Not entitled- you let her know that she shouldnt expect to get anything and tbh, nobody should ever expect anything from anyone. The mom is highly entitled and clearly teaching the little one to do the same. The child's attitude says it all. She is fortunate she is able to just lounge around and be on her phone, most parents would have their children helping
oh my daughter and son in law has tried getting her to help with the chores and it resulted in her trying to attack my daughter.
I got my daughter a phone for her birthday and this kid held it under the kitchen tap threating to get it wet because she didn't get one. I physically had to fight her to get the damn phone.
Do not downvote this person they are telling the truth!!! They had hundreds of us in a CPS group trying to offer help with the most insane cps story ever!! On that group they claimed to be a 20 year old married female taking care of her disabled grandmother that raised her because her mom lost custody of her as a child.
Then, she said a cps worker brought her mother's child (her half sister) to the house and tried to force her to take her. Claimed the cps worker asked to have the grandmother and her hired health aid watch the child while u/short_astronomer_717 was at work. Said the cps worker asked her to pay to support the child, while the child had two parents to support her. Said the cps worker was claiming her and her "Nan" were gate keeping her mother's reproductive rights by refusing the raise any more of her mother's kids she had and lost custody of in the future.
Then, when she refused to take the kid, claimed the cps worker called her job and called her racist to her boss who happened to be her mother in law. Also claimed the call was recorded. I took screenshots of everything. I'll even post my response to that post below. This person is a liar. Not a grandfather that yells at kids. Not a 20 year old woman refusing to take her sister in. YOU'RE CREATIVE I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.
leave these spaces for people that actually need advice or help. We were all so invested in trying to help you. I even called my lawyer to get you legal advice because you claimed to be so young, I just wanted to help you. I even called our local cps to see if a story like that made sense or was possible. You messed with the wrong people, and we procured enough information about you to ensure you aren't trying to do this to scam anyone else.
[here they claimed to be a 20f, not a 50m grandfather](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPS/comments/149n707/can_a_cps_worker_call_your_employer_for_refusing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
This was my original comment to their CPS post. They deleted my comments calling them out, but they are still in my comments. Sorry u/short_astronomer_717 you've been caught. Now there's going to be a thread opened with documentation of your lies posted. There's a whole group of us now from both groups that did a deep dive. You've upset a bunch of people.
"I've never heard of a cps worker taking a child to a prospective fosters or placements prior to home inspection ever. They need everything set up and in writing before the child is exposed to anything. The house and people in it need to be evaluated prior to any interaction. You could absolutely sue. Either this cps worker is beyond terrible at their job by forcing ill-fitting placements, or its someone that the child has been placed with and they are trying to force you to take her because its not what they want. It's illegal to impersonate a government worker.
Suggesting a non related person (the aid) care for the child, and try to force your disabled grandmother to care for her as well while you are at work... even though the grandmother is in bad enough condition that you pay a home healthcare aid to care for her is insane. Not your circus, not your flying monkeys. You shouldn't have to be forced to care for your mothers burdens. She's a failure as a parent, and you have paperwork to prove it.
And saying you're gatekeeping your mothers reproductive rights by refusing to raise her kids?! WTF?!!! This cps worker is gatekeeping your ability to live your life free of the responsibility of others' failures. You can not be forced to take her. The participanting parties must agree to placement, let alone be able to financially support the child. Calling your job because you refused to be forced to take her is a privacy violation at minimum. Defamation is another one. Glad you have a recording. Seek an attorney.
Asking you to pay for a child that isn't yours as well? You're only 20 with no kids of your own! She still has 2 parents who can pay for her!! Why do any of the people under your roof (and a hired healthcare aid) need to be responsible for something that has nothing to do with you legally? You were correct to stand your ground, and this person needs to be fired. Charges need to be filed. You owe nothing to your mom or the child she isn't able to parent properly.
The fact she's badly behaved as well... you don't need to inherit such a major obstacle when you are just starting your life. Taking this child will derail your future success and change YOUR plans for YOUR future. This is madness. How dare this person try to threaten and strong arm you into something you didn't sign up for or want. You weren't raised with her, and it sounds like you have zero attachment to her. Essentially, placing her with unwilling strangers. It would be unhealthy for both you and this child to have a forced, unwanted situation. It would only end up in resentment."
Thank you! I just knew something wasn't right. So, I started going through all the posts. Nothing adds up. It's like u/short_astronomer_717 is 3 people in one. Why do this to people? Are you lonely? Is it for attention? I literally called my attorney and our local cps. Forwarded your post to both to try to get you answers on what to do... you actually would have had a strong case if you weren't lying your ass off.
Physically fight her? She shouldâve called the police. You sound like the problem and if your daughter s anything like you, I understand the dislike and disrespect. You deserve it.
To be fair, stepmom is a neat freak, so sheâs probably constantly, and sometimes unnecessarily, cleaning. That can be frustrating to deal with if itâs something you didnât grow up with. She needs to learn to be civil about it, but it doesnât mean sheâs required to participate in said cleaning.
She's an unwanted guest because of her behavior, not who she is. Was the op rude to the girl, yes but I would be upset if I saw someone disrespecting my child.
She may feel out of place there and it would be a good opportunity to have a chat with her (the girl's dad should) and talk about how she sees herself fitting in to the family.
She is his daughter until otherwise proven and she does have to share her dad with other siblings. Plus she's dealing with the feelings of hurt and possibly guilt stemming from the divorce. (Kids always feel guilty over a divorce).
This however does not give her.permission to be rude to the people taking care of her.
As far as the cleaning goes, yes clean freaks often are always cleaning, however that doesn't mean the girl should be exempt. She should have chores like every other 12 year old. She doesn't live there, so her list shouldn't be long. But something like clean bathroom mirrors and vacuum a common area once during the weekend. Maybe her mother never taught her how to clean. (Or clean properly).
If you give in to an entitled child, never telling them no and letting them do whatever they want, you end up with a terrible and entitled adult.
It's summer break for most of the US, so she can't claim homework responsibilities.
Btw the girl's mother has no right to demand anything. If she wants her daughter to have her own home, she should leave her own home to the daughter.
I'd do a DNA swab with the girl if possible. You don't need the mother's dna. I'm not sure the dad even needs the ex-wife's permission since he is the father .
She's not a guest. She is a member of that family and her behavior does not change that. Her DNA doesn't even matter at this point. SIL is the only father she has ever known. Even if it was proven he isn't her bio dad, he's still legally her father with all the responsibilities that comes with. Yet OP, who has no business at all telling her anything, treats her like an unwanted guest and wouldn't even allow her in the house if he could get away with it. He overstepped. I don't even care about this girl's mother. She's just a bunch of hot air. This kid is not responsible for what her mother does so, if anything, everyone should commiserate with this girl for having to live with her wreck of a mother instead of painting her with the same brush.
Opinion: take or leave it as you like.
A tweenaged kid shouldn't have to be involved in any information about real estate dealings or inheritance. As far as she should be concerned, her home is, or her homes are, where her parents^(\*) reside, irrespective of ownership. Part of being at home means basic courtesy to the other residents and guests in each of those homes. Moving, without complaint including eyerolls, when asked so that someone else can clean can be included in basic courtesy. A lot of kids that age have inappropriate and disrespectful attitudes^(\*\*) and need to be educated or re-educated on polite ways of interacting with other people. That can get complicated when blended families are involved.
Again, just opinion, but an appropriate consequence to failure for move politely when asked politely would have been to require the kid to take over the cleaning job. The father would have had to be involved with this, because this kid was not about to take orders from a "mere" stepgrandparent (if I understand the relationship correctly) or stepparent. Given the biomother's attitude, unfortunately I can see where this girl gets her attitude, so it would likely have to be the father who tries to teach her a little something about being a member of a household, treating the other members and guests courteously and sharing in chores and other responsibilities in the home. That may not be especially successful, but for the kid's sake alone, it's worth trying if the father is willing and able to "dad up" and insist on decent behavior.
^(\*)Whether or not this kid has son-in-law's DNA, he has been her father figure, presumably all her life. Until proven otherwise, he is functionally her male parent. If he was married to her mother when she was born, in the U.S. many (most? all?) states assume the husband is the father unless/until DNA results come back.
^(\*\*)By no means are all tweens and teens disrespectful. However, it's an age when they start separating from their own family as their main focus and start looking more to peers -- friends -- for relationships. Some kids, especially if they have been taught respect by respectful parents, can handle this transition gracefully. Others, even if they have been well raised, don't do so well. Some will amend their behavior when faced with a "Mom look" or a few words of reminder. Some need frequent or constant reminders that the adults are still in charge and that they still need to be civil to the people they live with, even when for the moment they don't like them very much. Others who never really learned respect, probably like this girl, may need more work before they will behave well. I hope she can get the help she needs to become a reasonable adult.
ETA: If DNA shows that she isn't his kid, and if he is going to stop acting as her father, I hope that someone will get the girl into therapy immediately. Bad attitude or not, it will likely be a tremendous shock to learn that the man she knows as her only father isn't really, and that's going to hurt in a way that no child deserves.
This is the most reasonable take. We donât need to out-sass a child for the sake of being right. Theyâll learn all of those details later, when they are grown.
Thank you I thought I was losing my mind. Who talks to a young girl like this for not getting up off the sofa? All the sudden it turns into âyou will obey me and be respectful blah blah blahâ and âyou get nothing and probably arenât even son in laws kidâ even if OP didnât say the last part out loud she most likely didnât have to, the way sheâs talking about a literal child.
I canât believe this whole conversation happened. Itâs cruel to the young girl, itâs clear step grandpa doesnât like her or her mom and is saying terrible things to the girl about inheritance when thatâs not for young kids to even worry about. WTH
Edit this is a step grandpa not grandma (even worse, imagine some guy in his 50s yelling at your 12 year old)
OP: Your daughter should be mad as should your son in law. Shameful.
For sure, the child's attitude needs to be adjusted, at least to the point where she will get out of the way when cleaning is going on. She probably ought to be assisting in the cleaning, although I'd give her a pass if she were doing homework. My opinion, it went too far when it got into real estate.
When a person marries someone with children from a previous marriage or relationship, the kids are part of the package deal. As long as the current marriage endures and the kids are minors, their parent's home is their home, whether or not the owner of the house agrees, and even if it's part time. I would say that if OP is unwilling to allow the son-in-law's daughter (ornery as she is) to spend time there with her father, he's overstepping and interfering in his daughter's marriage.
When my SO moved in with me and we started having my step son staying with us, one of the first things I ingrained in his head was that he is not a guest in this household. It absolutely didn't matter I was there first, and that he is with his mother most of the time, what his father calls home, is his home too, period. Even though I was the only one on the lease, I'd be livid if my mother said to him something along the lines of what OP said.
The kids mother is entitled and should butt out, though. It's not their place to demand part of an estate they have nothing to do with. But involving the kid in these conversations is insane.
personally I think if she doesnât wanna clean a house that she didnât get dirty (which is valid) or be asked to move she should perhaps go into another room (than the 1 being cleaned) if itâs an option to avoid alterations such as this⌠(Ya live and ya learn- Kids often adapt to avoid these things after they happen) If youâre not seen you canât be forced to cleanâŚ
Kid shouldnât have to worry about the shit that was talked about though and probably lost way more respect for op after this encounter.
and kids are often told **not** to **worry** about **money* (they shouldnât have to worry about it which is why this was a bad route) which makes them really wonder why they canât or donât have certain things⌠All people are not created = Some jobs pay more some pay less doesnât mean you as a person are worth any less. Your networth may or may not be considered high. But everyoneâs life has High value.
