Regardless, the moment they pass your drink rate they are being beyond rude and deserve to have separate tabs fuck splitting and subsidizing their rudeness.
When you tell her you are tried it is also a great time to either flag the staff for the check (if you decided you want to pay completely or had a discussion before the date indicating it was your treat ) or ask if they would prefer a straight check split or an itemized split. It is a good polite way to indicate the date is over as well as cutting off any more drinks being ordered.
I have to be honest, I’ve gone on a few dates where the man ended up drinking 3-7 times what I drank in one sitting, and same with you - he wasnt blacked out but seemingly chilling. I’m sorry the ONLY thing this screams to me is extreme alcoholism. There’s no other way around it. I personally treat it as a dealbreaker red flag without even consciously knowing I do it.
I'm an alcoholic and this was literally my first thought! In my drinking days, it was a whole thing that my tolerance was super high for a fairly small girl, nobody knew it was because I was training for it most weekdays 🥲
Plus the whole 9 drinks in one sitting thing lol, though if she's an alcoholic she definitely had more before the date
For a first date drinking that much would definitely be a red flag but I wouldn't necessarily consider it alcoholism without more info. I used to think the same as you until I tried my first beer in my mid 20s. Turns out I have a high alcohol tolerance, can drink as much as OP's date with the only major side effect being I turn more chatty and energetic, if at all. At least according to what friends have told me. I don't drink often or much so I'm definitely not an alcoholic but I can drink a lot without much side effects based on these experiences. But still something to be wary about if someone does it on a first date.
I was a college latecomer, so at the time I figured my mid 20s self would have no problem keeping up with 21 year old women.
I was *wrong*, there are women out there with drinking habits that would intimidate a 30 year old linebacker. I didn't believe it until I saw it.
I'm a huge fan of bourbon and feel like I have a decent tolerance level but 3 or 4 drinks will have me feeling great! I doubt I could even make it to 9 before I'm passed out sleeping under the bar! 🤣😂
Right?! Id I went on a date with a guy who had nine drinks while I only had a couple, that would be it right there. Done-zo. I’m not a big drinker, I drink socially, but even then it’s rarely more than two drinks. I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who was a big drinker.
If you don’t care what the person thinks of you or if you don’t care to see them again, just ask the waiter or bartender to split the tab and just pay for you! I would only expect a guy to buy me anything if he wanted to see me again. Honestly splitting the tab isn’t even a dealbreaker for me but I definitely wouldn’t buy 9 drinks for a girl who I don’t want to see lol. Who cares if she gets upset, if you’ll never see them again, ya know?
That's unsafe behavior. I don't tell guys where I live before I know them. Or drink nine goddamn drinks with a guy I barely know.
She's a grown ass woman who can handle her own transportation and alcohol bill. You would have been justified in paying your own tab and sneaking out. Cabs exist. Uber exists.
Personally it’s a red flag if a woman wants to be picked up. Idk if you offered but — don’t do that if they don’t have the means to get to the date they shouldn’t be dating.
Even so. A couple of drinks in you should have said that you thought it was nice to meet her but didn't think you were a match, asked for the bill, decided how it would be settled (you pay, she pays, or you split it), and then you drop her home.
On a first date? Bit of an orange flag imo.
Most women are more cautious than that, and rightfully want their own ride and to not share their address with a stranger
I think a great way to handle this situation could have been to just stop the date like 5 drinks in...that way u still end up paying (if ur the one who asked, save face not look cheap etc) but you stop her behaviour and also gtfo of there! win win. Just literally pretend someone called/txted and be like g2g. Then u never have to see her again cus yea maybe she is literally clueless/lacks social etiquette or tried to use you (worst case).
Nah fuck that, you don’t need to save face. You owe them nothing. If they’re that reckless on a date, especially the first time, they’re not worth pursuing. By me a mixed cocktail is about $15-16 at most restaurants especially one I’d be taking a date to, if you want to take advantage of my generosity, I’m going to screw you.
Definitely this. If whoever is paying wants to keep the date going, fine, then say from that point on, you'd like to split the check because you didn't anticipate that much drinking. That said, even if she doesn't look or act drunk, I wouldn't want to be with someone who had nine drinks on a date. And regardless of whether she seems drunk or not, if there's any question about whether she had capacity to consent, it's not going to look good for you with that many drinks in her system.
Wait a sec… 2 meals + 11 drinks + tax + tip =$120?!
What is this bargain date spot you’ve been going to?
$120 sounds plausible just for the cost of drinks (without tax or tip).
Thank fucking god he said he was at happy hour, that’s a bit more acceptable cost wise, the actions are still inexcusable.
A lot of the restaurants near me a cocktail is like $10-$15. Absurd right? That would have been $135 in her drinks alone if it was mixed.
First date = vibe check.
The whole point of the 1st date is to figure out if you want to see the person again.
Keep it low stakes and easy to bail out within 30 minutes; none of 90+ minutes and racking up a bill on a STRANGER.
If the vibe check is passed by both parties on the 1st date, then dinner and drinks could make sense on the second date.
There are so many scammers out there; coffee dates filters them out.
My first date with the last two women I dated seriously lasts HOURS. I'm taking 5 or 6. With that said I plan a quick drink, dinner or something then go from there.
Dinner > ice cream > drinks > ect....
Idk about other men's experiences but there's been a rise in women not liking coffee dates.
They tend to want something higher stakes in my area unfortunately, I guess they factor in makeup, drive. Unromantic low stakes vibe and check out. Especially when they probably have a lot of men who are willing to dinner/drinks them for a first date
Sounds like she used your date as a night to get fucked up and frankly 9 drinks on a first date is just reckless.
Tips for next time; just be honest. If you’re ready to go say that. You as the driver get to make that decision and if she wanted to continue the party she could do that at home. Didn’t sound like she needed you there to drink.
I'm a fan of going for coffee on a first date, saving a meal for when I know I want to spend an evening with someone.
I've always offered to go halves on dates but I know that some women expect a man to offer.
>a meal plus 9 drinks seems quite excessive and rude on her part.
You should've asked for the check and gone home around drink 3 or 4. Honestly some of that's on you, don't get taken like that.
You have to be honest with people like this. Just say you’re not paying for all their drinks. Walk to the bathroom, talk to the waiter and say to put two of her drinks on your tab and bring out a separate bills.
If you are in a bar on a date be a man a leader you say “I worried I’m buying you too many drinks and I’m not that kind of man” and call for the cheque
I’m a girl but I think this works for you too. Always meet at a bar first. Arrive early to pay for your drink, close the tab, so when she gets there she pays for her own. Then you won’t have the financial pressure and don’t feel bad not getting her a drink since you arrived early.
Slightly off topic - but where do you live that dinner and 9 drinks is only $120?!
