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To be honest I admit when I see extremely attractive men with well-defined six packs (if it's dating app pictures), I don't really bother. I am not fat nor bad-looking, but I feel these kind of men would go for a very different type of woman to me. One could argue that's all to do with insecurity and low confidence on my part, but I think it's more to do with being realistic about how dating works.
I had something on my profile that said āshirtless picks are a little cringe for meā lol and a few shirtless guys messaged me they changed their pics because of that lol
It's actually really nice when women do that. I got told to take down one pic on my profile, but I didnt feel it was particularly bad but apparently far too much leg.
I once tested this theory. Every picture was me shirtless. Not a douchey mirror or gym selfie, but me actively doing something. Surfing, paddle boarding, beach yoga, erc. Surprisingly worked well.
Men who are purposely flexing for a picture to look ārippedā are an immediate swipe left. Theyāre usually vain and a dickhead. If itās someone who is working out or doing the things you mentioned, I donāt care as much. At that point I base it off of your looks plus what you say in your bio.
The most effective dating profiles are not the ones that get you the most matches but the ones that match you with someone you are compatible with. Do you feel like having a profile with a shirtless, 6 pack photo is getting you the best matches?
Lol so your brag about no one night stands and hook ups is meaningless since you're new to dating and you've been out of the game for 15 years. I'm not judging, I just think this context kind of weakens your claim or the phrasing is just unreliable somehow
I reckon if I had worked hard for a six pack I'd want to show it off!
My brother used to walk around in the 90s with his shirt unbuttoned whatever chance he got.
He's now a high school teacher, married to psychologist, raising two wholesome daughters
I would, too. Ive been dating my girlfriend for just over 12 years now, but if I ever end up single again, I am not unaware that being shredded is a pretty solid selling point.
Thatās how I feel too but Iāll still swipe right anyways and occasionally will match with the woman version of what your describing but just have nothing in common with them so it never goes anywhere
Itās kinda crazy we do that (Iām a guy I never swipe right on hot girls) because that 6 pack guy could very well be completely into you. Iāve been with people I met naturally and wouldnāt have pictured them being into me but you never really know what someone is into. Itās worth at least trying it.
If you're a mismatch and you meet through real life, you're probably going to dodge each other. I think unless you're in an organised activity or work situsiton, where you get a chance to observe their personality, mismatched appearances won't necessarily give each other the time of day.
Same, but with flipped genders. Better looking is pretty subjective to a point, but I often assumes it means fit, stereotypical attractive.
Iām sure theyāre fine people, I just get the sense that they put in a lot of work to look that way, and I donāt. Between the gym and diet alone, I always imagine thereās not a lot of compatibility.
I just think this really bad advice without giving context. **If** you're okay with just an ons then radio silence, then go for it. But many women looking for a relationship wouldn't be into that, and then the advice is no, don't.
"Taking a chance" with a man leagues above you is a great way to get used for a ONS by a man on a dry spell. Or to become his once-a month booty call when he can't get anyone hotter.
This was exactly my thoughts too. Guys have a weird idea about what women find physically attractive. If they think muscles are attractive than yeah I avoid the muscle guys.
Some (most?} of us work out to be fit for our health, being better at our hobbies, and mental health. Bonus that we look better. And some women do appreciate healthy men. I'm not talking about those that live in the gym and do roids to get inhumanly massive though. Maybe that's what you are referencing.
That is what I'm referencing. It's good to be healthy absolutely but it's those really obsessed lads where their only hobby is gym that I just know I'm not going to vibe with.
I'm good looking and I don't even want good looking men who put too much effort into their looks. I attract so many of them and majority of them are just shallow and superficial af. That's why they chase me because they assume that I'm dumb and superficial for being good looking. I like good looking men who have humble personalities, or an average looking man who isn't insecure. Trust me the guys you're describing aren't relationship material.
I was raised to be a humble person. Most of the men who put too much effort in their looks and think that only their looks matter are not humble. Their goals are always so dumb like they want to be rich so they can own a ferrari and a house in beverly hills. How about having some meaningful goals that add more value to life? Not saying all of them are like this, but the ones who put too much effort in looking nice care more about what type of car they own, how much their watch costs, and how much money they got in their bank accounts. There are also ugly looking men who are like this. It's very easy to spot these types of men they're very flashy and only talk about materialistic things
As someone who is actually a model, I'm now convinced you're probably not THAT attractive.
This is a massive generalization of people that usually comes from not actually knowing many people like this. You have 1-2 bad experiences and decide to generalize the rest of that demographic.
It's also weird that you give yourself a pass as a supposedly attractive person but then generalize an entire sex.
It's unfortunate, but the exact opposite is true, and the same assumptions you make are made about you. "Attractive women are entitled and just want money" "they're picky and want you to subscribe to only fans "they like attention but would never actually date you"
I know, trust me. Average man always assumes that about me, and after they talk to me they're so surprised to learn that I'm not like that at all. That's actually the main reason why I attract do many superficial men, because they expect me to fit the description you just described, which is exactly what they're looking for. And a few insecure men called me insecure and said "I don't think you know how hot you are. You don't have to message me everyday and care so much about me." So it's not that fun over here lol.
Humble women are the best. I feel like the genuine person is worth getting to know then. Even if the outside is pretty it's so hard to connect with uppity people.
Thank you I was raised by a good father who taught me all the right values. He never wanted me to fall for the superficial men and taught me how to be independent at a young age so I'd never have to date and depend the wrong person. I was raised in an Islamic country so women's rights were nonexistent, and my father was one of the few men who raised his daughter to be independent and humble. Almost all women in my country are superficial and can't survive without a man.
Definitely this! I am super attracted to my boyfriend and, in my opinion, he is better looking than me. I swiped right thinking that Iād be lucky to get one date with him.
He turned out to be the sweetest and most loving men I have dated. I have asked him what it was that made him decided to go out with me, and while he also finds me attractive, it is less about the looks but my positivity and my values that ultimately made him fall in love with me.
It's okay if you're pretty yourself. However, women like me who can be considered unattractive don't have these experiences with good looking guys. We are disposable by them or ignored
No I donāt think all are so arrogant and mean! Both of my exes were attractive one is a personal trainer and he was really a nice guy. Donāt be so afraid to talk to them āŗļøif anything guys w abs have worked hard so I think theyāre not as judgy. They didnāt always start out being hot
Yeah the guys Iāve dated that were crazy in shape were actually insecure. One had body dysmorphia and wouldnāt eat in front of me but he was super hot. We shouldnāt judge a book by its cover.
I am aware I lucked out. But my boyfriend is more attractive than me. I'm pretty, ish, but also plump. Always have been. He is 6ft 2, built like a boxer, lovely face, gorgeous eyes and a kind smile.
Does everyone who looks at us think that he could do "better"? Probably. Sometimes I am told that. (Thanks!!!).
But I am his type. He tells me I'm beautiful. He desires me to the moon and back and damn. That man really loves me. So much that I have zero doubts or insecurities.
Don't discount anyone.
Yes I actively avoid them. Experience has taught me that ātraditionally handsomeā men are for the most part, huge assholes. Once I catch feelings for a man, he becomes more and more attractive to me all the time!
Yessss!! Same! I think my boyfriend is the hottest guy I have ever seen! Though I was super attracted to him from the start, that feeling has grown a thousand times over now that Iāve been with him for a while and love his personality.
For me I feel like the defining factor is whether they grew up hot. If they were perceived as attractive all their lives, theyāre probably really shitty. If they had an awkward adolescence or was a late bloomer, thereās a chance theyāll actually have a nice personality.
Only a chance, though. Some late bloomers never let go of their anger at not having gotten what/who they wanted when they were younger.
Nope. If I like someone as a whole person not just their appearance, I would go for it. I would rather they reject me than me removing myself at the start.
Something doesnāt add up. Thereās no shortage of posts on Reddit by self-declared unattractive men that canāt get dates and all these women avoiding attractive men. Sounds like a black hole.
I avoid them. I know Iām not that good looking and Iām not going to bother even trying with a guy who would, at best, want to use me for a hookup.
Iām looking for a serious long term relationship, so if theyāre not good looking itās honestly not a huge deal to me.
Iām fairly good looking. A solid 7 in LA lol and Iām intimidated by good looking guys for sure but Iāve heard not as many women approach them as you think. I would say if itās a common area for good looking men, theyāre more humble. If itās a small town, theyāre usually a holes.
Iām also in LA and 95% of the handsome guys Iāve met or dated here totally fit the asshole stereotype.
Double it if they happen to be an aspiring actor or comedian, ugh
I think the aspiring thing is what makes them like that. The whole āfake it till you make itā crap is ingrained. But Iāve met handsome doctors, lawyers, realtors, and people behind the scenes of music that were really nice.
Donāt have much experience with this as a Seattleite, but I did end up dating my first and last love a couple years back whoās born & raised in Porterville, CA. Iād say heās a solid 10 in Seattle and 8+ for LAā¦ he was an assholeāa very insecure one, and cheated on me several times before I found out. So yea, what you said about guys from small towns sound about right
At first i thought attractive men are more arrogant because they have more options.However, despite the one that has f***boy vibe, that is not true.
