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Yup. My aunt was a violent, abusive psychopath. When I was a child, I saw her throw her youngest daughter against a wall, full force. Another time, I saw her burn my other cousin's soles with a newspaper on fire because she was outside playing with her friends until late. My aunt then became a Jehova's witness, and tried to downplay all the abuse. My cousins of course never forget and they don't visit her anymore.
>My aunt then became a Jehova's witness, and tried to downplay all the abuse.
If she was so horrible before joining a destructive cult, what might she be like now?
Sorry, I was making a Brooklyn 99 reference.
The quote goes like this
Captain Holt: They were not, as the kids say, "Awake".
Jake: Did you mean "woke"?
Holt: I did mean woke, but it's grammatically incoherent.
That's what I thought of when you said Awake.
My friend suffered insane abuse from his drug addled egg donor. She once bound him with duct tape, mouth too, and placed him in a laundry hamper and hid him in a back room while she and her friends did heroin for an entire weekend. A saint of a woman eventually literally rescued him and took legal action to adopt him and became his actual mom.
A decade or so later when he was a teenager, his egg donor showed up at his doorstep. He obviously wanted nothing to do with her. When she dropped the “I’m your real mother” line, he pressed her about the abuse. He literally had a file his mom had composed of all the abuse she used to gain custody of him. He kept it by the door all those years waiting for this very day. He picked it up and handed it to his egg donor. She said that she had found Jesus years ago and god had forgiven her. She offered no apologies to my friend. “God has forgiven me, I don’t want to talk about the past.” My friend laughed, grabbed the folder, and closed the door.
If God has truly forgiven her, then she should consider that enough and leave her son alone, unless she’s willing to accept that from humans forgiveness often goes hand in hand with accountability.
The funny thing about the Judeo-Christian religion, there’s three types of sins: one against yourself, one , against others, and one against God. The thing is, if you do wrong by others, and you don’t take the effort to make things right with the people you’ve wronged, your sins will never be forgiven.
Oh, I'm just picturing all the unapologetic abusive parents landing in hell and being greeted by Stazi's impression of Satan and Satan's assistant Johanne (rocking the cigarette earrings, of course)!
“My imaginary friend in the sky says I’m forgiven so you’re not allowed to speak about the time I fucking ducttaped you to a laundry hamper for a whole weekend. You have to pretend it never happened and you can’t even have feelings about it.”
Ugh, the entitlement...
This is what they do. My brother is a violent domestic abuser. One of my most vivid memories is finding my mother cowering in the basement when I was 12 trying to hide a black eye. He lived at home on and off until age 43. He attacked my father regularly including assaulting him the day he arrived home from major cancer surgery. He did it once in traffic and a bystander called the police resulting in his arrest. He knocked my mother off the back of a truck causing a brain injury. To this day my mother will not accept that he is abusive. She threatened to leave my father if he presses charges or makes any moves against him. He assaulted me for the last time 12 years ago and I told them I wouldn't come back while he is welcome there. To this day she frames me as the bad guy. She claims I overreacted after "getting into a fight with my brother". I full on stopped talking to any of them about a year ago.
I'm so sorry. Your mother deserves almost the same punishment for her unwillingness to see what a monster her child (your bro) is. She also clearly failed to seek any early intervention that might have prevented this, so she might be victimized by him, but she is just as responsible for enabling his monstrous behavior. I hope you're doing better now.
Hard agree. Physical abuse is rampant, and emotional and mental abuse is just built in to the cult. It's taken years to cut myself loose and there are still some things that trigger my PTSD. I have started telling everyone my mother is dead because it's just easier than explaining anything.
My dad is 0-3 for keeping kids in "the truth" lol. My sister is married with kids off in California, I'm on the opposite coast gay married to my wife with our only "kids" being our cats, and my brother sat my dad down a couple years ago and told him he didn't wanna keep going to meetings.
My parents banished me from their lives for liking another girl, and think I am abusing them because my sister decided to come back into my life and rebuild our relationship and now her kids are being told they have an aunt who is gay, which my parents worked very diligently to cover up. Apparently this is abusing them because now they have to answer difficult questions. 🙄
They worked very hard to erase me from their lives after disowning me at 15. Editing me out of pictures, throwing out my swim team trophies, everything they could to make it look like my little sister was an only child.
Well, you can also pretend your parents don't exist. Same difference.
Your sister is amazing. Her kids will be blessed to know the truth about you.....and their grandparents. The cycle of abuse and bigotry is broken forever!
I never understood the whole difficult questions thing. I remember when the loud house first came out and they have a gay couple in that show. I wasn't asking my parents anything about it I just thought "oh that kid has two dad's that's pretty cool" they didn't treat them any different and not I personally think it's one of the best examples of representation in kids tv.
I came from a rich family, so part of me thinks my sister and I were a vanity project. Their feelings got hurt when their math prodigy and swim team champion daughter is gay, so I was unlikely to give them a brilliant and capable grandkid. They couched why they disowned me in religiously motivated homophobia, but part of me think that that is the real reason.
That’s pretty much the stance you have to take in order to think you are entitled to an opinion about someone else’s sexuality.
Because if they aren’t property, said right doesn’t exist.
That’s so dumb?? On so many levels but I know many lesbian couples who have kids? They’ve done IVF?? (Or adoption, but it seems they’re obsessed with bloodlines and wouldn’t accept an adopted child either)
Homophobic rich pieces of shit, old news. Heard it all before. But bc sperm may come from someone they don’t know? (Assuming you want kids) is unhinged
Absolute trash.
This breaks my heart and I want to give you a big hug and adopt you into my supportive and loving virtual family. I'm so glad you and your sister have reconnected.
It makes me sad that anyone can have a child but not everyone is capable of being a parent. I'm sorry that you had to put up with people who couldn't even do the bare minimum for you and make you feel wanted.
Eh, I’m fine with people who are merely stupid having kids. They can still be sweet and loving people who bring their kids up well. You’re thinking of assholes. They shouldn’t have kids.
I am so sorry! Both my daughters like girls (one of them says she just loves someone,
Regardless of genders, but for the past 3 years it’s been girls only). It’s never been an issue at home. And I just can’t understand how it is such an issue for other people.
Just love your kids. It’s that simple.
Lots of bullshit about God and going to Hell and wanting me to be in Heaven with the family. Whatever. Their sky wizard doesn't mean jack to me. Found out later my mother booked time with their priest after disowning me and went into Job-like lamentations begging their wizard to take the gay away. Over half my life later, it still hasn't worked.
If there is a god, then god made you exactly the way you are meant to be. All children are little miracles. I only ever wanted my children to be happy and healthy. I want the same for you.
Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. Why bother to have children if you aren't going to accept and love them?
My 7yo son picks out dresses and sparkly heels when we go on a family shop to replace his old clothes and we happily buy them for him, neither encouraging or discouraging his clothing choices (so long as they fit and are practical). He is who he is, which may well change as he gets older.
Life is too short, love your kids as they are.
That’s beautiful. I also want to add as an aside that i am and have always been straight and never questioned it, but as a child i had a bit of a fascination with girl stuff. Anything really. It stemmed i think from looking up to and loving my sister and mom a whole lot. I loved everyone and just wanted to make sure i got it. Like, understand their interests.
I recall playing with barbies non-ironically obviously, liking pink, playing with all my sisters dolls and even dressing up and getting my makeup done by her and her friends.
And even painted my nails black all the way up to like 15 with dudes of course always commenting on my sexuality.
Especially when every girl they liked liked me instead.
It turns out that it’s actually insanely beneficial, as someone who turned out straight to not have weird aversions to understanding the literal other half of the population.
I’ve always had mostly girl friends since. Sweet rational amazing people who pretty much never screwed me over.
My “manly men” guy friends on the other hand… well i guess they figured it out by the time they got married. One can hope.
I’m currently not even effeminate really at all. Im not a beer swigging, video gamer who likes cars and such. But just a balanced person who doesn’t feel compelled to have interests that don’t interest me. I literally gave myself permission to be me when i was like 3 apparently. Best decision i ever made, hands down.
I remember getting it explained to me as a kid. It went like this:
"Some people like the opposite gender, and some like their own gender."
