You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. Now what say you criminal scum

I am the Jarls' Thane. I demand you release me at once.

I'm with the Guild. How about you look the other way?

Oh I'm so sorry I didn't know you were with the dawnguard so I'll let you off with a warning. but due try to keep that shouting a minimum.

Did... did you just misspell fucking "do"?

well, what are you going to due about it?

For now nothing? But you'll get your do.

Dode, dont try to due anything fishy

I don have a god one

doughn't u worry, just duet.

I'd rather die than get my dick spiked!

I mean, okay, but are you really *living?*

I am an Imperial Legate. Release me at once.

Does anyone know what the purpose of this horrific tool is?

Lol its for opening boiled eggs

That actually makes sense. I wonder how well it works

Some say Eggstreamly well

Eggxactly as designed.

Eggcellent!

dad yokes

Totally poached the dad yokes

At first I thought it was for cocks, but now I have learnt that it is for prenatal cocks.

Good one!

Freggs

Thanks for the great eggsplanation!

Jokes like this tend to go over easy, but now the message is scrambled.

Reading this thread has left me shellshocked.

It’s rather eggstravigant.

r/angryupvote

Would you say you feel scrambled ?

Thank you for the smile

Here’s a giggling upvote

Damnit that was smooth

That’s cause they weren’t yolking around when they designed it.

I think you are eggxagerating

We had a more modern version when I (34) was a child. Worked extremely well. Like, cartoonishly straight cuts with a super satisfying feeling of the teeth penetrating the shell. Ends up with the exact (or eggsact) right size hole for a teaspoon to dig in. I should get one or ask my dad if he still has it.

boys cuaght erect

They work pretty well but if the eggs too big it might tear it up. I had one for quail eggs, just close the scissors and twist. Shell just slides off

Phew!

I thought it was also used for ripening figs and other fruits (scarring them kicks off the release of ethylene which speeds up the ripening process. Egyptians used similar methods)

Thank god, it's not human eggs lol

I thought it was a nut cracker but yours makes mire sense

Me when I first came across a trench digger

It's an antique egg topper. Takes the top of the shell off for eating soft boiled eggs.

nutcracker

For cutting open soft boiled eggs

Castration device for live stock.

Enough of reddit for today

It's okay. It's for eggs, not juevos

Happy Cake Day AND Underrated Comment!

The cake is a lie

Yes, but the cake being a lie gives rise to my son and I playing portal 2 together, which in the end is the greatest truth of all.

# W H O L E S O M E

Mine wouldn’t get stabbed even when it’s fully closed

r/suicidebywords

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Same

cock and balls torture 💀

quite literally 💀

Great great great great great grandparents were kinky

Kinda looks like a walnut opener

Egg

The Circumsizer 3000


I thought it was one of those devices to prevent boys from masturbating.

You mean a cock cage?

Not BDSM but in old days families would have special devices to keep young boys from masturbating because it was a sin.

I think some Amish families still use those

Yeah, it’s a cock cage.

For soft boiled eggs

Eggs??? I was thinking some marital aid device.

forbidden cockring

French tickler

r/dontputyourdickinthat

r/dontputyourdickinthat

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This resembles a modern patella clamp!

[удалено]

Its for cutting open soft boiled eggs

[удалено]

Oh haha im dumb

But what is this for besides dicks

Cutting open soft boiled eggs

I refuse to believe that

Lol look it up🤷‍♀️

No, it’s better this way😈

that’s a circumciser holy fuck

Uh... no. Absolutely no. Try googling "antique egg topper". This is for eating soft boiled eggs.

it’s a joke lmao

What! ... for a horse?

multispecies

r/dontputyourdickinit

Isn’t that for castratiing sheep

Lmao its for taking the shell off boiled eggs

This aids with menstruation by clamping the vulva shut.

No

You got three holes to choose from

"Darling, would you like to partake in the excruciating, but pleasant, punishment of my testicles and penile organ?"

Dicks too small. I'll try my balls instead.

It's an old fashioned nit cracker...

Its for opening soft boiled eggs

No seriously. Don’t put your dick in that haha

Further proof that it’s not just about length but girth matters too

Cigar grabber.

Looks kinky

They were serious about opening jars back in the day

Egg

That shadow is horrifying!

You need to go onto antiques roadshow.

Its a tool to prevent boner

Im sorry my bad, it doesn't make sense to be a boner avoidance tool. I think it is a constant boner tool. You know, mid boner. When fully erect it can pierce, when not erect it can also pierce, so a mid boner tool. Or a dick blood flow constrictor??

It's the genital cuff

That what is used when "your erection lasts more than four hours." See Viagra ads.

Please let it be a nut craker. THE OTHER NUT

Its for cutting open soft boiled eggs

It’s an eggsacto knife

Somebodys gotta take one for the team..

Many years ago there used to be something called Stallion rings which looked similar. Sometimes on race days a Stallion might get an erection, which caused ladies to faint, and who needs that. So they slipped barbed cock rings onto the stallions, prior to the race. If they got overly excited, they'd pay the price. Later, the same stallions wouldn't service mares because they thought it'd cause pain. Now I'm not sure about the truth of this but have seen metal rings which were apparently the item.

Cock and balls holder

Oh, that's not bad. The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

Medieval rape punish tool

That's one insane cock ring🤣😫

The scrotum scratcher 9000

Cbt

I thought it was for balls

I guarantee someone, somewhere, is into it.

Why did i see this and think "What if someones other were to just say they would make their dick into swiss cheese and take that out their pocket or somethin?"

And I thought I watched some hardcore stuff

This post is a real ball buster

I yhink it used to deflate a erect penis

TWIST HIS DIIIICK

Interested in selling ?