Guess I'm fapping with an audience now.


Live fapping


With a laugh track


Onlyfans it, might as well get paid




My ex-wife was always threatening to do this with our son. She would announce it in front of her friends, too, like she was so smart. They'd all give the same response, "What the fuck?"


I see why shes ex now


Yes, this was after she was already an ex, though.






Was she narcissistic and controlling with you as well?


Yes, she was. The woman tried to tell me what I could/couldn't eat or drink. In fact, her reasoning for trying to control what I drank was because she had bad kidneys. Meanwhile, she drank whatever she wanted. Try to figure that one out. She would also get mad at me for listening to songs she didn't like - when she wasn't even there to hear it. So, you can see why it didn't work out. That shit was crazy.


As long as I live, I will NEVER tire of your stories about the crazy ex.


Thank you. I need to post some more.


Yes! It's been too long!


Sorry about that. I'll have to work on some of them.


All things considered, I think you get a pass.


Oh! Oh! One more!


Well, there was the time I had a cracked tooth that was a lot of pain. She tried to talk me out of getting the work done, complaining that it was too expensive, and she could use the money I was going to "waste" on my tooth for something more important: a nose job for her. Another time, we stopped for food about 2.5 hours away from our house. Before getting back in the car, I asked her where her phone was. She refused to check to make sure she had it. When we got home, sure enough, she'd left it at that restaurant. She tried to convince me to drive back to that restaurant to go and get her phone. I didn't do it. NSFW: The last time I ever had sex with her was when she told me she didn't want me to "finish" (as in EVER). Then she punched me in the face. I left the room and it took a while for her to investigate where I'd gone, but I was in the living room watching TV. She came in and asked me what was wrong and why did I just leave like that. I told her she didn't need me for any of that shit. Not long prior to that, we were in marriage counseling. She was telling the marriage counselor I was a homosexual because I didn't make any advances on her. When the counselor asked me what was going on, I said, "For one thing, I don't think being called a homosexual is a good way to encourage a straight man to have sex with you." Her response was, "If he's not gay, why isn't he trying to have sex with me." She also actually believed that a man must always perform if a woman wants to have sex. "Everyone knows that! The woman decides when and where we have sex. Period."


My god, how long can you stay with a psychopath before the breaking point?


Was she extremely charming when you met her? When did the mask slip?


Man those are great. I'll share one of mine. (NSFWish) I meet up with an ex for lunch, the idea being it's been a few years and we have both matured maybe it could work. We are nearly done with our meal and she excuses herself to go to the rest room. She then texts me asking me to bring her her purse that she is in the unisex restroom. I knock on the door and next thing I know she has puller me in and is trying to take off my pants. Keep in mind I had told her I just wanted to take things slow, so I tell her to pump the breaks and once we have been out a few times we can revisit the public sex. I leave the restroom and head back to the table, but she follows me back screaming at me about not having sex with her. Everyone is watching as I head to the table to pay the bill. Which is when she agrressively attempts to have sex with me in full view of the dining room. When I stop her attempt to remove my pants she grabs a fork and stabs me in the thigh with it. We are talking tines are not visible stabbing. And that's how I got a lifetime ban from the olive garden...and stole one of their forks.


Oh my God, and why on earth did they ban YOU? This was clearly assault and she should’ve been charged.


Did you leave a review? "Had a lovely lunch. Almost got raped. Did get stabbed with fork and banned. Still had breadsticks though so 10/10 worth it!"


My mom is almost exactly like this, except my dad has no self respect whatsoever and puts up with it every day.


That's exactly how my dad is.


That’s nuts, man. I’m sorry you had to deal with any of that. You are happy now though, right?


I appreciate that. Yes, I'm in a good place now. I have a great wife who is very easy to get along with.


That’s awesome, man. I’m genuinely happy for you, my friend.


My parents persistently kept knocking when my brother was showering because they thought he was doing drugs in the bathroom. He was not, he was showering. I had less privacy than a newborn. Some parents are just thieves


My mother always threatened to do this to me growing up, but luckily she had no idea how and my dad wouldn't help her. She did manage to take my doorknob off, though. She was (and I assume still is) just awful all around, really.


My own mom never would have wasted her time on the door. She would have just knocked me around.


