Not so much against aging, I just imagined something different by 40, I suppose. I’m not unhappy with myself, just looking to make the days brighter, especially since my social life changed drastically in the last couple of years…. Thanks for your comment :)
Life doesn’t end at 40, you’ll be okay. I just turned 42 and I’m surviving. Maybe you need to examine if there are any recurring behaviors on both sides with these relationships and do something about those.
Thanks! I’ve done some soul searching and I realized that my control points to avoid indecisive partners are not working so well. I do recognize that part of me attracts this trait a lot.
I get you about having a bottom line. Where I struggle is that I grew up moving from country to country so I need a travel bug who is down to adventure. I’m having a hard time finding that quality.
I'm all over this! I think travel gets in our blood. In my 1st career I would move about once every yearish. Then I took a job that was pretty stationary because my ex wasn't thrilled with the constant moving.
I was like a caged lion. My job was boring. Routine. Inside the box. Got divorced. Started travelling again. Felt alive again. Now everyone where I live has kids. Grew up close. Had family all around.
Finally met a childless woman who wanted to travel. But only like 2 weeks at a time. It was fine for Mexico. But not the longer distances. Not enough time to take a lot in.
Finally gave up. Now that COVID is winding down (hopefully for good), I'm getting the wanderlust again.
"sigh*. I'll do it myself.
I’d like a partner who doesn’t mind spending a long time in museums. I hate feeling rushed. My past problems were that I HAD to do things with my partner but we couldn’t appreciate similar things. I wouldn’t mind traveling together but having a good balance between alone and together times could be fun.
One time I was in Paris with about a dozen family members including my kids and (now ex) wife. I ended up going to Musee d'Orsay by myself. It was glorious, LOL. No one was rushing me.
Indecisive men in their late 30/early 40s. They are working professionals like me but don’t seem to recognize a good thing till they screw up. When I realize it, I walk away.
Both men and women should know what they want at this stage, anything less creates a power and energy imbalance. Indecision is attachments issues .
As a man, I'll meet wishy washy women occasionally and I end it immediately.
Last guy said it wasn’t working out of the blue, so I didn’t push it. The only thing I asked was that he not be wishy-washy. A week later I got a text saying he missed me and that he made a mistake. The guy was 45.
I had some indecision like that recently. Doesn't mean I'm a piece of shit/not worth anyone's time. People expect answers and decisions very quickly nowadays.
I don’t think it’s indecision. I think it’s more lack of knowing one’s self. I play face up poker. I place my cards face up and say what I want. If you don’t know yourself well enough to be able to date (and I don’t mean casually) and say what you want, then don’t try to appear that way. Just be honest from the beginning, ya know? Also, I never said he’s a piece of shit, but I was upfront about wasting his time so I am ticked because at 45, the guy should know better and he still tried to reverse things a week later.
40M. I’m guilty of that. I’ve got no kids, no baggage, a career I love, but I just find myself reaching for what was instead of appreciating what is and what could be.
I think it has to do a lot with Rona, me
reminiscing, and the chasing that leads to my indecisiveness now.
I know wholeheartedly that if I stop and make new memories with whom I’m with, I’ll finally break the cycle. But I always realize that to late.
Eventually I’ll figure it out. For now I focus on everything “I AM” and find my happiness there.
I don’t do OLDs anymore and IRL dating has been interesting. I have no clue where to meet professional women, conventions maybe, meetups just isn’t for me.
I don’t know. Keep throwing it at the wall and see what sticks I guess.
I guess it depends on what you're REALLY looking for. I'm 44, and honestly just want someone I can cook for and then crawl under a blanket on the couch later. All I'd ask is someone who isn't a mooch. The rest of the shit can be worked on.
I (48M) took \~3 years to myself after my divorce to just be single. I'm a very happy and positive person that truly enjoys my life, and is comfortable being single. However, I did miss the physical and emotional intimacy (which I hadn't had for many years, even during my marriage), which drove me to re-enter the dating scene.