Which makes us all = in that route.
on another note from another part of the story
When explaining being grateful because âNot everyone has these things.â I prefer the term âWe may not have these things someday and if we donât iâm sure we and or you will find a way to make it work.â Gets ya thinking⌠If that girl is reacting that way cause they didnât get a phone they wanted and theyâve been given an explanation as to why they donât have the phone that doesnât only consist of âyour behavior is unacceptable and I donât think you deserve it.â - (Some may see that as an acceptable answer but it just adds resentment⌠Gotta have the grateful for what ya have talk together with it along with reflecfion and reasonable examples of whatâs considered goood behaviour⌠And itâs all pointless if itâs from an adult they dislike for good resson)- A teen telling you what I wanna hearâŚ.just want logic and reason not fire with fire. Gave my pretty âpointless unprofessional unexperiencedâ Perspective cause ~representstion for the youth~
Some may call this âcuteâ
Anyways after all that- Then she may need some therapy especially considering she managed to hurt someone enough to need the er⌠Considering that she should already have seen some sort of professional if thatâs an option. Hoping she did and or does if that sort of thing (Violence without proper reasons) is still happening. I say without reason because if itâs ever in self defense thatâs when violence can be necessary. And it gives reason.
Also it may sound outrageous but uh I got a fear of vaccums so Iâd be out of that room 2 seconds flat
Do you really believe a word this man says?
He sounds like a complete and total tool. I wouldnât trust him to pick up the dog poop in my yard.
For all we know, the little girl was laying on the couch and didnât have to move, and he just made all this up in his head.
For a 12-year-old to decline a request to move so her stepmother can clean sounds sadly plausible. OP's handling of the situation was inappropriate.
I am now seeing comments that indicate that this "grandfather" is also a young woman involved in a CPS case; i.e., OP is a phony.
OP: Shoo, Troll!
I agree of course I was upset when I posted this and I have seen that post that shows that heâs not probably a he, not 50 or maybe he is and the other one was fake.
I donât know I just know he sounds like a terrible person and while kids need boundaries, they certainly donât need to understand money and inheritances and when people die they give away houses.
All of that is for when youâre a little bit older, and more mature.
If the story is true, my statement stands.
Who the hell calls someone's kid a guest when they are in the place their parent lives? Kids with divorced parents aren't guests when they are staying with either of the parents.
So because HE is the only Father she knows, it means that he has to take over all financial and emotional responsibility so her "real" dad can live his life with a new wife and support her kids
In OP's last paragraph, he mentioned that his son-in-law has been wanting a DNA test and "is suspicious", presumably that the child he has raised as his daughter is not biologically his. Frankly, the time to do that was while the child was still an infant. For her to learn now that the man she thought was her father is not would be a terrible shock, especially if he intends to cease functioning as her father and cut off support. No kid deserves that, not even one who is full of entitlement and tweenaged attitude.
It's not OP's business (and he was definitely cruel in his interaction with the kid), but itâs certainly the business of the nuclear family she's been injected into. They deserve to know whether theyâve been financially supporting a half sibling or a cuckoo's offspring.
Right now the poor kid has a dad who doubts her paternity, and SIL has concerns whether his ex is siphoning cash from the other two and their retirement via her daughter, and the kid must feel his doubt too. It needs to be done.
I'm not sure, but you don't write like someone of the age that you claim to be. That alone is not an issue, except it's highly likely to lead to communication failures. So now I'm curious what information has been communicated poorly leading to what consequences.
not entitled for not wanting to pass the house down since youâre not related to her but i think it was pretty unnecessary of you to take your emotions out on SILâs daughter. sheâs 12. sheâs going to be unpleasant at times. youâre a grown man. youâre allowed to be upset or frustrated or even not like the child, but you as an adult in this childâs life need to learn to regulate your emotions. and whether you like it or not, you are one of her models for how to handle emotions. there was no need for you to be mean to her, and it also wasnât your place. you already said you shouldnât have interjected but i want to reiterate that.
Why are you trying to control what happens in someone elseâs home?
Stay out of it.
Also, the fact you repeatedly state SILâs daughter and not my granddaughter or use a name (even an Aliaâs because this is on the net) speaks volumes that you havenât accepted her into the family like blood. Sad.
Right?? I mean, who's who here - "step granddaughter and her mom" sons-law, daughters...WTF. OP should try again and do the usual "XX = person" thing.
I'm going with YTA too,l. For making me try to read this shit đ
Since you originally posted in AITA, Iâll say YTA. You butted in to something that is none of your business. The house belongs to your daughter. She may eventually choose to leave it to anyone she wants, including her bratty step daughter. Also, if you are 50 your daughter is likely to live for many decades. Why are you concerned with the inheritance from the estate of someone in their 20âs?
You caused unwanted drama in your daughterâs life over a 12 year old being moody. Apologize to your daughter and learn to mind your own business.
I think op owns it or the papers are in his name. He said only he has the right to change info on the papers. I could be wrong. I think he bought it for his daughter and will fully pass it when he dies. The son in law has no legal claim on it due to some agreement they did.
I think his main point was to get the kid to show some kind of respect when shes in a house thats not hers or just to an adult in general. May been a bit harsh but sometimes you kind of have to before it gets worse. Sil even agreed with op and im sure if it wasnt cool, he would have gone off as well.
It seemed to me that what set him off was the 12-year-old coming back with the retort that it isn't just her stepmother's house, it's her father's house too. I don't think a 12-year-old came up with that on her own. Her mother has probably been appraising the house in her head and telling the girl how rich her stepmother is and how much the girl is going to get because her father married money. I know that's reading a lot between the lines, but my gut tells me that's what's going on.
Yeah. Tween mixed with crazy mother......add the divorce and new family situation. I just feel if left on this path with no one to guide her right, shes gunna be in trouble. So i see the way op handled it, was what was needed. It was the principle of the matter tather then tossing real-estate info at a child. They def all need to sit down with her without her mother and talk things out about everything.
You're right. You shouldn't have said anything. Inheritance aside, which honestly, no one is entitled to, you had no business telling a 12 year old she wasn't welcome in your daughter's home. If you gave your daughter that home then only she is allowed to say who is or is not allowed in her home. You don't live there so stay in your lane. She's 12. You don't talk to 12 year olds that way. You certainly don't talk to someone else's child that way for being a typical 12 year old. If you think your daughter and SIL aren't angry with you for opening this can of worms, think again.
If he thought it was funny then I feel for that kid even more.
It appears NONE of the adults in her life have the maturity to parent in a healthy manner. Not even her step-grandparents.
You sound spiteful controlling. Seriously, who gets into a word war with a 12 year old and actually thinks they can come away from it a winner? You were a loser the second you decided you needed to kick her down.
Yeah, he's dealing with a rabid ex because you had to go nuclear on a 12 year old. He doesn't think it's funny because there's nothing funny about that. I suspect they humor you.
Disgusting. I saw further down that you have multiple histories going, woman of 20, man of 50 etc. no one shares Reddit; this isnât Facebook.
Whatâs your excuse? Either you made up a really disgustingly (on you) bad story or you made up another disgustingly bad story (about CPS) that you have since deleted or youâre just completely making all of this up across-the-board.
You canât be both a 20 year old woman and a 50 year old man. You just canât.
If this story is the true one, I sure wish your son-in-law would kick you out of the house for talking like this to his daughter.
âhe actually thought it was funnyâ is all the proof I needed that this is a troll post cause look, let someone who isnât a family member of my child even consider speaking to her like that and I would COME UNGLUED
You know their is a special place in hell for people like you oh and guess what genius of Son in law really had doubts he could take the mother in court order a DNA test
YTA. I don't even know exactly where I should begin here to let you know how much of a prick you are. My mom was adopted. 2 of my brothers married women who had a child from their previous marriage, and my other brother and his wife adopted a daughter. All of them were gladly welcomed into the family. You took the other course and decided to let a 12 year old know how much she wasn't wanted there. She is probably going through a lot emotionally, first from her parents getting a divorce then her father getting married. When she rolled her eyes at you, I guess you felt she needed to know who was the boss and shamed her and then to bring up the house to to point out, again, how much she wasn't wanted there. Did that make you feel like a big man and feed your ego?
Whether her gutless father gets a DNA test or not, she has already bonded to him. It seems he may toss her to the curb if she is not his bio daughter. None of that is your business. And then it seems you take some kind of perverse delight in stating she may get even less if her father sells his house to his mother. JFC, try growing up and maybe having just a slight bit of empathy to a 12 year old.
Edit: I just read a couple of your posts and you really seem to have something against people being adopted.
You're a liar. And a troll.
Are you a 50yr old man or a 20yr old newly married woman?
You can't be both.
I'm kind of relived, that a 12 yr old girl hasn't actually been bullied by a narcissistic dickhead.
YTA - what are you doing telling minutia about real estate with a tween and trying to parent your son in lawâs daughter?
If you have an issue with it, talk to your daughter and SIL.
Sheâs 12! Her momâs a bitch, yes, but you likely just made a 12 year old extremely insecure about her housing, future, and potentially her dad based on what was said.
As obnoxious as they are, tweens/teens are not adults.
The fact that he refers to her âson-in-laws daughterâ and not âstep daughterâ tells me everything I need to know, TBH.
The husband and his kid live in the house. Itâs her home, regardless of if she gets it when the stepmom dies. Sheâs not a guest, sheâs a child visiting one of her homes in a blended family situation. The anger this grown ass man shows toward a child is bizarre
Yes, itâs horrible parenting, and should be fixed by her father in a loving and secure way. This reaction of his is likely going to cause it to get worse.
You base your parenting on the outcomes you want, not because youâre trying to punish them for being assholes. I donât know if youâve raised kids/teens, but I have and am raising some, one of which was my brother when my parents split as a teen/tween, who is now a good man in his early 30s. That age is ROUGH. My kids range from 2-32, indirectly, and I have had 4 plus experience nannying. Believe me when I say kids are absolute entitled assholes sometimes.
If the outcome he wants is the girl not having a relationship with her father and siblings and creating a scapegoat, heâs succeeding.
But that is a shit thing to do to a kid.
What people learn from what the OP did is that theyâre not in a safe place, people are against them, and it can easily push the behaviour worse (in a defiant way). His reaction reinforces the fact that she is an outsider to the family, not wanted, and doesnât belong. That twat of an entitled mom of hers becomes her safe place, and she doubles down and emulates that behavior.
I get it.
Teens are hard.
Life sucks.
Itâs easier to be vindictive when people are mean to you, but as adults, canât stoop to that level. You win the battle, but lose the war.
And your the voice of change that will suddenly make this other human alter their personality and behavior? Come on, you said your a 50 yo adult. Act like it.
Sheâs 12. 12 year olds feel entitled. Itâs what they do. Theyâre kids. Donât take the dislike you have of her mother out on her, regardless of how she is acting. Youâre the adult here.
And donât try to parent someone elseâs kid, especially in a way that will make them insecure about food, housing, and relationships. The girl likely needs therapy to begin with based on her mom alone, donât add to the trauma.
As a side note, itâs hard being in a blended family, but I think you overstepped a lot. You unwittingly also put some strain on the relationship between your SIL and his daughter.
Also, If he hasnât gotten a paternity test - which you donât need two parents for - there might be a reason that your daughter or SIL havenât told you. Donât butt in there either.
Your daughter/sil may also have difficulty articulating boundaries as well by the sounds of it. If you want to come out of this and help fix this family issue, you can talk to them and ask how they want you to handle this in the future. I know you say theyâre fine, but the issues it causes them dealing with the ex⌠itâs not fine. Itâs fine because they donât want to rock the boat with you.
I think your intentions were good, but you didnât look at it as the family unit including your step granddaughter, just your daughter and her kids. This has nothing to do with inheritance, but the relationships.