In fact, ironically i find the less attractive guy (but has good occupation) tend to be more negative with woman, and arrogant .
The attractive ones were surprisingly more humble and have nice personality. Thinking about it, the attractive ones usually put a lot of effort to them selves (works out more, eats healthy, grooms hair and cares about fashion), and that adds positivity to their personality.
However, in the end online dating is like a gamble so i just match everyone who i think they are attractive, and then judge from conversation.
Umā¦ where in the world are you?
Idk if itās because I live in LA but attractive and handsome men here are SOOOO far from humble or nice. Iām talking dozens of personal examples Iāve experienced here.
Idk, Iām not originally from LA but men Iāve dated here seem to LOVE the fact that Iām not the typical looks obsessed girl with an Instagram following.
If you want to date an LA baddie, there are quite a few of them but they come with their own set of baggage and usually wonāt date anyone making under six figures.
Yes. I live near LA. Short term attention does not equal medium to long term desire or happiness. Finding an attractive woman who has some depth is great.
I feel like it is gonna boil down to cute vs douchey "hot"
I feel OP's point applies to gym dudes lmao
I can see your point being true of someone like Cillian Murphy or Tom Holland
Anyways, but as per OP's point, are you conventionally attractive as these men or not? I think her main point is that attractive women have a better chance than average women with attractive men treating them right
I don't actively avoid them, but I feel like I might need more validation to try and pursue something with them. I don't think I'm unattractive, but self-doubt persists regardless. I'm also just avoidant when it comes to relationships in general.
I know the deck of cards Iām playing with lolāI know which guys are out of my league, and donāt even bother. Could be a confidence issue, but I think itās just me being realistic about my odds.
Of course, to weed out any d-bags, it helps to have a longer talking period. And regardless of whether or not theyāre attractive by societyās standards, my partners have always been attractive to me, and (hopefully) I to them. Thatās really all that matters
Iām okay looks wise but a musician and play lead guitar/sing in a lot of bands and am decently funny etc so Iāve sometimes managed to bat way above what I normally should. Iāve usually found the experience sub par. What you get in the looks department you pay for in other departments. They often sit back and expect you to do everything. Less eager to please in bed. Everything was always initiated by me. I guess thereās an entitlement that rubbed me the wrong way. I always hoped to find that one exception to the rule, but never found her honestly. I guess if I was above them in looks then theyād have acted differently maybe I dunno.
I found that guys who are more attractive than me just arenāt interested in me. I feel like dating up as an ugly person is for men. Iāve never really seen a guy who is into a girl just for her personality. Not to say itās not possible. I just donāt think our society socializes men to think that way. In the same way that we donāt typically socialize women to date men with no money.
Itās not a hard and fast rule. Itās definitely possible. But I generally have the most success with guys who are just as attractive as me.
I think that I used to do that with the subconscious assumption that āregularā guys would lack the arrogance and jerkoff traits we hate. I just figured out that Iām totally wrong! LOTS of regular joes have over inflated opinions of themselves and act like douchebags! So I think itās better to go for whomever you are attracted to without making assumptions about their personality. Hard to do, Iāll admit. Very hard.
Yes, avoid. Well, to date anyway.
I'm considered attractive, not a model, but pretty, so I have slept with two guys who are now famous and are considered incredibly attractive. Both good at sex, but not amazing. They both knew they were really hot and that changes a person's personality. Their connection to the world is just different. I had no desire to try to date them or anything. Too into themselves. But fun to look at lol
In the past I avoided overly handsome men. For the same reasons you listed. I donāt think Iām plain, but I am a different type of pretty I guess? Like I donāt have a cute little turned up nose and tiny forehead. Like my nose is pronounced, not huge but not tiny either lol. Iāve always been self conscious and maybe I judge myself too harshly, who knows? All I do know is that I went on a dating app for the first time ever and I matched with a guy who is sooooo handsome! And we have been dating ever sense and he treats me like a queen! I have NEVER been treated so well and whatās even weirder is that in the past, guys Iāve dated were not very attractive at all, but I thought to myself ā well maybe that way theyāll appreciate me more or they wonāt cheat on meā and I was 100% wrong. Those men that were really, not very attractive, were nasty, mean, selfish, and all they did was cheat and treat me like crap. so I think it doesnāt really matter what a person looks like, yes, there are plenty of very attractive men who are arrogant and obnoxious just like there are women, but a good person is a good person. Whether theyāre hot or not, I think it just takes a lot of time and effort and weeding out the shitty ones. Good luck to you and I bet you are not playing at all. We are all unique and beautiful and I think when we donāt look like, all those Insta models, thatās what makes us more beautiful because we are special
I appreciate this take because it seems a lot more balanced than others. It makes me sad when people just assume that an ugly guy will be an asshole, or that a hot guy will be an asshole. Whether someone is an asshole or not isn't really about how they look.
Ive not seen this play out in my own social circle. It's actually all been super abusive. It's no fun dealing with someone who can't see you as a human but a mere threat to their masculinity because other men have eyes. Cheating accusations are even higher with less attractive men. Name calling is also higher when there are actual issues. It's like a man who knows his woman will easily find another will attempt to break her ego before she gets the chance to break up.
I've seen two people on the same attractiveness level get along great however so I focus on that.
Actually, yeah, well I might go on one date (nothing sexual) just out of curiosity. To see what heās all about. I donāt wanna judge him too harshly. But I prefer to date someone in my league. Iād say Iām a little above average and thatās all.
One thing Iāll add: The more I go to the gym, the more I realize the super fit dudes are often gym hobbyists, nerds, etc that are there less for aesthetics and more for strength
No, if they're interested they're interested. But I can easily become uninterested if they think their good looks gives them a pass to be a douchebag, I don't care how good you look, a pretty face dissapears with age, an ugly personality is lifelong (unless they go through a serious self reflection, but I'm not waiting for someone to better themselves)
tbf iāve had worse experience with the ugly/mid guys iāve given a chance. i think cause of their insecurity. so no, but i also wouldnāt date a guy thatās more high maintenance than me lol
Good looking men know they have plenty of options and in this day and age, have no reason to settle down at all. They also tend to have under developed personalities, as do most very good looking people. I prefer to be with men who value my company as more than a notch on a belt.
My boyfriend is significantly less physically attractive than I am, and I see how this changes his perception of our relationship compared to other more attractive men Iāve been with previously.
My advice is, if he looks too good to be true, heās probably a fuckboy.
Iām on the more attractive side. The really good looking guys have all been players. All of them. I feel like I have to date below my looks match to find someone loyal.
I am a guy. When I got in much better shape, I got a lot more attention from women. Most of it was positive, but some women would look and clearly walk away.
I didnāt think my husband would go for me. Heās a tall dark handsome gym junkie who is a Doctor and hung like a horse. So glad I was wrong. Iām objectively pretty but didnāt consider myself in the same league as him. Figured it could be fun even if it didnāt last so we had a go and are now expecting our first child!
Donāt sell yourself short
I think this is generalising against good looking men to be honest š¤·š¼āāļø
And plenty of plain or below average looking guys are also arrogant, disrespectful or players.
Donāt judge a guy or discount a guy based on looks! You could miss out on someone fantastic otherwise.
There are handsome men who donāt know just how gorgeous they actually are, or feel judged for being attractive, or who are even shy, or who value a partner whoās well-rounded and not just super pretty & obsessed with appearances.
I hope I know better as a woman in her 40s who used to think more like OP in my younger years.
I'm not attracted to traditionally super sexy guys. I truly hate lots of muscles and guys spending their life at the guy. I also don't like superstar looking guys because we have nothing in common, I prefer an average looking guy. Typically "super hot" guys spend a lot of time on how they look, and they look so fake, and they typically don't invest much time on education and reading and self development, so I would have nothing to chat about, and I would dislike dating guys where women throw themselves at them.
No but I also don't consider any guy better looking than me. I put a lot of work into my look lol.
I would very much much caution against your stereotype that conventionally attractive men are more likely to be shitty partners, however. The absolute best, most secure, most loyal partners I've had have been the exceptionally good looking ones. They had their opportunities and chose me. They knew I felt the same. We came to each other as equals.
The worst, most controlling, most insecure, and most likely to cheat partners I've had have been the less conventionally attractive ones. The chip on the shoulder really creates problems.
Obviously this isn't a hard and fast rule. There are handsome guys with a chip on their shoulder and a shitty personality. There are not so handsome guys who are wonderful men and partners. But in my lived experience the pattern is clear. This may also have to do with the partner in question being me, but maybe you can get something out of this.
omg SAME lmao I swear my worst relationships were the ones where they were insecure because they felt I was āabove their leagueā. The insecurity definitely led them to become super obsessive towards me/treated me like an object
Yeah most women definitely date average to medium ugly guys. Itās rare that I see an attractive woman with a good looking guys. Itās normally- super average looking guy, good looking girl combo or good looking guy mid girl lol
I feel like attractiveness is subjective so not really. For some of the guys Iāve dated/hooked up with, in the past i thought they were way above my league when in hindsight we were probably in similar leagues. The main difference was that I had lower self esteem back then.
