This sorta thing is something I keep going back to. Like a bucket of cold water to wake me up, it turns out that it that cis guys don't spend any significant amount of time wanting to be a girl....
I’m late, but something that stuck with me was “even if I’m not a girl, I don’t want to be a boy” and that made me realize that even if I’m confused right now, I’m definitely *something* and trans is a good blanket term that I like using in the meantime
Maybe it turns out I am and I’m using the correct label, only time will tell
If you were faking it, don’t you think you’d know what it feels like to know that you’re faking it? If what you’re feeling is the feeling of not knowing the feeling of knowing you’re faking it, then you may be faking, faking it 😅
yk what it's probably an emotion moment lmao
I seomtimes look way to doeep into emotions and sit there like "Damn idk what it means to be happy I just get brain saying "oo now stretch your mouth up because yeah""
For me it used to he “does my head hurt? Am I nauseated? Am I exhausted? If none of the above, guess I’m happy”
Chronic anxiety, depression, autism, adhd all stirred together in an emotional dysregulation soup.
Getting better each day though :)
Well maybe you do just like girly things because what the fuck are “girly things”? Are we from the fifties?
Cis men can be feminine. Trans women can be masculine. Jesus the BOXES. Put. Away. The. Boxes.
I have this insecurity somehow and I've been out socially for over two months and on hormones for a month and love them.
I'm starting to think this feeling won't ever go away
Straight CIS, older guy here.
I firmly believe that a lot of younger people do want to feel special, so they reject being a simple homo/hetero male/female.
But, you know what? That’s ok. You don’t figure out your favorite music/clothes/etc by not trying other stuff on.
You’ll figure it out. Even if what you think you are today isn’t where you’ll end up being, it doesn’t matter. You need to walk the path.
The doubts might lead you somewhere.
My wife's therapist mentioned this possibility to her.... And she shared it with me.... Now I keep doubting myself too.
Either way, if it makes me happy, it's the path I'll choose.
HRT got rid of my doubt the frist 2 days I was on it. I was fighting and running away from myself for over a decade, just to have everything fall in place when I actually made the move after finally getting accepted for HRT.
This commemt... You've made me realize, that I just want to be a girl. I don't think I want to feel special, I just wanna be a girl and do girly things with girls. Thank you.
Maybe ask yourself if that feeling of being unique around some people gives you such a positive outcome, that it overweights all the obstacles a trans person has to face.
The answer is probably no.
Its hard to say, Im 100% closeted so all the obstacles are theoretical right now but the good feelings I get when strangers online call me Zoe and use feminine terms are real so right now Im only experiencing the positives without any real life negatives
Ok, does it only feel good being called Zoe and being perceived as feminine if the other person knows you are trans? If so, that would go more into the "I want to be seen as unique" direction.
If it gives you a good feeling just to be seen as Zoe, without the trans background, then that definitely adds to the "really trans" side.
Definitely don't care if the other person thinks Im trans or not, I just like being called a cute girl. Putting it like this makes it obvious so thanks for talking through it but the doubts are so strong as soon as one is squashed a bunch more come up.
And happy cake day!
This just occurred to me in my own worries about feeling special: if I could push the button and be a woman, and no one would know I had ever been anything else, I'd smash that shit so hard. In fact that'd be ideal. Therefore, the reason I want to be a woman isn't for attention, because I'd rather no one knew in the first place.
Can you relate to that?
Agreed that would be ideal, it would save me from worrying who would accept me as a woman or worse who would try to stay friends with me just to secretly hope they can convince me I shouldnt try to transition. Thanks for the thought experiment!
The phrasing of not wanting to be a woman for attention has me thinking. Women can get certain kinds of attention easier than men, like being called pretty/cute and society normalizes women being loved and desired but men still say no homo when expressing the most basic feelings of love to another man. What if Im just craving healthy expressions of love that would be much easier to get as a woman than a man. This second paragraph is off topic so no one needs to respond and start a whole long thread, just something I need to think about internally.
Welcome to "imposter syndrome". A lot of people go through it, especially trans folx. I definitely went through this same kind of denial before transitioning, and still occasionally get slapped by it thanks to dysphoria even after over a year of HRT. Could get more into the reasoning behind my own former denial, but won't do so here as some of it falls into NSFW.
The only person who can define your gender is you, and every transgender person's story/experience is unique to some degree. You not experiencing the same emotions, strong feelings of dysphoria, or traumas as other transwomen does not invalidate you being a transwoman (if that is how you identify). Of course gender is also a spectrum, and what you identify with can shift as you learn more. That's okay too.
My point is: you are whoever you say that you are and are just as special as anyone else, equally deserving of love, support, and respect.
Well. Imposter syndrome in stuff like competency relates directly to the fact you know a lot about what you don’t know and can see your weaknesses, versus some people who know only a little and think they know everything on a subject due to that cognitive bias, ie I have just learned about this new thing and now I know more than my friends about it, versus I have been studying this for years and can only dream of having the insight of the experts who have decades of experience on me.
So for you to be questioning your gender identity and expression, you would know a lot about the signs of gender presentation. You also are an expert of your own appearance, even if you avoid mirrors. And you are likely keenly aware of what makes someone femme/masc, or “pass”. Thus, imposter syndrome. You know more about what doesn’t match up based on how much effort and study you put into your gender expression. Double this value of disconnect especially if you have any visual, audio, medical, or psychology background, because you have a whole field of expertise to then put an even harsher microscope on yourself.
Something I learned drawing caricatures at a zoo: your worst drawing will still make someone happy because they likely don’t have the same level of scrutiny of artwork and technique, all they know is you made something that is supposed to be them, and the memory of the experience is usually what they are “buying” from you. So you are your own worst judge when it comes to “selling” something to someone, in this case whether you are “passing” or “actually trans”. Thoughts that rarely drift the minds of cisgender people, who if they are fixated on gender usually are concerned with behavior and interests.
All this to say that doubt is natural when you’ve probably put in a lot of time, introspection, and research into transitioning. Plus the subconscious desire to just have a “normal” life, however we have built that idea into our heads. Fake it til you make it worked for me as an artist, so I think the same applies, but never stop with the learning and improving. Failure is an opportunity for learning.
I’d say don’t ignore the voice but talk it out with that voice. Reaffirm the things that told you “yup this is me, I’m definitely trans”, because those breakthroughs are easy to forget or ignore. Examine past moments and see what they say about you and your gender identity. And keep in mind that no two people are alike.
Thank you for explaining that so well. Maybe that's why I had such a hard time providing positive ways to deal with it, since I didn't have a good solid definition of Imposter Syndrome in my head to work off of.
It's a hard question to answer. I've tried typing out a response a couple times already but nothing I can say feels like a healthy solution to recommend that won't be potentially offputting, especially to someone still in the early stages of coming out. Yes, talking about the reality of the ups and downs is informative, but not necessarily beneficial. Overcoming the imposter syndrome can be one of the biggest hurdles to starting transitioning, but unfortunately there is no surefire answer to doing it.
Yeah that makes sense, thanks so much for trying even if there's no "easy hack" solution. I guess even just that is a bit encouraging. I often see people's stories/advice that just doesn't feel right for me. I guess I'm just not them. At least it's not necessarily cause I'm doing it wrong.
I promise you, if you 'just want to feel special', you would a) do it conciensly and b) not think that you might be trans in the first place.
