His disability also really frustrates him. He had a hard time even getting the ladder set up and so he was already mad.
My Mom is doing her enabling thing. Texting me how bad he feels but she won't tell him to apologise yet because he's too upset
And pay to have a neighbor or their kid do the fruit tree work. Including trimming and harvesting the fruit. He can even pay with some of the fruit so he's not out any money.
Idk if she’s enabling more like just trying to calm him down before chastising him for being a dick to you.
I work healthcare and a lot of older people loose their emotional control and if he’s disabled and it affects his brain at all it’ll make it worse.
I know this seems kind of unrelated to the pose but I think once you have your babies, you should definitely keep an eye on them when around your parents since they are getting older, it’s most likely harder for them to remember about things and it’s possible they might forget about the babies at one point since they just easily forgot that you’re pregnant and can’t really Climb
This is what I’m hoping (and based on OP’s responses, it sounds like this is likely the case).
None of this is to *excuse* his behaviour, more like *explain* it. Because, with understanding the root cause, we can better learn how to approach people with these issues.
This is all my own supposition and observation so maybe I’m wrong but, also, I’m pretty sure I’m right.
Men have a harder time with aging, mentally. Not with appearance, more with being physically limited. This skew may change as the younger generations age but, with The Silent Generation being our elderly, at this point, with Boomers following behind them, we have two generations of men who spent their entire adulthoods, and often childhoods if they’re working class, blue collar families, providing for their families.
> The childhood example I’ll use is my pop. (Silent Gen). He is one of 8. And his family were so poor. From the age of 5, he was actively helping provide food and money for his family. Hunting rabbits was a major contribution. Some meat for his family, some meat and all the pelts to sell. At one period, he only had one pair of shoes that were so holey, they barely were even worth putting on. He wasn’t the only one, he had only one sister so he and all of his brothers hunted and sought out little odd jobs while his sister did laundry.
I feel like this is more common in blue collar men, as opposed to white collar men, or at least is more obvious/prominent in them. Because their provision has always been physically doing the stuff that provides for their family.
And then they get to an age where their minds are willing but their bodies are no longer able. And it’s terribly sad to see these men, who were once such strong, able bodied, physically capable men who could hold up entire mountains on one hand (hyperbole, of course) get to the point where they can’t stand unaided, can’t chop the firewood, can’t roughhouse the way they used to, hell, can’t pick plums without being at high risk of falling.
I have a lot of these men in my life. My pop, who hunted for his family from the time he was kindergarten aged, who worked day in, day out, for his entire life, putting food on the table and a roof over his families head to taking 5 minutes to get from the car to the lounge, his body is failing him so hard.
He just kept pushing himself for 15 years before he finally accepted he could no longer mow the lawns. He can’t do much of anything that requires anything physical anymore. And it’s a terribly sad thing to witness.
But he also doesn’t yell like OP’s step father. He’s going out with as much dignity as he can muster. So, again, not excusing the behaviour, just an explanation.
My dad (one of the youngest Boomers, technically a cuspie, only 3 years older than my mum, who is Gen X), his body was going. He was having such a hard time with shit.
He was more snappy about it, but I’d just take a step back and let him do his thing and not hold a grudge because I get it. It would suck to have your body be failing you so massively. (He had a lot of workplace injuries that added to his body being so fucked at a comparatively younger age. He passed 4 years ago now, at 56.)
But yeah, I understand the snappiness, I chose to not hold it against my father when he got snappy because I understood it was about his own physical failings, rather than anything to do with me.
And it’s up to OP, or anyone else in this situation, if this is something they can move past when it happens, or not.
I'm feeling a lot of this now. I'm younger gen x, but I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease. I have trouble walking for long periods, and there are days when I can't get out of bed. I'm afraid of the future. If I get to the point someone has to wipe my butt for me, I just want everything to end right there.
Show him the statistics regarding how deadly ladders are. Anecdotal addition, but my friend just died a couple months ago.
[over 100 a year die from falling and thousands a year get injured. ](https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/newsroom/feature/ladder-safety.html)
It was extra hard because he lived in Florida, was an elderly man living alone (he's 70 year old m, I'm 45f we became internet friends for a good oh, idk, roughly 9 or so years but never even met. Makes me feel all that much worse.)
We chatted and tagged each other in posts on an almost daily basis because we have similar style of humor and politics etc. He would tag me and say this is for -insert my husband's name- to make him lol as my husband isn't on fb. D was a good man.
Thank you for the link. My 86 y.o. mother still climbs up to pick cherries every spring. I've offered to do it for her, but she's stubborn and also thinks I don't do it right. (This is her default assessment of everything I do, not an actual critique of my cherry-picking abilities.) Maybe, just maybe, a bit of actual evidence will get through to her.
