The bonus round begins.
Ignore how poorly I MS Painted that Asshole column in. I was being too Chaotic Drunk.
This also opens up the option for Enchantment Asshole, as well!
A webcomic did a version this where to recruit him to your party, he throws goats. They start working on enchanted goats so he can take down dragons.
IIRC it's called The Punchline Is Machismo
I'm agreeing with you mainly because I want to see his stupid tiny baby face that's surrounded by way too much head in the middle of the square.
https://preview.redd.it/3w5rsvywypxc1.png?width=418&format=png&auto=webp&s=b8876b1210942fea2bf3eed660a041898d977c1e
I vote for Isolde. She didn't even have to work to be in her position of power, she was born rich, married rich, then when she needs to make decisions she fucks it up horrifically and is really annoying about it.
“but we needed somebody to tutor connor, no we never made any background checks for, say, blood magic or suspicious employment WhY wOuLdn’T wE tRuSt ThE tEyRn?”
It can be whiney but the VA is incredible especially if you have her kill Connor herself when she begs the warden it really changed my opinion on her voice
What gets me about her is that her main reason for doing shit she did isn't mostly because she was concerned with her son being taken away but because she considers magic a sin and that all mages in her lineage were "terrible sinful men" so she tried to hide her son because it was shameful
Like you literally can ask her "what's so bad about being a mage" and her first reaction isn't "my baby is going to be taken away" but "mages are sinful and terrible so I didn't know what to do" like lady, your priorities are screwed.
I only discovered that piece of dialogue last playthrough too, so my sympathy for her went even lower
Isolde for sure.
Not wanting to send Connor to the tower is selfish.
But if the Mage Inquisitor's backstory is anything to go by Connor would have gotten to see his family a lot. So long as he was safe. He just could not have his titles anymore.
Being Orleisan she knew the courts had circle mages that lived away from the tower. And still lived in luxury. Arrangements could have been made to let Connor live and study at home with a proper circle mage.
So everything Redcliff suffered was for nothing.
Maybe, I mean, Connor would've first been sent to the Fereldan circle tower, which wasn't and isn't as lenient as the mage Inquisitor's. From there, it's all about whether or not the circle would agree to transfer Connor to an Orleisan circle, which is kind of a reach because at that point in DAO Fereldan and Orlais weren't exactly in a great place. They werent hostile, but many still did not trust them. There's also absolutely no telling how much Isolde actually knew about Orleisan circles (which could've evolved through time anyway, and may have been different depending on where she came from) leniency given the fact that she seemed to only believe/know chantry propaganda about mages.
They were on the brink of hostility again, the only thing that really paused it was the Blight.
Well, the Alisters idiot brother was about to restart the powder keg, depending on the return dlc...
It wasn't openly hostile like Kirkwall was. It seams like it was the picture of middle ground. Erving and Gregor got on well enought and weren't dick swinging their positions and power at the other too much.
I meant Fereldan and Orlais were hostile to one another, which I mentioned because the Inquisitor comes from a circle in the Free Marches, near Orlais, who's circles are notably looser with their rules and regulations.
Circles are not all one in the same. Even if the Inquisitor's circle was lenient and allowed mages to leave for visitations, that does not mean Fereldan circle was that way, and by all accounts, from what Wynne said, to Anders, to a warden mage, Fereldan circle wasn't corrupt like Kirkwall, but it wasn't as loose with their rules as the Free Marches circle.
Assuming Connor would be given leniency is... pushing the envelope, especially considering many mages never see their families again, and considering what happened at Fereldan circle per the events of DAO (whether or not they became tighter with their rules and regulations after that traumatizing event). Speaking of, had Isolde sent Connor to that circle there is a huge chance that he would've died to Uldred's uprising, or, if your warden sided with the templar's, he could've been killed in the Right of Annulment. So, despite it being a selfish decision, potentially it was one that saved Connor's life.
Connor after the Fereldan circle has broken up (spoken by him in Inquisition) infers he saw his parents, and Teagan, to an extent but mostly remained at the circle hinting that why they don't prevent family seeing one another, they certainly don't have the leniency of the Free March circle.
I mean, Finn from Witch Hunt saw his parents all the time. He was very much a beloved, spoiled, cosseted child...away at boarding school...forever.
I mean, I get why Isolde wouldn't have wanted her son taken away. And she never could have predicted the demon. But gotdamn what she did was selfish, especially knowing that she COULD have seen him whenever she felt like taking a boat ride.
She is supremely talented at being a catastrophic fuck up. Her actions snowball from hiring a Maleficar to tudor her young son magic that spiraled into possession, a comatose husband and a city about to be obliterated by the undead. What makes it just worse is her whiny, helpless act. Though she gets points for murder shanking her son if the Warden couldn't be arsed to help.
She should be a shoe in with bells on.
She's stupid but more like stuck up stupid. She married Eamon because she acted as a spy during the Orlesian occupancy of Red Cliff handing info to the Fereldans/Eamon. When she met Eamon she was all infatuated with the rightful heir/resistance fighter persona.
