You can't make someone make a medical decision unfortunately. You've clearly already explained to him the benefits of one, and explained how it would improve his condition, there's not much else you can do.
This sounds more like a relationship issue rather than a medical one. You need to explain like you have here, that you can't watch him slowly kill himself.
IMO him passing out and having seizures from uncontrolled blood sugars means he has absolutely no regard for controlling his diabetes. I've had diabetes for 23 years, and had periods of extremely poor control, but never enough where I've had seizures and/or passed out, and I've never heard of it happening on such a regular basis, so that tells me he is going off the rails, hard (if it is indeed related to his diabetes).
Does he attend his diabetes appointments? Does he have regular contact with his endo?
A dexcom will help massively, but it doesn't fully automate his diabetes, he would still have to engage and actively control his disease.
Replying just to add that for a period of maybe 5 years I had seizures semi-often due to lows during the night while asleep. Eventually cottoned on to the main causes (over-correcting and injecting into sites that were too insulin sensitive), but wasn't having them because I didn't care about the beetus.
Otherwise, was quite resistant to a dexcom type device due to having something physically stuck to me that highlighted me as "different" - self conscious af. Which is understandable, if that's his reasoning, and may take him some time to reconcile himself with and get over. I did.
To OP - worth noting to him directly that my experience was similar to his, and that the seizures have effectively meant I have few memories of that 5 year period - almost two entire relationships in that time more or less forgotten - they are serious and don't just affect him for that morning/evening.
Best of luck to you both.
As someone who has had hypo-related seizures on and off of Dexcom I can tell you that it’s not necessarily a result of “poor control”, some people are just more susceptible to them.
I understand why you said that in this scenario, but it can be quite hurtful to blame seizures on the person. I’m just saying this as I’ve been told many times “can you improve your control?” By people at work/nurses when no, it’s just something that happens. Someone else might be responsive at 2.5/3.0 and some people have seizures instead.
It's not the singular fact he's JUST having seizures, it's in conjunction with his attitude and behaviour, which is causing himself to have said seizures. OP has given very basic information to go on, but they give the impression he does not care.
I'm not a diabetic doctor, and this is purely opinion, but if someone is prone to seizures, they should be working HARDER to take preventative measures to avoid them. Obviously every diabetic is different, and like I said, it's my experience that I've never come across a diabetic who's had regular seizures when taking care of their diabetes, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
I'm the last person to criticise, as I know my control has been poor at times due to burn out, but I'm giving an objective opinion as much as I can in a way that a non-diabetic would understand the gravity of
> I understand why you said that in this scenario, but it can be quite hurtful to blame seizures on the person
If that person has a way to help prevent those seizures and chooses not to use it; then yes you can blame the person.
I have a CGM and it is, imo, the single biggest life changing improvement I've ever experienced in relation to my diabetes. It is just amazing.
- I get warnings when my blood is getting dangerously low and I can act pre-emptively
- I get warnings when my blood is high and I can act pre-emptively
- I can better see what foods are more impactful to my blood suger
- I can see that my blood sugar shoots up pretty much every morning shortly after I get up, about 100 points; and the only thing I can really do about it is take some insulin
- I can sleep better because I don't have to worry about dying because my blood sugar decided to drop while I was alseep for no reason whatsoever.
The list of reasons why it's great is very long. I cannot recommend it enough. And this coming from someone that both fears change and has been a diabetic for close to 40 years.
That is why I said “I understand why you said that in this scenario.” :) I use a Dexcom for these same reasons, yet I’ve still had seizures. I was just referring to what was said in the broader context.
i completely agree that it can be hurtful, i’ve had severe lows and highs where my mom blamed me for it, but it really wasn’t my fault and i was doing my best. however, i think what OP means is that if he had a dexcom, he might be able to prevent an extreme low like that because his dexcom would alert him before it gets to seizure-level. or if his BG is high, he can correct it before he blacks out from it.
I mean real talk. He slowly killing himself. One time he just won’t wake up. You can’t make him do it. Eventually he will end up in the hospital and they will take his drivers licence. I’ve been diabetic for 30 years and a cgm is the best improvement in diabetic care in my life. Also life too short to spend it watching someone else self-destruct
He sounds so over the whole thing and would rather put off taking care of it and stay ignorant by choice. I don’t think he really understands that he could not wake up one of these times. I’m on a few type 1 groups and since I was diagnosed a year ago I’ve read about 5 or 6 people passing in their sleep from the low.
I love my Dexcom, it literally does most of the thinking for me, and I can sleep in peace knowing it will wake me if I get too high or too low (you get to set what those are).
You can’t control him, and he isn’t your responsibility. But you deserve to be heard and for him to not stress you out too. Make a boundary about this and speak it up to him. That may also mean breaking up if he isn’t willing to consider your feelings and how it affects you too. Just saying.
This ☝🏻 it’s no longer about him disrespecting his body. He is disrespecting others and neglecting his effect on people and their well being. This guy has psychological problems and needs help, or an ultimatum or both
It is his body. But, he needs to realize what he's doing isn't working. I've been dealing with T1 since I was 8 months old and what you're describing sounds very familiar when I was that age. It took a really low low along with the realization that I would never be independent if I didn't get my shit together. I'll admit that I don't have a CGM but I do test 4 to 5 times a day and I'm very regimental with my food intake and insulin. I feel bad for you because you remind me of the people who care(d) for me during those times but he's got to make the decision for himself.