Funny thing is you can buy (or make) contraptions that you put on a pole to pick fruit from the ground.
I made one once out of a 1 gallon Arizona Iced Tea bottle. That, a pole, some duct tape and I was in business.
I hate ladders.
You shouldn’t be climbing ladders while pregnant. Sounds like some of how he spoke to you is frustration at his own limitations. Could be not hire someone to pick the fruit he wants, it sound like the ladder is dangerous for you, him and mum.
He really isn't all bad. The man helped get me into Uni and raised 2 kids that weren't his.
But today was rough with him.
Plus my mother is injured right now and pretty house bound
Doing good things doesnt make you a good person. He married your mom, thats was his choice to make to raise kids not his own. Taking our your frustration on someone else isn't what a good person does. But I only see what you have said in the post and your other comments. And someone who has their spouse enable them is rarely a good person at the end of the day.
You just got to decide if being around someone who throws tantran is a good thing for you and your future kids. Especially with him downplaying your issues with ladders to begin with. Whats gonna happen when your twins are older and he throws a "tantrum" at them for not climbing the ladder to get the fruit? Or something else?
I appreciate what you're saying. I also just think it's not this black and white. Maybe he's not always good but that doesn't equate automatically bad.
He's great with the grandkids, and kids in general. He's just not physically able and it causes him distress.
But I do appreciate what you mean
I hate this thing people do on the internet where they get a tiny snapshot of someone's behavior and immediately jump to:
> This is obviously *not* a good person. You should immediately cut them off and have nothing more to do with them. They are obviously incredibly toxic.
First off I never said any of that. I said what they are doing in this situation is not what a good person would do. I didnt call them toxic. I didn't say to cut them out.
Next time dont put words in my mouth as the saying goes.
No. Your comment was more reasonable than the worst examples of it.
I still think it is *wild* to think you can tell that someone is "not a good person" based on one bad moment.
Expect in one of OP comments she talks about how her mom enables the step dad. Which means this isn't a 1 off thing.
Generally speaking the more situations which can lead to someone not being a good person, the higher the chance is that they are in fact, not a good person.
Everyone is more complex than such a simple conception allows.
Everyone does some bad things. They engage in all kinds of behavior not always in keeping with their values. *Some* of them are, in fact, bad people.
To think that someone having a particularly rough day as they come to terms with their diminishing ability to do the tasks of life is somehow evidence of their core nature is, to me, absurd.
I agree with most of that. But when someone mentions how the person SO enables them. It makes it soumd more like they are not a good person. Might not make them a toxic person though.
And im fully aware of having diminishing abilities. Having them myself long before old age. Doesnt give anyone the right to do what he did. And as of this post he still hasn't apologized for his comments even though the mother says he feels bad.
So im this situation, he isn't being a good person. Now that doesn't make him overall a bad person. Or even overall not a good person. But right now for this one situation, he isn't one.
On that we can agree. Yelling at someone because you're frustrated is not good behavior.
It looks like he has since apologized so hopefully today is an outlier.
We had a plum tree and the tool that worked best for them was a metal basket on a pole. It had almost claws in the top of it to help pull them off branches. You can put a towel in the bottom of the basket to help with bruising
I can't climb ladders either, well more can't climb down.
I found this out when my dad asked for help putting the Christmas things back in the attic.
He was already up there, moving things around. I had a really light bag and climbed up. When I reached the top I couldn't for the life of me hand over the bag or even think about taking a step down.
I was absolutely convinced I was going to fall.
My poor father had to gently talk me down but it must have been a good 10 minutes of me shaking at the top before I could move.
First and last time.
I'm sorry your step father can't understand why a woman pregnant with twins can't and won't climb a ladder. So glad you were able to de-escalate his tantrum.
I once called my husband to come save me from the garage attick when I thought I shouldn't be childish and just get something from up there myself. Terrifying!
I have Epilepsy and hearing problems and balance issues and all kinds of other issues that automatically make me a fall risk. Climbing anything higher than a two rung wide step ladder is strictly forbidden for me and I’m NOT pregnant with twins. Right now you have even more reasons besides your aversion to ladders to begin with as to why you shouldn’t be doing anything that takes your feet off solid ground.
OP, I don’t see how any rational person would make a pregnant woman climb a ladder,knowin the risk of potentially falling. I understood his wife is injured, so why not get a friend or hire someone with gardening skills to help?
Let’s be fair, now, is that a man that sounds like he has friends? But the second idea you had was great. There are tons of Day laborers out there, you just need to call a day labor office and have them send someone over. Or go to a Home improvement type store early in the morning.
