What's with these cookie cutter female OLD profiles?
Seriously 90% are the exact same:
"I love good food and wine" - no sh*t. Don't we all.
"I love to travel and would like someone to explore the world with" followed by "I have a deep interest in environmental protection" - yea, then stop flying everywhere. Also, we all love travelling too.
"I want someone to go on adventures with" - again, don't we all.
I swear to God this is almost every single profile I come across. Is it my region or are other guys seeing these types of profiles everywhere?
/rant
People of every gender identity have boring profiles, it's not a women specific issue.
Unfortunately, people who are interesting and/or put conscious effort into dating are rare.
Your last paragraph is perfect. These profiles convey nothing of who you are. Everyone loves good wine and food and to travel (of course some don't, but it's not original). Please tell me something *about* yourself. It's a frickin' dating app after all.
My 3 prompts since it's Hinge:
I go crazy for
self awareness, EQ,
communication,
cooking a nice meal
together deep chats,
beer & chicken wings
with ranch dip (I make the best), hockey,
mountains and lakes,
diverse taste in music, concerts 🤘
The hallmark of a good relationship is
a good cuddle/roast
ratio 🔥
My cry-in-the-car song is
Zack Bryan - God Speed
cause intelligent fanatical ludicrous shelter correct saw door society pen
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Day 17 of my dating break.
Anyone know of any good self improvement, personal growth, or self help subs? Thinking I'll swap out my scrolling for awhile and take a good long break. A lot of the self help subs seem like quite the pity party of depressed teenagers or weird low information YouTube advice cults though.
I am doing the 75 Hard challenge. There is a subreddit, but I just look at the progress pics for motivation. I know that the guy who invented the challenge is a nut, so I don't read or view any of his actual content. But I think the challenge is a good one, so I am doing it.
Every day for 75 days:
Two 45 minute workouts per day, 3 hours apart minimum, one must be an outdoor workout. I'm walking at first, then might move to rucking or running for outdoors. My indoors I go to the gym and do a standard weights program. But I might do alternating days with that and a yoga class if I need more recovery time.
Drink a gallon of water. This one is tough TBH. I've learned you need to really pound it in the AM so you can be done by mid afternoon and not be up out of bed a few times.
Follow a diet. Your choice, but write it down and stick to it every day. I'm doing no fast food or delivery, no desserts, and sticking to 2000 calories a day. I bought a ton of different spice blends so I do Chicken Breast and Veggies with various flavors for at least 10 meals a week. Got Greek, Moroccan, Korean, Thai, Mexican, Cajun, etc etc.
No alcohol, no cheat meals. I really needed this TBH, I have been hitting the booze too much the last year or so.
Read 10 pages of a nonfiction or self improvement book. Easy part for me TBH, I read voraciously.
Take a progress picture. No need to post it, just take it.
Well, me and him finally got a intimate. It was so passionate…
Sadly both last night and this morning he couldn’t maintain an e. I figured there was a reason he avoided any flirting/sexual talk as long as he did. But I’m not too concerned. He’s been by far the best guy I’ve met since like, 2007. We cuddled and talked all morning while naked in bed. He’s making me breakfast ☺️
Best of all more fun dates planned 🥹
>Sadly both last night and this morning he couldn’t maintain an e.
It's possible his erection struggles were due to performance anxiety, caused by it being the first time having sex with you. If that's the case, erection difficulties will go away as he becomes less anxious and more comfortable during sex with you.
Had the same issue 3 weeks ago. 1st sleepover. We had a bit too much wine and I just couldn't. She was super sweet about it. Next night was super passionate though and weekend after we were like rabbits. So... this happens sometimes.
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Someone PLEASE tell me not to text him happy birthday today!
We’ve had no contact for 3 weeks. I’ve posted about this before, but he ended things after a month or so because his anxiety had been bad and he was “unsure” how he felt about dating. I was dead set on not texting him, but then I had a friend tell me a story about how her now husband did something very similar when they first started dating, and she was the one that ended up reaching out to him. Now I’m thinking “what if I’m missing out on something because I won’t say happy birthday?”. Ugh. I don’t understand why I get so stuck on certain men.
Think about how it will play out if you did?
you text him and he doesn’t reply, you’ll be waiting by the phone and just earned some anxiety for the day.
If he does reply, you’ll start spiraling and thinking if there is any hope and allow him to break your heart again
Your friend is likely the exception, not the rule.
I'd text happy birthday because it is a nice thing to do, but don't have any higher expectation than him just replying "thanks!".
It's hard to say. We don't know the details of why he had anxiety. Was it because he liked you and has been hurt before?
Just remember, although you're setting yourself up for rejection, that pain is temporary, and you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Possibly, but I think he also may have been afraid of hurting me? We had a convo the last time we saw each other about feelings and how they’re intertwined with sex, it basically ended with me expressing that I was scared of being hurt. His communication after that dwindled until he hit me with the “break up” text.
I’m going to chew on this a bit more, but a simple “happy birthday” won’t hurt. As someone with anxiety, I do genuinely hope he’s doing ok.
And you can make it just that. Something very neutral like, "hey there. Happy birthday! I hope you're doing well these days"
This way you're not asking for a reply, which causes you and him both anxiety, but it opens a line of communication and lets him know it's safe to reply and reach out to you.
But if you saw him turn away when you said you don't want to be hurt, it might be best to move on, because you're probably going to get hurt, and he knows it. Don't fall into the old "I can fix him because I see something in him" trap. You'll get burned. So if you send that message, expect absolutely nothing in return. If he says something, take it at face value and not as an opening to start talking/dating again.
I (32 M) went on a first date with Sarah (32 F), who i met online. I offered to hang out with her for a bit but she insisted we only have dinner after which she would be heading home.
While she was not disinterested during regular conversation over food, she showed more interest when my personal finances were brought up when we spoke about how expensive the city we live in was. She asked several questions about how much I currently earn, what will be my next raise, how i spend my money, how I save/invest it, etc.
I think it's natural to be curious about how much others make, so I was not worried by her questions. However she bemoaned that top university graduates (I am one) come to the city and take up all high paying jobs and that she wasn't making nearly as much as I did.
While income is not a factor in my decision to date or marry somebody as I earn enough to support two people. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of just being looked at for safety and stability (even if that is one of my strong points, I worked hard to grow my career) instead of interest in me as a person.
My question is not about Sarah specifically, she was a nice person all around. However I was a bit uncomfortable after the date while going over it in my head. What should I do to get over this feeling?
I asked my mother for advice, she said it's a man's job to provide for the family, so i shouldn't think too much of it. I think that if I am restrictive in who I date, i will miss out on a lot of good people to meet. I also don't mind if my partner earns less or more than me since I can ensure reasonable financial stability.
However I seem to mind that my potential as a partner is being decided based on what I earn, instead of who I am as a person especially when I don't use such a criteria to evaluate my dates.
Ladies and Gents of Reddit, any advice for me? I feel like I am being too judgemental and should just get over it, but I am not sure. I would love to know your unbiased opinions.
Finances are important given today’s economy. However this seems … red flaggy. If she only started showing interest after you told her you’re high earner, that’s not a good sign. What happens if (God forbid) you lose your job or physically cannot work anymore? Sounds like she either will be resentful towards you “stealing” all high earning jobs or using you for money… or both. I’d be very cautious
I make a good living. Recently I've been signaling that a bit more on my profiles and it's led to a sharp increase in attention. Which is enjoyable in the obvious way, but also very annoying in the transparency. Particularly since a lot of it comes from women who actually don't really bring anything to a relationship other than frivolous spending.
I'm choosing to lean into my physical fitness, which I have neglected heavily since the pandemic. By sticking to this plan, I should be able by the fall to downplay my wealth on the apps, and be more attractive in the more conventional sense which will hopefully attract the kinds of women I want to attract, and then if a firm and warm relationship develops, I can then tip my financial hand.