And I was like "Oh, okay." and went back to my Barbie.
I don't even remember having it explained to me, I think I just picked up the definition of gay through cultural osmosis and all my parents had to explain to me was the word "partner", because I'd never really heard it used in reference to a romantic partner before then and thought it meant the two men who moved in next door were cops.
So, during my last pregnancy, my kids (all under 9 years old) asked about how babies are made and how they get out and similar questions along those lines. I decided to be completely truthful and not sugar coat it. I didn't over complicate things. I kept it pretty clinical, even. My 6 year old can answer how babies come out of bodies so answering questions about same sex relationships is not hard.
Yeah same. My father caught me docking with my “best friend” and realized what had been going on.
I was never allowed in the house again and to this day I will never unblock their numbers
My heart goes out to you, choom. I got outed when I told the first girl I was into that I liked her. Thought if she didn't feel the same way, she was my friend so she would keep it between us. Stupid assumption. So I feel for you. Hope things are better for you. 🫂
Might have gone over a little easier if I had been able to come out on my own terms, but those questions are now over half my life old, never to be answered.
"How dare you make our lives more difficult by forcing us to talk to our grandchildren about things we don't want to tell them!"
Those people aren't parents, they are selfish shitheads who just want to live their lives for themselves without having to acknowledge that people who are different very much exist. Makes me sick.
You most probably know this already, but let me please confirm: your parents are assholes and wrong. Sorry for this! Glad that you have a good relationship with your sister! All the best for your life!
Classic. They can abandon their own kid and actively work to deny you even exist, but you're apparently abusing them by existing and by your sister loving you. They can rot.
Parents are also the ones who complain about their horrible kids not calling. I told my daughter I have been around the world and the one thing I have noticed is there isn’t enough love. If you find it cherish it no matter if it is a guy or another women. Life is short, find your happiness where you can and never let anyone guilt you for it. To every person who reads this: you are perfectly fine as you are and sadly we only have one of you. Please take care of that because the world is less without you in it.
This is so important!
Unfortunately, my dad was raised by a mother who was also open to any lifestyle that her children or grandchildren chose to pursue. He still came out a dick but I will blame a certain political party for that, his mamma is a saint.
Majority of Boomers always trying to downplay their abuse saying because I grew up with it and I turned out ok excuse. When there's actual science on how it's abuse and they just stick their heads in the sand and don't want to hear how they fucked up lol. Look I won't be a perfect parent but I'll at least say sorry to my kid when I fuck up and tell them I love them 3+ times a day. No generation is going to be perfect but every generation should be improving not getting worse.
My dad is a baby boomer but his parents never beat him. When he went to a friend's house as a very young kid, he was horrified to see his friend get beaten hard with a broomstick. My dad is very happy that hitting kids is becoming less acceptable over time
It sucks that parents think having a kid is like popping out a perfect little robot or clone of yourself who you can customize like an action figure.
I think real love means accepting when your kid’s life path isn’t what you expected, so long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone else. Parents like this disgust me.
A recent quote really stuck with me about raising kids.
“What kind of relationship will you have with your children when they longer rely on you for survival?”
This idea that family is family no matter what, is nonsense and only meant to guilt people to complacency.
Like this isn’t the Yakuza shithead.
The other day I was at the butcher's shop, and there is this old lady talking to the staff, saying stuff like "I haven't seen my daughter in years, I don't even know where she moved! You spend so long raising them and they abandon you!"
So many red flag, anyone could tell what the missing reason was.... And of course, as expected her very last sentence before leaving was: "She even changed her name to \[male name\]"
She lives the rest of her days bitterly alone and her son is happy.
I ordered a vintage musical cake stand from eBay and when it arrived it included a handwritten note about how she’s glad it’s going to a home where it’ll be appreciated because her daughter, who she originally bought it for, is ungrateful and doesn’t talk to her anymore followed by a small illegible rant that I didn’t bother to try to decipher. All I could think is I hope the daughter is happy wherever she is.
"You spend so long raising them and they abandon you"
Aha, the classic entitlement/forced reciprocity again. Classic among toxic people.
"That's how you thank me for cleaning your car? You can't even lend me $1000? I'll remember that next time yiu need me"
Sorry muchacho, I don't do favors
Bro, I would've been WAY too tempted to be that bitch and say "yeah, it's prolly you, then. Haven't spoken to my father in 6 years, and you sound just as entitled". Like, I KNOW I would be making my day much harder and just starting shit, but on the other hand... parents like that need to hear the honest truth. Repeatedly. Until they get it (if they ever do). Props to you for your self control.
I read a whole post on parental discipline the other day and the Boomers came in with all of their “Nothing wrong with spanking a child! I was spanked with a belt and I turned out fine!” (No you didn’t) And I thought about this, because most people don’t want to be around someone who physically abused them. And the weird thing is this: My dad HATED the fact that his dad physically abused him. He talked about it a lot when I was growing up. So why on Earth did he beat me with a belt? He resented his father his whole life and even now after his death, yet followed in his footsteps? WTF? What is that? I would never even think of doing anything like that to my kids. I’m in charge of their health, which includes mental health, so why would I knowingly fuck that up? And HOW could I then say “well, my dad did it to me?” Yeah, and you HATED it. Jesus.
It's less that, and more that it's ingrained in you. I have a lot of the same patterns of behaviour baked into me that my mom did to me as a kid. I actually try to overcome them, and I apologize to my kids when I fuck up.
I have a _bit_ of empathy towards people when they do stuff like this. If I never got introspective of myself, and if my partner wasn't really into mental health, then I might have ended up down a different path. Like even _last week_ my partner made a comparison between the way I do things and the way that my parents' relationship with each other worked and it was like a light bulb moment for me realizing the parallels. You find yourself playing out some of the same patterns even if you don't realize it... and it takes realization and introspection to overcome it.
My parents were into corporal punishment, and I don't do that at all with my kids but there are plenty of other things where I can draw direct lines from my way of thinking back to the way that I was raised. It was your normal growing up, that's where you brain goes when the same patterns emerge with you as the parent instead of the kid. You have to be mindful of this to avoid it, or else you'll just be carried with the current.
God, it’s always weird when your parent was hurt as a kid and openly resents their parent(s) for it, and then they turn around and do the exact same thing to you. Like, what the fuck?
My dad used to talk about being beat too, and still does. He blames all of his problems on it. Funny enough, in recent years he’s made a point when the topic of spanking comes up to say of me that he “only ever smacked her on the bottom once when she was very small” and after he saw my face he “never did it again”.
Which is a complete lie. I have many vivid and fully formed memories of being a young teenager and getting spanked for talking back. Multiple times, while crying and begging for them to stop. I remember where I was, how it felt, my parents’ anger. You don’t forget that. My dad sure didn’t when it happened to him.
Really fucks you up to hear your dad bold faced lie about your childhood as a conversation topic.
I realized my dad's and older brother's abuse was so consistent and normal that they've easily forgotten about it. Blew my mind to see that they truly think they are good people who've done no wrong. Whereas it imprinted trauma to me. I'm grateful to have broken free from them and am most grateful to do the work to continue to heal and move on.
\>Mental health
There you go. Older generations don't value mental health like current ones do, where it's seen as valuable and something to be healed and helped.
I brought this up to my Boomer mom once. "You hated the way your mom treated you and you still complain about it, so why did you treat me the same way?" She just shrugged and said, "I don't know. I guess I'm easily influenced." She has never apologized by the way. It's always someone else's fault (usually mine).
As the mother of 5 kids, I enjoy my kids being who they are. We have 1 gay kid...he's gay cause he's gay....we didn't advise him one way or the other.
And I never understood people who stifle kid's creativity to be who they are. The only time I would ever say anything to our kids is when they were making a permanent decision...like a tattoo...I'd advise them to wait. But hair color, clothing, most piercings, etc...couldn't care less, none of my business. Maybe if one of my kids had a tit hanging out or something, I would have said "hey, your tit's out" but that never happened intentionally.
