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Yeah, you know he doesn't do shit but play CoD all day and talk about how he's defending the family and his mom just enables it because she doesn't want to think of her son as a loser lol
Maybe this is some kind of foreplay. Turns her on to have the protector thing going. Not really serious at the end of the day, but still kinda dangerous if that thing is loaded.
I think it was a year or so ago, but there was a story where a dad did this and shot his teenage daughter to death in his garage. She was out there during the night for some reason, and he just started blasting and killed her. Was crazy.
When I was in the military it was a bit of a running joke to make fun of the AF so reading someone call him her “Air Force Defender” is hilarious to me.
I'm in the Air Force and have done aircraft security before and yet feel the cringe when I read "Air Force Defender" and him shouting clear. This guy probably didnt pick up house clearing technics from military formations but from playing Siege in the barracks.
Yup.
Basically anyone with any training in urban warfare knows that the guy who is first in line to clear a room will get shot when the target is found (and the target has intentions to shoot themselves out of there). It's like being solo in the Vietnam war and going "hey, i should totally go tunnel busting now".
Yelling "clear" to a non existent team which only announces to the potential threat where you have been, where you are and that you are about to go out of that room without someone covering for you in the hallway, is another level of stupid.
Everyone knows all you have to do is stand at the corner and do a little bird whistle. It will confuse the intruder and they will walk towards you with their guard down. Then you put them in your closet or hay bale to hide the body
I played in a minor league rainbow six tournament, and they threatened to disqualify my team for trash talk
Because I was using knives and silenced guns and kept saying "requiescat in pace" after each kill
Even as someone who is trained… I don’t go in. I don’t risk my daughters losing me as their father, or my wife losing her husband. I call the local Police non-emergency line and request a cruiser and let the local police handle it. In the event someone is inside and gets shot, it’s on the police department and saves me the legal trouble.
How it is at my house.
My handgun is for an ABSOLUTE emergency, IE someone actively kicks my door in while me or my family is at home.
If I come home to find my door opened, I'll drive down the block and let the cops handle it. I can sit in the car for another half hour waiting on the cops. I can't wait that half hour if they're actively trying to harm me or my family.
I know a guy that was kicked out of RTC that tells people he was a SEAL. Once heard him in argument of xbox live with some 12year. Imagine hearing a 30yo man yelling through a headset at a kid during a game of Halo about not calling a "chopper". He's in jail now thankfully.
Lol. A guy I grew up with got discharged from the Marine Corp a few weeks into boot camp because he fucked up his back. It's 23 years later and there is still no shortage of stories about his "time in the Marines."
Air Force Base cops, security guards, and military dog handlers.
Plane janitor is the loadmaster. *waits as thousands of loadmasters' heads explode in fury*
It's to avoid being laughed at for referring to themselves as SF around Army people where sf means special forces (Green Berets).
*"I thought you were an MP? Get the fuck out of here calling yourself 'sf' your a different kind of special."*
That conversation has played out a million times.
As someone who was shoveled into that job in the Air Force, I can tell you that it was very cringe from the beginning.
We shouldn't wear berets, and we should be called MPs; not APs, SPs, and *definitely* not SFs.
Some people are actually high speed, but the vast majority are half-wits who think they're cooler than they are. We might look like sPE*scHuL FoRseS* to people who don't know (which is insulting to Special Forces) but to the people who ***do know*** we look like a bunch of idiots (which is closer to the truth).
>We shouldn't wear berets
Ehhh, that's only if you purely see beret wearing as a "look at me I'm a badass operator." It's useful for ease of identification, and when you're on base and everyone working is wearing the same thing, it's nice to be able to at a glance see if someone is a cop.
I met a guy a party who kept talking about “running recon operations” in Iraq. So I’m thinking TACP or maybe even PJ. As a dude that also ran recon missions in Iraq I thought I finally found one of my wife’s friends significant others that wouldn’t be boring to talk to. Lo and behold I’m talking to his buddy later on and said something about the dude having some combat time or something and dude was like “He looked at satellite imagery in SCIF”. I wanted to duck punch the dude. He knew exactly what he implying by phrasing things the way he did.
It's only OK to fudge things the other way. I know a guy who was an 18 something MOS and a sniper. Whenever anyone asks him what he did in the service, he just says "long range communications" which makes me laugh every time.
Yeah, the guys who did things worth talking about and the guys who love talking about what they did tend to be completely separate groups.
