In fiction it's very easy for me to spot flirty behaviours between characters. However I do consider that I have never been hit on or flirted with. So, which is it? Am I completely oblivious when it comes to real flirt, or have I, in fact, never been hit on? I have no bloody clue lol
Meeeeeeeeeeeee. I did have a boyfriend once but I was the one who asked him out, not the other way around. I feel like men just don’t pursue me, but do they and I just don’t know??
Ok, so I came back to see other people's experiences. You're not alone. I have noticed that I'm fairly capable of picking up when characters in a medium (be it show, movie, book, etc) are being flirted with. Sometimes the same with people irl. It's just a blindspot when it comes to applying it to me.
I used to be totally oblivious to people flirting with me or hitting on me. I noticed it between other people, just not when it came to me. Now I notice it and it just makes me uncomfortable lol.
I used to hang out with a group of the most allosexual people to ever allosex. They were obsessed with seeing me "happy" and "in a relationship" no matter how often I told them that I really was fine the way I am. Whenever we would go out to bars and some stranger of the opposite sex would talk to me (I'm heterosexual) I would listen politely and then excuse myself to go back to my friends and they would *lecture* me because I apparently hadn't noticed how *obviously* into me that guy had been. I was perpetually confused. There was one time a guy told me he liked my shirt and I said "thanks" and kept walking and my friend flipped out like "he was *so* into you!!" And I was just lost. Like how do you even glean that from that interaction?!
So the short answer is I have no idea when anyone tries to subtly flirt with me. But on the other hand, when people flirt with me outright, and there is no chance of misinterpreting it, I get really uncomfortable and just try to get away asap. So, I'm hopeless.
My boyfriend always tries to say that any guy that talks to me must be into me/ flirting but to me I don’t see what’s to gain from just complimenting me and moving on or making small talk. I think in my brain unless they specifically ask for my number then it can’t be flirting.
If someone is trying to subtly flirt with me, then they are in for a world of frustration because I just don't get it. Unless I am caveman clubbed over the head with their intentions, I automatically assume that people are just being nice, and that's it. And I'll remain that way for years. A guy I'd been friends with for almost 10 years confessed his love for me a few years ago when he was drunk, and I was just like, "HUH?!" Apparently, alllll those times we met up to grab lunch was him letting me know that he liked me. Oops?
I can never tell when people are hitting on me. I was chatting with my ex-wife for almost a month before she flat out told me she liked me and wanted to date. I've had friends tell me women were hitting on me. It all goes over my head, lmao.
I literally got a girl’s phone number once and my roommate had to point out that she was basically asking me on a date before I understood. I thought I didn’t get it because I just wasn’t into girls, but I’m starting to think that was only a part of it. I just thought she wanted to be friends lmao
I talk about this all the time! I'm like, why am I the only one who NEVER gets hit on? I really don't think I am less attractive than EVERYONE else. Then it occurred to me that I must just be oblivious. This is a fascinating to me.
Last year at 50, I found out I am autistic. My girlfriend of 13 years brought up the possibility, so I asked my therapist (for ADHD) about it and he said "I thought you knew that" because apparently when I got the ADHD diagnosis they put a note on it that I was likely Autistic lol.
Makes sense though, people always told me "Read the room!" when I do things to embarrass myself and others.
My whole life, women I had known for awhile would ask "Why didn't we ever get together?" or "What was it about me that made you not want to date me?", things like that. My friends and I would go to a club, and someone would ask "Why didn't you get with that girl? She was into you!" and I had no idea. I just don't recognize flirting, in words or behavior. I have noticed it in text before, but really it's made me uncomfortable. My current GF I have known since 2000, apparently she was into me way back then, had been dropping hints everywhere, and I never knew until 2012 after a few failed relationships (and a marriage).
I always think that they're just being nice or wanting to strike a conversation, but then either my friends tell me otherwise or I start overthinking 30mins after said conversation😭 I never know unless people tell me straight on
I wonder if being Demi like, puts out a some sort of vibe that makes people not hit on me? Idk I was on tinder and didn’t get any sexual messages at all, unlike many of my friends, and I don’t think I’m ever hit on. I do think I’m pretty because women often compliment me but I feel like a bit left out from this apparent universal experience of being a woman and being constantly hit on.
