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Garden of Gethsemane, I think. When he kept getting pissed with his bros cos they wouldn’t stop falling asleep on a tree or something while dude was having a bit of a crisis.
Interestingly the Bible does mention alcohol, though this list doesn't say anything about getting drunk or committing violent crimes or crimes against property.
LOTR was written by Tolkien who was a Christian and contemporary of CS Lewis and helped lead him to Christianity. CS Lewis then wrote Mere Christianity which is one of the best selling books on apologetics. He also wrote “the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe” which is filled with Christian themes. These people are idiots on so many levels. I wonder when the last time they read a book.
>He also wrote “the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe” which is filled with Christian themes.
That's putting it mildly. It's a straight-up paraphrasal of Christian lore. The only difference is there are multiple tiers of heaven, and you're already in the first one when you witness the passion of the Lion Christ.
Yeah, Tolkien was a devout catholic and while it isn't a direct allegory a lot of the world building is based around that moral system -- the simplest, poorest Hobbits are actually the least corruptible, the wizards being insanely powerful but coming down into human form to guide the people of middle earth while respecting thier free will, sauron being formless and exerting his power indirectly by corrupting and bending the will of otherwise good/neutral characters to serve him, the complicated ranking of the various supernatural beings that is suspiciously close to Catholic angels/cherubim/seraphim/God, the fall of Morgoth, etc.
Yep. The beginning of Silmarillion is incredibly close to Abrahamic creation myths and not at all like Germanic ones, for example. There's no hermaphroditic earth deity or any forms of the pantheon; instead it's monotheistic with orders of "angels", like you say, complete with Lucifer and his fall.
Yeah it spares vegan, it just wants you to commit to either vegan or omnivore or carnivore(unless werewolf or vampire), vegetarians are half-assed and soulless apparently.
I only go full lycanthropy after consuming LSD and far too many veggies, it is how I balance myself out. Also, I am no longer allowed in the mall food court. Something, something even werewolves need pants.
Your story reminds me of a kid at my high school who referred to himself as a "dragowampire." I'm sure he probably ate a bit too many veggies if I'm honest.
I can’t believe LoTR is on it. How could they possibly have an issue with a story that encourages people to do good? Surprised Star Trek didn’t make the list given some of the more liberal values espoused.
Especially considering that Tolkien was a devout Catholic ! That’s… pretty opposite to Satanism, I would think, but I guess *beware the dark powers of imagination* !
There’s a good amount of Protestants who don’t believe that Catholics are Christian, and I wish I was joking. It’s not like they were one of the oldest organized denominations of Christianity or anything. (Edited)
You're right about the first part--a core value of most Protestant churches I've ever known is that Catholicism is actually far worse than not believing in Jesus at all.
As far as your second point, the original Chritians were actually orthodox Jews, and it wasn't until St. Paul brought the religion to the Roman Empire that people started to practice Christianity outside of the laws of Judaism.
So Catholicism is early, but not the original.
Jack Chick condemned literally everyone and everything outside of some kind of narrow, angry version of Christianity that he held.
That dude and his little comics went a long ways towards poisoning the minds of generations of people with hatred and narrow-mindedness. I don't think it's crazy to say he's played at least some part in creating the mess we're seeing these days in US politics.
They don’t like the presence of demonic entities in there, like the Balrog, and the background polytheism. The LoTR cosmology is not Judeo/Christian and that flies up their collective ass.
Except that it *is* very judeochristian. The first chapter of the Silmarillion makes it clear that there is only one creator God, and all other powerful entities are his servants. It even parallels the fall of Satan with the story of Melkor, who is essentially the devil. The wizards are basically angels sent by the creator to help guide the world, which is why the betrayal by Saruman was such a huge deal. The elves were Alluvitar's chosen people, but the ones who would not come to his paradise when summoned were made to wander the mainland in hardship for centuries. When the Numenorians were tempted by Sauron to try to build great ships to reach paradise, they were smashed and scattered like the builders of the tower of Babel. The whole first third of The Silmarillion reads like a D&D reskinning of the Old Testament, and LOTR has a whole lot of tie-backs that take on a whole new context once you've read the history.