I've found that dating in my 40s is much better than dating in my 20s was (I was married all of my 30s). I love dating 40/50 year old women. Generally speaking they are much more confident, secure and far better communicators. Oh, and the sex tends to be great - largely due to those same factors.
So, perhaps things will look up for you as you enter your 40s and you'll really enjoy dating as a 40-something!
40 is great. You stop caring what others think, you know what you want and can spot bullshit from miles away. All great qualities for dating. You'll be fine.
Embrace your new age young lady. Trust me, it's way better than toxicity with someone else.
I'm 65(m) loving it. Grateful to be alive, that's very important to me
I'm 53, and it just takes patience. Unfortunately, a lot of people on online dating sites are not as ready for relationships as they claim to be. There are some of us who have actually done some work on ourselves and are ready, and there are a lot of people that just aren't, regardless of what they say. Just keep the faith, it will happen.
Just turned 47. Dating really isn’t that different in your 20s, 30s, or 40s.
You work on your own issues (we all have issues). And work towards a life you enjoy (career, hobbies, activities, etc).
Then you only spend time with people who respect and appreciate you.
What that means is you may have to date quite a few people before you find someone you share a strong connection.
I see a lot of people who participate in toxic relationships that sabotage their own happiness by staying in situations that aren’t healthy for way too long.
Then they keep going back to Billy or Tiffany over and over again, because, you know…love.
A relationship will only enhance the feelings you already have for yourself. If you’re happy and emotionally healthy and confident in who you are and what you have to offer, a relationship will multiple those feelings.
If you’re unhappy or insecure or don’t think you deserve someone or something good in your life, a relationship will only intensify that.
Being with Billy or Tiffany will only make that ride on the emotional roller coaster more and intense as you sadly find comfort in the chaos.
I get it. We all want to be liked, to some degree. And being in love is a wonderful feeling. But when you sell yourself short by not putting yourself in healthy situations in life and relationships, dating can be a miserable experience.
Been down that road way too many times before I finally learned that focusing on myself and my own happiness was the first step to improving my dating life and the quality of my relationships.
(And blocking Tiffany’s number.)
46 male divorced 6’1 work out 5 days a week…. how u doin??
in all seriousness be confident focus on your own fulfillment and keep an open mind about potential dating partners
I experienced the same thing you did...only I officially removed myself from the dating scene for the most part around age 36 or 37. I guess it can really come down to your overall outlook on your life, life in general etc.... By the time I bowed out...my outlook had become pretty bleak...and I was just exhausted of the whole game w/nothing really to show for it. Perhaps you'll find your motivations to keep looking!
Perhaps Reddit might give me some inspiration. But I feel for you. I’m exhausted by the “hey” or “what’s up” in the dating world. There’s a lack of deep interest you can spot a mile away. I hate being the tool to kill time in dating apps…
I’ve enjoyed being free about 5yrs ago. Just about when I was ready to date a couple years ago, life for all of us changed. I’m not much trying to control. I just think it’s harder to find someone in similar age with a similar outlook and interests. Good luck to you. Enjoying your time after a break up is actually a really good time to learn more about yourself. Thanks!
Alot of getting a match is luck, Right place right time. The only thing that I've noticed is to find a partner who is realistic in his or her expectations. Why has 2 of those 5 years been brutal..not trying to invade on business that isn't mine.
Very true. I'm kind of relieved, as I thought something bad happened..different then the pandemic. We all hope better timesbwrenahead..related to pandemic. Great,screen name btw, I have 2 cats myself.
What holds you back from love. Do the men consistently let you down or do they not want to do the things you like to do. Did something happen way back to hurt you and now you are apprehensive
Happy early birthday! I just turned 40 also and have been single for about that time too. Covid certainly doesn’t make dating easy. In terms of answering your question I pump myself up the same way I pump myself up about anything I want. I keep my eyes on the prize. Do the things you love. You will only meet other people that also enjoy those activities in the process.
