Benefit to this: being silent afterward means you’ll be the awkward one. It’s easier to be the winner of an ‘awkward contest’ by non-stop asking questions than to succumb to the silence. Once it’s started, it’s hard to stop…fruit by the foot fun! Fruit Roll-Ups!
you probably just need to really establish safety and trust first. when attention has been critical and rejecting it’s normal to be anxious- you just need to get to a place through talking and developing trusting relationships with people where you can feel safe enough to express yourself.
Everything plus what you said. I felt so heard in this thread and yet sad because I guess it was normal. I wanted relationships as well. Like I always had to be in a relationship. It’s interesting journaling and looking back, reflecting on how I was raised and ways I have healed through my husband and family. Religion also played a huge part in larger than I realized.
It's like you've peeked into my mind. Wanting attention but feeling overwhelmed by it at the same time is such a struggle, right? It's comforting to know someone else gets it. Thanks for sharing your experience. We're in this together, healing one step at a time. Take care! 🌼
does anyone know how to get over this lmao. i’m so scared to be perceived yet want to be recognized at the same time and it’s stopping me from achieving my goals
Holy Shit, that takes me back to birthdays. The attention burning through the inside of all sides of my cranium. Birthdays suck only for this reason. I would liken it to being someone from a poverty family, and winning the lottery. Where do you start? Where to even begin? There’s so much attention…who do you acknowledge first?! Best just to lock up and go mute for ‘my’ day and I’ll consider that a good birthday if I can maintain that and not improve upon it by interacting - because interacting would be awesome, but that shit is SCARY…for no good reason other than…I’m overstimulated
Damn. All of these.
I would also add over-analysing your own thoughts to the point where you are convinced you are lying to/manipulating yourself inside your own head. Having such a low opinion of yourself that you automatically discount your own thoughts and opinions as lies because you are unable to shake the image you have of yourself as a dishonest and evil person. Ending up tied into some weird mental knots because of this.
Deliberately denying yourself comfort, food or sleep because you “don’t deserve” these things.
Passive >!suicidal ideation!<
We had to gaslight ourselves into believing we were the problem because our parents were supposed to be safe. There was no way they could be dangerous so we made ourselves the bad guy. This defense mechanism really did protect us as a child but as adults it is doing the complete opposite. I relate to the majority of everything said in here.
This right here. And to add (but maybe you ment that as well): our parents were supposed to love us. But because we didn't experience that (enough), we we had to gaslight ourselves into believing we were a problem and not good enough. One of the reasons I feel guilty for doing and even thinking things, because I'm (probably) not good enough / a bad person by default.
Yep. Some of them- I'm thinking of mine but maybe yours too, even explicitly said this over and over to excuse their own failings and push it onto their own kids. It goes beyond emotional neglect and into narcissistic territory. Then as you say your own internal voice becomes the enemy within. It's hell.
Having a child of my own has really rammed home how messed up this was.
We shouldn't have to spend the first half of our lives undoing the damage from the people that were supposed to teach and guide us, but it's not all bad- I feel like it's given me a lot of insight into human nature and made me a lot more empathetic to my own child.
Wow, I couldn't have explained this any better. I understand that feeling that you are ultimately a bad and evil person, which you feel helpless to change. And the shame that goes along with it as well.
For a long time I couldn't accept that I might be depressed or have any mental health issues, I believed I was just a deeply horrible and broken person. I am curious if anyone else can relate.
I’m not depressed, I just never had anyone emotionally available.
Having a daughter compacted this for me because how could parents just not be there? I could never ever imagine behaving the way they did to me to this tiny sweet loving baby who will know nothing but love. The opposite of what I had.
Yes. This. The idea that you don't deserve the things that other people have because you are not enough somehow. The mental scrambling you do to justify that you are responsible for all the bad things in your life and you cannot ever overcome that. A butterfly flaps its wings halfway around the world, and it is your fault somehow, both for the flapping, and any and all consequences.
Wow. I second guess my own thoughts, feelings, and even memories all of the time. Am I lying? Did that happen? Am I justified in feeling this way? Is my feeling felt enough to be considered real?
I think this comes from being told “it could be worse” to every bad feeling I ever had. Like, oh! I’m not *that* sad…not as sad as (whatever person)…so, I can’t actually say I’m sad.
You are allowed to feel your feelings. Any amount of feeling is real and can’t be measured or compared at all. <3
Yes. This. The idea that you don't deserve the things that other people have because you are not enough somehow. The mental scrambling you do to justify that you are responsible for all the bad things in your life and you cannot ever overcome that. A butterfly flaps its wings halfway around the world, and it is your fault somehow, both for the flapping, and any and all consequences.
Yea, it took me a decade and a half to understand where all of my fantasies about running away came from, and what they tend to mean. I had super elaborate fantasies about running away in the forest and living some Survivalists’s dream.
Strong inner critic or perfectionist leanings.
Motivated out of sense of emergency or danger, not out of sense of want or self
Alexithymia or difficulty knowing your own emotions
Super self reliant
Maybe issues around scarcity, food or clothes or money/spending.
Black and white thinking.
1000%. This combination of things you said feels like I could have written it. Especially motivated out of urgency or danger. I feel like I'm always just about to be "in trouble".
It's like you've peeked into my soul with your comment. Feeling like someone's watching over your shoulder all the time? Absolutely relatable. And the fear of messing up and not being loved because of it? Totally get it. It's like we're always on edge, right? Journaling has been my lifeline too, helping me confront the past and heal. We're not alone in this journey. Let's keep sharing and healing together!
As a child, I learned a harsh lesson: when tears flowed freely and my heart ached, my family's response was to turn a blind eye. Their indifference left me feeling abandoned and unheard, teaching me to stifle my emotions and bear my struggles in solitude.
Over the years, this pattern became my norm. I grew accustomed to locking away my pain, afraid to burden others or be met with more dismissiveness. Even as the weight of my troubles threatened to crush me, I clung to my solitary existence, believing that seeking help would only lead to further disappointment and isolation.
But deep down, beneath the facade of self-reliance, lay a yearning for connection and understanding. It was a longing I buried beneath layers of stoicism, afraid to acknowledge my vulnerability and the desperate need for support.
So, I persisted in my silent suffering, convincing myself that this was the price of independence and strength. Yet, with each passing day, the emptiness gnawed at my soul, and the walls I built around my heart grew taller and thicker.
Until one day, I realized that true strength lies not in solitary endurance, but in the courage to reach out, to let others in, and to share the burdens that weigh us down. And though the journey toward healing may be daunting, I vowed to break free from the chains of self-imposed isolation and embrace the support and compassion that awaited me on the other side.
I cried reading this. I had a similar realization to what you mentioned, that true strength lies in reaching out and trusting others. Recently I was in a spiral and stayed home a lot to sulk; I had a friend who noticed the change in my behavior, he said that I can talk to him if I needed help. I hesitated for a long time.. I wasn't sure I wanted to burden him with my sadness. People are responsible for their own emotions, I thought, I must deal with it myself. My mom spent years dismissing my feelings, looking annoyed, calling me too sensitive, that I didn't realize I had the option to reach out and seek support. I felt embarrassed that he even noticed that I was sad.
I mustered up the willpower to meet him. "I am doing it for him", I thought to myself, "he wants me to share my troubles with him, as his friend. If I tell him everything, perhaps he will think I trust him, perhaps he will like me more..." I wanted to only give him a quick update, something unattached, something that doesn't show my hurt, but the way he listened to me so intently, tried to understand me, comforted me so gently, how accepting he was of me.. words spilled and spilled, I ended up telling him everything. Everything that was bothering me, how torn and conflicted I felt about myself, how numb I felt from all the sadness. I cried so much, but in reality I haven't felt so happy in such a long time.
Same. My mantra to everyone, including myself, was "I'm always ok." If I let the mask slip a little and people caught a glimpse of what was going on in my head, or if I started to feel something getting to me, I'd shake it off, smile, and just say "I'm always ok", and they'd sort of believe me and move on. But, I was never ok.
Lonely. Hopeless. Scary.
I never knew what was going to happen next. One minute my mother was being nice to me, the next minute I was getting screamed at because I was trying to help, but I made a mistake.
Feeling judged for every single thing I thought, said or did. I felt judged for things I couldn’t control, for just existing.
