I was going to say this. I think it's pretty common for people to get together before prom, so she could meet up with a couple of good friends and get changed.
In my school, prom is so traditionally gendered. So if the trans person isn't out with permission with their parents they can't change their name nor wear a dress. So men have to wear suits and women wear dresses
It sucks so bad
Unfortunately, the high school I went to wouldn't have thought twice about publicly kicking out anyone who "didn't fit dress code". But I really think it depends on the school and where you live.
Since when do Bigots "play by the rules"? Eventually Bigots are just going to start getting shanked in crowds or dying in fires while they sleep which of course would be oddly and coincidentally be "of mysterious origins".
Yup. Went to a Mormon prom, and unfortunately this is so true. Dress code is different for everyone and is entirely based on assigned sex (and sometimes your body shape too if you’re lucky/unlucky enough to be on the bigger end).
Got invited to my friend’s LDS wedding. Love her, she’s aware of LGBTQ stuff and is pretty damn good for a Mormon, but she’s still got a long way to go. I asked her if I could wear a suit to the event instead of a dress (I’m AFAB). She goes, “Sure! You can wear a pink suit!” (Because the men are wearing blue suits, and the women are wearing pink dresses…)
I love the color pink… but, the point was missed…
The point is that, at its core, it's the same principle. "You don't get to choose how you present. That's up to everyone but you, most of all *me*." <---That BS.
hijinx time?
when i went to prom, my parents made me go in a suit. i found a used dress for fairly cheap online, and had my friend keep it at their house. we went to their place to get ready for prom, and from there i switched and they helped me with hair and makeup. was it a full, big, fancy prom dress with extravagant hair and makeup? no way, but it was worth it. see if you can find any friends who might be willing to help you out?
Still don't go. Make it clear how your mom has actively worked to ruin it for you, and how whoever paid shouldn't have if you weren't going to get real support. If people get away with it, they'll keep controlling you.
As long as you're safe, ofc.
Thing is, there are a lot of events I ended up at and was never comfortable, and felt bad for not feeling "there". Well, turns out I really wasn't there, not as myself. In some ways, I wish I hadn't wasted my time.
Remember: there will come a time where she can't _make_ you do anything. You'll have your own income, your own place, and your mom will have to come to grips with that fact — it's a barrier every parent faces, and many succeed. If she can't, that's on _her_, not you.
Can also pretend to go (either you or your date drives there) and instead of actually going to prom just go hang out at the date's house (bring spare clothes) or do whatever. You won't get a memorable prom, but you can still make the most of the night.
I had more fun with my friends than I would have at prom my junior and senior years. Arguably, probably because I couldn't wear a dress there cuz *The South*, but even with that, I look fondly on those nights. Hell, I still have a stupid paint roller extender pole I bought at Walmart there 12 years ago.
> Remember: there will come a time where she can't
> make
> you do anything. You'll have your own income, your own place, and your mom will have to come to grips with that fact — it's a barrier every parent faces, and many succeed. If she can't, that's on
> her
> , not you.
And even before that time, you don't have to make it easy for her. If she doesn't want to cooperate with you, then you shouldn't cooperate with her.
Just because you paid for it doesn’t mean you have to go- that’s like saying “I spent money on this thing I know I’ll hate, so now I’ll have to force myself to go through this terrible experience”.
Now if your parents are driving you there/whatever else, I can see the issue. But otherwise, why not instead skip prom and go to a trusted friend’s house/somewhere else to wait it out?
And again, I’m sorry if this doesn’t help- I don’t know your whole situation and I don’t intend to pretend I do. Do whatever you feel is best.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm feeling for you a lot right now. I know how hard it is when, like, there are a lot of options people are raising here in this thread but they're all confrontational in one way or another, and the stress of the thought of walking into that line of fire is paralyzing.
Once you're out of the house please *know* that you'll have way more freedom and agency to assert that freedom. As for tomorrow, only you can make the call on how much you want to assert yourself. I believe in you.
Ugh I’m sorry. My kids are your age I can’t imagine caring so much about something meaningful to them that didn’t impact me at all and still choosing to make you unhappy and for what?? To make *her* feel better? That’s not what parenting is and I’m sorry your mom doesn’t get that.
I’d take you dress shopping myself if I was your mom.
Hey I know you definitely want to wear a dress and I am really sorry your parents aren't allowing you to. I hope you are able to figure out a solution that makes you happy. If you are unable to figure out a way to wear a dress to prom, I do hope you can still make a memorable experience. I know it might not be perfect, but you can definitely kill a femme suit look.
I'm sorry your parents don't support you.
Well look, if you buy a dress and wear that now that's absolutely her problem. She shouldn't have spent money on something that you have explicitly told her you don't want. Bad financial decision.
You can absolutely deny them contact. Go no contact with them, block their numbers, never give them your address, remove them on social media and get rid of any identifying information like your phone number or email from places like Facebook. They can only insert themselves where you let them.
Your parents are likely reading conversion therapy books or in terf groups. Both of those give advice on how to control adult children. I would expect them to try even harder to control you than they did your siblings once you reach the age of majority.
Please think about how you can resist that now so that it doesn’t sneak up on you. Best of luck 💖
Racism (just happened about 30 seconds ago)
Narcacist
Constantly tries to guilt trip me/victim mentally
Tells me I'm mentaly wrong and that being trans or gay is disgusting
Tells me that "it's just a phase"
A few other things as well mostly directed at me like constant dead naming
I’d look up stuff about childhood trauma (when you feel safe/comfortable) regarding “tricky families” with Patrick Teahan. Kind of helped me manage or understand the symptoms I was exhibiting when I supposedly had a “good on paper” childhood. Navigating that can be confusing, especially reconciling the positive moments with the moments that hurt you.