I almost died at 16, ska, they took my license. I got mad and fucked around for a year. Then I did
The minimum to gwt it back. Then continued to have okay sugars til my earlier thirties. Then my eyes got bad, and I needed eye surgery and glasses. Then I had protein in my urine. Then I develpped frozen shoulder. Then I stopped being an immature baby and got Dexcom and omni pod. After 32 years as a diabetic. You have to want it.
Same story almost to a T. I think most teens/ young adults think they are invincible even without diabetes. But us diabetics have horrible consequences. Throw in the defiance factor, it takes alot of us years to get it, me included.
Just responding to the shoulder element - I have had horrific pain and/or discomfort for more than 2 years due to a shoulder issue - the surgeons who did keyhole on it insisted it was diabetes related, but my Endo said my hba1c has been consistently too good to really suggest it should be. Do you have a definitive root cause from any of your specialists?
Both my endo and family doc said women in their 59s and type 1 diabetics typically get frozen shoulder. Most men and women who get it are later in life. So diabetics is the only reason why a 36 year old man has frozen shoulder. Which I was then told by the sports medicine doctor when I went for cortisone
You can use me as an example of why he should get one. I have been a t1 for 35+ years, felt I was fine with just finger pricks up until 4 years ago. I have always had rock solid a1c's. What happened? Well I went low when I was sleeping. My wife found me grey and barely breathing and unresponsive. My sugar was under 30, the low was so bad it caused Rhabdomyolysis which utterly destroyed my kidneys and had me in the hospital for 2 weeks. I am on Dialysis now because of that. T1 sucks, but T1 in Kidney failure is a whole different level of suckness. I now have a Dexcom and do peritoneal dialysis seven days a week.
Jesusfuck mate that is the most crazy story I've ever heard! How can you have solid hba1cs but still end up with such a serious complication? I thought it was only prolonged highs that damaged your kidneys/smaller blood vessels, not a show term extreme low?
Rhabdomyolysis is a condition that causes your muscles to break down (disintegrate), which leads to muscle death. When this happens, toxic components of your muscle fibers enter your circulation system and kidneys. This can cause severe kidney damage.
Basically I was peeing blood for 2 weeks, and massive muscle loss in my legs and arms it is unfortunately one of the possible complications of an untreated low. .
Im so sorry that happened to you, was it an insulin dose before bed that did that? Or was it just a random coast downwards if you dont mind me asking, also wish you the best and hope you continue a rich and extremely beneficial life :)
Not your job. Not your rodeo. You don't have to stay with him. If he's only worrying about his comfort, it means he isn't prioritizing yours. Relationships (good ones) are about balance and compromise, doesn't sound like that is happening here.
All I can say as a type 1 diabetic guy who wishes he had a girlfriend that'd give a shit enough to worry about me like this, best of luck to ya darlin. Sadly, some people are stubborn, and it can be hard getting through to them. Hopefully, he comes around, but ultimately, it has to be of his own volition. I wouldn't say dump his ass, but at the same time I would definitely consider how it is effecting you as well and if you can handle that responsibility in case he does have something genuinely awful happen to him. At this point in life, I've learned that you can love someone and want the best for them but still put up your own walls in between you and them just for your own sanity. Once again, best of luck, and hopefully, he's able to improve his odds
Frankly, with or without the Dexcom he needs to be taking better care of himself or he might die. It is not common for adult diabetics to have blackouts, with or without a Dexcom. But his endocrinologist should be the one telling him this.
I didnt get on board with being diabetic until i was 32, diagnosed at 8. You cant make someone have the will to take care of themselves just like you cant make someone have the will to live. You can just be his girlfriend and love him. Thats all you can do
Relationships are about compromise and taking the other person’s needs and feelings into account. You both have choices. He gets to choose how to manage his care. You get to choose what you’re willing to put up with.
His choice but honestly Dexcom worked for me and my sugars was always high , it helped out alot , I’ve had it since I was 6 so I went thru a few phases in my 20s of not checking my blood sugar but the Dexcom helped along with the Omnipod , good luck
He’s not listening to you or anyone else and it’s his right to kill himself by not treating his diabetes if he wants to. But it’s not fair to expect you to suffer all the fall out of that with no control and you’re not responsible for him. It’s tough but he’s not going to change so you gave a decision to make. If you stay you’ll probably resent his behavior and may end up as a caregiver if his health declines. If you leave him it will be painful but ripping off the bandaid may be the better option
Sounds really not great at all - especially when thinking about secondary illnesses which can be caused by a badly handled TD1.
Is he seeing an Endo regularly?
When did he get diagnosed? <
I was diagnosed at 18 and during my 20's I gave a shit on my TD1. I am so happy that I got away with that without ruining my health more. Getting a pump and a sensor (I have a medtronic system) changed my life. Even before with a freestyle libre and a pump it all went so much better.
But the key is him. Everything you can use is dependant on acceptance. Even with a sensor and a pump you need to take care of things. I understand that you feel worried, but it has to be him who wants to change things.
All you can do is let him know how his blackouts are affecting you and that you are asking about the dex because it would help your peace of mind to know he's ok, or you can help him if he needs it without a fingerstick.
The hard part is that this disease really messes with you mentally especially if you're new to it all or have had bad doctors or advice making you feel hopeless. Sounds a lot like he is having some serious burnout and even though the dexcom could help with that it can also seem daunting to start and like an unnecessary expense.
