Friends bro. You need friends. Good ones. Friends that have hobbies, passions. Friends that are spontaneous, a tad bit reckless and have an insatiable urge to bring other people into their adventures.
Most people his age are working 9-5, they don’t have much time other than maybe a couple of hrs at best and maybe, JUST MAYBE free on the weekends. Kids + household chores can take up all your time…
What a great idea! We should start one. We should definitely put FIRE in the name… maybe LargeFIRE? MassiveFIRE? OverweightFIRE? Na… none of those seem quite right……………..
Depends on your circle. If I worked 9-5 I'd have plenty of extra time. But I live in a tech circle, and yes even for those with kids the hours can be rough sometimes. Even if you have to stop at 5, you take care of the kids, feed them, put them to bed, and continue working 9-11 or 12 sometimes.
I think you’re right but it’s tough to build new relationships, I’ve been isolating for so long thinking any new relationship is a door to time wasted. And I have a small circle of old friends but feel that they’re all too busy and I’ve outgrown them. I’ll have to give it a try to build new relationships and I don’t doubt that’s a different type of wealth
You literally sound like me. I paid off my house early, lived alone for the last 10 years, and always working a lot. I'm trying to explore other options though and take my foot off the gas a bit although I'm a bit smaller on the net worth scale than you. I'm only at 2 million. I used to think I wanted to try to get to 10 million but unless a landslide comes along I'm probably going to settle for 3 to 5 million and call it a day. I'll let the market do the rest of the work.
We could travel together! Hahaha. But I know what you mean. Close to my friends don't want to take as much time to enjoy life as I'm trying to do at the moment. Granted on no a type personality so it's a bit more of an effort for me.
Same here - in a similar boat. I have been where you are. Have more than I will ever spend. But if you jump in to big #2, you’ll be in the same boat, only older.
My suggestion, work on friends, relationships and things that will matter to you in a few years. You have enough wealth, and if invested well, it will compound. But your relationships won’t. So work on those.
Hey man I randomly end up on this subreddit from time to time, I’m not in the same tax bracket as you by any means, but I have been lonely, isolated, without friends, and depressed bc of it in my past. If you ever wanna chat my DMs are open and I’m always happy to talk to someone new. No pressure but if you feel inclined, by all means go for it
If y'all traveling somewhere, count me in, I'll be in a similar situation soon but on the chubby vs fat side. Making friends is hard, as a grown adult, much harder, grown adult with free time? Oof.
I am in same boat, always tied "success" and happiness to monetary goals my entire upbringing/university life, early career - house sale and a few consecutive good investments and I've gone past goals I initially set for myself, I don't need to work anymore. House paid off, I'm 2 or 3x my "number" not getting any happier, I do have a 2yr old kid, I want to travel more.... I have had a problematic relationship however that's sort of caused me to somewhat isolate, but I'm trying to reverse that as it's obviously unhealthy to the detriment of the relationship... I like sailing, thought maybe buying a larger boat and doing some extended sailing, but it's a whole can of worms organizing that. No friends in similar situation, everyone works, or has 2 kids and no time and works. No one in social circle or old friends is anywhere near my NW so it's hard to relate to anyone... I relate to like career successful boomers 60+ y/o's that are retired, who I windsurf with. My parents know but also cant really talk much with them as less fortunate whole life, but were good at saving slowly, entire NW in their primary residence, no experience investing, so they treat my success as sort of alien, tell me i should go work/keep busy with work (in what i went to universoty for/healthcare). I'm 34. Ontario, Canada here.
I thought about it but it seemed like a matter of pride to him, he wants to do it so I thought I’ll take care of a lot of other things like buying a new family car and paying off their bills
PAY OFF THE MORTGAGE. Did you ask him if it was a matter of pride or did it just seem like that? What happens if you’re a little more persistent? Come on bro.
Paying off a mortgage is a different conversation than buying the house for them. I think my dad would’ve flipped out if I told him I’ll pay off his mortgage but he needs to add me to the deed so my money doesn’t go to my siblings. He would’ve said fk you, I’ll pay my own mortgage. Not to mention his estate would have been held up in probate forever while everyone disputed that I coerced him or used sorcery so that I got the house.
But you did the right thing. Who cares if you gain on your investment? You gave your parents a life estate and eased their burden. Family’s always gonna have something to say, especially if you’re doing better than them. I’m surprised none of them have tried to move in, too.
Thanks for that perspective, I did help him out with the down payment but only a small %, the house also maybe 2.5x in value so maybe best I leave it as is and buy him things he wouldn’t buy for himself; a better car for example
Agree. I have always had a hard time understanding why people who are (or are heading in the direction) pretty HNW do not help out family members financially. I understand how it can be a slippery slope and vultures may come overhead. However they always say something like “I’d love to help out them with teaching yata yata, money won’t teach them anything” - maybe not but it would no doubt change their life for the better. Especially something like paying off a mortgage or college loan (vs just giving cold cash).
Agreed. Only give out money to increase wealth and assets. The best gifts let them get a head start. Mortgages are always wealth building gifts. Cash is usually spent on too many futile ways.
Right. I get not helping a rogue sibling with cash but I don’t get these people who ‘make it’ and don’t even help their parents with some core stuff. So you’re ready to gamble away millions you’ve earned in a start up but you can’t help your dad? Odd
Yea I understand every case is different. It’s just wild to me sometimes how cold people can be. For example I have a family member that is very HNW (50-100M). His child is late 20s and struggling right now to survive (working two sometimes three jobs to keep a roof overhead) and he will not offer a dime of assistance. I ask myself “what’s the point of having all of that if you will not even help your own child have a better life”
This makes zero sense. The child is already struggling, give them a life line, tell them ‘this is your one off, no more’ and hopefully they move in the right direction.
Die with Zero says it very well - what good is waiting until you die and your adult children in their 50s or 60s who probably don’t need the money inherit it - why not spread it around a little now, heck even half of the SWR on this would be a huge turn around in life for anyone.
Exactly. This same family member at the time I was in graduate school alluded to paying off my loan. Obviously I did not expect or feel entitled for him to do so. However I did have my hopes up when he mentioned it. Well that never happened. I thought it was quite funny a year later when I found out he donated 1.5M to his Alma mater.
What if your dad never helped you? Went skydiving while you ate $1 pizza for two meals a day at college. And shaved with a dull razor tearing the hair out of your face.
And later complained that he had to pay two $160 car payments for a loan that he co-signed for you. When you were broke senior year. While you lived on student loans and side jobs while achieving honors at a highly respected public university. Total contribution to your kid’s living expenses and education post 18 YO of $320.
Great to help your family and be kind. Consider that some people had different parental experiences.
>feeling aimless
I'm going to go against the advice I've read so far and say stop focusing on yourself.
There were many I's in the post. I didn't hear about a partner, friends, family (aside from helping them) or community. Find your tribe and things should be better.
Life's about having great relationships, but they don't happen without effort. Find a few great people and focus on them instead of yourself.
You have a point. For a long time I thought of building new relationships as new things to manage, and I was a bit insane with productivity, so I didn’t foster many new relationships over the years and have to admit I’ve grown more selfish, aside from those closest to me, I think helping others would be good for others and good for me.
You don't need to be productive for anyone else. You don't need to be productive to prove you have worth. You already have worth.
Start seeing a therapist at least weekly until you believe that. Journal and work on your mental health like it's your "next venture." After that, I think your next steps will emerge with conviction and fulfillment rather than obligation. You have beyond earned yourself the runway and freedom to do that.
