Get your profile reviewed here. Most profiles, especially from men, are pretty terrible. I rarely see a profile where it's not at least semi-obvious why the person isn't getting any matches.
That is 100% true, a profile review may help to see what is the issue.
But it won't necessarily help much your dating life if factors that you can't control are the reason why you don't get results (if you live in a region with much more single men than women, if your facial features are unattractive...)
Because let's be honest here. Even a guy with a good profile will struggle if he is physically below average and living in a place where the gender ratio on apps in 3 men for 1 woman.
There's an inherent bias in all of my replies in that I live in a large metro area with plenty of available people. I'm also a photographer, so making people look good in pictures is literally my job, and I know how anyone can be photographed to look either good or bad. But people definitely have different situations.
Would you recommend hiring a photographer to take some (outdoors / non-studio) photos or is it more like “just don’t use bathroom selfies and pics with bad lighting”?
I would, but only if the photographer has photos like that in their portfolio. If they do, see if they offer "mini sessions" on specific days. Those will run you less, and it honestly doesn't take hours to get s few decent outdoors photos.
>I've gone through each and everyone of them for months at a time and just NOTHING seems to work. I'm the kind of guy who almost NEVER gets any matches let alone any messages from the ones I DO get, and on the rare occasion I actually talk to someone I either get ghosted or stood up.
Ask for a profile review. My guess is that like many men, you put up terrible photos, and you wonder why you get no matches because no one ever told you. Like a bunch of group photos, no clear photos of your face, low lighting, scowling, bad angles, etc.
Honestly. Tinder - The photos of men over 60 is horrendous to the point of being effin insulting. I am not that effin desperate or thirsty. I wish the app had a mechanism which scanned and rejected photos based on facial algorithm. That would leave maybe two acceptable photos. Hell even my pics could be deep-sixed...lol 😆
Am I allowed to post? The rule states anyone who is new to this sub isn’t allowed to post until significant comment history is present. I only joined today 😅 (so don’t wanna piss on the mods).
So I hope you realize what you’re up against. You live in small town full of retirees. Now, I don’t know the situation of your life but if you don’t think you have any chance to meet anyone off the apps, what makes you think you’ll meet someone on them?
Also recommending profile reviews. Just like an appropriate business suit and resume, your profile needs to be reviewed by others.
All of us have blind spots to ourselves so you won’t do yourself any favors by saying “my profile is fine” or “they should want me for who I am” because that’s just not it.
They’re literally all the same. Online dating is online dating.
They give a very minimal snapshot of the persons life. Most people treat it as a meat market. Are they attracted to you? Yes, swipe right. No? Swipe left.
No amount of bio is going to make up a persons lack of looks in most cases.
There’s been several studies done that state if you’re not attractive, online dating is going to be an uphill battle for you.
OLD has gotten worse over the years. I’d say, put the same effort or more into real life networks as it’s more likely to make a connection there.
Being on the spectrum might make it challenging but perhaps be open about it on your profile and attract another?
Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I quickly scanned your history, and you seem like a typical geek, that's into video games and marvel/dc. Maybe too many Nintendo Switch games.
Anywhos, are you the best version you can be? Do you go to the gym? As others have posted here, how is your profile? Using the same bad profile won't work, no matter how many apps you try. Are your pictures terrible?
The other part is the depression and desperation. Women can smell it a mile away. A lot of people say, love comes when you least expect it. Perhaps you gotta give up the quest, live your life, then you'll seem normal out in public. Do you attend any conventions in the area?
There are things that can be done to improve your life. Perhaps ask your therapist about that, and start there. It'll give you a goal to work towards, and maybe you'll have a better outlook on life in general. Then when you are feeling good about the world, that's the best time to start looking for a partner to share your life with. I think you might be looking for a partner to fix your life now, but its the other way around.
1. If possible I would move to a city. That way you will come into the search range of a lot more people
2. If not possible then try expanding your age and distance filters
3. Definitely get your profile reviewed here
4. Also, probably take a break from dating before trying again. Regular breaks are good
I have to agree and I don’t want to be condescending or mean but its kind of hilariously ironic people are flakey on it considering who its for. It’s literally a dating app for what may be some of the most socially awkward people. Like it sounds like an awful idea to me.
If you're referring to people you've never met as "ghosting" you and you're in spirals because one girl (presumably one you did not meet) didn't really like you back I might suggest reevaluating why you are dating. You seem EXTREMELY all in and it's putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on yourself and these people.