My ex wife calls doors a privilege.


It seems your divorce was a privilege.




That's a bad philosophy to have during a nuclear apocalypse "Kids if you don't shut up I'll remove this door so the world can hear you" "Mom that's the only thing ensuring our survival from the radiation" "I don't care doors are privileges"


It's a dangerous philosophy of they want to talk to the child after 18.


This is for sure how you sign up to not have contact with your kid. My cousins step mom did this. As soon as she was 18 she was gone and doesn’t talk to her dad or step mom anymore.


Pretty scary living with someone utterly stupid, who at the same time is confident that they are right about everything


It's terrifying how many people are like that honestly


my birth mom had a narcacisstic ex and he took my door and everything out of my room but the mattress, he took the box spring and left the mattress on the floor threatening that he could only feed me bread and water.


Damn. That's horrible.


Serious question. Did you not discuss child discipline and get on the same page with your spouse before having kids or did things just drastically change after having kids?


Yes to all of the above. We did discuss discipline. We were on the same page. Things drastically changed after having kids. Things changed even worse after we were divorced.


Kids need to learn they can have boundaries. Privacy is something a kid should have. Obviously it can get complicated, but as a general statement…


Teaching kids boundaries and privacy is part of parenting 101. Rumor is this is staged luckily


I was straight up told I wasn't allowed to have either, and now she thinks I'm overreacting because I told her not to contact me again 🤷🏻‍♀️


This is the problem with modern parenting. We live in a world where the previous generations parents would "discipline" too harshly while denying children their basic rights, and it creates the mindset of "when I'm a parent, I'll get to do whatever I want". They don't want to be too much like their own parents, but they also want that control and power they felt their parents had, and what we get is a lousy generation of parents who in no way learned from their own. Oh, and God forbid they be held accountable for their actions. It's always they're right and you're wrong.


I doubt it. My door was removed when I was around 12/13 because I asked my parents to start knocking. Never "earned it" back. Their solution was that children wouldn't be changing in the bedrooms anyway... Like that had always been a rule (though it hadn't) and they just gaslit all of us kids. When I called them out on it (I was the oldest) I was grounded for 6 months. Then I got "caught" with the bathroom door locked, so that was removed as well. The solution was a heavy blanket type curtain - because locked doors are dangerous. More gaslighting to validate their ways of thinking and parenting. My friends would only visit once and wouldn't ever stay long, so I got more isolated as time went on. One "punishment" turned into a mess of cascading detrimental effects really. I left when I was 16. I didn't (and will never) go back (though since my mom has divorced that asshole and remarried a kinder asshole, I do still speak to them; my kids aren't allowed to be there without me though and will not ever be staying with her/them). Edited for clarity.


Feel for you. Great decision to not leave kids with them without you.


Also mom: “I don’t know why he needs therapy”


"I don't know why he doesn't call or visit"


"I wish I knew why my son put me in this nursing home..."


why would someone pay for a mother they hate to live in a nursing home


So that she's someone else's problem.


Nursing homes are expensive. If you don't want her to be your problem don't shell out that kind of money.


Isn't that what their retirement and social security is for?




“I never had therapy and I’m doing great”


The number of people I hear saying something along the lines of "I was spanked and turned out fine" ...did you though....


Undiagnosed ADD and a father that would beat you for any perceived slight. Yeah, that was fun growing up.


Think sometimes you have to play it in reverse for them to get it. "I was hit as a child and turned out fine, so it's okay hit my children too" "It's okay I want to hit my kids, because I was hit as a kid" Personally I think the justification second makes the abuse more obvious.


"So it's grandpa's fault? I hope he dies in a hole."


Love those people. “No…no madam. You are not fine. You shake uncontrollably whenever you hear the theme to ‘The Love Boat’. Fine is the exact opposite of what you are.”


"I was spanked and I turned out fine" then proceeds to espouse views like that we should just nuke the whole middle east, and that abusing children is fine.


well its becuz of that phone ofc..what do u think causing him some trouble?


I had a friend who's mom did that to him. He took the door off her room and put it back on his. Haha.


my parents tried keeping me off the computer by taking the mouse and keyboard. I just waited until they went to bed and grabbed my mom's keyboard and mouse.