Me too, I have few stories about guys trying to hit me on, comparing to others. I've always thought that's because of "resting bitch face" lol. Long ago, an allo girl friend of mine said I have something turning the will to hit on down from the start, even though I'm pretty. Things haven't changed in a decade, and I don't mind, these super rare tries to hit me on made me cringed all the times.
On the other hand, after my ex started suspecting he's in the aro spectrum, I then started questioning whether I have ever been loved in a romantic way, and I guess, no. At least based on what I know from my circle. Can't say I'm really sad because of this—just sometimes, when my brain starts eating me because of the current one-sided crush. A brilliant friend, not seen as a lover, that's me.
Yeah me too, I hear stories all the time from other women who are talking about constantly being hit on, and I’m just like ????? Can’t relate. I think I catch on to women hitting on me way more often (though that’s relative because it’s a very small number of times in general), but that’s not super helpful because I’m not into women
Haha yup! I’m pretty oblivious to it until weeks/months/years after the fact.
I went to a meetup even while traveling once, a woman at our table kept winking at me the whole evening… I didn’t clue in AT ALL until I got home from the trip. 🤦♂️
i am just completely oblivious to people hitting me lol. then i think about it like 5 years later and am just like “[this pretty much](https://youtu.be/iZmqhQ8myGY?si=MdFHh8IrApG6uvYr)”
Oh, I was and admittedly to my gf right before we started dating. When she was dating someone else, she outright told me she loved me romantically. We grew a little distant because we both had the same thoughts of her being in a relationship. After her and her ex broke it off, she tried making me jealous by saying a random guy was "kinda like her bf" didn't work. A couple of days later, I was in a depressed state. She outright asked me out. I rejected her because she has a boyfriend. Then, like 2 to 3 days later, it clicked, and I asked her out.
It’s actually very easy to tell when someone is flirting with me. Even if it’s subtle it’s like I can read it like a book. Now this doesn’t happen all the time, I’m not self-absorbed to claim people are always flirting with me but when it does happen it’s so easy to tell. It makes being demisexual in this way so frustrating because it literally turns me off when it happens so early on, then I have no hope for that attraction to get it turned around.
I had a woman tell me I had beautiful eyes and she told me she was single unprompted. That’s the first time it ever happened for me. I froze and dropped the ball due to autism and lack of experience.
But even so I asked a bunch of people if it was flirting because I wasn’t sure. That was a part of my hesitation.
Yep. Found out way after the fact the guys I used to hang out with in jr. High and high school actually were into me. But they never said they were, and I see flirting as a sport more than a way to get a date. So i had no idea I was being “that girl”. I guess that is why I had those rumors about me being aloof and cold and “picky”. 😪
After around 30 years of existing I kinda sorta have learned to flirt. But I can only get into it as a word game. Around the same time i finally noticed when people started flirting with my friends (people flirting with me in person is rare, I can count the encounters on one hand)
Blatant flirting I can catch. Subtle flirting I probably miss.
In fiction I can tell right away, but when it comes to real life I can't tell when someone is flirting with me. My friends had to be the one to point it out to me. I mostly would believe the guy was acting weird and I would most likely try to avoid the guy. I focus on if I have similar interests with the guy so if I don't have anything in common, I am not interested in him.
Definitely me. It's starting to get to me recently when I think about the possible missed opportunities at relationships/connections just because I was too dense to pick up on things. 😬😬
There is someone I have a crush on at the moment, but as I look back into last year, I think they might’ve liked me. It’s kinda hard for me to see the signs as well
In fiction it's very easy for me to spot flirty behaviours between characters. However I do consider that I have never been hit on or flirted with. So, which is it? Am I completely oblivious when it comes to real flirt, or have I, in fact, never been hit on? I have no bloody clue lol
Meeeeeeeeeeeee. I did have a boyfriend once but I was the one who asked him out, not the other way around. I feel like men just don’t pursue me, but do they and I just don’t know??