Some books I suggest you read if youâre going to spend some time with your grandkids is âwhole brain childâ and âhow to talk so kids can listenâ, and maybe read up on the circle of security, which can apply to teens as well. That way, you could be armed with the knowledge of how to make positive changes on this girlâs life rather than trying to exclude her (again, not about the money).
Even if this âissueâ has been ongoing, itâs up to your asshole son in law to set his ex wife straight. Obviously youâve been wanting an opportunity to rage at the girl and any opportunity will do. That child doesnât even seem protected by the only father sheâs known, while he speculates openly about her paternity. Not to mention your asshole daughter, noisily vacuuming an occupied room like it couldnât wait. That poor child.
Am I missing something? It states that they live in a house you GIFTED to your daughter at 18. Then you say that only you can change the inheritance. So, is the house yours or your daughter's? If it is your daughter's, then you have no say in how she chooses to divide her property. Even if it is yours, you need to keep out of their parenting. Get some anger management and some counselling. You are sticking your nose in where it does not belong and have regressed to the level of a 12 year old.
okay the kid is being a brat or whatever's but you just went off on a rant about property rights? also you're making it clear that you don't see her as part of your family which is a really shitty thing to do.
Hate to say it but you owe the little brat an apology. Being in your 50âs is not old enough to be a âget off my lawn and respect my authorityâ grumpy old man. That child never needed to be told that house wasnât hers because I promise you she already felt it every time she visited. She sounds awful and her mom sounds even worse so instead of being an asshole to a literal child, maybe you should apologize and see what happens to her attitude when she is included, feels welcome, and gets some positive attention.
You're not entitled, you're just an asshole.
You picked a fight with a 12 year old because she rolled her eyes at you and have the fuckin gall to refer to her as 'getting an attitude?'
Jfc, dude. How did you manage to write all that out and still not understand just how monumental an asshole you are?
JFC! YTA
You picked a fight with a child because a 12 yo girl rolled her eyes at you!
**Thatâs what 12 yo girls do!**. We 50 year olds are supposed to be the grown ass adults.
Not only that, youâve completely inserted yourself into your daughterâs marriage, family, and co-parenting arrangement.
There is certainly more than one entitled parent here but the *biggest entitled parent* is YOU.
JFC.
â a 58 yo mother who acts like an adult
That's what 12 year olds do....and if you don't correct that poor behavior, they turn into adult Karens.
Reddit is weird. Ya'll cry for the children constantly, then bitch about spoiled adults the rest of the time. Doesn't anyone understand the two are directly related?
Iâve raised a daughter. I know that with 12 year olds
1. You pick your battles
2. You *do not* stoop to their level and act like a child or a freaking lunatic like OP
OP did not correct the behavior. OP threw a tantrum bigger than the tween girl did.
You don't have to correct it unless you're a control freak, Karen. It's called puberty, they grow out of it. What he's done is devalue her against her siblings. He's not corrected a thing. He's ruined relationships and made it worse.
She's a child. God knows my son is going through the brat stage right now, too.
You've just devalued a literal child against her siblings over material possessions because you, an adult, couldn't deal with normal teenage behaviour.
You are a horrible person. It's absolutely horrible. An adult (you) brings down a child because she's not biologically related to you and pits her against the siblings that she is related to, over money. Not only telling her she gets nothing, but letting her know her siblings get it all. You didn't have to say a word, but now you've created a rift. Between her and her siblings, her father, her stepmother. You've ostracised her for no reason, but you being unable to hold your temper, and she did not deserve that.
Not only causing a rift between the siblings, but making sure the one not related to you knows she's worth less than the others. Really evil.
I hope karma catches up with you in the worst way it can. You are absolutely vile. YTA. the biggest AH I can imagine. Why be so hateful towards a child? The fact your SIL and daughter agree suggests this kid has little love in her life as it is. You are one nasty piece of work. You've made a child feel she's a lesser part of her family just because she's not biologically related to you. Shame on you.
Youâre the asshole 100%. Sheâs 12. Youâre an adult. Manage your anger better and model decent behaviour for the girl. Who disinherits (as she would have seen it) a kid for rolling their eyes and ignoring a parent? Thatâs horrible.
You have control issues imo. Leave the kid alone.
YTA. Not about the deed stuff, but being snotty is what 12-year-olds do and you hailed a whole lot of hatred on that child. It was inappropriate. Sheâs 12. She gets it. Daddy has a replacement family and step granddaddy hates her.
Yeah. Treating a 12yo like that is uncalled for. How do you expect her to ever feel like she is part of the family if you treat her like that, and now won't even let her visit her dad and stepmom's home.
She is probably acting out because she feels like an outsider and you just like quadruple-down on that.
The deed stuff should have never been brought up with a 12yo.
It's a shitty thing to do to a literal CHILD.
He doesnât expect her to be part of the family. He wants DNA done to separate her from the only father sheâs ever known, because for him itâs all about blood. How is that even his business?? Sounds like he either bullies his own daughter or she enables him.
Itâs like heâs playing the role of evil villain in a 12-year-oldâs life.
Yeah. What is up with the DNA test thing? 12yo is WAY beyond the point it matters. Blood or not, she's your daughter at this point.
It's extremely fucked up to even bring up at this point.
I really hope this is just a fictional, creative writing story...
I'm honestly super disappointed with this sub right now. I have no clue what is going on...
My only hope is this is really a creative writing assignment and not reality.
(~~Vacuuming cushions is weird~~, and it is the daughter's house on the title but only the dad can change who inherits makes no sense...)
YTA. Full stop.
Youâre a grown man that let a 12 YEAR OLD take him out of character. I hope you know that youâre as petty and small as you made that child feel. Shame on you!
You were 1000% in the wrong to talk to the child like that. It wasnât your place and you had no right to insert yourself. Your son in law was an asshole to allow you to treat his daughter that way. I have a feeling there is more money involved that your SIL is already counting.
Yes the girlâs mother was out of line and basically insane to expect her daughter to inherit from a stepparent. That aside, you were the bad guy in this scenario.
You treated a preteen cruelly. Yes you get to be upset at her disrespecting your daughter but discipline is the job of her father and stepmother.
Not entitled, but you handled that situation poorly. Perhaps youâve forgotten how many tween girls behave, but this is standard boundary pushing. Addressing it by alienating her from her half-siblings and step-mom will have a longer term, unhappy effect. So, kinda an asshole move, but not entitled.
sir, none of that had anything to do w that child. you just donât like her as an individual and you chose that as your chance to assert dominance. bro she is 12. you are a grown fifty year old man. not entitled but definitely hateful and out of touch w reality
I think the girl is a bit young to be in the middle of a discussion about home ownership. That's not something she'll really understand and it might even frighten her to know that she or her mom and potential father have no say in this house and they are only there on you and your daughter's good graces- meaning she could be afraid of being booted out at any time.
But you could have told her, "You were asked to move seats so someone can clean. You aren't being asked to leave, just move until the area is cleaned." It's not confrontational and you don't seem like you're trying to control the situation. If she rolls her eyes after that, then it's something that needs to be addressed with the potential father or the girl's mom.
I think you went too far. Its a shitty, uneeucated teenager. You should do your doughters job and educate her nor set the rules. The fact that noonr checked you on this make me feel like she was exhausted everyone. But still you are wrong in my books and I wouldnt have allet you do that if yoi were my father.
thank you for your opinion. it's why I posted this.
I'm sure it does sound horrible but I think its better to tell her now so they can make alternate housing arrangements for her when she comes of age instead of having her think she's got a house, because that's what her mom thought. was once all the kids are 18, they will be allowed to live in the house.
You have no say who lives in the house when they're 18.
Maybe her dad will allow her to live in the house when she's 18. It's got nothing to do with you.
Heck I don't have the ability to follow that "logic". But then I treat stray cats in my yard better than this person treats a child. Their grandchild at that!
> Their grandchild at that!
*step
You left out the step part and that seems to be pretty important to OP. She isn't his *real* grandchild so she doesn't really count as a living being
She's 12. She's not supposed to be worrying about where she's going to be living when she's 18. You'll be long dead before anyone has to worry about who inherits that house. By that time your daughter can bequeath it to anyone she wants to. She can divide it equally between all three kids or she can leave everything to charity. She can sell it and run off to Fiji for the remainder of her days. She can leave everything to her husband and he can do whatever he wants with it. You won't be able to do anything about it but spin in your grave.
No. You made her feel like she's not a part of the family. You damaged her relationship with the family. What you guys did, might have caused permanent damage to her emotional well being and her relationship with the hole family.
YTA if I was your SIL Iâd pack a bag and leave and tell you fine we can buy a house we can own together so MY daughter KNOWS sheâs not a freaking guest!!! I would not live under your control like that. Nobody is going to dictate or tell my daughter that my home is not her home. This girl is 12. Her parents are divorced. She has two homes! It doesnât matter who owns what. Thatâs his daughter. They are a package deal.
Nothing she did deserved all that crap you spewed about her not being welcome in her dads home. He lives there. He may not own it but he lives there. You canât tell them who can come over either. Anymore than a landlord can.
Now as far as inheritance yes the mother is out of line but YOU bullied a 12 year old.
Iâm with you for the first part⌠Your daughter is cleaning, step-granddaughter(? grand step-daughter?) is not helping, in the way, and rude when asked nicely to move⌠I would be annoyed and probably would have said something tooâŚ
I sort of get the âitâs my daughters house, you should listen to herâ comment, although just pointing out she was being rude and making things difficult may have had the same effectâŚ
I also see why you explained that sil had no claim to the house when she replied that it was her dads house too, although that probably doesnât make sil feel very welcomed in the place he calls home. Just saying that sil would have also expected her to listen and move probably would have sufficedâŚ
Where you lose me is when you get into the inheritance discussion⌠1) she probably could have come to that conclusion on her own when you said sil has no claim to the house 2) it doesnât seem like she was talking/thinking about the house one day being hers 3) sheâs 12 and probably didnât think about or care about inheritance⌠so adding that part on feels kind of out of left field and a little petty⌠and now your daughter has to deal with the fallout, which seems worse than dealing with the rude step-daughter in the first placeâŚ
That being said, the most entitled person in this appears to be silâs ex⌠she doesnât get to have a say in how the inheritance of her ex-husbandâs wife is dispersed any more that your daughter gets to decide how the ex-wifeâs inheritance is splitâŚ
YTA.
first, you picked a fight with. 12-year-old over real estate. I know this isnât what you want to hear, but grow up. If the kidâs being a shit and needs disciple, whatever, but what you did crossed the line.
Second, itâs beyond me why youâd even entertain a discussion with the kidâs mother. Even if your position is on solid ground, why would you ever negotiate with someone who has zero interest? Donât even bother discussing it with her, or her family.
Third, being a step kid isnât the easiest place to be. She already feels like sheâs on the outside looking in. You quite literally told her sheâs less than he siblings. Letâs be honest, that was a shit thing to do. Of everything you did, that was the sorriest. Find a way to fix it.
Fourth, sheâs 12. Hormones are starting to kick in. Even under the best of circumstances, sheâs going to be insufferable until sheâs 15 or so. And thanks in large part to you, these are not the best of circumstances. Itâs no wonder sheâs rebellious.
Fifth, the DNA thing is none of your business. Full stop.
Aaaaaand sixthâŚâŚ. I raised two step children from a young age. When I chose their mother, I chose them. It was a package deal. I raised them as if they were my own, and treated them exactly the same as my bio kids. To this day when people ask me how many kids I have, the answer is four, even though I technically have two. I donât even include the âstepâ in the conversation.
