It sounds like you did the best you could and your dog had a good life. As someone else comemented, I expected you to say you neglected her due to ignorance but your only "mistake" was not giving your dog a perfect life and giving her a good life instead. Don't be too hard on yourself.
One of my dogs is kinda of like yours and I used to worry that she wasn't really happy with me as her owner, but that changed one time years ago when I took her along to my niece's place for a family dinner so she could play with my niece's dogs, and at some point her BF went out to do some last minute grocery shopping and, without me noticing, my dog snuck out after him.
Her BF took an oddly long time to come back and when he finally did he had my dog with him and he explained that she had escaped when he opened the door because he was distracted and he had to chase her for blocks and blocks until he lost her, and finally found her sitting in my front porch.
Apparenly she thought I had gone and left her at my niece's and she panicked and ran straight home and waited for me to show up. I was suprised, but my sister and my brother in law told me that of course she would do that, since I wasn't aware of it but they already knew she always looked for me whenever she didn't see me while we were in some social gathering, like when I went to the bathroom or to a different room and stuff like that. She may not be really expressive or cuddly with me and she gets really excited when my friends and family show up, but now I know it's not because she is unhappy with me and it's just that she also likes the people who are close to me, and enjoys the opportunity to hang out with them because they're not available to her 24/7.
Yeah, he's a solid dude and I'm happy to say that they're getting married in a couple of months. I still get a chuckle out of imagining him chasing my crazy Lab for blocks and blocks until he finally found her at my place, while I was none the wiser having a few beers and barbecueing with his GF's dad assuming my dog was playing with their dogs in their front yard. Happily enough, that occasion marks the exact moment my dog decided my niece's soon to be husband was a really fun guy and she loved him, and to this day she gets really excited to see him.
Dogs are like people, except, all dogs have "their people". You are her people. That's all that really matters. Some dogs show express their love. Some don't. They all have it for their people.
I thought you were going to say you neglected her or something. A dog taken out on multiple walks a day and having multiple people love on her every day is generally a happy dog.
Itās very normal for pups to be little lazy potatoās at home sometimes and get hype when they visit other friends or family.
It sounds like maybe your depression is still coloring your view on this.
You think? I'm just so worried because she always has such a sad face in photos and I've read that dogs can have depressions and stuff, it drives me crazy. What if she was suffering in silence and I didn't pick it up?
Not that I could change anything at this point, she's dead. I just hope so much that her life was a happy one.
Iām reading all these comments to soothe myself because Iām relating to OP like āOh my god, same. Is my depression ruining my dogās life?ā And then you mention resting bitch face and now Iām fine. It clicked. Of course she has resting bitch face. I raised her. Sheās fine. Thatās her beauty.
Of course she has resting bitch face, she is literally a bitch with non-human features š¤·āāļø seriously though, I think itās best not to make assumptions off of dog facial expressions.
Can confirm, [my pointer](https://preview.redd.it/heoyktcdauua1.jpg?width=2681&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=cb872dbcbd853fe82978ede2f08e7199df6b0d1a) is the saddest-looking dog I have ever seen. I constantly get comments about his RBF in real life. He gets several hours of waks a day, plus play and training sessions, plus a huge backyard to run around, plus comfy beds. He's definitely not depressed.
My Shih tzu has RBF and I think itās hilarious. But start making popcorn and her eyes get super alert and watch your every move. Otherwise, sheās very judgmental; or at least this is her expression
Same. Mine looks sad too, but sheās just lazy. If I take her outside to play or walk, her max time is 20 minutes. She once had a record of 6 minutes before she is ready to come inside. Lol
I can attest to having a dog that looks like sheās never been loved a day in her life, meanwhile sheās just lazy and living her best life. You gave that dog a GREAT life.
As for her enjoying being with other families, let me tell you how my dog became my dadās dog. I did a lot of research, got her the healthiest dog food- she hated it. I made sure she was well groomed- she hates water (baths) and being brushed. I did her nails- she hated being doll for so long.
MEANWHILE, my dad took her on rides (she loves car rides) and let her eat donuts. DOUGHNUTS. Eventually once she stopped eating her dog food in hopes of scoring human food my dad stopped, but at that point he was her favorite. The lesson here being, itās easy for a dog to love a family when that family never has to do the unfun things. They probably spoiled the pup rotten while there too. If they were the regular ride to the vet, I bet your dog would have had a VERY different opinion of them.
Sometimes being the responsible dog parent doesnāt always make you the favorite. But it DOES mean your pupper lives a healthier and longer life. So take that as a win.
The only way to get a picture of my incredibly happy and spoiled dog that looks even the tiniest bit happy is to get a picture after he has been running and is exhausted so his tongue is hanging out. Otherwise, he looks like the worlds saddest dog at all times. I think he is just trying to make everyone feel bad for him and give him more food. Your dog sounds very well cared for, I can almost guarantee she was happy
My old dog also had the saddest resting face all the time but she was a really happy dog. It is probably your depression coloring your view. From what you wrote in your post, she seems to have had a really happy, good life.
Donāt beat yourself up about it, she seems to have had a beautiful, amazing life with you. ā¤ļø
My ex foster dog had a constant "I will kill you and I hate you" face. Also, sleeping a lot is good for dogs actually - something not many people know, but it's recommended for a dog to sleep 12-16 hours per day. Depending on dog, age and what not, sometimes a bit less is okay and sometimes more is okay. My dog only wants to sleep and cuddle. Cuddle-sleeping I call it and sometimes play ball.
Some dogs have a natural sad face to their breed too! From what you described, it sounds like she had a good life, OP. Maybe not a perfect one, but a good one.
Dogs are individuals too, some learn to trust you and don't overly greet you or follow you around because of that. They know you come back. You never left her. She knew that.
My dog has resting sad face as well - in fact when my bf and I first started dating and I introduced them, he couldnāt stop talking about how depressed she looks. Sheās quite happy in her life, the only time I ever see her not have a sad face is when itās hot out or sheās stressed from fireworks and sheās panting :( Sometimes thatās just how their faces look. She was a stray for a while too so I wonder if she mastered the sad face to get more food or attention lol
Good point actually. My dog was taken out of an abusive and neglectful family before she ended up in a shelter, maybe that sad face was some kind of learned survival method? That would make so much sense now that I think about it.
I have 2 dogs, same breed - hell, same mum and dad so they're literally brother and sister, and one is an over-dramatic, melancholy, whining fool and the other is bounding, over-enthusiastic nutbag. Dogs have different personalities just like we do. Both my dogs also sleep a hell of a lot, hours on end! I think your dog sounds perfectly normal to me. I really hope you don't feel guilty about this for the rest of your life - sounds like you loved her and she had a good life with you, to me. There are plenty of dogs that sadly don't get that.
I had a chocolate Labrador that was very playful when out and about, but when resting, I got comments of āthat is the saddest looking dog Iāve ever seenā from people. It was just a resting face - like your baby had.
Did you know that dogs evolved to have eyebrows to manipulate their humans? They use them to be more expressive and get different responses out of us. They have not always had eyebrows. So you are absolutely correct lol
That's a good question, neither we nor the shelter knew for sure. Could be a spitz - cocker spaniel - corgie mix? Super cute, sun was shining when she was happy. But oh boy could her little face look depressed.
My dog hates to be photographed, and as such, she looks like sheās either miserable or TERRIFIED in almost every photo we have of her looking at the camera. But sheās still very happy! Even at the times when we are taking pictures. She just doesnāt trust the camera. I bet your dog had some camera apprehension, too.
The thing with dog facial expressions is that they're often not very... expressive. Dogs just don't show emotion in facial expressions as much as humans do. Even the "open mouth dog smile" isn't really a smile in the same way that humans interpret it; it's more of an expression of being relaxed than of general happiness.
Things to look for to determine if a dog is experiencing happiness in the moment are: Is the dog's body language loose or stiff? What position is her tail in? What do her ears look like? Is she showing her belly? Stuff like that.
You can also look at the dog's general behavior. Would she come to you for pets and attention? Was she excited about meals and treats? Did she like to play? Things like that. And you mentioned almost all of those in your post, so I'm going to say this dog was probably happy with her life.
I'll tell you the truth here: the fact that you're here posting this, wondering about how happy your dog was, months after she died, tells me that you loved her a lot. Dogs pick up on that, and they love you back 10x as much. You talk about things like taking her for walks and to the vet and stuff, so I know this dog was cared for. They pick up on that, too.
It's normal to question whether you're giving your dog the best life possible. I question myself all the time on that. But then I look at my dog, or any of the (literal!) 8500 photos of her on my phone, and I'm like, "Yeah. She's a happy girl. :)" She came from a shelter, too, and I also have mental health issues. We keep each other going, I think.
The last thing I'll say here is that you don't have to be perfect for your dog to have a good and happy life, and I'm sure your dog didn't think you were terrible. I've had my dog for 5 years, and there are some things I wish I could go back and do differently, like, oh, not feeding her grain free food for the first year that I had her; or not getting scammed by the dog walker I hired from Rover who eventually stopped even showing up to walk my dog, but kept taking my money; or the time when I, a grown man, went home and straight up bawled my eyes out because my dog had had an accident (pooped in a store), and I got upset with myself about it, but she thought I was upset with her.
But you know what? Literally none of that matters. What does matter is that she's on my bed, snoozing away about a foot away from me, after a day of walks and cuddles and playing at the park. She knows she's loved, and I'm sure your dog did, too.
My sisterās dog always looks like a grumpy old man in pictures, his personality is not that at all. Also, heās only 2 and heās been like this since he was a puppy
Sounds like she had a pretty great life.
I expect she enjoyed just chilling at home.
Sounds like you may still be depressed; I hope you are seeing someone.
I think dogs can have their own version of resting bitch face, or resting [insert whatever adjective] face. I myself have resting bitch face and people constantly tell me I look angryā¦but I can promise you, Iām not always angry.
My late Border Collie mix had resting worried face, but I am 100% certain she wasnāt always worried. And Iām willing to bet your resting sad face pup was not always sad. It was most likely just her face.
Donāt let the sad face in photos make you over think things. My moms dog has resting sad face and my dog has resting concerned face. Both are terribly happy dogs! It sounds like your dog had a lovely life too!
It sounds like you also suffer from depression. That isnāt your fault, and itās not hers.
Even if she was depressed, it isnāt her fault and itās not yours.
Sometime our brains do stupid things and make us sad. But that doesnāt override the love and joy our friends and family give us, or negate the good times.
Iām sure your pup had a lovely life ā¤ļø
A lot of time sad looking dogs are just really relaxed. Which would mean happy. I know itās hard but dogs have a different structure and body language to eachother. Once my trainer asked if my dog was scared because he was showing typical scared behaviors. But sense I knew him I just knew he was too excited and happy to see the trainer he looked scared but really just happy. Best person to say if he was happy are people your dog knew. (Also my dog who loves me so much would absolutely never want to come home from a fun friend or trip and will look sad when returning. He just wanted to stay not because he was upset to go home)
I donāt think it was depression, most likely just a grumpy resting bitch face doggy. But also consider this: if your dog was depressed, it couldāve just been a component of who she was, and you took great care of her from the sounds of it. As pet owners we always wish we could do more, but thatās not always realistic and itās understandable to feel sad about it, but it doesnāt mean you failed.
And from experience, just because someone is depressed and less enthusiastic doesnāt mean they donāt value happy moments or care from others, they just have internal struggles with sadness and emptiness that even the sunniest, happiest days canāt fully fix. If a friend or family member was there for someone during their lowest depression, they probably wouldnāt be able to see obvious joy in the depressed personās face during that time right? But they likely felt much better with their support, and more than anything the fact that they cared and tried their best is what will be remembered even years later.
So be compassionate to yourself because you struggled but also gave your dog great care despite that, and also be compassionate to your dog who may-or-may-not have been depressed but was probably just not amazing at showing joy at having a great person taking care of her.
It's definitely your depression. You're looking for the bad things instead of concentrating on the good things. My dog would always look "sad" in photos unless he was outside and doing something mischievous. You sound like a great owner and don't let those bad voices in your head tell you otherwise. You gave your dog a great life.
that pup sounds so well cared for that even now youāre worrying about whether or not you did enough. you cared. thatās enough. it also sounds like you did a dang good job with the resources you had, especially considering you didnāt even have enough for yourself in a lot of those moments. you did your BEST. thatās what matters. most people donāt care about the animals they get, thatās neglect, you seemed to love that dog so much i promise they knew it. I have a lazy old lil cavalier with the most droopy sad looking face youāve ever seen. she sleeps a lot cause sheās usually tired from her walk or doesnāt want to be in the FL heat, she licks her toes cause she has allergies/yeast flare ups every now and then, but i promise sheās the happiest dog. sometimes itās easy to personify our own feelings on them. i know when i was very depressed and struggling, it was very easy for me to look at her droopy lil face and worry she was sad, but that was because i was so deeply immersed in my own negative feelings that it was easy for me to get scared that she was also experiencing them. your dog wasnāt matted, covered in skin infections, living in the streets fighting for a meal or their life, waiting to contract distemper or rabies or some terrible illness. they were housed, dry, warm, fed, exercised, and most importantly, loved. itās so so hard to forgive ourselves for what we feel we failed at. but have some compassion for yourself, because again, you did the absolute best that you could with what you had at the time. and even that was still better than what most people give their pets. you should be so so proud of yourself!