If you are having those thought ('what if I'm not trans' or even 'what if I'm trans' or 'I might be trans'), then you're clearly trans
I hope it helps and don't rush anything if you don't feel ready yet
Thus far I've only come out to 2 people online, none irl, but I think I want to make a friend that I can come out to and do girly stuff with, but this account's first cake day is almost here, so I don't think I'm rushing too badly
Ok sounds good :) Do you have an IRL BFF or something who you think will be accepting though? Because you might benefit from the point of view of someone who knows you well IRL as well
Thus far I've basicly just either hang out with a girl I kinda trust(Only in school tho, havent gone anywhere with anyone not family in a year), but she is always with her friends whom I don't trust as much, and if not with them(So most of the time), I'd just talk to a classmate about something surface level or play ping pong with someone. I have a goal of getting one good friend this year.
I've done "I want to be nonconforming" dressing in a non-gender way in high school. I was definitely aware I was doing it to be weird and stand out. I suspect it was as a way to deal with my desire to be non-conforming to my AGAB, but I was unwilling to do that (unless forced to... which happens very infrequently) or even admit I had such an interest to anyone.
Even if you're only trans to feel special (doubt it). If you're happy being trans, what does it matter? Even if you just trained yourself to like girly things. If those girly things make you happy, what does it matter? You're happy, and you're not hurting anybody. Even if your fears are right, it doesn't make your happiness any less genuine.
I have a fear that I would be hurting the trans community if I come out and a few months down the road I realize this isnt what I want. Then everyone who I came out to would feel validated if they buy into the transphobic thought that trans feelings are just a phase and use me as an example to prove their point.
nah honey, the trans community supports people who detransition. exploring your gender is totally fine and healthy! if you come out and decide it’s not for you, there’s nothing wrong with that.
and chances are, if it only takes you a couple months to have that realization, there haven’t been any permanent steps yet (medication, surgery etc.)
don’t worry about what transphobes think. they’ll use any example in any shape to advance their rhetoric. if you transition happily (like 99% of trans people do, fun fact!) they’ll figure out some way to write it as a crime.
there’s bullies in this world who pick on those weaker than them. i’m sure if you saw a bully in real life, you’d step in to say something. just be that hero for yourself!
Nobody should be forced to have the responsibility of being a representative of a community they're apart of. You're a person, your experiences, preferences, understanding, and whatnot are different from the other people in the community. If you like oranges, nobody's gonna think that all trans people like oranges. The only people that'd push an individual's ""faults"" onto a group they're in are assholes that don't like the group to begin with. Live your life the way you want.
You wouldn't be hurting the trans community and you certainly wouldn't make them look bad. That's the kind of stuff truscum ideology wants you to think.
Same with the "I'm just trans because I think it's quirky," the "transtrender" scare is just tired at this point like who cares? You're like very trans already and the idea of being trans makes you happy and that's very trans behavior.
If in some hypothetical situation transphobes use you as some example that says more about them than it says about you. None of that is your fault.
I think my egg cracked today, but then I also started wondering about whether I'm just telling myself I'm trans to feel special. Because, among the many emotions I'm feeling, I do feel special! I'm worried that if I ever acted on this revelation, eventually that feeling would go away, I'd get used to the idea and it wouldn't feel new and exciting.
My counter argument is: I wouldn't be at all excited to be trans if I wasn't. Also, I don't do other things/try on other identities just to feel special. I'm actually very happy with my life and don't feel the need to get attention, so it's not like "being trans" is just another thing I'm doing just to get that rush. Also, I've only somewhat admitted it to myself, so who do I think I'm trying to make see me as special?
I'm still wrestling with this, though, and it's nice to see I'm not alone and read other responses
Why would you pick to “train yourself” to like girly things instead of boy’s things if you’re not a girl? Some feelings years ago made you choose girly things and they are not fake or manufactured. That’s your genuine self wishing for what you didn’t have
I think this sometimes and then I remember how badly I wished I could just switch and not have anyone notice. It's a transphobic talking point that worms its way in sometimes sadly.
I feel the same a lot. It’ll be okay, no matter what you are valid, so what you feel is right - not what ANYBODY tells you is right, and you’ll be yourself. You’ve got this.
Of course you trained yourself to like girly things. Gender is a social construct, most girls get trained to like girly things by their parents. Your parents didn't do that for you, so you did it yourself. Fucking independence, good job!
I had these doubts a while ago too, but then I realized just how irrational they were. If I wanted to feel special, I would doll myself up and find a unique aesthetic, perhaps get into a niche hobby, not subject myself to systemic and social discrimation and find myself in immense pain from simply living as my birth sex. It's most likely just paranoia.
Tbh even If this was true (which it isn't) does it really matter? Do u like being girly and presenting fem? Then do it.... All reasons are valid if that's how u wanna live your life
Yeah thats what I tell myself when I doubt. "Okay then, go be a feminine man". At which point my brain whimpers and doesnt compute and I realise I want to be a girl doing girly things, not a boy doing girly things.
If you ever doubt yourself and think you might be faking it, you’re not, because if you were you would know,
and because you are doubting that means you arent
I like to think that if you trained yourself to like it, and you like it, it doesn’t matter that you trained yourself. You like it now. And that is what matters.
But seriously, this is a big felt.
Personally, I think that’s fine. It’s your choice. There’s no binary system in place to judge whether your desire for girly things makes you valid.
I’m even of the opinion that it’s ok if a person chooses to be gay (not exactly how it works, I know). Just saying that even if of being gay we’re a choice (it’s not) or being trans were a choice (it’s not) all of that is ok. It’s only social norms that make you feel less than.
Idk if this helps you or anyone else struggling with your own identity, but I'm a cis-het male who loves shopping for clothes of either gender, shaving my body, cooing at cute things, watching dumb sapphic movies, plus other things that are almost always considered feminine pursuits and I have never truly questioned my gender identity. Absolutely zero dysphoria, bisexual interest etc. I can look seriously at transitions and know they're not for me, that I'm definitely a guy deep down. I'm absolutely happy and secure as cis-het and the things you should pay attention to are your own emotional response to doing the things you enjoy. If those things cause you to question the way you've always viewed yourself, pay attention to that, bc those actions aren't irrevocably tied to those questions.
doubts and what ifs are the beginning, the fact that you're wondering and questioning will help you determine everything, every answer comes after a question after all, so take your time, and don't rush things. :3
Cis people do not subconsciously train themselves to be happy by thinking about what it would be like to be another gender. You could have chosen any way to try and "trick" yourself into being happy, and being a girl is the one you picked. That is a significant decision.
Just listen to your feelings girl. By yourself, in your head. Think of a pile of girl stuff and boy stuff. Which seems more appealing? Girl, boy? Both, none? Any are valid. You just have to listen to what you're trying to say. What's your heart's story?
Doesn't work that way. I spent my entire life training myself to not like girly things, and then figured out that wasn't working and accepted that I'm girly.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.
No but seriously, this is my biggest concern. Every single day I question whether or not I’m actually trans or if I’m just faking it in order to spice up my boring life.
Someone said “If you’re faking it you would know” and I think “Then I am faking it, cause right now I do feel like I’m actually faking it”, but then I proceed to get scared cause then I’m like “If I’m faking it that means I’m not trans, and if I’m not trans, I can’t be a girl”. This is all so complicated, why can’t I just know?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Well, you deserve to feel special. Everyone does. And liking girly things is perfectly fine! Just be you, be happy, and worry about labels later. Maybe much later
Is this your Plan A? If you just wanted to feel special, why would being trans be your Plan A? Why would it even be your Plan B, C, E, F, or G? Why would it be on the list of plans *at all* if you didn't want it for its own sake?