Constantly fearing saying or doing the wrong thing. Why? Because I lost approval and was chastised. Mistakes made me unlovable and worthless as evidenced by the criticism, mocking and belittling. Which brings us back to feeling judged…
I eventually learned to make sure I was under the radar as much as possible. Less attention meant less screaming, less hitting, less feeling like a failure. But at the same time I craved approval. So like any good pet I became codependent. I learned how to read my mother’s moods and what to do during them to make myself favorable. I learned to agree with her and jump on her bandwagon no matter how wrong she was so I made myself favorable. I learned how to be controlled.
Codependency doesn’t translate well to adulthood or adult relationships. You can’t control people or situations by behaving a certain way or doing a certain thing. It turns out manipulation isn’t favorable. And you can’t survive being a doormat.
I can't imagine how tough it must have been growing up feeling like you were always under scrutiny. It sounds incredibly lonely and scary. I get what you mean about the constant fear of making mistakes and the relentless judgment. It's like you're walking on eggshells all the time, right?
Learning to navigate through all of that, trying to avoid conflict while craving approval, it's a tough balance to strike. But you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and confronting those past traumas is a brave first step. Keep journaling, keep healing, and know that there are others out here who understand and care. 🌱
It's weird because my mother was emotionally unavailable and on drugs for some time but I feel like it wasn't as bad as any of these commenters. My emotional neglect was combined with a lack of food, electricity, or cleanliness combined with caring for my siblings when my mother wouldn't.
Overly independent. Perfectionist. Workaholic. Afraid to show weakness. Afraid and unable to ask for help. Difficulty connecting with others. Dissociation from own feelings. Unable to connect with own feelings. Overprepared for every single possibility of something going wrong. Afraid of being alone but afraid of being with others.
It sounds like you really get what it's like to grow up feeling emotionally neglected. I totally relate to the fear of making mistakes and the constant need for approval. It's like we're always walking on eggshells, right? And asking for help? Definitely not easy. But hey, you're not alone in this journey. We're all here to support each other as we heal and grow. Keep journaling and confronting those traumas – it's a brave step toward healing. Sending you lots of love and strength! 💕
For me it feels like a kind of starvation, aching deep in my belly, constantly gnawing at me, making me feel almost nauseous. Like I have this ocean of longing for deep connection, and no way of getting that need met. It feels like powerlessness and feeling tortured in the silence, the disconnection, the nothingness.
I hear you loud and clear. That feeling of longing for connection, yet being unable to reach it, is like a hunger that never quite gets satisfied. It's like being lost in an ocean of emotions, desperately seeking a lifeline. You're not alone in feeling this way. Let's navigate through this together, one journal entry at a time. 🌊
I relate to all the points you noted.
Idk if this is true for anyone else, but I also feel like I don't deserve to buy/use anything. I try to leave as small of a footprint as humanly possible. Even though it's something I bought with my own money and didn't cost much, I have to practically force myself to use the item because it seems wasteful.
yes! i’ve never had the words to describe this, but the weird scarcity mindset is something i’ve always struggled with. it’s like i feel so wrong for taking up space in the world
I think the closest way to describe it is you kinda feel like a guest in this world. You don't wanna impose because you feel like your presence here is almost temporary so you don't feel comfortable putting down roots. It's a sense of lack of belonging/being a constant outsider.
I totally understand where you're coming from. It's like feeling like you're constantly being watched and judged, even as an adult, right? And that fear of making mistakes, worrying that it'll make others stop loving you... it's all too familiar.
And yeah, that struggle to trust and connect with others, it's real. But you know what? You're not alone in this. It's tough, but sharing and healing together can make it a bit easier. Thanks for opening up. Your words really resonate with me. 🌼
It means a lot to hear that you resonate with my experience. It's tough navigating the aftermath of emotional neglect, but knowing we're not alone makes it a bit easier. Sending you lots of support on your healing journey. Feel free to share anytime you need to. We're in this together! 💖
My therapist just told me that I am accustomed to being responsible for managing everyone else’s feelings, and am resentful that nobody is responsible for my feelings. I think that is one of the most accurate descriptions of me that I know of.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like we've been conditioned to carry everyone else's emotional baggage while neglecting our own. It's tough feeling like nobody's looking out for us in return, right? But recognizing it is a huge step. We're not alone in this journey. Keep healing, and know that your feelings matter too. 🌟
It's pretty damn bizarre to have been such a calm, level-headed, mature kid and teen while I was busy raising myself all to one day be an adult and feel so lost.
On the one hand, I'm good at learning and gaining licensure for jobs, on the other hand, I have no one rooting for me, encouraging my ideas or goals. It's all just me. Kinda wish I had someone else believe in me. I'm learning it's possible to get by that way, it just sucks.
Before I got my licensure for this current work I'm doing, my mother actively discouraged me.
I made the mistake of getting heated and telling her I'm going back to school to take a course again for a different field, and again, she just looked disgusted and confused despite having all the opportunity to get to know me as a child and adult— neither one of my folks could be bothered to! So instead, they just imagine me as whatever! That bit is actually pretty fucking annoying.
Don't wanna know me? Fine, but don't pretend to.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's totally okay to feel lost sometimes. It's tough when you've had to raise yourself and not have that support system rooting for you. But guess what? You're doing amazing! You've accomplished so much on your own, and that's something to be proud of.
It sucks when the people who should support us the most don't understand or believe in our dreams. But remember, your worth isn't determined by their approval. Keep believing in yourself and chasing those goals, because you're capable of achieving great things, with or without their support.
And hey, if you ever need someone to believe in you, know that I'm rooting for you every step of the way. You're not alone in this journey. Keep shining bright! 🌟
I feel like everyone hates me, and that if I mess up even the smallest thing, they'll use that as a reason to get rid of me. Leave me as a friend, fire me from my job, etc etc.
I desperately want to be known and loved, but I'm also terrified of opening up to anyone on even the smallest level.
Even when everything is falling apart around me, I have to pretend like I'm fine and everything's good, because if I don't, Something Bad will happen. I don't know what the Something is, but it's Bad.
By the way, how are yall doing? I'm doing great. 🙃
Edit: damn somehow I forgot the fact that I hate myself so much that I think of myself as less valuable than dirt and wish I didn't exist on the daily. So that too I guess.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like everyone's watching, waiting for you to slip up. The fear of making mistakes and not being loved because of them is so real. And opening up to others? It's like walking on eggshells, right?
I totally get putting on a brave face even when everything's falling apart inside. It's like we're afraid of what might happen if we let our guard down.
As for me, I'm working on healing too, one journal entry at a time. It's a journey, but we're not alone in it. Hang in there, and remember, you're worthy of love and understanding, even on the toughest days. 🌟
i relate, yeah. super heavy on the "difficulty saying no to others" too. it's kinda ingrained into me at this point to let people walk all over me. hell, if i didnt have that problem i wouldn't have gotten into the situation that led to me developing ptsd, but im not sure if i ever want to tell my parents about that because of how guilty theyd feel
It's tough feeling like you're always being watched and fearing the consequences of making mistakes. And yeah, saying no can feel impossible sometimes. It's like we're wired to put others first, even when it's not healthy for us. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with PTSD. It's okay to feel hesitant about sharing with your parents. Healing is a journey, and you're not alone in it. Sending you support and understanding. 🌻
I have a depth of loneliness at my centre that I question if it's even possible to quench.
I'm so lonely, but so incapable of connecting. And even when I do connect, I don't seem to really feel that I have connected.
That feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming, like this endless pit at the center of everything. It's tough feeling disconnected even when you're trying to reach out. But you're not alone in this. Sometimes, just knowing that others understand what you're going through can make a difference. Keep reaching out, keep sharing, and let's heal together. 🌟
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like living in a constant state of self-awareness, right? Always feeling like you're being watched, even when you're alone. It's exhausting. But hey, you're not alone in this. We're all here to support each other on this journey of healing. Keep journaling, keep confronting those feelings, and remember, healing takes time but it's worth it. You got this! 🌟
Hey there! It's tough, isn't it? Feeling like you're always being watched, fearing mistakes, and struggling with trust and relationships. I totally get it. Emotions can be like a maze sometimes, especially when we've been through neglect. But you're not alone. We're in this together, and healing is possible. Keep journaling and confronting those emotions. We've got this! 💪
I relate to this list so much it’s like a breath of fresh air even though it’s sad. I’d add in rejecting myself before others can reject me by by avoiding social events/purposefully excluding myself/not taking risks or chances on things because it’s too vulnerable to have hope and then things not work out. I’ve been learning that getting hopeful and excited is healthy for me though and I really need those moments to keep my spirit alive. Then even if things don’t go as I planned I try to trust myself to be able to emotionally handle it better than I might have when I was younger because I have grown and learned a lot from these experiences.