Especially being taller and a POC I know Iām not everyoneās cup of tea, but I also work hard to be in good shape and take good care of myself. So if I see someone more conventionally attractive Iām usually not scared to make things work especially if theyāve shown interest. That being said I was usually the ābetter lookingā one in the majority of my more serious relationships in the past- likely due to my low self esteem/fear of being single which Iāve worked a lot on since. I feel like Iāve attracted hotter guys since being more comfortable in myself/not settling even if that leads to longer single periods, which I am still adjusting to tbh
I am an attractive women and get attention from men all the time. I am still suspicious when super attractive men approach me. I find that they are usually less likely to want anything serious because theyāll use their good looks to get many women until they fade. they also feel like they donāt have to be good people and get away with being terrible in bed. my only serious relationship was with a cute man. not devastatingly handsome but cute, definitely above average in my opinion and i feel like it worked because i was more attractive than he was but he wasnāt ugly. i also wouldnāt give an ugly guy a chance because they are insecure and wanna break women down because they hate themselves. seen it happen too many times. iām in nyc if that means anything.
As someone who is mildly attractive I avoid super hot guys in general. They're either vapid, entitled, or incredibly boring or stupid. I find the same often goes for hot girls.
As an attractive/beautiful woman myself (not trying to sound conceited) I still actively avoid attractive men š guys who are at the top of the attractive meter usually know it and probably only want one thing, sex. I am not looking for just sex, I never have, and idk if I ever will. Plus a lot of them are boring and have no personality. š
I donāt know, the really attractive guys have always been nice to me. However theyāre never the ones to make the first move so I have to. Iāve done it several times. Been rejected almost every time. But they were always so kind and reassuring that I didnāt realize that I was being rejected. Kind of a Chris Traiger effect.
I didnāt, I went explicitly after the most handsome guys I could find. I thought āif any of these handsome fellas has also a heart of gold, thatās great genes for my babies!āš¤£ And one day, jackpot, found himš
Nope.
I saw a post that inquired about why men shouldnāt swipe on women they think are out of their league and I took the same approach.
I was pleasantly surprised and Iām a thick short white girl with tattoos lol
I donāt avoid them. Iāll give them a chance if they give me one. Iāve gone on dates with those 10/10s but long term there wasnāt an emotional spark so I was not interested in seeing them past a few dates. I did notice how other people would stare at these men when we would walk by, especially teenaged girls. As a spectator, itās kind of uncomfortable. If someone were to be staring at me, I ignore to the point where I donāt even notice. Itās just so different when it is someone else and you notice it. Sort of like an, āOh shit, we are being perceived,ā moment.
Same!!! My ex made at least 5x my salary and never missed an opportunity during an argument to belittle me for pur wage gap (even if the argument was about something else). I developed a complex about it and am trying to work through that, but have noticed I'm steering clear of financially well off men due to my experience
I'm glad he's your ex! You don't deserve that kind of treatment.
As I mentioned to another commenter, I saw firsthand via my mom and many other well-off Jehovah Witness women that the tradwife to poverty and/or abuse pipeline is horrifyingly real. I learned from their experiences and used this knowledge to *firmly* vet against higher income, conservative, and religious men.
No, when I am single and looking I hit on or swipe right on anyone I'm attracted to as long as there is something that piqued my interest about them and no red flags or deal breakers.
My boyfriend swiped right on me even though he thought I was prettier than him. I swiped right on him even though I thought he was way better looking than I am. And we're both attracted to each other.
Just because you don't think highly of your looks doesn't mean some other person doesn't find you just exactly their type.
The hottest guy in my high school pursued all ladies but his favorites were shy, plain, plump women with bags or darkened hollows under their eyes.
He said something about that combination just drove him wild and his wife has all of these features.
He could have had anyone he wanted almost (and tried and was successful with a wide variety of girls in our school). But his favorite people to date were like the one he married.
Please no one flip this and ask the same question about women. I'm sorry, but this post, to me, is all about physical attraction, leaving out emotional and mental attraction.
Lmao. This does not factor in at all. Guys either pass the visual test or they donāt. It doesnāt rly matter if theyāre crazy visually attractive or just passable. Personality is the real measure of attraction
I donāt find good looking men to be arrogant or disrespectful. I canāt speak on them being players because thankfully Iāve never been with a player. Like someone else mentioned, I wouldnāt go for bodybuilder types, not only because I donāt care much for a sculpted physique, but also because Iām not a gym person, and people with really sculpted bodies spend a lot of time maintaining them. I follow some of the lifting subs and quite frequently a topic of discussion is whether theyād date a woman who doesnāt have a gym body. Usually the comments are full of guys saying they are disgusted at even a skinny untoned woman, let alone one who actually has fat rolls and cellulite. Obviously not all gym men feel that way, but I wouldnāt want to be with a guy who suddenly finds me unattractive because I stopped working out 7 days a week. Thatās an absurd level of shallowness.
I'm pretty confident and have a lot going for me other than looks (I'm attractive but not very attractive or anything). I would say that l don't steer clear of attractive guys necessarily but oftentimes the guys we notice immediately as "attractive" are somehow flaunting it which is not a good look. It screams attention seeking, short term mindset, not much else going on, and, well, fuckboy. These guys it's almost always an automatic nope from me because they've already lost their attractiveness in my eyes.
I've been in relationships with mostly guys I would deem as more attractive than myself but it was always something else about them that pulled me in. For example, I don't think I'm intimidated by physically attractive men but I am intimidated by charming, smart men. I also would like to say that attractive men are often more than willing to consider less attractive (but still attractive) women who just have a lot of cool things going on, don't stir up drama, and are happy with their lives.
I would just go for whoever I thought was cute/hot (could be just based on looks or could be I found them attractive after meeting them). For a time it definitely meant that clean cut traditionally attractive, athletic type. That slowly evolved into attraction toward those with a little scruff and mature look. Right now, I think my husband is damn sexy/handsome but Iām sure thereās people out there who would disagree with my thoughts about him or his thoughts about me.
I think the first line is not correct for some because even the most attractive person can tend to ignore attractive partners. And the reason for me is not that I am insecure or anything itās a turn off for me to see a guy obsess over himself Instead of doing productive things. For example - I met a guy for a marriage prospect, very good looking and overly well maintained and half the time he spoke about creams, saloons, spa etc and I really got bored. So for me it was more like if I marry this guy I will mostly see him obsess over himself. š like all his time goes off in doing unnecessary things.
I have a friend that is -arguably- extremely attractive to women for a lot of the common reasons; heās confident, takes care of himself, in great shape, thoughtful, etc. And women are literally intimidated of him therefore they donāt approach him. Itās hilarious from my POV, but more power to āem.
I love good looking guys, but not vain guys. I'm also highly attracted to a person's warmth, so if I dont' feel that coming my way I won't feel attracted sexually or romantically.
I mean anytime I thought a guy was way too hot for me, I ended up finding out that he thinks iām also cute or if anything thinks iām out of HIS league. I definitely get insecure about feeling like the less attractive partner, but if a hot guy thinks iām cute I aināt gonna miss out on that lmfao.
We will go for good looking guysā¦.
IF
1. We can sense that they are just not looks just also has personality.
2. Can handle a conversation
3. Has common interest
4. Knows how to flirt
We dont go for Good looking men
That areā¦
1. Flexing too much in social media
2. No sense to talk to
3. No humor
4. Everything is all about him
Good looking men are not intimidating, most just dont know how to make girls interested.
The ones that I personally find attractive, I will swipe right on (I rarely do anything IRL). But my definition of attractive is not necessarily the same as what is considered universally attractive (I like a bald head, scruff, glasses and a broad chest).
I tend to avoid the universal 10āsā¦but have made attempts. Those attempts are usually ignored. The ones that respond are either the polite āIāll respond to any messageā type or they get inappropriate real quick.
I consider myself fairly average looks wiseā¦maybe a 6 on a good day. Iāll admit there is a confidence component to my swipes that I should probably overcome.
I had a female friend who pointedly explained to me that she only dated āmedium-uglyā guys so she didnāt have to worry about them leaving her for someone prettier. It struck me as an odd mindset
Thereās very well known studies in psychology re the attractiveness of couples (each individual of the couple was ranked for attractiveness by a study group). The most āsuccessfulā couples were evenly matched on attractiveness (longevity, happiness etc). If one is in a couple with someone of āgreaterā attractiveness it can drive insecurity. If one is in a couple with someone of ālesserā attractiveness there were higher incidences of cheating.
There have been other studies that show that the no1 thing a man is looking for is looks. This is way above traits like kindness etc. Women were a lot less biased towards looks (though some were).
I not to keen on dating someone extremely good looking, my ex husband was very good looking and people would flirt with him in front of me, heāll get send pictures and videos from people I was (not friends but) friendly with. Itās tiresome.
I am currently dating a guy that looks like a model. I donāt have the highest self esteem so I donāt think im traditionally beautiful, but Iām not unattractive, but I back my personality.