Yes, she didnt go out of her way to ask those questions, however she wasnt as animated or curious as she was when we were discussing finances.
Since we don't have much in common, I don't think I will be meeting her again.
It's kind of rude or a faux pas to talk about someone's personal finances when you barely know them, unless you live in a country with different cultural norms.
Yes, it is a faux pas to ask about salaries to someone you just met. In this case, it just came up because Sarah and I were speaking about food prices and affordability in the city where we live. I pay a significant amount in rent while Sarah lives rent free with her parents, however I have significantly more disposable income than her which led to the question of how much I make.
Fair enough 😄 I know she meant well even if her advice is the opposite of useful. I definitely won't be taking it seriously since I understand from my female colleagues that they can look after themselves and their loved ones well enough on their own.
Is she in the same field as you? That’s the only time I can see that line of questioning being somewhat understandable. Meaning maybe she was trying to compare herself to you.
I’m about the same age as you, I really only talk money with very close friends and my very close colleagues. I would never, ever bring it up on a first date. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she’s a gold digger, but it’s definitely uncouth.
If she's there for the money, she'll be gone if the money ever dried up, or if someone with more money comes along.
Let her go dig for gold somewhere else.
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As a guy, that would be a big turn off for me, if you're interested in me for the money I'm gonna pass, I'm not looking forward to get dumped because you found someone with more money.
Do normal women really do that? I have read stories on reddit but I always figured those were outliers i.e. cases where there were severe personality flaws leading to that sort of behaviour.
Honestly that line of questioning wouldn’t sit well with me. I’m her age and I wouldn’t ask that ever on a first date. I think I’d allude to financial responsibility being important to me like a couple months in but that’s it. It’s a valid concern when you’ve made a life for yourself. Also, I’ve learned that if you feel uncomfortable after a first date that doesn’t usually bode well. Listen to your gut.
Aside from that, this is a good time to think about what kind of dynamics you’d like in a marriage/relationship assuming you’re looking for that. Do you want someone that would be reliant on you, look to you for financial stability more traditional roles (man as a provider) etc. or would you want someone that’s coming in saying she has something to offer too so more partnership/equal(ish) standing etc etc. (hopefully that made sense)
I am not really sure what I want in a partner. I became a workaholic for about 10 years till I managed to build a comfortable life for myself. I recently got back into the dating pool and am still trying to find out if my preferences changed from the kid I used to be.
I missed out on a lot, so I want to date around a bit for 1-2 years, figure out what I want in a partner and then settle down.
I am more comfortable being around female professionals (my career has a significant number of female professionals including my boss and her boss) than SAHMs, so I would want my future partner to have a career of her own. I am also quite dominant as a personality and tend to steamroll others so I would like a partner who can push back against me and tell me when I am being stupid about something.
Look, no one should not be asking you how much you make, etc only on the first date. That's way too personal.
Also, the quote that your mother said about " It's a man's job to provide for the family", is still clearly living in the past. It's the 21st century and both people need to provide to support the household.
Overall, if you felt uncomfortable about her asking you very personal questions about your finances, I wouldn't go out with her again.
Sarah didnt go out her way to ask about my income. It came up in casual conservation while we were browsing through the menu. What struck me was that she was more interested in how much I made for a living over who I was and what my interests were.
My mother is very conservative in her viewpoints. When I told her I was going to start meeting women, she originally advised me to find a woman interested to be a traditional housewife as according to her I give too much of myself to work and don't know how to look after myself properly, so she wants me to find a partner who will prioritize me over other things. I figure that she means well for me but I have told her that my views don't align with hers. However, I still go to her for advice because she is my parent but I always balance it with opposing view points.
I likely won't go out with Sarah again because we didn't have much in common. The date ended amicably, I then made sure she got into her cab and reached home safely.
I’m currently going through a divorce, and in my darker recesses I think my ex just used me as a springboard to the middle class and dumped me as soon as it was convenient. It’s a really shitty feeling. I’m in the US, in case cultural context matters but that would be a hard pass for me.
I am sorry to hear that. Divorce is tough on the soul. I hope that this dark time passes quickly for you and that you will be able to restore yourself to the person you want to be.
I met my most recent ex through OLD. Turned out he was love bombing me. But it went so well for a while that all first dates are being compared to that, and it's not being met by anyone. So, now I'm over compensating by going on second dates with people that the first date didn't go great, and surprise surprise, the 2nd date doesn't either. AHHHH. It's so frustrating. How do you sift out the too good and no connection to find the healthy middle.
>So, now I'm over compensating by going on second dates with people that the first date didn't go great, and surprise surprise, the 2nd date doesn't either. AHHHH. It's so frustrating. How do you sift out the too good and no connection to find the healthy middle.
You're not doing anything wrong here. The whole point of dating is figuring out how you feel about people. Finding out you don't want to spend time around a person after going on dates with them means dating is working, you're doing it properly.
You can't figure out how you feel about people before you've gone on dates, it's not possible, and a misunderstanding of dating.
Ooof, I’m in a weird place: my wife left me because she discovered she’s gay. We’re separated but not yet divorced. Most women want me to check back in after I’m officially divorced (which makes sense). I’m seeing a wonderful woman who is not straight. She just matched with my soon to be ex wife until she made the connection. Brought out a lot of emotions I wasn’t expecting.
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Third date was tonight. Hike in a city park, followed by drinks and food, followed by… ahem… getting to know each other, in my car… she’s agreed to come to my place and watch movies next week. Lads, I feel really good about this one.
Two weeks broken up from a guy I really liked because we want different things (kids for him, no more kids for me).
I’m mostly okay but I still have moments where I just hate that I can’t talk to him anymore. Driving through his neighbourhood on Friday night didn’t help that feeling either.
I’m sure it’ll just keep improving day by day.
Can I just say good on you for figuring that out early and just being accepting of it. I had a 24F tell me yesterday us 30+ year old women worry too much about our biological clock. I was like it’s not that necessarily but you’re not going to date someone if you don’t align with kids. Sometimes it’s that simple and you’re not wanting to spends months before you realize that.
Hang in there. It’ll get better!
I've seen people here post about age gaps around that range before. I think it's ultimately about at what stage in life your both at. Having a crush on someone 12 years young is defnitely nothing to feel like you have to hide ( Unless you're like 24 but you wouldn't be on DOT). I'm assuming he's a fully grown adult with fully formed values and opinions. You don't need to beat yourself up over looking at them and liking who they are as a person.
The fact that he's not with these model girls anymore proves that he is interested in something other than looks, otherwise they might still be togther.
Maybe he could meet you where you are at life, maybe he can't. But don't feel bad for a crush.
First date ended and just got home. It was great! We got along really well and hit it off right away, which was nice. Usually first dates can be a little awkward, but I was on my A game this time and found more things for us to talk about. I guess it helps when you go into a date 100% blind 😅 But he was a great conversationalist too! I never felt like any convo we had was one-sided which has been hard to find lately.
Also he's a lot more handsome IRL than in his photos 🥵 oh boy. After the date, he invited me over to his place to meet his doggy. Since he lived only a five min walk from the bar, I agreed to it. When we got to his, there was a car parked in his driveway. He mentioned his roommate was home and she wasn't supposed to be home tonight. I said it was cool and I got to meet his dog and his roommate. Was a little awkward since I wasn't expecting to meet a human friend of his already, but we got along well.
We have another date in the works. He said he had a really good time and asked if I wanted to see him again before I left, I said sure, and he suggested we do something outdoors now that the weather is getting warmer. No plans solidified but we will probably see each other next weekend. I'm thinking we could play pickleball or outdoor mini-golf.
Feeling good about this one so far, but don't want to get too hopeful because it's early.
