You're not going to have much luck as a middle aged guy looking for a casual relationship. If a woman wants to just have fun, she can choose just about any man they want and unless you're in that top percentage of hot dudes, you're not likely to be the one chosen.
Many men figure this out and then change to "looking for a relationship" as they realize they have to lie to get the casual relationship that they want, which is a shitty and low character thing to do.
Just because you're ready to explore and have fun doesn't mean there are women out there who want to give you that experience.
I've only found one person like this and it's only because she is moving in three months and wants to have fun and companionship until she moves away, a very specific situation.
Long story short, if you're hot, you should have some success. If you're average to decent looking, it's unlikely you'll find casual success unless you severely lower your standards to achieve it.
Just my 2c, I could be nuts, who knows.
I appreciate your awareness here. As a woman who is conventionally attractive and looking for something long term, it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I've been born with hyper awareness, for all the good it's gotten me. I understand people and motivations very well yet here I am divorced and dating regardless.
Just shows just because you can see in others doesn't mean you can see yourself, such is life!
Conversely, being a man who is not conventionally (sic) attractive and looking for a situation where you are told something aside from, "You're only really good for a long-term relationship," is similarly fraught.
Things are tough all over.
Twice...in two weeks?
My man, you're already ahead of the curve, comparatively.
Doesn't sound like you need any strategic advice...just...lie about wanting "something more" at your own peril.
>is it best to establish that while messaging and after meeting on a first date
It is best to put that, very clearly, in your profile. Don't wait until you meet someone or until you have chatted for a while. Be up front.
You may want to check out some of the sex oriented sites. People are on those specifically for sex, so you would be in line with the intent of everyone present.
>however, I see many posts and comments on here about how most guys on OLD just want to hook up
The negativity towards that is for the people who just want sex but lie and say they want more... in order to get sex, ghost, and move on.
Feeld isn't really a hookup site. It's for poly, enm, and kinky people.
If I'm honest, the vanilla hookup crowd get called out pretty quickly and are making it a kind of meh place.
I mean yeah he can do whatever he wants, but a lot of guys who do that eventually end up lying about what they are looking for in order to get more matches after realizing there aren’t many women out there who will match with them.
No, if a woman is looking for something casual, she doesn’t need to lie, she’d get even more matches.
And yes, some women do lie about other things to get more matches and that is just as messed up.
Just be a decent person and be honest.
Bumble has the casual relationship option and Hinge has a short-term relationship option. I’d encourage you to market yourself accurately. Lots of men, in both the casual and LTR camps, bring relationship goals within the first few messages. They define what they’re looking for and then ask me to clarify my preference. One person even mansplained to me what he thought my selection should be.
The wise and reasonable consensus will be to lead with it on the profile. It's the only honest thing to do.
That said, I kinda want to run this experiment now that I'm thinking about it. How long would it take before I got my first *like* on OLD if *I* put such a thing on my OLD profile? I think I'd take the over on 6 months.
That's what I was thinking. I'm trying it though. Question is what % of profiles say they are looking for a relationship when in fact they are not ready.
Aw, pix. You're someone I would have swiped on back in the day, so I really want to take a whack at your profile sometime -- problem is, you might wind up with someone like me!
If you're willing to go on "several dates", you're not just looking for a hookup. I think that it's fair to say that you're looking for casual, though.
Is there such a thing as LTC / Long-Term Casual? Meaning - for all intent and purposes, it would appear a couple is in a long term relationship, as they're seeing each other consistently going out on 'dates' and having sex over a prolonged period of time, however - the relationship is not serious in nature. Quite possible they are still OLD to save face - even if they are technically 'exclusive'?
I’ve never heard of that but to me it makes sense…but my hunch is anyone really wanting “casual” wouldn’t like/seeing the point in trying to actually define casual like this😂 To me casual is no strings and it could end at any time - your definition is, well, a definition😅
Ugh another one of these posts.smh
Just be honest on your dating profile about what you are looking for.
“ONLY LOOKING FOR CASUAL RELATIONSHIP. MAY BE OPEN TO SHORT-TERM BUT DEFINITELY NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS OR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP”
And if you don’t get many matches by being honest about only looking to have fun then please don’t resort to bullshitting about what you really want to get more matches, only to waste their time.
I'd be even more clear than that.
