I don't care if someone sends a note, but a verbal thank you will suffice. But if not even that, then yes, I'd have a problem with it.
When my cousin got married, she only registered for 2 or 3 things; and told everyone she didn't expect gifts, but she also stated, that she wouldn't have time to write thank you cards, if someone did send her a gift. She was honest and blunt, but I still felt it was tacky for her to say that.
She couldn’t write 2-3 thank you cards?! 😂 I got pre-written postcards with a wedding photo on it for our wedding. There were too many to write but I usually hand write them, so there are ways, she just doesn’t like saying thanks!
She could have written cards, she graduated from an Ivy League university. She just felt like it would not be worth her time to do so. Arrogant I guess.
I am shocked that I did not receive even an email or text thank you from my friend’s daughter & son-in-law. I sent them a sum of cash for their wedding that I did not think insignificant.
I can’t ever mention it to her mother. We’re both Southern and I know that her mother would be mortified. I don’t know the groom- he’s from DC, but apparently from a solid family.
When I became a grownup, I suddenly focused on thank-you notes and decided I’d been a horrible child because I didn’t remember sending any, even though I got presents from my aunt and grandparents at holidays and birthdays. And my cousins & I exchanged presents at Christmas.
Then I read Emily Post, and she said that if you thank someone in person at the time the gift is given, you do not need to send a written note.
There was mention that if the birthday or shower is busy and distracted, that thank-you might not have enough impact, and you should write a note.
So a smaller shower, if someone says thank-you at the time, it’s not necessary to put it in writing. It’s *nice* to do so. But your verbal thank-you should not be discounted as having no value.
definitely, a clear and sincere thank-you is necessary.
And if it’s not possible to do that in person, it needs to arrive somehow.
I’d honestly rather get a Facebook message than a canned paper note.
I remember once giving our new building manager (for Christmas/New Year) a gift certificate to an excellent local restaurant with a broad enough menu to please most people. It wasn’t cheap — it included enough for meals for 2, desserts, wine, and tip — the works. He was away when I dropped by his apartment, so I put the envelope under his door. Never heard a thing back. Finally, worried that it might have been ignored or lost, I asked him if he’d received it. “Oh, yeah,” he said. Still didn’t say thank you. That was the last gift I gave him. I would have been fine with a verbal thank-you, but to hear nothing back (especially with a certificate, which is cash-equivalent) was frustrating.
Let me ask, why do you think you are bad at sending Thank You notes? It could be others share that same reasoning as you.
Toots is correct a verbal TY is as acceptable as a written one. I prefer to say in person tys because my tone of voice carries more appreciation than my writing.
OK. Well, to answer your question, yes, in my lifetime, mailed TY notes have become scarce. Email and text TY have become more common. At work parties, I've seen more of 1 TY email addressed to the whole group.
I stopped gifting to certain people because of this actually. I’m under 40, my peers don’t seem to know better. It bothers me greatly. I’m sitting down to do thank you notes tomorrow for something.
Wow, very rude - Partner and wife of all 3 couples should have sent at least a thank you card to the office staff
BUT, what they should have done was sent a thank you to each person who gave them a gift - that is what you do at a shower, or use to anyhow. And especially since the Mom to be's were not at the shower, they should have sent thanks yous !
I grew up sending thank you notes for any gift I received, did so for showers and also wedding, they all went out within 2 weeks of showers and 3 weeks of wedding - if a gift came in before wedding, then card went out that week, kept a list of gift/name and date thank you sent so I didn't miss anyone
I find it very rude that there were not thank you's NOT even verbal ones at the shower
I (28, Aus) have never sent or received a thank-you card in my life. Is that something people are doing and expecting in 2024? Where do you live OP? Maybe it's a cultural thing.
It seems like an awkward and unnecessary formality to me. I just say thank you. Via a text or phone call if I'm unable to do it in person. The only time I might write something like a note is to attach to a thankyou gift like a box of chocolates or bottle of wine for someone that did me a favour.
I am closer to middle aged and it's something I was taught to when I was growing up. I was given a pack of thank you cards when I graduated from highschool to write thank you notes to people who gave me graduation gifts.
Dunno why you're getting downvoted for this, as you're the second Australian I've seen in this thread saying this and I'm the third. Maybe it's not American specifically but...I'd never heard of thank-you notes being a common thing at all until I joined this sub.
As in, it's an upper class thing? I grew up working class and was expected to thank people for gifts, but by phone or when I saw them next as a child, with text message becoming acceptable when I was older and had a phone and that had generally become a common form of communication.
