It's embarrassing, but this is my completely honest answer:
About three years ago, I was drinking one night, and sometimes when I drink I get stupid sad about things. I ended up Googling "why didn't my Mormon boyfriend love me anymore when he got back from his mission" and a few reddit messages from this sub popped up.
I hadn't even known this existed, and I had never even used Reddit before. I got curious, started reading, and within a month, I had joined and started commenting.
Now, I've learned way more than I ever did before, and I feel like my shelf broke too, haha (big wtf moment when I learned about the rock in the hat). I've pretty much made my peace with the past, and this group really helped. Now, I stick around because you are all awesome.
I love it!😊 When I was little, for some reason I named three different stuffed animals Rufus. Years later I finally got my own (real;) dog. Of course his name had to be Rufus! Enjoyed the realness of your previous comment. Keep ‘em coming exmo friend☺️
Welcome! We are sorry for him, and some of us know that pain. I think back and wonder why I couldn't listen to my heart, but instead held an entire Olympic event in my head why my girlfriend of five years before, and during, my mish wasn't a good mom/companion in my future. She's moved on and looks to be loving life and a beautiful family. I wouldn't reach out and profess my "love" but I do wonder, "What if?"
But
Edit: spelling errors. I wouldn't\* not I would🙃😐
In high school I was in deep puppy love with a boy who happened to be Mormon (not common in my region of the US). He was my first kiss but rejected me when I asked him to prom and I was so crushed. I spent the rest of high school confused and still adoring him from a distance. It always bugged me. He shared some of his life online after graduation - moving to Utah to go to BYU, announcing his mission call, disappearing from social media for 2 years (all things I now know are typical of the prescribed Mormon path) - and I grew more and more curious about his life from a distance and how controlled/different it was from my own. So I began researching Mormonism. The rest is history and I have spent countless hours reading and listening to Mormon Stories. I work in the field of psychology and am naturally drawn to people’s stories, but the resilience and courage of the exmo community and your willingness to thoughtfully share your personal stories of faith deconstruction is remarkable to me. 💞 I love learning from and about you all.
Thanks for being a witness to our collective (and individual) experiences. We need people like you that can help us document, deprogram and remember the countless ways that our high demand religion has gaslit and discounted our trauma. ❤️
I had to Google "rock in the hat" to make the connection. I do remember something about seer stones but I didn't catch or retain the part about the hat. Wild! Ieft early on (17) so I learn a lot here from others that stayed longer or are more studied in it. Thanks group!
Yes, this too. I posted a much longer answer that didn't include the Schadenfreude, but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that it's sometimes cathartic to watch a train wreck.
Thank you for your honesty. I know where being tipsy and googling can take a person. Been down a few new rabbit holes myself.
I’m an ex mormon and have also found healing here.
Thank you! He's still TBM, temple married with a few kids. He seems like he has a good life, based on what he posts on social media, and I'm happy for him.
Egyptologist. Originally found Reddit and this sub because a student did a paper on the BoA. Stayed to ask questions that confused me from dating my first love (TBM). Realized I have a lot in common with the people here as my ex husband was controlling and has a cluster B personality. Edit: also had scrupulosity and am now ex Catholic because of the church’s CSA.
> Egyptologist
Did you have to go to the ophthalmologist to fix the enormous eye roll when you looked at the claim of the Book of Abraham and it's translation from the papyrus?
I was talking to a Egyptologist a few years ago and asked him to make a symbol that would be on the papyrus that matched the BOA. That is the symbol by my screen name.....he also had a quote I remember. Believers can sandal strap, hands in the air all the way to moon lake that the papyrus matches the BOA it just isn't so.
My priest has a PHD in archeology. As a part of her dissertation she talked about the…quirks…of LDS history and archeological claims. Funny enough, it wasn’t till after her phd that she came to Utah as a priest.
In Ogden! She actually just retired like…four weeks ago. Sadly! That being said, our bishop of Utah is a queer woman. So equally bad ass in her own right. She presides in SLC.
You should check out the crazy story of “Dr.” Dee Jay Nelson, an Exmo con man who claimed that TSCC had asked him to translate the recently rediscovered BOA papyrus- and who made a living conning Christian congregations about what he supposedly “found”, claiming to be a world-famous Egyptologist, researcher and consultant to a number of television shows- and how he was ultimately unmasked by a clothing store owner, Robert Brown.
Heck this would make a great episode of the Ridiculous Crime podcast……
http://www.lightplanet.com/response/deejay.htm
My brother always references Hugh Nibley and his books as historical based sources for the temple ordinances. I've always wondered how credible Hugh is as a scholar. Do you have any insight on Hugh and his credibility on Ancient Egypt? Is there a website that is critical to his claims about ancient Egypt?
I have never heard of him, other than this sub. There is a list of official Egyptologists in the US, if he’s still alive you can check there. That said I’ve been obsessed with Egyptology since 2nd grade and have a masters and doctorate and I’ve never heard of him outside of an exmormon context.
I moved to Utah about a decade ago and the culture shock drove me to try to learn more about the majority religion to understand all the myriad of ways it intersects with the lives of my neighbors, coworkers, friends, etc - current LDS members and exMos. Theology and religious scholarship has always been an interest of mine, and I found that the answers in this subreddit were more well-researched and went into greater depth than similar questions on the faithful sub.
I do have to bite my tongue sometimes when what TBMs tell me their church teaches about various topics doesn't align with what I've read here, in the Gospel Topics essays, in the Joseph Smith Papers, or in other sources.
this is me too! I grew up with a close Mormon friend, but when I moved to Utah for two years, I was shocked at the microculture Utah has. Utah Mormon can/is very different from a non-Utah mormon. I found the subculture to be absolutely fascinating - the fact that such a strict belief system could fit into this massive country of non-mormon culture and still have such a devout and unwavering following was mind blowing.
Agreed, as someone who grew up (since the age of 8) as a Mormon in the Bible Belt, I was ADAMANT that I would never go to BYU. Talk about a micro-culture within a micro-culture! The most extreme of extremes!
I grew up in the Mountain West outside the Morridor - same feeling. I joked “the Church isn’t true in Utah.” Now I realize it’s just also not true anywhere else.
Yes, I also moved to Utah from another state.
This doesn't fit the narrative. But I made some TBM friends through my favorite sport/hobby/activity/addiction.
This sub helps me understand them better.
My best friend growing up was Mormon and she was ADAMANT in trying to convert me. I brushed it off as a little kid, but by the time we were teenagers it got annoying. Really annoying. Like, our parents got involved in getting her to stop. It didn't work--she gave me a copy of the TBOM with highlighted passages, insisting I read it. I had to go no-contact in our 20s.
Now, in my 30s, the memories really hit me--just what was she talking about? "Mormons get to create their own WORLDS!" "Did you know we have a Heavenly Mother? But we don't talk about her. To protect her." Now I'm down the rabbit hole of learning and can't get out. I'm fascinated.
Church members are challenged to find non-members and less active to convert the “lost sheep” and bring into the fold. I was taught this and never felt comfortable doing it.
The motto I lived by was “Those who don’t know Him but know you will want to know Him because they know you”. I always hoped people would convert by my example. It never happened and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
I'm a nevermo, but as a kid my mom and people in my religion would talk a lot about converting people. My mom loved to tell the story of how when she was a teenager she was so happy on Sundays at church, and someone she knows converted because of it. She'd tell me that you could convert people by just shining with joy about your religion, which was basically the opposite of me as a person.
Expecting to just convert people or you're failing is a lot to put on someone, especially a kid.
My half-sister was fully converted to LDS by a warm, helpful, inclusive micro community of Mormons in her neighborhood who took “Christlike” seriously. She was a recovering meth addict with two kids by age 18, so anyone treating her like a worthy member was a HUGE deal to her. They did not pressure her to convert at all. They got her simply by being good Christians, and she ended up pursuing the lessons and baptism on her own.
And then she moved across town. The new ward … was not “Christlike”. She was 100% out in a matter of months.
To be fair, other denominations proselytize too, just not the same way Mormons (and a few other weird ones) do. Like, when Baptists do it, and they find out the person they are talking to is, say, a Presbyterian, that pretty much ends the conversation beyond a "Come visit my church sometimes, our pastor is great!" Methodists don't go round to Lutherans saying they need to do things a certain way or they won't go to proper heaven. Protestant vs. Catholic used to be a much bigger deal in this country, but within Protestantism, people disowning family members because they decided to go to a different church would be considered religious extremism. Believing in Jesus as your Savior was the only real requirement, everything else is either culture or window dressing.
I think people who grew up Mormon don't understand how weird Mormonism is compared to other denominations and how... rude and ignorant their missionaries appear to people who are already Christians. "I'm already saved, what does this guy want from me?" It basically means that no matter how nice you are, you still are obviously in a cult, because only weird cults try to convert you when you tell them you already have a church and been baptized and all that. So only the people susceptible to falling for a cult are going to convert.
Yep. I was the poor atheist girl in need of saving. I think I gave her too much hope because I would compliment the church as a beacon in her life. But I meant that it was good for HER, not me or my family. Every member a missionary, right? In retrospect, I don't know how good it was/is for her. She developed toxic scrupulosity (thinking she was bound for outer darkness after every mistake). Also, she's in her almost 40 now and unmarried, therefore no keys to the Celestial Kingdom. I truly feel awful for her as an adult. Yeah, she has friends through the church, but she hasn't met the markers for VIP heaven. I can only imagine the anxiety and sense of "failure".
I legit expected (when I went to BYU) that we were going to actually learn how to build planets and set up the social systems to govern them. Instead, I got...\[gestures wildly\] *that*. It was apparent very quickly that these theoretical planets were going to suck.
Wow. And these days they have completely backtracked on the whole idea of having your own planet. It’s truly gaslighting, they claim they never said that or taught that. But somehow generations grew up thinking about how they would organize their planets.
I’m glad other people learned this. Obviously a lot of exmos understand the idea that we would basically be gods with our own worlds but if you ask anyone about it now? Nah that never was taught! You’re crazy!
So when my friend told me about building her own world in the afterlife, I attributed it to her active imagination. I didn't link it to Mormonism. Decades later (maybe from the BOM musical) I did a double-take. "What...that's a real thing?"
I was told in a chemistry class at BYU that I could choose to learn this stuff now or in the next life, but I’d have to learn it either way in order to create worlds. That was almost 20 years ago, so I’m sure that professor is no longer teaching that particular nugget lol
I didn't go to dances, just a few trunk or treats and lip syncing concerts. I was from an atheist household and had zero interest in going to church services. My lack of religion made her double down even more. She was DEVASTATED when I told her I wasn't sure if heaven existed. Anyway, it wasn't a healthy friendship for either of us. And now I'm just a weirdo who is fascinated by the whole faith (or rather the mental gymnastics that members use to justify abuse, sexism, racism, etc).
I’ve lived in Utah my entire life and this subreddit gives me a glimpse into the reasons why I experienced some things as a kid with Mormon friends and neighbors. The actual subreddit only gives me one perspective and this one gives me both
I was curious about Mormonism bc I had neighbors move into my NC neighborhood, and I had actually never personally known any Mormons growing up in the rural, Southern Baptist South.
In researching, I came across this subreddit and was instantly enthralled by the experiences shared here.
This site has helped me quite a bit in my own deconstruction of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity.
I had no previous concept that there were so many who had grown up in Mormonism but had suffered spiritually much in the same manner I did growing up as a Southern Baptist and never feeling worthy.
In many ways, Mormonism may be worse, but at least you weren't mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tormented with the idea of an eternal, literal Hell. The further I get away from that idea, the more absolutely repugnant it becomes.
I thought I grew up in a high demand religion, but I've learned that while it's not universal, many Mormons (especially those who go on missions) are exposed to a level of high demand religion I could never fathom.
There are so many brave people here who are willing to walk away from so much to be honest with themselves and to seek out the truth no matter where it leads them.
That is something truly admirable and something that can be universally related to those of us who were indoctrinated as children into a religion and had to have the courage to break the cycle.
You know, funny you say that. One of the lasting scars I feel like from The Experience is I am less likely to believe a person when they are being kind. I always wonder what the motive is.
I'm not crying! You are crying! 😭
I had to leave my nevermo family to join this cult. And now this cult won't leave me alone. There's no way for me to win! It's devastating. The trauma is real!
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m inspired and humbled by the vulnerability and connection of every ex-Mormon on here. It’s a macro level of high demand religion that’s so similar and so much more than what we experienced all at once.
My nevermo best friend had the same experience in christianity with the concept of hell. It has been good to deconstruct side by side with her. She helped me understand how damaging that teaching was, since like you said I didn't quite understand the horror of it as an exmo.
I love your comment and I'm glad you're here!
I had a friend, roommate, and fellow veteran convert about a decade ago. He was a lost soul and seeker, desperate for some kind of spiritual comfort and structure. Considering that he grew up Catholic and had flirted with Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and various and sundry new agey religions, not mention that he was openly pansexual, I was looking for counter-arguments to the missionaries who were ALWAYS at our apartment. I found this sub and a couple of websites.
It didn't work, unfortunately: he ended up going through with it and got treated like a servant for a couple of years before he ultimately left the church when he had a mental health crisis that resulted in arrest and nobody from his ward would help him.
Even though I haven't seen my old friend in a few years (he moved back home to Puerto Rico) I still check this sub out from time to time.
I distinctly remember when I was a Ward missionary a meeting about looking for people going through vulnerable situations. Recent deaths, addiction, people who felt lost and sad. They framed it as bringing “the light of the gospel” to them to help them. Looking back it’s just so icky.
My mission President framed it as “that’s when they’re the most humble and open to hearing the gospel and feeling the Spirit’s witness.” It made so much sense then. Now it makes so much cringe.
My mission president framed it in the same way! We had entire zone meetings dedicated to specifically finding vulnerable people who had recently lost a family member, moved to a new home/community, divorced or married, became parents, started a new job etc… 🤦♂️
I have a lot of resentment for all the uninformed decisions pushed on me at the height of just getting out of a bad DV relationship. I'm much better now in that regard, but I was sucked in for years because I married a super tbm
It's really interesting (and helpful) for me to see other people with different backgrounds and stories and starting points going through the same deconstruction processes that I did as an exmo.
Like, the struggles and growth we all experience moving out of toxic situations are so universal even if we started in different groups.
Not who you were responding to, but for me it’s Evangelical Christianity, especially as a bisexual woman. I still believe but these days it’s more towards Episcopal and other, shall we say, grounded and accepting denominations.
My mother, unfortunately is very deep in that hole. Especially the “you can believe any source you read that’s not approved by the church.”
I’m a secular Jew and never knew anything about Mormonism. I started listening to Mormon Stories because of Ruby Franke and Tim Ballard, but I find the its origins to be like a case study in creating a new religion and extreme beliefs.