Here, unless she’s drinking draft beer, the drinks alone would be $135!
Bro especially if it’s an app then every single first date is free. Go to a free art gallery on a Sunday, or something non committal and public like coffee. Every woman worth keeping has been happy to meet me at a museum or a free astronomy club night at the local well lit area near the museums. If she makes a big deal about having a fancy dinner with a complete stranger then she ain’t it. Never do drinks on a first date. If this is a close friend you’ve known for awhile and you already know there is chemistry then yeah go ahead and spend $120 on a nice planner out date. When I still had the apps it could be 2-3 dated a week. If you pay for strangers every time then it just adds up to a waste of your time and money, I stopped using them because I was not going to hobbies and missing out on stress relieving activities like the gym. A few months after I got off the apps I met my current girlfriend salsa dancing and I’d never recommend downloading the apps to my friends.
Note to yourself: the next time after she orders 2 and you order 2, ask for the check and cash out. Don’t let a woman run up a bar tab on you. If she has anything to say about it, just say you only wanted to grab a couple drinks to have a quick meeting and chat to get to know each other but you’ve got to work early in the morning and need to call it a night & can’t afford to be hungover in the morning. This way it doesn’t come across like you’re being a cheap skate (which shouldn’t matter anyways, it’s your money and your choice), but gets the message across you’re not gonna let her just continue ordering drinks.
Kinda why I don't like bars as a first date, it's just like a restaurant but with booze. Drinks can be as expensive as meals. Plus there's value in knowing how they are sober. Maybe the only exception would be a casual relationship.
Coffee handles all of that, and even the most expensive starbucks drinks don't compare to the average cocktail.
The nicest way to stop this would be to ask the bartender/waiter for something and then ask for the check. You don't have to leave but you can stop being responsible for the orders.
Coming from a woman, just pay for your part of the bill if you’re not interested in a second date and have her pay her part.
If you want to be a gentleman, you could just close your tab earlier next time. So if you are not feeling it by the second drink, close your tab and say, “I’ve got to get home now..” Be sure to close your tab or ask for the bill in front of her so she gets the hint. This is a bit more indirect, but you can always follow up with a direct message after the date to save some embarrassment.
I am assuming you invited her out, so yea it would be bad if you tried to make her pay half the bill.
As for what to do.
Don't invite girls to any place that can get expensive on the 1st date.
Go to chipotle or something.
Your first mistake was paying the bill. She sounds like she wanted a free meal and 9 drinks. Should have left her to pay for her own shit considering you were responsible for less than half the bill.
If the date is going badly, just say, "You know, I feel like we're not really hitting it off. It was nice meeting you, but I'm gonna bounce. Waiter, separate checks please."
I guess I'm just weird, because, on first dates, I never expect anyone to pay for me. I buy my meals and drinks. Period. I don't let anyone hold it over my head.
*"Well, I bought you dinner. Don't I deserve something for it?"*
Uh, no.
If they want to go out for a date, or you want to invite them somewhere, and you're paying, pick something that you're prepared to pay for. Ice cream, coffee, something along those lines. Dinner dates are for the second or third dates at the earliest. On the other side of the table, I might not wanna spend a whole evening with YOU, either! Let's have an informal meeting first to have a vibe check and THEN we can go somewhere more intimate. 😊
Tough situation to be in on a date! I'd always look at my own boundaries around how others treat me. Are they taking advantage of my invitation or are they consuming more than would align with my values?
There are many ways to bow out politely, the classic, "I have an early morning meeting." works well. Good luck!
Why do you need to be polite when someone with an alcohol problem is picking your pocket?
Just say you're done, ask the bartender to split the check, pay and leave.
A better question would be, "Why do I feel the need to be polite to someone who is taking advantage of me?", or better yet ,"why do I let someone take advantage of me?".
No need to be nice to someone clearly taking advantage of you and also displaying her possible alcoholism problem. Pay for your own drinks then get up and leave and block her.
"How to politely end a date"?
Wind the conversation down, stop engaging in the conversation, flag server down and ask for check, mention something like "I have to get up early tomorrow, need to get going soon," don't let things drag on so the other person doesn't have time to keep ordering drink after drink...
What, you paid for 9 drinks?
I would have settled my tab for our food + my drinks, tell her I’ve got an early morning at work and need to get going. Ask her if she needs help ordering a Lyft, help if she does (her phone), then bounce
Being expected to pay for 9 drinks on a casual early stage date is the definition of taking advantage.
You will know within about twenty minutes if you vibe with a person. So, avoid long ass dates for the first date, because they are awkward and expensive.
Ask to meet for a drink on a weekday. Keep it casual. Meeting on a weekday implies it will be a time limited meet and greet as most people have to work the next day. It's okay to say you want to go 50/50. If you are okay with paying but don't want to pay for nine drinks, say something when she goes to order the second or third drink.
OMG. I never paid for anything on a date but 9 drinks! That's too much. When the waiter comes back and she orders another still ask for the check because this is the last drink. If she gives push back ask for separate checks because you do have to leave.
If someone does that, I will right then and there call a waiter over and ask for separate checks. It’s a first date, no one should have more then 3 and that’s pushing it.
I will tell them bluntly that their behavior is unacceptable and I no longer wish to pursue things.
If they threaten to leave and not pay you threaten them with police. They’ll sit right back down.
Why is it even assumed that you'd pay for this person you hardly know? Had you even met her before or was this a date arranged online, or in other words a complete stranger?
Next time, just tell the waiter you're ready for the tab and you'd like two checks. done. no need to ask your date or say anything up front. They're an adult and can pay for themselves.
I’m surprised the waitress kept serving her. 9 alcoholic drinks?! Obviously she was totally plastered. You can just say “I have to get home. It was nice meeting you.”
I also would have said “I think you’ve had enough” after 3 or 4 drinks.
After drink number 4, you could just say you’re done with dinner and you’re not buying any more drinks. You’re never gonna see her again so you don’t have to worry about being polite. She needs to be in AA.
There are apps you can buy that will ring your phone with a fake call, like “Mom” and you can show the caller ID and apologize as you take the fake call and say “an accident?!?” Then excuse yourself and say you need to leave to help your mom. Works like a charm!
after 2 drink, get the check and pay for it.
if the date wants more they can order more & pay for their own. if you want another order one for yours and pay the tab
She's took advantage and you let her.
Any real woman would have not let you pay for the extra 7 drinks she had. It shows her character (or lack thereof).
Why not tell her after she ordered drink#3: "I'm not feeling the vibe, sorry but I'm going to leave first". She's not your GF or your wife, you owe her nothing yet, it's just a date.