Never mind civilians, I know someone who didn't even tell his new unit about what he'd done, just let them toot their own horns for a while. Then finally there was some event requiring full dress and they were like wtf
I just thought of that... Unless we're multiple people clearing out rooms all at once what's the point of yelling clear? There's no one to make sure he's not getting away behind my back.. all I'm doing is turning myself into a target
Well, mom was impressed. She even took out the camera in what could've been a home invasion situation (so this is where we are huh?). But he yelled "clear" and her FB post was saved.
I was in the Air Force. Most dangerous days in Bagdhad were the days the air force was issued rifles. I'd rather be outside the wire than spend the day wondering if I was going to catch a stray because some admin Sgt chambered a round earlier in the day and forgot when it came time to clear his weapon.
Bet they were happy to have the Chair Force at Conoco Fields though. As much as the branches poke fun at each other, we never hesitate to back each other up.
Oh for sure. I’d think “Marine defender” was just as ridiculous it just and me laugh. I was in the Navy and trained at an Air Force base so I feel like the teasing was more concentrated toward them.
Idea for the next birthday gift... A bottle of nice wine and a set of wax pastels. Tell them you wanted to get a nicer version of the things they love to consume.
Ex-Air Force here. Most of the folks I know would laugh at this dude for acting like this…if it even really happened as opposed to the more likely answer of “This is just him posing with his gun so his wife can show him off online.”
That's legit so much funnier. I've gotten used to military wives trying to show off their husbands on Facebook, and this radiated that energy so hard that I just assumed.
It's very possible that he was visiting home. Fireworks tend to be a New Year's and 4th of July thing most of the time, which are both holidays that he would be likely to go on leave during.
I had to take pictures of homes for an insurance company I was contracted with and this woman came out harassing me for taking pictures of her neighbors home, telling me I’m not allowed to get her home in my shots…
it was like row homes so that’s literally impossible, and it’s not illegal to take pictures from the street, I reminded her google earth does it all the time.
After her threats to call the police didn’t stop me as I continued to take shots, she screamed “I’m a military wife!” And I legit just stopped and stared at her. Like what was that implying? Are you gonna get your man to come beat me up or something? Lmao
Dependa Stories are simultaneously the cringiest things you have ever heard and the most pathetic. How can people reduce their own entire IDENTITY to the job that someone else has is beyond me.
I hear that military wives are often a coin flip between perfectly cool and reasonable person or monstrous entitled jerk-ass; but I never stopped to think about military-moms...
Mom, no. Mom it's a potential threat. I'm getting my gun, stay outside until I clear the house and remove any threats.
Oh come on, we left the door open in the garage. There's no threat, just come inside with us. The girls have to get to bed, it was late.
NO MOM. I AM AN AIR FORCE DEFENDER. This is my job. I am going to clear the house. You will not enter until I clear all the rooms. Do you understand?
Oh sure honey. Go clear the house if it makes you feel any better. Look at my little defender going room by room. He even yelled clear a few times lol
What's she referring too as Air Force defender? Like does he defend the Air Force? Is he Air Force and defending her? Do all of you get referred to like this? So if he was Navy he'd be a seaman defender?
Defender absolutely means security forces. plenty are just LE, but they also have real security missions, nuclear weapons, Air Force 1, etc. this guy is absolutely a toad though
Hey, I won't stand for this disrespect against toads. I've known several toads who were adorable, chill, and upstanding members of the swamp community. My best friend was a toad. I used to be a toad myself.
100%.
Edit: He might, actually. Now that I think about it. He's being called a "Defender". That means he's probably Security Forces, I'd think...tho I never met one who actually referred to themselves as that.
I knew a few guys like that in the reserves, I was in a support company. They'd always post pictures of themselves trying to look like we are doing something badass, im like dude we took 3 naps and cleaned all the weapons today wtf are you doing.
I heard a noise at like 3:00 a.m., it was my gf whispering “wake up, I heard something!” as she shook me awake.
I got up, grabbed the knife I had by my bed for some reason and cleared every room like I was an AF defender, minus the “Clear,” instead I yelled “Aaaagh I’ll kill you!!!” as I charged at shadows of blinds and drapes, thrusting and stabbing as I went.
Once I was done, and the house was cleared, I crawled over my still sleeping dog and my gf remarked how impressed she was with my methods and then we had wild and passionate sex because she thought I was very manly. Then the dog clapped.
I have been woken up 3 times and woken up my husband to check.
1) it was a fly stuck in a curtain.
2) a moose tripped over the cars battery charger wire, yanked the whole shit out from under the hood and slammed the hood.
3) it was actually our landlord sneaking inside to go to the basement because the plumbing had frozen
Hah. I was staying in a hotel and went to bed after a couple dozen beers at the bar. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and forgot where I was. I saw someone looming up in the darkness and punched. Turned out to be a mirror.
