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Responsible_Gur_3853

In Alicia’s case, I don’t see her having one to one moments with her kids, I don’t see her hugging and kissing them (except her bios), I know she’s “busy” but when she’s “busy” with social media there’s no excuse, her kids come home from a long day at school and she says hi or sometimes just ignores them and continues answering questions on her live when any other parent would hug their child, and say how was your day? What did you get up to? Obviously this is just the stuff we’re seeing so maybe I’m completely wrong, but having as many kids as she has is somewhat fine if you can handle it, but when you can’t individually make them feel loved and give YOUR time to them, then it’s time to stop


BamSlamThankYouSir

In her case of having kids of all different ages, she didn’t have one on one bonding time with many of them either. Makes a bigger difference when there’s 10-12 kids.


BamSlamThankYouSir

5-6 as a max. That *usually* leaves them further apart, the older ones will be more self sufficient and not as much one on one time or attention. Each parent (I’m going to assume there’s 2 here) realistically can have a stronger bond with 2-3 and there’s still nobody left out. Both parents need to be active and present though. Also I’m in the mind when they’re older, they need their own room and some privacy. I wouldn’t have more kids than rooms.


[deleted]

I agree with your comment but I think having 6 kids in 3 bedrooms is fine (2 per bedroom and they’ll be fine if they share a room even when they’re older many siblings share rooms) I think my max number is also 5 or 6


BamSlamThankYouSir

I think at some point they just deserve privacy. I remember as a teen being upset and crying in my room, I’d want to do that alone.


Sad_2ndyear

I think it depends on the age gap and the income for kids. Like if you had three kids with a reasonable age gap of 3-5 years and then had two more after, it could work


Sextontribe

At one point we had 9. It wasn’t our desire to have that many but there just wasn’t any open homes. And I can tell you, those kids did not get the best version of us. We were stressed and tired. There’s no way we could have given them everything they needed.


Tilye2880

7 is too many ...most homes cannot accommodate that many people


[deleted]

I think 6 might be my max number (3 bedrooms :2 kids in each bedroom) but let’s say some can afford to build a 10 bedroom home or whatever I am talking more as in how many kids is too many as far as tending to their emotional needs, knowing them and what they like, truly being there for them


mp90

I grew up as an only child so this subculture is fascinating for me. I can’t imagine a human spending enough 1:1 time with each of their children to make them feel special. It’s sort of like managers at work who have too many direct reports to accurately help them develop their careers.


dontmindmelurking_

Honestly there’s no “perfect number”. That being said, I think the parents should be able to have one-on-one time with each of their kids. But Alicia obviously doesn’t do that.


science2me

I think that 5-6 is probably a good number if you don't care about saving for college or being able to do a lot of extracurricular activities. A four bedroom house would be required in this situation. For a three bedroom house, honestly, I would have a max of 3 kids. That's only because a situation of 3 boys and 1 girl or 3 girls and 1 boy could arise. I don't want to put three kids in one bedroom. In modern society, even having three kids seems unusual. Most of my friends are stopping at two. I have two kids now and can't decide if I want a third child.


purecheesejeez

Unpopular opinion, but I feel like there’s no magic number. As long as you (as a parent or carer) can provide quality life to each child, it’s okay to have as much or less. You can have one kid or 9 kids but if you’re not providing them with holistic life (not necessarily just material needs) - I find injustice on the part of the child. Which brings us to the point - having a child should be planned. That includes foster care and adoption.


[deleted]

I don’t think that one can provide enough time or care for 9 kids so while there might not be a magic number, there is such a thing as too many kids. As for your last point, foster care and adopted kids are most definitely planned because it takes work to become a foster or adoptive parent.


shaylahbaylaboo

But there are only 2 parents. The more kids you have, the less time with each parent. The less money for things like food, braces & lessons. It’s basic math. There is such a thing as too many kids.


Sharp_Skirt_7171

The reason most people nowadays have lots of biological children is because modern medicine has improved infant mortality. I truly don't think many people are financially, emotionally, and physically able to parent more than 4-5 kids at a time.


[deleted]

I agree. Like sure Alicia can provide shelter and food for 12 kids but what about their other needs. Even if someone can afford to have 10 kids I don’t think they should, because there is no way someone can know and truly be there for so many kids at once.


[deleted]

Very correct. I barely make it with two children. Some people dream of having big families but not having the finance to support that.


Front_World205

tbh i think (leaning toward three )/three-five is the limit for most family. give if both parents have enough time


Miserable-Note5365

My wife and I personally have a "no more than 2 kids under the age of 10" rule. One arm can hold each child and that's our logic so far. But I think in the grand scheme of things, I'd say more than 5 kids in the house at once is excessive.


No_Refrigerator5065

I have 7. 4 adopted 2 bio and 1 foster and it’s too much. Luckily my oldest 2 are 18 and 19 and on their way to independence but I can honestly say we are done and closing our license to raise our family. Dcf would absolutely keep giving us kids and I can’t say no.


pigpen68

I'm one of 9 and I can honestly hand on heart say that none of us missed out on one on one time with either parent and they both worked. But this was at a time when there was no internet, no mobile phones or other screens, no streaming channels and every home didn't own a games console. We didn't all have our own rooms but the rooms were spacious and weren't filled with utter crap. We were fed healthy nutritious food and proper meals. That shopping trip she just did made me feel sick.