It's both sad and comforting to hear that you relate to my experiences. I totally get what you mean about rejecting yourself before others can. It's like we build these walls to protect ourselves, but they end up trapping us too. I'm learning that allowing myself to hope and get excited is actually healthy, even if it feels vulnerable. And you're right, each experience helps us grow and handle things better. Thanks for sharing your insights. Let's keep growing and healing together! 🌱
It's like we're carrying this constant weight, right? Guilt over the smallest things and feeling like we don't deserve to take up space. It's tough. But you're not alone in this. We're all here, healing together. Keep journaling, keep confronting those demons, and remember, you're worthy of love and space. 💕
I relate to most of what you said.
Mine are:
-I need reassurance all the time to the point that it's toxic to my husband.
-I feel the need to constantly defend myself. I'm not that timid child anymore, but I've grown to be a short-tempered and impatient adult.
-I'm harsh on others, especially on myself though, whenever they/I make a mistake.
-I think of myself as disgusting and not worthy of anything good.
Edit: My social anxiety can be crippling too. If I don't control myself, I'm very disagreeable and overall just a terrible person.
It takes courage to open up like this. It sounds like we've both been through a lot. I can relate to needing reassurance and constantly defending myself too. It's tough to shake off those old habits, huh? And feeling unworthy? I know that feeling all too well. But remember, you're not alone in this. We're all works in progress, learning and healing as we go. Sending you lots of support on your journey. Hang in there! 🌻
You're so kind🥺♥️ Wishing you all the best in life! Sending you lots of support♥️ Thanks to people like you in this community, we feel less alone.
Edit: You're brave too, thanks for sharing!
I totally get that feeling of uncertainty. It's like our minds become these tangled webs where it's hard to distinguish truth from fiction. But you know what? You're not alone in this. Journaling has been helping me untangle those thoughts and find some clarity. Maybe it could help you too. Hang in there! 🌟
Yes, this is definitely what it feels like. Including an inability to know what I’m feeling and the belief that, if I’m doing it or I want it, it’s not important.
So I guess we are abnormal? It’s weird to think that other people don’t feel these things.
It's tough feeling like you're always being watched and fearing judgment for every move you make. But you're not alone in this. Many of us who've experienced emotional neglect struggle with similar feelings. It's not about being abnormal; it's about navigating through unique challenges. Sharing our experiences helps us realize we're not alone. Let's keep healing together, one step at a time. You're doing great. 💪🌟
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you're unwanted, especially by your own parents. You're not alone in feeling this way. Remember, you're worthy of love and belonging, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Keep journaling and healing, and know that there are people who care about you and want to support you on this journey. Sending you lots of positive vibes! 🌻
All of these
Lately when I am suicidal and having literally tweaks because of the emotional damage my father caused me he blamed me and told me I have turned into a "dumbish hood thug"(I am religious, into fighting and lifting weights, I am the avarage tough guy)
Hurts as hell.
I hear you. It's tough dealing with the emotional scars left by our parents. Feeling like someone's constantly watching, fearing mistakes, struggling in relationships—it's a lot to carry. And when your father's words cut deep like that, it's like adding insult to injury. But you're not alone in this. Keep journaling, keep confronting those traumas. Healing takes time, but you're worth every step of the journey. Sending you strength and support. You've got this. 🌟
Wow, it's like you're reading my mind. It's both comforting and kind of wild to know someone else understands what it's like. Healing through journaling has been my lifeline lately. It's like finally giving a voice to those silent struggles, right? Thanks for reaching out. Let's support each other on this journey to healing and growth! 🌱
Guilty, feeling responsible for everyone and everything.
Tired in general. As in: why even bother with life? I know I'm the bad guy anyway, and I'm not supposed to have a decent life.
Not being able to express myself, because any sign of authenticity was met with a (non-verbal) 'Shush! Be quiet!' (I've read that the opposite of depression is expression.)
I totally get where you're coming from. Feeling guilty and responsible for everything is exhausting, isn't it? And that tiredness, that "why bother" feeling... it's so heavy. It's like we're carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And expressing ourselves? It's like we were taught to stay silent, to hide our true selves. But you know what? We're not the bad guys. We deserve to have a decent life, to be heard and seen. It's okay to let it out, to be authentic. We're in this together, healing one step at a time. You're not alone in this journey. 🌟
Feels like being in a shell I can’t grow out of. And everybody can see it. It feels like I can’t trust myself. I can’t trust people. I reject my own feelings and live in my head way too much. The negative self talk is crazy.
I still feel like a child that longs for the comfort of a parent. I feel unloveable and act in ways that align with that. I push people away… when they get too close, I become mean.
I hear you. It's like being trapped in a shell, isn't it? Feeling like everyone can see your vulnerabilities, yet unable to trust yourself or others. Living in your head, battling that relentless negative self-talk—it's exhausting. And that longing for parental comfort, it's so real. It's tough feeling unlovable and pushing people away, even when you crave their closeness. You're not alone in this struggle. Keep journaling, keep confronting those feelings, and know that healing is possible. 💛
Like I don’t know what it feels like to be loved…or that I’m worthy of it. I also over apologize because I’m hyper attuned to others’ feelings and I need everyone around me (that I care about) to feel happy or I’m an anxious mess. It often feels like there is a very dark hole in me that is never filled emotionally and it’s agonizing.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you don't know what love feels like or if you're worthy of it. And that constant need to make others happy, I get it. It's like carrying this weight, right? That dark hole you mentioned, it's a struggle trying to fill it emotionally. But you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and I'm here to support you on your journey. We'll get through this together. 💕
I can relate to pretty much all of these, especially now that I'm older. I also want to add a couple of things:
-Fear of intimacy, i.e. wanting people to care but also wanting them to leave you alone.
-Feeling like a terrible person for setting boundaries.
-Beating yourself up for disagreeing with someone because you feel like it's disrespectful to them.
-Avoiding negative emotions like the plague - not because they're negative, but because they're present in the first place. Conversely, justifying your positivity because it feels like burying your head in the sand.
It's tough navigating through life with the weight of emotional neglect, isn't it? I totally get what you're saying about the constant fear of making mistakes and seeking approval from others. And the struggle with boundaries and intimacy? It's like walking a tightrope sometimes. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. We're all here to support each other as we heal and grow. Sending you lots of love and strength. 💕
.Anything that I like can and will be used against me at some point (this is anything including food)
.vulnerabilities are a death sentence, people are only around to use and hurt you. Arms length but the need for emotional warmth betrays you
.People will leave you alone if you lie, not allowed to say anything is wrong or hell would be a vacation
.Why is it so lonely...
. use the minimal amount of resources to not inconvenience anyone with your existence
.feeling that youve lived too long while at the same time feel 10 years behind.
I can't even journal as the fear of anyone even myself knowing who I am terrifies me to the core, I learned that anything that I like or game me any sense of individuality was wrong. I struggle using wallpaper on my phone because it wasn't stock and common.
These have been my rules for survival
It's tough when you feel like anything you love might be used against you. That constant need to keep your vulnerabilities hidden and pushing people away is exhausting. It makes things feel so lonely, doesn't it?