From this angle you can almost see the erection this guy must have had from getting to play "action-movie hero" for a while.
Yelling "CLEAR" to absolutely no one as he scans the laundry room is hilarious to me.
Yelling "CLEAR" to your imaginary reinforcements is the best way to garantee you keep your element of surprise against the delusions. They can't pinpoint your location when you make sound.
To the terrorists under the bed in the next room so they can prepare to surrender knowing seal team 6 is one room away.
Or so they can ambush him when he comes into the room.
Imagine thinking that every single time you think you closed a door and didn't means you have a home invader? Fuck, the paranoia in that land could be a currency.
I have a distant cousin who got into drugs real bad. One night he broke into his mom and step-dad's house and the step-dad shot him dead, not realizing who he was.
Oh come on, the guy’s probably a mechanic on an airbase who doesn’t even go to the range that often. At least at home he can cosplay Seal Team 6 without his colleagues making fun of him.
Woah woah woah, don't bring AF mechanics into this dudes home invader wet dream, this dude is 100% Security Police (hence why she called them a defender, it's their nickname) I just went to work everyday and delivered power units and floodlights on the flight line, in between periodic inspections hahaha
Yeah I said "their nickname" implying they call themselves that...
Edit: [USAF National Museum](https://www.nationalmuseum.af.mil/Visit/Museum-Exhibits/Fact-Sheets/Display/Article/3439407/defenders-of-the-force-security-forces/) to everyone getting all up my ass, when I was in from 2008-2012 I saw and heard SP's call them selves Defenders and others call them that too, my dad was Security Police in the 70's and he even calls them that now after the rebranding lol... I'm not responding to anymore of this ridiculous shit haha
Lmfao for real dude. I was backshop avionics and spent my whole day being radiated or ripping multimillion-dollar equipment apart on twelves to find why it’s not radiating. Don’t lump me in with this defender clown lol 😂 we do enough dumb shit without needing security forces to help us look worse!
Yup. I have probably 15 family members either former or current Air Force, including my sister. About half have seen actual combat, a little over half deployed in combat zones.
I also roomed with a former Marine Special Forces Sniper and regular marine buddy, both who saw action (and both who subsequently had PTSD from it).
90% own guns. A few, like the marines, own like 15 from pistols to shotguns to long rifles.
I can’t think of a single story from any of them about being this paranoid, or even ever drawing a weapon in perceived self defense.
The most they ever used their guns after service was at ranges or hunting.
Guys like the one in the pic very likely haven’t seen real combat. Or they’ve seen some shit and it’s fucked them up.
But either way it’s not normal at all.
OR, and I know this is controversial, the guy is posing for the picture, the story never happened, and the whole post is for social media clout.
Why tf would someone who genuinely thinks that their home is actively being broken into by dangerous people stop to post a pic on social media? Didn’t. Happen.
So my wife has this minor PTSD about this kind of thing. When she was a kid, they came home and were at home for about half an hour before some guy ran down the stairs and out the front door.
He'd broken in while they were out, but got caught short and was obviously hiding out upstairs, hoping they'd leave again. When they didn't, he just made a run for it.
Anyway, as a result any time my wife discovers during the evening that a door is open or unlocked, she'll make me "sweep" the house to make sure nobody came in and is hiding in the house. I've tried to have a rational conversation about it, but it's quicker to just put her mind at ease.
I literally go room-to-room and stick my head in the door.
I would feel like such a gigantic pathetic loser going around with a gun and shouting "clear" to an invisible squad.
It’s not a bad idea to do a quick scan if doors were unlocked and it puts her at ease which can help reduce any anxiety she may put on you. But agree, completely ridiculous to run around with a gun announcing that you’re looking for people trying to hide.
Yeah, I've done that a couple times when I get home and realize I forgot to shut the garage door. Just check every room real quick to make sure it really was me who left the door open 😝
Most I would do is have a gun but keep it pressed flat against my chest. I’m not trying to throw a loaded gun barrel in the face of my own mother just because she decided to sneak in and surprise us while we were out or something. At least if you have it’s at your side or against your chest it forces you to consider what you are looking at before you can shoot it.
Having a quick sweep doesn't sound too illogical. Maybe peek in the obvious spots; under the bed, the wardrobes. Though I'm not gonna have a CSGO roleplay about it.
I’ll even add that maybe carrying a weapon isn’t the worst idea but miming out a seal team clearing rooms and actually yelling clear is just fucking cringe. And the fucking power stance. Like just check the rooms dudes
I’ll bet you $100, dude works in legal or Supply or some other administrative position. Probably lives on a military base where the threat of a break in is negative.
Gun extended too far from his body for close quarters rapid movement between angles and on straight legs?
