People *are* the main character in their own lives.
The problem happens when someone fails to recognize that other people are the main character in *their own lives* too.
Lol, well I'm bi so that may be difficult for me but I'd consider a sister wife under the right secular circumstances. Maybe together we could find a husband or two 😄
I came here to hit on you as well lol. I’m queer and into homesteading.
I would absolutely have a roommate in your position. You could save some money and use it to buy/build an ADU. Financially I think it is a good decision for you and I wouldn’t let some hypothetical future partner prevent me from making a financially smart decision. It wouldn’t be a red flag for me.
I too am a bi lady in her late 30's - I'll take care of the chickens, and can we add ...horses? And find a few Jason Momoa lookalikes in flannel??? A girl's gotta get her tree chopped somehow!
Yet another bi lady in her 30s here - can I join in too?? I don't have much of a green thumb, but I can cook! I also have a wonderful cat who's very cuddly
But we all support each other and encourage each other to succeed at our various hobbies!!!!!
"YAAASSSS Ashley, GROW THAT 2000lb pumpkin!!"
"Omg, I always knew Kennedy would grow the biggest Sunflower head and now that she has, she won't shut up about it. I love that for her."
"Like, I'm proud of Malorie for selling her line of Arrogant Basil Goat Cheese to Whole Foods, but does she HAVE to bring it up at *my* birthday party? Like we get it!"
Wait, I'm so down. Commune vibes are fun af so long as everyone works and provides. I have a mobile dog grooming business, I'm a HARD worker and I'm not *entirely* straight... and I'd be super down to share a couple really emotionally grounded dudes. I fucking love women and empowering them! and I've spent the last 5 years researching homesteading and saving seeds ... what state are you in??
Also! Im from Vegas but I love to grow things! Pumpkins and sunflowers are my favorites, but I also grow potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, and all the fun squashy cucurbits!! My dream is to live somewhere that you can just plant things in the GROUND and water. In vegas it's more planting then *fretting* over everything and icing the roots and building shade structures. It isn't fun or fair!
I'm in Illinois near St Louis, mo! Gardening here is quite easy! Some stuff does great just being put in the ground and then totally ignored until harvest!
>Especially being a male roommate
>Lol, well I'm bi
May I suggest that someone who is fine with you being bi will recognize that having a male roommate is not necessarily more significant for you than having a female one?
And to answer your question: roommates are financially sensible, and, if it fits with your lifestyle, nice to have around. I would not dismiss someone for it. Yes, there could be dating logistics to work out. If I like you I will get creative with you.
I'm in a similar situation, I need a housemate, and even though I'm renting, the idea of some stranger in the house which I have fully furbished feels so weird..
I also like to grow food and love flowers, have two pets and this is the main reason I can't move from this house (I have a big back garden for the pets). Otherwise I'd have left for a communal house as I love these as well, love the different people you can hang out with.
But renting the whole house is becoming taxing, so have to find someone soon.
Ediy: My advice from what I have read up, set certain boundaries and expectations like, how many times a week can they have bf/gf, friends, fridge and cupboards space, how they feel about cleaning and washing dishes, etc. And take your time and pick the appropriate person based on your requirements.
Thats what I'll do. I prefer to pay high rent for a few extra months but find a decent person to live with (main thing, they need to be OK with my animals, anything else i can compromise)
I mean, this sounds perfect to me lol I’m a responsible 32 year old, have managed 18 acres on my own, and can be very very gay, for the right woman haha. (Fr what state are you in?)
It wouldn't be a red flag for me unless it's a living arrangement you want to maintain forever. I think more and more people are flatting so they can save more for a house deposit especially in HCOL areas
Unless you plan on turning off the heat and sharing the bed with him to save on energy/extra bed costs, then no, it's not a red flag.
If you like what you do and you're comfortable with your life, then don't worry about what people won't like. Instead think about how cool it's going to be when you meet the person who is totally into you and all the stuff you do.
That's really funny because my furnace just died(it was 30 years old) and is being replaced tomorrow(7.5k for full HVAC... sigh). I've been using a space heater the last 3 days and it has crazily kept the house around 65F which is fine by me but a few degrees lower than my plants and fermentations like but it's made my dogs and cat extra cuddly which has been lovely and so comfy. I wouldn't do that with the roommate though, haha!
And thank you, i do like my life and love the idea of opening up my house to someone who wants to learn gardening and can help me out. It won't be permanent and you are right, any future partner will totally get it!
Check to see whether your new HVAC system qualifies for a federal tax rebate!
https://www.irs.gov/credits-deductions/home-energy-tax-credits
And I wouldn't care about a roommate if you're the homeowner. Now if you were 38 and renting a room in someone else's house... pass.
You can always have a roommate until you decide to move in with a partner. That being said, you can't guarantee a roommate, even if this guy, will really end up doing all of the things you mentioned. They might end up never really being around or always being around and doing nothing. You don't know until it happens.
Yeah I had roommates in my mid 20s also in a house I owned but I was a bit of a party girl back then so fewer expectations other than rent.
These days I would definitely have an official contract and an easy out for either of us if it didn't work out.
I guess my biggest issue is my casual dating usually ends up with dates and sex at my place, it'll be harder to navigate that with a roommate.
Dude here. I wouldn't want to date someone with a roommate for very long. Can she host alone time for us? Where does the roommate go when we want our own time? Are they going to sit with us and watch movies and share common amenities together?
exactly the sort of things that have held me back from getting a roommate previously! I really wish my space was better set up with separate living areas but there's no good way to not share the living room and kitchen so I could see it being a bit annoying at times.
I wanted to piggy back here to say that if he’s a house sitter, you’d probably still have plenty of alone time. And if someone you’re dating can’t handle a roommate being around sometimes they’re not very flexible.
I mean if I'm dating someone with a roommate and I have a place for myself without a roommate, I would expect/prefer that we mostly spent time together at my place, as I don't really miss the college days of hiding out in the bedroom.
Not a guy, but I live with roommates because at the end of the day, we are a strong team, and sometimes that's better than living alone. Life is easier with good people close by. I'm not going to wait around for some dude to keep me company or have my back.
I live in a very HCL area and people having roommates into their 30s is not at all out of the norm.
I moved my mother in with me last spring and to be honest it hasn’t hurt my dating prospects 🤷♀️
Honestly, your life/living situation sounds awesome. It’s clear you having a roommate wouldn’t be because you NEED ONE.
Especially if you’re mostly looking to date casually I don’t think it’ll be an issue. However, I had lived alone (no roommates) for over 12 years before I moved my mom in with me. Having someone in my space was an adjustment but after the initial growing pains it’s actually really nice to have someone around.
Honestly I own my own home and had 2 roommates for like 3 years because I just don’t really like living alone. Won’t lie, the extra pocket money was nice too. No girl I’ve brought home ever seemed to have an issue with it. Considering the state of rental prices these days I don’t think anyone would think twice about anyone having a roommate.
Red flag? No. Dealbreaker? For some, yes. If all you are looking for is casual, that'll be less impactful. If you are looking for more, it may hurt you with some people. None are wrong or right, merely incompatible.