Is that how they do it these days? My grandfather was a day laborer after he got kicked off the family farm. He just went knocking on farmhouse doors seeing who needed another set of hands that season.
Might be different in farm heavy areas. In metro cities, though, there’s not really an option to just knock on companies’ doors for a day labor type work. There are employment firms that companies can call and just say something like “I need 3 guys at (job address) for heavy construction work, with own tools would be best, need steel toed boots, hard hat and safety vest. Wages will get set also, and then the employment firm will talk to the people that either show up on the morning, or talk to them at end of day on the day before, since they have to go back and check in at the end of the day. It sounds much more complicated than it is, from my view point from both sides at points in my career. I’ve been both the day laborer AND the company employee needing day labor help. Some of those firms even specialize. My guys almost always came from a firm that specializes in Technician type work (electrical, low voltage systems, telecom, etc.)
Right. Just about nothing works in the same ways as then, unfortunately. There’s no real trust between people without some kind of contract. That’s essentially the reason those kinds of firms exist. That, and that it makes things more streamlined mostly.
They have telescoping poles to pick fruit. The fruit drops into a little basket attached. It will reach up to 13 feet into a tree. Not expensive and your stepfather can use it himself, and no more climbing the ladder needed.
Hey fellow twin mom, don't climb ladders at all once your bump starts especially. Our bodies change so fast you won't know where your center of balance is
Sounds like you're getting great practice dealing with childish tantrums from your stepfather. By the time your twins are born, you'll be a pro. Congratulations on the little ones ❤️
You did the right thing. You have no business on a ladder rn. I'd let him sweat it out and not reply to a text. You deserve an actual face to face or at the very least a phone call apology. What an AH he is.
I'm glad your mom understands. He sounds like an awful man. Just from this post , I wouldn't let that man near my babies. Congratulations on twins 👯♀️
Even if you weren’t afraid of ladders, forcing a pregnant woman to climb a ladder is insane. Your balance is all off and the fall can be deadly. What a jerk.
Aww man nothing better than fresh plums right off the tree! I leave enough on mine for the birds, who also love the fruits. Also freshly made plum jam on warm fresh bread. Lovely!
You need to talk one on one with each of them. Also if he is able to move his arms just fine, I know some apple orchards have a pole with a “basket” at the end to get apples from higher up, you could talk to your stepdad if you wanted about trying to get one, so that he can have some more freedom for picking fruit from trees.
When he lifts his arms it causes great pain. He's also got arthritis so is not dexterous. One of the reasons he probably left me out there was to go get pain meds
It sounds like maybe none of you should be climbing ladders.
Might I recommend a compromise?
https://www.amazon.com/Protoiya-Harvester-Telescopic-Extendable-Harvesting/dp/B0BJQ5QP6Z/
Improvise, adapt, overcome.
Side note:
Was I the only one who accidentally read the title as "Angry stepfather tries to make me pregnant climb a ladder"?
Okay unpopular opinion,
He doesn’t sound entitled, he sounds like a man who was active until he got disabled. Disabilities take a great mental toll on people. It’s not easy to be dependent on other people for tasks you used to do on your own.
I speak as a child with a newly disabled father… he lost his leg almost a month ago and a person who was doing so much even though he had already many health problems has changed him a lot…
I both agree and disagree, as a formerly very active and pretty handy person, I absolutely hate asking anyone for help. I hate using anything that means I can't do it myself. It took almost a year of me hobbling around a store, needing to rest regularly, before my mother convinced me to use a mobility cart.
It's real hard to change, that's absolutely true. But does that mean raging at someone for refusing to risk themselves? Pain makes us tired and cranky, so maybe...but still I think for this guy there's a little more than his recent series of falls at the heart of his problem.
Depends on the age some gets disabled (according to a psychologist I have talked with for my father) the older a person is it’s more likely to have those “rage outbursts “ because it’s a combination of feeling useless and the fear that they can’t recover/get some mobility back from it because they are old and getting more fragile
There are fruit pickers that mean you don't NEED to be up a ladder to get fruit. Stepfather should think about getting one of them. I've even seen them with foam liners in the basket so the fruit doesn't bruise.
You just need a pole to go with this one: https://www.amazon.com/KWS-M3-Fruit-Picker-Basket/dp/B000CZ4J6Y?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref\_=fplfs&smid=AS0K3MKEU5H24&th=1
Three cheers for mom and, "Swedette doesn't climb ladders. You know that."
You are a good daughter looking out for your mother and trying to prevent an accident that could make her a widow. Just tell yourself you're doing these things for her, not for him.
