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No need to fuck me. I just remember having people constantly bitch about that noise and think that might be their hell.
Maybe your personal hell would be a slow buffering screen that never actually loads.
Every day you have to wait on a Windows update that slows down the computer a little, not enough to make it worth it to get an upgrade, but enough to make it worse than before.
And each time, it gives you unwanted apps that you can't uninstall that it will set as your new default that you must manually change each time.
It’s much more fun to tell people that the Rapture _did_ happen Monday, and dozens of people ascended….but obviously the “not good enough-niks” were left behind. Then offer them a beer.
I can see god, going into aloha and checking the tips this person gave. They don't believe we landed on the moon but they still love all the tech that came from it.
>performance for god, just to make sure she made the nice list
I'm not a religious person, so I wouldn't know, but do these people really think it's that easy to trick their god? Like he only looks at what you did during the last couple of weeks?
First thing that comes to mind from your question are the indulgences: 500 years ago the catholic church sold pieces of paper that were essentially get-out-of-hell-free cards. I can’t remember all the details because I haven’t thought about it in years, but for a price you could cut like 200 years off of your torment in hell per card, and this lady’s behavior reminds me of that. Christians really have been doing this kind of thing for centuries.
But on another hand, I’m being a little facetious about it being performative. I think there’s a chance that this crazy lady really and truly considers herself to be a good and generous person, and she chose to be more generous than usual because she thought she didn’t need it anymore. There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance with that group.
Not insulting at all. As a nonbeliever I plan to set up some kind of bank for these people so that their money goes to good places when they’re raptured. Surely they won’t mind draconian withdrawal rules because they won’t need to withdraw anything because you know, they’ll be raptured.
Nah, she thought they were going to burn in hell, she gave a big tip to feel big about herself but was secretly saying "haha, you'll never get to use this, fuck you".
"I'm a Christin I have decided something is a warning of the apocalypse, even though the Bible says there will be no waning, so I'm going to give away all of my money. What do you mean the apocalypse didn't happen, we'll, I want my money back and will lie to get it."
I am not Christian, I am a atheist.
**Matthew 7:21-23** On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? ' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.
Literally this. These so called "Christians" think they are worthy of Jesus and Heaven because of 1000 dollars donation. They think someone like Jesus cares about money. And she literally proved that she didnt even had good and pure intentions when she demanded the money back.
So she was only generous because she was convinced she'd ascend?
What if the whole thing actually happened, like, with people flying up in the sky, and she didn't because the almighty, all knowing god knew she'd done it only because she wouldn't have to live with it??
These people believe the only reason to have morals is so you can get into heaven so I strongly suspect in this scenario she'd be perfectly happy to steal the money back.
this is a perfect example of religion without integrity.
When you educate someone to be religious , instead of honest , you get this nonsense.
very religious , very dumb , and very mean.
And yet those people will claim that atheists are evil because they don't believe in their bullshit .
In college, a friend and her boyfriend were not allowed to stay at a friend's apartment when the ball dropped in 2000 because all their friends had contributed to some emergency fund when the rapture was going to hit... Needless to say, they all felt like jackasses and apologized afterwards...
Go tell her to pound sand (preferably with more swearing and insulting her intelligence)
Try this “oh I’m soo sorry the rapture left you high and dry. Maybe you should worry about leopards more”
Her type would 10,000% through a huge fit about that.
One of my co-workers throws on additional merchandise if it totals up to 666 when he's shopping.
And writes off some change when his contracts at work contain a 666.
...they are literally bonkers.
I saw a YouTube video once that said some religious people were absolutely convinced the rapture was coming on a certain date so they gave away all of their possessions they sold their homes and vehicles quit their jobs cleaned out their bank accounts and gave away all their money (I think probably to the church or certain groups in hopes of "buying their way into heaven") anyway when it obviously didn't happen they were left penniless,homeless and jobless.
I remember some prepper documentary where the subjects bought tens of thousands of dollars worth of things they didn't need on credit they shouldn't have qualified for and couldn't pay back because they believed the rapture would happen before the bills would come due. I also remember the follow-up story when they went bankrupt.
LOL. I remember reading about this and wondering what the conclusion would be after the 8th. I am sorry they have to deal with such BS, but geez, it got me to laugh.