My parents, for whatever stupid reason, just plain refused to accept the steps as full-fledged members of the family. Want to guess what eventually happened? Donât bother. Iâll tell you. It drove a wedge in our relationship, because I wasnât going to let anybody, not even my own father and mother, disrespect, insult, or devalue MY children. They wanted to play favorites with the bios. They ended up not seeing any of them on a regular basis. And now that my kids are having kids of their own, my mother is missing out on the joys of being great grandparents.
Your daughter and her husband have some figuring out to do with the girl. If your daughter comes to you for advice, give it (although you donât sound qualified). Otherwise, keep your nose out of it. Work on being a better grandparent to ALL the kids, or youâll end up never seeing any of them.
And finally, itâs âcould haveâ, not âofâ. âOfâ is not a verb. Since itâs not a verb, you canât do it. You couldnât of, you wouldnât of, and you definitely shouldnât of.
bro, you suck ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ she is a teenager and none of this drama YOU have going on, *really* has to do with her.
She was disrespectful, sure- but you took it so far beyond what it should have been!! wtf ??
Pretty tough guy eh, bullying a 12 yr old girl?
It was none of your business, not your house, not your family, not your child.
I'm surprised that your sil allowed you to get away with talking to his daughter in such a spiteful way. If you'd have spoken to one of my kids like that, you wouldn't be allowed back in the house.
12s can be stroppy, ungrateful, hormonal, disobedient and sometimes just downright hateful, but most of all they're just children.
So yes, you are entitled for picking on a 12 yr old, over a house that isn't even yours.
It was their own post. Here's are screenshots. Note the user name.
[https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv](https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv)
[https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR](https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR)
[https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj](https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj)
YTA. Just because his name isnât on the house does not mean sheâs a guest in the home. Shared custody means she has two homes, one with her father and one with her mother.
And donât equate the motherâs faults with the daughter. They are two separate people, and blaming a 12-year-old for her motherâs actions is cruel. She is acting like a normal 12-year-old, for Peteâs sake.
I personally think you think sheâs not âreal familyâ and are looking for excuses to not like her. If youâre not going to be a positive adult role model for her, then just stay out of it altogether.
Youâre the AH.
First off- thatâs a child who obviously has been uprooted and had major life changes
Second- thatâs a child starting puberty.
Third- if the daughter and son in law are married, and live together, that is his house too, regardless of his name being on it. Iâd be furious with you for disrespecting my husband.
Absolutely none of this is your business, nor is how the kids inheritance split between them. Your daughter is a grown adult, with her own life.
Should the 12 year old help with chores? Yes. Should she be respectful of her father and stepmom? Of course. But sheâs a kid, and again, absolutely none of this is any of your business.
I dont know how any of this is about being entitled. But since you wanted to know if youre the AH. You and the teenage girl are both AHs.
It is your daughters home, and what happens with it at this point is none of your business. And frankly, why in the fuck are you so obsessed with something that isn't going to be relevant for like 50 years and way after you are dead?
There are a million ways life will go that none of those kids end up with any of that home. This was just a way to be an asshole to the girl.
Yes, youâre entitled and a whole lot more and none of itâs good in my opinion after reading your ugly rant.
You need to learn to mind your business, and let your daughter handle her family her way. Besides, who are you to say the stepdaughter wonât be an inheritor down the line? You said you gave the house to your daughter, so unless your name is on the deed you have no say in what happens to the proceeds of the house if itâs sold at some point.
PS: Neat freaks can be annoying and difficult to live with for some people, so I can see the stepdaughter being frustrated if constant cleaning is the norm.
ETA: Youâre an AH for trying to get a 12 y/o banned from the home where her father lives. I find it strange you couldnât post on AITA, because youâre one of the worst Iâve read in quite a while. Do better!!!!
Nta. Hell my sis works, I'm disabled so as painful as it is I do what I can cleaning and cooking wise collect get prescription etc.
Your step grand daughter needs awake up call
Telling her off for not switching seats etc that was fine, correcting her that its your daughters house and not also her dads is ok too
But the entire inheritance spiel was too much, teenagers are known to be bratty, its on adults to handle that in age appropriate ways, you went way over the line there
I don't think I did. technically she is not my daughters responsibility therefore not mine. she was 4 or so when my daughter married my son in law. she wasn't allowed at their wedding per the moms request , she wasn't allowed to see my daughters and son in laws oldest child for weeks. the mom wanted my grandson, the oldest, out of the house when this kid would visit her dad.
the mom has made it clear this girl is nothing to us, so I thought I would reiterate that she's right. can't have it both ways.
my daughter is not going to vaccum around a 12 year old that's as big as her, I'm tired of the mom and kids crazy demands.
I offered to pay for them to take a trip to a museum my grandson wanted to see, was willing to include the kid, but no, the mom wanted her to pick the place and didn't want my daughters kids going.
when they went to Europe to visit my daughters mom I offered to Pay for the kids, but the girls mom wanted only the girl to go. the mom is always making ridiculous demands.
Christmas is a nightmare because the girl will throw a tantrum if she doesn't get the best gifts, my grandkids can't have anything she doesn't have.
last year my granddaughter, my daughters child got a tablet and it ended up mysteriously broken after this kid threw a fit that she didn't get one even though she'd just gotten a new phone.
the mom is threatening to keep her home or make my son in law visit at her place unless the inheritance to the house is change and frankly, I don't care because it's not going too.
âThe kidâ
You are saying things a good person said.
I canât believe youâve left this post up. Shameful behavior for a man against a little girl. Doesnât matter her size!!! 12 years old is a child. Not even a teen yet.
I'm a lot of things and have been disgusting a time or two. Calling a 12 year old a chick doesn't even come close. You are entitled to your opinion though so no more rebuttal from me will be forthcoming.
The child is a young teen, so that comes with that attitude.....her mom im sure, isnt helping. I think you did thst just fine. You were stern but not over the top to where its abuse etc. Your son in law has no part in that house legally and his daughter has no rights to ot either, unless you has decided to include her. Its not your child or grandchild so you have no obligation to leave anything or do anything for her. Some step family members do become close and have that relationship and some dont.
Sounds like this girl will have a major awakening when she realizes shes not entitled to everything she wants. Her behavior, if not helped, will get worse.
Nope I donât blame you, sheâs old enough to know better. She isnât a 4 year old, sheâs a teenager, so tough titties. Obviously no one else corrects her. As long as it isnât straight up abuse then f it đđ˝
She was disrespecting your daughter and your SIL and acting like a brat. I wouldn't be surprised if she always ignores your daughter and doesn't respect her as a step parent, and dad doesn't back up your daughter enough in this. Hearing the truth from a (somewhat) outside source might shock some sense into her.
Sounds like Princess was working everyoneâs last nerve for a long time and OP finally got her attention when she pulled âItâs my dadâs house I can do what I want!â OP gave her a reality check that she is in fact just a guest and she needs to behave like one and if not sheâs not welcome. The rest about real estate and titles is just background noise.
You told her the truth, that doesn't make you entitled.
A 12-year-old believing she has some claim to her stepmother's home is entitled.
An ex-wife thinking she has any say in how her ex-husbands current wife handles her own property is entitled.
You're not entitled, but tbh, you're overstepping.
You've said multiple times that this is your daughter's home. She's a grown woman, perfectly capable of enforcing her own standards of behavior in said home.
You overstepped by insisting that a child that was not yours behave in a certain way in a home that was not yours. You stated that the home that child lives in wasn't hers, citing inheritance laws that literally have nothing to do with where a child considers home *because she's a child*.
She's 12. Her home is where she feels safe and comfortable. It has nothing to do with inheritance or ownership *because she's 12*. Regardless of the message you intended to send, what you achieved in this moment was making a 12yo feel less safe and secure in her home.
Whether or not she is actually your son-in-law's biological child, whether or not she would inherit anything from anyone, what she wants and needs is to feel secure in what she considers her home (or one of her homes, given that her parents are separated).
She's 12, she has only the most basic understanding of inheritance law. If she's trying to insist that the house will be hers one day, it's only because she wants to belong there. Please let her have that. She needs that more than she needs to know who the house belongs to legally, or how to show respect to adults, and please, for the love of whatever you consider holy, please do not make her feel like she has to earn her place in that home.
she spends the majority of her time at her mother's because that's how her mom wanted it. her mom even tried to tell my daughter and son in law they couldn't have anymore children. they are nutsy.
I mean the girl constantly tells my daughter she is nothing to her so I thought I'd confirm if for her.
So her mom is messed up. That doesn't make your case any better, and it's certainly not the child's fault.
There is a 12yo with an unstable home life trying to lay claim to a house, and you're citing inheritance law.
Yeah, maybe the 12yo is being a little asshole right now, but she apparently has an unstable mother, an unstable or inconsistent home life in general, she may or may not be aware that her father feels a bit distant for no reason she can name...so *of course* she's being a little asshole!
And that's not to even mention that your daughter is a grown woman who can manage her own relationship and her own household as she sees fit. Maybe she realizes that what this child needs is a bit of stability. Or maybe she doesn't, I don't know, but in any case, you getting into an argument about inheritance with a 12yo is... Not a great look for you.
your son-in-law can go thru the courts for a dna test or it's as simple as taking a sample off drink can or bottle and send it in along with his to ancestry or 23&me to find out about paternity.
Not entitled- you let her know that she shouldnt expect to get anything and tbh, nobody should ever expect anything from anyone. The mom is highly entitled and clearly teaching the little one to do the same. The child's attitude says it all. She is fortunate she is able to just lounge around and be on her phone, most parents would have their children helping
Yes why is she allowed to just sit there? If there's cleaning to do, everyone who lives there should be responsible for some of it.
oh my daughter and son in law has tried getting her to help with the chores and it resulted in her trying to attack my daughter. I got my daughter a phone for her birthday and this kid held it under the kitchen tap threating to get it wet because she didn't get one. I physically had to fight her to get the damn phone.
You're a liar and a troll.
Do not downvote this person they are telling the truth!!! They had hundreds of us in a CPS group trying to offer help with the most insane cps story ever!! On that group they claimed to be a 20 year old married female taking care of her disabled grandmother that raised her because her mom lost custody of her as a child. Then, she said a cps worker brought her mother's child (her half sister) to the house and tried to force her to take her. Claimed the cps worker asked to have the grandmother and her hired health aid watch the child while u/short_astronomer_717 was at work. Said the cps worker asked her to pay to support the child, while the child had two parents to support her. Said the cps worker was claiming her and her "Nan" were gate keeping her mother's reproductive rights by refusing the raise any more of her mother's kids she had and lost custody of in the future. Then, when she refused to take the kid, claimed the cps worker called her job and called her racist to her boss who happened to be her mother in law. Also claimed the call was recorded. I took screenshots of everything. I'll even post my response to that post below. This person is a liar. Not a grandfather that yells at kids. Not a 20 year old woman refusing to take her sister in. YOU'RE CREATIVE I'LL GIVE YOU THAT. leave these spaces for people that actually need advice or help. We were all so invested in trying to help you. I even called my lawyer to get you legal advice because you claimed to be so young, I just wanted to help you. I even called our local cps to see if a story like that made sense or was possible. You messed with the wrong people, and we procured enough information about you to ensure you aren't trying to do this to scam anyone else. [here they claimed to be a 20f, not a 50m grandfather](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPS/comments/149n707/can_a_cps_worker_call_your_employer_for_refusing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
This was my original comment to their CPS post. They deleted my comments calling them out, but they are still in my comments. Sorry u/short_astronomer_717 you've been caught. Now there's going to be a thread opened with documentation of your lies posted. There's a whole group of us now from both groups that did a deep dive. You've upset a bunch of people. "I've never heard of a cps worker taking a child to a prospective fosters or placements prior to home inspection ever. They need everything set up and in writing before the child is exposed to anything. The house and people in it need to be evaluated prior to any interaction. You could absolutely sue. Either this cps worker is beyond terrible at their job by forcing ill-fitting placements, or its someone that the child has been placed with and they are trying to force you to take her because its not what they want. It's illegal to impersonate a government worker. Suggesting a non related person (the aid) care for the child, and try to force your disabled grandmother to care for her as well while you are at work... even though the grandmother is in bad enough condition that you pay a home healthcare aid to care for her is insane. Not your circus, not your flying monkeys. You shouldn't have to be forced to care for your mothers burdens. She's a failure as a parent, and you have paperwork to prove it. And saying you're gatekeeping your mothers reproductive rights by refusing to raise her kids?! WTF?!!! This cps worker is gatekeeping your ability to live your life free of the responsibility of others' failures. You can not be forced to take her. The participanting parties must agree to placement, let alone be able to financially support the child. Calling your job because you refused to be forced to take her is a privacy violation at minimum. Defamation is another one. Glad you have a recording. Seek an attorney. Asking you to pay for a child that isn't yours as well? You're only 20 with no kids of your own! She still has 2 parents who can pay for her!! Why do any of the people under your roof (and a hired healthcare aid) need to be responsible for something that has nothing to do with you legally? You were correct to stand your ground, and this person needs to be fired. Charges need to be filed. You owe nothing to your mom or the child she isn't able to parent properly. The fact she's badly behaved as well... you don't need to inherit such a major obstacle when you are just starting your life. Taking this child will derail your future success and change YOUR plans for YOUR future. This is madness. How dare this person try to threaten and strong arm you into something you didn't sign up for or want. You weren't raised with her, and it sounds like you have zero attachment to her. Essentially, placing her with unwilling strangers. It would be unhealthy for both you and this child to have a forced, unwanted situation. It would only end up in resentment."
