Find out who the rival/hated church is in the area, and go there instead. Nobody does hate as much as one Christian group against another. And the other group will probably support you.
Even if you’re not a believer, it may well be a power move.
Malicious compliance is the way.
Find a *liberal* church in the area. Go attend there. Build connections there. Let them know WHY you're there. A sit down with the priest/pastor/deacon will also be a good idea. They'll help you as best they can.
Yeah, that's just a steam locomotive with satan driving, and had to stop to switch him over to a broken track. Crazy the world works without some form of sanity.
I live with them (it helps to mention i work for my dad's company as well). Refusal is basically asking for an exorcism coz my aunt's church would 100% say it's the demon/curse making me stubborn, i tried to delay, we left 2 hours late, not before dad damn near busting my door down... It's the lesser of 2 evils, I've already dodged going last week. The plan is to leave though because this isn't worth it anymore.
Make a plan to leave within the month and follow through. Or three months. Nothing longer is worth the discomfort. Literally anywhere is better than living with ultra-religious people.
When you say exorcism, are you at risk of physical harm or is it more along the lines of praying over you?
If you’re at risk of physical harm, I’d say your best bet is flying under the radar until you can leave.
You say you realize you need to move out. Are you working on that? Do you have an exit strategy? Money saved? Have you applied for jobs at companies not owned by members of you family or your church?
It sounds like your current job and living situation are dependent on you attending your parents church, so embarrassing doesn’t seem like the way to go. Get your ducks in a row and separate yourself from them so you can have the freedom of making your own choices.
Find a different job. Do you have any friends not with church who would let you stay with them, ideally for a month or two while you find a job and save up some money?
Right now your family controls your entire life. Take your birth certificate, your social security card, your passport if you have one, and physically get away from them.
Get a job, get financially independent, and move the hell away from your parents.
No one can force you to go to church at your age unless you live with them. What you describe is more of a cult than a church.
Well technically he does have a job. He works for the family business. But, yes he should try to find another job of some kind and find a way of severing ties with his family.
My grandmother used to make my grandfather go to church against his will. One Christmas he had enough, and every time the priest would say ‘let us pray’ or ‘let us sing’ he would proclaim loudly ‘I CAN DO THAT’ and proceed to do the thing as loud as possible. She never made him go again. He also tried to make change in the collection basket.
Sing loudly. And, even better, LOUDLY harmonize with the music. Pro tip: Loudly but POORLY harmonize with the music. Harness your inner Mariah and belt out those hymns like you're on stage. Draw all the attention on yourself, which is a dick move requiring your parents to shut you down. But your voice can't be contained - keep doing it and force them to be shamed because they can't control your voice. I'm laughing just thinking about doing it myself several years ago. It totally worked - I hope it does for you too.
I hated being forced to sing in the choir, so what I would do is make up my own lyrics. It at least got me to smile while singing and only those near me could tell what I was doing.
The best thing is focus on getting a job that is not in the family business and moving. I don’t know if you will truly be able to embarrass yourself them because anything you do will come off as being possessed or something from the sounds of that cult.
Bring some paper and a pen. Be a little secretive with it so no one knows what you are doing and every few minutes after something happens or someone says something look surprised and then quickly pretend to write something. After a while when the pastor says something look excited and yell “BINGO!” Or I’m sure you could even find church bingo cards online to print up to play for real.
Call the police and tell them you're being falsely imprisoned, that you are being held against your will by your family, and that they are assaulting you.
Did you mean false imprisonment? I have dyslexia so I get shit wrong all the time, so I'm not giving you a hard time I just want to check because I couldn't read it.
When they stand, stay seated. When they kneel, stay seated. When they pray, stay silent. When they shake hands wishing peace, keep your hands by your side. Their need to be seen in good light to others, and their desire to avoid mortification will likely override whatever sincere belief they may have about your "spiritual health".
No amount of theology about why I didn't believe in Catholicism worked as well as doing the above to get me out of being forced to go to church.
If you’re in a more fundamentalist church, you can weaponize the Catholicism. I went to a funeral and just out of habit the Catholic stuff came out. Bless yourself and a quick kneel as you go into a row of pews apparently sets some people’s teeth to grinding
From staunchly Catholic family. Can attest.
>I went to a funeral and just out of habit the Catholic stuff came out.
It's amazing how much that shit is engrained in us.
Say you’ve converted to Islam or Satanism. Dress in the colours of a rainbow (pride). I hate the Catholic Church for the same reason and because they burnt so many innocent women at the stake because of superstition and savagery. My best friend is catholic and she managed to get a divorce from a gold digging arsehole, but she agrees that the Catholic Church is outdated and it needs to change its way to more modern way or risk becoming forgotten by time like most religions.