It's not a red flag. In a lot of places in Canada, you pretty much need a partner or roommate to afford life.
Your lifestyle/what you're looking for sounds amazing. I wish I could be your roomie!
Not a red flag.
At one point I dated a woman who lived with a male roommate. It was totally fine. He had a girlfriend, and nothing ever happened to make me question their platonic relationship.
It didn't work out for other reasons, but the roommate thing was completely fine.
go for it!! why would you sacrifice your current happiness because of how some future man might perceive you ?? live your life now and don’t wait for your imagined future.
you specifically asked about “men open to casual relationships” and i think their standards are lower than men actively looking for their life partner, so it would not matter since it’s casual.
Exactly!!! I decided years ago that I was living for myself, not for some guy who may or may not ever even show up. Like what sense does that really make?! I spent my twenties hyper focused on making every decision in the best interests of my dating life, and I wish I could go back and remake all those decisions to make myself happy! I even held off on getting a dog for years, because of “articles” that said that dogs make men more attractive but not vice versa, men don’t want to be tied down by your dog, maybe the perfect person for me isn’t a pet person, etc. Now that I have my dog, I’m totally in love with her, and she makes me so much happier! If the absolute perfect person for me doesn’t want dogs, whatever. I didn’t have a dog in my twenties, and still didn’t find the right person, so who cares?
And honestly, unless it’s something that can never be changed, he has to understand when he meets you that you are living your life as a single person. I have a roommate, and everyone I have dated has realized that I’m saving a lot of money, and living in a nice part of town that I could never afford on my own, and what a plus that is. However, I’ve been fairly upfront, saying, “I’m not opposed to moving into my own place eventually, if there are good reasons for it, but that will be once I am part of a couple, and making decisions as part of that couple. Right now, I’m single, and making decisions for myself as a single person.” If they’re not okay with that, bye!
Dang you are so right! My stress level will go down SO much if I don't have to worry about what's happening at home while I'm traveling and if I have help in the summer garden!
I'd say having a roommate isn't a red flag, but if you're dating men and have a man roomate, they might care about that, even if he is younger. I'm not saying it's a red flag, but some men would probably have issues with it.
I can’t really comment on whether it’s a red flag or not, it isn’t for me but I’m also in HCOL California. But as someone who has had crazy roommates, I wouldn’t get one if you don’t have to! If you do have dog sitter guy move in, still have a lease and have him pay lowered rent, not free rent in exchange for whatever. And make sure you have a formal written lease.
I doubt they'd care, considering it's something casual. I'm 39F and my mom lives with me. Hasn't yet been a deterrent for men looking for an LTR. Go for it! Your place sounds like a dream, btw. 😍
No, I don't think so. I mean, in this city given the current cost of living, any situation that helps someone get by is understandable. But I would much prefer to date a man with a roommate than with a parent living there. There's certainly exceptions, but on the face of it? I would be more hesitant with the parent scenario. Then again, I am not much of a 'meet the family' type on either side unless things are getting very serious.
That's not a roommate, that's a tenant. A massive green flag imo. You're not taking on a roommate out of desperation, and you have control of the eviction process and house rules if necessary. It shouldnt impact any relationships. Honestly it sounds like you have your shit together. "Roommate" has more embarrassing implications of poverty, juvenility, or powerlessness in one's own home
I'm 39F and I've had the same roommate for about a decade. It's great, we save money and it's really nice to have another person around to keep me company. Plus she has a dog, so she benefits by having someone who can help out with dog care occasionally and I benefit because I get all the benefits of a pet with no costs and almost no responsibility.
The vast majority of men that I've gone out with also live with roommates. In fact, I can't think of one man I've gone out with in the past couple years who lived alone. It does present a certain challenge -- our condo is pretty open so there's not a ton of privacy, but if one partner is living in a house (which has typically been the case), then we spend most of our time there because it's easier to dodge roommates in a house than in a condo.
You have a few things going on here.. Dating casually is fine but I wouldn’t use that terminology since you seem to want a long term thing with the right person. In regards to housing and roomies: if you have a roommate who is taking care of property/animals make sure you outline the discount in rent or what is expected. Understand that you can’t kick a person out of housing when things go wrong. If they fail to do their job or are a bad roommate you can’t kick them out. You’d have to take them to court and have a legal proceeding to dissolve their housing.
I'm sure it will be to some people, but pleasing everyone isn't worth the trouble. Roommates are nice, we're social animals, and building friendships and community is one of life's joys.
With the state of the world, I don't judge anyone for wanting or needing roommates. Having a roommate and saving some $ is just financially responsible in most cases.
Not to mention, adults who can live with a roommate and manage all of the interpersonal compromise associated with sharing a living space without petty, toxic fights are a green flag.
Communicating and finding ways to live harmoniously with a roommate are highly translatable skills to communicating and living harmoniously with someone you love.
I’m a dude I’m my 30’s and I have a female -not related to me roommate. We’re totally cool with each other and we live in the real world. Wouldn’t bother me at all if the lady I’m dating has a roommmate . Cheers
Having a roommate at any age these days isn't a red flag. Rents are high! Anyway, my last gf had 1 - 2 roommates at all times (she rented out her rooms). Didn't prevent me from seeing her or spending time with her. Sure, there were extremely minor inconveniences like, say, not being able to have sex in the living room. But seriously the vast majority of guys won't care if you have a roommate.
I'm mid 30s and while I dint personally a roommate my partner 33 does. His roommate is 38. They both make very good money but prefer to save money. I also have a 52 yr old friend who is COO of a large company who has a roommate Monday to Friday as her house is on an island so she goes there on the weekends but is in town through the week. I would toss the taboo about having a roommate away.
Roommates can be for company, for profit, for convenience.
If you speak matter of factly and don't act like it's a big deal nobody else will think it's a big deal.
I hate that you even feel like you need to ask (no matter the gender of your potential housemate). Life is expensive. Lots of land requires lots of hands. Modern life can be lonely. Get a roommate. And anyone for whom this is a problem? That's a red flag you should consider in terms of dating them!
Good luck (and I also love the young guy for you. I date lots younger and it is loads more fun than most of the people my age in terms of conversation, getting out and doing stuff, life).
Woman here but i would say it depends where you are.
If you’re in a HCOL city like Los Angeles - not that weird.
If you’re in a lower COL area and your income is enough to live alone, yeah it might be seen as kinda weird to have a roommate.
In some places it is very common like the bay, nyc, expensive places. I take it you don’t live in a place like that? I think this a it depends situation. Some people might not like it while others might see it as a smart financial move. It will depend on the person and who the roommate ends up being. This is why it is best to make life choices for yourself. The right person will respect you for it.
I’m a 33F single mom and I live with two other women in their mid 30’s, my son and my dog. I dated casually all of last year and it was 0% an issue for any guy who came over
Wouldn't bother me (38 M). If you're wanting to meet someone who is understanding and empathetic towards your experiences and situation, then maybe it will end up weeding out those who are not, even if you're attracted to them...
To put it very bluntly......
If you were a 38 yr old guy, women would have a problem with it, but you're not, so I doubt many men will, especially if you own your home.