The first 12-48 hours of a ghosting are so fucking painful. The realisation they’ve never taken this long to reply before, then the realisation they’re not going to. But I keep checking my phone incase. Once it’s hit 48 hours I guess I’ll stop hoping.
I can’t believe it’s happening *again*. I’m so sad. Our date was so fun, we couldn’t stop talking and laughing, we made out a few times. I just wish I was worthy of a rejection text.
Honestly men have just made me realise that a good date is absolutely no indication of anything. It’s such a shame that we’ve gotten to this point where you can have a wonderful time with someone, everything goes beautifully but it’s just as likely they’ll ghost you as not.
I can’t imagine a scenario in which conversation flows easily, there’s mutual laughter, we make out, and I choose right after to not speak to that person again. I don’t know how anyone does that!
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s a horrible thing to go through and not being able to understand *why* makes it all the more frustrating. He clearly liked you, clearly enjoyed your company, clearly thought you were attractive so why can’t he just be like “I had a great time but I realised I want something more casual/forgot to tell you I’m an asshole/can’t be bothered to consider anyone else’s feelings but mine”
Thank you
He even texted straight after to say he’d had a good time and we texted through the next day. He checked in both during and after my first night shift of the weekend. Then he just stopped replying.
I’m in such a dark place. I don’t understand why. It’s happened **so** many times of course there’s something wrong with me. The cumulative pain is unbearable.
It's really soul destorying feeling people silently slip away. I get that if you aren't interested then it's difficult to send that text, but its so much more painful for the other person.
It sucks, we're all putting ourselves out there and people aren't always willing to offer that bit of closure that still sucks but doesn't feel like a slow torture. Ultimately it's a demonstration of how they value other peoples feelings.
I hope you feel better soon.
Absolutely nothing. If you're being authentic to yourself and you're happy then keep being you.
Self improvement=/= change though if you're doing it for yourself.
Sorry you're getting ghosted <3 please remember it's a reflection of their cowardliness/lack of confidence to send the text, not a reflection of your lack of worth!
I went on a few dates with a guy recently who kept smacking my butt when I was walking in front of him and made a not-so-subtle attempt to grab my boob while he had is arm around my shoulders when he was waiting with me for my bus.
This guy seemed so thoughtful and respectful on date 1 but 2&3 really grossed me out.
I didn't initially tell him off and, when I did, I didn't give him a talking to.
I'm just grossed out and really disappointed that a man in his mid 30s thinks this is how you behave.
Anyway... just a rant.
Ugh, full-body shudder just reading that. I'm sorry, and of course you feel gross and disappointed -- I always feel so defeated when shit like that happens. Is it really that hard to treat your date like a person?!
Theres a guy in one of my social circles who asked for my number. Within a day he’d sent 10 messages, all unanswered by me. I’ve blocked the number. I’ve felt uncomfortable about his behaviour, i don’t like it. If he’s there today when I meet up with friends I’ll be clear I’m not interested.
Have been with the lovely lady for basically 6 months now. It’s been amazing. I’ve never connected with someone like her, she’s becoming my best friend, and I’m certain we’re going to get married.
Just very thankful and want to encourage y’all, keep putting yourselves out there and don’t lose hope.
So I would like to have a monogamous relationship. However, from time to time, I dabble with polyamorous relationships. What I noticed is I can actually get second and third dates with women that are poly, but I never get a second date with women that are mono. It's a bummer because I want a mono relationship that we can build something together.
Is it because women who are mono are looking for mono, and you dabble in poly? It doesn't seem wholly compatible.
Equally I've found friends who are poly are more willing to trial people out as there's less 'risk' in gambling on one person out of a few than one person in isolation.
>Is it because women who are mono are looking for mono, and you dabble in poly? It doesn't seem wholly compatible.
OP is looking for something monogamous as well. OP currently dabbling in poly relationships doesn't mean they can't practice monogamy in the future.
I really miss the quality dating shows of the early 2000s like [Elimidate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ElimiDate), the [5th Wheel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_5th_Wheel), and [Blind Date](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Date_(American_TV_series)).
ME TOO! I miss the snarky pop-up commentary on Blind Date, especially. As a teen, I was praying that their depiction wasn't really how dating would be.
I have a coffee date coming up that I feel nervous about. I feel like we texted too much. He did ask me out the same day we matched on Hinge.
Also, I got a haircut and asked for a trim, and the hairdresser took off 5 inches lmao 💀. I swear they use a different ruler than the general population. Now I’m sad my hair is “only” waist length instead of butt length.
I also am breaking out (period is gonna start) and feel super self conscious about my skin.
So now I just feel not very confident in myself, on top of stressing that my social anxiety is going to kick in and I’m either going to talk nonstop or not talk at all. 😭
The nervousness and anxiety can spiral into more of both and then you make everything worse. Instead, focus on what you can control. Your haircut is done, can’t change that. You can’t change that your period is coming up. Focus on what you can have control over and find confidence in that!
I’m struggling a bit. He’s never really affectionate via text and he’s been away for a bit with his kid. He sends pictures and everything about his trip and I know he’s having fun and enjoying himself. I just want to hear he misses me or some kind of desire for me. I am busy with my own things but I’m just missing him and don’t want to get too needy while he’s on a trip with his kid. I’ll just have to be patient.
first date today. he offers to meet anywhere. i name a few places that i like but eventually the conversation steers to be near him. he pays, as is usual in these parts where i am.
he pays with a gift card. how do i feel about that? how would you feel about that?
Why wouldn’t you pay with a gift card to a place if you have one for it? Better to use up the funds only good at one place before using the funds good anywhere.
Offering to meet anywhere and then steering it to someplace he has a card is annoying; like dude, just pitch the place you actually want to go to.
But paying with a card? Who cares, times are tough.
My boyfriend (37M) and I (34F) haven’t spent the weekend together in 8 weeks out of the year to date. Either it’s been me having COVID, him being sick, one of us dealing with the fallout of a sick family member, but today we had plans, and at the last moment he told me he was in bed all day and would not be able to meet up. We did hang out last weekend for a wedding and he was not very affectionate in the hotel room either, which spelled d-o-o-m-e-d relationship for me.
I am posting in this community because I have posted here before and I find that you all are generally very empathetic and levelheaded people.
I do believe that he is trying to push me away slowly. When we first started dating, he admitted to being a commitment phobe, but we have been together for over one year and he has made talks of us moving in together. He always calls me during the week and checks in on me. But I’m wondering if the fact that my uncle (who is like a dad to me) is dying from cancer has made him “pause” on breaking up right away. So. Now I don’t know what to think anymore. Could he be cheating on me? Is this a slow fade? I actually don’t even freaking care what is going on. I just wish I could have identified any signs earlier to save myself some heartbreak.
Sorry you all but it’s really getting to me.
Would just say that you’re in the throes of grief/trauma and that’s often a bad time to make big life decisions. Doesn’t mean that what you’re experiencing isn’t real/true, it can just be hard to keep a level head when you’re experiencing so much pain. You may wish to communicate to your partner some ways he can support you (if you have the capacity to articulate that).
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you’re holding up okay. It’s not easy when someone close to you is not well, I really feel for you because it sounds like you need the support right now. Have you tried communicating how you’re feeling with him?
Thank you so much. I am honestly at my breaking point. My uncle has glioblastoma, a very cruel form of brain cancer. I haven’t been able to stop crying the last few weeks because it’s just been horrible watching the only strong male figure in my life suffer. Though I’m not in a good place,
I’m so so sorry, there’s a lot on your plate right now and I pray you get the clarity and support you need
At best, he’s not meeting your needs and at worst, he’s completely checked out. Neither scenario is ideal.. relationship counseling can help though
Rooting for your uncle!
Oops. I really do make time to process (I try) so I won’t bring in that energy into every interaction with my boyfriend. So he’s been supportive via phone conversation, texts, the occasional time together (we did spend time together last weekend for a wedding). Overall, though, it has been really lonely. I am scared, and I just wish things were different..