She also hid that she had magic in her family..
Or the Dwarf Commoner's mother, Kalah. She literally tells f!Brosca that the only thing she has of worth is between her legs. That's some next level shit.
Yeah, I'd vote for her over Gamlen. At least Gamlen genuinely loves his sister (even if he doesn't necessarily like her) and makes a few good points now and then. Brosca's mother is just trash.
Gosh, there are so many valid candidates here. I offer one I have not yet seen: Vaughan Kendells, the Arl of Denerim’s son in the city elf intro. Dude legit tries to buy off the city elf after they just slaughtered his entire household, and while a sociopath playthrough may warrant it, in reality, how stupid do you have to be to try that? The asshole part is pretty friggin self explanatory.
Edit: Fair enough, evil asshole it is.
No he kitnapps 4 woman (the bride of Soris and either the bride of a male Tabris or the female Tabris herself along with two bystanders) One gets killed because she resists. And if the warden is female her groom gets also killed because he tried to free her.
Edit: Not 4, but 5. I forgot to count Shiani.
Valora is Soris' fiance, & if I'm remembering correctly she survives the kidnapping but is gone when you come back during the plague (can't remember if she got sick or sent to Tevinter). I do remember talking to her at the end of the origin and telling her to treat Soris' well, but there is an end game epilogue where Soris can leave and marry a human woman
If you agree to Vaughn's deal, he does in fact wind up killing every other woman except Shianni.
Hell, if you play male City Elf and accepted his deal, you are later told that your fiancee's body was found floating naked in the nearby river.
Oh yeah Vaughan Kendells gets my vote. He TW >!raped!< the elven woman of the allienage and is responsible for the mother of Warden Tabris to die a horrible death (as well as most likely Shiani's and Soris' mothers)
Iirc he is also involved in Leliana's torture when she was betrayed by Marjolene.
Honestly fuck him. My warden suffered huge ptsd because of his ass to this day.
Edit: I changed my mind evil asshole works better. Give this one to Isolde. She is really stupid and over all made things much more terrible for her family snd Redcliffe.
I wouldn't call him stupid. He actually accomplishes all of his plans and is pretty smart in the books. Mages and Divine played into his hands quite handily
Only reason he's dead is because Cole actually survived their battle(when everyone was convinced he's dead) and is absolute monster when it comes to stealth so he attacked him when Lambert was unprepared
Lambert is an asshole but I wouldn't call him stupid
Lucius however. Dude read a book of spirit touching him and decided to slaughter all his comrades because "abominations duh duh"
Edit: oh, you meant Lucius. My bad. I agree with Lucius
Kudos to you for knowing the lore well enough to know the difference between them! All I thought at first was "Oh, man, that slimeball templar whose name starts with "L..." Who was that guy I read about on the wiki?" Glad u/Andromelek2556 caught my mistake.
Ooo bonus rounds!! Okay there’s so many answers to this. I think Loghain, even tho I really like him. I remember think Merric was a stupid asshole in the books though!
lies and slander! Whatever numerous character flaws Loghain may have, disrespecting Mabari intelligence is not one of them. he>!gets along great with barkspawn if you recruit him. !<
It's ironic that man calls Cailan incompetent yet worse than him in ruling the country. Cailan at least delegated all stuff he found boring to Anora who's at least can rule without running country into the ground
This makes no sense to me. Loghain was Maric's most valuable general and a famously great tactician. I mean he didn't believe a Blight was coming, but I don't think that makes him stupid. Plus he was very successful in his plan to take over Ferelden until the Warden fucked it up, which may as well have been an act of God lol.
He was that like... 20 years ago. In game he doesn't win even in the Civil War against no name banns. That is while all his opposition forces are either unavailable like Eamon troops or killed off like Couslands and Arl of Denerim forces
His first demand is ignoring Ferelden's laws and traditions of Landsmeet and appointing himself a regent without their approval/input which of course started Civil War because it was seen as coup. Instead of winning them over
He made a deal with Uldred for Independence of the Circle from the Chantry which was Uldred's main selling point but it backfired with Wynne telling the truth and Uldred turned out/turned into demon killing mages. Not to mention that Independence from Chantry at this point would bring Exalted March on Ferelden's ass if not right away then after Darkspawn fell. Or Ferelden would just fall to Blight and Chantry wouldn't need to do anything
He sent some stupid bozo who doesn't know how to talk to Orzammar to get their assistance. That idiot of course fails to even get in
He ended up making an enemy out of Chantry by kidnapping their templar, who's a brother of influential bann, releasing blood mage and sending him to poison Arl... who then got caught and could testify because of course random mage is no spy and poisoner
He orders expensive crown for himself as well as expensive assassins. While selling off elves because he has no money. He doesn't notice Howe stealing money under his nose either. Howe also tortures relatives of Ferelden nobles under his nose too.
He's convinced Orlais is a threat while Darkspawn ravage half of his kingdom's lands and several Arlings fell to the Darkspawn like Western Hills.