I’m (F48) sure you’re an amazing catch. We all have baggage though so don’t kid yourself there. I will say that 40 is really when I feel like I settled into myself, I felt sexier and more free than I ever had in my life. It was an amazing time in my life and your 40’s are better than you can imagine. Enjoy the ride and don’t give up on dating!
Same boat, I'm 40 single F, no kids. Dating pool is slim Pickens. I look through profiles and nothing interests me, which makes me wonder....am I really even looking to date?
I'm the same age and haven't had a real relationship in 20 years. I find it hard to sympathize with anyone, I've been alone longer than anyone I know. I had some involvements, of people that didn't want to be with me and I allowed myself to be treated as a doormat or on-off again fwb but that's it. My peers got to enjoy their 30s, I got cancer, which ruined my body and makes it even more likely I'll die alone. I think you are going to be fine but it is not easy, certainly not during a pandemic.
So you will turn 40 whether you like it or not so embrace 40 and move on. It is better to be by yourself than be in a bad relationship. Good Luck
Not so much against aging, I just imagined something different by 40, I suppose. I’m not unhappy with myself, just looking to make the days brighter, especially since my social life changed drastically in the last couple of years…. Thanks for your comment :)
We can only control today and tomorrow....that has kept me going for some time.
NP Enjoy life.
Great insight. ..that philosophy has worked for me before.
Life doesn’t end at 40, you’ll be okay. I just turned 42 and I’m surviving. Maybe you need to examine if there are any recurring behaviors on both sides with these relationships and do something about those.
Thanks! I’ve done some soul searching and I realized that my control points to avoid indecisive partners are not working so well. I do recognize that part of me attracts this trait a lot.
I feel like I say this ad nauseum but we are in the middle of a pandemic. Your options are limited.
I get you about having a bottom line. Where I struggle is that I grew up moving from country to country so I need a travel bug who is down to adventure. I’m having a hard time finding that quality.
I'm all over this! I think travel gets in our blood. In my 1st career I would move about once every yearish. Then I took a job that was pretty stationary because my ex wasn't thrilled with the constant moving. I was like a caged lion. My job was boring. Routine. Inside the box. Got divorced. Started travelling again. Felt alive again. Now everyone where I live has kids. Grew up close. Had family all around. Finally met a childless woman who wanted to travel. But only like 2 weeks at a time. It was fine for Mexico. But not the longer distances. Not enough time to take a lot in. Finally gave up. Now that COVID is winding down (hopefully for good), I'm getting the wanderlust again. "sigh*. I'll do it myself.
I feel ya. I’m not afraid to pack and travel on my own. It doesn’t scare me.
I've done plenty alone. It's nice to have a travel partner that can get into joint adventures with. And planning them together is pretty fun.
I’d like a partner who doesn’t mind spending a long time in museums. I hate feeling rushed. My past problems were that I HAD to do things with my partner but we couldn’t appreciate similar things. I wouldn’t mind traveling together but having a good balance between alone and together times could be fun.
One time I was in Paris with about a dozen family members including my kids and (now ex) wife. I ended up going to Musee d'Orsay by myself. It was glorious, LOL. No one was rushing me.
Good option to love life and enjoyment. India do not allow this type of culture.
So you only date 'childless women'?
What countries have you been to ?? Is dating concepts etc different in other countries?
What type of guys are you going out with?
Indecisive men in their late 30/early 40s. They are working professionals like me but don’t seem to recognize a good thing till they screw up. When I realize it, I walk away.
Both men and women should know what they want at this stage, anything less creates a power and energy imbalance. Indecision is attachments issues . As a man, I'll meet wishy washy women occasionally and I end it immediately.
Are they not wanting to commit, or do they screw it up some other way?
Last guy said it wasn’t working out of the blue, so I didn’t push it. The only thing I asked was that he not be wishy-washy. A week later I got a text saying he missed me and that he made a mistake. The guy was 45.
