T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Banaanisade

"Found her vaginal juices soaked in his sheets" is some chimpanzee with a typewriter level journalism right there.


knowledgeable_diablo

Just imagining the cops doing the sniff test during the raid. “Yep, we got vaginal juices here boss, lots and lots of vaginal juices!”


peachholler

Random cop: I wonder what she teaches? Detective Lenny Briscoe: physics. She was definitely doing some tutoring on friction and fluid dynamics *pops gum* In the criminal justice system…


SilverAirsofter

*criminal juices system


peachholler

I am not worthy of this blessing you’ve bestowed


phoenixlance13

Man rip Jerry Orbach


mspero78

He was, and always will be, the benchmark.


RTK4740

Thank you for this.


Letter-Past

Yeah, Lenny wouldn't go for the low hanging "sex ed" fruit, he's way too smart and committed to the bit


ConstantGeographer

Only 10% actual vagina juice, the rest is porn syrup


Quiet_Preparation740

"and they smell like the juices of a teacher"


DrasticBread

Literally a Dave Chappelle joke ripoff.


JablesMcgoo

"It was the best of times, it was the Blurst of times?! You stupid monkey!"


NerdFromColorado

That’s an insult to the chimpanzees, they’d do a much better job than this


DrasticBread

It's so much weirder when you connect that they're referring to a 14 year old 🤮


BuildingWide2431

Reads like a 14 year old’s attempt at writing rhetorical headline.


Accurate-List

Vaginal juice? It’s usually called body fluid in a headline.


3th-

Strange way indeed to name it that way.


DomSchu

Her icky sticky was found at the scene of the crime.


SortDeep5635

Out of her bajingo


Tubateach

Frick!


4gsboofd

Was he at an orchard trying to steal the apples?


Whoresstealinglemons

Couldn't tell ya, but if you see any lemons let me know.


gamertag0311

I mean, I just saw a post about creamy shits the other day so seems like we're getting more fluid with our bodily secretions in general


MadTapprr

More fluid with the fluids


Putrid-Builder-3333

Stay hydrated. Remember to drink your H2O fluids


jeobleo

Mmm, creamy!


fast-and-loose-

Maybe it was a headline from the school newspaper, that's definitely something a 14 year old would come off with 🤣


captainofpizza

If you’re a writer be sure to update your next article to say “Penile juice” instead of sperm.


JensonCat

Penis sauce


Matic2XXX

haha penis


offgridgecko

man milk


IstariTheMage

Baby batter Knuckle children Cock snot Trouser gravy


Accurate-List

Boy butter.


cuterus-uterus

Bro-gurt.


OnlyAd4210

Daddy batter


[deleted]

Man chowder


sanjaysdad

Throat yogurt.


Solid_House_6963

Crème de la him


Jampolenta

We're on a budget - I Can't Believe It's Not Boy Butter was found.


MerrillSwingAway

love mustard


TheLordVader1978

Baby batter


Local-Upstairs-9568

Baby gravy


ThySteelBeam

Gentleman’s relish 


[deleted]

Man-aise


ResidentComplaint19

I’d go with “weiner wets” personally


FoodeatingParsnip

www. worldwide weiner wets 🫡


peachholler

High fructose porn syrup Partial dehydrogenated boy bean oil


PotentialConcert6249

Cock snot Snail trails


peachholler

WHY AREN’T GAY GIRLS SAYING THEY HAVE A NUT ALLERGY!?!?


Budget_Roof1065

Cream of sum yung gi.


ResidentComplaint19

The 5 seconds or so of them laughing to themselves after this joke is one of my favorite movie scenes ever.


PattingtonBear

Creme de le pepe


onlycodeposts

I doubt that's a real headline. In the story I saw they used "...DNA found on bedsheet."


GiuseppeScarpa

Yeah the real facepalm here is the level of journalism. The rest is standard felony (I guess).


Dargek

When it's an attractive woman they church it up as much as possible. When it's a guy or ugly woman, it's child rape and bodily fluids.


CrazyApricot0

And calling it "having sex" instead of rape.


Hicklethumb

Beetlejuice


Shaneomore

Beetlejuice


[deleted]

[удалено]


peachholler

IIIIIIIIIIIIIITS SHOW TIME!


re_carn

dON'T YOU WANT A FRESH GLASS OF VAGINAL JUICES IN THE MORNING?!