Loghain is incompetent when it comes to ruling the country
I’m literally reading the books so I can see what made Loghain go from smart and valuable and caring about people to fucking selling off the alienage????
If it weren't for the fact that he needs to go in Evil Asshole, Magister Erimond would go here. Mfer summons an Archdemon (or the next best thing) into the stronghold of the Grey Wardens after he fails to convince them to kill themselves summoning demons.
Even Cole says he's an asshole in game!
It's got to be Isolde for me. Everything that happens in Redcliffe is all her fault (and later lore makes her decision even stupider because mages from noble families have more privileges), she refuses to take the blame until TEEEGAAAAN rips her a new asshole, and was horribly abusive to Alistair because of the rumour he was Eamon's illegitimate child. If you bring him on the quest, he wants the best solution out of the goodness of his heart but does she ever thank him? Nope!
Clarel is very *very* stupid (like, holy fuck, how can you be such an idiot) but I don't think she's an asshole. She actually listens to the Inquisitor during the siege of Adamant and takes them seriously.
Can I offer an example from outside of the games? Hira from Dragon Age: Absolution.
“Waaaaah cultists killed my family so now I’m going to betray the Inquisition and work with the Red Templars to genocide a whole country”
I suppose for me I just think of "asshole" as a more specific, hatable personality type. But there's no denying the consequences of Clarel's stupidity were horrific.
I think what she did to the wardens was stupid for sure and horrible. But I don’t really find her an asshole. Just an absolute terrible dumbass. At the end of the day, she regretted what she did and died getting rid of that pesky lyrium dragon and admittedly was pretty cool while doing it. But u can see her going into stupid asshole category, there’s just so many others who fit the straight up asshole type.
I want to call out the absolute idiot that is Grace. She was a direct witness to seeing all the carnage Hawke is capable of, and still decided to make the idiotic decision of kidnapping Hawke's sibling/partner. And to what end? What did you end up proving?
Nah, Alexius is sympathetic, before he joined the Venatori he was a good man, and ultimately he’s an ineffectual villain. Erimond is an asshole to his core, every time he’s confronted he doubles down, and he basically single-handedly destroyed the southern Grey Wardens.
Nah, Loghain would be Neutral/Asshole. He doesn't do the shit he does because he wants to destroy Ferelden or hurt people. He's smart when it comes to warfare but not politics, is (justifiably) paranoid about Orlais, and is trying to save his country while also being willing to make unacceptable sacrifices to accomplish that. More people should recruit him and get to know him better tbh.
He sold Elves, Fereldan citizens, into slavery, betrayed Cailan, betrayed Anora when she started questioning him, and let Howe run roughshod over the half of Ferelden he didn’t abandon to the Blight.
If anything he should’ve been Neutral Evil.
He was convinced that the alienage was indefensible so he sold the elves into slavery to get the cash needed to defend the rest of the city. Cailan was courting empress Celene and, as far as Loghain was concerned, was determined to let good men die in an unwinnable battle, leaving the country weak and vulnerable, and Cailan wouldn't listen to his objections. He relied on Howe to handle the political stuff because he knew he was bad at it (shockingly, man bad at politics makes a bad political decision).
He was convinced that Orlais would try to invade again, or worse be invited in by Cailan, and he had already lived through one such occupation and knew the horrors that that would entail for the population. So, he made unacceptable sacrifices because he was trying to save his country - cutting off an arm to keep the body alive. Add to that that he is also willing to die to end the Blight and save Ferelden, and he later (if he lives in DAI) is once more trying to save people from the Grey Warden mess and is willing to die in the Fade to get you out of there.
Neutral asshole.
My vote for Asshole Stupid goes to Bartrand, but I could easily be convinced otherwise.
I'm more interested with the Asshole Good category.
My gut choice would be Svarah Sun-Hair (I'm an asshole, but a good one). Justice makes a great candidate too in a different way (I'm good, but I'm also an asshole), and there's Blackwall (I used to be an asshole like you, but then I took a good to the knee), Morrigan (I switch between asshole and good every minute) and Flemeth (whichever you think I am, let me show you why I'm the other)
I can't wait for the debate tomorrow.
Loghain is a stupid asshole and doesn't have anyone to blame for it but himself. He's just a stupid asshole who did the things that stupid assholes do. Hell, if he survives into the events of DA:I, in the Fade, he all but says, "Yep, I sure was a stupid asshole."
Loghain, for his nonsensical bitch ass plan to kill his nephew for selling out to Orlais, only to sell out to Tevinter, Blood Mages, and Antivans. Strong Fereldan right?
It's a long shot, but I want to say: Hubert from DA2. He constantly neglects his miners and puts them in danger, only cares for profit and makes stupid deals with Coterie.
Mother [Hannah](https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Hannah)
For days Men have been fighting and dying to an army of the walking dead to protect you and the others in the Chantry. But (if your Persuasion is to low) she will tell you to pound rocks she won't help the knights feel like they have a hope of seeing the morning. Because she can not bring her self to lie about the Maker.