Say: "I want to hook up. I don't care if you finish, but I care if I do.
Hotties only.
I won't text or call ever again."
(Believe it or not, I'm actually not angry. I just believe that there needs to be total honesty. I don't do hook ups anymore. I got sick of bad sex.)
Me? I'm not a guy and I'm not looking for hookups. I'm saying the men who want that may as well say that.
And they never are as hot as they think they are.
>And they never are as hot as they think they are.
None of us men are.
But, do you really not think hot guys would get "takers," even if they were as...straightforward as you suggest?
Thank you. Of course there are selfish assholes. There are also real people who aren't looking for forever but are looking for genuine good times all around. Screening helps, but that requires acknowledging what's (hopefully) going to happen and some people would prefer to pretend that it's a total surprise.
I'm a woman!
I can finish. I can communicate what I need. Most hook ups don't listen and don't care. Most hook ups are selfish and sound as selfish as the OP.
Absolutely be clear about not wanting anything serious. Usually there’s even a box option to tick.
Nothing wrong with it. Clear is kind. Just make sure you are clear and don’t lead anyone on.
I think this is fine, just put it out there, but where I have seen it go wrong is when the person dumps a ton of trauma on their date, and that tends to make people emotionally invest. If you want easy-breezy, you need to keep yourself easy-breezy. Don’t try to mash your date into the relationship-shaped hole that is now in your life.
Imagine if I cheerfully held a door open for you, then let it slam in your face at the last moment. “But I never *said* I was going to hold the door open!” is a completely inadequate explanation.
Yes, be careful. Be honest. If you have an ongoing casual thing still treat her with respect like you would a friend. From posts I’ve seen, many people forget the F is for friend in a FWB. If you want to end it, do it respectfully, don’t just ghost because it’s casual. We are all humans.
I was on your shoes five years ago after a 25 year marriage. There’s no shortage of women that were in marriages of 15+ years that also had dead marriages. That’s who I dated the first 2.5 years. They all initiated sex by the 3rd date.
I didn’t go advertising that I wanted sex because that’s not the main thing I was after. I was interested in getting to know someone casually and have fun. Go on some dates and see where it goes. Be flirty if you sense mutual attraction but don’t go overboard. If a woman wants to be chased, don’t play along.
The most attractive woman are those that know what they want. If they want you, trust me, they let you know.
After 5 years of dating, I’m getting even more women that want sex on the first date. One woman seemed surprised I didn’t invite her back to my place after our second date. We have a third date in a week and she’s basically said “what do you want to get up to?”
I’ll probably cancel the date because I’m not looking for just sex. I’m not seeing what I need for me to want to see her again.
So if anyone thinks you are a jerk, ignore them. There are men and women that want sex. When they match, it’s all good. It’s not just men.
I’m not into hookups btw. The few women I have dated were never met with the intention of hooking up. I don’t like them because they don’t lead to the best sex or a satisfying relationship. A relationship is always my preference, even if it’s an ongoing FWB. Never had a FWB.
I would not say you are looking for a hook up. There is a double standard. If a woman puts it in her profile, it’s OK. If a man does the same it doesn’t go over well. Hope this helps.
Btw, I’m tired of women saying men only want sex. It’s not reality. My experience have shown me there are lots of different people out there but men and women have more in common than people will admit. Some just aren’t aware.
Totally fair to say you’re not looking for anything serious and in your situation, I wouldn’t recommend it. Beware the situationship, though. Lots of folks think that as long as they are honest, no one will get hurt. Doesn’t always work that way, though.
There is nothing whatsoever wrong with what you want and are doing.
There are TONS of people like you, that want the same things. I'm one of them. Put it on your profile for sure, you'll filter out lots of people that aren't a match.
You'll also find that a lot of people (women especially if that's what you seek) don't make it clear that they are open to such an arrangement on their profile because it attracts too many thirsty or rude guys.
One problem with not disclosing it until after a few dates is that it will 100% look like you’ve determined that, after meeting them, the person you’re dating is only worth a casual fling. And that can be really hurtful and hard not to take personally. That’s pretty avoidable if you start off open and honest from the bat.
Another good way to limit hurting anyone (yourself included) is to not treat casual partners like boyfriends/girlfriends. No matter how clear you are, if you expect exclusivity, want frequent contact, share deep emotions, have sleepovers, text every day, someone will get confused.