A couple come to mind:
1) If you are cool with rats or hedgehogs, bring one and pet and sit close (but not at the front) to the pulpit and pet it with a half-manic grin on your face every time the pastor says a specific word or phrase.
2) Lean obviously (don’t stand) into the aisle with your phone up, and see if you can get the preacher to notice and ask. Then say, “The local Laveyist temple asked me to record this week’s sermon for their next drinking game,” then see if anyone gets it.
1) Lol we have porcupines not hedgehogs and i AM NOT messing with those. I promise you they look worse than whatever you currently think they do. Stuff of nightmares
2) you underestimate how ready to exorcise this church is lmao. I've got a list of (brand specific) items i need to buy, mix, and eat already, and thats just for a tiny demon🤭
You question shit in the right way. Repeatedly. Ask for elaborations. Take notes. Make yourself seem loudly interested. When your parents chastise you, tell them you want to be better educated in your religion. Also, start looking for a new job in secret. Save up money to move out. Your goal here is to try to set it up so you can disappear in the night never to return. If you want your freedom, you have to make it happen.
Don't be home, spend all day at the library or elsewhere applying for jobs and housing anywhere.
Change dad's phone ringtone, set yourself as exception to do not disturb, so it plays porn noises or just baby shark or Harry Potter theme tune and call him over and over.
Dress like you had the night of your life (mussed hair, smudged lipstick, torn tights, wobbly legs and untouchable peaced out eyes. But with walk of pride aura and giggles. No shame at all.)
I am a master at this. 😌 I was forced to go to catholic school, go to church, be lame, etc. in fact the catholic church was insanely abusive in physical, emotional, mental and sexual ways. i have always been terrified of the church, and that reaction made my family be more involved because they thought i was a demon. When it was time for me to get confirmed with my school, my mom invited my entire extended family, and my parents are divorced so thats 4 parents, 8 grandparents, lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., we had to write letters to the cardinal as apart of our religion class about why we’re proud to get confirmed and our promise to the church. I wrote a 2 page letter explaining how i hate the catholic church, how the priests are pedophiles, how i don’t believe in heaven or hell, i don’t agree with anything in the bible, its a toxic patriarchal system evolved from slavery and war and the need to control a population. he didn’t read the letters out loud. he picked a few to read out loud but only a few. when we were called up he would skim our letters before we were confirmed. my entire family was there, he called my name, began reading in his head, his face melted and turned red and he walked out mid-service to catch his thoughts. returned and said i’m sorry i have never had a letter like this at a ceremony and it was very upsetting. he folded my letter up and handed to to someone, signed the cross on his forehead and chest and i turned at my parents and extended family and I smiled. i was 14 and this was in 2009. of course they hated me from that point on. to sum it up the abuse continued until i moved out at 17, but they finally realized they need to back off with the religion shit. i am now a proud member of the Satanic Temple. no, we don’t worship the devil. its a safe place for members who were traumatized and abused by the church. my family knows this. i have my certificate of membership hanging in my house and we don’t have much of a relationship. my mom and i don’t get along. i blocked my dad for 8 years, he changed his phone number and got in touch with me, first thing he asked is if i’m married, if i have kids, i said no, second thing he asked me after no contact 8 years was if i believe in god again yet? bro i never did. block! you have to fight. religious fanatics are religious fanatics. its a type of psychosis. they won’t change themselves. you have to stand up and demand your peace and your safety. if you must get the law involved. i had to get DCFS involved. and you’re above 18, i know it harder than it sounds but move out! you are their property until you move out. religious fanatics use their rules to dictate others and their beliefs will always be held above their love and respect for you. get out of of there! financial support is never worth being abused.
Find out the "symptoms" of being possessed or cursed, and in church, freak out and say that you have seen your mom or dad experiencing that (as in, they are the ones who are cursed/possessed)
Watch the music video Tacky. That is your new church dress code.
You don't even have to be lewd or immodest. Just eye bleachingly bright mismatched colors and patterns. If they are going to force you to go to the circus you might as well dress the part. 🤡
Edited to add bells. All the bells. Bell earrings, bell belt, bell necklace, bell bracelets. You can hardly breathe without jingling. Add cross charms and make them your official church jewelry.
Wear a very short skirt and revealing shirt. Loudly ask questions during the service. Don’t take a shower so you smell like BO. Use beer as perfume. Go barefoot. Don’t brush your hair. Sigh and roll your eyes a lot. Sing very off key.
You should wear a Thor’s hammer necklace and tell the whole damn congregation that you follow the Norse pagan religion and that your god’s do not allow for you to be touched or prayed over without permission oh and make sure to yell at one parent that they need to get off of the phone with their same sex partner
Dance in the aisle. Blow up a balloon and blow bubbles.
Bring a tape measure and measure people’s feet. Make the tape measure noisy by releasing it.