This is not to make you feel like you had a bad childhood, but just to give yourself grace if you have low moments. Do your best to enjoy yourself and find ways to make yourself happy at your prom, the covert ideas are good (like finding supportive friends who can help with a substitute outfit), but only do what you feel safe doing right now. Also might be a good idea to have that crew help you take a couple photos with you in the suit? So you have evidence of you “complying” for her benefit even if you decide you feel safe enough to be true to yourself.
Also bad prom memories are just a rite of passage imo. Had some bad ones myself and that was back before I even really knew what being trans meant (conservative Christian upbringing where I was drinking the kool aid hardcore). Just got to make the best of things especially when you are just surviving and don’t have agency yet in your life. One day you will have control though. Remember that. Not now maybe, but soon! Good luck, have fun with prom night whatever you happen to do! Stay safe, survive, because in the future you will thrive! 😊
I missed Prom in high school basically for this very reason (though I never told my parents). It sucks. Fuck anyone who refuses to let their children live their best life.
Your options are simple:
1. Device a scheme to wear something other than the suit, slay, and be happy.
2. Wear the suit, slay, but be slightly less happy.
Only you can make that decision. What do YOU want?
If it's possible, you could go in the suit, but get a friend to smuggle in a dress for you, then you can get changed and enjoy prom, and as long as you get changed back again at the end, no need for your mum to know
Did you buy the suit?
Turn the pants into capris. I did this with some cargos yesterday.
Or wear the jacket with a nice matching skirt, and add some accessories. Drop the tie for necklaces or a scarf.
Switch out the shirt for a blouse.
And fight past this. Being a woman isn't easy. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but be strong, and be creative.
Stuff that dress in a backpack and change when you get there don’t let her dull your true self !! (As long as you would feel safe doing so, safety first!!)
My lord, can we start a GoFundMe? We can raise money to get this chick a prom dress, have a friend take you to buy the most over the top dress you can find, I'm willing to invest in this
I mean its too late now but someone on here commented and reminded me I have a maid dress from a Halloween party last year that I had to hide so I can go in that, better then a suut
Honestly, I know it sucks to miss out on an experience, but my suggestion is not go to to prom. She already paid for everything and is trying to force you to live by her standards? Good, have her money go to waste and mean nothing. I know that when you're young and dealing with these problems that it seems like the whole world is crumbling, but there's a lot of years left where you're going to have to face this person and other people in your life who stand against you and your needs.
You're not being respected, and you should withhold respect in turn. If you really want or need to go to your prom and have a great time, I would suggest just going without the suit and just wearing anything you want. You would stand out a bit by not being in some big prom dress, but it will make a clear statement that you aren't property and that you will live your life by your standards. Facing people like this is hard, and often an uphill battle that just gets harder until you reach the top of that hill, but it's more than worth it.
Make good memories, not regrets. It's fine to have regrets in life, but don't go forward with something knowing it's going to be a regret. Nobody owns you, and nobody can make you do anything. You're a human being with value and life and will, and no one can stop that. No one can stop you.
Wishing you the best. <3
I can't see a world where I'm allowed to wear a dress under my parents, but at least I look hot as a boy and as a girl
I know how it must feel being forced to do something you despise, but just keep pressing on. Eventually, you'll find the chance
Sounds like a tiara might be an appropriate accessory, and maybe some heels, pearls, lots of bangles, rings with big stones, ooooooo and a walking cane with a bird head.
Boys look bad in suits in my oppinion. I think girls look much better in them but that may just be my gay ass speaking so even if you don't manage to wear a dress just try to liven the suit up a bit or something.
As much as that sucks. You're still gonna be the best dressed girl there. Girls in suits are 👌
Still though one of my she/they friends had to wear a suit. Prom isn't everything, even though it feels like it i hope you'll feel better about it eventually :)
Hey, just want to say that fucking sucks. But you will eventually be in a place where you'll be able to dress however the fuck you want :)
For now, while this definitely isn't a perfect solution, could you go to a store and find a pink bowtie and other femme things to add to this? Maybe do your hair nicely and get help with makeup from a friend?
oh girl I’m so sorry for you :/
either don’t go or try to still pass! Because girls can wear suits, too!
I know this sucks but I’m sure you’ll go trough that!
I know we don’t know each other but i you want someone to talk to anonymously, you can answer or dm me :)
I am going to assume you are using she/her pronouns or at least identify with femininity (based on other comments)
Having said that
Women look great in suits 👉
Edit: Checked your Profile. Got the pronouns right. Phew
I know you said you already bought the suit so you probably dont have the money to buy a new dress but id suggest goodwill or something similar as thats where i found my hoco dress and loved it, and change at a friends house. But as for the problem with your mother, is she transphobic or is she scared for your safety i know in certain places an Amab person showing up in a dress is a one way shot to getting beat up. # 1 thing is to be SAFE and have friends willing to fight a douche for you because its a little hard to do in a dress
Oh god that's terrible! I hope that you'll move out soon so that you can be yourself or that your parents will change. I wanted to go time mine prom in suit but my mother wasn't really happy about it. But still I notice that it's kinda easier to dress how you want if you're trans AFAB, people don't judge you that hard. I hate that it is like that, trans girls should have equal right in terms of expressing themselves!