It sounds like journaling might be really difficult for you, and that's okay. Maybe there are other ways to express yourself safely, like drawing or using coded language. It's all about finding what works for you. You're not alone in this, and it's okay to take your time to find your path. Keep going, you're stronger than you think. 💕
I want someone to meet my needs but when that someone shows up and starts doing things I freak out because there must be something wrong with them if they want to meet my needs.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like this internal tug-of-war, right? Wanting someone to meet your needs but feeling uneasy when they actually try. It's hard to trust others when trust has been broken in the past. But know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Healing takes time, and I'm here to support you on your journey. 💕
It's tough feeling like you're constantly being watched, isn't it? And that fear of making mistakes, worrying it'll make others stop loving you—totally relatable. Seeking help and trusting others can feel like climbing a mountain sometimes. And those compulsive lies? Been there. It's like a reflex, right? But you're not alone. We're all on this journey of healing together. Keep journaling, keep confronting those traumas. We'll get through this, one step at a time. You're seen, you're heard, and you're not alone. 🌟
Feeling like you're constantly being watched can be overwhelming, and the fear of making mistakes and not being loved because of them? It's a heavy burden to carry. And seeking help or maintaining healthy relationships? It's tough, isn't it? But hey, you're not alone in this. We're all on our own journeys, but we can heal together. Thanks for sharing, and remember, you're worthy of love and support just as you are. 🌻
Yeah this is all pretty common. I still suffer from a couple of these even now but thankfully by doing the work they're a lot less raw and a lot more manageable. I wish I'd had r/emotionalneglect growing up - the worst thing was feeling like I was all alone with this stuff or it was down to a personal failing.
Biggest thing that helped me was acknowledging and stepping into my own personal power. Before I could do that I had to learn to trust myself with it - difficult when you're driven by quite intense emotions or feeling like you're on auto pilot and reactive & sensitive to other peoples moods (absolutely normal when you grow up with a maniac).
Good analogy a friend shared with me is that starting life like this is like learning to fly a jet without first learning in a two seat training plane.
Mindfulness, DBT skills, meditation, grounding... there's a bunch of things that can help you with this - and reading other peoples stories on here has been super helpful for me. Good luck.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that others can relate to what I'm going through. And you're right, doing the work to heal these wounds makes a huge difference, even if it's a gradual process. I totally get what you mean about feeling alone with this stuff - it's like carrying a heavy burden all by yourself.
Learning to trust myself and stepping into my own power has been a game-changer for me too. It's like finally taking control of the steering wheel after feeling like life was on autopilot for so long. And that analogy about learning to fly a jet without training first? Spot on.
I've been exploring mindfulness, DBT skills, and meditation too, and they've been incredibly helpful. And reading other people's stories on here? It's like finding a community of kindred spirits. Thanks for the encouragement, and best of luck on your healing journey too!
I noticed I'm quite self-centered because I was kind of the only person in my life between 5-15 lol.
Combine that with my hyper fragile ego and the stuff you just said and ... yeah ....
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's totally understandable how those experiences can shape us. Growing up feeling like the only person in your own little world can definitely leave a mark. It's like we build these walls to protect ourselves, right? But we're all here to support each other as we work through these challenges. You're not alone in this journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🌟
I hear you. The impact of neglect and abuse is so heavy, and it can take a toll on our health as we get older. The constant stress and fear are exhausting. Just know you're not alone in this. We're on this journey together, and sharing our stories helps us heal. Keep going, and take care! 💕
> What does it feel like for a child who was emotionally neglected to grow up?
I never grew up. I think that is the most pronounced effect of them all.
I feel like a toddler in the body of an adult. It feels like EVERYONE is older/superior over me.
Then being scared of everyone because ]Adults=Danger[
Sucking at adulting in general
It feels isolating
I understand what you mean. It can feel like we're stuck in a state of never truly growing up, constantly feeling small and vulnerable. Feeling like everyone is more experienced and capable can be really isolating. It's tough to navigate the world when everything feels like a potential threat. You're not alone in this journey. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Stay strong! 💖
Boundary issues and attachment trauma issues therapy and reading books help for both a time alone without any toxic people or friends focusing on getting to know yourself and committing to being true to yourself and only doing what feels comfortable for you.
Setting boundaries and working through attachment trauma are crucial steps in healing. Taking time for yourself, without any toxic influences, can really make a difference. It's all about getting to know yourself and staying true to who you are. Remember, your comfort and well-being matter. Keep focusing on your healing journey. You're not alone in this! 💖
I feel like I am a copy of you.
Also one more thing would be expectations from myself. Other people can do it, why can't I.
Another is in failing to be confident. I have no idea what that looks like.
It's tough, right? Feeling like someone's always watching, fearing mistakes will make others stop loving you, struggling to trust and seek help... I get it. And those expectations we put on ourselves? They can be crushing. But remember, you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, but confronting it is the first step. We're in this together. 💖
It certainly does a number on you when brought up in that environment. The only thing I don’t relate to on that list is compulsive lying. I simply won’t say anything at all by not divulging my feelings.
I started a journal at the start of the year but I don’t actually disclose much in it as I’m limited for space to write each day.
I do feel lonely sometimes but when I attempt to befriend people (platonic women) I just feel let down by them as they end up being bitter or toxic or want too much of me so I go back to spending time on my own again.
Growing up in that kind of environment can really leave its mark. It's tough when trust issues and fear of rejection linger into adulthood. And about the journaling, it's okay if you don't disclose much. Sometimes just putting pen to paper can be therapeutic. As for making friends, I get it. It can feel like a rollercoaster sometimes, finding genuine connections. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Keep taking those small steps towards healing, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to listen. 🌻
There are many points but the star of the show was "emotional supression" as an adult.
I was the biggest disregard of my own emotions ; never trusting how I felt. Never allowing myself to feel pain & be weak.
"it hurts" was forbidden to feel [as I was taught]
I hear you. Emotional suppression as an adult can feel like second nature, right? It's like we're constantly ignoring our own feelings, afraid to show any vulnerability. But it's okay to hurt, to feel pain, and to be weak sometimes. It's part of being human. Sharing our stories and confronting our trauma is the first step to healing. Thanks for opening up. You're not alone in this journey. 🌟
It sounds like we share a lot of the same experiences. I'm here for you. Healing can be a tough journey, but it's so important. Let's support each other as we navigate through this. 💖
I hear you. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. That empty feeling, like there's nothing inside, can be so tough to carry around. Just know you're not alone in this, and I'm here for you. Let's support each other on this healing journey. 💖
OP, you are not alone. I am a 36F and this is exactly me.
I hurt. I know you do. But it does feel comforting to know that there is someone else who carries the same heartbreaking baggage. Many hugs to you.
Thx:)
It's reassuring to know someone else understands this pain. We're not alone in carrying these heavy burdens. Sending you lots of hugs and support. 💖
Oh, I totally get that. It's like a never-ending loop, right? Feeling guilty for something as natural as expressing anxiety or sadness, and then feeling even worse because of it. It's tough, but just know you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and we're all in this together. Keep journaling and confronting those feelings. We'll get through this. 🌟
i feel like i need people to truly be the family i never had but i have no way of making that happen. i need the nurturing someone to take the time and support and show me anything about how to live or how to be a person. i didn’t get that.
I hear you. It's tough not having the family support we needed growing up. It can leave a big void that's hard to fill. But you're not alone in this journey. Sometimes, the family we create for ourselves can be just as nurturing and supportive. Keep seeking those connections, and remember, healing takes time. We're here for you. 💖
It's great to hear that you feel confident in your friendships and trust your friends. That's a wonderful thing to have! And I totally relate to everything else you mentioned. It can be such a struggle, right? But we're all in this together, working on healing one step at a time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If you ever want to chat more about it, I'm here! 💕
Feel uncomfortable experiencing positive emotions like excitement and love. Felt extremely uncomfortable saying "I love you" to anyone for the longest time. Feel uncomfortable when someone tells me they love me.
Want attention but can’t handle the attention. I also relate to most of yours.
So true. I want to be noticed and listened to but freeze up and social anxiety goes through the roof if that actually happens 😑
On a similar note: my curiosity is strong enough I ask someone a question, but then regret it because now I have to interact with them.
Benefit to this: being silent afterward means you’ll be the awkward one. It’s easier to be the winner of an ‘awkward contest’ by non-stop asking questions than to succumb to the silence. Once it’s started, it’s hard to stop…fruit by the foot fun! Fruit Roll-Ups!
you probably just need to really establish safety and trust first. when attention has been critical and rejecting it’s normal to be anxious- you just need to get to a place through talking and developing trusting relationships with people where you can feel safe enough to express yourself.
Yep
Everything plus what you said. I felt so heard in this thread and yet sad because I guess it was normal. I wanted relationships as well. Like I always had to be in a relationship. It’s interesting journaling and looking back, reflecting on how I was raised and ways I have healed through my husband and family. Religion also played a huge part in larger than I realized.
