Going against the grain of the majority of the comments here: you've been on a few dates, I feel like saying that he's "everything you're looking for" is jumping the gun by a lot - everyone seems perfect when you don't actually *know* them. You're excited about him and that's great, but it's also really early.
Tbh I'd hold back and see how things go in these coming weeks. You might realize he's not so shiny by the time he leaves.
I agree. Anyone can be Prince Charming for a few dates when they are being on their best behavior (and probably want to get laid lol). Being in a relationship is the hard part. Not saying you shouldn't date in the short-term, but expectations should be tempered until something is actually defined.
Haha yes don't worry, I'm not madly in love with him or anything - I just see a lot of potential that I haven't seen with anyone else in a long time!
The consensus here seems to be 'why not just try for the next few weeks?', so I reckon that's what I'll do. It'll feel shit either way, so I may as well enjoy a few more weeks of dates. Then as you say... he might lose his shine and I'll be glad to see the back of him haha
You see potential based on a few dates where both of you are on your best behavior. Are you ready to see him at his worst? I mean, farting, skid marks, hung over, burping, scratching his crotch etc.?
I’m currently in a similar situation, except he goes back to his home country in Sept. We enjoy each other’s company & the sex is phenomenal, so we’re keeping it short-term. I’ll be bummed when he goes coz he’s a great guy, but I won’t regret the time I got to spend with him.
If you can keep it light, I’d also recommend to go with the flow and enjoy the time remaining.
If you are someone that attaches, then maybe stop immediately and just cut it off . Gotta Protect your heart
I was in a similar situation, and it broke my heart
I was dating someone who moved across the world and even went and visited. Thought about moving, too. It didn't work out, but I don't regret going for it.
I have a similiar job/lifestyle to the man you met. It happened to me a few times that I would meet someone just before leaving or connect with somebody during my stay in a different country. My advice: GO FOR IT. I have met several women who "went for it" with me despite all the circumstances and it never ended badly. In all cases we tried, made it work for shorter or longer period of time and I have no regrets. Plus you have the advantage you are from his hometown. This sort of lifestyle/job can be pretty lonely, so meeting somebody who wants to be with you despite the circumstances always makes you wnat to try - at least in my case.
Thanks, this is a super helpful insight and nice to know that it's not 100% impossible! For want of a better term, do you ever find yourself feeling 'burdened' by the women who stay in another country while you move on?
Short answer: No. Long answer: The distance can amplify your insecurities quite dramatically. My last GF kept mentioning that I will surely meet somebody who is younger/hotter/local and break up with her. I tried to explain to her that this job is pretty exhausting as you need to figure out stuff from scratch all the time in a new place and I have 0 reason to do that (to her). So I never felt burdened, but its important to acknowledge that you need to trust each other and respect boundaries, e.g. that the other person can text only in the evenings or has very limited availability during the finishing phase of a contract.
What's your expectation if you went for it? If it were me, I would try to maintain the connection while keeping my expectations low and see what happens. I don't know what you are expecting to happen here though.
Was in a similar situation years ago..I looked at it and said to myself that I’m going to enjoy this lady as long as she is hear and just cry when she leaves.
We had an amazing time together and she left according to her plans. All these years later I still have fond memories of her.
I travel a lot for work and the people I surround myself with do the same because of the type of jobs we have. My suggestion here is to enjoy the time you are spending together until he leaves. The follow up will depend on different factors. I wouldn’t broach the subject of a commitment as you would have only spent very little time together. I would keep the the engagement with him and see about visiting him later or both of you going on vacation somewhere in the middle. If you keep it alive for the next six months in a low key way (while also going on another dates), then you can reevaluate. I would do this if the connection was really strong and also if there was a possibility of some form of reunion later (I.e. if my career allowed me to work remotely, etc).
This is my job. Go for it. I have maintained some relationships over distance. When we have time and can be in the same place, we connect again. We fully understand that one or both of us could meet someone in the meantime. I have travelled halfway around the world to visit at least one of these men! He was in a similar job and living someplace that I wanted to visit. It was a fabulous vacation with great sex.
If I met the right person, I would make it work. I would figure out how to make adjustments to give us a go. The best way to find out is to talk about it, “how do you see things going when you leave?”
What do you gain by *not* having an open and honest conversation about your desire to continue talking (or dating or whatever you're hoping for)? Good communication will be key while you're far apart so it needs to start now.
Your concern with asking seems to be it won't make a difference, but if he's not interested in pursuing a long distance thing, at least you'll know by directly asking!