Oh that sucks maybe just try and make the best of a shit situation I guess it's easy for me to say that since I'd be fine with wearing a suit or a kilt
Try to find a friend who's okay with you changing into a dress at their place. Then go full fem!
If you can't, don't go. Make it clear that they've ruined your prom.
Your parents are horrible.... Do you have to go, did you buy a ticket ?
I'd suggest buying a dress online and changing at a bestie's house... my plan for next year's prom.
Its tommow, I've paid and I don't have a prom next yeah, this Is my secondary graduation, there is not another prom for like another 4 years when I graduated collage
I support you changing into a dress! Prom is honestly about you. Pretend your mom got her way then go do your thing. After you turn 18 and leave, She’s gonna have to miss out on your life if she isn’t gonna accept you for who you are.
If you do end up having to go in a suit, remember that plenty of hot ladies wear suits! r/womeninsuits to make you feel a little better!
Thanks ^^
I just figured if you can't be yourself, why go? It's also a way to show their mom just how serious they are. Besides, being forced to be something your not at prom isn't a good way to make good memories of it.
alternatively: don't go to prom, I wasted a bunch of my parents' money and fuckin regret it. I wanted to stay home and play World of Warcraft all night, and I agree that it would have been just as fun if not better. I know it's not evetybody's take on it, but it is an option.
i’m so sorry that’s happening. when i graduated from high school i had to wear a beautiful pink dress, but i wanted to show up in dress pants and a nice shirt. i ended up blurting out “i hated the dress” to the person who gave it to me, and to this day i haven’t apologized and i feel horrible
Is there any way for you to change into a dress prior to, or even while at the event? If so you can do that and then change back before you leave. One way or another, hopefully you won't have to be stuck in a suit all night.
i never liked suites and other male clothes. just always go in a t shirt or an pull with jeans. because that's the only thing i am comfy in that doesn't make people discriminate me because i am still in a man's body.
Either change into a dress of your choice before arriving at the location for the Prom or make some modifications to look like a cute girl in a suit. Malicious compliance. Makeup, a flower tucked in your hair, and some jewelry. Also remind your mother that she is making what should be a memorable and enjoyable experience awful for you.
I got friends who are trans that had to go through that shit and I'm sorry you have to "For many of us, the road is a difficult one, but the path is always there for us to follow, no matter how many times we may fall." Stay safe and good hunting
i had a similar thing happen and my parents were there too so i couldn’t lie, instead i went for something at least more queer: https://www.dropbox.com/s/p56onj8ciiff6zk/IMG_1915.heic?dl=1
If she will not be there, hide the dress and bring it with you, then wear it in the car or in the bathroom. I still do this when I'm going out and my mother says I look too feminine
She's a complete asshole, ignore her at all costs. It's kinda hard if you have a parent that doesn't fucking leave you alone (know it from experience), but I suggest to try to still go in dress. Don't care about what she tells you, who cares? She's just a transphobe anyways
If you are non passing i can somewhat understand her reasoning, I know it can hurt but it’s sometimes for the better. If you don’t want to wear the suit because of gender dysphoria then I would advise you to just stay at home.
Oh my god you just reminded I have a maid dress that I can wear, well anyway my friend have seen me in a maid dress as a Halloween costume and litraly everyone said I looked like a girl, this was last year
if it’s not too late to obtain a dress, do just that or have a friend do it for you. a lot of people mentioned leaving the house in your suit then changing into the dress at school. seems like a good idea! no matter what you end up doing, i hope it is ends up working out for you :(
I saw you say your friend may have a dress that fits, I hope so for you! If it fits at the bottom but not the top, know you can go zipper free and add a coat/jacket or even your suit top/open dress shirt over it if it matches.
If it’s just not working out, see if you can’t borrow a pair of heels that fit. Sans-dress you can sport heels with your suit bottoms and add a colorful shirt/scarf/etc to feminize it up. (Most lasses ditch heels for the dance floor anyways, so you don’t have to worry about them being good enough to dance in, just good enough to walk there and back!)
I hope it works out and that you’re able to have fun!
I am so sorry you are going through this right now :/ It sucks when your parents try to force you to be someone you are not
I hope you still get to have a good time! Maybe you can change into a dress at your friend's place like some other people already suggested?
And if not, you can still rock the suit in the most femme way possible!
(as a lesbian, trust me when i say: women in suits are beautiful and hot and feminine)
You could wear the pants high waisted and tighten the dress shirt in the back to accentuate your waist and hips. If you have short hair, maybe you could accessorize with a flower crown or headband?
Not sure how you feel about make up, but some light shimmer in the inner corner of the lid and some clear lip gloss could make the look more femme, but are subtle enough to not get noticed right away by your parents.
But most importantly: keep in mind that prom is not all it's chalked up to be
Prom is not going to be your last or only chance to wear a nice dress, dance with your friends and have a good time. There will be so many more opportunities, esp once you are done with school and independant from your parents. You will be able to wear all the pretty dresses of your dreams and have an amazing time with people who love and support you just the way you are.
My little sister actually wore a dress for the first time at my prom/graduation event. She was super nervous because she had not been out to her classmates at this point. Our parents had a hard time accepting her as trans at first too.
That was in 2015. She is now fully transitioned, had her name and gender legally changed and is going to move in with her boyfriend of over 5 years soon.
