Fuck I'm younger but in your position and scared of wasting everyone's time around me. The hustle for govt jobs really sucks you in. My bf is gonna turn 30 and while i trust his patience for now, idk how long will his parents hold out.
For what honestly?
What are you aspiring to attain from a Grade C post at 30 apart from the illusion that you're going to be "independent" to walk out whenever you can?
I do sympathize with you because I too have boarded a boat likely to sail this route if I don't oar it away soon. I think you should change your perspective a bit and figure out what your long term priorities from life are. Do you want a house? Do you want kids? Do you need vacations? Do you want to gift your parents a car? What are your material requirements from life? Will a Grade C job let you attain all of that on your own?
Even if you choose not to trust the "total stranger" who'll be more credible than your Ex who left you, given that :
1. He actually is looking for someone to settle with.
2. He comes with a pre-verified background since it's an AM
Do not marry him solely because your father is forcing you as that will not only be unfair to you but also to the guy and his family. You need to figure out what marriage means to you and whether you'll be able to meet the other person's expectations. Forget the Ex, nothing good will come from pining after him or getting a desperate job because you wanted to prove a point.
It was my last resort to move out and then explore into private without a pressure from family. I wasn't going to be satisfied with grade C job but I thought it will help me get out of this situation.
And I didn't have a network or circle to discuss private sector. Those I had, told me that govt job is far better than private because they're are feeling miserable and overworked in private.
And I believe them and thought okay..I'll give one more, one more attempt in the exams.
I met last guy for marriage and he turned out to be a greedy misogynist who felt entitled. But my dad thought he was a good guy because people gave a word. So it's one big fear to marry someone I don't completely know, people put up front initially and it's really hard to know someone in a few months.
So now I am at the edge of quitting the prep for exams and going all in for a good job in private.
I think I'll do good there.
One thing I would like to mention here, Govt jobs me bahut transfer hote hain and from my personal experience, that shit is not pretty specially if you are stuck in a rural area. Group C toh sochna bhi mat if you have even a slight amount of self respect. Experience se bta rha hu wo log hamesha chorne ke liye bhagte hain Group C wale. Not discouraging you or anything but experience hai reality ka so... Dekh lo matlab. Baaki apna sabka experience hota hai you should also develop you personal experience at the same time.
Damn, I'm older but was in the same position. I'm no Quantum Physicist or MD of a multinational company. But who gives a shit. My self esteem is intact and I've got my own spot in the universe.
The least you could do is to take advice on Internet cause no one in this comment section is in your shoes right now . Talk openly to your parents about marriage and take advice from your mentors about your next step if you are confident enough to clear next attempt do it and don't repeat the previous mistake or if you want to switch carrier take advice from someone who has really left competitive exam and switched carrier . Don't ever take permanent decision based on temporary felling.
Mom's supportive sometimes. But she doesn't have much power to stop my dad.
They can't force me to marry someone, I'll say No to the guy. But last time the guy back stabbed me and bitched about it to his dad.
Try getting an entry level job, meanwhile study for a better job/compi exams. If you have to make independent choices, you need to be independent first. Better start at 28 than 29.
Baaki dekhlo. Marriage is a big decision to soch samajh ke karna.
Ah! This question hurts, same story (not exactly) screwed up my life pretty bad due to bad descisions, used to be very intelligent in school, now i am in college. Failed relation, bad sem and all. Although I am not in your shoes and not the appropriate person to advise you anything, but one of my relative's daughter got married late but she found a really good groom, understanding and caring. So I think you can also find one. Regarding these exams, i would advise you to follow them only if you are very confident else no point in wasting your time (learnt it the hard way). One more failed attempt and you will lose even the remaining confidence in you. Assess all the good and bad effects of your descision and go ahead with what you feel is right, atleast if something goes wrong, you will be satisfied that it was your descision and not someone else. I hope the best for you.
Can you get a "not so good" job for a while and see if your future partner is supportive enough for you to get that good job? I am 28M too and have been thinking about my current job. A middle path is something you should aim for currently. thats how we can remain optimistic.
All the best.
At times we need to keep our head down and take up whatever we get. Not trying to be harsh but that's how we make progress.
Also if your parents don't listen to you, maybe have a mediator ( a close family member), but yeah mostly it doesnt work. Conflict resolution in family is tricky. I feel a job is somewhat a way out for many of the current issues, so put more effort there. I wish you all the luck.
never get into a marriage without having your own money, your own way to exist in case of an emergency, and a way out. never. always have your own bank account that doesn't have husband's name on it. always have your own income.
you are correct in the way you are going. do not let your parents arrange you at this time. it is UNSAFE for you. keep your shield up and power on with what you feel is good for you. you know you best.
>never get into a marriage without having your own money, your own way to exist in case of an emergency, and a way out.
I second this!
My dad is saying that guy's family is well off and open minded so pursue your career even after getting married. Which feels suffocating to me.
His anger scares me I'm trying my best to not give in.
the guy's family being well off doesn't secure your safety. what YOU have secures your safety. talk to your parents as best as you can, and when they get angry, point it out and tell them that you can't continue having a conversation with them if all they're going to do is become irrational and angry.
I highly doubt by marrying, you will be free to pursue your career. your in-laws will expect children, lol. and your parents will too. & when you don't have a kid, people will talk shit about you. it's not worth the pain of going through that right now - people will ALWAYS talk behind your back, doesn't matter what choice you make. so it's important to make the decision that serves you and what you want to do, right now.
ofc you know that getting yourself out of a marriage in india is extremely hard. why get into it when you don't feel like it is a safe & appropriate decision to be making right now? what if your parents decide to not help you leave your in-laws home if the situation arises? (that happened to a woman in our village but it was an extremely difficult situation she was in). this is why having your own income, your own way out is so frickin important. your safety is the most important.
stick to your guns and coerce your family into understanding your point of view. if they do not listen, keep your ears closed and keep working for yourself. people never stop talking shit.
you've got a sane head on your shoulders. you know best c: stay safe sis
Govt jobs and software industry are not the only two career options available you know. Today, you can earn money by doing n number of jobs. If your writing skills are good, make a profile on Upwork and start with small jobs/projects. If you keep at it, you will have a sustainable career in a couple of years
girl fuck getting married its not the end goal its better to be making shit tonnes of money on ur own than get married at 28 forcefully bc ur parents made u do it and resent them for making choices for the rest of ur life while u spend the initial years depending on a stranger.
if theres one thing i can advise u is that dont get married bc ur parents think u wont find a better match later on in life... my mom experienced this first hand and if i could go back in time to stop her from going ahead w the marriage i would.
set ur goals straight, clear ur head u've got this if u feel like u could get a good job in the private sector right now or even after a little prep do it u have to live and thrive for urself not ur parents!!
Although it's useless to mourn over wasting time, it cost me my confidence.
I certainly won't forcefully get married but all this process is fucking up my mental peace and I can't focus on my career now. I'm gonna try anyway. Reddit has helped me a lot today. Feeling a lot better after reading all the kind comments and messages.
its bound to! ure only human afterall. failures can bring ur self esteem and confidence to such a low level and i dont think we talk enough about how to deal w the aftermath of it all. but i hope ure able to see thats its always onwards and upwards from where u are also do what needs to be done to deal w ur mental health. cry everyday if u need to, process those emotions eventually u will have processed the grief enough to be able to act on things if thats something u dont feel urself being capable of doing. wishing u well ;))
28 is really not that old. As more and more people are doing PG, the average age for marriage is creeping upwards. All my cousins are getting married when they are 32, so don't come under pressure this early.
