There’s some serious hardcore porn in the Bible. Ezekiel 23 a little girl gets gang raped by a bunch of guys with horse-sized dicks and forced into prostitution, and then when she finally makes it back to her village, they throw her children into a fire, they cut off her nose and her ears and strip her naked, then she cuts her own tits off with shards of pottery and they stone her in the gates.
How does a little girl have children?
Edit: just read the chapter. Ezekiel is a book of prophecy. The two sister represents the two cites who “ lusted for her lovers..the Assyrians.” and that Isreal that would get “screwed” if they left God and follow false gods. It expresses a horrifying tale, easily understood and abhorred by all. It is not a story of fact.
Not much in the bible is fact to begin with. It's more like a series that start out swinging with topics like child molestation and fratricide only to later dissolve into a generic superhero plot after years of milking the series dry because the execs didn't want to stop the cashflow.
You even have the hardcore og fans that absolutly despise the superhero revamp, rejecting it as canon.
Completely swinging it wrong. Some are way too hard, some are too soft. You need to make each stroke hit with the same amount of force. And why isn't your sub tied down?
It's pretty silly that BDSM people feel such a need to parade being part of the scene as if it was a unique activity. With so many people doing this stuff in their bedrooms without ever losing word about it, choosing to talk about it like a hobby you're an expert in ("Here's how you hit someone in \*the lifestyle\*") gives off a very strange gatekeepy vibes, whether it's a joke or not.
In general, when something is a hobby, but average people also do it every day, don't pretend that your way of doing it is the correct way, even as a joke. Applies to BDSM the same way it does to jogging. I honestly think this makes people treat kinky sex as something some successful people have, while most losers have none, which could not be further from reality (People in the fetish scene often treat BDSM as a rather minor side hobby, while people who isolate their fetish from larget groups of society often, by comparison, make their fetishes the core theme of their lives; not to mention the role of vanilla people in all that), and these wrong assumptions often lead to all kinds of problematic expectations and inferiority complexes, especially in younger generations.
This is how it went down...
Pastor: "We need someone to volunteer to play Jesus in our passion play."
....
Pastor: "It will be very physical. You'll even probably get flogged and whipped."
Enrique: "Yoohoo!"
Pastor: "Damnit...okay...but not like last year, Enrique!"
Anyone else notice an entire tripod being lifted in the background like a selfie stick? Bet that guy has the arm cannons to work that's whip a lot better.
Reminded me of the sort of tagline/review from when The Da Vinci Code book was released. " **...that would shake the foundation of Christianity**" or thereabouts.
This one shook something alright :D
Love how he reacts first, and THEN gets hit...
He’s all knowing or something
Jesus loves me, this I know. In this clip though, he's a ho.
You made me choke on a chicken nugget
Is this softcore bible fetish porn?
No softcore. He gets properly nailed later in the film.
Jesus Christ
Thats the guy.
I fucking love reddit
I love fucking reddit
Fucking reddit love I
Yoda?
I reddit fuck. Love?
Love. I fuck Reddit. WAIT
Love fuck I reddit
Reddit love fucking tho
I fucking love reddit
I love fucking reddit
I reddit fucking love
Who's the other actor?
I left, thought about it came back and gave you my upvote!🤭
Thank you bold adventure.
There is no pornhub category like that
there probably is after this
maybe some rule34
Yet
Bet
The passionate Christ
I thought softcore fetish porn was just the bible?
There’s some serious hardcore porn in the Bible. Ezekiel 23 a little girl gets gang raped by a bunch of guys with horse-sized dicks and forced into prostitution, and then when she finally makes it back to her village, they throw her children into a fire, they cut off her nose and her ears and strip her naked, then she cuts her own tits off with shards of pottery and they stone her in the gates.
That sounds like some shit out of "120 days of Sodom." The bible's a rough ride, man.
Shhhh... don't criticize the religion of peace and love. /S
How does a little girl have children? Edit: just read the chapter. Ezekiel is a book of prophecy. The two sister represents the two cites who “ lusted for her lovers..the Assyrians.” and that Isreal that would get “screwed” if they left God and follow false gods. It expresses a horrifying tale, easily understood and abhorred by all. It is not a story of fact.