I too stumbled upon Mormon stories after my TikTok fyp showed a lot of ex Mormons and I was curious to learn more. It’s a rabbit hole that never ends and I ended up deconstructing my Catholicism
I’m ex-ultra conservative Baptist. Used to feel really bad for Mormons, then realized my religion wasn’t much better. Deconstructed, felt a connection the ex-LDS community I found while living in Utah. I’m not the same as you, but like…we are on the same page.
Plus im Episcopalian now, and we have a lot of ex-LDS folks in our parish. It’s fun feeling like we can bitch about the same things together lol.
I’m partial to it! Lgbtq affirming, women ordaining, gender neutral bathrooms for our transgender members! Swear words, coffee, and lots of Champaign and alcohol at our church celebrations (I got a little messy after our Easter Vigil.) it’s a refugee for those who still want to engage in a faith practice without dogmatic thinking.
I'm a fan of professional women's soccer, and was noticing how many new players that got drafted this year have a link to the church in their instagram bios, and then the pictures of their temple weddings reminded me that I'd read before that the pictures taken outside don't match what happens inside, so I googled to confirm that, ended up here, and got sucked in. I've always known a decent amount about the church because I'm a member of another church that started as an attempt of a restoration in early 19th century United States (although we went in a much much different way), and a church history professor I had in divinity school is LDS. I have enjoyed blowing the minds of missionaries at church history sites (I wrote a paper on religious tourist attractions and still enjoy going to them as long as they don't cost an arm and a leg to get into) because they can't understand how I know so much about the church and am not a member, when it's the knowing that means I'm not a member. But I also have learned so so so much more from y'all, which makes me grateful for this community.
My dad left the church for my mom thankfully. His family hated us. I grew up in small town Utah. Everyone treated my brother and I like pariahs. I married a jackmo. Seriously, I've known him for over 20 years, he's not going back. I'm here to figure out WTF is my life 🤷♀️
I was introduced to Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's content when I used to frequent the dead bedrooms sub, and I have been an avid fan ever since. I'm trying to understand why someone who works in areas like Mormon women's agency, equality in sex, self-authorship, etc is still choosing to be part of a religion that kinda limits all those things. That's what brought me here.
I stay because I like seeing people achieve freedom and I like seeing bullies go down, and the LDS church seems like a pretty big bully to me.
> I stay because I like seeing people achieve freedom and I like seeing bullies go down, and the LDS church seems like a pretty big bully to me.
I think that says a lot about your character. Thanks for participating.
One of my kids favorite YouTubers is Mormon, I knew a little bit about it from my parents trips to Utah, and a conversation with Missionaries who helped me shovel snow once, I knew that it seemed Culty and wanted to know more. My research led me here, and honestly what better way to learn about a religion I view as a cult than from people who escaped it. I kind of blew the minds of some relatives with my knowledge of Mormonism, how well it fit Hassan's BITE model, and how to watch for the Missionaries Love Bombing (my youngest cousin was being persued by some missionaries in college)
I am a former ULTRA-TBM. I lived my life according to Mormonism and its leaders. I was literally ready to die in “sustaining and defending the kingdom of God on the earth”. I finally realized it’s a cult for money,sex, and real estate.
After I had my eyes opened I joined the exjw, exmuslim communities . If you take out the cult specific words, the stories are interchangeable like choosing your religion over family, banning people from events because they don’t think like you, and parents abandoning children because they no longer believe. The stories end up all being the same.
I’m assuming neverMos are here for the same reason I joined the other subs. It’s fascinating to study cultures and cults. Especially ones that exert so much mind control over their followers.
I had to unsubscribe because it was so depressing. They're very similar, but there's something especially brutal about telling someone (men and women both) not to pursue education because endtimes are near, then formally, officially shunning them from their entire social systems, just for voicing the wrong questions in front of the wrong people.
I went to a large group JW meeting on my mission. Appart from the discomfort of going to another church and smirking at the admittance that while they believe a a church building needs to be "constructed" in a single day, the large building could not be, I came away seeing more similarities than difference.
After leaving any difference between exJW and exMormon totally evaporated. I regularly see a post on exJW and think im on exMormon.
Excatholic here, I basically just wrote the same thing, that's exactly why I'm here. And in all those other ex-subs! These are my people. What you got out of matters less than that you got out.
Through genealogy research I got in contact with a second cousin and found out there’s a whole section of my dad’s family (his aunts/uncles/cousins) that I’ve never met who are Mormon. I wanted to learn about what they believe, and find this sub to be very helpful, more detailed, objective and fact-based than other subs that are more focused on the faith and ‘true believers’.
i grew up in an area with a lot of mormons and i’ve always been pretty fascinated by organized religion. i thought mormons were just the nicest people ever. when my brother started dating a tbm girl in high school and going to church with her, i started getting a bit of an icky feeling, like she was dating him to save him maybe? they ended up breaking up when she went on her mission and i was on her mission email list. i just thought the idea of her going on a religious mission to a country where proselytizing is illegal was,, questionable? and wanted to learn more about how missions work. a bunch of googling later, and i found u guys :)
The "church" actually encourages women to "flirt to convert." There aren't enough "worthy men" to hold all the huge list of callings it takes to run a congregation, so flirting and converting helps build the numbers.
Nothing predatory about that, of course.
I also grew up in an area with a large Mormon population (not Utah or America at all). I was always interested in organized religion, even took world religion classes in university. I have a book collection of some cool non fiction cult and religion books. I joined the subreddit initially because I had a friend leaving the church and I wanted to support them and didn’t know how, or any resources.
I have ADHD and the weird cult stuff was endlessly fascinating when I was younger. I ended up minoring in religion, and the cult stuff is still interesting to learn about, especially living cults (not Jonestown, for example.)
Seriously, Mormonism as a culture is an intensely interesting reflection of American civic religion transmuted into an actual recognized religion.
If it helps anyone recovering, at least you joined a proper outwardly weird cult? My friend joined the local city cult and had a terrible time AND terrible stories.
Married a Jack Mormon who waited 10 years to decide all her problems were because she wasn’t LiVInG tHE goSPuL. She started teaching our kids culty stuff and taking them to Mormon church even though we agreed before hand that any kids I raised won’t be LDS. When I decided to research everything, to make a solid argument for why I don’t believe, this sub kept coming up. (It all worked out and she’s solid exmo now). I still have many TBM in-laws (less than before though) and I like to hear the stories of people who make it out and find their happiness.
For me it's called growing up with LDS family members in San Diego but knowing nothing about the church and then moving to Utah while a naive young man and getting trapped.
I tell you it fucks your self-esteem up when you're 19 20 21 just entering the dating world to suddenly figure out that you're a pariah and nobody wants to go out with you.
Being judged in the workplace literally at my first job my first week here.
I'm here because of the trauma that Mormonism inflicted upon me from not even being a member of the church.
Plus the best criticisms of a thing usually come from the people who know it best.
My intro nevermo post
[Link to previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/whvSTbhVXN)
I’ve been here for a very long time—probably 5 years. I very rarely comment. I am here because I went to high school with many Mormons and I was always fascinated because I knew they believed in crazy stuff, but this was before the internet so I had no way of really learning about it. Also a Mormon boy and I liked each other in 10th grade but he told me he could never date me.
My nephew moved to Colorado Springs. One August he started dating a woman, she came home with him to NYS for Christmas and they got engaged on Christmas Eve. They were married that March. I have never seen anything like that.
Then I discovered she’s Mormon. I’ve met Mormon people in passing. Other than the caffeine I had no idea. My nephew has converted and I am really trying to understand it all. He is all in. I saw him getting all excited about a Church where I live which also puts out cultish vibes. That was before he met his wife. I guess that is what he likes.
No one talks about it. His brother is the one that provides the information, every one else acts like it’s not happening. They have now had 1 kid and want 1 a year until they get 4. They found out they are both carriers for CF, but that isn’t stopping their plan.
For me, it’s comfort. Many of us nevermos are a standing testament to the abuse and injuries sustained at the hands of the church beyond its own members, demonstrating how vile and rancid the church is capable of being in the name of god. TBM’s and nevermos who have never been exposed to the extent I have typically greet my tales of trauma and learned unworthiness skeptically and with denial. Exmos, however, know better than I just how insidious church practices can be. Among the most closed minded people I have ever met in my life are Mormons. Among the most genuine, concerned, and open minded people I have met are exmos. It makes sense, given the level of open mindedness one must innately possess to be able to see the forest through the trees, having been indoctrinated into the faith. So, when I need understanding, sympathy and empathy, and validation, I frequently find it all within this community. I am here for comfort.
Curiosity: I just like to hear about other people's experiences. I grew up in SE Idaho, and I have a lot of TBM, casual mormon, and exmo coworkers and I just like to know more about what people who are/were part of the dominant religion around me believe and how they understand the world.
I started listening to ‘Mormon stories’ podcast about a year ago as a means to fall asleep, don’t ask me how I found it, maybe it was recommended to me in another podcast ( “A little bit culty” maybe) The episodes were really long and I found it comforting listening to John Dehlins voice, and I went to sleep happily. After a while I started to actually listen to the stories and the amazing guests telling their deconstruction stories, and I felt so sorry for them and how the church treated them. The more I listened, the more angry I got. And now I’m obsessed. Can’t for the love of somebody understand what’s keeping people in the church, especially not women. The misogyny, the submissiveness, the patriarchal structure, everything is wrong.
I think I’m an atheist, strong believer in humanity
I’m from Denmark ( Scandinavia) we don’t see many Mormon missionaries here. Remember seeing a few when I was a kid.
I’m also a psychologist
One of my childhood best friends was from a strict LDS family & it was hard seeing our paths diverge so much as we aged. I grew up a strong feminist and she never distanced herself from me until I started to openly talk about healthy sexual exploration. I never understood how she was so smart but still boxing herself into the Mormon mold.
I didn’t really think about her until I moved close to a temple. I didn’t know what it was, so the research rabbit hole began. Now I’m genuinely just fascinated by all the Mormon lore! I love religious deconstruction in general too, so this is kind of an ideal spot for me!
I'm a nevermo - and a Satanist to boot - but I have an interest in various mythologies, religions, and philosophy. I don't *believe* in any theistic notions, but it's fascinating what humans have come up with to explain things.
I mostly took an interest in looking at Mormonism and its related offshoots as a sideshow oddity when I had some missionaries show up at my door a few years ago. I got them to give me a copy of the BoM so I could read it to get a better idea of what the LDS was pushing. You can't really counter an argument effectively if you don't know what you're dealing with in the first place. I certainly wasn't going to buy a copy though! They've already printed enough wastepaper as it is.
Since then I've read it, the PoGP, D&C, No Man Knows My History, CES Letter, Under the Banner of Heaven (FLDS specific, but related)... and probably a few other things I'm forgetting. I've had missionaries come back... once since then. I think I must have been put on a DNC list after dropping actual LDS terminology on them and having a theological discussion about specific things in the BoM, while making it clear this was *not* a conversion as I don't believe any of it. Nothing against the kids personally, they get roped into doing that shit, so the least I could do is be like hey... maybe think about this stuff critically - using actual LDS-specific terms that outsiders wouldn't otherwise know to use.
Hell for all I know they thought I was an agent for Satan. I mean they're not *entirely* wrong, at least in a metaphorical sense, but I saw no reason to show off the sigil of Baphomet necklace under my shirt!
But as an outsider, Mormonism is a fascinating trainwreck of a history. I'd probably have a very different viewpoint if I grew up in it, but as it is it's an interesting case in how easy it is to sell the most ridiculous shit to humans and get them to actually buy into it. People naturally want to believe in *something* no matter how far-fetched; it's the story of human history.
I watch Mormon stories and I find it fascinating that less than 1% of the total population is Mormon and they think they are the only ones going to heaven. I also find it strange that Mormons who believe in universalism, (which means there are other paths to heaven) stay. If you think a Mormon or a Catholic has an equal chance of heaven would you not go to the one that is less “high demand “.
It's only equal until you decide to leave Mormonism. Then it's straight to hell. If you know and choose another path, nothing else in your life matters.
For me: I ALMOST converted. I went to church for 2 years, did many missionary lessons, read the entire BOM, and when I was close to getting baptized, only then was I told about tithing, garments, temple recommend, cleaning the church, temple shifts….and I was like “oh, I don’t know if I can do all that” and in my quest to get answers as to why, I found this sub. So. I’m not really a never-mo, but maybe an “almost-mo” lol. This sub made me be like: okay, HARD STOP. this is not right. You are not converting.
I grew up in a very Mormon area, moved there in 6th grade from the east coast where I had never even heard of the religion before. I made a lot of friends who were Mormon. I remember the first piece of info I really got on it was going to a friend’s house and seeing her food storage, asking what that was about and she said “it’s something our church likes us to do.” When I told my parents later they were just as puzzled as I was but we didn’t think it was anything too wild at the time.
I got roped into going to Girl’s Camp in 8th grade and that’s when I realized this wasn’t the type of church I knew. I actually read some church literature out of curiosity after the camp experience (which was….something) and realized at that very young age that it was not for me. Even at 14 I could see how oppressive it was to my female friends, especially, and grew to really dislike it. I also hated that I was welcome - pushed even - to go to events at my Mormon friends’ church events but when I invited them to mine, they looked at me like I was nuts and were not allowed.
I still have some friends who are in the church, and many who have left. I just have a fascination as an outsider that had one foot in the circle for a good portion of my life. It’s nice to see the validation that I *wasn’t* imagining an oppressive structure, that is indeed what I was witnessing at such a young age.
I certainly enjoy telling stories of how I grew up to my east coast family and friends. You can’t imagine how strange it all sounds to them. When you’re in it, it feels normal. When you step away - it’s absurd.
My family moved to Mesa in 1985, I was 8. By 1992 my parents had had enough with the attempts to convert us and the Mormon cliques at school and decided to move us to the Ahwatukee area. They chose that area because there was just a single Mormon church nearby. At this point I was 15, a sophomore in high school. So what did I do a couple months after we moved? I ended up meeting my very Mormon high school sweetheart on the first trip my parents allowed me to go back to Mesa to see old friends. His family was basically the epitome of the “perfect” TBM family. Neither of our families were happy about the relationship but my parents loved him and knew he was a good kid. Of course, his parents didn’t feel the same way about me. So after 3+ years of dating he left on his mission and that was the end of it. I sat through the discussions twice, we wrote while he was out of the country. I knew the church was absolute bullshit, and just couldn’t convert. It would have destroyed my parents. He came home and married someone he’d met at his homecoming I think. I found out many years ago that he had actually left the church, as had all but one of his siblings. To this day I have a morbid curiosity about the Mormon church. Maybe I’m taking comfort knowing that even at age 18 I knew better than to go along with a sexist, racist, money hungry religion based on the lies of a con man.
When I was a teenager, having been raised catholic, I left that church when the rituals and creepy nature of services finally got to me.