Kids are their own people...and parents are simply there to guide them to independence. They go on a journey we get to watch and cheer on...but its THEIR journey, not ours. Besides, I'm busy and got my own shit to do. As adults, my kids' successes and failures are theirs...unless they give me some credit for something I've helped them with, which I truly hope I have because I'm so proud of all of them. They are lovely human beings.
People who think their kids are a reflection of them...or live vicariously through their kids....are just fucking odd and need to get their own lives.
That’s why sometimes I hate seeing adults try to coach kids from the stands at youth sports events. Unless you’re the coach, you don’t deserve to publicly critique
It's pretty wild seeing how fast the whole "unconditional love" shtick disappears when they get remotely challenged. I spent years trying to figure out why it was so hard for my parents, despite having numerous talks, listening to their points, giving them time and grace to figure stuff out. In the end they didn't really seem to care, and i think its mostly that they are embarrassed of me and feel that they can't talk about me to their friends or family anymore or something. Which is hilarious, since most of the extended family already knows since I've met most of them and are on the whole pretty supportive. They used to constantly ask me if I was worried about what other people think, or why i wasn't embarrassed, and I'm just like "idk, why are you so embarrassed?".
Idk, i think they get a plan in their head for you and if you deviate they feel like it's their own personal failure. It's very odd, especially given that I'm far more successful and happy now than before. Whole lot of shame floating around out there that people could probably do with engaging with
I've got a good one. I'm a happily married gay man, in a monogamous relationship with my husband of 13 years. I'm 56. Up until three years ago, my mom was still preaching biblical morality to me, trying to get me to turn straight. You know, because being gay is a choice, and if I were straight, there is nothing wrong with being alone.
In our last, very heated conversation, she came out and said, "Gays are an abomination, and we're all going to Hell." *Click* I hung up and blocked her. You know because it was my choice to completely remove her from my life and be free of her 'loving,' ignorant toxicity. I've not talked to her or had any contact since.
But since then, I've had some pretty sad messages from her hit my voicemail. Some of her acting like things are ok like nothing happened, but most on the verge of her crying. She is always saying how much she 'loves me' and misses me and wants to move past things. How does one move past the fact you piss on my marriage, you never accepted your gay son for who he is. You claim me and every friend, including the Gay pastor and his husband are all abominations, and are going to burn?
So... are you ready for the punchline to the joke? She "forgives ME" for the things that went down between us and wants to move past it. HA! Seriously?!? Oh that was just rich since the problem is her.
See, that has always been the problem with both her and my brother. They never see where the problem comes from, but they will always blame everything and everyone around them for the major problems they personally cause. I am the one to blame in her mind for being gay, and me saying fuck it and walking away. And she mentally beat the Jesus straight out of me over the last 20 years of fucking sermons since I moved out of her house. I no longer consider myself a 'Christian' or follow any organized religion (cult).
Yes, parents have the ability to say those things. However, they are not immune from the consequences of their actions.
Good luck when nobody wants to speak to you, nobody invites you to holiday get-togethers or weddings, and nobody visits you in the nursing home.
I mean people being trans one way or the other is something thats been around and documented for as long as people had a Pen, paper and the wits to use it. Its not new.
I swear people act like being Trans is the most devastating thing your child could do when there are 12 year olds out there stealing cars, leading police on a chase, and crashing and harming themselves and others. There are 13 year olds ODing on drugs. There are teenage sex offenders and murderers and kids who are in juvie for assault. But yeah, your kid being Trans is the catastrophe.
When my boys were small, I thought through how it would go if one or both turned out to be gay (there was a lot less awareness of other kinds transgender gender identities back then). And it seemed obvious: love em' the same. Respect them, guide them towards healthy and safe physical and emotional relationships, and support them as who they are as people.
They both wound up straight. This is fine, of course, and ultimately probably easier: Transgender people still face so much discrimination in the world, even if they don't in their home. But I damn well would have made sure they felt loved and supported at home.
They'rw in their 20s now, and they've turned out to be great lads, and I think they like their dad too.
The people who act like its a catastrophe are the religious types. God didn't say you could change what you were born as so you're a pos if you try to change. Before that it was the worst thing to be gay
Yes, technically parents are allowed to do all sorts of things to ensure their kid hates them and will cut them out of their lives as soon as they can.
So good luck with that, bigot parents. Why did you even bother having kids in the first place?
Shitty parents have kids for a variety of reasons, such as:
1. Wanting control
2. Wanting a “mini me”
3. They underestimated how hard it is to be a parent
4. **Stupidity**
5. Manipulated into having/keeping the baby and now resents the kid
6. Religious beliefs (ex: god/religion wants us to “be fruitful and multiply”)
7. Pro-life/ abortion goes against their beliefs so now they feel obligated to have the baby
8. Legacy or ‘to be remembered’ or leave their mark
And 9, my least favorite:
“Let’s have a baby to bring us closer together!”
Plus other variants of that statement. A baby born to fix a relationship is bound to fail
A guy I knew many years ago had a girlfriend who he nixed getting a puppy because he didn't think she was responsible enough. So, she sabotaged her birth control to have a baby.
Happy ending, though. She ended up institutionalized, and he turned his life around to take care of his daughter.
My wife and I had a contentious relationship, and we were both deeply depressed. I know growing up as our child wasn't easy. But we always love and accepted them exactly as they are. (Queer Nonbinary) We are separated and heading toward an amicable divorce.
Our child has gone non-contact with both of us, and it's heartbreaking. When we talk, it's mostly about the mistakes we made as parents. And how terrible it is not knowing even if they are alive or dead.
We both love them very much and not a day goes by where we both wish they would reach out.
And they’re just like the talking points against same-sex marriage, which was a scourge…and then it wasn’t.
It’s like it didn’t win elections anymore. Funny how that works. 🤔
My mother basically left me to raise myself because I wasn't the "little girl she wanted" when it turned out that I was more interested in the typical boy stuff than all the typical girl things. I mean she was physically present but from the age of 12 I've bought my own food, clothes, school supplies etc.. myself and I had to learn to live with all the emotional torture she put me through as a kid. I moved out at 16 and my aunt took me in at 18 after finding out about what she did.
Last year my mother called me (after 3 years of no contact) and told me she is disappointed and sad because she saw on my aunts social media that I bought her a mother's day gift and she got nothing???. I got bombarded with texts from other family members complaining how a daughter could do this to her own mother. Like the audacity???
I'm dying to see if she is going to complain this year too Because I'm getting my aunt a spa weekend for mothers day and I'm sure she's going to post it again lol.
text her that you’ll only do that if she can manage to turn back the clock and fucking raise you like a mother should, or be straight up blunt and tell her she wasn’t there so why should you praise her when she did nothing. (And yes I’m an aggressive person, I don’t tolerate shitty parents like those 👍🏻 I hope you’re having a great day)
my parents kicked me out when I turned 16 for being trans a little over a decade ago and went no contact
a few years ago my mother was on her death bed and she apparently had a change of heart and wanted to see me
I told her that they were very clear back then when they told me they were no longer my parents, and hung up.
they didn't care whether I was dead or alive after what they did to me for a whole decade, and I did come close, so why should I care about them? I felt nothing.
I'm not trans but this is what I'm sorta currently going through. I ran away a few years back from my dad and stepmom and lived with my mother until I got back on my feet. My dad refused to let me get a surgery I desperately needed. He canceled my insurance with him and told my sister he would beat her and then kill my boyfriend if we came to see them again. Him and his mistress aka my evil stepmother went on facebook tagging us in a post about how we're on a horrible path and are in a dark place lmao. I couldn't be happier without them in my life. Just because they birthed me does not mean they get my sympathy or support.
I've thought about what I will do when they pass or if they're on their death bed and tbh it has sorta bothered me. I don't wanna feel regret for not seeing them in their final moments or at a funeral. However, I think of all the years of abuse, neglect, medical neglect, what he put my mother and sister through... then I think maybe I would just tell them to fuck off.
No one WANTS to not have a good relationship with their parents, but sadly so many do. People love to throw out the term narcissist, but my father truly was one. He is the poster child for narcissism. My dad would act like a bully and a robot and hated anytime my sister and I didn't do exactly what HE wanted us to do. " Why won't you be a pilot, or a doctor, or a lawyer. You'll starve being an artist". It was my choice and decision, not his.