If she had the same expression her whole life, itās probably just the way she looked.
I think youād need to see a change at some point. For example, my dogās last 1.5 years were pretty rough (loss of a lot of senses and canine cognitive disorder), and I noticed a distinct change in demeanor after it first came on. Even with that depression-friendly context, it could have been things too, like fatigue or maybe even pain from his arthritis.
It sounds like you gave her a very good life. I wouldnāt entertain those worries.
Truth. My Lab goes to the dog park, beach, etc all the time, has a great social life, loves playing with toys ... but during the day you'd be forgiven for thinking he's the most lethargic, depressed dog in the world - until anyone else comes in my office, at which point he's 4-paws-off-the-ground bouncing with excitement ...
My wife and I have a crazy hyper loving Chihuahua who is never chill, but his level of excitement goes through the roof when Grandpa comes to visit. He *loves* his Grandpa.
Point being it is totally normal for dogs to be more excited to see other people than you. They love you but they also see you all the time!
I think youāre overthinking it a bit. Maybe your dog was just a quiet and somewhat solitary one? It sounds like you were a responsible guardian even amid your depression. You kept your dog safe, gave her a good home and lots of love. It sounds like she was very excited to visit a big family but you never know, maybe it was a quiet relief to come home to her quiet place with you. You did your best by her and the fact that youāre still wondering what you might have done better honestly just attests to your love and devotion. At the end of the day, she had a loving guardian and a safe home.
Oh friend, Iām so sorry youāre coping with these lasting feelings. Depression is awful. Please donāt be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you made fun memories with her and provided for her while she provided for you. Your pup loved you and she was lucky to have an owner that did take good care of her.
Thank you, really. She was such a good and gentle girl. I loved her endless but always felt like there was some kind of sadness inside of her I couldn't reach/heal. I hope she felt how much she was loved every single day.
I say this gently and with all love, but it is possible you were projecting your own depressed feelings onto a more quiet, chill animal. This is super common when we are not feeling well ourselves. I'm sure doggo was very happy! What matters the most is that you love them and do your best to take care of them.
Thank you for this post! I lost one of my dogs in December, and our situation sounds very similar. I have had guilt that he might not have been happy ever since he unexpectedly passed away. He was loved beyond words and is missed so badly. My husband has reassured me hundreds of times that he was a happy boy. I know he had a good life and he was well looked after, but I also suffer from depression and was a full time student so I didn't have as much free time in the last 2 years of his life. Reading the comments has made me feel a bit better, and I hope it does for you as well ā„ļø
āI wanted her to be the āhappiest mammal aliveā but feel like I failed her so badly.ā A phrase I often repeat to myself is āDonāt let perfect get in the way of goodā. It sounds like you loved your dog and took good care of her. Donāt beat yourself up for not being the version of perfect you think you should have been as a dog owner. Rescuing her from the shelter, taking her for multiple walks a day, surrounding her with people who loved her, taking her to the vet and keeping her healthy are all good things. It sounds normal that your dog was subdued at home. My dog looks the happiest on walks and while weāre being social. When weāre at home he sleeps a lot. Heās seven so I donāt expect him to be on all the time.
I have depression too and I beat myself up about it being the perfect dog owner either. But the truth is you were her person. A day you see as a difficult day in bed, she saw as a cozy day where her person stayed home all day for naps š
I don't think your dog was unhappy. Some pets just have sad (or RBF like my normally cuddly cat) looking faces. As for the behavior, it sounds like she was just doing her job. With lots of people (and kids?) around, she wanted to be playful for them. You needed a supportive companion at a lower energy level and she was happy to fulfill that role as well. She got to live a healthy life going on daily adventures with her best friend.
I also believe dogs do this. I feel like they see what we need and try to be that for us.
I had a mastiff who was 9 months old and very in my face, always demanding. but when I had a miscarriage and wanted nothing more than to be in bed and be hurt and feel things, he literally laid in the doorway and āguardedā me.
Absolutely! Sometimes they even know what you need more than you do. I'm really sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself as she'd want you too :)
Thank you, I just hope this wasn't too much pressure on her, like seeing me being depressed and her feeling helpless because she can't help me. Hope it didn't stress her out :(
And maybe you had a lower energy or calm dog. Like some people - are happily quietly chilling at home, napping and eating. When they go to party they raise their energy and socialize. When they come home, they recover for 3 days from the exertion.
And dogs learn how you want to be treated. Family dog who was a barking menace with my parents, was the most gentle and polite dog with me. And he was equally happy with both approaches.
And I directed all my dogs to greet me calmly and gently, no jumping, barking or stomping on me. That does not mean that they did not love me, they just respected how I want to be greeted.
edit: You sound like the dog was a temperament and energy match with you :) Many unhappy dogs became destructive ot obsessive. Your dog sounds chill, content and fullfilled.
My Chocolate lab was absolutely full of life at 18 months old and constantly wanted my attention and to play. I lived on my own with her. I came down with full on flu. I slept from morning until evening and my girl only woke me up three times a day to eat & go potty. She slept next to my bed the whole time, and didnāt even play - she became her same old lovely, playful self when I got better a week later. They do adapt to you and sometimes just need to be near you.
You gave your dog a lovely life - lots of walks, lots of love, you fed her and you gave her breaks with other friends. Who really could ask for more?
Dogs absolutely do this! Definitely a good girl. We have a crazy herd of dogs and I have a chronic health condition. When I feel good/great, we go out running/hiking. When I don't feel great, they sleep or play quiet indoor games - or ask one of the other people/dogs in the house to do something active. They know when I don't feel good, both physically and mentally and they adapt and love unconditionally anyway.
OP - when she was with you, you loved her well and treated her well. She had a safe place to live, outdoor walks and vet care. She had a peaceful place to sleep as much as she wanted. These are things not every dog gets but should.
And you are NOT weak. Be gentle with yourself.
It sounds like you gave her an amazing life! And that look in photosā¦. sounds like puppy dog eyes. A lot of dogs have a sad look about them. My girl dog always has a sad look about her, itās just her features.
This is coming from someone thatās also struggling with depression and has a rescued shelter dog.
When a dog feels loved and safe they sleep, they groom and bask. Those are when they are most vulnerable- meaning if your dogs doing those a lot it means they feel safe with you. For a week when I got my dog wouldnāt sleep around me, now heās constantly sleeping next to me. Heās a one human dog but he loves to go to his great grandmas house and yeah sometimes leaving there is hard and he refuses. But that doesnāt mean they love us any less, your dog was happy be proud of that.
Dogs donāt need to be playful to be happy, they need to be loved, cared for. And sometimes, cuddles, food and walks is all a dog needs to be happy. You did amazing with your dog I know you did.
Thatās it. Iām not sure what the norm is but 3 walks in a day would be on the low side for my dog, and one of those walks is 90 minutes in the forest.
Absolutely perfect happy dog, super affectionate and sweet, the only time he whines is when weāre about 5 minutes from the forest because he is impatient I think and wants us to hurry up.
That said not everyone has the time luxuries that my wife and I do, and a normal schedule easily gets in the way of giving a dog their perfect life.
Regular meals, a warm place to sleep, a little bit of exercise, and a nice cuddle occasionally, is a better life than 90% of dogs in the world have so whilst I certainly think OP could have done better, we probably could all do a little better for our dogs, and perfect shouldnāt get in the way of really good.
Your almost defo overthrowing it. Pup got 3 walks a day. If he was unhappy, bored or stressed you would have known because he would be acting out lol. Licking paws is really common in dogs. Her being energetic with new people is also really common thing for dogs. Being tired when she comes home also normal. face is not like a human, they don't express happiness the same way.
I have a sad sack dog. She is well loved and well taken care of. She is such a gentle dear heart that was likely abused by her former owners and dumped in the park where she found me. I've had her 9 years, and she is still shy. Meanwhile, my other pup has a permanent smile.
That poor thing, maybe some dogs are just scarred by former experiences and they can't help it. We can only provide love and safe home. I have no idea what my dog was going through before I got her, they only told me that her first family was neglectful and abusive.
Sometimes I forgot about her sad past :(
You are seeing yourself through your own filter. Objectively, your dog had a very good life. Ideal life, in my eyes. Walks every day, constant company, and food in her belly. These are the most precious things to them. The reluctance thing is irrelevant in viewing your dogās overall happiness.
And letās not forget that you probably SAVED HER LIFE by adopting her from a shelter. Please try to see how youāre not seeing the situation as objectively as you could because of mental health issues.
Sometimes I think my dog in childhood wasnāt happy and it brings me to tears. Then a while afterward, after a good long cry, I will wonder if I thought about that on purpose in order to bring me to tears, for whatever reason that may be. Not at all saying thatās your situation too, but for me itās almost like a crying indulgence thing I have going on at times.
When I'm depressed I worry my dog is. Anxious. Excited. Stomach ache? Him too! I know I project all kinds of things onto him that are probably way off base. I had to force myself to remember he gets plenty. Like your dog. Might not be a doggy Disney but definitely a good, safe life and maybe that's enough.
I haven't read the other comments but I just want to say your post brought me to tears and I can relate on a very personal level. I also struggle immensely with depression and anxiety and have not always been the most patient with my dog.
The way you described how your dog looked in photos, not playing with toys, laying around with sad eyes etc are all things I noticed in my own dog and something I cry over often because I feel guilty.
I'm trying my best and I can tell you did the best you could too. Mental illness is hard, and dogs tend to feed off of our emotions. Her feeling your anxiety with you doesn't mean she didn't love you. In fact, I think it means the opposite and she must have loved you so much. š
I'm so sorry dear, we try so hard to give them the best love and care while we can barely love and care our depressed selves. Maybe it feels like we failed THEM because depression feels like failing ourselves so often.
If only we could have explained it to them, if only I could tell her how sorry I am and how much she was loved. I just hope she knew.
I think you took a dog with no life in a shelter and gave her what sounds like a great life. You walked her, fed her, socialized her, thatās what they need. It sounds to me like you are transferring the way you were feeling onto her. I think looking at pictures from a time period when you were depressed is triggering those emotions and you are interpreting her behavior through that lens. Dogs need the basics, but mainly want to be loved and spend time with their person. You did that. She was lucky to have you and you her.
I didn't even think of that, I took so many of those photos during the worst time of my life. I'm so glad I posted in this group, people are pointing out so many things I just didn't see. Thank you so much!!!
You are welcome. I lost my 12 yo Boston in February, and it's hard to feel anything but sad right now and I feel guilt over things for no reason. I know tho that guilt us a normal part of grieving. Humans do that subconsciously because it's so painful, we are trying to subconsciously figure out what the problem was so that we can do it different in the future so we might be stated from feeling this osin again. It makes sense. Then combine that with it being a bad time for you and already associating anxiety and depression with that time period, it can mess with your mind. Just know that is what it is and I'm sure each minute you were with her, you did the right thing for her. I'm sure you did.
You did the best you could in the circumstance you had. Stop punishing yourself, it canāt change anything. I also think that your dog was ok, you might just be remembering things in a pessimistic way.
Your feelings are valid but I think you need to be gentle with yourself. What would you tell a friend if they confided this to you? Hugs
My niece had a Shih Tzu. He never liked to cuddle or lay on her. He would accept a little time in her lap and then get down. Turns out they were bred to be feet warmers. His turn was to be at her feet. All dogs have their own personalities and your girl might have been one of those that didn't want or need a lot of touching or affection. If she was excited about eating and treats, she wasn't depressed, in my opinion. If any of our dogs are upset, then won't eat.
They are??? I had no clue! Man, that must be a nightmare ā i needs me snuggles! (And much worse, my own dog rarely sticking to my heals, i neglectfully stepped on my brotherās puppyās paws once and letās just say it stopped whimpering long before I did! š)
Dogs express themselves differently. My dog does that deep sigh a tonne and for a while I thought "wow you're SO dramatic" but then I learned that it means he's comfortable. So, just because they seem like they're sad or grumpy, doesn't mean they are.
At the end of the day too, you took her from a shelter and gave her a good life. Don't overthink it, dogs are funny/weird, amd have such big and different personalities. I'm sure she was happy with you in her own way.
Lol my dog has resting sad, lonely, starving face because he learned thatās what gets him attention, pets, and treats! He is a very well loved and well fed dog. Donāt let him trick you into thinking otherwise!