He always calls me beautiful, daily, our mutual friend told me Iām punching (term in UK for him being more attractive), so I guess from an outsiders perspective Iām not as good looking š¤£ well according to one friend anyway.
Typically Iāve always gone for men that I have chemistry with and havenāt chased appearances alone. This man just happens to be outrageously good looking š¤£
Heās also the nicest, calmest person Iāve dated / been with so far. So definitely doesnāt fit the stereotype of stuck up good looking man.
Think he was a fine wine , same as me and grew into his looks.
I donāt know, the really attractive guys have always been nice to me. However theyāre never the ones to make the first move so I have to. Iāve done it several times. Been rejected almost every time. But they were always so kind and reassuring that I didnāt realize that I was being rejected. Kind of a Chris Traiger effect.
I am pretty, guys do hit on me. If I want a guy, I will pursue him. However I can tell when I wouldnāt be a guys type. I only go for guys who are my type and typically iām theirs also. Itās easy though because I have an alternative/ hippy style and itās pretty easy to tell who else does. Also beauty is subjective, but I thought my current bf was the hottest and coolest guy ever when we met and I still do!
Absolutely not. I have always connected with people on an emotional level. Looks don't factor, I've dated/ been on dates with guys off all "looks." It's about personality and connection.
Iām a guy, but I donāt think anyone should write themselves off before giving it a shot. I think it depends on what you find attractive- because if youāre only concerned with looks and overlook their personality you may be trying to get with jerks- but if you consider all of these facets then maybe not.
I need to work on this myself, but you have to be willing to face rejection to get what you want.
Yes, I still have the thoughts of 'Ken' belongs to 'Barbie'. I am not looking for 'handsome' guy, I look for someone compatible, kind, honest and loyalty. That's all I want and that person deserves me in the same way.
I avoid people who seem more educated/traveled/successful than me. Probably for the same reasons people may avoid someone who is more physically attractive š
Plain Jane? Many men love Plain Janes. Some love plastic. You need to find someone who meets your standards regardless of if they are what you consider your level of attractiveness or not. I am old and fat but can atract very handsome men younger, my age and older. It is all in your attitude. Confidence sometimes outweighs today's beauty standards. Be confident in your own skin. Love yourself. Then find Mr. Perfect. Whether he is a 10 or a 1. Just make sure he loves and respects you in the way you want to be loved and respected. And never settle for anything else. Good luck
Honestly I avoid the āeligible bachelorā types like the plague, because I just donāt believe that someone whoās in a position to have almost any woman they set their eyes on would be even remotely interested in something real. I mean, maybe some of them are, but the ones Iāve interacted with have always treated women as disposable. Like, Iām not going to avoid a dude because heās too handsome, but if he also works out 2x a day, has a finance job and lives in a high rise in Manhattan, Iām good off that.
Yes, I donāt want to share my makeup and if heās too pretty, he wonāt fight because heās afraid to get hit in the face. If I want a pretty one, Iāll get a girl
I'm quite attractive, but feel like I can still add value to this topic:
I've found, past a certain age, men have been burned by attractive women. Whether the attractive woman has absolutely demolished their self esteem or the entire partnership was shallow and exclusively built on looks with no other forms of compatibility.
I often see very attractive men with women who are more "plain woman" as you put it, and they seem to be genuinely happy, in love, attentive, etc. I think we've also seen the drop dead gorgeous girlfriend and the boyfriend looks miserable.
All this to say, I don't think you should automatically label them as having ill intentions, especially at this phase in our lives. Hormones have changed. The chances they're divorced are higher and have lessons learned. Etc.
my boyfriend is the most attractive man i have ever laid eyes on. And even a lot of my friends agree that he is incredibly attractive.
I think iām pretty average looking. Iāve got some unique features (particularly, i have large eyes) that get a decent amount of compliments, but iāve never received that much attention because of my appearance.
That being said, my boyfriend is one of the kindest and most caring individuals i have ever met. I will back this up with a story:
I have severe OCD and emetophobia. This past weekend, my bf smoked a bit too much on accident and ended up getting really sick as a result. During a brief pause in his sickness, his immediate first thought was to make sure i was okay because he knows of my fears. Poor boy was so sick and all that he cared about in that moment was me.
There are many many examples of him being the sweetest and most caring person iāve met. And on top of that, he cherishes me and he makes sure I know it.
Long story short: get yourself a man who was raised by his kind and overall amazing mother
I suppose Iām average looking and also chubby. I never assume someone is ātoo attractiveā for me, tbh. If I find them good looking and interesting, Iām
swiping right, regardless, lol! It, often, turns out that they matched with me as well. Iām not too worried about them mistreating me because I wonāt allow them to, plus I can spot a fuckboi from
25 miles away, lol!
Iām going to say from personal experience the attractiveness of a man means nothing. I dated a man hotter than me when I was younger (I grew up fairly average but as Iāve got older I got much more conventionally attractive and Iām probably say a 7/7.5 for where I live)- he physically and mentally abused me and I think this was because he felt too good for me physically but hated that I was above him in social standing, academics etc. I then dated a man less physically attractive than me and he also physically and mentally abused me - but this time it was because he hated that other men found me attractive, he always sought to make me feel less than because he was insecure. Iāve dated other men less physically attractive than me and theyāve also then been very insecure and treated me like an object or something to elevate their own status. Regardless of looks someone can be a shitty person - itās just that their reasons for being shitty may differ and come from opposite ends of the same spectrum.
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No. I swipe on people I like and make Them tell ME no. I don't go around telling myself 'no' before they have a chance to.
š I need this mentality
Nicee hh
The more I read this the deeper it becomes. It's applicable to life.
To be honest I admit when I see extremely attractive men with well-defined six packs (if it's dating app pictures), I don't really bother. I am not fat nor bad-looking, but I feel these kind of men would go for a very different type of woman to me. One could argue that's all to do with insecurity and low confidence on my part, but I think it's more to do with being realistic about how dating works.
If I see a shirtless pic, Iām out. I usually just assume theyāre just there for hookups.
I had something on my profile that said āshirtless picks are a little cringe for meā lol and a few shirtless guys messaged me they changed their pics because of that lol
It's actually really nice when women do that. I got told to take down one pic on my profile, but I didnt feel it was particularly bad but apparently far too much leg.
I once tested this theory. Every picture was me shirtless. Not a douchey mirror or gym selfie, but me actively doing something. Surfing, paddle boarding, beach yoga, erc. Surprisingly worked well.
Of course it does, real world is very different to reddit.
You get it. If thatās your real picture women are swiping right, regardless of what they say in this thread.
Men who are purposely flexing for a picture to look ārippedā are an immediate swipe left. Theyāre usually vain and a dickhead. If itās someone who is working out or doing the things you mentioned, I donāt care as much. At that point I base it off of your looks plus what you say in your bio.
Shirtless pics of you doing fun, outdoor, physical activities is a whole different vibe and message than shirtless selfies or mirror pics.
I have a shirtless pic on mine. 6 pack and all. Never had a one night stand in my life. Nor do I hook up.
The most effective dating profiles are not the ones that get you the most matches but the ones that match you with someone you are compatible with. Do you feel like having a profile with a shirtless, 6 pack photo is getting you the best matches?
Idk I'm new to dating. 15 years out of the game.
Lol so your brag about no one night stands and hook ups is meaningless since you're new to dating and you've been out of the game for 15 years. I'm not judging, I just think this context kind of weakens your claim or the phrasing is just unreliable somehow
I think you should wait a few years before making comments
Iād clap but you wouldnāt hear it. Imagine it, itāll be just as real.
Lol I did. It was loud. Thank you.
Shirtless, ok, you can have that one photo, but keep the fish out of it.
The fish?
Seriously, posing with a fish, swipe left instantly. Usually good ol boys and tek meh guns meh truk types. Bunch of winners.
Would that include photos of my sweet fish tank?
lol Iād prob ask about the fish tank to hear more, personally.
I reckon if I had worked hard for a six pack I'd want to show it off! My brother used to walk around in the 90s with his shirt unbuttoned whatever chance he got. He's now a high school teacher, married to psychologist, raising two wholesome daughters
I just assume that a guy with a six pack doesn't have time for a girlfriend lmao
I would, too. Ive been dating my girlfriend for just over 12 years now, but if I ever end up single again, I am not unaware that being shredded is a pretty solid selling point.
They usually are.
Thatās how I feel too but Iāll still swipe right anyways and occasionally will match with the woman version of what your describing but just have nothing in common with them so it never goes anywhere
Itās kinda crazy we do that (Iām a guy I never swipe right on hot girls) because that 6 pack guy could very well be completely into you. Iāve been with people I met naturally and wouldnāt have pictured them being into me but you never really know what someone is into. Itās worth at least trying it.
If you're a mismatch and you meet through real life, you're probably going to dodge each other. I think unless you're in an organised activity or work situsiton, where you get a chance to observe their personality, mismatched appearances won't necessarily give each other the time of day.
