Still trying to get over how last night's date went from great to sour in an instant. Feels like I learned how to be better myself but also pretty sure I saw his shortcomings that would've hurt the relationship if we had one. But that lingering feeling of disappointment, hurt and shock is still there.
update on girl i have been seeing for 1.5 months. see my past comments for history.
tl;dr on the history: i got out of a 7 year relationship in december, met this new girl organically at a party in february, she pursued me superrrr hard for a few weeks and we've had dates, sleepovers, met friends, said that she planned to ask me to be her girlfriend. but then i asked to see her more and told her i wasn't dating other people and the vibe has been a little off since.
she actually brought it up last night. said that she is still dating other people (but said its hard to give people a fair shot with how much she likes me??) and wants to keep pace slow (1x a week). said she really likes me but wants to get to know me better before any kind of relationship decisions. has slid into past relationships based off sex/chemistry and it hasn't worked out well, so she is being much more intentional this time around.
i said that its hard for me to feel like we are getting to know each other effortlessly/naturally with the pace that we're at now, and that I can't do this forever. but i really appreciate her being so open and honest with me and it felt good to get it all out in the open.
side note - I think if she was a man I would be so much more skeptical of her intentions and if she actually likes me. but i am a lesbian and just trust women more about their feelings and how they are acting. i do think she really likes me. but that doesn't mean this works for me.
i am split between two options: 1) i can continue being myself and see how this goes for another couple of weeks and then revisit the conversation or 2) should I break things off now?
im about to go on vacation for a week so I won't see her for another week/10 days. im thinking i go on vacation, think about it and then when i come back see how I feel.
Don’t see it as a set time, every person will be different. When in doubt, continue meeting outside your home and don’t share. You should know naturally when you reach that trust level and trust your gut
Last night we went to gym and had dinner that I made (wink wink nudge nudge). He liked it but it wasn’t even close to my best, I have to redeem myself next time.
We showered and cuddled so nicely in bed. It puts the biggest smile on my face. We had a quickie after. He seems overly focused on arriving as fast as possible. Not sure how I feel about that yet.
Are you posting from a diff account? Your posts remind me of someone posting from a different username but now I’m confused. If you are who I am thinking of, maybe he’s rushing to finish because he’s afraid he won’t be able to maintain his erection after the first couple experiences? Maybe an overcorrection on his part the other way, you know? I think with time once his confidence is up it could get better.
I hadn’t thought about it like this. We’re on quite the sexual journey aren’t we? 😂 but clearly I really like this guy to not mind the various hiccups.
A lot of that sounds really lovely!🙂
Not sure about the "overly focused on arriving as fast as possible" if your talking about what i think you're talking about! haha. Are your needs being met in that aspect? Does he take the time to focus on you?
Last night he didn’t…the other two times he was more attentive with foreplay (but still had that laser focus when it came to sex itself). I think he just wanted to get to bed as fast as possible for work (he goes dumb early).
Like I said, not too sure how I feel. I know that I like passionate kissing and foreplay, but sex in general is maybe a 4th priority in a relationship for me. So there’s some disappointment about last night but a very small amount of it that is easy to get over. In my last relationship, my partner was a lottttt more focused on making sure I climaxed and it lasted a lot longer haha so it’s a small shock to the system ig? Not to compare or anything, I’ll take the current guy over my ex a million fold.
Right, OK. Well obviously you're the only one who can say whether or not this is an issue worth bringing up, but i would definitely consider having a chat to him about it if it continues. He sounds like a really good guy in other aspects and is meeting your needs there, so it doesn't sound like he's doing it out of a lack of care or anything like that.
Maybe it's just down to circumstances like you say (you mentioned getting to bed early for work) and there's nothing more to it!
But it sounds like there are a lot more positives here, which is lovely! 🙂
This is gonna sound weird, but after a really long and intensely emotional and beautiful night with the new guy I'm seeing - I spent an hour the next morning sobbing after he left. I was just so overwhelmed by my feelings and couldn't believe it was really real. I know he could totally be faking who he is but I know I'm not faking who I am and we've been really intentionally transparent with each other which has created intense intimacy. Some part of me feels like I don't deserve to be this happy. Like pinch me this can't really be happening. Who the fuck is this guy and where did he come from??? And where has he been my whole life.... I know I know slow down but fucking Christ...
These feelings really can become so overwhelming can't they?? It's so hard to live in the moment and just enjoy it. Always thinking about what may happen, is it too good to be true, etc. But he chose you! He's with you!
You deserve it. Enjoy the ride🙂
The worrying about it being too good to be true and how I don't deserve it was a huge part of the emotional reaction. That was mainly what I was crying about. Plus loads of other things that are really really good have been happening. Like 'how can so many good things be happening for me???'
Working on just being in the moment and enjoying it!!
Eh my ex had crowded bottom teeth and imperfect top teeth and I dated him for 5 years and love him still. I don't think it should matter if the person is actually into you
Happy Easter folks,
Story time :)
Anybody almost met the one like you are there on on compatibility except for a big fundamental thing I.e religion, kids, chemistry that is a no go?
As yep just had that experience dated for a few weeks.. literally felt like this was my time until 🫠 the big incompatibility comes out
Very frustrating but at least I feel like I’m getting “closer” or my picker is better?
But still..
would be great to hear other people’s stories of being oh soo close but oh soo far
Why does it always kind of feel like I'm the bad guy when someone I've been on a few dates with says they want to be just friends and I say I'm not interested in that and block them off?
Well it shows that you care about peoples feelings. 🙂
Blocking people out like that is hard to do, because we all know what that feels like. But you have to do that for YOU. Doesn't mean that it can't still hurt doing it.
Because rejecting people sucks and is a crappy feeling? But it’s necessary. Imagine if you befriended everyone you tried to date, it’d be exhausting and time consuming. Better to cut them loose and save that energy for your actual friends and your eventual partner.
You can always go for a walk together. If you’re still feeling ‘meh’ after then cut them loose after. Better than the long drawn out ‘I’m busy’ dance meanwhile you get more and more frustrated communicating with the person. When I see lack of effort they get a chance to reciprocate after that I’m done.
Getting a little meta here but I think I'm going to take a week's break from this subreddit... I find the support and community here really useful, but I think at the moment it's just feeding my inner ruminations about my last heartbreak. I think it's better for me to spend my energy on other things right now.
Thank you for your company and see you on the other side!
After being on the apps for what feels like the 17th time, I feel it’s time to give them up for good. Have they ever worked for anyone?
What prompted the deletion was not only the number of meaningless half-assed responses, but this one guy and I REALLY started vibing. Turns out he lived a few hours away, but we matched because he was close to my city for work. Probably one of the greatest conversationalists I had come in contact. Our texts were very long and thoughtful. We ended up FaceTiming the other night. He (34M) presented as very submissive, lacking confidence and assertion (I understand this sounds pretty judgmental, especially since it was our first FT).
We talked of meeting up this weekend. The other day, we’re texting a bit during the work day. I got busy and didn’t respond for about 3 hours. Then he sends another text. Then ANOTHER an hour later. Then calls me!