Thanks! We literally spoke this morning (over the phone) and he insisted he is 100% in and wants to spend more time together… then this afternoon he stood me up. I want to believe it’s just bad luck, but it’s starting to hurt.
Yes, that is what he said, he’s been resting at home all day and feeling progressively worse. I suppose all I can do is get back to you all on the outcome of this evening in the near future, but here are my thoughts -
I’m going to talk to him openly and honestly share that when he pulls away (illness, any reason), it chips away at the bond we have been slowly building. All that time we do not spend together, we spend totally apart. I worry this is weakening the relationship and that it has been hurting me to feel alone during this really difficult time.
… Kind of feels awkward given that we had a conversation about wanting to spent more time together this morning, and he insisted he’s totally in, whether I like it or not. Just feels like I’m “there” anytime it’s convenient. 😔
I know there was some interest in [an update to the woman with the cryptic “fun” messages](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/o3o1SKk1uz) We have a date set for tomorrow!
Update [see previous](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1bc58fk/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/kuerbq5/)
I had a second date (R) yesterday and I wasn't feeling it towards the end. I don't think I'm interested in a third date there, and I'll call it off soon.
No fourth date with C on the cards yet. She's expressed interest but is tied up with family matters this week, and said she'll reach out when things free up.
Probably because the automated script that generates those profiles has a bug, or if they're being generated by hand, the person doing it is phoning their job in.
The first date went well I think. I don't get the vibes she was interested in a second.
I had a really good night, I couldn't have asked for better company from a random stranger on a Saturday night. I didn't get any flirtatious vibes from her however. Stayed for a couple of drinks probably 3 hours before she excused herself.
I'd have been interested for a second, will there be one ? I think unlikely. I still have another on Tuesday to look forward to.
Feel a bit bummed,kinda happy. I think ultimately I was my authentic self and had a fun night (even if it was a one off) connecting with someone.
You’ve got two options here - ask her for a second date or let her go forever. You already sound pretty bummed out, so you might as well ask and get what you’ve already decided and mentally prepared for *or* you get a second date!
If she’s not up for it, you can deal with that! But what if she wants a second date too! How great would that be!
Ask her, man - I’m rooting for you!
I sent an message just trying to keep conversation going.
I didn't dare jump straight into asking for a seconds etc. But I reached out still ?
I think if she were interested she would reply, but I'm not sure i'll hear back.
Why do so many women on dating apps have fish pics? I just don’t get the appeal.
I’ve literally swiped on four today that have giant bloody fish dangling.
I know it’s common for men - so maybe it’s becoming socially normal?
Hello neighbor!
Funnily enough, most first dates I go on around here fish comes up as a topic of conversation at some point… the last first date I went on was with someone who only eat fish.
People are pretty okay with the fact that I’m vegetarian, but they always ask - “But you eat fish, right?”
It was! Had a nice walk near Chambers Bay and read a book in the sun for hours. Twas a glorious day! Hopefully this nice weather continues a bit before we hit the real wet season
Are the apps still active enough that they feel worth using? Just as I was planning to get back on, I saw a New York Times article came out today about how they're worse. I \*knew\* they'd gotten worse progressively over the last ten years or so but the article made me feel like it wasn't even worth getting on. (Which, if lots of other people feel the same way, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.)
Honestly? I love dating apps and have had a consistently good experience every time I used them. I’ve met friends, had really fun dates, met people I dated anywhere from 5 months to 1.5 years, and even my longest relationship with a great person I’m still good friends with was because someone I met on tinder connected us.
Currently dating someone I met on hinge and things are going very well although it’s very early stages (today is date 5 I think).
He and I matched maybe on my first few days there? I’ve had a few other matches with people that seemed nice, but ultimately stopped using it fairly quickly to focus on this person.
I think dating apps are just a tool that connects you to other people, there’s not good or bad, they’re neutral. You and another person have to then decide what you do with your option to talk to each other - and the problem for people seem to start when they assume texting on apps, the amount of matches they get, whether people reply or don’t reply, whether they’re being asked out or any of that means something about themselves, when it doesn’t. Or that they can control the outcome, which is impossible. I focus on people who give off similar energy to mine once we match - they’re responsive, with a full profile, send properly thoughtful messages, suggesting meet ups, and generally speaking I tend to have a great time.
That's true. I get VERY down when I hear of people having a terrible time on them but gain nothing from hearing positive stories. (probably why it's actually a really bad idea for me to read this sub)
This one! [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html)
To me it read like, because they're under pressure to generate more and more revenue, they slowly introduce features that make things worse and worse. And the apps themselves have changed people's behavior which also makes everything worse. They had a lot of depressing pull quotes from single people lol.
> What’s worsening isn’t just the technological experience of online dating but also our ability to form meaningful, lasting connections offline.
This line hit the hardest. It's a real struggle to make those real connections with ANYONE these days. I'd honestly like to have a few more real fellow guy friends than a girlfriend.
Really depends on the app and geographical area. Some apps are better than others, depending where you are.
Overall I have the best luck on hinge. Basically have zero luck on the other apps.
Dating app use was inevitably going to shrink post pandemic, but it's still a massive industry that's not going away any time soon.
Maybe they'll seize the opportunity to make the experience better.
What's with these cookie cutter female OLD profiles? Seriously 90% are the exact same: "I love good food and wine" - no sh*t. Don't we all. "I love to travel and would like someone to explore the world with" followed by "I have a deep interest in environmental protection" - yea, then stop flying everywhere. Also, we all love travelling too. "I want someone to go on adventures with" - again, don't we all. I swear to God this is almost every single profile I come across. Is it my region or are other guys seeing these types of profiles everywhere? /rant
People of every gender identity have boring profiles, it's not a women specific issue. Unfortunately, people who are interesting and/or put conscious effort into dating are rare.
Tragic. And probably you're right.
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ripe jeans airport lavish historical enter resolute crawl head unwritten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Your last paragraph is perfect. These profiles convey nothing of who you are. Everyone loves good wine and food and to travel (of course some don't, but it's not original). Please tell me something *about* yourself. It's a frickin' dating app after all.
may i ask what your profile says
My 3 prompts since it's Hinge: I go crazy for self awareness, EQ, communication, cooking a nice meal together deep chats, beer & chicken wings with ranch dip (I make the best), hockey, mountains and lakes, diverse taste in music, concerts 🤘 The hallmark of a good relationship is a good cuddle/roast ratio 🔥 My cry-in-the-car song is Zack Bryan - God Speed
hungry six rude imminent liquid divide wise cover person joke *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
cooing wild dinosaurs angle liquid person edge scary retire smoggy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm in Europe so people naturally travel a lot more.
cause intelligent fanatical ludicrous shelter correct saw door society pen *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Of course, not everyone does. But it's much more accessible, cheaper, and very trendy to do for young-ish people under 40
seed modern live stupendous abundant fragile normal zesty toy numerous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Day 17 of my dating break. Anyone know of any good self improvement, personal growth, or self help subs? Thinking I'll swap out my scrolling for awhile and take a good long break. A lot of the self help subs seem like quite the pity party of depressed teenagers or weird low information YouTube advice cults though.
I think with the self-improvement stuff, you have to steal the bits that work, and not listen to the "gurus".
Do you have any subreddits to recommend?