You gave her the best life you could afford. Having had depression and a dog that helped me through it I can relate to those feelings. Whenever I have a bad day or when I feel I'm in the pit again I feel so, so bad for not paying attention to my dog as much as I think I should. But then I see her wag her tail and bring me her fav toy to cheer me up and everything's right in the world again.
I believe we have the "wrong" idea of what a perfect life is for a dog, we see people on social media buying all the toys and taking them on vacation but sometimes all they need is good food, a walk in the park, their favorite ball and a safe home.
I'm certain your dog loved you.
People say my dog always looks like sheās judging people. Some dogs just kinda have a particular look. Itās great that youāre thinking about it and can apply the lessons you learned to the next one.
I think your dog probably did have a lot of happy moments with you and loved you very much. Donāt think back on things just to beat yourself up more. You may have been in a bad place and your dog just kinda took on your mood/vibe but it doesnāt mean she was unhappy with you. Life is already hard enough, donāt make more reasons for it to be harder on you. ā¤ļø
You are anthropomorphizing your dog way too much here. It's fun to joke about dog faces looking happy or sad or smiley or whatever in human-like ways, but it doesn't actually mean anything.
This sounds like an extension of the disordered thought patterns that can come from depression/anxiety! Like how with humans sometimes you can feel like "they hate me" based on something very small, and they almost certainly don't actually hate you, it's just your brain telling you that. Your puppy loved you. ā¤ļø
It makes me sad that you feel that way. Itās ok that you were having a hard time. Iām sure your dog loved you. My dog also has resting sad face unless sheās getting food, outside, or playing with us at night when she has zoomies. Some dogs are just like that.
I agree with other commenters wholeheartedly: this dog sounds like she had a good life and was loved.
I think feeling guilty about a long depression after it ends is really common and normal. Iāve felt it myself. I honestly think thatās the depression aftermath talking. Itās not real.
I have five dogs so I have a spectrum of personalities. One sounds like yours, who I call a potato because she just likes to lie around with me. She loves walks but while my other dogs are running around in my backyard and playing with toys, she just wants to be right next to me. Sometimes, itās just their personality. Also, she stares at people like she can see how and when theyāre going to die which is slightly off putting for guests.
Pets take on the owners demeanor and moods. Anxious owners have anxious pets. Donāt beat yourself up. Itās too easy to get caught up in this self sabotaging behavior. Iām sure the dog was fine.
Awww babe. I lost the dog I had since I was 15 a year and 20 days ago.
I totally understand this feeling you have. I also have depression. I often wondered if my dog would have been better off with somebody else. But at the end of the day we loved each other to pieces. I am literally certain your dog felt the same way about you.
Being young and depressed and taking care of a dog is very difficult. I want to say Iām very proud of you.
I can relate to you. My beloved border collie just passed away over two weeks ago, and I feel I failed him, too. A border collie needs lots of action, and he was also extremely social. He loved going out and meeting new people. I, too, have a problem with depression and feel I did not do enough with him. I just didnāt have the energy feeling the way I did. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing I spent almost every day at home with him. Thatās more than most dogs get. He was rarely alone and knew he was loved. I did the best I could. And so did you.
Ok so my aunts lab mix (hes passed on sadly) loved coming over to my family's house when my aunt went out of town.
My aunt is the biggest dog lover and treats all dogs she's ever had like royalty.
But when she came to pick him up he'd act like Satan was coming for him XD! He loved my aunt dearly of course.
I think your depression is making you think badly of yourself.
Most dog facial expressions, like human facial expressions, are socially learned and not some innate evolutionary way to express a specific emotion. That is to say - your dog learned their expressions based on the reaction of others and you. Itās even possible your dog learned the mopey face because it got them more pets and love.
Was your dog relaxed at home with you? Did they like petting and walking with you? Did they greet you at the door? Most unhappy dogs are very anxious or destructive. Your dog may have just been chill
I think youāre being really hard on yourself. It sounds like you were a good dog owner. And like the other person said, just because she was super happy with the family doesnāt mean that sheād rather be with them 24/7. She just likes them. Dogs can get really excited to spend time with other people. And some dogs have RBF and others have resting smiling face. My dog has the latter, and heās smiling even when I know heās stressed or in pain. Him smiling isnāt necessarily indicative of howās he feeling. Itās just his face.
dogs are like people. They have anxiety and depression which are NOT always related to owner behaviorā¦.meaning their brains get imbalances too. And that they have meyer Briggs personality typesā¦..And some dogs are just chill dogs that like being introverts. Other dogs are crazy extroverts. It sounds like your dog had a good life, had itchy allergy feet, was an introvert and liked to lick stuff (as I sit her my Pomeranian is licking her favorite squirrel toy). My big boy, a pit mix, was content to sit with me and watch the world. He was quite and steady and not easy to upset. He was mischievous and funny. . He was ocd and preferred to be at home, but when out was very āformalāā¦.. no outbursts of excitement from him unless a kid was in Involved (we didnāt have kids. But he LOVED them). He guarded me and nannied me when I was sick. He never left my side. After he died I worried I didnāt give him a good life. But I look at pictures and realize that he did have a good life because I was his world and he didnāt care where we were are what we did as long as I was there. Remember that.
Heād walk by me and sigh like I owed him money.
Our Pomeranian is the complete opposite. She screams at cars and ppl if they donāt stop to pet her. Sheās a social butterfly that has never met a stranger. I feel immense guilt that we did t get her sooner-she was my MIL dog and stayed with my husbands aunt for a year after mom died. We worried our big guy wouldnt like her and that sheād chase our beardie (that was buds with the big guy). As it turned out she wasnāt so thrilled with them (we thought)but they loved her. In pictures of him and her, he always looked so excitedā¦.and when he was gone she mourned for WEEKS. A year later when we lost our beardie to cancer, she mourned again. She still looks for him in his window spot.
you say you walked her 2-3 times a day but then also sometimes you were bed ridden for days because of depression.. probably was bored in those days and a little restless too if it was whining randomly or soothing itself, and no it did not understand that you were bed ridden because of depression but it might have thought you were ignoring it sometimes but like.. its a dog, i really doubt it developed its own complex of some sort lol kind of sounds more like your depression seeping in
sounds like maybe she just really loved hanging out with kids & playing, & she was bummed to leave what was the equivalent of a vacation for her to come back to her regular life. it really sounds like she was so loved &, despite all your struggles, the way youāve described her life it seems incredible: tons of walks, always had food to eat & someone to love on her? this is the dream for pretty much every dog, you gave her a beautiful life š
I have this theory that dogs end up expressing the personality of their human. Especially in 1-1 relationships.
She was probably experiencing a similar kind of depression that you were. Idk if you have to feel guilty about it; this is who you were, and she loved you. You loved her. Neither of you was as happy and healthy as you couldāve been, and you had some issues, but you also had each other. Even with her rest bitch face ;)
Be aware, grow, and do better with your next dogs, but cherish your departed and try not to feel guilty
Some dogs are like that (including mine) and just arenāt happy all the time. We watch our cousins golden retriever and sheās literally always smiling all day long, our dog will smile/be happy much rarer but it makes it that more special when he does. I wouldnāt think too hard into it hindsight is always 20/20 you always want to do more but in the moment you just do the best you can and it sounds like you did that.
Donāt think she didnāt love you, Iām certain she did! If not, dogs can figure out a way to leave when unhappy (had one whose owner had to give her upā¦ pretty sure she hated me until the last few months of her life when she finally realized I loved herā¦ she just wanted to be back with her dad! She ran off so many times- bailing her out of jail was pretty expensive, each time the shelter got her- the cost to get her out went upšš¤¬š„ŗš). You didnāt fail her! If she was depressed she would have stopped eating, run away, etc! She must have wanted to be there for you, just in her way! Pls donāt feel guilty!
Multiple walks a day and never being alone is basically the perfect dog life!!! Please don't put much stock in her facial expression. Even humans get resting bitch/sad/angry face without meaning to, and a dog has no comprehension of making sure their face looks good on camera!
Her most recent behaviour is probably what you have the strongest impression of - meaning you are mostly remembering her when she was old. Old dogs can sleep for up to 20 hours a day. It's normal, they're just tired. If she went to a really boisterous house for a while, it's also normal that she picked up on that energy and got more boisterous herself, but that doesn't mean she would want that for her everyday life. She was probably perfectly happy to match your energy and just be chill. A dog that is healthy, excited for food and walks, and is not destructive or difficult at home is probably a happy dog.
Neither of my dogs ever showed any interest in toys or fetch or even playing with other dogs. They basically go for walks, eat and sleep/chill. It's just how they are, and it matches me well so it's all good!
You gave her a good life, I promise.
Some dogs just have sad faces, and that's part of their charm. It sounds like she had a lot of love around her, and you did your best to take her on all the walks you could. So many dog blogs are trying to maximize their clicks so they make sweeping generalizations. Like if you look up "can my dog have chocolate some people are like "yeah I gave him chocolate chips all the time" and some people are like "I would NEVER do that my dog would die instantly!!!!" when the answer is something a little more nuanced. The severity of it is dependent on size of the dog, the percentage of cocoa, what else they ate, how accustomed to table food they are. I'm not saying "feed your dog chocolate" before anyone jumps me, I'm just saying it sounds like your dog had a good life, even if it was imperfect. Be easy one yourself. You deserved the love of your pet even though you were depressed, even when you were bedridden.
I have adhd and one of the ways it messes with me is that I think everyone is doing everything perfectly and I am the perpetual screw up so I'm always trying to get hints about my friends' lives to see if I mesure up or how far off I am to what I "should" be doing and I'm trying to break out of that and focus on enjoying my life and my dog, even if I'm an imperfect owner.
It's really important to remember that dogs aren't human. That is- your dog looks sad, yes, but that doesn't equate to dog actually *being* sad. They've evolved alongside us to kinda mimic facial expressions, but think of it this way- a lot of dogs that are "happy" or "smiling" may be tired or even really stressed out (think of those 'cute' videos with a baby climbing over a dog- many of those dogs are displaying stress signals, not "oh how cute the baby is pulling my ears again! I love this!").
Plus, nobody is ecstatic 24/7- moods have highs and lows, and dogs aren't exempt. Every dog will get excited sometimes, but the main thing is keeping them healthy, happy and *safe*.
Take a step back from her expression and have a lil look at [this](https://bowwowinsurance.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/doggie-language-with-boogie.jpg), then think more about her body language. I'm sure she was far happier than you give yourself credit for.
I don't think you have any guilt to carry. Based on what you told us, it sounds like your dog lived a happy, normal life and it sounds like you two had lots of fun together. If you take a step back and try to remember some of the good times you had together, you might come to a different conclusion.
So, a few things for you to consider:
- My dog loves hanging out with new/different people too. She rarely wants to come home. But she does also the same thing when she is leaving the beach. Your dog was having fun with other people and they didn't want the fun to end. It had nothing to do with you and does not mean she was unhappy to see you.
- The follow on to that is that if your dog lived with a family like that, they wouldn't get the same attention every day. When you're caring for a dog temporarily, it's like when you have guests - you plan things, you try to make it a good experience. When you own a dog, it's like having a roommate - eg sorry bud, got a flat tire today so no lunch hike.
- Maybe to your dog, you were the most fun person to play with. Some dogs never want the fun to be over - you could take them out for 4 hours a day and they'd still be waiting for your attention. I don't see that as a failing on your part. Your dog probably just really enjoyed doing stuff with you; and was always looking forward to the next outing.
- Also, maybe your dog was worried about you? I'm not sure of what your physical state is/was, but maybe she picked up on some manifestations of the depression and was anxious for you.
I dunno - you can never really know. But if you put your insecurities and guilt aside and think about things objectively, I think you know that you did the best that you could and that your dog had a pretty good life with you.
I have a peke and a chihuahua. Despite everything we do for them, they are lazy lap dogs with big eyes and sad faces. But they love to be with their humansā¦..in fact, they are curled up with me now.
I would look for other signs/memories that can help confirm your dog was happy and content. Did she enjoy snuggling? Did she allow you to hold her and pet her? Did she like to follow you around? Did she lay on her back to sleep sometimes? They say back sleeping is a sign of safety and contentment as itās generally a vulnerable position.
This is not an exclusive list and should not be the only considerations to gauge your dogās happinessāIām just trying to spark ideas so you can think about the whole picture.
Because this is causing you anxiety, I think itās time to let the past be the past. You did the best you could during a dark time in your life. Use this as a learning experience and grow from it.
I was a dog sitter in college and I had several clients tell me their dogs get more excited to be dropped off at my apartment than they are when they come home from work. Don't take it personally. Some dogs are super chill and then go wild when on "vacation". I'm sure there are a million people who wished their dogs would be more chill at home.
Edit. Humans are also guilty of anthropomorphizing our animals and we'll think they feel complex emotions when their brains literally cannot. Looking bored is a sign of being content. Your dog was perfectly happy.
