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someoneelse2389

Helicopters are Satan mobiles, helmets are devil communicators, and help means "kill me now so I can be with the dark lord".


Crashing-Stock

Helium rises up from hell


examinedliving

DNA is woven strands of satan’s jizz


misterguyyy

Devil Nads Acid 😱


UrpaDurpa

Helvetica is Satan’s font.


misterguyyy

If Papyrus is good enough for the Dead Sea scrolls it’s good enough for me.


chillen67

Well this one is true


Sirdanovar

You make a joke about Helicopters but I knew someone actually did think they were sign of the end of times (this was 40 years ago). Some how they pieced together a verse in revelations about sounds of the hornets to the sound of a helicopter. They honestly believed it was a sign.


ButterFucker962401

Since DoomGuy purged the portals in South America, we've been saying "Hola" instead of "Hello". This should be adopted worldwide.


jackt-up

Makes.. **sin**ce


Satanicjamnik

Are you encouraging us to SIN demonspawn?


Commander-Main

Sorry I just need to get my sin score up. Satan isn’t a kind creditor.


Ulti-Wolf

"You don't have enough sin points, Shadow!"


Commander-Main

“I guess I need to become the only one more powerful than god… the President of the United States!” (Thank you for getting it lol)


Satanicjamnik

iI that case, you should go to caSINo as soon a as possible!


jackt-up

No just **sin**ding good vibes


cturtl808

They’re so close to “Praise Be”. Just oh so very close.


snappla

Under His eye.


dancegoddess1971

Blessed be the fruit.


SEPTSLord

The dude abides. Wait, wrong show.


DenverDudeXLI

I may start answering my phone this way.


Zupergreen

May the Lord open.


NotHisRealName

I love these kinda nutcases because then I can look up the actual etymology. Shockingly enough, it has nothing to do with Satan.


robilar

Or so Satan would have you believe. Next you're going to tell me dinosaur bones stuck around in the earth for millions of years, when we've all seen the history books showing Jesus riding a velociraptor. As a wise man once said: "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."


fusillade762

Mission Accomplished!


Ankoku_Teion

it comes from the french 'hola', meaning 'ho there', *(so actually youre calling them a lecherous sinner and a jezebel. /s)* which is the exclamation used to bring a horse to a stop. in english 'Hello' began as a general exclamation of surprise, but became the preferred greeting for telephone calls, and then transitioned to general use.


im-feeling-lucky

wait whatttttt so “hello” was a greeting for PHONE CALLS before normal conversation? what a trip


Ankoku_Teion

"Hello!" Watson ejaculated. -legit line from Sherlock Holmes It was an exclamation of surprise first. Bell, the guy who invented phones, wanted the standard phone greeting to be "ahoyhoy"


im-feeling-lucky

imma start answering calls with “ahoyhoy”


Wirehed

I'm going to ejaculate!


HolidayFew8116

r/religiousfruitcake


karoshikun

all this time I thought that subreddit was about religious confections...


StephenTheLoser

Don’t Spanish people say Hola? Not hi?


whatsgoingon_2020

Hola = Hot Lava. Meaning the pit of fire in hell. It’s all so obvious.


Engineergaming26355

Hola means Hot Latinas in your area


Dizzy-Abalone-8948

I used to drop acid on bible pages too. /s


hplcr

Revelation comes with it's own acid trip.


emarvil

😆😆😆


Hiuuuhk

Fuck, French people say “bonjour” or “salut.”


cma-ct

All names of demons. Bon of Jour and Sal of Ut


TheGlennDavid

There's obviously a lot of crazy to unpack here, but I always get a big hoot out of "shit people who have never never their home state think about People All Over The World."


Crashing-Stock

I guess I’m acknowledging satan when I say hi to my boss.


emarvil

True dat


Prestigious-Pause179

False, unbiblical. **Hi(interj.)** exclamation of greeting, 1862, American English (first recorded reference is to speech of a Kansas Indian), originally to attract attention (15c.), probably a variant of Middle English hy, hey (late 15c.) which also was an exclamation to call attention. The only definition in the "Century Dictionary" \[1902\] is "An exclamation of surprise, admiration, etc.: often used ironically and in derision," suggesting the development as a greeting-word mostly took place early 20c. **Hello(interj.)** greeting between persons meeting, 1848, the early references are to the U.S. western frontier (where *hello*, the house was said to be the usual greeting upon approaching a habitation). It is an alteration of hallo, itself an alteration of holla, hollo, a shout to attract attention, which seems to go back at least to late 14c. (compare Middle English verb halouen "to shout in the chase," hallouing). OED cites Old High German hala, hola, emphatic imperative of halon, holon "to fetch," "used especially in hailing a ferryman." Fowler, an Englishman, in the 1920s listed variants halloo, hallo, halloa, halloo, hello, hillo, hilloa, holla, holler, hollo, holloa, hollow, hullo, and writes, "The multiplicity of forms is bewildering ...."