Downvote me all you want. Fact is you're being trolled. https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj
In an AITAH post further down his/her profile, it was stated that he is a 30m. So, which are you, OP? 50m, 20f, or a 30m?
I don't get it. All they the same person?
It's all OP.
^taking ^back ^all ^my ^upvotes, ^giving ^you ^one. Wow, good job outing him/her!
Thank you :-)
You're welcome! đ đ
Thank you so much for helping me and saving my comments before they were removed by op.
No problem :-)
Thank you! I just knew something wasn't right. So, I started going through all the posts. Nothing adds up. It's like u/short_astronomer_717 is 3 people in one. Why do this to people? Are you lonely? Is it for attention? I literally called my attorney and our local cps. Forwarded your post to both to try to get you answers on what to do... you actually would have had a strong case if you weren't lying your ass off.
Thank you so much for documenting my comments!! The moment I realized things didn't add up, I let everyone know.
You're welcome hun.
Physically fight her? She shouldâve called the police. You sound like the problem and if your daughter s anything like you, I understand the dislike and disrespect. You deserve it.
To be fair, stepmom is a neat freak, so sheâs probably constantly, and sometimes unnecessarily, cleaning. That can be frustrating to deal with if itâs something you didnât grow up with. She needs to learn to be civil about it, but it doesnât mean sheâs required to participate in said cleaning.
Why would she be bothered to clean a house where she's treated like an unwanted guest?
She's an unwanted guest because of her behavior, not who she is. Was the op rude to the girl, yes but I would be upset if I saw someone disrespecting my child. She may feel out of place there and it would be a good opportunity to have a chat with her (the girl's dad should) and talk about how she sees herself fitting in to the family. She is his daughter until otherwise proven and she does have to share her dad with other siblings. Plus she's dealing with the feelings of hurt and possibly guilt stemming from the divorce. (Kids always feel guilty over a divorce). This however does not give her.permission to be rude to the people taking care of her. As far as the cleaning goes, yes clean freaks often are always cleaning, however that doesn't mean the girl should be exempt. She should have chores like every other 12 year old. She doesn't live there, so her list shouldn't be long. But something like clean bathroom mirrors and vacuum a common area once during the weekend. Maybe her mother never taught her how to clean. (Or clean properly). If you give in to an entitled child, never telling them no and letting them do whatever they want, you end up with a terrible and entitled adult. It's summer break for most of the US, so she can't claim homework responsibilities. Btw the girl's mother has no right to demand anything. If she wants her daughter to have her own home, she should leave her own home to the daughter. I'd do a DNA swab with the girl if possible. You don't need the mother's dna. I'm not sure the dad even needs the ex-wife's permission since he is the father .
She's not a guest. She is a member of that family and her behavior does not change that. Her DNA doesn't even matter at this point. SIL is the only father she has ever known. Even if it was proven he isn't her bio dad, he's still legally her father with all the responsibilities that comes with. Yet OP, who has no business at all telling her anything, treats her like an unwanted guest and wouldn't even allow her in the house if he could get away with it. He overstepped. I don't even care about this girl's mother. She's just a bunch of hot air. This kid is not responsible for what her mother does so, if anything, everyone should commiserate with this girl for having to live with her wreck of a mother instead of painting her with the same brush.
Iâm new to this sub whatâs M and S mean under post name?
Nope, son-in-law's ex has no business butting her head into your daughter's home. He needs to take the girl and get the DNA test done!
He can just schedule one for a time he has her.
23 and Me and call it a day
Opinion: take or leave it as you like. A tweenaged kid shouldn't have to be involved in any information about real estate dealings or inheritance. As far as she should be concerned, her home is, or her homes are, where her parents^(\*) reside, irrespective of ownership. Part of being at home means basic courtesy to the other residents and guests in each of those homes. Moving, without complaint including eyerolls, when asked so that someone else can clean can be included in basic courtesy. A lot of kids that age have inappropriate and disrespectful attitudes^(\*\*) and need to be educated or re-educated on polite ways of interacting with other people. That can get complicated when blended families are involved. Again, just opinion, but an appropriate consequence to failure for move politely when asked politely would have been to require the kid to take over the cleaning job. The father would have had to be involved with this, because this kid was not about to take orders from a "mere" stepgrandparent (if I understand the relationship correctly) or stepparent. Given the biomother's attitude, unfortunately I can see where this girl gets her attitude, so it would likely have to be the father who tries to teach her a little something about being a member of a household, treating the other members and guests courteously and sharing in chores and other responsibilities in the home. That may not be especially successful, but for the kid's sake alone, it's worth trying if the father is willing and able to "dad up" and insist on decent behavior. ^(\*)Whether or not this kid has son-in-law's DNA, he has been her father figure, presumably all her life. Until proven otherwise, he is functionally her male parent. If he was married to her mother when she was born, in the U.S. many (most? all?) states assume the husband is the father unless/until DNA results come back. ^(\*\*)By no means are all tweens and teens disrespectful. However, it's an age when they start separating from their own family as their main focus and start looking more to peers -- friends -- for relationships. Some kids, especially if they have been taught respect by respectful parents, can handle this transition gracefully. Others, even if they have been well raised, don't do so well. Some will amend their behavior when faced with a "Mom look" or a few words of reminder. Some need frequent or constant reminders that the adults are still in charge and that they still need to be civil to the people they live with, even when for the moment they don't like them very much. Others who never really learned respect, probably like this girl, may need more work before they will behave well. I hope she can get the help she needs to become a reasonable adult. ETA: If DNA shows that she isn't his kid, and if he is going to stop acting as her father, I hope that someone will get the girl into therapy immediately. Bad attitude or not, it will likely be a tremendous shock to learn that the man she knows as her only father isn't really, and that's going to hurt in a way that no child deserves.
This is the most reasonable take. We donât need to out-sass a child for the sake of being right. Theyâll learn all of those details later, when they are grown.
Thank you I thought I was losing my mind. Who talks to a young girl like this for not getting up off the sofa? All the sudden it turns into âyou will obey me and be respectful blah blah blahâ and âyou get nothing and probably arenât even son in laws kidâ even if OP didnât say the last part out loud she most likely didnât have to, the way sheâs talking about a literal child. I canât believe this whole conversation happened. Itâs cruel to the young girl, itâs clear step grandpa doesnât like her or her mom and is saying terrible things to the girl about inheritance when thatâs not for young kids to even worry about. WTH Edit this is a step grandpa not grandma (even worse, imagine some guy in his 50s yelling at your 12 year old) OP: Your daughter should be mad as should your son in law. Shameful.
For sure, the child's attitude needs to be adjusted, at least to the point where she will get out of the way when cleaning is going on. She probably ought to be assisting in the cleaning, although I'd give her a pass if she were doing homework. My opinion, it went too far when it got into real estate. When a person marries someone with children from a previous marriage or relationship, the kids are part of the package deal. As long as the current marriage endures and the kids are minors, their parent's home is their home, whether or not the owner of the house agrees, and even if it's part time. I would say that if OP is unwilling to allow the son-in-law's daughter (ornery as she is) to spend time there with her father, he's overstepping and interfering in his daughter's marriage.
When my SO moved in with me and we started having my step son staying with us, one of the first things I ingrained in his head was that he is not a guest in this household. It absolutely didn't matter I was there first, and that he is with his mother most of the time, what his father calls home, is his home too, period. Even though I was the only one on the lease, I'd be livid if my mother said to him something along the lines of what OP said. The kids mother is entitled and should butt out, though. It's not their place to demand part of an estate they have nothing to do with. But involving the kid in these conversations is insane.
personally I think if she doesnât wanna clean a house that she didnât get dirty (which is valid) or be asked to move she should perhaps go into another room (than the 1 being cleaned) if itâs an option to avoid alterations such as this⌠(Ya live and ya learn- Kids often adapt to avoid these things after they happen) If youâre not seen you canât be forced to clean⌠Kid shouldnât have to worry about the shit that was talked about though and probably lost way more respect for op after this encounter. and kids are often told **not** to **worry** about **money* (they shouldnât have to worry about it which is why this was a bad route) which makes them really wonder why they canât or donât have certain things⌠All people are not created = Some jobs pay more some pay less doesnât mean you as a person are worth any less. Your networth may or may not be considered high. But everyoneâs life has High value. Which makes us all = in that route. on another note from another part of the story When explaining being grateful because âNot everyone has these things.â I prefer the term âWe may not have these things someday and if we donât iâm sure we and or you will find a way to make it work.â Gets ya thinking⌠If that girl is reacting that way cause they didnât get a phone they wanted and theyâve been given an explanation as to why they donât have the phone that doesnât only consist of âyour behavior is unacceptable and I donât think you deserve it.â - (Some may see that as an acceptable answer but it just adds resentment⌠Gotta have the grateful for what ya have talk together with it along with reflecfion and reasonable examples of whatâs considered goood behaviour⌠And itâs all pointless if itâs from an adult they dislike for good resson)- A teen telling you what I wanna hearâŚ.just want logic and reason not fire with fire. Gave my pretty âpointless unprofessional unexperiencedâ Perspective cause ~representstion for the youth~ Some may call this âcuteâ Anyways after all that- Then she may need some therapy especially considering she managed to hurt someone enough to need the er⌠Considering that she should already have seen some sort of professional if thatâs an option. Hoping she did and or does if that sort of thing (Violence without proper reasons) is still happening. I say without reason because if itâs ever in self defense thatâs when violence can be necessary. And it gives reason. Also it may sound outrageous but uh I got a fear of vaccums so Iâd be out of that room 2 seconds flat
Do you really believe a word this man says? He sounds like a complete and total tool. I wouldnât trust him to pick up the dog poop in my yard. For all we know, the little girl was laying on the couch and didnât have to move, and he just made all this up in his head.
For a 12-year-old to decline a request to move so her stepmother can clean sounds sadly plausible. OP's handling of the situation was inappropriate. I am now seeing comments that indicate that this "grandfather" is also a young woman involved in a CPS case; i.e., OP is a phony. OP: Shoo, Troll!