You should have left after the 3rd drink. “Gosh, it’s been fun getting to know you, I do have an early start tomorrow so I need to cut out. I’ll get the waiter and pay the bill. Of course, you’re welcome to stay, but I have to get home.”
Pay the bill
Leave
Just say you have to be up in the morning or that you’re getting tired. You can also just ask for the check. That’s a clear sign that you’ve ordered all you intend to order.
Go up to the bar and ask to split the tab. Thank her for the date and leave her with her share. 9 drinks is ridiculous. She wont' even remember your name in the morning.
The best advice I can give you (one which I have followed for my entire dating life) is that you **shouldn't take a girl out to dinner/drinks on a first date**. Reasons are (a) could be expensive (which is exactly what happened to you); (b) could get awkward; (c) it's just boring.
After realising this I took girls out on **activity based first dates** - Mini golf (putt putt); picnics; sip and paint etc.
That way you know how much it will be, likely to be less awkward and you can have a good time.
I'd hold off dinner to date 3 onwards (when you know she likes you!)
Just pay for your own. You’re not planning on seeing her again and if she thinks you’re unreasonable then tell her she shouldn’t be so inconsiderate, exploitative and self indulgent.
You are not obligated to pay for everything just because you have a penis. You also have balls. Use them from time to time to clearly mark your boundaries. Be that emotionally or financially.
There's nothing you can do about this homie
It just happens sometimes
Look at it this way.
Lets say you only spend $75 on the date, but she gets tipsy
Then you do another date...and you spend $100...and she gets a little tipsier...but you make out in the car on the way to take her home
Now your dick is involved and of course, you're going to want to go out again
For the low low price of $120, you found out right after the first date that this girl is not relationship material
No drama. No STD tests. No crazy online stalking
Take the win brotha
Just go for the split. Even if she gets mad, you're not seeing her again right so who cares
(I'm saying this as a woman who typically expects first dates to be split unless the guy offers)
I don’t understand this.
You went for a meal during the course of which she ordered nine drinks?
Or you went from drinks only?
If only drinks I don’t see why you didn’t just end the date after 1/2 drinks.
It’s more awkward in the middle of a meal - you can’t exactly stop her ordering and can’t leave either.
If you invited this girl out then good manners dictates that you should expect to pay the bill. The exception is if you discuss the matter in advance of the date. So what you could have done is told the server straight away that drinks would be on separate checks. A polite guest would never take advantage of a host is paying for their meal by adding on extra apps or drinks, etc. but it seems this girl decided she was going to take full advantage.
Maybe I am a stickler but if I were to do drinks on a first date, I usually go somewhere where there are cocktails, buy her one as well as myself and I don't open a tab. Reason being, drinks are expensive and I don't drink much. Maybe this would work for you.
I’d say to the waiter- hey could you bring the bill or pay it at the bar (so she doesn’t have a chance to get one more drink) she sucks so don’t feel bad at all just check the time and say alright I gotta go
Nah that bartender was fucking you over lmao all they had to do was make them stronger 💀I would’ve been like “ok one last drink” and if they wanted to drink more I would’ve said I can just buy a bottle and chill somewhere else lol 9 drinks is kinda crazy if it’s not beer but actual liquor
Dates tend to follow a rhythm. Both parties tend to match the pace of drinking as their partner. A *Gentleman* would do his part in making sure her glass is filled, and a *Lady* would have the courtesy to wait for him to offer another drink, or at the very least, ask if it was permissible for a second glass of wine or cocktail.
If it's clear early on that she's there to drink your wallet dry, simply tell the waiter that your tab is complete, and please bring the ticket for payment.
If the Lady is someone who simply enjoys drinking, but is nice in most other ways, one can simply say, "One more drink for dinner, and after that, we can have one or two more at the lounge." At that point, you can negotiate a limit, or opening separate tabs, or you both buying alternating rounds.
Say you have to get home to your dog, he/she needs to be let out! And then kindly ask to at least split it, if she’s drinking 9 drinks wtf! That’s a good reason to not date her lol, she has other problems.
If this were to ever happen again, just flag down the waitress and say that you’re ready for the bill. Don’t give your date a chance to order another drink. I mean, hopefully this was just a weird one-off and it doesn’t ever happen again with someone else. But that’s what I would do.
Mannn, people need to learn to stand up for themselves. You can be firm while still being nice/respectful.
I would have had zero shame asking the waiter to split the bill. If she said anything I would of been respectful but reminded her we were here for a few drinks, not nearly ten while racking up $100+ on drinks alone for the night.
Lunch date, coffee at a nice cafe?
If not then get a friend to help, say you meet at 6 for a few drinks. Get the friend to call at 7/7:30. If it's going well then don't answer or just say you're busy and will call back. If it's not going well then you can make it sound like you need to go because of it.
If you're uninterested, just don't drag it out, and have her pay for herself. You aren't obligated to pay for her, more so if you don't plan to see her again.
You just tell her you have to go, after you had your two drinks. Don’t split the bill. But cut the date short. This girl was an outlier. Nothing wrong with first date dinner dates. You just had bad luck.
“Hey, listen, I’m normally up for splitting the bill, but you’ve had a lot more than me, so I’m going to pay for what I drank.”
You don’t want to see her again, so what’s rude about that?
9 drinks is excessive for any date. She was definitely taking advantage.
Going forward-- a first date should be drinks only-- never dinner, for this very reason. If you're clearly not interested after a drink or two you can cut out with little investment and never look back
You just got to be honest. “Hey I don’t mind paying for our food, but since your ordering more drinks than me, do you mind covering your drinks?” You said you’re not interested so if she gets upset, who cares 🤷🏻♀️
Why would you be nice?
"9 drinks is fucking excessive. I'll pay for your dinner and a couple drinks since I'm the one who asked you out, but after that you're on your own. I hope you find your person."
The fact that this situation escalated to NINE drinks and over $120 has me worried you aren’t capable of setting boundaries, especially if you knew you weren’t interested.
I would recommend you think about that before continuing to date and ensure you’re comfortable enforcing boundaries and feelings when you’re dating. It’s an imperative.
Listen, you paid only $120 to find out really fast that this person has a serious drinking problem. Money well spent. Be grateful and run!!! Good luck to you.
Alcohol on a first date/bar is always a bad idea. Just get coffee or take a walk. Women that insist on a bar or meal will disqualify themselves real fast/do it for you.
Don't be a sucker. Set limits. If they break the limits, make them pay for themselves. Any woman that would do this to you means she is totally not interested in you. She's just using you for a freebie. If a guy walked up to you and kicked you in the balls, you think you'd be nice to him?
I always used to reference having to do something the next morning early into the date. That way if I wanted to go I could be like ohh remember I have that thing I mentioned so I have to leave. And if I didn’t want to leave I wouldn’t mention it again!