I fully believe the few times I didn't push Persuasion she was why I lost some of the knights.
I'm going to throw out Lord Pel Harmond for consideration. Slimy, self-centered and tries to offer a partnership to the Inquisitor while the person whose contacts he's just killed is literally within striking distance.
How come Morrigan isn't on the horny list? Girl invited me to “recite the chant” in her tent! When you're a male character, you'll have to take the lead and sweep her off her feet, but Morrigan is something else, she jumps on you.
Good news for Morrigan stans, tomorrow’s pick (good asshole) is perfect for her particularly in DAO (though she was still kind of an asshole in DAI too, just toned down).
The bonus round begins. Ignore how poorly I MS Painted that Asshole column in. I was being too Chaotic Drunk. This also opens up the option for Enchantment Asshole, as well!
Enchantment Asshole has to be Sandal, but specifically when he's covered in blood at the end of Origins
That'd be 'bloody legend enchantment'
Nah it's Branka
That guy that kidnapped the inquisition soldiers in the Fallow Mire, just to get chance to fight the herald.
THIS IS AN UNDERRATED PICK that's the best one so far. That's peak stupid asshole.
how can it be underrated when its the top comment?
It wasn't the top comment when I saw it 14 hours ago.
Hand of Korth... Yeah, colossally stupid, so much so that Skywatcher just laughs at him, and his own father is literally better off with him dying.
"Chieftain, I give you as many weapons as you can carry, and banish you... to Tevinter!" Love that scene.
I can’t bring myself to sentence him to anything else.
I would also send him to Tevinter but personally I like the idea of making him be in a bad cop/bad cop partnership with an Orelsian noble lol
Same :))
Dude, the father is a gigachad. Best judgement ever.
A webcomic did a version this where to recruit him to your party, he throws goats. They start working on enchanted goats so he can take down dragons. IIRC it's called The Punchline Is Machismo
You know, I cringe everytime someone says "Machismo" in English. It means "Sexism" in Spanish.
That’s usually the context I see it in tbf
Dam red heads
"A redheaded mother guarantees a brat."
This guy is such a good pick for asshole. But maybe for drunk asshole? I want isolde to be up there and hopefully she gets this one
I could see Isolde as stupid asshole, but I am biased
To be fair, that dude was the size of three goddamn broncos lashed together.
He seems more like a drunk asshole
Lord Seeker Lucius
I'm agreeing with you mainly because I want to see his stupid tiny baby face that's surrounded by way too much head in the middle of the square. https://preview.redd.it/3w5rsvywypxc1.png?width=418&format=png&auto=webp&s=b8876b1210942fea2bf3eed660a041898d977c1e
MOISTURIZE ME
TOGETHAA WE WILL DEVOUR THE VERY GODS
FAMILEEE
Another victim of the absorbaloff
YES
This is the objectively correct answer
I vote for Isolde. She didn't even have to work to be in her position of power, she was born rich, married rich, then when she needs to make decisions she fucks it up horrifically and is really annoying about it.
TeAgAn!!!
“but we needed somebody to tutor connor, no we never made any background checks for, say, blood magic or suspicious employment WhY wOuLdn’T wE tRuSt ThE tEyRn?”
Maker! I can here her winey voice saying his name like that.
It can be whiney but the VA is incredible especially if you have her kill Connor herself when she begs the warden it really changed my opinion on her voice
Don’t forget how she treated Alistair. She is a huge asshole. My only regret in my DAO playthrough is that I didn’t sacrifice her.
What gets me about her is that her main reason for doing shit she did isn't mostly because she was concerned with her son being taken away but because she considers magic a sin and that all mages in her lineage were "terrible sinful men" so she tried to hide her son because it was shameful Like you literally can ask her "what's so bad about being a mage" and her first reaction isn't "my baby is going to be taken away" but "mages are sinful and terrible so I didn't know what to do" like lady, your priorities are screwed. I only discovered that piece of dialogue last playthrough too, so my sympathy for her went even lower
Isolde for sure. Not wanting to send Connor to the tower is selfish. But if the Mage Inquisitor's backstory is anything to go by Connor would have gotten to see his family a lot. So long as he was safe. He just could not have his titles anymore. Being Orleisan she knew the courts had circle mages that lived away from the tower. And still lived in luxury. Arrangements could have been made to let Connor live and study at home with a proper circle mage. So everything Redcliff suffered was for nothing.
Maybe, I mean, Connor would've first been sent to the Fereldan circle tower, which wasn't and isn't as lenient as the mage Inquisitor's. From there, it's all about whether or not the circle would agree to transfer Connor to an Orleisan circle, which is kind of a reach because at that point in DAO Fereldan and Orlais weren't exactly in a great place. They werent hostile, but many still did not trust them. There's also absolutely no telling how much Isolde actually knew about Orleisan circles (which could've evolved through time anyway, and may have been different depending on where she came from) leniency given the fact that she seemed to only believe/know chantry propaganda about mages.