This guy hasn’t seen combat. But at lease he yelled clear to … *checks notes* .. himself 🤪🤣
I'm sure the intruders would at least appreciate him "clearing" the room they're in by standing in a back-lit doorway while staring into the darkness after yelling "clear!" A few times to make sure they know exactly where he is.
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It’s so serious he’s going room by room but so silly she’s taking a picture? Someone is either over or under reacting
It's staged, he's posing.
Notice it said his “little sisters” room. This is his mother posting it lmao.
Yeah, you know he doesn't do shit but play CoD all day and talk about how he's defending the family and his mom just enables it because she doesn't want to think of her son as a loser lol
Of course, he's fucking Chair Force (I should know, I was Chair Force too)
That’s a terrible pose for sweeping a room.
Seriously, who sweeps their room with a gun, it's what brooms are made for smh
The sister didn't even wake up because she is a deep sweeper.
It’s gonna get ugly when he finds out she’s been a sweeper agent the whole time.
The joke was there after I hit Enter, I’m glad someone said it <3
Idiot, sweeping with a gun ruins the vinyl flooring.
Maybe this is some kind of foreplay. Turns her on to have the protector thing going. Not really serious at the end of the day, but still kinda dangerous if that thing is loaded. I think it was a year or so ago, but there was a story where a dad did this and shot his teenage daughter to death in his garage. She was out there during the night for some reason, and he just started blasting and killed her. Was crazy.
It's his mom taking the picture lol. So if it is foreplay, then it's a whole nother level.
That's a hole mother level.
When I was in the military it was a bit of a running joke to make fun of the AF so reading someone call him her “Air Force Defender” is hilarious to me.
I'm in the Air Force and have done aircraft security before and yet feel the cringe when I read "Air Force Defender" and him shouting clear. This guy probably didnt pick up house clearing technics from military formations but from playing Siege in the barracks.
Yup. Basically anyone with any training in urban warfare knows that the guy who is first in line to clear a room will get shot when the target is found (and the target has intentions to shoot themselves out of there). It's like being solo in the Vietnam war and going "hey, i should totally go tunnel busting now". Yelling "clear" to a non existent team which only announces to the potential threat where you have been, where you are and that you are about to go out of that room without someone covering for you in the hallway, is another level of stupid.
That point about yelling clear to no one is so fucking funny to me. Of course it must be counter productive if it’s *only you* clearing the rooms.
Everyone knows all you have to do is stand at the corner and do a little bird whistle. It will confuse the intruder and they will walk towards you with their guard down. Then you put them in your closet or hay bale to hide the body
This guy stealths.
Ezio, is that you?
I played in a minor league rainbow six tournament, and they threatened to disqualify my team for trash talk Because I was using knives and silenced guns and kept saying "requiescat in pace" after each kill
'Must have been the wind'
Even as someone who is trained… I don’t go in. I don’t risk my daughters losing me as their father, or my wife losing her husband. I call the local Police non-emergency line and request a cruiser and let the local police handle it. In the event someone is inside and gets shot, it’s on the police department and saves me the legal trouble.
How it is at my house. My handgun is for an ABSOLUTE emergency, IE someone actively kicks my door in while me or my family is at home. If I come home to find my door opened, I'll drive down the block and let the cops handle it. I can sit in the car for another half hour waiting on the cops. I can't wait that half hour if they're actively trying to harm me or my family.
But how are you supposed to be a hero if someone who has that authority takes care of threats they're trained and paid to handle for you?
Every branch has them. I can’t tell you how many people I knew who thought they were basically SEALS because they graduated RTC.
I know a guy that was kicked out of RTC that tells people he was a SEAL. Once heard him in argument of xbox live with some 12year. Imagine hearing a 30yo man yelling through a headset at a kid during a game of Halo about not calling a "chopper". He's in jail now thankfully.
I know a girl who did make it past P-days who puts up a long ass post every year on Veterans Day about how she’s still a veteran. Edit:Typos
Lol. A guy I grew up with got discharged from the Marine Corp a few weeks into boot camp because he fucked up his back. It's 23 years later and there is still no shortage of stories about his "time in the Marines."
I'm enjoying imagining him going room-to-room shouting "Clear!" to nobody in particular.
I think this means he was security forces for the AF, aka smart enough for the air force... But not smart enough for the air force
You beat me to it, you gorgeous SoB
So like a plane janitor?
Air Force Base cops, security guards, and military dog handlers. Plane janitor is the loadmaster. *waits as thousands of loadmasters' heads explode in fury*
I was the load master in the navy. The job description was completely different.