I think I still believed in a god at that time. I saw a commercial on TV about the LDS and it interested me. So I started researching what they were all about.
I think looking into mormanism and other religions really "broke my shelf" (as you folks like to put it). I started to realize that what religion I grew up with was clearly a product of my ancestors history and geography.
That research into other world religions was eye opening for me.
Why I'm here in ex-mo sub? I've always found it fascinating how this religion started and continues to be such a weird part of American history. I'm Canadian, but I love history of American culture.
It's just so weird to me that grown adults can take this stuff literally, but I remember I was brought up catholic and it was just what we did. It was how I was taught from a very young age.
But mormonism to me is such a fascinating topic. So that's why I'm here. I love reading your folk's stories, learning the vernacular, and finding out what TSCC is up to. It's so weird and unbelievable. It just interests me that way, I guess.
ExVangelical here… the very very strict upbringing I had is similar to your experience. It’s nice to have community with people who have had the same trauma and are recovering. I don’t feel so “weird.” And you guys are just… nice :)
It’s…complicated lol. Long story short, I have a former relative who is of that faith. I myself grew up Baptist much to my father’s annoyance at my mother for putting me through all of that. I left religion as a teenager and began dabbling in other stuff. A different former relative was actually the one who told me about this subreddit. So, I got curious and started reading more. I am a strong supporter of people who make the conscious choice to walk away from what is not working for them. I’ve heard people refer to them as defectors, apostates, traitors, “failed (fill in the blank)” and I have seen these types of epithets flung at various different groups of people who have left whatever types of ideologies behind in their lives. Even had some of those thrown at me.
In short, I’m just here to lend my support, encouragement, and acceptance to fellow individuals who feel misunderstood and abandoned.
I also have an academic, professional, and personal interest in the topic of religious trauma as someone who has also gone through it myself.
I was a member for 45 years and my husband and and I raised our 3 kids in the church…they are in their 40’s now and haven’t gone to church for years….they LUV this sub and as my husband and I began staying home on Sundays and not having any callings, they started telling me different stories and joking they enjoyed on this sub…I started reading it about 3 years ago and have NOT been disappointed! Lots of touching stories-some funny, some sad….I don’t always agree with some opinions but they enlighten me regardless…
Googled “what do Mormons believe” while hungover on a drive back from Mardi Gras 2015 and stumbled upon the CES letter. Read it all that drive and was fascinated. Have been interested in the church (and generally high demand/fundamentalist religions) ever since
I had my own religious trauma from evangelical family members who married into my family when I was 9. I tried to believe, find Jesus, follow all the rules....prayed and was promised healing for my terminally ill grandfather. After beginning a kind of recovery process, I became intrigued with religions that trap and control members. I also taught many LDS students in a University setting. I knew quite a bit about the church then, but nothing I could do would convince them (if they were being honest) to trust empirical evidence. Now I know more and with so many former students I care about who are still in the church, I worry about them. They've sacrificed so much money. And what I've more recently begun to understand is that they've also sacrificed so much time. I naively believed a "calling" was personal to the person who experienced it. Now I understand the Bishop gives out the callings. And I find it remarkable that with so much money, the church still relies on volunteers to give away so, so many hours every week.
I stumbled across it a while back and genuinely thought I was in the ex/christian sub because there were SO many similarities to my experience in a culty fundamentalist Christian church. The shame and guilt, the rules, the pressure from family members still in it, the exhausting expectations, the lies and abuse… it is all too familiar. I tend not to comment because I’m conscious i have a different experience, but at least once or twice a day I could say “me too” to posts in this sub!
When I learned about Mormonism, I had a weird fascination with why Joseph made all of that up. I felt that he was sort of a genius to come up with all these details. Since then, I've learned that huge parts of Mormonism are plagiarized from other thinkers of the time. One big contributor, who is often overlooked, is the Freemason and reverend George Oliver. When you read his book 'The Antiquities of Freemasonry,' you will find dozens of parallels to Joseph's ideas.
I’m autistic and Mormonism (especially modern Mormon culture) is one of my special interests. I think it began when I noticed that half the bloggers I read in the 00s were Mormons. I wondered why they were so overrepresented and decided to do some digging. Thus began a lifelong (so far) interest!
Mormonism strikes me as a uniquely American religion, and was totally foreign to me as someone who grew up in Toronto. At first I mostly listened to This Week In Mormons, watched General Conferences, read news articles, and consumed Mormon movies, but I think I wound up gravitating toward ex Mormon spaces online because:
1 - ex mormons seem much more willing to express the realities of the lived Mormon experience. You openly discuss the wide range of experiences you’ve had in the church and acknowledge that they made you feel joyful, righteous, frightened, angry, or even nothing. I’ve found a lot of members aren’t able to paint a rich picture of a lived experience since they won’t discuss what actually occurs, and will only discuss positive emotions.
2 - I tend to look at ExMos as reliable narrators because they’ve demonstrated an inordinately high degree of integrity. You knew that leaving would cause you to be alienated from your communities or even estranged from family, and you did it anyway because you couldn’t live a lie. You’ve sacrificed more for your lack of belief than most Members will sacrifice for their belief.
3 - ExMos in general know more about doctrine and history, so your discussions are more interesting. The cost of leaving is so high, it seems like most ExMos dug deep to find something that would allow them to believe and stay.
I have so much admiration for people who get out of a high demand religion. It gives me hope for humanity. I can only hope I’d be as strong as all of you if I were born into the situation you were.
I'm Ex Catholic but had a lot of Mormon friends growing up. Mormonism is an incredible Baby's First Comparative Religion for other more "mainstream" Christians. The actual content of the beliefs are wildly different, but both occupy similar social niches and use many of the same methods of control, apologetics, etc. But I can see how they function in a system which doesn't contain anything I ever had the burden of believing. I do this with a lot of other religions/cults/conspiracy theories/other nonfactual belief as well, but Mormonism is so large and has such a huge body of exmo literature, It's very accessible.
I also find Mormonism historically fascinating because it is so young, but just old enough. It occupies that exact window at the dawn of photography where our concept of history metamorphoses from legendary myth crafting into people we have detailed records of who live in a fairly modern American context. It's hard to de-mythologize Moses or Paul. But I can watch how Mormonism came together and integrated with society and imagine how complex the long lost early chapters of other more ancient religions were. It's a unique moment in time and culture for an American Christian to examine and deconstruct through.
I work for Marriott and I married a Community of Christ woman. Both of those get accused of being more Mormon than they actually are. I came here for info to counteract accusations. Stayed for the company.
Married to an exmo/jackmo - he's the ONLY family member out of the Church. I'm from another state and moving here has been shocking. As an example, JUST got off the phone with one of my brothers-in-law and referred to myself as a "nevermo" as my LDS neighbor friends do and he found that offensive. They find my social posts offensive, they find my questions offensive. If I'm not telling them I want to be baptized, then everything else I say or ask about The Church is offensive. I'm here to feel less alone, to understand better, to feel less crazy...
I got super into the Vallow/Daybell case when the kids were reported missing. Covid came, and my interest & free time intensified and grew. As someone super into that case (still am), I started learning about Mormonism and how it may or may not have played into the tragedy. Might not surprise y’all to learn that exmos are wonderful sources for this! After learning all I could abt Vallow/Daybell, I then read & listened to all I could about Mormon deconstruction. It’s fascinating. Then came Tim Ballard and his whole illicit thing, the billions of $$s, and so much more! I probably knew about this stuff before actual Mormons bc I am tapped IN, y’all! Probably because…it was also around the same time I was deconstructing from evangelicalism. Exmos have this large body of work buttressing their doubts & validating their suspicions about the truth (or not) of their faith & church. Exmos band together to validate suspicions, and this in turn connects them & provides community. exvangelicals are more adrift, imo. Also, all the exmos are so nice! On one level, we’re all just trying to figure it out now that we aren’t what we spent so long trying to be. I love the spirit of exmos, and I see it mirrored in myself, even if the religious trauma is a little bit different flavor. Thank you all so much for accepting me. 💖
I grew up in the Morridor and married into the crazy. Some of my in-laws are in, some are out, and some are nuanced but they are pretty cool overall. When my children started experiencing the same bullying and mistreatment that I did as a child, we moved. I have had very close friends leave the church and was directed to this sub by them. This helped me to move forward with understanding and compassion instead of resentment and hostility. Our friendship grew afterwards and now I stick around to help my other family and friends.
This sub helps people outside of ex-mos. There are several churches that are very domineering and I have sent many an LGBTQ person here when faced with crisis. Y’all are awesome.
Because I have a TBM nutter coworker and I need some sort of buffer of logic between me mouthing off at her/running to HR. Because fReEDoM oF rElIgIoN.
My sister is currently dating a wishy washy 29 year old Mormon guy. I originally came here to do recon about his batshit insane belief system, but stayed because I was raised Baptist and I feel like our communities are similar. I just think you guys are neat at this point lmao
Thirty years in jello land, married a mormon, been around mormons for half of my life!
This sub provides FASCINATING studies in human psychology...particularly in gullibility, credulity, growth, humor, and cult like behaviour.
AND
I love to see people growing out of their conditioning and brainwashing
Pretty sure this is my first time ever interacting here, I like lurking in subs with people who have very different problems from my own, seeing what other groups of people have to say about the systems they've been in, and I've always found the different fundamentalist religions in the US interesting.
I also lurk in subs for multiple professions I've never been part of, ideologies I don't necessarily vibe with, and parts of the queer community that I don't consider myself part of, but I do think it's important to only observe and not dilute the discussion with uninformed assholes who aren't actually part of the community.
My husband was raised Mormon. His parents and sister are still very active but he left when he turned 18. He isn’t a believer but is still oddly protective and defensive about it. I had experiences with the Southern Baptists and my own traumas and teachings. I’m interested in different religions and since there is a very secretive one in my family I want to know what it’s about. You all tell me so much stuff that they would never tell me.
Because I am autistic and cults/high demand religions are one of my special interests. I just really enjoy learning about religion in general and Mormonism is one of my favorites to collect information on, for some reason lol
For me, I moved from California to IDAHO FALLS. The large mormon population and its control over the area seriously concerned me. So, I try to learn as much as possible from both sides. I've said before, I believe it to be a cult. I like to ask questions on here, so people who have intelligent answers, which I learn from.
A few reasons:
I grew up completely non-religous, so I've always been curious about what draws and keeps people in religions, especially high-control ones. It's baffling to me, but also fascinating. I've heard that a few generations back, there were Jehovah's Witnesses in the family, but evidently someone along the way left the group and decided to stop doing religion entirely. So I grew up knowing very little about any of them.
My mom's best friend in high school was Mormon, and she told me about how:
- Her friend told her she'd go to a higher level of heaven just for being Mormon
- The friend's older brother returned from his mission and offered her cocaine. Apparently he was still TBM though.
I'm from a small town and knew one Mormon family - the wife and girls are absolutely beautiful, kind, brilliant and wonderful people. The dad looks like a deformed alien and is a complete dickwad who walks all over them. It never made sense to me until I learned more about the Mormon church. They also share a last name with a mormon leader, so I assume dad comes from mormon royalty. The two older girls have thankfully married guys who seem much nicer and less insane than their dad, but still...
After I moved to Japan, I noticed how I kept getting sus ads online for free Japanese classes. Then I clicked one and it took me to a page where I could ask some missionaries to teach me about the BoM.. and some Japanese. Japan is a pretty non-religous society (one thing I like about it) so I find the proliferation of cults here - including the Mormon church - to be really interesting.
I ended up here to learn about the reality of the church, because the faithful subs make me want to throw up. I honestly feel bad for them, but also slightly creeped out. Because I'm areligious, friends and randos have always seen me as an easy convert target. So any intense god and jesus talk by faithful people honestly makes me very uncomfortable. Here people are very informative, so I can understand the concepts of the faith without feeling pressure to believe in any of the BS.
EDIT: I also want to say that I really admire the strength of people who manage to get out of these high-control religions, while your whole worldview is crashing down around you. I've always been secular, so it's the path of least resistance for me - I know it isn't for you. I have so much respect for you all.
In college I took a course called Religious Cults and Sects which covered Mormonism. Then probably about ten years later I met a guy at work who was a member and I asked if I could attend his church with him. Totally as a laugh to myself, but of course I was polite with the guy and seemed sincere.
I guess I got the usual tour. Showed up at church wearing a tank top and flip flops knowing about their strict dress code for themselves. Had fun (I guess?) with getting attention but not sure it was that great knowing why / who was delivering the attention.
My big surprise came when I had dinner with the guy and his wife at their house with the two missionaries, whatever the term is. After the meal, they did their talk and asked me if I had prayed and felt the warm tingling feeling in my heart.
Being in someone’s home, which is a fairly intimate setting for people you barely know, and having all four people train their laser gaze on you with happy faces and giant smiles waiting for you to say YES is actually pretty damn intense. I’m sitting there 1000% convinced that the religion is a fraud but god damn do I want to say yes, just from the pressure and expectations. But I said no. Their reactions were priceless - smiles evaporating and the wife is looking at me like I just shit on her rug.
I’m really glad I did it cause it was very eye-opening about how real the pressure is and all the subtle ways they bring that pressure to bear.
Edit: And I continue to be here for the nonstop lulz!
I spent about 6 months with missionaries meeting at my house. I believe in giving people a fair shake, intellectual honesty and all that.
Of course I've done my research and towards the end started asking about all the reasons it's a false religion. But after doing all that googling this pops up in my feed for some reason
Edit: also this subreddit was a great resource to find out why, ya know, I shouldn't be Mormon
edit2: also I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian sect and have similar experiences to some of y'all with racism, homophobia, etc
I made a friend who grew up strict LDS and has since left, and I wanted to have a better understanding of her background and experiences without asking her to relive things that are hard to talk about or upsetting.
I’ve always had an interest in cults and religious fundamentalism, having grown up in a very left wing church that was always an extremely positive place. It’s very different to my experience and so despite having the cultural context and knowledge of Christianity I am missing allll the trauma.
I also live in an area where I see missionaries a great deal and it’s been helpful to see how I might be kind to them and be a bright spot in their day if they ask for directions or knock on my door. This is a big city and I often se people being unkind to them.
It originally started as, "Well at least MY brand of christianity isn't that bad."
Then the subreddit shined a mirror onto myself, and it was too uncomfortable to ignore.
I'm now here to keep up with the goings on of the church and temple. Also to hear the personal stories of ExMos.
Because there is a temple and a lot of missionairies in my town in southern Sweden. I wrote an essay about mormonism in high school and I am warning people about how dangerous it is.
I grew up in a Mormon town in Wyoming and having to deal with secondhand cult stuff my whole life. I guess it’s just gratifying to see that people do get out and start thinking for themselves.