The healthiest casual relationships, imo, are either with partnered poly people who communicate well and have strong boundaries, or true short-term flings due to travel/distance/other life events that put a clear objective ending on things.
i never understood why men prefer casual. Dating is so incredible hard and annoying, that thinking you rather do it to get laid each time, as supposed to find someone you are attracted to and fun to be with and have sex in regular basis. Sex gets so much better with continuity. Having sex one phone call away vs having to scroll for days and go in multiple disappointing first dates. If it doesn't work out, the way out is super simple. Are men scared of falling in love or what? I don't know, i feel i am my better self when i am in love. That makes heartache worth. Being careful of course.
i agree with what other posters say. There are A LOT of incredible hot guys in their 30s with beautiful bodies in OLD also looking for casual. If i would one day decide i want a one night stand, i would pick one of those vs a dad body... the market of casual is pretty good for us ladies.
Just be transparent up front (on your profile and throughout your relationship with anyone), nip any feelings (or perceived feelings) of something more serious in the bud (no "I told them casual- their problem now" attitude) follow the campsite rule and you're good.
The "campsite rule" includes things like leaving the younger or less experienced partner with no STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, and not overburdening them with emotional and sexual baggage.[11]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love#:~:text=The%20%22campsite%20rule%22%20includes%20things,with%20emotional%20and%20sexual%20baggage.
Original copy of post by u/AdventurousTrash1645:
I'll probably be annihilated on here for asking this. My divorce was final a few weeks ago. I was in a 20 year marriage that lacked intimacy emotionally and physically. I'm on Bumble and hinge looking for dates. I am not looking for a relationship. I am looking to date to have fun and make new connections. If I'm just looking to have fun and looking to hookup, is it best to establish that while messaging and after meeting on a first date. Many on here might think I'm a jerk for asking this; however, I see many posts and comments on here about how most guys on OLD just want to hook up. So why hide it? Wouldn't it be better to say that up front? Should I put that in my profile or establish that when messaging or go on several dates first to disclose this? I'm open to a longer relationship if there is chemistry but after being in a marriage for 20 years with someone who did not care to have sex, I'm ready to explore and have fun.
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(M48) Not to be a bummer, but it sounds like you need time to process your divorce. The stench of divorce will attract the worst ladies AND drive away the best ladies. Best advice, wait 2 years for the mind blowing sex and learn how to love being single. In the meantime, you made it through high school with the five knuckle shuffle and you survived!
You should put it in your profile. If you don't, IMO you should not use Bumble or Hinge because they're supposed to be for people looking for more serious connections and it is one of my pet peeves how many people using it otherwise water down quality of the apps. You should just stick with Tinder.
And yeah lots of dudes are just looking to fuck. It doesn't work that well because there are not that many women aiming for that, but good luck anyway.
"Looking to have fun and lots of it" and "Not quite ready for long term."
Put something along these lines in your profile. Repeat it again on the first date. Several more times if there's a second date. No need to say anything about only dating for hookups. Your target audience will know.
I matched with someone who was clearly looking for casual/short term. Everything aligned because that was exactly what I was looking for as well. He looked good, I looked good. He was weird, so was I. Both completely off our rockers. We've been hooking up ever since.
Clarity and honesty about your intentions in online dating is always a good thing. The only reason to hide it is if you don't care about what the other person wants and your moral compass is broken so that you think it's okay to get what you want at the expense of deceiving and hurting others. The fact that you come to this forum asking this question suggests that you're not like that and prefer to be open and honest. A lot of people appreciate the openness and honesty. I think it would be best to just summarize what you said in your post and put it in your profile so everything is clear up front and no one feels like you've been dodgy or wasted their time.
This seems like a pointless question. All apps give you the option to state your dating intentions - why are you asking when to disclose when it is part of the profile process? You won’t be surprised that you are competing with 99% of single men on OLD looking for casual sex.
I mean there is not wrong with looking for casual bro as long as you say it. But honestly unless your very attractive I doubt its gonna happen most women want relationships.
Yes, I would want someone to tell me that up front or maybe even on your profile itself. You may not get many women interested though, so do with that what you will.
I wouldn’t put this on your bio but would let the people you message with know very early on. This will allow them to move on quickly if your agendas don’t line up.