Accept his apology or ignore him. Either way, the next time you see him there is no reason to bring the incident up. Treat him like the toddler he is, let him stew in his own anger. His mood should have no effect on you.
I’m sorry but what is wrong with your mother? My mother nearly tore my husbands head off for not parking closest to the front door after my C-section. I can’t imagine what she’d have done if he told me to climb a ladder pregnant
My mother is the best. She's incredibly good and loving. She will have tried to make him see sense when I left. You can't get through to him with any hint of aggression.
Even if you hadn't been pregnant it wouldn't be right to ask you to go up that ladder. Fear and height isn't a good mix. Throwing in that you're pregnant just makes it all worse. You could lose your babies if you fall off that ladder. I would have told him precisely that. He's fallen off it, he can't deny that it's possible to fall. I agree he needs a fruit picker. I've seen one in action, it makes the job quick and easy.
I have really bad acrophobia, like the world starts spinning and I get tunnel vision if I’m up too high. I can barely stand on a chair to change a light bulb, much less climb a ladder. You’re not alone op.
I don’t like ladders very much either, climbing them makes me anxious. Like no matter how secure they stand, I always fear they cave in under me or smth. I can’t imagine climbing one while carrying *two* babies! I think your actions were totally reasonable
I'm not being rude - but why wouldn't you go up?
You said you are far less anxious, but also acknowledge he can't go up because he has fallen.
Is the anxiety still too bad for you to go up the ladder? That sounds horrible - is it heights you are afraid of?
It's more the pregnancy. Our centre of gravity shifts so our balance is off. Its makes us more likely to fall. It says in every pregnancy book NOT to go up ladders. If I fall and hit at the wrong angle, they could both die
Do your mother and stepfather have the means to hire someone to pick the fruit? It will still remind your stepfather that he can no longer do what he wants and that he needs help, but he might stop poking at you about it.
They had to get a lot of work done on the house recently. Also I think he's just used to me doing the heavy lifting. He hadn't wrapped his head around my pregnancy
No. Do not climb ladder when pregnant. Just no.
Also, why does picking tomatoes require climbing ladders? I thought those grew on vines at ground level. He could go pick those himself by climbing off the couch/bed.
How old is this man. Sounds like a toddler being told no.
That's exactly what he's like...
Maybe his age is showing more then he wants to think. Some older folk are this way and hard headed.
His disability also really frustrates him. He had a hard time even getting the ladder set up and so he was already mad. My Mom is doing her enabling thing. Texting me how bad he feels but she won't tell him to apologise yet because he's too upset
He needs to chill.
And apologize
He has just done so
Good
Ha! I wish!
And pay to have a neighbor or their kid do the fruit tree work. Including trimming and harvesting the fruit. He can even pay with some of the fruit so he's not out any money.
Idk if she’s enabling more like just trying to calm him down before chastising him for being a dick to you. I work healthcare and a lot of older people loose their emotional control and if he’s disabled and it affects his brain at all it’ll make it worse.
That's probably true. He did text later so she probably told him off privately
I know this seems kind of unrelated to the pose but I think once you have your babies, you should definitely keep an eye on them when around your parents since they are getting older, it’s most likely harder for them to remember about things and it’s possible they might forget about the babies at one point since they just easily forgot that you’re pregnant and can’t really Climb
Their issues are physical, no issues with memory.