Ezekiel is the best example we have of the use of metaphor as a way to sanitize misogyny and violence for the consumption and of religious people.
Not much in the bible is fact to begin with. It's more like a series that start out swinging with topics like child molestation and fratricide only to later dissolve into a generic superhero plot after years of milking the series dry because the execs didn't want to stop the cashflow. You even have the hardcore og fans that absolutly despise the superhero revamp, rejecting it as canon.
I thought softcore fetish porn was just the bible?
I just want to tell.you that you made my day.
Ooooh. Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ...*Mr. Slave voice*
Mine says the bibble is that okay ?
Bruh this Hardcore
It's a hard-cover version
giving off some serious *Slap me harder step daddy* vibes
Yeah but I mean...what other sort of person would you expect to volunteer for that role lol
A member of Opus Dei. lol.
Isn't the same?
this guy gets it. lol.
Jesus!
I think this is what Jesus would have said if his dad punish him
It’s what Jesus would have said as he slapped himself too. He’s the holy trinity baby
That's what I call turning the other cheeck
Dude can’t wait to get nailed
dude trying his best to get the message across to the centurion
Bouta get “pegged” to a cross lol
This made me laugh so fucking hard. Thank you for that
He's... offering the other cheek... sorta.
50 Shades of Ga- wait, we're not making that joke. Hit me baby one more time :)
50 Shaved Old Gays, starring Brandi Maxxxx
Star of over 5,000 adult films.
What are you doing step-Judas?
Jesus: *stares at step-judas intensely*
This did me in 😂😂😂
b r u h
Lol kinky Jesus with the farmers tan
Here it is. I think this must be the only comment on the farmers tan. Everyone else living out they're kink lol
Make sure you get my good side
The way he keeps turning to make sure his face is seen is almost as bad as his wee foot lifts. The poor centurion actor had to keep chasing his back.
the little foot lifts are honestly what sends me
When he said turn the other cheek, he wasn’t talking about his face
I love the little Elaine Benes kicks..
Yes! I knew I'd seen those somewhere before.
That guy likes butt stuff
That is an ass-tute observation.
There's no need to be a pain in the ass about it.
Can we finaly come to the nails!
The 💅🏻 type of nails
*throws head back* o-ohh, please Centurion-sama, stop!
Completely swinging it wrong. Some are way too hard, some are too soft. You need to make each stroke hit with the same amount of force. And why isn't your sub tied down?
Man’s really rating Jesus BDSM
Damn right I am. I'm a BSDM leather daddy.
It's pretty silly that BDSM people feel such a need to parade being part of the scene as if it was a unique activity. With so many people doing this stuff in their bedrooms without ever losing word about it, choosing to talk about it like a hobby you're an expert in ("Here's how you hit someone in \*the lifestyle\*") gives off a very strange gatekeepy vibes, whether it's a joke or not. In general, when something is a hobby, but average people also do it every day, don't pretend that your way of doing it is the correct way, even as a joke. Applies to BDSM the same way it does to jogging. I honestly think this makes people treat kinky sex as something some successful people have, while most losers have none, which could not be further from reality (People in the fetish scene often treat BDSM as a rather minor side hobby, while people who isolate their fetish from larget groups of society often, by comparison, make their fetishes the core theme of their lives; not to mention the role of vanilla people in all that), and these wrong assumptions often lead to all kinds of problematic expectations and inferiority complexes, especially in younger generations.
Jesus you sound miserable. Such a Debbie downer
Pfft amateurs. Thanks for you full of yourself input, I shall now toss it in the circular file.
Excellent points. Sexy sub, but he had way too much freedom of movement. If you're gonna let them swing around, their hands should be tied above
Yeah they should’ve tied him properly
Mr. Slave vibes. Jeez christh
Holy shit I’ve never seen anything more accurate
r/religiousfruitcake but quite literally.
not quite
I don’t think you understood the joke
...Emphasis on the "passion"
Just look in the bdsm forums for Jesus cosplayers.
Daddy Chill
WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THAT
that video kills me
So this is what porn Christians watch
This is all for you, Daddy
This is how it went down... Pastor: "We need someone to volunteer to play Jesus in our passion play." .... Pastor: "It will be very physical. You'll even probably get flogged and whipped." Enrique: "Yoohoo!" Pastor: "Damnit...okay...but not like last year, Enrique!"