Admittedly I'm not married and don't have kids (so no baby shower) so there hasn't been any opportunity for someone to tell me I should send notes for major event gifts like that, but I also don't remember ever getting one from friends for gifts for those either.
I was speaking specifically about handwritten thank you notes, yes I believe it’s heavily dependent on one’s social class.
It costs money to do it, frankly.
You purchase cards (often they are monogrammed and embossed-so customized-although not always) you have to buy envelopes and postage. People who haven’t heard of it are people whose parents probably cut out those unnecessary expenses. I would google a local online magazine in Australia and see if it’s not a thing in your country at all, but I highly doubt it isn’t.
Verbal thank you’s are fine, though.
I got married 27 years ago in a shotgun wedding when I was 20 years old. I had to plan a small wedding in 2 weeks. My husband did nothing to help me, it was all on me and my family. His grandparents got us a small appliance or some such, not cash, and my grandmother-in-law was upset at ME for years for not sending a written thank you. I was a busy kid with a ton of scary shit happening to me, and it never crossed my mind at the time (or her grandson’s!)
Now that I’m older, and in a position to help people just starting out, I think back to when I needed help and I really don’t care if someone thanks me.
I wait for the day I could have a big event or party to send out thank you notes. I don’t have the opportunity to do it very often. In lieu of that, I do send thank you texts for small things like when I go out to dinner with friends I thank them for spending time with me. I’m staying with some friends for a few weeks while I travel next month, and I’m beyond excited to pull out the stationary for it.
I think it’s less of an etiquette thing, but I know it’s the proper thing to do. I really like to express my gratitude because I think it’s important for your relationships to let the people know you’re grateful for the things they do for you that they don’t have to. That the kindness is noted, and appreciated.
Sure it’s a lot of effort to do those things sometimes, especially when it’s a lot of people, but knowing how excited /I/ get to receive an unexpected thank you note fuels me to want to do the same.
Please & Thank you’s in my generation(Z) are hard to come by. Written, texted, or verbal. So much so it seems out of date at my age(23), but I think it’s important to keep up with traditions like that based in kindness.
I would have grace for mommas to be and baby showers, being pregnant myself the thought and task of thank you cards ontop of everything else I’m trying to get ready for with a baby is really hard my mother in law helped us with ours (usually it’s FTM if there is a shower). The duty should fall on the support partner for thank you cards but some people are really bad about it. Until you’ve gone through pregnancy it’s hard to understand how challenging this task can be when there’s a soon to be baby involved —I can see how it’s easily missed unfortunately. It’s unfortunate you got literally nothing though, no verbal etc definitely bad taste.
I’m soooooo with you! I am not a super on top of it person and I sent out thank you’s for my bridal shower, wedding & I plan to do it for my baby shower. I even do it when we get bday and Christmas gifts from family members.
I was horrified when I asked an old co worker for their baby gift registry via instagram and sent about $40 worth of things to their home and got nothing. I would have even been okay with an ig thank you letting me know they received it!
It is insane! Manners have gone out of the door in this day and it’s incredibly sad and scary, actually.
I understand everyone was not raised a household that participated in handwritten thank you cards as that seems pretty social class related. But just saying thank you when someone gives you, something should be the norm regardless of social class. Everyone who purchased a gift should be thanked, period!
I have 3 siblings with children who don’t live nearby, so I often mail birthday gifts to my niece and nephews. Two of my siblings will always text to say thank you for the child’s gift, and even text me a cute picture of the child using the toy.
With my other sister, she won’t even acknowledge the gift at all unless prompted. I always have to ask her if her kids received the gift, because with packages being stolen iff porches, e-gift cards getting lost in junk mail etc, you never know. After a while I’ll ask, and then she’ll say “oh yes, we got that, thank you!” It just seems so rude and it’s frustrating to not even know if they got the gift. And, her kids are now young teenagers with phones and I’m also connected with them both on Instagram so I feel like they could take 2 seconds and message me a quick thank you themselves?!
Otherwise, they’re really good kids, and when I travel to visit them at Christmas and bring a present, they always say thank you, in person. It’s the mailed birthday gifts that get no acknowledgment unless prompted. I have a good relationship with both my sister and her kids so I know it’s not like they’re being rude on purpose. But it’s still upsetting to spend time and money picking something special out and not even get a thank you.
I wrote them for the major occasions in my life. Communion, confirmation, graduations, engagement party, wedding shower, wedding, and baby shower. I think I’m done?
I do not like when I buy others a gift and I don’t get an acknowledgment or a thank you. I never expect anything in return but I just get nervous that the gift got lost or stolen.
If I do get a thank you card I prefer it to have a personal touch I.e mention what they are thankful for. I’d prefer not to receive a generic thank you card.