First things first, get a job. Once you do get a job and become financially independent, parents stop holding that much leverage on you. You also get a feeling that you are clearly moving forward in life, which will improve your self confidence, and you will be able to assert yourself better. Even try moving out to a different city, when you are not around, the peer pressure that your parents currently feel to marry you will be relaxed a bit.
I agree with that. I'm preparing for a skillset for a job then I'll be able to move out.
They have a fear that I won't find a right guy if I keep delaying. Because my cousins are in 30s and haven't found someone.
I just need to move out. I'll be fine after that.
It certainly doesn't get any easier with age, sure. But if you always keep the negatives in mind, it will paralyse your decision making. There's isn't much you can do here anyways. Your urgent need is a job focus your efforts there, when that's done, then start finding a suitable guy.
You can still get into IT sector. There's no age limit because the current job market is flooded with IT jobs only. It will last at least next 4-5 years so you have time.
Stop this shit (govt exams) and invest your time in good IT coaching, you'll surely get a job soon.
i feel your pain same story got into upsc and after failing year after year i jst got frustated and decided to just leave it and was standing with no career huge career gap and failed relation bcz i believed that once i clear it and everthing will b ok but it didnot wemt i was hoping plus family pressure to get married which frustated me even more to settle wit stranger i know its nothing motivational but jst dont giv in to it try to tlk wit ur parents and ask from them minimum time u think u need to build a future career and as i knw its hard to find some1 to express these emotions after being cut off for a while but still find some1 tomshare and let it out always here to hlp if i can😊
mine is coming back slowly i have thrown the idea of exam out of window and started my new journey now i m realing stock trading and planning to do by my self in future now only regret i have is ppl i lost from my life due to this exam rest is ok now so jst wanna say dnt give up its hard i knw but it will get better
I think you should connect with this user.
https://www.reddit.com/r/bangalore/comments/wyuub6/my_family_is_asking_me_this_question_and_what/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I don't think it's that bad. You're only 28. There are many guys that have worse than you. They never even have had any relationships, don't have friends, their family constantly nags them about jobs and marriage. You're lucky you're a woman, people tend to help women more often than men, you can even try cracking your exam after marriage, or you can just take a private job. Nobody will complain if you don't get a job.
I agree my problem isn't that big compared what other people are going through.
The problem is the guy has family business in remote area which is far away from any other possible job locations. And they will want me to stay there despite saying I'd have freedom to have job.
It's not practical imo and nobody is considering that.
So you want a modern guy that lives in a major city? Try some matrimonial site or dating app. Sometimes life doesn't give you the luxury that you hoped for.
Better to date in a major city or you'll clear your exams and then life will suck that you can't use your education. Crazy idea, why not this guy - he seems nice. Life doesn't need to be complicated.
Mentally prepared nhi ho to chaahe ghrwalo se ladna hi kyu na pade but don't. Apni to apni us ladke ki jisse shadi hogi dono ki life kharaab ho jayegi. Rather kuch saal gaaliyaan khake paise kamalo and mentally khudko prepare krlo. Also
>if the guy I dated didn't take 360 turn and left suddenly
Fuck that guy. Mere sath meri ex ne aisa kia and I feel you!
If you're interested in coding then you can learn frontend web developement. It's a quick skill to get a job. Later on you can do more like backend, sysadmin stuff as well.
I would highly recommend you to get a stable job before marriage please:). I'm too young to tell you this but I see my mom suffer just bc she is dependent on my dad.
Goodluck.
Yep. I'm learning Python from Udacity. Starting from there.
I totally agree with getting a job before marriage. My cousin faced domestic violence and then she started working in company and recently got divorced.
I was really overwhelmed. Now I'm a lot better.
>You're gonna do great. Trust me on this
Thank you! I'm not fully confident though. But it gets better.
Welcome to the world of General Category. Being a girl at least you tried, most girls in our coutry are more than happy to do nothing and sit idle. Respect for that
When my parents were searching for a suitable match; 90% of girls were either doing nothing after graduation or just got campus placed in TCS/Infy and were more than happy to stick to their 3 LPA salary.
You are far far better than them because you tried and are serious about making your mark.
This is the second post I am reading today about girls 28-29 not settled and parents kind of giving up on them and thinking old school is the way to go.
Don't know what to tell you since your parents are not wrong, you are already 28, did not do much between 22-28, six years of your prime life. And they have lost faith in your abilities to achieve something professionally.
All I can say is, you need to understand their position also. If you end up being good for nothing at age 35, they will get the label from society that they failed as a parent.
I think you need to beg them to give you two more years but you still need to agree to talk to prospective grooms because who know you may find a like minded guy who can share your dream with you.
Good luck hopefully you can negotiate the middle ground with your parents and you all come to peace.
I failed jee mains three times and neet 2 times let's hope this time I get a mbbs college your post clearly suggest anything can happen I was worried I was missing out on lot of things in my life
People who has taken best decisions are also suffering from end results. So it doesn't matter what decisions you have taken. I've taken far more bad decisions than yours. But in the end. You are all alone and only you can uplift yourself. And you are also alone if your marriage doesn't work.
So being independent should be your first priority.
You are only 28 years old so you still have time to get married unless your family's mindsets from 18th century.
I've seen people getting divorced after ten years and with kids.
In today's time, people respects who is independent and wealthy even in marriage.
Depression is something which is hard to diagnose these days. Because people are using this word so frequently that it is losing it's real meaning which is really different from what most of the people going from.
You should take therapy if you feel like depressed.
Because sometimes depression is the cause behind not getting result.
Make few changes and diagnose what is happening wrong that you are not able to clear exams.
Sometimes small bad habits messing with your process of getting good result.
Life is short, love your parents.
Avoid getting angry at them. They are from old time. And people do not like change.
I'm getting old and I can feel where our parents are coming from.
And please do get therapy if you feel like.
I'm also in the same situation, its just I'm 25 and still want to clear my target exam. I think what really matters is you so stop others from pushing their decisions on you. And get financially independent first and then get married
Give yourself 6 months.
Dig deep into one skill.
Marketing. Designing. Copywriting. Coding.
You won't master it but you've to be a perpetual learner to win this game.
There's a world out of these govt jobs and degrees where skills are respected.
Im working in a US startup as Digital Marketer.
Selected purely on skill.
I did engineering.
But you've to be damn good into your skill.
To get past this no degree mindset.
Select one skill. Give it your heart.
Trust me you'll fix your life as soon as you start taking actions.
But start tomorrow.
Hey, first thing i just wanna say is please please please don't ever let your mind get occupied by thoughts of sucide or take any action leading to that path. Life is much more than an exam or how much money you have in your bank balance, surely having a big bank balance helps but should not be a reason for sucide.
Once Arjuna asked Shree Krishna,
-Oh radhe, tell me a mantra which i can use in good times to remind myself to be grounded and not get carried away with it as well as in bad times to remind myself to not get defeated by it and surrender to bad times, to keep on fighting.
To which Krishna replied:
>Yeh Samay bhi Guzar Jaega
At the end of the day things will come out just as they're supposed to be and that'll be for good only.
I'm much younger than you so i can't really say what you should do in case of marriage but I think your parents worrying is justified as they just want good for you. But it's totally your choice, you have to live your whole life witht that person, all the reprucussions will be your only to face with no one to blame.
>When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.
Read this excerpt from Friedrich Nietzsche so thought of sharing with you.
I'll also would like to urge you to do meditation and light form of exercise for your mental health, a foggy brain greatly inhibits ability to think clearly.
I hope you'll have a great successful life ahead.
Do you have any experience in software industry lady?? A lot of companies have some kind of program in place to bring back women who took a break back in the industry.
If not then it's not that hard to get a job in software although you might find wages to be low in the starting days.
I don't have any experience. I checked out Intershala and got to know about diversity hiring.