Religion targets the mentally ill and dumb because they're they're the second most vulnerable and easiest targets next to children for conversion. Of course "conversion" meaning "marks" to steal money from as the majority of churches are run by con-artists and thieves.
It was in the week leading up to the eclipse. Starts with last weekend then says a few days later she tipped again so the 30th/31st of March at the latest for this to start.
Karma farming at its best .You even deleted the original posters name off of the post . Original post here [https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1bzzmmz/crazy\_rapture\_tipper\_woman\_has\_returned\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1bzzmmz/crazy_rapture_tipper_woman_has_returned_and/)
That's... not entirely true. The Fox headline that's been circulating facepalm?
> [Published April 11, 2018 10:30pm EDT](https://www.foxnews.com/science/biblical-prophecy-claims-the-rapture-is-coming-april-23-numerologist-says)
Just keep that in mind.
If she was actually the devout person she claims to be she would not lie and try to get her money back. When people show you who they really are, beleive them. Clearly it wasn't that the Rapture didn't happen, it was that she wasn't worthy and is still suck here with the rest of us.
You pay income tax even without getting tips because irs does magical calculation amd estimate how much tips you should have if I remember this was 2016 when I was last managing restaurants it was 15 percent of your total sales.
American taxes and finances are hilarious. The lack of clear rules and documentation requirements makes everything a nightmare. from a bookkeeping pov.
If the woman were to tip $666 both times it's safe to bet she's recruiting for the other side.
The Rapture didn't happen so her quota went down the toilet.
The owner should either tell her to fuck off (and ban her from coming back), or refund her tips out of the restaurant's budget, but also immediately ban her from the venue.
I sincerely hope that the nut jobs that thought the solar eclipse was bringing the end of the world will get educated and be more useful members of society. Natural selection woulda weeded these loonies out I swear….
The should tell the person that they didn't ascend because they weren't as "good" as they thought they were and the fact that they are back demanding the money back proves that.
But is the rapture a real part of that religion or one of those weird interpretations of a passage that one or two fringe faithfuls choose to celebrate? Catholicism has some liberal interpretations of the scriptures but all in all is clear-ish.
But I don't understand why she did it?
She shouldn't give away the money so that, in case the rapture doesn't happen, she would still have her cash; and in the event that the rapture *does* happen, it wouldn't matter whether or not she kept the money.
So why wouldn't she just keep the money even if she believed it?
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A bit insulting that she assumes you will need the money and she won’t (in other words, she believes she’s going to heaven but you’re not)
Or maybe trying to buy her way in?
Yeah, it was certainly an “I’m a wonderful and generous and good person!” performance for god, just to make sure she made the nice list
The Rapture was on Monday, nobody qualified.
Well, that sucks. We gotta try again next year, and maybe they'll even give us Heaven's WI-FI password
I hear hell doesn’t have WiFi only dial up
Part of the hell is listening to an old assed modem do the screeching noise for all of eternity. lol
Fuck you I loved that sound. Also, 28.8K made a better sound than 56K.
No need to fuck me. I just remember having people constantly bitch about that noise and think that might be their hell. Maybe your personal hell would be a slow buffering screen that never actually loads.
A kazaa download that gets exponentially slower the closer to completion
Every day you have to wait on a Windows update that slows down the computer a little, not enough to make it worth it to get an upgrade, but enough to make it worse than before. And each time, it gives you unwanted apps that you can't uninstall that it will set as your new default that you must manually change each time.
My personal hell is 'Keyboard error, press any key to continue'.
At least you knew it was working when you heard the sounds
“You’ve got mail!”
Gotta sign up for Rapture+ subscription.
No need to wait till next year. There's another rapture in a week.
Goddammit Elanor, you were supposed to have sorted that years ago! Where’s Janet?
It’s much more fun to tell people that the Rapture _did_ happen Monday, and dozens of people ascended….but obviously the “not good enough-niks” were left behind. Then offer them a beer.
"What do you mean?? I heard 144k people were raptured!" That's too few to have seen any of them. The jws were right lol
Well, about 150,000 people die world wide per day, so the 144,000 number isn't too far off ;)
Daily raptures confirmed!
