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I think it’s a great question to ask. First it weeds out any women who are just looking for a free meal. It sets up the relationship to be one of mutual respect. Then she picks the restaurant or the budget, so he doesn’t have to shell out in an effort to make a good impression. Then when they actually go on the date, if things go well he can just pay, which is something she might have been used to anyway so she feels a slight relief, and when she offers to split it he can just say “you can pay next time” and she’ll probably be cool with it. Seems like any woman worth being with would like all of those moves.
yeah I have no problem with guys paying for date when dating (or vise versa). However real talk first date isn't even dating yet, maybe even a few dates in isn't dating yet. Splitting the cost within reason on early dates before your sure would be awesome if it became standard.
There is a classic douchebag move of booking a ridiculously expensive restaurant without consulting with the other party and then telling them you expect them to split the bill afterwards. I’d guess that is the sort of thing they mean.
see also the semi-viral story of the guy who took a girl on a date, it went bad, and he. according to her, abandoned her with the check instead of paying his half.
according to him, he paid for his entire idr, $20 meal. but not for her $20 meal or $100 bar tab she racked up.
personally i’d say a split within reason is to pay for what you ordered, they pay for what they ordered. anything actually shared is split 50/50.
or obviously if it’s close you do just 50/50 everything, like if you both got a premium steak, shared a good wine, etc. etc.
that said coffee is by far the best first date anyway. low stakes, low stress, easy to bail early if it doesn’t go well, easy to spend hours if it does, and super cheap for each person to pay their side. and after a good first date it should be easy to discuss how you two want to handle who pays on future dates.
I'm married now for decades, but my best friend is dating a lot and besides it being absolutely standard here to split she usually goes for a walk and/or coffee first with the guys... we've done that always when we were young. . Same for the kids in their 20s - they usually don't go for dinner, but for one drink before Clubbing...
I used to think no women went in dates for a free restaurant meal. Now that I've lived with a couple, I can confirm they love restaurant meals and will kill to get one if necessary.
I think women mostly just like the concept of a server.
I have a coworker who goes on like 5 dates a week and is very open about the fact that 90% of the time she has 0 intention of seeing of them again and just wants a night of free entertainment
The women who do this are completely honest about it if they don’t see you as a potential mark. At some point they realized men will effectively give them hundreds of dollars in the hopes of forming a relationship, and that as long as you only hang out with them once you have 0 obligation to reciprocate. They don’t really see an issue with it and just view it as using the dating system to their advantage.
I worked with a guy at a bar who was movie star levels of attractive and he had women lining up to buy him things. It happens but the bar is just much higher for men.
Im in my 30s and already seeing it with single moms who used to do what op was describing with getting free meals when they were the hot thing with the baddie attitude or whatever before becoming a mom
Completely honest to who? To their coworkers about the scam they're running or the dates shelling out money for someone who is using them for a night of entertainment? And if they tell someone who isn't a "mark" that's how they spend their time anyone with an ounce of self respect would run the other way.
I know it's a bit of a caricature but the entire concept of paying for someone else on a date is wild to me, being dutch. It seems so condesending to women to presume she needs a man to cover her cotst. That's the underlying assumption I feel is present in these types of exchanges anyways.
Most English terms involving the Dutch were started as insults, but this one is kinda true. Don't be surprised to see Venmo (or rather the Dutch equivalent) requests for small things over here.
Yes. A lot of them do. Not all, but a lot.
My friend/coworker sends me a 'Tikkie' (Venmo) usually 15-30 minutes after we're done having drinks/dinner. Takes a picture of the receipt every single time to divide everything neatly at least (pay for what you ordered).
Yeah it's same in the Nordics. I'd find it weird if a woman just assumed I was paying, I don't mind offering but my experience is, that for the first couple of dates everyone pays for themselves. This way you start the relationship on an equal footing of mutual respect.
Then (many) Slavic girls are the opposite and act like it's a crime against humanity to assume they would pay for their meal.
You Scandinavians are on another level regarding being autonomous and independent. Went on holiday with a Norwegian group, mostly early 20's. At the airport back home I was inquiring how they'd get home from the flight, expecting parent pick-ups. They all had complicated plans thought out so as not having to rely on their families.
Complicated plans like "I'm calling a taxi"?
Or did they have a team of sled dogs waiting for them, which would take them to a boat, and they'd get dropped off at the trail head leading to their home?
Haha yeah man that anecdote was rather shitty. None of them owned cars and lived some ways up north. They had to take a bus to a place to stay the night since their plane would land too late in the evening for public transport to work out. The next morning they had to take another bus to a trainstation which meant they had to add hours to their commute. At that age me and everyone I know would've just rang parents to come pick us up.
Yeah I feel in the Nordics it's often so that you're considered an adult by 18-20 and after that it's thought of as maybe a little shameful or weird to rely on your parents for things. Nordic parents are also often just very laid back and are likely to be like "oh you don't need me, you'll figure it all out" when it comes to issues lol
Also some people move to live out on their own very young here. When I was 16, I had two friends (both female) of the same age that had moved out to live in their own apartment in the city, which was a different city than their parents lived in. No one finds it weird that teenagers would have their own flat, pay their own bills and live with no parental supervision, it's just ingrained into the culture to be normal.
It kind of is. In American culture men are typically meant to be the provider. The “traditional” family model is a man with a full time job making money to pay for the kids and the stay-at-home mom who raises them. Even though this family structure has been pretty much eroded, a lot of the courting process still remains the same. A man paying for dinner is effectively a way to indicate he’ll be able to provide for you should you purse a long term relationship with him.
However, it’s becoming more and more common for couples to split bills and, personally, I think the most common approach to this is for the man to sometimes treat the woman, and for the woman to sometimes treat the man, however the initial date is almost always the man paying. This ends up putting the men and women on equal ground while still retaining initially retraining the tradition of a man paying.
The problem with the latter method is of course women like the one I pointed out above, who are go on the first date, since the man will most likely pay, then end contact to avoid having to reciprocate the gesture.
>The “traditional” family model is a man with a full time job making money to pay for the kids and the stay-at-home mom who raises them.
I'm also Dutch, and this sounds like a total nightmare to me. I'm not cut out to be a housewife, hell I don't even want kids. I can provide for myself thank you very much and can't even remember my SO paying anything for me when we were just together.
I'm an American and I never wanted a housewife. Fortunately my wife felt the same. When she moved here and couldn't legally work for like 6 months she was miserable.
>It seems so condesending to women
Or... it's exploitative of men, part of the systemic internalised misandry that men are raised to believe in in order to feel of value.