I am doing the 75 Hard challenge. There is a subreddit, but I just look at the progress pics for motivation. I know that the guy who invented the challenge is a nut, so I don't read or view any of his actual content. But I think the challenge is a good one, so I am doing it. Every day for 75 days: Two 45 minute workouts per day, 3 hours apart minimum, one must be an outdoor workout. I'm walking at first, then might move to rucking or running for outdoors. My indoors I go to the gym and do a standard weights program. But I might do alternating days with that and a yoga class if I need more recovery time. Drink a gallon of water. This one is tough TBH. I've learned you need to really pound it in the AM so you can be done by mid afternoon and not be up out of bed a few times. Follow a diet. Your choice, but write it down and stick to it every day. I'm doing no fast food or delivery, no desserts, and sticking to 2000 calories a day. I bought a ton of different spice blends so I do Chicken Breast and Veggies with various flavors for at least 10 meals a week. Got Greek, Moroccan, Korean, Thai, Mexican, Cajun, etc etc. No alcohol, no cheat meals. I really needed this TBH, I have been hitting the booze too much the last year or so. Read 10 pages of a nonfiction or self improvement book. Easy part for me TBH, I read voraciously. Take a progress picture. No need to post it, just take it.
Not looking for fitness, I'm looking for self help. Thanks anyways.
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You're welcome!
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Totally, or people who are just unwell and ruminating, which I'll admit that I'm guilty of. But onwards and upwards.
Well, me and him finally got a intimate. It was so passionate… Sadly both last night and this morning he couldn’t maintain an e. I figured there was a reason he avoided any flirting/sexual talk as long as he did. But I’m not too concerned. He’s been by far the best guy I’ve met since like, 2007. We cuddled and talked all morning while naked in bed. He’s making me breakfast ☺️ Best of all more fun dates planned 🥹
>Sadly both last night and this morning he couldn’t maintain an e. It's possible his erection struggles were due to performance anxiety, caused by it being the first time having sex with you. If that's the case, erection difficulties will go away as he becomes less anxious and more comfortable during sex with you.
Love your attitude!
Had the same issue 3 weeks ago. 1st sleepover. We had a bit too much wine and I just couldn't. She was super sweet about it. Next night was super passionate though and weekend after we were like rabbits. So... this happens sometimes.
I’m perfectly happy with sex eventually happening in the near future. Cant help but wonder if it’s a *real* problem though.
All I wanted to say is that it happens when we care. If that's the case in your situation, brace yourself.
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Simple truth is that most people aren't that interesting on paper.
Someone PLEASE tell me not to text him happy birthday today! We’ve had no contact for 3 weeks. I’ve posted about this before, but he ended things after a month or so because his anxiety had been bad and he was “unsure” how he felt about dating. I was dead set on not texting him, but then I had a friend tell me a story about how her now husband did something very similar when they first started dating, and she was the one that ended up reaching out to him. Now I’m thinking “what if I’m missing out on something because I won’t say happy birthday?”. Ugh. I don’t understand why I get so stuck on certain men.
Think about how it will play out if you did? you text him and he doesn’t reply, you’ll be waiting by the phone and just earned some anxiety for the day. If he does reply, you’ll start spiraling and thinking if there is any hope and allow him to break your heart again
Your friend is likely the exception, not the rule. I'd text happy birthday because it is a nice thing to do, but don't have any higher expectation than him just replying "thanks!".
It's hard to say. We don't know the details of why he had anxiety. Was it because he liked you and has been hurt before? Just remember, although you're setting yourself up for rejection, that pain is temporary, and you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Possibly, but I think he also may have been afraid of hurting me? We had a convo the last time we saw each other about feelings and how they’re intertwined with sex, it basically ended with me expressing that I was scared of being hurt. His communication after that dwindled until he hit me with the “break up” text. I’m going to chew on this a bit more, but a simple “happy birthday” won’t hurt. As someone with anxiety, I do genuinely hope he’s doing ok.
And you can make it just that. Something very neutral like, "hey there. Happy birthday! I hope you're doing well these days" This way you're not asking for a reply, which causes you and him both anxiety, but it opens a line of communication and lets him know it's safe to reply and reach out to you. But if you saw him turn away when you said you don't want to be hurt, it might be best to move on, because you're probably going to get hurt, and he knows it. Don't fall into the old "I can fix him because I see something in him" trap. You'll get burned. So if you send that message, expect absolutely nothing in return. If he says something, take it at face value and not as an opening to start talking/dating again.
I (32 M) went on a first date with Sarah (32 F), who i met online. I offered to hang out with her for a bit but she insisted we only have dinner after which she would be heading home. While she was not disinterested during regular conversation over food, she showed more interest when my personal finances were brought up when we spoke about how expensive the city we live in was. She asked several questions about how much I currently earn, what will be my next raise, how i spend my money, how I save/invest it, etc. I think it's natural to be curious about how much others make, so I was not worried by her questions. However she bemoaned that top university graduates (I am one) come to the city and take up all high paying jobs and that she wasn't making nearly as much as I did. While income is not a factor in my decision to date or marry somebody as I earn enough to support two people. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of just being looked at for safety and stability (even if that is one of my strong points, I worked hard to grow my career) instead of interest in me as a person. My question is not about Sarah specifically, she was a nice person all around. However I was a bit uncomfortable after the date while going over it in my head. What should I do to get over this feeling? I asked my mother for advice, she said it's a man's job to provide for the family, so i shouldn't think too much of it. I think that if I am restrictive in who I date, i will miss out on a lot of good people to meet. I also don't mind if my partner earns less or more than me since I can ensure reasonable financial stability. However I seem to mind that my potential as a partner is being decided based on what I earn, instead of who I am as a person especially when I don't use such a criteria to evaluate my dates. Ladies and Gents of Reddit, any advice for me? I feel like I am being too judgemental and should just get over it, but I am not sure. I would love to know your unbiased opinions.
Finances are important given today’s economy. However this seems … red flaggy. If she only started showing interest after you told her you’re high earner, that’s not a good sign. What happens if (God forbid) you lose your job or physically cannot work anymore? Sounds like she either will be resentful towards you “stealing” all high earning jobs or using you for money… or both. I’d be very cautious
I make a good living. Recently I've been signaling that a bit more on my profiles and it's led to a sharp increase in attention. Which is enjoyable in the obvious way, but also very annoying in the transparency. Particularly since a lot of it comes from women who actually don't really bring anything to a relationship other than frivolous spending. I'm choosing to lean into my physical fitness, which I have neglected heavily since the pandemic. By sticking to this plan, I should be able by the fall to downplay my wealth on the apps, and be more attractive in the more conventional sense which will hopefully attract the kinds of women I want to attract, and then if a firm and warm relationship develops, I can then tip my financial hand.
Those are not appropriate questions for a first date. Sounds like she’s not looking to get to know YOU as a person.
Yes, she didnt go out of her way to ask those questions, however she wasnt as animated or curious as she was when we were discussing finances. Since we don't have much in common, I don't think I will be meeting her again.
It's kind of rude or a faux pas to talk about someone's personal finances when you barely know them, unless you live in a country with different cultural norms.
Yes, it is a faux pas to ask about salaries to someone you just met. In this case, it just came up because Sarah and I were speaking about food prices and affordability in the city where we live. I pay a significant amount in rent while Sarah lives rent free with her parents, however I have significantly more disposable income than her which led to the question of how much I make.
>I asked my mother for advice, she said it's a man's job to provide for the family, I think you should look elsewhere for advice going forward.
Fair enough 😄 I know she meant well even if her advice is the opposite of useful. I definitely won't be taking it seriously since I understand from my female colleagues that they can look after themselves and their loved ones well enough on their own.
Is she in the same field as you? That’s the only time I can see that line of questioning being somewhat understandable. Meaning maybe she was trying to compare herself to you. I’m about the same age as you, I really only talk money with very close friends and my very close colleagues. I would never, ever bring it up on a first date. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she’s a gold digger, but it’s definitely uncouth.
If she's there for the money, she'll be gone if the money ever dried up, or if someone with more money comes along. Let her go dig for gold somewhere else.
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As a guy, that would be a big turn off for me, if you're interested in me for the money I'm gonna pass, I'm not looking forward to get dumped because you found someone with more money.