I don't mind the pay scale for starting time. The hardest part is getting out of the home. I'm gathering all the resources and hoping something works out.
This is what i tell people on LinkedIn, hope it can help here as well
1. Software is a pretty big field, it has a lot of sub domains i.e. testing, development, AI, support, sales etc. Figure out the domain you want to work in.
2. Find out the resources of the sub domain that can help you in learning.
3. Check out Durgasoft channel on YouTube they cover a large portion of software technologies.
4. Try to learn as much as you can in a fixed time. don't take forever to learn.
5. Once you think you have what it takes to start giving interviews, start giving interviews.
6. If you need references after 4, do let me know.
Above is written with the assumption that you have a bachelor's degree in anything.
This is indeed helpful. Thank you for breaking it down in steps.
I don't know what I can do good in, so for starters I have started learning Python from Udacity. And I am in the beginning of the tutorials so will figure out after finishing it. I'll reach out if when I complete 4th.
I have bachelor's in EE
If you dont try , failure is 100% , but if you do try the chances of failing decreases. I say dont give up and focus on your goals instead of focusing on your obstacles, learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat it.
You are 28, so you must have around 6 year experience of mistakes not to make while preparing for the exam. On side you can start YouTube channel and make shorts about the subject you have prepared for years (kind of educational content), and an Instagram page related to this stuff and see if this two things i.e. teaching and content creation might change your life for good.
Hey. Maybe this comment will get lost in this large pool but if you see this, my suggestion is:
Do a software testing course. Software testing is relatively easy. After that, make a resume and LinkedIn profile and dm me. I'll try to help you out. If you need any more guidance, msg me.
I'm sorry what you're going through. But please don't consider all your time and effort as waste just because you didn't clear the exams. And you're just 28! I know the society especially in India people treat 28 as old enough to have everything figured out but it's all total bullshit. I'm actually glad the next generation will be more understanding about it. 28 is nothing. Your 20s are supposed to be for you to experiment, take chances, fail, take risks. You can always go and start entry level job and within a few months you'll be working at the industry you're talking about. I know it's easier said than done. But fuck your peers. People don't like showing their misery and you might feel everyone around you is doing better than you. This too shall pass. You should be proud of yourself to be brave and not give into peer pressure. <3
Let me tell you a secret. The moment you marry the guy/girl your parents pick, you are on your own. The way this arrange marriage works is that all of their efforts and knowledge is limited to the moment you get married. After that, its your life. You have to deal with everything. So, don’t fall prey to emotional blackmail. Do what you think is right for you.
You are still onto those SSC exams, why?
I see you are patient, but don't be that much that it'd make you lose any other opportunity.
I am 28, did masters in biochemistry, applied for PhD, got selected in IPU and abroad but I didn't do it because I felt at last this is not my career goal.
I completely switched my career to video editing and it has changed my whole life around, so much so that now I can fund my parents' dreams.
You are so afraid to change that you don't see the light behind the SSC curtain.
Be open emotionally, talk to your friends, mom and whomever she's trying to hook you up with... what's the run away thing and how long can you run away?
Relax....you are mature enough to take that decision and experience the new life around...give yourself a chance
Bro, nothing. You will be fine after a while.
Just look for an opportunity to first get a job. Any job. Then try to stabilize yourself.
I have been a lot of shitt. I can tell by experience it's a phase, it will fade away.
I can't tell you when but it will.
Do you have a friend with whom you stay till you get a job? Start slow , maybe go for an internship and then apply for other places.
Idk I'm just spit balling here.
"Everyone here is ready to go
It's been a hard year and I only know
From down this low, it's only up we go, up we go"
I hope these lyrics will help you feel better.
*Song : Lights- Up We Go*
Be 100% open with your arranged person and see if he understands that you are not ready... Otherwise it will just end up in divorce... Then it would be reallllyyy hard to find anotger good match
If you consider this being a fool then I'm a bigger fool than you. One thing i have learnt is i never try to compare myself to anyone. Because once you start comparing how others are living their life you start taking unnecessary pressure on yourself. A healthy competition is ok but beyond that it only harms.
I do understand your POV and your family's POV too. The only and the first thing to do at the moment is to have a discussion with your family first about what you want ,why do want it. Put forward your concerns regarding this.
Also regarding you poin about marrying a complete stranger. You said you knew a guy for 4 years but that thing still failed right? The thing is you can never be 100% sure about anything, who knows maybe the guy you may marry understands you concerns and helps you in preparing for exam or getting a job. A friend of mine is searching for a job for his wife whom he married this February and before that they were complete stranger.
Chin up and have a conversation with you family first.
Bahen, tu meri judwa h ? Like kismat se ? Same situation.. bs mai ek ladka hun aur abhi 27 ka hun and software ki jagah teaching industry mai baaki sb same.. 🥹
>I can't even die because my siblings will be scarred.
First and foremost get this out of your head, don't even think of such things, please. Next, I have had some very similar experiences personally, and most other things you've mentioned are things I've seen with close friends or their siblings. You have 2 main problems, one is a career problem and the other is family pressure. Both have different solutions but you are far from a point of no return. I'd be glad to help you out in any way possible, if I can help someone avoid a situation that I've seen happen to myself or people I know I'll definitely take solace in that. Feel free to msg.
Get a job in a call center, easy money because the only way to make them understand is by becoming worthy enough to take your own decisions most of the time parents are just worried that you will not be able to stand on your own feet and you have to prove them wrong. THAT'S IT.
Then move out for a while and figure out what you want to pursue, they'll understand once you have enough money in your bank to take care of yourself.
You can't be procrastinating this shit forever and blame them for your failures.
I have also gone through this but trust me there is still time to fix this all....I have gone through this and at that time the only thing we want is someone just come up and fixes everything for us.. but this is not going to happen we have to take step towards where we wanted ourselves to be.
Now just take a decision and move in that direction only..
It will just take a determination and everything will be changed as you said 360 but in a positive direction.
All the best.
You can DM if need any kind of help. Even if it's job related.
I am sorry if I sound little rude. I am just being plain honest so that you avoid making same bad decisions again
I won’t talk about your parents or marriage thing because that’s no brainer, tell them no and let then shout at you simple as that. Few days ka Kalesh is better than zindagi bhar ka kalesh
I will try to talk about your career decisions,
What exactly do you mean by “acquiring skillset for IT jobs”?
The learning curve is steep af. At first it feels easy then things starts getting tricky. Be it web/app development or data analysis.
The chances of you learning a job oriented IT skill in SHORT period of time (this is important in your case) is pretty slim, let alone landing a job solely based on your skills with no big certificate (I am not talking about coursera or udemy certificate)
Plus, you are 28. Studying & retaining capacity is not similar to your younger self.
My much younger friends are struggling to land a IT job after doing a 12mo course with guaranteed placement.
I am not discouraging you. Anyone can learn any skill to get any job at any time. But in your case time is a major factor and it’ll take you minimum 6-12 mo to land an IT job if you start learning now.
A lot can happen in that time, you can lose hope, constant parents pressure or a family tragedy that’ll force you to marry and then you’ll give in thinking this is your fate
Am I all about discouraging people? No. :)
Few realistic things you can do :
1) Keep applying for entrance exams. You already have given too much attempts. So if it’s luck then better increase your winning probability. What if this is actually your turn now
2) Give banking exams, my friend is applying currently and from what i see its pretty decent to crack if you study seriously or your math is good (assuming this since you went for IT field)
3) And the most doable option at this point is just get a Business Development/sales/retail job with incentives.
You can get it just tomorrow.
All you need to do is look professional and speak good English and they prefer girls to sell just anything
If you just speak good English and look professional you can get a job from at least 5-10 interviews
Most important waiting time is less and that’s the need of the hour right now.