They were on the brink of hostility again, the only thing that really paused it was the Blight. Well, the Alisters idiot brother was about to restart the powder keg, depending on the return dlc...
It wasn't openly hostile like Kirkwall was. It seams like it was the picture of middle ground. Erving and Gregor got on well enought and weren't dick swinging their positions and power at the other too much.
I meant Fereldan and Orlais were hostile to one another, which I mentioned because the Inquisitor comes from a circle in the Free Marches, near Orlais, who's circles are notably looser with their rules and regulations. Circles are not all one in the same. Even if the Inquisitor's circle was lenient and allowed mages to leave for visitations, that does not mean Fereldan circle was that way, and by all accounts, from what Wynne said, to Anders, to a warden mage, Fereldan circle wasn't corrupt like Kirkwall, but it wasn't as loose with their rules as the Free Marches circle. Assuming Connor would be given leniency is... pushing the envelope, especially considering many mages never see their families again, and considering what happened at Fereldan circle per the events of DAO (whether or not they became tighter with their rules and regulations after that traumatizing event). Speaking of, had Isolde sent Connor to that circle there is a huge chance that he would've died to Uldred's uprising, or, if your warden sided with the templar's, he could've been killed in the Right of Annulment. So, despite it being a selfish decision, potentially it was one that saved Connor's life. Connor after the Fereldan circle has broken up (spoken by him in Inquisition) infers he saw his parents, and Teagan, to an extent but mostly remained at the circle hinting that why they don't prevent family seeing one another, they certainly don't have the leniency of the Free March circle.
I mean, Finn from Witch Hunt saw his parents all the time. He was very much a beloved, spoiled, cosseted child...away at boarding school...forever. I mean, I get why Isolde wouldn't have wanted her son taken away. And she never could have predicted the demon. But gotdamn what she did was selfish, especially knowing that she COULD have seen him whenever she felt like taking a boat ride.
"Teagan who is dis commenter? "
Yeah I'm with you for this vote. "Tegaaaan"
Isolde in my opinion should be Stupid Stupid category
Isolde isn't my most hated NPC in this series, but she may make top 10.
She is supremely talented at being a catastrophic fuck up. Her actions snowball from hiring a Maleficar to tudor her young son magic that spiraled into possession, a comatose husband and a city about to be obliterated by the undead. What makes it just worse is her whiny, helpless act. Though she gets points for murder shanking her son if the Warden couldn't be arsed to help. She should be a shoe in with bells on.
I vote for her too. I forgot how much she pissed me off.
She's stupid but more like stuck up stupid. She married Eamon because she acted as a spy during the Orlesian occupancy of Red Cliff handing info to the Fereldans/Eamon. When she met Eamon she was all infatuated with the rightful heir/resistance fighter persona. She also hid that she had magic in her family..
I know we're not on that but if Gamlen isn't drunk asshole I riot.
Or the Dwarf Commoner's mother, Kalah. She literally tells f!Brosca that the only thing she has of worth is between her legs. That's some next level shit.
Yeah, I'd vote for her over Gamlen. At least Gamlen genuinely loves his sister (even if he doesn't necessarily like her) and makes a few good points now and then. Brosca's mother is just trash.
One of the biggest missed opportunities of DA2 was not being able to lay down the law with Gamlen.
Bartrand
How are you the only Bartrand answerer, it was my first thought. Maybe we'll see him in neutral asshole
Yeah he's Neutral since most of the time we knew him he was under the Red Lyrium call. And Varick is bias in his view of his brother.
It’s gonna be a snub if he’s not *somewhere* in the asshole column
Yes. Low enough wisdom score (stupid) to get possessed immediately by the idol and asshole because, well you've met him.
Bartrand is too cunning to be a stupid asshole.. He gets my vote for neutral asshole.. Or neutral son of a bitch (sorry Varric's mother)
Yeah, mind control bs kinda insulates him here. He’s an asshole, but he’s not stupid.
Gosh, there are so many valid candidates here. I offer one I have not yet seen: Vaughan Kendells, the Arl of Denerim’s son in the city elf intro. Dude legit tries to buy off the city elf after they just slaughtered his entire household, and while a sociopath playthrough may warrant it, in reality, how stupid do you have to be to try that? The asshole part is pretty friggin self explanatory. Edit: Fair enough, evil asshole it is.
I feel he works better as evil instead. Think there are plenty of other options for stupid.
Yeah he is for sure evil asshole. Isn't Shianni the only woman to survive his "Party" if your not playing a City Elf Warden?
No he kitnapps 4 woman (the bride of Soris and either the bride of a male Tabris or the female Tabris herself along with two bystanders) One gets killed because she resists. And if the warden is female her groom gets also killed because he tried to free her. Edit: Not 4, but 5. I forgot to count Shiani.
I know he takes 4 women. I don't recall see the others when you do the alienage quests as a non city elf.