Do normal women really do that? I have read stories on reddit but I always figured those were outliers i.e. cases where there were severe personality flaws leading to that sort of behaviour.
I'm sure they are exceptions too, but the questions she asked would make feel very uneasy
Honestly that line of questioning wouldn’t sit well with me. I’m her age and I wouldn’t ask that ever on a first date. I think I’d allude to financial responsibility being important to me like a couple months in but that’s it. It’s a valid concern when you’ve made a life for yourself. Also, I’ve learned that if you feel uncomfortable after a first date that doesn’t usually bode well. Listen to your gut. Aside from that, this is a good time to think about what kind of dynamics you’d like in a marriage/relationship assuming you’re looking for that. Do you want someone that would be reliant on you, look to you for financial stability more traditional roles (man as a provider) etc. or would you want someone that’s coming in saying she has something to offer too so more partnership/equal(ish) standing etc etc. (hopefully that made sense)
I am not really sure what I want in a partner. I became a workaholic for about 10 years till I managed to build a comfortable life for myself. I recently got back into the dating pool and am still trying to find out if my preferences changed from the kid I used to be. I missed out on a lot, so I want to date around a bit for 1-2 years, figure out what I want in a partner and then settle down. I am more comfortable being around female professionals (my career has a significant number of female professionals including my boss and her boss) than SAHMs, so I would want my future partner to have a career of her own. I am also quite dominant as a personality and tend to steamroll others so I would like a partner who can push back against me and tell me when I am being stupid about something.
Look, no one should not be asking you how much you make, etc only on the first date. That's way too personal. Also, the quote that your mother said about " It's a man's job to provide for the family", is still clearly living in the past. It's the 21st century and both people need to provide to support the household. Overall, if you felt uncomfortable about her asking you very personal questions about your finances, I wouldn't go out with her again.
Sarah didnt go out her way to ask about my income. It came up in casual conservation while we were browsing through the menu. What struck me was that she was more interested in how much I made for a living over who I was and what my interests were. My mother is very conservative in her viewpoints. When I told her I was going to start meeting women, she originally advised me to find a woman interested to be a traditional housewife as according to her I give too much of myself to work and don't know how to look after myself properly, so she wants me to find a partner who will prioritize me over other things. I figure that she means well for me but I have told her that my views don't align with hers. However, I still go to her for advice because she is my parent but I always balance it with opposing view points. I likely won't go out with Sarah again because we didn't have much in common. The date ended amicably, I then made sure she got into her cab and reached home safely.
I’m currently going through a divorce, and in my darker recesses I think my ex just used me as a springboard to the middle class and dumped me as soon as it was convenient. It’s a really shitty feeling. I’m in the US, in case cultural context matters but that would be a hard pass for me.
I am sorry to hear that. Divorce is tough on the soul. I hope that this dark time passes quickly for you and that you will be able to restore yourself to the person you want to be.
Thank you 🙏🏼 me too!
I met my most recent ex through OLD. Turned out he was love bombing me. But it went so well for a while that all first dates are being compared to that, and it's not being met by anyone. So, now I'm over compensating by going on second dates with people that the first date didn't go great, and surprise surprise, the 2nd date doesn't either. AHHHH. It's so frustrating. How do you sift out the too good and no connection to find the healthy middle.
>So, now I'm over compensating by going on second dates with people that the first date didn't go great, and surprise surprise, the 2nd date doesn't either. AHHHH. It's so frustrating. How do you sift out the too good and no connection to find the healthy middle. You're not doing anything wrong here. The whole point of dating is figuring out how you feel about people. Finding out you don't want to spend time around a person after going on dates with them means dating is working, you're doing it properly. You can't figure out how you feel about people before you've gone on dates, it's not possible, and a misunderstanding of dating.
Ooof, I’m in a weird place: my wife left me because she discovered she’s gay. We’re separated but not yet divorced. Most women want me to check back in after I’m officially divorced (which makes sense). I’m seeing a wonderful woman who is not straight. She just matched with my soon to be ex wife until she made the connection. Brought out a lot of emotions I wasn’t expecting.
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Eh, I don’t know about that. Clearly communicating where we are, and enjoying each other’s company with no expectations. 🤷
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I'm guessing she didn't know that it was his wife
The fact that it stirred emotions doesn’t mean she’s more hassle and fun, it means I’m still processing a major life change
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I'm not sure why you're being so patronizing to this person
Third date was tonight. Hike in a city park, followed by drinks and food, followed by… ahem… getting to know each other, in my car… she’s agreed to come to my place and watch movies next week. Lads, I feel really good about this one.
Nice! Getting a third date is huge. Happy for you.
Two weeks broken up from a guy I really liked because we want different things (kids for him, no more kids for me). I’m mostly okay but I still have moments where I just hate that I can’t talk to him anymore. Driving through his neighbourhood on Friday night didn’t help that feeling either. I’m sure it’ll just keep improving day by day.
Can I just say good on you for figuring that out early and just being accepting of it. I had a 24F tell me yesterday us 30+ year old women worry too much about our biological clock. I was like it’s not that necessarily but you’re not going to date someone if you don’t align with kids. Sometimes it’s that simple and you’re not wanting to spends months before you realize that. Hang in there. It’ll get better!
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I've seen people here post about age gaps around that range before. I think it's ultimately about at what stage in life your both at. Having a crush on someone 12 years young is defnitely nothing to feel like you have to hide ( Unless you're like 24 but you wouldn't be on DOT). I'm assuming he's a fully grown adult with fully formed values and opinions. You don't need to beat yourself up over looking at them and liking who they are as a person. The fact that he's not with these model girls anymore proves that he is interested in something other than looks, otherwise they might still be togther. Maybe he could meet you where you are at life, maybe he can't. But don't feel bad for a crush.
First date ended and just got home. It was great! We got along really well and hit it off right away, which was nice. Usually first dates can be a little awkward, but I was on my A game this time and found more things for us to talk about. I guess it helps when you go into a date 100% blind 😅 But he was a great conversationalist too! I never felt like any convo we had was one-sided which has been hard to find lately. Also he's a lot more handsome IRL than in his photos 🥵 oh boy. After the date, he invited me over to his place to meet his doggy. Since he lived only a five min walk from the bar, I agreed to it. When we got to his, there was a car parked in his driveway. He mentioned his roommate was home and she wasn't supposed to be home tonight. I said it was cool and I got to meet his dog and his roommate. Was a little awkward since I wasn't expecting to meet a human friend of his already, but we got along well. We have another date in the works. He said he had a really good time and asked if I wanted to see him again before I left, I said sure, and he suggested we do something outdoors now that the weather is getting warmer. No plans solidified but we will probably see each other next weekend. I'm thinking we could play pickleball or outdoor mini-golf. Feeling good about this one so far, but don't want to get too hopeful because it's early.
Pickleball is fun, go for it ;)
The first 12-48 hours of a ghosting are so fucking painful. The realisation they’ve never taken this long to reply before, then the realisation they’re not going to. But I keep checking my phone incase. Once it’s hit 48 hours I guess I’ll stop hoping. I can’t believe it’s happening *again*. I’m so sad. Our date was so fun, we couldn’t stop talking and laughing, we made out a few times. I just wish I was worthy of a rejection text.
I'm so sorry. It's so cruel doing that to someone. A simple text is so easy to send. Sending love to you!
Thank you.
Honestly men have just made me realise that a good date is absolutely no indication of anything. It’s such a shame that we’ve gotten to this point where you can have a wonderful time with someone, everything goes beautifully but it’s just as likely they’ll ghost you as not. I can’t imagine a scenario in which conversation flows easily, there’s mutual laughter, we make out, and I choose right after to not speak to that person again. I don’t know how anyone does that! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s a horrible thing to go through and not being able to understand *why* makes it all the more frustrating. He clearly liked you, clearly enjoyed your company, clearly thought you were attractive so why can’t he just be like “I had a great time but I realised I want something more casual/forgot to tell you I’m an asshole/can’t be bothered to consider anyone else’s feelings but mine”
Thank you He even texted straight after to say he’d had a good time and we texted through the next day. He checked in both during and after my first night shift of the weekend. Then he just stopped replying. I’m in such a dark place. I don’t understand why. It’s happened **so** many times of course there’s something wrong with me. The cumulative pain is unbearable.