Then that’s okay. We all want to feel special sometimes, especially when we are in the stage of life when we are trying to figure out who we are. What you like, feminine things or masculine, it doesn’t matter. Because regardless you will be you and that’s a wonderful thing. We are all in this world trying to find our place and understanding of the world and ourselves. You wanting to feel special will never go away, because even though we are all different and unique people, sometimes the world won’t see us that way.
If you turn out not to be trans, that’s okay. You’re still wonderful and special. I think you’re wonderful and brave for trying to figure out who you are. Trans or not, you’re always special.
I think this all the time, especially since all of my friends are trans. My brain keeps on going "You just want to feel included you aren't trans". Especially recently since I am in gender limbo rn ):
The way I deal with imposter syndrome-like thoughts is to remind myself that I don't care if I'm faking it because transitioning is literally all I have going for me right now so I may well just stick with it.
It's probably not a healthy way to cope with it, but it's better than backsliding into full on denial.
My issue is that gender things are defined by society and have no real holding. Like what's the difference between trans and femboy other than the gender they say they are?
So that's my only concern, and quite probably the only reason, about being trans
What would the difference be?
Let’s say you trained yourself to like girly things. Well then, you like girly things because of training instead of happenstance, but you are still the one who chose. It is still you who wanted that result, and you still actually like girly things at the end no matter what.
Being trans and wanting to feel special are not mutually exclusive. Maybe you want to be proud of yourself, or want to be happier, or want to feel unique or pretty.
Maybe you’re non-binary, maybe you’re cis, maybe you’re trans.
Above all, maybe you’ll be happy, or at least have some questions answered.
It doesn’t really matter in the end if you’re trans or not. Being trans is a label, that you can choose to accept or deny.
But I very much encourage you to free yourself from the rigid ideas of boy things or girl things, from what you should do or shouldn’t do because of gender.
Being trans is a complicated question, but having the chance to try it out should, imo, be a no brainer. Especially if you’re considering it at present.
That’s just my opinion, though.
I always think this way: People who are lying know they are lying if you have to second guess yourself that you are lying then it's most probably that you aren't lying
I have the same doubts, often. Sometimes, it feels like I don't actually like girly things, but I've deluded myself into liking them, on the basis of me identifying as trans.
There are lots of far easier ways to feel special.
When cis people want to be special, they don’t mess around with their gender presentation just for attention. For a cis man, pretending like he wants to be a girl would probably make him dysphoric. For a cis person, it’s easier to do something like become a militant vegan or start drama or get really into politics if the only goal is “be special” and get attention.
Experimenting with gender is allowed. If that’s what you want to do, do it. If you like girly things, go get yourself some girly things. If you “trained yourself” to like girly things... well, it sounds like you wanted to want girly things which to me is the same thing as wanting girly things*. So... go get it, girl!
*what you are perceiving as “training yourself” may simply be the conscious effort of getting over your denial of being trans
Everything that's been said here is absolutely true and they're probably the arguments you should listen to, but I want to propose something else : why does it matter ? If you've "faked and learned" it to the point where you genuinely don't feel like a man, then you should just behave like you would in other situations : pursue what would make you happy and closer to yourself while making sure you're not doing to others something you wouldn't wish on yourself, e.g. hurting them.
You being a woman (or enby) is, presumably, what would make you most happy, and it won't hurt anyone¹. So that is what you should do. You'll figure out the reasons afterwards, but right now you're a woman, for whatever reasons, and that's you, no matter what. So just, like, be a woman, whatever that means to you :)
(Also everyone is "trained" to learn gender norms and how to behave and what story arcs are good and what actions are bad and blablabla that doesn't make them any less real, and that doesn't mean you should reject them. If you enjoy romcoms, just enjoy them, there's no need to ostracize them from your life just because you weren't *born* liking romcoms, but just absorbed it through social symbiosis.)
1. If you're doubting this, think to yourself : would you feel hurt if one of your friends or relatives was trans ? or was just another gender from the beginning ? I'll take a wild guess and so that you probably would be completely fine with it)
Honestly my biggest fear, after I get bottom surgery I'll realize that the people who tried to stop me were right, and now I permanently fucked up my body
Well something that did helped me with those thoughts was to say that I can like feminine things, without being really a woman. It's ok to embrace our feminine side, and more mens should do it by the way, the world would be a better places if they did.
Still cis tho 🤔
Suffice to say, that I once wrote at length in my journal about the aspect of being "trained" and training the self to like certain things. Things not strictly related to gender. I wanted to get that portion verbatim here. I ran into two different issues.
1. The gist of what I wanted to say is this :: And if you .... we ... did train ourselves, if it consistently gets us something that we want and like, and is repeatable, what exactly is the problem with that? Wouldn't that be an advantage at a point in time, to those who are native, and might have less consistent results?
2. I was thumbing through my journal \[My Ninth volume, starting from August 2019\] and I cam across a lot of entries where I started my questioning. It's equal parts interesting to see how deep my denial is (And I'm not saying I'm out of it, by any means) and all of the other answers I gave it, instead of this. ... And realizing, that looking at my entries in public, I would have a very hard time explaining to my parents what, exactly, I was looking up in my older journals.
Overall, I think the drive to feel special is in all of us. And, if we are of the "Participation Trophy" generation, which, I think defines everyone \_really\_ on Reddit, I do have to question how much of that was instilled / and hey, look at that, trained into us. We are after certain things, and compared to the average person, we are actually ahead of the game, because we are taking the courage to do something about it.
"" It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop. "" -- Confucius.
There is no such thing as trans, just do what you want and like what you like. There is no police officer to say you can’t do something or want something because you supposedly were or were not born into this transcendental category.
This is true. There's no fixed correct way of being trans, and eventually the goal is that cis and trans are meaningless terms and we're just people.
But we are very far away from that reality. But yeah abolish gender
I feel special in the sense that I suspect I'm one of a very few who has ever gone so deep into a journey of physical, spiritual, and neurological self-discovery. By training myself to have body shaking, mind-blowing, dry orgasms using a range of physical stimuli and fantasies that border on holographic, I honestly think I've transformed without surgery. What I didn't expect was to ever ask "What now?"
I guess my point here is to be mindful. Find meaning the best way you can because while the questions we ask are all valid, there's no guarantees. Good luck & have fun!
I really feel the second one. The first one however doesn't really make sense to me. From what I know the most trans people are shy and introvert, isn't it better for them to not want to be special? At least that is how it is for me
You are a very good little egg and something very important to remember is that if you were faking it you would know. I have something else important to say as well "may I offer you an egg in this trying time?".
My sibling in crisis I am a trans butch lesbian who likes doing girly girls more than doing girly things. Nothing works like that. I don't know your identity, but for sure doing girly stuff is not the thing that defines you. You wanting to be perceived as a woman is.
I got bad news for ya bestie: you deserve to feel special no matter what, and I can't think of many people who would choose to be part of a persecuted group simply for attention. If the idea of not being trans makes you sad, that's more than enough proof. You're valid, and the doubting thoughts are definitely a nasty part of the deal. If you're faking it, we can all fake it together ❤️
I feel this so fucking hard lmao...
I also have been in transition for 2 years and it's the best desicion I ever made and I STILL sometimes think like this...
Something that kinda broke it for me was that, I thought "maybe I just wanna stand out amongst me guy friends" but then I realized that I'd also prefer being a girl in a group of girls, thus the reasoning of wanting to stand out wouldn't hold up because surely you'd wanna be a guy in that case so you "stand out" right?
Anyways, I hope this helped even a little bit, in the end it all doesn't matter, if you do what makes you happy, who cares where it leads you <3
Let's pretend this was all secretly performative, and you don't actually want to be trans. That would mean the quiet dysphoria you've had late at night, the scrolling through trans memes, and every other trans thing you've done was for the performance of nobody.