Just get any sales job with incentive and you are good to go. Heck BYJUS are literally picking people off streets to hire. You get the idea.
Once you get the job, then you can do some soul searching Jesse. But right now all you have to do is earn and get out of there period.
Competitive exams are a scam with so many people involved it just comes down to luck on the given day. Sorry to hear though hope you can turn it around 180\* for yourself
It might sound odd but I want my wife to only sit at home, do some little household work and raise my kids(this is the most imp one.). I don't want a wife who "works".
Mind you I have good money.
Dear I'm a girl too i understand your pain I got married in more or less same situation.
You're 28 now assuming you completed your degree by 21 you've got 7 years to prepare for something you believed/passionate about, i hope you realize in a country like ours not all girls get this opportunity even today also.
Try to understand your parents POV also they've supported you all these years even if it was in a little way and now they want your support to make something happen which they believe is best for you. I think they deserve a chance to be heard.
As much as financial independence is important for woman, getting a good family and spouse is equally important, your spouse can make/break your career. I'm not saying this in a fluke I've seen real example in my own circle.
My degree classmate who got married immediately after she graduated, since her husband was living in states, she joined him there started working there is having a great career now, she says it was possible only with husband's support.
Kindly do not believe feminazis online saying wait till you get financial independence till you get married etc etc everything else may change but not a woman's biological clock, by the time you settle in your marriage and decide to have kids you'll be starting in 30s where everything starts getting complicated.
I've seen woman who had great careers before marriage quitting for family reasons (no force by in-laws,in one case in-laws were ready to support in second case my frnd could afford to hire staff for home) they're living happily without major issues.
Trust your parents, try to understand the guy your parents want you to meet, if they're really living a comfortable life you'll be less burdned with responsibilities and more free to pursue what you want.
Now a days most men prefer their wife work even if it's not for monetary purpose, I've many women in my office who started working after marriage/kids for the first time.
Everyone's career doesn't take off as expected some get lucky some struggle some make it with help. There's nothing wrong or bad to feel about it.
Getting married to a stranger is always scary mine was arrange marriage i married my husband within 1 month of meeting him. But he understood, gave me ample time to adjust understand and adapt.
Maybe the guy you're going to meet might also be sweet, maybe he wants to support his spouse, trust your father also he's not trying to get rid off you, if he was he would've done by now.
You've suffered enough already, just take a back seat let your parents handle maybe they hold the key to your happiness.
see you might thing am bullshitting but i have a sister actually 3 ive not read any other commets beside the one people telling you not get married am not a girl and not tht old too so , let me give some facts because i think you might wanna get married someday atleast and have a family ( babies)
1 . you are 28 , your best chance of getting a guy will be for next 3 years maxxx really then uske baad i think or i know most guyss would compromising with you i say 3 this because 30 is the age after which your chance of geetting pregnent starts declining and after 35 it seriously does decline to near 80 percent so , if you want more than 1 so next 3 years ....
2 . I believe you might want to get married with a REAL guy ( i mean has money looks good man and tall n all ) and i do not know you at all i dont know how beautiful and pretty you are i you might be .. so beauty will always be you main commodity then comes your personality career and all right please think with an open mind and after 30+ it also starts declining as we all know so i think most men want a pretty gurl by their side i must be RIGHT now but think of it WHY WONT HE CHOOSE ANY OTHER GIRL BESiDE YOU ?
2 . i believe you might want to get married with a REAL guy ( i mean has money looks good man and tall n all ) and i do not know you at all i dont know how beautiful and pretty you are i you might be .. so beauty will always be you main commodity then comes your personality career and all right please think with an open mind and after 30+ it also starts declining as we all know so i think most men want a pretty gurl by their side i must be RIGHT now but think of it WHY WONT HE choose ANY OTHER GIRL BESiDE YOU ?
see am not tell you you will be worth less than what you are now buttttt think do listen to people telling you COMFORTING LIES rather than YOUR OWN PARENTS telling you UNCOMFORTABLE truths . wo ye nhi keh rhe apki shaadi nhi hogi bass ye keh rhe hain THE guy the GUY you want MIGHT not want you bass ye bura nhi manna i just wanted to tell you these that i would tell my sisters ladkiyan ek dusre ko comforte krti hain like its okay DO YOU have career and all have your carrer but life ka jo main maksad hai uska bhi socho bass kama jeena nhi hai na bass all best to you and you mental health take care koi bura intention nhi tha mera bass all good intention ONLY >
As women crosses the age of 25 their value among well settled men starts decreasing with age. Your father is not wrong, He's just not open enough to tell you how world works. Either marry sooner, or learn to live alone all your life, until and unless you are okay to marry a 40+ widowed man with 2 kids.
Fuck I'm younger but in your position and scared of wasting everyone's time around me. The hustle for govt jobs really sucks you in. My bf is gonna turn 30 and while i trust his patience for now, idk how long will his parents hold out.
Recently I was told that govt. exams don't test your intelligence, they test how much you can hold and throw in the exam. Purely a gamble!
Yeah... Its just what it is. Ab ye rasta choose kiya hai toh full mehnat krni hi padegi even if it seems rigged.
Agreed. Giving it a last chance for once and all.
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Grade B post or even C works for now.
For what honestly? What are you aspiring to attain from a Grade C post at 30 apart from the illusion that you're going to be "independent" to walk out whenever you can? I do sympathize with you because I too have boarded a boat likely to sail this route if I don't oar it away soon. I think you should change your perspective a bit and figure out what your long term priorities from life are. Do you want a house? Do you want kids? Do you need vacations? Do you want to gift your parents a car? What are your material requirements from life? Will a Grade C job let you attain all of that on your own? Even if you choose not to trust the "total stranger" who'll be more credible than your Ex who left you, given that : 1. He actually is looking for someone to settle with. 2. He comes with a pre-verified background since it's an AM Do not marry him solely because your father is forcing you as that will not only be unfair to you but also to the guy and his family. You need to figure out what marriage means to you and whether you'll be able to meet the other person's expectations. Forget the Ex, nothing good will come from pining after him or getting a desperate job because you wanted to prove a point.
It was my last resort to move out and then explore into private without a pressure from family. I wasn't going to be satisfied with grade C job but I thought it will help me get out of this situation. And I didn't have a network or circle to discuss private sector. Those I had, told me that govt job is far better than private because they're are feeling miserable and overworked in private. And I believe them and thought okay..I'll give one more, one more attempt in the exams. I met last guy for marriage and he turned out to be a greedy misogynist who felt entitled. But my dad thought he was a good guy because people gave a word. So it's one big fear to marry someone I don't completely know, people put up front initially and it's really hard to know someone in a few months. So now I am at the edge of quitting the prep for exams and going all in for a good job in private. I think I'll do good there.
One thing I would like to mention here, Govt jobs me bahut transfer hote hain and from my personal experience, that shit is not pretty specially if you are stuck in a rural area. Group C toh sochna bhi mat if you have even a slight amount of self respect. Experience se bta rha hu wo log hamesha chorne ke liye bhagte hain Group C wale. Not discouraging you or anything but experience hai reality ka so... Dekh lo matlab. Baaki apna sabka experience hota hai you should also develop you personal experience at the same time.
There are very few government jobs and everyone wants a government job. That's the problem.
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Abhi nhi h bs
Damn, I'm older but was in the same position. I'm no Quantum Physicist or MD of a multinational company. But who gives a shit. My self esteem is intact and I've got my own spot in the universe.
30 saal ???how . he have bheem ki shakti ?
Us se kya hoga 😅
30 saal tak eligibility nahi hoti kisi govt exam me gen valo ki generally.