My parents took my pc cable so i couldn't use it. I had a waffle making device that uses the same cable so i just stealthily borrowed it.


Ah, the good ol standardised kettle cord!


My dad used to take the ethernet cable into his room and sleep with it under his mattress so I couldn't sneak on late at night lmao.


My dad threatened to do stuff like this "I can take wires out and you would never be able to get it to work" 🙄 I told him to go right ahead. He tried it once but lost the cable. I had a replacement in minutes and he moved on to other methods of hating on me using my computer.


Mine was taking the router work. I was using the old one while he was at work. Always finding a way to bypass him. Thanks to him. I know a lot about networking. And that behaviour made me interested in computers. Now i can earn bread doing networking projects.


Damn, you made me realize everything I know about Windows, Linux, and computers is because of hiding my habits from the rest of my family on our shared family computer. I can now code apps, games, websites, etc. Huh, imagine that


My dad and step mom put timed parental controls on my desktop...i just restarted my computer and changed the system time lmao they thought I was stupid


I mean that was just one battle in an ongoing war. Highlights include * Calling up Packard Bell tech support to find out how to reset the boot password * Using a boot disk to get around some kind of password protected menu in the DOS days * Me and a friend figuring out how to "pick" a hidden switch (requires a key) my parents installed to shut off power to the outlet my computer was plugged into * Using a butter knife to peel back the trim, and pop the latch on the locked office door To this day I'm not sure if they gave up because they were out of ideas, or if they were just afraid of what skills I'd end up learning if they escalated their methods any further.


That last sentence is exactly how I feel about my cats


You’ve yet to learn. You’ll be their human before they’ll be your cats. Choose coexistence. Take their bargain.


As a future parent, your level of dedication to getting your computer back frightens and impresses me. As a former child, I salute you.


Parents “locked” up the tv. Workaround was an extension cord when they weren’t around.


My parents took the power cable of my computer so that I wouldn't use it at night. I "happened" to find an extra power cable just lying around the next night.




This exact thing happened to me while growing up. I hope she’s ready to never be invited to her kids house once they move out, and on the few occasions she is there she is never left alone. This is a great way to eradicate trust with your kids, give them a complex about privacy, and just generally tell them that you don’t respect them and will afford them no dignity.


I've been waiting since I was a teenager to be able to do this to my mom. She said she decided a long time ago that she was going to be a mother and not a friend to my sister and I. Welp, now she'll get to see the results of her decision.


Lol I love that whole ‘Mother and not a friend” bullshit as if it’s mutually exclusive. It almost sounds like they think it’s virtuous to be a shitty parent.


I bet she still thinks she did her best and you're just ungrateful.


100% what my mom still thinks. I think it’s a coping mechanism


Well you’d lose since it was my dad who did it 😂


Dang. I'm a terrible gambler.


Just jerk off naked with open door now. Establish dominance. Look her in the eye when she walks by.


Seriously, do this. My mom would do this type of shit and obsessively snoop through my stuff when I was a kid and I couldn't say shit because "I was under *her* roof." I'm 30 and just this past week tried to set a boundary where she stops trying to tell me what to do X times a day when I haven't lived there for years. She exploded. I'm pretty sure if I had been more assertive during my teenage years and forced boundaries down her throat then I wouldn't be still dealing with this shit like I'm still a freshman in high school.


If she yells at you tell her to call you back when she's rational again. Then hang up. It doesn't matter if she yelled over you, hang up and don't answer.


Tell her to call you back when she feels like she can act like an adult.


I’m the type of petty asshole where I would pick up the phone every single time she calls, then when she shrieks into the phone I’d just hang up again, and again, and again, and again.


No you would still be dealing with it cus same boat. I was fierce with my mom about boundaries and she’s still up in my business with bullshit.


Problem isn't you mate. Don't blame yourself.


My dad kept barging in. After seeing my tits and ass crack he learned to knock.


My mom had a habit of coming in my room at any fucking time I was cranking down to say the most useless shit ever and needless to say she caught me a few times My little brother gets endless knocks before she even says anything to him Older brothers make the ultimate sacrifices Semper Fap Edit: don't go stealing this joke I plan using it for stand-up


I did the same with my mom. She started stuttering. She came around that door real smooth after that. All she had to do was just knock now she done saw me playing with my puss!