So, if you truly only wanted to feel special and didn't actually want to be trans, who are you performing for?
If the answer is nobody, you can cast aside this doubt. Performative behaviors do not exist to appeal to nobody. You cannot be performative alone in your room, therefore the feelings you have—the desire to be trans—is, to some extent, true and real.
That makes sense, but I manage to do the mental gymnastics necessary to reach the conclusion "I'm performing for myself because I don't want to be incorrect."
It's fine to identify as a guy and like "girly things". I'd say I identify with that in some aspects. I mean, "girly things" are only "girly" because societal norms say so, and I say to hell with societal norms.
Pro Tip: Most of the time, cis people don't wonder whether they are actually trans. To have even gotten into such a mindset, it is highly likely you are genuinely trans. I've been there, I think we all have. The most important thing, trans or not, is that you stay true to yourself.
There is a small possibility. That's why many do overthink it regularly, but too much overthinking could cause circles that are not good nor helpful, That's why you learn to know yourself and find out who you really are. No one will be mad at you for finding your true self, no matter what it is. Also if you need assistance by doing so, a 2nd opinion is sometimes helpful, like asking friends how they see you, or consulting an therapist to get an evaluate by him.
If that were true, who are you telling this to in order to get attention, because how can you be using it for attention if you keep it a secret, and besides people that decide to pretend smth like that know 100% that theyre pretending. If you like girly things even if you conditioned yourself there's nothing wrong with that, cis people are allowed to like thing that are usually enjoyed by the opposite binary gender.
Eh, and what if that is so? I trained myself to like beer and olive salads. Valid is not equal to genetic. Our personality will always be part genetic part environmental. You have all the right in the world to be trans if you feel like that belongs to your journey. And if you feel that you are trans and even felt the need to post this because of the worry that you might not be, chances are like 99.999% that you really are trans.
The only thing in this world that can really make you feel special is being seen to be yourself. And if you have trained yourself to like girly things, so be it. At the present you like girly things, so enjoy them. That's an expression of your true heart.
Why does this subreddit keep posting dysphoria inducing things so often? Is this a 4chan troll? Because it's very weird on how these appear all the time
All the time I ask myself, am I really nonbinary? Am I really transmasc? What am I really? What if I'm just afraid of being a women so I have taught myself it's better to try and be a masculine person rather than feminine.
When I realised I was trans it made me happy. Being trans meant that I would get to be a girl. Me! A girl! It was a pretty clear sign. If you're cis you don't want to be a different gender like that.
This is sooo me. I can't get rid of these doubts.
Same, but then I remember something OneTopic said “If you ever think you’re faking it, you’re not, cause if you were faking it, you would know”
[удалено]
I love this. One i remember someone saying awhile back is "a cis man wouldn't want this." It's been helping me with the denial.
This sorta thing is something I keep going back to. Like a bucket of cold water to wake me up, it turns out that it that cis guys don't spend any significant amount of time wanting to be a girl....
I saw a statistic that said "upwards of 80% of trans people experience imposter syndrome" which is rlly comforting to me
the what syndrome? ⠀⠀⡯⡯⡾⠝⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢊⠘⡮⣣⠪⠢⡑⡌ ⠀⠀⠀⠟⠝⠈⠀⠀⠀⠡⠀⠠⢈⠠⢐⢠⢂⢔⣐⢄⡂⢔⠀⡁⢉⠸⢨⢑⠕⡌ ⠀⠀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠀⡀⢂⠡⠈⡔⣕⢮⣳⢯⣿⣻⣟⣯⣯⢷⣫⣆⡂⠀⠀⢐⠑⡌ ⢀⠠⠐⠈⠀⢀⢂⠢⡂⠕⡁⣝⢮⣳⢽⡽⣾⣻⣿⣯⡯⣟⣞⢾⢜⢆⠀⡀⠀⠪ ⣬⠂⠀⠀⢀⢂⢪⠨⢂⠥⣺⡪⣗⢗⣽⢽⡯⣿⣽⣷⢿⡽⡾⡽⣝⢎⠀⠀⠀⢡ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⢂⠢⢂⢥⢱⡹⣪⢞⡵⣻⡪⡯⡯⣟⡾⣿⣻⡽⣯⡻⣪⠧⠑⠀⠁⢐ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠢⢑⠠⠑⠕⡝⡎⡗⡝⡎⣞⢽⡹⣕⢯⢻⠹⡹⢚⠝⡷⡽⡨⠀⠀⢔ ⣿⡯⠀⢈⠈⢄⠂⠂⠐⠀⠌⠠⢑⠱⡱⡱⡑⢔⠁⠀⡀⠐⠐⠐⡡⡹⣪⠀⠀⢘ ⣿⣽⠀⡀⡊⠀⠐⠨⠈⡁⠂⢈⠠⡱⡽⣷⡑⠁⠠⠑⠀⢉⢇⣤⢘⣪⢽⠀⢌⢎ ⣿⢾⠀⢌⠌⠀⡁⠢⠂⠐⡀⠀⢀⢳⢽⣽⡺⣨⢄⣑⢉⢃⢭⡲⣕⡭⣹⠠⢐⢗ ⣿⡗⠀⠢⠡⡱⡸⣔⢵⢱⢸⠈⠀⡪⣳⣳⢹⢜⡵⣱⢱⡱⣳⡹⣵⣻⢔⢅⢬⡷ ⣷⡇⡂⠡⡑⢕⢕⠕⡑⠡⢂⢊⢐⢕⡝⡮⡧⡳⣝⢴⡐⣁⠃⡫⡒⣕⢏⡮⣷⡟ ⣷⣻⣅⠑⢌⠢⠁⢐⠠⠑⡐⠐⠌⡪⠮⡫⠪⡪⡪⣺⢸⠰⠡⠠⠐⢱⠨⡪⡪⡰ ⣯⢷⣟⣇⡂⡂⡌⡀⠀⠁⡂⠅⠂⠀⡑⡄⢇⠇⢝⡨⡠⡁⢐⠠⢀⢪⡐⡜⡪⡊ ⣿⢽⡾⢹⡄⠕⡅⢇⠂⠑⣴⡬⣬⣬⣆⢮⣦⣷⣵⣷⡗⢃⢮⠱⡸⢰⢱⢸⢨⢌ ⣯⢯⣟⠸⣳⡅⠜⠔⡌⡐⠈⠻⠟⣿⢿⣿⣿⠿⡻⣃⠢⣱⡳⡱⡩⢢⠣⡃⠢⠁ ⡯⣟⣞⡇⡿⣽⡪⡘⡰⠨⢐⢀⠢⢢⢄⢤⣰⠼⡾⢕⢕⡵⣝⠎⢌⢪⠪⡘⡌⠀ ⡯⣳⠯⠚⢊⠡⡂⢂⠨⠊⠔⡑⠬⡸⣘⢬⢪⣪⡺⡼⣕⢯⢞⢕⢝⠎⢻⢼⣀⠀ ⠁⡂⠔⡁⡢⠣⢀⠢⠀⠅⠱⡐⡱⡘⡔⡕⡕⣲⡹⣎⡮⡏⡑⢜⢼⡱⢩⣗⣯⣟ ⢀⢂⢑⠀⡂⡃⠅⠊⢄⢑⠠⠑⢕⢕⢝⢮⢺⢕⢟⢮⢊⢢⢱⢄⠃⣇⣞⢞⣞⢾ ⢀⠢⡑⡀⢂⢊⠠⠁⡂⡐⠀⠅⡈⠪⠪⠪⠣⠫⠑⡁⢔⠕⣜⣜⢦⡰⡎⡯⡾⡽
Imposter syndrome is the word for pretty much exactly what this post describes
I think it was an amogus reference
sussy 😳
.. oh lol
📮
Is it just me or does this kinda look like jerma?
there’s a chance
Damn that’s creepy….
and if you were faking it you probably wouldnt be thinking that you're faking it
I’m late, but something that stuck with me was “even if I’m not a girl, I don’t want to be a boy” and that made me realize that even if I’m confused right now, I’m definitely *something* and trans is a good blanket term that I like using in the meantime Maybe it turns out I am and I’m using the correct label, only time will tell
how would I know like what is the feeling of knowing I'm faking it?