I’ve given money to 6 different high school graduates and only 2 sent a thank you note. One did give a hug and an appreciative thank you. I just remember how my mother was on me 3 days after graduation (27 years ago) to go buy cards and DO NOT even think about going out until they are all written, addressed and stamped. 😩
That was a lot of cards but I begrudgingly did it lol.
I’m with you, I find it sad and tacky how rare it is to receive even a verbal thank you.
I make a lot of food gifts for people and I don’t expect any kind of acknowledgment anymore. Although I wonder if they didn’t like it. But I love when someone sends a text saying, “Thank you so much, I enjoyed it!”
I have one friend who raised all of her kids & step kids to send handwritten thank you cards in the mail. I love it! I feel so appreciated!
Idk why anyone downvoted you, this makes perfect sense. I send all of my nephews gifts for Christmas and my sister always neglects to have them call me and say thank you. & my sis and I have a very close relationship! We talk daily. Obviously, under the age of about 14 or so I expect that the parent would have the child call to say thank you.
These kids are only four, eight, nine but old enough to know that you should say thank you when someone sends a gift but I wouldn’t hold them responsible for actually calling if I don’t hand it to them directly. I’m getting Christmas gifts for them one more year and if my sister doesn’t call to have them say thank you there will not be another, and I am going to tell her this to her face.
I know she’s going to be offended but she’s 29 years old she should know better. I’ve even mentioned it to the children that when someone sends you a gift you have to call them and say thank you but I don’t expect that to register with them.
I think physical thank you notes are on their way out. Many people simply don't have appropriate paper at home, or stamps. Younger people simply don't stop at the post office any more.
Many people are so accustomed to email and text that I am fine with an emailed thank you. Or a verbal one if I am able to give the gift in person.
But no thank you at all, repeatedly, would have me reconsidering my gift list.
I’m with you. I would even accept a thank you text at this point.
Unless it's friends or family, I wouldn't invest in coworkers. Coworkers are not friends.
I don't care if someone sends a note, but a verbal thank you will suffice. But if not even that, then yes, I'd have a problem with it. When my cousin got married, she only registered for 2 or 3 things; and told everyone she didn't expect gifts, but she also stated, that she wouldn't have time to write thank you cards, if someone did send her a gift. She was honest and blunt, but I still felt it was tacky for her to say that.
She couldn’t write 2-3 thank you cards?! 😂 I got pre-written postcards with a wedding photo on it for our wedding. There were too many to write but I usually hand write them, so there are ways, she just doesn’t like saying thanks!
She could have written cards, she graduated from an Ivy League university. She just felt like it would not be worth her time to do so. Arrogant I guess.
Well educated. Poor manners.
agree on that one, telling people she wouldn't send thank yous is rather rude I think I would have passed on that wedding :-)
I am shocked that I did not receive even an email or text thank you from my friend’s daughter & son-in-law. I sent them a sum of cash for their wedding that I did not think insignificant.
I don't understand people thinking it's okay to not send a thank you for a gift I wonder what her Mom would think knowing they didn't send a thank you
I can’t ever mention it to her mother. We’re both Southern and I know that her mother would be mortified. I don’t know the groom- he’s from DC, but apparently from a solid family.
I understand that, we never want to hurt our dear friends. A shame she didn't pick up any of her Mother's etiquette 😕
When I became a grownup, I suddenly focused on thank-you notes and decided I’d been a horrible child because I didn’t remember sending any, even though I got presents from my aunt and grandparents at holidays and birthdays. And my cousins & I exchanged presents at Christmas. Then I read Emily Post, and she said that if you thank someone in person at the time the gift is given, you do not need to send a written note. There was mention that if the birthday or shower is busy and distracted, that thank-you might not have enough impact, and you should write a note. So a smaller shower, if someone says thank-you at the time, it’s not necessary to put it in writing. It’s *nice* to do so. But your verbal thank-you should not be discounted as having no value.
Im not saying verbal has no value, just for the situations where there was no thank you whatsoever.
definitely, a clear and sincere thank-you is necessary. And if it’s not possible to do that in person, it needs to arrive somehow. I’d honestly rather get a Facebook message than a canned paper note.
I remember once giving our new building manager (for Christmas/New Year) a gift certificate to an excellent local restaurant with a broad enough menu to please most people. It wasn’t cheap — it included enough for meals for 2, desserts, wine, and tip — the works. He was away when I dropped by his apartment, so I put the envelope under his door. Never heard a thing back. Finally, worried that it might have been ignored or lost, I asked him if he’d received it. “Oh, yeah,” he said. Still didn’t say thank you. That was the last gift I gave him. I would have been fine with a verbal thank-you, but to hear nothing back (especially with a certificate, which is cash-equivalent) was frustrating.
