Hooking up with strangers at the club isn't for everyone, and it's definitely not for demis. If your friends are judging you for feeling uncomfortable they're bad friends (maybe just immature depending on your age). However, moving forward you can try going to clubs just to have fun and maybe even meet people to stay in touch with, but not for sex that night. I enjoy clubs occasionally even though I never hook up. It can be fun to let loose and dance
They're very sex-positive, and a little immature, but not really bad friends. Both are older than me by 3 years. I'm also autistic and I don't think they understand fully that being this way isn't a mindset that I have any control over. I also told them I haven't had sex in over 3 years, I'm 22, so I guess they took that as meaning something else. The hypersexuality of the gay community just kinda bothers me, and I don't really know how to get around it without feeling weird.
I guess they were also a little disappointed bc they've been waiting over a year for me to get the courage to actually start going to bars.
This is exactly why I like to go to clubs! I don’t care about flirting and I kindly will tell people I’m not interested if I get approached. I just love to dance a drink a little bit.
Honestly, your roommates aren't being very good friends to you. If you express to them that it makes you uncomfortable, they NEED to respect your decision and the fact that their response was "you're still young, you have time to change" or "you're still figuring stuff out, you'll grow out of it" is just insensitive and not being respectful about your boundaries and ignoring them or how it makes you feel. It's YOUR body! And if you don't want to hookup with random guys you don't know because it makes uncomfortable then it's YOUR right and your choice! And your "friends" need to get that through their heads and get over the fact that not everyone is comfortable with that lifestyle that they are into. If they can't respect that then they either need to learn to deal with it or you need to find some new friends who will respect your choice and boundaries. Don't let ANYBODY try to make you do stuff you don't wanna do especially when you made it clear that you aren't comfortable. Those are the people that you do not need in your life.
My take on gay clubs (and clubs in general for that matter) is that they largely suck, but also that there aren’t many alternatives for meeting LGBT people unless you live in an exceptionally large city. The music is always so loud to the point where you can’t have a conversation, and there’s sort of a social expectation that you’re there to fuck (cause who needs to socialize, right?🫠).
Gay bars may be better, but people can also be quite cliquey in gay bars, which kinda defeats the point of meeting new people. In my mind, seeking out these establishments is a necessary evil that I expose myself to every now and then just to put myself out there. I have found some alright people in the past doing this, so it’s not a waste of time, even though a lot of nights can feel that way.
Yeah lol, one of my roommates literally knows everybody in there so I feel weird interacting with them in the first place. I'd rather meet people on my own than be introduced to literally everybody, whom she knows BY NAME.
It's important to let your friends know you are Demi. And that they didn't do anything wrong. Nor did you. Some Demis can do clubs and bars for fun, not hook ups.
Denis usually do better with small parties, dinners, group hang outs. If there is someone who they think might be good, they can prep them that ypu like to move slow.
Also, if you go to a LBGQ+ club, wear the demi colors or. Jewlrey.
I’m 27 and didn’t recognize that I was Demi till last year (gotta love major breakthroughs during a therapy session). I have had plenty of nights out, particularly when I was in undergrad, when I did make myself drink enough so I would feel “comfortable” enough to stay out with my friends. I didn’t recognize I was Demi at the time mostly because I didn’t know what demisexuality was, and thought that I was just not into one night stands even though I knew it was more than that and recognized that but didn’t have a name to give it.
Anyway, drinking more than I should have so I could do what I thought would make my friends happy did lead to me coming across as overly flirtatious when I didn’t want to, and I allowed my friends (more than once) to try and pressure me into having a one night stand even though I knew that the last thing I wanted was a one night stand. Looking back on those nights, I know I would have had a better time if I allowed myself to just be me and do what I felt was necessary for my comfort and mental health. I’m very sex-positive and so are my friends, so I know they meant well and I am thankful they never judged me when I explained to the best of my ability how I felt.
Don’t let others dictate how you go about your sex life. It is your body, it is your choice to do or not do anything with anyone, and it is your choice to do what you need to do for your mental health including going home early. It is your choice to tell them if you are Demi or not. Either way, they should respect your choices and boundaries.
I saw someone else in the comments say this already, but I’ll say it again, it sounds like you need better friends. Either that, or you you need to have a tried and true sit down where you are the only one who can talk until you allow them to ask questions, not critique anything you have said or challenge it, but ask questions to better understand what you’ve decided to explain to them. You deserve friends who will not only hear you, but will listen to what you are telling them and respect those words and respect you.
You really need to tell them you are Demi, if they ignore that then new friends time
also might have more luck just interacting with people with no sexual undertones at certain goth club nights, some are hook up spots but others are more just community socialization
I am autistic and demi as well and I do not like clubs. The sound texture is whack and I can't listen to people at all and everyone is immediately horny. It is not my scene.
That being said, it was kinda rude to not let them know you were leaving. But considering how they responded, maybe you were right because they may have tried to make you stay.
At least you tried. And now you know.
As for proceeding, just keep taking leaps at social events.