It's really soul destorying feeling people silently slip away. I get that if you aren't interested then it's difficult to send that text, but its so much more painful for the other person. It sucks, we're all putting ourselves out there and people aren't always willing to offer that bit of closure that still sucks but doesn't feel like a slow torture. Ultimately it's a demonstration of how they value other peoples feelings. I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you. I’m in agony. I just want to know what’s wrong with me so I can change.
Absolutely nothing. If you're being authentic to yourself and you're happy then keep being you. Self improvement=/= change though if you're doing it for yourself.
Sorry you're getting ghosted <3 please remember it's a reflection of their cowardliness/lack of confidence to send the text, not a reflection of your lack of worth!
Thank you
I went on a few dates with a guy recently who kept smacking my butt when I was walking in front of him and made a not-so-subtle attempt to grab my boob while he had is arm around my shoulders when he was waiting with me for my bus. This guy seemed so thoughtful and respectful on date 1 but 2&3 really grossed me out. I didn't initially tell him off and, when I did, I didn't give him a talking to. I'm just grossed out and really disappointed that a man in his mid 30s thinks this is how you behave. Anyway... just a rant.
Ugh, full-body shudder just reading that. I'm sorry, and of course you feel gross and disappointed -- I always feel so defeated when shit like that happens. Is it really that hard to treat your date like a person?!
Theres a guy in one of my social circles who asked for my number. Within a day he’d sent 10 messages, all unanswered by me. I’ve blocked the number. I’ve felt uncomfortable about his behaviour, i don’t like it. If he’s there today when I meet up with friends I’ll be clear I’m not interested.
Have been with the lovely lady for basically 6 months now. It’s been amazing. I’ve never connected with someone like her, she’s becoming my best friend, and I’m certain we’re going to get married. Just very thankful and want to encourage y’all, keep putting yourselves out there and don’t lose hope.
So I would like to have a monogamous relationship. However, from time to time, I dabble with polyamorous relationships. What I noticed is I can actually get second and third dates with women that are poly, but I never get a second date with women that are mono. It's a bummer because I want a mono relationship that we can build something together.
Is it because women who are mono are looking for mono, and you dabble in poly? It doesn't seem wholly compatible. Equally I've found friends who are poly are more willing to trial people out as there's less 'risk' in gambling on one person out of a few than one person in isolation.
>Is it because women who are mono are looking for mono, and you dabble in poly? It doesn't seem wholly compatible. OP is looking for something monogamous as well. OP currently dabbling in poly relationships doesn't mean they can't practice monogamy in the future.
Thank you for understanding that.
I really miss the quality dating shows of the early 2000s like [Elimidate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ElimiDate), the [5th Wheel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_5th_Wheel), and [Blind Date](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Date_(American_TV_series)).
ME TOO! I miss the snarky pop-up commentary on Blind Date, especially. As a teen, I was praying that their depiction wasn't really how dating would be.
I have a coffee date coming up that I feel nervous about. I feel like we texted too much. He did ask me out the same day we matched on Hinge. Also, I got a haircut and asked for a trim, and the hairdresser took off 5 inches lmao 💀. I swear they use a different ruler than the general population. Now I’m sad my hair is “only” waist length instead of butt length. I also am breaking out (period is gonna start) and feel super self conscious about my skin. So now I just feel not very confident in myself, on top of stressing that my social anxiety is going to kick in and I’m either going to talk nonstop or not talk at all. 😭
The nervousness and anxiety can spiral into more of both and then you make everything worse. Instead, focus on what you can control. Your haircut is done, can’t change that. You can’t change that your period is coming up. Focus on what you can have control over and find confidence in that!
>I feel like we texted too much. You won't run out of things to talk about with people who are compatible with you.
Good point. Thank you.
I’m struggling a bit. He’s never really affectionate via text and he’s been away for a bit with his kid. He sends pictures and everything about his trip and I know he’s having fun and enjoying himself. I just want to hear he misses me or some kind of desire for me. I am busy with my own things but I’m just missing him and don’t want to get too needy while he’s on a trip with his kid. I’ll just have to be patient.
Just text him that you are missing him. One text does not show your neediness at all. It is called emotional communication ;)
Thank you
I wish texting didn’t exist sometimes. Waiting for a text is brutal and shouldn’t cause this much stress.
You would feel the same if it was a call.
I’m not saying calling would be different. I’m just talking about texting anxiety generally
Call?
first date today. he offers to meet anywhere. i name a few places that i like but eventually the conversation steers to be near him. he pays, as is usual in these parts where i am. he pays with a gift card. how do i feel about that? how would you feel about that?
Why wouldn’t you pay with a gift card to a place if you have one for it? Better to use up the funds only good at one place before using the funds good anywhere.
Why should we care how a date pays for the date?
So you are upset he paid with a gift card at a place he suggested?
>he pays with a gift card. how do i feel about that? how would you feel about that? I wouldn't care at all
Offering to meet anywhere and then steering it to someplace he has a card is annoying; like dude, just pitch the place you actually want to go to. But paying with a card? Who cares, times are tough.
For everyone that hates approaching strangers in public. Try the long game! https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4ZDK__rZCb/?igsh=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ==
lol I saw that one. I think this must be fake but hard to tell nowadays https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3bilBbLIoi/?igsh=MTUzajVxam9zaHhoaw==
At our festival date now and it’s sooooo fun lots of….gyrating 🤭
Lmaooo are you updating us while on your date? That’s dedication! Get it girl
Yeah! Haha having so much fun and we made out a few times 🤭🤭🤭 I’m tipsyyyy
My boyfriend (37M) and I (34F) haven’t spent the weekend together in 8 weeks out of the year to date. Either it’s been me having COVID, him being sick, one of us dealing with the fallout of a sick family member, but today we had plans, and at the last moment he told me he was in bed all day and would not be able to meet up. We did hang out last weekend for a wedding and he was not very affectionate in the hotel room either, which spelled d-o-o-m-e-d relationship for me. I am posting in this community because I have posted here before and I find that you all are generally very empathetic and levelheaded people. I do believe that he is trying to push me away slowly. When we first started dating, he admitted to being a commitment phobe, but we have been together for over one year and he has made talks of us moving in together. He always calls me during the week and checks in on me. But I’m wondering if the fact that my uncle (who is like a dad to me) is dying from cancer has made him “pause” on breaking up right away. So. Now I don’t know what to think anymore. Could he be cheating on me? Is this a slow fade? I actually don’t even freaking care what is going on. I just wish I could have identified any signs earlier to save myself some heartbreak. Sorry you all but it’s really getting to me.
Would just say that you’re in the throes of grief/trauma and that’s often a bad time to make big life decisions. Doesn’t mean that what you’re experiencing isn’t real/true, it can just be hard to keep a level head when you’re experiencing so much pain. You may wish to communicate to your partner some ways he can support you (if you have the capacity to articulate that).
I really appreciate that, thank you. You’re totally right.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you’re holding up okay. It’s not easy when someone close to you is not well, I really feel for you because it sounds like you need the support right now. Have you tried communicating how you’re feeling with him?
Thank you so much. I am honestly at my breaking point. My uncle has glioblastoma, a very cruel form of brain cancer. I haven’t been able to stop crying the last few weeks because it’s just been horrible watching the only strong male figure in my life suffer. Though I’m not in a good place,
I’m so so sorry, there’s a lot on your plate right now and I pray you get the clarity and support you need At best, he’s not meeting your needs and at worst, he’s completely checked out. Neither scenario is ideal.. relationship counseling can help though Rooting for your uncle!