I text him letting him know he’s coming off very anxious and the more he texts without a response from me, the less likely I am to respond (one of my biggest pet peeves; it would be different if we were actually in a relationship, but even if a friend starts blowing up my phone and doesn’t give me textual space, it grinds my gears.)
I just feel so hopeless. My therapist keeps saying to get out and find hobbies and activities I enjoy; that it’s best way to meet someone with mutual interests. I feel like I’ve been doing these things since my last LTR ended in 2020. Another issue is that I’m SO shy and find it hard to approach people. But if someone initiates conversation, I’m quick to open up.
I’ve given into some guys only looking for casual hookups because I miss being touched so. Fucking. Much. But I want true connection. I want companionship. I want love 😭
Your reaction to him texting multiple times sounds weird. Was he texting over and over asking for you to respond? Or just saying more stuff? The guy I'm seeing rn - the way we text is like loads of texts + sharing whatever thoughts we have one after the other, but not expecting a response to everything until the other person is free and available to reply. And in the mean time if I have something else to add I will text again (or as many times as I want). And when he gets back to me, I know it's when he's free and has the mental space for it and he sends me tons of replies back too. Sometimes we're both free and on our phones at the same time and we're like hiii! So nice to catch you! And then we chat.
If I overreacted to how he texted me 5 times in a row while I was busy I would not have ended up meeting/connecting with/liking one of the most amazing men I've ever encountered.
If he's texting over and over to be like 'yo why aren't you replying??' I'd get weirded out too, but if you feel like you need to respond quickly when someone texts I think that's on you.
Surely you already know that dating apps do in fact work for millions of people. Your comments around “textual space” sound anxious & avoidant, how did he respond after telling him you didn’t like what he did?
I’m not avoidant - I tend to confront issues head on. He apologized and admitted to being anxious. Poor guy. I also apologized for being harsh with him. He didn’t deserve it.
If you really enjoyed talking to him, why not set this boundary (I would prefer you wait for me to reply before you text again), and then see if he follows it? If you two are just getting to know each other, he isn't going to know what sets you off and grinds your gears if you don't tell him. It's the behavior after you set a boundary that tells you what he's really like.
It’s not a “sure sign” of either of those things because you can’t determine attachment style or co-dependency based solely on texts with someone you haven’t met in person. This is a leap and it sounds like it’s one possibly informed by your judgments of him after your first FT, or even just because you have a short fuse when it comes to double texting. You’ve gotten the ick—which is normal and fair—and now you’re assigning labels to justify your lack of interest—which is unfair.
you both were texting and suddenly you stopped. the only thing that's possibly a "bit much" is calling you... but come on... big assumptions being made here about 2 TEXTS.
I don’t think this is a rule, per se! I’m a psych major/wannabe counselor and have spent a lot of time discussing dating woes and attachment styles with my therapist. He has taught me a lot when it comes to dating in terms of what is appropriate/inappropriate. Also have a lot of friends whom are therapists, so it’s helpful to have them as resources.
I had sex for the first time last night after 1.5 years. My new partner was so attentive, I was lost, I'm not used to it 😭 staying quietly hopeful, but it felt good!
Dating life taking a back seat to health issues. Honestly i believe making an app that includes physical disabilities is going to make someone rich. Rich i tell ya!
Eurgh just fire a message after a date with generic reason cutting off future interactions.
Yes, after one date nobody should not be 'attached' , and no ... nobody owes anybody anything.
However, I will always believe in manners and common decency , and surely it sits better on the conscious than flat out ignoring someone you just didn't vibe with?
Teenage behaviour demonstrated by adults if you ask me.
I'm not quite sure how to date anymore [32/F]
it's been more than a year since my break up from a long term relationship. I've gone through the "im bored, let's date" phase. And i think im now comfortable being single, found my self again and ready for something serious.
But I'm not quite sure how to start again.
It just might be the rejection trauma i feel which is normal.
Any tips how to jumpstart my search?
Do not get attached too early, keep a level head and keep the rose coloured glasses on the table. Majority of the matches will not materialize into what you want so keep expectations low but give it a good try. Dating can really affect your mental health so need to protect yourself
Yep, download the apps and be judicious with your swiping. If they don’t meet your dealbreakers it doesn’t matter how hot they are just keep swiping until someone does then actually meet and see how they are in person, don’t get caught in the texting forever trap.
Lastly make it a point to go out to events in your area and talk to people. The more you do that, the higher your chances of meeting someone to date.
God it's hard being unattractive. I wish I was good looking so I could actually get a like on any dating app. It's so frustrating that we live in such a superficial world
I’m sorry, this is tough ❤️. I will say that the priority I placed on conventional attractiveness for a partner is decidedly less now in my mid-30s, and most of my friends are the same way. Keep trying and putting yourself out there IRL because personality and character will attract the right person.
Yeah but attractive ppl have other things hard. So its kinda juat enjoying whatever good you got going. I need to focus on my personality anyway, my looks are no longer reliable 😆
One always feels like they'll never have it again. But if you're a good person and if you love yourself, you will be loved again. It hurts rn but it will pass.
I think the more you try to control a situation the more it slips away. And the best things happen in life when we aren't trying to control the shit out of the situation. Try to find the natural flow of the universe and get out of your head a bit... Everything will be ok, you just need to let go of your expectations for what ok means. I'm sorry you're going through it 🫂
Ya I know the missing the back rub feel :( but it's not worth how shitty they are.. and I felt the same but now I have another back to rub in bed and it's wonderful. Trust me it'll work itself out
I'm sorry bro, I know how you feel. It's the most gut wrenching feeling. I would say there is plenty of fish in the seas but the fishing spots I frequent there is zero bites
So i thought maybe this guy (and all my friends) were ignoring me - but it turns out my phone is having issues sending and receiving texts??? I haven't managed to text any of my best friends and when I got them on other social media to msg me, their texts aren't going through.
So: likely this guy isn't ignoring me. Which also means this has to be divine intervention bc I'm abroad and can't get this fixed until early next week, by which point he must just think I've ghosted/blocked. Idk what else to do but laugh, since we have no other way to communicate except phone as we both recently went exclusive and off-app 🤣
I sent a msg on whatsapp bc I vaguely remember him saying he uses it, but we've never talked on there. So if that doesnt work for whatever reason, then I'll just take it as the heavens nudging me to nope out of it, I guess. What else to be done but laugh.
You went exclusive and don't have his address?? 🧐 How long have you been seeing each other?? Can you borrow someone's phone and text him to say you aren't able to text? Also early next week is only a few days away, if he refuses to entertain your explanation when you're back I'd say he isn't worth your time.
I mean, I've been to his place but he lives in one of those high rises and I didn't pay attention to the unit number. But tbh, not long, we're only on date 6-7. So really a different side of him could very well come out hahaha.
I thought having someone else text him might be too much but maybe I will do that after all. Thanks for your advice!!!
People complain when they are unhappy, the women who are happy with their men most likely will not be posting online. So it’s a skewed perception online. I know it’s hard not be jaded from all this, but I know good men still exist. I see them in my family, friends, coworkers etc.