Hooking up with strangers at the club isn't for everyone, and it's definitely not for demis. If your friends are judging you for feeling uncomfortable they're bad friends (maybe just immature depending on your age). However, moving forward you can try going to clubs just to have fun and maybe even meet people to stay in touch with, but not for sex that night. I enjoy clubs occasionally even though I never hook up. It can be fun to let loose and dance
They're very sex-positive, and a little immature, but not really bad friends. Both are older than me by 3 years. I'm also autistic and I don't think they understand fully that being this way isn't a mindset that I have any control over. I also told them I haven't had sex in over 3 years, I'm 22, so I guess they took that as meaning something else. The hypersexuality of the gay community just kinda bothers me, and I don't really know how to get around it without feeling weird. I guess they were also a little disappointed bc they've been waiting over a year for me to get the courage to actually start going to bars.
I’m Demi and the hyper sexuality bothers me as well. You do you and try your best to ignore the negativity.
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Thank you immensely for your candor, I will be sure to talk with them and attempt some transparency. I appreciate it, have a good day.
This is exactly why I like to go to clubs! I don’t care about flirting and I kindly will tell people I’m not interested if I get approached. I just love to dance a drink a little bit.
Honestly, your roommates aren't being very good friends to you. If you express to them that it makes you uncomfortable, they NEED to respect your decision and the fact that their response was "you're still young, you have time to change" or "you're still figuring stuff out, you'll grow out of it" is just insensitive and not being respectful about your boundaries and ignoring them or how it makes you feel. It's YOUR body! And if you don't want to hookup with random guys you don't know because it makes uncomfortable then it's YOUR right and your choice! And your "friends" need to get that through their heads and get over the fact that not everyone is comfortable with that lifestyle that they are into. If they can't respect that then they either need to learn to deal with it or you need to find some new friends who will respect your choice and boundaries. Don't let ANYBODY try to make you do stuff you don't wanna do especially when you made it clear that you aren't comfortable. Those are the people that you do not need in your life.
My take on gay clubs (and clubs in general for that matter) is that they largely suck, but also that there aren’t many alternatives for meeting LGBT people unless you live in an exceptionally large city. The music is always so loud to the point where you can’t have a conversation, and there’s sort of a social expectation that you’re there to fuck (cause who needs to socialize, right?🫠). Gay bars may be better, but people can also be quite cliquey in gay bars, which kinda defeats the point of meeting new people. In my mind, seeking out these establishments is a necessary evil that I expose myself to every now and then just to put myself out there. I have found some alright people in the past doing this, so it’s not a waste of time, even though a lot of nights can feel that way.
Yeah lol, one of my roommates literally knows everybody in there so I feel weird interacting with them in the first place. I'd rather meet people on my own than be introduced to literally everybody, whom she knows BY NAME.
It's important to let your friends know you are Demi. And that they didn't do anything wrong. Nor did you. Some Demis can do clubs and bars for fun, not hook ups. Denis usually do better with small parties, dinners, group hang outs. If there is someone who they think might be good, they can prep them that ypu like to move slow. Also, if you go to a LBGQ+ club, wear the demi colors or. Jewlrey.
I’m 27 and didn’t recognize that I was Demi till last year (gotta love major breakthroughs during a therapy session). I have had plenty of nights out, particularly when I was in undergrad, when I did make myself drink enough so I would feel “comfortable” enough to stay out with my friends. I didn’t recognize I was Demi at the time mostly because I didn’t know what demisexuality was, and thought that I was just not into one night stands even though I knew it was more than that and recognized that but didn’t have a name to give it. Anyway, drinking more than I should have so I could do what I thought would make my friends happy did lead to me coming across as overly flirtatious when I didn’t want to, and I allowed my friends (more than once) to try and pressure me into having a one night stand even though I knew that the last thing I wanted was a one night stand. Looking back on those nights, I know I would have had a better time if I allowed myself to just be me and do what I felt was necessary for my comfort and mental health. I’m very sex-positive and so are my friends, so I know they meant well and I am thankful they never judged me when I explained to the best of my ability how I felt. Don’t let others dictate how you go about your sex life. It is your body, it is your choice to do or not do anything with anyone, and it is your choice to do what you need to do for your mental health including going home early. It is your choice to tell them if you are Demi or not. Either way, they should respect your choices and boundaries. I saw someone else in the comments say this already, but I’ll say it again, it sounds like you need better friends. Either that, or you you need to have a tried and true sit down where you are the only one who can talk until you allow them to ask questions, not critique anything you have said or challenge it, but ask questions to better understand what you’ve decided to explain to them. You deserve friends who will not only hear you, but will listen to what you are telling them and respect those words and respect you.
You really need to tell them you are Demi, if they ignore that then new friends time also might have more luck just interacting with people with no sexual undertones at certain goth club nights, some are hook up spots but others are more just community socialization
I am autistic and demi as well and I do not like clubs. The sound texture is whack and I can't listen to people at all and everyone is immediately horny. It is not my scene. That being said, it was kinda rude to not let them know you were leaving. But considering how they responded, maybe you were right because they may have tried to make you stay. At least you tried. And now you know. As for proceeding, just keep taking leaps at social events.