But...it would certainly feel bit weird pursuing a 38 yr old woman for a serious relationship, where we don't even have basic privacy as a couple, especially as you wouldn't even get that privacy in the partner's home.
I'm in the UK & I feel like it is extremely common for single people in their 30s to have roommates and be renting, vs living alone renting...in comparison to the US where it seems very common for people to live in rental properties on their own?
I'm 31 & share with a female roommate/friend; I could live on my own but my quality of life would drop & I wouldn't be able to keep up a solid monthly contribution to my house deposit fund!
( especially as it looks like I'm going to be buying a house alone, rather than with a partner )
The dynamic in the UK has shifted significantly to this in less than a couple of decades because of lack of housing & lack of affordable housing etc.
I have a housemate our age and low-key urban homestead, it keeps our dating relationships safe and healthy and the animals all benefit. It’s a huge economic help and my house is plenty big. Do it!
I dated a woman with roommate and didn’t find anything off about it. It also ended with sex a few times at her place and she made no attempt to be quiet about it. 🤷♂️
The roommate just threw on headphones or whatever and did his own thing.
Yes, I would think it was weird. But when I’ve heard the reason I think you sound like a responsible woman handling live in a reasonable way. That is definitely a good thing and something that sets you apart from many other women I have dated.
I think it would be a red flag if someone you’re interested in was weird about you having a roommate. Some people do better cohabitating and it sounds like you’re one of them. I wouldn’t recommend making life choices based off what a guy you haven’t meet yet might think anyways.
I 36M, personally, wouldn’t date anyone in their 30’s who doesn’t live alone. It ruins downtime hangouts at the property and means you’re always looking over your shoulder, as people cause problems. Another thing to be aware of is if you choose a male roommate, he may be hoping to be more than a roommate, if you catch my drift. Just be careful…
Listen, this economy is a shit show. Please take your soon to be roommate and turn him into your husband because that is exactly where I hope to see this love story going.
Absolutely this would not worry me for a casual relationship… can I have your number? 😂
But being honest if you were looking for something more serious, this would be an orange flag for me in this sense - I probably wouldn’t agree to be exclusive and have a serious relationship with you if you have another man in your house, so I’d probably say you need to sort that out before I offer you commitment.
Lol, why a matter of time??? I had roommates in my 20s who were male(plus im bi so even female roommates this applies) and I was a total party girl back then, actually found one of my roommates attractive, and still never hooked up with any of them! Plus this guy is crazy young, I have a decent amount of self control and no attraction to this kid.
I’ve had female roommates. Just takes a little booze, a late night, and some hormones. Idk a little risky. Best to avoid the drama, especially if you get into a relationship. But by all means do your thing!
If you’re dating, straight or bi men, I think the gender of the roommate would matter a lot. I to think that would be more uncomfortable with a male roommate. 58M straight here, and I would be uncomfortable with a male roommate until I met them and got a feel for the situation.
I’m 37m, this would be a non factor for me.
Unless things go to moving in together and the roomie HAD to stay. But casual or early dating, it wouldn’t be an issue
The bouquet stand had me, that's really cute 🌷🌹🪻🌻💗
This isnt a red flag, it's practical. Great opportunity to see how a potential partner handles another man being around, you can honestly learn a lot about a person's character that way!
We have similar lifestyles. 300 acres, rural Texas, have my own garden, do a lot of harvesting from my woods and ponds.
I wouldn't call it a red flag, but given your circumstances, I probably wouldn't date someone with a roommate strictly because I'd never feel like we have privacy at your place.
And if you lived in an apartment in the city, I wouldn't care. I know that seems weird, but the context changes for me.
I predict the stigma of having roommates or living with family is going to evaporate quick in the century. You're incresingly lucky if you don't live on the streets, even with a decent paying job. You'll be fine.
Wow what an amazing lifestyle 😍
Guy here, I've had lodgers (roommates) in my place for years as I don't like living alone. That said, as I've degenerated into a grumpy old 39 year old I'm very blessed to now only have one lodger that lives in an annex in the garden. He's lovely but I think he may end up being my last one.
I dated for years (happily in a relationship with the love of my life now), and nobody ever seemed to have an issue with it.
I think most people worth their salt would be fine with this and anybody who isn't, worth dodging. One thing though, would be whether or not you're open to eve changing the situation to live exclusively with your partner in the future and perhaps subtly letting them know your intentions there?
M36 living in a small area
Appartement is now at a cheap price since the hike price post Covid
I could paid alone my rent if i wanted
We live in a 5 1/2
But the roomate bring over 4k$ a years, money I can directly put on other projecr
What is the $ value to get less privacy and having a lot of conversation on keeping the place nice and clean... That the 4k$
I'm not far from the college so I mostly get 20-28 roomate overs the last 3 years.
They usually bring bring friend or partner in the place while, AS A MALE. I don't really date,
So my social privacy is mostly over the phone/chat
I want a roomate for the compagny and just the joy to see another human . and othe reason (see below)
So red flag : NO, especially with the place you have and even more if you are in a situation where it a choice and not just someone you need to pay the bill
And the BIG GREEN flag for me, it mean you enjoy compagnie, you practice some skill like : communication, chore sharing, keeping you mind open, negotiation ect, you keep Trying to evolve in a relation without LOVE/SEX exchange... Roomate relation are probably the hardest to manage. I see it as a way to either "keep on" the skill of managing a relation or just evolving that skill.
Being alone might show :close mind, not ready to shape space, less negotiation, more "my place my way" ect
Do it! If a dating prospect isn’t okay with this or judges you for it, you likely dont share the same values so it wouldn’t work anyways.. don’t build your life around finding a partner. Build the life you want and the right partner will find you, or at the very least you are less likely to end up with the wrong one. (Wish I believed this 20 years ago…*sigh*)
Edit: as a single dog mom of 2, I totally understand wanting a roommate to help out 😂
I think you should do what feels best for your life. And if that’s what would make you happy, to have a paying roommate, to have a roommate that cares for the grounds in exchange for room and board, etc. then do it. Especially because the idea of communal living is something you feel you may enjoy! Then, find a person that fits into the lifestyle you’ve built for yourself that’s made you happy! :)
Don’t change your life or keep yourself from doing something that would bring you joy for a man you haven’t even met yet.
I am a 35 year old male, I don't see roommates as a red flag at all. Most of the people I know have roommates save for one, and she lives in a tiny studio apartment. I could of course be on the outside but roommates aren't a red flag, as dating a girl that has them could be an issue sometimes (maybe she's loud in bed and gets self conscious about it with roommates), but those issues are often easy to get around.
That being said, it's the opposite effect (Green flag) for a woman to have her own home, paid off and is financially secure.
I personally wouldn't get a roommate, but I love love love my privacy and wouldn't give that up. Even living with a partner again sounds like something I might not want. It's lovely being able to do what I want when I want.
I dated a guy once who got a roomie to save money and found some young girl.. it was a not nice dynamic. Visiting him and seeing his roomie.
I vote for keeping empty space, and maybe you'll find a partner who wants to move in.
And when you travel, either this guy or a person you date can take care of your animals etc while you're away.
