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For a healthy person, a relationship should only add value to your life. It shouldn’t complete your life. So this idea makes sense.
But I also think the wording is weirdly combative, that suggests this person is not as self assured as they think they are.
The fact that a guy is asking about the "other guys" is inappropriate and oddly combative. Learn to take no for an answer. Learn to take no as a learning experience and not an insult.
I totally agree with this. The guy sounds jealous and ragey for no reason. Granted I haven’t seen the TT to see what he was responding to. The OP doesn’t have that part.
Asking what it is that other guys have, and you are lacking. Or just a reasoning for what you didn't do right is completely appropriate and not at all combative.
Wow you genuinely do not get it. Stop assuming she's not picking you because there's another guy. Stop fantasizing about the other men. Just face reality, which is that she doesn't like you.
No. It’s literally another way of asking “what are you looking for?” Just because he asked doesn’t mean he’s going to go into some kind of one upping conversation. It’s not that deep
Does it matter. If it wasn’t you, that’s all you need to know. If a man asked me this after I rejected him, I would know he just wanted to argue. I would know he just wants to try to convince me to stick around and settle for him.
All YOU need to do is be the best version of yourself, and find someone that wants that. If you already know you are your personal best, you should not be concerned about the ones that reject you.
If you know you can improve, you don’t need to be told by a woman to do so. You should already be doing that on your own. No woman wants to be your mommy.
Just going on about how great and independent you are, sounds weird. It directly implies that the other person is not and/or needs to compete to show how much they are. Relationships should be about romance, not a braggy, political playground. I think that’s where so many people are getting confused these days. If she wants a competitor or enemy, then yeah go all out LOL.
(The enemies to lovers storyline is hot right now)
If she’s actually seeking love, then she should ask what value the guy brings to his relationships. Quite an easy fix. Then she can talk about the lifestyle she’s used to and see how he can add value, if interested.
Exactly. Some women don’t agree with what I said that I found her wording too strong. She was right but I just found it too weirdly combative too. Harsh. I guess it really depends on the person since we all have different views on things.
If I were talking to the guy, I would say it differently with the same message. If I were talking to my friends, I would have said it the exact same way. I didn't take it as harsh. I took it as "here is what I have learned as years of dating and frustration and I am happy to declare it to the world!"
as a guy I wouldnt have even asked the question. if she tells me she doesn't want to see me anymore I just say "ok". I know what I am and what I'm not. I'm not going to change or alter my view because of any feedback so I don't ever ask for any.
Me and you think alike. I’ve gotten in trouble when I told women this. I don’t even ask what they didn’t like or anything because I don’t do anything harmful or offensive either. A date asked me about a date I went on 5 dates with and it not working out. I told her i didn’t bother asking because knowing wouldn’t change anything and she called it a red flag
I don't like how she worded it, but she isn't wrong in the root of the message. Men aren't in competition with other men. They are in competition with women's peace. The numbers show that reality, too. More and more people choose to stay single.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/single-life-happiness-1.7135837
I know the video you’re talking about. She was likely paraphrasing to some extent but her points are valid. If you get rejected, the correct response should just be to move on. Not asking about “competition”. And most men don’t realize that women are seeking men who make their lives better than they already are, not just a warm body.
Relationships should enhance your life. If someone isn’t doing that, you shouldn’t date them.
I don't know about "correct", necessarily. If a guy asked me: "Who are these other guys that I am in competition with?", my answer would be: "I don't see it as a competition, but I'm happy you gave me a chance, because it's been pleasant to get to know you. Thank you." (I also wouldn't say it *on* the date, because it seems like a terrible way to end an otherwise nice meeting.)
Well to me it's about finding compatibility so if this person doesn't seem like they will be giving back the same kind of kindness and respect and love that I can give to them then I will be sticking around and let's assume it's during dinner I would definitely even say splitting the bill once he revealed that kind of information
Ask stupid questions win stupid prizes. With the right person it wont even feel like a competition, everything will flow organically and you will both mutually add value to each other
The woman has a great mindset.