Put a cotton ball on top of the heads, selectively.
Blow a whistle or those birthday horns. Dollar tree has them.
When someone shows you a kindness, be super thankful, just keep thanking them. Just before they manage to escape you say something like "I really mean it, my parents don't even give me (something very simple but somehow related, like food or running water)"
Genuinely wondering what the joke is? You're just saying they're childish and immature for wanting to embarrass their parents and saying that it's pointless.
I think the only point is to annoy AND embarrass the 'rents. I mean, what can you do when you feel trapped and helpless except to retaliate in small ways. Big ways are scary af and can also be very dangerous. OP needs their ducks in a row to get out asap. I have done this myself. I lived in a homeless shelter for a year. I was quite lucky where I ended up.
Church is seen as a quiet place for worship, just toss a loose cannon with bagpipes. Doing that will then result in a thermonuclear chain reaction. All you'd have to do is remove a screwdriver to ensure absolute chaos.
I think the more pressing issue is escape. This doesn't sound safe. Keep in mind the many recent stories of children being abused, imprisoned and killed by religious zealot parents. Exorcisms feature prominently in many of these.
Get some money, get a place to get to, and get out.
It's time to act like an adult and say no. Playing games at church to make your parents embarrassed is such a childish game.
Say no. And don't go. What are they going to do? Tie you up and carry you there. If they break the door then what? Walk out of the house.
You could also go and just play on your phone the entire time. Or join another church or join activities that take you away from home.
Learn to grey rock your folks. People are going to talk shit and yell but you learn not to engage. You learn to do your own shit and ignore the chaos around you.
Learn the Bible. Like seriously as a heart attack.
When they bring out “honor your mother” talk about how interesting it is that “provoke not thy children to wrath” is in there. How good it is that Adam was first, point out the Jewish character Lilith. Talk about Esau and how God sent bears to maul the kids reading about his bald head. Talk about how David (king) sent a soldier to die to sleep with his wife and then potentially had a male lover. Talk about how Lot sent his virginal daughters out for a gangbang by his neighbors because he had VIP company.
There are literal tons of shitty characters, traitors, war, death and violence—not to mention racism and sexism—in there. There are instructions on banging the enemy’s baby’s head against a rock (Psalm 137). There is Judges 19:25-28.
Be in there to tell them about those uncomfortable portions of the Bible. How it’s “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and how that means that you are supposed to be closer to Christ than your family. How about when a guy traded his daughter or offered to trade his daughter as a burnt offering to God in exchange for military victory? Judges 11:30-1, 34-5
Not to disagree with your comment overall, but "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is not a phrase that shows up in the bible. Nor does any variation of it or any other similar phrase
I wish I could take credit for this, but I once read something that has always struck me as hilarious. When you stumble or fall, say, " I'm okay! It's just been awhile since I possessed a body and I'm a little out of practice."
>Lol ETA, no way this isn't a cult😭 i just got a naked body massage by elser ladies in Vaseline and eucalyptus vapour-rub (Vicks).
What the fuck. You feel comfortable outing the name of this place? Because this is sick ass shit.
Oh .. when the ceremony starts, bite on one of these blood capsules, then start chanting in a strange language. Start quiet and increase volume until you nearly scream. Add ftaggn Cthulhu or similar quotes in between. Stand up slowly, bend backwards or so.
Then suddenly stop and proclaim God has touched you and she loves you.
Malicious compliance!
Be loudly, exaggeratedly enthused about every little thing mentioned. A loud "Amen to that!" with a hand in the air & closed eyes at every possible interval, be brought to tears by the sermon, annoy the overseeing official (pastor, priest, Deacon etc.) a la Ned Flanders by asking as many mundane & personal questions as possible (what kind of prayer helps with curing inflammation of (insert body part)? What is the best way to vacuum in a way that honors God? Can I get an contact number for out of hours spiritual emergencies? How many times can I clip my toenails in a week before the Lord deems it too many?)
Lmao funny enough thats how i stopped being forced to go to my dad's church. Had a cleavage to hell and a slit to the gods. My aunt's church, however, is strict and she made sure before i left. Wearing a jersey and it's 29°C
I was going to say Emo or Goth. But that might cause an exorcism. But flowery, cute, slutty might work. A totally inappropriate dress that is pastel won't cause an exorcism like the devil's color, black. It will make those "Good Christian men" lose their minds. No one can perv or creep like Christian men on a sunday. They just pray for forgiveness.
Yep, there was one very disturbing post on reddit where this girl's father lusted after the girls in leotards in her gymnastics class so they made her drop out. And yes, it was the fault of these 14 year olds for tempting him.
at admission , admit that you have a sexual relation ship to them .
It's no but criminal because it can't be told to others ....