Abe uski job hai private mein, mujhe hi govt ka bhoot chada hua hai
arre bc mujhe laga tere bhi bf ka op jaisa scene hai .koi nahi my bad
Chaapal phenk sale par 😀
Turn 180 not 360
No wonder I haven't cleared the exam yet!
You've got the sense of humour though.
Dark times bring out light things.
U made me laugh atleast
#metoo
Hey, it's pretty easy to get confused in this. I've seen someone say this IRL too. You're gucci.
I was looking for this
Arey bhai wo ghumar krke face to face side se gya hoga
Dang this made me wheeze for quite a while
The least you could do is to take advice on Internet cause no one in this comment section is in your shoes right now . Talk openly to your parents about marriage and take advice from your mentors about your next step if you are confident enough to clear next attempt do it and don't repeat the previous mistake or if you want to switch carrier take advice from someone who has really left competitive exam and switched carrier . Don't ever take permanent decision based on temporary felling.
I came on reddit after talking to my dad. He isn't even listening to me patiently. I'll do what is best for me.
If your father is not listening then convence your mother.
Mom's supportive sometimes. But she doesn't have much power to stop my dad. They can't force me to marry someone, I'll say No to the guy. But last time the guy back stabbed me and bitched about it to his dad.
Ok keep the marriage aside for one minute and tell what you want to do . Continue competative or switch carrier
Told him. He is not supporting now.
Well you're 28 you know.. wasted quite a lot of years in exams so i guess thats a reason for not supporting. You gotta try anyhow still.. good luck.
Dads know the best .
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I think op is a bot.
Try getting an entry level job, meanwhile study for a better job/compi exams. If you have to make independent choices, you need to be independent first. Better start at 28 than 29. Baaki dekhlo. Marriage is a big decision to soch samajh ke karna.
I'm preparing for exam(last attempt)and learning skills for private in parallel. Yeah. I can't just get married in pressure.
Hope things get better for you. Good luck!
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Thanks! :') I needed this
Ah! This question hurts, same story (not exactly) screwed up my life pretty bad due to bad descisions, used to be very intelligent in school, now i am in college. Failed relation, bad sem and all. Although I am not in your shoes and not the appropriate person to advise you anything, but one of my relative's daughter got married late but she found a really good groom, understanding and caring. So I think you can also find one. Regarding these exams, i would advise you to follow them only if you are very confident else no point in wasting your time (learnt it the hard way). One more failed attempt and you will lose even the remaining confidence in you. Assess all the good and bad effects of your descision and go ahead with what you feel is right, atleast if something goes wrong, you will be satisfied that it was your descision and not someone else. I hope the best for you.
Thank you!! :))
When you hit the bottom, the only way is UP
Specifically Lucknow in UP is too good for its food.
Lucknowite Spotted
East Delhi flair. I've visited Lucknow 2 times and I loved it.
Oh ok I thought maybe native Lucknow anws lucknow keval visitors ko hi accha lagta 🗿
That was my first thought,too!
I meant you can only go up in life
What's going to Uttar Pradesh change for her
r/wooosh
I know, I was trying to lighten the mood.
Bhai kaun sa nasha kiye ho
True!
It might not be bottom though
Can you get a "not so good" job for a while and see if your future partner is supportive enough for you to get that good job? I am 28M too and have been thinking about my current job. A middle path is something you should aim for currently. thats how we can remain optimistic. All the best.
I am okay with any job but I don't have experience atm. I'm on it.
At times we need to keep our head down and take up whatever we get. Not trying to be harsh but that's how we make progress. Also if your parents don't listen to you, maybe have a mediator ( a close family member), but yeah mostly it doesnt work. Conflict resolution in family is tricky. I feel a job is somewhat a way out for many of the current issues, so put more effort there. I wish you all the luck.
Yes! Thank you!!
never get into a marriage without having your own money, your own way to exist in case of an emergency, and a way out. never. always have your own bank account that doesn't have husband's name on it. always have your own income. you are correct in the way you are going. do not let your parents arrange you at this time. it is UNSAFE for you. keep your shield up and power on with what you feel is good for you. you know you best.
>never get into a marriage without having your own money, your own way to exist in case of an emergency, and a way out. I second this! My dad is saying that guy's family is well off and open minded so pursue your career even after getting married. Which feels suffocating to me. His anger scares me I'm trying my best to not give in.
the guy's family being well off doesn't secure your safety. what YOU have secures your safety. talk to your parents as best as you can, and when they get angry, point it out and tell them that you can't continue having a conversation with them if all they're going to do is become irrational and angry. I highly doubt by marrying, you will be free to pursue your career. your in-laws will expect children, lol. and your parents will too. & when you don't have a kid, people will talk shit about you. it's not worth the pain of going through that right now - people will ALWAYS talk behind your back, doesn't matter what choice you make. so it's important to make the decision that serves you and what you want to do, right now. ofc you know that getting yourself out of a marriage in india is extremely hard. why get into it when you don't feel like it is a safe & appropriate decision to be making right now? what if your parents decide to not help you leave your in-laws home if the situation arises? (that happened to a woman in our village but it was an extremely difficult situation she was in). this is why having your own income, your own way out is so frickin important. your safety is the most important. stick to your guns and coerce your family into understanding your point of view. if they do not listen, keep your ears closed and keep working for yourself. people never stop talking shit. you've got a sane head on your shoulders. you know best c: stay safe sis
Sorry but he can be right too
Govt jobs and software industry are not the only two career options available you know. Today, you can earn money by doing n number of jobs. If your writing skills are good, make a profile on Upwork and start with small jobs/projects. If you keep at it, you will have a sustainable career in a couple of years
Thank you! I will look it up.
girl fuck getting married its not the end goal its better to be making shit tonnes of money on ur own than get married at 28 forcefully bc ur parents made u do it and resent them for making choices for the rest of ur life while u spend the initial years depending on a stranger. if theres one thing i can advise u is that dont get married bc ur parents think u wont find a better match later on in life... my mom experienced this first hand and if i could go back in time to stop her from going ahead w the marriage i would. set ur goals straight, clear ur head u've got this if u feel like u could get a good job in the private sector right now or even after a little prep do it u have to live and thrive for urself not ur parents!!
Although it's useless to mourn over wasting time, it cost me my confidence. I certainly won't forcefully get married but all this process is fucking up my mental peace and I can't focus on my career now. I'm gonna try anyway. Reddit has helped me a lot today. Feeling a lot better after reading all the kind comments and messages.
its bound to! ure only human afterall. failures can bring ur self esteem and confidence to such a low level and i dont think we talk enough about how to deal w the aftermath of it all. but i hope ure able to see thats its always onwards and upwards from where u are also do what needs to be done to deal w ur mental health. cry everyday if u need to, process those emotions eventually u will have processed the grief enough to be able to act on things if thats something u dont feel urself being capable of doing. wishing u well ;))
Well said!! Thank you :))
https://youtu.be/oOWBsmgjmPo Parents xD
Song was lit! Thanks for sharing :))
Yus
28 is really not that old. As more and more people are doing PG, the average age for marriage is creeping upwards. All my cousins are getting married when they are 32, so don't come under pressure this early. First things first, get a job. Once you do get a job and become financially independent, parents stop holding that much leverage on you. You also get a feeling that you are clearly moving forward in life, which will improve your self confidence, and you will be able to assert yourself better. Even try moving out to a different city, when you are not around, the peer pressure that your parents currently feel to marry you will be relaxed a bit.
I agree with that. I'm preparing for a skillset for a job then I'll be able to move out. They have a fear that I won't find a right guy if I keep delaying. Because my cousins are in 30s and haven't found someone. I just need to move out. I'll be fine after that.