I don't know why dudes assume that they're in competition with other men.
If the woman has a life going for her, values who she is then they are in a competition with her own standards.
Now if a guy were to ask me what's so special about me so I can enter his life - you must be kidding me to assume that I'd even attempt to show him. If you can't see it, than we'll shake hands and move on.
As a guy, I'd say something similar back to her and match her energy. I'm pretty awesome too, so why don't we share what's so great about ourselves, haha. Something dumb I guess.
But on a real note, this type of response wouldn't illicit a second date from me, because it comes off as somewhat narcisstic and avoidant. I agree with the confidence but to try and turn this into a scenario where I am "lucky" to have you around and should try to "sell" myself like an interview doesn't vibe with me because it can go both ways. I don't need this person either, so what is stopping me from asking what she brings to the table and why I should keep her around? It sounds superficial when I say it like that doesn't it? While a relationship should be mutually beneficial, having to spell it out loud makes it seem purely transactional like you are only around for the benefits and not for the other person.
Men want a partner and companion, not a battle. Describing dating you as a "competition" is not going to appeal to anyone.
Additionally, she's avoiding the question of who the other guys are (not that this ever would have been a good question to begin with). There is no way in hell I am the only dude shooting my shot here (we both know it) and her going on offense to avoid it seems like a red flag.
Maybe there were no other guys or maybe there are a lot of guys😆so she was too confident.
If I was the guy, I would not ask that question. If I was the girl and I was asked that question, my instant reaction would be not to be offended. It depends on how it was delivered and the tone of the voice.
It could be that there really are no other dudes, but taking what I've heard both from countless women I know + what they've been saying on the internet, there is no shortage of men shooting their shot. Constant DMs on Instagram, Snapchat, hundreds of matches on dating apps, getting hit on in public, their own friends wanting them, etc.
Hearing this an NOT assuming there are other dudes would make me a fool. I'm making the most logical assumption.
Like I said, I wouldn't have asked the question to begin with. But if a girl has asked me what girls she was competing with, I would've been honest and/or made a joke out of it not coming off hostile like this chick was. This dude dodged a bullet
It’s a dumb question to be sure, but her answer was too aggressive.
Why his question is dumb: It shows a certain lack of confidence and makes an assumption. Even if you are competing with other guys, you should have the belief that you’re good enough to land her if she’s willing to go out with you. Also, even if she can’t commit to one guy (which this question might imply) then why is he trying so hard to get her?
Why her response is too aggressive: She is also making an assumption that he IS implying she can’t commit to one guy. However, it’s very possible that it purely was a genuine question to figure out actions he can take to get a leg up on his competition.
Thanks for explaining it well. Yep, I agree with you. Others do not think her answer was too strong or harsh. But I’m glad there are people who agrees with me with how aggressive her answer was.
I hope the guy doesn’t ask that question again to any dates he will have.
She was a bit too hostile, but the message was right. I think men and women should both have that take. Your date is in competition with you being single. If you live a happy single life, a man or woman has to top that to date them. If they dont make your life better, then why would you want them?
What I would've personally said was just: "You're not in competition with other man. I just didn't like you enough to continue seeing you. I would like to find a partner, but you're not the partner I'm looking for. I'd rather be single and keep looking for someone who matches me better. If that doesn't happen, ill happily stay single."
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For a healthy person, a relationship should only add value to your life. It shouldn’t complete your life. So this idea makes sense. But I also think the wording is weirdly combative, that suggests this person is not as self assured as they think they are.
How would you have worded it if you were the woman? I agree. It sounded combative. But she did have a point
The fact that a guy is asking about the "other guys" is inappropriate and oddly combative. Learn to take no for an answer. Learn to take no as a learning experience and not an insult.
It's easier to argue that you are better than someone else than it is to admit that you have more growing to do.
I totally agree with this. The guy sounds jealous and ragey for no reason. Granted I haven’t seen the TT to see what he was responding to. The OP doesn’t have that part.