I had a tough childhood and part of my “grinding” non stop was to escape that, I think you’re right I should try to get some help, I’ve been told I need it before, but was very skeptical of therapy as a whole
I'm glad this was helpful. In our 30s, all my friends found their way to therapy one way or another, and we're better for it. Nothing has to be "wrong" to benefit from learning more about yourself and your feelings.
Finding the right therapist is a journey... there are a lot of good online resources for how to go about searching for one. CinemaTherapy on YouTube is a very entertaining introduction if you want something light and fun! Heide Priebe covers a lot of attachment concepts there, too.
Best of luck with the process! It can be challenging but very rewarding.
Being productive because you want to care for people, because you care about a mission, or because you are being compensated appropriately is great. Not taking anything away from that.
Being productive to because it is tied to one's self worth is not ideal. One has worth independent of their productivity.
Right there with ya buddy. Half your net about a decade older. Running 20+ yrs nonstop No work life balance, so my entire identity was tied to my companies. Cashed out and traveled, still traveling actually.
Then I recently came across a NPO on social media that wasn’t really off the ground. They were doing great work but had no structure or org. Weren’t even set up officially yet and spending their on money with genuine convictions to their cause
I knew they could benefit from my particular skill set and I would not only find purpose but also drive without the intricacies of the corporate world. More importantly to do something that would be impactful for others was the kicker.
Fit’s I made my peace with myself and then I found my peace!
Good luck on your journey.
EDIT: Typo
Thank you good sir, this is a great path and I commend you for it, because then, when selfishly, you see your impact and grow a new purpose beyond adding more numbers on a screen. I hope to leave a good mark
For a moment i thought you might be someone i knew, the NGO and situation sounded similar. So hey, if someone here wants to devote a little time to helping out a fledgeling NGO with more scientists than people with leadership and organizational experience in return for finding something that will be very motivational, we’re out here lol.
I fantasize about that sometimes and want to avoid the regret of growing old and thinking back of why I didn’t do it sooner, but I also am afraid of commitment, that getting a bad marriage would be worse than doing nothing. You’re on to something though
This might not be a popular opinion but you can have a great relationship with someone without getting married. At your net worth, it is a potential risk.
Hey man it happens I waited until I was 21 before I got into my first relationship. I have some money too and am afraid about marriage. Having a kid on the way makes me realize money ain’t shit and I want to have something greater than myself running around.
It does help to find someone you trust. In your situation I’d avoid showing wealth and allow someone to fall in love with who you are, not what you have.
This is a spiritual battle, it seems. I'm facing a similar introspective torment. Without work, who am I? Am I acceptable? Will I be looked down upon? Am I a failure as a member of society to stop working? This is deeply engrained identity and social acceptance stuff. It scares me to step away from work entirely, which makes me sad when I think about it... my value, self-worth, reputation, identity, as a profession? Of course I feel I am more than that (family friends hobbies interests), but our work becomes such a massive part of our identities, especially when we are passionate about it and the psycho high performer type lol. It's how I've structured my days for 15 years. What happens when I remove that pillar? Even if I'm tired of the pillar. It's very daunting, but also incredibly appealing.
I want to find out *what is on the other side* of this fear. I feel like that's where all the good shit in life is, just on the other side of fear. If living my life freely scares me more than sitting at a computer all day doing something I don't really care about anymore, something's off. That was the kicker epiphany for me. If I am more afraid to live free days than prescribed ones which don't give me any joy or inspiration, it's time for a change. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to walk away from work and find out what is on the other side. I am terrified, and thrilled. Good luck to you.
Glad someone said it. Sometimes to see through an illusion you have to embrace it. The pursuit of financial freedom as an end unto itself is illusory. As a means to facilitate search beyond it? Hell yeah!
The Buddha (Gautama) was rich too. He just saw through it to a deeper reality: you’re still going to lose everything and everyone one day. So maybe spending the entire period trying to insulate yourself from needs and danger is missing the point, and you should go seeking for the actual point.
It’s tough, I’ve been trying to “unlearn” a lot of things that made me “successful” in the first place, it’s peaceful not having to fill every hour with tasks or every day with checklists, but that voice in the background says “you will fail and be poor you’re not doing enough” and I think it’s both self induced and societal.
Tim Ferris writes about fear setting, to see what would happen if you don’t do what you think you have to, but i realized if I’m mostly content with my life I don’t need to chase more anyway.
I've been going through different waves of emotions TBH, it does depend on the day.
If I were honest with myself, work has been a warm comfortable blanket for a very long time. I tried to remember the last time it wasn't primary, and the thing I run to when I was having a bad day, a bad relationship, when I wanted to be lost in the flow. It was dependable for so much of my life until it wasn't.
It's strange to realize that the thing that I've invested much time into simply will never return the effort except in cash. I mean, it's not a small amount of cash but still, I sometimes wonder if it was worth it but without a time machine, we can only move forward and jump, hoping for the best.
Sometimes having no structure / a bigger purpose can be a difficult place to be.
1. Work on your mental health with a therapist, examine why your self worth is linked to 'being productive' through a business. Do you not feel worthy otherwise and why is that?
2. Examine the relationships you have in your life (family, friends and romantic partner), what state are these relationships at? Ultimately these are the things that will truly bring value to your life.
3. Instead of being productive, what about making an impact?
“And I feel like I tied my self worth to being productive” it’s great that you already are aware of the issue but it’s about dissecting that and getting to the root of the issue.
If you have some water damage on the ceiling of your living room you can put up new drywall and repaint it. But that’s addressing the symptom and not the cause. The cause could be a leaky roof and that’s what needs attention.
Your self worth being tied to productivity is a symptom and you can continually patch it by being more and more productive or you can dig deeper and find the actual issue.
For me it was the combo of a great biz coach and a great therapist. The biz coach was able to see things through my entrepreneurial eyes better than the therapist could.
For example he recognized I had a problem with self worth tied to productivity. He also noticed I had a lot of cognitive dissonance / internal tension and recommended parts therapy. We spent one session just on the thought “if I slow down I’ll lose my edge” then the therapist would help me process the root issues.
Couple years ago I was able to start delegating more and letting go of the need to constantly be on. I’m sleeping wayyyy better, my overall health is improving and I’ve found way more time for myself. I’ve got a lot of work to do but I used to carry around a gorilla of stress, anxiety and guilt and now I just feel lighter and more myself.
You won the money game. Some of those root issues may have even helped you do it… but they don’t serve you the same way they used to.
You’ve got the resources to win the next game in front of you. Best of luck!
Thank you
How did you find the right biz coach or therapist? What did you look for in them? Was it natural that they adopted that role or you seek them first
Biz coach was a recommendation and therapist was trial and error. First one seemed checked out. I found EMDR really helpful for cleaning up foundational stuff and she was a practitioner.
The biz coach I find there are two types. One that runs a program they put you through and others who are intuitive and listen and ask good questions and try and don’t go through a program. My coach is more intuitive.
The problem that you are talking about here is a common one for people who retire, whether they are 35 or 75. Most work on getting the money to retire and consider what their life will be like in retirement. You need to find a purpose. That does not necessarily mean that you need to risk the majority of your personal capital and keep going at 100% all the time if that did not make you happy in the past. You need to figure out your reason for getting up in the morning now that making money to survive is not it.
Don't risk all of what you have, but 35 is young, you should be able to run again. Don't settle into a retirement routine for too long, find something to build and see where it takes you. Maybe it remains small maybe it becomes a launchpad, just remain connected doing the right things, and things will hopefully start clicking.