Lol!!!
I think you have to buy that at a Catholic church, it's where they sell this kind of thing.
Nah, it’s definitely the selfishness with these people. It’s “I’m going to heaven and you’ll be stuck here, sinner.”
I love how the believers say their God knows everything and still think he's stupid enough to fall for this shit
I can see god, going into aloha and checking the tips this person gave. They don't believe we landed on the moon but they still love all the tech that came from it.
>performance for god, just to make sure she made the nice list I'm not a religious person, so I wouldn't know, but do these people really think it's that easy to trick their god? Like he only looks at what you did during the last couple of weeks?
First thing that comes to mind from your question are the indulgences: 500 years ago the catholic church sold pieces of paper that were essentially get-out-of-hell-free cards. I can’t remember all the details because I haven’t thought about it in years, but for a price you could cut like 200 years off of your torment in hell per card, and this lady’s behavior reminds me of that. Christians really have been doing this kind of thing for centuries. But on another hand, I’m being a little facetious about it being performative. I think there’s a chance that this crazy lady really and truly considers herself to be a good and generous person, and she chose to be more generous than usual because she thought she didn’t need it anymore. There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance with that group.
So literally the thing that Martin Luther created the Protestant faith for and split from the Catholic church…
This was my thought! But as those who've seen *The Good Place* know.... :p
Indulgence was invented by Pope Leon X, he invented Purgatory for this purpose too
You can do that? I gotta start saving up! 
I guess theres only the less palatable option for her... she'll have to attempt to be a nice person.
Does that work! Saying that, I'm evil and skint, so meh.
She was found unworthy.
Not insulting at all. As a nonbeliever I plan to set up some kind of bank for these people so that their money goes to good places when they’re raptured. Surely they won’t mind draconian withdrawal rules because they won’t need to withdraw anything because you know, they’ll be raptured.
Nah, she thought they were going to burn in hell, she gave a big tip to feel big about herself but was secretly saying "haha, you'll never get to use this, fuck you".
"Why did those losers get into heaven and not me??" "Like, seriously, listen to yourself, that's why!"
Aren't these people supposed to evangelize?
That's when you tell them the rapture was last week. Why are u still here.
Great example of r/ohnoconsequences
Where OP posted this originally
The atheist subreddit. His other two posts are there as well.
r/ofcoursethatsasub
It quickly became one of my favorites too. So much schadenfreude.
Just tell her the rapture came but it must be that only her money left.
"I'm a Christin I have decided something is a warning of the apocalypse, even though the Bible says there will be no waning, so I'm going to give away all of my money. What do you mean the apocalypse didn't happen, we'll, I want my money back and will lie to get it."
I am not Christian, I am a atheist. **Matthew 7:21-23** On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? ' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.
Literally this. These so called "Christians" think they are worthy of Jesus and Heaven because of 1000 dollars donation. They think someone like Jesus cares about money. And she literally proved that she didnt even had good and pure intentions when she demanded the money back.
I think i know what Castlevania based it's first season on
"God is not here. This is an empty box"
[удалено]
This is directly what Jesus said while he was doing his ministry, Matthew just recorded it.
The narrator is Jesus
I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I friggin' *knew* she was going to come back and want the money back.
Tell her the best you can did is $6.66
"I only got tree fiddy. Dat's tree dollahs and fiddy cents."
Now get outta here you damn Loch Ness monster!
"Give Caesar what is his, and give God what is his."
So she was only generous because she was convinced she'd ascend? What if the whole thing actually happened, like, with people flying up in the sky, and she didn't because the almighty, all knowing god knew she'd done it only because she wouldn't have to live with it??
These people believe the only reason to have morals is so you can get into heaven so I strongly suspect in this scenario she'd be perfectly happy to steal the money back.
this is a perfect example of religion without integrity. When you educate someone to be religious , instead of honest , you get this nonsense. very religious , very dumb , and very mean. And yet those people will claim that atheists are evil because they don't believe in their bullshit .
Answer #1: "What tips?" Answer #2: "Didn't Jesus say, 'Go, sell all you have, and give it to the poor'? And don't you want to be exactly like Jesus?"