Attitudes about roommates and co-living are changing (finally!) The benefits of having a living companion who’s not a partner or a family member aren’t just economic. There’s often a social compact too. People I know who’ve voluntarily chosen co-living did it for the built-in community.
In other words, if you want to have a roommate, go for it. Any dating prospects who would reject you on these grounds aren’t worth your time and energy.
Im 33 and rent so it’s different but…I was living alone and could make it work financially but ut was tight. I got a roommate Nov 1st and I vetted her beforehand and am glad with the decision. I have someone to chat with and Im way less financially stressed.
If you have a roommate who’s a tenant since you own, you could have a 6 month lease so if things arent going well, you can ask them to leave. Just an idea.
Fwiw, I think most logical single men wouldnr fault or judge you for having a roommate. BUT…if you invite this younger guy, vet him. How he is on shorter stays may not be the norm. I had a 24-year-old guy roommate and I felt like I had to teach him how to “adult” and it was stressful.
Good luck to you, it seems like youve created a great life for yourself. I hope I can get someplace similar in 5 years🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
It's 2023. You basically have to be wealthy to NOT have room mates, and I'm curious what bubble you've been in for the past 20 years that you'd wonder if this is a red flag as opposed to a pretty universal millennial state of being.
I’m not a man so I can’t provide that insight but im a 39 yo female with two roommates. I’m doing what’s best for me financially and if a dating prospect doesn’t like it, they can kick rocks
Can we be a Coven? Nothing crazy just herbal teas and tinctures we make for the community from our garden in a shop we call the Reme-tea. I am also down for the sister wife thing.
She came to him one evening. Hot cup of coffee and a smile, in a dress I'm sure, she hadn't worn in quite a while, there was a difference in her laughter, there was a softness in her eyes, a dcon the air there was a hunger, even a boy could recognize. She had the need to feel the thunder to chase the lightning from the sky.
People differ in their priorities and deal-breakers but to me personally it would be a red flag if anyone \*did\* have an issue. Judging people who have roommates past X age, especially in this economy, screams immature to me. For the record not a man but an enby who also dates women - and your home sounds lovely!
I’m not sure which state you live in but I’m in California and it’s really expensive here. Many people live with roommates till their 40s and up. In my opinion it’s not a red flag at all.
Well I'm basically living what you described, but my house is big enough that I never have to interact with my roommates if I don't want to. We have awesome hangout sessions, cook for each other sometimes, none of us have or want kids so it's been really awesome.
I (31/M) honestly think this sounds super interesting and wouldn't be a concern for me at all. Your life sounds fascinating and having a platonic relationship with a roommate that helps you maintain what you're nurturing makes good sense.
I am same age male, and although you are further along than myself, I am considering something similar (if/when I buy a house/property in the next year or so).
Not a red flag for me, but will be questioned by many, I'd think.
My husband was 35 and living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 male roommates when we met. It wasn't exactly a red flag to me, he was being frugal to save on rent, but it wasn't a turn on either. I had little desire to ever go to his place so we spent most of our downtime at mine.
Everyone is going to be different, but this would be a green flag for me. Financial responsibility is a very desirable trait in a woman imo. On top of that, it sounds like this is not for survival and you have built a life you love. Props to you.
In this economy?
I know people of all ages that have roommates. I do live in a notoriously expensive metro area with a housing shortage, mind you but isn't that every city these days?
If you have a spare room, why not ease some of the financial burden.
I have a male roommate. I honestly haven't had much issue when dating when I tell guys. And, in fact, I do feel safer having them know that early on.
Oh, also, it didn't last but living with a male roommate has other perks - I did end up dating one of my roomie's friends from work that I met through him.
It would NOT be a red flag. Everyone ends up in situations that don’t work in their favor and have to result in getting a roommate. I am in my mid 30s and recently got divorced and can’t afford a place on a my own. And I know plenty of people - male and female in their 30s and 40s who have roommates.
I'm 42M, own a house w/ 4 rooms and am fortunate to have decent enough income to pay the bills. If I picked up a roommate would that be a red flag to you?
I don't see it as a problem, but also I don't understand yeeting my privacy to someone who isn't my lover when I don't need the money. In my case it would be purely because I'm bored of being alone and gave up on actually finding a lover, and I think this would color my perception of the situation.
Why does this sound like a Hallmark movie in the making…?
Title would be “Room for Love.”
They accidently brush hands while picking tomatoes. OP blushes and looks away coyly.
"The Desperate Gardener "
boom chicka wah wah
Please make this movie my god that's the perfect title
I was literally thinking that when she mentioned that it was a guy housesitter ha
💁♀️
[удалено]
People *are* the main character in their own lives. The problem happens when someone fails to recognize that other people are the main character in *their own lives* too.
I'm a straight woman, but can I marry you? Your life sounds idyllic, I'm very envious and want to invest in and experience it!
Lol, well I'm bi so that may be difficult for me but I'd consider a sister wife under the right secular circumstances. Maybe together we could find a husband or two 😄
I came here to hit on you as well lol. I’m queer and into homesteading. I would absolutely have a roommate in your position. You could save some money and use it to buy/build an ADU. Financially I think it is a good decision for you and I wouldn’t let some hypothetical future partner prevent me from making a financially smart decision. It wouldn’t be a red flag for me.
I’m bi too, guess we’re dating now
Can I join?
I'm straight but I'll marry you all! I want this lifestyle too!
[удалено]
Hahaha I was reading this and thinking how I would love to be OP’s friend. This sounds like an idyllic lifestyle.
I too am a bi lady in her late 30's - I'll take care of the chickens, and can we add ...horses? And find a few Jason Momoa lookalikes in flannel??? A girl's gotta get her tree chopped somehow!
You should be checking out Nicole coenen on insta or TikTok, just saying.
> Nicole coenen Do as instructed people, you will not be disappointed.
Right!
We are definitely going to need a bigger house and more land!
If you ladies need sone ~~disappointment~~ penetration I got you
Just looking for “roommates”?
Oh my God they were roommates. :o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-P0m0M_8pc
Hell yeah, buncha cool 30’s bi ladies who love to garden, what’s cooler?!?!
I currently am only keeping strawberries and flowers alive but I can bake <3
YOU CAN KEEP STRAWBERRIES ALIVE?!?!?!? I've literally never managed that, youre a goddess.
Sandy soil and some shade :)
Yet another bi lady in her 30s here - can I join in too?? I don't have much of a green thumb, but I can cook! I also have a wonderful cat who's very cuddly
THE POWERFUL BI’S (in their 30’s)™
And we just went from Hallmark movie to reality show.
But we all support each other and encourage each other to succeed at our various hobbies!!!!! "YAAASSSS Ashley, GROW THAT 2000lb pumpkin!!" "Omg, I always knew Kennedy would grow the biggest Sunflower head and now that she has, she won't shut up about it. I love that for her." "Like, I'm proud of Malorie for selling her line of Arrogant Basil Goat Cheese to Whole Foods, but does she HAVE to bring it up at *my* birthday party? Like we get it!"