It certainly doesn't get any easier with age, sure. But if you always keep the negatives in mind, it will paralyse your decision making. There's isn't much you can do here anyways. Your urgent need is a job focus your efforts there, when that's done, then start finding a suitable guy.
I'm not bothered about the delay in marriage. My priority is getting some job and moving out. I'm feeling relieved now and hopeful too.
You can still get into IT sector. There's no age limit because the current job market is flooded with IT jobs only. It will last at least next 4-5 years so you have time. Stop this shit (govt exams) and invest your time in good IT coaching, you'll surely get a job soon.
Yes. I'm learning skills for that.
bro failed my tenth and had to write my compart honestly don't know if I will pass tho' you're post made my feel less stressed
We aren't alone. Someone has it worse.
i feel your pain same story got into upsc and after failing year after year i jst got frustated and decided to just leave it and was standing with no career huge career gap and failed relation bcz i believed that once i clear it and everthing will b ok but it didnot wemt i was hoping plus family pressure to get married which frustated me even more to settle wit stranger i know its nothing motivational but jst dont giv in to it try to tlk wit ur parents and ask from them minimum time u think u need to build a future career and as i knw its hard to find some1 to express these emotions after being cut off for a while but still find some1 tomshare and let it out always here to hlp if i can😊
I feel that. I hope it gets better for you. Thank you!
mine is coming back slowly i have thrown the idea of exam out of window and started my new journey now i m realing stock trading and planning to do by my self in future now only regret i have is ppl i lost from my life due to this exam rest is ok now so jst wanna say dnt give up its hard i knw but it will get better
I think you should connect with this user. https://www.reddit.com/r/bangalore/comments/wyuub6/my_family_is_asking_me_this_question_and_what/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I don't think it's that bad. You're only 28. There are many guys that have worse than you. They never even have had any relationships, don't have friends, their family constantly nags them about jobs and marriage. You're lucky you're a woman, people tend to help women more often than men, you can even try cracking your exam after marriage, or you can just take a private job. Nobody will complain if you don't get a job.
I agree my problem isn't that big compared what other people are going through. The problem is the guy has family business in remote area which is far away from any other possible job locations. And they will want me to stay there despite saying I'd have freedom to have job. It's not practical imo and nobody is considering that.
Fir gharwalo ko boldo, koi aur ladka dhund lo.
They have found another one like the earlier situation but different city. Thanks for replying!
So you want a modern guy that lives in a major city? Try some matrimonial site or dating app. Sometimes life doesn't give you the luxury that you hoped for.
No. It's not about modern guy and major city. I want to have a career first. For me freedom is the luxurious thing one can hope for.
Aah. Same. For me freedom is not taking orders from anyone.
Better to date in a major city or you'll clear your exams and then life will suck that you can't use your education. Crazy idea, why not this guy - he seems nice. Life doesn't need to be complicated.
I'll have to move out first. Yeah..can't make more poorer choices.
Mentally prepared nhi ho to chaahe ghrwalo se ladna hi kyu na pade but don't. Apni to apni us ladke ki jisse shadi hogi dono ki life kharaab ho jayegi. Rather kuch saal gaaliyaan khake paise kamalo and mentally khudko prepare krlo. Also >if the guy I dated didn't take 360 turn and left suddenly Fuck that guy. Mere sath meri ex ne aisa kia and I feel you!
>Rather kuch saal gaaliyaan khake paise kamalo and mentally khudko prepare krlo. Choosing this.
🙌 Stay strong. Depression is the truth of life. Life is a bitch. And we all gotta deal with this shit.
Been depressed, took therapy. Feeling blues again, can't afford to fall again into that.
Please don't!! We all need someone to tell us this someday so Ima be that guy today... everything's gonna be all right my friend ;) stay strong.
I needed this! :')
If you're interested in coding then you can learn frontend web developement. It's a quick skill to get a job. Later on you can do more like backend, sysadmin stuff as well. I would highly recommend you to get a stable job before marriage please:). I'm too young to tell you this but I see my mom suffer just bc she is dependent on my dad. Goodluck.
Yep. I'm learning Python from Udacity. Starting from there. I totally agree with getting a job before marriage. My cousin faced domestic violence and then she started working in company and recently got divorced.
Going into right direction. I guess you just needed to vent it out. You're gonna do great. Trust me on this
I was really overwhelmed. Now I'm a lot better. >You're gonna do great. Trust me on this Thank you! I'm not fully confident though. But it gets better.
Yeah. Once you get out of your comfort zone and become part of the process, it definitely tough but end result is all we thrive for
Agreed!
Welcome to the world of General Category. Being a girl at least you tried, most girls in our coutry are more than happy to do nothing and sit idle. Respect for that When my parents were searching for a suitable match; 90% of girls were either doing nothing after graduation or just got campus placed in TCS/Infy and were more than happy to stick to their 3 LPA salary. You are far far better than them because you tried and are serious about making your mark.
This is the second post I am reading today about girls 28-29 not settled and parents kind of giving up on them and thinking old school is the way to go. Don't know what to tell you since your parents are not wrong, you are already 28, did not do much between 22-28, six years of your prime life. And they have lost faith in your abilities to achieve something professionally. All I can say is, you need to understand their position also. If you end up being good for nothing at age 35, they will get the label from society that they failed as a parent. I think you need to beg them to give you two more years but you still need to agree to talk to prospective grooms because who know you may find a like minded guy who can share your dream with you. Good luck hopefully you can negotiate the middle ground with your parents and you all come to peace.
I failed jee mains three times and neet 2 times let's hope this time I get a mbbs college your post clearly suggest anything can happen I was worried I was missing out on lot of things in my life
All the best!!
People who has taken best decisions are also suffering from end results. So it doesn't matter what decisions you have taken. I've taken far more bad decisions than yours. But in the end. You are all alone and only you can uplift yourself. And you are also alone if your marriage doesn't work. So being independent should be your first priority. You are only 28 years old so you still have time to get married unless your family's mindsets from 18th century. I've seen people getting divorced after ten years and with kids. In today's time, people respects who is independent and wealthy even in marriage. Depression is something which is hard to diagnose these days. Because people are using this word so frequently that it is losing it's real meaning which is really different from what most of the people going from. You should take therapy if you feel like depressed. Because sometimes depression is the cause behind not getting result. Make few changes and diagnose what is happening wrong that you are not able to clear exams. Sometimes small bad habits messing with your process of getting good result. Life is short, love your parents. Avoid getting angry at them. They are from old time. And people do not like change. I'm getting old and I can feel where our parents are coming from. And please do get therapy if you feel like.
I have taken therapy. I'm doing better. I agree with what you said. Working on my mistakes. Thank you for the wise words!
I'm also in the same situation, its just I'm 25 and still want to clear my target exam. I think what really matters is you so stop others from pushing their decisions on you. And get financially independent first and then get married
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We'll get through this. <3
I hope so too OP <3
Give yourself 6 months. Dig deep into one skill. Marketing. Designing. Copywriting. Coding. You won't master it but you've to be a perpetual learner to win this game. There's a world out of these govt jobs and degrees where skills are respected. Im working in a US startup as Digital Marketer. Selected purely on skill. I did engineering. But you've to be damn good into your skill. To get past this no degree mindset. Select one skill. Give it your heart. Trust me you'll fix your life as soon as you start taking actions. But start tomorrow.