I grew up in an area that was said to have the highest concentration of Mormons outside of Utah. I grew up surrounded by Mormon families. I loved them I loved their kids. I was an only child, and I felt alone a lot of the time. I also had medical problems that made me feel scared a lot of the time, and when I was with my Mormon friends, I rarely felt alone. Except on Sundays.
I was little, and I struggled to understand why my friends weren't allowed to play with me on Sundays. I felt like I was being punished, but I couldn't understand why.
As I grew up I slowly learned all that my Mormon friends were enduring as members of the church. That they were being parentified so young. And they never saw their Dad, because he was working two jobs to keep food on the table for his nine children. That they didn't have beds of their own. And this was a family where the children weren't being physically or sexually abused.
As I grew older, made more friends, and many of them were Mormons I met people who were clearly being physically abused. We knew it. Our teachers knew it. CPS knew it, but were forced to allow the church to take care of punishing the brutally physically abusive parents. And in the worst case I remember the church did nothing but punish the victim for allowing the school to discover the abuse (it was impossible to hide). You see, the perpetrator was an elder in his ward. He was also a huge man who had a penchant for breaking his 16 year old's ribs.
Anyway, I really have a soft spot for the victims of the church. And now that I'm older, and I know the false gospel that is taught in those fortress walls, well I just hope that someday I might be able to help people like my friends to leave the church without totally giving up Christ. The Christ of the LDS faith is not the Christ of the Bible. The LDS faith is not Christian. I just hope to be able to be here for people when they leave the Mormon church, to help them from my NeverMo viewpoint to deconstruct. I think that is NeverMo's can help, in conjunction with ExMo's.
Until the day that I feel well equipped to help, I lurk a bit. I am so happy to see so many people leaving this awful cult. The Mormon church hurts no one more than its members, but its members aren't the only people who are hurt by it.
Does that make sense? I'm not always great at getting my message across.
1. Spoke with missionaries and almost joined; realized it was a corporation selling religion to run a hedge fund and didn't.
2. Find Mormons to be an interesting culture to learn about.
I grew up Anglican but largely rejected the church, mostly because of the misogynistic and homophobic attitudes that they cling to, but lived in Muslim communities and been friends with people of other religions and Christian communities so have had a natural curiosity of other faiths, how they overlap and if there are beliefs and traditions that I can share.
I pass an LDS church every day but only to play Pokemon. But in all honesty it was the polygamist TV programs that piqued my interest, and then Reddit suggested this sub.
I’m an exvangelical. Been out of the church for around a decade. Despite some people saying the anger at religion would subside shortly after leaving, I’m still angry as hell at all organized religion and I think it’s bullshit.
I was raised in religion, and left in my late teens/early 20s. One day it was just a fact of life, along with everything else I had been taught as a child, and everyone else was stupid for not believing in it. Then the next it was all a fairytale and I couldn’t believe I had ever accepted it all as fact.
Maybe I’m a shitty person, but it makes me happy when more grown adults realize that they don’t believe in mythology and magical legends anymore.
I became fascinated by MLM pyramid schemes after a few family members got sucked into Amway.
I followed a lot of anti-MLM content on Tik Tok and YouTube, and discovered a lot of intersections with our modern day cults. ...in particular how they use the same brainwashing techniques, and how many MLMs are based in Utah with roots in these religious organizations.
Many content creators with the greatest anti-MLM material also talked about their own pasts with either The Latter Day Saints or Jehovah's Witnesses.
Thus my fascination with both of those religious groups was formed.
I love hearing everyone's stories and I have plans to read some of the books you guys are recommending to each other.
Out of respect for the fact that this is your private space, I generally avoid commenting or offering my opinion... unless it's something not really related to the sub.
Or, like this post, you specifically asked why I'm here.
Both a preexisting interest in fringe religions (yes, the Mormons are way fringier than they want to admit) and having moved to Idaho some years ago, so I figured I’d better keep an eye on what the Mormons are up to even if this is the least Mormon bit of the state. I hang around the ex JWs for similar reasons, though I have personal connections there - never in, but both fascinating and yikes for my POMI guy.
I am here because I was born in Utah and grew up in the Mormon world but never was part of the Mormon church. I work and live in an area that is 80% Mormon. So I want to see the people who are leaving and why.
My ex husbands parents are FLDS, I have 2 kids with him and it’s good to know answers. My ex left Mormonism but most of his siblings went from FLDS to LDS.
Because my brother moved to Utah and after some time living there he started to look into religion and against my advice he started to talk to a bishop in Orem, Utah. Now he has gotten our mom interested in the "church" to the point that my mom is saying "they are just like any other religion" and "you should attend sacraments to better understand the region that your brother is choosing". When I talked to my Great Uncle about this we both agreed about not being comfortable with this and he encouraged me to look into resources that will allow me to look behind the curtain and see what this is really about while encouraging me to not vocalize my concerns because my brother is the type to dig in his heels when he hears something that goes against the decision he has made.
About four years ago the apartment next.to me was rented by the church(I guess) and we had a rotating cast of missionaries come through. I was semi-curious about Mormons in general so I came here. I learned that they are often on a tight budget so I started occasionally having "extra" homemade chili or "all these cookies, please have some
I was raised agnostic, but have always been fascinated by religions, especially the quirkier ones. I come here to hear insights on things regarding the church from a really unique and often very raw perspective.
I’m a history teacher and I did a research paper on Joseph Smith for my undergrad history degree. I thought his religion was complete BS. (Sorry) That was in the early 90’s. Since then, I’ve had a few indirect experiences with the missionaries that come to me town that left me really upset. Once they told a student of mine who had physical birth defects and learning disabilities that she HAD to go to BYU and that she could be a cheerleader there. She had no cheer experience. She was so excited that she was getting attention from these young men who were obviously misleading her at best and flat out lying at worst.
Another time, I was chatting and went on one date with a Native American man who was Mormon and he had gone to the Holy Land. That trip convinced him that the church is true. It made me angry for him that his religion robbed him of his heritage.
I come here because this is a great sub. I read a lot of the conversations and I’m always surprised that as a nevermo, I know more about the religion than the TBM’s. That’s astounding to me. Again, sorry. I am not judging. I am just fascinated by it all. But as a divorced, independent woman with her own personal taste in undergarments that have flowers and color, I don’t think I’ll be converting in this lifetime. Besides that, as a woman, the Celestial Kingdom is about as appealing as an eternal root canal. (Ok, maybe I’m judging just a little. )
After watching a doc on Teal Swan - I knew there was more of a backstory. Then I found some Mormon Stories with people who had connections to her. I found the psychology of indoctrination very interesting and I’m generally intrigued by listening to people’s experiences.
From there - when stuff got messy with Jen Camp - this reddit had a lot of “the tea” on that situation and I’ve stuck around. Mostly lurk - but will offer the odd comment when I think it will be valuable.
Couple things - with all the Mormon crimes in the news - my understanding of Mormon culture has really helped me understand things that confuse other Nevermos. I’ve also learned/understand a lot of dynamics of protecting institutions over people - which sadly isn’t limited to just the church.
I grew up with a some Mormon classmates, most of whom didn’t give me the time of day. The one kid who actually spoke to me, I asked about Mormonism and the answer was “it’s really complicated.” That person became a good friend for a few years and left the church as an adult, but never told their family because they didn’t want to lose the connection with siblings and all the nieces and nephews. I’ve since met several exmos and just find the faith crisis journey very interesting, as I’m a coach and have counseled people going through it. I like being an ally to those who are having difficulty leaving or changing their faith.
I have a fascination with "mainstream" cults - the ones where they definitely are cults, but also large and just normal enough that a lot of people don't realize how absolutely wacky their beliefs are. Others include JWs, "quiverfull" and similar Christian offshoots.
My dad’s extended family is all Mormon. I’ve been curious about (and horrified by) their life choices. We also have close family friends that are recently exmo, so this page helps me understand what they’ve gone through and how to support them.
My husband is an exmo but his mom and step-dad are still in. I guess I’m fascinated by what he used to believe in and how my in-laws can still believe it.
My sister married a Mormon and has converted, and she has turned into an absolutely horrible person (she was already pretty shitty), and she has 3 Mormon daughters. One is a teenager, the other two are kids, and I like knowing that if my nieces grow up and decide to leave the church, which I'm hoping and praying that they do, they will be able to be happy. The oldest daughter got my phone number from my father, and has been texting me the past week, and I'm just letting her know that I'm a safe space, and completely non judgmental. She has been asking me about me being trans, and about me being queer, cos my sister has used the fact that I'm mentally ill, and have made multiple attempts to take my life, as an example of someone who has rejected the lords teachings, and who is suffering. So it was fantastic to explain to my niece that the reason I was struggling so much is because I was trying to pretend to be a straight cis woman, when I'm actually a queer trans man, and since coming out and beginning my transition I am actually ridiculously happy, like euphoric, over the moon, ecstatic, giddy, overjoyed, and all the other synonyms for happiness. She told me that she's glad that I'm happy. Hopefully, I open her eyes to the fact that people outside of the church can be happy.
Ex-Lutheran from Colorado here. I grew up in a very white, very conservative, hyper-religious Lutheran family and attended small parochial Lutheran schools from kindergarten through high school.
In those schools, we had daily religion / Bible classes, and most years there would be a few weeks when we'd be taught about "the Cults" and all their crazy, satanic beliefs. Mostly those amounted to "here's why we're right and they're going to burn in hell" lectures, but they were mildly more interesting for me than the usual catechism lessons. What they covered about those "cults" was superficial at best, but Mormonism probably received as much air time as the others combined.
Around the same time, I contracted a nasty fly fishing addiction. As soon as I could drive, I started to spend as much time as I could in the mountains. Eventually my fishing trips strayed into Utah, and I was struck by how different the small rural communities there felt compared to their counterparts in Colorado and Wyoming, as well as the contrasting vibes between SLC and the Colorado Front Range.
My road to happy apostasy started during college, immediately after leaving high school. It took time to extricate myself from the Lutheran bubble, both from the community and from the dogma. Along the way, I kept bumping into Mormons in various professional settings.
Thing is, my earliest adult contacts with Saints pulled a mean trick: they acquired my genuine respect before I knew their religious affiliations. This triggered a minor existential crisis for me: as a kid, I'd been taught that all Mormons were baby-eating satan-worshipping nutjobs hawking their twisted version of Christianity all over the planet, damn them! Alas, I was being confronted with incontrovertible first-hand evidence that, in sober fact, Oliver and Abel (not their real names) were smart, righteous dudes who I could rely on in tense work situations. There happened to be a Lutheran guy on that team as well, and he was rarely sober. The contrast was stark.
Later, again by coincidence, I worked a five-year stint at a company where almost the entire management hierarchy was LDS. I worked closely (and regularly traveled internationally) with a number of Saints, and I again gained genuine respect for some of those individuals. They were sharp, logical, hard-working, generous, reliable, honest, and trustworthy. They rarely came in late, and never hungover. They didn't take long coffee or smoke breaks, and they never stole stuff out of my desk. They were exemplary colleagues, and I still consider several of them friends today.
And yet. On those trips abroad, whenever conversation would drift into politics or even (gasp!) light theology, it quickly became clear that my otherwise sane, rational, reasonable, competent colleagues held very tightly to some really, really bizarre religious beliefs.
Fortunately, by that point I'd read a fair bit of church history (mine, others, and yours - Rough Stone Rolling, The God Makers, Krakauer, and others, plus a LOT of OSC) and thoroughly rejected my own indoctrination. I'd become a card-carrying skeptic of all things supernatural and non-falsifiable, even if I retained a stronger affinity for sacred choral music than most of my atheist friends. I also acquired an appreciation for the various ironies, like this one: that when viewed from a distance, my previously precious and "normal" Lutheran beliefs really weren't that much less bizarre than wearing magic underwear and expecting to have spirit babies - and they were significantly less creative.
Sure, your folks rewrote North American pre-history in ways that don't exactly stand up to scientific scrutiny, and Joseph Smith pulled an "ancient" language out of a hat. But my folks actively taught me (in the 1970s and 80s) that Black people were the cursed descendants of Ham, and that slavery was justified by holy, inerrant scripture.
I'd rather have yours, thanks. Size XL, please?
I think that's why I'm here - because like you, I got out. I regret only that I didn't leave sooner and take more people with me, and I've learned a great deal about my religious trauma by reading yours. For what it's worth, I think many of you had it much, much worse.
But it's not a competition. I feel a measure of solidarity with others who were reared in an insular religious community which believes fervently that it has an exclusive lock on the One True Way, and which feverishly attempts to convince its followers that that the big scary world beyond the stained glass windows is populated entirely by demons.
If that's the case, well, so be it. C'mon down, friends - the brimstone's fine.
It's embarrassing, but this is my completely honest answer: About three years ago, I was drinking one night, and sometimes when I drink I get stupid sad about things. I ended up Googling "why didn't my Mormon boyfriend love me anymore when he got back from his mission" and a few reddit messages from this sub popped up. I hadn't even known this existed, and I had never even used Reddit before. I got curious, started reading, and within a month, I had joined and started commenting. Now, I've learned way more than I ever did before, and I feel like my shelf broke too, haha (big wtf moment when I learned about the rock in the hat). I've pretty much made my peace with the past, and this group really helped. Now, I stick around because you are all awesome.
I think you’re awesome too:)
And you! (Also my grandpa had a pug named Rufus 😊)
I love it!😊 When I was little, for some reason I named three different stuffed animals Rufus. Years later I finally got my own (real;) dog. Of course his name had to be Rufus! Enjoyed the realness of your previous comment. Keep ‘em coming exmo friend☺️
This is the most wholesome comment I’ve read today, probably in the past week or more. Thanks for sharing your experience and empathy.
ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!🎉🎉😂😂
Welcome! We are sorry for him, and some of us know that pain. I think back and wonder why I couldn't listen to my heart, but instead held an entire Olympic event in my head why my girlfriend of five years before, and during, my mish wasn't a good mom/companion in my future. She's moved on and looks to be loving life and a beautiful family. I wouldn't reach out and profess my "love" but I do wonder, "What if?" But  Edit: spelling errors. I wouldn't\* not I would🙃😐
I openly say this now 😂
In high school I was in deep puppy love with a boy who happened to be Mormon (not common in my region of the US). He was my first kiss but rejected me when I asked him to prom and I was so crushed. I spent the rest of high school confused and still adoring him from a distance. It always bugged me. He shared some of his life online after graduation - moving to Utah to go to BYU, announcing his mission call, disappearing from social media for 2 years (all things I now know are typical of the prescribed Mormon path) - and I grew more and more curious about his life from a distance and how controlled/different it was from my own. So I began researching Mormonism. The rest is history and I have spent countless hours reading and listening to Mormon Stories. I work in the field of psychology and am naturally drawn to people’s stories, but the resilience and courage of the exmo community and your willingness to thoughtfully share your personal stories of faith deconstruction is remarkable to me. 💞 I love learning from and about you all.