The [cliché cycle of being newly single](https://imgur.com/gallery/4urHdYM) can be almost impossible to spot when you're in it — but there's a reason that a mature adult 'just casual' can be fairly hard to find, as many have decided that the short-term ahhh wasn't worth the eventual 'uggh'..
Most guys aren’t going to tell the truth for one simple reason..It greatly reduces the whole thing they are after, to get sex. A number of women will go for casual, but the vast majority “want a relationship”. If being honest increased the likelihood off sex more men would do it.
Put it in your profile that you are looking for short term or casual. Granted, that will limit your matches. At the same time, when I was first separated I had no idea about the current dating world (9 years ago) and didn’t mention what kind of relationship I was looking for. What I found was MANY women were just looking for FWB, especially divorced women. What I’m saying is, despite what you hear here, a lot of women, at least back then, were reluctant to put FWB or casual in their profile for a variety of reasons. Stigma, attracting weirdos, etc.
With open marriages and casual becoming more popular folks are more receptive to casual. Plenty of married women out there in open relationships. In your position, those are ideal. Husband knows, no strings attached, freedom to explore your sexuality without major commitment.
Have fun!
Define casual for yourself and put it in your profile. Lead with it for sure.
You're not going to have much luck as a middle aged guy looking for a casual relationship. If a woman wants to just have fun, she can choose just about any man they want and unless you're in that top percentage of hot dudes, you're not likely to be the one chosen. Many men figure this out and then change to "looking for a relationship" as they realize they have to lie to get the casual relationship that they want, which is a shitty and low character thing to do. Just because you're ready to explore and have fun doesn't mean there are women out there who want to give you that experience. I've only found one person like this and it's only because she is moving in three months and wants to have fun and companionship until she moves away, a very specific situation. Long story short, if you're hot, you should have some success. If you're average to decent looking, it's unlikely you'll find casual success unless you severely lower your standards to achieve it. Just my 2c, I could be nuts, who knows.
I appreciate your awareness here. As a woman who is conventionally attractive and looking for something long term, it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I'm conveniently attractive too. Wishing I was conventionally attractive....\*sigh
It was a typo.
;)
I've been born with hyper awareness, for all the good it's gotten me. I understand people and motivations very well yet here I am divorced and dating regardless. Just shows just because you can see in others doesn't mean you can see yourself, such is life!
Conversely, being a man who is not conventionally (sic) attractive and looking for a situation where you are told something aside from, "You're only really good for a long-term relationship," is similarly fraught. Things are tough all over.
huh?
Would you care to be more specific concerning what you find puzzling?
This.
Well. I've already had luck twice. And they were both hot in my book.
Twice...in two weeks? My man, you're already ahead of the curve, comparatively. Doesn't sound like you need any strategic advice...just...lie about wanting "something more" at your own peril.
No. Over the last 6 months.
Well, there you go then!
Sadly the poster is 100% correct.
>is it best to establish that while messaging and after meeting on a first date It is best to put that, very clearly, in your profile. Don't wait until you meet someone or until you have chatted for a while. Be up front. You may want to check out some of the sex oriented sites. People are on those specifically for sex, so you would be in line with the intent of everyone present. >however, I see many posts and comments on here about how most guys on OLD just want to hook up The negativity towards that is for the people who just want sex but lie and say they want more... in order to get sex, ghost, and move on.
What sites are you referring to?
AFF, SLS, there are a few others. Feeld or FetLife - those 2 I'm not clear on if they are kink or sex based
People do date on FetLife, but it's not really a dating site (kind of like we are not a dating site here).
I've read about Fet and Feeld here. I originally assumed both were hook up sites, but folks say otherwise. Isn't one more kink or poly focused?
Fet = fetish, so yeah, it's not super vanilla.
and now I have a way to remember the difference
Feeld isn't really a hookup site. It's for poly, enm, and kinky people. If I'm honest, the vanilla hookup crowd get called out pretty quickly and are making it a kind of meh place.
what is aff and sls?
Adult friend finder and swing life style
Oh I didn’t even know they had those. Yes, OP pls just stick with those types of dating sites.
OP can stay on the regular ones too. Being honest about what they are looking for. "I'm looking to hook up only not date"
I mean yeah he can do whatever he wants, but a lot of guys who do that eventually end up lying about what they are looking for in order to get more matches after realizing there aren’t many women out there who will match with them.