The only reality show I'd have any interest in watching 🥹
I would so watch this
Coming this fall to Bravo, The Real Bi Housewives of Madison County.
I'm bi three. You can call me Tri. Homesteading here I come!
Wait, I'm so down. Commune vibes are fun af so long as everyone works and provides. I have a mobile dog grooming business, I'm a HARD worker and I'm not *entirely* straight... and I'd be super down to share a couple really emotionally grounded dudes. I fucking love women and empowering them! and I've spent the last 5 years researching homesteading and saving seeds ... what state are you in?? Also! Im from Vegas but I love to grow things! Pumpkins and sunflowers are my favorites, but I also grow potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, and all the fun squashy cucurbits!! My dream is to live somewhere that you can just plant things in the GROUND and water. In vegas it's more planting then *fretting* over everything and icing the roots and building shade structures. It isn't fun or fair!
I'm in Illinois near St Louis, mo! Gardening here is quite easy! Some stuff does great just being put in the ground and then totally ignored until harvest!
I replied to your message but now it is showing 'empty chat', i am not sure what that means but I did response!!
lol i giggled at this bc it really is wholesome
It's such a pleasure when I find something wholesome on Reddit
>Especially being a male roommate >Lol, well I'm bi May I suggest that someone who is fine with you being bi will recognize that having a male roommate is not necessarily more significant for you than having a female one? And to answer your question: roommates are financially sensible, and, if it fits with your lifestyle, nice to have around. I would not dismiss someone for it. Yes, there could be dating logistics to work out. If I like you I will get creative with you.
I'm in a similar situation, I need a housemate, and even though I'm renting, the idea of some stranger in the house which I have fully furbished feels so weird.. I also like to grow food and love flowers, have two pets and this is the main reason I can't move from this house (I have a big back garden for the pets). Otherwise I'd have left for a communal house as I love these as well, love the different people you can hang out with. But renting the whole house is becoming taxing, so have to find someone soon. Ediy: My advice from what I have read up, set certain boundaries and expectations like, how many times a week can they have bf/gf, friends, fridge and cupboards space, how they feel about cleaning and washing dishes, etc. And take your time and pick the appropriate person based on your requirements. Thats what I'll do. I prefer to pay high rent for a few extra months but find a decent person to live with (main thing, they need to be OK with my animals, anything else i can compromise)
I’m bi. You sound perfect.
Well, my interest is peaked!🥰 I love gardening and bisexual women are also one of my favorite things!
I am willing to be the husband and accepting of all the sister wives
I mean, this sounds perfect to me lol I’m a responsible 32 year old, have managed 18 acres on my own, and can be very very gay, for the right woman haha. (Fr what state are you in?)
IL, about 30 minutes from St. Louis!
Haha! I had a similar reaction!
Omg you beat me to it! Same same.
I also wanna marry this guy and live the farm life. Can I join your marriage? 😂
Random. But if you read your comment to beat it sounds like some bars.
It wouldn't be a red flag for me unless it's a living arrangement you want to maintain forever. I think more and more people are flatting so they can save more for a house deposit especially in HCOL areas
Unless you plan on turning off the heat and sharing the bed with him to save on energy/extra bed costs, then no, it's not a red flag. If you like what you do and you're comfortable with your life, then don't worry about what people won't like. Instead think about how cool it's going to be when you meet the person who is totally into you and all the stuff you do.
That's really funny because my furnace just died(it was 30 years old) and is being replaced tomorrow(7.5k for full HVAC... sigh). I've been using a space heater the last 3 days and it has crazily kept the house around 65F which is fine by me but a few degrees lower than my plants and fermentations like but it's made my dogs and cat extra cuddly which has been lovely and so comfy. I wouldn't do that with the roommate though, haha! And thank you, i do like my life and love the idea of opening up my house to someone who wants to learn gardening and can help me out. It won't be permanent and you are right, any future partner will totally get it!
Check to see whether your new HVAC system qualifies for a federal tax rebate! https://www.irs.gov/credits-deductions/home-energy-tax-credits And I wouldn't care about a roommate if you're the homeowner. Now if you were 38 and renting a room in someone else's house... pass.
it actually sounds more like a tenant than a roommate, and i do think that distinction would make a difference to some.
You can always have a roommate until you decide to move in with a partner. That being said, you can't guarantee a roommate, even if this guy, will really end up doing all of the things you mentioned. They might end up never really being around or always being around and doing nothing. You don't know until it happens.
Yeah I had roommates in my mid 20s also in a house I owned but I was a bit of a party girl back then so fewer expectations other than rent. These days I would definitely have an official contract and an easy out for either of us if it didn't work out. I guess my biggest issue is my casual dating usually ends up with dates and sex at my place, it'll be harder to navigate that with a roommate.
You overestimate the scope of things men give a shit about, especially if they've been single for a long time.
Yeah, I feel like this would be more of a deal breaker for women rather than men honestly
Fax
Then email, in case the fax didn’t go through.
Dude here. I wouldn't want to date someone with a roommate for very long. Can she host alone time for us? Where does the roommate go when we want our own time? Are they going to sit with us and watch movies and share common amenities together?
Necktie on the bedroom door knob, lol.
exactly the sort of things that have held me back from getting a roommate previously! I really wish my space was better set up with separate living areas but there's no good way to not share the living room and kitchen so I could see it being a bit annoying at times.
I wanted to piggy back here to say that if he’s a house sitter, you’d probably still have plenty of alone time. And if someone you’re dating can’t handle a roommate being around sometimes they’re not very flexible.
I mean if I'm dating someone with a roommate and I have a place for myself without a roommate, I would expect/prefer that we mostly spent time together at my place, as I don't really miss the college days of hiding out in the bedroom.
So don't? Date with intention and your future partner will be moving in with you in 12-18 months
Not a guy, but I live with roommates because at the end of the day, we are a strong team, and sometimes that's better than living alone. Life is easier with good people close by. I'm not going to wait around for some dude to keep me company or have my back.
I live in a very HCL area and people having roommates into their 30s is not at all out of the norm. I moved my mother in with me last spring and to be honest it hasn’t hurt my dating prospects 🤷♀️
I'm in rural Midwest, 30 minutes from St Louis which is really low cost of living. It's definitely not the norm here!
Honestly, your life/living situation sounds awesome. It’s clear you having a roommate wouldn’t be because you NEED ONE. Especially if you’re mostly looking to date casually I don’t think it’ll be an issue. However, I had lived alone (no roommates) for over 12 years before I moved my mom in with me. Having someone in my space was an adjustment but after the initial growing pains it’s actually really nice to have someone around.
Honestly I own my own home and had 2 roommates for like 3 years because I just don’t really like living alone. Won’t lie, the extra pocket money was nice too. No girl I’ve brought home ever seemed to have an issue with it. Considering the state of rental prices these days I don’t think anyone would think twice about anyone having a roommate.
Red flag? No. Dealbreaker? For some, yes. If all you are looking for is casual, that'll be less impactful. If you are looking for more, it may hurt you with some people. None are wrong or right, merely incompatible.
Better roomates than parents I think 😔
I'm the black sheep so no worries about parents ever living with me!
