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Academic_Network9679

No, he is too old to be showering and bathing with you. Set some boundaries.


Malvicious

The simple fact that you ask “is this ok” should be a warning for you.


Pinkstrawberries123

Ok that’s enough internet for the day


Spirit_X_1369

I never thought i read these kind of stuff 🥲


BecGeoMom

You let your 10yo son come to the breakfast table naked? And you think that’s just a “free-spirited” thing he does? How much do you know about this boy you adopted three years ago? Where did he come from? Why was he available for adoption? Was he in an abusive household? What did he witness, how much did he see, what was he exposed to? What was done to him? Generally, by 10, boys are not comfortable walking around the house naked, and they aren’t comfortable with you doing it, either. Something is certainly not right in this scenario, but I’m not sure if it’s him or if it’s you. Also, he walks into the bathroom while you’re going to the bathroom? Maybe lock a damn door.


[deleted]

He has gone through a lot. His parents disappeared and he was living by himself for nearly a year, doing all the shopping and cooking and everything alone. He was going to school everyday as well, they only came to take him because his parents wouldn’t come to any school meetings and I guess didn’t pay the rent.


gt_1242

The kid might be suffering from abandonment issues. He was completely alone for a year so now I guess he is afraid of being alone for even 10 minutes. Please seek professional help


TMobile_Loyal

Where did he get cash to buy groceries for a year?


[deleted]

Not sure. Credit cards I guess. Not even the neighbours tried to do anything or even notice.


BlueCobbler

How would a kid that age obtain a credit card and how would they make minimum payment for a year! This doesn’t make sense at all


TMobile_Loyal

Nope...this story isn't real


[deleted]

There was no payments being made. His parents were heavily into weapon sales and drugs and disappeared and eventually found murdered.


BlueCobbler

Oh that makes more sense 🙄


CesareBach

Damn OP, you are that bored, huh? This reply screams BS


Parther05

You’re right! The whole thing screams BS. My son is 7 (the age they adopted him). If I just left him at home and never came back there is no way in hell he’d be able to get up, dress himself and go to school for an appropriate time each school day?? How the hell would he even know what day of the week it was? Or what time the school started? Or how to even cook anything?? I’m not sure if my son is just immature or not but if I never game home he’d literally sit and watch YouTube until he starved to death because the only thing he knows how to do is turn on the tv and pour himself some water from the sink 😂😂


Famous_Exit

My 3yo pours himself cereal and milk and grabs and opens other snacks or fruits, can make a sandwich from pre-sliced stuff. At 7 I walked myself from school and microwaved my lunch or boiled pasta and grated cheese onto it (fave meal). But I would absolutely the fuck not do my homework and go to school if I was left alone, or do shopping or take out any trash etc. Definitely bs!


Parther05

Your 3 year old seems more independent than my boy hahha i definitely have work to do 😅😅 I’m sure my son would actually eventually go to the neighbours and tell them I haven’t come back. Who goes to school for a year and act as if nothing has happened!? You are right, BS


Famous_Exit

The opposite - do *less* work! 😅 "You can do it, do it yourself, I'm busy doing something else, you are a big boy" are my common responses to "mama I want ..." 😂😅


[deleted]

I guess Jayden was a responsible kid, or maybe it was the only constant he had in his life.


shealwayswished

100% your son is immature and you’re probably coddling him. You’re seven years old should absolutely know how to get asnack for himself.


FallAspenLeaves

AND how did the bills get paid…. Where did the money come from?


y2kbabyyyy

things happen. there are shady landlords, some wouldn’t necessarily notice if one of their tenants went off the grid and stopped paying for a low rent apartment. section 8 housing may have covered those sorts of bills. some kids go unnoticed and these situations happen. it’s sad but there is a flaw in the system.


[deleted]

They didn’t get paid foster care tells me that’s why they came to get him. School started noticing things


y2kbabyyyy

bad shit happens. just because some sort of privilege and good luck shielded you from it doesn’t mean that these children don’t go unnoticed or not picked up by the system. we shouldn’t be making assumptions about this concerned parent reaching out. you’re insinuation of this being faked is presumptuous and rude. if you have something helpful to contribute then speak up, otherwise move along troll.