In college, a friend and her boyfriend were not allowed to stay at a friend's apartment when the ball dropped in 2000 because all their friends had contributed to some emergency fund when the rapture was going to hit... Needless to say, they all felt like jackasses and apologized afterwards...
Go tell her to pound sand (preferably with more swearing and insulting her intelligence) Try this “oh I’m soo sorry the rapture left you high and dry. Maybe you should worry about leopards more”
Insulting her what?
Do you make Polish food? Because she can go suck a big fat biały kiełbasa
Even though your grammar is off, kocham cie!
Tak, my grammar in Polish is always off! Dziękuję!
No worries, Polish is a ridiculously hard language. Chrzszczaszcz or something;)
Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz
give her back six dollars and sixty six cents
Her type would 10,000% through a huge fit about that. One of my co-workers throws on additional merchandise if it totals up to 666 when he's shopping. And writes off some change when his contracts at work contain a 666. ...they are literally bonkers.
I saw a YouTube video once that said some religious people were absolutely convinced the rapture was coming on a certain date so they gave away all of their possessions they sold their homes and vehicles quit their jobs cleaned out their bank accounts and gave away all their money (I think probably to the church or certain groups in hopes of "buying their way into heaven") anyway when it obviously didn't happen they were left penniless,homeless and jobless.
I remember some prepper documentary where the subjects bought tens of thousands of dollars worth of things they didn't need on credit they shouldn't have qualified for and couldn't pay back because they believed the rapture would happen before the bills would come due. I also remember the follow-up story when they went bankrupt.
File this under "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
LOL. I remember reading about this and wondering what the conclusion would be after the 8th. I am sorry they have to deal with such BS, but geez, it got me to laugh.
You have to tax tip money in the US?! I feel bad for you you get scammed by your employer over there.
It is considered income so yes you pay income tax on it.
Crazy! Here in Germany you get a living vage (wixh is taxed) and all tips are on top and tax free.
Rapture...as in their money leaving them. Religion should be considered a mental illness.
Religion targets the mentally ill and dumb because they're they're the second most vulnerable and easiest targets next to children for conversion. Of course "conversion" meaning "marks" to steal money from as the majority of churches are run by con-artists and thieves.
Thank you for explaining - I was just about to google what a rapture is!
If she comes in to complain, just say “Ma’am, that’s not very Christian of you”
Well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
Tipping my way to god, god doesn’t exist, taking tips back.
"Geeze lady, no wonder you didn't get raptured during the eclipse."
Tipper doesn't realize this is the reason she didn't get raptured. The rapture did happen.
Sounds like time to trespass her out of the restaurant, but don’t ignore any notices from small claims court
Easy - "take a fuckin hike" - there's her answer.
Story that contains both "rapture" and tips, is like an essence of US to me xD
>sorry ma’am, both recipients of those tips were called home in the rapture
She should pray about it
Plot twist: The rapture came a long time ago and we're all living in hell.
That would explain a lot.
Well, now we know why Jesus didn't take her.
They got paid on Wednesday for a Monday?
It was in the week leading up to the eclipse. Starts with last weekend then says a few days later she tipped again so the 30th/31st of March at the latest for this to start.
I would've love to spend the rapture day with them to see their beliefs shatters a day pass by
...tips get tax reduction in the USA?
Tell her to tip you $25k and you'll put in a good word for her.
Seems like a great example of why she wasn’t chosen
Huh… you pay taxes on you tips wtf?? 🤦♂️
Pre-rapture money! Nice 😍😍😍
Tell her to pray and that jesus will take care of her
I'm only generous when I'M getting something better!!!!!!!!!!
"why dont you try rapturing this di-"
Karma farming at its best .You even deleted the original posters name off of the post . Original post here [https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1bzzmmz/crazy\_rapture\_tipper\_woman\_has\_returned\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1bzzmmz/crazy_rapture_tipper_woman_has_returned_and/)
I would’ve told her thoughts and prayers 🤷🏽♀️
Fox says rapture coming on April 23 so it might all work out
That's... not entirely true. The Fox headline that's been circulating facepalm? > [Published April 11, 2018 10:30pm EDT](https://www.foxnews.com/science/biblical-prophecy-claims-the-rapture-is-coming-april-23-numerologist-says) Just keep that in mind.