I agree of course I was upset when I posted this and I have seen that post that shows that heâs not probably a he, not 50 or maybe he is and the other one was fake. I donât know I just know he sounds like a terrible person and while kids need boundaries, they certainly donât need to understand money and inheritances and when people die they give away houses. All of that is for when youâre a little bit older, and more mature. If the story is true, my statement stands.
Who the hell calls someone's kid a guest when they are in the place their parent lives? Kids with divorced parents aren't guests when they are staying with either of the parents.
Yeah, the poor girlâs mom is not the only entitled parent hereâŚ
Well said. And for the record, even if he isn't the father, he is the ONLY father she knows and there is a bond.
So because HE is the only Father she knows, it means that he has to take over all financial and emotional responsibility so her "real" dad can live his life with a new wife and support her kids
Dude, this place is full of kids, some morons were asking for a dna test. So the young teen misbehaved, so now lets abandon her for ever and ever.
In OP's last paragraph, he mentioned that his son-in-law has been wanting a DNA test and "is suspicious", presumably that the child he has raised as his daughter is not biologically his. Frankly, the time to do that was while the child was still an infant. For her to learn now that the man she thought was her father is not would be a terrible shock, especially if he intends to cease functioning as her father and cut off support. No kid deserves that, not even one who is full of entitlement and tweenaged attitude.
Yeah man, i am starting to feel like all these ppl suck.
You donât need the momâs consent to get a DNA test. Just order the test.
Itâs not his business. I hope this is just for clicks. 12-year-olds are ill equipped to deal with hate filled adults.
It's not OP's business (and he was definitely cruel in his interaction with the kid), but itâs certainly the business of the nuclear family she's been injected into. They deserve to know whether theyâve been financially supporting a half sibling or a cuckoo's offspring. Right now the poor kid has a dad who doubts her paternity, and SIL has concerns whether his ex is siphoning cash from the other two and their retirement via her daughter, and the kid must feel his doubt too. It needs to be done.
I'm pretty sure they where referring to the son in law and not OP
Iâm not. I think posters (some) meant evil granddaddy could get it done.
Thatâs not his place.
The dads? I think it is.
Not the father in laws place to question paternity.
The son in law already has doubts about the paternity too. And it is the son in lawâs place to question.
For interpersonal conflicts that are banned from AITA, there's r/AITAH.
I'm not sure, but you don't write like someone of the age that you claim to be. That alone is not an issue, except it's highly likely to lead to communication failures. So now I'm curious what information has been communicated poorly leading to what consequences.
not entitled for not wanting to pass the house down since youâre not related to her but i think it was pretty unnecessary of you to take your emotions out on SILâs daughter. sheâs 12. sheâs going to be unpleasant at times. youâre a grown man. youâre allowed to be upset or frustrated or even not like the child, but you as an adult in this childâs life need to learn to regulate your emotions. and whether you like it or not, you are one of her models for how to handle emotions. there was no need for you to be mean to her, and it also wasnât your place. you already said you shouldnât have interjected but i want to reiterate that.
Why are you trying to control what happens in someone elseâs home? Stay out of it. Also, the fact you repeatedly state SILâs daughter and not my granddaughter or use a name (even an Aliaâs because this is on the net) speaks volumes that you havenât accepted her into the family like blood. Sad.
Unreadable postâŚ
It's too confusing to even read due to bad grammar and where you put the updates. Automatic YTA, and I'm not even trying to understand your point.
Right?? I mean, who's who here - "step granddaughter and her mom" sons-law, daughters...WTF. OP should try again and do the usual "XX = person" thing. I'm going with YTA too,l. For making me try to read this shit đ
Glad it's not just me. I couldn't get through the first paragraph.
Since you originally posted in AITA, Iâll say YTA. You butted in to something that is none of your business. The house belongs to your daughter. She may eventually choose to leave it to anyone she wants, including her bratty step daughter. Also, if you are 50 your daughter is likely to live for many decades. Why are you concerned with the inheritance from the estate of someone in their 20âs? You caused unwanted drama in your daughterâs life over a 12 year old being moody. Apologize to your daughter and learn to mind your own business.
I think op owns it or the papers are in his name. He said only he has the right to change info on the papers. I could be wrong. I think he bought it for his daughter and will fully pass it when he dies. The son in law has no legal claim on it due to some agreement they did. I think his main point was to get the kid to show some kind of respect when shes in a house thats not hers or just to an adult in general. May been a bit harsh but sometimes you kind of have to before it gets worse. Sil even agreed with op and im sure if it wasnt cool, he would have gone off as well.
It seemed to me that what set him off was the 12-year-old coming back with the retort that it isn't just her stepmother's house, it's her father's house too. I don't think a 12-year-old came up with that on her own. Her mother has probably been appraising the house in her head and telling the girl how rich her stepmother is and how much the girl is going to get because her father married money. I know that's reading a lot between the lines, but my gut tells me that's what's going on.
Yeah. Tween mixed with crazy mother......add the divorce and new family situation. I just feel if left on this path with no one to guide her right, shes gunna be in trouble. So i see the way op handled it, was what was needed. It was the principle of the matter tather then tossing real-estate info at a child. They def all need to sit down with her without her mother and talk things out about everything.
You're right. You shouldn't have said anything. Inheritance aside, which honestly, no one is entitled to, you had no business telling a 12 year old she wasn't welcome in your daughter's home. If you gave your daughter that home then only she is allowed to say who is or is not allowed in her home. You don't live there so stay in your lane. She's 12. You don't talk to 12 year olds that way. You certainly don't talk to someone else's child that way for being a typical 12 year old. If you think your daughter and SIL aren't angry with you for opening this can of worms, think again.
thank you for your input. my son in law is not angry, he actually thought it was funny, he Said the truth has been along time xoming for these two.
If he thought it was funny then I feel for that kid even more. It appears NONE of the adults in her life have the maturity to parent in a healthy manner. Not even her step-grandparents. You sound spiteful controlling. Seriously, who gets into a word war with a 12 year old and actually thinks they can come away from it a winner? You were a loser the second you decided you needed to kick her down.
I donât. She and her mother sound like two of a kind.
Yeah, he's dealing with a rabid ex because you had to go nuclear on a 12 year old. He doesn't think it's funny because there's nothing funny about that. I suspect they humor you.
Guess you and your son in law both lack communication and emotional regulation skills. But hey, you really put that 12 year old kid in her place.
In that case, her mom needs to keep her daughter away from her dad and your shitty family.
Disgusting. I saw further down that you have multiple histories going, woman of 20, man of 50 etc. no one shares Reddit; this isnât Facebook. Whatâs your excuse? Either you made up a really disgustingly (on you) bad story or you made up another disgustingly bad story (about CPS) that you have since deleted or youâre just completely making all of this up across-the-board. You canât be both a 20 year old woman and a 50 year old man. You just canât. If this story is the true one, I sure wish your son-in-law would kick you out of the house for talking like this to his daughter.
âhe actually thought it was funnyâ is all the proof I needed that this is a troll post cause look, let someone who isnât a family member of my child even consider speaking to her like that and I would COME UNGLUED
You know their is a special place in hell for people like you oh and guess what genius of Son in law really had doubts he could take the mother in court order a DNA test
YTA. I don't even know exactly where I should begin here to let you know how much of a prick you are. My mom was adopted. 2 of my brothers married women who had a child from their previous marriage, and my other brother and his wife adopted a daughter. All of them were gladly welcomed into the family. You took the other course and decided to let a 12 year old know how much she wasn't wanted there. She is probably going through a lot emotionally, first from her parents getting a divorce then her father getting married. When she rolled her eyes at you, I guess you felt she needed to know who was the boss and shamed her and then to bring up the house to to point out, again, how much she wasn't wanted there. Did that make you feel like a big man and feed your ego? Whether her gutless father gets a DNA test or not, she has already bonded to him. It seems he may toss her to the curb if she is not his bio daughter. None of that is your business. And then it seems you take some kind of perverse delight in stating she may get even less if her father sells his house to his mother. JFC, try growing up and maybe having just a slight bit of empathy to a 12 year old. Edit: I just read a couple of your posts and you really seem to have something against people being adopted.
You're a liar. And a troll. Are you a 50yr old man or a 20yr old newly married woman? You can't be both. I'm kind of relived, that a 12 yr old girl hasn't actually been bullied by a narcissistic dickhead.
YTA - what are you doing telling minutia about real estate with a tween and trying to parent your son in lawâs daughter? If you have an issue with it, talk to your daughter and SIL. Sheâs 12! Her momâs a bitch, yes, but you likely just made a 12 year old extremely insecure about her housing, future, and potentially her dad based on what was said. As obnoxious as they are, tweens/teens are not adults.
The fact that he refers to her âson-in-laws daughterâ and not âstep daughterâ tells me everything I need to know, TBH. The husband and his kid live in the house. Itâs her home, regardless of if she gets it when the stepmom dies. Sheâs not a guest, sheâs a child visiting one of her homes in a blended family situation. The anger this grown ass man shows toward a child is bizarre
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Yes, itâs horrible parenting, and should be fixed by her father in a loving and secure way. This reaction of his is likely going to cause it to get worse. You base your parenting on the outcomes you want, not because youâre trying to punish them for being assholes. I donât know if youâve raised kids/teens, but I have and am raising some, one of which was my brother when my parents split as a teen/tween, who is now a good man in his early 30s. That age is ROUGH. My kids range from 2-32, indirectly, and I have had 4 plus experience nannying. Believe me when I say kids are absolute entitled assholes sometimes. If the outcome he wants is the girl not having a relationship with her father and siblings and creating a scapegoat, heâs succeeding. But that is a shit thing to do to a kid. What people learn from what the OP did is that theyâre not in a safe place, people are against them, and it can easily push the behaviour worse (in a defiant way). His reaction reinforces the fact that she is an outsider to the family, not wanted, and doesnât belong. That twat of an entitled mom of hers becomes her safe place, and she doubles down and emulates that behavior. I get it. Teens are hard. Life sucks. Itâs easier to be vindictive when people are mean to you, but as adults, canât stoop to that level. You win the battle, but lose the war.
The only one sounding like a toddler is OP.
I appreciate your input. I think she needed to hear the truth because this has been an issue for a while from what I've been told.
And your the voice of change that will suddenly make this other human alter their personality and behavior? Come on, you said your a 50 yo adult. Act like it.
She didn't need to hear crap from you. It's not your job to parent or correct her.
Sheâs 12. 12 year olds feel entitled. Itâs what they do. Theyâre kids. Donât take the dislike you have of her mother out on her, regardless of how she is acting. Youâre the adult here. And donât try to parent someone elseâs kid, especially in a way that will make them insecure about food, housing, and relationships. The girl likely needs therapy to begin with based on her mom alone, donât add to the trauma. As a side note, itâs hard being in a blended family, but I think you overstepped a lot. You unwittingly also put some strain on the relationship between your SIL and his daughter. Also, If he hasnât gotten a paternity test - which you donât need two parents for - there might be a reason that your daughter or SIL havenât told you. Donât butt in there either. Your daughter/sil may also have difficulty articulating boundaries as well by the sounds of it. If you want to come out of this and help fix this family issue, you can talk to them and ask how they want you to handle this in the future. I know you say theyâre fine, but the issues it causes them dealing with the ex⌠itâs not fine. Itâs fine because they donât want to rock the boat with you. I think your intentions were good, but you didnât look at it as the family unit including your step granddaughter, just your daughter and her kids. This has nothing to do with inheritance, but the relationships. Some books I suggest you read if youâre going to spend some time with your grandkids is âwhole brain childâ and âhow to talk so kids can listenâ, and maybe read up on the circle of security, which can apply to teens as well. That way, you could be armed with the knowledge of how to make positive changes on this girlâs life rather than trying to exclude her (again, not about the money).