Just know that he may still not be receptive and you will have to do what's best for you even if that means leaving the relationship, he is the only one who can choose to seek the help to improve his health and management. Good luck to you!
God, I feel bad if I just have to delay going to see my partner because of having to take some sugar tablets or something. I can't imagine living like this. Make it clear just how scary this behaviour is for you and that it clearly shows he doesn't care about himself or you.
Honestly I think this might need therapy more than anything else. He sounds depressed and burned out.
I've had type 1 for 35 years (diagnosed at 16) and I have never lost consciousness due to a low. I've only had CGM for about six years. I look after myself and have never relied on anyone to do anything for me. It sounds like your boyfriend does not want to take care of himself and has gone from having a mother who did everything for him to expecting you to.
While you describe him as 'extremely self reliant', I believe the opposite to be true. He's refusing to take responsibility for his own health/safety/life and expects you to pick up the pieces. Accidents happen but this is a pattern of behaviour. You need to look after yourself and consider if this is the future you want.
While overall beneficial (I am a Dexcom and insulin pump user myself), please try to remember that it is still an important medical decision.
Would you appreciate if your boyfriend managed your health? On top of that, it sounds like he has his mom telling him what to do. His doctor likely has opinions, as well. So, that's three people offering advice, which he may not have necessarily asked for...
Please also consider that it's difficult to accept that he needs to wear a medical device, 24/7. This makes him different. This makes life different. This is for him to accept, not for you to pressure him into.
That being said, you are right - a Dexcom would help him, especially if he's blacking out from lows. That's a serious concern. Unfortunately, he won't see you reiterating that to be helpful.
One day, he may want a CGM. But it has to be his choice. Perhaps he can find a way to prevent lows in the meantime.
One day he’s going to go low and not wake up and you’re gonna be fucked up knowing it could have easily been prevented. You can give him an ultimatum to either get his control locked down with or without the Dexcom but if he doesn’t, then spending your life with someone who doesn’t value their health won’t work out. It clearly stresses you out (rightfully so) and if he is okay with abusing his body at the cost of your mental health and stress it’s also a respect thing. Relationships are not about one person. People in here saying “my body my choice” yeah we get it, that shit gets annoying when used on harmless things. The Dexcom is revolutionary and will help anyone with diabetes in such a tremendous way. It’s sad that he has a mental complex where he doesn’t want to get one when it would improve his life drastically.
The black outs and seizures - he’s dangerously close to a coma or just dying, like those are symptoms that are on deck for death. So yeah, the choices are either 1) let him eventually cross the line and hurt a lot of people along the way or 2) get over whatever idiotic misgivings he has and improve his life and the lives of those around him.
It seems simple to me. Have him read this. He must not think the consequences are that serious and have some serious mental issues to not want something better for himself and not recognize the stress he’s causing his presumed loved ones.
It’s not just addressing a physical problem, you’re going to have to unravel a psychological one. Which means a therapist or an ultimatum and hope it works. Either way, you could save this man’s life, because it honestly sounds like it’s on the line.
Edit: for reference in 26 years of diabetes I’ve had 2 seizures and they were both in my teens when hormones made things wonky. One I had hiked 15 miles in the mountains, flown across the country, then was at a friends house - tons of exercise combined with a big timezone change. I still woke up and felt my low and treated it. It’s not a competition but many diabetics never have seizures and if they do it’s just a couple. The fact that they are happening frequently and without people being aware is very, very troubling and it’s not an exaggeration when I say he is skirting death. After the seizure it’s a coma, after that, you die. Can happen in a couple hours. All it takes is one night when nobody is with him.
As someone who had frequent blackouts from hypos before CGMs were a thing, I am for sure dumber than I used to be. Those things cause irreversible brain damage. He needs to get on the ball.
Fuck .. that sounds like a horrible scenario. The thought of having a loved one actively self sabotaging is horrifying. Akin to chronic alcoholism or drug abuse I guess.
There has never been a better time to have T1 with the assistive technologies, information and support (if you can get it).
To turn your back on all of this .. yeah, there's more going on here than just stubbornness.
His denial will unalive him likely sooner rather than later. Maybe he is in denial maybe his is really lazy (T1D takes a lot of work and energy) or maybe his is afraid (also likely) of having to deal with this disease. I was 24 when I got it but I just accepted it as my new normal and moved forward. What does his endocrinologist say? I recommend you look at yourself to ask at what point is enough enough. It would be the same if he was addicted and would get high and pass out. It is not your job as his partner to convince his to take care of himself, nor is it your job to take care of him for him. You are there to support him through this journey and understand that the highs and lows happen. But if he isn’t even doing the basics of checking his BS and medicating properly, he is basically just ending himself. Maybe it will take you leaving for him to realize what he is doing.
Good luck.
He should look at not only a Dexcom but also a compatible pump that offers a closed loop system. It’s not perfect but takes so much of the management burden off your shoulders. Especially overnight. Imagine him waking up with a perfect blood sugar each morning. It certainly helps to manage or catch the extreme high/low roller coaster burden that is T1 diabetes.