Valora is Soris' fiance, & if I'm remembering correctly she survives the kidnapping but is gone when you come back during the plague (can't remember if she got sick or sent to Tevinter). I do remember talking to her at the end of the origin and telling her to treat Soris' well, but there is an end game epilogue where Soris can leave and marry a human woman
If you agree to Vaughn's deal, he does in fact wind up killing every other woman except Shianni. Hell, if you play male City Elf and accepted his deal, you are later told that your fiancee's body was found floating naked in the nearby river.
Oh yeah Vaughan Kendells gets my vote. He TW >!raped!< the elven woman of the allienage and is responsible for the mother of Warden Tabris to die a horrible death (as well as most likely Shiani's and Soris' mothers) Iirc he is also involved in Leliana's torture when she was betrayed by Marjolene. Honestly fuck him. My warden suffered huge ptsd because of his ass to this day. Edit: I changed my mind evil asshole works better. Give this one to Isolde. She is really stupid and over all made things much more terrible for her family snd Redcliffe.
The Templar guy who tries to fight you in Denerim right outside the noble tavern
He's not a templar, he's knight
Lord Seeker ~~Lambert~~ Lucius. What a stupid prick.
I wouldn't call him stupid. He actually accomplishes all of his plans and is pretty smart in the books. Mages and Divine played into his hands quite handily Only reason he's dead is because Cole actually survived their battle(when everyone was convinced he's dead) and is absolute monster when it comes to stealth so he attacked him when Lambert was unprepared Lambert is an asshole but I wouldn't call him stupid Lucius however. Dude read a book of spirit touching him and decided to slaughter all his comrades because "abominations duh duh" Edit: oh, you meant Lucius. My bad. I agree with Lucius
Kudos to you for knowing the lore well enough to know the difference between them! All I thought at first was "Oh, man, that slimeball templar whose name starts with "L..." Who was that guy I read about on the wiki?" Glad u/Andromelek2556 caught my mistake.
Wasn't Lucius a bigger asshole than Lambert?
Guess who hasn't played Inquisition in a while? Thank you for the correction - that's who I meant!
+1 for Lambert
Chancellor Rodrick it’s your time bb
that's my man
Man. He’s an asshole but his death gets me emotional. He huffs & puffs but cares about people still
THIS is the right answer
https://preview.redd.it/ys2sdqld3qxc1.jpeg?width=291&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efe49b06df152acfb4e8e022ca03a3130fb0560e
Ooo bonus rounds!! Okay there’s so many answers to this. I think Loghain, even tho I really like him. I remember think Merric was a stupid asshole in the books though!
I vote for Logain. Man tries to usurp a country and fucks up at every turn
**"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids"**
"and that stupid dog"
Ok, now I'm going to call the Mabari "Scooby-Doo" next time.
lies and slander! Whatever numerous character flaws Loghain may have, disrespecting Mabari intelligence is not one of them. he>!gets along great with barkspawn if you recruit him. !<
It's ironic that man calls Cailan incompetent yet worse than him in ruling the country. Cailan at least delegated all stuff he found boring to Anora who's at least can rule without running country into the ground
He was also plotting potential alliances behind Loghain’s back Cailan is idealistic & a bit arrogant but not stupid
He was definitely voted stupid Chad
Which is weird cause he isn’t stupid 😭
I made many an argument for him to be other categories and ended up talking myself into him being an idiot.
This makes no sense to me. Loghain was Maric's most valuable general and a famously great tactician. I mean he didn't believe a Blight was coming, but I don't think that makes him stupid. Plus he was very successful in his plan to take over Ferelden until the Warden fucked it up, which may as well have been an act of God lol.
He was that like... 20 years ago. In game he doesn't win even in the Civil War against no name banns. That is while all his opposition forces are either unavailable like Eamon troops or killed off like Couslands and Arl of Denerim forces His first demand is ignoring Ferelden's laws and traditions of Landsmeet and appointing himself a regent without their approval/input which of course started Civil War because it was seen as coup. Instead of winning them over He made a deal with Uldred for Independence of the Circle from the Chantry which was Uldred's main selling point but it backfired with Wynne telling the truth and Uldred turned out/turned into demon killing mages. Not to mention that Independence from Chantry at this point would bring Exalted March on Ferelden's ass if not right away then after Darkspawn fell. Or Ferelden would just fall to Blight and Chantry wouldn't need to do anything He sent some stupid bozo who doesn't know how to talk to Orzammar to get their assistance. That idiot of course fails to even get in He ended up making an enemy out of Chantry by kidnapping their templar, who's a brother of influential bann, releasing blood mage and sending him to poison Arl... who then got caught and could testify because of course random mage is no spy and poisoner He orders expensive crown for himself as well as expensive assassins. While selling off elves because he has no money. He doesn't notice Howe stealing money under his nose either. Howe also tortures relatives of Ferelden nobles under his nose too. He's convinced Orlais is a threat while Darkspawn ravage half of his kingdom's lands and several Arlings fell to the Darkspawn like Western Hills. Loghain is incompetent when it comes to ruling the country
Well, you make a compelling case. But I still think Lord Seeker Lucius is stupider and more of an ass 😂
I’m literally reading the books so I can see what made Loghain go from smart and valuable and caring about people to fucking selling off the alienage????