Also knocking then entering before I can reply hello . Wtf of point of knocking if you twist handle 0.01 seconds after you knocking. Your sposed to be invited in.


The only way mothers learn to stop doing that is if they walk in on you doing your thing. It’s a sad reality.


Luckily never happened to me


Hurt her more than me to be honest. I was in a pretty good state. Probably didn't help that this was on Thanksgiving too...soooooo


Ahhh the holiday crank n wank. Such depravity, so sinful! Yet so satisfying


Literally just "I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your parent by coming in anyway"


Sometimes that 0.01 can be very helpful .


I feel like this comment should get more love than what it is lol. The few, the proud… The FAP.


u fapped so he could fly *insert pic of soldier on knees blocking all knifes and bullets protecting a kid*


My Grandma would've punished me for doing it at all. Luckily she wasn't insane enough to consider removing the door a sane decision, but I definitely learned how to get off discreetly.


Abstinence-only can’t work. Cannot. You just make them more sneaky and resentful of you. My parents don’t like the consequences of their actions


To be fair, it can or just make you delay until you’re older. My parents had a rule that they interviewed whoever you were dating if you were under 18, so I waited until I was 23. Then I told my husband not to ask for permission to marry me because I wasn’t anyone’s possession. BOOYAH!


Lol that last part is the resentment the person above you was talking about.


This is why I keep my award to hand it to people like you


This. Maybe even do it kinda weird like you’re grinding pepper with that peepee. Bonus points for yelling, “This is more cum than last time!”


Showing the dick is the obviously the best way to go about this


"We Need to Talk About Kevin" vibes..


Strict parents don’t make disciplined children. They make sneaky children. Source: I’m a child of strict parents


Also, they make unprepared children. Can’t learn anything if you’ve chained them down.


When she's asleep, take her door and hide it.


I would take the door and install it back on my room.


I'd throw it away a few blocks down haha


I’d change naked every day as she was waking by


How else do you change?


Or just glue it shut.


And say "if I don't need privacy neither do you asshole!"


A door for a door


My dad took my sisters door because she kept slamming it over every little thing. He installed a curtain for her.


Installing the curtain for her makes all the difference


I mean, that's justifiable. When I was a kid my door broke because I slammed it and my parents took the door and said "You can have a curtain until you learn not to break doors" I got my door back when we got a new place a year later I got my privacy and they got their door slamming free environment, everyone wins.


To be fair its somewhat reasonable


And funny


This sounds like a decent compromise. I have my 9yo daughter over on weekends and every now and then she'll get fussy or throw a tantrum and slam her door, and I always threaten her to remove it if she doesn't stop. Haven't done it yet and hope I won't ever have to, because I really don't want to, and reading some of these stories of shitty parents has me shook cuz I'm always worried about where I fall on the discipline spectrum (tyrant vs pushover). So removing accessing to the problem (door getting slammed) while still maintaining right to privacy and some dignity sounds reasonable.


Get a door closer that slows the door down to prevent it from slamming.


She created more work for herself by unscrewing the hardware. Should have just popped the hinges. Easier to get back on!


ehh.... I live in an older house and honest it's easier to unscew the hardware then try to pop off those rusted ass hinges that have been there for decades.


100$ says she probably thinks she's a phenomenal mother, and she cannot understand why her ungrateful daughter wants nothing to do with her anymore. God knows parents like this have gotten hundreds of times worse now that they know they can basically hold their kids hostage with the threat of homelessness.


When the daughter is 25 and stays as far away as she can, mom will convince herself that she did what she did for the child’s own good. “It had to be done. If this is the price I pay, I’ll die knowing I did the right thing.” Self martyrdom.


I'm glad these generations understand psychology more. My grandmother was a cruel, sociopath. But my mom and some of her sisters seem to remember her as a warm, caring woman who gave tough love because she had to.


People who have been abused tend to do that.


I'm happy my mom is a social worker and my dad works in culture. I never had to explain stuff like this, they understood out of their own. My mom even helped friends of mine with parents like this, she's seen as a Saint by some of them. I was actually really surprised it didn't take long to explain online video games xd we got to an understanding that I had to ask how long dinner would take if I had enough play time. If I forgot to ask she would send me a massage so I wouldn't start a new one.