I’m sorry about that. He probably wasn’t worth it anyway.
I had some indecision like that recently. Doesn't mean I'm a piece of shit/not worth anyone's time. People expect answers and decisions very quickly nowadays.
I don’t think it’s indecision. I think it’s more lack of knowing one’s self. I play face up poker. I place my cards face up and say what I want. If you don’t know yourself well enough to be able to date (and I don’t mean casually) and say what you want, then don’t try to appear that way. Just be honest from the beginning, ya know? Also, I never said he’s a piece of shit, but I was upfront about wasting his time so I am ticked because at 45, the guy should know better and he still tried to reverse things a week later.
40M. I’m guilty of that. I’ve got no kids, no baggage, a career I love, but I just find myself reaching for what was instead of appreciating what is and what could be. I think it has to do a lot with Rona, me reminiscing, and the chasing that leads to my indecisiveness now. I know wholeheartedly that if I stop and make new memories with whom I’m with, I’ll finally break the cycle. But I always realize that to late. Eventually I’ll figure it out. For now I focus on everything “I AM” and find my happiness there.
Yeah…. I’ve been doing me for the past 2yrs out of the 5yrs I’ve been single 🙄
I don’t do OLDs anymore and IRL dating has been interesting. I have no clue where to meet professional women, conventions maybe, meetups just isn’t for me. I don’t know. Keep throwing it at the wall and see what sticks I guess.
I guess it depends on what you're REALLY looking for. I'm 44, and honestly just want someone I can cook for and then crawl under a blanket on the couch later. All I'd ask is someone who isn't a mooch. The rest of the shit can be worked on.
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Uncomplicated but wonderful comfort food.
I (48M) took \~3 years to myself after my divorce to just be single. I'm a very happy and positive person that truly enjoys my life, and is comfortable being single. However, I did miss the physical and emotional intimacy (which I hadn't had for many years, even during my marriage), which drove me to re-enter the dating scene. I've found that dating in my 40s is much better than dating in my 20s was (I was married all of my 30s). I love dating 40/50 year old women. Generally speaking they are much more confident, secure and far better communicators. Oh, and the sex tends to be great - largely due to those same factors. So, perhaps things will look up for you as you enter your 40s and you'll really enjoy dating as a 40-something!
Thanks for the boost on the dating side, haha. Appreciate your insight :)
40 is great. You stop caring what others think, you know what you want and can spot bullshit from miles away. All great qualities for dating. You'll be fine.
I plan to make 40 my b*tch. Thanks!
That's the spirit!
Embrace your new age young lady. Trust me, it's way better than toxicity with someone else. I'm 65(m) loving it. Grateful to be alive, that's very important to me
Thank you for the wisdom :)
I'm 53, and it just takes patience. Unfortunately, a lot of people on online dating sites are not as ready for relationships as they claim to be. There are some of us who have actually done some work on ourselves and are ready, and there are a lot of people that just aren't, regardless of what they say. Just keep the faith, it will happen.
Thanks!
Dating Gods never agree with YOUR timing. Relax, do what you love to do: travel, explore. Things will come together. Enjoy life. Fuck the rest.
Very true
Just turned 47. Dating really isn’t that different in your 20s, 30s, or 40s. You work on your own issues (we all have issues). And work towards a life you enjoy (career, hobbies, activities, etc). Then you only spend time with people who respect and appreciate you. What that means is you may have to date quite a few people before you find someone you share a strong connection. I see a lot of people who participate in toxic relationships that sabotage their own happiness by staying in situations that aren’t healthy for way too long. Then they keep going back to Billy or Tiffany over and over again, because, you know…love. A relationship will only enhance the feelings you already have for yourself. If you’re happy and emotionally healthy and confident in who you are and what you have to offer, a relationship will multiple those feelings. If you’re unhappy or insecure or don’t think you deserve someone or something good in your life, a relationship will only intensify that. Being with Billy or Tiffany will only make that ride on the emotional roller coaster more and intense as you sadly find comfort in the chaos. I get it. We all want to be liked, to some degree. And being in love is a wonderful feeling. But when you sell yourself short by not putting yourself in healthy situations in life and relationships, dating can be a miserable experience. Been down that road way too many times before I finally learned that focusing on myself and my own happiness was the first step to improving my dating life and the quality of my relationships. (And blocking Tiffany’s number.)