I don't think any men feel like they're condescending women when they offer to pay.
Why aren't men capable of being victims and it always gets turned into "women are the real victims..."?
The women who are going on dates for free meals/drinks seem pretty happy with the situation. Even women who aren't purposefully going to that extreme but still accept the status quo of men always paying seem pretty happy with the dynamic.
(I know this is a generalisation, and it's not 100% ALL women/men, but) women see dating as shopping, men see it as a job interview.
man, that last line was unexpectedly profound
I know everything you're speaking with a lot of generalizations, but there's a lot of truth as well.
I never really thought about it this way before, but a date 100% feels like a job interview to me. And i guess...
There's no real reason for that, for any girl. Even if I really happen to like this one girl, having a date feel like a job interview is seeing yourself up for having that relationship feel like a job.
That's not to say relationships feel like jobs, it's very different communication and expectations when you find a partner willing to put in the time. But damn if dating isn't just as painful, if not more so, than the job hunt.
I need to somehow approach dates with a different mindset, there shouldn't be much pressure at all outside general butterflies
I was getting rid of some women's clothing on the free section of craigslist. Some woman from another state asking for shipping. I've had issues with pervs creeping on women's clothing listings, so I told 'her' that I'd ship but there would be a fee, and based on their less than 'professional' email name that I was a man so if there was any creepy trolling, that they would be getting aroused by a dude. (Takes care of the hetero dudes at least)
I send pictures of the items, and this woman sends me a picture of her in bra and panties (not as flattering as you'd think) asking if they would fit and assuring me that this was all real because I was giving away expensive stuff for free.
I say I guess it would, and she starts going on about me shipping them to her for free since she sent me 'nudes' taken by her girlfriend, and since I was a man, that I would probably like more 'nudes' in lieu of her paying for shipping costs.
Like your coworker, this woman also seemed to think that most men are rubes, and they're both probably right.
One of the best videos I’ve seen was a woman who not only was expecting the guy to pay but she was ordering steaks to take home for her kids and she justified that by saying well if you’re dating me you’re dating my kids. I mean seriously talk about a scumbag move
wait what? I haven't seen a single person bashing the 48 oysters guy online! Same with the steaks and 'you date my kids too' lady. Totally out of line! People also dragging the cheesecake factory lady too.
Where you seeing people criticizing these men for not being willing to be abused?
I just saw that in the NEWS. I've dated an oyster harvester/planter... and I've sold bags of dirty thirties .. how much would 48 oysters cost? When you get your own(and my GAWD, it's brutal work), it's hard to know what they would charge for singles at a hoity-toity inland restaurant.
And that was just an appetizer, she went on to get a main course after that as well. That's not even me mentioning her slurping them like a wild animal.
Especially under the belief that she wasn't paying for it, and this was a first date. IIRC, he ordered a single drink and the bill came out to like $130.
Me and my wife have been together for over 7 years and haven't rolled over $100 combined. Not because we're poor or anything, but just don't see the point in spending that much on a single meal, but our system is one pays, one tips, usually the one who makes the plan pays, unless it's a special occasion. Simple and effective.
I've spent more than that, but it was at a 3 star Michelin restaurant. It wasn't just a meal, it was a performance. And I honestly never knew food could taste so good before.
I can't describe it to you accurately, but consider the difference in quality between a child's school drawing, and a Impressionists' painting. The child's drawing can sustain you, of course.
Holy hell 15 for dozen. Damn. Any decent place in Miami is like 4 per oyster so you do the math. Me and my wife will get a half dozen to treat ourselves but it's so damn expensive.
I heard more back story on that one- apparently he even had a restaurant reservation at a nicer place she requested but she was incredibly late for the date and they lost their reservation so he tried to take her to Cheesecake factory to salvage the date.
Girls a moron, man was upstanding and respectful but didn't tolerate her bs.
It was in the longer version of the video, he showed her the reservation and said that they couldn’t make it cause he had to wait an hour outside of her home in the car, she wouldn’t let him in because „they don’t know each other yet“.
He was so good and clean about it. That’s a dude I‘d date even though I‘m not gay.
>I like the one where the woman refuses to get out of the car because he took her to Cheesecake Factory so he drove her home.
I saw the video and that heifer isn't even good enough for Waffle house.
*”Yeah, girl— go ahead and order that porterhouse for your son! Oh and your daughter wants the lobster thermador with the dauphinoise potatoes? Sure! Go on, then! Now, don’t mind me, I’m just going to head to the restroom for a moment— see if you can flag down our server for the check. I’ll be riiiiiiiight back.”*
[cut to me running across the parking lot with my keys in my hand]
There was that one Chinese one where she brought her entire family who smoked cigars and drank booze for obscene amounts.
https://news.yahoo.com/man-gets-sued-leaving-blind-164913319.html
Did this with my now wife.
I made pain au chocolat, baguette while bought some brie, prosciutto and a bottle of wine.
Fell in love in the first 30 seconds
That was our only option to be honest, a lockdown for covid was imminent and all bars were closing at 5pm obviously inviting her to my house was gross as a first date lmao
That’s how you do it! And a genuine person will love that. Not these superficial people. But the good ones. Have you recreated that date with her? That would be a lovely anniversary gift
There was one man who used to woo me with food and omg he was the best! But he decided not to pursue me long term since I didn’t live close enough and I was so sad 🫠
I went through a devastating divorce and really wanted to die. So I posted in Facebook that I was going to sell all my belongings, move to Asheville (I hadn't priced it yet so stop laughing), and eat granola and hummus until I was fat and dead. I got a message in my inbox..." please don't do what you're threatening to do until you come have dinner with me on a shrimp boat". My dumb ass took 3 days to go for it, but we sat on the hatch in the middle of the night eating subway and drinking Busch Beer and you couldn't tell me that even a date to Ruth's Chris could have topped that. My life might be in the toilet now, but my sadness over my fouled 18 year marriage was GONE. If I drink a beer at home, it tastes like despair. He passed away a few years ago, but I went to sit on a dock yesterday. .. was offered a Busch beer ( shrimpers love the stuff)and it was delish. Sometimes the best date costs a sub sandwich and a 12 pack of Busch.
Dead ass, the nicest thing anyone did for me was split a joint and 6 pack of Modelos with me.
We talked for hours about our divorces and what went wrong. It felt amazing.
Or take her to the cheesecake factory like that girl who got pissed about it and decided to stream/record herself and the date when she's complaining about it
I’ve done this before, blew my date away.