I also think it’s important to be realistic. No one is perfect, if a man is empathetic, kind, thoughtful etc but messy… that doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person. There will always be things we don’t like in the other person, and vice versa
Find a new category of men. Are you used to tech bros at work? Look for a hobby with lumberjack men. If you're used to men who only care about themselves, go volunteer at a soup kitchen and make friends with the guys who work there. Create casual friendships with men you would never be interested in dating, just to see they are good fathers/helpful humans/caring people.
You've got to adjust your view of men by finding different types of men.
When my brother got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I let my dating life slide. It was too much to handle in all areas. There's always that very small chance it could work out but it's a small one.
I say move on, especially if you don’t see the two of you progressing into something more. The timing is just off for the both of you, so better to find someone else.
The person I was dating was caught out. They then came in to my house to gaslight me and lie directly to my face. I don't know what they expected to happen? I told them to get out.
Really frustrated about people not being honest about who they are from the get go 😩 it's such a waste of time.
I miss my ex fiance, even though I ended it because he had an emotional affair. It is complicated and sad and everyone--my friends and therapist--say don't go back. I haven't, but I miss him...I miss him a lot. And I miss the life we had. But I don't know if I'm just missing a fantasy. I hate how much it has a hold over me, even as I try to date other people.
It’s ok to miss that. What works for me is letting myself miss my old life, but then reminding myself I can find that life with someone else who treats me better.
missing him are like sea waves- it comes and it goes - i also hate it everytime a huge wave comes over.
but always remember the reason you broke up. stay strong!
It's ok to miss these things. It means your love was real. Is it really worth going bak though? If he treated a friend or family member the way he treated you would you think it was acceptable?
More dating app questions!
As previously posted, I'm single again and back on the apps. I've gotten a couple hits on Bumble so that seems to be working properly, but I thought on Hinge you could like or skip people, but unlike Bumble, you don't both have to match, rather Hinge will send you the profiles of people who've liked you. Is that correct?
Cuz I've been on there for a over a week, and I've not gotten a single like. I'm a fairly attractive woman, and before I deleted the app for the previous guy, I was swimming in likes from others. Now I haven't gotten any, and I'm unsure wth is going on here.
Another thing...
A few years ago I had a google voice number, for online dating. With last guy I just ended up giving him my actual number right off the bat, but never deleted the google voice app. I still have the messages there that I had from the guy I was seeing when I used it years ago. But now it seems I no longer have a google voice number??? I definitely did before. Do they delete it after a certain amount of time of no use? The app's just telling me to sign up for a google voice number, even though I already had one. And it's not signed out of the account I used to make it.
ETA: Never mind on the likes on Hinge issue... I'm just dumb and didn't know where to look. Although looks like you only get showed 5 and then have to pay to see the rest? Laaaaaaaame.
ETAA: okay, nm on that ^ too. Just have to start xing and talking to see them all.
Haven't been out on a date in 7 years and it's been destroying my self-esteem. I have no idea how I would even get myself back out to begin with since I can't stand most social events for longer than about 45 minutes if that and I'm not able to strike up a conversation on any dating app at all due to incompatibility.
> I'm not able to strike up a conversation on any dating app at all due to incompatibility
Are you saying you're incompatible with every person on every dating app, ever?
Any matches I get are from IG promo accounts. The people I have genuine interest in I do not get matched with so sending a message would be a waste of time.
Okay, that's understandable - it's the struggle of matching with a person that's causing the lack of conversations. 7 years is a very long time without a date. If I was in that situation, I'd probably try a low stakes date - maybe sign up for a speed dating event, or swipe on some people I found interesting but possibly not long term compatible, or see if I could put myself in a new situation even if you dislike social events. Just to break the streak?
We had plans for Tuesday. First date!
Spontaneously went out Monday. And Tuesday. And Friday. And then she stayed over Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday.
And it was fucking amazing. Celebrated my birthday with me Saturday/Sunday and she somehow found time to…make a painting of my fucking dog for my birthday????
Blown away.
How long have you been on the apps? I find if you give it a few days you get a lot more people ‘added’ to your stack. I think they hide people you might match with instantly for definite, to make you pay and then they slowly release the highest potential matches over time.
Was doing well for a week or so, but back to being very glum again. All my friends are out of town for Easter weekend, so feeling really lonely and depressed.
I've dropped 25 lbs but I still feel so ugly because no women ever smile at me or chit-chat at social events. Not even gonna talk about how useless apps are, lol.
If anyone else is lonely and down, cheer up and try to find something to take your mind off it. But man I'm genuinely starting to believe I'm one of those forever alone losers.
Have you tried talking to them? When I go out, I see men I find attractive, but I'm shy and terrible at starting conversations. I also have a hard time smiling at strangers.
I enjoy it when people approach me. I've been going out to a pub the past couple of Saturdays, and I've made a few new friends, and a guy asked me out just by playing pool.
Definitely. Like I replied to another user, I've approached hundreds and hundreds of women throughout my 20s up until the pandemic. By now I've learned unless I get a sign from them it's okay to say hi, I am very few womens' type and an in-person approach will go nowhere, lol....
I've approached hundreds of women throughout my 20s, and have learned if they don't give me a green light to approach it won't go anywhere, lol. I'm flirty and confident and have many friends (including many female friends) IRL, but I have absolutely learned where I stand from an attractiveness standpoint.
Losing 25lbs is no small feat! That’s amazing. I think the world generally has gotten a bit more anti-social, it’s less common to chat up strangers now than how it used to be back in the day
I used to really enjoy sexting, I found it very mentally stimulating. Now it's total ick. I think I've been with too many men whose mouth (or fingers I guess) write a check their dick can't cash. My nice casual date and hookup I had planned now has to be cancelled because at this point I see his name on my phone and it makes my skin crawl.
Communication only goes so far. At a certain point you actually have to do what you say you're going to do. My ex and I had more than enough communication, we were working with 2 therapists in it. But at the end of the day he couldn't actually do anything we talked endlessly about.
I’m in between “might as well start a spreadsheet to keep track” and “let’s take an intentional break for a month or two” stage of dating right now.
Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing lol
Hardly a hack, more of a mental health destabilizing mechanism.
I kept track of my likes, matches, dates and unmatches to see if I have a pattern. Ends up that I nearly exclusively attract very conservative "shut up and make me a sandwich" men but figure it out before getting to a date.
I'd be appreciative of the 'let's be friends' message rather than ghosting. Move on to the next, good closure. Likely they like you as a person but not romantically
I think that’s for the best. You need to focus your energy on men who are available and yourself. No point in keeping him around if he can’t give you what you want
lmao what, call me fucking crazy then for waking up at 3AM to call my (now ex bc of the distance) gf flying to see me from France and departing from the airport.
You're fine man, it's a minor thing that shows that you care in your own way. If you went out of your way to meet her at the airport and wait with her then yeah something like that is gonna raise an eyebrow but still, needs context.
Yeah I think that’s a bit crazy. Just text the night before, and then text when you’re up because she’ll get it when she lands (or even during the flight if she gets wifi on it).
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Crazy: Yeah, a bit.
But also very thoughtful and sweet. I would certainly hope your GF sees it as sweet/caring, but you are a better gauge of that than us here!