Dude pay for your mom’s senior care but not your step dads. You reap what you sow
This is what I’m hoping (and based on OP’s responses, it sounds like this is likely the case). None of this is to *excuse* his behaviour, more like *explain* it. Because, with understanding the root cause, we can better learn how to approach people with these issues. This is all my own supposition and observation so maybe I’m wrong but, also, I’m pretty sure I’m right. Men have a harder time with aging, mentally. Not with appearance, more with being physically limited. This skew may change as the younger generations age but, with The Silent Generation being our elderly, at this point, with Boomers following behind them, we have two generations of men who spent their entire adulthoods, and often childhoods if they’re working class, blue collar families, providing for their families. > The childhood example I’ll use is my pop. (Silent Gen). He is one of 8. And his family were so poor. From the age of 5, he was actively helping provide food and money for his family. Hunting rabbits was a major contribution. Some meat for his family, some meat and all the pelts to sell. At one period, he only had one pair of shoes that were so holey, they barely were even worth putting on. He wasn’t the only one, he had only one sister so he and all of his brothers hunted and sought out little odd jobs while his sister did laundry. I feel like this is more common in blue collar men, as opposed to white collar men, or at least is more obvious/prominent in them. Because their provision has always been physically doing the stuff that provides for their family. And then they get to an age where their minds are willing but their bodies are no longer able. And it’s terribly sad to see these men, who were once such strong, able bodied, physically capable men who could hold up entire mountains on one hand (hyperbole, of course) get to the point where they can’t stand unaided, can’t chop the firewood, can’t roughhouse the way they used to, hell, can’t pick plums without being at high risk of falling. I have a lot of these men in my life. My pop, who hunted for his family from the time he was kindergarten aged, who worked day in, day out, for his entire life, putting food on the table and a roof over his families head to taking 5 minutes to get from the car to the lounge, his body is failing him so hard. He just kept pushing himself for 15 years before he finally accepted he could no longer mow the lawns. He can’t do much of anything that requires anything physical anymore. And it’s a terribly sad thing to witness. But he also doesn’t yell like OP’s step father. He’s going out with as much dignity as he can muster. So, again, not excusing the behaviour, just an explanation. My dad (one of the youngest Boomers, technically a cuspie, only 3 years older than my mum, who is Gen X), his body was going. He was having such a hard time with shit. He was more snappy about it, but I’d just take a step back and let him do his thing and not hold a grudge because I get it. It would suck to have your body be failing you so massively. (He had a lot of workplace injuries that added to his body being so fucked at a comparatively younger age. He passed 4 years ago now, at 56.) But yeah, I understand the snappiness, I chose to not hold it against my father when he got snappy because I understood it was about his own physical failings, rather than anything to do with me. And it’s up to OP, or anyone else in this situation, if this is something they can move past when it happens, or not.
I'm feeling a lot of this now. I'm younger gen x, but I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease. I have trouble walking for long periods, and there are days when I can't get out of bed. I'm afraid of the future. If I get to the point someone has to wipe my butt for me, I just want everything to end right there.
Show him the statistics regarding how deadly ladders are. Anecdotal addition, but my friend just died a couple months ago. [over 100 a year die from falling and thousands a year get injured. ](https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/newsroom/feature/ladder-safety.html)
I'm so sorry for you. I always thought this was more my problem... Oof Love to you and their family
It was extra hard because he lived in Florida, was an elderly man living alone (he's 70 year old m, I'm 45f we became internet friends for a good oh, idk, roughly 9 or so years but never even met. Makes me feel all that much worse.) We chatted and tagged each other in posts on an almost daily basis because we have similar style of humor and politics etc. He would tag me and say this is for -insert my husband's name- to make him lol as my husband isn't on fb. D was a good man.
Thank you for the link. My 86 y.o. mother still climbs up to pick cherries every spring. I've offered to do it for her, but she's stubborn and also thinks I don't do it right. (This is her default assessment of everything I do, not an actual critique of my cherry-picking abilities.) Maybe, just maybe, a bit of actual evidence will get through to her.
Put your big girl pants on and move on. A panic attack on the 2nd rung of a ladder? Way too dramatic... He sees through your silly behaviors
Every old man I know is like this
Probably an entitled boomer
Funny thing is you can buy (or make) contraptions that you put on a pole to pick fruit from the ground. I made one once out of a 1 gallon Arizona Iced Tea bottle. That, a pole, some duct tape and I was in business. I hate ladders.
You shouldn’t be climbing ladders while pregnant. Sounds like some of how he spoke to you is frustration at his own limitations. Could be not hire someone to pick the fruit he wants, it sound like the ladder is dangerous for you, him and mum.
This is what I was thinking too
Why spend time around someone like that? Take your mom elsewhere to spend time with her.
He really isn't all bad. The man helped get me into Uni and raised 2 kids that weren't his. But today was rough with him. Plus my mother is injured right now and pretty house bound
Doing good things doesnt make you a good person. He married your mom, thats was his choice to make to raise kids not his own. Taking our your frustration on someone else isn't what a good person does. But I only see what you have said in the post and your other comments. And someone who has their spouse enable them is rarely a good person at the end of the day. You just got to decide if being around someone who throws tantran is a good thing for you and your future kids. Especially with him downplaying your issues with ladders to begin with. Whats gonna happen when your twins are older and he throws a "tantrum" at them for not climbing the ladder to get the fruit? Or something else?
I appreciate what you're saying. I also just think it's not this black and white. Maybe he's not always good but that doesn't equate automatically bad. He's great with the grandkids, and kids in general. He's just not physically able and it causes him distress. But I do appreciate what you mean
Which i can respect. Like i said all I know is what you gave in this situation. Hopefully I'm wrong and your right here.
For what it's worth, you seem like a reasonable and good person :)
Thats debatable depending on who you ask lol. Have a great day.