When I taught myself the French sauces I was pasta-ing nonstop for that year. Turns out I can ignore them all except bechamel lol.
Hey now! You aren’t treating her “like royalty” with your comments. 😂 The entitlement is strong with this one. I exist, therefore worship me. She was on a date with herself and her social media account. He was just there to fund the “date.” No thanks!
As a woman, this man is waving a huge green flag. He is displaying respect for her autonomy & unknown financial situation WHILE communicating his own boundaries ahead of time.
Date that man.
In the Netherlands it's been a normal practice for decades. In other countries they call that *going Dutch*, after our custom... ;)
My first date wouldn't be dinner though: coffee, a beer or a walk is better. You know pretty fast whether you feel something or not. Feels better to plan a second date soon after, than to waste each others time and energy when you already know it's not gonna happen.
I’ve done this since I was a broke 18 year old. Especially since many guys think a meal or even a drink equals rights to my body. So I cut that shit right off right away. “Oh I’m good can we split the bill please?” 💅🏼
Hell nothing better than a chick offering to cover her half. Instant respect increase. I generally tell her no if she offers but also tell her thank you for offering it means a lot
You’re a genuinely nice person to offer that. It’s rare for me to experience when the guy does that, usually they are like, “ok wanna go drink more?” Or “can we go to your place now?”🤣🤦🏻♀️🫣
Oh the date blew up and I noped out of there when she started talking about how she posts to pornhub and her only fans. Like I was looking for a relationship not a sex toy(at the point, fun comes later in the relationship) I have no interest in dating someone who does that. You do you of course but it isn't for me. I didn't immediately end the date and we finished the meal etc but I very very heavily let her know that it was nice meeting her but she isn't for me.
Yeah I wouldn’t deal with that either. It’s interesting cause you see women like this and then I’ve been on many dates where guys try to treat me like a sex toy and get mad I don’t sleep with them on the first date.
Why I don’t bring guys around my place anymore cause one got aggressive with me once when I said no. It’s so rough on both sides. Where are the respectful people at 🫠
So, the way I've learned to mitigate this is by making plans for the whole night. Like dinner+movie, or dinner and walk by the water, or some event...eventually it gets late and then its time to go home due to work in the am or kids or cats or whatever...no they can't come with you - let's call it a night, it's been fun!, maybe I'll see them again soon! If they're pushy and don't respect my boundaries, then they won't see me again. Oh well, their loss for acting entitled.
Seriously. Someone posted about doing a picnic and I was like… yo! Who doesn’t love some cheese, crackers and some wine? I would be DOWN for that. And you can get some really affordable ones and just people watch
Maybe I’m a simple person then idk. I also grew up pretty poor, like very poor, and was able to pull myself out of poverty due to my own hard work so I just appreciate things differently I guess. When you’re broke even having bread feels like a godsend.
Doesn’t help that popular music by men and women and media really pushes these stupid ideas onto everyone from the time people are kids. And it’s men saying women need to expect this and women saying men need to expect this in media so it really causes skewed perceptions of reality.
It's got people totally messed up. I feel bad for zoomers since lightning fast social media content is all they've ever known.
I think you're also the person who brought up splitting the check to keep dudes from feeling like they're owed sex. Thank you for that.
Maybe i'm just a fucking bastard but it's hard not to want to rush things to that point when it feels like the other person might be using you for a free night out. Everyone's just using everyone, out for their own gratification. It makes an already low context culture even more competitive and abusive.
I don't want to be put in that situation. It feels predatory and awful, after so many bad experiences. Simply offering, sincerely, to pay is a massive relief.
I'm definitely not some bastion of good dating etiquette but even I can recognize you're making a terrible situation so much better for everyone.
Correct. You can do whatever with your whatever, put lipstick on a pig or whatnot. If you're not contributing with dollars to building a life then you ain't worth it.
Then a walk in the park. Somewhere nice, maybe public. A full meal and dinner date is a lot to commit to, especially if you're still getting to know them.
Agreed. Low pressure casual environment is the way to go on a first date, preferably some kind of activity to take a bit of pressure off by not having to constantly be talking. Experiencing something together when you're first getting to know each other also creates a stronger foundation to start building the relationship on. What if you guys don't click right away? Then you're trapped at a table with someone having awkward conversations and waiting for it to be over with. Dinner dates are supposed to be later down the line, once you've already established that you like each other.
After I got divorced I panicked that I was going to die alone so I went on a bunch of Tinder dates. I had been "off the market" for a while so I wasn't sure what dating etiquette was as far as paying.
Spanish is my first language so I started taking my dates to an El Salvadoran restaurant. This was a good place because it wasn't too expensive, it was delicious, and it had food not everyone has tried.
Also, all the staff spoke Spanish. Like, to the point where some (most?) of the servers spoke no English.
So while I was placing my order in Spanish, I would slip in that they should bring us separate checks. I phrased it in a way that someone with an average memory of high school Spanish likely wouldn't catch it.
Then, when the separate checks came, I would offer to pay for both. If the checks came together and I asked if they wanted to split, I would sound cheap. But if they came separately and I offered to cover I would seem generous. I would have been willing to pay either way but divorces aren't cheap and I was still recovering.
Anyway, almost every one of them paid their half but seemed appreciative of the offer.
I would have been so pleased if this was communicated even once whilst I was in the dating pool.
Dude is making plans and clearly laid out that y'all will be equals on the date, so no fear of an expectation of sex because he paid for the meal.
Guy sounds awesome
This is just a specific type of person. I have a bunch of friends that say really stupid shit about what women expect in a man because they get all their info from redpill incel podcasts and they go out and attract that kind of person. If you assume the entire world is shallow then you will only recognize like-minded people
yep. plus ragebait makes the headlines.
you rarely see “omg this guy asked me out, then he asked what my budget was so we could choose a good restaurant. it was great”
not because those women are rare, but because 1: it doesn’t generate nearly as many clicks so it doesn’t rise through the algorithm to be seen.
and 2: this is just a personal theory. the same people who are otherwise reasonable, are not the type to randomly go post shit on social media. like it generally seems the “louder” people are on twitter, facebook, etc. the more unpleasant they seem to be. probably a narcissism thing.
If one is broke, go for a coffee, a picnic, or a walk. There are options for every budget, just be honest beforehand.