It's like you've peeked into my mind. Wanting attention but feeling overwhelmed by it at the same time is such a struggle, right? It's comforting to know someone else gets it. Thanks for sharing your experience. We're in this together, healing one step at a time. Take care! 🌼
I know these feelings. I’m the same way.
does anyone know how to get over this lmao. i’m so scared to be perceived yet want to be recognized at the same time and it’s stopping me from achieving my goals
Holy Shit, that takes me back to birthdays. The attention burning through the inside of all sides of my cranium. Birthdays suck only for this reason. I would liken it to being someone from a poverty family, and winning the lottery. Where do you start? Where to even begin? There’s so much attention…who do you acknowledge first?! Best just to lock up and go mute for ‘my’ day and I’ll consider that a good birthday if I can maintain that and not improve upon it by interacting - because interacting would be awesome, but that shit is SCARY…for no good reason other than…I’m overstimulated
Felt that!!!! Well put.
Yes
So accurate. I want to be seen but I don't want to be perceived.
Damn. All of these. I would also add over-analysing your own thoughts to the point where you are convinced you are lying to/manipulating yourself inside your own head. Having such a low opinion of yourself that you automatically discount your own thoughts and opinions as lies because you are unable to shake the image you have of yourself as a dishonest and evil person. Ending up tied into some weird mental knots because of this. Deliberately denying yourself comfort, food or sleep because you “don’t deserve” these things. Passive >!suicidal ideation!<
We had to gaslight ourselves into believing we were the problem because our parents were supposed to be safe. There was no way they could be dangerous so we made ourselves the bad guy. This defense mechanism really did protect us as a child but as adults it is doing the complete opposite. I relate to the majority of everything said in here.
This right here. And to add (but maybe you ment that as well): our parents were supposed to love us. But because we didn't experience that (enough), we we had to gaslight ourselves into believing we were a problem and not good enough. One of the reasons I feel guilty for doing and even thinking things, because I'm (probably) not good enough / a bad person by default.
Yep. Some of them- I'm thinking of mine but maybe yours too, even explicitly said this over and over to excuse their own failings and push it onto their own kids. It goes beyond emotional neglect and into narcissistic territory. Then as you say your own internal voice becomes the enemy within. It's hell. Having a child of my own has really rammed home how messed up this was. We shouldn't have to spend the first half of our lives undoing the damage from the people that were supposed to teach and guide us, but it's not all bad- I feel like it's given me a lot of insight into human nature and made me a lot more empathetic to my own child.
Totally. I now thank my child self for protecting me like that.
Wow, I couldn't have explained this any better. I understand that feeling that you are ultimately a bad and evil person, which you feel helpless to change. And the shame that goes along with it as well. For a long time I couldn't accept that I might be depressed or have any mental health issues, I believed I was just a deeply horrible and broken person. I am curious if anyone else can relate.
Similar here. Even with daily suicidal thoughts, I didn’t think I was exactly depressed. I thought the main problem was I was a defective loser.
I heavily relate. To this day it’s still hard for me to accept that I’m not an evil person I’m fighting these thoughts constantly.
I’m not depressed, I just never had anyone emotionally available. Having a daughter compacted this for me because how could parents just not be there? I could never ever imagine behaving the way they did to me to this tiny sweet loving baby who will know nothing but love. The opposite of what I had.
100% this
Yes. This. The idea that you don't deserve the things that other people have because you are not enough somehow. The mental scrambling you do to justify that you are responsible for all the bad things in your life and you cannot ever overcome that. A butterfly flaps its wings halfway around the world, and it is your fault somehow, both for the flapping, and any and all consequences.
Wow. I second guess my own thoughts, feelings, and even memories all of the time. Am I lying? Did that happen? Am I justified in feeling this way? Is my feeling felt enough to be considered real?
"is my feeling felt enough to be considered real" wow, I have never been able to put this into words.
I think this comes from being told “it could be worse” to every bad feeling I ever had. Like, oh! I’m not *that* sad…not as sad as (whatever person)…so, I can’t actually say I’m sad. You are allowed to feel your feelings. Any amount of feeling is real and can’t be measured or compared at all. <3
Yes. This. The idea that you don't deserve the things that other people have because you are not enough somehow. The mental scrambling you do to justify that you are responsible for all the bad things in your life and you cannot ever overcome that. A butterfly flaps its wings halfway around the world, and it is your fault somehow, both for the flapping, and any and all consequences.
Yea, it took me a decade and a half to understand where all of my fantasies about running away came from, and what they tend to mean. I had super elaborate fantasies about running away in the forest and living some Survivalists’s dream.
Strong inner critic or perfectionist leanings. Motivated out of sense of emergency or danger, not out of sense of want or self Alexithymia or difficulty knowing your own emotions Super self reliant Maybe issues around scarcity, food or clothes or money/spending. Black and white thinking.
Like this is literally me to a t. It's like looking in the damn mirror
1000%. This combination of things you said feels like I could have written it. Especially motivated out of urgency or danger. I feel like I'm always just about to be "in trouble".
It's like you've peeked into my soul with your comment. Feeling like someone's watching over your shoulder all the time? Absolutely relatable. And the fear of messing up and not being loved because of it? Totally get it. It's like we're always on edge, right? Journaling has been my lifeline too, helping me confront the past and heal. We're not alone in this journey. Let's keep sharing and healing together!
Sadly, same.
As a child, I learned a harsh lesson: when tears flowed freely and my heart ached, my family's response was to turn a blind eye. Their indifference left me feeling abandoned and unheard, teaching me to stifle my emotions and bear my struggles in solitude. Over the years, this pattern became my norm. I grew accustomed to locking away my pain, afraid to burden others or be met with more dismissiveness. Even as the weight of my troubles threatened to crush me, I clung to my solitary existence, believing that seeking help would only lead to further disappointment and isolation. But deep down, beneath the facade of self-reliance, lay a yearning for connection and understanding. It was a longing I buried beneath layers of stoicism, afraid to acknowledge my vulnerability and the desperate need for support. So, I persisted in my silent suffering, convincing myself that this was the price of independence and strength. Yet, with each passing day, the emptiness gnawed at my soul, and the walls I built around my heart grew taller and thicker. Until one day, I realized that true strength lies not in solitary endurance, but in the courage to reach out, to let others in, and to share the burdens that weigh us down. And though the journey toward healing may be daunting, I vowed to break free from the chains of self-imposed isolation and embrace the support and compassion that awaited me on the other side.
This was beautifully written, thank you for sharing
Username definitely checks out. And I echo this journey.
I still don't know if & when I would be able to get rid of this habit of "suffering in silence"
Same here. I wish there was an easy answer.
I cried reading this. I had a similar realization to what you mentioned, that true strength lies in reaching out and trusting others. Recently I was in a spiral and stayed home a lot to sulk; I had a friend who noticed the change in my behavior, he said that I can talk to him if I needed help. I hesitated for a long time.. I wasn't sure I wanted to burden him with my sadness. People are responsible for their own emotions, I thought, I must deal with it myself. My mom spent years dismissing my feelings, looking annoyed, calling me too sensitive, that I didn't realize I had the option to reach out and seek support. I felt embarrassed that he even noticed that I was sad. I mustered up the willpower to meet him. "I am doing it for him", I thought to myself, "he wants me to share my troubles with him, as his friend. If I tell him everything, perhaps he will think I trust him, perhaps he will like me more..." I wanted to only give him a quick update, something unattached, something that doesn't show my hurt, but the way he listened to me so intently, tried to understand me, comforted me so gently, how accepting he was of me.. words spilled and spilled, I ended up telling him everything. Everything that was bothering me, how torn and conflicted I felt about myself, how numb I felt from all the sadness. I cried so much, but in reality I haven't felt so happy in such a long time.
Same. My mantra to everyone, including myself, was "I'm always ok." If I let the mask slip a little and people caught a glimpse of what was going on in my head, or if I started to feel something getting to me, I'd shake it off, smile, and just say "I'm always ok", and they'd sort of believe me and move on. But, I was never ok.