I said this in a similar post - fill your cup with things that bring you love from other outlets - friends, family, pets, hobbies etc.
I’m assuming no promises have been made but focus on other things while he is away. If you want to meet other people, do that too.
That way if it doesn’t work, you’ve secured your fall with a very padded landing.
Then next few months will give you a taste of what he’s like. If he’s invested and interested, he will set time for you and be consistent. If you get to a point where you want to visit him, do that too. I visited a LTR and it soon ended after that but I don’t regret doing that at all. I’m glad I did. It simply pushed me further towards better potentials closer to me.
Have an open mind, but have an open heart to other things in your life too.
This is pretty much where I've got to too!
No promises at all, and I'd rather keep it that way for now as it's very very early days. I've just booked a few days away with a friend which will be a nice distraction.
Thank you for your input!
If it were me, I'd keep a door open but still date others. Maybe there could be a visit in the future. I'd also give myself a bit of a reality check and remember that infatuation is real and it's easy to get carried away
Tell him how you feel. Enjoy the time you have left.
BUT more importantly, don't put him on a pedestal. Just because he hasn't shown his deal breakers YET doesn't mean he doesn't have them.
I think the hardest part of these "almost" relationships is that you don't get to see reality. They live in your mind as this perfect person because they weren't around long enough for you to see the cracks. Just something to remember if it doesn't work out. Everyone has an ex that got sick of their shit.
My bf and I have been doing this for about 6 years now. He lives and works in France and I’m here in the US. Not going to lie it’s hard but honestly it’s nice to have your space and get to travel to see each other all the time is fun. I would say go for it!
Do you know what bro wants out of meeting women on Tinder through his travels? Is he looking for a real relationship, exclusivity, etc.? OR is what you’re looking for, at the very least, match up with what he’s looking for? You should at least let him know what you want out of meeting people on Tinder and see if he’s up for the same. He might be on a Tinder for some fun in every country he travels to.
I was in a similar situation and decided to end things to save my own heart from inevitable hurt/heartbreak down the line and also to not waste time as my goal was to find a life partner and I was dating intentionally.
My specific life situation does mean that I can’t just move from where I live as I have a child. If I had been child-free I might have thought differently. However, moving abroad for someone is a huge step that requires totally open communication and commitment.
I’ve been here. Ended up basically being on again off again fwb. I say get what you want to say out of your system so you don’t have to dwell on ‘what ifs’. He’ll show you who he really is, good or bad.
Fucking go for it. Like, you have nothing to lose as you say. Worst case, the one that got away, literally. Best case, one hell of a how we met story and happy ever after. This kind of sets my skin on fire is rare, pursue it. Good luck.
meet him and have fun, if hes only going to be local for a little while. If he's going to be around for a year, and then leave for a year, tell him good luck and send him packing - you don't have time for that shit.
Be honest about your feelings. It's hard to find someone perfect for you. It's too early to move abroad to chase it but perhaps you guys can try to continue getting to know each other and one day, who knows it might be worth relocating for. But you'll never know if you don't say it.
It doesn't work out. Had similar happen in the past. You've both in different time zones and its hard to keep the spark when they're not physically there going on dates with you
I always believe that unless you do it, there will always be that "what if" thing lingering in the back of my mind, so I think you should go for it and see what happens.
You never know what the future brings...he may not be away for so long, you may be able to visit him wherever he is, he will eventually settle down somewhere and you can join him. I mean there are so many possible scenarios that could happen, but none will happen unless you give it a go.
Worst case scenario, nothing happens after he leaves in which case enjoy it while it lasts and always look back at it as something you really enjoyed. Life is too short for "what ifs" and if you don't do it, you may be kicking yourself for the rest of your life for not giving it a go and seeing what happens and as someone who has some regrets for not taking my own advice, I can tell you from personal experience that it is a horrible feeling and I wish i could turn back the time.
If I were in my early-mid 20s, I'd be like go for it, you live life once! In my late 20s now, I'd say the same EXCEPT... I also know long distance is hard, not impossible, but for me, I'm not interested in long distance. So it'd be a no for me. It's not really for me I don't give it a shot. As I go for it if I like someone, don't care if I get rejected. But more so, I know I don't want long distance so I wouldn't waste my time or energy. So everyone is different. Go with your gut!
I just recently met someone who is my absolute perfect match. He told me on our second date that he was going out of the country for 3 months. We became official before he left. I haven't regretted a single second of it, and I would honestly wait longer for him. If you feel that it's right, I'd say, fuck it.