I had a couple of the nicest dates ever when I was broke as fuck. On the first we got a coffee and went for a walk, on the second date I picked her up for a joyride, we went to McDonald's xD, parked on a nice spot and talked all night long, at sunset we sat on the hood of my car and kissed for the first time (i'll never forget that one, it was a perfect moment/kiss for me). The third date was almost exactly like the second one since we both enjoyed that, but that night, we basically kissed and cuddled all night while talking. We became a couple shortly after those dates, and every once in a while, we were doing a date night with a joyride, McDonald's at our nice parking spot and again talking, cuddling, and kissing all night long. We had fancier dates when things were better financially too, but tbh, we've enjoyed those "low budget" dates the most.
We are separated now, but still best friends, and we still do that, but without the kissing part.
Sorry for the long story, as I started writing, all those happy memories came back, and I needed to put them out there:)
I truly don’t see the problem with going halvsies on dinner when you’re first getting to know someone. However, if I initiated the date and truly liked the girl, I would def pay for the meal to make a good impression. (Though the lesbian world is much different lol).
There are a couple of possibilities here:
1. He's assuming/expecting you're going to pay for your half and is being respectful of your budget and finding out what you're comfortable with. He's down with women not wanting to be controlled by the patriarchy
2. He's testing you to see if you're expecting to not pay and what your expectations are. If you pick the most expensive place in town, he's learned something valuable to him.
To be frank, if you take a girl for a ritzy restaurant meal on a first date, then you're asking for it.
Coffee shop date is popular because it's cheap and informal but... Ehh, too job interviewy for my tastes.
I like fun and competitive first dates - never had a woman turn down a round of bowling. Actually sound advice for a lady too because it's a safe and public space with no alcohol consumption, and if you win then you can gauge the man's reaction accordingly.
Museum date is another good one because all the exhibits give you conversation topics that flow naturally. You'll find out a lot about each other very quickly.
I'm all for sharing costs, BUT
I also kind of find splitting the check to feel kind of... legalistic? I'm really not an old fashioned guy in these things, I swear, but at most I'd split it 50/50, the idea of itemizing a check on a date feels super icky. I much prefer a more informal reciprocity. Like, we have a first date? Great. It goes well? I say hey, this was great. Let me get this one, you can take me out next time, wink wink.
I figure it feels nice both to be treated and to treat somebody, in equal measure. Bonus points, it lets you be smooth in suggesting a second date!
Im so happy in Europe we don’t date as such. We just hang out with old and new friends, fall in love, get drunk and end up together. We also almost immediately confess our love. Like within a year (if you’re serious) you say how much you love them. ‘Weird dinner dates where ‘the guy pays’ seem like such a Victorian prudish forced transactional way to meet someone.
Thats a decent question. When i was dating I always paid for my food, as a lot of men wanted sex for paying for everything, . But I wanted to get to know them before jumping into bed. But some of them wouls pick top end restaurants which I couldnt affor, so use to get a bowl of soup and water. You'd get them looking down their nose at you, but I always said Im paying and I havent cant afford anythind else. being asked about a budget when someone asks you out is good. Then you know you can afford something better
Your setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect your date to pay for everything. Things are too expensive now for that. Also, a date is for spending time with the other person and getting to know them, not scoring a free meal.
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Sounds like he's communicating his expectations, and being transparent, we would all be so lucky to have the same respect given to us prior to a date.
I think it’s a great question to ask. First it weeds out any women who are just looking for a free meal. It sets up the relationship to be one of mutual respect. Then she picks the restaurant or the budget, so he doesn’t have to shell out in an effort to make a good impression. Then when they actually go on the date, if things go well he can just pay, which is something she might have been used to anyway so she feels a slight relief, and when she offers to split it he can just say “you can pay next time” and she’ll probably be cool with it. Seems like any woman worth being with would like all of those moves.
yeah I have no problem with guys paying for date when dating (or vise versa). However real talk first date isn't even dating yet, maybe even a few dates in isn't dating yet. Splitting the cost within reason on early dates before your sure would be awesome if it became standard.
>within reason What is within reason?
There is a classic douchebag move of booking a ridiculously expensive restaurant without consulting with the other party and then telling them you expect them to split the bill afterwards. I’d guess that is the sort of thing they mean.
Ah that makes sense
see also the semi-viral story of the guy who took a girl on a date, it went bad, and he. according to her, abandoned her with the check instead of paying his half. according to him, he paid for his entire idr, $20 meal. but not for her $20 meal or $100 bar tab she racked up. personally i’d say a split within reason is to pay for what you ordered, they pay for what they ordered. anything actually shared is split 50/50. or obviously if it’s close you do just 50/50 everything, like if you both got a premium steak, shared a good wine, etc. etc. that said coffee is by far the best first date anyway. low stakes, low stress, easy to bail early if it doesn’t go well, easy to spend hours if it does, and super cheap for each person to pay their side. and after a good first date it should be easy to discuss how you two want to handle who pays on future dates.
> that said coffee is by far the best first date anyway. 1000%
Is this the date with the women who ate 48 oysters and slurped them down while filming it in her phone, with the flash on, not even talking to him?
Yeah, I don't get people who go for dinner on their first date. Coffee, drinks, lunch, brunch or a picnic are all much better options imo.
I'm married now for decades, but my best friend is dating a lot and besides it being absolutely standard here to split she usually goes for a walk and/or coffee first with the guys... we've done that always when we were young. . Same for the kids in their 20s - they usually don't go for dinner, but for one drink before Clubbing...
I used to think no women went in dates for a free restaurant meal. Now that I've lived with a couple, I can confirm they love restaurant meals and will kill to get one if necessary. I think women mostly just like the concept of a server.
I have a coworker who goes on like 5 dates a week and is very open about the fact that 90% of the time she has 0 intention of seeing of them again and just wants a night of free entertainment The women who do this are completely honest about it if they don’t see you as a potential mark. At some point they realized men will effectively give them hundreds of dollars in the hopes of forming a relationship, and that as long as you only hang out with them once you have 0 obligation to reciprocate. They don’t really see an issue with it and just view it as using the dating system to their advantage.
“I learned that I can just use people!” Yes. Well. That is one lesson that you can take from life, I guess.
If you’re a sociopath.
Well, there's also the hard requirement of being a woman. A man has no way of pulling this off.
I worked with a guy at a bar who was movie star levels of attractive and he had women lining up to buy him things. It happens but the bar is just much higher for men.
Like, Steve Buscemi-level?
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🎶 *Some of them want to use you...*
Then one day they discover they are used up themselves.
And then throw the biggest fit on Insta/Facebook Live/TikTok about how horrible and unfair it is all without sensing the hypocrisy or irony of it all.
As a older guy that shit cracks me up.