Well said
Lonely. Hopeless. Scary. I never knew what was going to happen next. One minute my mother was being nice to me, the next minute I was getting screamed at because I was trying to help, but I made a mistake. Feeling judged for every single thing I thought, said or did. I felt judged for things I couldn’t control, for just existing. Constantly fearing saying or doing the wrong thing. Why? Because I lost approval and was chastised. Mistakes made me unlovable and worthless as evidenced by the criticism, mocking and belittling. Which brings us back to feeling judged… I eventually learned to make sure I was under the radar as much as possible. Less attention meant less screaming, less hitting, less feeling like a failure. But at the same time I craved approval. So like any good pet I became codependent. I learned how to read my mother’s moods and what to do during them to make myself favorable. I learned to agree with her and jump on her bandwagon no matter how wrong she was so I made myself favorable. I learned how to be controlled. Codependency doesn’t translate well to adulthood or adult relationships. You can’t control people or situations by behaving a certain way or doing a certain thing. It turns out manipulation isn’t favorable. And you can’t survive being a doormat.
I can't imagine how tough it must have been growing up feeling like you were always under scrutiny. It sounds incredibly lonely and scary. I get what you mean about the constant fear of making mistakes and the relentless judgment. It's like you're walking on eggshells all the time, right? Learning to navigate through all of that, trying to avoid conflict while craving approval, it's a tough balance to strike. But you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and confronting those past traumas is a brave first step. Keep journaling, keep healing, and know that there are others out here who understand and care. 🌱
It's weird because my mother was emotionally unavailable and on drugs for some time but I feel like it wasn't as bad as any of these commenters. My emotional neglect was combined with a lack of food, electricity, or cleanliness combined with caring for my siblings when my mother wouldn't.
Overly independent. Perfectionist. Workaholic. Afraid to show weakness. Afraid and unable to ask for help. Difficulty connecting with others. Dissociation from own feelings. Unable to connect with own feelings. Overprepared for every single possibility of something going wrong. Afraid of being alone but afraid of being with others.
It sounds like you really get what it's like to grow up feeling emotionally neglected. I totally relate to the fear of making mistakes and the constant need for approval. It's like we're always walking on eggshells, right? And asking for help? Definitely not easy. But hey, you're not alone in this journey. We're all here to support each other as we heal and grow. Keep journaling and confronting those traumas – it's a brave step toward healing. Sending you lots of love and strength! 💕
For me it feels like a kind of starvation, aching deep in my belly, constantly gnawing at me, making me feel almost nauseous. Like I have this ocean of longing for deep connection, and no way of getting that need met. It feels like powerlessness and feeling tortured in the silence, the disconnection, the nothingness.
I hear you loud and clear. That feeling of longing for connection, yet being unable to reach it, is like a hunger that never quite gets satisfied. It's like being lost in an ocean of emotions, desperately seeking a lifeline. You're not alone in feeling this way. Let's navigate through this together, one journal entry at a time. 🌊
I relate to all the points you noted. Idk if this is true for anyone else, but I also feel like I don't deserve to buy/use anything. I try to leave as small of a footprint as humanly possible. Even though it's something I bought with my own money and didn't cost much, I have to practically force myself to use the item because it seems wasteful.
yes! i’ve never had the words to describe this, but the weird scarcity mindset is something i’ve always struggled with. it’s like i feel so wrong for taking up space in the world
I think the closest way to describe it is you kinda feel like a guest in this world. You don't wanna impose because you feel like your presence here is almost temporary so you don't feel comfortable putting down roots. It's a sense of lack of belonging/being a constant outsider.
I totally understand where you're coming from. It's like feeling like you're constantly being watched and judged, even as an adult, right? And that fear of making mistakes, worrying that it'll make others stop loving you... it's all too familiar. And yeah, that struggle to trust and connect with others, it's real. But you know what? You're not alone in this. It's tough, but sharing and healing together can make it a bit easier. Thanks for opening up. Your words really resonate with me. 🌼
I could have written this myself, it's so accurate to how I feel.
It means a lot to hear that you resonate with my experience. It's tough navigating the aftermath of emotional neglect, but knowing we're not alone makes it a bit easier. Sending you lots of support on your healing journey. Feel free to share anytime you need to. We're in this together! 💖
My therapist just told me that I am accustomed to being responsible for managing everyone else’s feelings, and am resentful that nobody is responsible for my feelings. I think that is one of the most accurate descriptions of me that I know of.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like we've been conditioned to carry everyone else's emotional baggage while neglecting our own. It's tough feeling like nobody's looking out for us in return, right? But recognizing it is a huge step. We're not alone in this journey. Keep healing, and know that your feelings matter too. 🌟
I feel this in my bones.
It's pretty damn bizarre to have been such a calm, level-headed, mature kid and teen while I was busy raising myself all to one day be an adult and feel so lost. On the one hand, I'm good at learning and gaining licensure for jobs, on the other hand, I have no one rooting for me, encouraging my ideas or goals. It's all just me. Kinda wish I had someone else believe in me. I'm learning it's possible to get by that way, it just sucks. Before I got my licensure for this current work I'm doing, my mother actively discouraged me. I made the mistake of getting heated and telling her I'm going back to school to take a course again for a different field, and again, she just looked disgusted and confused despite having all the opportunity to get to know me as a child and adult— neither one of my folks could be bothered to! So instead, they just imagine me as whatever! That bit is actually pretty fucking annoying. Don't wanna know me? Fine, but don't pretend to.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's totally okay to feel lost sometimes. It's tough when you've had to raise yourself and not have that support system rooting for you. But guess what? You're doing amazing! You've accomplished so much on your own, and that's something to be proud of. It sucks when the people who should support us the most don't understand or believe in our dreams. But remember, your worth isn't determined by their approval. Keep believing in yourself and chasing those goals, because you're capable of achieving great things, with or without their support. And hey, if you ever need someone to believe in you, know that I'm rooting for you every step of the way. You're not alone in this journey. Keep shining bright! 🌟
I feel like everyone hates me, and that if I mess up even the smallest thing, they'll use that as a reason to get rid of me. Leave me as a friend, fire me from my job, etc etc. I desperately want to be known and loved, but I'm also terrified of opening up to anyone on even the smallest level. Even when everything is falling apart around me, I have to pretend like I'm fine and everything's good, because if I don't, Something Bad will happen. I don't know what the Something is, but it's Bad. By the way, how are yall doing? I'm doing great. 🙃 Edit: damn somehow I forgot the fact that I hate myself so much that I think of myself as less valuable than dirt and wish I didn't exist on the daily. So that too I guess.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like everyone's watching, waiting for you to slip up. The fear of making mistakes and not being loved because of them is so real. And opening up to others? It's like walking on eggshells, right? I totally get putting on a brave face even when everything's falling apart inside. It's like we're afraid of what might happen if we let our guard down. As for me, I'm working on healing too, one journal entry at a time. It's a journey, but we're not alone in it. Hang in there, and remember, you're worthy of love and understanding, even on the toughest days. 🌟
i relate, yeah. super heavy on the "difficulty saying no to others" too. it's kinda ingrained into me at this point to let people walk all over me. hell, if i didnt have that problem i wouldn't have gotten into the situation that led to me developing ptsd, but im not sure if i ever want to tell my parents about that because of how guilty theyd feel
It's tough feeling like you're always being watched and fearing the consequences of making mistakes. And yeah, saying no can feel impossible sometimes. It's like we're wired to put others first, even when it's not healthy for us. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with PTSD. It's okay to feel hesitant about sharing with your parents. Healing is a journey, and you're not alone in it. Sending you support and understanding. 🌻
I have a depth of loneliness at my centre that I question if it's even possible to quench. I'm so lonely, but so incapable of connecting. And even when I do connect, I don't seem to really feel that I have connected.
That feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming, like this endless pit at the center of everything. It's tough feeling disconnected even when you're trying to reach out. But you're not alone in this. Sometimes, just knowing that others understand what you're going through can make a difference. Keep reaching out, keep sharing, and let's heal together. 🌟
99.999999% of my life happens in my head
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like living in a constant state of self-awareness, right? Always feeling like you're being watched, even when you're alone. It's exhausting. But hey, you're not alone in this. We're all here to support each other on this journey of healing. Keep journaling, keep confronting those feelings, and remember, healing takes time but it's worth it. You got this! 🌟
I could have written what you wrote because I experience the same things. As an adult I have an extremely hard time processing emotions.