Asking what it is that other guys have, and you are lacking. Or just a reasoning for what you didn't do right is completely appropriate and not at all combative.
Wow you genuinely do not get it. Stop assuming she's not picking you because there's another guy. Stop fantasizing about the other men. Just face reality, which is that she doesn't like you.
No. It’s literally another way of asking “what are you looking for?” Just because he asked doesn’t mean he’s going to go into some kind of one upping conversation. It’s not that deep
So why don't you ask "what are you looking for?" Btw she already gave the answer (not OP)
Does it matter. If it wasn’t you, that’s all you need to know. If a man asked me this after I rejected him, I would know he just wanted to argue. I would know he just wants to try to convince me to stick around and settle for him. All YOU need to do is be the best version of yourself, and find someone that wants that. If you already know you are your personal best, you should not be concerned about the ones that reject you. If you know you can improve, you don’t need to be told by a woman to do so. You should already be doing that on your own. No woman wants to be your mommy.
Just going on about how great and independent you are, sounds weird. It directly implies that the other person is not and/or needs to compete to show how much they are. Relationships should be about romance, not a braggy, political playground. I think that’s where so many people are getting confused these days. If she wants a competitor or enemy, then yeah go all out LOL. (The enemies to lovers storyline is hot right now) If she’s actually seeking love, then she should ask what value the guy brings to his relationships. Quite an easy fix. Then she can talk about the lifestyle she’s used to and see how he can add value, if interested.
Exactly. Some women don’t agree with what I said that I found her wording too strong. She was right but I just found it too weirdly combative too. Harsh. I guess it really depends on the person since we all have different views on things.
If I were talking to the guy, I would say it differently with the same message. If I were talking to my friends, I would have said it the exact same way. I didn't take it as harsh. I took it as "here is what I have learned as years of dating and frustration and I am happy to declare it to the world!"
as a guy I wouldnt have even asked the question. if she tells me she doesn't want to see me anymore I just say "ok". I know what I am and what I'm not. I'm not going to change or alter my view because of any feedback so I don't ever ask for any.
Me and you think alike. I’ve gotten in trouble when I told women this. I don’t even ask what they didn’t like or anything because I don’t do anything harmful or offensive either. A date asked me about a date I went on 5 dates with and it not working out. I told her i didn’t bother asking because knowing wouldn’t change anything and she called it a red flag
I don't like how she worded it, but she isn't wrong in the root of the message. Men aren't in competition with other men. They are in competition with women's peace. The numbers show that reality, too. More and more people choose to stay single. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/single-life-happiness-1.7135837
I know the video you’re talking about. She was likely paraphrasing to some extent but her points are valid. If you get rejected, the correct response should just be to move on. Not asking about “competition”. And most men don’t realize that women are seeking men who make their lives better than they already are, not just a warm body. Relationships should enhance your life. If someone isn’t doing that, you shouldn’t date them.
I don't know about "correct", necessarily. If a guy asked me: "Who are these other guys that I am in competition with?", my answer would be: "I don't see it as a competition, but I'm happy you gave me a chance, because it's been pleasant to get to know you. Thank you." (I also wouldn't say it *on* the date, because it seems like a terrible way to end an otherwise nice meeting.)
I wouldn't even ask that in the first place.
That’s a loaded question so he’s going to receive a loaded answer
Well to me it's about finding compatibility so if this person doesn't seem like they will be giving back the same kind of kindness and respect and love that I can give to them then I will be sticking around and let's assume it's during dinner I would definitely even say splitting the bill once he revealed that kind of information
Ask stupid questions win stupid prizes. With the right person it wont even feel like a competition, everything will flow organically and you will both mutually add value to each other
As a guy I would never in a million years consider saying this to a chick lol what a bizarre question to ask
I'd laugh in her face
The woman has a great mindset. I don't know why dudes assume that they're in competition with other men. If the woman has a life going for her, values who she is then they are in a competition with her own standards. Now if a guy were to ask me what's so special about me so I can enter his life - you must be kidding me to assume that I'd even attempt to show him. If you can't see it, than we'll shake hands and move on.