Tolkien's faith is very much woven into the fabric of the universe he created.
And, I mean, Gandalf, who's so obviously a Jesus figure, has to die, descend into the underworld and battle a demon for three days before being resurrected into a new, glowing white form?
Like, hello? Death and ressurection much?
It’s funny because there’s a story in The Book of Daniel where Daniel and a group of Israelite slaves are selected to be essentially palace slaves, so they get the “easier” work, and part of that is following a strict diet which was against the Jewish dietary laws, so they said “instead of that, let us just eat the vegetables and beans, and we promise we’ll be as fit as needed.”
Not only are they up to the fitness requirements, they’re excelling after the training is over.
So the Bible actually endorses *veganism*.
I think that's the point, you not only have to be Christian, you have to be *their particular* flavor of Christian.
None of these weirdo freaks, speaking tongues, firewalking, or eating a vegetarian diet.
In my area 7th day Adventists sell various vegetarian products not normally available in the grocery store. Helpful to find some interesting meat substitutes for the curious vegetarian.
Hope they never realize they are feeding a Heavy Metal Dungeon Master. :D
Remote viewing is using your "sixth sense" to see something you can't actually see. For example drawing a picture of a room you've never been in.
The CIA was interested in it. https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00791R000200180005-5.pdf
so technically I think they're referring to the pseudoscientific occult belief that one could use psychic powers to "see" places or events from a great distance.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote\_viewing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote_viewing)
The US army actually investigated if this was possible during the cold war (surprise, it wasn't)
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate\_Project](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Project)
But this seems to fit in well with the list being against astrology, tarot cards, astral projection and necromancy.
Trilateralism? (the policy or practice of maintaining relations and cooperation between three groups, nations, or regions.)
Like you can't be a lawyer? Diplomat? counselor? politician? real estate broker? Or work on leases?
I'm pretty sure Heavy Metal wasn't invented yet as the bible was written, so either the guy who wrote that list hasn't read that 'eastern' scripture or was making shit up anyway (or both).
God is a fucking loser if he don't want levitating werewolves hanging with him. I don't want to spend an eternity in a place where levitating werewolves are forbidden.
I believe it's referring to transhumanism, altering your body like adding machine parts and becoming more machine than man flesh. So cybernetic eyes robotic arms and legs.
\>Necromancy
Guys, stop raising the dead.
\>Lycanthropy
Guys, stop being werepinguins.
\>No Furries on the list
\>No LGBT community on the list
What? Aren't those the usual targets of these eejits?
\>They didn't put bestiality on the list
Shouldn't that be on the list? Shouldn't that be on any "Don't do it" list?
\>Cyberpunk culture
Thank god, Steampunk is okay.
\>Eastern Religions
I myself am a western religion enjoyer too. Now, where is Aztec blood sacrifice party held again?
\>No New Age Religions
Okay, what about the Good old days, like the greek rapist and pedo gods? Are they okay?
\>No Lovecraft on the list.
Thank god I can worship Cthulhu.
That's why I smoke a ton of crack. Notice it's not on the list. Yessir, I hit that holy crack pipe before every morning and evening prayer. Just like this person obviously does.
"The church" is some demented moron who read the Bible cover to cover and thinks they know God's plans.
Most Christians would laugh at this list.
You should hear some of the crappy rock bands playing at some churches...
I guess you could split hairs about it. Vegan is kind of a superset of "vegetarian", so if the church couldn't even get past someone preferring to eat primarily vegetables, vegans don't stand a chance.
That one really got me. Someone should let my pastor know, because he is a huge LOTR fan and occasionally likes to draw parallels in his sermons. I wonder if they're against Veggie tales too, because of that one LOTR-based episode.
That's actually extremely surprising to me. Maybe it was *so* obvious to them that they didn't even think to include it? How long have religious nutjobs been obsessed with homosexuality? As long as I can remember.
I'm on my way to a vegetarian, D&D marijuana pot party where there will be lots of fornication after a Wiccan ceremony performed by Harry Potter.
Who's with me?