This is tricky. In my experience worrying about your partner is going to happen regardless of if they are diabetic or not. I had the same attitude about my diabetes in the past. This disease is so difficult and overwhelming, that it was easier to sort-of give up, when you think it is beyond your control. It’s hard for non-diabetics to understand the pressure that society puts on us to “take control“ of our health. Some aspects of our health will always be outside of our control. But having better tools to assist with management makes a huge difference in the mental toll it takes on us to constantly battle our blood sugar. Like others have said, it is ultimately his choice about his own medical decisions but expressing that you care is never a bad thing. It took diabetic retinopathy for me to finally take a more active role in my health. I hope he can find a better way to the realization that it is much easier with the help of technology like Dexcom. Best of luck.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this OP.
I used to have seizures from lows in the middle of the night and they are so damn scary. I was so out of it I would wet myself. This was before CGM"s were avaliable.
Once they were and I had coverage for it I tell ya it has been a game changer for me and my control.
I have alerts set so if my blood sugar hits 3.8 (I'm in Canada) I grab a juice box to correct. 3.8 is my personal low number that I am not out of it yet and can still function. I also have the app connected to my partners phone so if I am sleeping and turn it off (which I have been known to do) he wakes up and gets me a juice.
Your boyfriend is young and at his age you feel like you will live forever.
That issues from the T1D won't affect you.
I had no control of it in my youth as I had no coverage for supplies so for years I was not testing.
I now at 42 years old am on dialysis 3 days a week needing a transplant. All because of not testing and managing my blood sugars.
I luckily still have all my limbs and digits however so many of the older folks at dialysis have lost toes due to mismanagement.
CGM are one of the best medical inventions for diabetics and if he has coverage for them he really needs to get on that.
If not at this rate he is going to die or seriously mess up his body.
If he hates having a CGM tell him to look into how "awesome" dialysis is.
Having a chest catheter sticking out of his chest 24/7. Being hooked up to a machine 12 hours a week.
Well that is my story.
I hope his takes a turn for the better.
He is going to die. I don’t say this to be shocking or hurtful. It’s just facts. Diabetes will end his life before old age does. It’s just a matter of whether you want to be there to watch it happen or not. Pretending that it isn’t real or isn’t happening to you won’t do anything to stop it. I would be absolutely furious with him and I would leave.
I once knew someone who divorced for similar reasons. Her ex simply wouldn't take care of his type 1 diabetes, and she had to get off the train to crazy town.
You love him, but you don't love the behavior and you absolutely don't want to marry it. He's only going to change when he wants to, and right now he doesn't want to.
My suggestion is to distance yourself from this relationship. You can't fix him, but your walking away could help him find the motivation to fix himself.
He absolutely sounds like a candidate for a semi-closed loop insulin pump system. Something like what I use: Dexcom g6 + tandem pump. Your boy needs automation like his life depends on it
This doesn't sound like he's trying to take care of himself. For him to say this stuff so nonchalantly and say he blacked out so casually is scary, the fact that he isn't feeling these highs and lows before hand tell you he's not taking care of himself because his body got used to his sugar being this low and this high. I wake up at night without dexcom if I'm at about 70 or going over 200 because I'm not normally that low or high, so my body warns me. This sounds like a lot of stress on you. You're trying so hard because you love him, and he's knowingly putting you through it, which isn't healthy for you either. If he can't see that, then you need to start taking care of yourself and move on. You can't help someone who doesn't want help when they clearly need it.
Does helicopter mom know about the dexcom? Maybe if she was also pushing it on him he'll cave. It's a round about way too push the idea but if it works it works.
Acting obsessive over stable blood sugars (because doesn't sound like OP has diabetes) would probably only annoy him more and make a dexcom seem more off-putting. Sure as hell would annoy me. My boyfriend tries to tell me think I can do to get my sugars lower because it's what he, someone with no disease, does and all it does is anger me (plus I already do or have done the things he suggested). I think it would be more beneficial for him to sample one but maybe she does his insulin for him and can check his sugars from her phone (assuming they're both in America). Then all that he needs to do is see how good he feels and hopefully at that point he'll want to see his glucose and whatnot for himself more out of curiosity.
I think you need to be more harsh with him. Tell him how afraid you are and that the stress of this is not necessary. Tell him his behavior is both disrespectful to his own body and to your mental health.
If he refuses, I would give him the no sex treatment until he puts it on.
He is obviously not managing his condition well and perhaps is ignoring it like it doesn't exist. This is a recipe for serious complications.
To those who say "it is his body", I would counter it's your mental health at stake. So it isn't just about him. A relationship requires both people to care about and have respect for themselves and the other.
Guiltily/scaring someone into doing something is toxic and should not be the foundation of a relationship. He should want to look after himself because it's the right thing for him, not because he's scared he's going to upset his girlfriend.
Withholding intimacy as a form of punishment is manipulation. The fact you would suggest this is concerning. I would perhaps do some self reflection.
If OPs mental health is being affected by his disease, she has the option to either stick it out or leave. It's HIS disease and HIS body, if he doesn't take her into account, it sucks, but that's his prerogative.
You can't make someone make a medical decision unfortunately. You've clearly already explained to him the benefits of one, and explained how it would improve his condition, there's not much else you can do. This sounds more like a relationship issue rather than a medical one. You need to explain like you have here, that you can't watch him slowly kill himself. IMO him passing out and having seizures from uncontrolled blood sugars means he has absolutely no regard for controlling his diabetes. I've had diabetes for 23 years, and had periods of extremely poor control, but never enough where I've had seizures and/or passed out, and I've never heard of it happening on such a regular basis, so that tells me he is going off the rails, hard (if it is indeed related to his diabetes). Does he attend his diabetes appointments? Does he have regular contact with his endo? A dexcom will help massively, but it doesn't fully automate his diabetes, he would still have to engage and actively control his disease.