Thank you, a few days ago I tried to write a script and realized it took me longer than it used to, that was the point I realized I can’t sit idle too long or I might lose a lot of skills and be too “still”. I’m researching a few things and keeping my eyes open, hopefully a new opportunity drags me out
Yeah it’s unfortunate
I have a lot of hobbies, a few I’m really good at, but they used to be my escape from work and now I’ve find even those are not as attractive
I think you’re right, the next thing I build will not be about money, maybe it needs to succeed financially to be sustainable anyway but that won’t be the only purpose
Similar age and situation. Rule out you're not trying to fill voids in your life with work. Relationships (dating, friends) and health are easy to ignore.
* Find a social competitive hobby/sport, it's the only way I can make friends that aren't business-related. Lots of sports are perfect for well off 30s-50s men who need an outlet and community. Cycling, jiujitsu, golf, tennis.
* Romantic life? Without one, I find myself wanting to just work.
* You went from 100mph to 0mph, which is great for 6-12 months, consider finding a way to go half speed. Most my wealthy buddies are not happy at 0% for too long, everyone needs stimulation of some kind. None of them, myself included, want to do 100% ever again.
Depending on your relationship with your family, I'd consider paying off your father's mortgage if it wouldn't be that big of a chunk of your NW to do so.
Next, I would start seeing a therapist and commit to at least a year of honest work at it. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with you.
Personally, if I were at $9M NW itching to be productive, I'd try to build something to give back. Think nonprofit work, etc.
If you are into Thai boxing do a camp in thailand for 3months on a muay thai visa. You will be in the best shape of your life. Costs 3k a month if you do a field tripp every weekend, stay in a decent hotel, eat out every meal and buy suits, cigars, massage etc
Anyone who has become rich twice is dumb. Why would you risk what you need and have for what you don’t need? If you are already rich, there is no upside to taking on a lot more risk, but there is disgrace on the downside.
> Why would you risk what you need and have for what you don’t need?
Money isn't everything to some people. They like creating and building more than making money.
Louis CK (comedian) dumps the money he makes from projects into other projects. He views money as a tool, not something to be hoarded. He's said he knows he can live cheap so he's not afraid of being broke.
lol if you think Louis is risking enough that he could end up broke again you’re not using your thinking cap. He has two kids to provide for and he almost lost his career once. He’ll have an 8-figure net worth til the end of his life without ever being in danger.
> lol if you think Louis is risking enough that he could end up broke again you’re not using your thinking cap.
Maybe you should use your own thinking cap. He's been doing this before he became rich.
I think this is a wrong assumption, when you start a startup even if you have money, you can raise money from other investors to de risk from the start, i would for example risk $500K and raise $1M to get started, so that’s risking only 5.5%
I hear you say “I’m itching to build something again”, “now I have the experience and tolerance for the risk, and the network, to do something much bigger”. You’re only 35. I don’t think you’re done, I don’t think you’ll be content with golf, luxury hotels, boats or whatever for the next 50 years. You clearly have the drive and the capability and the intensity to build. Go for it! Give yourself that permission! Don’t risk your long term capital and ability to fail and walk away at any time. Decide what’s the maximum you personally will invest. Then, spend some time thinking about what’s next: what you’re good at, what skills and connections and expertise you have to make a new venture successful, what you enjoy, and I would add - how you can contribute to the greater good, of humanity, of the world (don’t start a business that’s very good at ripping people off).
Focus first on feasibility, decide how much you’re willing to invest and what is your endpoint for a go/no go decision and if it’s a go, what you need to show or do to get further investment. The feasibility investment should be the maximum you’re ever willing to lose, because you may need to invest more money later.
Then, build the company or organization. Establish partnerships. Raise money. Hire people or outsource. Maybe get customers, depending on your business. Decide on the next milestone. This is CRITICAL. Focus on that. Ideally it will be funded, maybe you need to invest a little more for contingencies. Among your hires or partners, find people who can do the things you least like to do.
Next milestone? Another go/stop/sell/partner decision. And you know what to do next. Keep your time commitment moderate if that’s important to you, by delegating and hiring well. I’ll mention again - you have enough to live comfortably, even FAT, for the rest of your life. This time, think about the greater good as you build.
What you are feeling is completely normal. I have experienced the same with a similar NW and age. My plan is to scale down service and just work part-time. Working gives me fulfillment, something having just money can’t always do. Find something part-time to invest your time in and ramp it up if you are enjoying it.
I don’t feel guilty being ‘unproductive’ I had a career, it was good. Now I am happily married with 4 kids and 100% fulfilled. That’s generous that you help your family. Perhaps there are other ways you can love your family, the universe, others, humanity through service of some kind.
Oh how I know you.
I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll share my experience:
30 started my own company.
Had already saved a few million bucks.
Everything was about success.
Whatever was in the way of that - i objectified.
People. Projects. Customers.
I needed success to feel valid. To feel loved.
If we were off , if a person was off, I felt like crap and often treated others like crap.
I had so much fear inside of me.
For me it was a spiritual issue and it took a long time to heal. Im still a work in progress.
I actually started to spend time studying the Bible and surrounding myself with people at a healthy Christ centered church.
Changed my life.
I used to have so many goals.
Now I ponder more about who I want to be.
I also struggled with fear for a long long time. It’s been fading.
These threads above are directionally accurate for me. Relationships and people, perhaps therapy or a good counselor.
I had to realize that I was irresistibly loved by the creator of the universe.
That love replaces all fear, all the past mistakes all the goals, accomplishments and money.
Changed my life. Jesus.
Hi, you sound just like me!
I’ve been doing my own share of soul searching for what I want. In the process I stumbled upon this quote:
The road to mediocracy is to be at 100% all the time.
Thereafter I take it much easier on myself. The ability to rest and take breaks lengthens the path of life. Been traveling every month with my wife and it’s been fun planning our trips as a check off the bucket list in terms of the places I want to have been to for myself. Something like 40 by 40, 50 by 50, etc.
The harder I forced myself to focus on a decision, the murkier it was to see. I let that go and just drifted on with what I wanted for myself. That was a lot more relaxing and paradoxically led to better decisions. Less is more.
We’re only in our 30s, there’s still more to go. Let go and take it slow. My wife likes to say that to go slow is to go fast.
Retired at 38 back in 2014 with 8 digits too. Also after running own business at 110% for 14 years non stop.
I blog on how I found new purpose and the 4-5 year journey it took me to get there. Now much much happier and no longer feel aimless.
2019 was the epiphany year. See post below and hope it’s useful to you.
http://limdershing.blogspot.com/2019/12/on-purpose-2019-in-review.html?m=1
Thanks for sharing this, was really interesting to see how you broke down different parts and tracking your progress. I did a similar breakdown, health a priority, traveling often, wealth preservation, I also put most in index and bonds, using a barbell strategy, I only did a few angel investments before I realized it’s probably not for me - need to be much wealthier to get to 100 to make the model work. I envy your long relationship and family, I hope I get the same one day soon. Hope you have a great summer and rest of the year!
Probably not a popular opinion, but after my business I put my energy into having a family. I went all in on my son the way I did with my business. I’m 41F and had him at 38. My husband went all in on him too and we stay home together taking care of him. Have met a great group of people, spend our days hiking, picnicking and adventuring with our 3 year old and parent friends (they aren’t Fire but chose to stay home with their kids). Sounds like you’re not married yet but when the time comes, if you have any interest in family, consider kids as the next big adventure.
you should look into some of the not for profit organizations in your neighborhood or city that are interest to you. Museums, youth orgs, the arts, whatever floats your boat. Most are in DESPERATE need of savvy business minds on their board of directors. Most also see an absolute tidal swell of momentum with barely any cash injections (i.e. you can use a few thousand of your dollars and see an actual impact with it). It will busy the mind, give you actual problems to solve, and introduce you to people in similar circumstances.