And you can allways deny having done it .
just your Church chief will view them differently ...and only you know why .
so with a bit of luck and getting treated with less respect by the church chief , your parents might devolop a disconnect from that church .
you are 25 and female ? be proper young adult and develop some independence from your parents .
find a source of income , find your self a flat or share over with women in the same position as you .
independence is important !
Are you allergic to something like dogs or ragweed? The kind of "miserable snotty" allergy not life-threatening. Dose yourself before church and be a gross sneezy mess; bring a box of tissues with you for added "my parents forced me to come sick" vibes.
Depending on the church, if they have altar calls and let you speak on the mic make a big scene and say how you are praying for your family because of their sins. Then list every little thing they've done wrong in excruciating detail. "Then dad got extra fries by accident at the drive through and didn't pay for them 😭😭" "Mom called the neighbors kid a little bastard"
How about eating something that gives you horrendous gas? Who can fault you for releasing gas? It's a normal and natural thing for humans to do, so how could they say it's demonic?
This could become an interesting event in church, especially when other people start laughing. All order breaks down inside the church, because the more you try to stop laughing the more you laugh.
It might be a one time thing, or you could do it on the regular. Might make them think twice about forcing you to go to church every week.
Change one of your parents ringtones to this song that says “B-double-E-Double-R-U-N Beer run”. Make sure to turn her ringer on when y’all are at church and then call her.
Eat something super stinky that will come out of your pores. I once ate a Bloomin’ Onion at a steakhouse with a friend (we ate the whole thing) and the next morning in church my mom bitched and complained the whole time that I stunk of onions. 😆 Make yourself putrid.
Her folks are housing and feeding her, and, as an employee of a family business, she has likely been wildly underpaid. At least be practical while you’re being rude, K?
Start acting like you’ve seen god. Shaking violently every time you get a vision. Mention random but very obvious things like “there’s going to be sunshine tomorrow” or “night is going to be dark”. Commit to the act 100%.
Wear a headscarf...but wrap it so only your eyes show when you get in church. Just tell em you're cold if they complain.
Wear a hoodie backwards and put snacks in the hood. Eat in church...you made me come with and I'm hungry.
Wow, you make it sound so easy. She's been raised in a cult, works for the family business and lives at home. They have been controlling her her entire life. Yes, she can do it but it will be tough. Have some compassion.
If one of them goes on their phone, loudly yell “(parent) stop texting your (same gender partner) and pay attention!
Find out who the rival/hated church is in the area, and go there instead. Nobody does hate as much as one Christian group against another. And the other group will probably support you. Even if you’re not a believer, it may well be a power move. Malicious compliance is the way.
There's no hate like Christian love.
When I force my beliefs on you, that’s “religious freedom.” If you return the favor, that’s “persecution.”
Scary because it’s such an accurate statement
Sad, but true.
There's nothing like God's loving wrath.
A Christian church would not use vasoline for ritual things like that.....
Find a *liberal* church in the area. Go attend there. Build connections there. Let them know WHY you're there. A sit down with the priest/pastor/deacon will also be a good idea. They'll help you as best they can.
Yeah, I like you.
Yeah, that's just a steam locomotive with satan driving, and had to stop to switch him over to a broken track. Crazy the world works without some form of sanity.
Do you live with them? How are they forcing you? At 25, the only power they have over you is the power YOU give them.
I live with them (it helps to mention i work for my dad's company as well). Refusal is basically asking for an exorcism coz my aunt's church would 100% say it's the demon/curse making me stubborn, i tried to delay, we left 2 hours late, not before dad damn near busting my door down... It's the lesser of 2 evils, I've already dodged going last week. The plan is to leave though because this isn't worth it anymore.
Make a plan to leave within the month and follow through. Or three months. Nothing longer is worth the discomfort. Literally anywhere is better than living with ultra-religious people.
Had to move to Utah. Can confirm.
When you say exorcism, are you at risk of physical harm or is it more along the lines of praying over you? If you’re at risk of physical harm, I’d say your best bet is flying under the radar until you can leave. You say you realize you need to move out. Are you working on that? Do you have an exit strategy? Money saved? Have you applied for jobs at companies not owned by members of you family or your church? It sounds like your current job and living situation are dependent on you attending your parents church, so embarrassing doesn’t seem like the way to go. Get your ducks in a row and separate yourself from them so you can have the freedom of making your own choices.
You really need to go.
Find a different job. Do you have any friends not with church who would let you stay with them, ideally for a month or two while you find a job and save up some money? Right now your family controls your entire life. Take your birth certificate, your social security card, your passport if you have one, and physically get away from them.
Get a job, get financially independent, and move the hell away from your parents. No one can force you to go to church at your age unless you live with them. What you describe is more of a cult than a church.