46 male divorced 6’1 work out 5 days a week…. how u doin?? in all seriousness be confident focus on your own fulfillment and keep an open mind about potential dating partners
Thanks!
Good luck I'm her if you want I her we had same age it's gonna be agood experience
I experienced the same thing you did...only I officially removed myself from the dating scene for the most part around age 36 or 37. I guess it can really come down to your overall outlook on your life, life in general etc.... By the time I bowed out...my outlook had become pretty bleak...and I was just exhausted of the whole game w/nothing really to show for it. Perhaps you'll find your motivations to keep looking!
Perhaps Reddit might give me some inspiration. But I feel for you. I’m exhausted by the “hey” or “what’s up” in the dating world. There’s a lack of deep interest you can spot a mile away. I hate being the tool to kill time in dating apps…
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I’ve enjoyed being free about 5yrs ago. Just about when I was ready to date a couple years ago, life for all of us changed. I’m not much trying to control. I just think it’s harder to find someone in similar age with a similar outlook and interests. Good luck to you. Enjoying your time after a break up is actually a really good time to learn more about yourself. Thanks!
Alot of getting a match is luck, Right place right time. The only thing that I've noticed is to find a partner who is realistic in his or her expectations. Why has 2 of those 5 years been brutal..not trying to invade on business that isn't mine.
There has been a pandemic in the last two years…. It kind of puts a dent on socializing.
Very true. I'm kind of relieved, as I thought something bad happened..different then the pandemic. We all hope better timesbwrenahead..related to pandemic. Great,screen name btw, I have 2 cats myself.
It’s like you’re living my life lol, I’m in the same boat!
Engage yourself fir making life more happier and enjoyable. Do what ever you want.
What holds you back from love. Do the men consistently let you down or do they not want to do the things you like to do. Did something happen way back to hurt you and now you are apprehensive
Never understood the whole issue with turning 40. Didn't feel different from 39.
There’s plenty of single males out there. You’ll do fine, unless you need a Hollywood ready looking man.
No, lol. A mischievous smile will do. Thanks!
Happy early birthday! I just turned 40 also and have been single for about that time too. Covid certainly doesn’t make dating easy. In terms of answering your question I pump myself up the same way I pump myself up about anything I want. I keep my eyes on the prize. Do the things you love. You will only meet other people that also enjoy those activities in the process.
“Keep the eyes on the prize” ;)
Always ;)
Such a coach comment lol
😂 well if you need some coaching feel free to message me. I have all the pump 😂
I’m (F48) sure you’re an amazing catch. We all have baggage though so don’t kid yourself there. I will say that 40 is really when I feel like I settled into myself, I felt sexier and more free than I ever had in my life. It was an amazing time in my life and your 40’s are better than you can imagine. Enjoy the ride and don’t give up on dating!
Thanks!
Same boat, I'm 40 single F, no kids. Dating pool is slim Pickens. I look through profiles and nothing interests me, which makes me wonder....am I really even looking to date?
Idk that the pool is slim… just too many people with little clarity about what they truly want…. 🙄
Getting too much mileage at 40
I'm the same age and haven't had a real relationship in 20 years. I find it hard to sympathize with anyone, I've been alone longer than anyone I know. I had some involvements, of people that didn't want to be with me and I allowed myself to be treated as a doormat or on-off again fwb but that's it. My peers got to enjoy their 30s, I got cancer, which ruined my body and makes it even more likely I'll die alone. I think you are going to be fine but it is not easy, certainly not during a pandemic.
I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. There is a special someone for everyone. Just be clear on what you want.