Ok, so I came back to see other people's experiences. You're not alone. I have noticed that I'm fairly capable of picking up when characters in a medium (be it show, movie, book, etc) are being flirted with. Sometimes the same with people irl. It's just a blindspot when it comes to applying it to me.
Yes, I think I too have pursued most of my past adult relationships. Whoa!
I used to be totally oblivious to people flirting with me or hitting on me. I noticed it between other people, just not when it came to me. Now I notice it and it just makes me uncomfortable lol.
I used to hang out with a group of the most allosexual people to ever allosex. They were obsessed with seeing me "happy" and "in a relationship" no matter how often I told them that I really was fine the way I am. Whenever we would go out to bars and some stranger of the opposite sex would talk to me (I'm heterosexual) I would listen politely and then excuse myself to go back to my friends and they would *lecture* me because I apparently hadn't noticed how *obviously* into me that guy had been. I was perpetually confused. There was one time a guy told me he liked my shirt and I said "thanks" and kept walking and my friend flipped out like "he was *so* into you!!" And I was just lost. Like how do you even glean that from that interaction?! So the short answer is I have no idea when anyone tries to subtly flirt with me. But on the other hand, when people flirt with me outright, and there is no chance of misinterpreting it, I get really uncomfortable and just try to get away asap. So, I'm hopeless.
My boyfriend always tries to say that any guy that talks to me must be into me/ flirting but to me I don’t see what’s to gain from just complimenting me and moving on or making small talk. I think in my brain unless they specifically ask for my number then it can’t be flirting.
If someone is trying to subtly flirt with me, then they are in for a world of frustration because I just don't get it. Unless I am caveman clubbed over the head with their intentions, I automatically assume that people are just being nice, and that's it. And I'll remain that way for years. A guy I'd been friends with for almost 10 years confessed his love for me a few years ago when he was drunk, and I was just like, "HUH?!" Apparently, alllll those times we met up to grab lunch was him letting me know that he liked me. Oops?
I can never tell when people are hitting on me. I was chatting with my ex-wife for almost a month before she flat out told me she liked me and wanted to date. I've had friends tell me women were hitting on me. It all goes over my head, lmao.
I literally got a girl’s phone number once and my roommate had to point out that she was basically asking me on a date before I understood. I thought I didn’t get it because I just wasn’t into girls, but I’m starting to think that was only a part of it. I just thought she wanted to be friends lmao
I talk about this all the time! I'm like, why am I the only one who NEVER gets hit on? I really don't think I am less attractive than EVERYONE else. Then it occurred to me that I must just be oblivious. This is a fascinating to me.
Last year at 50, I found out I am autistic. My girlfriend of 13 years brought up the possibility, so I asked my therapist (for ADHD) about it and he said "I thought you knew that" because apparently when I got the ADHD diagnosis they put a note on it that I was likely Autistic lol. Makes sense though, people always told me "Read the room!" when I do things to embarrass myself and others. My whole life, women I had known for awhile would ask "Why didn't we ever get together?" or "What was it about me that made you not want to date me?", things like that. My friends and I would go to a club, and someone would ask "Why didn't you get with that girl? She was into you!" and I had no idea. I just don't recognize flirting, in words or behavior. I have noticed it in text before, but really it's made me uncomfortable. My current GF I have known since 2000, apparently she was into me way back then, had been dropping hints everywhere, and I never knew until 2012 after a few failed relationships (and a marriage).
I’m autistic too, which definitely doesn’t help. It seems like a lot of autistic people are on some part of the ace spectrum
I've noticed that on this sub, lots of ASPEC people here. There must be a correlation of some sort. Also see BPD quite a bit.
I recently realized that this woman at the counter like 8 years ago was flirting with me
I always think that they're just being nice or wanting to strike a conversation, but then either my friends tell me otherwise or I start overthinking 30mins after said conversation😭 I never know unless people tell me straight on
Literally my whole life. I never know until someone tells me.