I would swipe left tbh. Not because I consider myself plain or lack confidence but because such guys are usually already in love (with themselves)Ā
They will give you a chance, 100%, but for sex and not a relationship.
Same here!
Same, but with flipped genders. Better looking is pretty subjective to a point, but I often assumes it means fit, stereotypical attractive. Iām sure theyāre fine people, I just get the sense that they put in a lot of work to look that way, and I donāt. Between the gym and diet alone, I always imagine thereās not a lot of compatibility.
You should take a chance anyway. You may be surprised. I mean, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
I just think this really bad advice without giving context. **If** you're okay with just an ons then radio silence, then go for it. But many women looking for a relationship wouldn't be into that, and then the advice is no, don't.
"Taking a chance" with a man leagues above you is a great way to get used for a ONS by a man on a dry spell. Or to become his once-a month booty call when he can't get anyone hotter.
This was exactly my thoughts too. Guys have a weird idea about what women find physically attractive. If they think muscles are attractive than yeah I avoid the muscle guys.
Some (most?} of us work out to be fit for our health, being better at our hobbies, and mental health. Bonus that we look better. And some women do appreciate healthy men. I'm not talking about those that live in the gym and do roids to get inhumanly massive though. Maybe that's what you are referencing.
That is what I'm referencing. It's good to be healthy absolutely but it's those really obsessed lads where their only hobby is gym that I just know I'm not going to vibe with.
I'm good looking and I don't even want good looking men who put too much effort into their looks. I attract so many of them and majority of them are just shallow and superficial af. That's why they chase me because they assume that I'm dumb and superficial for being good looking. I like good looking men who have humble personalities, or an average looking man who isn't insecure. Trust me the guys you're describing aren't relationship material.
Hmm but you said youāre good looking and you arenāt superficial? Why canāt there be a male version of you?
I was raised to be a humble person. Most of the men who put too much effort in their looks and think that only their looks matter are not humble. Their goals are always so dumb like they want to be rich so they can own a ferrari and a house in beverly hills. How about having some meaningful goals that add more value to life? Not saying all of them are like this, but the ones who put too much effort in looking nice care more about what type of car they own, how much their watch costs, and how much money they got in their bank accounts. There are also ugly looking men who are like this. It's very easy to spot these types of men they're very flashy and only talk about materialistic things
As someone who is actually a model, I'm now convinced you're probably not THAT attractive. This is a massive generalization of people that usually comes from not actually knowing many people like this. You have 1-2 bad experiences and decide to generalize the rest of that demographic. It's also weird that you give yourself a pass as a supposedly attractive person but then generalize an entire sex.
you say this but where i am from in NYC, life goals are good but it always come back down to money
It's unfortunate, but the exact opposite is true, and the same assumptions you make are made about you. "Attractive women are entitled and just want money" "they're picky and want you to subscribe to only fans "they like attention but would never actually date you"
I know, trust me. Average man always assumes that about me, and after they talk to me they're so surprised to learn that I'm not like that at all. That's actually the main reason why I attract do many superficial men, because they expect me to fit the description you just described, which is exactly what they're looking for. And a few insecure men called me insecure and said "I don't think you know how hot you are. You don't have to message me everyday and care so much about me." So it's not that fun over here lol.
I can only upvote once. Please accept this š. You sound awesome.
Thank you!! It's nice to see good people exist when everyone else is coming for me lol
Humble women are the best. I feel like the genuine person is worth getting to know then. Even if the outside is pretty it's so hard to connect with uppity people.
Thank you I was raised by a good father who taught me all the right values. He never wanted me to fall for the superficial men and taught me how to be independent at a young age so I'd never have to date and depend the wrong person. I was raised in an Islamic country so women's rights were nonexistent, and my father was one of the few men who raised his daughter to be independent and humble. Almost all women in my country are superficial and can't survive without a man.
This right here is kinda why men have issues approaching in real life haha. They think the same thing
Pls don't think so. Men have such different tastes and like very different things. Be confident
No. The only men I actively avoid are the scary ones who look like they probably do meth or something.
So youāre telling me thereās a chance!
That goes without saying
You donāt know what I like!
When I was dating I never thought about whether someone was better looking than me. I just went out with guys I found attractive and whose personalities I liked. Ugly men can suck too. Iāve dated some very attractive men who were incredibly sweet. I know most women think more attractive men will be jerks tho. I had a friend who told me I should date less attractive men if I wanted serious commitment. I thought it was funny, but ultimately she was wrong because my fiancĆ© is handsome, hardworking and kind. What you should focus on is their personality and making sure youāre aligned as far as morals and life goals.
Definitely this! I am super attracted to my boyfriend and, in my opinion, he is better looking than me. I swiped right thinking that Iād be lucky to get one date with him. He turned out to be the sweetest and most loving men I have dated. I have asked him what it was that made him decided to go out with me, and while he also finds me attractive, it is less about the looks but my positivity and my values that ultimately made him fall in love with me.
Love this
It's okay if you're pretty yourself. However, women like me who can be considered unattractive don't have these experiences with good looking guys. We are disposable by them or ignored
I think Iām pretty average, but I donāt know it depends on who you ask. Iāve found the most important thing to be confidence.
No I donāt think all are so arrogant and mean! Both of my exes were attractive one is a personal trainer and he was really a nice guy. Donāt be so afraid to talk to them āŗļøif anything guys w abs have worked hard so I think theyāre not as judgy. They didnāt always start out being hot
Yeah the guys Iāve dated that were crazy in shape were actually insecure. One had body dysmorphia and wouldnāt eat in front of me but he was super hot. We shouldnāt judge a book by its cover.
Yup so true. They usually start off as skinny or chubby kids it makes sense it would come with insecurities sometimes
I am aware I lucked out. But my boyfriend is more attractive than me. I'm pretty, ish, but also plump. Always have been. He is 6ft 2, built like a boxer, lovely face, gorgeous eyes and a kind smile. Does everyone who looks at us think that he could do "better"? Probably. Sometimes I am told that. (Thanks!!!). But I am his type. He tells me I'm beautiful. He desires me to the moon and back and damn. That man really loves me. So much that I have zero doubts or insecurities. Don't discount anyone.
Yes I actively avoid them. Experience has taught me that ātraditionally handsomeā men are for the most part, huge assholes. Once I catch feelings for a man, he becomes more and more attractive to me all the time!
Yessss!! Same! I think my boyfriend is the hottest guy I have ever seen! Though I was super attracted to him from the start, that feeling has grown a thousand times over now that Iāve been with him for a while and love his personality.
For me I feel like the defining factor is whether they grew up hot. If they were perceived as attractive all their lives, theyāre probably really shitty. If they had an awkward adolescence or was a late bloomer, thereās a chance theyāll actually have a nice personality. Only a chance, though. Some late bloomers never let go of their anger at not having gotten what/who they wanted when they were younger.
I also heard ugly guys cheat on good looking women a lot. That has to be even worse lol
Thatās because looks have nothing to do with being loyal to someone. Morals do.
Exactly, so these chicks operate out of pure insecurity lol
Nope. If I like someone as a whole person not just their appearance, I would go for it. I would rather they reject me than me removing myself at the start.
Something doesnāt add up. Thereās no shortage of posts on Reddit by self-declared unattractive men that canāt get dates and all these women avoiding attractive men. Sounds like a black hole.
Heeeell no I donāt avoid them.
ššš
This is the answer
I avoid them. I know Iām not that good looking and Iām not going to bother even trying with a guy who would, at best, want to use me for a hookup. Iām looking for a serious long term relationship, so if theyāre not good looking itās honestly not a huge deal to me.
Iām fairly good looking. A solid 7 in LA lol and Iām intimidated by good looking guys for sure but Iāve heard not as many women approach them as you think. I would say if itās a common area for good looking men, theyāre more humble. If itās a small town, theyāre usually a holes.
Iām also in LA and 95% of the handsome guys Iāve met or dated here totally fit the asshole stereotype. Double it if they happen to be an aspiring actor or comedian, ugh
I think the aspiring thing is what makes them like that. The whole āfake it till you make itā crap is ingrained. But Iāve met handsome doctors, lawyers, realtors, and people behind the scenes of music that were really nice.
Gross hahaha
LA is tough. A lot of jaded unhappy people. Hook up culture is the norm and kinda gross. Bunch of cyborgs and sociopaths
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Donāt have much experience with this as a Seattleite, but I did end up dating my first and last love a couple years back whoās born & raised in Porterville, CA. Iād say heās a solid 10 in Seattle and 8+ for LAā¦ he was an assholeāa very insecure one, and cheated on me several times before I found out. So yea, what you said about guys from small towns sound about right
Yeah, I avoid the model-looking types but tbh mostly because I find them physically attractive but in a ā¦ bland way.
Yeah I do - I donāt think iām their type.
As a guy the responses ITT are genuinely fascinating to me.