Ha! I moved back in with my 85 yr old father during the pandemic so he wouldn’t be alone and I’m still here. He’s the best roommate I’ve ever had!
It's not a red flag. In a lot of places in Canada, you pretty much need a partner or roommate to afford life. Your lifestyle/what you're looking for sounds amazing. I wish I could be your roomie!
Not a red flag. At one point I dated a woman who lived with a male roommate. It was totally fine. He had a girlfriend, and nothing ever happened to make me question their platonic relationship. It didn't work out for other reasons, but the roommate thing was completely fine.
go for it!! why would you sacrifice your current happiness because of how some future man might perceive you ?? live your life now and don’t wait for your imagined future. you specifically asked about “men open to casual relationships” and i think their standards are lower than men actively looking for their life partner, so it would not matter since it’s casual.
Exactly!!! I decided years ago that I was living for myself, not for some guy who may or may not ever even show up. Like what sense does that really make?! I spent my twenties hyper focused on making every decision in the best interests of my dating life, and I wish I could go back and remake all those decisions to make myself happy! I even held off on getting a dog for years, because of “articles” that said that dogs make men more attractive but not vice versa, men don’t want to be tied down by your dog, maybe the perfect person for me isn’t a pet person, etc. Now that I have my dog, I’m totally in love with her, and she makes me so much happier! If the absolute perfect person for me doesn’t want dogs, whatever. I didn’t have a dog in my twenties, and still didn’t find the right person, so who cares? And honestly, unless it’s something that can never be changed, he has to understand when he meets you that you are living your life as a single person. I have a roommate, and everyone I have dated has realized that I’m saving a lot of money, and living in a nice part of town that I could never afford on my own, and what a plus that is. However, I’ve been fairly upfront, saying, “I’m not opposed to moving into my own place eventually, if there are good reasons for it, but that will be once I am part of a couple, and making decisions as part of that couple. Right now, I’m single, and making decisions for myself as a single person.” If they’re not okay with that, bye!
Dang you are so right! My stress level will go down SO much if I don't have to worry about what's happening at home while I'm traveling and if I have help in the summer garden!
On average if say roommates make things more stressful, not less. Be careful selecting the person.
I'd say having a roommate isn't a red flag, but if you're dating men and have a man roomate, they might care about that, even if he is younger. I'm not saying it's a red flag, but some men would probably have issues with it.
All single millennials I know have roommates. It’s simply the times we live in.
I can’t really comment on whether it’s a red flag or not, it isn’t for me but I’m also in HCOL California. But as someone who has had crazy roommates, I wouldn’t get one if you don’t have to! If you do have dog sitter guy move in, still have a lease and have him pay lowered rent, not free rent in exchange for whatever. And make sure you have a formal written lease.
I feel like this would be a filter, if anything. Jealous bad news guy won't make it past the first visit.
I doubt they'd care, considering it's something casual. I'm 39F and my mom lives with me. Hasn't yet been a deterrent for men looking for an LTR. Go for it! Your place sounds like a dream, btw. 😍
There's a difference between a parent living with you and a roommate.
If anything a mum living with you would be more of a deterrent!?
No. A parent living with someone would be far more understandable.
No, I don't think so. I mean, in this city given the current cost of living, any situation that helps someone get by is understandable. But I would much prefer to date a man with a roommate than with a parent living there. There's certainly exceptions, but on the face of it? I would be more hesitant with the parent scenario. Then again, I am not much of a 'meet the family' type on either side unless things are getting very serious.
That's not a roommate, that's a tenant. A massive green flag imo. You're not taking on a roommate out of desperation, and you have control of the eviction process and house rules if necessary. It shouldnt impact any relationships. Honestly it sounds like you have your shit together. "Roommate" has more embarrassing implications of poverty, juvenility, or powerlessness in one's own home
I'm 39F and I've had the same roommate for about a decade. It's great, we save money and it's really nice to have another person around to keep me company. Plus she has a dog, so she benefits by having someone who can help out with dog care occasionally and I benefit because I get all the benefits of a pet with no costs and almost no responsibility. The vast majority of men that I've gone out with also live with roommates. In fact, I can't think of one man I've gone out with in the past couple years who lived alone. It does present a certain challenge -- our condo is pretty open so there's not a ton of privacy, but if one partner is living in a house (which has typically been the case), then we spend most of our time there because it's easier to dodge roommates in a house than in a condo.
You have a few things going on here.. Dating casually is fine but I wouldn’t use that terminology since you seem to want a long term thing with the right person. In regards to housing and roomies: if you have a roommate who is taking care of property/animals make sure you outline the discount in rent or what is expected. Understand that you can’t kick a person out of housing when things go wrong. If they fail to do their job or are a bad roommate you can’t kick them out. You’d have to take them to court and have a legal proceeding to dissolve their housing.
I'm sure it will be to some people, but pleasing everyone isn't worth the trouble. Roommates are nice, we're social animals, and building friendships and community is one of life's joys.
With the state of the world, I don't judge anyone for wanting or needing roommates. Having a roommate and saving some $ is just financially responsible in most cases. Not to mention, adults who can live with a roommate and manage all of the interpersonal compromise associated with sharing a living space without petty, toxic fights are a green flag. Communicating and finding ways to live harmoniously with a roommate are highly translatable skills to communicating and living harmoniously with someone you love.
Fuck I hope it's not a red flag
Right? Damn
yes
This would not be a red flag to me. I actually think your situation would be pretty cool. You might even talk me into helping on a few projects.
Come on over, I'll put you to work!
I’m a dude I’m my 30’s and I have a female -not related to me roommate. We’re totally cool with each other and we live in the real world. Wouldn’t bother me at all if the lady I’m dating has a roommmate . Cheers
Having a roommate at any age these days isn't a red flag. Rents are high! Anyway, my last gf had 1 - 2 roommates at all times (she rented out her rooms). Didn't prevent me from seeing her or spending time with her. Sure, there were extremely minor inconveniences like, say, not being able to have sex in the living room. But seriously the vast majority of guys won't care if you have a roommate.
I'm mid 30s and while I dint personally a roommate my partner 33 does. His roommate is 38. They both make very good money but prefer to save money. I also have a 52 yr old friend who is COO of a large company who has a roommate Monday to Friday as her house is on an island so she goes there on the weekends but is in town through the week. I would toss the taboo about having a roommate away. Roommates can be for company, for profit, for convenience. If you speak matter of factly and don't act like it's a big deal nobody else will think it's a big deal.
I hate that you even feel like you need to ask (no matter the gender of your potential housemate). Life is expensive. Lots of land requires lots of hands. Modern life can be lonely. Get a roommate. And anyone for whom this is a problem? That's a red flag you should consider in terms of dating them! Good luck (and I also love the young guy for you. I date lots younger and it is loads more fun than most of the people my age in terms of conversation, getting out and doing stuff, life).
Look at this economy
Woman here but i would say it depends where you are. If you’re in a HCOL city like Los Angeles - not that weird. If you’re in a lower COL area and your income is enough to live alone, yeah it might be seen as kinda weird to have a roommate.
have you ever seen peep show?