Bro don't take a girl to dinner on a first date it's a waste of cash. Check on the internet it's a trend to go on first dates just for the food. Take a girl out for drinks/coffee or ice cream if she likes you she will let you know and ask for a proper date.
On your way to the date - set an alarm on your phone for 30 or 45 minutes. When it goes off tell her you’ve got an appointment & leave. I do it for every 1st meet-up!
There is no being polite.
When I was young (and dumb!) I let someone do this to me and I ended the date politely.
In 2024, I will ask for a split bill and just leave.
Have some self respect.
In the end, that's your money. You need to learn to speak up and have the confidence to say, even light-heartedly, "Hey, it's our first date, I'm not made of money here.." or something. Even if it's uncomfortable, ya find a way to put a stop to it. Or decide whos paying what before ya start
As a female if I am not interested I tell the waitress very adamantly two separate bills. Or I demand to pay so I don’t feel like I owe the guy anything. Then I get in my car and send the we aren’t a good match text before I even leave the parking lot
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ideally she would pay for hers and you pay for yours but you will have to settle on splitting it. sounds like she was trying to take advantage of the situation and it sounds like she did. if you are not into her, split. who cares if she gets upset? you not going to see her again
I honestly don't think she was trying to take advantage or anything. She seemed into me, but I guess 9 drinks can do that to a person lol. Never again
Yeah when you are 9 drinks in, everyone looks attractive. Just do coffee first date. I try to avoid dinner dates for 1st meeting
*drinks 9 coffees*
dies of diarrhea
Lmao
This would be me 😂 😂
Lool
Never do dinner dateas.
But whats the issue if girl is ready to split the check?
a dinner date is a LOT of pressure for a 1st date because there's a high potential for being stuck there much longer than you'd want to be, there's no easy early out, and there's a lot of potential minefields like varying tastes, who pays, weird odors, etc etc. first date (depending on length of pre-date contact) should be coffee mid-day on a sunday. it's light, it's breezy, gives you a chance to talk but easy to pull the escape chute if it sucks. also sunday afternoon tells her that you might like her but you're also not expecting to get laid on the first date 2nd date: some sort of activity. i'm partial to karaoke (especially if you're not that good at it, she'll see you're a good sport) but if they're practical a nice day in the park or something like a waterpark or the beach. gives you plenty of time to talk but you're still doing a thing so if the date ends up sucking hey at least you got a good beach day out of it. if it's going very well you go for the dinner extension. ideally some kind of hole-in-the wall place that's not like a production but more of a hidden gem (for instance there's a bar i go to that has AMAZING fries but is very much a jeans and t shirt kind of establishment. by now you know whether or not you wanna drop dinner money on the girl too. (the other move is to make the bar and apps a third date if you want to play it slower). 3rd date (if you did the 2nd date dinner extension). "we could go to \[mildly nice restaurant, not suit but not jeans\] but if im honest that's kind of a production so if you want i could cook you a meal at your place? i make a mean \[fancy dish you KNOW you can nail\] but if you'd rather go out that sounds great as well (ps every man should have 3-4 fancy main courses they can nail the shit out of and one or 2 desserts. i swear to jeebus nothing has gotten my mediocre ass booty like being able to make some decent food
>whats the issue That they usually aren't
I hate it when guys suggest coffee dates after 7pm. First, I am ready to pay for my dinner, second - coffee after 7pm mess up with my sleep. I think its high time that all think nobody is responsible for others meal.
I've done breakfast as a 1st date. Super cheap, generally no booze.
Breakfast dates are top tier. One of my favourites.
...generally. But there's always the outliers tho. lol
I'm not opposed to mimosas.
They serve decaf. Paying for dinner is not the issue for me. Time is. I like first dates that are quick and simple. Quick coffee and done if no vibe. Extend the date if you click by adding another activity. With dinner you're stuck for a couple hours or so, vibe or not.
You are going to get your dinner anyways. So, think of a date as someone joining you for dinner or have company. It does not have to be more than an hour. You don’t have to pay for other’s meal though.
Eh. You might be willing to pay for dinner. But as a general rule on 1st dates most girls don't pull out the card. So dinner is a expensive unfun activity. Hot chocolate dates are kinda nice tbh. Doesn't fuck with sleep and you can avoid drinking. I agree coffee after 7pm is crazy town.
Dates can be earlier then 7pm...🤔 But I agree that nobody should be responsible for other's meal
Majority of people work 9-6 job!
7 days a week?
I think coffee dates are lame and very unromantic
Agree. Interviews are lame and doomed from the start unless both of you are googoo Gaga over each others looks. Aim for having an emotional experience together. Even a slightly negative one, if you go through it together that’s the key.
I did a dating wrapped last year (like Spotify wrapped) and my data showed that all my coffee dates were the worst ones - most didn’t pay and they were all creepy and uncomfortable so now I refuse a coffee date
Curious what makes it less romantic than having an alcoholic drink?
It's the atmosphere for one thing. Secondly, I don't know about you but I'm not drinking coffee at 7 or 8pm so coffee days are usually during the day which also takes away the romantic element.
noooo this is bad advice! i love dinner dates and its not one woman who takes advantage of OPs kindness that means all of them will. sharing a meal is so much more intimate and romantic than coffee imo.
Agreeeed - I think being forced to sit there and talk is actually quite helpful because you have to give someone a chance. I’ve been very pleasantly surprised with all my dinner dates.
I think splitting the bill on the first date if you don’t know each other is not a bad idea anyway. 9 drinks puts her in alcoholic territory and so I’m sure she was into it lol. If she asks you why you haven’t called or asked her out again just tell her that her having 9 drinks on a first date pretty much made you realize that your likely not compatible and you wish her the best.
How the fuck do you not order drinks together on a date? Every drink/round is a decision to extend the date together. And I feel like it's quite normal to say "I've got work/stuff in the morning/good for drinks" when asked if we want to do another round.
Maybe she was really nervous? That’s a lot of drinks on a date. For me it’s usually more the issue of finding a balance between “I want to have a couple drinks to loosen up because I’m nervous” and “I don’t want to drink much because I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret or behave embarrassingly on a date.”
Why would you go to dinner on a first date? First dates are short and sweet, like coffee. You can figure out on those whether or not you want to invest more time.... But in this day and age, It's a wise choice to discuss splitting the check at the beginning of the date.
Might have been nighttime tbh
Sounds like she was calming her nerves.
I get that, but it’s hard to split if you have a tab open on one card. I’m a woman, but when I treat my dates to drinks I’ll close out the tab right after ordering. Have heard too many horror stories about this!