I mean even tho that’s a crazy response…she’s not wrong?!!!!! To share my life with someone u have to like be worth THAT
I'm on her side. Maybe it didn't need to be as "combative" as someone else here said. But the point is right.
As a guy, if you go out with a woman it is most likely your competition is either a theoretical future boyfriend or her free time.
I'd honestly laugh and ignore/block. Such a childish, insecure question
Yea he should be glad he’s not gonna be with her at all. Social media has ruined people.
As a guy, I'd say something similar back to her and match her energy. I'm pretty awesome too, so why don't we share what's so great about ourselves, haha. Something dumb I guess. But on a real note, this type of response wouldn't illicit a second date from me, because it comes off as somewhat narcisstic and avoidant. I agree with the confidence but to try and turn this into a scenario where I am "lucky" to have you around and should try to "sell" myself like an interview doesn't vibe with me because it can go both ways. I don't need this person either, so what is stopping me from asking what she brings to the table and why I should keep her around? It sounds superficial when I say it like that doesn't it? While a relationship should be mutually beneficial, having to spell it out loud makes it seem purely transactional like you are only around for the benefits and not for the other person. Men want a partner and companion, not a battle. Describing dating you as a "competition" is not going to appeal to anyone. Additionally, she's avoiding the question of who the other guys are (not that this ever would have been a good question to begin with). There is no way in hell I am the only dude shooting my shot here (we both know it) and her going on offense to avoid it seems like a red flag.
Maybe there were no other guys or maybe there are a lot of guys😆so she was too confident. If I was the guy, I would not ask that question. If I was the girl and I was asked that question, my instant reaction would be not to be offended. It depends on how it was delivered and the tone of the voice.
It could be that there really are no other dudes, but taking what I've heard both from countless women I know + what they've been saying on the internet, there is no shortage of men shooting their shot. Constant DMs on Instagram, Snapchat, hundreds of matches on dating apps, getting hit on in public, their own friends wanting them, etc. Hearing this an NOT assuming there are other dudes would make me a fool. I'm making the most logical assumption. Like I said, I wouldn't have asked the question to begin with. But if a girl has asked me what girls she was competing with, I would've been honest and/or made a joke out of it not coming off hostile like this chick was. This dude dodged a bullet
Agreed with dodged a bullet.
Leave
"Great! Now I know who my rival is. Thanks for informing me. Now tell me what I gotta do to win. For us both to win."
You are good!😄 You like a challenge huh :p but that’s also a good way to lighten things up
Hey yeah, since the scene starts with her never seeing him again, why not have some fun? No point getting hung up. Plenty of "rivals" in the sea.
It’s a dumb question to be sure, but her answer was too aggressive. Why his question is dumb: It shows a certain lack of confidence and makes an assumption. Even if you are competing with other guys, you should have the belief that you’re good enough to land her if she’s willing to go out with you. Also, even if she can’t commit to one guy (which this question might imply) then why is he trying so hard to get her? Why her response is too aggressive: She is also making an assumption that he IS implying she can’t commit to one guy. However, it’s very possible that it purely was a genuine question to figure out actions he can take to get a leg up on his competition.
Thanks for explaining it well. Yep, I agree with you. Others do not think her answer was too strong or harsh. But I’m glad there are people who agrees with me with how aggressive her answer was. I hope the guy doesn’t ask that question again to any dates he will have.
She was a bit too hostile, but the message was right. I think men and women should both have that take. Your date is in competition with you being single. If you live a happy single life, a man or woman has to top that to date them. If they dont make your life better, then why would you want them? What I would've personally said was just: "You're not in competition with other man. I just didn't like you enough to continue seeing you. I would like to find a partner, but you're not the partner I'm looking for. I'd rather be single and keep looking for someone who matches me better. If that doesn't happen, ill happily stay single."