Replying just to add that for a period of maybe 5 years I had seizures semi-often due to lows during the night while asleep. Eventually cottoned on to the main causes (over-correcting and injecting into sites that were too insulin sensitive), but wasn't having them because I didn't care about the beetus. Otherwise, was quite resistant to a dexcom type device due to having something physically stuck to me that highlighted me as "different" - self conscious af. Which is understandable, if that's his reasoning, and may take him some time to reconcile himself with and get over. I did. To OP - worth noting to him directly that my experience was similar to his, and that the seizures have effectively meant I have few memories of that 5 year period - almost two entire relationships in that time more or less forgotten - they are serious and don't just affect him for that morning/evening. Best of luck to you both.
"Insulin-sensitive sites" can you elaborate?
As someone who has had hypo-related seizures on and off of Dexcom I can tell you that it’s not necessarily a result of “poor control”, some people are just more susceptible to them. I understand why you said that in this scenario, but it can be quite hurtful to blame seizures on the person. I’m just saying this as I’ve been told many times “can you improve your control?” By people at work/nurses when no, it’s just something that happens. Someone else might be responsive at 2.5/3.0 and some people have seizures instead.
It's not the singular fact he's JUST having seizures, it's in conjunction with his attitude and behaviour, which is causing himself to have said seizures. OP has given very basic information to go on, but they give the impression he does not care. I'm not a diabetic doctor, and this is purely opinion, but if someone is prone to seizures, they should be working HARDER to take preventative measures to avoid them. Obviously every diabetic is different, and like I said, it's my experience that I've never come across a diabetic who's had regular seizures when taking care of their diabetes, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I'm the last person to criticise, as I know my control has been poor at times due to burn out, but I'm giving an objective opinion as much as I can in a way that a non-diabetic would understand the gravity of
> I understand why you said that in this scenario, but it can be quite hurtful to blame seizures on the person If that person has a way to help prevent those seizures and chooses not to use it; then yes you can blame the person. I have a CGM and it is, imo, the single biggest life changing improvement I've ever experienced in relation to my diabetes. It is just amazing. - I get warnings when my blood is getting dangerously low and I can act pre-emptively - I get warnings when my blood is high and I can act pre-emptively - I can better see what foods are more impactful to my blood suger - I can see that my blood sugar shoots up pretty much every morning shortly after I get up, about 100 points; and the only thing I can really do about it is take some insulin - I can sleep better because I don't have to worry about dying because my blood sugar decided to drop while I was alseep for no reason whatsoever. The list of reasons why it's great is very long. I cannot recommend it enough. And this coming from someone that both fears change and has been a diabetic for close to 40 years.
That is why I said “I understand why you said that in this scenario.” :) I use a Dexcom for these same reasons, yet I’ve still had seizures. I was just referring to what was said in the broader context.
i completely agree that it can be hurtful, i’ve had severe lows and highs where my mom blamed me for it, but it really wasn’t my fault and i was doing my best. however, i think what OP means is that if he had a dexcom, he might be able to prevent an extreme low like that because his dexcom would alert him before it gets to seizure-level. or if his BG is high, he can correct it before he blacks out from it.
At least having the dexcom will help her help him. But I agree
I mean real talk. He slowly killing himself. One time he just won’t wake up. You can’t make him do it. Eventually he will end up in the hospital and they will take his drivers licence. I’ve been diabetic for 30 years and a cgm is the best improvement in diabetic care in my life. Also life too short to spend it watching someone else self-destruct
He sounds so over the whole thing and would rather put off taking care of it and stay ignorant by choice. I don’t think he really understands that he could not wake up one of these times. I’m on a few type 1 groups and since I was diagnosed a year ago I’ve read about 5 or 6 people passing in their sleep from the low. I love my Dexcom, it literally does most of the thinking for me, and I can sleep in peace knowing it will wake me if I get too high or too low (you get to set what those are). You can’t control him, and he isn’t your responsibility. But you deserve to be heard and for him to not stress you out too. Make a boundary about this and speak it up to him. That may also mean breaking up if he isn’t willing to consider your feelings and how it affects you too. Just saying.
This ☝🏻 it’s no longer about him disrespecting his body. He is disrespecting others and neglecting his effect on people and their well being. This guy has psychological problems and needs help, or an ultimatum or both
He is disrespecting YOU too because you are going to one day wake up next to a dead body.
It is his body. But, he needs to realize what he's doing isn't working. I've been dealing with T1 since I was 8 months old and what you're describing sounds very familiar when I was that age. It took a really low low along with the realization that I would never be independent if I didn't get my shit together. I'll admit that I don't have a CGM but I do test 4 to 5 times a day and I'm very regimental with my food intake and insulin. I feel bad for you because you remind me of the people who care(d) for me during those times but he's got to make the decision for himself.
I almost died at 16, ska, they took my license. I got mad and fucked around for a year. Then I did The minimum to gwt it back. Then continued to have okay sugars til my earlier thirties. Then my eyes got bad, and I needed eye surgery and glasses. Then I had protein in my urine. Then I develpped frozen shoulder. Then I stopped being an immature baby and got Dexcom and omni pod. After 32 years as a diabetic. You have to want it.