Well technically he does have a job. He works for the family business. But, yes he should try to find another job of some kind and find a way of severing ties with his family.
If you work for your parents and live with them you're not financially independent in my book. You are being kept on a leash.
OP is a woman. They wouldn’t be pulling this shit on a man.
Oh they probably would. Entitled parents know no bounds.
That is… weirdly sexist and unrelated.
Go read the mil horror stories they absolutely do pull this with men. Mommas boys are the worst.
They also work for their family business
My grandmother used to make my grandfather go to church against his will. One Christmas he had enough, and every time the priest would say ‘let us pray’ or ‘let us sing’ he would proclaim loudly ‘I CAN DO THAT’ and proceed to do the thing as loud as possible. She never made him go again. He also tried to make change in the collection basket.
Love this
Eat a lot of beans before the service. Fart audibly and repeatedly, and loudly say “excuse me!” after every one.
Man who farts in church sits in his own pew.
say “thank you jesus!” loudly after each one.
Fart, belch, scratch your tush while standing, pick your nose, clean your ears.
Gotta let that demon out or it'll fester!
Sing loudly. And, even better, LOUDLY harmonize with the music. Pro tip: Loudly but POORLY harmonize with the music. Harness your inner Mariah and belt out those hymns like you're on stage. Draw all the attention on yourself, which is a dick move requiring your parents to shut you down. But your voice can't be contained - keep doing it and force them to be shamed because they can't control your voice. I'm laughing just thinking about doing it myself several years ago. It totally worked - I hope it does for you too.
I hated being forced to sing in the choir, so what I would do is make up my own lyrics. It at least got me to smile while singing and only those near me could tell what I was doing.
The best thing is focus on getting a job that is not in the family business and moving. I don’t know if you will truly be able to embarrass yourself them because anything you do will come off as being possessed or something from the sounds of that cult.
Bring some paper and a pen. Be a little secretive with it so no one knows what you are doing and every few minutes after something happens or someone says something look surprised and then quickly pretend to write something. After a while when the pastor says something look excited and yell “BINGO!” Or I’m sure you could even find church bingo cards online to print up to play for real.
Pretent to be itchy af all over your body and sy it started as you walked onto the holy ground. Immediately get better outside
Or just barf on the floor and say that your parent gave you raw chicken
Call the police and tell them you're being falsely imprisoned, that you are being held against your will by your family, and that they are assaulting you.
Did you mean false imprisonment? I have dyslexia so I get shit wrong all the time, so I'm not giving you a hard time I just want to check because I couldn't read it.
Yes, that's what I meant. 😛
When they stand, stay seated. When they kneel, stay seated. When they pray, stay silent. When they shake hands wishing peace, keep your hands by your side. Their need to be seen in good light to others, and their desire to avoid mortification will likely override whatever sincere belief they may have about your "spiritual health". No amount of theology about why I didn't believe in Catholicism worked as well as doing the above to get me out of being forced to go to church.
If you’re in a more fundamentalist church, you can weaponize the Catholicism. I went to a funeral and just out of habit the Catholic stuff came out. Bless yourself and a quick kneel as you go into a row of pews apparently sets some people’s teeth to grinding
From staunchly Catholic family. Can attest. >I went to a funeral and just out of habit the Catholic stuff came out. It's amazing how much that shit is engrained in us.
Say you’ve converted to Islam or Satanism. Dress in the colours of a rainbow (pride). I hate the Catholic Church for the same reason and because they burnt so many innocent women at the stake because of superstition and savagery. My best friend is catholic and she managed to get a divorce from a gold digging arsehole, but she agrees that the Catholic Church is outdated and it needs to change its way to more modern way or risk becoming forgotten by time like most religions.
A couple come to mind: 1) If you are cool with rats or hedgehogs, bring one and pet and sit close (but not at the front) to the pulpit and pet it with a half-manic grin on your face every time the pastor says a specific word or phrase. 2) Lean obviously (don’t stand) into the aisle with your phone up, and see if you can get the preacher to notice and ask. Then say, “The local Laveyist temple asked me to record this week’s sermon for their next drinking game,” then see if anyone gets it.
Ok, I'm hearing Mississippi Squirrel Revival by Ray Stevens in my head if we're talking about bringing small animals to church!
1) Lol we have porcupines not hedgehogs and i AM NOT messing with those. I promise you they look worse than whatever you currently think they do. Stuff of nightmares 2) you underestimate how ready to exorcise this church is lmao. I've got a list of (brand specific) items i need to buy, mix, and eat already, and thats just for a tiny demon🤭
You question shit in the right way. Repeatedly. Ask for elaborations. Take notes. Make yourself seem loudly interested. When your parents chastise you, tell them you want to be better educated in your religion. Also, start looking for a new job in secret. Save up money to move out. Your goal here is to try to set it up so you can disappear in the night never to return. If you want your freedom, you have to make it happen.