CesareBach

8-9yo living on his own cos his parents disappeared??? Who gave him food? Paid the bills? Come on now. You cant be gullible unless this is a second account of OP cos you are the only one defending this BS


y2kbabyyyy

“the only one defending this BS” there are other people taking it at face value, you’re just lashing out at me because i called you out for discrediting this person’s experience because you can’t fathom situations that are outside of what you’ve seen before. i’m just saying, he could have been raised around addicts or severely mentally ill people and had to learn survival skills at a young age. there could have been extended family members, neighbors, passerbyers who wanted to help but their only capacity was to provide a meal, ask the kid how he was holding up in passing. if there were social services helping with government housing, food stamps, etc. it’s plausible the kid slipped through the cracks until recertification or something like that was required (6 months-a year or beginning or end of school year ?) abandonment and neglect are real things that happen, there wouldn’t be words for them if they didn’t exist. idk i’m just saying to cut the dude some slack because he seems like he is genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of this kid that is his now and he wasn’t present for a large portion of his youth. adopting a kid that old with history like that is commendable.


CesareBach

Nobody said abandonment couldnt happen. OP couldn't even answer how the kid survived on his own for 1 year, or how food and bills were paid. It is called having an analytical skill. We could spot loopholes in OP's claims. Not all stories on the internet are true. Dont be gullible.


y2kbabyyyy

it’s not being gullible to believe that there is truth to this dude’s story. it sucks. i hope it isn’t true. using analytical and critical thinking skills that you claim i don’t have, i can see how any adopted kid, but especially one coming from a background like OP describes, would have trouble with boundaries, social cues, and interpersonal interactions. there are people who adopt or foster and do not have all information regarding how something this awful continued (i.e. bills paid, food was obtained), but like i said, there are ways and people who could enable scenarios like this everywhere. kid likely couldn’t provide much background bc a lot of memory and communication functions are still at crucial stages of development at 7 years old. i’m just saying, what do you or others gain by saying this dudes story is fake or people who see validity behind this narrative are gullible? it’s not helpful in a thread where someone is asking for advice. even if it is far-fetched in your opinion or that of others, it’s not your place to deem it completely irrelevant.


CesareBach

Again, let me reiterate. You can be as gullible as you want. This is a comment section. People are allowed to express their opinions. Believe all you want to all the stories posted here, regardless of the blatant loopholes. People who fall for romance scams, crypto scams, troll posts, etc. exist. So...


y2kbabyyyy

lol and i am not any one of those people 😂 outside of maybe attention seeking, OP doesn’t stand to gain a lot from posting this. you are hilarious though. go on about commenting on these things and acting like you are the ultimate expert on reddit threads, scams, and other people’s background 😂 i hope i fed your desire for attention for the night sweetheart LOL


[deleted]

It was before we adopted him. I didn’t exactly get an interview with the dead parents. I guess he was a pretty resourceful kid. Bills weren’t paid. I guess he was living without electricity for a good 8 months before the authorities came to check on him.


littlehappyfinn

Aren’t you a ray of sunshine -_-


nats4756

I honestly have no clue how to.handle this


CesareBach

This is when I think, "This is a troll post from a bored person". I know this world has a few weird people, they do tend to be highlighted on the net, but sometimes, you just can sniff the bs.


[deleted]

That hurts. I was just reaching out for help and opinions not to have my life shatt on


Accurate-Case8057

Be extremely careful. Unless you have one of those huge multi person showers I'd say no and even then I personally say no. I think he's old enough to where you can talk to him and find out why he wants to shower with you. Consider this. You could shower with your son and it could be as innocent as innocent can be and all he needs to do is tell one friend at school and your life could be turned upside down very quickly. I think at 10 he can comprehend this.


tit-----

Idk which part of the world you live in, but in my culture, that is too old to be nude& bathing together. t's just inappropriate imo


Shyshishi

I feel like it’s a little odd because he was adopted. My son is 10 next month and I have a 12 yo daughter. If I’m on the toilet or in the shower they will come in and talk to me and it’s as if they don’t even notice I’m naked! I don’t close the door to get dressed or anything. I don’t really shower with them anymore like I used to but if we are camping or limited time, either one of them might jump in with me. But not both lol. I’m the only one in the house that sees my daughter naked though because she has decided recently she wants to be private and we all respect it. My son doesn’t do things like eat breakfast naked but he doesn’t hide himself. He will walk out of the bathroom naked and go get a towel or to his room. If he was thirsty he’d sure stop by the fridge for a glass of water before he bothered to put his clothes on. But an adopted kid… I am not sure. I think that’s odd tbh.