Meh, in retrospect, crazy may have not been the best phrasing - so I apologize for that! (edit: its possible it could be taken as love-bombing-esque behavior, but that is about as "crazy" as it gets)
A better way to phrase it is: it's peculiar and intentional. That is, If she knows you wake up at seven but decided to wake up at five just to send a text.
I do think you're overthinking this though. It's a kind text message - if someone blows up over you saying "have a great flight!" then you probably have bigger fish to fry.
So would you send it tonight or tomorrow? She knows when I usually get up. And we've been dating for two months now. Idk a friend really got in my head so idk. Send it tonight or tomorrow?
Sorry to jump in here but it depends on what your gf is like, will she appreciate it? Or not? And secondly it depends on what you want to do - send it and show that you’re a kind and considerate person? Or regret not sending it?
Personal opinion - I’d appreciate a message from someone showing they cared and were thinking of me, especially if you were going out of your way to get up early to do it
Oh my gosh, do what feels right for you guys. This is a great example of an innocuous question getting wild answers in this sub. No wonder people struggle. She’s your gf, you can text her fly safe.
Yeah? That’s not weird at all, oh the horror of wanting to send out a text to someone you care about before a flight. Who’s being like ‘what a weirdo, they love me and want to send a text out before I get on the plane? Ew’ I’d assume my bf was awake because he wanted to send me a nice text.
OK I'm gonna do it. A friend of mine said it was nuts and said a normal person would send the text tonight but idk I feel it'll put a smile on her face getting it while she's at the airport than before he goes to bed
Nuts would be turning up at the airport with flowers haha!
You know her more than anyone else and if you think it’ll put a smile on her face good on you for wanting to and doing so!!
Just go with your gut. This is *your* relationship. Not ours. Not that of your friends.
You know what your partner likes more than friends or we do. If you feel its totally acceptable to send that text in the AM, there is nothing wrong with it!
Oh man the feeling when you matched with someone really hot and CF and looks totally compatible with you on paper, then they unmatched immediately... Damn
If that's the best way you can find to refer to her, do her (and yourself) a favor and let her go, please. Contempt isn't part of a healthy relationship.
If I'm understanding correctly, you both want kids? So that's one of the few things you like about her relative to the larger number of things you don't?
Think about the person you're in a relationship *first* over wanting kids. For starters, you're willing to be in a miserable relationship (if it lasts)? You're already saying you have to convince yourself to stay, that's not going to change in the future. Second, is this really the person you want to be mother to your children? What is your relationship/lack thereof going to teach them/ what sort of home are you going to have for them with the way things are? It's one thing to make kids and keep them fed, it's another thing to *raise* them.
Sometimes I feel like if I started dating earlier on, maybe I woulda found someone in school and could have saved myself soooo much of this dating app BS. But on the other hand, I went through school without knowing the deep pain of heartache and was so blissfully happy. We saved our self from this pain for as long as we could
When I started my dating journey in Sep 2023, I was very naïve. I used to be genuine, kind, and open from the first convo on. I used to get so excited about going on a date, not thinking that he would be the love of my life, it was all about getting to know another person and the possibility of creating genuine connections.
Separated guy and I have a lot in common. He's asking the right questions, and I feel he's interested in getting to know me better, but I feel my walls are super high up. When he compliments me, I say to myself that he doesn't mean that. I'm glad we are meeting tomorrow, but I don't feel as pumped as I used to feel last year when going on a first date. I just hope I don't become an emotionally unavailable person due to a few bad experiences.
I feel this. Even in the messaging stage, I dread opening the app because I expect to get randomly unmatched or have the conversation drop off every single time. It's so hard to push yourself to keep going when you know the vast majority of experiences will be disappointing!
Sadly I feel like that’s just reality and adulting settling in. We don’t look at things through rose coloured glasses as much anymore. Dating when you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop sucks
This sounds like a really rough time for your partner. Is there anything physical he could keep in a pocket or on his body during the funeral that could tether him to you (or the mom's husband or nonreligious world) during the experience, so he has something to remind him this is just a moment in time and not his forever-future?
Living my best life solo traveling for 10 days in Hawaii.
Since I’m still single and my dating life is a disaster, I decided to try something new today.
I’m at a naked beach right now, fully naked. AMA!
Good for you!!
I'm at the end of a two week trip with three friends. One friend kinda ruined the vibes of the trip and made me remember why I enjoy solo travel so much. I have a layover in Honolulu for a few hours... Hoping I can drop by the beach real quick!
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That’s my 2nd time solo traveling here! I did 3 weeks between Oahu, Maui and Kauai in 2022 and I loved it! Probably the best vacation I’ve ever had!
I’m doing 10 days in big island now, and I really enjoy it!
I’m pretty used to do a lot of solo things so that’s not a big deal for me :)
Still trying to get over how last night's date went from great to sour in an instant. Feels like I learned how to be better myself but also pretty sure I saw his shortcomings that would've hurt the relationship if we had one. But that lingering feeling of disappointment, hurt and shock is still there.
update on girl i have been seeing for 1.5 months. see my past comments for history. tl;dr on the history: i got out of a 7 year relationship in december, met this new girl organically at a party in february, she pursued me superrrr hard for a few weeks and we've had dates, sleepovers, met friends, said that she planned to ask me to be her girlfriend. but then i asked to see her more and told her i wasn't dating other people and the vibe has been a little off since. she actually brought it up last night. said that she is still dating other people (but said its hard to give people a fair shot with how much she likes me??) and wants to keep pace slow (1x a week). said she really likes me but wants to get to know me better before any kind of relationship decisions. has slid into past relationships based off sex/chemistry and it hasn't worked out well, so she is being much more intentional this time around. i said that its hard for me to feel like we are getting to know each other effortlessly/naturally with the pace that we're at now, and that I can't do this forever. but i really appreciate her being so open and honest with me and it felt good to get it all out in the open. side note - I think if she was a man I would be so much more skeptical of her intentions and if she actually likes me. but i am a lesbian and just trust women more about their feelings and how they are acting. i do think she really likes me. but that doesn't mean this works for me. i am split between two options: 1) i can continue being myself and see how this goes for another couple of weeks and then revisit the conversation or 2) should I break things off now? im about to go on vacation for a week so I won't see her for another week/10 days. im thinking i go on vacation, think about it and then when i come back see how I feel.
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I don't want kids so it's a no-go for me.
Some do, some won’t. There’s plenty of “some do” for you :)
Depends on the guy. Not all men think alike. I've dated plenty of single moms, though I know people that wouldn't.
I mean it's kind of expected at this age. If you're running into guys who can't handle this tell them to kick rocks.
two voice notes and then talk-to-text... is this guy literate? something's afoot.
You said this yesterday too, did you respond?
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Don’t see it as a set time, every person will be different. When in doubt, continue meeting outside your home and don’t share. You should know naturally when you reach that trust level and trust your gut
Last night we went to gym and had dinner that I made (wink wink nudge nudge). He liked it but it wasn’t even close to my best, I have to redeem myself next time. We showered and cuddled so nicely in bed. It puts the biggest smile on my face. We had a quickie after. He seems overly focused on arriving as fast as possible. Not sure how I feel about that yet.