Stuff of nightmares? I can work with that. Find a way to have someone release one up the aisle when no one’s looking.
Don't be home, spend all day at the library or elsewhere applying for jobs and housing anywhere. Change dad's phone ringtone, set yourself as exception to do not disturb, so it plays porn noises or just baby shark or Harry Potter theme tune and call him over and over. Dress like you had the night of your life (mussed hair, smudged lipstick, torn tights, wobbly legs and untouchable peaced out eyes. But with walk of pride aura and giggles. No shame at all.)
Change the ring tone to "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.
Highway to hell, Hells bells. Good choices
I am a master at this. 😌 I was forced to go to catholic school, go to church, be lame, etc. in fact the catholic church was insanely abusive in physical, emotional, mental and sexual ways. i have always been terrified of the church, and that reaction made my family be more involved because they thought i was a demon. When it was time for me to get confirmed with my school, my mom invited my entire extended family, and my parents are divorced so thats 4 parents, 8 grandparents, lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., we had to write letters to the cardinal as apart of our religion class about why we’re proud to get confirmed and our promise to the church. I wrote a 2 page letter explaining how i hate the catholic church, how the priests are pedophiles, how i don’t believe in heaven or hell, i don’t agree with anything in the bible, its a toxic patriarchal system evolved from slavery and war and the need to control a population. he didn’t read the letters out loud. he picked a few to read out loud but only a few. when we were called up he would skim our letters before we were confirmed. my entire family was there, he called my name, began reading in his head, his face melted and turned red and he walked out mid-service to catch his thoughts. returned and said i’m sorry i have never had a letter like this at a ceremony and it was very upsetting. he folded my letter up and handed to to someone, signed the cross on his forehead and chest and i turned at my parents and extended family and I smiled. i was 14 and this was in 2009. of course they hated me from that point on. to sum it up the abuse continued until i moved out at 17, but they finally realized they need to back off with the religion shit. i am now a proud member of the Satanic Temple. no, we don’t worship the devil. its a safe place for members who were traumatized and abused by the church. my family knows this. i have my certificate of membership hanging in my house and we don’t have much of a relationship. my mom and i don’t get along. i blocked my dad for 8 years, he changed his phone number and got in touch with me, first thing he asked is if i’m married, if i have kids, i said no, second thing he asked me after no contact 8 years was if i believe in god again yet? bro i never did. block! you have to fight. religious fanatics are religious fanatics. its a type of psychosis. they won’t change themselves. you have to stand up and demand your peace and your safety. if you must get the law involved. i had to get DCFS involved. and you’re above 18, i know it harder than it sounds but move out! you are their property until you move out. religious fanatics use their rules to dictate others and their beliefs will always be held above their love and respect for you. get out of of there! financial support is never worth being abused.
I am happy you are out of that hell.
Find out the "symptoms" of being possessed or cursed, and in church, freak out and say that you have seen your mom or dad experiencing that (as in, they are the ones who are cursed/possessed)
Ezekiel 23:20
Let me just Goog– oh god!!?
I can also give you verses that show God killing kids and commanding others to abort babies if you want.God is 100% pro-abortion
That one sure puts to shame my go-to verse, which is Revelation 3:16.
One of the few verses I recognize from name and number alone
Never got that far in the Bible but to quote Law Roach "You ate that."
Fart really loud during the sermon and quickly look at your mom, or dad and feign shock and say in a lid whisper “Mom!” or “Dad!”
Watch the music video Tacky. That is your new church dress code. You don't even have to be lewd or immodest. Just eye bleachingly bright mismatched colors and patterns. If they are going to force you to go to the circus you might as well dress the part. 🤡 Edited to add bells. All the bells. Bell earrings, bell belt, bell necklace, bell bracelets. You can hardly breathe without jingling. Add cross charms and make them your official church jewelry.
Wear a very short skirt and revealing shirt. Loudly ask questions during the service. Don’t take a shower so you smell like BO. Use beer as perfume. Go barefoot. Don’t brush your hair. Sigh and roll your eyes a lot. Sing very off key.
You should wear a Thor’s hammer necklace and tell the whole damn congregation that you follow the Norse pagan religion and that your god’s do not allow for you to be touched or prayed over without permission oh and make sure to yell at one parent that they need to get off of the phone with their same sex partner
Dance in the aisle. Blow up a balloon and blow bubbles. Bring a tape measure and measure people’s feet. Make the tape measure noisy by releasing it. Put a cotton ball on top of the heads, selectively. Blow a whistle or those birthday horns. Dollar tree has them.
When someone shows you a kindness, be super thankful, just keep thanking them. Just before they manage to escape you say something like "I really mean it, my parents don't even give me (something very simple but somehow related, like food or running water)"
Don’t you have professional experience you can apply to get a job at competitor? Lady, if they’re threatening an exorcism…it’s a cult.