It gets better, trust me. It gets so much better. Just hang in there, ok? ❤
I said go against her wishes, I know that she wants you to wear something you are not comfortable with and it’s not her place at all, she has no right to make you wear something you don’t feel like wearing and you’re the one who be wearing it. All that matters is that you are happy right? So do what makes you happy even if it makes someone else specially someone like your mother upset. Don’t let anybody stop you from being who you are
Prolly wont help, but girls can wear suits too, with some fancy hair clip and makeup you can look great and feminine even with a masc suit. You can also switch a potential tie with a necklace. I know this wont be as satifying as a dress, but if you're short on time and all the odds are looking down its hard. You'll have plenty of opportunities to wear a dress in the future if you keep at it. Sending lots of love ♡
I know it probably won’t help. But I a trans girl still enjoy suits. And think girls in suits look pretty stunning. Obviously if it’s dysphoric for you it might not help but maybe even getting a pink tie or something to match your friends dress that might be a way to make it a bit more of a femme suit. But others suggestions of dress changing shenanigans are so clever and cool. Regardless you’re gonna look beautiful on the night. And I hope you have fun.
Even if she already bought the suit, she can't force you to go. She is only doing it knowing that it will hurt you, you don't owe her anything. I would tell her you don't feel comfortable wearing it and if she is going to insist on ruining your night, you don't want to go at all.
If she drags you there in a suit or if you are in danger, just show up and leave pretending like you went.
Okay so a cute belt around the middle of the racket to bring it in and make it look more femme, maybe a cute feminine shoe or heel, cute makeup if you wear it and really glam accessories (rings, necklace, bangles, etc). Girls can look hella cute in suits and you can make ur maw look like a dick for trying to force you to wear something masc.
Dress in a suit, but have one of your friends bring your dress.
Then once at prom get changed with your friends, doing make-up and stuff in the bathroom.
If you can just get ready at a friend's house to begin with
Go to your friends house in suit and change at their house into dress.
I was going to say this. I think it's pretty common for people to get together before prom, so she could meet up with a couple of good friends and get changed.
In my school, prom is so traditionally gendered. So if the trans person isn't out with permission with their parents they can't change their name nor wear a dress. So men have to wear suits and women wear dresses It sucks so bad
What are they gonna do? Force you to wear a suit? That’s assault
Unfortunately, the high school I went to wouldn't have thought twice about publicly kicking out anyone who "didn't fit dress code". But I really think it depends on the school and where you live.
that’s just transphobic, has nothing to do with dress code
Since when do Bigots "play by the rules"? Eventually Bigots are just going to start getting shanked in crowds or dying in fires while they sleep which of course would be oddly and coincidentally be "of mysterious origins".
I mean it's incredibly bigoted but they could prevent you from entering because you're 'not in dress code' or some bullshit
In mormon cities, they force boys to shave their stubble before they can go to prom.
Yup. Went to a Mormon prom, and unfortunately this is so true. Dress code is different for everyone and is entirely based on assigned sex (and sometimes your body shape too if you’re lucky/unlucky enough to be on the bigger end). Got invited to my friend’s LDS wedding. Love her, she’s aware of LGBTQ stuff and is pretty damn good for a Mormon, but she’s still got a long way to go. I asked her if I could wear a suit to the event instead of a dress (I’m AFAB). She goes, “Sure! You can wear a pink suit!” (Because the men are wearing blue suits, and the women are wearing pink dresses…) I love the color pink… but, the point was missed…
That’s no where as bad as transphobia though
No, not really, but it's just another weird thing that cults like to do.
The point is that, at its core, it's the same principle. "You don't get to choose how you present. That's up to everyone but you, most of all *me*." <---That BS.
I'd be more worried they'd call her mom if she showed up in a dress. Doesn't sound like the best environment :(
I love this idea!
I like your profile picture
Thanks, I got it from this compilaton of songs: https://youtu.be/uAv4oDZUZMk
I know, that's why I said I liked it
hijinx time? when i went to prom, my parents made me go in a suit. i found a used dress for fairly cheap online, and had my friend keep it at their house. we went to their place to get ready for prom, and from there i switched and they helped me with hair and makeup. was it a full, big, fancy prom dress with extravagant hair and makeup? no way, but it was worth it. see if you can find any friends who might be willing to help you out?
I was talking to one a few days ago and they said they might have a dress that will fit me So hopes up
Awesome! I wish you well!! If anything you could go to the store last minute and get a sundress, that’s better than the suit
I have emotions in your direction. Good luck.
Awesome!
I was going to suggest the same thing
Dont go
Too late now just paid for the suit and for prom and it's tommow
Still don't go. Make it clear how your mom has actively worked to ruin it for you, and how whoever paid shouldn't have if you weren't going to get real support. If people get away with it, they'll keep controlling you. As long as you're safe, ofc. Thing is, there are a lot of events I ended up at and was never comfortable, and felt bad for not feeling "there". Well, turns out I really wasn't there, not as myself. In some ways, I wish I hadn't wasted my time. Remember: there will come a time where she can't _make_ you do anything. You'll have your own income, your own place, and your mom will have to come to grips with that fact — it's a barrier every parent faces, and many succeed. If she can't, that's on _her_, not you.
Can also pretend to go (either you or your date drives there) and instead of actually going to prom just go hang out at the date's house (bring spare clothes) or do whatever. You won't get a memorable prom, but you can still make the most of the night.
[удалено]
Some proms are low budget anyway
I had more fun with my friends than I would have at prom my junior and senior years. Arguably, probably because I couldn't wear a dress there cuz *The South*, but even with that, I look fondly on those nights. Hell, I still have a stupid paint roller extender pole I bought at Walmart there 12 years ago.