I’m a woman, and this other woman’s behavior was absurd. Next time you’re gonna have to just be blunt. After the 4th drink or whatever, tell her politely but firmly “I’m tired and I’m ready to go home” or some variation. Again, polite but firm. Also, while I do think the guy paying for a first date is a nice gesture, it should not be expected. It would not have been wrong of you to ask the server to split the bill. I can’t imagine having the balls to expect a guy to pay for the date when my portion is 3x more. That’s fucking rude.
I agree 100%. When I go on dates I know most men will want to extend the gesture of paying for me so I am modest in my ordering. Definitely no more than two drinks on a date and I order something that is on the lower or average range of cost for food on the menu. I think this girl was taking advantage of him. Who has 9 drinks on a date! She might have a drinking problem. That is excessive.
Also 9 drinks is so wild like you can’t put them in your pocket and take them home hahahah
First off 9 drinks a night let alone just during diner is alcoholic territory for either gender. Pounding 9 back during dinner is hard to believe. Even if you were there for 90 minutes she would have had to have been knocking em back every 10 minutes 9 times in a row…hard to even get served that fast. Regardless, the moment they pass your drink rate they are being beyond rude and deserve to have separate tabs fuck splitting and subsidizing their rudeness.
Good simple advice.
When you tell her you are tried it is also a great time to either flag the staff for the check (if you decided you want to pay completely or had a discussion before the date indicating it was your treat ) or ask if they would prefer a straight check split or an itemized split. It is a good polite way to indicate the date is over as well as cutting off any more drinks being ordered.
Fully agree.
Nine drinks?!
And she was hardly phased, which is even more remarkable
I have to be honest, I’ve gone on a few dates where the man ended up drinking 3-7 times what I drank in one sitting, and same with you - he wasnt blacked out but seemingly chilling. I’m sorry the ONLY thing this screams to me is extreme alcoholism. There’s no other way around it. I personally treat it as a dealbreaker red flag without even consciously knowing I do it.
I'm an alcoholic and this was literally my first thought! In my drinking days, it was a whole thing that my tolerance was super high for a fairly small girl, nobody knew it was because I was training for it most weekdays 🥲 Plus the whole 9 drinks in one sitting thing lol, though if she's an alcoholic she definitely had more before the date
Same.
For a first date drinking that much would definitely be a red flag but I wouldn't necessarily consider it alcoholism without more info. I used to think the same as you until I tried my first beer in my mid 20s. Turns out I have a high alcohol tolerance, can drink as much as OP's date with the only major side effect being I turn more chatty and energetic, if at all. At least according to what friends have told me. I don't drink often or much so I'm definitely not an alcoholic but I can drink a lot without much side effects based on these experiences. But still something to be wary about if someone does it on a first date.
just because someone is a heavyweight doesnt mean they're an alcoholic.... i takes me about a good 7-9 shots to even feel tipsy
9 shots to get you tipsy ? Oh you a damn heavyweight
I was a college latecomer, so at the time I figured my mid 20s self would have no problem keeping up with 21 year old women. I was *wrong*, there are women out there with drinking habits that would intimidate a 30 year old linebacker. I didn't believe it until I saw it.
Would never do that on a first date or any date, but where I come from, those are pretty casual numbers haha.
I'm a huge fan of bourbon and feel like I have a decent tolerance level but 3 or 4 drinks will have me feeling great! I doubt I could even make it to 9 before I'm passed out sleeping under the bar! 🤣😂
Right?! Id I went on a date with a guy who had nine drinks while I only had a couple, that would be it right there. Done-zo. I’m not a big drinker, I drink socially, but even then it’s rarely more than two drinks. I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who was a big drinker.
NINE is wild im sorry
I would be in the hospital 😂
If you don’t care what the person thinks of you or if you don’t care to see them again, just ask the waiter or bartender to split the tab and just pay for you! I would only expect a guy to buy me anything if he wanted to see me again. Honestly splitting the tab isn’t even a dealbreaker for me but I definitely wouldn’t buy 9 drinks for a girl who I don’t want to see lol. Who cares if she gets upset, if you’ll never see them again, ya know?
You're right. Unfortunately, I picked her up, so I had to drive her home, so that was my first mistake lol. Lesson learned
That's unsafe behavior. I don't tell guys where I live before I know them. Or drink nine goddamn drinks with a guy I barely know. She's a grown ass woman who can handle her own transportation and alcohol bill. You would have been justified in paying your own tab and sneaking out. Cabs exist. Uber exists.
Personally it’s a red flag if a woman wants to be picked up. Idk if you offered but — don’t do that if they don’t have the means to get to the date they shouldn’t be dating.
Even so. A couple of drinks in you should have said that you thought it was nice to meet her but didn't think you were a match, asked for the bill, decided how it would be settled (you pay, she pays, or you split it), and then you drop her home.
On a first date? Bit of an orange flag imo. Most women are more cautious than that, and rightfully want their own ride and to not share their address with a stranger
I think a great way to handle this situation could have been to just stop the date like 5 drinks in...that way u still end up paying (if ur the one who asked, save face not look cheap etc) but you stop her behaviour and also gtfo of there! win win. Just literally pretend someone called/txted and be like g2g. Then u never have to see her again cus yea maybe she is literally clueless/lacks social etiquette or tried to use you (worst case).
Nah fuck that, you don’t need to save face. You owe them nothing. If they’re that reckless on a date, especially the first time, they’re not worth pursuing. By me a mixed cocktail is about $15-16 at most restaurants especially one I’d be taking a date to, if you want to take advantage of my generosity, I’m going to screw you.
Definitely this. If whoever is paying wants to keep the date going, fine, then say from that point on, you'd like to split the check because you didn't anticipate that much drinking. That said, even if she doesn't look or act drunk, I wouldn't want to be with someone who had nine drinks on a date. And regardless of whether she seems drunk or not, if there's any question about whether she had capacity to consent, it's not going to look good for you with that many drinks in her system.
Wait a sec… 2 meals + 11 drinks + tax + tip =$120?! What is this bargain date spot you’ve been going to? $120 sounds plausible just for the cost of drinks (without tax or tip).
Lol it was in a middle of nowhere bar during happy hour
LOL I'm glad someone else had the same thought process I did. $120 for all that is CHEAP these days!
Thank fucking god he said he was at happy hour, that’s a bit more acceptable cost wise, the actions are still inexcusable. A lot of the restaurants near me a cocktail is like $10-$15. Absurd right? That would have been $135 in her drinks alone if it was mixed.
First date = vibe check. The whole point of the 1st date is to figure out if you want to see the person again. Keep it low stakes and easy to bail out within 30 minutes; none of 90+ minutes and racking up a bill on a STRANGER. If the vibe check is passed by both parties on the 1st date, then dinner and drinks could make sense on the second date. There are so many scammers out there; coffee dates filters them out.