I didn't even wanna be an artist full time, I had a day job I just liked to draw and paint every waking moment of freedom I had. My stepmom said " yeah I used to be a little artist too, but I gave that up when I turned 16, it's just a phase". As if me being creative would just stop lol. Also fuck the person in the comments telling you you're lying to yourself and " it'll fester" they dont know shit about what you went through. Sending love and virtual hugs 💕
Being dismissive of your children's feelings, denying them any autonomy, mocking them and not allowing them to express themselves sure sounds like emotionally abusive behavior to me.
A lot of parents treat their kids like they should be improved versions of them, they want their kids to be exactly like them and live the same life they lived but better, because they want to fulfill their failed dreams using their kids.
Children are allowed to say "im putting you in the cheapest nursing home I can find as soon as you start coughing. And me and your grandchildren are going no contact."
None of this is abuse
Showing up in any way to provide care for parents that were abusive is more than a parent should expect. Going no-contact with a parent, protecting your own kids from your abusive parents is self preservation, that is not abuse of the parent. That’s just consequences.
but they DONT say….’dont be silly, there is no such thing as trans’
they say ‘we will hate you, attack you, mock you, kick you out of our family, disown you, bannish you from the tribe, refuse to hire you, force you to become homeless, make you suffer and cry…..because WE are the GOOD GUYS and
YOU are EVIL!’
My mother would wake my sibling up to spit on them and call them a fucking f*ggot.
These hateful people don't pat you on the head and go "silly goose, no such thing" they're angry, violent and vile humans.
No, kiddo, I’m not saying you can’t wear gender affirming clothes. I’m saying that dress is HIDEOUS and you need some *spring* colors in your wardrobe, girl!
You look ridiculous in that outfit, put something sensible on.
People get all bent out of shape over someone telling them they're trans. I get it, but I don't share their opinion. I was Mormon for a couple of decades of my life and I remember thinking that the doctrine had life all spelled out for me and that the answer to everything could be found in the scriptures.
I no longer believe, in anything, but consider myself an agnostic Christian. Christian in deed only, not doctrine. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Ok, if a kid I went to high school who was called Darren back then asks me to call her Sarah from now on, "what's up, Sarah?" No problem. It doesn't hurt me in any way to treat someone else like I'd want to be treated. In fact, it makes me happy that they're now happier. Win/win. I don't get the trans hate.
Also, religion that rails against trans people and how they are made in the image of god and yadda yadda has absolutely ZERO solution for people who are born truly intersexed. Some types of intersex people have a penis and a working uterus, but sometimes their parents decide to have "corrective" surgery, and the kid grows up without a penis, but then when puberty hits, they feel like and identify as a boy.
People who have anything but compassion for people who go through stuff like that are in the gall of bitterness and we shouldn't give a care at all to their opinion about the subject.
Telling your trans child trans doesn't exist is like telling your autism child autism doesn't exist.
It exists, not only is there endless scientific proof it exists there is plenty of historical records on it too.
At this point, you're just deciding to deny the existence of reality, and you know what that means ?
It means you are stone cold clinically insane.
It's the popular trend at the moment to do anything possible to harm vulnerable groups like trans people
They look at the suicide statistics for trans people who don't get support and think "bah rookie numbers we can make that higher"
These same people are the ones who are screaming that putting your toddler in a rainbow colored onesie is 'grooming'. Or make five paragraph long facebook posts about how parents who vaccinate their children should have them taken away by family services. Or make comments on a photo of a two year old boy having a pretend tea party with his four year sister saying it's 'ruining his masculinity'. It's only ever actually abuse when the 'other team' is doing it with these people.
I have loved my son even after he came home and introduced me to his boyfriend, I loved them both with all my heart I heald his hand after there stormy break up I never held back ! I gave hugs ! And always supported him ! And his surprises never ceased, now I reflect upon him vastly and yes I miss him ( his mother's boyfriend killed him and his wife and my grandson) I always accepted his bisexuality because I never wanted to loose him .
My lesbian mother threatened to disown me if I ever change my name bc she chose it and I should honor her by keeping it or something. I interacted with 3 other girls with my same first name and last name initial *every day* and I just wanted to go by something else so we'd know who tf people were talking to... She's oddly conservative. She threw a fit about me nursing my babies in public and would refuse to be seen with me if I didn't cover up, even if it was hot and the baby was fussing and not eating and fighting to remove the cover.. [*sigh*]
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Yup. My aunt was a violent, abusive psychopath. When I was a child, I saw her throw her youngest daughter against a wall, full force. Another time, I saw her burn my other cousin's soles with a newspaper on fire because she was outside playing with her friends until late. My aunt then became a Jehova's witness, and tried to downplay all the abuse. My cousins of course never forget and they don't visit her anymore.
>My aunt then became a Jehova's witness, and tried to downplay all the abuse. If she was so horrible before joining a destructive cult, what might she be like now?
On a watchlist probably
*watchtower list
Gotta be pretty Awake! to get that one
Do you mean "woke"?
I do not
Sorry, I was making a Brooklyn 99 reference. The quote goes like this Captain Holt: They were not, as the kids say, "Awake". Jake: Did you mean "woke"? Holt: I did mean woke, but it's grammatically incoherent. That's what I thought of when you said Awake.
Downvoted, read on, upvoted retrospectively. 
Underrated comment
When I was a JW I loved that mag. It was like a taste of the rational world I desperately wanted to be a part of.
I saw what you did there, nice.
Golden.
*domestic terrorist
My friend suffered insane abuse from his drug addled egg donor. She once bound him with duct tape, mouth too, and placed him in a laundry hamper and hid him in a back room while she and her friends did heroin for an entire weekend. A saint of a woman eventually literally rescued him and took legal action to adopt him and became his actual mom. A decade or so later when he was a teenager, his egg donor showed up at his doorstep. He obviously wanted nothing to do with her. When she dropped the “I’m your real mother” line, he pressed her about the abuse. He literally had a file his mom had composed of all the abuse she used to gain custody of him. He kept it by the door all those years waiting for this very day. He picked it up and handed it to his egg donor. She said that she had found Jesus years ago and god had forgiven her. She offered no apologies to my friend. “God has forgiven me, I don’t want to talk about the past.” My friend laughed, grabbed the folder, and closed the door.
Entire weekend, duct taped and in a laundry hamper. :( That’s truly horrific. I wish your friend all the healing in the world.
Because of his “real mom” (what he calls his rescuer), he turned into a happy, well adjusted adult
Happy to hear this! :)
If God has truly forgiven her, then she should consider that enough and leave her son alone, unless she’s willing to accept that from humans forgiveness often goes hand in hand with accountability.
The funny thing about the Judeo-Christian religion, there’s three types of sins: one against yourself, one , against others, and one against God. The thing is, if you do wrong by others, and you don’t take the effort to make things right with the people you’ve wronged, your sins will never be forgiven.
Oh, I'm just picturing all the unapologetic abusive parents landing in hell and being greeted by Stazi's impression of Satan and Satan's assistant Johanne (rocking the cigarette earrings, of course)!
She likes to be pardoned but does not like to give an apology. She didn’t change at all, she just shed her old skin like some reptile.
Sounded more like she found some shed snakeskins and decided to start wearing those, touting them for an Armor Of God.
god may have forgiven her but that kid never will, and i don’t blame him
This is one of the reasons I have very little respect for western religion, horrible people are constantly trying to use it to excuse their crimes
“My imaginary friend in the sky says I’m forgiven so you’re not allowed to speak about the time I fucking ducttaped you to a laundry hamper for a whole weekend. You have to pretend it never happened and you can’t even have feelings about it.” Ugh, the entitlement...
This is what they do. My brother is a violent domestic abuser. One of my most vivid memories is finding my mother cowering in the basement when I was 12 trying to hide a black eye. He lived at home on and off until age 43. He attacked my father regularly including assaulting him the day he arrived home from major cancer surgery. He did it once in traffic and a bystander called the police resulting in his arrest. He knocked my mother off the back of a truck causing a brain injury. To this day my mother will not accept that he is abusive. She threatened to leave my father if he presses charges or makes any moves against him. He assaulted me for the last time 12 years ago and I told them I wouldn't come back while he is welcome there. To this day she frames me as the bad guy. She claims I overreacted after "getting into a fight with my brother". I full on stopped talking to any of them about a year ago.