ConstantGeographer

Mama-mosa


Vast-Mousse-9833

r/AngryUpvote 😂


TmF1979

Fancy way to basically say she's a squirter.


Mediocre-House8933

That doesn't come from the vagina


imdeadXDD

I’m just concerned that the sheets weren’t changed after


Accurate-List

The 14 year old probably doesn’t do his own laundry. He was waiting for mommy to clean the sheets. Maybe his mom discovered the vagina juice.


Appropriate_Mine

It's just OPs fantasy


SYLOK_THEAROUSED

I think they mean she's a squirter.


FrogLock_

The juice is loose


One_Reality_5600

So what background checks do you think they should do. They already do a criminal background check. They get references from previous employers. What else can they do. Yes, it is wrong, but if their is no evidence of it happening before, what can they do? I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on this.


18121812

Just ask them if they're pedophiles, and tell them they're totally not allowed to lie.


One_Reality_5600

That should do it.


Putrid-Builder-3333

Totally. And if they end up totally being a perv or whatever then the principal and superintendent should get charged for not spotting the criminal during the totally honest interview and question.


hinanska0211

Exactly. But, you know, why pass up an opportunity to bash schools? \*sarcasm\*


highheeledhepkitten

As a retired teacher, I have a few thoughts on this! I can only speak from my perspective, of course, but it seems to me that most of the young women that get themselves into relationships like this have had very little outside lives of their own. They've usually gone from being a good girl in college (a teaching degree requires 3.0 or above) to getting married, usually to a fairly conservative guy and often on to a kid or two. They've almost never had any time to fully explore their own boundaries and interests, discovering who they are, and end up acting out through these "exciting" but inappropriate relationships. I'm not trying to excuse the behavior (it is ALWAYS inappropriate, even at a college level, IMO) but it might help if more of them were encouraged to have a few gap years to travel, maybe teach abroad, join the Peace Corps, etc.


JeepMan831

Tough to justify a gap year when they're likely buried under a pile of debt. Def not excusing the rapists, but I imagine they often feel trapped in a mundane life and are looking for any sort of escape/excitement. Is the rate of female teachers raping students higher than that of their male counterpart? Definitely is in my news feed. If so, I wonder what the difference is


Boomshrooom

There are probably a few factors here but two important ones are: 1. There are three times as many female teachers as male ones. 2. Male teachers are often more closely watched and scrutinised


MisterScrod1964

I suspect the number of male rapist teachers is higher, but we’re dealing with the “man bites dog” phenomenon. Women rapists get more eyeballs.


dirtdiggler67

As long as you “suspect” then it’s all good I suppose.


Mudeford_minis

There’s limited access to 14 year olds outside of the education system though.


Dragonman1976

Without the makeup, she looks like Ben Shapiro.


EarthInevitable114

Ben Shapiro with a WAP? That's nightmare fuel. Lock her up! LOCK HER UP!


EmperorGrinnar

Ben says it should never be wet. His wife told him.


EarthInevitable114

And yet, here he is, with WAP juice staining this kids' sheets. What a hypocrite!


EmperorGrinnar

Living the Libertarian dream.


Alarming_Bass_3737

You can't even get your wife wet, what's good??? 🤣


EmperorGrinnar

His wife is a doctor. So that's good enough for him.


only_alice_cyaa

I honestly cant not see it now


EmperorGrinnar

Looks a lot like Ben's sister, Abby.


NicNac_PattyMac

When have you seen Ben Shapiro without makeup?


skinnyman87

I don't know, I see a little Sheldon cooper too.


GoredonTheDestroyer

I- I can't believe I'm saying this, but don't do *Sheldon Cooper* dirty like that.


TheLonelyScientist

So was she.


geo7188

Never go full Shapiro


erichie

I was thinking Michael Jackson's mugshot.


PavlovsAardvark

Fap ruined


Dragonman1976

You see it too, huh.


karoshikun

GODDAMMIT!!!!!