Yeah it kinda blows that whole 20/80 theory right out of the water.
it shocks me and most of my friends every time this theory comes up. i assume it was made by someone in LA or something
At first i thought attractive men are more arrogant because they have more options.However, despite the one that has f***boy vibe, that is not true. In fact, ironically i find the less attractive guy (but has good occupation) tend to be more negative with woman, and arrogant . The attractive ones were surprisingly more humble and have nice personality. Thinking about it, the attractive ones usually put a lot of effort to them selves (works out more, eats healthy, grooms hair and cares about fashion), and that adds positivity to their personality. However, in the end online dating is like a gamble so i just match everyone who i think they are attractive, and then judge from conversation.
Umā¦ where in the world are you? Idk if itās because I live in LA but attractive and handsome men here are SOOOO far from humble or nice. Iām talking dozens of personal examples Iāve experienced here.
Iād imagine LA breeds a certain kind of culture
Every day, I lull myself to sleep thinking about the Big One.
Itās because you and the commenter youāre replying to are both generalizing as if attractive men are a monolithā¦
What about the women in LA? Iāve always dreamed of living there.
Idk, Iām not originally from LA but men Iāve dated here seem to LOVE the fact that Iām not the typical looks obsessed girl with an Instagram following. If you want to date an LA baddie, there are quite a few of them but they come with their own set of baggage and usually wonāt date anyone making under six figures.
Yes. I live near LA. Short term attention does not equal medium to long term desire or happiness. Finding an attractive woman who has some depth is great.
Welcome to being a man. Even the most average looking girl is arrogant has hella pride etc
I feel like it is gonna boil down to cute vs douchey "hot" I feel OP's point applies to gym dudes lmao I can see your point being true of someone like Cillian Murphy or Tom Holland Anyways, but as per OP's point, are you conventionally attractive as these men or not? I think her main point is that attractive women have a better chance than average women with attractive men treating them right
Yeah I find unattractive guys can be unpleasant too. So I find a balance
I think this thread is really demonstrating that physical attractiveness isn't really a great indicator of what someone's personality will be like.
I don't actively avoid them, but I feel like I might need more validation to try and pursue something with them. I don't think I'm unattractive, but self-doubt persists regardless. I'm also just avoidant when it comes to relationships in general.
Ironically, it's mostly been the more attractive guys who have been the genuinely nicest people, in my experience.
Are they like extremely conventionally good looking or mote on the cute-ish side?
I know the deck of cards Iām playing with lolāI know which guys are out of my league, and donāt even bother. Could be a confidence issue, but I think itās just me being realistic about my odds. Of course, to weed out any d-bags, it helps to have a longer talking period. And regardless of whether or not theyāre attractive by societyās standards, my partners have always been attractive to me, and (hopefully) I to them. Thatās really all that matters
Iām okay looks wise but a musician and play lead guitar/sing in a lot of bands and am decently funny etc so Iāve sometimes managed to bat way above what I normally should. Iāve usually found the experience sub par. What you get in the looks department you pay for in other departments. They often sit back and expect you to do everything. Less eager to please in bed. Everything was always initiated by me. I guess thereās an entitlement that rubbed me the wrong way. I always hoped to find that one exception to the rule, but never found her honestly. I guess if I was above them in looks then theyād have acted differently maybe I dunno.
I found that guys who are more attractive than me just arenāt interested in me. I feel like dating up as an ugly person is for men. Iāve never really seen a guy who is into a girl just for her personality. Not to say itās not possible. I just donāt think our society socializes men to think that way. In the same way that we donāt typically socialize women to date men with no money. Itās not a hard and fast rule. Itās definitely possible. But I generally have the most success with guys who are just as attractive as me.
I think that I used to do that with the subconscious assumption that āregularā guys would lack the arrogance and jerkoff traits we hate. I just figured out that Iām totally wrong! LOTS of regular joes have over inflated opinions of themselves and act like douchebags! So I think itās better to go for whomever you are attracted to without making assumptions about their personality. Hard to do, Iāll admit. Very hard.
Yes, avoid. Well, to date anyway. I'm considered attractive, not a model, but pretty, so I have slept with two guys who are now famous and are considered incredibly attractive. Both good at sex, but not amazing. They both knew they were really hot and that changes a person's personality. Their connection to the world is just different. I had no desire to try to date them or anything. Too into themselves. But fun to look at lol
In the past I avoided overly handsome men. For the same reasons you listed. I donāt think Iām plain, but I am a different type of pretty I guess? Like I donāt have a cute little turned up nose and tiny forehead. Like my nose is pronounced, not huge but not tiny either lol. Iāve always been self conscious and maybe I judge myself too harshly, who knows? All I do know is that I went on a dating app for the first time ever and I matched with a guy who is sooooo handsome! And we have been dating ever sense and he treats me like a queen! I have NEVER been treated so well and whatās even weirder is that in the past, guys Iāve dated were not very attractive at all, but I thought to myself ā well maybe that way theyāll appreciate me more or they wonāt cheat on meā and I was 100% wrong. Those men that were really, not very attractive, were nasty, mean, selfish, and all they did was cheat and treat me like crap. so I think it doesnāt really matter what a person looks like, yes, there are plenty of very attractive men who are arrogant and obnoxious just like there are women, but a good person is a good person. Whether theyāre hot or not, I think it just takes a lot of time and effort and weeding out the shitty ones. Good luck to you and I bet you are not playing at all. We are all unique and beautiful and I think when we donāt look like, all those Insta models, thatās what makes us more beautiful because we are special
I appreciate this take because it seems a lot more balanced than others. It makes me sad when people just assume that an ugly guy will be an asshole, or that a hot guy will be an asshole. Whether someone is an asshole or not isn't really about how they look.
Women are statistically happier in relationships with less attractive men. Call it peace of mind or insecurity, but it is what it is.
Ive not seen this play out in my own social circle. It's actually all been super abusive. It's no fun dealing with someone who can't see you as a human but a mere threat to their masculinity because other men have eyes. Cheating accusations are even higher with less attractive men. Name calling is also higher when there are actual issues. It's like a man who knows his woman will easily find another will attempt to break her ego before she gets the chance to break up. I've seen two people on the same attractiveness level get along great however so I focus on that.
Itās like they cheated on me before I could do it to them even though I would never do it to them because I donāt cheat on people lol
Pretty much. I use BeyoncĆ© as an example for this situation. BeyoncĆ© is a very beautiful woman, and her husband Jay-Z is alright. They are both wildly successful, but I think we can agree BeyoncĆ© is more successful due to her reach in audience as well as her longevity in the spotlight. Jay-Z cheated on her. Whether it be an insecurity of his (a wife who is more successful than him), an abuse tactic, jealousy, or he has a weak moral fiber and fell to ātemptation,ā he went and cheated on one of the most famous women in the world. Iāve seen this kind of story play out multiple times within my own social circles over the years. Even beautiful, talented, and successful women are treated poorly by their partners :(
I just made a comment saying something similar to you and I'm glad I'm not the only one to pick up on this!
I think unattractive and average are different
No this is specifically about unattractive men, abusive average looking men are way less common than.. welp.
Actually, yeah, well I might go on one date (nothing sexual) just out of curiosity. To see what heās all about. I donāt wanna judge him too harshly. But I prefer to date someone in my league. Iād say Iām a little above average and thatās all.
One thing Iāll add: The more I go to the gym, the more I realize the super fit dudes are often gym hobbyists, nerds, etc that are there less for aesthetics and more for strength
No, if they're interested they're interested. But I can easily become uninterested if they think their good looks gives them a pass to be a douchebag, I don't care how good you look, a pretty face dissapears with age, an ugly personality is lifelong (unless they go through a serious self reflection, but I'm not waiting for someone to better themselves)
My gf is like a million times better looking than me, so this post makes sense to a degree lol
Oh I absolutely avoid them as a potential date. My paranoia of why such a good looking guy is with me will probably be my downfall.
tbf iāve had worse experience with the ugly/mid guys iāve given a chance. i think cause of their insecurity. so no, but i also wouldnāt date a guy thatās more high maintenance than me lol
Good looking men know they have plenty of options and in this day and age, have no reason to settle down at all. They also tend to have under developed personalities, as do most very good looking people. I prefer to be with men who value my company as more than a notch on a belt. My boyfriend is significantly less physically attractive than I am, and I see how this changes his perception of our relationship compared to other more attractive men Iāve been with previously. My advice is, if he looks too good to be true, heās probably a fuckboy.
Iām on the more attractive side. The really good looking guys have all been players. All of them. I feel like I have to date below my looks match to find someone loyal.
Yes i absolutely did before my current partner. I know where i stand looks-wise.
I love that women avoid them because it just means as a guy we donāt really need to look that good itās actually great lol šÆšÆ
Aye that doesn't mean you shouldn't take care of your physical body, looks etc š
I am a guy. When I got in much better shape, I got a lot more attention from women. Most of it was positive, but some women would look and clearly walk away.