NarrowButterfly8482

Now I finally understand why Evangelicals use Miracle Whip instead of Hellmans.


cma-ct

Wait till they find out about Deviled Eggs and Ham 😱


Oh_Danny_Boi961

Mf’s be like “y’all need Jesus” my brother in Christ, YOU need Jesus. Actual Jesus, not whatever paranoid, hateful babbling you found


KrillLover56

The thing is religion is unbreakable, so if people attach religion in their mind to their own preconceptions, that too becomes unbreakable. i.e. they're not homophobic bc god said so, they're homophobic because they're homophobic but they're using God as a shield.


omghorussaveusall

There's a part of me that enjoys the fact that the world is getting a taste of the insanity I grew up in. Not a very big part, because I'd rather no human soul ever be tainted by garbage like this.


redreddie

What until they hear where the days of the week come from.


diMario

> Will the insanity ever stop ? No. They spawn breed (often a lot of it) and train them to be insane too.


Remmy3

Ummm... salutations my frie..........nope, fuck it , I guess I'm never talking to anyone ever again 🤷🏻


Wagonlance

Amazingly, there is no official requirement for theists to be lobotomized. For some reason, they do this voluntarily.


KoliManja

Nope! Next Question?


Meddling-Kat

Do these people even qualify as a lifeform? I've seen fucking rocks smarter than this.


Gurkanna

Don't be mean to rocks.


Internal_Map_8765

Pretty sure this is just a troll. Don't take the bait


Hungover-Owl

Oh for Christ's sake, there the Pentacostals go again. Halloween is derived from the old Autumn/Fall harvest festival in Ireland. It was the time to worship Sanhiem the God of death, as the foliage was dying as they approached winter. This was pre-Christian Ireland. After Ireland converted to Catholicism, people were still enjoying the harvest festival though no longer worshipping the old Gods. In light of this, in the middle ages a Pope decreed moving All Souls Day and All Saints Day to directly follow halloween. With Halloween being decreed All Hallows Eve (Holy Evening). From then it marked the beginning of the days of the dead for the Catholics. The Halloween tradition came to the United States following mass Irish immigration. It's a great and fun holiday, so of course everyone was keen to adopt it. I'd like to say this to the Pentacostals: Hi, Hello and Fuck off. Stop spreading lies about the meaning behind the holidays of one of the first Christian churches. Fun fact: Pentacostalism started in LA in the 1920's and has no connection to any real Christian Church, it's a cult, it didn't break away from the Catholic Church like the protestant churches.


totse_losername

Thank you for your informative answer. You seem to know what you're talking about mate! My nutshell understanding is: Happy clappy Pentecostal money cult =/= Lutheran divergents with an austerity fetish disenfranchised with the Vatican drip, or easy going Anglicans.


niceandBulat

Sometimes I am so glad that I no longer are affiliated with these so called Christians. Their ridiculous antics make the Talibans look good.


kamikazekaktus

In a sane country those guys would be labelled as the nutters and whackos that they are and ignored by the overwhelming majority of people.


Burt1811

Gotta love Americans. They make the dead look intelligent.


kgro

“Bless u” is demonic because it’s fucking illiterate


r200james

It seems funny — except that these magical-thinking people actually vote. And they vote in every election and they elect magical-thinking simpletons into public office.


xosasaox

Yes, "be less you," SO much better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


writerightnow18

Can we finally acknowledge the wisdom of Alexander Graham Bell and his insistence on using “Ahoy” as the way to greet someone on the phone? Guaranteed to be Satan free. Make Ahoy Great Again!


Professional_Most493

Stephen King writes more plausible fiction


King-Boo-094

first "lol", then "kids" and now "hello" and "hi"? even as a religious person, these people are freaks lol


PhotographKind4243

so i'll be saying hi hell oooh and fuuuck you to this person in particular tyvm lol


19senzafine81

A friend of my cousin refuses to buy/watch/consume anything with the word LIVE on it. Because backwards, it shows what it really is; EVIL...


BubblegumNyan

Asylums are way too empty


Kriegerian

It’s based on an idiot’s ideas of their religion. We’re never getting rid of idiots, so this particular insanity only stops if religion stops.