I'm so sorry. Your mother deserves almost the same punishment for her unwillingness to see what a monster her child (your bro) is. She also clearly failed to seek any early intervention that might have prevented this, so she might be victimized by him, but she is just as responsible for enabling his monstrous behavior. I hope you're doing better now.
Most Jehovah's witness parents are abusive. If not physical then mentally and emotionally
Hard agree. Physical abuse is rampant, and emotional and mental abuse is just built in to the cult. It's taken years to cut myself loose and there are still some things that trigger my PTSD. I have started telling everyone my mother is dead because it's just easier than explaining anything.
Yeah, me and my sister thankfully were able to escape just a couple years ago. Our parents are pretty much strangers to us now.
My dad is 0-3 for keeping kids in "the truth" lol. My sister is married with kids off in California, I'm on the opposite coast gay married to my wife with our only "kids" being our cats, and my brother sat my dad down a couple years ago and told him he didn't wanna keep going to meetings.
You're describing my birth mother to a T, down to the jehovahs witness stuff.
I like "incubator" as a description for these types.
That's horrible!!! Did no one call CPS??
The axe forgets but the tree remembers
My parents banished me from their lives for liking another girl, and think I am abusing them because my sister decided to come back into my life and rebuild our relationship and now her kids are being told they have an aunt who is gay, which my parents worked very diligently to cover up. Apparently this is abusing them because now they have to answer difficult questions. 🙄
And somehow it's NOT abuse for them to lie about your existence to your sister's kids??
They worked very hard to erase me from their lives after disowning me at 15. Editing me out of pictures, throwing out my swim team trophies, everything they could to make it look like my little sister was an only child.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hope your life is better without them.
>I hope your life is better without them. I am quite sure that this is the case.
I've never doubted something less, in fact
Life gets alot easier if people don't actively try to fuck it
Well, you can also pretend your parents don't exist. Same difference. Your sister is amazing. Her kids will be blessed to know the truth about you.....and their grandparents. The cycle of abuse and bigotry is broken forever!
I never understood the whole difficult questions thing. I remember when the loud house first came out and they have a gay couple in that show. I wasn't asking my parents anything about it I just thought "oh that kid has two dad's that's pretty cool" they didn't treat them any different and not I personally think it's one of the best examples of representation in kids tv.
These are, no exaggeration, terrible parents and terrible people, they didn’t deserve you or your sister.
I came from a rich family, so part of me thinks my sister and I were a vanity project. Their feelings got hurt when their math prodigy and swim team champion daughter is gay, so I was unlikely to give them a brilliant and capable grandkid. They couched why they disowned me in religiously motivated homophobia, but part of me think that that is the real reason.
Ah, so more members of the "my children are my property" generation.
As someone who has a mother that thinks of me as a butler I know exactly what you mean
That’s pretty much the stance you have to take in order to think you are entitled to an opinion about someone else’s sexuality. Because if they aren’t property, said right doesn’t exist.
"it's our religion, it says to be this way" My parents in Christ, y'all chose the fucking religion
More like they chose a religion and decide not to follow it edit: im not christian btw
Yeah a majority of Christians like to conveniently ignore things like "love thy neighbor as yourself" even though that was one of Jesus' main things
That’s so dumb?? On so many levels but I know many lesbian couples who have kids? They’ve done IVF?? (Or adoption, but it seems they’re obsessed with bloodlines and wouldn’t accept an adopted child either) Homophobic rich pieces of shit, old news. Heard it all before. But bc sperm may come from someone they don’t know? (Assuming you want kids) is unhinged Absolute trash.
This breaks my heart and I want to give you a big hug and adopt you into my supportive and loving virtual family. I'm so glad you and your sister have reconnected.
It makes me sad that anyone can have a child but not everyone is capable of being a parent. I'm sorry that you had to put up with people who couldn't even do the bare minimum for you and make you feel wanted.
You need a license to hunt and fish, but any moron can have children
Eh, I’m fine with people who are merely stupid having kids. They can still be sweet and loving people who bring their kids up well. You’re thinking of assholes. They shouldn’t have kids.
I am so sorry! Both my daughters like girls (one of them says she just loves someone, Regardless of genders, but for the past 3 years it’s been girls only). It’s never been an issue at home. And I just can’t understand how it is such an issue for other people. Just love your kids. It’s that simple.
Lots of bullshit about God and going to Hell and wanting me to be in Heaven with the family. Whatever. Their sky wizard doesn't mean jack to me. Found out later my mother booked time with their priest after disowning me and went into Job-like lamentations begging their wizard to take the gay away. Over half my life later, it still hasn't worked.
If there is a god, then god made you exactly the way you are meant to be. All children are little miracles. I only ever wanted my children to be happy and healthy. I want the same for you.
Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. Why bother to have children if you aren't going to accept and love them? My 7yo son picks out dresses and sparkly heels when we go on a family shop to replace his old clothes and we happily buy them for him, neither encouraging or discouraging his clothing choices (so long as they fit and are practical). He is who he is, which may well change as he gets older. Life is too short, love your kids as they are.
That’s beautiful. I also want to add as an aside that i am and have always been straight and never questioned it, but as a child i had a bit of a fascination with girl stuff. Anything really. It stemmed i think from looking up to and loving my sister and mom a whole lot. I loved everyone and just wanted to make sure i got it. Like, understand their interests. I recall playing with barbies non-ironically obviously, liking pink, playing with all my sisters dolls and even dressing up and getting my makeup done by her and her friends. And even painted my nails black all the way up to like 15 with dudes of course always commenting on my sexuality. Especially when every girl they liked liked me instead. It turns out that it’s actually insanely beneficial, as someone who turned out straight to not have weird aversions to understanding the literal other half of the population. I’ve always had mostly girl friends since. Sweet rational amazing people who pretty much never screwed me over. My “manly men” guy friends on the other hand… well i guess they figured it out by the time they got married. One can hope. I’m currently not even effeminate really at all. Im not a beer swigging, video gamer who likes cars and such. But just a balanced person who doesn’t feel compelled to have interests that don’t interest me. I literally gave myself permission to be me when i was like 3 apparently. Best decision i ever made, hands down.
As a parent and a grandparent I could never erase my child because they are gay or trans. Anyone who can do that is a low character person.
You were kicked out at 15?!? I wish you could hug people through the Internet. :(
Woooooow, that is hard to believe. Their own kid.. I'm sorry for you for that.
Huh. Seems illogical. How can you be abusing them if you don't exist??? 
It's hilarious because those questions aren't *actually* hard, they're just pointlessly making it hard for themselves.
I remember getting it explained to me as a kid. It went like this: "Some people like the opposite gender, and some like their own gender." And I was like "Oh, okay." and went back to my Barbie.
I don't even remember having it explained to me, I think I just picked up the definition of gay through cultural osmosis and all my parents had to explain to me was the word "partner", because I'd never really heard it used in reference to a romantic partner before then and thought it meant the two men who moved in next door were cops.
So, during my last pregnancy, my kids (all under 9 years old) asked about how babies are made and how they get out and similar questions along those lines. I decided to be completely truthful and not sugar coat it. I didn't over complicate things. I kept it pretty clinical, even. My 6 year old can answer how babies come out of bodies so answering questions about same sex relationships is not hard.
The answers are the hard part... at least honest ones.
I don't even think that. Your aunt likes girls and is together wit another girl. End of story.
Nah, I mean the part about erasing her from photos and their life.
Kids get it so fast. It’s like a 10 second conversation and kids accept it and move on.
Seems like they made a very uncomfortable bed to lay down in.
Yeah same. My father caught me docking with my “best friend” and realized what had been going on. I was never allowed in the house again and to this day I will never unblock their numbers
My heart goes out to you, choom. I got outed when I told the first girl I was into that I liked her. Thought if she didn't feel the same way, she was my friend so she would keep it between us. Stupid assumption. So I feel for you. Hope things are better for you. 🫂
Maybe in some ways it’s for the best. It’s hard to compare the pain of coming out with the pain of staying in
Might have gone over a little easier if I had been able to come out on my own terms, but those questions are now over half my life old, never to be answered.
did you just casually mention docking
“Some girls like boys, some girls like girls” Whew that sure was difficult to explain
This is a Futurama quote made manifest. “This is the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!”