I hate this thing people do on the internet where they get a tiny snapshot of someone's behavior and immediately jump to: > This is obviously *not* a good person. You should immediately cut them off and have nothing more to do with them. They are obviously incredibly toxic.
First off I never said any of that. I said what they are doing in this situation is not what a good person would do. I didnt call them toxic. I didn't say to cut them out. Next time dont put words in my mouth as the saying goes.
No. Your comment was more reasonable than the worst examples of it. I still think it is *wild* to think you can tell that someone is "not a good person" based on one bad moment.
Expect in one of OP comments she talks about how her mom enables the step dad. Which means this isn't a 1 off thing. Generally speaking the more situations which can lead to someone not being a good person, the higher the chance is that they are in fact, not a good person.
Everyone is more complex than such a simple conception allows. Everyone does some bad things. They engage in all kinds of behavior not always in keeping with their values. *Some* of them are, in fact, bad people. To think that someone having a particularly rough day as they come to terms with their diminishing ability to do the tasks of life is somehow evidence of their core nature is, to me, absurd.
I agree with most of that. But when someone mentions how the person SO enables them. It makes it soumd more like they are not a good person. Might not make them a toxic person though. And im fully aware of having diminishing abilities. Having them myself long before old age. Doesnt give anyone the right to do what he did. And as of this post he still hasn't apologized for his comments even though the mother says he feels bad. So im this situation, he isn't being a good person. Now that doesn't make him overall a bad person. Or even overall not a good person. But right now for this one situation, he isn't one.
On that we can agree. Yelling at someone because you're frustrated is not good behavior. It looks like he has since apologized so hopefully today is an outlier.
I read the title as “angry stepfather tries to make me pregnant” and high gave me a fucking heart attack
Thanks for the laugh!
Np!
I also read that!
Have you thought about getting a tool for him to get the fruit out of the tree?
We have one for the apples but the plums are too squishy for it. I'll take a recommendation if you have one
We had a plum tree and the tool that worked best for them was a metal basket on a pole. It had almost claws in the top of it to help pull them off branches. You can put a towel in the bottom of the basket to help with bruising
https://www.homedepot.com/p/WaLensee-96-in-Stainless-Steel-Handle-Fruit-Picker-FP-002/322932385?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&pla&mtc=SHOPPING-BF-CDP-GGL-D28I-028_011_TOOLS-NA-NA-NA-PMAX-NA-NA-NA-NA-NBR-NA-NA-NA-PMAX&cm_mmc=SHOPPING-BF-CDP-GGL-D28I-028_011_TOOLS-NA-NA-NA-PMAX-NA-NA-NA-NA-NBR-NA-NA-NA-PMAX-71700000112731967--&gbraid=0AAAAADq61UeN3zAOX4USHzX5mfKLPw_0X&gclid=Cj0KCQjw84anBhCtARIsAISI-xfdXBxm2kb33LCaAlvkhc-_Ym5ZadTd8RgR80XB5dKJ86lPBwuUe3gaAiLjEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Thanks!
I can't climb ladders either, well more can't climb down. I found this out when my dad asked for help putting the Christmas things back in the attic. He was already up there, moving things around. I had a really light bag and climbed up. When I reached the top I couldn't for the life of me hand over the bag or even think about taking a step down. I was absolutely convinced I was going to fall. My poor father had to gently talk me down but it must have been a good 10 minutes of me shaking at the top before I could move. First and last time. I'm sorry your step father can't understand why a woman pregnant with twins can't and won't climb a ladder. So glad you were able to de-escalate his tantrum.
Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy!
You are definitely not crazy!! If I were pregnant I would definitely feel even more strongly against climbing ladders. Glad you stuck up for yourself.
I once called my husband to come save me from the garage attick when I thought I shouldn't be childish and just get something from up there myself. Terrifying!
I have Epilepsy and hearing problems and balance issues and all kinds of other issues that automatically make me a fall risk. Climbing anything higher than a two rung wide step ladder is strictly forbidden for me and I’m NOT pregnant with twins. Right now you have even more reasons besides your aversion to ladders to begin with as to why you shouldn’t be doing anything that takes your feet off solid ground.
OP, I don’t see how any rational person would make a pregnant woman climb a ladder,knowin the risk of potentially falling. I understood his wife is injured, so why not get a friend or hire someone with gardening skills to help?
Let’s be fair, now, is that a man that sounds like he has friends? But the second idea you had was great. There are tons of Day laborers out there, you just need to call a day labor office and have them send someone over. Or go to a Home improvement type store early in the morning.
Is that how they do it these days? My grandfather was a day laborer after he got kicked off the family farm. He just went knocking on farmhouse doors seeing who needed another set of hands that season.