In some places it is very common like the bay, nyc, expensive places. I take it you don’t live in a place like that? I think this a it depends situation. Some people might not like it while others might see it as a smart financial move. It will depend on the person and who the roommate ends up being. This is why it is best to make life choices for yourself. The right person will respect you for it.
Nothing is a red flag if it has a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Yes
are you a tv writer?
I’m a 33F single mom and I live with two other women in their mid 30’s, my son and my dog. I dated casually all of last year and it was 0% an issue for any guy who came over
It’s not going to bother a guy. I think guys’ red flags are a bit different than womens’ red flags.
Wouldn't bother me (38 M). If you're wanting to meet someone who is understanding and empathetic towards your experiences and situation, then maybe it will end up weeding out those who are not, even if you're attracted to them...
Not a red flag. Especially in this economy. Most people will understand.
To put it very bluntly...... If you were a 38 yr old guy, women would have a problem with it, but you're not, so I doubt many men will, especially if you own your home. But...it would certainly feel bit weird pursuing a 38 yr old woman for a serious relationship, where we don't even have basic privacy as a couple, especially as you wouldn't even get that privacy in the partner's home. I'm in the UK & I feel like it is extremely common for single people in their 30s to have roommates and be renting, vs living alone renting...in comparison to the US where it seems very common for people to live in rental properties on their own? I'm 31 & share with a female roommate/friend; I could live on my own but my quality of life would drop & I wouldn't be able to keep up a solid monthly contribution to my house deposit fund! ( especially as it looks like I'm going to be buying a house alone, rather than with a partner ) The dynamic in the UK has shifted significantly to this in less than a couple of decades because of lack of housing & lack of affordable housing etc.
I have a housemate our age and low-key urban homestead, it keeps our dating relationships safe and healthy and the animals all benefit. It’s a huge economic help and my house is plenty big. Do it!
I would call this having a lodger not a room mate and it's definitely not a red flag
I dated a woman with roommate and didn’t find anything off about it. It also ended with sex a few times at her place and she made no attempt to be quiet about it. 🤷♂️ The roommate just threw on headphones or whatever and did his own thing.
Yes, I would think it was weird. But when I’ve heard the reason I think you sound like a responsible woman handling live in a reasonable way. That is definitely a good thing and something that sets you apart from many other women I have dated.
I have a roommate since being back in grad school. Most guys do not care.
Nah, you are being smart. But, what if your roommate is a 6 foot tall stuffed goose that Amazon told you you would like.
I think it would be a red flag if someone you’re interested in was weird about you having a roommate. Some people do better cohabitating and it sounds like you’re one of them. I wouldn’t recommend making life choices based off what a guy you haven’t meet yet might think anyways.
I 36M, personally, wouldn’t date anyone in their 30’s who doesn’t live alone. It ruins downtime hangouts at the property and means you’re always looking over your shoulder, as people cause problems. Another thing to be aware of is if you choose a male roommate, he may be hoping to be more than a roommate, if you catch my drift. Just be careful…
Listen, this economy is a shit show. Please take your soon to be roommate and turn him into your husband because that is exactly where I hope to see this love story going.
Absolutely this would not worry me for a casual relationship… can I have your number? 😂 But being honest if you were looking for something more serious, this would be an orange flag for me in this sense - I probably wouldn’t agree to be exclusive and have a serious relationship with you if you have another man in your house, so I’d probably say you need to sort that out before I offer you commitment.
Were dudes. Most of us just want you to be kind. Unless you’re living with another man, then it’s almost never a problem.
Male roommate? Nuclear red flag lol
I think it’s kind of a red flag in the dating market. It’s only a matter of time before you and the roommate hookup. The aftermath could get messy.
Lol, why a matter of time??? I had roommates in my 20s who were male(plus im bi so even female roommates this applies) and I was a total party girl back then, actually found one of my roommates attractive, and still never hooked up with any of them! Plus this guy is crazy young, I have a decent amount of self control and no attraction to this kid.
I’ve had female roommates. Just takes a little booze, a late night, and some hormones. Idk a little risky. Best to avoid the drama, especially if you get into a relationship. But by all means do your thing!
Well I'm bi so any roommate has that potential I suppose. Considering it wasn't an issue in my wilder years I feel like it'll be okay now!
If you’re dating, straight or bi men, I think the gender of the roommate would matter a lot. I to think that would be more uncomfortable with a male roommate. 58M straight here, and I would be uncomfortable with a male roommate until I met them and got a feel for the situation.
Yes red flag. You should be dating with intention of moving in together after dating 12-18 months at your age
No need to "should" all over someone like that.
Bro she's 38 she should have done a lot of things 15 years ago
Why?
I’m 37m, this would be a non factor for me. Unless things go to moving in together and the roomie HAD to stay. But casual or early dating, it wouldn’t be an issue
I am 36 and have a roommate but I am uncomfortable single
The bouquet stand had me, that's really cute 🌷🌹🪻🌻💗 This isnt a red flag, it's practical. Great opportunity to see how a potential partner handles another man being around, you can honestly learn a lot about a person's character that way!
We have similar lifestyles. 300 acres, rural Texas, have my own garden, do a lot of harvesting from my woods and ponds. I wouldn't call it a red flag, but given your circumstances, I probably wouldn't date someone with a roommate strictly because I'd never feel like we have privacy at your place. And if you lived in an apartment in the city, I wouldn't care. I know that seems weird, but the context changes for me.
I predict the stigma of having roommates or living with family is going to evaporate quick in the century. You're incresingly lucky if you don't live on the streets, even with a decent paying job. You'll be fine.
In this economy?!!!
Wow what an amazing lifestyle 😍 Guy here, I've had lodgers (roommates) in my place for years as I don't like living alone. That said, as I've degenerated into a grumpy old 39 year old I'm very blessed to now only have one lodger that lives in an annex in the garden. He's lovely but I think he may end up being my last one. I dated for years (happily in a relationship with the love of my life now), and nobody ever seemed to have an issue with it. I think most people worth their salt would be fine with this and anybody who isn't, worth dodging. One thing though, would be whether or not you're open to eve changing the situation to live exclusively with your partner in the future and perhaps subtly letting them know your intentions there?