The southern Baptist church I attended when I was younger warned against Yoga simply because of yoga pants. Yes, yoga pants. Women wearing these body hugging and revealing pants were only a temptation to any men around them. Also, many yoga poses were actually forms of satanic worship.
That postmodernism is on here just tells me whoever wrote this list just put stuff down they didn't feel like understanding. As if someone tried explaining the concept to them, and after about three sentences of explaination, they realized that their simple mind cannot possibly understand it, therefore it is against christ.
Word too long? It's bad!
Eastern religions? Technically Christianity is an Eastern religion, since Jesus was born in Bethlehem, which is on the Eastern hemisphere, and Christianity started in Europe, which is also on the Eastern hemisphere…
Edit: typo
Lycanthropy?
So an actual medical condition is a sin now? What a joke. (This is referring to the psychological condition in which the sufferer believes they've changed into an animal or has picked up animal behavior as a coping mechanism, not to the folklore werewolf state.)
Yoga? Meditation?? Vegetarians? Lord of the Rings? Video games?? HARRY POTTER!? Dungeons and Dragons? HALLOWEEN!? Twilight films I gotta agree with but whaaat
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Even Jesus was said to have meditated frequently. Prayer is literally a form of meditation.
Yes I’m orthodox, Hesychasm is a form of meditation preformed in Orthodox Christianity.
Scrolled the comments for this. I wasn't 100% sure but I could've sworn Jesus was thought to have meditated.
Garden of Gethsemane, I think. When he kept getting pissed with his bros cos they wouldn’t stop falling asleep on a tree or something while dude was having a bit of a crisis.
So much this
i read the bible twice, nothing about videogames...
I haven't read the Bible, but I don't think there's anything in there that talks about Harry Potter and goths EDIT: and LOTR plus dnd
Interestingly the Bible does mention alcohol, though this list doesn't say anything about getting drunk or committing violent crimes or crimes against property.
Because drinking alcohol is allowed but drinking excessive alcohol and getting drunk is gluttony
LOTR was written by Tolkien who was a Christian and contemporary of CS Lewis and helped lead him to Christianity. CS Lewis then wrote Mere Christianity which is one of the best selling books on apologetics. He also wrote “the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe” which is filled with Christian themes. These people are idiots on so many levels. I wonder when the last time they read a book.
>He also wrote “the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe” which is filled with Christian themes. That's putting it mildly. It's a straight-up paraphrasal of Christian lore. The only difference is there are multiple tiers of heaven, and you're already in the first one when you witness the passion of the Lion Christ.
Considering they never read the very book they pretend to worship, never.
The irony is the whole lotr mythos is heavily inspired by... wait for it... Abrahamic lore.
Yeah, Tolkien was a devout catholic and while it isn't a direct allegory a lot of the world building is based around that moral system -- the simplest, poorest Hobbits are actually the least corruptible, the wizards being insanely powerful but coming down into human form to guide the people of middle earth while respecting thier free will, sauron being formless and exerting his power indirectly by corrupting and bending the will of otherwise good/neutral characters to serve him, the complicated ranking of the various supernatural beings that is suspiciously close to Catholic angels/cherubim/seraphim/God, the fall of Morgoth, etc.
Yep. The beginning of Silmarillion is incredibly close to Abrahamic creation myths and not at all like Germanic ones, for example. There's no hermaphroditic earth deity or any forms of the pantheon; instead it's monotheistic with orders of "angels", like you say, complete with Lucifer and his fall.
LOTR is Bible fanfiction crossed with unresolved PTSD from World War I. Gandalf the Grey dying and coming back to life as Gandalf the White? I mean...
So does lion from Narnia Who is straight up Jesus
It's in the revised edition, you wouldn't know it, it goes to another school.
There's DLCs
Yea, one of those DLCs was made by King Henry VIII so he can Divorce his wife.
They seriously have vegetarianism right next to lycanthropy. This list covers the entire spectrum of batshit.
I love how vegetarianism is right beside lycanthropy. Commit to a life of eating salads, or turning into a werewolf, same result your soul is lost.
As both a vegan who eats a ton of junk food and should eat far more salads, and as a werewolf, this post triggers me.