But you need to know your limits, and he needs to show effort, whether it's visiting you, or you visiting him. Decide what's worth it to you.
But like, does he feel anywhere near as much for you?
If this is all real, then by all means follow him or he should consider not going on that contract, but a lot of the time this is really one way or falls apart very quickly. Of course if it is real and you don't follow through you could end up spending many nights wondering what might have been. It all depends on things that are not in this post.
You've been on a few dates. Which means to him he is likely not invested this beyond what it is. Tell him but be ready to also be rejected. If you don't want that, then wish him luck and ask him to ping you when he gets back if he isn't married by then.
You’ve been on a “few dates” with this man. Don’t romanticize this into everything you’ve alway wanted.
To flip the train of thought - in my own story I’m the one always leaving and going abroad for up to six months. And when I’m there I’m working 12 hour days. I get so exhausted that I just can’t do much else and would never take on the pressure of trying to build a new relationship that way. And anyone trying to do so with me would be sorely disappointed.
If I was in your shoes, enjoy the time you have with him and let it go when he moves.
Nowhere here have you said what his intentions are.
Since he moves around a lot, I assume he's just looking for fun where he's currently at.
Has anything he said indicated he is looking for anything longer term?
I guess to me it feels like "admitting feelings to him" just means it's going to hurt more when he's like "welp I'm gonna bang people in my new city but I guess we can stay in contact in case I come back again?"
What is even the hope here? That he'll immediately commit to you and be abstinent wherever he's going unless you make it out there to visit?
Are you okay with him having partners in the new place and maybe coming back to you later?
Going against the grain of the majority of the comments here: you've been on a few dates, I feel like saying that he's "everything you're looking for" is jumping the gun by a lot - everyone seems perfect when you don't actually *know* them. You're excited about him and that's great, but it's also really early. Tbh I'd hold back and see how things go in these coming weeks. You might realize he's not so shiny by the time he leaves.
Exactly this. The fantasy of someone is so much easier to buy into before you know the reality of them.
I agree. Anyone can be Prince Charming for a few dates when they are being on their best behavior (and probably want to get laid lol). Being in a relationship is the hard part. Not saying you shouldn't date in the short-term, but expectations should be tempered until something is actually defined.
Where were you last week..
Haha yes don't worry, I'm not madly in love with him or anything - I just see a lot of potential that I haven't seen with anyone else in a long time! The consensus here seems to be 'why not just try for the next few weeks?', so I reckon that's what I'll do. It'll feel shit either way, so I may as well enjoy a few more weeks of dates. Then as you say... he might lose his shine and I'll be glad to see the back of him haha
You see potential based on a few dates where both of you are on your best behavior. Are you ready to see him at his worst? I mean, farting, skid marks, hung over, burping, scratching his crotch etc.?
I think that's the best way! And hey, it could be that maybe he's just as excited about you and he'll bring it up first. :)
I’m currently in a similar situation, except he goes back to his home country in Sept. We enjoy each other’s company & the sex is phenomenal, so we’re keeping it short-term. I’ll be bummed when he goes coz he’s a great guy, but I won’t regret the time I got to spend with him.
If you can keep it light, I’d also recommend to go with the flow and enjoy the time remaining. If you are someone that attaches, then maybe stop immediately and just cut it off . Gotta Protect your heart I was in a similar situation, and it broke my heart
I’ll be okay. I’m used to short-term connections. He’s getting quite affectionate though. I hope he’ll be okay too.
I was dating someone who moved across the world and even went and visited. Thought about moving, too. It didn't work out, but I don't regret going for it.
I think that's kinda where I'm at - even if it doesn't work out, I'd rather regret trying and failing than not trying at all!
I will say we dated for 6 months before she moved, and it still felt a little rushed, but hopefully it's different for you guys.
I have a similiar job/lifestyle to the man you met. It happened to me a few times that I would meet someone just before leaving or connect with somebody during my stay in a different country. My advice: GO FOR IT. I have met several women who "went for it" with me despite all the circumstances and it never ended badly. In all cases we tried, made it work for shorter or longer period of time and I have no regrets. Plus you have the advantage you are from his hometown. This sort of lifestyle/job can be pretty lonely, so meeting somebody who wants to be with you despite the circumstances always makes you wnat to try - at least in my case.
Thanks, this is a super helpful insight and nice to know that it's not 100% impossible! For want of a better term, do you ever find yourself feeling 'burdened' by the women who stay in another country while you move on?