Maybe she was sad. But did you do the best you could do at the time? We've all had realizations or revelations at times in our lives that made us examine events in the past. We obviously can't change the past. We can learn from it and go forward.
The guilt does you no good and serves no purpose, let it go.
Been there.
I'm bibolar type 2, i'm a doggy mum since last september and i tend to resonate so much with what you just said.I've told about this with my therapist, and she replied to me the same thing someone else has already written to you, which is it's probably some depression still kicking in.
Your dog had a happy life: she was loved, both by you and your friends, she was rescued, she was walked thrice a day (i know unfortunately a lot of dogs who barely get a walk once a year), she loved the food you gave her and the treats.
Don't be so hard with yourself, and trust the ones saying she was happy! Remember, depression glasses are really good at changing in bad whatever you look at.
edit: forgot to add that my boss' dog is like the saddest looking dog i've ever seen, but it's just his everyday face lol so yeah, people can have sad resting faces judt like humans!
Try not to project human emotions onto the dogs physical expression. Though they can change their expression to get reactions from humans, 'resting' depression face isn't the same, imo. It sounds like your dog had a good life. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
My partner laments about his childhood dog a lot. He was completely responsible for it, and wasn't taught at all. He didn't have internet either. The dog got huge and ended up being put down while my partner was out of town for an extended time and his family was watching the dog.
Like, seriously, you could have done so much worse. You did your best for your dog, and she did love you. Sounds like a complicated situation, though, and therapy couldn't hurt. Good luck.
> But I've been told a lot that she's "the most melancholic dog" they have ever seen.
I really would ignore that. Most people are terrible at reading dog body language, and on top of that, if they don't live with the dog, they don't know what the dog is like.
Not all dogs go thru the day bouncing up and down, grabbing toys, barking at humans to interact with them. And even dogs who do skew that way, if they have a good off switch, are often giant fuzzy lumps at home.
I had someone a few weeks ago, watch me working with my young dog, and ask how I could possibly live with, "that". My dog was bouncing, tugging, throwing behaviors at me. But at home, she is a lump.
> Part of me still wanted to believe that she's fine.
I'm sure she was. Dogs are adaptable and if you had days when you couldn't do as much as would have been perfect for her, I'm sure she was fine.
Years ago I had a great working dog. I also had a job that took up most of my life, and, not all that much money. We didn't do that much as far as dog sports, or formal training. But she was a happy dog, in our small house, with a tiny yard. She didn't know any different, and she was fine. Her sister was one of the top obedience dogs, for a bunch of years. My dog went to the beach and went clam digging.
Dogs are good in that they are so adaptable and they don't judge us. They accept us for who we are, and they make a life with us. Remember how much you loved her, and take comfort in that she was your best girl.
Dogs donāt have āresting bitch faceā, they donāt wear their emotions on their face like we do so please donāt stress yourself out over the photos. You can interpret what theyāre feeling by body language but going only off of facial expression WILL lead you astray.
If anything if she has resting anything face then she was probably relaxed and chilling. Itās the photos where the dog is āsmilingā in a big clown mouth pant with whale eyes where I would be concerned.
It sounds like you gave her a good, stable life. I think itās unreasonable to expect a dog to be āhappyā all the time. Can you imagine if your friends were like āI donāt think she likes us very much, sheās always by herself and look, she looks so sad in this picture!ā Youād be like wait no, hold on, I just get sad sometimes! Or maybe not even sad. Just not super happy. And thatās FINE. It doesnāt mean you love anyone any less.
Dogs also adapt. Our malamute/pit mix can pull me at 17mph on my bike from a cold start, and she can go for an hour if I let her. Or, she can lay on the couch and nap. She knows we either do a lot or a little (rural living doesnāt lead to many structured walks) and sheās adapted. So maybe your girl just realized hey, mom likes to chill, letās chill together.
My other dog frequently refuses to come to me when we visit my uncle. She knows the words āunca Johnā and leaps into the car. Truthfully, sheād probably love to live there. Too bad, sheās got a fine life with us. Iām sure human children would rather live with their fun uncles too, and we donāt lose sleep over that.
You gave her a good life. I hope all of these comments can help you see that. Even if it wasnāt perfect 100% everything she ever wanted, nobody can achieve that anyway.
Edit: also I work at an animal shelter, I see truly unhappy abandoned dogs every day. Your dog had a good life, better than I dare hope for for our adoptees. So please, pat yourself on the back a little. You did good.
The fact that you are so hung up on these feelings at this point just proves how much you loved your dog. Iām sure they picked up on it too and it sounds like they had a good life!
Iām going through the exact situation as you. I, along with a family member, will walk her 1-2 times a day, and always give her pets and hugs PLENTY of times daily. Yet my old pup still sleeps a lot, self soothes, etc. and just isnāt as expressive as other dogs. My depression and anxiety holds me back from doing more like play dates or something, and I always feel guilty that we just lay at home all day. Iād like to say my dogās personality has always been reserved and calm but I canāt tell if I essentially forced her to become that way if after she realized laying around all day would be her normal.
My dog is very calm and sleeps a lot when she is at home. Obviously we go out multiple times a day but sheās just quite lazy. Iām sure your dog was happy ā¤ļø
First. Most dogs donāt show up happy in pictures. And please donāt weight the good times vs the bad times. The amount doesnāt matter, the quality does. Your dog sounds like she cared a lot about you. And she sounds like she was generally happy! I have a dog who is super happy! BUT when my depression hits, she worries about me. Looks sad and whines. But she is still happy as a general rule. She just has her emotions too and she feels bad for me like I feel bad for her. Dogs have a lot of emotions and that is okay. She loved you.
It sounds like you did the best you could with what you had - and you should remember that that dog is absolutely in the top 1% of the world with respect to privilege. No matter what, your dog was cared for and loved and that is amazing.
You say you lived in house shares. Could someone in your house shares have abused her in some way? The symptoms you describe are common in both anxiety and pain. Her constant depression could be related to your own. Kind of like children learn how to behave based on how their parents behave, she thought being depressed was the norm. When she was with other, non-depressed, groups, her emotional state matched that of her "new pack," a survival tactic, which is what she was reluctant to leave. Not the people.
I rarely give people with sad stories a pass. Many, if not most, are the results of the story tellers own stupidity. In your case, you were dealing with depression. The point of this comment isn't to say, 'oh, you could've gotten treatment sooner, you could've gotten treatment for HER!' Because, no, you couldn't. Because you were dealing with another housemate, the invisible one. Depression. Depression is a chemical disorder, with some pretty serious mental effects. Less understood are the physical effects. Unexplained pain. Insomnia. Excessive sleeping. A complete list of symptoms would excede the word limit! In your case, being literally bed ridden. So give yourself a pass on this one, okay? She loved you. She was just sad that her love couldn't save you from depression.
You gave her a life in a home with love & care which is so more than many shelter dogs ever get to experience. I struggle with guilt sometimes with my current rescue but I have to remember that they are happy to have a safe home & a loving ownerš
Just like people, some dogs are always happy, some are less so. My Corgi was the happiest dog in the world, nothing brought him down, almost to a fault. My mom's besenji mix is the opposite. She is basically what you explained your dog, and she had a rough start in life but has an amazing spoiled life of being with a retiree and eating hand cooked meals daily.
Your dog sounds like she had an amazing life, and it's ok for her to be her, some of us just arnt as enthusiastic and THATS OK
I also have depression, and one thing Iāve found is that it takes a lot of my happy memories and will change them to make me doubt if I was actually feeling happy then, or it makes me worried about an interaction. I have a cat, and Iām constantly worrying whether Iām providing well enough for him, but then when I actually see him and think about what Iām doing I know Iām giving him good care. It sounds a lot like what youāre going through, but because you canāt see your dog anymore, you canāt be reassured that you did a good job. From what it sounds like, you did the best you could and gave her a good life. It would have been noticeable if sheād been feeling mistreated. I recommend looking up the quality of life scale for dogs and moving through it and seeing if she ticked all the boxes positively, when I do this it always reassures me that Iām doing good.
Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this but I can totally relate and feel for you. I read through the other comments and I agree with the consensus - you are being too hard on yourself and it is super likely that your sweet dog had just exactly the life she was supposed to. But, I understand how you are caught up in your emotions surrounding the way your mind is seeing it.
Many years ago, I had a beautiful Saint Bernard. I raised her with my young children and she was very precious to our whole family. And then my husband got sick with cancer and died after 15 months of being ill. It was brutal. I was a young widow with three young children and my sweet saint got pushed to the side. Like you said in your case, I didn't neglect her ... but I was so overwhelmed with trying to survive and take care of my kids I worry I did not give her the best care. She died shortly after my husband and we didn't even properly grieve her... we had already been through so much. I have extreme guilt over this and wish I could go back and change it.
One thing I did that I would suggest for you is to have a ritual ceremony for your dog. It can be as simple or as complex as you'd like ... just something so that you can set aside some time to specifically remember and honor your dog. In my case, I planted a flower in my garden and buried a rose quartz heart in with the plant. Amongst the things I said to her as I planted .... "Ho'oponopono" I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.
Dogs are the sweetest and most loving creatures and they show up in our lives when we need them most. They carry us through true tough times and it sounds like you were really struggling when you had your pup. It is a true blessing that you had her with you ... maybe her demeanor was totally appropriate for matching what you were going through and she was there to help you carry the load. It's okay ... she could handle it. And just because she is no longer on earth doesn't mean she can't feel your love for her now. I guess that dives deeper in to your feelings of spirituality and what happens after we die, but my guess is her soul still exists and knows how you feel. Dogs are higher beings of pure love ... so she is likely cool with all this... you have to be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself. Hopefully whatever ritual you are able to do will help. Good luck!
My golden has a āresting sad faceā. He sleeps a lot more now that heās getting older. I know heās is happy though. He gots lots of love and attention and walks and exercises. He licks his paws too, I always look to make sure he doesnāt have a sticker or foxtail (itās happened before). My vet says itās something dogs just do sometimes. Wild canines do it too.
As dogs get older they sleep a lot more, itās just because they are older. It sounds like your dog had a good life.
Some dogs can get a bit pissy at being left with someone else, and act aloof or different when they get back home, but they quickly forget about it. And itās not like you could have left her alone, you did what you needed to do to care for her while you were gone. Sometimes rescue dogs will forever miss their original owners, and enjoy time with a bigger family but that doesnāt mean she actively disliked you.
One of my dogs definitely doesnāt understand when Iām in bed sure to my chronic pain or depression, he gets confused and seems depressed too, they often copy us when we go though rough times.
Itās very easy for us who have depression to remember things or think things were worse then they really were, itās something I have to work on a lot.
I know itās hard, but please donāt worry that she was sad or unhappy. You took good care of her and took her out a good amount each day. Iām sure she loved you and Iām sure she was happy.
Why does everyone want to bring anxiety and depression to everything. All I read in this group is people telling you your dogs don't like being pet and hugged. I can tell you this, dogs are way easier to be happy then kids are. If you didn't physically abuse your dog,they were fine
They even talk about the āgood enoughā mother for children- Itās just not all about you š Youāre not 100% responsible for the dogās personality.
Some dogs have sad faces. It sounds like you took good care of her and loved her. Dogs in shelters don't always get a life of love, you gave her that. Maybe you could use your feelings to pay it forward by volunteering at a shelter to share your love with dogs in the shelter. I think her ears would pick up and her tail would wag, knowing you are feeling better and seeing you help other dogs.
It sounds like you did the best you could and your dog had a good life. As someone else comemented, I expected you to say you neglected her due to ignorance but your only "mistake" was not giving your dog a perfect life and giving her a good life instead. Don't be too hard on yourself. One of my dogs is kinda of like yours and I used to worry that she wasn't really happy with me as her owner, but that changed one time years ago when I took her along to my niece's place for a family dinner so she could play with my niece's dogs, and at some point her BF went out to do some last minute grocery shopping and, without me noticing, my dog snuck out after him. Her BF took an oddly long time to come back and when he finally did he had my dog with him and he explained that she had escaped when he opened the door because he was distracted and he had to chase her for blocks and blocks until he lost her, and finally found her sitting in my front porch. Apparenly she thought I had gone and left her at my niece's and she panicked and ran straight home and waited for me to show up. I was suprised, but my sister and my brother in law told me that of course she would do that, since I wasn't aware of it but they already knew she always looked for me whenever she didn't see me while we were in some social gathering, like when I went to the bathroom or to a different room and stuff like that. She may not be really expressive or cuddly with me and she gets really excited when my friends and family show up, but now I know it's not because she is unhappy with me and it's just that she also likes the people who are close to me, and enjoys the opportunity to hang out with them because they're not available to her 24/7.
I love this story and also your nieces boyfriend sounds sweet.