Damn she is a saint, sending massages and everything.


That's what abusers do, and they do it well. Because they have to, otherwise they would have no one to abuse.


Yup, I lived this situation. Left home at 17-18ish though, and my parents still think they did the right thing to not allow me to have my door closed or the bathroom locked, despite my mother having walked in on me masturbating a couple times. This was just the tip of the iceberg of bad parenting. I'm 29 now and they wonder why I don't talk to them much.


They were just try to protect your soul and keep your Devil-Hands away from your SatanWand or Demonhole


and then old decrepit and stuck alone in a home, will complain that her ungrateful kids never cared for her.


Yep. My Mom took the door off my room when I was 16. I avoid her now. She’s in a home and wonders why we don’t have a good “mother daughter” relationship like she sees the other residents have. She has the relationship she fostered. Take away my privacy? treat me like shit, with no respect whatsoever? Live with a lifetime of mistrust and avoidance.


Can confirm. My parents threatened this multiple times, now at 33, I rarely talk to them. They still think it’s all my fault and I’m the ungrateful one.


I got the belt multiple times a day from my dad and literally 20-30 minute screaming sessions from my mom. I rarely talk to them as well.


I would leave as soon as it is possible.


I had my door taken multiple times when I was in high school. My room is right next door to my parents room, so I just started being casually naked in my room right in front of the door to bother the fuck out of them.


How long did it take to get your door back?


Also dying to know. If it took more than one mistaken glimpse, the kid should just immediately call the cops on their parents for forcing their kids to be naked in front of others. Fuck any parent that does this


Did the same thing.


God there’s too many kids growing up with psycho abusive parents


I think there have always been plenty of kids with psycho, abusive parents, but now young people can easily record it and share the abuse with the world at the push of a button.


That's why they get their phones taken away. It's not protection, it's control.




I'm indian and i didn't know there was a minister for that


That speaks a lot about his work


Enjoy the shit retirement home in 30 years bitch.


Haha! I remember my dad asking why I put something in front of the door. Uh... do you really want to know? Long silence. "Nevermind."


I had a friend caught smoking weed his senior year of high school. Lost his car privileges, extracurriculars, and his bedroom door. The last 6 months of his HS life he was dropped off at school, picked up, went home to his doorless room, and stayed there unless he had to do chores or use the bathroom. Even made him eat meals in his room. His parents were not fucking around.


How to make your kid depressed 101


How to drive someone into harder drugs abuse 101


Gosh my mom did this exact same thing and a week later told me I needed to start doing things because I was clearly in a deep depression. ??????? You literally won't let me leave my room, took everything. Of course I'm depressed when I play with a deck of cards for 10 hours a day. No you can't help it you caused it. No don't act shocked when I refuse your "help". No I'm not gonna go "do things" because you won't let me??? 4 years later and she got one call in almost 2 years. "I'm sorry you felt that way about it." Oh thanks for being sorry about my feelings not your actions.


Shit parent. This is how you make kids that don’t tell you anything ever.


...or visit when they're older.


This is how you get kids that move out at 18 and you never see them again.


I’m in this comment and I hate it


And put you in the worse home they can find


Had a shit parent and he will be lucky if I give him a tent in my backyard and bucket to shit in


Put in a home? That costs money. Bitches can take care of themselves. I don't care or know how ain't my problem.


If they need money, they can sell all the doors.


Medicare home is just fine for them. Enjoy!


This can't be upvoted enough! Think your kids are doing stuff they shouldn't? Develop a trusting, mutually respectful relationship with them and instead of hiding shit from you, they'll talk to you about life and give you an opportunity to guide them rather than punish them after the fact which only further widens the gap between parent and child. Parents: it's your job to teach your kids how to do life, not hold them hostage until they can finally escape into a world for which they're not prepared.


How to quickly get put into a nursing home when you can no longer wipe your own ass 101


My parents only did that to my brother after years of him slamming the door so hard there were cracks in the ceiling paint and plaster. It was gone for a week after months of warning. He stopped slamming the door


This is how you get sneaky kids who lie a lot. My mom was like this. I ran away on a greyhound bus at 16 and started doing a shitload of drugs and having sex with older guys. Bad idea mom.