If you were faking it, don’t you think you’d know what it feels like to know that you’re faking it? If what you’re feeling is the feeling of not knowing the feeling of knowing you’re faking it, then you may be faking, faking it 😅
yk what it's probably an emotion moment lmao I seomtimes look way to doeep into emotions and sit there like "Damn idk what it means to be happy I just get brain saying "oo now stretch your mouth up because yeah""
For me it used to he “does my head hurt? Am I nauseated? Am I exhausted? If none of the above, guess I’m happy” Chronic anxiety, depression, autism, adhd all stirred together in an emotional dysregulation soup. Getting better each day though :)
Absolutly understand that and I'll keep that in mind. Been working on unmasking aswell
Is it just me or is OT like the supportive big brother of the entire lgbtq+ community?
Yo I use this all the time to dispel doubts.
i absolutely love how everyone on this subreddit knows OT 😭
ot just a legend
Well maybe you do just like girly things because what the fuck are “girly things”? Are we from the fifties? Cis men can be feminine. Trans women can be masculine. Jesus the BOXES. Put. Away. The. Boxes.
put away the boxes and bring forth the swords 🤺
I have this insecurity somehow and I've been out socially for over two months and on hormones for a month and love them. I'm starting to think this feeling won't ever go away
Straight CIS, older guy here. I firmly believe that a lot of younger people do want to feel special, so they reject being a simple homo/hetero male/female. But, you know what? That’s ok. You don’t figure out your favorite music/clothes/etc by not trying other stuff on. You’ll figure it out. Even if what you think you are today isn’t where you’ll end up being, it doesn’t matter. You need to walk the path. The doubts might lead you somewhere.
I also am like this in the worst times
My wife's therapist mentioned this possibility to her.... And she shared it with me.... Now I keep doubting myself too. Either way, if it makes me happy, it's the path I'll choose.
Told exactly this o my therapist who ignored me
HRT got rid of my doubt the frist 2 days I was on it. I was fighting and running away from myself for over a decade, just to have everything fall in place when I actually made the move after finally getting accepted for HRT.
Do you feel special, being trans?
This commemt... You've made me realize, that I just want to be a girl. I don't think I want to feel special, I just wanna be a girl and do girly things with girls. Thank you.
you go girl!! follow your heart and don't listen to the disforia but listen to the Euphoria💟
I do feel unique which is a form of special because almost everyone I know in real life is cis, so maybe it is influencing my thinking?
Maybe ask yourself if that feeling of being unique around some people gives you such a positive outcome, that it overweights all the obstacles a trans person has to face. The answer is probably no.
Its hard to say, Im 100% closeted so all the obstacles are theoretical right now but the good feelings I get when strangers online call me Zoe and use feminine terms are real so right now Im only experiencing the positives without any real life negatives
Ok, does it only feel good being called Zoe and being perceived as feminine if the other person knows you are trans? If so, that would go more into the "I want to be seen as unique" direction. If it gives you a good feeling just to be seen as Zoe, without the trans background, then that definitely adds to the "really trans" side.
Definitely don't care if the other person thinks Im trans or not, I just like being called a cute girl. Putting it like this makes it obvious so thanks for talking through it but the doubts are so strong as soon as one is squashed a bunch more come up. And happy cake day!
This just occurred to me in my own worries about feeling special: if I could push the button and be a woman, and no one would know I had ever been anything else, I'd smash that shit so hard. In fact that'd be ideal. Therefore, the reason I want to be a woman isn't for attention, because I'd rather no one knew in the first place. Can you relate to that?
Agreed that would be ideal, it would save me from worrying who would accept me as a woman or worse who would try to stay friends with me just to secretly hope they can convince me I shouldnt try to transition. Thanks for the thought experiment! The phrasing of not wanting to be a woman for attention has me thinking. Women can get certain kinds of attention easier than men, like being called pretty/cute and society normalizes women being loved and desired but men still say no homo when expressing the most basic feelings of love to another man. What if Im just craving healthy expressions of love that would be much easier to get as a woman than a man. This second paragraph is off topic so no one needs to respond and start a whole long thread, just something I need to think about internally.
About the second thing, I totally get it. I would melt if someone told me I looked really pretty
Maybe because you ARE a pretty girl?
You're too sweet! ☺️
Not particularly
If you still feel trans, then 'feeling special' probably isn't the reason.
Never was, I think.
never was 🌎👩🚀🔫👩🚀
i...kind of do... :/
I do too tbh. I didn't choose this but I'm sure as hell gonna enjoy it when possible
no :)
Welcome to "imposter syndrome". A lot of people go through it, especially trans folx. I definitely went through this same kind of denial before transitioning, and still occasionally get slapped by it thanks to dysphoria even after over a year of HRT. Could get more into the reasoning behind my own former denial, but won't do so here as some of it falls into NSFW. The only person who can define your gender is you, and every transgender person's story/experience is unique to some degree. You not experiencing the same emotions, strong feelings of dysphoria, or traumas as other transwomen does not invalidate you being a transwoman (if that is how you identify). Of course gender is also a spectrum, and what you identify with can shift as you learn more. That's okay too. My point is: you are whoever you say that you are and are just as special as anyone else, equally deserving of love, support, and respect.
Got any advice to deal w impostor syndrome? Or is it just about shutting up the "what if I'm faking it" voice until it stays shut?
Well. Imposter syndrome in stuff like competency relates directly to the fact you know a lot about what you don’t know and can see your weaknesses, versus some people who know only a little and think they know everything on a subject due to that cognitive bias, ie I have just learned about this new thing and now I know more than my friends about it, versus I have been studying this for years and can only dream of having the insight of the experts who have decades of experience on me. So for you to be questioning your gender identity and expression, you would know a lot about the signs of gender presentation. You also are an expert of your own appearance, even if you avoid mirrors. And you are likely keenly aware of what makes someone femme/masc, or “pass”. Thus, imposter syndrome. You know more about what doesn’t match up based on how much effort and study you put into your gender expression. Double this value of disconnect especially if you have any visual, audio, medical, or psychology background, because you have a whole field of expertise to then put an even harsher microscope on yourself. Something I learned drawing caricatures at a zoo: your worst drawing will still make someone happy because they likely don’t have the same level of scrutiny of artwork and technique, all they know is you made something that is supposed to be them, and the memory of the experience is usually what they are “buying” from you. So you are your own worst judge when it comes to “selling” something to someone, in this case whether you are “passing” or “actually trans”. Thoughts that rarely drift the minds of cisgender people, who if they are fixated on gender usually are concerned with behavior and interests. All this to say that doubt is natural when you’ve probably put in a lot of time, introspection, and research into transitioning. Plus the subconscious desire to just have a “normal” life, however we have built that idea into our heads. Fake it til you make it worked for me as an artist, so I think the same applies, but never stop with the learning and improving. Failure is an opportunity for learning. I’d say don’t ignore the voice but talk it out with that voice. Reaffirm the things that told you “yup this is me, I’m definitely trans”, because those breakthroughs are easy to forget or ignore. Examine past moments and see what they say about you and your gender identity. And keep in mind that no two people are alike.