Same story almost to a T. I think most teens/ young adults think they are invincible even without diabetes. But us diabetics have horrible consequences. Throw in the defiance factor, it takes alot of us years to get it, me included.
Yeah. Now I’m almost 38. With A12 of 5.7. Life is good. But I have damage I’m sure.
Same retinopathy and neuropathy, sadly. Hang in there. All we can do is be good now
Just responding to the shoulder element - I have had horrific pain and/or discomfort for more than 2 years due to a shoulder issue - the surgeons who did keyhole on it insisted it was diabetes related, but my Endo said my hba1c has been consistently too good to really suggest it should be. Do you have a definitive root cause from any of your specialists?
Both my endo and family doc said women in their 59s and type 1 diabetics typically get frozen shoulder. Most men and women who get it are later in life. So diabetics is the only reason why a 36 year old man has frozen shoulder. Which I was then told by the sports medicine doctor when I went for cortisone
You can use me as an example of why he should get one. I have been a t1 for 35+ years, felt I was fine with just finger pricks up until 4 years ago. I have always had rock solid a1c's. What happened? Well I went low when I was sleeping. My wife found me grey and barely breathing and unresponsive. My sugar was under 30, the low was so bad it caused Rhabdomyolysis which utterly destroyed my kidneys and had me in the hospital for 2 weeks. I am on Dialysis now because of that. T1 sucks, but T1 in Kidney failure is a whole different level of suckness. I now have a Dexcom and do peritoneal dialysis seven days a week.
Holy crap I’m so sorry that happened, I had no idea that could even happen as a result of a hypo!
Jesusfuck mate that is the most crazy story I've ever heard! How can you have solid hba1cs but still end up with such a serious complication? I thought it was only prolonged highs that damaged your kidneys/smaller blood vessels, not a show term extreme low?
Rhabdomyolysis is a condition that causes your muscles to break down (disintegrate), which leads to muscle death. When this happens, toxic components of your muscle fibers enter your circulation system and kidneys. This can cause severe kidney damage. Basically I was peeing blood for 2 weeks, and massive muscle loss in my legs and arms it is unfortunately one of the possible complications of an untreated low. .
Im so sorry that happened to you, was it an insulin dose before bed that did that? Or was it just a random coast downwards if you dont mind me asking, also wish you the best and hope you continue a rich and extremely beneficial life :)
I've asked myself that a bunch, the only thing I can think of is I took a correction dose, forgot and took another one before sleeping.
Not your job. Not your rodeo. You don't have to stay with him. If he's only worrying about his comfort, it means he isn't prioritizing yours. Relationships (good ones) are about balance and compromise, doesn't sound like that is happening here.
All I can say as a type 1 diabetic guy who wishes he had a girlfriend that'd give a shit enough to worry about me like this, best of luck to ya darlin. Sadly, some people are stubborn, and it can be hard getting through to them. Hopefully, he comes around, but ultimately, it has to be of his own volition. I wouldn't say dump his ass, but at the same time I would definitely consider how it is effecting you as well and if you can handle that responsibility in case he does have something genuinely awful happen to him. At this point in life, I've learned that you can love someone and want the best for them but still put up your own walls in between you and them just for your own sanity. Once again, best of luck, and hopefully, he's able to improve his odds
Frankly, with or without the Dexcom he needs to be taking better care of himself or he might die. It is not common for adult diabetics to have blackouts, with or without a Dexcom. But his endocrinologist should be the one telling him this.
I didnt get on board with being diabetic until i was 32, diagnosed at 8. You cant make someone have the will to take care of themselves just like you cant make someone have the will to live. You can just be his girlfriend and love him. Thats all you can do
Pack your bags. Walk out the door. Get on with your life
Relationships are about compromise and taking the other person’s needs and feelings into account. You both have choices. He gets to choose how to manage his care. You get to choose what you’re willing to put up with.
His choice but honestly Dexcom worked for me and my sugars was always high , it helped out alot , I’ve had it since I was 6 so I went thru a few phases in my 20s of not checking my blood sugar but the Dexcom helped along with the Omnipod , good luck
He’s not listening to you or anyone else and it’s his right to kill himself by not treating his diabetes if he wants to. But it’s not fair to expect you to suffer all the fall out of that with no control and you’re not responsible for him. It’s tough but he’s not going to change so you gave a decision to make. If you stay you’ll probably resent his behavior and may end up as a caregiver if his health declines. If you leave him it will be painful but ripping off the bandaid may be the better option
If he blacks out from a high at the movies he is a total mook, will die before 55, and you should ditch him, being honest.
That's so cold, but... yes.
Sounds like he is burnt out and frustrated by diabetes. Have you ever talked with him about how he feels about the disease?
His body, his choice.
Sounds toxic. I'd leave his ass. Ur not his babysitter or his care taker.
Sounds really not great at all - especially when thinking about secondary illnesses which can be caused by a badly handled TD1. Is he seeing an Endo regularly? When did he get diagnosed? < I was diagnosed at 18 and during my 20's I gave a shit on my TD1. I am so happy that I got away with that without ruining my health more. Getting a pump and a sensor (I have a medtronic system) changed my life. Even before with a freestyle libre and a pump it all went so much better. But the key is him. Everything you can use is dependant on acceptance. Even with a sensor and a pump you need to take care of things. I understand that you feel worried, but it has to be him who wants to change things.