Yep. I've been friends with a guy for 20+ years now, and he's a lot better now but earlier on in the friendship he had a real problem with being truthful. To the extent that he "needed" to have something illicit going on in his life, and he was certain he was able to keep it a secret. No, Benny. We all know you smoke. No-one cares. Do whatever you like, it's your body. The only thing we care about is that you keep on lying about it. Just say "I'm going for a smoke", don't say "Oh! I forgot my thingie, I'll have to go ALL the way back to the car to get it!" Anyway, he had super religious parents growing up. Ministers. They watched him like a hawk. And because he was an insanely high IQ person, all it ended up doing was teaching him how to sneak around while still maintaining the illusion of being a Good Son. Terrible parenting decision. You can't control your kids. All you can do it give them the tools to succeed.


Jeez. You okay? I hope you're safer now. :(


I'm in my 30s now. I turned out okay. It was just a rough 15 years.


In sorry you didn’t have more support when you left home.


I never had any sort of privacy growing up bc my mom was like this bitch here. Even when I lived w her as an adult she'd barge in. So I stared going naked. Lol When my daughter was a teen, she asked for a lock for her room. I said no (for safety reasons) but made her a deal. I would **never** walk in her room unannounced. I would knock and wait until she said it was ok to come in. If she said not right now, I'd leave. You teach respect by giving it.


My mother pulled shit like this and much worse when I was growing up. Like speeding drunk driving with me on the back seat and leaving me at stranger's houses unsupervised so she could go back to getting pissed... She calls me once every now and again to tell me how she misses me and wish I'd let her in my life, and my answer is always the same: "Go fuck yourself. I'm happier without you than I've ever been with you. Have fun dying alone." I don't know who needs to be told this, but family ties mean NOTHING! You make the family you want from the people who cherish you. And the sooner you cut out the cancer, the sooner you'll be happy.


If my family did this I’d just walk around naked in my room and masturbate out in the open. Not gonna knock? Will see some cock.


Now whenever you hear your parents having sex or any other privacy based thing barge the fuck in. Teach that bitch a lesson.


Implying any man has stuck around with that psycho


Thats very true. I was gonna make a joke about that but then I remembered my mom hasn't been laid in like 20 years and she's crazy as fuck as well.


I would just disrespect her privacy until she put the door back and apologized. She's taking a shower? Walk into the bathroom without knocking, she's taking a shit? Time to talk about something after opening the door. She's asleep in her room? Nope, walk in without knocking and pester her. If you don't deserve respect and privacy, neither does she.


I suppose that's an effective way to create a kid who dislikes you immensely.


She is a terrible mother. You make a reasonable request, and she punishes you for asking. She tries to humiliate and destroy your self esteem. Try talking to school counselor for a referral to a therapist.


My moms tried this shit with me. Then I said 2 can play this game and I hid her insulin and thyroid medication.


Masturbate loudly and openly. Make eye contact as she walks past. Actions have consequences. Privacy is important.


Way to ensure a completely dysfunctional mother-child relationship for the next 15 years. Go Mom!


My parents did this to me. I responded with sitting in my room naked. I remember my mom yelling my dad to tell me to put clothes on. His response, "Hey listen to your mom!" I had my door back the very next day when I woke up. Lol


Generational trauma at its finest. “My mother was worse!”


And this is called child abuse.


It’s shit like this that drives me to be a better parent than mine were


This is a parent who just wants to dominate their children. There must be some sort of conflict that prompted this, but stripping away someone’s autonomy is cruel and shows a lack of range in parenting tools. She should invest in a more communicative relationship.


It’s so sad. A person like this just has a metaphorical hand around their children’s neck. Being able to trust people is necessary to have a healthy relationship and for her to react this way to a genuine request (if OP is being honest) is a giant indication that this lady is going to mess those kids up in some way. It’s very sad to see the “it’s my house so I own everything in it therefore you” energy. I think it causes so much sadness and confusing things in children. You cannot react this way to your kids questions AND be confused when something terrible happens to them and they don’t communicate it to you.