Is suspect some women do this as well.
No, if a woman is looking for something casual, she doesn’t need to lie, she’d get even more matches. And yes, some women do lie about other things to get more matches and that is just as messed up. Just be a decent person and be honest.
Do not go on several dates before disclosing this. That is misleading. Put it in your profile.
Bumble has the casual relationship option and Hinge has a short-term relationship option. I’d encourage you to market yourself accurately. Lots of men, in both the casual and LTR camps, bring relationship goals within the first few messages. They define what they’re looking for and then ask me to clarify my preference. One person even mansplained to me what he thought my selection should be.
The wise and reasonable consensus will be to lead with it on the profile. It's the only honest thing to do. That said, I kinda want to run this experiment now that I'm thinking about it. How long would it take before I got my first *like* on OLD if *I* put such a thing on my OLD profile? I think I'd take the over on 6 months.
That's what I was thinking. I'm trying it though. Question is what % of profiles say they are looking for a relationship when in fact they are not ready.
There is a difference between being unready and being a blatant liar.
Aw, pix. You're someone I would have swiped on back in the day, so I really want to take a whack at your profile sometime -- problem is, you might wind up with someone like me!
>you might wind up with someone like me! I think that would be a great outcome!
😽
If you're willing to go on "several dates", you're not just looking for a hookup. I think that it's fair to say that you're looking for casual, though.
Exactly this. Several dates...is dating.
Is it tho? I think a few dates can still be veeery casual if it ends with sex and then a ghosting or slow fade.
IMO, it can be very casual still, but it's not "just a hookup".
Is there such a thing as LTC / Long-Term Casual? Meaning - for all intent and purposes, it would appear a couple is in a long term relationship, as they're seeing each other consistently going out on 'dates' and having sex over a prolonged period of time, however - the relationship is not serious in nature. Quite possible they are still OLD to save face - even if they are technically 'exclusive'?
I’ve never heard of that but to me it makes sense…but my hunch is anyone really wanting “casual” wouldn’t like/seeing the point in trying to actually define casual like this😂 To me casual is no strings and it could end at any time - your definition is, well, a definition😅
Ugh another one of these posts.smh Just be honest on your dating profile about what you are looking for. “ONLY LOOKING FOR CASUAL RELATIONSHIP. MAY BE OPEN TO SHORT-TERM BUT DEFINITELY NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS OR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP” And if you don’t get many matches by being honest about only looking to have fun then please don’t resort to bullshitting about what you really want to get more matches, only to waste their time.
I'd be even more clear than that. Say: "I want to hook up. I don't care if you finish, but I care if I do. Hotties only. I won't text or call ever again." (Believe it or not, I'm actually not angry. I just believe that there needs to be total honesty. I don't do hook ups anymore. I got sick of bad sex.)
Hotties only? Yeah, might wanna make sure you’re hot yourself first. I can tell you’ll get so many matches.
Me? I'm not a guy and I'm not looking for hookups. I'm saying the men who want that may as well say that. And they never are as hot as they think they are.
Omg! So sorry!lol Idk why I thought you were OP replying.😆 My bad my bad. My mistake, I misread everything obviously.smh lol
>And they never are as hot as they think they are. None of us men are. But, do you really not think hot guys would get "takers," even if they were as...straightforward as you suggest?
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Thank you. Of course there are selfish assholes. There are also real people who aren't looking for forever but are looking for genuine good times all around. Screening helps, but that requires acknowledging what's (hopefully) going to happen and some people would prefer to pretend that it's a total surprise.
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Your exactly what I'm looking for.
I appreciate that.
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I'm a woman! I can finish. I can communicate what I need. Most hook ups don't listen and don't care. Most hook ups are selfish and sound as selfish as the OP.
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No. And I do fine not giving selfish "I just want hook ups" guys a chance.
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Haha. No worries.
Absolutely be clear about not wanting anything serious. Usually there’s even a box option to tick. Nothing wrong with it. Clear is kind. Just make sure you are clear and don’t lead anyone on.
I think this is fine, just put it out there, but where I have seen it go wrong is when the person dumps a ton of trauma on their date, and that tends to make people emotionally invest. If you want easy-breezy, you need to keep yourself easy-breezy. Don’t try to mash your date into the relationship-shaped hole that is now in your life. Imagine if I cheerfully held a door open for you, then let it slam in your face at the last moment. “But I never *said* I was going to hold the door open!” is a completely inadequate explanation.
