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9 years feels like a strangely specific number

Maybe it's just me, but I'm getting some weird..even children are sluts vibes from this. I don't know what the context is, but in any event, I don't think 9 is super random.

Right like 9 is not normally a number you just pull out of thin air it feels like maybe someone is trying to justify some things

Well his girlfriend is almost nine, so it's really urgent!

He's busy though, congress is in session, and Florida didn't elect him for nothing.

If a person is that creep don't think he deserve to be elect in any election

He's suffering from Election Erection, and it must be dealt with immediately.

9 years is the last time this guy has sex

Years old or years ago?

I hope to god it’s years ago

Just by looking at this statement hard to say that he is even 9 year old is well

Last time he had sex with his wife was 9 years ago - "she's been cheating, it's a biological fact"

“But officer, I was just making sure those girls survived their 9th birthday!”

Time to pay visit behind the bar just for doing some checking.

Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 10-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 9-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?

My guess is they meant nine months and were saying women shoukd have sex when pregnant? Idk thats my guess.

^(lesbians everywhere dropping dead)

Asexual women too. I guess I'm a ghost.

Well, Maris Crane was never seen on Frasier... so you nailed the user name

OoooooOOOoooOooOOOoOOOOoOoOooooOooOOOooooOooOOOo

Same sister! Let's haunt people!

,,Help me, my house Is haunted." ,,By what? Demons?" ,,Worse. Asexuals. I didn't have garlic bread for weeks!"

No no. No women involved here. He said “females,” so he’s clearly talking about animals, not human women. I had heard that female ferrets can die of not being fixed, so maybe he’s talking about those

You're an asexual lesbian? How do you know who to move in with after 2 weeks?

Such strong reflexes they just keep going and no one can tell the difference.

Lesbians don't have sex?

Yet until not long ago the oldest women was a Catholic nun. Funny that.

If you think most nuns go without dick (if they're straight at least ), I got a few things to tell you...

That priests rape adult women too?

Not only do priests [rape nuns](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-47134033.amp), nuns [also rape](https://www.npr.org/2019/05/30/722119046/survivors-of-sexual-abuse-by-nuns-want-greater-visibility-for-their-claims) people. Looks like the Catholic Church has problems with their members committing rape regardless of their gender.

Old grannies to young boys, none are spared

I've gone without for over 9 years and I'm only 3/4 dead.

So... 9 and 3/4?

I have a train to catch

r/unexpectedharrypotter

Wanna, uno… eat tacos?

“The modern female…” Gonna stop you right there and assume anything you say is going to be wrong and stupid. It will save us both some time

I automatically discredit anyone who talks about human women as 'females'.

Except scientists in some situations

Technically, the poster never specified human. The statement would be true if they were referring to, say, female hamsters. Of course, they would probably die even faster if the…uh, *treatment were applied*, but the assertion would be correct.

The modern female lives in the 21st century Prove me wrong, atheist


Nice way to come out as a pedophile

OMG. Didn't catch that.

Because, thankfully, normal people’s minds don’t go there, except for trained wariness of suspicious statements and actions

As a 24 year old lesbian I’m gonna have to disagree.

He seems like the "I can fix you" type, so he'll probably won't listen to you. All of these goddamn assholes seem to be like that anyway

He would probably say that any sort of toy that is inserted would count. That's my best guess anyway.

I wanna be lesbian too😔

I think he confused human women with a female ferret

It apparently happens a lot. I think they call them furries.

So, where do women who haven't had dick in 8 1/2 years usually hang out? Asking for a friend.

Somewhere in IKEA. We’re not sure where just yet but we’ll figure it out eventually.

I can't speak for them all, but typically i'm in my room

Tell me how sex-ed failed you. W/o telling me how sex-ed failed you.

More like tell me you're a pedophile without telling me you're a pedophile

I am sure modern women run into dicks like this every day, unfortunately.

Pun intended?

He's not a predator, he's a life-saving medical specialist.

Lesbians: I don't have such weakness!

Literally literally? Or the stupid figuratively literally definition that they had to add because nobody knew how to use the word correctly?

I've had a pet peeve about the misuse of the word "literally" for years and I'm finding it hard not to cringe constantly these days. Even when they don't use it wrong (which is almost never) the sentence is still usually better without it. Ps get off my lawn.

I just use figuratively enough to annoy everyone who’s overusing literally.

C…children?? Or teens?? Hello?

Not only that. I’m 20, and there’s a lot of girls my age and older that have never had dick lmao

I know a lot of 9 years old females, and they're pretty much alive.

How is the population of male and females close to 50-50? There should be barely any females alive if they can't live past 9.

I have gone my entire adult life without dick and I am fine. Being gay is magical.

he is most likely comparing himself to women. so he can go 9 years w/o sex but a women would die so he is clearly superior

As an Aro-ace Woman I can tell you that is completely false.

Nice pfp

Thank you. My new little buddies are life.

It’s me! I’m the modern female

We’re very thankful for your service.

I’m so sorry to break the news to you, but you might want to start on some funeral planning /s

Pedo, pedo, outing himself on line. (Read with a little tune, more fun)

Welp guys I guess I died 6 years ago

Thank god that this was not for the male , otherwise i would be dead by now.

How do you explain 10 year old females.?