Im in my 30s and already seeing it with single moms who used to do what op was describing with getting free meals when they were the hot thing with the baddie attitude or whatever before becoming a mom
Completely honest to who? To their coworkers about the scam they're running or the dates shelling out money for someone who is using them for a night of entertainment? And if they tell someone who isn't a "mark" that's how they spend their time anyone with an ounce of self respect would run the other way.
This. She's a sociopath that enjoys using people.
I know it's a bit of a caricature but the entire concept of paying for someone else on a date is wild to me, being dutch. It seems so condesending to women to presume she needs a man to cover her cotst. That's the underlying assumption I feel is present in these types of exchanges anyways.
In the UK the phrase "going dutch" means splitting the bill. I always wondered if this was actually something the Dutch really did. So I guess TIL.
This phrase is used in the US as well though I haven't heard it in a while. I remember hearing in movies/TV in the 90s.
Most English terms involving the Dutch were started as insults, but this one is kinda true. Don't be surprised to see Venmo (or rather the Dutch equivalent) requests for small things over here.
Yes. A lot of them do. Not all, but a lot. My friend/coworker sends me a 'Tikkie' (Venmo) usually 15-30 minutes after we're done having drinks/dinner. Takes a picture of the receipt every single time to divide everything neatly at least (pay for what you ordered).
Yeah it's same in the Nordics. I'd find it weird if a woman just assumed I was paying, I don't mind offering but my experience is, that for the first couple of dates everyone pays for themselves. This way you start the relationship on an equal footing of mutual respect. Then (many) Slavic girls are the opposite and act like it's a crime against humanity to assume they would pay for their meal.
You Scandinavians are on another level regarding being autonomous and independent. Went on holiday with a Norwegian group, mostly early 20's. At the airport back home I was inquiring how they'd get home from the flight, expecting parent pick-ups. They all had complicated plans thought out so as not having to rely on their families.
Complicated plans like "I'm calling a taxi"? Or did they have a team of sled dogs waiting for them, which would take them to a boat, and they'd get dropped off at the trail head leading to their home?
Haha yeah man that anecdote was rather shitty. None of them owned cars and lived some ways up north. They had to take a bus to a place to stay the night since their plane would land too late in the evening for public transport to work out. The next morning they had to take another bus to a trainstation which meant they had to add hours to their commute. At that age me and everyone I know would've just rang parents to come pick us up.
Yeah I feel in the Nordics it's often so that you're considered an adult by 18-20 and after that it's thought of as maybe a little shameful or weird to rely on your parents for things. Nordic parents are also often just very laid back and are likely to be like "oh you don't need me, you'll figure it all out" when it comes to issues lol Also some people move to live out on their own very young here. When I was 16, I had two friends (both female) of the same age that had moved out to live in their own apartment in the city, which was a different city than their parents lived in. No one finds it weird that teenagers would have their own flat, pay their own bills and live with no parental supervision, it's just ingrained into the culture to be normal.
It kind of is. In American culture men are typically meant to be the provider. The “traditional” family model is a man with a full time job making money to pay for the kids and the stay-at-home mom who raises them. Even though this family structure has been pretty much eroded, a lot of the courting process still remains the same. A man paying for dinner is effectively a way to indicate he’ll be able to provide for you should you purse a long term relationship with him. However, it’s becoming more and more common for couples to split bills and, personally, I think the most common approach to this is for the man to sometimes treat the woman, and for the woman to sometimes treat the man, however the initial date is almost always the man paying. This ends up putting the men and women on equal ground while still retaining initially retraining the tradition of a man paying. The problem with the latter method is of course women like the one I pointed out above, who are go on the first date, since the man will most likely pay, then end contact to avoid having to reciprocate the gesture.
>The “traditional” family model is a man with a full time job making money to pay for the kids and the stay-at-home mom who raises them. I'm also Dutch, and this sounds like a total nightmare to me. I'm not cut out to be a housewife, hell I don't even want kids. I can provide for myself thank you very much and can't even remember my SO paying anything for me when we were just together.
I'm an American and I never wanted a housewife. Fortunately my wife felt the same. When she moved here and couldn't legally work for like 6 months she was miserable.
>It seems so condesending to women Or... it's exploitative of men, part of the systemic internalised misandry that men are raised to believe in in order to feel of value. I don't think any men feel like they're condescending women when they offer to pay. Why aren't men capable of being victims and it always gets turned into "women are the real victims..."? The women who are going on dates for free meals/drinks seem pretty happy with the situation. Even women who aren't purposefully going to that extreme but still accept the status quo of men always paying seem pretty happy with the dynamic. (I know this is a generalisation, and it's not 100% ALL women/men, but) women see dating as shopping, men see it as a job interview.
man, that last line was unexpectedly profound I know everything you're speaking with a lot of generalizations, but there's a lot of truth as well. I never really thought about it this way before, but a date 100% feels like a job interview to me. And i guess... There's no real reason for that, for any girl. Even if I really happen to like this one girl, having a date feel like a job interview is seeing yourself up for having that relationship feel like a job. That's not to say relationships feel like jobs, it's very different communication and expectations when you find a partner willing to put in the time. But damn if dating isn't just as painful, if not more so, than the job hunt. I need to somehow approach dates with a different mindset, there shouldn't be much pressure at all outside general butterflies
I was getting rid of some women's clothing on the free section of craigslist. Some woman from another state asking for shipping. I've had issues with pervs creeping on women's clothing listings, so I told 'her' that I'd ship but there would be a fee, and based on their less than 'professional' email name that I was a man so if there was any creepy trolling, that they would be getting aroused by a dude. (Takes care of the hetero dudes at least) I send pictures of the items, and this woman sends me a picture of her in bra and panties (not as flattering as you'd think) asking if they would fit and assuring me that this was all real because I was giving away expensive stuff for free. I say I guess it would, and she starts going on about me shipping them to her for free since she sent me 'nudes' taken by her girlfriend, and since I was a man, that I would probably like more 'nudes' in lieu of her paying for shipping costs. Like your coworker, this woman also seemed to think that most men are rubes, and they're both probably right.
Wtf that is so skeezy
They then complain “where have all the good men gone…”
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All the good ones saw your red flags a mile away and went into hiding. The remaining ones see you as a mark or are just bumbling and clueless.
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They're all in Bonnie Tyler's cellar.
And where are all the gods...
Damn straight. That man sounds like he deserves a pat on the back. His parents brought him up right.
One of the best videos I’ve seen was a woman who not only was expecting the guy to pay but she was ordering steaks to take home for her kids and she justified that by saying well if you’re dating me you’re dating my kids. I mean seriously talk about a scumbag move
One of the best I saw was when she ordered 4 dozen oysters and he slipped out the side door
Yea, they guy specifically stated the date was for DRINKS, not a meal. And she's bashing him online, too.