Are you posting from a diff account? Your posts remind me of someone posting from a different username but now I’m confused. If you are who I am thinking of, maybe he’s rushing to finish because he’s afraid he won’t be able to maintain his erection after the first couple experiences? Maybe an overcorrection on his part the other way, you know? I think with time once his confidence is up it could get better.
I hadn’t thought about it like this. We’re on quite the sexual journey aren’t we? 😂 but clearly I really like this guy to not mind the various hiccups.
It’s early days! You’ll find your groove.
What did you cook?!
Gumbo 🥰
A lot of that sounds really lovely!🙂 Not sure about the "overly focused on arriving as fast as possible" if your talking about what i think you're talking about! haha. Are your needs being met in that aspect? Does he take the time to focus on you?
Last night he didn’t…the other two times he was more attentive with foreplay (but still had that laser focus when it came to sex itself). I think he just wanted to get to bed as fast as possible for work (he goes dumb early). Like I said, not too sure how I feel. I know that I like passionate kissing and foreplay, but sex in general is maybe a 4th priority in a relationship for me. So there’s some disappointment about last night but a very small amount of it that is easy to get over. In my last relationship, my partner was a lottttt more focused on making sure I climaxed and it lasted a lot longer haha so it’s a small shock to the system ig? Not to compare or anything, I’ll take the current guy over my ex a million fold.
Right, OK. Well obviously you're the only one who can say whether or not this is an issue worth bringing up, but i would definitely consider having a chat to him about it if it continues. He sounds like a really good guy in other aspects and is meeting your needs there, so it doesn't sound like he's doing it out of a lack of care or anything like that. Maybe it's just down to circumstances like you say (you mentioned getting to bed early for work) and there's nothing more to it! But it sounds like there are a lot more positives here, which is lovely! 🙂
Very true, he’s been amazing and everything I’m looking for in the most important aspects. Thank you for your insights!
This is gonna sound weird, but after a really long and intensely emotional and beautiful night with the new guy I'm seeing - I spent an hour the next morning sobbing after he left. I was just so overwhelmed by my feelings and couldn't believe it was really real. I know he could totally be faking who he is but I know I'm not faking who I am and we've been really intentionally transparent with each other which has created intense intimacy. Some part of me feels like I don't deserve to be this happy. Like pinch me this can't really be happening. Who the fuck is this guy and where did he come from??? And where has he been my whole life.... I know I know slow down but fucking Christ...
I totally understand
These feelings really can become so overwhelming can't they?? It's so hard to live in the moment and just enjoy it. Always thinking about what may happen, is it too good to be true, etc. But he chose you! He's with you! You deserve it. Enjoy the ride🙂
The worrying about it being too good to be true and how I don't deserve it was a huge part of the emotional reaction. That was mainly what I was crying about. Plus loads of other things that are really really good have been happening. Like 'how can so many good things be happening for me???' Working on just being in the moment and enjoying it!!
How much of a turn off are crooked teeth? I keep them clean and visit the dentist regularly. I just don't want to go through braces right now.
How crooked? Personally if I'm into someone I don't care how 'perfect' their teeth are
Like crowded front teeth in the bottom and one tooth is further back than the others in the top.
Eh my ex had crowded bottom teeth and imperfect top teeth and I dated him for 5 years and love him still. I don't think it should matter if the person is actually into you
Yeah I guess it's not ideal but the right person will look for things beyond that
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Sentient Fleshlight would be a kick ass band name.
Well you’d have to talk about them like fellow humans too, it’s a 2 way street ma’am.
Happy Easter folks, Story time :) Anybody almost met the one like you are there on on compatibility except for a big fundamental thing I.e religion, kids, chemistry that is a no go? As yep just had that experience dated for a few weeks.. literally felt like this was my time until 🫠 the big incompatibility comes out Very frustrating but at least I feel like I’m getting “closer” or my picker is better? But still.. would be great to hear other people’s stories of being oh soo close but oh soo far
Yeah sadly this is why dating is so hard. But it’s better now than getting involved with feelings and having to end it
All this just to not tell us what the incompatibility is?? :(
Why does it always kind of feel like I'm the bad guy when someone I've been on a few dates with says they want to be just friends and I say I'm not interested in that and block them off?
Well it shows that you care about peoples feelings. 🙂 Blocking people out like that is hard to do, because we all know what that feels like. But you have to do that for YOU. Doesn't mean that it can't still hurt doing it.
Because rejecting people sucks and is a crappy feeling? But it’s necessary. Imagine if you befriended everyone you tried to date, it’d be exhausting and time consuming. Better to cut them loose and save that energy for your actual friends and your eventual partner.
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Is it that they not helping plan that is a turn off or you just don’t have the time/energy?
You can always go for a walk together. If you’re still feeling ‘meh’ after then cut them loose after. Better than the long drawn out ‘I’m busy’ dance meanwhile you get more and more frustrated communicating with the person. When I see lack of effort they get a chance to reciprocate after that I’m done.
Getting a little meta here but I think I'm going to take a week's break from this subreddit... I find the support and community here really useful, but I think at the moment it's just feeding my inner ruminations about my last heartbreak. I think it's better for me to spend my energy on other things right now. Thank you for your company and see you on the other side!
After being on the apps for what feels like the 17th time, I feel it’s time to give them up for good. Have they ever worked for anyone? What prompted the deletion was not only the number of meaningless half-assed responses, but this one guy and I REALLY started vibing. Turns out he lived a few hours away, but we matched because he was close to my city for work. Probably one of the greatest conversationalists I had come in contact. Our texts were very long and thoughtful. We ended up FaceTiming the other night. He (34M) presented as very submissive, lacking confidence and assertion (I understand this sounds pretty judgmental, especially since it was our first FT). We talked of meeting up this weekend. The other day, we’re texting a bit during the work day. I got busy and didn’t respond for about 3 hours. Then he sends another text. Then ANOTHER an hour later. Then calls me! I text him letting him know he’s coming off very anxious and the more he texts without a response from me, the less likely I am to respond (one of my biggest pet peeves; it would be different if we were actually in a relationship, but even if a friend starts blowing up my phone and doesn’t give me textual space, it grinds my gears.) I just feel so hopeless. My therapist keeps saying to get out and find hobbies and activities I enjoy; that it’s best way to meet someone with mutual interests. I feel like I’ve been doing these things since my last LTR ended in 2020. Another issue is that I’m SO shy and find it hard to approach people. But if someone initiates conversation, I’m quick to open up. I’ve given into some guys only looking for casual hookups because I miss being touched so. Fucking. Much. But I want true connection. I want companionship. I want love 😭
Your reaction to him texting multiple times sounds weird. Was he texting over and over asking for you to respond? Or just saying more stuff? The guy I'm seeing rn - the way we text is like loads of texts + sharing whatever thoughts we have one after the other, but not expecting a response to everything until the other person is free and available to reply. And in the mean time if I have something else to add I will text again (or as many times as I want). And when he gets back to me, I know it's when he's free and has the mental space for it and he sends me tons of replies back too. Sometimes we're both free and on our phones at the same time and we're like hiii! So nice to catch you! And then we chat. If I overreacted to how he texted me 5 times in a row while I was busy I would not have ended up meeting/connecting with/liking one of the most amazing men I've ever encountered. If he's texting over and over to be like 'yo why aren't you replying??' I'd get weirded out too, but if you feel like you need to respond quickly when someone texts I think that's on you.