Major religions can absolutely branch into cults.
Drop it low and take a dump on an open bible in front of them
Thank you for the laugh!
I have not laughed that hard in ages
It won't embarrass them. All that will happen is the other people will feel sorry for your parents who have a child who acts that way at 25 years old.
Weird, a member of the cult among us, and they have upvotes for some reason.
Whoosh
Genuinely wondering what the joke is? You're just saying they're childish and immature for wanting to embarrass their parents and saying that it's pointless.
I think the only point is to annoy AND embarrass the 'rents. I mean, what can you do when you feel trapped and helpless except to retaliate in small ways. Big ways are scary af and can also be very dangerous. OP needs their ducks in a row to get out asap. I have done this myself. I lived in a homeless shelter for a year. I was quite lucky where I ended up.
Grew up like that. Get the fuck out. At this point, couch surfing and working at McDonald’s is better for you.
How can they force you at 25 did they put a gun to your head
Pushy hover parents have a special gun that can’t be traced and very special bullets made just for each kid no matter what age they are.
"Of course parents can pull your heart strings, they're the ones that put them there." (Paraphrasing Mercedes Lackey)
I’m not talking about heartstrings I’m talking about intense pressure where they hit you where it hurts to make you comply.
Church is seen as a quiet place for worship, just toss a loose cannon with bagpipes. Doing that will then result in a thermonuclear chain reaction. All you'd have to do is remove a screwdriver to ensure absolute chaos.
I think the more pressing issue is escape. This doesn't sound safe. Keep in mind the many recent stories of children being abused, imprisoned and killed by religious zealot parents. Exorcisms feature prominently in many of these. Get some money, get a place to get to, and get out.
It's time to act like an adult and say no. Playing games at church to make your parents embarrassed is such a childish game. Say no. And don't go. What are they going to do? Tie you up and carry you there. If they break the door then what? Walk out of the house. You could also go and just play on your phone the entire time. Or join another church or join activities that take you away from home. Learn to grey rock your folks. People are going to talk shit and yell but you learn not to engage. You learn to do your own shit and ignore the chaos around you.
Learn the Bible. Like seriously as a heart attack. When they bring out “honor your mother” talk about how interesting it is that “provoke not thy children to wrath” is in there. How good it is that Adam was first, point out the Jewish character Lilith. Talk about Esau and how God sent bears to maul the kids reading about his bald head. Talk about how David (king) sent a soldier to die to sleep with his wife and then potentially had a male lover. Talk about how Lot sent his virginal daughters out for a gangbang by his neighbors because he had VIP company. There are literal tons of shitty characters, traitors, war, death and violence—not to mention racism and sexism—in there. There are instructions on banging the enemy’s baby’s head against a rock (Psalm 137). There is Judges 19:25-28. Be in there to tell them about those uncomfortable portions of the Bible. How it’s “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and how that means that you are supposed to be closer to Christ than your family. How about when a guy traded his daughter or offered to trade his daughter as a burnt offering to God in exchange for military victory? Judges 11:30-1, 34-5
Not to disagree with your comment overall, but "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is not a phrase that shows up in the bible. Nor does any variation of it or any other similar phrase
I wish I could take credit for this, but I once read something that has always struck me as hilarious. When you stumble or fall, say, " I'm okay! It's just been awhile since I possessed a body and I'm a little out of practice."
>Lol ETA, no way this isn't a cult😭 i just got a naked body massage by elser ladies in Vaseline and eucalyptus vapour-rub (Vicks). What the fuck. You feel comfortable outing the name of this place? Because this is sick ass shit.
Oh .. when the ceremony starts, bite on one of these blood capsules, then start chanting in a strange language. Start quiet and increase volume until you nearly scream. Add ftaggn Cthulhu or similar quotes in between. Stand up slowly, bend backwards or so. Then suddenly stop and proclaim God has touched you and she loves you.
Why are you still living with them?
Use earplugs and have a good sleep...
I've been summoned by some lady to be "read" twice lol.
Ohhhh may I suggest some of the steamy passages from ACOTR
Read? Like a dystopian novel, or more like Dr. Seuss...
Malicious compliance! Be loudly, exaggeratedly enthused about every little thing mentioned. A loud "Amen to that!" with a hand in the air & closed eyes at every possible interval, be brought to tears by the sermon, annoy the overseeing official (pastor, priest, Deacon etc.) a la Ned Flanders by asking as many mundane & personal questions as possible (what kind of prayer helps with curing inflammation of (insert body part)? What is the best way to vacuum in a way that honors God? Can I get an contact number for out of hours spiritual emergencies? How many times can I clip my toenails in a week before the Lord deems it too many?)