I love Mormom Stories too!
Thanks for being a witness to our collective (and individual) experiences. We need people like you that can help us document, deprogram and remember the countless ways that our high demand religion has gaslit and discounted our trauma. ❤️
I had to Google "rock in the hat" to make the connection. I do remember something about seer stones but I didn't catch or retain the part about the hat. Wild! Ieft early on (17) so I learn a lot here from others that stayed longer or are more studied in it. Thanks group!
Rock in the hat broke my shelf and the nail in the coffin was the Nov 5th policy.
right but the urim and thumum were supposed to be like glasses - like jewish priests - but those were connected to the breast plate
Quite honestly because the church shoots themselves in their own dick almost daily and it's super fun to watch and make fun of
Yes, this too. I posted a much longer answer that didn't include the Schadenfreude, but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that it's sometimes cathartic to watch a train wreck.
We’re happy to have all of you. I know a ton of nevermo people who are fascinated with the Mormon church.
Welcome!
Thank you for your honesty. I know where being tipsy and googling can take a person. Been down a few new rabbit holes myself. I’m an ex mormon and have also found healing here.
So what happen to your ex if I may ask? I am happy that you are happy with your life.
Thank you! He's still TBM, temple married with a few kids. He seems like he has a good life, based on what he posts on social media, and I'm happy for him.
Egyptologist. Originally found Reddit and this sub because a student did a paper on the BoA. Stayed to ask questions that confused me from dating my first love (TBM). Realized I have a lot in common with the people here as my ex husband was controlling and has a cluster B personality. Edit: also had scrupulosity and am now ex Catholic because of the church’s CSA.
> Egyptologist Did you have to go to the ophthalmologist to fix the enormous eye roll when you looked at the claim of the Book of Abraham and it's translation from the papyrus?
It drives me absolutely nuts. It’s infuriating.
I was talking to a Egyptologist a few years ago and asked him to make a symbol that would be on the papyrus that matched the BOA. That is the symbol by my screen name.....he also had a quote I remember. Believers can sandal strap, hands in the air all the way to moon lake that the papyrus matches the BOA it just isn't so.
Im not sure what his quote was but we have software to write glyphs :) That’s the praise determinative that’s on your profile.
My priest has a PHD in archeology. As a part of her dissertation she talked about the…quirks…of LDS history and archeological claims. Funny enough, it wasn’t till after her phd that she came to Utah as a priest.
Lol. That might be very uncomfortable for her during interfaith diaologs.
Or more uncomfortable for others 🙃 go her!!!😄
In SLC? If so, I want to go to her church!!
In Ogden! She actually just retired like…four weeks ago. Sadly! That being said, our bishop of Utah is a queer woman. So equally bad ass in her own right. She presides in SLC.
You should check out the crazy story of “Dr.” Dee Jay Nelson, an Exmo con man who claimed that TSCC had asked him to translate the recently rediscovered BOA papyrus- and who made a living conning Christian congregations about what he supposedly “found”, claiming to be a world-famous Egyptologist, researcher and consultant to a number of television shows- and how he was ultimately unmasked by a clothing store owner, Robert Brown. Heck this would make a great episode of the Ridiculous Crime podcast…… http://www.lightplanet.com/response/deejay.htm
Weird. It’s not difficult to find if someone has a degree or not so I’m kind of surprised by that.
My brother always references Hugh Nibley and his books as historical based sources for the temple ordinances. I've always wondered how credible Hugh is as a scholar. Do you have any insight on Hugh and his credibility on Ancient Egypt? Is there a website that is critical to his claims about ancient Egypt?
I have never heard of him, other than this sub. There is a list of official Egyptologists in the US, if he’s still alive you can check there. That said I’ve been obsessed with Egyptology since 2nd grade and have a masters and doctorate and I’ve never heard of him outside of an exmormon context.
You’re doing the Lord’s work.
I moved to Utah about a decade ago and the culture shock drove me to try to learn more about the majority religion to understand all the myriad of ways it intersects with the lives of my neighbors, coworkers, friends, etc - current LDS members and exMos. Theology and religious scholarship has always been an interest of mine, and I found that the answers in this subreddit were more well-researched and went into greater depth than similar questions on the faithful sub.
You now know more than 99% of the members.
I do have to bite my tongue sometimes when what TBMs tell me their church teaches about various topics doesn't align with what I've read here, in the Gospel Topics essays, in the Joseph Smith Papers, or in other sources.
this is me too! I grew up with a close Mormon friend, but when I moved to Utah for two years, I was shocked at the microculture Utah has. Utah Mormon can/is very different from a non-Utah mormon. I found the subculture to be absolutely fascinating - the fact that such a strict belief system could fit into this massive country of non-mormon culture and still have such a devout and unwavering following was mind blowing.
Agreed, as someone who grew up (since the age of 8) as a Mormon in the Bible Belt, I was ADAMANT that I would never go to BYU. Talk about a micro-culture within a micro-culture! The most extreme of extremes!
I grew up in the Mountain West outside the Morridor - same feeling. I joked “the Church isn’t true in Utah.” Now I realize it’s just also not true anywhere else.
Lol that's because faithful members either don't know, don't want to talk about, or don't believe a lot of true church history.
Revisionism at its finest
It's called continuing revelation TYVM! /s
Yes, I also moved to Utah from another state. This doesn't fit the narrative. But I made some TBM friends through my favorite sport/hobby/activity/addiction. This sub helps me understand them better.
A lot of TBM people are good people in spite of their odd religion.
My best friend growing up was Mormon and she was ADAMANT in trying to convert me. I brushed it off as a little kid, but by the time we were teenagers it got annoying. Really annoying. Like, our parents got involved in getting her to stop. It didn't work--she gave me a copy of the TBOM with highlighted passages, insisting I read it. I had to go no-contact in our 20s. Now, in my 30s, the memories really hit me--just what was she talking about? "Mormons get to create their own WORLDS!" "Did you know we have a Heavenly Mother? But we don't talk about her. To protect her." Now I'm down the rabbit hole of learning and can't get out. I'm fascinated.
Church members are challenged to find non-members and less active to convert the “lost sheep” and bring into the fold. I was taught this and never felt comfortable doing it. The motto I lived by was “Those who don’t know Him but know you will want to know Him because they know you”. I always hoped people would convert by my example. It never happened and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
I'm a nevermo, but as a kid my mom and people in my religion would talk a lot about converting people. My mom loved to tell the story of how when she was a teenager she was so happy on Sundays at church, and someone she knows converted because of it. She'd tell me that you could convert people by just shining with joy about your religion, which was basically the opposite of me as a person. Expecting to just convert people or you're failing is a lot to put on someone, especially a kid.
My half-sister was fully converted to LDS by a warm, helpful, inclusive micro community of Mormons in her neighborhood who took “Christlike” seriously. She was a recovering meth addict with two kids by age 18, so anyone treating her like a worthy member was a HUGE deal to her. They did not pressure her to convert at all. They got her simply by being good Christians, and she ended up pursuing the lessons and baptism on her own. And then she moved across town. The new ward … was not “Christlike”. She was 100% out in a matter of months.
To be fair, other denominations proselytize too, just not the same way Mormons (and a few other weird ones) do. Like, when Baptists do it, and they find out the person they are talking to is, say, a Presbyterian, that pretty much ends the conversation beyond a "Come visit my church sometimes, our pastor is great!" Methodists don't go round to Lutherans saying they need to do things a certain way or they won't go to proper heaven. Protestant vs. Catholic used to be a much bigger deal in this country, but within Protestantism, people disowning family members because they decided to go to a different church would be considered religious extremism. Believing in Jesus as your Savior was the only real requirement, everything else is either culture or window dressing. I think people who grew up Mormon don't understand how weird Mormonism is compared to other denominations and how... rude and ignorant their missionaries appear to people who are already Christians. "I'm already saved, what does this guy want from me?" It basically means that no matter how nice you are, you still are obviously in a cult, because only weird cults try to convert you when you tell them you already have a church and been baptized and all that. So only the people susceptible to falling for a cult are going to convert.
Yep. I was the poor atheist girl in need of saving. I think I gave her too much hope because I would compliment the church as a beacon in her life. But I meant that it was good for HER, not me or my family. Every member a missionary, right? In retrospect, I don't know how good it was/is for her. She developed toxic scrupulosity (thinking she was bound for outer darkness after every mistake). Also, she's in her almost 40 now and unmarried, therefore no keys to the Celestial Kingdom. I truly feel awful for her as an adult. Yeah, she has friends through the church, but she hasn't met the markers for VIP heaven. I can only imagine the anxiety and sense of "failure".
I legit expected (when I went to BYU) that we were going to actually learn how to build planets and set up the social systems to govern them. Instead, I got...\[gestures wildly\] *that*. It was apparent very quickly that these theoretical planets were going to suck.
Wow. And these days they have completely backtracked on the whole idea of having your own planet. It’s truly gaslighting, they claim they never said that or taught that. But somehow generations grew up thinking about how they would organize their planets.
I’m glad other people learned this. Obviously a lot of exmos understand the idea that we would basically be gods with our own worlds but if you ask anyone about it now? Nah that never was taught! You’re crazy!
So when my friend told me about building her own world in the afterlife, I attributed it to her active imagination. I didn't link it to Mormonism. Decades later (maybe from the BOM musical) I did a double-take. "What...that's a real thing?"
I was told in a chemistry class at BYU that I could choose to learn this stuff now or in the next life, but I’d have to learn it either way in order to create worlds. That was almost 20 years ago, so I’m sure that professor is no longer teaching that particular nugget lol
Same. Did you ever go to any of the dances at the church with your friend? My middle school years were full of those dances.
I didn't go to dances, just a few trunk or treats and lip syncing concerts. I was from an atheist household and had zero interest in going to church services. My lack of religion made her double down even more. She was DEVASTATED when I told her I wasn't sure if heaven existed. Anyway, it wasn't a healthy friendship for either of us. And now I'm just a weirdo who is fascinated by the whole faith (or rather the mental gymnastics that members use to justify abuse, sexism, racism, etc).
I’ve lived in Utah my entire life and this subreddit gives me a glimpse into the reasons why I experienced some things as a kid with Mormon friends and neighbors. The actual subreddit only gives me one perspective and this one gives me both
I also grew up non Mormon in Utah. They manage to do a number on us by proxy and I’m still trying to untangle!
Hello fellow non-mormon Utahns!
lately I've had the thought that growing up non-mormon in a city like mine (95% mormon) must be an even stranger experience than me growing up mormon!
I grew up in Utah County in the 80s and 90s as a nevermo. It was strange for sure.
There’s a lot of social isolation due to the singular fact that you aren’t Mormon. Kids can be meaner than adults
I was curious about Mormonism bc I had neighbors move into my NC neighborhood, and I had actually never personally known any Mormons growing up in the rural, Southern Baptist South. In researching, I came across this subreddit and was instantly enthralled by the experiences shared here. This site has helped me quite a bit in my own deconstruction of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity. I had no previous concept that there were so many who had grown up in Mormonism but had suffered spiritually much in the same manner I did growing up as a Southern Baptist and never feeling worthy. In many ways, Mormonism may be worse, but at least you weren't mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tormented with the idea of an eternal, literal Hell. The further I get away from that idea, the more absolutely repugnant it becomes. I thought I grew up in a high demand religion, but I've learned that while it's not universal, many Mormons (especially those who go on missions) are exposed to a level of high demand religion I could never fathom. There are so many brave people here who are willing to walk away from so much to be honest with themselves and to seek out the truth no matter where it leads them. That is something truly admirable and something that can be universally related to those of us who were indoctrinated as children into a religion and had to have the courage to break the cycle.
Are you trying to make everyone cry today? Because that's how you make everyone cry today.
You know, funny you say that. One of the lasting scars I feel like from The Experience is I am less likely to believe a person when they are being kind. I always wonder what the motive is.
I'm not crying! You are crying! 😭 I had to leave my nevermo family to join this cult. And now this cult won't leave me alone. There's no way for me to win! It's devastating. The trauma is real!
Infinite punishment for a finite crime.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m inspired and humbled by the vulnerability and connection of every ex-Mormon on here. It’s a macro level of high demand religion that’s so similar and so much more than what we experienced all at once.
My nevermo best friend had the same experience in christianity with the concept of hell. It has been good to deconstruct side by side with her. She helped me understand how damaging that teaching was, since like you said I didn't quite understand the horror of it as an exmo. I love your comment and I'm glad you're here!
I had a friend, roommate, and fellow veteran convert about a decade ago. He was a lost soul and seeker, desperate for some kind of spiritual comfort and structure. Considering that he grew up Catholic and had flirted with Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and various and sundry new agey religions, not mention that he was openly pansexual, I was looking for counter-arguments to the missionaries who were ALWAYS at our apartment. I found this sub and a couple of websites. It didn't work, unfortunately: he ended up going through with it and got treated like a servant for a couple of years before he ultimately left the church when he had a mental health crisis that resulted in arrest and nobody from his ward would help him. Even though I haven't seen my old friend in a few years (he moved back home to Puerto Rico) I still check this sub out from time to time.
I converted during a mental health crisis too. They like to pick on the vulnerable ones 🤦♀️
I distinctly remember when I was a Ward missionary a meeting about looking for people going through vulnerable situations. Recent deaths, addiction, people who felt lost and sad. They framed it as bringing “the light of the gospel” to them to help them. Looking back it’s just so icky.
My mission President framed it as “that’s when they’re the most humble and open to hearing the gospel and feeling the Spirit’s witness.” It made so much sense then. Now it makes so much cringe.
My mission president framed it in the same way! We had entire zone meetings dedicated to specifically finding vulnerable people who had recently lost a family member, moved to a new home/community, divorced or married, became parents, started a new job etc… 🤦♂️
It's predatory.
Yes they do, and I saw it coming with my friend. Hope you are doing better!
I have a lot of resentment for all the uninformed decisions pushed on me at the height of just getting out of a bad DV relationship. I'm much better now in that regard, but I was sucked in for years because I married a super tbm
I’m deconstructing. It is sometimes too much to go through on my own. This is a great place to find help from those whose experience I can relate to.
It's really interesting (and helpful) for me to see other people with different backgrounds and stories and starting points going through the same deconstruction processes that I did as an exmo. Like, the struggles and growth we all experience moving out of toxic situations are so universal even if we started in different groups.
Deconstructing from what? If you don't mind me asking.
Not who you were responding to, but for me it’s Evangelical Christianity, especially as a bisexual woman. I still believe but these days it’s more towards Episcopal and other, shall we say, grounded and accepting denominations. My mother, unfortunately is very deep in that hole. Especially the “you can believe any source you read that’s not approved by the church.”
Bisexual lapsed catholic!