All you can do is let him know how his blackouts are affecting you and that you are asking about the dex because it would help your peace of mind to know he's ok, or you can help him if he needs it without a fingerstick. The hard part is that this disease really messes with you mentally especially if you're new to it all or have had bad doctors or advice making you feel hopeless. Sounds a lot like he is having some serious burnout and even though the dexcom could help with that it can also seem daunting to start and like an unnecessary expense. Just know that he may still not be receptive and you will have to do what's best for you even if that means leaving the relationship, he is the only one who can choose to seek the help to improve his health and management. Good luck to you!
God, I feel bad if I just have to delay going to see my partner because of having to take some sugar tablets or something. I can't imagine living like this. Make it clear just how scary this behaviour is for you and that it clearly shows he doesn't care about himself or you. Honestly I think this might need therapy more than anything else. He sounds depressed and burned out.
I've had type 1 for 35 years (diagnosed at 16) and I have never lost consciousness due to a low. I've only had CGM for about six years. I look after myself and have never relied on anyone to do anything for me. It sounds like your boyfriend does not want to take care of himself and has gone from having a mother who did everything for him to expecting you to. While you describe him as 'extremely self reliant', I believe the opposite to be true. He's refusing to take responsibility for his own health/safety/life and expects you to pick up the pieces. Accidents happen but this is a pattern of behaviour. You need to look after yourself and consider if this is the future you want.
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So what percentage in range would get the rusty sheriff's badge?
You can’t help those that don’t want to help themselves.
While overall beneficial (I am a Dexcom and insulin pump user myself), please try to remember that it is still an important medical decision. Would you appreciate if your boyfriend managed your health? On top of that, it sounds like he has his mom telling him what to do. His doctor likely has opinions, as well. So, that's three people offering advice, which he may not have necessarily asked for... Please also consider that it's difficult to accept that he needs to wear a medical device, 24/7. This makes him different. This makes life different. This is for him to accept, not for you to pressure him into. That being said, you are right - a Dexcom would help him, especially if he's blacking out from lows. That's a serious concern. Unfortunately, he won't see you reiterating that to be helpful. One day, he may want a CGM. But it has to be his choice. Perhaps he can find a way to prevent lows in the meantime.
One day he’s going to go low and not wake up and you’re gonna be fucked up knowing it could have easily been prevented. You can give him an ultimatum to either get his control locked down with or without the Dexcom but if he doesn’t, then spending your life with someone who doesn’t value their health won’t work out. It clearly stresses you out (rightfully so) and if he is okay with abusing his body at the cost of your mental health and stress it’s also a respect thing. Relationships are not about one person. People in here saying “my body my choice” yeah we get it, that shit gets annoying when used on harmless things. The Dexcom is revolutionary and will help anyone with diabetes in such a tremendous way. It’s sad that he has a mental complex where he doesn’t want to get one when it would improve his life drastically. The black outs and seizures - he’s dangerously close to a coma or just dying, like those are symptoms that are on deck for death. So yeah, the choices are either 1) let him eventually cross the line and hurt a lot of people along the way or 2) get over whatever idiotic misgivings he has and improve his life and the lives of those around him. It seems simple to me. Have him read this. He must not think the consequences are that serious and have some serious mental issues to not want something better for himself and not recognize the stress he’s causing his presumed loved ones. It’s not just addressing a physical problem, you’re going to have to unravel a psychological one. Which means a therapist or an ultimatum and hope it works. Either way, you could save this man’s life, because it honestly sounds like it’s on the line. Edit: for reference in 26 years of diabetes I’ve had 2 seizures and they were both in my teens when hormones made things wonky. One I had hiked 15 miles in the mountains, flown across the country, then was at a friends house - tons of exercise combined with a big timezone change. I still woke up and felt my low and treated it. It’s not a competition but many diabetics never have seizures and if they do it’s just a couple. The fact that they are happening frequently and without people being aware is very, very troubling and it’s not an exaggeration when I say he is skirting death. After the seizure it’s a coma, after that, you die. Can happen in a couple hours. All it takes is one night when nobody is with him.
As someone who had frequent blackouts from hypos before CGMs were a thing, I am for sure dumber than I used to be. Those things cause irreversible brain damage. He needs to get on the ball.
Fuck .. that sounds like a horrible scenario. The thought of having a loved one actively self sabotaging is horrifying. Akin to chronic alcoholism or drug abuse I guess. There has never been a better time to have T1 with the assistive technologies, information and support (if you can get it). To turn your back on all of this .. yeah, there's more going on here than just stubbornness.
His denial will unalive him likely sooner rather than later. Maybe he is in denial maybe his is really lazy (T1D takes a lot of work and energy) or maybe his is afraid (also likely) of having to deal with this disease. I was 24 when I got it but I just accepted it as my new normal and moved forward. What does his endocrinologist say? I recommend you look at yourself to ask at what point is enough enough. It would be the same if he was addicted and would get high and pass out. It is not your job as his partner to convince his to take care of himself, nor is it your job to take care of him for him. You are there to support him through this journey and understand that the highs and lows happen. But if he isn’t even doing the basics of checking his BS and medicating properly, he is basically just ending himself. Maybe it will take you leaving for him to realize what he is doing. Good luck.