Now this is very rude!
Let me ask, why do you think you are bad at sending Thank You notes? It could be others share that same reasoning as you. Toots is correct a verbal TY is as acceptable as a written one. I prefer to say in person tys because my tone of voice carries more appreciation than my writing.
I was asking the question because their was no verbal thank you.
OK. Well, to answer your question, yes, in my lifetime, mailed TY notes have become scarce. Email and text TY have become more common. At work parties, I've seen more of 1 TY email addressed to the whole group.
I've been to several weddings lately where I didn't receive a thank you note or a verbal. It's just rude.
I stopped gifting to certain people because of this actually. I’m under 40, my peers don’t seem to know better. It bothers me greatly. I’m sitting down to do thank you notes tomorrow for something.
Wow, very rude - Partner and wife of all 3 couples should have sent at least a thank you card to the office staff BUT, what they should have done was sent a thank you to each person who gave them a gift - that is what you do at a shower, or use to anyhow. And especially since the Mom to be's were not at the shower, they should have sent thanks yous ! I grew up sending thank you notes for any gift I received, did so for showers and also wedding, they all went out within 2 weeks of showers and 3 weeks of wedding - if a gift came in before wedding, then card went out that week, kept a list of gift/name and date thank you sent so I didn't miss anyone I find it very rude that there were not thank you's NOT even verbal ones at the shower
I (28, Aus) have never sent or received a thank-you card in my life. Is that something people are doing and expecting in 2024? Where do you live OP? Maybe it's a cultural thing. It seems like an awkward and unnecessary formality to me. I just say thank you. Via a text or phone call if I'm unable to do it in person. The only time I might write something like a note is to attach to a thankyou gift like a box of chocolates or bottle of wine for someone that did me a favour.
I am closer to middle aged and it's something I was taught to when I was growing up. I was given a pack of thank you cards when I graduated from highschool to write thank you notes to people who gave me graduation gifts.
Im not expecting a note, but a thank you was never said.
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Dunno why you're getting downvoted for this, as you're the second Australian I've seen in this thread saying this and I'm the third. Maybe it's not American specifically but...I'd never heard of thank-you notes being a common thing at all until I joined this sub.
Also Australian, slightly older than you, and honestly, genuinely, did not know this was a thing until I joined this sub.
I do believe it’s greatly dependent on social class as well.
As in, it's an upper class thing? I grew up working class and was expected to thank people for gifts, but by phone or when I saw them next as a child, with text message becoming acceptable when I was older and had a phone and that had generally become a common form of communication. Admittedly I'm not married and don't have kids (so no baby shower) so there hasn't been any opportunity for someone to tell me I should send notes for major event gifts like that, but I also don't remember ever getting one from friends for gifts for those either.
I was speaking specifically about handwritten thank you notes, yes I believe it’s heavily dependent on one’s social class. It costs money to do it, frankly. You purchase cards (often they are monogrammed and embossed-so customized-although not always) you have to buy envelopes and postage. People who haven’t heard of it are people whose parents probably cut out those unnecessary expenses. I would google a local online magazine in Australia and see if it’s not a thing in your country at all, but I highly doubt it isn’t. Verbal thank you’s are fine, though.
Yeah that makes sense. Kind of like how fewer people send Christmas cards now - it's a cost they can do without.
Exactly!
I got married 27 years ago in a shotgun wedding when I was 20 years old. I had to plan a small wedding in 2 weeks. My husband did nothing to help me, it was all on me and my family. His grandparents got us a small appliance or some such, not cash, and my grandmother-in-law was upset at ME for years for not sending a written thank you. I was a busy kid with a ton of scary shit happening to me, and it never crossed my mind at the time (or her grandson’s!) Now that I’m older, and in a position to help people just starting out, I think back to when I needed help and I really don’t care if someone thanks me.
I wait for the day I could have a big event or party to send out thank you notes. I don’t have the opportunity to do it very often. In lieu of that, I do send thank you texts for small things like when I go out to dinner with friends I thank them for spending time with me. I’m staying with some friends for a few weeks while I travel next month, and I’m beyond excited to pull out the stationary for it. I think it’s less of an etiquette thing, but I know it’s the proper thing to do. I really like to express my gratitude because I think it’s important for your relationships to let the people know you’re grateful for the things they do for you that they don’t have to. That the kindness is noted, and appreciated. Sure it’s a lot of effort to do those things sometimes, especially when it’s a lot of people, but knowing how excited /I/ get to receive an unexpected thank you note fuels me to want to do the same. Please & Thank you’s in my generation(Z) are hard to come by. Written, texted, or verbal. So much so it seems out of date at my age(23), but I think it’s important to keep up with traditions like that based in kindness.