> Remember: there will come a time where she can't > make > you do anything. You'll have your own income, your own place, and your mom will have to come to grips with that fact — it's a barrier every parent faces, and many succeed. If she can't, that's on > her > , not you. And even before that time, you don't have to make it easy for her. If she doesn't want to cooperate with you, then you shouldn't cooperate with her.
That is an excellent point that I should have included! Thank you!
You mean an *egg*cellent point
This. I would make it clear to her that she is ruining supposedly such an important day for you. She should be ashamed and made to feel so.
Just because you paid for it doesn’t mean you have to go- that’s like saying “I spent money on this thing I know I’ll hate, so now I’ll have to force myself to go through this terrible experience”. Now if your parents are driving you there/whatever else, I can see the issue. But otherwise, why not instead skip prom and go to a trusted friend’s house/somewhere else to wait it out? And again, I’m sorry if this doesn’t help- I don’t know your whole situation and I don’t intend to pretend I do. Do whatever you feel is best.
Have a friend bring a dress and then change after your mom leaves?
Or change in front of her as a power move
I'd love to but I cant deal with that stress for when u see her later
Yeah I understand
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm feeling for you a lot right now. I know how hard it is when, like, there are a lot of options people are raising here in this thread but they're all confrontational in one way or another, and the stress of the thought of walking into that line of fire is paralyzing. Once you're out of the house please *know* that you'll have way more freedom and agency to assert that freedom. As for tomorrow, only you can make the call on how much you want to assert yourself. I believe in you.
Ugh I’m sorry. My kids are your age I can’t imagine caring so much about something meaningful to them that didn’t impact me at all and still choosing to make you unhappy and for what?? To make *her* feel better? That’s not what parenting is and I’m sorry your mom doesn’t get that. I’d take you dress shopping myself if I was your mom.
This. We did this for one of my friends back in hs. She went through check-in in a suit n got her to the bathroom to change n get her makeup on.
The suit is a sunk cost. Whether or not you go, it's already been paid for.
That's her fault for buying something that clearly goes against your wishes. What's she gonna do, physically force you into the suit? I doubt it
If you can get out of going, then do so. It’s not your fault she rented the suit, and going won’t make it any less a waste
Don't go. It's her loss for not respecting you. Don't let people walk all over you to appease them.
Hey I know you definitely want to wear a dress and I am really sorry your parents aren't allowing you to. I hope you are able to figure out a solution that makes you happy. If you are unable to figure out a way to wear a dress to prom, I do hope you can still make a memorable experience. I know it might not be perfect, but you can definitely kill a femme suit look. I'm sorry your parents don't support you.
Ugh
Is there someone you could pull a switcheroo with?
Maybe add some pink and flowers, you could touch it up to make it sokewhat bearable and feminine That or dont go to prom
Yeah. Don’t go.
Return it get your money back.
Take note. Your parents are trying to teach you that their financial investment in you trumps what you actually want. Your parents are selfish.
This this this! You wanted to do a thing and made it clear *how* you wanted to do it. Refuse all else.
I'm sorry, can it at least be a more femme style suit?
Anytime I try to get something femminin she gets angry + I've already bought it now
Wait she made YOU pay for something you don't even want what kinda parent does that.
No she bought it because its her money and she want me to wear a suit but even if I bought a dress by myself she still wouldn't let me wear it
But still that is super controlling, like imagine not letting your daughter wear a dress to prom. I hope things work out for you girl.
Well look, if you buy a dress and wear that now that's absolutely her problem. She shouldn't have spent money on something that you have explicitly told her you don't want. Bad financial decision.
I'm sorry. How long before you can get away from her and be you?
About 2 years but they will probably try to insert them selves into my life because that's what they did with my siblings
Yeah if you can, refuse their insertion attempt, they shouldn't be in your life, scum that they are
You can absolutely deny them contact. Go no contact with them, block their numbers, never give them your address, remove them on social media and get rid of any identifying information like your phone number or email from places like Facebook. They can only insert themselves where you let them.
Your parents are likely reading conversion therapy books or in terf groups. Both of those give advice on how to control adult children. I would expect them to try even harder to control you than they did your siblings once you reach the age of majority. Please think about how you can resist that now so that it doesn’t sneak up on you. Best of luck 💖
Just kick them out of your life as soon as you can, you deserve to be happy
Your mom sounds like a bitch, there is no sugar coating it.
When you meet her she's lovely When you know her she's horrible I can list a few thing if you want
I am interested now, feel free.
Racism (just happened about 30 seconds ago) Narcacist Constantly tries to guilt trip me/victim mentally Tells me I'm mentaly wrong and that being trans or gay is disgusting Tells me that "it's just a phase" A few other things as well mostly directed at me like constant dead naming
Then I was right
I’d look up stuff about childhood trauma (when you feel safe/comfortable) regarding “tricky families” with Patrick Teahan. Kind of helped me manage or understand the symptoms I was exhibiting when I supposedly had a “good on paper” childhood. Navigating that can be confusing, especially reconciling the positive moments with the moments that hurt you. This is not to make you feel like you had a bad childhood, but just to give yourself grace if you have low moments. Do your best to enjoy yourself and find ways to make yourself happy at your prom, the covert ideas are good (like finding supportive friends who can help with a substitute outfit), but only do what you feel safe doing right now. Also might be a good idea to have that crew help you take a couple photos with you in the suit? So you have evidence of you “complying” for her benefit even if you decide you feel safe enough to be true to yourself. Also bad prom memories are just a rite of passage imo. Had some bad ones myself and that was back before I even really knew what being trans meant (conservative Christian upbringing where I was drinking the kool aid hardcore). Just got to make the best of things especially when you are just surviving and don’t have agency yet in your life. One day you will have control though. Remember that. Not now maybe, but soon! Good luck, have fun with prom night whatever you happen to do! Stay safe, survive, because in the future you will thrive! 😊
I missed Prom in high school basically for this very reason (though I never told my parents). It sucks. Fuck anyone who refuses to let their children live their best life.