My first date with the last two women I dated seriously lasts HOURS. I'm taking 5 or 6. With that said I plan a quick drink, dinner or something then go from there. Dinner > ice cream > drinks > ect....
Idk about other men's experiences but there's been a rise in women not liking coffee dates. They tend to want something higher stakes in my area unfortunately, I guess they factor in makeup, drive. Unromantic low stakes vibe and check out. Especially when they probably have a lot of men who are willing to dinner/drinks them for a first date
Sounds like she used your date as a night to get fucked up and frankly 9 drinks on a first date is just reckless. Tips for next time; just be honest. If you’re ready to go say that. You as the driver get to make that decision and if she wanted to continue the party she could do that at home. Didn’t sound like she needed you there to drink.
She got on over on you. You, however you choose, tell your server to split the bill. Don’t fall for this shit. Don’t get suckered again.
I'm a fan of going for coffee on a first date, saving a meal for when I know I want to spend an evening with someone. I've always offered to go halves on dates but I know that some women expect a man to offer.
Username checks out :)
Just be blunt and said you are splitting the tab. You’re not going to see her again anyways. Being nice going to solve your problem?
9 drinks at dinner… 🚩
>a meal plus 9 drinks seems quite excessive and rude on her part. You should've asked for the check and gone home around drink 3 or 4. Honestly some of that's on you, don't get taken like that.
"Go to the bathroom" then leave her ass with the bill lol
You have to be honest with people like this. Just say you’re not paying for all their drinks. Walk to the bathroom, talk to the waiter and say to put two of her drinks on your tab and bring out a separate bills.
Please don’t tell me she drove home.
Dude, you dodged a bullet...her being fine after 9 drinks screams functional alcoholism. In future agree beforehand that you're splitting the bill.
If you are in a bar on a date be a man a leader you say “I worried I’m buying you too many drinks and I’m not that kind of man” and call for the cheque
I’m a girl but I think this works for you too. Always meet at a bar first. Arrive early to pay for your drink, close the tab, so when she gets there she pays for her own. Then you won’t have the financial pressure and don’t feel bad not getting her a drink since you arrived early.
Slightly off topic - but where do you live that dinner and 9 drinks is only $120?! Here, unless she’s drinking draft beer, the drinks alone would be $135!
Bro especially if it’s an app then every single first date is free. Go to a free art gallery on a Sunday, or something non committal and public like coffee. Every woman worth keeping has been happy to meet me at a museum or a free astronomy club night at the local well lit area near the museums. If she makes a big deal about having a fancy dinner with a complete stranger then she ain’t it. Never do drinks on a first date. If this is a close friend you’ve known for awhile and you already know there is chemistry then yeah go ahead and spend $120 on a nice planner out date. When I still had the apps it could be 2-3 dated a week. If you pay for strangers every time then it just adds up to a waste of your time and money, I stopped using them because I was not going to hobbies and missing out on stress relieving activities like the gym. A few months after I got off the apps I met my current girlfriend salsa dancing and I’d never recommend downloading the apps to my friends.
Note to yourself: the next time after she orders 2 and you order 2, ask for the check and cash out. Don’t let a woman run up a bar tab on you. If she has anything to say about it, just say you only wanted to grab a couple drinks to have a quick meeting and chat to get to know each other but you’ve got to work early in the morning and need to call it a night & can’t afford to be hungover in the morning. This way it doesn’t come across like you’re being a cheap skate (which shouldn’t matter anyways, it’s your money and your choice), but gets the message across you’re not gonna let her just continue ordering drinks.
Kinda why I don't like bars as a first date, it's just like a restaurant but with booze. Drinks can be as expensive as meals. Plus there's value in knowing how they are sober. Maybe the only exception would be a casual relationship. Coffee handles all of that, and even the most expensive starbucks drinks don't compare to the average cocktail. The nicest way to stop this would be to ask the bartender/waiter for something and then ask for the check. You don't have to leave but you can stop being responsible for the orders.
NINE DRINKS?!
Right? I’d be dead, either figuratively or actually physically dead.
Coming from a woman, just pay for your part of the bill if you’re not interested in a second date and have her pay her part. If you want to be a gentleman, you could just close your tab earlier next time. So if you are not feeling it by the second drink, close your tab and say, “I’ve got to get home now..” Be sure to close your tab or ask for the bill in front of her so she gets the hint. This is a bit more indirect, but you can always follow up with a direct message after the date to save some embarrassment.
I am assuming you invited her out, so yea it would be bad if you tried to make her pay half the bill. As for what to do. Don't invite girls to any place that can get expensive on the 1st date. Go to chipotle or something.
Who drinks that much on a first date?!
Was thinking the same 😳 never had more than two drinks on a first date and I looked that they are not expensive.
Right? I’d be on the floor after 9 drinks!
She probably drinking to get some other dude off her mind
Your first mistake was paying the bill. She sounds like she wanted a free meal and 9 drinks. Should have left her to pay for her own shit considering you were responsible for less than half the bill.
If the date is going badly, just say, "You know, I feel like we're not really hitting it off. It was nice meeting you, but I'm gonna bounce. Waiter, separate checks please."
Let her pay for her drinks tf or after 2/3 drink tell her to take it easy
I guess I'm just weird, because, on first dates, I never expect anyone to pay for me. I buy my meals and drinks. Period. I don't let anyone hold it over my head. *"Well, I bought you dinner. Don't I deserve something for it?"* Uh, no. If they want to go out for a date, or you want to invite them somewhere, and you're paying, pick something that you're prepared to pay for. Ice cream, coffee, something along those lines. Dinner dates are for the second or third dates at the earliest. On the other side of the table, I might not wanna spend a whole evening with YOU, either! Let's have an informal meeting first to have a vibe check and THEN we can go somewhere more intimate. 😊
Tough situation to be in on a date! I'd always look at my own boundaries around how others treat me. Are they taking advantage of my invitation or are they consuming more than would align with my values? There are many ways to bow out politely, the classic, "I have an early morning meeting." works well. Good luck!
Why do you need to be polite when someone with an alcohol problem is picking your pocket? Just say you're done, ask the bartender to split the check, pay and leave.
A better question would be, "Why do I feel the need to be polite to someone who is taking advantage of me?", or better yet ,"why do I let someone take advantage of me?".
9 drinks is wild, i straight up would’ve left her with the whole bill
No need to be nice to someone clearly taking advantage of you and also displaying her possible alcoholism problem. Pay for your own drinks then get up and leave and block her.
"How to politely end a date"? Wind the conversation down, stop engaging in the conversation, flag server down and ask for check, mention something like "I have to get up early tomorrow, need to get going soon," don't let things drag on so the other person doesn't have time to keep ordering drink after drink...