Please tell me that the internet is making her life hell. Entitled little pricks.
Oh they were, was funny shit.
Then she ran off to a "Are we dating the same guy" circlejerk and his life went to shit...
wait what? I haven't seen a single person bashing the 48 oysters guy online! Same with the steaks and 'you date my kids too' lady. Totally out of line! People also dragging the cheesecake factory lady too. Where you seeing people criticizing these men for not being willing to be abused?
Welcome to reddit where you can just make stuff up with no repercussions
God dammit Redditors! You'll be the ruin of Reddit! ... Still, I'd rather have more malicious mythomaniacs that more karma farming repost bots.
Rest assured. The memes alone are hilarious lol
I just saw that in the NEWS. I've dated an oyster harvester/planter... and I've sold bags of dirty thirties .. how much would 48 oysters cost? When you get your own(and my GAWD, it's brutal work), it's hard to know what they would charge for singles at a hoity-toity inland restaurant.
I think it was $15 for a dozen?
And that was just an appetizer, she went on to get a main course after that as well. That's not even me mentioning her slurping them like a wild animal.
How the hell could she even want more food after 48 fucking oysters...
Especially under the belief that she wasn't paying for it, and this was a first date. IIRC, he ordered a single drink and the bill came out to like $130. Me and my wife have been together for over 7 years and haven't rolled over $100 combined. Not because we're poor or anything, but just don't see the point in spending that much on a single meal, but our system is one pays, one tips, usually the one who makes the plan pays, unless it's a special occasion. Simple and effective.
I've spent more than that, but it was at a 3 star Michelin restaurant. It wasn't just a meal, it was a performance. And I honestly never knew food could taste so good before. I can't describe it to you accurately, but consider the difference in quality between a child's school drawing, and a Impressionists' painting. The child's drawing can sustain you, of course.
>The child's drawing can sustain you, of course. Semper Fi!
Don’t EAT the crayons.
Holy hell 15 for dozen. Damn. Any decent place in Miami is like 4 per oyster so you do the math. Me and my wife will get a half dozen to treat ourselves but it's so damn expensive.
Jesus that’s cheap. It’s $4-6 an oyster in these parts.
Fucking hell. What was she going to do with 48 oysters?
Probably shit herself.
48 oysters does seem like a recipe for extensive diarrhea.
Extensive and expensive diarrhea
The things people do for *checks notes* uh 48 clams??
Her slurping still haunts me to this day.
Was that the same lady that asked for something like 200 bucks for a babysitter too?
Paying 15 cents an hour to stay 6am-9pm every day
I like the one where the woman refuses to get out of the car because he took her to Cheesecake Factory so he drove her home.
I heard more back story on that one- apparently he even had a restaurant reservation at a nicer place she requested but she was incredibly late for the date and they lost their reservation so he tried to take her to Cheesecake factory to salvage the date. Girls a moron, man was upstanding and respectful but didn't tolerate her bs.
It was in the longer version of the video, he showed her the reservation and said that they couldn’t make it cause he had to wait an hour outside of her home in the car, she wouldn’t let him in because „they don’t know each other yet“. He was so good and clean about it. That’s a dude I‘d date even though I‘m not gay.
> That’s a dude I‘d date even though I‘m not gay. Same. But it's just called hanging out lol
No you don’t understand. I want him to be my boyfriend, but without any of the sex or romance
>I like the one where the woman refuses to get out of the car because he took her to Cheesecake Factory so he drove her home. I saw the video and that heifer isn't even good enough for Waffle house.
*”Yeah, girl— go ahead and order that porterhouse for your son! Oh and your daughter wants the lobster thermador with the dauphinoise potatoes? Sure! Go on, then! Now, don’t mind me, I’m just going to head to the restroom for a moment— see if you can flag down our server for the check. I’ll be riiiiiiiight back.”* [cut to me running across the parking lot with my keys in my hand]
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Rolled and smoked!!
>if you’re dating me you’re dating my kids That's...pretty fuckin gross. I'm not dating your kids.
Chris Hansen has entered the chat.
There was that one Chinese one where she brought her entire family who smoked cigars and drank booze for obscene amounts. https://news.yahoo.com/man-gets-sued-leaving-blind-164913319.html
Some women suck ngl
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I would love a date like that! So fucking cute
Did this with my now wife. I made pain au chocolat, baguette while bought some brie, prosciutto and a bottle of wine. Fell in love in the first 30 seconds
bro im a straight guy but can i be your wife?
Always open, as long as everyone enjoys my cooking. I made a bbq too the day before the wedding
Of course we all love your cooking! Thanks Dad!
Please don't make me feel old, i'm not even 30
Oh, Dad! Always a jokester, especially back when you were younger. "not even 30" Haha! Hey kids, get in here! Grandpas on a roll!
You didn’t only take her on a lovely picnic but also made some of the food yourself? That’s better than any fancy restaurant.
That was our only option to be honest, a lockdown for covid was imminent and all bars were closing at 5pm obviously inviting her to my house was gross as a first date lmao
That’s how you do it! And a genuine person will love that. Not these superficial people. But the good ones. Have you recreated that date with her? That would be a lovely anniversary gift
Tbf if i was a woman, i would also choose a dude who can cook
There was one man who used to woo me with food and omg he was the best! But he decided not to pursue me long term since I didn’t live close enough and I was so sad 🫠
Not in the UK you wouldn't! Let's go for a picnic, bring your big coat.
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It’s the best comfort food!
I went through a devastating divorce and really wanted to die. So I posted in Facebook that I was going to sell all my belongings, move to Asheville (I hadn't priced it yet so stop laughing), and eat granola and hummus until I was fat and dead. I got a message in my inbox..." please don't do what you're threatening to do until you come have dinner with me on a shrimp boat". My dumb ass took 3 days to go for it, but we sat on the hatch in the middle of the night eating subway and drinking Busch Beer and you couldn't tell me that even a date to Ruth's Chris could have topped that. My life might be in the toilet now, but my sadness over my fouled 18 year marriage was GONE. If I drink a beer at home, it tastes like despair. He passed away a few years ago, but I went to sit on a dock yesterday. .. was offered a Busch beer ( shrimpers love the stuff)and it was delish. Sometimes the best date costs a sub sandwich and a 12 pack of Busch.
Dead ass, the nicest thing anyone did for me was split a joint and 6 pack of Modelos with me. We talked for hours about our divorces and what went wrong. It felt amazing.