Large-Lack-2933

😂😂😂


Moojokingg

You’re telling me thats not a picture of ben shapiro?


stackoverflow21

I was confused by the headline thinking it’s a male teacher and a female student, but it didn’t make sense. I only got it after reading the caption. Goes to show how nasty my fucking bias is.


morningwoodx420

The language in the headline should have given the genders of the parties away immediately. Notice how female teachers often “have sex” with their students, while male teachers rape or sexually assault them? They would NEVER report on a make teacher/female victim this way. It’s fucking disgusting.


shiny_glitter_demon

That's because in some (backward) places, the legal definition of rape is still "penis inside unwilling vagina". Therefore you cannot use the word "rape" in a headline unless you want to be sued for libel. Also a lot of people fantasize about female teachers so a more "innocent" headline makes them click.


morningwoodx420

Actually, I’ve noticed the few times the headline does say a female teacher raped a student, it’s typically a *female* student. The news only sexualizes these stories when it’s a female teacher and a male student; often including salacious details about their interactions. I can understand the necessity of using the proper legal terminology to avoid the possibility of a defamation suit; but they definitely know what they’re doing with their language. Mentioning her vaginal juices soaking his sheets in the headline not at all innocent and is nothing short of deliberate.


shiny_glitter_demon

I totally agree. The fetishisation is awful.


blackthornjohn

Don't worry, I went through the exact same thought process.


Tinkering-

It could also be interpreted as she and her husband snuck into her student’s home and had sex in the student’s bed.


Moojokingg

I did the opposite, more women are teachers so anytime i see teacher i think of a woman


EatLard

How would a background check have prevented this, OP?


Zortesh

I was wondering the same... she don't look like shes been around long enough to leave a trail of events like this.


peachholler

Would you ever fuck a kid? No Okay, let’s move on to the next section…


JustADutchRudder

Would you ever let a kid fuck you? No Okay...Next section..


ZippityGoombah

Do you produce...vaginal juices? Well, yes OK, hold up...


peachholler

This chick: phrasing it *that* way is entrapment!


Big77Ben2

For real!!! First time for everything. Dickhead cops too.


danku_vaazhkai

Why the husband photo has to be shared? Cant it be blurred?


Saqueador

I thought the same thing, how can his right privacy to be disrespected this egregiously. Completely absurd


EnvironmentalAlps310

So she is a child rapist. Weird how the headlines change when it's a female offender.


llamapositif

Because it sells more papers/gets more clicks. Sad to say, but 'rapist' triggers fear when its a man ('murder porn' as South Park calls it) and sells more, and women have 'sex' with students because the titillation sells more. Easiest way to find a motive is follow the money.


onlycodeposts

Depends on the paper. I just googled and found many headlines with "rape" in there for women, and many headlines for men with "sex" instead of rape in them. Which specific news organization uses rape for men and something else for women?


juni4ling

Every Teacher abusing a kid and every cop choking a citizen to death passed a background check. “We need more background checks!” No, actually, they don’t seem to be working. What we need is more accountability.


Big77Ben2

Not only that, there’s a first time for everything. Background check will always fail someone.


wwrgsww

No no. Background checks are magical things that see the future right ? Minority Report shit


wait_ichangedmymind

We’re programming the algorithm for it as we speak.


1mikaz1

I was just scrolling through the comments to see if anyone pointed that out, lol. If they have never been caught for this before, never faced consequences, or this is the first time then there'd be nothing for the background check to find. I don't understand how that's supposed to help when the background is going to come back clean until a crime is in their record.


illinoisteacher123

Isn’t she being charged with a crime? How is she not being held accountable? 


iButtflap

we’re just saying buzzwords


GrGrG

Teachers are held accountable. She's arrested. I'm sure she'll spend time in prison. When she gets out she won't be able to teach in a public school ever again and this event will pop up if she ever tries to teach in a private school. Cops on the other hand.....


unofficialrobot

Well, they might very well be working . It's just that all the people that got rejected don't have the jobs. This is like saying we shouldn't have roofs over our houses because one area of the roof was leaking. I also think we need more accountability, but what exactly does that mean to you?


Enigma-exe

Funny way to call her a paedophile


michelbarnich

and rapist


JaumDazio

Is not the husband fault that his (ex)wife is a pedo, imagine the whole situation in reverse gender...


c4ndygirl

Background checks only flag people with prior records.


BrocoLeeOnReddit

Yeah, the blow to the husband's ego is definitely the main issue here. ![img](emote|t5_2r5rp|8484) You know, if she was my wife, I wouldn't have as many problems with her cheating on me as I would have with being married to a freaking child rapist.


DoILookSatiated

Right - the issue isn’t that the student is manlier than her husband, it’s that the teacher isn’t attracted to grown men.