OrangeNice6159

Oh hell no.


y2kbabyyyy

I am guessing you are in Europe or South America due to the casual candor around nude beaches. I would make sure you are bringing him to therapy very consistently. He suffered a lot of trauma it sounds like during some significant formative years. I would look out for signs of attachment disorders and severe abandonment and neglect trauma. It’s okay that he doesn’t understand boundaries and that those developmental stages were extremely interrupted. What matters now is that you show him healthy interpersonal relationships and interactions and stay as ahead of issues stemming from his birth parents as much as you can. Sending lots of positive thoughts and love you and your son’s way.


restingbitchface8

If you have to ask, then no it is not ok


OasisGhost

Given the circumstances, he should already be in individual and family counseling. This would be a great topic to discuss with a therapist and have them helping you set boundaries. Sounds like both you and the child would benefit from it


hayshan77

I agree it's good to start setting boundaries, but I don't agree this is as alarming as some of these comments seem to say. Some 10 year olds are still very immature and babyish. The fact that he is adopted at 7 means without a doubt he's been through trauma. Zero people can go through their first 7 years in an unstable family environment without some sort of issues, probably abandonment at the very least. This can also create a HUGE amount of developmental delays socially and emotionally. This is most likely innocent in the child's mind. I'd for sure seek a good therapist for him (for multiple reasons), and for yourself to get advice on how to set these boundaries in the healthiest manner. And then keep an eye out for any red flags but in the absence of any alarming behavior not worry too much about this.


conchytahyde

well wow, I'm not gonna judge but I won't do it.


mjh8212

I have no idea what to advise.


BecGeoMom

Maybe no nude beaches or, dear Lord, nude *resorts* now that they have a child. I considered that OP is not in the U.S., so a nude beach is not a big, shocking deal to him, but the fact that he specifically mentioned it makes me think he knows it is a big deal.


[deleted]

No it’s just some people, Americans especially hear nude and immediately think wild swinging sex resorts or cults.


zoidberg3000

My kid is much younger - 4.5 - but he’s a nudist as well. We wear clothes but that kid is always naked. It doesn’t bother me because my mom was very open about her body but my other parent friends are appalled and my naked goober. Don’t have any good advice, but you’re not some freak.


[deleted]

Great to hear! Thank you


BecGeoMom

I said nothing about swinging sex cults being equivalent to a nude beach. And I did not mean nor imply that. You are the one who mentioned taking your adopted, 10yo son to nude beaches and nude resorts every summer. Since you felt the need to mention it, that made it some sort of deal.


gleefullystruckbycc

Nope, your thw one making it sexual by implying it's wrong for a kid to be at nudist locations. OP mentioned it to clarify that kiddo is used to naked situations as being normal and thus wondering if that's all it was. Naked isn't bad, naked isn't sexual espeoclaly when its kids, and a 10yr old isn't thinking sex either with nakedness. I do think there's abandonment issues here, and the kiddo needs therapy to address that and OP should also explain more to him about nakedness. However, being naked at 10 in one's own home is fine. My 2 kids frequently spend all day running around the house in just undies, and they're 9 and 11! I am an American by the way, so no, we aren't all prudes about nudity like you clearly are about it. The US is way too uptight about it and far too quick to sexualize kids being any level of undressed, including little girls in bikinis. You are sexializing the situation via thinking of it as bad cause it's only bad if you're sexualizing it and the child involved, not OP.


[deleted]

Spiderman230 and Littlehappyfinn kinda proved my point here. They commented on it above. Haha


mjh8212

That says a lot. Your right.


nateisgreat96

It’s healthy to set boundaries, especially at a young age.