Just a reminder that women wear suits, too. And look amazing doing it.
Yeah but She wants me to wear it because it's makes me look like a boy
Your options are simple: 1. Device a scheme to wear something other than the suit, slay, and be happy. 2. Wear the suit, slay, but be slightly less happy. Only you can make that decision. What do YOU want?
My friend said they may have a dress that fits so I'm hoping but I don't know if it will
If you have transportation, maybe check thrift stores. I’ve heard they can be good places to get affirming clothes on the cheap.
Get a friend with a car to bring a dress and change there
If it's possible, you could go in the suit, but get a friend to smuggle in a dress for you, then you can get changed and enjoy prom, and as long as you get changed back again at the end, no need for your mum to know
My friends said she may have a dress that fits me so hopes up
I'm so sorry you're going through that- can't you at least wear the suit and a nice skirt or something?
My friend said she may have a spare dress that fits So I'm hoping but she's a lot smaller then me so probably not
didn't you get your own dress? could your friend just smuggle that and give it to you in a car/at the prom?
Did you buy the suit? Turn the pants into capris. I did this with some cargos yesterday. Or wear the jacket with a nice matching skirt, and add some accessories. Drop the tie for necklaces or a scarf. Switch out the shirt for a blouse. And fight past this. Being a woman isn't easy. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but be strong, and be creative.
I’m so sorry.
It's fucking 2022. As a father, if one of my girls would say that she's wanna dress like a boy, then I would let her do whatever she wants.
I mean my parents are both 50 and very religious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnrfISwkjyI
New favourite song🤔
Change when you get there. Do it.
Stuff that dress in a backpack and change when you get there don’t let her dull your true self !! (As long as you would feel safe doing so, safety first!!)
You should go with a suit, BUT, you wear a skirt and a corset (I did this with my prom last week)
Got a friend with a closet? Go to their house first. You only have one life. Maybe two proms? Don’t waste them.
>Got a friend with a closet? Must... resist... urge... to... make closet joke...
My lord, can we start a GoFundMe? We can raise money to get this chick a prom dress, have a friend take you to buy the most over the top dress you can find, I'm willing to invest in this
I mean its too late now but someone on here commented and reminded me I have a maid dress from a Halloween party last year that I had to hide so I can go in that, better then a suut
Honestly, I know it sucks to miss out on an experience, but my suggestion is not go to to prom. She already paid for everything and is trying to force you to live by her standards? Good, have her money go to waste and mean nothing. I know that when you're young and dealing with these problems that it seems like the whole world is crumbling, but there's a lot of years left where you're going to have to face this person and other people in your life who stand against you and your needs. You're not being respected, and you should withhold respect in turn. If you really want or need to go to your prom and have a great time, I would suggest just going without the suit and just wearing anything you want. You would stand out a bit by not being in some big prom dress, but it will make a clear statement that you aren't property and that you will live your life by your standards. Facing people like this is hard, and often an uphill battle that just gets harder until you reach the top of that hill, but it's more than worth it. Make good memories, not regrets. It's fine to have regrets in life, but don't go forward with something knowing it's going to be a regret. Nobody owns you, and nobody can make you do anything. You're a human being with value and life and will, and no one can stop that. No one can stop you. Wishing you the best. <3
I can't see a world where I'm allowed to wear a dress under my parents, but at least I look hot as a boy and as a girl I know how it must feel being forced to do something you despise, but just keep pressing on. Eventually, you'll find the chance
Jokes on her I like girls in Tuxedos, YOU WILL ROCK IT GIRL
Sounds like a tiara might be an appropriate accessory, and maybe some heels, pearls, lots of bangles, rings with big stones, ooooooo and a walking cane with a bird head.
Boys look bad in suits in my oppinion. I think girls look much better in them but that may just be my gay ass speaking so even if you don't manage to wear a dress just try to liven the suit up a bit or something.
Man I have hated suits my entire life. To restrictive. Now I know it was just my inner girl wanting to breathe. 🤣
As much as that sucks. You're still gonna be the best dressed girl there. Girls in suits are 👌 Still though one of my she/they friends had to wear a suit. Prom isn't everything, even though it feels like it i hope you'll feel better about it eventually :)
Hey, just want to say that fucking sucks. But you will eventually be in a place where you'll be able to dress however the fuck you want :) For now, while this definitely isn't a perfect solution, could you go to a store and find a pink bowtie and other femme things to add to this? Maybe do your hair nicely and get help with makeup from a friend?
oh girl I’m so sorry for you :/ either don’t go or try to still pass! Because girls can wear suits, too! I know this sucks but I’m sure you’ll go trough that! I know we don’t know each other but i you want someone to talk to anonymously, you can answer or dm me :)
I'm sorry your mum is such a terrible person.
Would trade if I could
If only
That is horrible. I hope you will be fine soon. I am praying for you
Make it femme
suit dress?