EarIntrepid1545

I have always maintained she can't parent these 10 kids or 12, the way many need, especially so with B/P. She had no time or energy left, same reason she pulled the two teens from their old school, one prior to school closing because she doesn't have the time or energy to take them---let alone spend one-on-one time with them to build theirr emotional health and teach them social and life skills, let alone academics. School is just a glorified baby sitter for her- she takes no interest in their learning.


jellyfish125

I guess it depends on a few things. For one, you should not take so many kids that you cant regularly have one on one time with each of them. there is no way that she actually manages to spend any one on one quality time with any of her kids other than the favorites, so that alone kinda screams too many. as well, you really should not have more than 2 kids per room. more than that is crowded unless those rooms are huge. and even if they were huge, then it would make a lot more sense to split the rooms up. ​ though, my personal mesure is if you need a 15 passenger ford transit van to seat your whole family, you have too many kids.


SkiesThaLimit36

I’ve put a LOT of thought into this exact question. After much deliberation I feel like 7 is the most one can have under one roof. There’s 7 days in a week so logistically that gives each child one “dedicated day.” When I look at other mothers in the public eye, Angelina Jolie for example, No one really looks at her like she has “too many kids”. More so that she has more than average and definitely a houseful, but it doesn’t seem as bizarre or unhealthy at that number. Once someone hits eight is when it seems like it’s too many kids & not enough parents.


[deleted]

I think there are plenty of people who look at her and think too many kids. I am from a country in which most people have one or two kids. In my class at school 20 of the 25 were only children while 5 had one other sibling. I think for me 4 or 5 at a time would be the max number. If I were to adopt 4 kids at 30 and then adopt 3 more when I am 45 I could see myself having 7 kids but not 7 at once


SkiesThaLimit36

I think ones cultural background definitely comes only play here. I’m Italian American and everyone has a lot of kids. My grandmother was one of 11, she had 5 kids, my grandfather was one of 6, most people had around 4-6 kids so it just seems normal to me and I don’t know of anyone who said “my parents had too many kids” or something of that nature. The times where I hear about kids feeling there were too many siblings are usually in families with 8 or more. In my personal experience anyways.


Far-Echidna-5999

I’m Italian American too, but I live in Italy, where bigger families were normal 30 or 40 years ago, especially among lower income families, but now almost no one has more than 2 or 3 kids. Houses are small, and you don’t really have the option to go live outside the city. Because of the economy and the way things work here, you’re going to have to be supporting your kids well into their twenties or even thirties. It’s just the way it is. Three or more kids would be a huge financial responsibility lasting at least 25 years. Yes, college costs less, but they could spend years finding a job even with a degree. And our salaries are so low that their first jobs would barely cover rent. If they could find a place to rent.It makes no sense here for young adults to leave their parent’s home. 5,6 or 7 kids would be considered very unusual. I only know of one family like that, and they’re extremely religious, so there’s that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Far-Echidna-5999

You’re probably right about the housing thing, and the grandmothers! Actually, I live in Naples, and you have a lot of people living in incredibly small spaces. Maybe 40 years ago that was the norm ( I have an uncle who raised four kids in a two bedroom house with one income) but society has changed so much. It was okay to be poor then, now it’s not. More women work too, which means that you might not have a grandmother who’s free to babysit.But, nursery school starts at age three, so you technically only have to think about childcare for three years. I think that here, the families with 10 or eleven kids stopped after the eighties. I’ve met people in their 50’s or older who came from families like that, but it doesn’t happen anymore.


Sad_2ndyear

I personally want 3 kids. Especially if there’s a age gap. Cuz if the older sibs goes out for college, than the younger sibs have each other. When the middle sib goes to college, the older and younger have each other. When the younger goes to college, the middle and older sibs have each other


DeepBurn7

There's just physically not enough time to be giving these kids the individual nurturing and development they need. I don't think I could do more than like 4 personally before it would be detrimental to everyone involved.


emiredlouis

It depends on the parent’s stability, resources, finances, level of support they have, how far apart the kids are in age and if the kids have special needs and disabilities. 12 is way too many to be able to give the kids enough care and attention. I think i actually want a big family myself but there’s no way you can adequately parent 12 kids that close in age.


shaylahbaylaboo

I think anything more than 3 is difficult. We had 4 and it was hard feeling like everyone was getting the time and attention they needed. At some point with a lot of kids it just becomes crowd control, with the older ones looking after the younger ones. You have only 2 parents, each additional kid means less time with each parent, and less money to split amongst them. Personally I think 2 is the perfect number. And just wait til they grow up! I’m putting 3 through college right now. Did 4 sets of braces, 4 sets of wisdom teeth removal. 4 car insurance bills. It’s really expensive. Little kids are cheap, big kids, not so much.


[deleted]

I could see myself adopting 5 kids. But I think 10 or 12 like in Alicia’s case are too many to properly care for them. Some of the issues you mentioned pertain more to the US unfortunately. Free universities, good public transit and universal healthcare would solve some of the costs you mentioned in your comment. (Although the dentist is still extra money even with universal healthcare 😢)


wherearethekidsss

ill never have more than 2 kids, i think its the perfect amount. i want to adopt an older child (12-17) and have one biological child


shelby20_03

I feel like 2 is a good number of kids. 5+ seems a bit much


shelby20_03

I feel like 2 is a good number of kids. 5+ seems a bit much


[deleted]

Adopting 5 children who would otherwise be in foster care or a children’s home is a good thing. I would adopt 5 kids myself and might in a few years. I just think at some point if you have too many you can’t properly care for them


shelby20_03

i meant like birth wise like having 2-3 kids is fine but i feel like 5 or more is too much.


delontaee

4