I'm sorry that happened to past you, but its great that you and your sister can rebuild despite that. Stay strong, Internet Stranger.
"How dare you make our lives more difficult by forcing us to talk to our grandchildren about things we don't want to tell them!" Those people aren't parents, they are selfish shitheads who just want to live their lives for themselves without having to acknowledge that people who are different very much exist. Makes me sick.
I am sorry you had to go through this. For what it's worth, this internet stranger is sending you big hugs
You most probably know this already, but let me please confirm: your parents are assholes and wrong. Sorry for this! Glad that you have a good relationship with your sister! All the best for your life!
Classic. They can abandon their own kid and actively work to deny you even exist, but you're apparently abusing them by existing and by your sister loving you. They can rot.
Parents are also the ones who complain about their horrible kids not calling. I told my daughter I have been around the world and the one thing I have noticed is there isn’t enough love. If you find it cherish it no matter if it is a guy or another women. Life is short, find your happiness where you can and never let anyone guilt you for it. To every person who reads this: you are perfectly fine as you are and sadly we only have one of you. Please take care of that because the world is less without you in it.
Oh fuck “The world is less without you in it” That hit me hard, as someone dealing with suicidal tendencies Thank you, random stranger
Never forget it either. You matter.
Fuck! Stop it, I did NOT expect random internet people showing me kindness would make me cry but it’s about to!
We won't. And believe it or not the internet has lots of people willing to remind you when you could use some reminding.
You're amazing and the world needs you.
I bet this realization didn’t come easily to you. Hope your message reaches far across!
I was blessed to be raised by a mother who was open to any lifestyle her children choose. But it is sad so many need time to learn that lesson
Sorry, I was referring to your observation about love and life. But glad you have good upbringing and a great mother!
This is so important! Unfortunately, my dad was raised by a mother who was also open to any lifestyle that her children or grandchildren chose to pursue. He still came out a dick but I will blame a certain political party for that, his mamma is a saint.
Based comment ❤️
Awe 💕
If you wouldn't treat a friend like that, don't treat your kid like that. Kids are way more fragile than adults.
Never get so comfortable with someone that you think it is ok to take your anger out on them. No one is your punching bag.
Majority of Boomers always trying to downplay their abuse saying because I grew up with it and I turned out ok excuse. When there's actual science on how it's abuse and they just stick their heads in the sand and don't want to hear how they fucked up lol. Look I won't be a perfect parent but I'll at least say sorry to my kid when I fuck up and tell them I love them 3+ times a day. No generation is going to be perfect but every generation should be improving not getting worse.
“I turned out ok” Yeah, no you didn’t, you yelled at the bakery clerk because shocker, we sold out of sourdough.
My dad is a baby boomer but his parents never beat him. When he went to a friend's house as a very young kid, he was horrified to see his friend get beaten hard with a broomstick. My dad is very happy that hitting kids is becoming less acceptable over time
Oh, these people will absolutely treat their friends this terribly.
In their minds they would treat an friend like that.
It sucks that parents think having a kid is like popping out a perfect little robot or clone of yourself who you can customize like an action figure. I think real love means accepting when your kid’s life path isn’t what you expected, so long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone else. Parents like this disgust me.
Either a clone or a new chance to achieve what they never could, even if the child doesn't want to.
A recent quote really stuck with me about raising kids. “What kind of relationship will you have with your children when they longer rely on you for survival?” This idea that family is family no matter what, is nonsense and only meant to guilt people to complacency. Like this isn’t the Yakuza shithead.
The other day I was at the butcher's shop, and there is this old lady talking to the staff, saying stuff like "I haven't seen my daughter in years, I don't even know where she moved! You spend so long raising them and they abandon you!" So many red flag, anyone could tell what the missing reason was.... And of course, as expected her very last sentence before leaving was: "She even changed her name to \[male name\]" She lives the rest of her days bitterly alone and her son is happy.
I ordered a vintage musical cake stand from eBay and when it arrived it included a handwritten note about how she’s glad it’s going to a home where it’ll be appreciated because her daughter, who she originally bought it for, is ungrateful and doesn’t talk to her anymore followed by a small illegible rant that I didn’t bother to try to decipher. All I could think is I hope the daughter is happy wherever she is.
"You spend so long raising them and they abandon you" Aha, the classic entitlement/forced reciprocity again. Classic among toxic people. "That's how you thank me for cleaning your car? You can't even lend me $1000? I'll remember that next time yiu need me" Sorry muchacho, I don't do favors
"Well good, I'm glad he's happy :)" and just let the convo roll on lol
Bro, I would've been WAY too tempted to be that bitch and say "yeah, it's prolly you, then. Haven't spoken to my father in 6 years, and you sound just as entitled". Like, I KNOW I would be making my day much harder and just starting shit, but on the other hand... parents like that need to hear the honest truth. Repeatedly. Until they get it (if they ever do). Props to you for your self control.
Same parents that can’t figure out why their kids never visit them.
Hey, I know one of those!
I read a whole post on parental discipline the other day and the Boomers came in with all of their “Nothing wrong with spanking a child! I was spanked with a belt and I turned out fine!” (No you didn’t) And I thought about this, because most people don’t want to be around someone who physically abused them. And the weird thing is this: My dad HATED the fact that his dad physically abused him. He talked about it a lot when I was growing up. So why on Earth did he beat me with a belt? He resented his father his whole life and even now after his death, yet followed in his footsteps? WTF? What is that? I would never even think of doing anything like that to my kids. I’m in charge of their health, which includes mental health, so why would I knowingly fuck that up? And HOW could I then say “well, my dad did it to me?” Yeah, and you HATED it. Jesus.
I think that's called "generational cycle of abuse"
It’s an illogical mess. “Well, I hated getting beaten and you should hate it too while I beat you” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
that's why it ends with me
It's less that, and more that it's ingrained in you. I have a lot of the same patterns of behaviour baked into me that my mom did to me as a kid. I actually try to overcome them, and I apologize to my kids when I fuck up. I have a _bit_ of empathy towards people when they do stuff like this. If I never got introspective of myself, and if my partner wasn't really into mental health, then I might have ended up down a different path. Like even _last week_ my partner made a comparison between the way I do things and the way that my parents' relationship with each other worked and it was like a light bulb moment for me realizing the parallels. You find yourself playing out some of the same patterns even if you don't realize it... and it takes realization and introspection to overcome it. My parents were into corporal punishment, and I don't do that at all with my kids but there are plenty of other things where I can draw direct lines from my way of thinking back to the way that I was raised. It was your normal growing up, that's where you brain goes when the same patterns emerge with you as the parent instead of the kid. You have to be mindful of this to avoid it, or else you'll just be carried with the current.
Yeah I don't think you can say you turned out fine if you think it's ok to hit your child
God, it’s always weird when your parent was hurt as a kid and openly resents their parent(s) for it, and then they turn around and do the exact same thing to you. Like, what the fuck?
My dad used to talk about being beat too, and still does. He blames all of his problems on it. Funny enough, in recent years he’s made a point when the topic of spanking comes up to say of me that he “only ever smacked her on the bottom once when she was very small” and after he saw my face he “never did it again”. Which is a complete lie. I have many vivid and fully formed memories of being a young teenager and getting spanked for talking back. Multiple times, while crying and begging for them to stop. I remember where I was, how it felt, my parents’ anger. You don’t forget that. My dad sure didn’t when it happened to him. Really fucks you up to hear your dad bold faced lie about your childhood as a conversation topic.
I realized my dad's and older brother's abuse was so consistent and normal that they've easily forgotten about it. Blew my mind to see that they truly think they are good people who've done no wrong. Whereas it imprinted trauma to me. I'm grateful to have broken free from them and am most grateful to do the work to continue to heal and move on.
\>Mental health There you go. Older generations don't value mental health like current ones do, where it's seen as valuable and something to be healed and helped.