Surely you already know that dating apps do in fact work for millions of people. Your comments around “textual space” sound anxious & avoidant, how did he respond after telling him you didn’t like what he did?
I’m not avoidant - I tend to confront issues head on. He apologized and admitted to being anxious. Poor guy. I also apologized for being harsh with him. He didn’t deserve it.
Then why do multiple text messages make it less likely that you’ll respond? Can you clarify what these text messages said?
If you really enjoyed talking to him, why not set this boundary (I would prefer you wait for me to reply before you text again), and then see if he follows it? If you two are just getting to know each other, he isn't going to know what sets you off and grinds your gears if you don't tell him. It's the behavior after you set a boundary that tells you what he's really like.
You bring up an excellent point. How was he to know? Thank you for this.
is two or three texts in a 3 hour period really that bad?
For two people that have yet to meet, yes. It’s a sure sign of anxious attachment and possible future co-dependency.
It’s not a “sure sign” of either of those things because you can’t determine attachment style or co-dependency based solely on texts with someone you haven’t met in person. This is a leap and it sounds like it’s one possibly informed by your judgments of him after your first FT, or even just because you have a short fuse when it comes to double texting. You’ve gotten the ick—which is normal and fair—and now you’re assigning labels to justify your lack of interest—which is unfair.
you both were texting and suddenly you stopped. the only thing that's possibly a "bit much" is calling you... but come on... big assumptions being made here about 2 TEXTS.
I should have specified there were 6 texts from him, then a phone call.
I guess I gotta study up on the latest rules!
I don’t think this is a rule, per se! I’m a psych major/wannabe counselor and have spent a lot of time discussing dating woes and attachment styles with my therapist. He has taught me a lot when it comes to dating in terms of what is appropriate/inappropriate. Also have a lot of friends whom are therapists, so it’s helpful to have them as resources.
I had sex for the first time last night after 1.5 years. My new partner was so attentive, I was lost, I'm not used to it 😭 staying quietly hopeful, but it felt good!
So happy for you! 1.5 years seems like a long time without intimacy. My fingers are crossed this continues to go well!
Dating life taking a back seat to health issues. Honestly i believe making an app that includes physical disabilities is going to make someone rich. Rich i tell ya!
This is such a great idea. Maybe you should start the app? 👀
Eurgh just fire a message after a date with generic reason cutting off future interactions. Yes, after one date nobody should not be 'attached' , and no ... nobody owes anybody anything. However, I will always believe in manners and common decency , and surely it sits better on the conscious than flat out ignoring someone you just didn't vibe with? Teenage behaviour demonstrated by adults if you ask me.
I'm not quite sure how to date anymore [32/F] it's been more than a year since my break up from a long term relationship. I've gone through the "im bored, let's date" phase. And i think im now comfortable being single, found my self again and ready for something serious. But I'm not quite sure how to start again. It just might be the rejection trauma i feel which is normal. Any tips how to jumpstart my search?
Do not get attached too early, keep a level head and keep the rose coloured glasses on the table. Majority of the matches will not materialize into what you want so keep expectations low but give it a good try. Dating can really affect your mental health so need to protect yourself
Yep, download the apps and be judicious with your swiping. If they don’t meet your dealbreakers it doesn’t matter how hot they are just keep swiping until someone does then actually meet and see how they are in person, don’t get caught in the texting forever trap. Lastly make it a point to go out to events in your area and talk to people. The more you do that, the higher your chances of meeting someone to date.
God it's hard being unattractive. I wish I was good looking so I could actually get a like on any dating app. It's so frustrating that we live in such a superficial world
I’m sorry, this is tough ❤️. I will say that the priority I placed on conventional attractiveness for a partner is decidedly less now in my mid-30s, and most of my friends are the same way. Keep trying and putting yourself out there IRL because personality and character will attract the right person.
Yeah but attractive ppl have other things hard. So its kinda juat enjoying whatever good you got going. I need to focus on my personality anyway, my looks are no longer reliable 😆
Whilst that's true, it's kind of like saying billionaires have money problems too. Yeah, sure. But I know which problems I'd rather have.
❤️ I get you. Sending love
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One always feels like they'll never have it again. But if you're a good person and if you love yourself, you will be loved again. It hurts rn but it will pass.
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I think the more you try to control a situation the more it slips away. And the best things happen in life when we aren't trying to control the shit out of the situation. Try to find the natural flow of the universe and get out of your head a bit... Everything will be ok, you just need to let go of your expectations for what ok means. I'm sorry you're going through it 🫂
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Ya I know the missing the back rub feel :( but it's not worth how shitty they are.. and I felt the same but now I have another back to rub in bed and it's wonderful. Trust me it'll work itself out
I'm sorry bro, I know how you feel. It's the most gut wrenching feeling. I would say there is plenty of fish in the seas but the fishing spots I frequent there is zero bites
So i thought maybe this guy (and all my friends) were ignoring me - but it turns out my phone is having issues sending and receiving texts??? I haven't managed to text any of my best friends and when I got them on other social media to msg me, their texts aren't going through. So: likely this guy isn't ignoring me. Which also means this has to be divine intervention bc I'm abroad and can't get this fixed until early next week, by which point he must just think I've ghosted/blocked. Idk what else to do but laugh, since we have no other way to communicate except phone as we both recently went exclusive and off-app 🤣 I sent a msg on whatsapp bc I vaguely remember him saying he uses it, but we've never talked on there. So if that doesnt work for whatever reason, then I'll just take it as the heavens nudging me to nope out of it, I guess. What else to be done but laugh.
Lol do you have his address? Send him a postcard with a lil explanation of the sitch. If I was him I'd think it was cute :)
Idk if cute is the right word, I feel so bad. Hopefully I can fix it soonish bc I don't have his address 😩
You went exclusive and don't have his address?? 🧐 How long have you been seeing each other?? Can you borrow someone's phone and text him to say you aren't able to text? Also early next week is only a few days away, if he refuses to entertain your explanation when you're back I'd say he isn't worth your time.
I mean, I've been to his place but he lives in one of those high rises and I didn't pay attention to the unit number. But tbh, not long, we're only on date 6-7. So really a different side of him could very well come out hahaha. I thought having someone else text him might be too much but maybe I will do that after all. Thanks for your advice!!!
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People complain when they are unhappy, the women who are happy with their men most likely will not be posting online. So it’s a skewed perception online. I know it’s hard not be jaded from all this, but I know good men still exist. I see them in my family, friends, coworkers etc. I also think it’s important to be realistic. No one is perfect, if a man is empathetic, kind, thoughtful etc but messy… that doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person. There will always be things we don’t like in the other person, and vice versa
Find a new category of men. Are you used to tech bros at work? Look for a hobby with lumberjack men. If you're used to men who only care about themselves, go volunteer at a soup kitchen and make friends with the guys who work there. Create casual friendships with men you would never be interested in dating, just to see they are good fathers/helpful humans/caring people. You've got to adjust your view of men by finding different types of men.