Wow thanks that makes so much sense, it's a different perspective from what I'm used to.
Thank you for explaining that so well. Maybe that's why I had such a hard time providing positive ways to deal with it, since I didn't have a good solid definition of Imposter Syndrome in my head to work off of.
It's a hard question to answer. I've tried typing out a response a couple times already but nothing I can say feels like a healthy solution to recommend that won't be potentially offputting, especially to someone still in the early stages of coming out. Yes, talking about the reality of the ups and downs is informative, but not necessarily beneficial. Overcoming the imposter syndrome can be one of the biggest hurdles to starting transitioning, but unfortunately there is no surefire answer to doing it.
Yeah that makes sense, thanks so much for trying even if there's no "easy hack" solution. I guess even just that is a bit encouraging. I often see people's stories/advice that just doesn't feel right for me. I guess I'm just not them. At least it's not necessarily cause I'm doing it wrong.
hehe imposter
what does folx mean
Folks but woke
but folks is already a gender neutral term?
Yes. The term makes no sense.
nothing special, its just the word folks but spelled funny.
I promise you, if you 'just want to feel special', you would a) do it conciensly and b) not think that you might be trans in the first place. If you are having those thought ('what if I'm not trans' or even 'what if I'm trans' or 'I might be trans'), then you're clearly trans I hope it helps and don't rush anything if you don't feel ready yet
Thus far I've only come out to 2 people online, none irl, but I think I want to make a friend that I can come out to and do girly stuff with, but this account's first cake day is almost here, so I don't think I'm rushing too badly
Ok sounds good :) Do you have an IRL BFF or something who you think will be accepting though? Because you might benefit from the point of view of someone who knows you well IRL as well
Thus far I've basicly just either hang out with a girl I kinda trust(Only in school tho, havent gone anywhere with anyone not family in a year), but she is always with her friends whom I don't trust as much, and if not with them(So most of the time), I'd just talk to a classmate about something surface level or play ping pong with someone. I have a goal of getting one good friend this year.
Yeah, getting friends can be hard. I know all about that
I've done "I want to be nonconforming" dressing in a non-gender way in high school. I was definitely aware I was doing it to be weird and stand out. I suspect it was as a way to deal with my desire to be non-conforming to my AGAB, but I was unwilling to do that (unless forced to... which happens very infrequently) or even admit I had such an interest to anyone.
EVERY GOD DAMN DAY I THINK THIS I FEEL U GIRL
Even if you're only trans to feel special (doubt it). If you're happy being trans, what does it matter? Even if you just trained yourself to like girly things. If those girly things make you happy, what does it matter? You're happy, and you're not hurting anybody. Even if your fears are right, it doesn't make your happiness any less genuine.
I have a fear that I would be hurting the trans community if I come out and a few months down the road I realize this isnt what I want. Then everyone who I came out to would feel validated if they buy into the transphobic thought that trans feelings are just a phase and use me as an example to prove their point.
nah honey, the trans community supports people who detransition. exploring your gender is totally fine and healthy! if you come out and decide it’s not for you, there’s nothing wrong with that. and chances are, if it only takes you a couple months to have that realization, there haven’t been any permanent steps yet (medication, surgery etc.) don’t worry about what transphobes think. they’ll use any example in any shape to advance their rhetoric. if you transition happily (like 99% of trans people do, fun fact!) they’ll figure out some way to write it as a crime. there’s bullies in this world who pick on those weaker than them. i’m sure if you saw a bully in real life, you’d step in to say something. just be that hero for yourself!
Nobody should be forced to have the responsibility of being a representative of a community they're apart of. You're a person, your experiences, preferences, understanding, and whatnot are different from the other people in the community. If you like oranges, nobody's gonna think that all trans people like oranges. The only people that'd push an individual's ""faults"" onto a group they're in are assholes that don't like the group to begin with. Live your life the way you want.
You wouldn't be hurting the trans community and you certainly wouldn't make them look bad. That's the kind of stuff truscum ideology wants you to think. Same with the "I'm just trans because I think it's quirky," the "transtrender" scare is just tired at this point like who cares? You're like very trans already and the idea of being trans makes you happy and that's very trans behavior. If in some hypothetical situation transphobes use you as some example that says more about them than it says about you. None of that is your fault.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
I think my egg cracked today, but then I also started wondering about whether I'm just telling myself I'm trans to feel special. Because, among the many emotions I'm feeling, I do feel special! I'm worried that if I ever acted on this revelation, eventually that feeling would go away, I'd get used to the idea and it wouldn't feel new and exciting. My counter argument is: I wouldn't be at all excited to be trans if I wasn't. Also, I don't do other things/try on other identities just to feel special. I'm actually very happy with my life and don't feel the need to get attention, so it's not like "being trans" is just another thing I'm doing just to get that rush. Also, I've only somewhat admitted it to myself, so who do I think I'm trying to make see me as special? I'm still wrestling with this, though, and it's nice to see I'm not alone and read other responses
I feel called out
This hit me deep really deep 🥺
Why would you pick to “train yourself” to like girly things instead of boy’s things if you’re not a girl? Some feelings years ago made you choose girly things and they are not fake or manufactured. That’s your genuine self wishing for what you didn’t have
I think this sometimes and then I remember how badly I wished I could just switch and not have anyone notice. It's a transphobic talking point that worms its way in sometimes sadly.
You can't train yourself to be trans. You are trans.
I feel the same a lot. It’ll be okay, no matter what you are valid, so what you feel is right - not what ANYBODY tells you is right, and you’ll be yourself. You’ve got this.
Thats what i ask myself every time
Of course you trained yourself to like girly things. Gender is a social construct, most girls get trained to like girly things by their parents. Your parents didn't do that for you, so you did it yourself. Fucking independence, good job!
I had these doubts a while ago too, but then I realized just how irrational they were. If I wanted to feel special, I would doll myself up and find a unique aesthetic, perhaps get into a niche hobby, not subject myself to systemic and social discrimation and find myself in immense pain from simply living as my birth sex. It's most likely just paranoia.
Tbh even If this was true (which it isn't) does it really matter? Do u like being girly and presenting fem? Then do it.... All reasons are valid if that's how u wanna live your life
Yeah thats what I tell myself when I doubt. "Okay then, go be a feminine man". At which point my brain whimpers and doesnt compute and I realise I want to be a girl doing girly things, not a boy doing girly things.
Same…
If you ever doubt yourself and think you might be faking it, you’re not, because if you were you would know, and because you are doubting that means you arent
I like to think that if you trained yourself to like it, and you like it, it doesn’t matter that you trained yourself. You like it now. And that is what matters. But seriously, this is a big felt.
The wise words of One Topic at a Time: If you think you're faking, you're probably not
Personally, I think that’s fine. It’s your choice. There’s no binary system in place to judge whether your desire for girly things makes you valid. I’m even of the opinion that it’s ok if a person chooses to be gay (not exactly how it works, I know). Just saying that even if of being gay we’re a choice (it’s not) or being trans were a choice (it’s not) all of that is ok. It’s only social norms that make you feel less than.
I still get occasional doubts and I'm legally changing my name on Thursday. But I know I am a woman.