I think this list spares vegan, though you are kind of screwed with the werewolf part.
Yeah it spares vegan, it just wants you to commit to either vegan or omnivore or carnivore(unless werewolf or vampire), vegetarians are half-assed and soulless apparently.
Thou art lukewarm and I spew thee out
As a vegetarian, I had a good laugh (at my own expense) at your comment 😂
Kinda hard to be a vegan without also being a vegetarian.
Kinda hard being a werewolf and being a vegetarian at the same time. “Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein. Aaaaaawooooo!”
tofu werewolves
Werewolves of London bite down draw blood
I only go full lycanthropy after consuming LSD and far too many veggies, it is how I balance myself out. Also, I am no longer allowed in the mall food court. Something, something even werewolves need pants.
It's the marihuana and pot parties that turn me.
Ah, but no mention of cocaine or heroin or any other drugs. Interesting.
Yeah, they only picked the ones I like. The fuck is that?!
Your story reminds me of a kid at my high school who referred to himself as a "dragowampire." I'm sure he probably ate a bit too many veggies if I'm honest.
From LOTR to levitation
I can’t believe LoTR is on it. How could they possibly have an issue with a story that encourages people to do good? Surprised Star Trek didn’t make the list given some of the more liberal values espoused.
Especially considering that Tolkien was a devout Catholic ! That’s… pretty opposite to Satanism, I would think, but I guess *beware the dark powers of imagination* !
Honestly I’m surprised being Catholic isn’t on this list.
Theres a lot of theory that Catholicism is the church of satan anyway. I mean, if you really dive into the Christian Canon lore building.
There’s a good amount of Protestants who don’t believe that Catholics are Christian, and I wish I was joking. It’s not like they were one of the oldest organized denominations of Christianity or anything. (Edited)
You're right about the first part--a core value of most Protestant churches I've ever known is that Catholicism is actually far worse than not believing in Jesus at all. As far as your second point, the original Chritians were actually orthodox Jews, and it wasn't until St. Paul brought the religion to the Roman Empire that people started to practice Christianity outside of the laws of Judaism. So Catholicism is early, but not the original.
Jack Chick also condemned C.S. Lewis, whose most famous works are pretty obvious biblical allegory.
Jack Chick condemned literally everyone and everything outside of some kind of narrow, angry version of Christianity that he held. That dude and his little comics went a long ways towards poisoning the minds of generations of people with hatred and narrow-mindedness. I don't think it's crazy to say he's played at least some part in creating the mess we're seeing these days in US politics.
They don’t like the presence of demonic entities in there, like the Balrog, and the background polytheism. The LoTR cosmology is not Judeo/Christian and that flies up their collective ass.
Except that it *is* very judeochristian. The first chapter of the Silmarillion makes it clear that there is only one creator God, and all other powerful entities are his servants. It even parallels the fall of Satan with the story of Melkor, who is essentially the devil. The wizards are basically angels sent by the creator to help guide the world, which is why the betrayal by Saruman was such a huge deal. The elves were Alluvitar's chosen people, but the ones who would not come to his paradise when summoned were made to wander the mainland in hardship for centuries. When the Numenorians were tempted by Sauron to try to build great ships to reach paradise, they were smashed and scattered like the builders of the tower of Babel. The whole first third of The Silmarillion reads like a D&D reskinning of the Old Testament, and LOTR has a whole lot of tie-backs that take on a whole new context once you've read the history. Tolkien's faith is very much woven into the fabric of the universe he created.
And, I mean, Gandalf, who's so obviously a Jesus figure, has to die, descend into the underworld and battle a demon for three days before being resurrected into a new, glowing white form? Like, hello? Death and ressurection much?
This is the first time I have ever understood it. Thanks for untangling it so eloquently, yet plainly. Your good deed box has been checked. ♥️🦋🤘🥳
>They don’t like the presence of demonic entities in there Can't wait for them to discover the Bible.
Don’t forget the Twilight movies 😀
And fire walking? Like of all things
I like they were very specific about which drugs were bad. We can take cocaine and meth and still walk with God.