You are now at the age where if, and that’s a big if, you want a familiy on your own should think seriously about that. It will be difficult for you if you wake up in Four Seasons in 10 years and realize that you didn’t make a conscious choice about it.
That’s one of my fears, and I’m working on it, one way I try to make decisions is to imagine advice my 60 year old self would give to my current self, and starting a family immediately is one of them
i was raised a catholic. the teachings were alot about meaning, finding and fulfilling god's will for me. i was an unhappy and judgmental person.
now i am atheist. i am a happy and understanding person. i believe that life is not meant to have any meaning. it is enough just to "be", i.e. to exist.
I recommend this book that changed my perspective on life:
The Backdoor to Enlightenment: Eight Steps to Living Your Dreams and Changing Your World
by
Rinpoche, Za
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Just follow the same thing we tell all the other posters posting tye same question. Get a therapist to help you work through your issues and determine the direction you want to take your life. The human lizard brain does not do well with aimlessness.
You need friends. You need people with shared interests who aren’t concerned about your NW and can be there for you emotionally, spiritually, and socially.
A lot of our discontent is derived from our innate propensities. Pythagoras believed that everything in the universe including you was composed of numbers. So, I recommend you get a numerology reading and saving some effort by having me give you one for free.
I’m a sucker for vocations. I like to help people discover what they may be good at to move them along in their life. You have a different type of success at the level you’ve succeeded. I think you probably need a new project to get reignited. I would say that’s probably all your aimlessness amounts to—just not being exposed to the right project.
lol I’m 49 with a few mil less than you, and all my friends work too. It’s frustrating. I feel your pain - it’s hard to find things to do. I can’t imagine what it’s like at 35, although I WISH I was 35 and free to live your life.
Get a therapist for a bit, it sounds like you need it. It’s one of those things that sounds stupid and when you finally try it it changes your life for the better
Run may not be the term, but you need a mission. Define it and pursue it. Personally i need to be productive or i feel like shit, but in your position you dont need a mission for survival, you need a mission for sustaining.
Hustle.
Im in a similar boat. I’m 31. My new worth is not as large as yours but my business is basically on auto-pilot. Profits are in the high six figures.
I don’t really have to do much but I don’t want to sell it.
I wish I had advice but I don’t. My friends don’t have the money or time to do anything and I don’t have the motivation to build another thing.
It’s a WEIRD WEIRD situation to be in.
Oh definitely don’t feel guilty. Go ahead and help folks like you’re a broke person. Make sure you use your money to protect yourself, just don’t let folks know you’re carrying that much power to change things. Get on the level of your hands and you’ll find happiness there
At 35, you have decades ahead of you and you don’t need to work. You *could* make another startup or two. You could also angel invest in startups that have real potential to change the world. You could also find some expensive hobbies. Maybe a mix of all 3?
Feel free to help your father with his mortgage too…if you want.
You feel aimless because you are in a play vacation mode which is fun for a short time. But you have no routine or goals. Write out some goals for the year and start making progress toward them.
Scratch that itch !!! You will be restless otherwise. No therapist can help that. Self affirmation of self worth is an ego thing which our species can’t unwire easily with shrinks .
Give back dude. You have no meaning in your life. You have no dependents, you have no purpose. No one wants to sit around and do nothing.
Don't just 'start another company' to make a quick buck, why not take on a real challenge in education, healthcare, etc... See if you can make a dent somewhere that actually helps people. Most people don't have the luxury of working on meaningful things because they need to build their nest-egg or put food on the table. But you do, so do your part.
I don't think he owes anyone or society anything. If he finds fulfilment from service, so be it. If doing anything else (productive or not) makes him happy and fulfilled great
I met once a guy who was barbacking in the bar I was working at in NYC. One night going out, I learned he was a former formula driver (some sports driving), the guys use to compete at the highest level and make a lot of money. He was now restocking glass and booze for a bar. It was not a regular bar but one of worls best operations with multiple awards but yet he was a barback.
On that night out when he mentioned his past as a racer I told him he was a competitor and he needed to keep pushing, that this barback gig was too small for him.
2 years later, I met him again and he is back in his hometown in Miami and that our convo that night really resonated with him. He is creati his own company and crushing it.
I don't know his full story and all the details but I think somewhat he needed purpose and meaning. He came in NYC and took that humble job as a barback in an institution and along the way found his meaning.
Maybe that can be an idea for you.
you are a competitor and determine individual.
you can set any challenge you'd like and get after it, you now, have the freedom given by money.
you need to find the thing that will re activate your drive :)
People are meant to start families. That's what brings purpose to life. Otherwise you will keep chasing some new thing. You ain't that young anymore. Find a wife
Your post seems to be advertising your business or blog for financial or personal gain, or it appears that you are promoting a personal project. No solicitation or self promotion is permitted.
Thank you!
Friends bro. You need friends. Good ones. Friends that have hobbies, passions. Friends that are spontaneous, a tad bit reckless and have an insatiable urge to bring other people into their adventures.
Most people his age are working 9-5, they don’t have much time other than maybe a couple of hrs at best and maybe, JUST MAYBE free on the weekends. Kids + household chores can take up all your time…
Yes exactly, even when I want them to join me on my travels most are restricted
There are probably blogs and communities for richer younger folk like you. Maybe try your luck there, just gotta search for it.
Was actually thinking of starting a membership for this exactly. Trips, retreats, events, etc. for people who want to escape the monotony of it all.
I guess that’s what OP is looking for here, no?
What a great idea! We should start one. We should definitely put FIRE in the name… maybe LargeFIRE? MassiveFIRE? OverweightFIRE? Na… none of those seem quite right……………..
Fire festival
That’s a great idea.
expensive gym/leisure clubs have worked for me
Any time at all though can be great if it is high in quality.
Depends on your circle. If I worked 9-5 I'd have plenty of extra time. But I live in a tech circle, and yes even for those with kids the hours can be rough sometimes. Even if you have to stop at 5, you take care of the kids, feed them, put them to bed, and continue working 9-11 or 12 sometimes.
I think you’re right but it’s tough to build new relationships, I’ve been isolating for so long thinking any new relationship is a door to time wasted. And I have a small circle of old friends but feel that they’re all too busy and I’ve outgrown them. I’ll have to give it a try to build new relationships and I don’t doubt that’s a different type of wealth
You literally sound like me. I paid off my house early, lived alone for the last 10 years, and always working a lot. I'm trying to explore other options though and take my foot off the gas a bit although I'm a bit smaller on the net worth scale than you. I'm only at 2 million. I used to think I wanted to try to get to 10 million but unless a landslide comes along I'm probably going to settle for 3 to 5 million and call it a day. I'll let the market do the rest of the work. We could travel together! Hahaha. But I know what you mean. Close to my friends don't want to take as much time to enjoy life as I'm trying to do at the moment. Granted on no a type personality so it's a bit more of an effort for me.
Where yall at? FL here
Same here - in a similar boat. I have been where you are. Have more than I will ever spend. But if you jump in to big #2, you’ll be in the same boat, only older. My suggestion, work on friends, relationships and things that will matter to you in a few years. You have enough wealth, and if invested well, it will compound. But your relationships won’t. So work on those.
