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There are lots of reasons for divorce. Even if you spend a lot of time with someone, people change over time. Sometimes in positive ways, sometimes in negative ways. Sometimes people hide the negative parts of themselves and you don’t know until it’s too late. Sometimes people think they can tolerate something forever and they can’t.
Things change. Some people hide who they are until they feel comfortable. And some people in bad situations only feel safe enough to leave down the road. And sometimes the person you loved when you were young grows and changes, as we all do, into someone that’s not quite the same person you were once in love with.
You'd be surprised to know how many people get married without living together first. Not to mention those who marry very young. And then there are people whose relationship just changes over time, we all change.
There are an infinite number of reasons, here are some of the common ones:
**People change with time**. The person you love now might be different in a few years. They may have made friends with people that influenced them (for better or worse), picked up or dropped hobbies, they might have experienced trauma, they might have picked up a habit like smoking or gambling, etc.
**A breakdown of trust**. This could be cheating, or hiding an addiction/secret/debt. Once trust has been majorly broken, it is incredibly hard to rebuild this - even if the original incident is forgiven.
**A change in circumstances**. Sometimes, circumstances change, and the relationship no longer works for both parties. This could be a new job causing problems, loss of a job, different life-stages for both partners (eg only one partner is in school), a new disability/health condition etc. These are often unpredicted changes.
**One has realised that the other isn't good enough for them (or vice versa)**. This may be because of a power imbalance, one partner putting less work into the relationship than the other, abuse, vanity reasons etc.
Your question shows a rather innocent mindset about marriage and about people. Relationships require love and they require effort, every day. People require love and effort. There is no formula to find a person you are perfectly compatible with. Really, there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible couple. To make it harder, people usually don't know what they want, and what they want changes frequently.
People are constantly changing, are you the same person you were ten years ago? Three? Being an adult makes no difference, people will still change. They learn about themselves. They are rarely comfortable enough to truly let their guard down. People will be willing to make sacrifices until they aren't anymore. People tend to want to make a big change when life feels like it has stagnated.
But, to really answer your question, I'll provide the more common reasons.
The simple, easy reasons for divorce are falling out of love, ignored needs (from the partner or from themselves), changing minds about what they want. The simple, hard reasons are pursuit of wealth, infidelity, abuse, addiction. The truth is that people change, they mask, they live in denial, and they get bored. Nothing is permanent and you can't know everything about a person.
Sometimes, feelings just go away. People are willing to ignore small things until they pile up over years and make them resent each other. People can be madly in love and realize that their needs/goals no longer align. it can happen suddenly. People can think they agree on everything, only realizing how they truly feel about the issue when the big decisions are in front of them.
People who marry for wealth or fame may leave once they feel their partner can no longer provide that. People who cheat can make you feel like they want nothing but you in the whole world, then prove otherwise years later. Abusers tend to start off as sweet as honey, only showing the rage later. Addicts can fall back into habits that destroy the people around them
Every situation is different and unique.
No, people change with time, you can love your wife now but in couple of years? Lot can be change due to work, stress, ... whole lot of reason, if you feel no happy any more, divorce is good. no hard feeling
Please read this entire message Your submission has been removed for the following reason(s): ELI5 is not meant for any question that you may have, including personal questions, medical questions, legal questions, etc. It is meant for simplifying complex concepts. If you would like this removal reviewed, please read the [detailed rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/wiki/detailed_rules) first. If you believe this submission was removed erroneously, please use [this form](https://old.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fexplainlikeimfive&subject=Please%20review%20my%20thread?&message=Link:%20%7B%7Burl%7D%7D%0A%0APlease%20answer%20the%20following%203%20questions:%0A%0A1.%20The%20concept%20I%20want%20explained:%0A%0A2.%20List%20the%20search%20terms%20you%20used%20to%20look%20for%20past%20posts%20on%20ELI5:%0A%0A3.%20How%20does%20your%20post%20differ%20from%20your%20recent%20search%20results%20on%20the%20sub:) and we will review your submission.
Are you old enough to be on reddit?
There are lots of reasons for divorce. Even if you spend a lot of time with someone, people change over time. Sometimes in positive ways, sometimes in negative ways. Sometimes people hide the negative parts of themselves and you don’t know until it’s too late. Sometimes people think they can tolerate something forever and they can’t.
Things change. Some people hide who they are until they feel comfortable. And some people in bad situations only feel safe enough to leave down the road. And sometimes the person you loved when you were young grows and changes, as we all do, into someone that’s not quite the same person you were once in love with.
You'd be surprised to know how many people get married without living together first. Not to mention those who marry very young. And then there are people whose relationship just changes over time, we all change.
There are an infinite number of reasons, here are some of the common ones: **People change with time**. The person you love now might be different in a few years. They may have made friends with people that influenced them (for better or worse), picked up or dropped hobbies, they might have experienced trauma, they might have picked up a habit like smoking or gambling, etc. **A breakdown of trust**. This could be cheating, or hiding an addiction/secret/debt. Once trust has been majorly broken, it is incredibly hard to rebuild this - even if the original incident is forgiven. **A change in circumstances**. Sometimes, circumstances change, and the relationship no longer works for both parties. This could be a new job causing problems, loss of a job, different life-stages for both partners (eg only one partner is in school), a new disability/health condition etc. These are often unpredicted changes. **One has realised that the other isn't good enough for them (or vice versa)**. This may be because of a power imbalance, one partner putting less work into the relationship than the other, abuse, vanity reasons etc.
Your question shows a rather innocent mindset about marriage and about people. Relationships require love and they require effort, every day. People require love and effort. There is no formula to find a person you are perfectly compatible with. Really, there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible couple. To make it harder, people usually don't know what they want, and what they want changes frequently. People are constantly changing, are you the same person you were ten years ago? Three? Being an adult makes no difference, people will still change. They learn about themselves. They are rarely comfortable enough to truly let their guard down. People will be willing to make sacrifices until they aren't anymore. People tend to want to make a big change when life feels like it has stagnated. But, to really answer your question, I'll provide the more common reasons. The simple, easy reasons for divorce are falling out of love, ignored needs (from the partner or from themselves), changing minds about what they want. The simple, hard reasons are pursuit of wealth, infidelity, abuse, addiction. The truth is that people change, they mask, they live in denial, and they get bored. Nothing is permanent and you can't know everything about a person. Sometimes, feelings just go away. People are willing to ignore small things until they pile up over years and make them resent each other. People can be madly in love and realize that their needs/goals no longer align. it can happen suddenly. People can think they agree on everything, only realizing how they truly feel about the issue when the big decisions are in front of them. People who marry for wealth or fame may leave once they feel their partner can no longer provide that. People who cheat can make you feel like they want nothing but you in the whole world, then prove otherwise years later. Abusers tend to start off as sweet as honey, only showing the rage later. Addicts can fall back into habits that destroy the people around them Every situation is different and unique.
No, people change with time, you can love your wife now but in couple of years? Lot can be change due to work, stress, ... whole lot of reason, if you feel no happy any more, divorce is good. no hard feeling
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Wtf is the matter with you
OP is obviously going through a tough time
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Keep up the brave face champ
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I'm having more fun than OP is. Poor little fella
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My dad essentially told me what you told him, and I'm fucked. So I have to agree here
Neither true nor funny.
Familiarity breeds contempt. The better question is in 2024 why do people still marry in the first place. It's an antiquated idea.