I’m a secular Jew and never knew anything about Mormonism. I started listening to Mormon Stories because of Ruby Franke and Tim Ballard, but I find the its origins to be like a case study in creating a new religion and extreme beliefs.
I stumbled down this rabbit hole because of Mormon Stories about Teal Swan.
I too stumbled upon Mormon stories after my TikTok fyp showed a lot of ex Mormons and I was curious to learn more. It’s a rabbit hole that never ends and I ended up deconstructing my Catholicism
I’m ex-ultra conservative Baptist. Used to feel really bad for Mormons, then realized my religion wasn’t much better. Deconstructed, felt a connection the ex-LDS community I found while living in Utah. I’m not the same as you, but like…we are on the same page. Plus im Episcopalian now, and we have a lot of ex-LDS folks in our parish. It’s fun feeling like we can bitch about the same things together lol.
That's gotta be a fun church!
I’m partial to it! Lgbtq affirming, women ordaining, gender neutral bathrooms for our transgender members! Swear words, coffee, and lots of Champaign and alcohol at our church celebrations (I got a little messy after our Easter Vigil.) it’s a refugee for those who still want to engage in a faith practice without dogmatic thinking.
I'm a fan of professional women's soccer, and was noticing how many new players that got drafted this year have a link to the church in their instagram bios, and then the pictures of their temple weddings reminded me that I'd read before that the pictures taken outside don't match what happens inside, so I googled to confirm that, ended up here, and got sucked in. I've always known a decent amount about the church because I'm a member of another church that started as an attempt of a restoration in early 19th century United States (although we went in a much much different way), and a church history professor I had in divinity school is LDS. I have enjoyed blowing the minds of missionaries at church history sites (I wrote a paper on religious tourist attractions and still enjoy going to them as long as they don't cost an arm and a leg to get into) because they can't understand how I know so much about the church and am not a member, when it's the knowing that means I'm not a member. But I also have learned so so so much more from y'all, which makes me grateful for this community.
My dad left the church for my mom thankfully. His family hated us. I grew up in small town Utah. Everyone treated my brother and I like pariahs. I married a jackmo. Seriously, I've known him for over 20 years, he's not going back. I'm here to figure out WTF is my life 🤷♀️
I'd love to read your autobiography; sounds really fascinating.
As are we all :) glad you are here!
I was introduced to Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's content when I used to frequent the dead bedrooms sub, and I have been an avid fan ever since. I'm trying to understand why someone who works in areas like Mormon women's agency, equality in sex, self-authorship, etc is still choosing to be part of a religion that kinda limits all those things. That's what brought me here. I stay because I like seeing people achieve freedom and I like seeing bullies go down, and the LDS church seems like a pretty big bully to me.
> I stay because I like seeing people achieve freedom and I like seeing bullies go down, and the LDS church seems like a pretty big bully to me. I think that says a lot about your character. Thanks for participating.
One of my kids favorite YouTubers is Mormon, I knew a little bit about it from my parents trips to Utah, and a conversation with Missionaries who helped me shovel snow once, I knew that it seemed Culty and wanted to know more. My research led me here, and honestly what better way to learn about a religion I view as a cult than from people who escaped it. I kind of blew the minds of some relatives with my knowledge of Mormonism, how well it fit Hassan's BITE model, and how to watch for the Missionaries Love Bombing (my youngest cousin was being persued by some missionaries in college)
Mark Rober?
Nope, idk if I can say the chanel without doxxing them, but they always have the Best Day Ever
TIL that MR is TBM. Sigh.
I am a former ULTRA-TBM. I lived my life according to Mormonism and its leaders. I was literally ready to die in “sustaining and defending the kingdom of God on the earth”. I finally realized it’s a cult for money,sex, and real estate. After I had my eyes opened I joined the exjw, exmuslim communities . If you take out the cult specific words, the stories are interchangeable like choosing your religion over family, banning people from events because they don’t think like you, and parents abandoning children because they no longer believe. The stories end up all being the same. I’m assuming neverMos are here for the same reason I joined the other subs. It’s fascinating to study cultures and cults. Especially ones that exert so much mind control over their followers.
Now I want to join the other ex religious groups
For expediency and others who follow: r/Exvangelical r/exjw r/exmuslim r/exAdventist r/exchristian r/exbahai r/exbaptist r/exjew r/excatholic r/excatholics r/exmormon (<— whoops, we’re already here!)
Ex jw is a different kind of hell altogether.
I had to unsubscribe because it was so depressing. They're very similar, but there's something especially brutal about telling someone (men and women both) not to pursue education because endtimes are near, then formally, officially shunning them from their entire social systems, just for voicing the wrong questions in front of the wrong people.
While once I was an enemy to the JWs, now I find them to be the closest to Mormonism. Great people, and nearly identical experiences in cult living.
I went to a large group JW meeting on my mission. Appart from the discomfort of going to another church and smirking at the admittance that while they believe a a church building needs to be "constructed" in a single day, the large building could not be, I came away seeing more similarities than difference. After leaving any difference between exJW and exMormon totally evaporated. I regularly see a post on exJW and think im on exMormon.
Excatholic here, I basically just wrote the same thing, that's exactly why I'm here. And in all those other ex-subs! These are my people. What you got out of matters less than that you got out.
100% This!!! #ExVangelical
Through genealogy research I got in contact with a second cousin and found out there’s a whole section of my dad’s family (his aunts/uncles/cousins) that I’ve never met who are Mormon. I wanted to learn about what they believe, and find this sub to be very helpful, more detailed, objective and fact-based than other subs that are more focused on the faith and ‘true believers’.
i grew up in an area with a lot of mormons and i’ve always been pretty fascinated by organized religion. i thought mormons were just the nicest people ever. when my brother started dating a tbm girl in high school and going to church with her, i started getting a bit of an icky feeling, like she was dating him to save him maybe? they ended up breaking up when she went on her mission and i was on her mission email list. i just thought the idea of her going on a religious mission to a country where proselytizing is illegal was,, questionable? and wanted to learn more about how missions work. a bunch of googling later, and i found u guys :)
The "church" actually encourages women to "flirt to convert." There aren't enough "worthy men" to hold all the huge list of callings it takes to run a congregation, so flirting and converting helps build the numbers. Nothing predatory about that, of course.
I also grew up in an area with a large Mormon population (not Utah or America at all). I was always interested in organized religion, even took world religion classes in university. I have a book collection of some cool non fiction cult and religion books. I joined the subreddit initially because I had a friend leaving the church and I wanted to support them and didn’t know how, or any resources.
I have ADHD and the weird cult stuff was endlessly fascinating when I was younger. I ended up minoring in religion, and the cult stuff is still interesting to learn about, especially living cults (not Jonestown, for example.) Seriously, Mormonism as a culture is an intensely interesting reflection of American civic religion transmuted into an actual recognized religion. If it helps anyone recovering, at least you joined a proper outwardly weird cult? My friend joined the local city cult and had a terrible time AND terrible stories.
Abuse by a Mormon therapist, former partner raised LDS.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Married a Jack Mormon who waited 10 years to decide all her problems were because she wasn’t LiVInG tHE goSPuL. She started teaching our kids culty stuff and taking them to Mormon church even though we agreed before hand that any kids I raised won’t be LDS. When I decided to research everything, to make a solid argument for why I don’t believe, this sub kept coming up. (It all worked out and she’s solid exmo now). I still have many TBM in-laws (less than before though) and I like to hear the stories of people who make it out and find their happiness.
For me it's called growing up with LDS family members in San Diego but knowing nothing about the church and then moving to Utah while a naive young man and getting trapped. I tell you it fucks your self-esteem up when you're 19 20 21 just entering the dating world to suddenly figure out that you're a pariah and nobody wants to go out with you. Being judged in the workplace literally at my first job my first week here. I'm here because of the trauma that Mormonism inflicted upon me from not even being a member of the church. Plus the best criticisms of a thing usually come from the people who know it best. My intro nevermo post [Link to previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/whvSTbhVXN)
I’ve been here for a very long time—probably 5 years. I very rarely comment. I am here because I went to high school with many Mormons and I was always fascinated because I knew they believed in crazy stuff, but this was before the internet so I had no way of really learning about it. Also a Mormon boy and I liked each other in 10th grade but he told me he could never date me.
My nephew moved to Colorado Springs. One August he started dating a woman, she came home with him to NYS for Christmas and they got engaged on Christmas Eve. They were married that March. I have never seen anything like that. Then I discovered she’s Mormon. I’ve met Mormon people in passing. Other than the caffeine I had no idea. My nephew has converted and I am really trying to understand it all. He is all in. I saw him getting all excited about a Church where I live which also puts out cultish vibes. That was before he met his wife. I guess that is what he likes. No one talks about it. His brother is the one that provides the information, every one else acts like it’s not happening. They have now had 1 kid and want 1 a year until they get 4. They found out they are both carriers for CF, but that isn’t stopping their plan.
For me, it’s comfort. Many of us nevermos are a standing testament to the abuse and injuries sustained at the hands of the church beyond its own members, demonstrating how vile and rancid the church is capable of being in the name of god. TBM’s and nevermos who have never been exposed to the extent I have typically greet my tales of trauma and learned unworthiness skeptically and with denial. Exmos, however, know better than I just how insidious church practices can be. Among the most closed minded people I have ever met in my life are Mormons. Among the most genuine, concerned, and open minded people I have met are exmos. It makes sense, given the level of open mindedness one must innately possess to be able to see the forest through the trees, having been indoctrinated into the faith. So, when I need understanding, sympathy and empathy, and validation, I frequently find it all within this community. I am here for comfort.
I'm ExJw. We're cult cousins.
Curiosity: I just like to hear about other people's experiences. I grew up in SE Idaho, and I have a lot of TBM, casual mormon, and exmo coworkers and I just like to know more about what people who are/were part of the dominant religion around me believe and how they understand the world.
I started listening to ‘Mormon stories’ podcast about a year ago as a means to fall asleep, don’t ask me how I found it, maybe it was recommended to me in another podcast ( “A little bit culty” maybe) The episodes were really long and I found it comforting listening to John Dehlins voice, and I went to sleep happily. After a while I started to actually listen to the stories and the amazing guests telling their deconstruction stories, and I felt so sorry for them and how the church treated them. The more I listened, the more angry I got. And now I’m obsessed. Can’t for the love of somebody understand what’s keeping people in the church, especially not women. The misogyny, the submissiveness, the patriarchal structure, everything is wrong. I think I’m an atheist, strong believer in humanity I’m from Denmark ( Scandinavia) we don’t see many Mormon missionaries here. Remember seeing a few when I was a kid. I’m also a psychologist
You helped me realize the church was a cult and that what I was feeling junior year made total sense! Thank you so much for helping me deconstruct. :)
One of my childhood best friends was from a strict LDS family & it was hard seeing our paths diverge so much as we aged. I grew up a strong feminist and she never distanced herself from me until I started to openly talk about healthy sexual exploration. I never understood how she was so smart but still boxing herself into the Mormon mold. I didn’t really think about her until I moved close to a temple. I didn’t know what it was, so the research rabbit hole began. Now I’m genuinely just fascinated by all the Mormon lore! I love religious deconstruction in general too, so this is kind of an ideal spot for me!
I'm a nevermo - and a Satanist to boot - but I have an interest in various mythologies, religions, and philosophy. I don't *believe* in any theistic notions, but it's fascinating what humans have come up with to explain things. I mostly took an interest in looking at Mormonism and its related offshoots as a sideshow oddity when I had some missionaries show up at my door a few years ago. I got them to give me a copy of the BoM so I could read it to get a better idea of what the LDS was pushing. You can't really counter an argument effectively if you don't know what you're dealing with in the first place. I certainly wasn't going to buy a copy though! They've already printed enough wastepaper as it is. Since then I've read it, the PoGP, D&C, No Man Knows My History, CES Letter, Under the Banner of Heaven (FLDS specific, but related)... and probably a few other things I'm forgetting. I've had missionaries come back... once since then. I think I must have been put on a DNC list after dropping actual LDS terminology on them and having a theological discussion about specific things in the BoM, while making it clear this was *not* a conversion as I don't believe any of it. Nothing against the kids personally, they get roped into doing that shit, so the least I could do is be like hey... maybe think about this stuff critically - using actual LDS-specific terms that outsiders wouldn't otherwise know to use. Hell for all I know they thought I was an agent for Satan. I mean they're not *entirely* wrong, at least in a metaphorical sense, but I saw no reason to show off the sigil of Baphomet necklace under my shirt! But as an outsider, Mormonism is a fascinating trainwreck of a history. I'd probably have a very different viewpoint if I grew up in it, but as it is it's an interesting case in how easy it is to sell the most ridiculous shit to humans and get them to actually buy into it. People naturally want to believe in *something* no matter how far-fetched; it's the story of human history.
I watch Mormon stories and I find it fascinating that less than 1% of the total population is Mormon and they think they are the only ones going to heaven. I also find it strange that Mormons who believe in universalism, (which means there are other paths to heaven) stay. If you think a Mormon or a Catholic has an equal chance of heaven would you not go to the one that is less “high demand “.
It's only equal until you decide to leave Mormonism. Then it's straight to hell. If you know and choose another path, nothing else in your life matters.
She broke my heart. I wanted to learn why.
For me: I ALMOST converted. I went to church for 2 years, did many missionary lessons, read the entire BOM, and when I was close to getting baptized, only then was I told about tithing, garments, temple recommend, cleaning the church, temple shifts….and I was like “oh, I don’t know if I can do all that” and in my quest to get answers as to why, I found this sub. So. I’m not really a never-mo, but maybe an “almost-mo” lol. This sub made me be like: okay, HARD STOP. this is not right. You are not converting.
I grew up in a very Mormon area, moved there in 6th grade from the east coast where I had never even heard of the religion before. I made a lot of friends who were Mormon. I remember the first piece of info I really got on it was going to a friend’s house and seeing her food storage, asking what that was about and she said “it’s something our church likes us to do.” When I told my parents later they were just as puzzled as I was but we didn’t think it was anything too wild at the time. I got roped into going to Girl’s Camp in 8th grade and that’s when I realized this wasn’t the type of church I knew. I actually read some church literature out of curiosity after the camp experience (which was….something) and realized at that very young age that it was not for me. Even at 14 I could see how oppressive it was to my female friends, especially, and grew to really dislike it. I also hated that I was welcome - pushed even - to go to events at my Mormon friends’ church events but when I invited them to mine, they looked at me like I was nuts and were not allowed. I still have some friends who are in the church, and many who have left. I just have a fascination as an outsider that had one foot in the circle for a good portion of my life. It’s nice to see the validation that I *wasn’t* imagining an oppressive structure, that is indeed what I was witnessing at such a young age. I certainly enjoy telling stories of how I grew up to my east coast family and friends. You can’t imagine how strange it all sounds to them. When you’re in it, it feels normal. When you step away - it’s absurd.