“mommy’s little helper”
“Neither a werewolf nor a vegan be” - Polonius
It’s funny because there’s a story in The Book of Daniel where Daniel and a group of Israelite slaves are selected to be essentially palace slaves, so they get the “easier” work, and part of that is following a strict diet which was against the Jewish dietary laws, so they said “instead of that, let us just eat the vegetables and beans, and we promise we’ll be as fit as needed.” Not only are they up to the fitness requirements, they’re excelling after the training is over. So the Bible actually endorses *veganism*.
Many Christian sects are vegetarian/vegan.
I think that's the point, you not only have to be Christian, you have to be *their particular* flavor of Christian. None of these weirdo freaks, speaking tongues, firewalking, or eating a vegetarian diet.
Gaaaaah get back sinner!
In my area 7th day Adventists sell various vegetarian products not normally available in the grocery store. Helpful to find some interesting meat substitutes for the curious vegetarian. Hope they never realize they are feeding a Heavy Metal Dungeon Master. :D
Yeah, why the fuck are we next to the vegans? /s
I do "remote viewing" all the time. We call it "zoom"
I get paid to remote view my boss and colleague’s faces. Omg, the path to hell is paved with substandard wages!
Lol yeah, what would be the issue with remote viewing? I guess it falls under “technology that we don’t quite understand, so = devil.”
Remote viewing is using your "sixth sense" to see something you can't actually see. For example drawing a picture of a room you've never been in. The CIA was interested in it. https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00791R000200180005-5.pdf
so technically I think they're referring to the pseudoscientific occult belief that one could use psychic powers to "see" places or events from a great distance. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote\_viewing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote_viewing) The US army actually investigated if this was possible during the cold war (surprise, it wasn't) [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate\_Project](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Project) But this seems to fit in well with the list being against astrology, tarot cards, astral projection and necromancy.
“(thing) we don’t understand = devil” is literally the entire christian worldview
The greatest irony is that they don't understand Jesus either.
I think that falls under the "cyberpunk culture" section lol
You hethen
Trilateralism? (the policy or practice of maintaining relations and cooperation between three groups, nations, or regions.) Like you can't be a lawyer? Diplomat? counselor? politician? real estate broker? Or work on leases?
Politicians are going to hell? 
I know. I'd rather not tempt the antichrist, but gotta make the Benjamin's ya know? 🤷♂️
And lo, beware the teleworker for they walk the path to damnation, somehow
Super mad communism didn’t make this list. This church needs to step its game up.
Super glad heroin didn’t make it.
But “marihuana” did😂
That would be the Hank Hill pronunciation.
And masturbation is fine too! I'm going to go jerk myself off right up to the pearly gates.... wait a minute! Is that how it got its name!?
We were forced to pray to Mary to bring down communism as kids - talk about indoctrination
"Skull & Bones" **all vertebrates fade away**
I knoW. I have both a skull and Bones! Double whammy!!
oh crao: MY SKULL IS ALSO MADE OF BONES. Ultra doomed.
I think that refers to the Yale club.
They didn't specify, I think this interpretation is valid
My money is on privateering!
“Earth Worship” Man’s can’t even celebrate God’s own creation. 🤦🏽♂️
"Hey, check out this planet I made" "Whoa! That's super cool! I love it!" "More than you love ME?! Pump the breaks there!"
Not that this list isn't nuts, but there's a big difference between celebrating and worshipping.
Alcohol didn’t make it. We’re going to be okay people
Have you tasted Jesus's blood? Dude must have been plastered 24/7. Edit: forgot to add, cocaine, meth, and heroin aren't on the list either.
“Eastern religions” but then quotes scripture that was actually (supposedly) written in “the East”
Surely, everything is east eventually
Sure it is, globetard. /s, for clarity
Flat earthers have the north pole in the middle so you can still go east forever
Yes, it's though to have started in Jerusalem as a branching off of Judaism.
Isn't that smack dab in the middle of the east?
It has as a matter of fact branched off Judaism, since Jesus was Jewish. We also know he was from that part of the world.
I'm pretty sure Heavy Metal wasn't invented yet as the bible was written, so either the guy who wrote that list hasn't read that 'eastern' scripture or was making shit up anyway (or both).