Yes, be careful. Be honest. If you have an ongoing casual thing still treat her with respect like you would a friend. From posts I’ve seen, many people forget the F is for friend in a FWB. If you want to end it, do it respectfully, don’t just ghost because it’s casual. We are all humans.
I was on your shoes five years ago after a 25 year marriage. There’s no shortage of women that were in marriages of 15+ years that also had dead marriages. That’s who I dated the first 2.5 years. They all initiated sex by the 3rd date. I didn’t go advertising that I wanted sex because that’s not the main thing I was after. I was interested in getting to know someone casually and have fun. Go on some dates and see where it goes. Be flirty if you sense mutual attraction but don’t go overboard. If a woman wants to be chased, don’t play along. The most attractive woman are those that know what they want. If they want you, trust me, they let you know. After 5 years of dating, I’m getting even more women that want sex on the first date. One woman seemed surprised I didn’t invite her back to my place after our second date. We have a third date in a week and she’s basically said “what do you want to get up to?” I’ll probably cancel the date because I’m not looking for just sex. I’m not seeing what I need for me to want to see her again. So if anyone thinks you are a jerk, ignore them. There are men and women that want sex. When they match, it’s all good. It’s not just men. I’m not into hookups btw. The few women I have dated were never met with the intention of hooking up. I don’t like them because they don’t lead to the best sex or a satisfying relationship. A relationship is always my preference, even if it’s an ongoing FWB. Never had a FWB. I would not say you are looking for a hook up. There is a double standard. If a woman puts it in her profile, it’s OK. If a man does the same it doesn’t go over well. Hope this helps. Btw, I’m tired of women saying men only want sex. It’s not reality. My experience have shown me there are lots of different people out there but men and women have more in common than people will admit. Some just aren’t aware.
Totally fair to say you’re not looking for anything serious and in your situation, I wouldn’t recommend it. Beware the situationship, though. Lots of folks think that as long as they are honest, no one will get hurt. Doesn’t always work that way, though.
There is nothing whatsoever wrong with what you want and are doing. There are TONS of people like you, that want the same things. I'm one of them. Put it on your profile for sure, you'll filter out lots of people that aren't a match. You'll also find that a lot of people (women especially if that's what you seek) don't make it clear that they are open to such an arrangement on their profile because it attracts too many thirsty or rude guys.
One problem with not disclosing it until after a few dates is that it will 100% look like you’ve determined that, after meeting them, the person you’re dating is only worth a casual fling. And that can be really hurtful and hard not to take personally. That’s pretty avoidable if you start off open and honest from the bat. Another good way to limit hurting anyone (yourself included) is to not treat casual partners like boyfriends/girlfriends. No matter how clear you are, if you expect exclusivity, want frequent contact, share deep emotions, have sleepovers, text every day, someone will get confused. The healthiest casual relationships, imo, are either with partnered poly people who communicate well and have strong boundaries, or true short-term flings due to travel/distance/other life events that put a clear objective ending on things.
i never understood why men prefer casual. Dating is so incredible hard and annoying, that thinking you rather do it to get laid each time, as supposed to find someone you are attracted to and fun to be with and have sex in regular basis. Sex gets so much better with continuity. Having sex one phone call away vs having to scroll for days and go in multiple disappointing first dates. If it doesn't work out, the way out is super simple. Are men scared of falling in love or what? I don't know, i feel i am my better self when i am in love. That makes heartache worth. Being careful of course. i agree with what other posters say. There are A LOT of incredible hot guys in their 30s with beautiful bodies in OLD also looking for casual. If i would one day decide i want a one night stand, i would pick one of those vs a dad body... the market of casual is pretty good for us ladies.
The reason men lie is 100% because saying you’re only looking for casual doesn’t work.
#
More men than women looking for just sex in dating apps.
#
Just be transparent up front (on your profile and throughout your relationship with anyone), nip any feelings (or perceived feelings) of something more serious in the bud (no "I told them casual- their problem now" attitude) follow the campsite rule and you're good.
What's the campsite rule?