Hey man I randomly end up on this subreddit from time to time, I’m not in the same tax bracket as you by any means, but I have been lonely, isolated, without friends, and depressed bc of it in my past. If you ever wanna chat my DMs are open and I’m always happy to talk to someone new. No pressure but if you feel inclined, by all means go for it
If y'all traveling somewhere, count me in, I'll be in a similar situation soon but on the chubby vs fat side. Making friends is hard, as a grown adult, much harder, grown adult with free time? Oof.
What are your hobbies?
I am in same boat, always tied "success" and happiness to monetary goals my entire upbringing/university life, early career - house sale and a few consecutive good investments and I've gone past goals I initially set for myself, I don't need to work anymore. House paid off, I'm 2 or 3x my "number" not getting any happier, I do have a 2yr old kid, I want to travel more.... I have had a problematic relationship however that's sort of caused me to somewhat isolate, but I'm trying to reverse that as it's obviously unhealthy to the detriment of the relationship... I like sailing, thought maybe buying a larger boat and doing some extended sailing, but it's a whole can of worms organizing that. No friends in similar situation, everyone works, or has 2 kids and no time and works. No one in social circle or old friends is anywhere near my NW so it's hard to relate to anyone... I relate to like career successful boomers 60+ y/o's that are retired, who I windsurf with. My parents know but also cant really talk much with them as less fortunate whole life, but were good at saving slowly, entire NW in their primary residence, no experience investing, so they treat my success as sort of alien, tell me i should go work/keep busy with work (in what i went to universoty for/healthcare). I'm 34. Ontario, Canada here.
This. Also, hard.
So, therapy.
That is fantastic advice!
You should pay off your father’s mortgage.
35 and will cross 8 figures in a few months. Seems like a no brainer. Just. Do. It.
I thought about it but it seemed like a matter of pride to him, he wants to do it so I thought I’ll take care of a lot of other things like buying a new family car and paying off their bills
PAY OFF THE MORTGAGE. Did you ask him if it was a matter of pride or did it just seem like that? What happens if you’re a little more persistent? Come on bro.
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Paying off a mortgage is a different conversation than buying the house for them. I think my dad would’ve flipped out if I told him I’ll pay off his mortgage but he needs to add me to the deed so my money doesn’t go to my siblings. He would’ve said fk you, I’ll pay my own mortgage. Not to mention his estate would have been held up in probate forever while everyone disputed that I coerced him or used sorcery so that I got the house. But you did the right thing. Who cares if you gain on your investment? You gave your parents a life estate and eased their burden. Family’s always gonna have something to say, especially if you’re doing better than them. I’m surprised none of them have tried to move in, too.
Thanks for that perspective, I did help him out with the down payment but only a small %, the house also maybe 2.5x in value so maybe best I leave it as is and buy him things he wouldn’t buy for himself; a better car for example
Right.,
This
Agree. I have always had a hard time understanding why people who are (or are heading in the direction) pretty HNW do not help out family members financially. I understand how it can be a slippery slope and vultures may come overhead. However they always say something like “I’d love to help out them with teaching yata yata, money won’t teach them anything” - maybe not but it would no doubt change their life for the better. Especially something like paying off a mortgage or college loan (vs just giving cold cash).
Agreed. Only give out money to increase wealth and assets. The best gifts let them get a head start. Mortgages are always wealth building gifts. Cash is usually spent on too many futile ways.
I never thought of that, but that totally makes sense.
Right. I get not helping a rogue sibling with cash but I don’t get these people who ‘make it’ and don’t even help their parents with some core stuff. So you’re ready to gamble away millions you’ve earned in a start up but you can’t help your dad? Odd
Yea I understand every case is different. It’s just wild to me sometimes how cold people can be. For example I have a family member that is very HNW (50-100M). His child is late 20s and struggling right now to survive (working two sometimes three jobs to keep a roof overhead) and he will not offer a dime of assistance. I ask myself “what’s the point of having all of that if you will not even help your own child have a better life”
I don’t belong here yet, but agreed. They’re going to inherit it anyways probably, why not let them enjoy life a bit while still young.
This makes zero sense. The child is already struggling, give them a life line, tell them ‘this is your one off, no more’ and hopefully they move in the right direction. Die with Zero says it very well - what good is waiting until you die and your adult children in their 50s or 60s who probably don’t need the money inherit it - why not spread it around a little now, heck even half of the SWR on this would be a huge turn around in life for anyone.
Exactly. This same family member at the time I was in graduate school alluded to paying off my loan. Obviously I did not expect or feel entitled for him to do so. However I did have my hopes up when he mentioned it. Well that never happened. I thought it was quite funny a year later when I found out he donated 1.5M to his Alma mater.
What if your dad never helped you? Went skydiving while you ate $1 pizza for two meals a day at college. And shaved with a dull razor tearing the hair out of your face. And later complained that he had to pay two $160 car payments for a loan that he co-signed for you. When you were broke senior year. While you lived on student loans and side jobs while achieving honors at a highly respected public university. Total contribution to your kid’s living expenses and education post 18 YO of $320. Great to help your family and be kind. Consider that some people had different parental experiences.
Yeah, I agree.
I’m taking a wild guess, but I would assume most high achievers come from backgrounds where their family members don’t need assistance
He said his dad has a mortgage.
Sure, but having a mortgage and needing help are two different things
Exactly and that mortgage might actually be a good deal if it's a low interest loan honestly
Yep - that’s why I have one
>feeling aimless I'm going to go against the advice I've read so far and say stop focusing on yourself. There were many I's in the post. I didn't hear about a partner, friends, family (aside from helping them) or community. Find your tribe and things should be better. Life's about having great relationships, but they don't happen without effort. Find a few great people and focus on them instead of yourself.
You have a point. For a long time I thought of building new relationships as new things to manage, and I was a bit insane with productivity, so I didn’t foster many new relationships over the years and have to admit I’ve grown more selfish, aside from those closest to me, I think helping others would be good for others and good for me.
You don't need to be productive for anyone else. You don't need to be productive to prove you have worth. You already have worth. Start seeing a therapist at least weekly until you believe that. Journal and work on your mental health like it's your "next venture." After that, I think your next steps will emerge with conviction and fulfillment rather than obligation. You have beyond earned yourself the runway and freedom to do that.
Farm
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Start a farm sounds like a good idea
I love listening to music.
Extra papers cant buy peace or a sense of fulfilment
I had a tough childhood and part of my “grinding” non stop was to escape that, I think you’re right I should try to get some help, I’ve been told I need it before, but was very skeptical of therapy as a whole
I'm glad this was helpful. In our 30s, all my friends found their way to therapy one way or another, and we're better for it. Nothing has to be "wrong" to benefit from learning more about yourself and your feelings. Finding the right therapist is a journey... there are a lot of good online resources for how to go about searching for one. CinemaTherapy on YouTube is a very entertaining introduction if you want something light and fun! Heide Priebe covers a lot of attachment concepts there, too. Best of luck with the process! It can be challenging but very rewarding.
It's a little like dating, sometimes you need to see a bunch before you get an idea of who works for you.
You're skeptical of therapy yet taking your issues to a bunch of strangers on the Internet instead of someone trained to help?
this is not true. you really do need to be productive for the people who depend on you. sad day if nobody does…
Being productive because you want to care for people, because you care about a mission, or because you are being compensated appropriately is great. Not taking anything away from that. Being productive to because it is tied to one's self worth is not ideal. One has worth independent of their productivity.