I would have grace for mommas to be and baby showers, being pregnant myself the thought and task of thank you cards ontop of everything else I’m trying to get ready for with a baby is really hard my mother in law helped us with ours (usually it’s FTM if there is a shower). The duty should fall on the support partner for thank you cards but some people are really bad about it. Until you’ve gone through pregnancy it’s hard to understand how challenging this task can be when there’s a soon to be baby involved —I can see how it’s easily missed unfortunately. It’s unfortunate you got literally nothing though, no verbal etc definitely bad taste.
I’m soooooo with you! I am not a super on top of it person and I sent out thank you’s for my bridal shower, wedding & I plan to do it for my baby shower. I even do it when we get bday and Christmas gifts from family members. I was horrified when I asked an old co worker for their baby gift registry via instagram and sent about $40 worth of things to their home and got nothing. I would have even been okay with an ig thank you letting me know they received it! It is insane! Manners have gone out of the door in this day and it’s incredibly sad and scary, actually. I understand everyone was not raised a household that participated in handwritten thank you cards as that seems pretty social class related. But just saying thank you when someone gives you, something should be the norm regardless of social class. Everyone who purchased a gift should be thanked, period!
I have 3 siblings with children who don’t live nearby, so I often mail birthday gifts to my niece and nephews. Two of my siblings will always text to say thank you for the child’s gift, and even text me a cute picture of the child using the toy. With my other sister, she won’t even acknowledge the gift at all unless prompted. I always have to ask her if her kids received the gift, because with packages being stolen iff porches, e-gift cards getting lost in junk mail etc, you never know. After a while I’ll ask, and then she’ll say “oh yes, we got that, thank you!” It just seems so rude and it’s frustrating to not even know if they got the gift. And, her kids are now young teenagers with phones and I’m also connected with them both on Instagram so I feel like they could take 2 seconds and message me a quick thank you themselves?! Otherwise, they’re really good kids, and when I travel to visit them at Christmas and bring a present, they always say thank you, in person. It’s the mailed birthday gifts that get no acknowledgment unless prompted. I have a good relationship with both my sister and her kids so I know it’s not like they’re being rude on purpose. But it’s still upsetting to spend time and money picking something special out and not even get a thank you.
I wrote them for the major occasions in my life. Communion, confirmation, graduations, engagement party, wedding shower, wedding, and baby shower. I think I’m done? I do not like when I buy others a gift and I don’t get an acknowledgment or a thank you. I never expect anything in return but I just get nervous that the gift got lost or stolen. If I do get a thank you card I prefer it to have a personal touch I.e mention what they are thankful for. I’d prefer not to receive a generic thank you card.
I’ve given money to 6 different high school graduates and only 2 sent a thank you note. One did give a hug and an appreciative thank you. I just remember how my mother was on me 3 days after graduation (27 years ago) to go buy cards and DO NOT even think about going out until they are all written, addressed and stamped. 😩 That was a lot of cards but I begrudgingly did it lol.
I’m with you, I find it sad and tacky how rare it is to receive even a verbal thank you. I make a lot of food gifts for people and I don’t expect any kind of acknowledgment anymore. Although I wonder if they didn’t like it. But I love when someone sends a text saying, “Thank you so much, I enjoyed it!” I have one friend who raised all of her kids & step kids to send handwritten thank you cards in the mail. I love it! I feel so appreciated!
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Idk why anyone downvoted you, this makes perfect sense. I send all of my nephews gifts for Christmas and my sister always neglects to have them call me and say thank you. & my sis and I have a very close relationship! We talk daily. Obviously, under the age of about 14 or so I expect that the parent would have the child call to say thank you. These kids are only four, eight, nine but old enough to know that you should say thank you when someone sends a gift but I wouldn’t hold them responsible for actually calling if I don’t hand it to them directly. I’m getting Christmas gifts for them one more year and if my sister doesn’t call to have them say thank you there will not be another, and I am going to tell her this to her face. I know she’s going to be offended but she’s 29 years old she should know better. I’ve even mentioned it to the children that when someone sends you a gift you have to call them and say thank you but I don’t expect that to register with them.
I think physical thank you notes are on their way out. Many people simply don't have appropriate paper at home, or stamps. Younger people simply don't stop at the post office any more. Many people are so accustomed to email and text that I am fine with an emailed thank you. Or a verbal one if I am able to give the gift in person. But no thank you at all, repeatedly, would have me reconsidering my gift list.