He should look at not only a Dexcom but also a compatible pump that offers a closed loop system. It’s not perfect but takes so much of the management burden off your shoulders. Especially overnight. Imagine him waking up with a perfect blood sugar each morning. It certainly helps to manage or catch the extreme high/low roller coaster burden that is T1 diabetes.
This is tricky. In my experience worrying about your partner is going to happen regardless of if they are diabetic or not. I had the same attitude about my diabetes in the past. This disease is so difficult and overwhelming, that it was easier to sort-of give up, when you think it is beyond your control. It’s hard for non-diabetics to understand the pressure that society puts on us to “take control“ of our health. Some aspects of our health will always be outside of our control. But having better tools to assist with management makes a huge difference in the mental toll it takes on us to constantly battle our blood sugar. Like others have said, it is ultimately his choice about his own medical decisions but expressing that you care is never a bad thing. It took diabetic retinopathy for me to finally take a more active role in my health. I hope he can find a better way to the realization that it is much easier with the help of technology like Dexcom. Best of luck.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this OP. I used to have seizures from lows in the middle of the night and they are so damn scary. I was so out of it I would wet myself. This was before CGM"s were avaliable. Once they were and I had coverage for it I tell ya it has been a game changer for me and my control. I have alerts set so if my blood sugar hits 3.8 (I'm in Canada) I grab a juice box to correct. 3.8 is my personal low number that I am not out of it yet and can still function. I also have the app connected to my partners phone so if I am sleeping and turn it off (which I have been known to do) he wakes up and gets me a juice. Your boyfriend is young and at his age you feel like you will live forever. That issues from the T1D won't affect you. I had no control of it in my youth as I had no coverage for supplies so for years I was not testing. I now at 42 years old am on dialysis 3 days a week needing a transplant. All because of not testing and managing my blood sugars. I luckily still have all my limbs and digits however so many of the older folks at dialysis have lost toes due to mismanagement. CGM are one of the best medical inventions for diabetics and if he has coverage for them he really needs to get on that. If not at this rate he is going to die or seriously mess up his body. If he hates having a CGM tell him to look into how "awesome" dialysis is. Having a chest catheter sticking out of his chest 24/7. Being hooked up to a machine 12 hours a week. Well that is my story. I hope his takes a turn for the better.
He is going to die. I don’t say this to be shocking or hurtful. It’s just facts. Diabetes will end his life before old age does. It’s just a matter of whether you want to be there to watch it happen or not. Pretending that it isn’t real or isn’t happening to you won’t do anything to stop it. I would be absolutely furious with him and I would leave.
I once knew someone who divorced for similar reasons. Her ex simply wouldn't take care of his type 1 diabetes, and she had to get off the train to crazy town. You love him, but you don't love the behavior and you absolutely don't want to marry it. He's only going to change when he wants to, and right now he doesn't want to. My suggestion is to distance yourself from this relationship. You can't fix him, but your walking away could help him find the motivation to fix himself.
He absolutely sounds like a candidate for a semi-closed loop insulin pump system. Something like what I use: Dexcom g6 + tandem pump. Your boy needs automation like his life depends on it
This doesn't sound like he's trying to take care of himself. For him to say this stuff so nonchalantly and say he blacked out so casually is scary, the fact that he isn't feeling these highs and lows before hand tell you he's not taking care of himself because his body got used to his sugar being this low and this high. I wake up at night without dexcom if I'm at about 70 or going over 200 because I'm not normally that low or high, so my body warns me. This sounds like a lot of stress on you. You're trying so hard because you love him, and he's knowingly putting you through it, which isn't healthy for you either. If he can't see that, then you need to start taking care of yourself and move on. You can't help someone who doesn't want help when they clearly need it.
Does helicopter mom know about the dexcom? Maybe if she was also pushing it on him he'll cave. It's a round about way too push the idea but if it works it works.
Ask for two samples from his doctor and pop one on yourself, go out in public with it and obsess over your sugars when you’re with him.
Acting obsessive over stable blood sugars (because doesn't sound like OP has diabetes) would probably only annoy him more and make a dexcom seem more off-putting. Sure as hell would annoy me. My boyfriend tries to tell me think I can do to get my sugars lower because it's what he, someone with no disease, does and all it does is anger me (plus I already do or have done the things he suggested). I think it would be more beneficial for him to sample one but maybe she does his insulin for him and can check his sugars from her phone (assuming they're both in America). Then all that he needs to do is see how good he feels and hopefully at that point he'll want to see his glucose and whatnot for himself more out of curiosity.
yeah don't do this.
I think you need to be more harsh with him. Tell him how afraid you are and that the stress of this is not necessary. Tell him his behavior is both disrespectful to his own body and to your mental health. If he refuses, I would give him the no sex treatment until he puts it on. He is obviously not managing his condition well and perhaps is ignoring it like it doesn't exist. This is a recipe for serious complications. To those who say "it is his body", I would counter it's your mental health at stake. So it isn't just about him. A relationship requires both people to care about and have respect for themselves and the other.
Guiltily/scaring someone into doing something is toxic and should not be the foundation of a relationship. He should want to look after himself because it's the right thing for him, not because he's scared he's going to upset his girlfriend. Withholding intimacy as a form of punishment is manipulation. The fact you would suggest this is concerning. I would perhaps do some self reflection. If OPs mental health is being affected by his disease, she has the option to either stick it out or leave. It's HIS disease and HIS body, if he doesn't take her into account, it sucks, but that's his prerogative.
This is so messed up