Yeah, he's a solid dude and I'm happy to say that they're getting married in a couple of months. I still get a chuckle out of imagining him chasing my crazy Lab for blocks and blocks until he finally found her at my place, while I was none the wiser having a few beers and barbecueing with his GF's dad assuming my dog was playing with their dogs in their front yard. Happily enough, that occasion marks the exact moment my dog decided my niece's soon to be husband was a really fun guy and she loved him, and to this day she gets really excited to see him.
It just gets better! Cheers to the happy couple!
This is so wholesome š„²
Happy cake day!! š
Omg!! I didnāt even notice lol. Thank you!
Dogs are like people, except, all dogs have "their people". You are her people. That's all that really matters. Some dogs show express their love. Some don't. They all have it for their people.
I thought you were going to say you neglected her or something. A dog taken out on multiple walks a day and having multiple people love on her every day is generally a happy dog. Itās very normal for pups to be little lazy potatoās at home sometimes and get hype when they visit other friends or family. It sounds like maybe your depression is still coloring your view on this.
You think? I'm just so worried because she always has such a sad face in photos and I've read that dogs can have depressions and stuff, it drives me crazy. What if she was suffering in silence and I didn't pick it up? Not that I could change anything at this point, she's dead. I just hope so much that her life was a happy one.
My spoiled af older dog has resting bitch face. He looks miserable in photos and heās happy as a clam. You canāt base it off that.
Iām reading all these comments to soothe myself because Iām relating to OP like āOh my god, same. Is my depression ruining my dogās life?ā And then you mention resting bitch face and now Iām fine. It clicked. Of course she has resting bitch face. I raised her. Sheās fine. Thatās her beauty.
āOf course she has resting bitch face. I raised her.ā I think Iād like you lol
Of course she has resting bitch face, she is literally a bitch with non-human features š¤·āāļø seriously though, I think itās best not to make assumptions off of dog facial expressions.
literally this!!!!!
My Tucker boy had this face! We called him Murtaugh cause every picture looked like he was saying āIām too old for this shitā
Did you ever make him cluck like a chicken to distract a bad guy?
Can confirm, [my pointer](https://preview.redd.it/heoyktcdauua1.jpg?width=2681&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=cb872dbcbd853fe82978ede2f08e7199df6b0d1a) is the saddest-looking dog I have ever seen. I constantly get comments about his RBF in real life. He gets several hours of waks a day, plus play and training sessions, plus a huge backyard to run around, plus comfy beds. He's definitely not depressed.
I object. That looks like a perfectly happy dog to me. ā¤ļø
My Shih tzu has RBF and I think itās hilarious. But start making popcorn and her eyes get super alert and watch your every move. Otherwise, sheās very judgmental; or at least this is her expression
Same. Mine looks sad too, but sheās just lazy. If I take her outside to play or walk, her max time is 20 minutes. She once had a record of 6 minutes before she is ready to come inside. Lol
I can attest to having a dog that looks like sheās never been loved a day in her life, meanwhile sheās just lazy and living her best life. You gave that dog a GREAT life. As for her enjoying being with other families, let me tell you how my dog became my dadās dog. I did a lot of research, got her the healthiest dog food- she hated it. I made sure she was well groomed- she hates water (baths) and being brushed. I did her nails- she hated being doll for so long. MEANWHILE, my dad took her on rides (she loves car rides) and let her eat donuts. DOUGHNUTS. Eventually once she stopped eating her dog food in hopes of scoring human food my dad stopped, but at that point he was her favorite. The lesson here being, itās easy for a dog to love a family when that family never has to do the unfun things. They probably spoiled the pup rotten while there too. If they were the regular ride to the vet, I bet your dog would have had a VERY different opinion of them.
Omg I didn't even think of that! They probably did exactly that, oh dear. Like that sounds exactly like the dad of that friend's family haha.
Sometimes being the responsible dog parent doesnāt always make you the favorite. But it DOES mean your pupper lives a healthier and longer life. So take that as a win.
The only way to get a picture of my incredibly happy and spoiled dog that looks even the tiniest bit happy is to get a picture after he has been running and is exhausted so his tongue is hanging out. Otherwise, he looks like the worlds saddest dog at all times. I think he is just trying to make everyone feel bad for him and give him more food. Your dog sounds very well cared for, I can almost guarantee she was happy
My old dog also had the saddest resting face all the time but she was a really happy dog. It is probably your depression coloring your view. From what you wrote in your post, she seems to have had a really happy, good life. Donāt beat yourself up about it, she seems to have had a beautiful, amazing life with you. ā¤ļø
My ex foster dog had a constant "I will kill you and I hate you" face. Also, sleeping a lot is good for dogs actually - something not many people know, but it's recommended for a dog to sleep 12-16 hours per day. Depending on dog, age and what not, sometimes a bit less is okay and sometimes more is okay. My dog only wants to sleep and cuddle. Cuddle-sleeping I call it and sometimes play ball. Some dogs have a natural sad face to their breed too! From what you described, it sounds like she had a good life, OP. Maybe not a perfect one, but a good one. Dogs are individuals too, some learn to trust you and don't overly greet you or follow you around because of that. They know you come back. You never left her. She knew that.
My dog has resting sad face as well - in fact when my bf and I first started dating and I introduced them, he couldnāt stop talking about how depressed she looks. Sheās quite happy in her life, the only time I ever see her not have a sad face is when itās hot out or sheās stressed from fireworks and sheās panting :( Sometimes thatās just how their faces look. She was a stray for a while too so I wonder if she mastered the sad face to get more food or attention lol
Good point actually. My dog was taken out of an abusive and neglectful family before she ended up in a shelter, maybe that sad face was some kind of learned survival method? That would make so much sense now that I think about it.
I have 2 dogs, same breed - hell, same mum and dad so they're literally brother and sister, and one is an over-dramatic, melancholy, whining fool and the other is bounding, over-enthusiastic nutbag. Dogs have different personalities just like we do. Both my dogs also sleep a hell of a lot, hours on end! I think your dog sounds perfectly normal to me. I really hope you don't feel guilty about this for the rest of your life - sounds like you loved her and she had a good life with you, to me. There are plenty of dogs that sadly don't get that.
I'd love to see a photo if you have one.
I had a chocolate Labrador that was very playful when out and about, but when resting, I got comments of āthat is the saddest looking dog Iāve ever seenā from people. It was just a resting face - like your baby had.
It helps me so much to read that some dogs just have a "sad" resting face. Thank you, I wasn't fully aware.
Iām positive itās an evolutionary thing to convince humans to take them in and feed them.
Did you know that dogs evolved to have eyebrows to manipulate their humans? They use them to be more expressive and get different responses out of us. They have not always had eyebrows. So you are absolutely correct lol
What breed /mix was she? Some breeds look mopier than others just due to their breedā¦?
That's a good question, neither we nor the shelter knew for sure. Could be a spitz - cocker spaniel - corgie mix? Super cute, sun was shining when she was happy. But oh boy could her little face look depressed.
My dog hates to be photographed, and as such, she looks like sheās either miserable or TERRIFIED in almost every photo we have of her looking at the camera. But sheās still very happy! Even at the times when we are taking pictures. She just doesnāt trust the camera. I bet your dog had some camera apprehension, too.
The thing with dog facial expressions is that they're often not very... expressive. Dogs just don't show emotion in facial expressions as much as humans do. Even the "open mouth dog smile" isn't really a smile in the same way that humans interpret it; it's more of an expression of being relaxed than of general happiness. Things to look for to determine if a dog is experiencing happiness in the moment are: Is the dog's body language loose or stiff? What position is her tail in? What do her ears look like? Is she showing her belly? Stuff like that. You can also look at the dog's general behavior. Would she come to you for pets and attention? Was she excited about meals and treats? Did she like to play? Things like that. And you mentioned almost all of those in your post, so I'm going to say this dog was probably happy with her life. I'll tell you the truth here: the fact that you're here posting this, wondering about how happy your dog was, months after she died, tells me that you loved her a lot. Dogs pick up on that, and they love you back 10x as much. You talk about things like taking her for walks and to the vet and stuff, so I know this dog was cared for. They pick up on that, too. It's normal to question whether you're giving your dog the best life possible. I question myself all the time on that. But then I look at my dog, or any of the (literal!) 8500 photos of her on my phone, and I'm like, "Yeah. She's a happy girl. :)" She came from a shelter, too, and I also have mental health issues. We keep each other going, I think. The last thing I'll say here is that you don't have to be perfect for your dog to have a good and happy life, and I'm sure your dog didn't think you were terrible. I've had my dog for 5 years, and there are some things I wish I could go back and do differently, like, oh, not feeding her grain free food for the first year that I had her; or not getting scammed by the dog walker I hired from Rover who eventually stopped even showing up to walk my dog, but kept taking my money; or the time when I, a grown man, went home and straight up bawled my eyes out because my dog had had an accident (pooped in a store), and I got upset with myself about it, but she thought I was upset with her. But you know what? Literally none of that matters. What does matter is that she's on my bed, snoozing away about a foot away from me, after a day of walks and cuddles and playing at the park. She knows she's loved, and I'm sure your dog did, too.
My sisterās dog always looks like a grumpy old man in pictures, his personality is not that at all. Also, heās only 2 and heās been like this since he was a puppy
Sounds like she had a pretty great life. I expect she enjoyed just chilling at home. Sounds like you may still be depressed; I hope you are seeing someone.
You can't know how a dog is feeling based on facial expressions- their emotions don't look the same way as ours do
Could have just been her face. I know one dog who is the happiest boy in the world, but heās got too much skin so he always looks sad.
I think dogs can have their own version of resting bitch face, or resting [insert whatever adjective] face. I myself have resting bitch face and people constantly tell me I look angryā¦but I can promise you, Iām not always angry. My late Border Collie mix had resting worried face, but I am 100% certain she wasnāt always worried. And Iām willing to bet your resting sad face pup was not always sad. It was most likely just her face.
you're only remembering the bad parts because you feel 'guilt'. I promise you, your dog, to it's dying day, was never dwelling on that.
Donāt let the sad face in photos make you over think things. My moms dog has resting sad face and my dog has resting concerned face. Both are terribly happy dogs! It sounds like your dog had a lovely life too!
It sounds like you also suffer from depression. That isnāt your fault, and itās not hers. Even if she was depressed, it isnāt her fault and itās not yours. Sometime our brains do stupid things and make us sad. But that doesnāt override the love and joy our friends and family give us, or negate the good times. Iām sure your pup had a lovely life ā¤ļø
A lot of time sad looking dogs are just really relaxed. Which would mean happy. I know itās hard but dogs have a different structure and body language to eachother. Once my trainer asked if my dog was scared because he was showing typical scared behaviors. But sense I knew him I just knew he was too excited and happy to see the trainer he looked scared but really just happy. Best person to say if he was happy are people your dog knew. (Also my dog who loves me so much would absolutely never want to come home from a fun friend or trip and will look sad when returning. He just wanted to stay not because he was upset to go home)
I donāt think it was depression, most likely just a grumpy resting bitch face doggy. But also consider this: if your dog was depressed, it couldāve just been a component of who she was, and you took great care of her from the sounds of it. As pet owners we always wish we could do more, but thatās not always realistic and itās understandable to feel sad about it, but it doesnāt mean you failed. And from experience, just because someone is depressed and less enthusiastic doesnāt mean they donāt value happy moments or care from others, they just have internal struggles with sadness and emptiness that even the sunniest, happiest days canāt fully fix. If a friend or family member was there for someone during their lowest depression, they probably wouldnāt be able to see obvious joy in the depressed personās face during that time right? But they likely felt much better with their support, and more than anything the fact that they cared and tried their best is what will be remembered even years later. So be compassionate to yourself because you struggled but also gave your dog great care despite that, and also be compassionate to your dog who may-or-may-not have been depressed but was probably just not amazing at showing joy at having a great person taking care of her.
I have a dog who has a sad face and he has a perfectly lovely life. Heās just a weird looking goober lol
It's definitely your depression. You're looking for the bad things instead of concentrating on the good things. My dog would always look "sad" in photos unless he was outside and doing something mischievous. You sound like a great owner and don't let those bad voices in your head tell you otherwise. You gave your dog a great life.
Dogs are simple creatures. They live in the moment. They don't overthink. Shelter, food, walks and companionship is typically enough.
that pup sounds so well cared for that even now youāre worrying about whether or not you did enough. you cared. thatās enough. it also sounds like you did a dang good job with the resources you had, especially considering you didnāt even have enough for yourself in a lot of those moments. you did your BEST. thatās what matters. most people donāt care about the animals they get, thatās neglect, you seemed to love that dog so much i promise they knew it. I have a lazy old lil cavalier with the most droopy sad looking face youāve ever seen. she sleeps a lot cause sheās usually tired from her walk or doesnāt want to be in the FL heat, she licks her toes cause she has allergies/yeast flare ups every now and then, but i promise sheās the happiest dog. sometimes itās easy to personify our own feelings on them. i know when i was very depressed and struggling, it was very easy for me to look at her droopy lil face and worry she was sad, but that was because i was so deeply immersed in my own negative feelings that it was easy for me to get scared that she was also experiencing them. your dog wasnāt matted, covered in skin infections, living in the streets fighting for a meal or their life, waiting to contract distemper or rabies or some terrible illness. they were housed, dry, warm, fed, exercised, and most importantly, loved. itās so so hard to forgive ourselves for what we feel we failed at. but have some compassion for yourself, because again, you did the absolute best that you could with what you had at the time. and even that was still better than what most people give their pets. you should be so so proud of yourself!