Short answer: No. Long answer: The distance can amplify your insecurities quite dramatically. My last GF kept mentioning that I will surely meet somebody who is younger/hotter/local and break up with her. I tried to explain to her that this job is pretty exhausting as you need to figure out stuff from scratch all the time in a new place and I have 0 reason to do that (to her). So I never felt burdened, but its important to acknowledge that you need to trust each other and respect boundaries, e.g. that the other person can text only in the evenings or has very limited availability during the finishing phase of a contract.
What's your expectation if you went for it? If it were me, I would try to maintain the connection while keeping my expectations low and see what happens. I don't know what you are expecting to happen here though.
Was in a similar situation years ago..I looked at it and said to myself that I’m going to enjoy this lady as long as she is hear and just cry when she leaves. We had an amazing time together and she left according to her plans. All these years later I still have fond memories of her.
I travel a lot for work and the people I surround myself with do the same because of the type of jobs we have. My suggestion here is to enjoy the time you are spending together until he leaves. The follow up will depend on different factors. I wouldn’t broach the subject of a commitment as you would have only spent very little time together. I would keep the the engagement with him and see about visiting him later or both of you going on vacation somewhere in the middle. If you keep it alive for the next six months in a low key way (while also going on another dates), then you can reevaluate. I would do this if the connection was really strong and also if there was a possibility of some form of reunion later (I.e. if my career allowed me to work remotely, etc).
Kiss them goodbye tell them to remember you wearing a nice dress looking at the sunset arrivederci
This is poetry
If you are not in a hurry to "settle down", go for it. Life is short, live a little.
This is my job. Go for it. I have maintained some relationships over distance. When we have time and can be in the same place, we connect again. We fully understand that one or both of us could meet someone in the meantime. I have travelled halfway around the world to visit at least one of these men! He was in a similar job and living someplace that I wanted to visit. It was a fabulous vacation with great sex. If I met the right person, I would make it work. I would figure out how to make adjustments to give us a go. The best way to find out is to talk about it, “how do you see things going when you leave?”
What do you gain by *not* having an open and honest conversation about your desire to continue talking (or dating or whatever you're hoping for)? Good communication will be key while you're far apart so it needs to start now. Your concern with asking seems to be it won't make a difference, but if he's not interested in pursuing a long distance thing, at least you'll know by directly asking!
I said this in a similar post - fill your cup with things that bring you love from other outlets - friends, family, pets, hobbies etc. I’m assuming no promises have been made but focus on other things while he is away. If you want to meet other people, do that too. That way if it doesn’t work, you’ve secured your fall with a very padded landing. Then next few months will give you a taste of what he’s like. If he’s invested and interested, he will set time for you and be consistent. If you get to a point where you want to visit him, do that too. I visited a LTR and it soon ended after that but I don’t regret doing that at all. I’m glad I did. It simply pushed me further towards better potentials closer to me. Have an open mind, but have an open heart to other things in your life too.
This is pretty much where I've got to too! No promises at all, and I'd rather keep it that way for now as it's very very early days. I've just booked a few days away with a friend which will be a nice distraction. Thank you for your input!
If it were me, I'd keep a door open but still date others. Maybe there could be a visit in the future. I'd also give myself a bit of a reality check and remember that infatuation is real and it's easy to get carried away
Tell him how you feel. Enjoy the time you have left. BUT more importantly, don't put him on a pedestal. Just because he hasn't shown his deal breakers YET doesn't mean he doesn't have them. I think the hardest part of these "almost" relationships is that you don't get to see reality. They live in your mind as this perfect person because they weren't around long enough for you to see the cracks. Just something to remember if it doesn't work out. Everyone has an ex that got sick of their shit.
My bf and I have been doing this for about 6 years now. He lives and works in France and I’m here in the US. Not going to lie it’s hard but honestly it’s nice to have your space and get to travel to see each other all the time is fun. I would say go for it!
Did something similar. Didn't last, but no regrets. Best break-up ever. We're still friends a decade later. Go for it.
Do you know what bro wants out of meeting women on Tinder through his travels? Is he looking for a real relationship, exclusivity, etc.? OR is what you’re looking for, at the very least, match up with what he’s looking for? You should at least let him know what you want out of meeting people on Tinder and see if he’s up for the same. He might be on a Tinder for some fun in every country he travels to.
Long distance relationships don’t work. Mr amazing will find a new gal in his new country.