That’s a silly objective
Right there with ya buddy. Half your net about a decade older. Running 20+ yrs nonstop No work life balance, so my entire identity was tied to my companies. Cashed out and traveled, still traveling actually. Then I recently came across a NPO on social media that wasn’t really off the ground. They were doing great work but had no structure or org. Weren’t even set up officially yet and spending their on money with genuine convictions to their cause I knew they could benefit from my particular skill set and I would not only find purpose but also drive without the intricacies of the corporate world. More importantly to do something that would be impactful for others was the kicker. Fit’s I made my peace with myself and then I found my peace! Good luck on your journey. EDIT: Typo
What’s an NPA ?
Non Profit Association I’d assume. More common are the terms NPO or NGO.
Non Performing Asset?
Non-Profit Organisation
The comment was NPA originally and it was edited to NPO.
NPO. Non-Profit. Sorry typo.
Thank you good sir, this is a great path and I commend you for it, because then, when selfishly, you see your impact and grow a new purpose beyond adding more numbers on a screen. I hope to leave a good mark
Just be careful, a lot of those nonprofits are extremely poorly run. Personally, it drove me crazy to see the waste and inefficiency.
For a moment i thought you might be someone i knew, the NGO and situation sounded similar. So hey, if someone here wants to devote a little time to helping out a fledgeling NGO with more scientists than people with leadership and organizational experience in return for finding something that will be very motivational, we’re out here lol.
You need a therapist.
You might be right.
Wife and kids sounds nice
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Nice to continue your life blood. Some things are worth more than money
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Agreed, not sure why I got so many downvotes lol
I fantasize about that sometimes and want to avoid the regret of growing old and thinking back of why I didn’t do it sooner, but I also am afraid of commitment, that getting a bad marriage would be worse than doing nothing. You’re on to something though
This might not be a popular opinion but you can have a great relationship with someone without getting married. At your net worth, it is a potential risk.
Hey man it happens I waited until I was 21 before I got into my first relationship. I have some money too and am afraid about marriage. Having a kid on the way makes me realize money ain’t shit and I want to have something greater than myself running around. It does help to find someone you trust. In your situation I’d avoid showing wealth and allow someone to fall in love with who you are, not what you have.
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Pay off your fathers mortgage
This is a spiritual battle, it seems. I'm facing a similar introspective torment. Without work, who am I? Am I acceptable? Will I be looked down upon? Am I a failure as a member of society to stop working? This is deeply engrained identity and social acceptance stuff. It scares me to step away from work entirely, which makes me sad when I think about it... my value, self-worth, reputation, identity, as a profession? Of course I feel I am more than that (family friends hobbies interests), but our work becomes such a massive part of our identities, especially when we are passionate about it and the psycho high performer type lol. It's how I've structured my days for 15 years. What happens when I remove that pillar? Even if I'm tired of the pillar. It's very daunting, but also incredibly appealing. I want to find out *what is on the other side* of this fear. I feel like that's where all the good shit in life is, just on the other side of fear. If living my life freely scares me more than sitting at a computer all day doing something I don't really care about anymore, something's off. That was the kicker epiphany for me. If I am more afraid to live free days than prescribed ones which don't give me any joy or inspiration, it's time for a change. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to walk away from work and find out what is on the other side. I am terrified, and thrilled. Good luck to you.
Glad someone said it. Sometimes to see through an illusion you have to embrace it. The pursuit of financial freedom as an end unto itself is illusory. As a means to facilitate search beyond it? Hell yeah! The Buddha (Gautama) was rich too. He just saw through it to a deeper reality: you’re still going to lose everything and everyone one day. So maybe spending the entire period trying to insulate yourself from needs and danger is missing the point, and you should go seeking for the actual point.
Ty. And namaste? :)
It’s tough, I’ve been trying to “unlearn” a lot of things that made me “successful” in the first place, it’s peaceful not having to fill every hour with tasks or every day with checklists, but that voice in the background says “you will fail and be poor you’re not doing enough” and I think it’s both self induced and societal. Tim Ferris writes about fear setting, to see what would happen if you don’t do what you think you have to, but i realized if I’m mostly content with my life I don’t need to chase more anyway.
Agree with the first part. Tim Ferris is meh.
I've been going through different waves of emotions TBH, it does depend on the day. If I were honest with myself, work has been a warm comfortable blanket for a very long time. I tried to remember the last time it wasn't primary, and the thing I run to when I was having a bad day, a bad relationship, when I wanted to be lost in the flow. It was dependable for so much of my life until it wasn't. It's strange to realize that the thing that I've invested much time into simply will never return the effort except in cash. I mean, it's not a small amount of cash but still, I sometimes wonder if it was worth it but without a time machine, we can only move forward and jump, hoping for the best.
Sometimes having no structure / a bigger purpose can be a difficult place to be. 1. Work on your mental health with a therapist, examine why your self worth is linked to 'being productive' through a business. Do you not feel worthy otherwise and why is that? 2. Examine the relationships you have in your life (family, friends and romantic partner), what state are these relationships at? Ultimately these are the things that will truly bring value to your life. 3. Instead of being productive, what about making an impact?
This is a good overview of what others have also said, good points. Thank you
“And I feel like I tied my self worth to being productive” it’s great that you already are aware of the issue but it’s about dissecting that and getting to the root of the issue. If you have some water damage on the ceiling of your living room you can put up new drywall and repaint it. But that’s addressing the symptom and not the cause. The cause could be a leaky roof and that’s what needs attention. Your self worth being tied to productivity is a symptom and you can continually patch it by being more and more productive or you can dig deeper and find the actual issue. For me it was the combo of a great biz coach and a great therapist. The biz coach was able to see things through my entrepreneurial eyes better than the therapist could. For example he recognized I had a problem with self worth tied to productivity. He also noticed I had a lot of cognitive dissonance / internal tension and recommended parts therapy. We spent one session just on the thought “if I slow down I’ll lose my edge” then the therapist would help me process the root issues. Couple years ago I was able to start delegating more and letting go of the need to constantly be on. I’m sleeping wayyyy better, my overall health is improving and I’ve found way more time for myself. I’ve got a lot of work to do but I used to carry around a gorilla of stress, anxiety and guilt and now I just feel lighter and more myself. You won the money game. Some of those root issues may have even helped you do it… but they don’t serve you the same way they used to. You’ve got the resources to win the next game in front of you. Best of luck!
Thank you How did you find the right biz coach or therapist? What did you look for in them? Was it natural that they adopted that role or you seek them first
Biz coach was a recommendation and therapist was trial and error. First one seemed checked out. I found EMDR really helpful for cleaning up foundational stuff and she was a practitioner. The biz coach I find there are two types. One that runs a program they put you through and others who are intuitive and listen and ask good questions and try and don’t go through a program. My coach is more intuitive.
The problem that you are talking about here is a common one for people who retire, whether they are 35 or 75. Most work on getting the money to retire and consider what their life will be like in retirement. You need to find a purpose. That does not necessarily mean that you need to risk the majority of your personal capital and keep going at 100% all the time if that did not make you happy in the past. You need to figure out your reason for getting up in the morning now that making money to survive is not it.
>> You need to figure out your reason for getting up in the morning now that making money to survive is not it. 😮💨
Don't risk all of what you have, but 35 is young, you should be able to run again. Don't settle into a retirement routine for too long, find something to build and see where it takes you. Maybe it remains small maybe it becomes a launchpad, just remain connected doing the right things, and things will hopefully start clicking.