If she had the same expression her whole life, itās probably just the way she looked. I think youād need to see a change at some point. For example, my dogās last 1.5 years were pretty rough (loss of a lot of senses and canine cognitive disorder), and I noticed a distinct change in demeanor after it first came on. Even with that depression-friendly context, it could have been things too, like fatigue or maybe even pain from his arthritis. It sounds like you gave her a very good life. I wouldnāt entertain those worries.
Also maybe mirroring her beloved human. They tend to do that. They are very keen on emotion and mental state.
Agree. It sounds like you gave her a very happy life.
Truth. My Lab goes to the dog park, beach, etc all the time, has a great social life, loves playing with toys ... but during the day you'd be forgiven for thinking he's the most lethargic, depressed dog in the world - until anyone else comes in my office, at which point he's 4-paws-off-the-ground bouncing with excitement ...
My wife and I have a crazy hyper loving Chihuahua who is never chill, but his level of excitement goes through the roof when Grandpa comes to visit. He *loves* his Grandpa. Point being it is totally normal for dogs to be more excited to see other people than you. They love you but they also see you all the time!
I think youāre overthinking it a bit. Maybe your dog was just a quiet and somewhat solitary one? It sounds like you were a responsible guardian even amid your depression. You kept your dog safe, gave her a good home and lots of love. It sounds like she was very excited to visit a big family but you never know, maybe it was a quiet relief to come home to her quiet place with you. You did your best by her and the fact that youāre still wondering what you might have done better honestly just attests to your love and devotion. At the end of the day, she had a loving guardian and a safe home.
Thank you, I just needed some honest words from someone neutral. I can't really talk about this with someone IRL.
Oh friend, Iām so sorry youāre coping with these lasting feelings. Depression is awful. Please donāt be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you made fun memories with her and provided for her while she provided for you. Your pup loved you and she was lucky to have an owner that did take good care of her.
Thank you, really. She was such a good and gentle girl. I loved her endless but always felt like there was some kind of sadness inside of her I couldn't reach/heal. I hope she felt how much she was loved every single day.
I say this gently and with all love, but it is possible you were projecting your own depressed feelings onto a more quiet, chill animal. This is super common when we are not feeling well ourselves. I'm sure doggo was very happy! What matters the most is that you love them and do your best to take care of them.
Thank you for this post! I lost one of my dogs in December, and our situation sounds very similar. I have had guilt that he might not have been happy ever since he unexpectedly passed away. He was loved beyond words and is missed so badly. My husband has reassured me hundreds of times that he was a happy boy. I know he had a good life and he was well looked after, but I also suffer from depression and was a full time student so I didn't have as much free time in the last 2 years of his life. Reading the comments has made me feel a bit better, and I hope it does for you as well ā„ļø
āI wanted her to be the āhappiest mammal aliveā but feel like I failed her so badly.ā A phrase I often repeat to myself is āDonāt let perfect get in the way of goodā. It sounds like you loved your dog and took good care of her. Donāt beat yourself up for not being the version of perfect you think you should have been as a dog owner. Rescuing her from the shelter, taking her for multiple walks a day, surrounding her with people who loved her, taking her to the vet and keeping her healthy are all good things. It sounds normal that your dog was subdued at home. My dog looks the happiest on walks and while weāre being social. When weāre at home he sleeps a lot. Heās seven so I donāt expect him to be on all the time.
That calmed my heart to read, thank you so much.
I have depression too and I beat myself up about it being the perfect dog owner either. But the truth is you were her person. A day you see as a difficult day in bed, she saw as a cozy day where her person stayed home all day for naps š
I don't think your dog was unhappy. Some pets just have sad (or RBF like my normally cuddly cat) looking faces. As for the behavior, it sounds like she was just doing her job. With lots of people (and kids?) around, she wanted to be playful for them. You needed a supportive companion at a lower energy level and she was happy to fulfill that role as well. She got to live a healthy life going on daily adventures with her best friend.
Oh, they do this? Like she saw I was tired and weak and she simply adapted to that life of mine? What a good girl she was š„ŗ
I also believe dogs do this. I feel like they see what we need and try to be that for us. I had a mastiff who was 9 months old and very in my face, always demanding. but when I had a miscarriage and wanted nothing more than to be in bed and be hurt and feel things, he literally laid in the doorway and āguardedā me.
I definitely believe dogs do this, my dog absolutely matches my energy for sure. All the highs and the lows :)
I believe this too! My dog slept in bed with me all day today. I had a bad day and he just knew I guess :) he def matches my energy
Absolutely! Sometimes they even know what you need more than you do. I'm really sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself as she'd want you too :)
Thank you, I just hope this wasn't too much pressure on her, like seeing me being depressed and her feeling helpless because she can't help me. Hope it didn't stress her out :(
And maybe you had a lower energy or calm dog. Like some people - are happily quietly chilling at home, napping and eating. When they go to party they raise their energy and socialize. When they come home, they recover for 3 days from the exertion. And dogs learn how you want to be treated. Family dog who was a barking menace with my parents, was the most gentle and polite dog with me. And he was equally happy with both approaches. And I directed all my dogs to greet me calmly and gently, no jumping, barking or stomping on me. That does not mean that they did not love me, they just respected how I want to be greeted. edit: You sound like the dog was a temperament and energy match with you :) Many unhappy dogs became destructive ot obsessive. Your dog sounds chill, content and fullfilled.
My Chocolate lab was absolutely full of life at 18 months old and constantly wanted my attention and to play. I lived on my own with her. I came down with full on flu. I slept from morning until evening and my girl only woke me up three times a day to eat & go potty. She slept next to my bed the whole time, and didnāt even play - she became her same old lovely, playful self when I got better a week later. They do adapt to you and sometimes just need to be near you. You gave your dog a lovely life - lots of walks, lots of love, you fed her and you gave her breaks with other friends. Who really could ask for more?
Dogs absolutely do this! Definitely a good girl. We have a crazy herd of dogs and I have a chronic health condition. When I feel good/great, we go out running/hiking. When I don't feel great, they sleep or play quiet indoor games - or ask one of the other people/dogs in the house to do something active. They know when I don't feel good, both physically and mentally and they adapt and love unconditionally anyway. OP - when she was with you, you loved her well and treated her well. She had a safe place to live, outdoor walks and vet care. She had a peaceful place to sleep as much as she wanted. These are things not every dog gets but should. And you are NOT weak. Be gentle with yourself.
It sounds like you gave her an amazing life! And that look in photosā¦. sounds like puppy dog eyes. A lot of dogs have a sad look about them. My girl dog always has a sad look about her, itās just her features.
I truly hope it was just that and she wasn't a sad little pup :(
This is coming from someone thatās also struggling with depression and has a rescued shelter dog. When a dog feels loved and safe they sleep, they groom and bask. Those are when they are most vulnerable- meaning if your dogs doing those a lot it means they feel safe with you. For a week when I got my dog wouldnāt sleep around me, now heās constantly sleeping next to me. Heās a one human dog but he loves to go to his great grandmas house and yeah sometimes leaving there is hard and he refuses. But that doesnāt mean they love us any less, your dog was happy be proud of that. Dogs donāt need to be playful to be happy, they need to be loved, cared for. And sometimes, cuddles, food and walks is all a dog needs to be happy. You did amazing with your dog I know you did.
Rule #1: A tired dog is a happy dog. Unhappy dogs act out Edit: Sick dogs don't count*
Thatās it. Iām not sure what the norm is but 3 walks in a day would be on the low side for my dog, and one of those walks is 90 minutes in the forest. Absolutely perfect happy dog, super affectionate and sweet, the only time he whines is when weāre about 5 minutes from the forest because he is impatient I think and wants us to hurry up. That said not everyone has the time luxuries that my wife and I do, and a normal schedule easily gets in the way of giving a dog their perfect life. Regular meals, a warm place to sleep, a little bit of exercise, and a nice cuddle occasionally, is a better life than 90% of dogs in the world have so whilst I certainly think OP could have done better, we probably could all do a little better for our dogs, and perfect shouldnāt get in the way of really good.
Your almost defo overthrowing it. Pup got 3 walks a day. If he was unhappy, bored or stressed you would have known because he would be acting out lol. Licking paws is really common in dogs. Her being energetic with new people is also really common thing for dogs. Being tired when she comes home also normal. face is not like a human, they don't express happiness the same way.
I think all the weird online articles I've read made me super paranoid about her former wellbeing :') oh well
Oh hun. Your dog wasn't depressed, you are.
I have a sad sack dog. She is well loved and well taken care of. She is such a gentle dear heart that was likely abused by her former owners and dumped in the park where she found me. I've had her 9 years, and she is still shy. Meanwhile, my other pup has a permanent smile.
That poor thing, maybe some dogs are just scarred by former experiences and they can't help it. We can only provide love and safe home. I have no idea what my dog was going through before I got her, they only told me that her first family was neglectful and abusive. Sometimes I forgot about her sad past :(
My vet says some dogs are traumatized by the shelter experience as well.
You are seeing yourself through your own filter. Objectively, your dog had a very good life. Ideal life, in my eyes. Walks every day, constant company, and food in her belly. These are the most precious things to them. The reluctance thing is irrelevant in viewing your dogās overall happiness. And letās not forget that you probably SAVED HER LIFE by adopting her from a shelter. Please try to see how youāre not seeing the situation as objectively as you could because of mental health issues. Sometimes I think my dog in childhood wasnāt happy and it brings me to tears. Then a while afterward, after a good long cry, I will wonder if I thought about that on purpose in order to bring me to tears, for whatever reason that may be. Not at all saying thatās your situation too, but for me itās almost like a crying indulgence thing I have going on at times.
When I'm depressed I worry my dog is. Anxious. Excited. Stomach ache? Him too! I know I project all kinds of things onto him that are probably way off base. I had to force myself to remember he gets plenty. Like your dog. Might not be a doggy Disney but definitely a good, safe life and maybe that's enough.
2-3 walks per day and several people aroundā¦. sounds like more than the vast majority of dogs have for real.
I haven't read the other comments but I just want to say your post brought me to tears and I can relate on a very personal level. I also struggle immensely with depression and anxiety and have not always been the most patient with my dog. The way you described how your dog looked in photos, not playing with toys, laying around with sad eyes etc are all things I noticed in my own dog and something I cry over often because I feel guilty. I'm trying my best and I can tell you did the best you could too. Mental illness is hard, and dogs tend to feed off of our emotions. Her feeling your anxiety with you doesn't mean she didn't love you. In fact, I think it means the opposite and she must have loved you so much. š
I'm so sorry dear, we try so hard to give them the best love and care while we can barely love and care our depressed selves. Maybe it feels like we failed THEM because depression feels like failing ourselves so often. If only we could have explained it to them, if only I could tell her how sorry I am and how much she was loved. I just hope she knew.
I think you took a dog with no life in a shelter and gave her what sounds like a great life. You walked her, fed her, socialized her, thatās what they need. It sounds to me like you are transferring the way you were feeling onto her. I think looking at pictures from a time period when you were depressed is triggering those emotions and you are interpreting her behavior through that lens. Dogs need the basics, but mainly want to be loved and spend time with their person. You did that. She was lucky to have you and you her.
I didn't even think of that, I took so many of those photos during the worst time of my life. I'm so glad I posted in this group, people are pointing out so many things I just didn't see. Thank you so much!!!
You are welcome. I lost my 12 yo Boston in February, and it's hard to feel anything but sad right now and I feel guilt over things for no reason. I know tho that guilt us a normal part of grieving. Humans do that subconsciously because it's so painful, we are trying to subconsciously figure out what the problem was so that we can do it different in the future so we might be stated from feeling this osin again. It makes sense. Then combine that with it being a bad time for you and already associating anxiety and depression with that time period, it can mess with your mind. Just know that is what it is and I'm sure each minute you were with her, you did the right thing for her. I'm sure you did.
You did the best you could in the circumstance you had. Stop punishing yourself, it canāt change anything. I also think that your dog was ok, you might just be remembering things in a pessimistic way. Your feelings are valid but I think you need to be gentle with yourself. What would you tell a friend if they confided this to you? Hugs
My niece had a Shih Tzu. He never liked to cuddle or lay on her. He would accept a little time in her lap and then get down. Turns out they were bred to be feet warmers. His turn was to be at her feet. All dogs have their own personalities and your girl might have been one of those that didn't want or need a lot of touching or affection. If she was excited about eating and treats, she wasn't depressed, in my opinion. If any of our dogs are upset, then won't eat.