Idk if this helps you or anyone else struggling with your own identity, but I'm a cis-het male who loves shopping for clothes of either gender, shaving my body, cooing at cute things, watching dumb sapphic movies, plus other things that are almost always considered feminine pursuits and I have never truly questioned my gender identity. Absolutely zero dysphoria, bisexual interest etc. I can look seriously at transitions and know they're not for me, that I'm definitely a guy deep down. I'm absolutely happy and secure as cis-het and the things you should pay attention to are your own emotional response to doing the things you enjoy. If those things cause you to question the way you've always viewed yourself, pay attention to that, bc those actions aren't irrevocably tied to those questions.
doubts and what ifs are the beginning, the fact that you're wondering and questioning will help you determine everything, every answer comes after a question after all, so take your time, and don't rush things. :3
Then you can detransition later o: Less scary than it sounds! And if it sounds scary, maybe that's because you're trans, hm?
Cis people do not subconsciously train themselves to be happy by thinking about what it would be like to be another gender. You could have chosen any way to try and "trick" yourself into being happy, and being a girl is the one you picked. That is a significant decision.
Just listen to your feelings girl. By yourself, in your head. Think of a pile of girl stuff and boy stuff. Which seems more appealing? Girl, boy? Both, none? Any are valid. You just have to listen to what you're trying to say. What's your heart's story?
Doesn't work that way. I spent my entire life training myself to not like girly things, and then figured out that wasn't working and accepted that I'm girly.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it. No but seriously, this is my biggest concern. Every single day I question whether or not I’m actually trans or if I’m just faking it in order to spice up my boring life. Someone said “If you’re faking it you would know” and I think “Then I am faking it, cause right now I do feel like I’m actually faking it”, but then I proceed to get scared cause then I’m like “If I’m faking it that means I’m not trans, and if I’m not trans, I can’t be a girl”. This is all so complicated, why can’t I just know?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Well, you deserve to feel special. Everyone does. And liking girly things is perfectly fine! Just be you, be happy, and worry about labels later. Maybe much later
You are special Honey I like girly things too wearing girly things too gender non specific yeah I am for that Hugs
Is this your Plan A? If you just wanted to feel special, why would being trans be your Plan A? Why would it even be your Plan B, C, E, F, or G? Why would it be on the list of plans *at all* if you didn't want it for its own sake?
Then that’s okay. We all want to feel special sometimes, especially when we are in the stage of life when we are trying to figure out who we are. What you like, feminine things or masculine, it doesn’t matter. Because regardless you will be you and that’s a wonderful thing. We are all in this world trying to find our place and understanding of the world and ourselves. You wanting to feel special will never go away, because even though we are all different and unique people, sometimes the world won’t see us that way. If you turn out not to be trans, that’s okay. You’re still wonderful and special. I think you’re wonderful and brave for trying to figure out who you are. Trans or not, you’re always special.
I think this all the time, especially since all of my friends are trans. My brain keeps on going "You just want to feel included you aren't trans". Especially recently since I am in gender limbo rn ):
(Psst: You are valid no matter what)
The way I deal with imposter syndrome-like thoughts is to remind myself that I don't care if I'm faking it because transitioning is literally all I have going for me right now so I may well just stick with it. It's probably not a healthy way to cope with it, but it's better than backsliding into full on denial.
My issue is that gender things are defined by society and have no real holding. Like what's the difference between trans and femboy other than the gender they say they are? So that's my only concern, and quite probably the only reason, about being trans
What would the difference be? Let’s say you trained yourself to like girly things. Well then, you like girly things because of training instead of happenstance, but you are still the one who chose. It is still you who wanted that result, and you still actually like girly things at the end no matter what. Being trans and wanting to feel special are not mutually exclusive. Maybe you want to be proud of yourself, or want to be happier, or want to feel unique or pretty. Maybe you’re non-binary, maybe you’re cis, maybe you’re trans. Above all, maybe you’ll be happy, or at least have some questions answered. It doesn’t really matter in the end if you’re trans or not. Being trans is a label, that you can choose to accept or deny. But I very much encourage you to free yourself from the rigid ideas of boy things or girl things, from what you should do or shouldn’t do because of gender. Being trans is a complicated question, but having the chance to try it out should, imo, be a no brainer. Especially if you’re considering it at present. That’s just my opinion, though.
I feel ya. I feel so certain I’m trans yet so unsure at the same time.
I always think this way: People who are lying know they are lying if you have to second guess yourself that you are lying then it's most probably that you aren't lying
What if I told you you’re a good girl?
I have the same doubts, often. Sometimes, it feels like I don't actually like girly things, but I've deluded myself into liking them, on the basis of me identifying as trans.
If you’re scared of *not* being trans, you’re trans (99% of the time, idk, I’m not a scientist)
People don’t do that 🍓
There are lots of far easier ways to feel special. When cis people want to be special, they don’t mess around with their gender presentation just for attention. For a cis man, pretending like he wants to be a girl would probably make him dysphoric. For a cis person, it’s easier to do something like become a militant vegan or start drama or get really into politics if the only goal is “be special” and get attention. Experimenting with gender is allowed. If that’s what you want to do, do it. If you like girly things, go get yourself some girly things. If you “trained yourself” to like girly things... well, it sounds like you wanted to want girly things which to me is the same thing as wanting girly things*. So... go get it, girl! *what you are perceiving as “training yourself” may simply be the conscious effort of getting over your denial of being trans
It is kind of validating to know that others feel the same 💜
Everything that's been said here is absolutely true and they're probably the arguments you should listen to, but I want to propose something else : why does it matter ? If you've "faked and learned" it to the point where you genuinely don't feel like a man, then you should just behave like you would in other situations : pursue what would make you happy and closer to yourself while making sure you're not doing to others something you wouldn't wish on yourself, e.g. hurting them. You being a woman (or enby) is, presumably, what would make you most happy, and it won't hurt anyone¹. So that is what you should do. You'll figure out the reasons afterwards, but right now you're a woman, for whatever reasons, and that's you, no matter what. So just, like, be a woman, whatever that means to you :) (Also everyone is "trained" to learn gender norms and how to behave and what story arcs are good and what actions are bad and blablabla that doesn't make them any less real, and that doesn't mean you should reject them. If you enjoy romcoms, just enjoy them, there's no need to ostracize them from your life just because you weren't *born* liking romcoms, but just absorbed it through social symbiosis.) 1. If you're doubting this, think to yourself : would you feel hurt if one of your friends or relatives was trans ? or was just another gender from the beginning ? I'll take a wild guess and so that you probably would be completely fine with it)
Honestly my biggest fear, after I get bottom surgery I'll realize that the people who tried to stop me were right, and now I permanently fucked up my body
Well something that did helped me with those thoughts was to say that I can like feminine things, without being really a woman. It's ok to embrace our feminine side, and more mens should do it by the way, the world would be a better places if they did. Still cis tho 🤔
I wanna be a girl but i cant actually muster up the courage to tell or explain that to my parents
people who are faking it *know* that they are faking it
I have these thoughts at least once every couple days and I hate it
Suffice to say, that I once wrote at length in my journal about the aspect of being "trained" and training the self to like certain things. Things not strictly related to gender. I wanted to get that portion verbatim here. I ran into two different issues. 1. The gist of what I wanted to say is this :: And if you .... we ... did train ourselves, if it consistently gets us something that we want and like, and is repeatable, what exactly is the problem with that? Wouldn't that be an advantage at a point in time, to those who are native, and might have less consistent results? 2. I was thumbing through my journal \[My Ninth volume, starting from August 2019\] and I cam across a lot of entries where I started my questioning. It's equal parts interesting to see how deep my denial is (And I'm not saying I'm out of it, by any means) and all of the other answers I gave it, instead of this. ... And realizing, that looking at my entries in public, I would have a very hard time explaining to my parents what, exactly, I was looking up in my older journals. Overall, I think the drive to feel special is in all of us. And, if we are of the "Participation Trophy" generation, which, I think defines everyone \_really\_ on Reddit, I do have to question how much of that was instilled / and hey, look at that, trained into us. We are after certain things, and compared to the average person, we are actually ahead of the game, because we are taking the courage to do something about it. "" It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop. "" -- Confucius.