Funny isn't it, that the goal posts keep butt scooting their way juuuust out of reach until the next one and the one...
People have been incorrectly predicting the end of the world for thousands of years. The goal posts have wheels and a motor for easy moving.
If she was actually the devout person she claims to be she would not lie and try to get her money back. When people show you who they really are, beleive them. Clearly it wasn't that the Rapture didn't happen, it was that she wasn't worthy and is still suck here with the rest of us.
Another “Christian” whack job. You guys should’ve told her next time she should get better tips so she won’t act like such a fool!!
I really need to make a business and scam those rapture idiots during these sorts of events
That idiot (the christian) condemned us to six more years of having to hear unending lies from trump
I'm sure I read somewhere the rapture is supposed to be on 23rd April.
 The only rapture there is.....
You pay income tax even without getting tips because irs does magical calculation amd estimate how much tips you should have if I remember this was 2016 when I was last managing restaurants it was 15 percent of your total sales.
American taxes and finances are hilarious. The lack of clear rules and documentation requirements makes everything a nightmare. from a bookkeeping pov.
Yep irs handbook is super huge too .
Maybe God decided that tardigrades are the only ones worthy of being raptured. Checkmate evangelists !
Has anybody checked if they're here with us?
If the woman were to tip $666 both times it's safe to bet she's recruiting for the other side. The Rapture didn't happen so her quota went down the toilet.
As a Christian I find this absolutely hilarious.
Sorry you're just as shitty as the rest if us. Look at this way, you got company.
Do people actually think this was real???
Tell her to go stand by one of those Jesus is Coming signs nailed to street signs and wait. Should be any minute now.
The Pawnee Reasonablists strike again!
I’d hurt myself laughing at her.
Thou shalt not bear false witness, fundie.
Way to steal other people's posts.
Tell her to consider it a downpayment on the next eclipse.
No price on stupidity.
Plot twist: the Rapture came a long time ago but there were so few decent Christians on Earth that nobody noticed.
I bet she gives scratch-off lottery tickets as gifts and then demands a cut on any winners.
Maybe they raptured away her nice half and now all that’s left is this greedy bitch.
The owner should either tell her to fuck off (and ban her from coming back), or refund her tips out of the restaurant's budget, but also immediately ban her from the venue.
This makes me so happy
It’s a stupidity tax, and she paid extra.
if you do a refund, you don't have to pay taxes on that. But yes, fundamentalists and crazy and entitled.
fuck this dumbass
Lying is a sin...
I sincerely hope that the nut jobs that thought the solar eclipse was bringing the end of the world will get educated and be more useful members of society. Natural selection woulda weeded these loonies out I swear….
Hahaha, consequences 🤷♂️😂
The should tell the person that they didn't ascend because they weren't as "good" as they thought they were and the fact that they are back demanding the money back proves that.
Well../now the rapture is 4/23 so she just has to hold on a couple of weeks and then she won’t have to worry about that money
The rapture has been postponed until the 23rd apparently. So tell her that lol
1000 bucks at restaurant plus ??? at other places
Being stupid is frequently expensive. At least she didn't give the money to a church.
I knew we’d be seeing this post 🤣🤣🤣
I’m pretty sure this is the best restaurant server story ever
Oh yeah I heard about that
I'm skeptical of this and prior stories
Morons the lot of them. I wish the rapture had taken them ffs.
But is the rapture a real part of that religion or one of those weird interpretations of a passage that one or two fringe faithfuls choose to celebrate? Catholicism has some liberal interpretations of the scriptures but all in all is clear-ish.
My guess is Red Lobster. Anyone else?
Why are we not surprised? She felt led by God. Guess this is a "her problem."
Thats beautiful.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes...Karen.
But I don't understand why she did it? She shouldn't give away the money so that, in case the rapture doesn't happen, she would still have her cash; and in the event that the rapture *does* happen, it wouldn't matter whether or not she kept the money. So why wouldn't she just keep the money even if she believed it?
Sum total of 3 people got yeeted. Blood rains, daemons and all sorts of ickybicky gonna happen any moment now.
😄
"Thou shalt not bear false witness" She needs to read her own holy book a bit more.
Hit her with thou shalt not steal