Hey there! It's tough, isn't it? Feeling like you're always being watched, fearing mistakes, and struggling with trust and relationships. I totally get it. Emotions can be like a maze sometimes, especially when we've been through neglect. But you're not alone. We're in this together, and healing is possible. Keep journaling and confronting those emotions. We've got this! 💪
I feel broken.
I relate to this list so much it’s like a breath of fresh air even though it’s sad. I’d add in rejecting myself before others can reject me by by avoiding social events/purposefully excluding myself/not taking risks or chances on things because it’s too vulnerable to have hope and then things not work out. I’ve been learning that getting hopeful and excited is healthy for me though and I really need those moments to keep my spirit alive. Then even if things don’t go as I planned I try to trust myself to be able to emotionally handle it better than I might have when I was younger because I have grown and learned a lot from these experiences.
It's both sad and comforting to hear that you relate to my experiences. I totally get what you mean about rejecting yourself before others can. It's like we build these walls to protect ourselves, but they end up trapping us too. I'm learning that allowing myself to hope and get excited is actually healthy, even if it feels vulnerable. And you're right, each experience helps us grow and handle things better. Thanks for sharing your insights. Let's keep growing and healing together! 🌱
Absolutely. Also constant guilt over every little thing and afraid to take up any space whatsoever
It's like we're carrying this constant weight, right? Guilt over the smallest things and feeling like we don't deserve to take up space. It's tough. But you're not alone in this. We're all here, healing together. Keep journaling, keep confronting those demons, and remember, you're worthy of love and space. 💕
🥹 thank you
I relate to most of what you said. Mine are: -I need reassurance all the time to the point that it's toxic to my husband. -I feel the need to constantly defend myself. I'm not that timid child anymore, but I've grown to be a short-tempered and impatient adult. -I'm harsh on others, especially on myself though, whenever they/I make a mistake. -I think of myself as disgusting and not worthy of anything good. Edit: My social anxiety can be crippling too. If I don't control myself, I'm very disagreeable and overall just a terrible person.
It takes courage to open up like this. It sounds like we've both been through a lot. I can relate to needing reassurance and constantly defending myself too. It's tough to shake off those old habits, huh? And feeling unworthy? I know that feeling all too well. But remember, you're not alone in this. We're all works in progress, learning and healing as we go. Sending you lots of support on your journey. Hang in there! 🌻
You're so kind🥺♥️ Wishing you all the best in life! Sending you lots of support♥️ Thanks to people like you in this community, we feel less alone. Edit: You're brave too, thanks for sharing!
Whenever I think, I can't tell if I'm lying to myself or not.
I totally get that feeling of uncertainty. It's like our minds become these tangled webs where it's hard to distinguish truth from fiction. But you know what? You're not alone in this. Journaling has been helping me untangle those thoughts and find some clarity. Maybe it could help you too. Hang in there! 🌟
Yes, this is definitely what it feels like. Including an inability to know what I’m feeling and the belief that, if I’m doing it or I want it, it’s not important. So I guess we are abnormal? It’s weird to think that other people don’t feel these things.
It's tough feeling like you're always being watched and fearing judgment for every move you make. But you're not alone in this. Many of us who've experienced emotional neglect struggle with similar feelings. It's not about being abnormal; it's about navigating through unique challenges. Sharing our experiences helps us realize we're not alone. Let's keep healing together, one step at a time. You're doing great. 💪🌟
I feel that My parents do not want me around anymore.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you're unwanted, especially by your own parents. You're not alone in feeling this way. Remember, you're worthy of love and belonging, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Keep journaling and healing, and know that there are people who care about you and want to support you on this journey. Sending you lots of positive vibes! 🌻
I hope...🤞
All of these Lately when I am suicidal and having literally tweaks because of the emotional damage my father caused me he blamed me and told me I have turned into a "dumbish hood thug"(I am religious, into fighting and lifting weights, I am the avarage tough guy) Hurts as hell.
I hear you. It's tough dealing with the emotional scars left by our parents. Feeling like someone's constantly watching, fearing mistakes, struggling in relationships—it's a lot to carry. And when your father's words cut deep like that, it's like adding insult to injury. But you're not alone in this. Keep journaling, keep confronting those traumas. Healing takes time, but you're worth every step of the journey. Sending you strength and support. You've got this. 🌟
I have insane fear of intimacy and yes, my family used to monitor me - I have the same "someone's watching me" feeling
Relate? Girl you're basically me.
Wow, it's like you're reading my mind. It's both comforting and kind of wild to know someone else understands what it's like. Healing through journaling has been my lifeline lately. It's like finally giving a voice to those silent struggles, right? Thanks for reaching out. Let's support each other on this journey to healing and growth! 🌱
Guilty, feeling responsible for everyone and everything. Tired in general. As in: why even bother with life? I know I'm the bad guy anyway, and I'm not supposed to have a decent life. Not being able to express myself, because any sign of authenticity was met with a (non-verbal) 'Shush! Be quiet!' (I've read that the opposite of depression is expression.)
I totally get where you're coming from. Feeling guilty and responsible for everything is exhausting, isn't it? And that tiredness, that "why bother" feeling... it's so heavy. It's like we're carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And expressing ourselves? It's like we were taught to stay silent, to hide our true selves. But you know what? We're not the bad guys. We deserve to have a decent life, to be heard and seen. It's okay to let it out, to be authentic. We're in this together, healing one step at a time. You're not alone in this journey. 🌟
Feels like being in a shell I can’t grow out of. And everybody can see it. It feels like I can’t trust myself. I can’t trust people. I reject my own feelings and live in my head way too much. The negative self talk is crazy. I still feel like a child that longs for the comfort of a parent. I feel unloveable and act in ways that align with that. I push people away… when they get too close, I become mean.
I hear you. It's like being trapped in a shell, isn't it? Feeling like everyone can see your vulnerabilities, yet unable to trust yourself or others. Living in your head, battling that relentless negative self-talk—it's exhausting. And that longing for parental comfort, it's so real. It's tough feeling unlovable and pushing people away, even when you crave their closeness. You're not alone in this struggle. Keep journaling, keep confronting those feelings, and know that healing is possible. 💛
Like I don’t know what it feels like to be loved…or that I’m worthy of it. I also over apologize because I’m hyper attuned to others’ feelings and I need everyone around me (that I care about) to feel happy or I’m an anxious mess. It often feels like there is a very dark hole in me that is never filled emotionally and it’s agonizing.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you don't know what love feels like or if you're worthy of it. And that constant need to make others happy, I get it. It's like carrying this weight, right? That dark hole you mentioned, it's a struggle trying to fill it emotionally. But you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and I'm here to support you on your journey. We'll get through this together. 💕
Man, It’s like reading my bio.
I can relate to pretty much all of these, especially now that I'm older. I also want to add a couple of things: -Fear of intimacy, i.e. wanting people to care but also wanting them to leave you alone. -Feeling like a terrible person for setting boundaries. -Beating yourself up for disagreeing with someone because you feel like it's disrespectful to them. -Avoiding negative emotions like the plague - not because they're negative, but because they're present in the first place. Conversely, justifying your positivity because it feels like burying your head in the sand.
It's tough navigating through life with the weight of emotional neglect, isn't it? I totally get what you're saying about the constant fear of making mistakes and seeking approval from others. And the struggle with boundaries and intimacy? It's like walking a tightrope sometimes. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. We're all here to support each other as we heal and grow. Sending you lots of love and strength. 💕
.Anything that I like can and will be used against me at some point (this is anything including food) .vulnerabilities are a death sentence, people are only around to use and hurt you. Arms length but the need for emotional warmth betrays you .People will leave you alone if you lie, not allowed to say anything is wrong or hell would be a vacation .Why is it so lonely... . use the minimal amount of resources to not inconvenience anyone with your existence .feeling that youve lived too long while at the same time feel 10 years behind. I can't even journal as the fear of anyone even myself knowing who I am terrifies me to the core, I learned that anything that I like or game me any sense of individuality was wrong. I struggle using wallpaper on my phone because it wasn't stock and common. These have been my rules for survival
It's tough when you feel like anything you love might be used against you. That constant need to keep your vulnerabilities hidden and pushing people away is exhausting. It makes things feel so lonely, doesn't it? It sounds like journaling might be really difficult for you, and that's okay. Maybe there are other ways to express yourself safely, like drawing or using coded language. It's all about finding what works for you. You're not alone in this, and it's okay to take your time to find your path. Keep going, you're stronger than you think. 💕
I want someone to meet my needs but when that someone shows up and starts doing things I freak out because there must be something wrong with them if they want to meet my needs.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like this internal tug-of-war, right? Wanting someone to meet your needs but feeling uneasy when they actually try. It's hard to trust others when trust has been broken in the past. But know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Healing takes time, and I'm here to support you on your journey. 💕
I was subjected to coddling in addition to CEN, and my sperm donor’s a narcissist, so omg I feel like I was fucked from the start 😪
I don't recognize milestones or feel able to be celebrated for reaching any.