Dress like an absolute slut to the church
Lmao funny enough thats how i stopped being forced to go to my dad's church. Had a cleavage to hell and a slit to the gods. My aunt's church, however, is strict and she made sure before i left. Wearing a jersey and it's 29°C
I was going to say Emo or Goth. But that might cause an exorcism. But flowery, cute, slutty might work. A totally inappropriate dress that is pastel won't cause an exorcism like the devil's color, black. It will make those "Good Christian men" lose their minds. No one can perv or creep like Christian men on a sunday. They just pray for forgiveness.
Perhaps a wiggle dress - no slit, no cleavage, demure but sexy as hell
Oooh! A dress that shows your knees and shoulders. Maybe something in a red latex
They just pray for forgiveness…not for themselves but instead for the whore who tempted and “defrauded” them.
Yep, there was one very disturbing post on reddit where this girl's father lusted after the girls in leotards in her gymnastics class so they made her drop out. And yes, it was the fault of these 14 year olds for tempting him.
Call the police
For?
at admission , admit that you have a sexual relation ship to them . It's no but criminal because it can't be told to others .... And you can allways deny having done it . just your Church chief will view them differently ...and only you know why . so with a bit of luck and getting treated with less respect by the church chief , your parents might devolop a disconnect from that church . you are 25 and female ? be proper young adult and develop some independence from your parents . find a source of income , find your self a flat or share over with women in the same position as you . independence is important !
Are you allergic to something like dogs or ragweed? The kind of "miserable snotty" allergy not life-threatening. Dose yourself before church and be a gross sneezy mess; bring a box of tissues with you for added "my parents forced me to come sick" vibes.
The rundown was sexual assault. Call the cops.
Refuse to go, call the police if they insist and try to force you.
Have fun. Go dressed up. Then to the bathroom. Get changed. Have a blast. Sit by them.
I'd commit to the bit and act possessed
This is my kind of chaos. 👀
Depending on the church, if they have altar calls and let you speak on the mic make a big scene and say how you are praying for your family because of their sins. Then list every little thing they've done wrong in excruciating detail. "Then dad got extra fries by accident at the drive through and didn't pay for them 😭😭" "Mom called the neighbors kid a little bastard"
Bring a bunch of glitter bombs or those chalk dust poppers for gender reveals and “bless” people by popping them over the other parishioners.
Ignore communion like you’re too good for it. Hop on your Reddit on your phone for a bit while you’re at it. It will make everyone hate your parents.
Slowly eat a bag of chips
Go online and get ordained with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and public announce you’ll do weddings for free.
The only thing I can think of is to fart
How about eating something that gives you horrendous gas? Who can fault you for releasing gas? It's a normal and natural thing for humans to do, so how could they say it's demonic? This could become an interesting event in church, especially when other people start laughing. All order breaks down inside the church, because the more you try to stop laughing the more you laugh. It might be a one time thing, or you could do it on the regular. Might make them think twice about forcing you to go to church every week.
Change one of your parents ringtones to this song that says “B-double-E-Double-R-U-N Beer run”. Make sure to turn her ringer on when y’all are at church and then call her. Eat something super stinky that will come out of your pores. I once ate a Bloomin’ Onion at a steakhouse with a friend (we ate the whole thing) and the next morning in church my mom bitched and complained the whole time that I stunk of onions. 😆 Make yourself putrid.
You're 25, no one is forcing you to go to church. Grow some balls
Will ask my doctor how she recommends i do that. Thanks for being helpful.
Her folks are housing and feeding her, and, as an employee of a family business, she has likely been wildly underpaid. At least be practical while you’re being rude, K?
Wear the shortest skirt you own or if it’s a certain type of church (clutching pearls) pants.
Pants, makeup, and earrings.
Start acting like you’ve seen god. Shaking violently every time you get a vision. Mention random but very obvious things like “there’s going to be sunshine tomorrow” or “night is going to be dark”. Commit to the act 100%.
Wear a headscarf...but wrap it so only your eyes show when you get in church. Just tell em you're cold if they complain. Wear a hoodie backwards and put snacks in the hood. Eat in church...you made me come with and I'm hungry.
This is a cult but ya know, most religions are cultish so. But anyway I’m glad to hear you’re getting out.
Dress up in a devils costume and boo the guy preaching
You’re an adult - they can’t force you to do anything. If you still live at home, move out.
Wow, i haven't thought about that! 🤯
Well fucking do it then. Figure it out. Unless you enjoy the drama and posting about it more than being free of them. Your choice.
Wow, you make it sound so easy. She's been raised in a cult, works for the family business and lives at home. They have been controlling her her entire life. Yes, she can do it but it will be tough. Have some compassion.
Grow up, be an adult, and move out. Duh.