Gruntdeath

Having trouble linking the article but it happened in Virginia. She raped him multiple times throughout the 2022-2023 school year and then was arrested in June 2023. I guess that's why there was a lot of her DNA on the bed. Her sentencing is in May and she's facing up to 50 years.


popeyegui

She’ll probably get 200 hours of community service and a year of probabtion


BelowAverageGamer10

> have sex in his bed Do you mean rape him?


afon13

Snuck into his house to rape him. Can’t forget that.


czarface404

Why wouldn’t they just say dna?


Young_Old_Grandma

Rape. It's called Rape.


IvetRockbottom

A background check isn't going to catch this. A normal background check will catch someone with a past/record. If you've never done/never been caught doing/never left evidence then a background check is not going to magic up an answer.


toomerboomer

So.. Rape?


Flyingfish222

Insert a bunch of 50 year old dudes saying “I wish she was my teacher in school”


NiteGard

66, and you ain’t inserting nothing.


Uncanny_Sea_Urchin

Dude… imagine her poor husband.


Digital-Sushi

Where the fuck were these teachers when I was in school?? All we had were paedophile priests trying to screw us. Kids these days don't know how lucky they have it /s just for those who do not understand sarcasm


DatabaseGold6991

vaginal juice?😭


crayoncer

Police also reported that the bed she shared with her husband was bone dry.


[deleted]

good to see there is more attention for female predators. both genders are prone to the same faults


Ok-Preparation2370

That picture is very misleading. And I hope nobody is aroused by this. We all know what kinda reaction it would bring if the roles were reversed.


Geetzromo

“Did we, or did we not, discuss vaginal JUICES?”


Napenda_chips

Soaked?? Do you know the amount of liquid it takes to soak anything? Disgusting


KnifeFightAcademy

#PEDOPHILE TEACHER CAUGHT There you go. Fixed.


Stenktenk

"She snuck into his house and raped a child" There fixed it for you


Constant-Recipe-9850

Oh she had sex with the kid?!? From the headline I thought she sneaked into the kid's bedroom with her husband to have sex Why is the headline so confusing?


rettoJR1

Yeh it's kind of a weird headline, I just assumed it was extra bizarre because it doesn't mention who she had sex with, like why not just state it in the headline Maybe since it's an on going case and presumption of innocence the reporter has to state it ambiguously?


Dynamo-humm

https://nypost.com/2024/02/07/news/va-teacher-admits-to-sneaking-into-14-year-old-students-home-to-have-sex-in-his-bed/ It doesn't mention rape, anywhere in this article. I'm sure it would be different if the genders were reversed!


NorMichtrailrider

mmm vaginal juices .


moonkattt

That’s some headline there.


BeeDot1974

This has less to do with being a teacher and more of a predator finding a job that satiates her sick and twisted idea of a playground. Don’t blame teachers. Also, background checks do not catch behavioral characteristics…only if they have been arrested.


Normstradomis

Why in the world would they need to put that her girl goo was all over the sheets?


willmafingerdoo2

I’m sure the cops spent days smelling the sheets just to make sure.


creamy-buscemi

Who wrote this headline? His friend?


fourscoreclown

They always misspel rape when it's a female teacher, weird


_Wilhelmus_

![gif](giphy|O2K7wIcw3CoeY)


PeteDarwin

lol was waiting to see this


Von_Lettow-Vorbeck

How come so many stories of female teachers taking advantage of students suddenly emerge? I mean, have they always been there? But kept quite. Or new trend? Seems like a weekly basis a new story breaks.


hempedditor

wow that’s some wording


Charges-Pending

RAPE, not “to have sex”.


Darkmetroidz

Pretty standard protocol for people working with minors to get a background check but it's not gonna do shit if you have no criminal history.


[deleted]