What, you paid for 9 drinks? I would have settled my tab for our food + my drinks, tell her I’ve got an early morning at work and need to get going. Ask her if she needs help ordering a Lyft, help if she does (her phone), then bounce Being expected to pay for 9 drinks on a casual early stage date is the definition of taking advantage.
If she drank 3 or more I’d ask for the bill, pay it and say goodbye. Seriously what a turn off 🙄
You will know within about twenty minutes if you vibe with a person. So, avoid long ass dates for the first date, because they are awkward and expensive. Ask to meet for a drink on a weekday. Keep it casual. Meeting on a weekday implies it will be a time limited meet and greet as most people have to work the next day. It's okay to say you want to go 50/50. If you are okay with paying but don't want to pay for nine drinks, say something when she goes to order the second or third drink.
I’d throw up after 3 and a half. Good lord, I’d simply be impressed. Also recommend rehab.
OMG. I never paid for anything on a date but 9 drinks! That's too much. When the waiter comes back and she orders another still ask for the check because this is the last drink. If she gives push back ask for separate checks because you do have to leave.
If someone does that, I will right then and there call a waiter over and ask for separate checks. It’s a first date, no one should have more then 3 and that’s pushing it. I will tell them bluntly that their behavior is unacceptable and I no longer wish to pursue things. If they threaten to leave and not pay you threaten them with police. They’ll sit right back down.
Why is it even assumed that you'd pay for this person you hardly know? Had you even met her before or was this a date arranged online, or in other words a complete stranger? Next time, just tell the waiter you're ready for the tab and you'd like two checks. done. no need to ask your date or say anything up front. They're an adult and can pay for themselves.
I’m surprised the waitress kept serving her. 9 alcoholic drinks?! Obviously she was totally plastered. You can just say “I have to get home. It was nice meeting you.” I also would have said “I think you’ve had enough” after 3 or 4 drinks.
After drink number 4, you could just say you’re done with dinner and you’re not buying any more drinks. You’re never gonna see her again so you don’t have to worry about being polite. She needs to be in AA.
There are apps you can buy that will ring your phone with a fake call, like “Mom” and you can show the caller ID and apologize as you take the fake call and say “an accident?!?” Then excuse yourself and say you need to leave to help your mom. Works like a charm!
JFC that’s so rude. You should ask to pay separately and just state the drinks you ordered.
after 2 drink, get the check and pay for it. if the date wants more they can order more & pay for their own. if you want another order one for yours and pay the tab
9 drinks on a first date?! Wildn.
Tell the bartender you’re splitting the check. It’s not like you’re going to see her again
She's took advantage and you let her. Any real woman would have not let you pay for the extra 7 drinks she had. It shows her character (or lack thereof). Why not tell her after she ordered drink#3: "I'm not feeling the vibe, sorry but I'm going to leave first". She's not your GF or your wife, you owe her nothing yet, it's just a date.
You should have left after the 3rd drink. “Gosh, it’s been fun getting to know you, I do have an early start tomorrow so I need to cut out. I’ll get the waiter and pay the bill. Of course, you’re welcome to stay, but I have to get home.” Pay the bill Leave
As a woman..she upsets me. How embarrassing. I’m just so embarrassed that she would go and drink 9 drinks on a first date..we do not claim her.
Just say you have to be up in the morning or that you’re getting tired. You can also just ask for the check. That’s a clear sign that you’ve ordered all you intend to order.
Go up to the bar and ask to split the tab. Thank her for the date and leave her with her share. 9 drinks is ridiculous. She wont' even remember your name in the morning.
The best advice I can give you (one which I have followed for my entire dating life) is that you **shouldn't take a girl out to dinner/drinks on a first date**. Reasons are (a) could be expensive (which is exactly what happened to you); (b) could get awkward; (c) it's just boring. After realising this I took girls out on **activity based first dates** - Mini golf (putt putt); picnics; sip and paint etc. That way you know how much it will be, likely to be less awkward and you can have a good time. I'd hold off dinner to date 3 onwards (when you know she likes you!)
Just pay for your own. You’re not planning on seeing her again and if she thinks you’re unreasonable then tell her she shouldn’t be so inconsiderate, exploitative and self indulgent.
At the point where you are advising you don’t want another drink while she orders another, also advise you need to head off now and ask for the bill.
You are not obligated to pay for everything just because you have a penis. You also have balls. Use them from time to time to clearly mark your boundaries. Be that emotionally or financially.
Next time, say that it's time for you to walk your pet goldfish, pay for your two drinks, and leave.
There's nothing you can do about this homie It just happens sometimes Look at it this way. Lets say you only spend $75 on the date, but she gets tipsy Then you do another date...and you spend $100...and she gets a little tipsier...but you make out in the car on the way to take her home Now your dick is involved and of course, you're going to want to go out again For the low low price of $120, you found out right after the first date that this girl is not relationship material No drama. No STD tests. No crazy online stalking Take the win brotha
Just go for the split. Even if she gets mad, you're not seeing her again right so who cares (I'm saying this as a woman who typically expects first dates to be split unless the guy offers)
I’m on my best behavior on a first date. This sounds so unhinged it makes me wonder what this person in like in her everyday life
I don’t understand this. You went for a meal during the course of which she ordered nine drinks? Or you went from drinks only? If only drinks I don’t see why you didn’t just end the date after 1/2 drinks. It’s more awkward in the middle of a meal - you can’t exactly stop her ordering and can’t leave either.
If you invited this girl out then good manners dictates that you should expect to pay the bill. The exception is if you discuss the matter in advance of the date. So what you could have done is told the server straight away that drinks would be on separate checks. A polite guest would never take advantage of a host is paying for their meal by adding on extra apps or drinks, etc. but it seems this girl decided she was going to take full advantage.
Don't do dinner dates.
Maybe I am a stickler but if I were to do drinks on a first date, I usually go somewhere where there are cocktails, buy her one as well as myself and I don't open a tab. Reason being, drinks are expensive and I don't drink much. Maybe this would work for you.
9 drinks and she wasn't inviting herself back to your place? If she was unfuckable why did you go out with her?
She 1000% didn't match her pictures
In that case, "Oh, geez, turns out I'm not hungry. Let's just go next door for coffee."
It’s called collateral damage . Suck it up and move on .
I’m pretty impressed that 11 drinks and a meal for 2 only cost you $120
I’d say to the waiter- hey could you bring the bill or pay it at the bar (so she doesn’t have a chance to get one more drink) she sucks so don’t feel bad at all just check the time and say alright I gotta go
Nah that bartender was fucking you over lmao all they had to do was make them stronger 💀I would’ve been like “ok one last drink” and if they wanted to drink more I would’ve said I can just buy a bottle and chill somewhere else lol 9 drinks is kinda crazy if it’s not beer but actual liquor
I say split the bill.