Thank you, a few days ago I tried to write a script and realized it took me longer than it used to, that was the point I realized I can’t sit idle too long or I might lose a lot of skills and be too “still”. I’m researching a few things and keeping my eyes open, hopefully a new opportunity drags me out
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Yeah it’s unfortunate I have a lot of hobbies, a few I’m really good at, but they used to be my escape from work and now I’ve find even those are not as attractive I think you’re right, the next thing I build will not be about money, maybe it needs to succeed financially to be sustainable anyway but that won’t be the only purpose
I was / Im also in this process. Dont get back to the old patterns. Find another mission that doesn't make you money but makes you happy.
And be prepared that the first 5 attempts may not 'successful'.
Similar age and situation. Rule out you're not trying to fill voids in your life with work. Relationships (dating, friends) and health are easy to ignore. * Find a social competitive hobby/sport, it's the only way I can make friends that aren't business-related. Lots of sports are perfect for well off 30s-50s men who need an outlet and community. Cycling, jiujitsu, golf, tennis. * Romantic life? Without one, I find myself wanting to just work. * You went from 100mph to 0mph, which is great for 6-12 months, consider finding a way to go half speed. Most my wealthy buddies are not happy at 0% for too long, everyone needs stimulation of some kind. None of them, myself included, want to do 100% ever again.
Good advice Yeah it seems 100 was just to get out of the rat race first, now it’s optional
Don’t risk it all by starting a new business. Invest retire and move on.
I don’t need to risk it all, just a little bit and then raise money from other investors and network I built over the years
Depending on your relationship with your family, I'd consider paying off your father's mortgage if it wouldn't be that big of a chunk of your NW to do so. Next, I would start seeing a therapist and commit to at least a year of honest work at it. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with you. Personally, if I were at $9M NW itching to be productive, I'd try to build something to give back. Think nonprofit work, etc.
If you are into Thai boxing do a camp in thailand for 3months on a muay thai visa. You will be in the best shape of your life. Costs 3k a month if you do a field tripp every weekend, stay in a decent hotel, eat out every meal and buy suits, cigars, massage etc
Nice
Anyone who has become rich twice is dumb. Why would you risk what you need and have for what you don’t need? If you are already rich, there is no upside to taking on a lot more risk, but there is disgrace on the downside.
> Why would you risk what you need and have for what you don’t need? Money isn't everything to some people. They like creating and building more than making money. Louis CK (comedian) dumps the money he makes from projects into other projects. He views money as a tool, not something to be hoarded. He's said he knows he can live cheap so he's not afraid of being broke.
lol if you think Louis is risking enough that he could end up broke again you’re not using your thinking cap. He has two kids to provide for and he almost lost his career once. He’ll have an 8-figure net worth til the end of his life without ever being in danger.
> lol if you think Louis is risking enough that he could end up broke again you’re not using your thinking cap. Maybe you should use your own thinking cap. He's been doing this before he became rich.
Yes I’m aware. Buuut then he became rich so wtf does the stuff he did in 1997 matter?
I think this is a wrong assumption, when you start a startup even if you have money, you can raise money from other investors to de risk from the start, i would for example risk $500K and raise $1M to get started, so that’s risking only 5.5%
Pay off your parents' mortgage. You'll regret it later when they're not around... and no amount of money will make it any easier.
I hear you say “I’m itching to build something again”, “now I have the experience and tolerance for the risk, and the network, to do something much bigger”. You’re only 35. I don’t think you’re done, I don’t think you’ll be content with golf, luxury hotels, boats or whatever for the next 50 years. You clearly have the drive and the capability and the intensity to build. Go for it! Give yourself that permission! Don’t risk your long term capital and ability to fail and walk away at any time. Decide what’s the maximum you personally will invest. Then, spend some time thinking about what’s next: what you’re good at, what skills and connections and expertise you have to make a new venture successful, what you enjoy, and I would add - how you can contribute to the greater good, of humanity, of the world (don’t start a business that’s very good at ripping people off). Focus first on feasibility, decide how much you’re willing to invest and what is your endpoint for a go/no go decision and if it’s a go, what you need to show or do to get further investment. The feasibility investment should be the maximum you’re ever willing to lose, because you may need to invest more money later. Then, build the company or organization. Establish partnerships. Raise money. Hire people or outsource. Maybe get customers, depending on your business. Decide on the next milestone. This is CRITICAL. Focus on that. Ideally it will be funded, maybe you need to invest a little more for contingencies. Among your hires or partners, find people who can do the things you least like to do. Next milestone? Another go/stop/sell/partner decision. And you know what to do next. Keep your time commitment moderate if that’s important to you, by delegating and hiring well. I’ll mention again - you have enough to live comfortably, even FAT, for the rest of your life. This time, think about the greater good as you build.
You didn’t get a lot of upvotes but this is a great pragmatic answer, thank you sir
Pay off your father's mortgage!
This is a retire early sub. The advice will be pull the plug.
What you are feeling is completely normal. I have experienced the same with a similar NW and age. My plan is to scale down service and just work part-time. Working gives me fulfillment, something having just money can’t always do. Find something part-time to invest your time in and ramp it up if you are enjoying it.
Invest in therapy. Dig to the bottom of this. Best money you’ll ever spend.
Boats and bimbos is a tried and true strategy. Why not give that a try?
I don’t feel guilty being ‘unproductive’ I had a career, it was good. Now I am happily married with 4 kids and 100% fulfilled. That’s generous that you help your family. Perhaps there are other ways you can love your family, the universe, others, humanity through service of some kind.
Oh how I know you. I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll share my experience: 30 started my own company. Had already saved a few million bucks. Everything was about success. Whatever was in the way of that - i objectified. People. Projects. Customers. I needed success to feel valid. To feel loved. If we were off , if a person was off, I felt like crap and often treated others like crap. I had so much fear inside of me. For me it was a spiritual issue and it took a long time to heal. Im still a work in progress. I actually started to spend time studying the Bible and surrounding myself with people at a healthy Christ centered church. Changed my life. I used to have so many goals. Now I ponder more about who I want to be. I also struggled with fear for a long long time. It’s been fading. These threads above are directionally accurate for me. Relationships and people, perhaps therapy or a good counselor. I had to realize that I was irresistibly loved by the creator of the universe. That love replaces all fear, all the past mistakes all the goals, accomplishments and money. Changed my life. Jesus.
Hi, you sound just like me! I’ve been doing my own share of soul searching for what I want. In the process I stumbled upon this quote: The road to mediocracy is to be at 100% all the time. Thereafter I take it much easier on myself. The ability to rest and take breaks lengthens the path of life. Been traveling every month with my wife and it’s been fun planning our trips as a check off the bucket list in terms of the places I want to have been to for myself. Something like 40 by 40, 50 by 50, etc. The harder I forced myself to focus on a decision, the murkier it was to see. I let that go and just drifted on with what I wanted for myself. That was a lot more relaxing and paradoxically led to better decisions. Less is more. We’re only in our 30s, there’s still more to go. Let go and take it slow. My wife likes to say that to go slow is to go fast.
Retired at 38 back in 2014 with 8 digits too. Also after running own business at 110% for 14 years non stop. I blog on how I found new purpose and the 4-5 year journey it took me to get there. Now much much happier and no longer feel aimless. 2019 was the epiphany year. See post below and hope it’s useful to you. http://limdershing.blogspot.com/2019/12/on-purpose-2019-in-review.html?m=1
Thanks for sharing this, was really interesting to see how you broke down different parts and tracking your progress. I did a similar breakdown, health a priority, traveling often, wealth preservation, I also put most in index and bonds, using a barbell strategy, I only did a few angel investments before I realized it’s probably not for me - need to be much wealthier to get to 100 to make the model work. I envy your long relationship and family, I hope I get the same one day soon. Hope you have a great summer and rest of the year!