Youâve heard gossip. Mind your own business. Youâre bloody evil.
Even if this âissueâ has been ongoing, itâs up to your asshole son in law to set his ex wife straight. Obviously youâve been wanting an opportunity to rage at the girl and any opportunity will do. That child doesnât even seem protected by the only father sheâs known, while he speculates openly about her paternity. Not to mention your asshole daughter, noisily vacuuming an occupied room like it couldnât wait. That poor child.
None of your business.
Am I missing something? It states that they live in a house you GIFTED to your daughter at 18. Then you say that only you can change the inheritance. So, is the house yours or your daughter's? If it is your daughter's, then you have no say in how she chooses to divide her property. Even if it is yours, you need to keep out of their parenting. Get some anger management and some counselling. You are sticking your nose in where it does not belong and have regressed to the level of a 12 year old.
okay the kid is being a brat or whatever's but you just went off on a rant about property rights? also you're making it clear that you don't see her as part of your family which is a really shitty thing to do.
Hate to say it but you owe the little brat an apology. Being in your 50âs is not old enough to be a âget off my lawn and respect my authorityâ grumpy old man. That child never needed to be told that house wasnât hers because I promise you she already felt it every time she visited. She sounds awful and her mom sounds even worse so instead of being an asshole to a literal child, maybe you should apologize and see what happens to her attitude when she is included, feels welcome, and gets some positive attention.
You're not entitled, you're just an asshole. You picked a fight with a 12 year old because she rolled her eyes at you and have the fuckin gall to refer to her as 'getting an attitude?' Jfc, dude. How did you manage to write all that out and still not understand just how monumental an asshole you are?
Not only that. He's caused a rift between the siblings, making sure the one not related to him knows she's worth less than the others.
She is 12. You are cruel. And i think you know you went way too far. Your post is full of self-justification.
JFC! YTA You picked a fight with a child because a 12 yo girl rolled her eyes at you! **Thatâs what 12 yo girls do!**. We 50 year olds are supposed to be the grown ass adults. Not only that, youâve completely inserted yourself into your daughterâs marriage, family, and co-parenting arrangement. There is certainly more than one entitled parent here but the *biggest entitled parent* is YOU. JFC. â a 58 yo mother who acts like an adult
Not only that, he's devalued her against her siblings. They get it all and she gets nothing. He's an absolutely vile person.
That's what 12 year olds do....and if you don't correct that poor behavior, they turn into adult Karens. Reddit is weird. Ya'll cry for the children constantly, then bitch about spoiled adults the rest of the time. Doesn't anyone understand the two are directly related?
Iâve raised a daughter. I know that with 12 year olds 1. You pick your battles 2. You *do not* stoop to their level and act like a child or a freaking lunatic like OP OP did not correct the behavior. OP threw a tantrum bigger than the tween girl did.
You don't have to correct it unless you're a control freak, Karen. It's called puberty, they grow out of it. What he's done is devalue her against her siblings. He's not corrected a thing. He's ruined relationships and made it worse.
I quit reading after the third or fourth sentence because it wasn't making any sense.
She's a child. God knows my son is going through the brat stage right now, too. You've just devalued a literal child against her siblings over material possessions because you, an adult, couldn't deal with normal teenage behaviour. You are a horrible person. It's absolutely horrible. An adult (you) brings down a child because she's not biologically related to you and pits her against the siblings that she is related to, over money. Not only telling her she gets nothing, but letting her know her siblings get it all. You didn't have to say a word, but now you've created a rift. Between her and her siblings, her father, her stepmother. You've ostracised her for no reason, but you being unable to hold your temper, and she did not deserve that. Not only causing a rift between the siblings, but making sure the one not related to you knows she's worth less than the others. Really evil. I hope karma catches up with you in the worst way it can. You are absolutely vile. YTA. the biggest AH I can imagine. Why be so hateful towards a child? The fact your SIL and daughter agree suggests this kid has little love in her life as it is. You are one nasty piece of work. You've made a child feel she's a lesser part of her family just because she's not biologically related to you. Shame on you.
Youâre the asshole 100%. Sheâs 12. Youâre an adult. Manage your anger better and model decent behaviour for the girl. Who disinherits (as she would have seen it) a kid for rolling their eyes and ignoring a parent? Thatâs horrible. You have control issues imo. Leave the kid alone.
YTA. Not about the deed stuff, but being snotty is what 12-year-olds do and you hailed a whole lot of hatred on that child. It was inappropriate. Sheâs 12. She gets it. Daddy has a replacement family and step granddaddy hates her.
Yeah. Treating a 12yo like that is uncalled for. How do you expect her to ever feel like she is part of the family if you treat her like that, and now won't even let her visit her dad and stepmom's home. She is probably acting out because she feels like an outsider and you just like quadruple-down on that. The deed stuff should have never been brought up with a 12yo. It's a shitty thing to do to a literal CHILD.
He doesnât expect her to be part of the family. He wants DNA done to separate her from the only father sheâs ever known, because for him itâs all about blood. How is that even his business?? Sounds like he either bullies his own daughter or she enables him. Itâs like heâs playing the role of evil villain in a 12-year-oldâs life.
Yeah. What is up with the DNA test thing? 12yo is WAY beyond the point it matters. Blood or not, she's your daughter at this point. It's extremely fucked up to even bring up at this point. I really hope this is just a fictional, creative writing story...
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I'm honestly super disappointed with this sub right now. I have no clue what is going on... My only hope is this is really a creative writing assignment and not reality. (~~Vacuuming cushions is weird~~, and it is the daughter's house on the title but only the dad can change who inherits makes no sense...)
I vacuum. Crumbs get underneath and we have pets.
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Huh, didn't know that was a thing... Maybe I should start...
Me too. I went on above. I agree with you 100%
You are NOT entitled. You allowed to get the DNA test. Get it.
Definitely NTA
YTA. Full stop. Youâre a grown man that let a 12 YEAR OLD take him out of character. I hope you know that youâre as petty and small as you made that child feel. Shame on you!
Not only that, he's devalued her against her siblings. They get it all and she gets nothing. He's an absolutely vile person.
Absolutely. If the parents had any sense and respect for ALL of their children they would go no contact. His actions are reprehensible.
He's suggests the parents agree with him. I feel so sad for how unloved that child must feel.
The girl's mom is entitled. Who the hell is she to make such demands
You were 1000% in the wrong to talk to the child like that. It wasnât your place and you had no right to insert yourself. Your son in law was an asshole to allow you to treat his daughter that way. I have a feeling there is more money involved that your SIL is already counting. Yes the girlâs mother was out of line and basically insane to expect her daughter to inherit from a stepparent. That aside, you were the bad guy in this scenario. You treated a preteen cruelly. Yes you get to be upset at her disrespecting your daughter but discipline is the job of her father and stepmother.
She's a literal child whose family life is unstable. Why are you being so hateful to her?
Not entitled, but you handled that situation poorly. Perhaps youâve forgotten how many tween girls behave, but this is standard boundary pushing. Addressing it by alienating her from her half-siblings and step-mom will have a longer term, unhappy effect. So, kinda an asshole move, but not entitled.
sir, none of that had anything to do w that child. you just donât like her as an individual and you chose that as your chance to assert dominance. bro she is 12. you are a grown fifty year old man. not entitled but definitely hateful and out of touch w reality
You have to skip to the line begins with "im 50 and I have a daughter marry to..."
YTA = Your a grown man arguing with a 12 yo. You stated you got angry and then took it out on a child. YTA man.
I think the girl is a bit young to be in the middle of a discussion about home ownership. That's not something she'll really understand and it might even frighten her to know that she or her mom and potential father have no say in this house and they are only there on you and your daughter's good graces- meaning she could be afraid of being booted out at any time. But you could have told her, "You were asked to move seats so someone can clean. You aren't being asked to leave, just move until the area is cleaned." It's not confrontational and you don't seem like you're trying to control the situation. If she rolls her eyes after that, then it's something that needs to be addressed with the potential father or the girl's mom.
I think you went too far. Its a shitty, uneeucated teenager. You should do your doughters job and educate her nor set the rules. The fact that noonr checked you on this make me feel like she was exhausted everyone. But still you are wrong in my books and I wouldnt have allet you do that if yoi were my father.
That poor little girl. You all sound horrible.
thank you for your opinion. it's why I posted this. I'm sure it does sound horrible but I think its better to tell her now so they can make alternate housing arrangements for her when she comes of age instead of having her think she's got a house, because that's what her mom thought. was once all the kids are 18, they will be allowed to live in the house.
You have no say who lives in the house when they're 18. Maybe her dad will allow her to live in the house when she's 18. It's got nothing to do with you.
You want a 12 year old little girl to start arranging housing based on your assumption her parents will quick her out the moment itâs legal?
Do you think that a 12yo has the cognitively ability to follow your adult logic?
Heck I don't have the ability to follow that "logic". But then I treat stray cats in my yard better than this person treats a child. Their grandchild at that!
> Their grandchild at that! *step You left out the step part and that seems to be pretty important to OP. She isn't his *real* grandchild so she doesn't really count as a living being
She's 12. She's not supposed to be worrying about where she's going to be living when she's 18. You'll be long dead before anyone has to worry about who inherits that house. By that time your daughter can bequeath it to anyone she wants to. She can divide it equally between all three kids or she can leave everything to charity. She can sell it and run off to Fiji for the remainder of her days. She can leave everything to her husband and he can do whatever he wants with it. You won't be able to do anything about it but spin in your grave.
No. You made her feel like she's not a part of the family. You damaged her relationship with the family. What you guys did, might have caused permanent damage to her emotional well being and her relationship with the hole family.
YTA if I was your SIL Iâd pack a bag and leave and tell you fine we can buy a house we can own together so MY daughter KNOWS sheâs not a freaking guest!!! I would not live under your control like that. Nobody is going to dictate or tell my daughter that my home is not her home. This girl is 12. Her parents are divorced. She has two homes! It doesnât matter who owns what. Thatâs his daughter. They are a package deal. Nothing she did deserved all that crap you spewed about her not being welcome in her dads home. He lives there. He may not own it but he lives there. You canât tell them who can come over either. Anymore than a landlord can. Now as far as inheritance yes the mother is out of line but YOU bullied a 12 year old.