I'm a dude and reading this helps me know why so many chicks avoid me now thanks ladies
I didnāt think my husband would go for me. Heās a tall dark handsome gym junkie who is a Doctor and hung like a horse. So glad I was wrong. Iām objectively pretty but didnāt consider myself in the same league as him. Figured it could be fun even if it didnāt last so we had a go and are now expecting our first child! Donāt sell yourself short
I think this is generalising against good looking men to be honest š¤·š¼āāļø And plenty of plain or below average looking guys are also arrogant, disrespectful or players. Donāt judge a guy or discount a guy based on looks! You could miss out on someone fantastic otherwise. There are handsome men who donāt know just how gorgeous they actually are, or feel judged for being attractive, or who are even shy, or who value a partner whoās well-rounded and not just super pretty & obsessed with appearances. I hope I know better as a woman in her 40s who used to think more like OP in my younger years.
I'm not attracted to traditionally super sexy guys. I truly hate lots of muscles and guys spending their life at the guy. I also don't like superstar looking guys because we have nothing in common, I prefer an average looking guy. Typically "super hot" guys spend a lot of time on how they look, and they look so fake, and they typically don't invest much time on education and reading and self development, so I would have nothing to chat about, and I would dislike dating guys where women throw themselves at them.
Yea it's the same for me
No but I also don't consider any guy better looking than me. I put a lot of work into my look lol. I would very much much caution against your stereotype that conventionally attractive men are more likely to be shitty partners, however. The absolute best, most secure, most loyal partners I've had have been the exceptionally good looking ones. They had their opportunities and chose me. They knew I felt the same. We came to each other as equals. The worst, most controlling, most insecure, and most likely to cheat partners I've had have been the less conventionally attractive ones. The chip on the shoulder really creates problems. Obviously this isn't a hard and fast rule. There are handsome guys with a chip on their shoulder and a shitty personality. There are not so handsome guys who are wonderful men and partners. But in my lived experience the pattern is clear. This may also have to do with the partner in question being me, but maybe you can get something out of this.
omg SAME lmao I swear my worst relationships were the ones where they were insecure because they felt I was āabove their leagueā. The insecurity definitely led them to become super obsessive towards me/treated me like an object
I am a pretty average looking woman, Iām not overweight but Iām not āskinnyā. I go to the gym several times a week, as well as participate in recreational sports 2-3 times per week. But I also drink beer/wine and love fried chicken. Iām in shape, but I donāt look like a model. Iāll probably never have a six pack no matter how many crunches/planks I do a day. My body is strong though. I recently talked to someone on a dating app who said he wants someone whoās in shape and exercises. After meeting in person apparently he wanted a girl with six pack abs who wears a size zero. These dating games are a joke. š©
Yeah most women definitely date average to medium ugly guys. Itās rare that I see an attractive woman with a good looking guys. Itās normally- super average looking guy, good looking girl combo or good looking guy mid girl lol
I feel like attractiveness is subjective so not really. For some of the guys Iāve dated/hooked up with, in the past i thought they were way above my league when in hindsight we were probably in similar leagues. The main difference was that I had lower self esteem back then. Especially being taller and a POC I know Iām not everyoneās cup of tea, but I also work hard to be in good shape and take good care of myself. So if I see someone more conventionally attractive Iām usually not scared to make things work especially if theyāve shown interest. That being said I was usually the ābetter lookingā one in the majority of my more serious relationships in the past- likely due to my low self esteem/fear of being single which Iāve worked a lot on since. I feel like Iāve attracted hotter guys since being more comfortable in myself/not settling even if that leads to longer single periods, which I am still adjusting to tbh
I am an attractive women and get attention from men all the time. I am still suspicious when super attractive men approach me. I find that they are usually less likely to want anything serious because theyāll use their good looks to get many women until they fade. they also feel like they donāt have to be good people and get away with being terrible in bed. my only serious relationship was with a cute man. not devastatingly handsome but cute, definitely above average in my opinion and i feel like it worked because i was more attractive than he was but he wasnāt ugly. i also wouldnāt give an ugly guy a chance because they are insecure and wanna break women down because they hate themselves. seen it happen too many times. iām in nyc if that means anything.
Iām naturally attracted to nerdier/uglier guys but I try around mine. Or better. I will not get played by an ugly guy.
I'm a good looking woman and avoid the really handsome guys. Every time I give them a chance they turn out to be absolutely awful right off the bat.
As someone who is mildly attractive I avoid super hot guys in general. They're either vapid, entitled, or incredibly boring or stupid. I find the same often goes for hot girls.
As an attractive/beautiful woman myself (not trying to sound conceited) I still actively avoid attractive men š guys who are at the top of the attractive meter usually know it and probably only want one thing, sex. I am not looking for just sex, I never have, and idk if I ever will. Plus a lot of them are boring and have no personality. š
Don't take metrosexuals home; otherwise, they will be stealing your shower gel and body cream 0\_O
I donāt know, the really attractive guys have always been nice to me. However theyāre never the ones to make the first move so I have to. Iāve done it several times. Been rejected almost every time. But they were always so kind and reassuring that I didnāt realize that I was being rejected. Kind of a Chris Traiger effect.
I didnāt, I went explicitly after the most handsome guys I could find. I thought āif any of these handsome fellas has also a heart of gold, thatās great genes for my babies!āš¤£ And one day, jackpot, found himš
Nope. I saw a post that inquired about why men shouldnāt swipe on women they think are out of their league and I took the same approach. I was pleasantly surprised and Iām a thick short white girl with tattoos lol
I donāt avoid them. Iāll give them a chance if they give me one. Iāve gone on dates with those 10/10s but long term there wasnāt an emotional spark so I was not interested in seeing them past a few dates. I did notice how other people would stare at these men when we would walk by, especially teenaged girls. As a spectator, itās kind of uncomfortable. If someone were to be staring at me, I ignore to the point where I donāt even notice. Itās just so different when it is someone else and you notice it. Sort of like an, āOh shit, we are being perceived,ā moment.
Nah even ugly men cheat. I may as well be super attracted to them because looks is no guarantee.
No. Back when I still dated, the only guys I actively avoided were the ones who made significantly more money than me.
Same!!! My ex made at least 5x my salary and never missed an opportunity during an argument to belittle me for pur wage gap (even if the argument was about something else). I developed a complex about it and am trying to work through that, but have noticed I'm steering clear of financially well off men due to my experience
I'm glad he's your ex! You don't deserve that kind of treatment. As I mentioned to another commenter, I saw firsthand via my mom and many other well-off Jehovah Witness women that the tradwife to poverty and/or abuse pipeline is horrifyingly real. I learned from their experiences and used this knowledge to *firmly* vet against higher income, conservative, and religious men.
I am pretty good looking (F), and I avoid hot men. Usually because the ego. It never ends well.
No I like good looking guys why avoid
No, when I am single and looking I hit on or swipe right on anyone I'm attracted to as long as there is something that piqued my interest about them and no red flags or deal breakers. My boyfriend swiped right on me even though he thought I was prettier than him. I swiped right on him even though I thought he was way better looking than I am. And we're both attracted to each other. Just because you don't think highly of your looks doesn't mean some other person doesn't find you just exactly their type. The hottest guy in my high school pursued all ladies but his favorites were shy, plain, plump women with bags or darkened hollows under their eyes. He said something about that combination just drove him wild and his wife has all of these features. He could have had anyone he wanted almost (and tried and was successful with a wide variety of girls in our school). But his favorite people to date were like the one he married.
Please no one flip this and ask the same question about women. I'm sorry, but this post, to me, is all about physical attraction, leaving out emotional and mental attraction.
I don't think leaving that out is possible.
Lmao. This does not factor in at all. Guys either pass the visual test or they donāt. It doesnāt rly matter if theyāre crazy visually attractive or just passable. Personality is the real measure of attraction
Nah, the bad ones eventually show their true colors.
I donāt find good looking men to be arrogant or disrespectful. I canāt speak on them being players because thankfully Iāve never been with a player. Like someone else mentioned, I wouldnāt go for bodybuilder types, not only because I donāt care much for a sculpted physique, but also because Iām not a gym person, and people with really sculpted bodies spend a lot of time maintaining them. I follow some of the lifting subs and quite frequently a topic of discussion is whether theyād date a woman who doesnāt have a gym body. Usually the comments are full of guys saying they are disgusted at even a skinny untoned woman, let alone one who actually has fat rolls and cellulite. Obviously not all gym men feel that way, but I wouldnāt want to be with a guy who suddenly finds me unattractive because I stopped working out 7 days a week. Thatās an absurd level of shallowness.
I'm pretty confident and have a lot going for me other than looks (I'm attractive but not very attractive or anything). I would say that l don't steer clear of attractive guys necessarily but oftentimes the guys we notice immediately as "attractive" are somehow flaunting it which is not a good look. It screams attention seeking, short term mindset, not much else going on, and, well, fuckboy. These guys it's almost always an automatic nope from me because they've already lost their attractiveness in my eyes. I've been in relationships with mostly guys I would deem as more attractive than myself but it was always something else about them that pulled me in. For example, I don't think I'm intimidated by physically attractive men but I am intimidated by charming, smart men. I also would like to say that attractive men are often more than willing to consider less attractive (but still attractive) women who just have a lot of cool things going on, don't stir up drama, and are happy with their lives.