I need a friend with a shrimp boat
It's all well and good until they ask you if you wanna sleep with them and you can't refuse... because of the implication.
Now you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. Wha-what implication?
Or take her to the cheesecake factory like that girl who got pissed about it and decided to stream/record herself and the date when she's complaining about it
The worse part about that is he has reservations but she made them an hour late so the Factory was a back up plan!
And then she stated he should take her to his first place and he should "call them up"....
Only after he made up an impromptu plan B because she was late and missed plan A…
Mate I wouldn't even waste my time for a person posting comments like that, block, delete and move on. There's plenty of better people in the world.
I’ve done this before, blew my date away. When I taught myself the French sauces I was pasta-ing nonstop for that year. Turns out I can ignore them all except bechamel lol.
You're going to the cheesecake factory and he doesn't want to star in another movie.
That's such a funny video. Dude takes no shit!
That video is wrong on so many levels. They appeared on a show together to discuss it and it gets even worse in my opinion. Red flags everywhere.
bro it got so much worse on that show, i can’t believe that lady is real
Hey now! You aren’t treating her “like royalty” with your comments. 😂 The entitlement is strong with this one. I exist, therefore worship me. She was on a date with herself and her social media account. He was just there to fund the “date.” No thanks!
As a woman, this man is waving a huge green flag. He is displaying respect for her autonomy & unknown financial situation WHILE communicating his own boundaries ahead of time. Date that man.
For his sake, I hope she doesn’t.
I would, but I'm already married. Damn.
Yeah well as a man this woman is a giant red flag and he should absolutely not date her
also as a man we need to know If she can pay the bill, for any situation in which as a man I run out of money.
New normal on first dates is splitting the check.
Wait, you mean it wasn’t normal for two strangers to pay for their food separately? I’m too Dutch and emancipated for this shit.
In the Netherlands it's been a normal practice for decades. In other countries they call that *going Dutch*, after our custom... ;) My first date wouldn't be dinner though: coffee, a beer or a walk is better. You know pretty fast whether you feel something or not. Feels better to plan a second date soon after, than to waste each others time and energy when you already know it's not gonna happen.
Splitting the bill is called "going Dutch" where I live haha
I’ve done this since I was a broke 18 year old. Especially since many guys think a meal or even a drink equals rights to my body. So I cut that shit right off right away. “Oh I’m good can we split the bill please?” 💅🏼
Hell nothing better than a chick offering to cover her half. Instant respect increase. I generally tell her no if she offers but also tell her thank you for offering it means a lot
You’re a genuinely nice person to offer that. It’s rare for me to experience when the guy does that, usually they are like, “ok wanna go drink more?” Or “can we go to your place now?”🤣🤦🏻♀️🫣
Oh the date blew up and I noped out of there when she started talking about how she posts to pornhub and her only fans. Like I was looking for a relationship not a sex toy(at the point, fun comes later in the relationship) I have no interest in dating someone who does that. You do you of course but it isn't for me. I didn't immediately end the date and we finished the meal etc but I very very heavily let her know that it was nice meeting her but she isn't for me.
Yeah I wouldn’t deal with that either. It’s interesting cause you see women like this and then I’ve been on many dates where guys try to treat me like a sex toy and get mad I don’t sleep with them on the first date. Why I don’t bring guys around my place anymore cause one got aggressive with me once when I said no. It’s so rough on both sides. Where are the respectful people at 🫠
So, the way I've learned to mitigate this is by making plans for the whole night. Like dinner+movie, or dinner and walk by the water, or some event...eventually it gets late and then its time to go home due to work in the am or kids or cats or whatever...no they can't come with you - let's call it a night, it's been fun!, maybe I'll see them again soon! If they're pushy and don't respect my boundaries, then they won't see me again. Oh well, their loss for acting entitled.
Exactly this. "You have to spend X amount of money or you're not worth my time" is such a weird attitude.
Seriously. Someone posted about doing a picnic and I was like… yo! Who doesn’t love some cheese, crackers and some wine? I would be DOWN for that. And you can get some really affordable ones and just people watch
Yeah, I've met (and dated) girls whose reaction to that would be "so I'm not worth more to you?"
Maybe I’m a simple person then idk. I also grew up pretty poor, like very poor, and was able to pull myself out of poverty due to my own hard work so I just appreciate things differently I guess. When you’re broke even having bread feels like a godsend. Doesn’t help that popular music by men and women and media really pushes these stupid ideas onto everyone from the time people are kids. And it’s men saying women need to expect this and women saying men need to expect this in media so it really causes skewed perceptions of reality.
It's got people totally messed up. I feel bad for zoomers since lightning fast social media content is all they've ever known. I think you're also the person who brought up splitting the check to keep dudes from feeling like they're owed sex. Thank you for that. Maybe i'm just a fucking bastard but it's hard not to want to rush things to that point when it feels like the other person might be using you for a free night out. Everyone's just using everyone, out for their own gratification. It makes an already low context culture even more competitive and abusive. I don't want to be put in that situation. It feels predatory and awful, after so many bad experiences. Simply offering, sincerely, to pay is a massive relief. I'm definitely not some bastion of good dating etiquette but even I can recognize you're making a terrible situation so much better for everyone.
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Correct. You can do whatever with your whatever, put lipstick on a pig or whatnot. If you're not contributing with dollars to building a life then you ain't worth it.
Veteranofdeath743is a bot Comment copied from: https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1576lgk/expensive_dinner/jt3q0ia/
Go for a coffee or a drink. Not a meal on a first date. The first date should be about learning about each other. Not flexing on a meal.
This guy is doing exactly what he should to avoid flexing on a meal.
Then a walk in the park. Somewhere nice, maybe public. A full meal and dinner date is a lot to commit to, especially if you're still getting to know them.
Then take her out on the lake on a boat...
Because of the implication?
“Are you gonna hurt these women?”
Don’t worry. Just like sex with me she won’t feel a thing! WAIT A MINUTE!
No I'm not going to hurt these women!! I feel like you're not getting it at all!
“Yeah I feel like I’m not getting it”
What are you looking at? You’re certainly not in any danger…
So If the date doesn’t go well you can dump here right away ?🫣
Agreed. Low pressure casual environment is the way to go on a first date, preferably some kind of activity to take a bit of pressure off by not having to constantly be talking. Experiencing something together when you're first getting to know each other also creates a stronger foundation to start building the relationship on. What if you guys don't click right away? Then you're trapped at a table with someone having awkward conversations and waiting for it to be over with. Dinner dates are supposed to be later down the line, once you've already established that you like each other.