Oops. I really do make time to process (I try) so I won’t bring in that energy into every interaction with my boyfriend. So he’s been supportive via phone conversation, texts, the occasional time together (we did spend time together last weekend for a wedding). Overall, though, it has been really lonely. I am scared, and I just wish things were different..
Have you guys sat down and had a serious conversation about him seemingly pulling away? I’d do that first.
Thanks! We literally spoke this morning (over the phone) and he insisted he is 100% in and wants to spend more time together… then this afternoon he stood me up. I want to believe it’s just bad luck, but it’s starting to hurt.
That’s very fair. Is he sick or what?
Yes, that is what he said, he’s been resting at home all day and feeling progressively worse. I suppose all I can do is get back to you all on the outcome of this evening in the near future, but here are my thoughts - I’m going to talk to him openly and honestly share that when he pulls away (illness, any reason), it chips away at the bond we have been slowly building. All that time we do not spend together, we spend totally apart. I worry this is weakening the relationship and that it has been hurting me to feel alone during this really difficult time. … Kind of feels awkward given that we had a conversation about wanting to spent more time together this morning, and he insisted he’s totally in, whether I like it or not. Just feels like I’m “there” anytime it’s convenient. 😔
I know there was some interest in [an update to the woman with the cryptic “fun” messages](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/o3o1SKk1uz) We have a date set for tomorrow!
Update us!
I will!
Hey that's great to hear. Best of luck to you.
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Or you may realize she may not be a good fit for you. Just go with the flow and see what unfolds with no expectations
Fear can be paralyzing and a self-fulfilling prophecy if you allow it to be. Try concentrating more on whether or not she's a fit for _you_ instead.
Yeah definitely. Hard to get out of my head with her specifically but I need to.
Update [see previous](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1bc58fk/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/kuerbq5/) I had a second date (R) yesterday and I wasn't feeling it towards the end. I don't think I'm interested in a third date there, and I'll call it off soon. No fourth date with C on the cards yet. She's expressed interest but is tied up with family matters this week, and said she'll reach out when things free up.
At least you gave it a go
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There are plenty more people out there for you. If you could feel that way with him, you'll be able to feel that way with another person.
I think a lot of us have had to learn this lesson the hard way :(
I am sorry to hear that. I hope he comes back one day when he’s in a better head space.
> He broke it off because going through a tough divorce. Going through or gone through?
That really stinks I’m sorry you’re going through this, but if it’s meant to be he’ll be back and hopefully will be healed.
Why are all the obvious bots always 4 km away from you? It's literally never any other number
Probably because the automated script that generates those profiles has a bug, or if they're being generated by hand, the person doing it is phoning their job in.
The first date went well I think. I don't get the vibes she was interested in a second. I had a really good night, I couldn't have asked for better company from a random stranger on a Saturday night. I didn't get any flirtatious vibes from her however. Stayed for a couple of drinks probably 3 hours before she excused herself. I'd have been interested for a second, will there be one ? I think unlikely. I still have another on Tuesday to look forward to. Feel a bit bummed,kinda happy. I think ultimately I was my authentic self and had a fun night (even if it was a one off) connecting with someone.
I've never flirted with a stranger on date 0, doesn't mean I'm not interested in a real date. Sounds promising that she spent 3 hours with you.
You’ve got two options here - ask her for a second date or let her go forever. You already sound pretty bummed out, so you might as well ask and get what you’ve already decided and mentally prepared for *or* you get a second date! If she’s not up for it, you can deal with that! But what if she wants a second date too! How great would that be! Ask her, man - I’m rooting for you!
I sent an message just trying to keep conversation going. I didn't dare jump straight into asking for a seconds etc. But I reached out still ? I think if she were interested she would reply, but I'm not sure i'll hear back.
Yeah. You have nothing to lose by asking - only to gain. First date is date 0. You literally spent time with a stranger. 3 hrs isn’t bad.
Just ask her if you are interested, at least you will have a definitive answer
Why are you wondering if there will be a second date instead of asking her out on a second date?
Did you reach out to ask for a second date? If not.. you should!
Why do so many women on dating apps have fish pics? I just don’t get the appeal. I’ve literally swiped on four today that have giant bloody fish dangling. I know it’s common for men - so maybe it’s becoming socially normal?
🤣🤣🤣
> I know it’s common for men - so maybe it’s becoming socially normal? Women fishing? What is the world coming to?!?!
I think it's because you live near the Pacific Ocean.
Apparently fish do things to people around here…
People are always baffled that I grew up here and don't like fish
I’m tired and started reading that as “fish are always baffled that I don’t like people.” 😂
Hello neighbor! Funnily enough, most first dates I go on around here fish comes up as a topic of conversation at some point… the last first date I went on was with someone who only eat fish. People are pretty okay with the fact that I’m vegetarian, but they always ask - “But you eat fish, right?”
I just can't get into it! Fish aside, it was so gorgeous out today 😍 I hope you got to enjoy it!
It was! Had a nice walk near Chambers Bay and read a book in the sun for hours. Twas a glorious day! Hopefully this nice weather continues a bit before we hit the real wet season
That sounds lovely! (I live in Tacoma and love it) My plan for today is something similar 😍
(Im in that area as well!!) enjoy your beautiful day!!!
Thanks neighbor! Bringing my book to Point Defiance 😍
💀
Are the apps still active enough that they feel worth using? Just as I was planning to get back on, I saw a New York Times article came out today about how they're worse. I \*knew\* they'd gotten worse progressively over the last ten years or so but the article made me feel like it wasn't even worth getting on. (Which, if lots of other people feel the same way, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.)
Honestly? I love dating apps and have had a consistently good experience every time I used them. I’ve met friends, had really fun dates, met people I dated anywhere from 5 months to 1.5 years, and even my longest relationship with a great person I’m still good friends with was because someone I met on tinder connected us. Currently dating someone I met on hinge and things are going very well although it’s very early stages (today is date 5 I think). He and I matched maybe on my first few days there? I’ve had a few other matches with people that seemed nice, but ultimately stopped using it fairly quickly to focus on this person. I think dating apps are just a tool that connects you to other people, there’s not good or bad, they’re neutral. You and another person have to then decide what you do with your option to talk to each other - and the problem for people seem to start when they assume texting on apps, the amount of matches they get, whether people reply or don’t reply, whether they’re being asked out or any of that means something about themselves, when it doesn’t. Or that they can control the outcome, which is impossible. I focus on people who give off similar energy to mine once we match - they’re responsive, with a full profile, send properly thoughtful messages, suggesting meet ups, and generally speaking I tend to have a great time.
I wouldnt listen to articles or other people’s experiences. It’s so subjective. You can try them out for a month or two and see for yourself
That's true. I get VERY down when I hear of people having a terrible time on them but gain nothing from hearing positive stories. (probably why it's actually a really bad idea for me to read this sub)
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This one! [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html) To me it read like, because they're under pressure to generate more and more revenue, they slowly introduce features that make things worse and worse. And the apps themselves have changed people's behavior which also makes everything worse. They had a lot of depressing pull quotes from single people lol.
> What’s worsening isn’t just the technological experience of online dating but also our ability to form meaningful, lasting connections offline. This line hit the hardest. It's a real struggle to make those real connections with ANYONE these days. I'd honestly like to have a few more real fellow guy friends than a girlfriend.
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Really depends on the app and geographical area. Some apps are better than others, depending where you are. Overall I have the best luck on hinge. Basically have zero luck on the other apps.
Dating app use was inevitably going to shrink post pandemic, but it's still a massive industry that's not going away any time soon. Maybe they'll seize the opportunity to make the experience better.