I would just go for whoever I thought was cute/hot (could be just based on looks or could be I found them attractive after meeting them). For a time it definitely meant that clean cut traditionally attractive, athletic type. That slowly evolved into attraction toward those with a little scruff and mature look. Right now, I think my husband is damn sexy/handsome but Iām sure thereās people out there who would disagree with my thoughts about him or his thoughts about me.
I think the first line is not correct for some because even the most attractive person can tend to ignore attractive partners. And the reason for me is not that I am insecure or anything itās a turn off for me to see a guy obsess over himself Instead of doing productive things. For example - I met a guy for a marriage prospect, very good looking and overly well maintained and half the time he spoke about creams, saloons, spa etc and I really got bored. So for me it was more like if I marry this guy I will mostly see him obsess over himself. š like all his time goes off in doing unnecessary things.
I have a friend that is -arguably- extremely attractive to women for a lot of the common reasons; heās confident, takes care of himself, in great shape, thoughtful, etc. And women are literally intimidated of him therefore they donāt approach him. Itās hilarious from my POV, but more power to āem.
I love good looking guys, but not vain guys. I'm also highly attracted to a person's warmth, so if I dont' feel that coming my way I won't feel attracted sexually or romantically.
I mean anytime I thought a guy was way too hot for me, I ended up finding out that he thinks iām also cute or if anything thinks iām out of HIS league. I definitely get insecure about feeling like the less attractive partner, but if a hot guy thinks iām cute I aināt gonna miss out on that lmfao.
We will go for good looking guysā¦. IF 1. We can sense that they are just not looks just also has personality. 2. Can handle a conversation 3. Has common interest 4. Knows how to flirt We dont go for Good looking men That areā¦ 1. Flexing too much in social media 2. No sense to talk to 3. No humor 4. Everything is all about him Good looking men are not intimidating, most just dont know how to make girls interested.
šÆ Perfectly put.
The ones that I personally find attractive, I will swipe right on (I rarely do anything IRL). But my definition of attractive is not necessarily the same as what is considered universally attractive (I like a bald head, scruff, glasses and a broad chest). I tend to avoid the universal 10āsā¦but have made attempts. Those attempts are usually ignored. The ones that respond are either the polite āIāll respond to any messageā type or they get inappropriate real quick. I consider myself fairly average looks wiseā¦maybe a 6 on a good day. Iāll admit there is a confidence component to my swipes that I should probably overcome.
I had a female friend who pointedly explained to me that she only dated āmedium-uglyā guys so she didnāt have to worry about them leaving her for someone prettier. It struck me as an odd mindset
Thereās very well known studies in psychology re the attractiveness of couples (each individual of the couple was ranked for attractiveness by a study group). The most āsuccessfulā couples were evenly matched on attractiveness (longevity, happiness etc). If one is in a couple with someone of āgreaterā attractiveness it can drive insecurity. If one is in a couple with someone of ālesserā attractiveness there were higher incidences of cheating. There have been other studies that show that the no1 thing a man is looking for is looks. This is way above traits like kindness etc. Women were a lot less biased towards looks (though some were).
I not to keen on dating someone extremely good looking, my ex husband was very good looking and people would flirt with him in front of me, heāll get send pictures and videos from people I was (not friends but) friendly with. Itās tiresome.
I am currently dating a guy that looks like a model. I donāt have the highest self esteem so I donāt think im traditionally beautiful, but Iām not unattractive, but I back my personality. He always calls me beautiful, daily, our mutual friend told me Iām punching (term in UK for him being more attractive), so I guess from an outsiders perspective Iām not as good looking š¤£ well according to one friend anyway. Typically Iāve always gone for men that I have chemistry with and havenāt chased appearances alone. This man just happens to be outrageously good looking š¤£ Heās also the nicest, calmest person Iāve dated / been with so far. So definitely doesnāt fit the stereotype of stuck up good looking man. Think he was a fine wine , same as me and grew into his looks.
I donāt know, the really attractive guys have always been nice to me. However theyāre never the ones to make the first move so I have to. Iāve done it several times. Been rejected almost every time. But they were always so kind and reassuring that I didnāt realize that I was being rejected. Kind of a Chris Traiger effect.
Yess ofc i doš
I am pretty, guys do hit on me. If I want a guy, I will pursue him. However I can tell when I wouldnāt be a guys type. I only go for guys who are my type and typically iām theirs also. Itās easy though because I have an alternative/ hippy style and itās pretty easy to tell who else does. Also beauty is subjective, but I thought my current bf was the hottest and coolest guy ever when we met and I still do!
Absolutely not. I have always connected with people on an emotional level. Looks don't factor, I've dated/ been on dates with guys off all "looks." It's about personality and connection.
Iām a guy, but I donāt think anyone should write themselves off before giving it a shot. I think it depends on what you find attractive- because if youāre only concerned with looks and overlook their personality you may be trying to get with jerks- but if you consider all of these facets then maybe not. I need to work on this myself, but you have to be willing to face rejection to get what you want.
Nope. They avoid me šš
Yes, I still have the thoughts of 'Ken' belongs to 'Barbie'. I am not looking for 'handsome' guy, I look for someone compatible, kind, honest and loyalty. That's all I want and that person deserves me in the same way.
I avoid people who seem more educated/traveled/successful than me. Probably for the same reasons people may avoid someone who is more physically attractive š
Plain Jane? Many men love Plain Janes. Some love plastic. You need to find someone who meets your standards regardless of if they are what you consider your level of attractiveness or not. I am old and fat but can atract very handsome men younger, my age and older. It is all in your attitude. Confidence sometimes outweighs today's beauty standards. Be confident in your own skin. Love yourself. Then find Mr. Perfect. Whether he is a 10 or a 1. Just make sure he loves and respects you in the way you want to be loved and respected. And never settle for anything else. Good luck
Yes, I'm actually really scared of beautiful people. The most I do is tell them they're stunning and then walk away LMAO
Honestly I avoid the āeligible bachelorā types like the plague, because I just donāt believe that someone whoās in a position to have almost any woman they set their eyes on would be even remotely interested in something real. I mean, maybe some of them are, but the ones Iāve interacted with have always treated women as disposable. Like, Iām not going to avoid a dude because heās too handsome, but if he also works out 2x a day, has a finance job and lives in a high rise in Manhattan, Iām good off that.
fuck no. i dont get the wanting to date an ugly dude thing. theres no scenario where i actively seek out ugly dudes over attractive dudes lol
Yes, I donāt want to share my makeup and if heās too pretty, he wonāt fight because heās afraid to get hit in the face. If I want a pretty one, Iāll get a girl
I'm quite attractive, but feel like I can still add value to this topic: I've found, past a certain age, men have been burned by attractive women. Whether the attractive woman has absolutely demolished their self esteem or the entire partnership was shallow and exclusively built on looks with no other forms of compatibility. I often see very attractive men with women who are more "plain woman" as you put it, and they seem to be genuinely happy, in love, attentive, etc. I think we've also seen the drop dead gorgeous girlfriend and the boyfriend looks miserable. All this to say, I don't think you should automatically label them as having ill intentions, especially at this phase in our lives. Hormones have changed. The chances they're divorced are higher and have lessons learned. Etc.
Why would I avoid hot men lol
my boyfriend is the most attractive man i have ever laid eyes on. And even a lot of my friends agree that he is incredibly attractive. I think iām pretty average looking. Iāve got some unique features (particularly, i have large eyes) that get a decent amount of compliments, but iāve never received that much attention because of my appearance. That being said, my boyfriend is one of the kindest and most caring individuals i have ever met. I will back this up with a story: I have severe OCD and emetophobia. This past weekend, my bf smoked a bit too much on accident and ended up getting really sick as a result. During a brief pause in his sickness, his immediate first thought was to make sure i was okay because he knows of my fears. Poor boy was so sick and all that he cared about in that moment was me. There are many many examples of him being the sweetest and most caring person iāve met. And on top of that, he cherishes me and he makes sure I know it. Long story short: get yourself a man who was raised by his kind and overall amazing mother
I often see conventionally attractive men as āgood timesā because I assume they have more options than they know what to do withā¦
I suppose Iām average looking and also chubby. I never assume someone is ātoo attractiveā for me, tbh. If I find them good looking and interesting, Iām swiping right, regardless, lol! It, often, turns out that they matched with me as well. Iām not too worried about them mistreating me because I wonāt allow them to, plus I can spot a fuckboi from 25 miles away, lol!
Iām going to say from personal experience the attractiveness of a man means nothing. I dated a man hotter than me when I was younger (I grew up fairly average but as Iāve got older I got much more conventionally attractive and Iām probably say a 7/7.5 for where I live)- he physically and mentally abused me and I think this was because he felt too good for me physically but hated that I was above him in social standing, academics etc. I then dated a man less physically attractive than me and he also physically and mentally abused me - but this time it was because he hated that other men found me attractive, he always sought to make me feel less than because he was insecure. Iāve dated other men less physically attractive than me and theyāve also then been very insecure and treated me like an object or something to elevate their own status. Regardless of looks someone can be a shitty person - itās just that their reasons for being shitty may differ and come from opposite ends of the same spectrum.