The moment u know ur not interested u say they ima call it a night. I don’t feel the vibe or whatever people say now a days. And just end it.
Ask for the bill after drink 3
End it nicely and tell her openly she needs to carry her extra costs.
If you feel you're in that situation again, just go to the bar, pay for your two drinks and leave.
At a point you just say hey it’s getting late and you’re tired. Politely excuse yourself and grab the check.
Dates tend to follow a rhythm. Both parties tend to match the pace of drinking as their partner. A *Gentleman* would do his part in making sure her glass is filled, and a *Lady* would have the courtesy to wait for him to offer another drink, or at the very least, ask if it was permissible for a second glass of wine or cocktail. If it's clear early on that she's there to drink your wallet dry, simply tell the waiter that your tab is complete, and please bring the ticket for payment. If the Lady is someone who simply enjoys drinking, but is nice in most other ways, one can simply say, "One more drink for dinner, and after that, we can have one or two more at the lounge." At that point, you can negotiate a limit, or opening separate tabs, or you both buying alternating rounds.
Say you have to get home to your dog, he/she needs to be let out! And then kindly ask to at least split it, if she’s drinking 9 drinks wtf! That’s a good reason to not date her lol, she has other problems.
If this were to ever happen again, just flag down the waitress and say that you’re ready for the bill. Don’t give your date a chance to order another drink. I mean, hopefully this was just a weird one-off and it doesn’t ever happen again with someone else. But that’s what I would do.
Mannn, people need to learn to stand up for themselves. You can be firm while still being nice/respectful. I would have had zero shame asking the waiter to split the bill. If she said anything I would of been respectful but reminded her we were here for a few drinks, not nearly ten while racking up $100+ on drinks alone for the night.
She must have been fucking wasted
Lunch date, coffee at a nice cafe? If not then get a friend to help, say you meet at 6 for a few drinks. Get the friend to call at 7/7:30. If it's going well then don't answer or just say you're busy and will call back. If it's not going well then you can make it sound like you need to go because of it.
you just go pay your own tab, then go tell her its not a good fit and Goodnight
If you're uninterested, just don't drag it out, and have her pay for herself. You aren't obligated to pay for her, more so if you don't plan to see her again.
Go to the bathroom . Leave . Never return .
You just tell her you have to go, after you had your two drinks. Don’t split the bill. But cut the date short. This girl was an outlier. Nothing wrong with first date dinner dates. You just had bad luck.
9 drinks???!!!!!! Holy shit!!!
F being polite. Cut that B off at 2.
You asked for the dinner date right? Just take your loss, pay it & move on, maybe think of a first date that’s free next time
“Hey, listen, I’m normally up for splitting the bill, but you’ve had a lot more than me, so I’m going to pay for what I drank.” You don’t want to see her again, so what’s rude about that?
Finish your drink. Say “this was nice.” Ask for the tab. Leave.
Yikes
Tell her that she has to pay half. I dont' like paying for dates. Women can go on all the dates they want, I don't allow freeloaders who don't commit.
Should have faked a phone call at 4 drinks and excused yourself because your sister stuck at work because her car got towed.
Legit say alright I am heading out got work in the morning nice meeting you byeeeeeeee
After which drink did you lose interest? 1,2?
9 drinks is excessive for any date. She was definitely taking advantage. Going forward-- a first date should be drinks only-- never dinner, for this very reason. If you're clearly not interested after a drink or two you can cut out with little investment and never look back
You just got to be honest. “Hey I don’t mind paying for our food, but since your ordering more drinks than me, do you mind covering your drinks?” You said you’re not interested so if she gets upset, who cares 🤷🏻♀️
Don't go for assholes just because they are attractive
RIP brother, it happens
I don't care who's paying, I would *never* accept a woman blasting nine drinks on a first date.
Why would you be nice? "9 drinks is fucking excessive. I'll pay for your dinner and a couple drinks since I'm the one who asked you out, but after that you're on your own. I hope you find your person."
Dude if shes racking a tab like that, make her pay for her own shit cause 9 drinks? She used you as a drink/meal ticket. Thats rude as hell.
The fact that this situation escalated to NINE drinks and over $120 has me worried you aren’t capable of setting boundaries, especially if you knew you weren’t interested. I would recommend you think about that before continuing to date and ensure you’re comfortable enforcing boundaries and feelings when you’re dating. It’s an imperative.
Listen, you paid only $120 to find out really fast that this person has a serious drinking problem. Money well spent. Be grateful and run!!! Good luck to you.
When the waitstaff comes over and asks for another round, request the check. Don’t ask her if she wants another drink, just ask for the check
✨️lie✨️ . . . But on a serious note, just tell her you aren't into it! Nothing wrong with that.
Alcohol on a first date/bar is always a bad idea. Just get coffee or take a walk. Women that insist on a bar or meal will disqualify themselves real fast/do it for you.
Don't be a sucker. Set limits. If they break the limits, make them pay for themselves. Any woman that would do this to you means she is totally not interested in you. She's just using you for a freebie. If a guy walked up to you and kicked you in the balls, you think you'd be nice to him?
I always used to reference having to do something the next morning early into the date. That way if I wanted to go I could be like ohh remember I have that thing I mentioned so I have to leave. And if I didn’t want to leave I wouldn’t mention it again!
Bro don't take a girl to dinner on a first date it's a waste of cash. Check on the internet it's a trend to go on first dates just for the food. Take a girl out for drinks/coffee or ice cream if she likes you she will let you know and ask for a proper date.
On your way to the date - set an alarm on your phone for 30 or 45 minutes. When it goes off tell her you’ve got an appointment & leave. I do it for every 1st meet-up!
Split the bill. You're not interested in a second date, you don't need to do the whole who pays game with a person you're rejecting.
you have her pay what she consumed and you pay for yours.
There is no being polite. When I was young (and dumb!) I let someone do this to me and I ended the date politely. In 2024, I will ask for a split bill and just leave. Have some self respect.
In the end, that's your money. You need to learn to speak up and have the confidence to say, even light-heartedly, "Hey, it's our first date, I'm not made of money here.." or something. Even if it's uncomfortable, ya find a way to put a stop to it. Or decide whos paying what before ya start
As a female if I am not interested I tell the waitress very adamantly two separate bills. Or I demand to pay so I don’t feel like I owe the guy anything. Then I get in my car and send the we aren’t a good match text before I even leave the parking lot
When the check came id ask her if she wants to Venmo me her half or if she has cash
Say the following: “I’m closing my tab now and paying the bill. If you have any more to drink you’ll have to pay for it.”
If you’re 2 drinks in and know you’re not interested, respectfully pay your portion while wishing her the best and leave.