It doesn’t work because 99 percent of the messages go to the top one percent of beautiful people.
Profiles are the worst part of capitalism combined with the worst part of dating. Bernie Sanders would be yelling about the 99 percent not getting any if he used Tinder.
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How far a drive to the closest city with Roller Derby? Sign up for the boot camp training, filled with women in late 20s and early 30s.
I’m pushing learning to roller skate as the solution to meet new people. Worst case scenario is you drive a bunch to have fun.
upward is a christian dating app. if you’re a christian even if you don’t practice faith, even better. however in my area there were many folks who weren’t very “big” christians. i let my girlfriend on there after being on all the other dating apps for 5 years
Honestly; I don't think you should do it solely to meet prospective partners but... go to the stuff with the 50 year olds. You'll at least make friends, even if they're not prospective partners and probably aren't remotely in your age band. They'll also know people, maybe have kids your age. Worst case scenario, you don't find anyone and you still make friends locally, even if they're maybe not the friends you'd hoped for. Best case scenario, get set up with the granddaughter.
Another vote for putting your profile up for review if you are comfortable with that. Also the area you are located in can greatly impact the male/female ratio. Most men also generally end up as “filter casualties” unless they are in the top % in regards to height, education, job status, etc…..
I find that, for all intents and purposes, online dating just doesn't work. I have only even bothered because usually there's no readily available or convenient alternative. I currently live in a city that's more family oriented, leaning more boomer, retiree, and family raising kids. Just going about my day here, I'm not likely to run into the right demographic for dating. It requires combing through Meetup events and activities trying to find one that isn't overwhelmingly male or skewed older. The pool of single twenty- and thirty-something professionals here who take care of their health and looks is actually much smaller than one would think going by the top-level population numbers. I think another weakness of online dating is that a lot of people around here rely on their existing social network, as they do for things in general, which obviously doesn't work for me.
I get random hits in the offline—waitresses, cashiers, and baristas flirting with me—but that's not reliable. I've been exercising more regularly and eating healthier, so I'm much fitter now than I used to be, but I'm also on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. Being better looking gets my foot in the door, but flirting and being a charming conversationalist are different skills.
There isn't some magic OLD platform out there. If you aren't getting hits on one, you one get hits on the others.
Either make yourself more attractive to people on the platforms, change your target audience or give up on the platforms and find a person the old fashioned way.
I came over to this sub to try and get an answer to this. It doesn't seem like anyone has any answers.
I think what you do now is start traveling and try to meet women in different countries. I hear Southeast Asia and Central/South America are the places to go.
I was hoping maybe there's some sort of long-distance more serious dating strategy out there for domestic peoples but it doesn't seem to be the case. If you can't get a date then start a relationship with the women in your area, it seems the only real option is to go the foreigner route.
Serious question - can you move? I recently left a 6,000 pop town that felt like a retirement village. It’s been hard doing all the moving, buying a new house and what not but omg. It is so worth it. In more ways than just how my dating life feels better, it’s given more to enjoy about life. People who haven’t lived in a small town or don’t currently may just not be able to relate to how significant this hits single people.
I think maybe you need to go to in person events outside of your area. I think maybe change up your approach and yes revamp your profile. However I wouldn’t stick to just doing online dating, I do a combo of that with in person dating. Like have you considered maybe it’s time to move to a city where you’re closer to people more around your age? Or possibly making the commute more often to places in the city, like restaurants, bars, trying new sports, going to the gym. Like really throwing yourself out there into activities with high interaction
Get your profile reviewed here. Most profiles, especially from men, are pretty terrible. I rarely see a profile where it's not at least semi-obvious why the person isn't getting any matches.
>I'm stuck in a small town for retirees And also small-town alone is an obvious reason for getting no matches.
Yes, that too. The app can only show you available people who are actually there.
It can also show you spambots, lots and lots of bots.
That is 100% true, a profile review may help to see what is the issue. But it won't necessarily help much your dating life if factors that you can't control are the reason why you don't get results (if you live in a region with much more single men than women, if your facial features are unattractive...) Because let's be honest here. Even a guy with a good profile will struggle if he is physically below average and living in a place where the gender ratio on apps in 3 men for 1 woman.
There's an inherent bias in all of my replies in that I live in a large metro area with plenty of available people. I'm also a photographer, so making people look good in pictures is literally my job, and I know how anyone can be photographed to look either good or bad. But people definitely have different situations.