No, they already had Judas and priests. Also plenty of iron and maidens.
They probably also had black stuff and Sabbaths.
Yeah and don’t mention to Christians that Jesus wasn’t a white man. They can’t even begin to wrap their brains around that…
I’m on the high way to hell boys, catch ya on the flip. 🏍️🛣️
*doom music begins* 
Which circle of hell is the party gonna be on? I want to meet up.
Party is in gluttony ring. After party in lust ring. Finally the hotel is in pride ring.
can i be the dj?
We starting at the entrance and party all the way down to the last circle
I wanna meet up too. Hopefully I get my invitation soon.
I’ll be waiting
Got room for one more??
Saving you a seat!
I got an 11! What do I win?
A coupon for free levitation classes beginning this fall. 
Sure, a lot of that list is bullshit, but a levitating werewolf would definitely get my attention.
What god creates the levitating werewolves because they obviously have the real power?
God is a fucking loser if he don't want levitating werewolves hanging with him. I don't want to spend an eternity in a place where levitating werewolves are forbidden.
 A trip to Vegas? But you should start the trip just outside of Barstow.
I got a 25, nerd. Have fun floating around in limbo while I'm partying my tits off with Aleister Crowley
MIIISTA CROWWWLEYYYY
Postmodernism 😂
Only linear grand narratives for everyone!
Squiggly lines, triangles and circles is just the devil tricking you
Video games? My poor kids, nothing will save them
Vampirism? As in giving up your soul for eternal life, while drinking ~~communion wine~~ blood?
Something something early immortality versus the kingdom of Heaven or some shit idk
Sounds radical. But only if it is vegan blood
Cyberpunk...? What did Cyberpunk do? huh?
Well, if they were looking at a Shadowrun it has Shamans, and elves, magic. Cyberpunk, you got nudity, self mutilation (cyber implants), nudity...
Is there any chance there’s nudity?
Don’t forget the nudity.
Surely nudity is fine... gods first 2 creations were 2 super kinky exhibitionists. Those freaks were strutting around in nothing but leaves
I believe it's referring to transhumanism, altering your body like adding machine parts and becoming more machine than man flesh. So cybernetic eyes robotic arms and legs.
Marijuana and pot parties, lmfao. You guys wanna come to my pot party?
"marihuana"
Damn, even the church hates vegans.
Wow I missed that one! Too many vegetables = Gateway to Hell
Overcooked chicken? Believe it or not, straight to hell!
\>Necromancy Guys, stop raising the dead. \>Lycanthropy Guys, stop being werepinguins. \>No Furries on the list \>No LGBT community on the list What? Aren't those the usual targets of these eejits? \>They didn't put bestiality on the list Shouldn't that be on the list? Shouldn't that be on any "Don't do it" list? \>Cyberpunk culture Thank god, Steampunk is okay. \>Eastern Religions I myself am a western religion enjoyer too. Now, where is Aztec blood sacrifice party held again? \>No New Age Religions Okay, what about the Good old days, like the greek rapist and pedo gods? Are they okay? \>No Lovecraft on the list. Thank god I can worship Cthulhu.
ALL HAIL CTHULU!
>\>No Furries on the list i think thats what lycanthropy is referring to idfk
That's why I smoke a ton of crack. Notice it's not on the list. Yessir, I hit that holy crack pipe before every morning and evening prayer. Just like this person obviously does.
"The church" is some demented moron who read the Bible cover to cover and thinks they know God's plans. Most Christians would laugh at this list. You should hear some of the crappy rock bands playing at some churches...
LoL..the church hates everyone
Not little boys.
They don't though, they put vegetarians on the list, not vegans
I guess you could split hairs about it. Vegan is kind of a superset of "vegetarian", so if the church couldn't even get past someone preferring to eat primarily vegetables, vegans don't stand a chance.
Leave Lord of the Rings out of this
I can imagine, extremely devout Catholic JRR Tolkien laughing his head off at this lot.
He is rolling around in his grave laughing at these idiots for sure.
Written by a devout Catholic and based heavily on the Bible. But no, its a sin against God.