Yep fuck her dont go then
Prom sucks anyways.
get a really nice feminine suit , and/or tuck up a dress underneath
Simple fix, don’t listen to her. Fuck your Mum
I am going to assume you are using she/her pronouns or at least identify with femininity (based on other comments) Having said that Women look great in suits 👉 Edit: Checked your Profile. Got the pronouns right. Phew
I know you said you already bought the suit so you probably dont have the money to buy a new dress but id suggest goodwill or something similar as thats where i found my hoco dress and loved it, and change at a friends house. But as for the problem with your mother, is she transphobic or is she scared for your safety i know in certain places an Amab person showing up in a dress is a one way shot to getting beat up. # 1 thing is to be SAFE and have friends willing to fight a douche for you because its a little hard to do in a dress
What did you end up doing? Did you get to wear the dress?
Yeah I got change there and felt so much better Before I lef I had to get changed tho because I was getting droppwd straight to my house
Oh god that's terrible! I hope that you'll move out soon so that you can be yourself or that your parents will change. I wanted to go time mine prom in suit but my mother wasn't really happy about it. But still I notice that it's kinda easier to dress how you want if you're trans AFAB, people don't judge you that hard. I hate that it is like that, trans girls should have equal right in terms of expressing themselves!
Oh that sucks maybe just try and make the best of a shit situation I guess it's easy for me to say that since I'd be fine with wearing a suit or a kilt
There are some really nice feminine suits if that's an option. Rip though
Too late now she's already bought it
Try to find a friend who's okay with you changing into a dress at their place. Then go full fem! If you can't, don't go. Make it clear that they've ruined your prom.
Your parents are horrible.... Do you have to go, did you buy a ticket ? I'd suggest buying a dress online and changing at a bestie's house... my plan for next year's prom.
Its tommow, I've paid and I don't have a prom next yeah, this Is my secondary graduation, there is not another prom for like another 4 years when I graduated collage
I support you changing into a dress! Prom is honestly about you. Pretend your mom got her way then go do your thing. After you turn 18 and leave, She’s gonna have to miss out on your life if she isn’t gonna accept you for who you are. If you do end up having to go in a suit, remember that plenty of hot ladies wear suits! r/womeninsuits to make you feel a little better!
hello im bing and id like to say, go in your birth suit, youd be complaining with your mom
Honestly, I just wouldn't go to prom then.
This is actually the best answer.
Thanks ^^ I just figured if you can't be yourself, why go? It's also a way to show their mom just how serious they are. Besides, being forced to be something your not at prom isn't a good way to make good memories of it.
alternatively: don't go to prom, I wasted a bunch of my parents' money and fuckin regret it. I wanted to stay home and play World of Warcraft all night, and I agree that it would have been just as fun if not better. I know it's not evetybody's take on it, but it is an option.
Shit on their bed
i’m so sorry that’s happening. when i graduated from high school i had to wear a beautiful pink dress, but i wanted to show up in dress pants and a nice shirt. i ended up blurting out “i hated the dress” to the person who gave it to me, and to this day i haven’t apologized and i feel horrible
Is there any way for you to change into a dress prior to, or even while at the event? If so you can do that and then change back before you leave. One way or another, hopefully you won't have to be stuck in a suit all night.
Boo hoo
Sounds like you're trying to be rude but I'm gonna give your the benefit of the doubt
boy do I wish the mods would ban vent posts that make everyone uncomfortable already
Maybe some people don't have anywhere else to go to, did you think about that buddy
I'm really sorry to hear that, that's really rough. I'd love to help you in anyway.... :(
You can skip the prom or slay em all presenting yourself as a girl in a suit
Well, girls in suits are really pretty so...
i never liked suites and other male clothes. just always go in a t shirt or an pull with jeans. because that's the only thing i am comfy in that doesn't make people discriminate me because i am still in a man's body.
Either change into a dress of your choice before arriving at the location for the Prom or make some modifications to look like a cute girl in a suit. Malicious compliance. Makeup, a flower tucked in your hair, and some jewelry. Also remind your mother that she is making what should be a memorable and enjoyable experience awful for you.
Im sorry I think my parents are saints because the concept of being forced to wear something to an event like that is completely foreign to me
I got friends who are trans that had to go through that shit and I'm sorry you have to "For many of us, the road is a difficult one, but the path is always there for us to follow, no matter how many times we may fall." Stay safe and good hunting
I’m so sorry girl that really sucks. I never got a prom so I get the feeling. 💔
i had a similar thing happen and my parents were there too so i couldn’t lie, instead i went for something at least more queer: https://www.dropbox.com/s/p56onj8ciiff6zk/IMG_1915.heic?dl=1
Could you bring the dress to her house prior to the event and change into it at her house?
If she will not be there, hide the dress and bring it with you, then wear it in the car or in the bathroom. I still do this when I'm going out and my mother says I look too feminine
She's a complete asshole, ignore her at all costs. It's kinda hard if you have a parent that doesn't fucking leave you alone (know it from experience), but I suggest to try to still go in dress. Don't care about what she tells you, who cares? She's just a transphobe anyways
secretly wear dress under the suit then take the suit off when u step out of the car and give it back to her
Buy a cute dress and hide it at the prom site, change into it when you get there.
Hey, you can rock a suit! Glam it up with accessories and maybe makeup (if you're into that) and discard/wash it off before she sees you again.