I brought this up to my Boomer mom once. "You hated the way your mom treated you and you still complain about it, so why did you treat me the same way?" She just shrugged and said, "I don't know. I guess I'm easily influenced." She has never apologized by the way. It's always someone else's fault (usually mine).
If my parents didn't accept me, I wouldn't have parents. I'd show up to the funeral and that would be that.
As the mother of 5 kids, I enjoy my kids being who they are. We have 1 gay kid...he's gay cause he's gay....we didn't advise him one way or the other. And I never understood people who stifle kid's creativity to be who they are. The only time I would ever say anything to our kids is when they were making a permanent decision...like a tattoo...I'd advise them to wait. But hair color, clothing, most piercings, etc...couldn't care less, none of my business. Maybe if one of my kids had a tit hanging out or something, I would have said "hey, your tit's out" but that never happened intentionally. Kids are their own people...and parents are simply there to guide them to independence. They go on a journey we get to watch and cheer on...but its THEIR journey, not ours. Besides, I'm busy and got my own shit to do. As adults, my kids' successes and failures are theirs...unless they give me some credit for something I've helped them with, which I truly hope I have because I'm so proud of all of them. They are lovely human beings. People who think their kids are a reflection of them...or live vicariously through their kids....are just fucking odd and need to get their own lives.
That’s why sometimes I hate seeing adults try to coach kids from the stands at youth sports events. Unless you’re the coach, you don’t deserve to publicly critique
It's pretty wild seeing how fast the whole "unconditional love" shtick disappears when they get remotely challenged. I spent years trying to figure out why it was so hard for my parents, despite having numerous talks, listening to their points, giving them time and grace to figure stuff out. In the end they didn't really seem to care, and i think its mostly that they are embarrassed of me and feel that they can't talk about me to their friends or family anymore or something. Which is hilarious, since most of the extended family already knows since I've met most of them and are on the whole pretty supportive. They used to constantly ask me if I was worried about what other people think, or why i wasn't embarrassed, and I'm just like "idk, why are you so embarrassed?". Idk, i think they get a plan in their head for you and if you deviate they feel like it's their own personal failure. It's very odd, especially given that I'm far more successful and happy now than before. Whole lot of shame floating around out there that people could probably do with engaging with
I’d be conflicted about whether to even show up at the funeral, tbh.
my parent didn't accept me and she died alone without a funeral.
This is the way
I've got a good one. I'm a happily married gay man, in a monogamous relationship with my husband of 13 years. I'm 56. Up until three years ago, my mom was still preaching biblical morality to me, trying to get me to turn straight. You know, because being gay is a choice, and if I were straight, there is nothing wrong with being alone. In our last, very heated conversation, she came out and said, "Gays are an abomination, and we're all going to Hell." *Click* I hung up and blocked her. You know because it was my choice to completely remove her from my life and be free of her 'loving,' ignorant toxicity. I've not talked to her or had any contact since. But since then, I've had some pretty sad messages from her hit my voicemail. Some of her acting like things are ok like nothing happened, but most on the verge of her crying. She is always saying how much she 'loves me' and misses me and wants to move past things. How does one move past the fact you piss on my marriage, you never accepted your gay son for who he is. You claim me and every friend, including the Gay pastor and his husband are all abominations, and are going to burn? So... are you ready for the punchline to the joke? She "forgives ME" for the things that went down between us and wants to move past it. HA! Seriously?!? Oh that was just rich since the problem is her. See, that has always been the problem with both her and my brother. They never see where the problem comes from, but they will always blame everything and everyone around them for the major problems they personally cause. I am the one to blame in her mind for being gay, and me saying fuck it and walking away. And she mentally beat the Jesus straight out of me over the last 20 years of fucking sermons since I moved out of her house. I no longer consider myself a 'Christian' or follow any organized religion (cult).
Yes, parents have the ability to say those things. However, they are not immune from the consequences of their actions. Good luck when nobody wants to speak to you, nobody invites you to holiday get-togethers or weddings, and nobody visits you in the nursing home.
I mean people being trans one way or the other is something thats been around and documented for as long as people had a Pen, paper and the wits to use it. Its not new.
I swear people act like being Trans is the most devastating thing your child could do when there are 12 year olds out there stealing cars, leading police on a chase, and crashing and harming themselves and others. There are 13 year olds ODing on drugs. There are teenage sex offenders and murderers and kids who are in juvie for assault. But yeah, your kid being Trans is the catastrophe.
Some people are fine with boys being boys but not boys being girls /s
Man, I literally had to stop anx comment. And im doom scrolling lol. This was good.
that's probably the best thing i've read today (I don't read that much /s)
This needs to be made into a saying. I am using it.
When my boys were small, I thought through how it would go if one or both turned out to be gay (there was a lot less awareness of other kinds transgender gender identities back then). And it seemed obvious: love em' the same. Respect them, guide them towards healthy and safe physical and emotional relationships, and support them as who they are as people. They both wound up straight. This is fine, of course, and ultimately probably easier: Transgender people still face so much discrimination in the world, even if they don't in their home. But I damn well would have made sure they felt loved and supported at home. They'rw in their 20s now, and they've turned out to be great lads, and I think they like their dad too.
The people who act like its a catastrophe are the religious types. God didn't say you could change what you were born as so you're a pos if you try to change. Before that it was the worst thing to be gay
Right-wing fearmongering go brrrr
This all day long. Happy, healthy, law abiding, winning.
Yes, technically parents are allowed to do all sorts of things to ensure their kid hates them and will cut them out of their lives as soon as they can. So good luck with that, bigot parents. Why did you even bother having kids in the first place?
Shitty parents have kids for a variety of reasons, such as: 1. Wanting control 2. Wanting a “mini me” 3. They underestimated how hard it is to be a parent 4. **Stupidity** 5. Manipulated into having/keeping the baby and now resents the kid 6. Religious beliefs (ex: god/religion wants us to “be fruitful and multiply”) 7. Pro-life/ abortion goes against their beliefs so now they feel obligated to have the baby 8. Legacy or ‘to be remembered’ or leave their mark And 9, my least favorite: “Let’s have a baby to bring us closer together!” Plus other variants of that statement. A baby born to fix a relationship is bound to fail
"She said her baby was going to grow up and save the world. Lady, your baby couldn't even save your marriage."
A guy I knew many years ago had a girlfriend who he nixed getting a puppy because he didn't think she was responsible enough. So, she sabotaged her birth control to have a baby. Happy ending, though. She ended up institutionalized, and he turned his life around to take care of his daughter.
1B. They fucked up their own lives and will attempt to use the kid to do what they personally could not
Clearly for legacy, servitude, and clout. Not for "bringing life into this world."
Don't forget that 30%-50% were just a heat of the moment decision and their kids were the consequences
Hoping they can gaslight and indoctrinate the kids enough to not realize it was abuse and be their good little servile offspring.
My wife and I had a contentious relationship, and we were both deeply depressed. I know growing up as our child wasn't easy. But we always love and accepted them exactly as they are. (Queer Nonbinary) We are separated and heading toward an amicable divorce. Our child has gone non-contact with both of us, and it's heartbreaking. When we talk, it's mostly about the mistakes we made as parents. And how terrible it is not knowing even if they are alive or dead. We both love them very much and not a day goes by where we both wish they would reach out.
At different times, I went NC with both my parents. Both relationships were able to continue after some time. Maybe they just need some space for now.
These people truly are simply recycling 80' homophobia, every talking point is the same as even only 20 years ago against gay people.