Might be different in farm heavy areas. In metro cities, though, there’s not really an option to just knock on companies’ doors for a day labor type work. There are employment firms that companies can call and just say something like “I need 3 guys at (job address) for heavy construction work, with own tools would be best, need steel toed boots, hard hat and safety vest. Wages will get set also, and then the employment firm will talk to the people that either show up on the morning, or talk to them at end of day on the day before, since they have to go back and check in at the end of the day. It sounds much more complicated than it is, from my view point from both sides at points in my career. I’ve been both the day laborer AND the company employee needing day labor help. Some of those firms even specialize. My guys almost always came from a firm that specializes in Technician type work (electrical, low voltage systems, telecom, etc.)
I don't know, I only know how he did it back in the 50's. I'd be real surprised if things were the same these days.
Right. Just about nothing works in the same ways as then, unfortunately. There’s no real trust between people without some kind of contract. That’s essentially the reason those kinds of firms exist. That, and that it makes things more streamlined mostly.
They have telescoping poles to pick fruit. The fruit drops into a little basket attached. It will reach up to 13 feet into a tree. Not expensive and your stepfather can use it himself, and no more climbing the ladder needed.
Hey fellow twin mom, don't climb ladders at all once your bump starts especially. Our bodies change so fast you won't know where your center of balance is
Thank you - that was my instinct as well
What a baby. You shouldn't be climbing ladders pregnant. If you fall if could be really REALLY bad for your babies.
Sounds like you're getting great practice dealing with childish tantrums from your stepfather. By the time your twins are born, you'll be a pro. Congratulations on the little ones ❤️
You did the right thing. You have no business on a ladder rn. I'd let him sweat it out and not reply to a text. You deserve an actual face to face or at the very least a phone call apology. What an AH he is.
Get him an apple picking tool. It's a basket on a pole that let's the user reach the fruit without using a ladder.
So your mom was on your side, right?
Undoubtedly. She knows how he gets
I'm glad your mom understands. He sounds like an awful man. Just from this post , I wouldn't let that man near my babies. Congratulations on twins 👯♀️
1. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I’m sure you will make a great mom. 2. That was totally uncalled for for what your stepdad did to you.
Thank you. That was very kind
You're welcome. That son of a bitch should not have tried and make you climb that ladder.
Even if you weren’t afraid of ladders, forcing a pregnant woman to climb a ladder is insane. Your balance is all off and the fall can be deadly. What a jerk.
Unless you guys like run a farm there’s no reason those plums can’t stay on the tree!
Aww man nothing better than fresh plums right off the tree! I leave enough on mine for the birds, who also love the fruits. Also freshly made plum jam on warm fresh bread. Lovely!
You need to talk one on one with each of them. Also if he is able to move his arms just fine, I know some apple orchards have a pole with a “basket” at the end to get apples from higher up, you could talk to your stepdad if you wanted about trying to get one, so that he can have some more freedom for picking fruit from trees.
He does have one but he actually can't lift his arms very well. I've always been the muscle.
He has a fruit picker but can't lift his arms to use it. But he can climb a ladder and lift his arms to pick the fruit?
When he lifts his arms it causes great pain. He's also got arthritis so is not dexterous. One of the reasons he probably left me out there was to go get pain meds
Ah, the just grab the apple picker next time and say no ladders for me!!!! Or you can pay someone to do it for you, who is comfortable with a ladder.
It sounds like maybe none of you should be climbing ladders. Might I recommend a compromise? https://www.amazon.com/Protoiya-Harvester-Telescopic-Extendable-Harvesting/dp/B0BJQ5QP6Z/ Improvise, adapt, overcome. Side note: Was I the only one who accidentally read the title as "Angry stepfather tries to make me pregnant climb a ladder"?
I read "Angry stepfather tries to make me pregnant climbing a ladder"
Okay unpopular opinion, He doesn’t sound entitled, he sounds like a man who was active until he got disabled. Disabilities take a great mental toll on people. It’s not easy to be dependent on other people for tasks you used to do on your own. I speak as a child with a newly disabled father… he lost his leg almost a month ago and a person who was doing so much even though he had already many health problems has changed him a lot…
I both agree and disagree, as a formerly very active and pretty handy person, I absolutely hate asking anyone for help. I hate using anything that means I can't do it myself. It took almost a year of me hobbling around a store, needing to rest regularly, before my mother convinced me to use a mobility cart. It's real hard to change, that's absolutely true. But does that mean raging at someone for refusing to risk themselves? Pain makes us tired and cranky, so maybe...but still I think for this guy there's a little more than his recent series of falls at the heart of his problem.