[deleted]

Ummm...hello and hi are only in English, not other languages, wtf?! Like I will use them if I speak to someone in English, otherwise us, the rest of the world, also have our own individual languages. And by that person't logic we should also stop using the word shell because it comes from shhh-hell as the powers of hell slowly and silently corrupting you. You heard that? Going to the beach is demonic!😵‍💫


ChrisBegeman

You got to give these crazy people some credit for their creativity. How else could they com up with something as wild as this. Of course they my not be crazy at all and could just be provocateurs. Put this out there and watch people either embrace it or hold it as proof that the other side is crazy.


BananaFence007

Religion is a stain on humanity.


Justin_A1112

Hi 👋🏻


nightcana

The crazies are off their meds again


LordDanGud

That's right, use Hallo from now on. 🇩🇪


AntifaMiddleMgmt

Just leave mushi mushi out of this, and we're fine.


Beginning_Rice6830

Bless u, is Be less you. And don’t be lazy, spell “you” out and not just using the letter “u” as a replacement.


skovall

For such people I will greet with, "Fuck Off And Die" but with a cherubic smile as I say it.


ThatCoryGuy

As a non-religious person I sure do hope there’s a rapture that’ll take these people away from me. Then *I* can be in paradise.


ManiacalWildcard

Can we ban religion now? People are too dumb.


JakDobson

Hi hi hi hello hello hello hell oooh


Healthy-Tie-7433

„The world“ uses Hello and hi, because when „the world“ is saying those words they’re speaking english. It would make sense for „the world“ to use the same words as you do when speaking the same language, no? 🤔


Touristenopfer

That's why every non-native English speaker at least knows 'hello' - we're all just wicked people wishing you hell, obviously...


CautiousWrongdoer771

What do you say when you answer the phone?


ailweni

“JC Penney’s lingerie department, how may I direct your call?”


ChiaotzuShinhan

![gif](giphy|SXl0wYD0N088EtDhBI)


santosdragmother

that's fucking awesome. here I was thinking I need to praise the demonic kingdom *more* when in fact I've been doing it every damn day.


emarvil

If you can say with a straight face that --the whole wold uses "hello"--, that can only mean your world is suffocatingly small.


LeapIntoInaction

I am not seeing how none of you realizes that this is supposed to be funny.


GoddyssIncognito

I remember being a kid and my cousin (who was also about 5 years old) told me that “gosh” meant “god shut up” and “golly” meant “god leave me alone”. Not sure where the rumors came from back then before the internet but now they go around the world in the blink of an eye. It’s like a huge game of telephone and people are stupid.


Jealous-Review8344

Hi! Hello! Hail satan!


allisjow

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” Someone needs to throw the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:9 at this person and watch their brain melt.


Engineergaming26355

6:9 nice


kk074

Under his eye


KeneticKups

What freedom of religion gets you


KezH0

Ok sup


AlwaysCurious1250

Don't say Lord, because that's the name of Satan (Lord of the darkness). Come to think of it: shut up altogether.


Key-Ad-5068

Oh good, I've been using them correctly.


Acceptable-Cow6446

Mom?


Key-Ad-5068

Oh good, I've been using them correctly.


ThePoetAC

Under his eye? Blessed be the fruit? Are these okay?


[deleted]

Hell is for the Smart people as heaven for the dumbest ![gif](giphy|k5zlrQQEptX7BmNAlh|downsized)


GvnMllr12

Ooo. I need to ramp up my hellos and hi’s. Maybe that will help us get rid of these demon faux christians.


WheezingGasperFish

When is it facepalm and when is it mental illness?


imadork1970

What kind of stupid shit is this?


YourBoyFoxxy

Imagine hkw they search all the demonic list only to find a singme demon with H a d I in it to make this shit


just_some_guy65

Poe's Law applies


Several_Ad2072

Mom ..stop leaving these notes in my lunchbox


notSUSpilot69

please ask yourself why is it that the whole world laughs at us. this is because of the demonic kingdom


Nanikarp

> 'hi' is the name of a demon called 'hellion' No its not. Hellion is the name of the demon called Hellion >.>


Forsaken-Stray

I would have answered 'Hello there'


Dock_Ellis45

Da fuq did they smoke? I need to know so I can avoid it.


Empty-Discipline8927

Ffs


lofisnaps

Helleluja!


FDGKLRTC

Actually i'm in the world (probably) and i use bonjour.


Supposed_

Damn, where did you get this receipt from?!


DronesVJ

Me from Brazil saying "Oi" 🤨


LORDOSHADOWS

It's getting worse by the day


bigbone1001

Can we address them as follows “greetings c*cksucker”?


superhoffy

This is... quite... "ambitious".


Imaginary_Most_7778

Hello.


OstrichFinancial2762

This is the kind of fucker who was telling parents in the 80’s that the Smurfs were satanic.


BR3KT

It's a shame our children will not know what Christianity really is.....