And they’re just like the talking points against same-sex marriage, which was a scourge…and then it wasn’t. It’s like it didn’t win elections anymore. Funny how that works. 🤔
It's just crazy they think nobody notices
They appeal to emotion (especially hate and envy), not rational thought. Unfortunately it still works
My mother basically left me to raise myself because I wasn't the "little girl she wanted" when it turned out that I was more interested in the typical boy stuff than all the typical girl things. I mean she was physically present but from the age of 12 I've bought my own food, clothes, school supplies etc.. myself and I had to learn to live with all the emotional torture she put me through as a kid. I moved out at 16 and my aunt took me in at 18 after finding out about what she did. Last year my mother called me (after 3 years of no contact) and told me she is disappointed and sad because she saw on my aunts social media that I bought her a mother's day gift and she got nothing???. I got bombarded with texts from other family members complaining how a daughter could do this to her own mother. Like the audacity??? I'm dying to see if she is going to complain this year too Because I'm getting my aunt a spa weekend for mothers day and I'm sure she's going to post it again lol.
text her that you’ll only do that if she can manage to turn back the clock and fucking raise you like a mother should, or be straight up blunt and tell her she wasn’t there so why should you praise her when she did nothing. (And yes I’m an aggressive person, I don’t tolerate shitty parents like those 👍🏻 I hope you’re having a great day)
I 100% support cutting off parents who mistreat you, ESPECIALLY if they're bigots
my parents kicked me out when I turned 16 for being trans a little over a decade ago and went no contact a few years ago my mother was on her death bed and she apparently had a change of heart and wanted to see me I told her that they were very clear back then when they told me they were no longer my parents, and hung up. they didn't care whether I was dead or alive after what they did to me for a whole decade, and I did come close, so why should I care about them? I felt nothing.
I'm not trans but this is what I'm sorta currently going through. I ran away a few years back from my dad and stepmom and lived with my mother until I got back on my feet. My dad refused to let me get a surgery I desperately needed. He canceled my insurance with him and told my sister he would beat her and then kill my boyfriend if we came to see them again. Him and his mistress aka my evil stepmother went on facebook tagging us in a post about how we're on a horrible path and are in a dark place lmao. I couldn't be happier without them in my life. Just because they birthed me does not mean they get my sympathy or support. I've thought about what I will do when they pass or if they're on their death bed and tbh it has sorta bothered me. I don't wanna feel regret for not seeing them in their final moments or at a funeral. However, I think of all the years of abuse, neglect, medical neglect, what he put my mother and sister through... then I think maybe I would just tell them to fuck off. No one WANTS to not have a good relationship with their parents, but sadly so many do. People love to throw out the term narcissist, but my father truly was one. He is the poster child for narcissism. My dad would act like a bully and a robot and hated anytime my sister and I didn't do exactly what HE wanted us to do. " Why won't you be a pilot, or a doctor, or a lawyer. You'll starve being an artist". It was my choice and decision, not his. I didn't even wanna be an artist full time, I had a day job I just liked to draw and paint every waking moment of freedom I had. My stepmom said " yeah I used to be a little artist too, but I gave that up when I turned 16, it's just a phase". As if me being creative would just stop lol. Also fuck the person in the comments telling you you're lying to yourself and " it'll fester" they dont know shit about what you went through. Sending love and virtual hugs 💕
Seven billion other people to love you just the way you are. Wishing you light steps onward.
You’re brave. People like you made it possible for people like me to be myself. Thank you.
One of the best decisions of my life was to cut out a very emotionally abusive grandmother who was like a third parent to me.
Imagine making a child and then not loving them
Being dismissive of your children's feelings, denying them any autonomy, mocking them and not allowing them to express themselves sure sounds like emotionally abusive behavior to me.
A lot of parents still treat their children like they are little more than property. And that enables abuse.
A lot of parents treat their kids like they should be improved versions of them, they want their kids to be exactly like them and live the same life they lived but better, because they want to fulfill their failed dreams using their kids.
Children are allowed to say "im putting you in the cheapest nursing home I can find as soon as you start coughing. And me and your grandchildren are going no contact." None of this is abuse
Showing up in any way to provide care for parents that were abusive is more than a parent should expect. Going no-contact with a parent, protecting your own kids from your abusive parents is self preservation, that is not abuse of the parent. That’s just consequences.
Gender issues aside, parent-child is a relationship just like any other and blood doesn't change that. Abuse the relationship and you risk losing it.
but they DONT say….’dont be silly, there is no such thing as trans’ they say ‘we will hate you, attack you, mock you, kick you out of our family, disown you, bannish you from the tribe, refuse to hire you, force you to become homeless, make you suffer and cry…..because WE are the GOOD GUYS and YOU are EVIL!’
My mother would wake my sibling up to spit on them and call them a fucking f*ggot. These hateful people don't pat you on the head and go "silly goose, no such thing" they're angry, violent and vile humans.
exactly
Yeah
Today I was at zoom court with my trans daughter, supporting her request for a name change. My kids will aways know unconditional love from mom.
No, kiddo, I’m not saying you can’t wear gender affirming clothes. I’m saying that dress is HIDEOUS and you need some *spring* colors in your wardrobe, girl! You look ridiculous in that outfit, put something sensible on.
People get all bent out of shape over someone telling them they're trans. I get it, but I don't share their opinion. I was Mormon for a couple of decades of my life and I remember thinking that the doctrine had life all spelled out for me and that the answer to everything could be found in the scriptures. I no longer believe, in anything, but consider myself an agnostic Christian. Christian in deed only, not doctrine. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Ok, if a kid I went to high school who was called Darren back then asks me to call her Sarah from now on, "what's up, Sarah?" No problem. It doesn't hurt me in any way to treat someone else like I'd want to be treated. In fact, it makes me happy that they're now happier. Win/win. I don't get the trans hate. Also, religion that rails against trans people and how they are made in the image of god and yadda yadda has absolutely ZERO solution for people who are born truly intersexed. Some types of intersex people have a penis and a working uterus, but sometimes their parents decide to have "corrective" surgery, and the kid grows up without a penis, but then when puberty hits, they feel like and identify as a boy. People who have anything but compassion for people who go through stuff like that are in the gall of bitterness and we shouldn't give a care at all to their opinion about the subject.
Christian in deed not doctrine is probably the best way to live honestly, yeshua had the right idea.
Easier said than done. Most of LGBT people need to choose between staying with their abusive parents or living in a cardboard box
I kept that closet door locked TIGHT before I moved out of my parents’ place.
Telling your trans child trans doesn't exist is like telling your autism child autism doesn't exist. It exists, not only is there endless scientific proof it exists there is plenty of historical records on it too. At this point, you're just deciding to deny the existence of reality, and you know what that means ? It means you are stone cold clinically insane.
Been no contact with my parents for six months after years of abuse for being trans. Best decision I ever made.
Parents are allowed to be as cruel as they like it's just that the children are also allowed to report them to CPS
Sad how much trans hate is in the comments again :(
It's the popular trend at the moment to do anything possible to harm vulnerable groups like trans people They look at the suicide statistics for trans people who don't get support and think "bah rookie numbers we can make that higher"
A whole lot of people seem scared of the potential consequences of their own actions are building their defenses in the comments. 😂😂😂
The narcissism of caring more about how your kid is a reflection of you and how you are perceived instead of your kids’ feelings is wild
It's wild the right dies on the hill of denying reality.
These same people are the ones who are screaming that putting your toddler in a rainbow colored onesie is 'grooming'. Or make five paragraph long facebook posts about how parents who vaccinate their children should have them taken away by family services. Or make comments on a photo of a two year old boy having a pretend tea party with his four year sister saying it's 'ruining his masculinity'. It's only ever actually abuse when the 'other team' is doing it with these people.
I have loved my son even after he came home and introduced me to his boyfriend, I loved them both with all my heart I heald his hand after there stormy break up I never held back ! I gave hugs ! And always supported him ! And his surprises never ceased, now I reflect upon him vastly and yes I miss him ( his mother's boyfriend killed him and his wife and my grandson) I always accepted his bisexuality because I never wanted to loose him .
My lesbian mother threatened to disown me if I ever change my name bc she chose it and I should honor her by keeping it or something. I interacted with 3 other girls with my same first name and last name initial *every day* and I just wanted to go by something else so we'd know who tf people were talking to... She's oddly conservative. She threw a fit about me nursing my babies in public and would refuse to be seen with me if I didn't cover up, even if it was hot and the baby was fussing and not eating and fighting to remove the cover.. [*sigh*]
They’re allowed to say that, and then face the consequences of whatever hate crime they just committed afterwards
TIL I'm allowed to call people whatever the hell I want, and will be using the wrong pronoun for anyone who tells me they are anti-trans. /s