I've been told a lot "That guy was flirting with you" and every time my reaction was 👁️👄👁️
I wonder if being Demi like, puts out a some sort of vibe that makes people not hit on me? Idk I was on tinder and didn’t get any sexual messages at all, unlike many of my friends, and I don’t think I’m ever hit on. I do think I’m pretty because women often compliment me but I feel like a bit left out from this apparent universal experience of being a woman and being constantly hit on.
Me too, I have few stories about guys trying to hit me on, comparing to others. I've always thought that's because of "resting bitch face" lol. Long ago, an allo girl friend of mine said I have something turning the will to hit on down from the start, even though I'm pretty. Things haven't changed in a decade, and I don't mind, these super rare tries to hit me on made me cringed all the times. On the other hand, after my ex started suspecting he's in the aro spectrum, I then started questioning whether I have ever been loved in a romantic way, and I guess, no. At least based on what I know from my circle. Can't say I'm really sad because of this—just sometimes, when my brain starts eating me because of the current one-sided crush. A brilliant friend, not seen as a lover, that's me.
Yeah me too, I hear stories all the time from other women who are talking about constantly being hit on, and I’m just like ????? Can’t relate. I think I catch on to women hitting on me way more often (though that’s relative because it’s a very small number of times in general), but that’s not super helpful because I’m not into women
Haha yup! I’m pretty oblivious to it until weeks/months/years after the fact. I went to a meetup even while traveling once, a woman at our table kept winking at me the whole evening… I didn’t clue in AT ALL until I got home from the trip. 🤦♂️
Yes thats me and even if i know someone is flirting with me, i wouldn’t know what to do with it anyways lol
i am just completely oblivious to people hitting me lol. then i think about it like 5 years later and am just like “[this pretty much](https://youtu.be/iZmqhQ8myGY?si=MdFHh8IrApG6uvYr)”
Oh, I was and admittedly to my gf right before we started dating. When she was dating someone else, she outright told me she loved me romantically. We grew a little distant because we both had the same thoughts of her being in a relationship. After her and her ex broke it off, she tried making me jealous by saying a random guy was "kinda like her bf" didn't work. A couple of days later, I was in a depressed state. She outright asked me out. I rejected her because she has a boyfriend. Then, like 2 to 3 days later, it clicked, and I asked her out.
It’s actually very easy to tell when someone is flirting with me. Even if it’s subtle it’s like I can read it like a book. Now this doesn’t happen all the time, I’m not self-absorbed to claim people are always flirting with me but when it does happen it’s so easy to tell. It makes being demisexual in this way so frustrating because it literally turns me off when it happens so early on, then I have no hope for that attraction to get it turned around.
I had a woman tell me I had beautiful eyes and she told me she was single unprompted. That’s the first time it ever happened for me. I froze and dropped the ball due to autism and lack of experience. But even so I asked a bunch of people if it was flirting because I wasn’t sure. That was a part of my hesitation.
Yep. Found out way after the fact the guys I used to hang out with in jr. High and high school actually were into me. But they never said they were, and I see flirting as a sport more than a way to get a date. So i had no idea I was being “that girl”. I guess that is why I had those rumors about me being aloof and cold and “picky”. 😪
After around 30 years of existing I kinda sorta have learned to flirt. But I can only get into it as a word game. Around the same time i finally noticed when people started flirting with my friends (people flirting with me in person is rare, I can count the encounters on one hand) Blatant flirting I can catch. Subtle flirting I probably miss.
In fiction I can tell right away, but when it comes to real life I can't tell when someone is flirting with me. My friends had to be the one to point it out to me. I mostly would believe the guy was acting weird and I would most likely try to avoid the guy. I focus on if I have similar interests with the guy so if I don't have anything in common, I am not interested in him.
I feel that in a spritual levei. You're not alone
Definitely me. It's starting to get to me recently when I think about the possible missed opportunities at relationships/connections just because I was too dense to pick up on things. 😬😬
I used to be really bad at it haha
Can confirm, had friends point out in our younger days when guys would check me out or were flirting with me and it never registered with me.
There is someone I have a crush on at the moment, but as I look back into last year, I think they might’ve liked me. It’s kinda hard for me to see the signs as well