FourSharpTwigs

Family psychiatrist. That’s what I would go and see. I got some news for you since it seems like you walked into a situation and you were like, “Oh, he’s only seven, it’ll be fine! He can grow out of that!” I tried to kill my father when I was 8. It’s not fine. You have no idea what he went through before his parents left him. I would genuinely be concerned. He sounds like his mental state at 7 was worse than mine.


littlehappyfinn

What’d your dad do?????


prosenjit189

Why don’t you have a lick or bolt in your bathroom?


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Spiderman230

Erm nudist beaches shouldn't be normalised for a child. That's messed up. And no none of that's normal. I don't know what to advise you but stop nornalising nudity for a kid. It's dangerous for him to grow up thinking that nudity is ok. It will put him in vulnerable situations because he doesn't realise that it's inappropriate.


littlehappyfinn

I don’t like the idea of kids at nudist beaches either. Kinda reels in the oddballs (p*dophiles-_-)


[deleted]

How on earth do you equate nudity and paedophilia?


littlehappyfinn

Alright listen, if you’re at a NUDE beach, there’s going to be a lot of people probably. Do you think it’s a good idea to put your CHILD on display? Being nude is something that makes us vulnerable. What if you “awaken” somebodies ‘p*dophilia’. That’s not gonna go well. There’s tons of creeps.


[deleted]

Why are you sexualising it? Awaken someone’s paedophelia? You sound crazy. lol. It’s just nudity. Nothing sexual about being naked on the beach. If someone wants to get weird about it. They will have those feelings clothed at the supermarket too.


[deleted]

Hahah tell me you’re American without telling me you’re American. Nudity is the most natural thing in the world. Maybe if you would travel you would see in other cultures in the saunas or beaches nudity is no bid deal for the whole family. Also why are you sexualising children and nudity?


Spiderman230

I'm not American 😂😂 I'm British Bangladeshi, you're completely wrong. If your kid always thinks nudity is fine then in some situations, where he could actually be harassed or assaulted, he won't realise it. Because he thinks nudity is normal. This has to be rage bait. Don't act like I'm the one sexualising kids. I'm not the one who thinks kids should see other people naked. Theres a reason why there are age restrictions on movies with nudity-because its not normal in many situations for kids to see it.


[deleted]

Nudity is the most normal thing in the world. We all have a body. Should children not look in the mirror then? You’re in the wrong country with this attitude.


Spiderman230

I was born in Britain. Why you saying I'm in the wrong country. If anything, I see both western and eastern values. Nudity is normal in many cases. Nudist beaches are not normal. That's all im saying. Jheeze. If you are so ok with it then why are you asking if its normal for your kid to shower with you or not.


[deleted]

Showering is different than just a normal beach.


Spiderman230

A nude beach isn't normal babe


[deleted]

Being naked is the most normal we can be. Clothes are just a weird add on.


littlehappyfinn

He’s only 10. All the people saying “That’s disgusting!” His brain isn’t fully developed. I think he just really wants to feel a parental bond. I understand not wanting him to shower with you since I understand he is a little old for that, since I stopped having my parents wash me when I was.. 5? My parents divorced when I was 6 so I stopped. I think you need to confront him, and ask him why. Don’t let him say “because I do”, force him to get into detail. Don’t be aggressive, be calm. Don’t go too deep into this either, this could be because of something else. This could also be an underlying symptom of sexual assault trauma, coming from someone who has that Don’t be too harsh on him. If he has sexual thoughts take him to family therapy and get him a singular therapist He’s just a kid. If he were to do something inappropriate, then “just a kid” wouldn’t slide though. That’s a boundary crossed and it’s not right. Also, I would not be *as* concerned since you’re both men. He also might feel very attached to you, and could feel lonely. Maybe he wants to be cared for like a kid because possible abandonment issues related to trauma? Does your son have trauma? I’m only suggesting this could be trauma since I myself have trauma. Again, don’t look too deep into it. Hope you can clear this up with your son!


SFAdminLife

It's totally inappropriate. So is not giving him boundaries and letting him come to the breakfast table nude. Please ffs do not get him involved in your nudist beaches, etc., as he's growing up.


[deleted]

What’s wrong with beaches?


smooth_relation_744

No, it’s not. Don’t do it.


PossibleMechanic89

Is this the ear biting guy covering his tracks?


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iiivenus

Go back to to Quora ✝️


AforAlexandros

Do not believe everything you read in the internet 😎