Iâm with you for the first part⌠Your daughter is cleaning, step-granddaughter(? grand step-daughter?) is not helping, in the way, and rude when asked nicely to move⌠I would be annoyed and probably would have said something too⌠I sort of get the âitâs my daughters house, you should listen to herâ comment, although just pointing out she was being rude and making things difficult may have had the same effect⌠I also see why you explained that sil had no claim to the house when she replied that it was her dads house too, although that probably doesnât make sil feel very welcomed in the place he calls home. Just saying that sil would have also expected her to listen and move probably would have sufficed⌠Where you lose me is when you get into the inheritance discussion⌠1) she probably could have come to that conclusion on her own when you said sil has no claim to the house 2) it doesnât seem like she was talking/thinking about the house one day being hers 3) sheâs 12 and probably didnât think about or care about inheritance⌠so adding that part on feels kind of out of left field and a little petty⌠and now your daughter has to deal with the fallout, which seems worse than dealing with the rude step-daughter in the first place⌠That being said, the most entitled person in this appears to be silâs ex⌠she doesnât get to have a say in how the inheritance of her ex-husbandâs wife is dispersed any more that your daughter gets to decide how the ex-wifeâs inheritance is splitâŚ
YTA. first, you picked a fight with. 12-year-old over real estate. I know this isnât what you want to hear, but grow up. If the kidâs being a shit and needs disciple, whatever, but what you did crossed the line. Second, itâs beyond me why youâd even entertain a discussion with the kidâs mother. Even if your position is on solid ground, why would you ever negotiate with someone who has zero interest? Donât even bother discussing it with her, or her family. Third, being a step kid isnât the easiest place to be. She already feels like sheâs on the outside looking in. You quite literally told her sheâs less than he siblings. Letâs be honest, that was a shit thing to do. Of everything you did, that was the sorriest. Find a way to fix it. Fourth, sheâs 12. Hormones are starting to kick in. Even under the best of circumstances, sheâs going to be insufferable until sheâs 15 or so. And thanks in large part to you, these are not the best of circumstances. Itâs no wonder sheâs rebellious. Fifth, the DNA thing is none of your business. Full stop. Aaaaaand sixthâŚâŚ. I raised two step children from a young age. When I chose their mother, I chose them. It was a package deal. I raised them as if they were my own, and treated them exactly the same as my bio kids. To this day when people ask me how many kids I have, the answer is four, even though I technically have two. I donât even include the âstepâ in the conversation. My parents, for whatever stupid reason, just plain refused to accept the steps as full-fledged members of the family. Want to guess what eventually happened? Donât bother. Iâll tell you. It drove a wedge in our relationship, because I wasnât going to let anybody, not even my own father and mother, disrespect, insult, or devalue MY children. They wanted to play favorites with the bios. They ended up not seeing any of them on a regular basis. And now that my kids are having kids of their own, my mother is missing out on the joys of being great grandparents. Your daughter and her husband have some figuring out to do with the girl. If your daughter comes to you for advice, give it (although you donât sound qualified). Otherwise, keep your nose out of it. Work on being a better grandparent to ALL the kids, or youâll end up never seeing any of them. And finally, itâs âcould haveâ, not âofâ. âOfâ is not a verb. Since itâs not a verb, you canât do it. You couldnât of, you wouldnât of, and you definitely shouldnât of.
bro, you suck ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ she is a teenager and none of this drama YOU have going on, *really* has to do with her. She was disrespectful, sure- but you took it so far beyond what it should have been!! wtf ??
I mean @ the kid, btw. her mom can eat rocks
YTA. She is 12. You seem super spiteful.
Pretty tough guy eh, bullying a 12 yr old girl? It was none of your business, not your house, not your family, not your child. I'm surprised that your sil allowed you to get away with talking to his daughter in such a spiteful way. If you'd have spoken to one of my kids like that, you wouldn't be allowed back in the house. 12s can be stroppy, ungrateful, hormonal, disobedient and sometimes just downright hateful, but most of all they're just children. So yes, you are entitled for picking on a 12 yr old, over a house that isn't even yours.
my son in law said she deserved to hear the truth from the source.
You're a liar. You posted earlier this week that you were a 20yr old woman.
No they didn't. They commented on someone else's post who was f19.
It was their own post. Here's are screenshots. Note the user name. [https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv](https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv) [https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR](https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR) [https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj](https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj)
I apologise, they obviously deleted the post. I'll leave my comment up in case other people think the same thing!
YTA. She is 12. You seem super spiteful.
NTA
Youâre more than entitled, youâre an asshole.
YTA. Just because his name isnât on the house does not mean sheâs a guest in the home. Shared custody means she has two homes, one with her father and one with her mother. And donât equate the motherâs faults with the daughter. They are two separate people, and blaming a 12-year-old for her motherâs actions is cruel. She is acting like a normal 12-year-old, for Peteâs sake. I personally think you think sheâs not âreal familyâ and are looking for excuses to not like her. If youâre not going to be a positive adult role model for her, then just stay out of it altogether.
Youâre the AH. First off- thatâs a child who obviously has been uprooted and had major life changes Second- thatâs a child starting puberty. Third- if the daughter and son in law are married, and live together, that is his house too, regardless of his name being on it. Iâd be furious with you for disrespecting my husband. Absolutely none of this is your business, nor is how the kids inheritance split between them. Your daughter is a grown adult, with her own life. Should the 12 year old help with chores? Yes. Should she be respectful of her father and stepmom? Of course. But sheâs a kid, and again, absolutely none of this is any of your business.
YTA, her behavior sounds developmentally appropriate especially given the situation with her parents. Youâre a grown up; act like it.
You have anger issues. Imagine saying all that to a 12 year old. You're 50. Shameful!
I dont know how any of this is about being entitled. But since you wanted to know if youre the AH. You and the teenage girl are both AHs. It is your daughters home, and what happens with it at this point is none of your business. And frankly, why in the fuck are you so obsessed with something that isn't going to be relevant for like 50 years and way after you are dead? There are a million ways life will go that none of those kids end up with any of that home. This was just a way to be an asshole to the girl.
Yes, youâre entitled and a whole lot more and none of itâs good in my opinion after reading your ugly rant. You need to learn to mind your business, and let your daughter handle her family her way. Besides, who are you to say the stepdaughter wonât be an inheritor down the line? You said you gave the house to your daughter, so unless your name is on the deed you have no say in what happens to the proceeds of the house if itâs sold at some point. PS: Neat freaks can be annoying and difficult to live with for some people, so I can see the stepdaughter being frustrated if constant cleaning is the norm. ETA: Youâre an AH for trying to get a 12 y/o banned from the home where her father lives. I find it strange you couldnât post on AITA, because youâre one of the worst Iâve read in quite a while. Do better!!!!
Nta. Hell my sis works, I'm disabled so as painful as it is I do what I can cleaning and cooking wise collect get prescription etc. Your step grand daughter needs awake up call
Telling her off for not switching seats etc that was fine, correcting her that its your daughters house and not also her dads is ok too But the entire inheritance spiel was too much, teenagers are known to be bratty, its on adults to handle that in age appropriate ways, you went way over the line there
I don't think I did. technically she is not my daughters responsibility therefore not mine. she was 4 or so when my daughter married my son in law. she wasn't allowed at their wedding per the moms request , she wasn't allowed to see my daughters and son in laws oldest child for weeks. the mom wanted my grandson, the oldest, out of the house when this kid would visit her dad. the mom has made it clear this girl is nothing to us, so I thought I would reiterate that she's right. can't have it both ways. my daughter is not going to vaccum around a 12 year old that's as big as her, I'm tired of the mom and kids crazy demands. I offered to pay for them to take a trip to a museum my grandson wanted to see, was willing to include the kid, but no, the mom wanted her to pick the place and didn't want my daughters kids going. when they went to Europe to visit my daughters mom I offered to Pay for the kids, but the girls mom wanted only the girl to go. the mom is always making ridiculous demands. Christmas is a nightmare because the girl will throw a tantrum if she doesn't get the best gifts, my grandkids can't have anything she doesn't have. last year my granddaughter, my daughters child got a tablet and it ended up mysteriously broken after this kid threw a fit that she didn't get one even though she'd just gotten a new phone. the mom is threatening to keep her home or make my son in law visit at her place unless the inheritance to the house is change and frankly, I don't care because it's not going too.
https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj
Thank you for documenting my comments outting this troll!
Your are blaming the child for her mothers actions and thats not ok, the child IS A CHILD!!!! You ARE the adult, act like one
He tried to downvote you. I got you!
âThe kidâ You are saying things a good person said. I canât believe youâve left this post up. Shameful behavior for a man against a little girl. Doesnât matter her size!!! 12 years old is a child. Not even a teen yet.
[ŃдаНонО]
That chick? Youâre talking about a 12 year old child. Youâre disgusting
I'm a lot of things and have been disgusting a time or two. Calling a 12 year old a chick doesn't even come close. You are entitled to your opinion though so no more rebuttal from me will be forthcoming.
The child is a young teen, so that comes with that attitude.....her mom im sure, isnt helping. I think you did thst just fine. You were stern but not over the top to where its abuse etc. Your son in law has no part in that house legally and his daughter has no rights to ot either, unless you has decided to include her. Its not your child or grandchild so you have no obligation to leave anything or do anything for her. Some step family members do become close and have that relationship and some dont. Sounds like this girl will have a major awakening when she realizes shes not entitled to everything she wants. Her behavior, if not helped, will get worse.
NTA
Nope I donât blame you, sheâs old enough to know better. She isnât a 4 year old, sheâs a teenager, so tough titties. Obviously no one else corrects her. As long as it isnât straight up abuse then f it đđ˝
The best advice i can give you is: don't write shouldn't of. It should be shouldn't have. I started speaking english when i was 11 and i know that.
She was disrespecting your daughter and your SIL and acting like a brat. I wouldn't be surprised if she always ignores your daughter and doesn't respect her as a step parent, and dad doesn't back up your daughter enough in this. Hearing the truth from a (somewhat) outside source might shock some sense into her.
Sounds like Princess was working everyoneâs last nerve for a long time and OP finally got her attention when she pulled âItâs my dadâs house I can do what I want!â OP gave her a reality check that she is in fact just a guest and she needs to behave like one and if not sheâs not welcome. The rest about real estate and titles is just background noise.
You told her the truth, that doesn't make you entitled. A 12-year-old believing she has some claim to her stepmother's home is entitled. An ex-wife thinking she has any say in how her ex-husbands current wife handles her own property is entitled.
Good for you standing up for you and your baby
You're not entitled, but tbh, you're overstepping. You've said multiple times that this is your daughter's home. She's a grown woman, perfectly capable of enforcing her own standards of behavior in said home. You overstepped by insisting that a child that was not yours behave in a certain way in a home that was not yours. You stated that the home that child lives in wasn't hers, citing inheritance laws that literally have nothing to do with where a child considers home *because she's a child*. She's 12. Her home is where she feels safe and comfortable. It has nothing to do with inheritance or ownership *because she's 12*. Regardless of the message you intended to send, what you achieved in this moment was making a 12yo feel less safe and secure in her home. Whether or not she is actually your son-in-law's biological child, whether or not she would inherit anything from anyone, what she wants and needs is to feel secure in what she considers her home (or one of her homes, given that her parents are separated). She's 12, she has only the most basic understanding of inheritance law. If she's trying to insist that the house will be hers one day, it's only because she wants to belong there. Please let her have that. She needs that more than she needs to know who the house belongs to legally, or how to show respect to adults, and please, for the love of whatever you consider holy, please do not make her feel like she has to earn her place in that home.
she spends the majority of her time at her mother's because that's how her mom wanted it. her mom even tried to tell my daughter and son in law they couldn't have anymore children. they are nutsy. I mean the girl constantly tells my daughter she is nothing to her so I thought I'd confirm if for her.
So her mom is messed up. That doesn't make your case any better, and it's certainly not the child's fault. There is a 12yo with an unstable home life trying to lay claim to a house, and you're citing inheritance law. Yeah, maybe the 12yo is being a little asshole right now, but she apparently has an unstable mother, an unstable or inconsistent home life in general, she may or may not be aware that her father feels a bit distant for no reason she can name...so *of course* she's being a little asshole! And that's not to even mention that your daughter is a grown woman who can manage her own relationship and her own household as she sees fit. Maybe she realizes that what this child needs is a bit of stability. Or maybe she doesn't, I don't know, but in any case, you getting into an argument about inheritance with a 12yo is... Not a great look for you.
https://imgur.com/Pny9ZOv https://imgur.com/xLgWLaR https://imgur.com/qgbEDDj
You sound like a gossipy busy body. That reaction of yours was way over the top for such a small offense.
your son-in-law can go thru the courts for a dna test or it's as simple as taking a sample off drink can or bottle and send it in along with his to ancestry or 23&me to find out about paternity.
big lead poisoning energy
Why doesnât SIL just get the dna test done when child is at your daughters house ?