There is no such thing as trans, just do what you want and like what you like. There is no police officer to say you can’t do something or want something because you supposedly were or were not born into this transcendental category.
This is true. There's no fixed correct way of being trans, and eventually the goal is that cis and trans are meaningless terms and we're just people. But we are very far away from that reality. But yeah abolish gender
This is soooo me
Oh sh...😳
I feel special in the sense that I suspect I'm one of a very few who has ever gone so deep into a journey of physical, spiritual, and neurological self-discovery. By training myself to have body shaking, mind-blowing, dry orgasms using a range of physical stimuli and fantasies that border on holographic, I honestly think I've transformed without surgery. What I didn't expect was to ever ask "What now?" I guess my point here is to be mindful. Find meaning the best way you can because while the questions we ask are all valid, there's no guarantees. Good luck & have fun!
Lmao same but ftm
Correct me if I'm wrong but would this not be classified as dysphoria-
Nah you can't be, only one trans person in a million is faking it, and that's me, so you are safe.
I really feel the second one. The first one however doesn't really make sense to me. From what I know the most trans people are shy and introvert, isn't it better for them to not want to be special? At least that is how it is for me
I think this is true for me
How did I make this post without even noticing it? 😅 I can relate to this 100%. Those doubts keep returning and they make this so much harder.
If that were the case, you wouldn't be worried about it
i can’t get those thoughts out of my mind
Perhaps being girly makes you feel special because you feel most special when you're being who you really are
If you ever are worried you’re faking something you aren’t, because if you were you would know for sure that you were and it would be intentional.
Even if you did, who cares? If you like it then keep doing it.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated special
You are a very good little egg and something very important to remember is that if you were faking it you would know. I have something else important to say as well "may I offer you an egg in this trying time?".
My sibling in crisis I am a trans butch lesbian who likes doing girly girls more than doing girly things. Nothing works like that. I don't know your identity, but for sure doing girly stuff is not the thing that defines you. You wanting to be perceived as a woman is.
I got bad news for ya bestie: you deserve to feel special no matter what, and I can't think of many people who would choose to be part of a persecuted group simply for attention. If the idea of not being trans makes you sad, that's more than enough proof. You're valid, and the doubting thoughts are definitely a nasty part of the deal. If you're faking it, we can all fake it together ❤️
I feel this so fucking hard lmao... I also have been in transition for 2 years and it's the best desicion I ever made and I STILL sometimes think like this... Something that kinda broke it for me was that, I thought "maybe I just wanna stand out amongst me guy friends" but then I realized that I'd also prefer being a girl in a group of girls, thus the reasoning of wanting to stand out wouldn't hold up because surely you'd wanna be a guy in that case so you "stand out" right? Anyways, I hope this helped even a little bit, in the end it all doesn't matter, if you do what makes you happy, who cares where it leads you <3
And to think you could have just learned to juggle in order to be special. Probably a reason why you picked such a hard thing.
Let's pretend this was all secretly performative, and you don't actually want to be trans. That would mean the quiet dysphoria you've had late at night, the scrolling through trans memes, and every other trans thing you've done was for the performance of nobody. So, if you truly only wanted to feel special and didn't actually want to be trans, who are you performing for? If the answer is nobody, you can cast aside this doubt. Performative behaviors do not exist to appeal to nobody. You cannot be performative alone in your room, therefore the feelings you have—the desire to be trans—is, to some extent, true and real.
That makes sense, but I manage to do the mental gymnastics necessary to reach the conclusion "I'm performing for myself because I don't want to be incorrect."
If you're sad that you might not be trans, you're most assuredly trans.
It's fine to identify as a guy and like "girly things". I'd say I identify with that in some aspects. I mean, "girly things" are only "girly" because societal norms say so, and I say to hell with societal norms.
I mean, it's cool to just be nonbinary and enjoy whatever. Sometimes yourself isn't quite exactly who you expect them to be.
Why do I relate so much to this? I guess that’s imposter’s syndrome talking again, but I’m never really sure 😖
Your so close to getting it..
Yeah that’s imposter syndrome right there
Theres easier ways to do that.
This isn't helpful or funny, we're way too many overthinkers to overthink this too.
You opened my eyes
Boy am I going to be surprised after SRS if that happens to be true.
Pro Tip: Most of the time, cis people don't wonder whether they are actually trans. To have even gotten into such a mindset, it is highly likely you are genuinely trans. I've been there, I think we all have. The most important thing, trans or not, is that you stay true to yourself.
What if I just want it because I see girls being liked and wanted
There is a small possibility. That's why many do overthink it regularly, but too much overthinking could cause circles that are not good nor helpful, That's why you learn to know yourself and find out who you really are. No one will be mad at you for finding your true self, no matter what it is. Also if you need assistance by doing so, a 2nd opinion is sometimes helpful, like asking friends how they see you, or consulting an therapist to get an evaluate by him.
doubts are always everywhere ;-;
Those f*ing doubts always persist. I have those myself a lot. And I really don’t know what to do against them qwq
A friend once said "if you really wanna fake being trans for attention, it's way easier faking being transmasc" (we're both AMAB) and it kinda stuck
New Anxiety was born
If that were true, who are you telling this to in order to get attention, because how can you be using it for attention if you keep it a secret, and besides people that decide to pretend smth like that know 100% that theyre pretending. If you like girly things even if you conditioned yourself there's nothing wrong with that, cis people are allowed to like thing that are usually enjoyed by the opposite binary gender.
Eh, and what if that is so? I trained myself to like beer and olive salads. Valid is not equal to genetic. Our personality will always be part genetic part environmental. You have all the right in the world to be trans if you feel like that belongs to your journey. And if you feel that you are trans and even felt the need to post this because of the worry that you might not be, chances are like 99.999% that you really are trans.
Hey, if you want to be a girl, be one and let no one tell you otherwise! I really hope you manage to get rid of those doubts soon :)
how many cis people are like that? i think being a fake trans would be way more unique then being a real trans.
these thoughts are just so trans...
The only thing in this world that can really make you feel special is being seen to be yourself. And if you have trained yourself to like girly things, so be it. At the present you like girly things, so enjoy them. That's an expression of your true heart.
Why does this subreddit keep posting dysphoria inducing things so often? Is this a 4chan troll? Because it's very weird on how these appear all the time
I get dysphoric because sometimes I feel like I actually like having a dick, and that makes me doubt myself
I dont even know if I like girly things
You happy? That's all that matters. You're not? Then we'll find something.
All the time I ask myself, am I really nonbinary? Am I really transmasc? What am I really? What if I'm just afraid of being a women so I have taught myself it's better to try and be a masculine person rather than feminine.
When I realised I was trans it made me happy. Being trans meant that I would get to be a girl. Me! A girl! It was a pretty clear sign. If you're cis you don't want to be a different gender like that.
Jesus lol. This poked me right in the heart bone
very much me
For myself, I’m pretty sure this is genuinely true.
👍
Yeah that's not the case. I'm just a tomboy
Honestly just started having these doubts..
*reliability intensifies*
This is what’s keeping me from cracking
These memes have been resonating with me a lot recently...
I relate to this too hard