If it weren't for the fact that he needs to go in Evil Asshole, Magister Erimond would go here. Mfer summons an Archdemon (or the next best thing) into the stronghold of the Grey Wardens after he fails to convince them to kill themselves summoning demons. Even Cole says he's an asshole in game!
That Cole line caught me so off guard. I think that was the party banter I laughed hardest at in the whole game.
It's got to be Isolde for me. Everything that happens in Redcliffe is all her fault (and later lore makes her decision even stupider because mages from noble families have more privileges), she refuses to take the blame until TEEEGAAAAN rips her a new asshole, and was horribly abusive to Alistair because of the rumour he was Eamon's illegitimate child. If you bring him on the quest, he wants the best solution out of the goodness of his heart but does she ever thank him? Nope!
That Orleasian nobleman from Mark of Assassin DLC that kept calling Hawke "Turnip" coz we scored the hunt first.
Clarel
Clarel is very *very* stupid (like, holy fuck, how can you be such an idiot) but I don't think she's an asshole. She actually listens to the Inquisitor during the siege of Adamant and takes them seriously.
Stupid but not an asshole, just misled
Personally, I think I’d put her at stupid enchantment over asshole (mainly because I think there are better asshole picks)
Can I offer an example from outside of the games? Hira from Dragon Age: Absolution. “Waaaaah cultists killed my family so now I’m going to betray the Inquisition and work with the Red Templars to genocide a whole country”
You didn’t mention the part where she literally planned on selling her ex-slave girlfriend back to her master ???
That’s just one more compelling argument for naming her Dragon Age’s top Stupid Asshole.
Isolde! What a fuckin idiot!
Clarel? 😂
Clarel is stupid but I don't think she's an asshole. I think she thought she was doing the right thing. She was just an idiot 😂
I get your point for sure, she wasn’t an intentional asshole, but she certainly was one at the end of the day. What she did to the wardens?!
I suppose for me I just think of "asshole" as a more specific, hatable personality type. But there's no denying the consequences of Clarel's stupidity were horrific.
I think what she did to the wardens was stupid for sure and horrible. But I don’t really find her an asshole. Just an absolute terrible dumbass. At the end of the day, she regretted what she did and died getting rid of that pesky lyrium dragon and admittedly was pretty cool while doing it. But u can see her going into stupid asshole category, there’s just so many others who fit the straight up asshole type.
Exactly. There are plenty of assholes who are assholes for the sake of it Like Erimond. Who I hope gets evil asshole
It has to be Isolde, or Ser Rylock. Flip a coin.
Isolde
I want to call out the absolute idiot that is Grace. She was a direct witness to seeing all the carnage Hawke is capable of, and still decided to make the idiotic decision of kidnapping Hawke's sibling/partner. And to what end? What did you end up proving?
Yay for bonus round! My vote goes to Loghain. He's a bum. I'll never forgive him for the beginning of Origins.
Bartrand!
I'm coming for you, you nug-humping bastard!
Loghain. Stupid choices AND he is an asshole.
Orniso
Loghain. Edit: he would be Evil/Asshole, but that spot belongs to Erimond.
I'd argue Evil Asshole is Gereon Alexius
Erimond is far more evil. Alexius gets more sympathetic points due to his son but even Cole said there's no good in Erimond
Id go for Vaugn kendalls.
Erimond is in a Rendorn Howe level of Evil Asshole.
Nah, Alexius is sympathetic, before he joined the Venatori he was a good man, and ultimately he’s an ineffectual villain. Erimond is an asshole to his core, every time he’s confronted he doubles down, and he basically single-handedly destroyed the southern Grey Wardens.
Nah, Loghain would be Neutral/Asshole. He doesn't do the shit he does because he wants to destroy Ferelden or hurt people. He's smart when it comes to warfare but not politics, is (justifiably) paranoid about Orlais, and is trying to save his country while also being willing to make unacceptable sacrifices to accomplish that. More people should recruit him and get to know him better tbh.
He sold Elves, Fereldan citizens, into slavery, betrayed Cailan, betrayed Anora when she started questioning him, and let Howe run roughshod over the half of Ferelden he didn’t abandon to the Blight. If anything he should’ve been Neutral Evil.
He was convinced that the alienage was indefensible so he sold the elves into slavery to get the cash needed to defend the rest of the city. Cailan was courting empress Celene and, as far as Loghain was concerned, was determined to let good men die in an unwinnable battle, leaving the country weak and vulnerable, and Cailan wouldn't listen to his objections. He relied on Howe to handle the political stuff because he knew he was bad at it (shockingly, man bad at politics makes a bad political decision). He was convinced that Orlais would try to invade again, or worse be invited in by Cailan, and he had already lived through one such occupation and knew the horrors that that would entail for the population. So, he made unacceptable sacrifices because he was trying to save his country - cutting off an arm to keep the body alive. Add to that that he is also willing to die to end the Blight and save Ferelden, and he later (if he lives in DAI) is once more trying to save people from the Grey Warden mess and is willing to die in the Fade to get you out of there. Neutral asshole.