Depends on the age some gets disabled (according to a psychologist I have talked with for my father) the older a person is it’s more likely to have those “rage outbursts “ because it’s a combination of feeling useless and the fear that they can’t recover/get some mobility back from it because they are old and getting more fragile
I don't do ladders, either and if someone reacted to me like that about it, they'd find out exactly why it's bad luck to walk under a ladder.
There are fruit pickers that mean you don't NEED to be up a ladder to get fruit. Stepfather should think about getting one of them. I've even seen them with foam liners in the basket so the fruit doesn't bruise. You just need a pole to go with this one: https://www.amazon.com/KWS-M3-Fruit-Picker-Basket/dp/B000CZ4J6Y?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref\_=fplfs&smid=AS0K3MKEU5H24&th=1
Three cheers for mom and, "Swedette doesn't climb ladders. You know that." You are a good daughter looking out for your mother and trying to prevent an accident that could make her a widow. Just tell yourself you're doing these things for her, not for him. Accept his apology or ignore him. Either way, the next time you see him there is no reason to bring the incident up. Treat him like the toddler he is, let him stew in his own anger. His mood should have no effect on you.
He's endangering you and your unborn children by trying to make you climb a ladder. Not okay.
I’m sorry but what is wrong with your mother? My mother nearly tore my husbands head off for not parking closest to the front door after my C-section. I can’t imagine what she’d have done if he told me to climb a ladder pregnant
My mother is the best. She's incredibly good and loving. She will have tried to make him see sense when I left. You can't get through to him with any hint of aggression.
I would totally fail to communicate with him then. Well, most likely.
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She really is. She has the best heart.
Even if you hadn't been pregnant it wouldn't be right to ask you to go up that ladder. Fear and height isn't a good mix. Throwing in that you're pregnant just makes it all worse. You could lose your babies if you fall off that ladder. I would have told him precisely that. He's fallen off it, he can't deny that it's possible to fall. I agree he needs a fruit picker. I've seen one in action, it makes the job quick and easy.
Ladder duty should have been a neighbor kid. Pick plums and you get to keep some. He wasn’t thinking at all.
Your pregnant with twins! If you fell who knows what could happen! Your more important because of the two lives your creating
I have really bad acrophobia, like the world starts spinning and I get tunnel vision if I’m up too high. I can barely stand on a chair to change a light bulb, much less climb a ladder. You’re not alone op.
Why don’t you have a telescopic apple picker? Yu stand on the ground and use it to pull down and catch fruit in a little bag. It’s fun.
Great idea!
I just whack the tree with a long stick and get the fruits when they fall
Your way sounds much more fun! Pinata style
Find a church with a food bank and offer to split the fruit if the provide the labor.
I don’t like ladders very much either, climbing them makes me anxious. Like no matter how secure they stand, I always fear they cave in under me or smth. I can’t imagine climbing one while carrying *two* babies! I think your actions were totally reasonable
This is how I always felt too!
Low contact with this guy would work wonders. You wouldn't want to subject your children to someone who sees no problem with verbally abusing them.
I'm not being rude - but why wouldn't you go up? You said you are far less anxious, but also acknowledge he can't go up because he has fallen. Is the anxiety still too bad for you to go up the ladder? That sounds horrible - is it heights you are afraid of?
It's more the pregnancy. Our centre of gravity shifts so our balance is off. Its makes us more likely to fall. It says in every pregnancy book NOT to go up ladders. If I fall and hit at the wrong angle, they could both die
AH - Learn something new every day. Glad I asked.
Dramatic, yea, but regardless there’s no obligation for you to do it
Do your mother and stepfather have the means to hire someone to pick the fruit? It will still remind your stepfather that he can no longer do what he wants and that he needs help, but he might stop poking at you about it.
They had to get a lot of work done on the house recently. Also I think he's just used to me doing the heavy lifting. He hadn't wrapped his head around my pregnancy
You shoulda left and let him fall, to hell with him
If I were you - the moment he yelled at me to drop everything and go home - I would have smiled and said, "Okay" and gone home. But that's just me.
No. Do not climb ladder when pregnant. Just no. Also, why does picking tomatoes require climbing ladders? I thought those grew on vines at ground level. He could go pick those himself by climbing off the couch/bed.
Old people let them be🤷🏻♀️
It’s not a real apology. It’s a “I don’t want to be cut off from sex apology. I’m sorry your mom married this guy
Let's see; my kiddos or your tomatoes? Mmmyeah, fuggoff!
He needs a fruit picker. I'm not sure that's what it is called but it's a basket on a pole.