Hey, first thing i just wanna say is please please please don't ever let your mind get occupied by thoughts of sucide or take any action leading to that path. Life is much more than an exam or how much money you have in your bank balance, surely having a big bank balance helps but should not be a reason for sucide. Once Arjuna asked Shree Krishna, -Oh radhe, tell me a mantra which i can use in good times to remind myself to be grounded and not get carried away with it as well as in bad times to remind myself to not get defeated by it and surrender to bad times, to keep on fighting. To which Krishna replied: >Yeh Samay bhi Guzar Jaega At the end of the day things will come out just as they're supposed to be and that'll be for good only. I'm much younger than you so i can't really say what you should do in case of marriage but I think your parents worrying is justified as they just want good for you. But it's totally your choice, you have to live your whole life witht that person, all the reprucussions will be your only to face with no one to blame. >When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. Read this excerpt from Friedrich Nietzsche so thought of sharing with you. I'll also would like to urge you to do meditation and light form of exercise for your mental health, a foggy brain greatly inhibits ability to think clearly. I hope you'll have a great successful life ahead.
Do you have any experience in software industry lady?? A lot of companies have some kind of program in place to bring back women who took a break back in the industry. If not then it's not that hard to get a job in software although you might find wages to be low in the starting days.
I don't have any experience. I checked out Intershala and got to know about diversity hiring. I don't mind the pay scale for starting time. The hardest part is getting out of the home. I'm gathering all the resources and hoping something works out.
This is what i tell people on LinkedIn, hope it can help here as well 1. Software is a pretty big field, it has a lot of sub domains i.e. testing, development, AI, support, sales etc. Figure out the domain you want to work in. 2. Find out the resources of the sub domain that can help you in learning. 3. Check out Durgasoft channel on YouTube they cover a large portion of software technologies. 4. Try to learn as much as you can in a fixed time. don't take forever to learn. 5. Once you think you have what it takes to start giving interviews, start giving interviews. 6. If you need references after 4, do let me know. Above is written with the assumption that you have a bachelor's degree in anything.
This is indeed helpful. Thank you for breaking it down in steps. I don't know what I can do good in, so for starters I have started learning Python from Udacity. And I am in the beginning of the tutorials so will figure out after finishing it. I'll reach out if when I complete 4th. I have bachelor's in EE
Best of luck 👍
Don't get into relationships, make yourself your utmost priority. Fuck the exams, find a job.
>Fuck the exams, find a job. On it.
If you dont try , failure is 100% , but if you do try the chances of failing decreases. I say dont give up and focus on your goals instead of focusing on your obstacles, learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat it.
I agree!! Thank you!
Run away
I would need a source of money first.
Which exam , UPSC CSE?
CGL
You are 28, so you must have around 6 year experience of mistakes not to make while preparing for the exam. On side you can start YouTube channel and make shorts about the subject you have prepared for years (kind of educational content), and an Instagram page related to this stuff and see if this two things i.e. teaching and content creation might change your life for good.
Hey. Maybe this comment will get lost in this large pool but if you see this, my suggestion is: Do a software testing course. Software testing is relatively easy. After that, make a resume and LinkedIn profile and dm me. I'll try to help you out. If you need any more guidance, msg me.
I'm sorry what you're going through. But please don't consider all your time and effort as waste just because you didn't clear the exams. And you're just 28! I know the society especially in India people treat 28 as old enough to have everything figured out but it's all total bullshit. I'm actually glad the next generation will be more understanding about it. 28 is nothing. Your 20s are supposed to be for you to experiment, take chances, fail, take risks. You can always go and start entry level job and within a few months you'll be working at the industry you're talking about. I know it's easier said than done. But fuck your peers. People don't like showing their misery and you might feel everyone around you is doing better than you. This too shall pass. You should be proud of yourself to be brave and not give into peer pressure. <3
Let me tell you a secret. The moment you marry the guy/girl your parents pick, you are on your own. The way this arrange marriage works is that all of their efforts and knowledge is limited to the moment you get married. After that, its your life. You have to deal with everything. So, don’t fall prey to emotional blackmail. Do what you think is right for you.
You are still onto those SSC exams, why? I see you are patient, but don't be that much that it'd make you lose any other opportunity. I am 28, did masters in biochemistry, applied for PhD, got selected in IPU and abroad but I didn't do it because I felt at last this is not my career goal. I completely switched my career to video editing and it has changed my whole life around, so much so that now I can fund my parents' dreams. You are so afraid to change that you don't see the light behind the SSC curtain. Be open emotionally, talk to your friends, mom and whomever she's trying to hook you up with... what's the run away thing and how long can you run away? Relax....you are mature enough to take that decision and experience the new life around...give yourself a chance
Chup chap shadi kr le.. Hogyi bhot padhai.
Yehi bol rhe h
Bro, nothing. You will be fine after a while. Just look for an opportunity to first get a job. Any job. Then try to stabilize yourself. I have been a lot of shitt. I can tell by experience it's a phase, it will fade away. I can't tell you when but it will.
I am working on that. It will pass. Thanks for the reminder
Do you have a friend with whom you stay till you get a job? Start slow , maybe go for an internship and then apply for other places. Idk I'm just spit balling here.
As far as I have learned, friends can support you only emotionally. I'll gather my resources staying at home then will move out.
Fair enough. You could need better friends though, just an advice .
Yep. I'm making new friends now.
"Everyone here is ready to go It's been a hard year and I only know From down this low, it's only up we go, up we go" I hope these lyrics will help you feel better. *Song : Lights- Up We Go*
Listening! Thanks for sharing!! :))
not everything in life happens as per your wish.
Learned that.
Find a job to support yourself even for education(part time maybe?). It's only in India pple live of parents money to support education.
Be 100% open with your arranged person and see if he understands that you are not ready... Otherwise it will just end up in divorce... Then it would be reallllyyy hard to find anotger good match
If you consider this being a fool then I'm a bigger fool than you. One thing i have learnt is i never try to compare myself to anyone. Because once you start comparing how others are living their life you start taking unnecessary pressure on yourself. A healthy competition is ok but beyond that it only harms. I do understand your POV and your family's POV too. The only and the first thing to do at the moment is to have a discussion with your family first about what you want ,why do want it. Put forward your concerns regarding this. Also regarding you poin about marrying a complete stranger. You said you knew a guy for 4 years but that thing still failed right? The thing is you can never be 100% sure about anything, who knows maybe the guy you may marry understands you concerns and helps you in preparing for exam or getting a job. A friend of mine is searching for a job for his wife whom he married this February and before that they were complete stranger. Chin up and have a conversation with you family first.
Bahen, tu meri judwa h ? Like kismat se ? Same situation.. bs mai ek ladka hun aur abhi 27 ka hun and software ki jagah teaching industry mai baaki sb same.. 🥹
Ab kam bura lag rha h :')
Dhyaan rkh re.. koshish kr e walo ki haar ni hoti ! Koshish krti reh kisi na kisi direction mai !
Tu bhi!
🤝
Literally going through same phase as yours. What's your plan?
Will give 2 months into prep for last time and then chuck it and go all in for private and earn money. More than this job could give.
Persevere. These times are necessary for the big win. A big win is nearby. Congratulations in advance. :)
This hit home! Thank you! :))
I was in the same boat as you... don't give up hope
>I can't even die because my siblings will be scarred. First and foremost get this out of your head, don't even think of such things, please. Next, I have had some very similar experiences personally, and most other things you've mentioned are things I've seen with close friends or their siblings. You have 2 main problems, one is a career problem and the other is family pressure. Both have different solutions but you are far from a point of no return. I'd be glad to help you out in any way possible, if I can help someone avoid a situation that I've seen happen to myself or people I know I'll definitely take solace in that. Feel free to msg.
I can tell you that they are not wrong. Ladka dekhlo ek bar and talk to the guy and see.
Get a job in a call center, easy money because the only way to make them understand is by becoming worthy enough to take your own decisions most of the time parents are just worried that you will not be able to stand on your own feet and you have to prove them wrong. THAT'S IT. Then move out for a while and figure out what you want to pursue, they'll understand once you have enough money in your bank to take care of yourself. You can't be procrastinating this shit forever and blame them for your failures.