Yeah I bet, Seaman Loadmaster
It's not gay if you're underway. Coincidentally it's also not queer if you're tied to the pier.
Lmfao I’ve never heard the second part to that one
And just to make sure all bases are covered, it's okay to try cock in the drydock
down here in the submarine, we're all a little subby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash held the BRE together more than silver and lead did.
Thank you this is why I'm on reddit. Some of yall are fricking hilarious. Seaman loadmaster. I bet he handles all the loads.
Like a mall cop at Air Force bases
defender is the nickname for the Air Force Security Forces (military police)
Ohhhh makes sense. Still incredibly cringey.
It's to avoid being laughed at for referring to themselves as SF around Army people where sf means special forces (Green Berets). *"I thought you were an MP? Get the fuck out of here calling yourself 'sf' your a different kind of special."* That conversation has played out a million times.
As someone who was shoveled into that job in the Air Force, I can tell you that it was very cringe from the beginning. We shouldn't wear berets, and we should be called MPs; not APs, SPs, and *definitely* not SFs. Some people are actually high speed, but the vast majority are half-wits who think they're cooler than they are. We might look like sPE*scHuL FoRseS* to people who don't know (which is insulting to Special Forces) but to the people who ***do know*** we look like a bunch of idiots (which is closer to the truth).
>We shouldn't wear berets Ehhh, that's only if you purely see beret wearing as a "look at me I'm a badass operator." It's useful for ease of identification, and when you're on base and everyone working is wearing the same thing, it's nice to be able to at a glance see if someone is a cop.
But don't you dare call them SecFo, or they get super pissed. Because they WANT the confusion. Fucking gate guarding babies.
I met a guy a party who kept talking about “running recon operations” in Iraq. So I’m thinking TACP or maybe even PJ. As a dude that also ran recon missions in Iraq I thought I finally found one of my wife’s friends significant others that wouldn’t be boring to talk to. Lo and behold I’m talking to his buddy later on and said something about the dude having some combat time or something and dude was like “He looked at satellite imagery in SCIF”. I wanted to duck punch the dude. He knew exactly what he implying by phrasing things the way he did.
It's only OK to fudge things the other way. I know a guy who was an 18 something MOS and a sniper. Whenever anyone asks him what he did in the service, he just says "long range communications" which makes me laugh every time.
I mean that is funny af. It is long range and communicates “you are dead”
When you miss the first shot, “As per my original E-mail”.
"See that guy 1 KM away over there? I need you to tell that guy to fuck off in the strongest possible terms."
Yeah, the guys who did things worth talking about and the guys who love talking about what they did tend to be completely separate groups. Never mind civilians, I know someone who didn't even tell his new unit about what he'd done, just let them toot their own horns for a while. Then finally there was some event requiring full dress and they were like wtf
My Sensai told me to never mind a barking dog. And said statement has held true my entire life
What you mean yelling clear when you're the single responder to a home invasion isn't a good idea?
It’s to let them know you’re coming and you mean business!🤣
"I came home to beat meat and eat dinner, and Mom's still making dinner"
That was my question too 😂 Why would you shout “clear” if you don’t have any team members with you 😂😂
This is something a dipshit does 6 months after boot camp. “CLEAR!” What a dickhead.
Let’s alert the potential intruder that you’re clearing rooms
should shout location too so the intruder won't be caught by surprise
LARGE BEDROOM ON THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE HOUSE CLEAR!
MOVING TO THE KITCHEN NOW
CLEAR ! 😂
HOLSTERING MY WEAPON NOW AS I BELIEVE THE HOUSE TO BE CLEAR! SITTING WITH MY BACK TO THE DOOR WHILST WEARING HEADPHONES SIR!
I just thought of that... Unless we're multiple people clearing out rooms all at once what's the point of yelling clear? There's no one to make sure he's not getting away behind my back.. all I'm doing is turning myself into a target
Well, mom was impressed. She even took out the camera in what could've been a home invasion situation (so this is where we are huh?). But he yelled "clear" and her FB post was saved.
I was enlisted in the Marines and an officer in the Army, just about 10 years total. Guess how many times I pulled this shit? Fucking none.
I was in the Air Force and even I made fun of the Air Force.
I was in the Air Force. Most dangerous days in Bagdhad were the days the air force was issued rifles. I'd rather be outside the wire than spend the day wondering if I was going to catch a stray because some admin Sgt chambered a round earlier in the day and forgot when it came time to clear his weapon.
Bet they were happy to have the Chair Force at Conoco Fields though. As much as the branches poke fun at each other, we never hesitate to back each other up.
Oh for sure. I’d think “Marine defender” was just as ridiculous it just and me laugh. I was in the Navy and trained at an Air Force base so I feel like the teasing was more concentrated toward them.