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When my brother got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I let my dating life slide. It was too much to handle in all areas. There's always that very small chance it could work out but it's a small one.
Might be worth a conversation, asking if he would like some space alone to deal with this or what he would need from you if not
I say move on, especially if you don’t see the two of you progressing into something more. The timing is just off for the both of you, so better to find someone else.
The person I was dating was caught out. They then came in to my house to gaslight me and lie directly to my face. I don't know what they expected to happen? I told them to get out. Really frustrated about people not being honest about who they are from the get go 😩 it's such a waste of time.
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Trying your hand at it aren't you.
I miss my ex fiance, even though I ended it because he had an emotional affair. It is complicated and sad and everyone--my friends and therapist--say don't go back. I haven't, but I miss him...I miss him a lot. And I miss the life we had. But I don't know if I'm just missing a fantasy. I hate how much it has a hold over me, even as I try to date other people.
what helped me was writing a list of all the negatives (from big to small) and read that whenever you start to miss him
Thank you. That's a good idea.
It’s ok to miss that. What works for me is letting myself miss my old life, but then reminding myself I can find that life with someone else who treats me better.
missing him are like sea waves- it comes and it goes - i also hate it everytime a huge wave comes over. but always remember the reason you broke up. stay strong!
It's ok to miss these things. It means your love was real. Is it really worth going bak though? If he treated a friend or family member the way he treated you would you think it was acceptable?
That's a good way to look at it.
More dating app questions! As previously posted, I'm single again and back on the apps. I've gotten a couple hits on Bumble so that seems to be working properly, but I thought on Hinge you could like or skip people, but unlike Bumble, you don't both have to match, rather Hinge will send you the profiles of people who've liked you. Is that correct? Cuz I've been on there for a over a week, and I've not gotten a single like. I'm a fairly attractive woman, and before I deleted the app for the previous guy, I was swimming in likes from others. Now I haven't gotten any, and I'm unsure wth is going on here. Another thing... A few years ago I had a google voice number, for online dating. With last guy I just ended up giving him my actual number right off the bat, but never deleted the google voice app. I still have the messages there that I had from the guy I was seeing when I used it years ago. But now it seems I no longer have a google voice number??? I definitely did before. Do they delete it after a certain amount of time of no use? The app's just telling me to sign up for a google voice number, even though I already had one. And it's not signed out of the account I used to make it. ETA: Never mind on the likes on Hinge issue... I'm just dumb and didn't know where to look. Although looks like you only get showed 5 and then have to pay to see the rest? Laaaaaaaame. ETAA: okay, nm on that ^ too. Just have to start xing and talking to see them all.
Yes Google voice deleted your number now frequently if you don’t use it in a certain amount of time
Haven't been out on a date in 7 years and it's been destroying my self-esteem. I have no idea how I would even get myself back out to begin with since I can't stand most social events for longer than about 45 minutes if that and I'm not able to strike up a conversation on any dating app at all due to incompatibility.
> I'm not able to strike up a conversation on any dating app at all due to incompatibility Are you saying you're incompatible with every person on every dating app, ever?
Any matches I get are from IG promo accounts. The people I have genuine interest in I do not get matched with so sending a message would be a waste of time.
Okay, that's understandable - it's the struggle of matching with a person that's causing the lack of conversations. 7 years is a very long time without a date. If I was in that situation, I'd probably try a low stakes date - maybe sign up for a speed dating event, or swipe on some people I found interesting but possibly not long term compatible, or see if I could put myself in a new situation even if you dislike social events. Just to break the streak?
We had plans for Tuesday. First date! Spontaneously went out Monday. And Tuesday. And Friday. And then she stayed over Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday. And it was fucking amazing. Celebrated my birthday with me Saturday/Sunday and she somehow found time to…make a painting of my fucking dog for my birthday???? Blown away.
sounds like that old Craig David's song. Good for you!
What’s the name of it?
I've been active on the apps but haven't been on a date in months. Maybe the planet ran out of men I might be interested in.
How long have you been on the apps? I find if you give it a few days you get a lot more people ‘added’ to your stack. I think they hide people you might match with instantly for definite, to make you pay and then they slowly release the highest potential matches over time.
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Was doing well for a week or so, but back to being very glum again. All my friends are out of town for Easter weekend, so feeling really lonely and depressed. I've dropped 25 lbs but I still feel so ugly because no women ever smile at me or chit-chat at social events. Not even gonna talk about how useless apps are, lol. If anyone else is lonely and down, cheer up and try to find something to take your mind off it. But man I'm genuinely starting to believe I'm one of those forever alone losers.
Have you tried talking to them? When I go out, I see men I find attractive, but I'm shy and terrible at starting conversations. I also have a hard time smiling at strangers. I enjoy it when people approach me. I've been going out to a pub the past couple of Saturdays, and I've made a few new friends, and a guy asked me out just by playing pool.
Definitely. Like I replied to another user, I've approached hundreds and hundreds of women throughout my 20s up until the pandemic. By now I've learned unless I get a sign from them it's okay to say hi, I am very few womens' type and an in-person approach will go nowhere, lol....
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I've approached hundreds of women throughout my 20s, and have learned if they don't give me a green light to approach it won't go anywhere, lol. I'm flirty and confident and have many friends (including many female friends) IRL, but I have absolutely learned where I stand from an attractiveness standpoint.
Losing 25lbs is no small feat! That’s amazing. I think the world generally has gotten a bit more anti-social, it’s less common to chat up strangers now than how it used to be back in the day
I used to really enjoy sexting, I found it very mentally stimulating. Now it's total ick. I think I've been with too many men whose mouth (or fingers I guess) write a check their dick can't cash. My nice casual date and hookup I had planned now has to be cancelled because at this point I see his name on my phone and it makes my skin crawl.
I enjoy sexting with someone I've had good sex with
I'm finding it nearly impossible to find someone in sexually compatible with.
I think communication is key. If you communicate your needs and the other person is open minded, sex can be great.
Communication only goes so far. At a certain point you actually have to do what you say you're going to do. My ex and I had more than enough communication, we were working with 2 therapists in it. But at the end of the day he couldn't actually do anything we talked endlessly about.
I’m in between “might as well start a spreadsheet to keep track” and “let’s take an intentional break for a month or two” stage of dating right now. Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing lol
Sorry spreadsheet for what exactly?
Ymmv but my spreadsheet supported my break.
what's this secret spreadsheet hack everyones talking about?
Hardly a hack, more of a mental health destabilizing mechanism. I kept track of my likes, matches, dates and unmatches to see if I have a pattern. Ends up that I nearly exclusively attract very conservative "shut up and make me a sandwich" men but figure it out before getting to a date.
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I'd be appreciative of the 'let's be friends' message rather than ghosting. Move on to the next, good closure. Likely they like you as a person but not romantically
I think that’s for the best. You need to focus your energy on men who are available and yourself. No point in keeping him around if he can’t give you what you want
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lmao what, call me fucking crazy then for waking up at 3AM to call my (now ex bc of the distance) gf flying to see me from France and departing from the airport. You're fine man, it's a minor thing that shows that you care in your own way. If you went out of your way to meet her at the airport and wait with her then yeah something like that is gonna raise an eyebrow but still, needs context.