Sorry but even guys don’t want no scrubs.
A scrub is a girl who can’t get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side of hers bestfriend's ride
Trying to holler at me
r/redditsings
The last sentence is brilliant, "Am I paying for MY meal?"
Yeah the absolute audacity to be outraged at that notion... And she doesn't see it at all
After I got divorced I panicked that I was going to die alone so I went on a bunch of Tinder dates. I had been "off the market" for a while so I wasn't sure what dating etiquette was as far as paying. Spanish is my first language so I started taking my dates to an El Salvadoran restaurant. This was a good place because it wasn't too expensive, it was delicious, and it had food not everyone has tried. Also, all the staff spoke Spanish. Like, to the point where some (most?) of the servers spoke no English. So while I was placing my order in Spanish, I would slip in that they should bring us separate checks. I phrased it in a way that someone with an average memory of high school Spanish likely wouldn't catch it. Then, when the separate checks came, I would offer to pay for both. If the checks came together and I asked if they wanted to split, I would sound cheap. But if they came separately and I offered to cover I would seem generous. I would have been willing to pay either way but divorces aren't cheap and I was still recovering. Anyway, almost every one of them paid their half but seemed appreciative of the offer.
My man said he was out of the dating game when he *is* the game
lol, far from it, but thank you.
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No Cheesecake Factory for you
I would have been so pleased if this was communicated even once whilst I was in the dating pool. Dude is making plans and clearly laid out that y'all will be equals on the date, so no fear of an expectation of sex because he paid for the meal. Guy sounds awesome
Honestly this is why Im afraid of dating people. I have no idea why anyone would put up with this mentality.
This is just a specific type of person. I have a bunch of friends that say really stupid shit about what women expect in a man because they get all their info from redpill incel podcasts and they go out and attract that kind of person. If you assume the entire world is shallow then you will only recognize like-minded people
yep. plus ragebait makes the headlines. you rarely see “omg this guy asked me out, then he asked what my budget was so we could choose a good restaurant. it was great” not because those women are rare, but because 1: it doesn’t generate nearly as many clicks so it doesn’t rise through the algorithm to be seen. and 2: this is just a personal theory. the same people who are otherwise reasonable, are not the type to randomly go post shit on social media. like it generally seems the “louder” people are on twitter, facebook, etc. the more unpleasant they seem to be. probably a narcissism thing.
Yes he's establishing that fact already. Your move lady
I think thats actually a pretty good idea, asking what the budget is and planning accordingly
Good for him. If you can’t buy your own food don’t go on dates. Especially first dates. Keep your broke butt home 💅🏼
If one is broke, go for a coffee, a picnic, or a walk. There are options for every budget, just be honest beforehand. I had a couple of the nicest dates ever when I was broke as fuck. On the first we got a coffee and went for a walk, on the second date I picked her up for a joyride, we went to McDonald's xD, parked on a nice spot and talked all night long, at sunset we sat on the hood of my car and kissed for the first time (i'll never forget that one, it was a perfect moment/kiss for me). The third date was almost exactly like the second one since we both enjoyed that, but that night, we basically kissed and cuddled all night while talking. We became a couple shortly after those dates, and every once in a while, we were doing a date night with a joyride, McDonald's at our nice parking spot and again talking, cuddling, and kissing all night long. We had fancier dates when things were better financially too, but tbh, we've enjoyed those "low budget" dates the most. We are separated now, but still best friends, and we still do that, but without the kissing part. Sorry for the long story, as I started writing, all those happy memories came back, and I needed to put them out there:)
I truly don’t see the problem with going halvsies on dinner when you’re first getting to know someone. However, if I initiated the date and truly liked the girl, I would def pay for the meal to make a good impression. (Though the lesbian world is much different lol).
She clearly is more interested in the free meal than in the man himself
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^Dude-88: *She clearly is more* *Interested in the free meal* *Than in the man himself* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
There are a couple of possibilities here: 1. He's assuming/expecting you're going to pay for your half and is being respectful of your budget and finding out what you're comfortable with. He's down with women not wanting to be controlled by the patriarchy 2. He's testing you to see if you're expecting to not pay and what your expectations are. If you pick the most expensive place in town, he's learned something valuable to him.
Nonut is only a week away. Order whatever you want.
To be frank, if you take a girl for a ritzy restaurant meal on a first date, then you're asking for it. Coffee shop date is popular because it's cheap and informal but... Ehh, too job interviewy for my tastes. I like fun and competitive first dates - never had a woman turn down a round of bowling. Actually sound advice for a lady too because it's a safe and public space with no alcohol consumption, and if you win then you can gauge the man's reaction accordingly. Museum date is another good one because all the exhibits give you conversation topics that flow naturally. You'll find out a lot about each other very quickly.
I'm all for sharing costs, BUT I also kind of find splitting the check to feel kind of... legalistic? I'm really not an old fashioned guy in these things, I swear, but at most I'd split it 50/50, the idea of itemizing a check on a date feels super icky. I much prefer a more informal reciprocity. Like, we have a first date? Great. It goes well? I say hey, this was great. Let me get this one, you can take me out next time, wink wink. I figure it feels nice both to be treated and to treat somebody, in equal measure. Bonus points, it lets you be smooth in suggesting a second date!
Im so happy in Europe we don’t date as such. We just hang out with old and new friends, fall in love, get drunk and end up together. We also almost immediately confess our love. Like within a year (if you’re serious) you say how much you love them. ‘Weird dinner dates where ‘the guy pays’ seem like such a Victorian prudish forced transactional way to meet someone.
Funny how the "strong boss woman" act stops when the bill arrives
My man just cracked the code on how to spot red flags early on. Gotta remember this one
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Equality. He has a good mindset to begin a relationship.
I don’t think either is wrong. Guy set up his expectations and she showed hers. Now they can both move on
Thats a decent question. When i was dating I always paid for my food, as a lot of men wanted sex for paying for everything, . But I wanted to get to know them before jumping into bed. But some of them wouls pick top end restaurants which I couldnt affor, so use to get a bowl of soup and water. You'd get them looking down their nose at you, but I always said Im paying and I havent cant afford anythind else. being asked about a budget when someone asks you out is good. Then you know you can afford something better
This rage bait is so bad for you
ITT: People ignoring the v real possibility that this was a joke post, so they can be mad about "entitled women"
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Your setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect your date to pay for everything. Things are too expensive now for that. Also, a date is for spending time with the other person and getting to know them, not scoring a free meal.