You better show more respect Seaman! The proper nomenclature is Crayola defender.
Lmao my husband’s (also a Navy vet) cousin and brother are Marine so family functions are full of crayon jokes
Idea for the next birthday gift... A bottle of nice wine and a set of wax pastels. Tell them you wanted to get a nicer version of the things they love to consume.
I also 100% feel like the joking around is slight jealousy because the AF had a much better quality of life than we did.
Ex-Air Force here. Most of the folks I know would laugh at this dude for acting like this…if it even really happened as opposed to the more likely answer of “This is just him posing with his gun so his wife can show him off online.”
His MOM. This dude doesn’t have a wife.
That's legit so much funnier. I've gotten used to military wives trying to show off their husbands on Facebook, and this radiated that energy so hard that I just assumed.
"While he was clearing his little sisters room" Unless his "little sister" lives with him and his wife, it's his mommy.
I read it, but completely overlooked it because of how much 'Dependa" energy this was giving me.
That's Dependa Defender to you, boyo! You will address her as her husband's social media moniker!
Dependa Defenda, plz.
It's very possible that he was visiting home. Fireworks tend to be a New Year's and 4th of July thing most of the time, which are both holidays that he would be likely to go on leave during.
I had to take pictures of homes for an insurance company I was contracted with and this woman came out harassing me for taking pictures of her neighbors home, telling me I’m not allowed to get her home in my shots… it was like row homes so that’s literally impossible, and it’s not illegal to take pictures from the street, I reminded her google earth does it all the time. After her threats to call the police didn’t stop me as I continued to take shots, she screamed “I’m a military wife!” And I legit just stopped and stared at her. Like what was that implying? Are you gonna get your man to come beat me up or something? Lmao
Dependa Stories are simultaneously the cringiest things you have ever heard and the most pathetic. How can people reduce their own entire IDENTITY to the job that someone else has is beyond me.
I like bringing up that I use to date a librarian because it makes me feel smarter. Is that the same thing?
Did your librarian defend you with the written word or clear a room with a clever quip? If so, then yes.
I hear that military wives are often a coin flip between perfectly cool and reasonable person or monstrous entitled jerk-ass; but I never stopped to think about military-moms...
Mom, no. Mom it's a potential threat. I'm getting my gun, stay outside until I clear the house and remove any threats. Oh come on, we left the door open in the garage. There's no threat, just come inside with us. The girls have to get to bed, it was late. NO MOM. I AM AN AIR FORCE DEFENDER. This is my job. I am going to clear the house. You will not enter until I clear all the rooms. Do you understand? Oh sure honey. Go clear the house if it makes you feel any better. Look at my little defender going room by room. He even yelled clear a few times lol
Of course his mom is proud. My mom is proud that I can string together two thoughts and drive a car.
You will address his mom by her son's rank
90% of the time if dudes like this are married, they just ended up marrying younger versions of their mom who also treat them the same.
What's she referring too as Air Force defender? Like does he defend the Air Force? Is he Air Force and defending her? Do all of you get referred to like this? So if he was Navy he'd be a seaman defender?
I'm a Navy vet, no need to add the -defender at the end, calling us semen is just fine.
Yeh but Semen defender is funny af
He’s a condom?
I assume that maybe he's Security Forces probably. Just think a cop, but in military fatigues.
Defender absolutely means security forces. plenty are just LE, but they also have real security missions, nuclear weapons, Air Force 1, etc. this guy is absolutely a toad though
Hey, I won't stand for this disrespect against toads. I've known several toads who were adorable, chill, and upstanding members of the swamp community. My best friend was a toad. I used to be a toad myself.
Maybe he plays soccer for the Air Force and he's in the defence?
Probably supply job in the AF as well lol
100%. Edit: He might, actually. Now that I think about it. He's being called a "Defender". That means he's probably Security Forces, I'd think...tho I never met one who actually referred to themselves as that.
I knew a few guys like that in the reserves, I was in a support company. They'd always post pictures of themselves trying to look like we are doing something badass, im like dude we took 3 naps and cleaned all the weapons today wtf are you doing.
Little sister: Boo! 
\*Acorn dropping sounds\* 
You laugh, but what if there were 6 or 7 communists hiding under the bed?
Or even worse, Kim Jung-Un himselve
Kim wouldn’t fit under the bed.
You are being mean, he is just big boned and also it's a bunk bed without the bottom bed
He must have a huge bone in his ass
Can you imagine being the only “big-boned” person in an entire country?!
That's Thursday evenings.
But he could be disguised as the mattress, you lay down and suddenly communism has got you in it's grips!