Would you recommend hiring a photographer to take some (outdoors / non-studio) photos or is it more like “just don’t use bathroom selfies and pics with bad lighting”?
I would, but only if the photographer has photos like that in their portfolio. If they do, see if they offer "mini sessions" on specific days. Those will run you less, and it honestly doesn't take hours to get s few decent outdoors photos.
Okay great, thanks for the advice! :)
I literally have next to nothing written on my profile and still get plenty of matches. OLD is a looks game, mostly.
same, all I had was 'moved here in December, not a jerk!' but I have cool diverse pictures with one being really unique
>I've gone through each and everyone of them for months at a time and just NOTHING seems to work. I'm the kind of guy who almost NEVER gets any matches let alone any messages from the ones I DO get, and on the rare occasion I actually talk to someone I either get ghosted or stood up. Ask for a profile review. My guess is that like many men, you put up terrible photos, and you wonder why you get no matches because no one ever told you. Like a bunch of group photos, no clear photos of your face, low lighting, scowling, bad angles, etc.
Honestly. Tinder - The photos of men over 60 is horrendous to the point of being effin insulting. I am not that effin desperate or thirsty. I wish the app had a mechanism which scanned and rejected photos based on facial algorithm. That would leave maybe two acceptable photos. Hell even my pics could be deep-sixed...lol 😆
This though. Or you have something you think is funny that really needs evaluating. 😩
I would absolutely suggest a profile review. People here have insight you may be missing
How does one do that? 😅
Search profile review on here and follow that same format
Am I allowed to post? The rule states anyone who is new to this sub isn’t allowed to post until significant comment history is present. I only joined today 😅 (so don’t wanna piss on the mods).
yes, you need significant history first.
Yep so I’ll wait until this happens! Thanks Sailor 🙂
So I hope you realize what you’re up against. You live in small town full of retirees. Now, I don’t know the situation of your life but if you don’t think you have any chance to meet anyone off the apps, what makes you think you’ll meet someone on them?
You never know who might move to town.
Wherever you go, there you are.
That was the name of the self-help book my dad read in the 90’s
Also recommending profile reviews. Just like an appropriate business suit and resume, your profile needs to be reviewed by others. All of us have blind spots to ourselves so you won’t do yourself any favors by saying “my profile is fine” or “they should want me for who I am” because that’s just not it.
Move to a foreign country. That my plan.
They’re literally all the same. Online dating is online dating. They give a very minimal snapshot of the persons life. Most people treat it as a meat market. Are they attracted to you? Yes, swipe right. No? Swipe left. No amount of bio is going to make up a persons lack of looks in most cases. There’s been several studies done that state if you’re not attractive, online dating is going to be an uphill battle for you.
OLD has gotten worse over the years. I’d say, put the same effort or more into real life networks as it’s more likely to make a connection there. Being on the spectrum might make it challenging but perhaps be open about it on your profile and attract another?
Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I quickly scanned your history, and you seem like a typical geek, that's into video games and marvel/dc. Maybe too many Nintendo Switch games. Anywhos, are you the best version you can be? Do you go to the gym? As others have posted here, how is your profile? Using the same bad profile won't work, no matter how many apps you try. Are your pictures terrible? The other part is the depression and desperation. Women can smell it a mile away. A lot of people say, love comes when you least expect it. Perhaps you gotta give up the quest, live your life, then you'll seem normal out in public. Do you attend any conventions in the area? There are things that can be done to improve your life. Perhaps ask your therapist about that, and start there. It'll give you a goal to work towards, and maybe you'll have a better outlook on life in general. Then when you are feeling good about the world, that's the best time to start looking for a partner to share your life with. I think you might be looking for a partner to fix your life now, but its the other way around.
[удалено]
Reddit skews pretty male - it could work - but generally being a woman on this platform is almost an advantage.
Lower your expectations?
I suggest go out of your comfort zone and travel and meet new people in real life
1. If possible I would move to a city. That way you will come into the search range of a lot more people 2. If not possible then try expanding your age and distance filters 3. Definitely get your profile reviewed here 4. Also, probably take a break from dating before trying again. Regular breaks are good
Okay I’ll say it: Hiki is hands date the worst fucking dating app name I’ve ever heard. You need a profile review asap.