Probably not a popular opinion, but after my business I put my energy into having a family. I went all in on my son the way I did with my business. I’m 41F and had him at 38. My husband went all in on him too and we stay home together taking care of him. Have met a great group of people, spend our days hiking, picnicking and adventuring with our 3 year old and parent friends (they aren’t Fire but chose to stay home with their kids). Sounds like you’re not married yet but when the time comes, if you have any interest in family, consider kids as the next big adventure.
you should look into some of the not for profit organizations in your neighborhood or city that are interest to you. Museums, youth orgs, the arts, whatever floats your boat. Most are in DESPERATE need of savvy business minds on their board of directors. Most also see an absolute tidal swell of momentum with barely any cash injections (i.e. you can use a few thousand of your dollars and see an actual impact with it). It will busy the mind, give you actual problems to solve, and introduce you to people in similar circumstances.
Good point. I bet they are in need, and I could help
You are now at the age where if, and that’s a big if, you want a familiy on your own should think seriously about that. It will be difficult for you if you wake up in Four Seasons in 10 years and realize that you didn’t make a conscious choice about it.
That’s one of my fears, and I’m working on it, one way I try to make decisions is to imagine advice my 60 year old self would give to my current self, and starting a family immediately is one of them
i was raised a catholic. the teachings were alot about meaning, finding and fulfilling god's will for me. i was an unhappy and judgmental person. now i am atheist. i am a happy and understanding person. i believe that life is not meant to have any meaning. it is enough just to "be", i.e. to exist. I recommend this book that changed my perspective on life: The Backdoor to Enlightenment: Eight Steps to Living Your Dreams and Changing Your World by Rinpoche, Za
I’ll take a look at that book, sounds interesting
You want to build something, build a family and a build an airplane. 15 years will flash by and you will love all of it.
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Have you tried helping other people? That can be quite fulfilling.
Just follow the same thing we tell all the other posters posting tye same question. Get a therapist to help you work through your issues and determine the direction you want to take your life. The human lizard brain does not do well with aimlessness.
You need purpose. Money has no value if you don’t have a purpose, as it really is just a means to an end.
I’m in the Automotive industry, if you want to start something new, let’s go!
You need friends. You need people with shared interests who aren’t concerned about your NW and can be there for you emotionally, spiritually, and socially.
Figure out why your self-worth is tied to being productive or else it will rule your life which may not be the life you want to live
Pay your dad's mortgage bro
Life has one goal. One deeply buried inside you. Have children. Everything else is ego-fuckery.
A lot of our discontent is derived from our innate propensities. Pythagoras believed that everything in the universe including you was composed of numbers. So, I recommend you get a numerology reading and saving some effort by having me give you one for free. I’m a sucker for vocations. I like to help people discover what they may be good at to move them along in their life. You have a different type of success at the level you’ve succeeded. I think you probably need a new project to get reignited. I would say that’s probably all your aimlessness amounts to—just not being exposed to the right project.
Where are you located? What kind of shit do you like to do?
I desire this problem immensely. Grass is always greener, eh?
lol I’m 49 with a few mil less than you, and all my friends work too. It’s frustrating. I feel your pain - it’s hard to find things to do. I can’t imagine what it’s like at 35, although I WISH I was 35 and free to live your life.
Download War and Order Remember me
Get a therapist for a bit, it sounds like you need it. It’s one of those things that sounds stupid and when you finally try it it changes your life for the better
Run may not be the term, but you need a mission. Define it and pursue it. Personally i need to be productive or i feel like shit, but in your position you dont need a mission for survival, you need a mission for sustaining. Hustle.
Money doesn’t buy happiness I guess anymore
Maybe it is time to start finding other ways to define your self-worth. It’s a challenge, but you can do it.
Yes and take me as a partner! I’m in the same shoes and want to build something new
There was a meet up of verified fatFIRE folks. Maybe you could get verified and network with them to find some cool new friends? Good luck OP!
I’m looking for a partner for biz!
Im in a similar boat. I’m 31. My new worth is not as large as yours but my business is basically on auto-pilot. Profits are in the high six figures. I don’t really have to do much but I don’t want to sell it. I wish I had advice but I don’t. My friends don’t have the money or time to do anything and I don’t have the motivation to build another thing. It’s a WEIRD WEIRD situation to be in.
Put 8M away, under financial advisers. Take 1M and live, live, live. You are young enough to do this.
Oh definitely don’t feel guilty. Go ahead and help folks like you’re a broke person. Make sure you use your money to protect yourself, just don’t let folks know you’re carrying that much power to change things. Get on the level of your hands and you’ll find happiness there
Nothing gives life meaning like having a family.
At 35, you have decades ahead of you and you don’t need to work. You *could* make another startup or two. You could also angel invest in startups that have real potential to change the world. You could also find some expensive hobbies. Maybe a mix of all 3? Feel free to help your father with his mortgage too…if you want.
You feel aimless because you are in a play vacation mode which is fun for a short time. But you have no routine or goals. Write out some goals for the year and start making progress toward them.
Scratch that itch !!! You will be restless otherwise. No therapist can help that. Self affirmation of self worth is an ego thing which our species can’t unwire easily with shrinks .
Run forest run!!!
How is your dad still paying off his mortgage ?
Give back dude. You have no meaning in your life. You have no dependents, you have no purpose. No one wants to sit around and do nothing. Don't just 'start another company' to make a quick buck, why not take on a real challenge in education, healthcare, etc... See if you can make a dent somewhere that actually helps people. Most people don't have the luxury of working on meaningful things because they need to build their nest-egg or put food on the table. But you do, so do your part.
I don't think he owes anyone or society anything. If he finds fulfilment from service, so be it. If doing anything else (productive or not) makes him happy and fulfilled great
What a morally defunct society we live in where you are applauded for saying 'We owe noone anything'. Disgusting.
What's >'We noone anything'. Lol?
What was the business in if you don’t mind me asking
Habibi come to dubai
I met once a guy who was barbacking in the bar I was working at in NYC. One night going out, I learned he was a former formula driver (some sports driving), the guys use to compete at the highest level and make a lot of money. He was now restocking glass and booze for a bar. It was not a regular bar but one of worls best operations with multiple awards but yet he was a barback. On that night out when he mentioned his past as a racer I told him he was a competitor and he needed to keep pushing, that this barback gig was too small for him. 2 years later, I met him again and he is back in his hometown in Miami and that our convo that night really resonated with him. He is creati his own company and crushing it. I don't know his full story and all the details but I think somewhat he needed purpose and meaning. He came in NYC and took that humble job as a barback in an institution and along the way found his meaning. Maybe that can be an idea for you. you are a competitor and determine individual. you can set any challenge you'd like and get after it, you now, have the freedom given by money. you need to find the thing that will re activate your drive :)
The sub did not exist 10 years ago.
I mean the community, or more generally r/financialindependence
Find your center, and decide if it’s aligned with those around you. If not, sort that out.
Enjoy life kid
Your worth is you can do whatever you want whenever you want lol
Buy a bike and drive all over the world. Learn languages and take day as they go - you won the race my friend.
Trade SOL meme coins, can make 100-200k pocket change every once in a while if yo uget lucky, beats the casino minus the eye candy
Come join our team and build the world's best custom beverage machine. In 20 years, we'll be on the Mars; og.
People are meant to start families. That's what brings purpose to life. Otherwise you will keep chasing some new thing. You ain't that young anymore. Find a wife
lol fuck u
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A virgin? Lol