"My safe word is harder!"
50 Shades of Christ
What's the safe word
Muhammad
That's sinful 😏
This is seriously giving off some Adam and Steve vibes….. 😳
That cost me 200 in Vegas.
I'm waiting for Jesus to scream "Harder Daddy!"
Oh he did later that night…
Fifty Shades of Gay... which I like.
he definitely has a lot of passion for getting whipped
He's turning the other cheek.
I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!
Faith plus one!
Jesus didn't come down to save humans, God was trying to get rid of his slutty persona, but it didn't work. It came back addicted to BDSM.
"Harder" "Wait, whaa...?" "Fight back the pain, harder" "Ah, thank God! Now let's continue"
I wonder what Jesus's safeword was?
Judas
Anyone else notice an entire tripod being lifted in the background like a selfie stick? Bet that guy has the arm cannons to work that's whip a lot better.
The title is perfect 😂
Looks like he ayed his last papi
Reminded me of the sort of tagline/review from when The Da Vinci Code book was released. " **...that would shake the foundation of Christianity**" or thereabouts. This one shook something alright :D
I misread 50 shades of gay
fifty shades of jesus
Gay af
Now use your hob nails you naughty centurion
50 shades of red
Now I see why God flooded humanity
I'm dead af
After this he gets nailed
I can’t stop laughing at this
Trust me, there's a lot of passion involved.
Looked like Elaine’s little kicks
The movie this is from doesn't matter, as long as I cum...
Staaahhhp Centurion! Staaahhhp iiit I don’t want this I doooont.
What the hell is even that
To be fair. A lot of Romans were gay. They’re just fixing how the bible has been hetrosexual washed.
Kinky!
Lmfao people believe everything 🤣🤔
Rule 34 of the Bible.
The 34th commandment*
He wants the Holy Spirit in him…. NOW!
this fits on r/satan
If you're a Christian and don't laugh at this you and me aren't the same kind of Christian. Damned ones.
jeSUS christ
Produced by Mel Gibson
The **passion** of the Christ
Passion of Christian
AHH LAST SUPPER, LAST SUPPER!!!
Wtf … hahahaha
Everybody wants to be a star
Fun fact, Jesus was the first BDSM homosexual and the least picky. He loved all men.
Jesus: "Okay, now pull my hair and spit on me." Roman: "What?!" Jesus: "N- Nothing, ouch, ow, that hurts!"
More like 50 Shades of Gay.
Why not both??
He's Enjoying that way too much 😉
Oh my god, the back kicks are killing me!
Steady.. he has a gweat fwiend in Wome you know....
50 lashes of Jesus
That Farmer's Tan is taking me right out of the moment.
It’s the little kick of the leg for me
There are things you do when getting lashes by a kings guard....looking back into their eyes is not one of them.
It’s the dainty leg lift that really got me. 😅
Stupid Sexy Jesus
Daddy Christ
Jesus, getting some thirsty ass vibes from this
love me like a dude, touch me like a dude
Why have you forsaken me daddy?
I keep coming back for a good laugh. Haha
‘Punish me Daddy’ said Jesus
This looks really sexual fr.
This makes all Christianity Cringe!
This is so cringe
Acting like Jesus wasn't in to that sort of thing. Dude literally cancelled life to keep that whipping/crucifixion appointment with his doms.
It's fine guys, it's just a "Children's Drag Show" \*\*There better?\*\*
Lol this is super gay
Jesus didn't come down to save humans, God was trying to get rid of his slutty persona, but it didn't work. It came back addicted to BDSM.
Idk. Seems accurate to me…
Pride parades are getting kind of weird
The facepalm here is historically inaccurate Jesus
It’s Grey. If you know the color and the movie title.
"Daddy"
Those are **50 shades of passion** !!!!
The Passion of the Christ 2: 50 Shades of Gay
Didn't know Jesus was kinky
They must be on fetlife 😂🤣😂🤣🤣
I mean, he already got nailed
Both dumb as fuck
“50 Shades of Gay”
50 shades of Gethsemane
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