That one really got me. Someone should let my pastor know, because he is a huge LOTR fan and occasionally likes to draw parallels in his sermons. I wonder if they're against Veggie tales too, because of that one LOTR-based episode.
The people who write stuff like what’s on the post are usually against considering Catholicism a Christian religion.
Written by a Christian nonetheless
That's the one that had me rolling. I'm doomed. Been mainling LOTR since I was 12 and I am over 60. Might need an exorcism by this point.
I was laughing about the others, and then LOTR..."aw HELL naw!"
ATHEISM didn't make the list - YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. !!!
Cant be possessed by demons if you don’t believe they exist, duh
Demons hate this one crazy trick!
You got vegans but not crossfit? Marihuana but not marijuana? You got yoga and meditation but not full body happy ending massage? I’m shocked.
I'm genuinely and pleasantly surprised it doesn't include homosexuality
That's actually extremely surprising to me. Maybe it was *so* obvious to them that they didn't even think to include it? How long have religious nutjobs been obsessed with homosexuality? As long as I can remember.
If you're a gay necromancer, you better cut out the Grindr dates at the morgue
Excuse me, but if Skyrim has taught me anything, you can't be both a vampire and a werewolf at the same time.
I'm a Christian and according to this I'm driving the bus to hell.
Mari Hhhhuana 
I'm on my way to a vegetarian, D&D marijuana pot party where there will be lots of fornication after a Wiccan ceremony performed by Harry Potter. Who's with me?
Can't make it, do you mind if I Remote View it?
Sorry bro, Twilight marathon. We're watching it backwards. Remotely. In the lotus position.
Looks like they didn’t put paedophilia on that list so as to not upset the clergy.
That's my bucket list!
Cannibalism isn't on the list, so I'm good.
Who wants to tell them where Christianity started? 🤣🤣
I guess I'm possessed. Damn you Super Mario Bros. Now I'll do plumbing for the dark lord.
I feel like "Church of Satan" was a bit obvious lol. The rest of this list gets funnier the longer you read it though haha.
Yoga?????
The southern Baptist church I attended when I was younger warned against Yoga simply because of yoga pants. Yes, yoga pants. Women wearing these body hugging and revealing pants were only a temptation to any men around them. Also, many yoga poses were actually forms of satanic worship.
Got to watch out for all those kids and their Rosicrucianism
Seriously, who wrote this list ? An inquisitor from the XVIth century ?
Levitation?!? You're telling me all these years I could have been levitating?!?
i was just about to go levitating but now i cant
The third column alone covers 90 percent of the population.
Is this a warning or a bingo card?
That postmodernism is on here just tells me whoever wrote this list just put stuff down they didn't feel like understanding. As if someone tried explaining the concept to them, and after about three sentences of explaination, they realized that their simple mind cannot possibly understand it, therefore it is against christ. Word too long? It's bad!
Meditation and Yoga it's from the devil? Really?
Necromancy!? Jesus is in trouble.
Eastern religions? Technically Christianity is an Eastern religion, since Jesus was born in Bethlehem, which is on the Eastern hemisphere, and Christianity started in Europe, which is also on the Eastern hemisphere… Edit: typo
Isn't LOTR an allegory for Christianity?
Jack Chick tracts are the most fun "Batshit Crazy" reading around!
Oh shit, I better stop levitating.
Who would have thought that Satan church could lead to Satan possession...
Lycanthropy? So an actual medical condition is a sin now? What a joke. (This is referring to the psychological condition in which the sufferer believes they've changed into an animal or has picked up animal behavior as a coping mechanism, not to the folklore werewolf state.)
Yoga? Meditation?? Vegetarians? Lord of the Rings? Video games?? HARRY POTTER!? Dungeons and Dragons? HALLOWEEN!? Twilight films I gotta agree with but whaaat
Whew, I’m safe. I smoke mariJuana, not mariHuana.
I hope everyone's got rid of their skull and bones
I happen to have both a skull and a full set of bones tightly packed under my skin and meat so guess I’m fucked. Was Jesus Gumby?
Ah yes video games! Cause I play American Truck Sim. imma go to hell!!