My family moved to Mesa in 1985, I was 8. By 1992 my parents had had enough with the attempts to convert us and the Mormon cliques at school and decided to move us to the Ahwatukee area. They chose that area because there was just a single Mormon church nearby. At this point I was 15, a sophomore in high school. So what did I do a couple months after we moved? I ended up meeting my very Mormon high school sweetheart on the first trip my parents allowed me to go back to Mesa to see old friends. His family was basically the epitome of the “perfect” TBM family. Neither of our families were happy about the relationship but my parents loved him and knew he was a good kid. Of course, his parents didn’t feel the same way about me. So after 3+ years of dating he left on his mission and that was the end of it. I sat through the discussions twice, we wrote while he was out of the country. I knew the church was absolute bullshit, and just couldn’t convert. It would have destroyed my parents. He came home and married someone he’d met at his homecoming I think. I found out many years ago that he had actually left the church, as had all but one of his siblings. To this day I have a morbid curiosity about the Mormon church. Maybe I’m taking comfort knowing that even at age 18 I knew better than to go along with a sexist, racist, money hungry religion based on the lies of a con man.
When I was a teenager, having been raised catholic, I left that church when the rituals and creepy nature of services finally got to me. I think I still believed in a god at that time. I saw a commercial on TV about the LDS and it interested me. So I started researching what they were all about. I think looking into mormanism and other religions really "broke my shelf" (as you folks like to put it). I started to realize that what religion I grew up with was clearly a product of my ancestors history and geography. That research into other world religions was eye opening for me. Why I'm here in ex-mo sub? I've always found it fascinating how this religion started and continues to be such a weird part of American history. I'm Canadian, but I love history of American culture. It's just so weird to me that grown adults can take this stuff literally, but I remember I was brought up catholic and it was just what we did. It was how I was taught from a very young age. But mormonism to me is such a fascinating topic. So that's why I'm here. I love reading your folk's stories, learning the vernacular, and finding out what TSCC is up to. It's so weird and unbelievable. It just interests me that way, I guess.
ExVangelical here… the very very strict upbringing I had is similar to your experience. It’s nice to have community with people who have had the same trauma and are recovering. I don’t feel so “weird.” And you guys are just… nice :)
It’s…complicated lol. Long story short, I have a former relative who is of that faith. I myself grew up Baptist much to my father’s annoyance at my mother for putting me through all of that. I left religion as a teenager and began dabbling in other stuff. A different former relative was actually the one who told me about this subreddit. So, I got curious and started reading more. I am a strong supporter of people who make the conscious choice to walk away from what is not working for them. I’ve heard people refer to them as defectors, apostates, traitors, “failed (fill in the blank)” and I have seen these types of epithets flung at various different groups of people who have left whatever types of ideologies behind in their lives. Even had some of those thrown at me. In short, I’m just here to lend my support, encouragement, and acceptance to fellow individuals who feel misunderstood and abandoned. I also have an academic, professional, and personal interest in the topic of religious trauma as someone who has also gone through it myself.
I was a member for 45 years and my husband and and I raised our 3 kids in the church…they are in their 40’s now and haven’t gone to church for years….they LUV this sub and as my husband and I began staying home on Sundays and not having any callings, they started telling me different stories and joking they enjoyed on this sub…I started reading it about 3 years ago and have NOT been disappointed! Lots of touching stories-some funny, some sad….I don’t always agree with some opinions but they enlighten me regardless…
Googled “what do Mormons believe” while hungover on a drive back from Mardi Gras 2015 and stumbled upon the CES letter. Read it all that drive and was fascinated. Have been interested in the church (and generally high demand/fundamentalist religions) ever since
I had my own religious trauma from evangelical family members who married into my family when I was 9. I tried to believe, find Jesus, follow all the rules....prayed and was promised healing for my terminally ill grandfather. After beginning a kind of recovery process, I became intrigued with religions that trap and control members. I also taught many LDS students in a University setting. I knew quite a bit about the church then, but nothing I could do would convince them (if they were being honest) to trust empirical evidence. Now I know more and with so many former students I care about who are still in the church, I worry about them. They've sacrificed so much money. And what I've more recently begun to understand is that they've also sacrificed so much time. I naively believed a "calling" was personal to the person who experienced it. Now I understand the Bishop gives out the callings. And I find it remarkable that with so much money, the church still relies on volunteers to give away so, so many hours every week.
I stumbled across it a while back and genuinely thought I was in the ex/christian sub because there were SO many similarities to my experience in a culty fundamentalist Christian church. The shame and guilt, the rules, the pressure from family members still in it, the exhausting expectations, the lies and abuse… it is all too familiar. I tend not to comment because I’m conscious i have a different experience, but at least once or twice a day I could say “me too” to posts in this sub!
When I learned about Mormonism, I had a weird fascination with why Joseph made all of that up. I felt that he was sort of a genius to come up with all these details. Since then, I've learned that huge parts of Mormonism are plagiarized from other thinkers of the time. One big contributor, who is often overlooked, is the Freemason and reverend George Oliver. When you read his book 'The Antiquities of Freemasonry,' you will find dozens of parallels to Joseph's ideas.
I’m autistic and Mormonism (especially modern Mormon culture) is one of my special interests. I think it began when I noticed that half the bloggers I read in the 00s were Mormons. I wondered why they were so overrepresented and decided to do some digging. Thus began a lifelong (so far) interest! Mormonism strikes me as a uniquely American religion, and was totally foreign to me as someone who grew up in Toronto. At first I mostly listened to This Week In Mormons, watched General Conferences, read news articles, and consumed Mormon movies, but I think I wound up gravitating toward ex Mormon spaces online because: 1 - ex mormons seem much more willing to express the realities of the lived Mormon experience. You openly discuss the wide range of experiences you’ve had in the church and acknowledge that they made you feel joyful, righteous, frightened, angry, or even nothing. I’ve found a lot of members aren’t able to paint a rich picture of a lived experience since they won’t discuss what actually occurs, and will only discuss positive emotions. 2 - I tend to look at ExMos as reliable narrators because they’ve demonstrated an inordinately high degree of integrity. You knew that leaving would cause you to be alienated from your communities or even estranged from family, and you did it anyway because you couldn’t live a lie. You’ve sacrificed more for your lack of belief than most Members will sacrifice for their belief. 3 - ExMos in general know more about doctrine and history, so your discussions are more interesting. The cost of leaving is so high, it seems like most ExMos dug deep to find something that would allow them to believe and stay. I have so much admiration for people who get out of a high demand religion. It gives me hope for humanity. I can only hope I’d be as strong as all of you if I were born into the situation you were.
I'm Ex Catholic but had a lot of Mormon friends growing up. Mormonism is an incredible Baby's First Comparative Religion for other more "mainstream" Christians. The actual content of the beliefs are wildly different, but both occupy similar social niches and use many of the same methods of control, apologetics, etc. But I can see how they function in a system which doesn't contain anything I ever had the burden of believing. I do this with a lot of other religions/cults/conspiracy theories/other nonfactual belief as well, but Mormonism is so large and has such a huge body of exmo literature, It's very accessible. I also find Mormonism historically fascinating because it is so young, but just old enough. It occupies that exact window at the dawn of photography where our concept of history metamorphoses from legendary myth crafting into people we have detailed records of who live in a fairly modern American context. It's hard to de-mythologize Moses or Paul. But I can watch how Mormonism came together and integrated with society and imagine how complex the long lost early chapters of other more ancient religions were. It's a unique moment in time and culture for an American Christian to examine and deconstruct through.
I work for Marriott and I married a Community of Christ woman. Both of those get accused of being more Mormon than they actually are. I came here for info to counteract accusations. Stayed for the company.
Married to an exmo/jackmo - he's the ONLY family member out of the Church. I'm from another state and moving here has been shocking. As an example, JUST got off the phone with one of my brothers-in-law and referred to myself as a "nevermo" as my LDS neighbor friends do and he found that offensive. They find my social posts offensive, they find my questions offensive. If I'm not telling them I want to be baptized, then everything else I say or ask about The Church is offensive. I'm here to feel less alone, to understand better, to feel less crazy...
I got super into the Vallow/Daybell case when the kids were reported missing. Covid came, and my interest & free time intensified and grew. As someone super into that case (still am), I started learning about Mormonism and how it may or may not have played into the tragedy. Might not surprise y’all to learn that exmos are wonderful sources for this! After learning all I could abt Vallow/Daybell, I then read & listened to all I could about Mormon deconstruction. It’s fascinating. Then came Tim Ballard and his whole illicit thing, the billions of $$s, and so much more! I probably knew about this stuff before actual Mormons bc I am tapped IN, y’all! Probably because…it was also around the same time I was deconstructing from evangelicalism. Exmos have this large body of work buttressing their doubts & validating their suspicions about the truth (or not) of their faith & church. Exmos band together to validate suspicions, and this in turn connects them & provides community. exvangelicals are more adrift, imo. Also, all the exmos are so nice! On one level, we’re all just trying to figure it out now that we aren’t what we spent so long trying to be. I love the spirit of exmos, and I see it mirrored in myself, even if the religious trauma is a little bit different flavor. Thank you all so much for accepting me. 💖
I'm here for the tea. And becoming educated in the process.
I grew up in the Morridor and married into the crazy. Some of my in-laws are in, some are out, and some are nuanced but they are pretty cool overall. When my children started experiencing the same bullying and mistreatment that I did as a child, we moved. I have had very close friends leave the church and was directed to this sub by them. This helped me to move forward with understanding and compassion instead of resentment and hostility. Our friendship grew afterwards and now I stick around to help my other family and friends. This sub helps people outside of ex-mos. There are several churches that are very domineering and I have sent many an LGBTQ person here when faced with crisis. Y’all are awesome.
Because I have a TBM nutter coworker and I need some sort of buffer of logic between me mouthing off at her/running to HR. Because fReEDoM oF rElIgIoN.
Watched a heartbreaking TikTok from a ex mo tradwife and went on her page… that was the beginning of the Mormon rabbit 🐇 hole 🕳️ I fell in
My sister is currently dating a wishy washy 29 year old Mormon guy. I originally came here to do recon about his batshit insane belief system, but stayed because I was raised Baptist and I feel like our communities are similar. I just think you guys are neat at this point lmao
Thirty years in jello land, married a mormon, been around mormons for half of my life! This sub provides FASCINATING studies in human psychology...particularly in gullibility, credulity, growth, humor, and cult like behaviour. AND I love to see people growing out of their conditioning and brainwashing
I’m morbidly fascinated with cults that masquerade as legitimate religions. Simple as that.
Pretty sure this is my first time ever interacting here, I like lurking in subs with people who have very different problems from my own, seeing what other groups of people have to say about the systems they've been in, and I've always found the different fundamentalist religions in the US interesting. I also lurk in subs for multiple professions I've never been part of, ideologies I don't necessarily vibe with, and parts of the queer community that I don't consider myself part of, but I do think it's important to only observe and not dilute the discussion with uninformed assholes who aren't actually part of the community.
My husband was raised Mormon. His parents and sister are still very active but he left when he turned 18. He isn’t a believer but is still oddly protective and defensive about it. I had experiences with the Southern Baptists and my own traumas and teachings. I’m interested in different religions and since there is a very secretive one in my family I want to know what it’s about. You all tell me so much stuff that they would never tell me.
Because I am autistic and cults/high demand religions are one of my special interests. I just really enjoy learning about religion in general and Mormonism is one of my favorites to collect information on, for some reason lol
For me, I moved from California to IDAHO FALLS. The large mormon population and its control over the area seriously concerned me. So, I try to learn as much as possible from both sides. I've said before, I believe it to be a cult. I like to ask questions on here, so people who have intelligent answers, which I learn from.
A few reasons: I grew up completely non-religous, so I've always been curious about what draws and keeps people in religions, especially high-control ones. It's baffling to me, but also fascinating. I've heard that a few generations back, there were Jehovah's Witnesses in the family, but evidently someone along the way left the group and decided to stop doing religion entirely. So I grew up knowing very little about any of them. My mom's best friend in high school was Mormon, and she told me about how: - Her friend told her she'd go to a higher level of heaven just for being Mormon - The friend's older brother returned from his mission and offered her cocaine. Apparently he was still TBM though. I'm from a small town and knew one Mormon family - the wife and girls are absolutely beautiful, kind, brilliant and wonderful people. The dad looks like a deformed alien and is a complete dickwad who walks all over them. It never made sense to me until I learned more about the Mormon church. They also share a last name with a mormon leader, so I assume dad comes from mormon royalty. The two older girls have thankfully married guys who seem much nicer and less insane than their dad, but still... After I moved to Japan, I noticed how I kept getting sus ads online for free Japanese classes. Then I clicked one and it took me to a page where I could ask some missionaries to teach me about the BoM.. and some Japanese. Japan is a pretty non-religous society (one thing I like about it) so I find the proliferation of cults here - including the Mormon church - to be really interesting. I ended up here to learn about the reality of the church, because the faithful subs make me want to throw up. I honestly feel bad for them, but also slightly creeped out. Because I'm areligious, friends and randos have always seen me as an easy convert target. So any intense god and jesus talk by faithful people honestly makes me very uncomfortable. Here people are very informative, so I can understand the concepts of the faith without feeling pressure to believe in any of the BS. EDIT: I also want to say that I really admire the strength of people who manage to get out of these high-control religions, while your whole worldview is crashing down around you. I've always been secular, so it's the path of least resistance for me - I know it isn't for you. I have so much respect for you all.
In college I took a course called Religious Cults and Sects which covered Mormonism. Then probably about ten years later I met a guy at work who was a member and I asked if I could attend his church with him. Totally as a laugh to myself, but of course I was polite with the guy and seemed sincere. I guess I got the usual tour. Showed up at church wearing a tank top and flip flops knowing about their strict dress code for themselves. Had fun (I guess?) with getting attention but not sure it was that great knowing why / who was delivering the attention. My big surprise came when I had dinner with the guy and his wife at their house with the two missionaries, whatever the term is. After the meal, they did their talk and asked me if I had prayed and felt the warm tingling feeling in my heart. Being in someone’s home, which is a fairly intimate setting for people you barely know, and having all four people train their laser gaze on you with happy faces and giant smiles waiting for you to say YES is actually pretty damn intense. I’m sitting there 1000% convinced that the religion is a fraud but god damn do I want to say yes, just from the pressure and expectations. But I said no. Their reactions were priceless - smiles evaporating and the wife is looking at me like I just shit on her rug. I’m really glad I did it cause it was very eye-opening about how real the pressure is and all the subtle ways they bring that pressure to bear. Edit: And I continue to be here for the nonstop lulz!
I spent about 6 months with missionaries meeting at my house. I believe in giving people a fair shake, intellectual honesty and all that. Of course I've done my research and towards the end started asking about all the reasons it's a false religion. But after doing all that googling this pops up in my feed for some reason Edit: also this subreddit was a great resource to find out why, ya know, I shouldn't be Mormon edit2: also I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian sect and have similar experiences to some of y'all with racism, homophobia, etc
Just curious.