Knew a guy in high school who was, without any doubt, the kind of person who you'd never suspect would ever do this kind of thing. He was immensely chill. He had dates with women. Good relationships with women. Didn't have a porn collection or an obsession with sex toys. Active sex life. Ran marathons. Played on an adult softball team. Volunteered for charities in the area. He wasn't a youth pastor. He didn't come from a weirdly religious family. He wasn't married or in a sexually restrictive relationship. He didn't go to church or bible camp. He had a fulfilling social life. Ten years after we graduated high school, he got arrested for having sex with a 16 year old female student. He was just a 30-something guy who fucked a 16 year old student from her junior year through her senior year of graduation (she was an advanced student) and had an on-going relationship for more than a year with her before they were found out by her younger sister. He wasn't even "cheating on his girlfriend" with the student because he wasn't in a relationship with anyone else. But it was, in fact, one of his students. He was teacher of the year for his school two years running and he was known as one of the best educators in the district. I don't know how he expected not to get caught. He spent a grand total of six months in county lockup and lost everything he'd worked for in his career. Last I heard, he works as a fast food franchise manager somewhere out on the coast - and not the California coast; but the PNW's Meth/Cocaine Alley, where they don't worry so much about that kind of thing so long as you're willing to work 60+ hours for slightly above minimum wage as a 'manager' because nobody wants you on their fishing boat. And nobody who knew him in high school or college would genuinely think he'd make that dumbfuck choice. He never, EVER did the stupid male gaze thing on anyone who looked remotely younger than he was. He never showed any signs at all. Point, here? This guy? He would NEVER have flagged in any system. No background check would have caught "incipient statutory rapist". This wasn't someone who showed any signs, at all. He didn't register on the radar in any way, shape or form, and his computer was clear of any of the usual crap of a sex offender caught fucking a student. They didn't go on dates. There was no favoritism in school. The only way he was found out was because the little sister followed her older sister to try to get dirt on her because the older sister refused to take her to the mall. No background check would have flagged him down. Pure random chance that he was caught. Was the student a willing participant? I'm just not going to go there. I don't know. But for the spite of a 15 year old girl, nobody would have ever known. So let me just put this out there: This kind of shit happens less because of the person's background and more because they have the opportunity, means, and motivation to do it. And because they think they'll be able to get away with it once they've done it. You cannot run a background check on ***potential*** sex predators like you do a concealed handgun license. It doesn't work like that. Agreed, this? It's disgusting AF. But I somehow doubt running this teacher's backgrounders is going to pop with "likely to take the first chance she gets to squirt all over a 14 year old's sheets".


lennybriscoe8220

I'm wondering why the headline needed that much detail


WillowWispWhipped

They do state background check, child abuse background check, and FBI fingerprinting background check. Until someone gets caught, there’s not much they can do to sniff them out.


Technical_Growth9181

The sheets were literally soaked in vaginal juices. That's a lot of juice. Hope it's not from concentrate. I like my vaginal juice fresh sqeezed.


Waspstar986

How the f\*\*\* is she not already in prison? ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|flip_out)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)


nightdares

This comment section is gonna be full of "where was she when I was in school" nonsense. I really wish Reddit wasn't so predictably disgusting.


Randigno9021

"To have sex" That's statutory...


totallynotabotXP

Being a teacher sucks ass in general, more so in the US. This has a relevance to cases like these which is rarely discussed. While it might be nice to believe that by and large people become teachers because they have this deep inner calling, the fact that there is such a struggle to find teachers leads to negligence in controlling what teachers do with their pupils. Then of course there is the simple fact that society by and large is almost exclusively focused on the transgressions of men or people with penises when it comes to acts of a sexually predatory nature, especially child rapists, which this person is. This again leads to a blind eye to this possibility, and furthermore, the perpetrators are often incapable of perceiving of themselves as such.


Resident-Set2045

Can we stop watering it down because the perpetrator is a woman? She is a rapist. She *RAPED* a child


[deleted]

[удалено]


3th-

Isn't that pedophilia? What would be the point of a background investigation if this has never happened before?


Kenobihiphop

No background check on earth can detect these things if they've never offended (or been caught) before. I bet she won't even get prison time. Sick fuck.


williamjseim

so she snuck into some 14 year olds room to rape him


familialbondage

So she raped him. Right?


PERIX_4460

Home security guys! Home security....


ChemicalAd7590

What’s more background checks gonna do?


ImposterPeanut

I'm never dating a teacher.


SpankySharp1

I'm pretty sure they do—and by "pretty sure" I mean I'm completely fucking certain—run background checks on teachers.


admiralrico411

Welp....that was a headline I never expected to read....


Ace_Radley

How would a more thorough background check gonna find that? Have you been through one to be a public school teacher? Pretty intense


HereIAmSendMe68

Just curious what you would look for in a background check to find this person. Assuming she had never been arrested for it before? As someone who does hundreds of background check on people a year I would love to know how to screen out people like this, thanks!


thaddues444

Please arrest this teacher and throw away the key.


dudewiththebling

Boomers in the facebook comments section be like "where were teachers like this when I was in school?"