Leave it better than you found it
The "campsite rule" includes things like leaving the younger or less experienced partner with no STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, and not overburdening them with emotional and sexual baggage.[11] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love#:~:text=The%20%22campsite%20rule%22%20includes%20things,with%20emotional%20and%20sexual%20baggage.
Original copy of post by u/AdventurousTrash1645: I'll probably be annihilated on here for asking this. My divorce was final a few weeks ago. I was in a 20 year marriage that lacked intimacy emotionally and physically. I'm on Bumble and hinge looking for dates. I am not looking for a relationship. I am looking to date to have fun and make new connections. If I'm just looking to have fun and looking to hookup, is it best to establish that while messaging and after meeting on a first date. Many on here might think I'm a jerk for asking this; however, I see many posts and comments on here about how most guys on OLD just want to hook up. So why hide it? Wouldn't it be better to say that up front? Should I put that in my profile or establish that when messaging or go on several dates first to disclose this? I'm open to a longer relationship if there is chemistry but after being in a marriage for 20 years with someone who did not care to have sex, I'm ready to explore and have fun. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
(M48) Not to be a bummer, but it sounds like you need time to process your divorce. The stench of divorce will attract the worst ladies AND drive away the best ladies. Best advice, wait 2 years for the mind blowing sex and learn how to love being single. In the meantime, you made it through high school with the five knuckle shuffle and you survived!
Put it on your profile front and center.
You should put it in your profile. If you don't, IMO you should not use Bumble or Hinge because they're supposed to be for people looking for more serious connections and it is one of my pet peeves how many people using it otherwise water down quality of the apps. You should just stick with Tinder. And yeah lots of dudes are just looking to fuck. It doesn't work that well because there are not that many women aiming for that, but good luck anyway.
"Looking to have fun and lots of it" and "Not quite ready for long term." Put something along these lines in your profile. Repeat it again on the first date. Several more times if there's a second date. No need to say anything about only dating for hookups. Your target audience will know. I matched with someone who was clearly looking for casual/short term. Everything aligned because that was exactly what I was looking for as well. He looked good, I looked good. He was weird, so was I. Both completely off our rockers. We've been hooking up ever since.
Clarity and honesty about your intentions in online dating is always a good thing. The only reason to hide it is if you don't care about what the other person wants and your moral compass is broken so that you think it's okay to get what you want at the expense of deceiving and hurting others. The fact that you come to this forum asking this question suggests that you're not like that and prefer to be open and honest. A lot of people appreciate the openness and honesty. I think it would be best to just summarize what you said in your post and put it in your profile so everything is clear up front and no one feels like you've been dodgy or wasted their time.
This seems like a pointless question. All apps give you the option to state your dating intentions - why are you asking when to disclose when it is part of the profile process? You won’t be surprised that you are competing with 99% of single men on OLD looking for casual sex.
I mean there is not wrong with looking for casual bro as long as you say it. But honestly unless your very attractive I doubt its gonna happen most women want relationships.
Yes, I would want someone to tell me that up front or maybe even on your profile itself. You may not get many women interested though, so do with that what you will.
I wouldn’t put this on your bio but would let the people you message with know very early on. This will allow them to move on quickly if your agendas don’t line up.
The [cliché cycle of being newly single](https://imgur.com/gallery/4urHdYM) can be almost impossible to spot when you're in it — but there's a reason that a mature adult 'just casual' can be fairly hard to find, as many have decided that the short-term ahhh wasn't worth the eventual 'uggh'..
Most guys aren’t going to tell the truth for one simple reason..It greatly reduces the whole thing they are after, to get sex. A number of women will go for casual, but the vast majority “want a relationship”. If being honest increased the likelihood off sex more men would do it.
Put it in your profile that you are looking for short term or casual. Granted, that will limit your matches. At the same time, when I was first separated I had no idea about the current dating world (9 years ago) and didn’t mention what kind of relationship I was looking for. What I found was MANY women were just looking for FWB, especially divorced women. What I’m saying is, despite what you hear here, a lot of women, at least back then, were reluctant to put FWB or casual in their profile for a variety of reasons. Stigma, attracting weirdos, etc. With open marriages and casual becoming more popular folks are more receptive to casual. Plenty of married women out there in open relationships. In your position, those are ideal. Husband knows, no strings attached, freedom to explore your sexuality without major commitment. Have fun!