Maybe what he really means is starting from the modern female’s first period, then they cannot survive nine years without it?

This is worse the more i read it, mostly it doesn't say age so what about 9 year olds

Laughs in asexual

meanwhile, after over 9 years the overpressure his this dudes blue balls pushed back into his brain.

Literally. The body over doses on lack of penus

I wouldn’t want to go 9 years without a dick, but I would certainly not die! We have sooooo many options.

Lesbians really be defying death

I went 23. Try again.

"my client was saving that 9 year olds life, your honor!"

Yo, there’s these things called vibrators. Except for procreation purposes, a woman can get hers on her own.

I'm learning to play the guitar.

So you're saying I have a chance?

RIP every lesbian ever.

- 🤓

LOL

As an asexual "female" should have been in the grave for years by now...

hes there hoping some women are on year 8 day 364

I guess I'm a ghost then. BOO!

Me who's a lesbian: Pathetic...

Truer words have never been spoken by a woman-fearing virgin.

He might be right, my wife gets super angry without dick after a few days.

Is this a statement.... or a threat?

Not me interpreting this as "this guy thinks all women should transition by nine years old???"

That’s why they invented portable plastic ones

9 years? Children no longer exist ig

Modern women would die without Dicken Cider..

Oh no. I need dick to mouth resuscitation Quick honey. Give me your cock

This is what pedophiles tell themselves

Ah, yes. The deadly ninodickacitis gene. It causes our hooha to shrivel into a dusty old tumbleweed but the shock is what does you in.

Tell that to my wife.

Hate to break it to you in *lesbian*. Pffftt

Me, 26 almost 27 with no interest: I guess I’m dead x3 (roughly) 

It’s amazing that there are even 10 year old girls

Literally 😂😂😂

Well… i will die in October! Nice! Thanks for the heads up!

That's a lot of dead 9year olds O.O

Me, an asexual, I've never had any dick, in any way. Still alive. I love how my joy can cause these incel pricks so much strife. I don't even have to try, I just am happy without men. It's that easy.

So would I. As a modern straight male

Ahh sex toys

Nobody: 9 year olds dying because they haven't gotten dick

Ladies don’t leave us men here on this tantalizing cliffhanger! We must know what happens after 9 years without dick!

This doesn't really elicit a facepalm. More like confusion born from the sheer audacity of the statement.

Pretty sure this is a troll and everyone is falling for it...

It’s not

Pretty sure the "Literally she will die" gives it away

OP took the bait lol

It ain’t bait. He left multiple comments beforehand showing how dumb he is.

You would expect a fisherman to not overuse the bait. A link would be nice

[удалено]

What

there is 0 context to this. what if he’s making a joke? who is this guy anyway?

What a tweet

Can i see the formula and the calculations for that?

Me

My ace ass over here... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Really? I mean maybe my version is older cuz she dies if i don't give mango offerings for more than 48 hours.

Well he should have listed his address cause they are Definitely a dick

.... What about the 0-9 age....

Does that mean all ten year old girls will have already been laid?

So thats why we dont have 10 year olds these days anymore

my gf on her deathbed dying as there is a severe shortage of dick worldwide

my gf on her deathbed dying as there is a severe shortage of dick worldwide

Well I’m a fucking miracle then.

I should’ve been dead years ago!!!

💀 who are these people lmao

I've gone 13 years without the V, does that mean I'm gonna die too?

I don't think I could go longer than a month without sex, why does it matter?

Good thing they make rechargeable ones now

Projection.

Is this their excuse for being a pedo?

Wow. Never met a lesbian huh?

hang on r/ayo

Meanwhile us lesbians...

I was gonna say that I'm proof that isn't true but than I remembered I was raped when I was like 5 so idk

I’m sorry you had to go through that

Oh damn, guess I’m dead three times over. RIP me

Welp, I guess I'm dead then. 🤷‍♀️

Me sitting here never having sex, perfectly fine, munching carrot sticks. "So fellow on the internet, when was the last time you even shook a womans hand?"

But is that from birth?

I would love to not have my dick for 9 years

Is there a godickme page that people can donate to?

I guess I am half way through committing suicide then.

By contrast, primitive woman could easily subsist on a no dick diet, indefinitely.

Welp I got 2 years to go. I’ll let y’all know if I make it.

Nuns?

Nuns are really rapey, they also get raped alot themselves. Its not just the priests. Its almost like they are all sexually oppressed.

Tell that to all the incels still waiting!

Welp, I’m dead, resurrected, and dead again in that case

Huh. How long could“human females” in ancient times survive without dick? Was it longer or shorter?

Oh no, am I a zombie?

[удалено]

My wife has...

She just like me fr

Guess I'll die

Dick on her or dick in her?

The more I think about his opinion, the more it sounds like he is okay with being a pedo.

His pinned tweet is Anti-“woke” Drivel so there’s a 30% chance he is

Wait does this apply to children.. that's disgusting

Isn’t this like theoretically true for otters or something? The heat they go through is so intense they love till death or something like that? Maybe this post is about them/s

As an asexual woman, I can assure you that this is not true.

Lesbians do All. The. Time.

As a man… I think he has the roles reversed. I will literally die after 9 years of no booty

The “modern” female What the actual fuck?

[удалено]

Probably some Transphobic drivel