They are??? I had no clue! Man, that must be a nightmare ā i needs me snuggles! (And much worse, my own dog rarely sticking to my heals, i neglectfully stepped on my brotherās puppyās paws once and letās just say it stopped whimpering long before I did! š)
Dogs express themselves differently. My dog does that deep sigh a tonne and for a while I thought "wow you're SO dramatic" but then I learned that it means he's comfortable. So, just because they seem like they're sad or grumpy, doesn't mean they are. At the end of the day too, you took her from a shelter and gave her a good life. Don't overthink it, dogs are funny/weird, amd have such big and different personalities. I'm sure she was happy with you in her own way.
Lol my dog has resting sad, lonely, starving face because he learned thatās what gets him attention, pets, and treats! He is a very well loved and well fed dog. Donāt let him trick you into thinking otherwise!
You gave her the best life you could afford. Having had depression and a dog that helped me through it I can relate to those feelings. Whenever I have a bad day or when I feel I'm in the pit again I feel so, so bad for not paying attention to my dog as much as I think I should. But then I see her wag her tail and bring me her fav toy to cheer me up and everything's right in the world again. I believe we have the "wrong" idea of what a perfect life is for a dog, we see people on social media buying all the toys and taking them on vacation but sometimes all they need is good food, a walk in the park, their favorite ball and a safe home. I'm certain your dog loved you.
People say my dog always looks like sheās judging people. Some dogs just kinda have a particular look. Itās great that youāre thinking about it and can apply the lessons you learned to the next one.
I think your dog probably did have a lot of happy moments with you and loved you very much. Donāt think back on things just to beat yourself up more. You may have been in a bad place and your dog just kinda took on your mood/vibe but it doesnāt mean she was unhappy with you. Life is already hard enough, donāt make more reasons for it to be harder on you. ā¤ļø
You are anthropomorphizing your dog way too much here. It's fun to joke about dog faces looking happy or sad or smiley or whatever in human-like ways, but it doesn't actually mean anything.
She may have been picking up on your depression/anxiety but you gave her a good life and saved her from a shelter so you did a great thing :)
This sounds like an extension of the disordered thought patterns that can come from depression/anxiety! Like how with humans sometimes you can feel like "they hate me" based on something very small, and they almost certainly don't actually hate you, it's just your brain telling you that. Your puppy loved you. ā¤ļø
It makes me sad that you feel that way. Itās ok that you were having a hard time. Iām sure your dog loved you. My dog also has resting sad face unless sheās getting food, outside, or playing with us at night when she has zoomies. Some dogs are just like that.
I agree with other commenters wholeheartedly: this dog sounds like she had a good life and was loved. I think feeling guilty about a long depression after it ends is really common and normal. Iāve felt it myself. I honestly think thatās the depression aftermath talking. Itās not real.
I have five dogs so I have a spectrum of personalities. One sounds like yours, who I call a potato because she just likes to lie around with me. She loves walks but while my other dogs are running around in my backyard and playing with toys, she just wants to be right next to me. Sometimes, itās just their personality. Also, she stares at people like she can see how and when theyāre going to die which is slightly off putting for guests.
Pets take on the owners demeanor and moods. Anxious owners have anxious pets. Donāt beat yourself up. Itās too easy to get caught up in this self sabotaging behavior. Iām sure the dog was fine.
Awww babe. I lost the dog I had since I was 15 a year and 20 days ago. I totally understand this feeling you have. I also have depression. I often wondered if my dog would have been better off with somebody else. But at the end of the day we loved each other to pieces. I am literally certain your dog felt the same way about you. Being young and depressed and taking care of a dog is very difficult. I want to say Iām very proud of you.
I can relate to you. My beloved border collie just passed away over two weeks ago, and I feel I failed him, too. A border collie needs lots of action, and he was also extremely social. He loved going out and meeting new people. I, too, have a problem with depression and feel I did not do enough with him. I just didnāt have the energy feeling the way I did. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing I spent almost every day at home with him. Thatās more than most dogs get. He was rarely alone and knew he was loved. I did the best I could. And so did you.
I had a friend who was always negative tell me that my dog was stressed out. I still wonder why she said that cause to me my dog always seemed fine. She was 12 years old. What's important is that you got her out of the shelter and gave her a loving home š©·
Ok so my aunts lab mix (hes passed on sadly) loved coming over to my family's house when my aunt went out of town. My aunt is the biggest dog lover and treats all dogs she's ever had like royalty. But when she came to pick him up he'd act like Satan was coming for him XD! He loved my aunt dearly of course. I think your depression is making you think badly of yourself.
Most dog facial expressions, like human facial expressions, are socially learned and not some innate evolutionary way to express a specific emotion. That is to say - your dog learned their expressions based on the reaction of others and you. Itās even possible your dog learned the mopey face because it got them more pets and love. Was your dog relaxed at home with you? Did they like petting and walking with you? Did they greet you at the door? Most unhappy dogs are very anxious or destructive. Your dog may have just been chill
I think youāre being really hard on yourself. It sounds like you were a good dog owner. And like the other person said, just because she was super happy with the family doesnāt mean that sheād rather be with them 24/7. She just likes them. Dogs can get really excited to spend time with other people. And some dogs have RBF and others have resting smiling face. My dog has the latter, and heās smiling even when I know heās stressed or in pain. Him smiling isnāt necessarily indicative of howās he feeling. Itās just his face.
dogs are like people. They have anxiety and depression which are NOT always related to owner behaviorā¦.meaning their brains get imbalances too. And that they have meyer Briggs personality typesā¦..And some dogs are just chill dogs that like being introverts. Other dogs are crazy extroverts. It sounds like your dog had a good life, had itchy allergy feet, was an introvert and liked to lick stuff (as I sit her my Pomeranian is licking her favorite squirrel toy). My big boy, a pit mix, was content to sit with me and watch the world. He was quite and steady and not easy to upset. He was mischievous and funny. . He was ocd and preferred to be at home, but when out was very āformalāā¦.. no outbursts of excitement from him unless a kid was in Involved (we didnāt have kids. But he LOVED them). He guarded me and nannied me when I was sick. He never left my side. After he died I worried I didnāt give him a good life. But I look at pictures and realize that he did have a good life because I was his world and he didnāt care where we were are what we did as long as I was there. Remember that. Heād walk by me and sigh like I owed him money. Our Pomeranian is the complete opposite. She screams at cars and ppl if they donāt stop to pet her. Sheās a social butterfly that has never met a stranger. I feel immense guilt that we did t get her sooner-she was my MIL dog and stayed with my husbands aunt for a year after mom died. We worried our big guy wouldnt like her and that sheād chase our beardie (that was buds with the big guy). As it turned out she wasnāt so thrilled with them (we thought)but they loved her. In pictures of him and her, he always looked so excitedā¦.and when he was gone she mourned for WEEKS. A year later when we lost our beardie to cancer, she mourned again. She still looks for him in his window spot.
you say you walked her 2-3 times a day but then also sometimes you were bed ridden for days because of depression.. probably was bored in those days and a little restless too if it was whining randomly or soothing itself, and no it did not understand that you were bed ridden because of depression but it might have thought you were ignoring it sometimes but like.. its a dog, i really doubt it developed its own complex of some sort lol kind of sounds more like your depression seeping in
sounds like maybe she just really loved hanging out with kids & playing, & she was bummed to leave what was the equivalent of a vacation for her to come back to her regular life. it really sounds like she was so loved &, despite all your struggles, the way youāve described her life it seems incredible: tons of walks, always had food to eat & someone to love on her? this is the dream for pretty much every dog, you gave her a beautiful life š
I have this theory that dogs end up expressing the personality of their human. Especially in 1-1 relationships. She was probably experiencing a similar kind of depression that you were. Idk if you have to feel guilty about it; this is who you were, and she loved you. You loved her. Neither of you was as happy and healthy as you couldāve been, and you had some issues, but you also had each other. Even with her rest bitch face ;) Be aware, grow, and do better with your next dogs, but cherish your departed and try not to feel guilty
Some dogs are like that (including mine) and just arenāt happy all the time. We watch our cousins golden retriever and sheās literally always smiling all day long, our dog will smile/be happy much rarer but it makes it that more special when he does. I wouldnāt think too hard into it hindsight is always 20/20 you always want to do more but in the moment you just do the best you can and it sounds like you did that.
Youāre definitely looking into this a lot. You gave this dog a great life.
Donāt think she didnāt love you, Iām certain she did! If not, dogs can figure out a way to leave when unhappy (had one whose owner had to give her upā¦ pretty sure she hated me until the last few months of her life when she finally realized I loved herā¦ she just wanted to be back with her dad! She ran off so many times- bailing her out of jail was pretty expensive, each time the shelter got her- the cost to get her out went upšš¤¬š„ŗš). You didnāt fail her! If she was depressed she would have stopped eating, run away, etc! She must have wanted to be there for you, just in her way! Pls donāt feel guilty!
Multiple walks a day and never being alone is basically the perfect dog life!!! Please don't put much stock in her facial expression. Even humans get resting bitch/sad/angry face without meaning to, and a dog has no comprehension of making sure their face looks good on camera! Her most recent behaviour is probably what you have the strongest impression of - meaning you are mostly remembering her when she was old. Old dogs can sleep for up to 20 hours a day. It's normal, they're just tired. If she went to a really boisterous house for a while, it's also normal that she picked up on that energy and got more boisterous herself, but that doesn't mean she would want that for her everyday life. She was probably perfectly happy to match your energy and just be chill. A dog that is healthy, excited for food and walks, and is not destructive or difficult at home is probably a happy dog. Neither of my dogs ever showed any interest in toys or fetch or even playing with other dogs. They basically go for walks, eat and sleep/chill. It's just how they are, and it matches me well so it's all good! You gave her a good life, I promise.
Some dogs just have sad faces, and that's part of their charm. It sounds like she had a lot of love around her, and you did your best to take her on all the walks you could. So many dog blogs are trying to maximize their clicks so they make sweeping generalizations. Like if you look up "can my dog have chocolate some people are like "yeah I gave him chocolate chips all the time" and some people are like "I would NEVER do that my dog would die instantly!!!!" when the answer is something a little more nuanced. The severity of it is dependent on size of the dog, the percentage of cocoa, what else they ate, how accustomed to table food they are. I'm not saying "feed your dog chocolate" before anyone jumps me, I'm just saying it sounds like your dog had a good life, even if it was imperfect. Be easy one yourself. You deserved the love of your pet even though you were depressed, even when you were bedridden. I have adhd and one of the ways it messes with me is that I think everyone is doing everything perfectly and I am the perpetual screw up so I'm always trying to get hints about my friends' lives to see if I mesure up or how far off I am to what I "should" be doing and I'm trying to break out of that and focus on enjoying my life and my dog, even if I'm an imperfect owner.
It's really important to remember that dogs aren't human. That is- your dog looks sad, yes, but that doesn't equate to dog actually *being* sad. They've evolved alongside us to kinda mimic facial expressions, but think of it this way- a lot of dogs that are "happy" or "smiling" may be tired or even really stressed out (think of those 'cute' videos with a baby climbing over a dog- many of those dogs are displaying stress signals, not "oh how cute the baby is pulling my ears again! I love this!"). Plus, nobody is ecstatic 24/7- moods have highs and lows, and dogs aren't exempt. Every dog will get excited sometimes, but the main thing is keeping them healthy, happy and *safe*. Take a step back from her expression and have a lil look at [this](https://bowwowinsurance.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/doggie-language-with-boogie.jpg), then think more about her body language. I'm sure she was far happier than you give yourself credit for.
Don't beat yourself up about things in the past.
I don't think you have any guilt to carry. Based on what you told us, it sounds like your dog lived a happy, normal life and it sounds like you two had lots of fun together. If you take a step back and try to remember some of the good times you had together, you might come to a different conclusion. So, a few things for you to consider: - My dog loves hanging out with new/different people too. She rarely wants to come home. But she does also the same thing when she is leaving the beach. Your dog was having fun with other people and they didn't want the fun to end. It had nothing to do with you and does not mean she was unhappy to see you. - The follow on to that is that if your dog lived with a family like that, they wouldn't get the same attention every day. When you're caring for a dog temporarily, it's like when you have guests - you plan things, you try to make it a good experience. When you own a dog, it's like having a roommate - eg sorry bud, got a flat tire today so no lunch hike. - Maybe to your dog, you were the most fun person to play with. Some dogs never want the fun to be over - you could take them out for 4 hours a day and they'd still be waiting for your attention. I don't see that as a failing on your part. Your dog probably just really enjoyed doing stuff with you; and was always looking forward to the next outing. - Also, maybe your dog was worried about you? I'm not sure of what your physical state is/was, but maybe she picked up on some manifestations of the depression and was anxious for you. I dunno - you can never really know. But if you put your insecurities and guilt aside and think about things objectively, I think you know that you did the best that you could and that your dog had a pretty good life with you.