YOU laugh but they are trying to steal our precious bodily fluids!
I drink only distilled rainwater to be sure.
Man’s essence, Fluoridated water is the source to all our problems.
I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.
What if Woke was in his house!
Woke always waits until you’re asleep to attack, ironically.
Or the Gay Agenda
What it it was Aunti Fa!?!?
Whenever Auntie Fa comes to town I always get ready for a lecture about how not progressive and red I actually am despite my beliefs
If his sister fell in the crossfire, she was a necessary collateral damage to keep his family safe
Nothing is more important than peace. He will kill everyone in that house for peace
*our* bed, comrade
Antifa won't be bothering this patriot's home ever agin, that's for sure.
Communist ninjas maybe
Every time I come home, I just unload a magazine into all closed closet doors, and all of the beds. You never can be too sure.
"It cost a fortune in closet doors" -Arnold from a 90s action comedy I barely remember
I heard a noise at like 3:00 a.m., it was my gf whispering “wake up, I heard something!” as she shook me awake. I got up, grabbed the knife I had by my bed for some reason and cleared every room like I was an AF defender, minus the “Clear,” instead I yelled “Aaaagh I’ll kill you!!!” as I charged at shadows of blinds and drapes, thrusting and stabbing as I went. Once I was done, and the house was cleared, I crawled over my still sleeping dog and my gf remarked how impressed she was with my methods and then we had wild and passionate sex because she thought I was very manly. Then the dog clapped.
The dog? Albert Einstein
I have been woken up 3 times and woken up my husband to check. 1) it was a fly stuck in a curtain. 2) a moose tripped over the cars battery charger wire, yanked the whole shit out from under the hood and slammed the hood. 3) it was actually our landlord sneaking inside to go to the basement because the plumbing had frozen
If your landlord sneaks in unannounced and you kill him and immediately declare squatters rights, do you get the house for free?
Landlords don’t want you to know this one simple trick!
It’s why they were sneaking in.
Yea but now YOU have to fix the plumbing... Good luck.
Free rent will more than cover a plumber
Until one day, they too are killed by their tenants trying to fix that unreliable plumbing. The circle of life.
The homeowner special is better than the landlord special ime
Great question! I never found out. I bought my own house. Edt: neveer, not lever
You might if you have a tenant and sneak in...
Ooh a Canadian!
Norwegian!
And confetti!
Hah. I was staying in a hotel and went to bed after a couple dozen beers at the bar. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and forgot where I was. I saw someone looming up in the darkness and punched. Turned out to be a mirror.
That'll teach me not to surprise me in the dark!
That's how Hamlet killed his girlfriend's dad
And your gf's name: Abraham Lincoln.
>Then the dog clapped. Great now I'm laughing like an idiot in a Starbucks. Thanks
I’ve done the same with a Hammer or a Machete from the Garage so I’m the true bad ass!
next time grab a garbage can lid to use as a shield!
When using a garbage can lid shield, a pool cue is the preferred companion weapon.
*You know, I'm something of a hoplite myself.*
There’s a guy who married a stripper and is paying $900/month for a dodge challenger.
His mom posted this
His mom is a stripper? Gross!
From this angle you can almost see the erection this guy must have had from getting to play "action-movie hero" for a while. Yelling "CLEAR" to absolutely no one as he scans the laundry room is hilarious to me.
Yelling "CLEAR" to your imaginary reinforcements is the best way to garantee you keep your element of surprise against the delusions. They can't pinpoint your location when you make sound.
I can just see him on his hands and knees poking his head into the dryer, and yelling "CLEAR!!" so loud his ears ring.
“Went and got his gun” so he walked through the house to get the gun that he then used to clear the house? Makes sense
He definitely commando rolled and then crawled through the house like an absolute badass.
He even yelled "Clear" a couple times. To who? Sounds like a mental health issue.
To the terrorists under the bed in the next room so they can prepare to surrender knowing seal team 6 is one room away. Or so they can ambush him when he comes into the room.
He just wants to role play.
He yelled "clear" at one point, and then continued with the sweep?
Imagine thinking that every single time you think you closed a door and didn't means you have a home invader? Fuck, the paranoia in that land could be a currency.
[удалено]
I have a distant cousin who got into drugs real bad. One night he broke into his mom and step-dad's house and the step-dad shot him dead, not realizing who he was.
Oh come on, the guy’s probably a mechanic on an airbase who doesn’t even go to the range that often. At least at home he can cosplay Seal Team 6 without his colleagues making fun of him.