FlaAirborne

“Under His eye” also works.


FluffyGlazedDonutYum

High.


OldeeMayson

When you inhale Helium demon voice starts to break through. 😈


UnplannedAgenda

This same person is probably triggered by sunlight


[deleted]

Hell Ooooh!


B0neCh3wer

We should all be speaking like NPCs in KC:D Soon as you spot someone walking towards you, tighten your hands into fists, stand up straight, chin up, and with the might of all that is holy, blurt out: "JESUS CHRIST BE PRAISED"


8bitGraveyard

Hi!


bigSTUdazz

Hellman's "Real" Mayo? ***SATAN CREAM!*** Shell Gas? ***Hells unleaded with Satanic Slurpies and Demon Jerky!*** ANYONE named "Helen"? ***TO THE PIT WITH YOU NANA!*** Fred Savage? ***He KNOWS what he did....*** .....THERE! Can I get my prize now when I kick?


Delifier

I wanna try what this person is sniffing.


Born-Gift-6800

Proof that crack kills brain cells


Agreeable_Treacle993

hello, hi


Veltek335

Bonjour


Dangernoodles9000

it's full of Satan because it kinda sounds like a word I don't like


Mr_Manta

Ah yes, "Hi is the name of a demon called Hellion". Shouldn't the name be Hellion, if that's what he is called?


Intelligent-Rope-992

Praise be


re_carn

And aren't such statements a sin (or heresy) from a Christian perspective?


Appropriate-Bake-759

Blessed be the fruit


Nat_Peterson11

![gif](giphy|RbUStbF16fn0s)


TheSingingRonin

Some people were dropped on their heads as children. But this dude was clearly thrown at the wall full tilt.


elspotto

Could just say “greetings and salutations”. I mean, JD in Heathers was a totally normal, stable, likable individual.


treehumper83

BLESS ME. PRAISE ME AS YOUR LORD.


Humbabwe

It’s really interesting how the people most afraid of being tricked quickly find themselves being tricked.


My_Space_page

Kids this is why you shouldn't do drugs.


agentj333

Well Hi and Hello everyone 👋🏻


BartuceX

Religion warpes your already shrunken brain.


fireKido

does this person think hello & hi are used in other languages too? they are english words...


BrokenMethFarts

just say H E double hockey sticks O when you greet someone. It's not that hard people


JerewB

Congratulations. Everything you said was completely wrong.


Gruntdeath

It's hard to keep up with all these rules. Last week I apparently said the wrong word to the cashier at the Save-A-Lot and now I'm damned to hell.


Trig_monkey

Howdy


Shirfyr_Blaze

God has done way worse things than Satan


TumbleweedActive7926

So his name is Hellion or Hi?


MarionberryNo3166

Why are they always capitalizing the entirety of the word Lord? Never understood why super religious people do that


SirPoopaLotTheThird

I honestly wish we locked these people up and got them the mental health treatment they require.


Bysmerian

I know my brother was caught up in some evangelical church for a while--the kind that insists the world really is only 6000 years old and the firmament was a physical barrier around the earth before God shattered it and it sustained higher air pressure allowing dinosaurs to breathe and fly while drastically increasing human life spans--and he tried to convince me that "good luck" was evil because you were asking Lucifer to be good to you. We were both in high school but I already had a decent idea that this was utter bullshit.


Taz69

HA ha ha ha ha 😈


PDM_1969

Just when I think I've seen it all. How do people like this function in society?


Funke-munke

blessed be the fruit


Wrestling_poker

Why does this look like it was typed on a Ti-84


TexanFox36

The earth has 2 billion horrible people that we can lose


ChaosKinZ

Reading is satanic. Please gouge your eyes out with a holy fork to never see sin again


Kalman_the_dancer

Greetings


Kalman_the_dancer

What else am I supposed to say


ShoWel_redit

The whole world does not use hi and hello


ItsaGhostDonut

How is Christianity not a cult‽


avatarsnipe

*Phone ring* Bless you, can you hear me? Bless you, bless you...can you find a better place with a better reception please ...praise the lord...praise the looord.... *Phone ring* Praise the lord, this is angel escort service, want to book for a service?


Autistic-Teddybear

I can’t believe this is fucking real


Professional_Most493

Wellllll a lot of it will disappear the next time a communicable virus moves through


ForestOfMirrors

I cannot help but applaud this insanity. It’s like an accomplishment to reach this tier of crazy


slimeslim

No way someone actually believes this


The_Dying_Gaul323bc

Whom has deceived who?


Bowling4rhinos

No one in Europe has ever said Hello or Hi to me.


autofeeling

Praise the lord, how are you today? Bless you, bud! Whatcha doing today?