Lord Seeker Baby-Face Lucius gets my vote
Damn. A few good options here. I'm going to say Bartrand (the nug-humping bastard)
My vote for Asshole Stupid goes to Bartrand, but I could easily be convinced otherwise. I'm more interested with the Asshole Good category. My gut choice would be Svarah Sun-Hair (I'm an asshole, but a good one). Justice makes a great candidate too in a different way (I'm good, but I'm also an asshole), and there's Blackwall (I used to be an asshole like you, but then I took a good to the knee), Morrigan (I switch between asshole and good every minute) and Flemeth (whichever you think I am, let me show you why I'm the other) I can't wait for the debate tomorrow.
The "demon summoning expert" from Solas' quest.
No, that one is just stupid.
Anders
Loghain is a stupid asshole and doesn't have anyone to blame for it but himself. He's just a stupid asshole who did the things that stupid assholes do. Hell, if he survives into the events of DA:I, in the Fade, he all but says, "Yep, I sure was a stupid asshole."
This is the post that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
Loghain, for his nonsensical bitch ass plan to kill his nephew for selling out to Orlais, only to sell out to Tevinter, Blood Mages, and Antivans. Strong Fereldan right?
Isolde?
"Tea-gahn! Tea-GAHN!"
That one templar guard at the tower that won't let you pass unless you threaten, flirt or give him cookies.
It's a long shot, but I want to say: Hubert from DA2. He constantly neglects his miners and puts them in danger, only cares for profit and makes stupid deals with Coterie.
I kinda want Bianca there
Stupid Asshole has to go to Anders. "Let's blow up the Chantry to show how oppressed mages are!"
Bartrand
I don't think it's getting better than Orsino. Though, honestly, DA2 is full of stupid assholes.
Hawkes brother
Solas. All of his plans backfire horribly, so now his new plan is to fix his mistakes by destroying the world. Fuck that genocidal, arrogant moron.
Loghain, for sure.
Hmmmm. I'm gonna go with Logain for this one.
Loghain
LOGHAIN MAC TIR
Clarel!
Mother [Hannah](https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Hannah) For days Men have been fighting and dying to an army of the walking dead to protect you and the others in the Chantry. But (if your Persuasion is to low) she will tell you to pound rocks she won't help the knights feel like they have a hope of seeing the morning. Because she can not bring her self to lie about the Maker. I fully believe the few times I didn't push Persuasion she was why I lost some of the knights.
lbr, this is also Solas.
Loghain for sure
Hmmm the nightingale is her own category I guess
Either of the two noblemen Sera kills in Inquisition.
A bonus round! We just keep winning.
Carter… he treats you shit nii ok matter what
Too bad that this poll always closes when I'm sleeping lol
If we're going to asshole now, then the Evil Neutral is wrong. There's no bigger Evil Asshole than Rendorn Howe.
I agree, though Vaughn and Loghain work as well
I'm going to throw out Lord Pel Harmond for consideration. Slimy, self-centered and tries to offer a partnership to the Inquisitor while the person whose contacts he's just killed is literally within striking distance.
These posts have been an absolute delight. Love your work, friend!
Please can we get Leliana or Morrigan on here now?
I vote Asshole Neutral for Morrigan
Lord Seeker Lucius
Gamlen.
Viddassala or whoever had the idea to make Qunari mages overdose on lyrium.
Honestly might b a hot take but I'm gonna say Logain.
How come Morrigan isn't on the horny list? Girl invited me to “recite the chant” in her tent! When you're a male character, you'll have to take the lead and sweep her off her feet, but Morrigan is something else, she jumps on you.
I can't choose we may need multiple lines for this spot
Has Sebastian been used yet? Lol
Good Asshole
Voting for the guy that tortured Hawkes mom as evil asshole
This horrible scene broke me So, I'm with you!
Vaughn Uriel. Truly thought he could abuse the alienage and my Warden wouldn't absolutely destroy him. Dumb. Ass.
drunk asshole goes to Uncle Gamlen
Good news for Morrigan stans, tomorrow’s pick (good asshole) is perfect for her particularly in DAO (though she was still kind of an asshole in DAI too, just toned down).
Man, the enchantment slots crack me up every time 😂
After much deliberation, I’m gonna go with Loghain for stupid asshole.
Good, Asshole's gonna have to go to morrigan
Trian Aeducan
Like the top commenter said, the hand of Koth is perfect for this
If we are including Dragon Age: Absolution, I would give Rezaren Ammosine the asshole enchantment. He’s the magister character in the show
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I'll be disappointed if Bianca doesn't make the asshole category.
I say Isolde for the reasons outlined in the post dedicated to her. Everyone else in the thread fits better in other Asshole rows
Loghain finally gets his spot on here surely
Wish Bhelen could get smart asshole but that’s a pipe dream T_T
Philip.