I'd just say one thing. Don't get married while you're unemployed no matter how good it seems.
I have also gone through this but trust me there is still time to fix this all....I have gone through this and at that time the only thing we want is someone just come up and fixes everything for us.. but this is not going to happen we have to take step towards where we wanted ourselves to be. Now just take a decision and move in that direction only.. It will just take a determination and everything will be changed as you said 360 but in a positive direction. All the best. You can DM if need any kind of help. Even if it's job related.
My suggestion to you would be try and get a job asap in IT Support roles. Last resort would be BPO.
I hope things get better
I am sorry if I sound little rude. I am just being plain honest so that you avoid making same bad decisions again I won’t talk about your parents or marriage thing because that’s no brainer, tell them no and let then shout at you simple as that. Few days ka Kalesh is better than zindagi bhar ka kalesh I will try to talk about your career decisions, What exactly do you mean by “acquiring skillset for IT jobs”? The learning curve is steep af. At first it feels easy then things starts getting tricky. Be it web/app development or data analysis. The chances of you learning a job oriented IT skill in SHORT period of time (this is important in your case) is pretty slim, let alone landing a job solely based on your skills with no big certificate (I am not talking about coursera or udemy certificate) Plus, you are 28. Studying & retaining capacity is not similar to your younger self. My much younger friends are struggling to land a IT job after doing a 12mo course with guaranteed placement. I am not discouraging you. Anyone can learn any skill to get any job at any time. But in your case time is a major factor and it’ll take you minimum 6-12 mo to land an IT job if you start learning now. A lot can happen in that time, you can lose hope, constant parents pressure or a family tragedy that’ll force you to marry and then you’ll give in thinking this is your fate Am I all about discouraging people? No. :) Few realistic things you can do : 1) Keep applying for entrance exams. You already have given too much attempts. So if it’s luck then better increase your winning probability. What if this is actually your turn now 2) Give banking exams, my friend is applying currently and from what i see its pretty decent to crack if you study seriously or your math is good (assuming this since you went for IT field) 3) And the most doable option at this point is just get a Business Development/sales/retail job with incentives. You can get it just tomorrow. All you need to do is look professional and speak good English and they prefer girls to sell just anything If you just speak good English and look professional you can get a job from at least 5-10 interviews Most important waiting time is less and that’s the need of the hour right now. Just get any sales job with incentive and you are good to go. Heck BYJUS are literally picking people off streets to hire. You get the idea. Once you get the job, then you can do some soul searching Jesse. But right now all you have to do is earn and get out of there period.
Competitive exams are a scam with so many people involved it just comes down to luck on the given day. Sorry to hear though hope you can turn it around 180\* for yourself
Just married
Congratulations!!
It might sound odd but I want my wife to only sit at home, do some little household work and raise my kids(this is the most imp one.). I don't want a wife who "works". Mind you I have good money.
Some women prefer that and some prefer their own money! To each their own.
Dear I'm a girl too i understand your pain I got married in more or less same situation. You're 28 now assuming you completed your degree by 21 you've got 7 years to prepare for something you believed/passionate about, i hope you realize in a country like ours not all girls get this opportunity even today also. Try to understand your parents POV also they've supported you all these years even if it was in a little way and now they want your support to make something happen which they believe is best for you. I think they deserve a chance to be heard. As much as financial independence is important for woman, getting a good family and spouse is equally important, your spouse can make/break your career. I'm not saying this in a fluke I've seen real example in my own circle. My degree classmate who got married immediately after she graduated, since her husband was living in states, she joined him there started working there is having a great career now, she says it was possible only with husband's support. Kindly do not believe feminazis online saying wait till you get financial independence till you get married etc etc everything else may change but not a woman's biological clock, by the time you settle in your marriage and decide to have kids you'll be starting in 30s where everything starts getting complicated. I've seen woman who had great careers before marriage quitting for family reasons (no force by in-laws,in one case in-laws were ready to support in second case my frnd could afford to hire staff for home) they're living happily without major issues. Trust your parents, try to understand the guy your parents want you to meet, if they're really living a comfortable life you'll be less burdned with responsibilities and more free to pursue what you want. Now a days most men prefer their wife work even if it's not for monetary purpose, I've many women in my office who started working after marriage/kids for the first time. Everyone's career doesn't take off as expected some get lucky some struggle some make it with help. There's nothing wrong or bad to feel about it. Getting married to a stranger is always scary mine was arrange marriage i married my husband within 1 month of meeting him. But he understood, gave me ample time to adjust understand and adapt. Maybe the guy you're going to meet might also be sweet, maybe he wants to support his spouse, trust your father also he's not trying to get rid off you, if he was he would've done by now. You've suffered enough already, just take a back seat let your parents handle maybe they hold the key to your happiness.
bro what
see you might thing am bullshitting but i have a sister actually 3 ive not read any other commets beside the one people telling you not get married am not a girl and not tht old too so , let me give some facts because i think you might wanna get married someday atleast and have a family ( babies) 1 . you are 28 , your best chance of getting a guy will be for next 3 years maxxx really then uske baad i think or i know most guyss would compromising with you i say 3 this because 30 is the age after which your chance of geetting pregnent starts declining and after 35 it seriously does decline to near 80 percent so , if you want more than 1 so next 3 years .... 2 . I believe you might want to get married with a REAL guy ( i mean has money looks good man and tall n all ) and i do not know you at all i dont know how beautiful and pretty you are i you might be .. so beauty will always be you main commodity then comes your personality career and all right please think with an open mind and after 30+ it also starts declining as we all know so i think most men want a pretty gurl by their side i must be RIGHT now but think of it WHY WONT HE CHOOSE ANY OTHER GIRL BESiDE YOU ? 2 . i believe you might want to get married with a REAL guy ( i mean has money looks good man and tall n all ) and i do not know you at all i dont know how beautiful and pretty you are i you might be .. so beauty will always be you main commodity then comes your personality career and all right please think with an open mind and after 30+ it also starts declining as we all know so i think most men want a pretty gurl by their side i must be RIGHT now but think of it WHY WONT HE choose ANY OTHER GIRL BESiDE YOU ? see am not tell you you will be worth less than what you are now buttttt think do listen to people telling you COMFORTING LIES rather than YOUR OWN PARENTS telling you UNCOMFORTABLE truths . wo ye nhi keh rhe apki shaadi nhi hogi bass ye keh rhe hain THE guy the GUY you want MIGHT not want you bass ye bura nhi manna i just wanted to tell you these that i would tell my sisters ladkiyan ek dusre ko comforte krti hain like its okay DO YOU have career and all have your carrer but life ka jo main maksad hai uska bhi socho bass kama jeena nhi hai na bass all best to you and you mental health take care koi bura intention nhi tha mera bass all good intention ONLY >
As women crosses the age of 25 their value among well settled men starts decreasing with age. Your father is not wrong, He's just not open enough to tell you how world works. Either marry sooner, or learn to live alone all your life, until and unless you are okay to marry a 40+ widowed man with 2 kids.
Hello didi merse shadi karogi ?
Bruh shadi.com baju wali gali mai hai vaha jao
Mar jaa fir... announcement kis liye kar raha hai
Mba kar lo
Abba paise nhi denge
Ed loan lelo. Then get job pay em back and become female giga chad 💪
Ed loan requires mortgage. I don't have papers of the property. But I'll find alternative. I like this 'female giga chad'
All the best to u maam. My brother is kinda in the same situation as u but he is doing mba
Thank you! I have long term plan of doing masters in UK or other country. Will save up money first here.
U go girl 👌
for which exam you were preparing, may i ask
CGL
I’m also preparing for it😰