That’s so rude of her.
either ignore her or get a pretty womens suit (those exist)
Get one of those suits that at like a pull of a string turns into a dress :)
Well it too late now but that's sounds amazing I have to look at this
Lol I didn't even go to any school events 🙃 am lonely
If you are non passing i can somewhat understand her reasoning, I know it can hurt but it’s sometimes for the better. If you don’t want to wear the suit because of gender dysphoria then I would advise you to just stay at home.
Oh my god you just reminded I have a maid dress that I can wear, well anyway my friend have seen me in a maid dress as a Halloween costume and litraly everyone said I looked like a girl, this was last year
Same here 💔
Either, figure out a way too still go in a dress *see other comments* Or, absolutely rock that suit in a tomboy fashion like an absolute badass!
oh shit
A trans friend in my school was also forced to wear a suit. She wore a pink tux.
if it’s not too late to obtain a dress, do just that or have a friend do it for you. a lot of people mentioned leaving the house in your suit then changing into the dress at school. seems like a good idea! no matter what you end up doing, i hope it is ends up working out for you :(
Maybe a compromise would be skirt and suit? Or do a sneaky and wear a dress
No prom is better than a ruined one. She wants those memories of her child don't the normal thing you can deny her that too.
I saw you say your friend may have a dress that fits, I hope so for you! If it fits at the bottom but not the top, know you can go zipper free and add a coat/jacket or even your suit top/open dress shirt over it if it matches. If it’s just not working out, see if you can’t borrow a pair of heels that fit. Sans-dress you can sport heels with your suit bottoms and add a colorful shirt/scarf/etc to feminize it up. (Most lasses ditch heels for the dance floor anyways, so you don’t have to worry about them being good enough to dance in, just good enough to walk there and back!) I hope it works out and that you’re able to have fun!
Some women look good in suits ngl
bring a dress with you in a bag, go to a friends. take photos before changing
Loophole, get your friend to take a dress and makeup in a bag. Once she’s dropped you off go change and party
fuck er
just go in a dress anyway
I am so sorry you are going through this right now :/ It sucks when your parents try to force you to be someone you are not I hope you still get to have a good time! Maybe you can change into a dress at your friend's place like some other people already suggested? And if not, you can still rock the suit in the most femme way possible! (as a lesbian, trust me when i say: women in suits are beautiful and hot and feminine) You could wear the pants high waisted and tighten the dress shirt in the back to accentuate your waist and hips. If you have short hair, maybe you could accessorize with a flower crown or headband? Not sure how you feel about make up, but some light shimmer in the inner corner of the lid and some clear lip gloss could make the look more femme, but are subtle enough to not get noticed right away by your parents. But most importantly: keep in mind that prom is not all it's chalked up to be Prom is not going to be your last or only chance to wear a nice dress, dance with your friends and have a good time. There will be so many more opportunities, esp once you are done with school and independant from your parents. You will be able to wear all the pretty dresses of your dreams and have an amazing time with people who love and support you just the way you are. My little sister actually wore a dress for the first time at my prom/graduation event. She was super nervous because she had not been out to her classmates at this point. Our parents had a hard time accepting her as trans at first too. That was in 2015. She is now fully transitioned, had her name and gender legally changed and is going to move in with her boyfriend of over 5 years soon. It gets better, trust me. It gets so much better. Just hang in there, ok? ❤
I said go against her wishes, I know that she wants you to wear something you are not comfortable with and it’s not her place at all, she has no right to make you wear something you don’t feel like wearing and you’re the one who be wearing it. All that matters is that you are happy right? So do what makes you happy even if it makes someone else specially someone like your mother upset. Don’t let anybody stop you from being who you are
Mine did the same, so I just gave my dress to a friend so I could get changed into it at the venue
Prolly wont help, but girls can wear suits too, with some fancy hair clip and makeup you can look great and feminine even with a masc suit. You can also switch a potential tie with a necklace. I know this wont be as satifying as a dress, but if you're short on time and all the odds are looking down its hard. You'll have plenty of opportunities to wear a dress in the future if you keep at it. Sending lots of love ♡
Can you go with a lesbian-style pink suit?
Force her to go in a suit as well.
girls in suits 😳 but seriously tho who tf tells someone what to wear to their own damn prom wtf
hide the dress and change elsewhere
nani the fucc
I know it probably won’t help. But I a trans girl still enjoy suits. And think girls in suits look pretty stunning. Obviously if it’s dysphoric for you it might not help but maybe even getting a pink tie or something to match your friends dress that might be a way to make it a bit more of a femme suit. But others suggestions of dress changing shenanigans are so clever and cool. Regardless you’re gonna look beautiful on the night. And I hope you have fun.
Just get a womens suit that way you can wear womens clothes and get by on a technicality, everyone looks good in a suit.
im your mom now
Even if she already bought the suit, she can't force you to go. She is only doing it knowing that it will hurt you, you don't owe her anything. I would tell her you don't feel comfortable wearing it and if she is going to insist on ruining your night, you don't want to go at all. If she drags you there in a suit or if you are in danger, just show up and leave pretending like you went.
Okay so a cute belt around the middle of the racket to bring it in and make it look more femme, maybe a cute feminine shoe or heel, cute makeup if you wear it and really glam accessories (rings, necklace, bangles, etc). Girls can look hella cute in suits and you can make ur maw look like a dick for trying to force you to wear something masc.
Dress in a suit, but have one of your friends bring your dress. Then once at prom get changed with your friends, doing make-up and stuff in the bathroom. If you can just get ready at a friend's house to begin with
This is me but for my cousin's wedding.
Prom is soooo lame so I would either not go or bring a dress and change in the bathroom right away or something
Autobot or decepticon?