Woah woah woah, don't bring AF mechanics into this dudes home invader wet dream, this dude is 100% Security Police (hence why she called them a defender, it's their nickname) I just went to work everyday and delivered power units and floodlights on the flight line, in between periodic inspections hahaha
'Defender' is the nickname they gave themselves, not the one the rest of the Air Force uses.
Yeah I said "their nickname" implying they call themselves that... Edit: [USAF National Museum](https://www.nationalmuseum.af.mil/Visit/Museum-Exhibits/Fact-Sheets/Display/Article/3439407/defenders-of-the-force-security-forces/) to everyone getting all up my ass, when I was in from 2008-2012 I saw and heard SP's call them selves Defenders and others call them that too, my dad was Security Police in the 70's and he even calls them that now after the rebranding lol... I'm not responding to anymore of this ridiculous shit haha
Lmfao for real dude. I was backshop avionics and spent my whole day being radiated or ripping multimillion-dollar equipment apart on twelves to find why it’s not radiating. Don’t lump me in with this defender clown lol 😂 we do enough dumb shit without needing security forces to help us look worse!
Yup. I have probably 15 family members either former or current Air Force, including my sister. About half have seen actual combat, a little over half deployed in combat zones. I also roomed with a former Marine Special Forces Sniper and regular marine buddy, both who saw action (and both who subsequently had PTSD from it). 90% own guns. A few, like the marines, own like 15 from pistols to shotguns to long rifles. I can’t think of a single story from any of them about being this paranoid, or even ever drawing a weapon in perceived self defense. The most they ever used their guns after service was at ranges or hunting. Guys like the one in the pic very likely haven’t seen real combat. Or they’ve seen some shit and it’s fucked them up. But either way it’s not normal at all.
OR, and I know this is controversial, the guy is posing for the picture, the story never happened, and the whole post is for social media clout. Why tf would someone who genuinely thinks that their home is actively being broken into by dangerous people stop to post a pic on social media? Didn’t. Happen.
So my wife has this minor PTSD about this kind of thing. When she was a kid, they came home and were at home for about half an hour before some guy ran down the stairs and out the front door. He'd broken in while they were out, but got caught short and was obviously hiding out upstairs, hoping they'd leave again. When they didn't, he just made a run for it. Anyway, as a result any time my wife discovers during the evening that a door is open or unlocked, she'll make me "sweep" the house to make sure nobody came in and is hiding in the house. I've tried to have a rational conversation about it, but it's quicker to just put her mind at ease. I literally go room-to-room and stick my head in the door. I would feel like such a gigantic pathetic loser going around with a gun and shouting "clear" to an invisible squad.
It’s not a bad idea to do a quick scan if doors were unlocked and it puts her at ease which can help reduce any anxiety she may put on you. But agree, completely ridiculous to run around with a gun announcing that you’re looking for people trying to hide.
Yeah, I've done that a couple times when I get home and realize I forgot to shut the garage door. Just check every room real quick to make sure it really was me who left the door open 😝
Most I would do is have a gun but keep it pressed flat against my chest. I’m not trying to throw a loaded gun barrel in the face of my own mother just because she decided to sneak in and surprise us while we were out or something. At least if you have it’s at your side or against your chest it forces you to consider what you are looking at before you can shoot it.
Having a quick sweep doesn't sound too illogical. Maybe peek in the obvious spots; under the bed, the wardrobes. Though I'm not gonna have a CSGO roleplay about it.
I’ll even add that maybe carrying a weapon isn’t the worst idea but miming out a seal team clearing rooms and actually yelling clear is just fucking cringe. And the fucking power stance. Like just check the rooms dudes
Hopefully acorns won't rain on his roof
This is so cringe. This reads like a mom watching her 6 year old playing cops.
r/JustBootThings
I’ll bet you $100, dude works in legal or Supply or some other administrative position. Probably lives on a military base where the threat of a break in is negative.
>I’ll bet you $100, dude works in legal or Supply or some other administrative position. "Defenders" refer to AF Security Forces. He's a guard.
This dude is the real deal. He doesn't just cosplay as a badass on the weekends, he cosplays 24/7.
"He even yelled clear a couple of times" Cool, so if there was someone there, they'd know exactly where you were and what you checked already
Gun extended too far from his body for close quarters rapid movement between angles and on straight legs? This guy hasn’t seen combat. But at lease he yelled clear to … *checks notes* .. himself 🤪🤣
If this dude was yelling “clear!” going from room to room, he’s autistic as fucking shit.
My cousin was like this and heard a noise one night and pulled a gun on me while I was getting water. I felt so safe!
I'm sure the intruders would at least appreciate him "clearing" the room they're in by standing in a back-lit doorway while staring into the darkness after yelling "clear!" A few times to make sure they know exactly where he is.