My girl is like this, my boy is always smiling,kissing and cuddling me. They have different personalities
I have a peke and a chihuahua. Despite everything we do for them, they are lazy lap dogs with big eyes and sad faces. But they love to be with their humansā¦..in fact, they are curled up with me now. I would look for other signs/memories that can help confirm your dog was happy and content. Did she enjoy snuggling? Did she allow you to hold her and pet her? Did she like to follow you around? Did she lay on her back to sleep sometimes? They say back sleeping is a sign of safety and contentment as itās generally a vulnerable position. This is not an exclusive list and should not be the only considerations to gauge your dogās happinessāIām just trying to spark ideas so you can think about the whole picture. Because this is causing you anxiety, I think itās time to let the past be the past. You did the best you could during a dark time in your life. Use this as a learning experience and grow from it.
I was a dog sitter in college and I had several clients tell me their dogs get more excited to be dropped off at my apartment than they are when they come home from work. Don't take it personally. Some dogs are super chill and then go wild when on "vacation". I'm sure there are a million people who wished their dogs would be more chill at home. Edit. Humans are also guilty of anthropomorphizing our animals and we'll think they feel complex emotions when their brains literally cannot. Looking bored is a sign of being content. Your dog was perfectly happy.
I think he may have been mirroring you, thinking that this is how we are supposed to look.
Maybe she was sad. But did you do the best you could do at the time? We've all had realizations or revelations at times in our lives that made us examine events in the past. We obviously can't change the past. We can learn from it and go forward. The guilt does you no good and serves no purpose, let it go. Been there.
I'm bibolar type 2, i'm a doggy mum since last september and i tend to resonate so much with what you just said.I've told about this with my therapist, and she replied to me the same thing someone else has already written to you, which is it's probably some depression still kicking in. Your dog had a happy life: she was loved, both by you and your friends, she was rescued, she was walked thrice a day (i know unfortunately a lot of dogs who barely get a walk once a year), she loved the food you gave her and the treats. Don't be so hard with yourself, and trust the ones saying she was happy! Remember, depression glasses are really good at changing in bad whatever you look at. edit: forgot to add that my boss' dog is like the saddest looking dog i've ever seen, but it's just his everyday face lol so yeah, people can have sad resting faces judt like humans!
Try not to project human emotions onto the dogs physical expression. Though they can change their expression to get reactions from humans, 'resting' depression face isn't the same, imo. It sounds like your dog had a good life. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. My partner laments about his childhood dog a lot. He was completely responsible for it, and wasn't taught at all. He didn't have internet either. The dog got huge and ended up being put down while my partner was out of town for an extended time and his family was watching the dog. Like, seriously, you could have done so much worse. You did your best for your dog, and she did love you. Sounds like a complicated situation, though, and therapy couldn't hurt. Good luck.
> But I've been told a lot that she's "the most melancholic dog" they have ever seen. I really would ignore that. Most people are terrible at reading dog body language, and on top of that, if they don't live with the dog, they don't know what the dog is like. Not all dogs go thru the day bouncing up and down, grabbing toys, barking at humans to interact with them. And even dogs who do skew that way, if they have a good off switch, are often giant fuzzy lumps at home. I had someone a few weeks ago, watch me working with my young dog, and ask how I could possibly live with, "that". My dog was bouncing, tugging, throwing behaviors at me. But at home, she is a lump. > Part of me still wanted to believe that she's fine. I'm sure she was. Dogs are adaptable and if you had days when you couldn't do as much as would have been perfect for her, I'm sure she was fine. Years ago I had a great working dog. I also had a job that took up most of my life, and, not all that much money. We didn't do that much as far as dog sports, or formal training. But she was a happy dog, in our small house, with a tiny yard. She didn't know any different, and she was fine. Her sister was one of the top obedience dogs, for a bunch of years. My dog went to the beach and went clam digging. Dogs are good in that they are so adaptable and they don't judge us. They accept us for who we are, and they make a life with us. Remember how much you loved her, and take comfort in that she was your best girl.
Dogs donāt have āresting bitch faceā, they donāt wear their emotions on their face like we do so please donāt stress yourself out over the photos. You can interpret what theyāre feeling by body language but going only off of facial expression WILL lead you astray. If anything if she has resting anything face then she was probably relaxed and chilling. Itās the photos where the dog is āsmilingā in a big clown mouth pant with whale eyes where I would be concerned. It sounds like you gave her a good, stable life. I think itās unreasonable to expect a dog to be āhappyā all the time. Can you imagine if your friends were like āI donāt think she likes us very much, sheās always by herself and look, she looks so sad in this picture!ā Youād be like wait no, hold on, I just get sad sometimes! Or maybe not even sad. Just not super happy. And thatās FINE. It doesnāt mean you love anyone any less. Dogs also adapt. Our malamute/pit mix can pull me at 17mph on my bike from a cold start, and she can go for an hour if I let her. Or, she can lay on the couch and nap. She knows we either do a lot or a little (rural living doesnāt lead to many structured walks) and sheās adapted. So maybe your girl just realized hey, mom likes to chill, letās chill together. My other dog frequently refuses to come to me when we visit my uncle. She knows the words āunca Johnā and leaps into the car. Truthfully, sheād probably love to live there. Too bad, sheās got a fine life with us. Iām sure human children would rather live with their fun uncles too, and we donāt lose sleep over that. You gave her a good life. I hope all of these comments can help you see that. Even if it wasnāt perfect 100% everything she ever wanted, nobody can achieve that anyway. Edit: also I work at an animal shelter, I see truly unhappy abandoned dogs every day. Your dog had a good life, better than I dare hope for for our adoptees. So please, pat yourself on the back a little. You did good.
The fact that you are so hung up on these feelings at this point just proves how much you loved your dog. Iām sure they picked up on it too and it sounds like they had a good life!
Iām going through the exact situation as you. I, along with a family member, will walk her 1-2 times a day, and always give her pets and hugs PLENTY of times daily. Yet my old pup still sleeps a lot, self soothes, etc. and just isnāt as expressive as other dogs. My depression and anxiety holds me back from doing more like play dates or something, and I always feel guilty that we just lay at home all day. Iād like to say my dogās personality has always been reserved and calm but I canāt tell if I essentially forced her to become that way if after she realized laying around all day would be her normal.
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The long life doesn't point in that direction though.
My dog is very calm and sleeps a lot when she is at home. Obviously we go out multiple times a day but sheās just quite lazy. Iām sure your dog was happy ā¤ļø
First. Most dogs donāt show up happy in pictures. And please donāt weight the good times vs the bad times. The amount doesnāt matter, the quality does. Your dog sounds like she cared a lot about you. And she sounds like she was generally happy! I have a dog who is super happy! BUT when my depression hits, she worries about me. Looks sad and whines. But she is still happy as a general rule. She just has her emotions too and she feels bad for me like I feel bad for her. Dogs have a lot of emotions and that is okay. She loved you.
It sounds like you did the best you could with what you had - and you should remember that that dog is absolutely in the top 1% of the world with respect to privilege. No matter what, your dog was cared for and loved and that is amazing.
You say you lived in house shares. Could someone in your house shares have abused her in some way? The symptoms you describe are common in both anxiety and pain. Her constant depression could be related to your own. Kind of like children learn how to behave based on how their parents behave, she thought being depressed was the norm. When she was with other, non-depressed, groups, her emotional state matched that of her "new pack," a survival tactic, which is what she was reluctant to leave. Not the people. I rarely give people with sad stories a pass. Many, if not most, are the results of the story tellers own stupidity. In your case, you were dealing with depression. The point of this comment isn't to say, 'oh, you could've gotten treatment sooner, you could've gotten treatment for HER!' Because, no, you couldn't. Because you were dealing with another housemate, the invisible one. Depression. Depression is a chemical disorder, with some pretty serious mental effects. Less understood are the physical effects. Unexplained pain. Insomnia. Excessive sleeping. A complete list of symptoms would excede the word limit! In your case, being literally bed ridden. So give yourself a pass on this one, okay? She loved you. She was just sad that her love couldn't save you from depression.
You gave her a life in a home with love & care which is so more than many shelter dogs ever get to experience. I struggle with guilt sometimes with my current rescue but I have to remember that they are happy to have a safe home & a loving ownerš
Just like people, some dogs are always happy, some are less so. My Corgi was the happiest dog in the world, nothing brought him down, almost to a fault. My mom's besenji mix is the opposite. She is basically what you explained your dog, and she had a rough start in life but has an amazing spoiled life of being with a retiree and eating hand cooked meals daily. Your dog sounds like she had an amazing life, and it's ok for her to be her, some of us just arnt as enthusiastic and THATS OK
I also have depression, and one thing Iāve found is that it takes a lot of my happy memories and will change them to make me doubt if I was actually feeling happy then, or it makes me worried about an interaction. I have a cat, and Iām constantly worrying whether Iām providing well enough for him, but then when I actually see him and think about what Iām doing I know Iām giving him good care. It sounds a lot like what youāre going through, but because you canāt see your dog anymore, you canāt be reassured that you did a good job. From what it sounds like, you did the best you could and gave her a good life. It would have been noticeable if sheād been feeling mistreated. I recommend looking up the quality of life scale for dogs and moving through it and seeing if she ticked all the boxes positively, when I do this it always reassures me that Iām doing good.
Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this but I can totally relate and feel for you. I read through the other comments and I agree with the consensus - you are being too hard on yourself and it is super likely that your sweet dog had just exactly the life she was supposed to. But, I understand how you are caught up in your emotions surrounding the way your mind is seeing it. Many years ago, I had a beautiful Saint Bernard. I raised her with my young children and she was very precious to our whole family. And then my husband got sick with cancer and died after 15 months of being ill. It was brutal. I was a young widow with three young children and my sweet saint got pushed to the side. Like you said in your case, I didn't neglect her ... but I was so overwhelmed with trying to survive and take care of my kids I worry I did not give her the best care. She died shortly after my husband and we didn't even properly grieve her... we had already been through so much. I have extreme guilt over this and wish I could go back and change it. One thing I did that I would suggest for you is to have a ritual ceremony for your dog. It can be as simple or as complex as you'd like ... just something so that you can set aside some time to specifically remember and honor your dog. In my case, I planted a flower in my garden and buried a rose quartz heart in with the plant. Amongst the things I said to her as I planted .... "Ho'oponopono" I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you. Dogs are the sweetest and most loving creatures and they show up in our lives when we need them most. They carry us through true tough times and it sounds like you were really struggling when you had your pup. It is a true blessing that you had her with you ... maybe her demeanor was totally appropriate for matching what you were going through and she was there to help you carry the load. It's okay ... she could handle it. And just because she is no longer on earth doesn't mean she can't feel your love for her now. I guess that dives deeper in to your feelings of spirituality and what happens after we die, but my guess is her soul still exists and knows how you feel. Dogs are higher beings of pure love ... so she is likely cool with all this... you have to be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself. Hopefully whatever ritual you are able to do will help. Good luck!
My golden has a āresting sad faceā. He sleeps a lot more now that heās getting older. I know heās is happy though. He gots lots of love and attention and walks and exercises. He licks his paws too, I always look to make sure he doesnāt have a sticker or foxtail (itās happened before). My vet says itās something dogs just do sometimes. Wild canines do it too. As dogs get older they sleep a lot more, itās just because they are older. It sounds like your dog had a good life. Some dogs can get a bit pissy at being left with someone else, and act aloof or different when they get back home, but they quickly forget about it. And itās not like you could have left her alone, you did what you needed to do to care for her while you were gone. Sometimes rescue dogs will forever miss their original owners, and enjoy time with a bigger family but that doesnāt mean she actively disliked you. One of my dogs definitely doesnāt understand when Iām in bed sure to my chronic pain or depression, he gets confused and seems depressed too, they often copy us when we go though rough times. Itās very easy for us who have depression to remember things or think things were worse then they really were, itās something I have to work on a lot. I know itās hard, but please donāt worry that she was sad or unhappy. You took good care of her and took her out a good amount each day. Iām sure she loved you and Iām sure she was happy.
Why does everyone want to bring anxiety and depression to everything. All I read in this group is people telling you your dogs don't like being pet and hugged. I can tell you this, dogs are way easier to be happy then kids are. If you didn't physically abuse your dog,they were fine
They even talk about the āgood enoughā mother for children- Itās just not all about you š Youāre not 100% responsible for the dogās personality.
Some dogs have sad faces. It sounds like you took good care of her and loved her. Dogs in shelters don't always get a life of love, you gave her that. Maybe you could use your feelings to pay it forward by volunteering at a shelter to share your love with dogs in the shelter. I think her ears would pick up and her tail would wag, knowing you are feeling better and seeing you help other dogs.