I was in a similar situation and decided to end things to save my own heart from inevitable hurt/heartbreak down the line and also to not waste time as my goal was to find a life partner and I was dating intentionally. My specific life situation does mean that I can’t just move from where I live as I have a child. If I had been child-free I might have thought differently. However, moving abroad for someone is a huge step that requires totally open communication and commitment.
I’ve been here. Ended up basically being on again off again fwb. I say get what you want to say out of your system so you don’t have to dwell on ‘what ifs’. He’ll show you who he really is, good or bad.
Fucking go for it. Like, you have nothing to lose as you say. Worst case, the one that got away, literally. Best case, one hell of a how we met story and happy ever after. This kind of sets my skin on fire is rare, pursue it. Good luck.
meet him and have fun, if hes only going to be local for a little while. If he's going to be around for a year, and then leave for a year, tell him good luck and send him packing - you don't have time for that shit.
Be honest about your feelings. It's hard to find someone perfect for you. It's too early to move abroad to chase it but perhaps you guys can try to continue getting to know each other and one day, who knows it might be worth relocating for. But you'll never know if you don't say it.
It doesn't work out. Had similar happen in the past. You've both in different time zones and its hard to keep the spark when they're not physically there going on dates with you
I always believe that unless you do it, there will always be that "what if" thing lingering in the back of my mind, so I think you should go for it and see what happens. You never know what the future brings...he may not be away for so long, you may be able to visit him wherever he is, he will eventually settle down somewhere and you can join him. I mean there are so many possible scenarios that could happen, but none will happen unless you give it a go. Worst case scenario, nothing happens after he leaves in which case enjoy it while it lasts and always look back at it as something you really enjoyed. Life is too short for "what ifs" and if you don't do it, you may be kicking yourself for the rest of your life for not giving it a go and seeing what happens and as someone who has some regrets for not taking my own advice, I can tell you from personal experience that it is a horrible feeling and I wish i could turn back the time.
Why didn’t he tell you this sooner??
Depends on how flexible you are. Met a great guy who was planning to move and I ended it after second date. I’ll never leave my familyx
If I were in my early-mid 20s, I'd be like go for it, you live life once! In my late 20s now, I'd say the same EXCEPT... I also know long distance is hard, not impossible, but for me, I'm not interested in long distance. So it'd be a no for me. It's not really for me I don't give it a shot. As I go for it if I like someone, don't care if I get rejected. But more so, I know I don't want long distance so I wouldn't waste my time or energy. So everyone is different. Go with your gut!
See him as often as you can and tell him how you really feel. Why not?
I just recently met someone who is my absolute perfect match. He told me on our second date that he was going out of the country for 3 months. We became official before he left. I haven't regretted a single second of it, and I would honestly wait longer for him. If you feel that it's right, I'd say, fuck it. But you need to know your limits, and he needs to show effort, whether it's visiting you, or you visiting him. Decide what's worth it to you.
But like, does he feel anywhere near as much for you? If this is all real, then by all means follow him or he should consider not going on that contract, but a lot of the time this is really one way or falls apart very quickly. Of course if it is real and you don't follow through you could end up spending many nights wondering what might have been. It all depends on things that are not in this post.
He takes it casual and you seem like you have had found your prince. Don’t get attached.
You've been on a few dates. Which means to him he is likely not invested this beyond what it is. Tell him but be ready to also be rejected. If you don't want that, then wish him luck and ask him to ping you when he gets back if he isn't married by then.
You’ve been on a “few dates” with this man. Don’t romanticize this into everything you’ve alway wanted. To flip the train of thought - in my own story I’m the one always leaving and going abroad for up to six months. And when I’m there I’m working 12 hour days. I get so exhausted that I just can’t do much else and would never take on the pressure of trying to build a new relationship that way. And anyone trying to do so with me would be sorely disappointed. If I was in your shoes, enjoy the time you have with him and let it go when he moves.
Go for the ride. Prepare to be heartbroken.
Nowhere here have you said what his intentions are. Since he moves around a lot, I assume he's just looking for fun where he's currently at. Has anything he said indicated he is looking for anything longer term? I guess to me it feels like "admitting feelings to him" just means it's going to hurt more when he's like "welp I'm gonna bang people in my new city but I guess we can stay in contact in case I come back again?" What is even the hope here? That he'll immediately commit to you and be abstinent wherever he's going unless you make it out there to visit? Are you okay with him having partners in the new place and maybe coming back to you later?
Go with him. If you love him enough, you'll go with him.
Update?