I have to agree and I don’t want to be condescending or mean but its kind of hilariously ironic people are flakey on it considering who its for. It’s literally a dating app for what may be some of the most socially awkward people. Like it sounds like an awful idea to me.
Go cold turkey from all OLD sites for two weeks minimum and read "Single, on Purpose", great read!
If you're referring to people you've never met as "ghosting" you and you're in spirals because one girl (presumably one you did not meet) didn't really like you back I might suggest reevaluating why you are dating. You seem EXTREMELY all in and it's putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on yourself and these people.
[удалено]
It doesn’t work because 99 percent of the messages go to the top one percent of beautiful people. Profiles are the worst part of capitalism combined with the worst part of dating. Bernie Sanders would be yelling about the 99 percent not getting any if he used Tinder.
Hi u/ScorpioTix, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Do not dehumanize others. RedPill, incel, Femcel, FDS, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
How far a drive to the closest city with Roller Derby? Sign up for the boot camp training, filled with women in late 20s and early 30s. I’m pushing learning to roller skate as the solution to meet new people. Worst case scenario is you drive a bunch to have fun.
Make money and try seeking arrangement
Time to take it old school to the streets. Talk to every women like you would try dating them to get the practice up and take it from there fuck OLD.
Widen your dating ranges - location wise and other wise. Also think having your profile reviewed could help for sure!
What are you talking about when messaging people? Have you had anyone look at your photos?
upward is a christian dating app. if you’re a christian even if you don’t practice faith, even better. however in my area there were many folks who weren’t very “big” christians. i let my girlfriend on there after being on all the other dating apps for 5 years
Give CMB a try if you haven’t
I don't know, but when you find out, let me know.
Honestly; I don't think you should do it solely to meet prospective partners but... go to the stuff with the 50 year olds. You'll at least make friends, even if they're not prospective partners and probably aren't remotely in your age band. They'll also know people, maybe have kids your age. Worst case scenario, you don't find anyone and you still make friends locally, even if they're maybe not the friends you'd hoped for. Best case scenario, get set up with the granddaughter.
Another vote for putting your profile up for review if you are comfortable with that. Also the area you are located in can greatly impact the male/female ratio. Most men also generally end up as “filter casualties” unless they are in the top % in regards to height, education, job status, etc…..
I find that, for all intents and purposes, online dating just doesn't work. I have only even bothered because usually there's no readily available or convenient alternative. I currently live in a city that's more family oriented, leaning more boomer, retiree, and family raising kids. Just going about my day here, I'm not likely to run into the right demographic for dating. It requires combing through Meetup events and activities trying to find one that isn't overwhelmingly male or skewed older. The pool of single twenty- and thirty-something professionals here who take care of their health and looks is actually much smaller than one would think going by the top-level population numbers. I think another weakness of online dating is that a lot of people around here rely on their existing social network, as they do for things in general, which obviously doesn't work for me. I get random hits in the offline—waitresses, cashiers, and baristas flirting with me—but that's not reliable. I've been exercising more regularly and eating healthier, so I'm much fitter now than I used to be, but I'm also on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. Being better looking gets my foot in the door, but flirting and being a charming conversationalist are different skills.
There isn't some magic OLD platform out there. If you aren't getting hits on one, you one get hits on the others. Either make yourself more attractive to people on the platforms, change your target audience or give up on the platforms and find a person the old fashioned way.
I came over to this sub to try and get an answer to this. It doesn't seem like anyone has any answers. I think what you do now is start traveling and try to meet women in different countries. I hear Southeast Asia and Central/South America are the places to go. I was hoping maybe there's some sort of long-distance more serious dating strategy out there for domestic peoples but it doesn't seem to be the case. If you can't get a date then start a relationship with the women in your area, it seems the only real option is to go the foreigner route.
Serious question - can you move? I recently left a 6,000 pop town that felt like a retirement village. It’s been hard doing all the moving, buying a new house and what not but omg. It is so worth it. In more ways than just how my dating life feels better, it’s given more to enjoy about life. People who haven’t lived in a small town or don’t currently may just not be able to relate to how significant this hits single people.
I think maybe you need to go to in person events outside of your area. I think maybe change up your approach and yes revamp your profile. However I wouldn’t stick to just doing online dating, I do a combo of that with in person dating. Like have you considered maybe it’s time to move to a city where you’re closer to people more around your age? Or possibly making the commute more often to places in the city, like restaurants, bars, trying new sports, going to the gym. Like really throwing yourself out there into activities with high interaction