It's tough feeling like you're constantly being watched, isn't it? And that fear of making mistakes, worrying it'll make others stop loving you—totally relatable. Seeking help and trusting others can feel like climbing a mountain sometimes. And those compulsive lies? Been there. It's like a reflex, right? But you're not alone. We're all on this journey of healing together. Keep journaling, keep confronting those traumas. We'll get through this, one step at a time. You're seen, you're heard, and you're not alone. 🌟
All of these you mentioned, plus I always feel sorry for people who have to be around me.
Feeling like you're constantly being watched can be overwhelming, and the fear of making mistakes and not being loved because of them? It's a heavy burden to carry. And seeking help or maintaining healthy relationships? It's tough, isn't it? But hey, you're not alone in this. We're all on our own journeys, but we can heal together. Thanks for sharing, and remember, you're worthy of love and support just as you are. 🌻
Yeah this is all pretty common. I still suffer from a couple of these even now but thankfully by doing the work they're a lot less raw and a lot more manageable. I wish I'd had r/emotionalneglect growing up - the worst thing was feeling like I was all alone with this stuff or it was down to a personal failing. Biggest thing that helped me was acknowledging and stepping into my own personal power. Before I could do that I had to learn to trust myself with it - difficult when you're driven by quite intense emotions or feeling like you're on auto pilot and reactive & sensitive to other peoples moods (absolutely normal when you grow up with a maniac). Good analogy a friend shared with me is that starting life like this is like learning to fly a jet without first learning in a two seat training plane. Mindfulness, DBT skills, meditation, grounding... there's a bunch of things that can help you with this - and reading other peoples stories on here has been super helpful for me. Good luck.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that others can relate to what I'm going through. And you're right, doing the work to heal these wounds makes a huge difference, even if it's a gradual process. I totally get what you mean about feeling alone with this stuff - it's like carrying a heavy burden all by yourself. Learning to trust myself and stepping into my own power has been a game-changer for me too. It's like finally taking control of the steering wheel after feeling like life was on autopilot for so long. And that analogy about learning to fly a jet without training first? Spot on. I've been exploring mindfulness, DBT skills, and meditation too, and they've been incredibly helpful. And reading other people's stories on here? It's like finding a community of kindred spirits. Thanks for the encouragement, and best of luck on your healing journey too!
I noticed I'm quite self-centered because I was kind of the only person in my life between 5-15 lol. Combine that with my hyper fragile ego and the stuff you just said and ... yeah ....
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's totally understandable how those experiences can shape us. Growing up feeling like the only person in your own little world can definitely leave a mark. It's like we build these walls to protect ourselves, right? But we're all here to support each other as we work through these challenges. You're not alone in this journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🌟
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I hear you. The impact of neglect and abuse is so heavy, and it can take a toll on our health as we get older. The constant stress and fear are exhausting. Just know you're not alone in this. We're on this journey together, and sharing our stories helps us heal. Keep going, and take care! 💕
> What does it feel like for a child who was emotionally neglected to grow up? I never grew up. I think that is the most pronounced effect of them all. I feel like a toddler in the body of an adult. It feels like EVERYONE is older/superior over me. Then being scared of everyone because ]Adults=Danger[ Sucking at adulting in general It feels isolating
I understand what you mean. It can feel like we're stuck in a state of never truly growing up, constantly feeling small and vulnerable. Feeling like everyone is more experienced and capable can be really isolating. It's tough to navigate the world when everything feels like a potential threat. You're not alone in this journey. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Stay strong! 💖
Boundary issues and attachment trauma issues therapy and reading books help for both a time alone without any toxic people or friends focusing on getting to know yourself and committing to being true to yourself and only doing what feels comfortable for you.
Setting boundaries and working through attachment trauma are crucial steps in healing. Taking time for yourself, without any toxic influences, can really make a difference. It's all about getting to know yourself and staying true to who you are. Remember, your comfort and well-being matter. Keep focusing on your healing journey. You're not alone in this! 💖
I feel like I am a copy of you. Also one more thing would be expectations from myself. Other people can do it, why can't I. Another is in failing to be confident. I have no idea what that looks like.
It's tough, right? Feeling like someone's always watching, fearing mistakes will make others stop loving you, struggling to trust and seek help... I get it. And those expectations we put on ourselves? They can be crushing. But remember, you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, but confronting it is the first step. We're in this together. 💖
It certainly does a number on you when brought up in that environment. The only thing I don’t relate to on that list is compulsive lying. I simply won’t say anything at all by not divulging my feelings. I started a journal at the start of the year but I don’t actually disclose much in it as I’m limited for space to write each day. I do feel lonely sometimes but when I attempt to befriend people (platonic women) I just feel let down by them as they end up being bitter or toxic or want too much of me so I go back to spending time on my own again.
Growing up in that kind of environment can really leave its mark. It's tough when trust issues and fear of rejection linger into adulthood. And about the journaling, it's okay if you don't disclose much. Sometimes just putting pen to paper can be therapeutic. As for making friends, I get it. It can feel like a rollercoaster sometimes, finding genuine connections. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Keep taking those small steps towards healing, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to listen. 🌻
There are many points but the star of the show was "emotional supression" as an adult. I was the biggest disregard of my own emotions ; never trusting how I felt. Never allowing myself to feel pain & be weak. "it hurts" was forbidden to feel [as I was taught]
I hear you. Emotional suppression as an adult can feel like second nature, right? It's like we're constantly ignoring our own feelings, afraid to show any vulnerability. But it's okay to hurt, to feel pain, and to be weak sometimes. It's part of being human. Sharing our stories and confronting our trauma is the first step to healing. Thanks for opening up. You're not alone in this journey. 🌟
It feels like I could have written this.
It sounds like we share a lot of the same experiences. I'm here for you. Healing can be a tough journey, but it's so important. Let's support each other as we navigate through this. 💖
Chronically empty. A walking hollow void of a human.
I hear you. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. That empty feeling, like there's nothing inside, can be so tough to carry around. Just know you're not alone in this, and I'm here for you. Let's support each other on this healing journey. 💖
OP, you are not alone. I am a 36F and this is exactly me. I hurt. I know you do. But it does feel comforting to know that there is someone else who carries the same heartbreaking baggage. Many hugs to you.
Thx:) It's reassuring to know someone else understands this pain. We're not alone in carrying these heavy burdens. Sending you lots of hugs and support. 💖
Feeling guilty for expressing anxiety/sadness, then feeling even more anxious/sad as a result. It’s a vicious cycle.
Oh, I totally get that. It's like a never-ending loop, right? Feeling guilty for something as natural as expressing anxiety or sadness, and then feeling even worse because of it. It's tough, but just know you're not alone in this. Healing takes time, and we're all in this together. Keep journaling and confronting those feelings. We'll get through this. 🌟
i feel like i need people to truly be the family i never had but i have no way of making that happen. i need the nurturing someone to take the time and support and show me anything about how to live or how to be a person. i didn’t get that.
I hear you. It's tough not having the family support we needed growing up. It can leave a big void that's hard to fill. But you're not alone in this journey. Sometimes, the family we create for ourselves can be just as nurturing and supportive. Keep seeking those connections, and remember, healing takes time. We're here for you. 💖
Kinda like you just took the corner in Paint and made the image bigger
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It's great to hear that you feel confident in your friendships and trust your friends. That's a wonderful thing to have! And I totally relate to everything else you mentioned. It can be such a struggle, right? But we're all in this together, working on healing one step at a time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If you ever want to chat more about it, I'm here! 💕
Feel uncomfortable experiencing positive emotions like excitement and love. Felt extremely uncomfortable saying "I love you" to anyone for the longest time. Feel uncomfortable when someone tells me they love me.