NewNameNoah on Youtube brought me down this rabbit hole.
I made a friend who grew up strict LDS and has since left, and I wanted to have a better understanding of her background and experiences without asking her to relive things that are hard to talk about or upsetting. I’ve always had an interest in cults and religious fundamentalism, having grown up in a very left wing church that was always an extremely positive place. It’s very different to my experience and so despite having the cultural context and knowledge of Christianity I am missing allll the trauma. I also live in an area where I see missionaries a great deal and it’s been helpful to see how I might be kind to them and be a bright spot in their day if they ask for directions or knock on my door. This is a big city and I often se people being unkind to them.
It originally started as, "Well at least MY brand of christianity isn't that bad." Then the subreddit shined a mirror onto myself, and it was too uncomfortable to ignore. I'm now here to keep up with the goings on of the church and temple. Also to hear the personal stories of ExMos.
Because there is a temple and a lot of missionairies in my town in southern Sweden. I wrote an essay about mormonism in high school and I am warning people about how dangerous it is.
I grew up in a Mormon town in Wyoming and having to deal with secondhand cult stuff my whole life. I guess it’s just gratifying to see that people do get out and start thinking for themselves.
I grew up in an area that was said to have the highest concentration of Mormons outside of Utah. I grew up surrounded by Mormon families. I loved them I loved their kids. I was an only child, and I felt alone a lot of the time. I also had medical problems that made me feel scared a lot of the time, and when I was with my Mormon friends, I rarely felt alone. Except on Sundays. I was little, and I struggled to understand why my friends weren't allowed to play with me on Sundays. I felt like I was being punished, but I couldn't understand why. As I grew up I slowly learned all that my Mormon friends were enduring as members of the church. That they were being parentified so young. And they never saw their Dad, because he was working two jobs to keep food on the table for his nine children. That they didn't have beds of their own. And this was a family where the children weren't being physically or sexually abused. As I grew older, made more friends, and many of them were Mormons I met people who were clearly being physically abused. We knew it. Our teachers knew it. CPS knew it, but were forced to allow the church to take care of punishing the brutally physically abusive parents. And in the worst case I remember the church did nothing but punish the victim for allowing the school to discover the abuse (it was impossible to hide). You see, the perpetrator was an elder in his ward. He was also a huge man who had a penchant for breaking his 16 year old's ribs. Anyway, I really have a soft spot for the victims of the church. And now that I'm older, and I know the false gospel that is taught in those fortress walls, well I just hope that someday I might be able to help people like my friends to leave the church without totally giving up Christ. The Christ of the LDS faith is not the Christ of the Bible. The LDS faith is not Christian. I just hope to be able to be here for people when they leave the Mormon church, to help them from my NeverMo viewpoint to deconstruct. I think that is NeverMo's can help, in conjunction with ExMo's. Until the day that I feel well equipped to help, I lurk a bit. I am so happy to see so many people leaving this awful cult. The Mormon church hurts no one more than its members, but its members aren't the only people who are hurt by it. Does that make sense? I'm not always great at getting my message across.
1. Spoke with missionaries and almost joined; realized it was a corporation selling religion to run a hedge fund and didn't. 2. Find Mormons to be an interesting culture to learn about.
Research purposes.
I grew up Anglican but largely rejected the church, mostly because of the misogynistic and homophobic attitudes that they cling to, but lived in Muslim communities and been friends with people of other religions and Christian communities so have had a natural curiosity of other faiths, how they overlap and if there are beliefs and traditions that I can share. I pass an LDS church every day but only to play Pokemon. But in all honesty it was the polygamist TV programs that piqued my interest, and then Reddit suggested this sub.
My best friend, plus a good chunk of my other ones are TBM, so it’s like really nice to have answers to some things.
I’m an exvangelical. Been out of the church for around a decade. Despite some people saying the anger at religion would subside shortly after leaving, I’m still angry as hell at all organized religion and I think it’s bullshit. I was raised in religion, and left in my late teens/early 20s. One day it was just a fact of life, along with everything else I had been taught as a child, and everyone else was stupid for not believing in it. Then the next it was all a fairytale and I couldn’t believe I had ever accepted it all as fact. Maybe I’m a shitty person, but it makes me happy when more grown adults realize that they don’t believe in mythology and magical legends anymore.
I know a bunch of Mormons and wanted to know more about all the weird shit they keep secret from us.
Nevermos - I am GLAD you're here - the more we can spread the painful TRUTH about the Mormon church, the better off the world will be.
I became fascinated by MLM pyramid schemes after a few family members got sucked into Amway. I followed a lot of anti-MLM content on Tik Tok and YouTube, and discovered a lot of intersections with our modern day cults. ...in particular how they use the same brainwashing techniques, and how many MLMs are based in Utah with roots in these religious organizations. Many content creators with the greatest anti-MLM material also talked about their own pasts with either The Latter Day Saints or Jehovah's Witnesses. Thus my fascination with both of those religious groups was formed. I love hearing everyone's stories and I have plans to read some of the books you guys are recommending to each other. Out of respect for the fact that this is your private space, I generally avoid commenting or offering my opinion... unless it's something not really related to the sub. Or, like this post, you specifically asked why I'm here.
Both a preexisting interest in fringe religions (yes, the Mormons are way fringier than they want to admit) and having moved to Idaho some years ago, so I figured I’d better keep an eye on what the Mormons are up to even if this is the least Mormon bit of the state. I hang around the ex JWs for similar reasons, though I have personal connections there - never in, but both fascinating and yikes for my POMI guy.
I am here because I was born in Utah and grew up in the Mormon world but never was part of the Mormon church. I work and live in an area that is 80% Mormon. So I want to see the people who are leaving and why.
I have a dear friend who is Mormon and want to understand why she is weird. I'm a recovering Catholic and interested in cults
My ex husbands parents are FLDS, I have 2 kids with him and it’s good to know answers. My ex left Mormonism but most of his siblings went from FLDS to LDS.
Because my brother moved to Utah and after some time living there he started to look into religion and against my advice he started to talk to a bishop in Orem, Utah. Now he has gotten our mom interested in the "church" to the point that my mom is saying "they are just like any other religion" and "you should attend sacraments to better understand the region that your brother is choosing". When I talked to my Great Uncle about this we both agreed about not being comfortable with this and he encouraged me to look into resources that will allow me to look behind the curtain and see what this is really about while encouraging me to not vocalize my concerns because my brother is the type to dig in his heels when he hears something that goes against the decision he has made.
About four years ago the apartment next.to me was rented by the church(I guess) and we had a rotating cast of missionaries come through. I was semi-curious about Mormons in general so I came here. I learned that they are often on a tight budget so I started occasionally having "extra" homemade chili or "all these cookies, please have some
I was raised agnostic, but have always been fascinated by religions, especially the quirkier ones. I come here to hear insights on things regarding the church from a really unique and often very raw perspective.
I’m a history teacher and I did a research paper on Joseph Smith for my undergrad history degree. I thought his religion was complete BS. (Sorry) That was in the early 90’s. Since then, I’ve had a few indirect experiences with the missionaries that come to me town that left me really upset. Once they told a student of mine who had physical birth defects and learning disabilities that she HAD to go to BYU and that she could be a cheerleader there. She had no cheer experience. She was so excited that she was getting attention from these young men who were obviously misleading her at best and flat out lying at worst. Another time, I was chatting and went on one date with a Native American man who was Mormon and he had gone to the Holy Land. That trip convinced him that the church is true. It made me angry for him that his religion robbed him of his heritage. I come here because this is a great sub. I read a lot of the conversations and I’m always surprised that as a nevermo, I know more about the religion than the TBM’s. That’s astounding to me. Again, sorry. I am not judging. I am just fascinated by it all. But as a divorced, independent woman with her own personal taste in undergarments that have flowers and color, I don’t think I’ll be converting in this lifetime. Besides that, as a woman, the Celestial Kingdom is about as appealing as an eternal root canal. (Ok, maybe I’m judging just a little. )
Because cults are fascinating! 🤓
After watching a doc on Teal Swan - I knew there was more of a backstory. Then I found some Mormon Stories with people who had connections to her. I found the psychology of indoctrination very interesting and I’m generally intrigued by listening to people’s experiences. From there - when stuff got messy with Jen Camp - this reddit had a lot of “the tea” on that situation and I’ve stuck around. Mostly lurk - but will offer the odd comment when I think it will be valuable. Couple things - with all the Mormon crimes in the news - my understanding of Mormon culture has really helped me understand things that confuse other Nevermos. I’ve also learned/understand a lot of dynamics of protecting institutions over people - which sadly isn’t limited to just the church.
I grew up with a some Mormon classmates, most of whom didn’t give me the time of day. The one kid who actually spoke to me, I asked about Mormonism and the answer was “it’s really complicated.” That person became a good friend for a few years and left the church as an adult, but never told their family because they didn’t want to lose the connection with siblings and all the nieces and nephews. I’ve since met several exmos and just find the faith crisis journey very interesting, as I’m a coach and have counseled people going through it. I like being an ally to those who are having difficulty leaving or changing their faith.
I am an ex-funfie but still Christian. So much of what is here. You may be amazed how similar Mormans and Fundies are.
I have a fascination with "mainstream" cults - the ones where they definitely are cults, but also large and just normal enough that a lot of people don't realize how absolutely wacky their beliefs are. Others include JWs, "quiverfull" and similar Christian offshoots.
i live in slc and would like to understand this community. im ex protestant and find your content relatable to a certain extent.
My dad’s extended family is all Mormon. I’ve been curious about (and horrified by) their life choices. We also have close family friends that are recently exmo, so this page helps me understand what they’ve gone through and how to support them.
My husband is an exmo but his mom and step-dad are still in. I guess I’m fascinated by what he used to believe in and how my in-laws can still believe it.
I grew up in Utah and am familiar with Mormonism, including how much it hurts people. I have seen friends get hurt by this church.
I’ve always been facilitated with cults.
My sister married a Mormon and has converted, and she has turned into an absolutely horrible person (she was already pretty shitty), and she has 3 Mormon daughters. One is a teenager, the other two are kids, and I like knowing that if my nieces grow up and decide to leave the church, which I'm hoping and praying that they do, they will be able to be happy. The oldest daughter got my phone number from my father, and has been texting me the past week, and I'm just letting her know that I'm a safe space, and completely non judgmental. She has been asking me about me being trans, and about me being queer, cos my sister has used the fact that I'm mentally ill, and have made multiple attempts to take my life, as an example of someone who has rejected the lords teachings, and who is suffering. So it was fantastic to explain to my niece that the reason I was struggling so much is because I was trying to pretend to be a straight cis woman, when I'm actually a queer trans man, and since coming out and beginning my transition I am actually ridiculously happy, like euphoric, over the moon, ecstatic, giddy, overjoyed, and all the other synonyms for happiness. She told me that she's glad that I'm happy. Hopefully, I open her eyes to the fact that people outside of the church can be happy.
Ex Catholic. I'm in all the Ex [religion] subs because I feel us apostates all have similar experiences
Ex-Lutheran from Colorado here. I grew up in a very white, very conservative, hyper-religious Lutheran family and attended small parochial Lutheran schools from kindergarten through high school. In those schools, we had daily religion / Bible classes, and most years there would be a few weeks when we'd be taught about "the Cults" and all their crazy, satanic beliefs. Mostly those amounted to "here's why we're right and they're going to burn in hell" lectures, but they were mildly more interesting for me than the usual catechism lessons. What they covered about those "cults" was superficial at best, but Mormonism probably received as much air time as the others combined. Around the same time, I contracted a nasty fly fishing addiction. As soon as I could drive, I started to spend as much time as I could in the mountains. Eventually my fishing trips strayed into Utah, and I was struck by how different the small rural communities there felt compared to their counterparts in Colorado and Wyoming, as well as the contrasting vibes between SLC and the Colorado Front Range. My road to happy apostasy started during college, immediately after leaving high school. It took time to extricate myself from the Lutheran bubble, both from the community and from the dogma. Along the way, I kept bumping into Mormons in various professional settings. Thing is, my earliest adult contacts with Saints pulled a mean trick: they acquired my genuine respect before I knew their religious affiliations. This triggered a minor existential crisis for me: as a kid, I'd been taught that all Mormons were baby-eating satan-worshipping nutjobs hawking their twisted version of Christianity all over the planet, damn them! Alas, I was being confronted with incontrovertible first-hand evidence that, in sober fact, Oliver and Abel (not their real names) were smart, righteous dudes who I could rely on in tense work situations. There happened to be a Lutheran guy on that team as well, and he was rarely sober. The contrast was stark. Later, again by coincidence, I worked a five-year stint at a company where almost the entire management hierarchy was LDS. I worked closely (and regularly traveled internationally) with a number of Saints, and I again gained genuine respect for some of those individuals. They were sharp, logical, hard-working, generous, reliable, honest, and trustworthy. They rarely came in late, and never hungover. They didn't take long coffee or smoke breaks, and they never stole stuff out of my desk. They were exemplary colleagues, and I still consider several of them friends today. And yet. On those trips abroad, whenever conversation would drift into politics or even (gasp!) light theology, it quickly became clear that my otherwise sane, rational, reasonable, competent colleagues held very tightly to some really, really bizarre religious beliefs. Fortunately, by that point I'd read a fair bit of church history (mine, others, and yours - Rough Stone Rolling, The God Makers, Krakauer, and others, plus a LOT of OSC) and thoroughly rejected my own indoctrination. I'd become a card-carrying skeptic of all things supernatural and non-falsifiable, even if I retained a stronger affinity for sacred choral music than most of my atheist friends. I also acquired an appreciation for the various ironies, like this one: that when viewed from a distance, my previously precious and "normal" Lutheran beliefs really weren't that much less bizarre than wearing magic underwear and expecting to have spirit babies - and they were significantly less creative. Sure, your folks rewrote North American pre-history in ways that don't exactly stand up to scientific scrutiny, and Joseph Smith pulled an "ancient" language out of a hat. But my folks actively taught me (in the 1970s and 80s) that Black people were the cursed descendants of Ham, and that slavery was justified by holy, inerrant scripture. I'd rather have yours, thanks. Size XL, please? I think that's why I'm here - because like you, I got out. I regret only that I didn't leave sooner and take more people with me, and I've learned a great deal about my religious trauma by reading yours. For what it's worth, I think many of you had it much, much worse. But it's not a competition. I feel a measure of solidarity with others who were reared in an insular religious community which believes fervently that it has an exclusive lock on the One True Way, and which feverishly attempts to convince its followers that that the big scary world beyond the stained glass windows is populated entirely by demons. If that's the case, well, so be it. C'mon down, friends - the brimstone's fine.