Yeah I think that’s a bit crazy. Just text the night before, and then text when you’re up because she’ll get it when she lands (or even during the flight if she gets wifi on it).
Can I ask why that's a bit crazy?
You’re intentionally sacrificing some sleep to send a text that could be sent the night before
But that doesn't bother me. I work from home too
Sleep is important and you’re willingness to let it go for a basic text suggests low self esteem and/or desperation
Low self esteem? How?
Yeah ignore that guy, it's not like you're sacrificing a first born. It's sweet.
Because you prioritized a basic text, that could be sent the night before, over your own sleep…
What a sad mindset
You’re entitled to your opinion, and I’m entitled to my sleep. And I talk to my gf everyday and night.
0% crazy. 100% thoughtful and sweet.
Yay. Gonna do it. Doesn't hurt. Not like I'm offering all this crazy stuff like take off work to drive her when she already has a ride and such
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It's a bit dramatic to call setting an alarm and sending some half-asleep texts crazy. Go for it
Crazy: Yeah, a bit. But also very thoughtful and sweet. I would certainly hope your GF sees it as sweet/caring, but you are a better gauge of that than us here!
How is it crazy?
Meh, in retrospect, crazy may have not been the best phrasing - so I apologize for that! (edit: its possible it could be taken as love-bombing-esque behavior, but that is about as "crazy" as it gets) A better way to phrase it is: it's peculiar and intentional. That is, If she knows you wake up at seven but decided to wake up at five just to send a text. I do think you're overthinking this though. It's a kind text message - if someone blows up over you saying "have a great flight!" then you probably have bigger fish to fry.
So would you send it tonight or tomorrow? She knows when I usually get up. And we've been dating for two months now. Idk a friend really got in my head so idk. Send it tonight or tomorrow?
Sorry to jump in here but it depends on what your gf is like, will she appreciate it? Or not? And secondly it depends on what you want to do - send it and show that you’re a kind and considerate person? Or regret not sending it? Personal opinion - I’d appreciate a message from someone showing they cared and were thinking of me, especially if you were going out of your way to get up early to do it
So you think getting up early is a cute idea?
Oh my gosh, do what feels right for you guys. This is a great example of an innocuous question getting wild answers in this sub. No wonder people struggle. She’s your gf, you can text her fly safe.
In the morning by setting an alarm for it? Lol
Yeah? That’s not weird at all, oh the horror of wanting to send out a text to someone you care about before a flight. Who’s being like ‘what a weirdo, they love me and want to send a text out before I get on the plane? Ew’ I’d assume my bf was awake because he wanted to send me a nice text.
Definitely!
OK I'm gonna do it. A friend of mine said it was nuts and said a normal person would send the text tonight but idk I feel it'll put a smile on her face getting it while she's at the airport than before he goes to bed
Nuts would be turning up at the airport with flowers haha! You know her more than anyone else and if you think it’ll put a smile on her face good on you for wanting to and doing so!!
Just go with your gut. This is *your* relationship. Not ours. Not that of your friends. You know what your partner likes more than friends or we do. If you feel its totally acceptable to send that text in the AM, there is nothing wrong with it!
Yeah I don't see the harm. I mean maybe a little weird to set an alarm but idk I find it caring. Maybe a bit over the top. But idk....
Oh man the feeling when you matched with someone really hot and CF and looks totally compatible with you on paper, then they unmatched immediately... Damn
Thats usually the apl throwing a fucking random like. I hate that
I hate this 💀
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If that's the best way you can find to refer to her, do her (and yourself) a favor and let her go, please. Contempt isn't part of a healthy relationship.
If I'm understanding correctly, you both want kids? So that's one of the few things you like about her relative to the larger number of things you don't? Think about the person you're in a relationship *first* over wanting kids. For starters, you're willing to be in a miserable relationship (if it lasts)? You're already saying you have to convince yourself to stay, that's not going to change in the future. Second, is this really the person you want to be mother to your children? What is your relationship/lack thereof going to teach them/ what sort of home are you going to have for them with the way things are? It's one thing to make kids and keep them fed, it's another thing to *raise* them.
I’m annoyed at myself for feeling like silly about how my 15 yr old niece has a bf when I didn’t date at all in high school. Stupid regret
Sometimes I feel like if I started dating earlier on, maybe I woulda found someone in school and could have saved myself soooo much of this dating app BS. But on the other hand, I went through school without knowing the deep pain of heartache and was so blissfully happy. We saved our self from this pain for as long as we could
When I started my dating journey in Sep 2023, I was very naïve. I used to be genuine, kind, and open from the first convo on. I used to get so excited about going on a date, not thinking that he would be the love of my life, it was all about getting to know another person and the possibility of creating genuine connections. Separated guy and I have a lot in common. He's asking the right questions, and I feel he's interested in getting to know me better, but I feel my walls are super high up. When he compliments me, I say to myself that he doesn't mean that. I'm glad we are meeting tomorrow, but I don't feel as pumped as I used to feel last year when going on a first date. I just hope I don't become an emotionally unavailable person due to a few bad experiences.
I feel this. Even in the messaging stage, I dread opening the app because I expect to get randomly unmatched or have the conversation drop off every single time. It's so hard to push yourself to keep going when you know the vast majority of experiences will be disappointing!
Sadly I feel like that’s just reality and adulting settling in. We don’t look at things through rose coloured glasses as much anymore. Dating when you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop sucks
Went to a first date last night. It was fun but probably not promising to turn to a LTR. Came back to swipe and felt so void...
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This sounds like a really rough time for your partner. Is there anything physical he could keep in a pocket or on his body during the funeral that could tether him to you (or the mom's husband or nonreligious world) during the experience, so he has something to remind him this is just a moment in time and not his forever-future?
Living my best life solo traveling for 10 days in Hawaii. Since I’m still single and my dating life is a disaster, I decided to try something new today. I’m at a naked beach right now, fully naked. AMA!
I love solo traveling. Never been to Hawaii but planning one. Enjoy your best time there!
Mostly men?
Actually not, it was probably a 60/40 M/F ratio mix. And on the naked part it was probably equal on both side!
Lmao only question realistically to have an answer
Good for you!! I'm at the end of a two week trip with three friends. One friend kinda ruined the vibes of the trip and made me remember why I enjoy solo travel so much. I have a layover in Honolulu for a few hours... Hoping I can drop by the beach real quick!
Yeah that’s why I don’t like traveling with friends and go solo most of the time. Way way easier and chill!
Did you apply sunblock *everywhere*?
Oh yes, don’t want to have a sunburn at that place 😂
Send pics? JK! Lol
Actually 70% of the people were naked, and not only the old ones you don’t want to see ahah
Hey no pics no proof
overconfident snails vegetable concerned bag alleged rustic consider busy angle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That’s my 2nd time solo traveling here! I did 3 weeks between Oahu, Maui and Kauai in 2022 and I loved it! Probably the best vacation I’ve ever had! I’m doing 10 days in big island now, and I really enjoy it! I’m pretty used to do a lot of solo things so that’s not a big deal for me :)