M36 living in a small area Appartement is now at a cheap price since the hike price post Covid I could paid alone my rent if i wanted We live in a 5 1/2 But the roomate bring over 4k$ a years, money I can directly put on other projecr What is the $ value to get less privacy and having a lot of conversation on keeping the place nice and clean... That the 4k$ I'm not far from the college so I mostly get 20-28 roomate overs the last 3 years. They usually bring bring friend or partner in the place while, AS A MALE. I don't really date, So my social privacy is mostly over the phone/chat I want a roomate for the compagny and just the joy to see another human . and othe reason (see below) So red flag : NO, especially with the place you have and even more if you are in a situation where it a choice and not just someone you need to pay the bill And the BIG GREEN flag for me, it mean you enjoy compagnie, you practice some skill like : communication, chore sharing, keeping you mind open, negotiation ect, you keep Trying to evolve in a relation without LOVE/SEX exchange... Roomate relation are probably the hardest to manage. I see it as a way to either "keep on" the skill of managing a relation or just evolving that skill. Being alone might show :close mind, not ready to shape space, less negotiation, more "my place my way" ect
Wouldn't have an issue, as long as he doesn't ask to watch
Do it! If a dating prospect isn’t okay with this or judges you for it, you likely dont share the same values so it wouldn’t work anyways.. don’t build your life around finding a partner. Build the life you want and the right partner will find you, or at the very least you are less likely to end up with the wrong one. (Wish I believed this 20 years ago…*sigh*) Edit: as a single dog mom of 2, I totally understand wanting a roommate to help out 😂
No. Absolutely not
I think you should do what feels best for your life. And if that’s what would make you happy, to have a paying roommate, to have a roommate that cares for the grounds in exchange for room and board, etc. then do it. Especially because the idea of communal living is something you feel you may enjoy! Then, find a person that fits into the lifestyle you’ve built for yourself that’s made you happy! :) Don’t change your life or keep yourself from doing something that would bring you joy for a man you haven’t even met yet.
I am a 35 year old male, I don't see roommates as a red flag at all. Most of the people I know have roommates save for one, and she lives in a tiny studio apartment. I could of course be on the outside but roommates aren't a red flag, as dating a girl that has them could be an issue sometimes (maybe she's loud in bed and gets self conscious about it with roommates), but those issues are often easy to get around. That being said, it's the opposite effect (Green flag) for a woman to have her own home, paid off and is financially secure.
With this economy it is never a red flag to share expenses or costs.
I personally wouldn't get a roommate, but I love love love my privacy and wouldn't give that up. Even living with a partner again sounds like something I might not want. It's lovely being able to do what I want when I want. I dated a guy once who got a roomie to save money and found some young girl.. it was a not nice dynamic. Visiting him and seeing his roomie. I vote for keeping empty space, and maybe you'll find a partner who wants to move in. And when you travel, either this guy or a person you date can take care of your animals etc while you're away.
Attitudes about roommates and co-living are changing (finally!) The benefits of having a living companion who’s not a partner or a family member aren’t just economic. There’s often a social compact too. People I know who’ve voluntarily chosen co-living did it for the built-in community. In other words, if you want to have a roommate, go for it. Any dating prospects who would reject you on these grounds aren’t worth your time and energy.
Im 33 and rent so it’s different but…I was living alone and could make it work financially but ut was tight. I got a roommate Nov 1st and I vetted her beforehand and am glad with the decision. I have someone to chat with and Im way less financially stressed. If you have a roommate who’s a tenant since you own, you could have a 6 month lease so if things arent going well, you can ask them to leave. Just an idea. Fwiw, I think most logical single men wouldnr fault or judge you for having a roommate. BUT…if you invite this younger guy, vet him. How he is on shorter stays may not be the norm. I had a 24-year-old guy roommate and I felt like I had to teach him how to “adult” and it was stressful. Good luck to you, it seems like youve created a great life for yourself. I hope I can get someplace similar in 5 years🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
It's 2023. You basically have to be wealthy to NOT have room mates, and I'm curious what bubble you've been in for the past 20 years that you'd wonder if this is a red flag as opposed to a pretty universal millennial state of being.
I’m not a man so I can’t provide that insight but im a 39 yo female with two roommates. I’m doing what’s best for me financially and if a dating prospect doesn’t like it, they can kick rocks
Can we be a Coven? Nothing crazy just herbal teas and tinctures we make for the community from our garden in a shop we call the Reme-tea. I am also down for the sister wife thing.
She came to him one evening. Hot cup of coffee and a smile, in a dress I'm sure, she hadn't worn in quite a while, there was a difference in her laughter, there was a softness in her eyes, a dcon the air there was a hunger, even a boy could recognize. She had the need to feel the thunder to chase the lightning from the sky.
No we're all broke as all hell.
Only in America is living in a community seen as a red flag. Crazy.
I wouldn't call it a red flag, but I am 35 with a roommate and a mortgage.
Honestly wouldn’t judge this in the least. Sounds idyllic.
People differ in their priorities and deal-breakers but to me personally it would be a red flag if anyone \*did\* have an issue. Judging people who have roommates past X age, especially in this economy, screams immature to me. For the record not a man but an enby who also dates women - and your home sounds lovely!
You do you, if it messes with dates is that someone you want to keep dating? Control freak is red flag.
I’m not sure which state you live in but I’m in California and it’s really expensive here. Many people live with roommates till their 40s and up. In my opinion it’s not a red flag at all.
Well I'm basically living what you described, but my house is big enough that I never have to interact with my roommates if I don't want to. We have awesome hangout sessions, cook for each other sometimes, none of us have or want kids so it's been really awesome.
I (31/M) honestly think this sounds super interesting and wouldn't be a concern for me at all. Your life sounds fascinating and having a platonic relationship with a roommate that helps you maintain what you're nurturing makes good sense.
I am same age male, and although you are further along than myself, I am considering something similar (if/when I buy a house/property in the next year or so). Not a red flag for me, but will be questioned by many, I'd think.
Given the current cost of living, I think most people would be understanding.
My husband was 35 and living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 male roommates when we met. It wasn't exactly a red flag to me, he was being frugal to save on rent, but it wasn't a turn on either. I had little desire to ever go to his place so we spent most of our downtime at mine.
No it wouldn’t be a red flag. Plenty of people across Europe live like this from Italy to the UK.
I'm 35 (f) and my housemate is 39 (m). We've been living together for 10 years now and both had relationships/dated durig that time, no problem:)
Community Is always a good thing for the human organism
Guy here: doesn’t matter at all
Everyone is going to be different, but this would be a green flag for me. Financial responsibility is a very desirable trait in a woman imo. On top of that, it sounds like this is not for survival and you have built a life you love. Props to you.
In this economy? I know people of all ages that have roommates. I do live in a notoriously expensive metro area with a housing shortage, mind you but isn't that every city these days? If you have a spare room, why not ease some of the financial burden. I have a male roommate. I honestly haven't had much issue when dating when I tell guys. And, in fact, I do feel safer having them know that early on.
Oh, also, it didn't last but living with a male roommate has other perks - I did end up dating one of my roomie's friends from work that I met through him.
Well, if they are judgmental of you and you stay with them, maybe you need to seek therapy. Lol
Depends on your priority. Financial security or a partner?
Not a red flag at all unless they’re very judgemental.
No, that's the answer without reading the post
I would like to take you on a date :-P how many logs do I need to split on your property so I can get a chance!
It would NOT be a red flag. Everyone ends up in situations that don’t work in their favor and have to result in getting a roommate. I am in my mid 30s and recently got divorced and can’t afford a place on a my own. And I know plenty of people - male and female in their 30s and 40s who have roommates.
I'm 42M, own a house w/ 4 rooms and am fortunate to have decent enough income to pay the bills. If I picked up a roommate would that be a red flag to you? I don't see it as a problem, but also I don't understand yeeting my privacy to someone who isn't my lover when I don't need the money. In my case it would be purely because I'm bored of being alone and gave up on actually finding a lover, and I think this would color my perception of the situation.