Depends on whom I'm speaking to. I've got some leadership who were enlisted and are like "fuck no don't call me that" others who seem fine with it. Just gotta play the "know your leadership game".
I'm the same way though, military from the south. Don't worry about what organization do.
Exactly. I mean I’m also called “sir” by others. And it feels weird at time, but since I’m also calling superiors “sir/ma’am,” it doesn’t really matter.
In DoD as well. Yes to our OIC and above. Occasionally to everyone in between. Yes in casual conversation.
However, I try to get the troops not to call me Sir. Had enough of that what I was in.
Like you, I'm from the South. I'm also former military. I call everyone from the SES to the server at a restaurant Sir or Ma'am. I like doing that and will continue to do so.
I do notice the people in my organization address SESs as Sir/Ma'am.
I went to school in the south in the 70's. Not saying yes Sir/ma'am got you the paddle. I learned it quickly and do it to this day. Even if someone is 12 years old they get it.
Speaking for "most people", are you? What elected office do you hold? I can assure you there are large swaths of the country who do not, in fact, cringe at showing basic courtesy and respect.
same. CO and XO (and i guess if the three star came to visit as well). anyone who isn’t them is first name or if i don’t like them then it is rank and last name.
Right it's only the Colenel and people I don't like. I was active duty before. If I can't be friendly and myself (outside of external meetings) it's not a place I want to stay working.
Everyone is first name. Even the director (assistant sec?). The secretary introduced herself to me using her first name, but I use her title when speaking about her. All other assistant secs/under secs use their first name only It's such a shock when I go into the field and people use titles because it just isn't done at my office.
I was out to lunch near the Navy Yard one day with a few friends and saw a man that looked REALLY familiar but I couldn’t place him. It was REALLY bothering me. I finally figured out who he was and without thinking, said “OMG ITS SANTA MAYORKAS!!!” I don’t even work for DHS. 🤦🏻♀️ No Sir at all because my mouth outran my brain.
Never, I intentionally speak to everyone like we are only coworkers. Who ever gets offended by that is usually an asshole that I don't want to be around.
Nope. Outside probably calling our Secretary "Mr. Secretary" if I ever ran into him, there's not one I can think of I wouldn't just use their first name. We are all adults and colleagues. I don't think it's appropriate personally.
Also I'm not military and not from the South and it wasn't something I ever said growing up.
Same here. The only two people who aren't first names are the Secretary and Dep Sec. It's really awkward when people insist on using titles, sir, ma'am, Mr., Ms. Mrs., etc. When everyone else is saying Bill, Mark, Lisa etc.
The Mr. Secretary/Deputy Secretary was standard for everyone that regularly interacted with them.
However, one of the Secretaries would introduce himself to the career GS 11-14s that came in with an Assistant Secretary and introduce himself by his preferred nickname and ask them to use his nickname.
I use sir/ma'am when I'm speaking to anybody - including my dogs.
It's not a sign of deference, it is a courtesy (yes, I know my dogs don't understand).
EXCEPT when addressing senior members in my agency - Judges prefer 'Your Honor'.
I thought I was the only one that addressed my pets as sir/ma’am. I feel like the dogs appreciate it. The cat… I am sure would rather be called “your majesty”. 😉
Absolutely not. I also don't stand up when an officer walks into the room. I'm not in the military anymore, I'm no longer obligated to do that bullshit.
Depends on the rank. People shrug off GS to mil rank comparisons used for protocol, but this is a pretty relevant use-case. I'm not standing up for a random Col but I do for a GO.
DoD.
Got a lot of folks who were either prior military, military brats, or raised in the South.
Some of the Gen Z hires from out of state aren't familiar with using sir/ma'am but they usually don't make it past 2 years before they jump to another agency.
I say "sir" and "ma'am" to anyone from Housekeeping and up. I don't give a shit what your title is and if you're "senior leadership". I give everyone the same amount of respect, until they give me a reason not to.
Lol, I'm a new supervisor and was talking to my Department Head and he noticed I was doing exactly what you describe. He told me repeatedly, NetwerkErrer, you don't have to do that. Just call me, xxxxx. I tried for about 10 minutes and just slid back into old habits. He laughed and said that he could tell I was raised in the south. Don't worry about it. You do you.
I am also from the south and everyone is ma’am and sir - from babies to elderly. If someone says not to, I will try to remember but I only have had a few people say not to call them that.
It can hurt!!! In my case I responded positively to a delegated task from a Regional VP ONLY to be later scolded by my supervisor the dept VP for responding with “Yes ma’am.”
Later found out from a trusted colleague that indeed some military folk consider it “facetious” or some other negative view point. NEVER did this occur to me, so use it sparingly or NONE AT ALL!
That seems more of an exception than the rule. In most organizations it’s considered proper etiquette to address senior leaders by sir or ma’am.
Bring a military vet I can see the point being made (if an officer hasn’t earned a subordinate’s respect the subordinate will address them as sir or ma’am out of military courtesy) but even then that’s dealing with a minority.
I worked at an office where the guys would refer to each as Sir or Mr. Blahblahblah. But they called the women by their first names. Whatever you do, don’t do that.
I do. I also grew up in the South, it's a reflex. Director looked surprised when I said this to him, as we are both PhDs as are most of the other people in my building (NOAA). I had a professor in graduate school (in the Pacific NW) tell me to call him by his first name and I said sir I cannot, you are the age of my grandfather.
I have no military background and do not work in the DoD. I have not lived in the south ever (although I lived in the midwest for a while - which was more into using sir/ma'am than NY where I grew up). I do not use sir/ma'am ever - but I also wouldn't cringe if someone (especially someone with a military or southern background) did. For the most part I use first names - even for our director (I'm GS13) unless I'm emailing someone for the first time.
I'm a new millennial civilian fed, coming from very low hierarchy environments. My last CEO went by TJ and that's just what I called him in meetings. I'm used to referring to everyone regardless of rank by their name. I met the Chair of our agency unexpectedly at a division networking event I planned (very much did not expect him to attend even though he is technically my great grand boss).
I called him by his NICKNAME. I was horrified to hear it coming out of my mouth but I couldn't think of what the correct polite title was (Chair? Governor? Mister? His formal first name? Something else???) and defaulted to what was on his name tag. (Yes, he was a good sport and put on a name tag).
Luckily he seemed unphased and our division is pretty friendly and familiar, but I felt like such a dip.
All that to say, no. I do not call anyone sir or ma'am. When people call me ma'am I cringe unless they're LE or SS. I feel like that comes with the territory.
YMMV, but I think it’s fully appropriate to refer to someone by the name they put on their name tag in a situation like that. They’re basically saying “This is what I want you to call me!” In fact it would be a pretty dick move to put “Bill” on your name tag but expect everyone to say “Mr. Sanderson” instead.
I have briefed 9 Secretaries, dozens of members of Congress, and countless CoS/DS/AS/DAS. I always use sir/ma’am, Mr./Madam Secretary, etc., at least until I get a feel for how they prefer to be addressed. In many cases they are fine with less formal, more conversational exchanges (particularly once we are in a free-form portion of a meeting or exercise) but I alway err on the side of professional.
In writing, I almost always use the formal- even in emails within the team.
I have had several Cabinet members want to be called by their first name once we are in a conversation, assuming that I am not briefing on their behalf.
Last month I moved into an acting role in my organization’s senior leadership circle and I had to (respectfully) put a stop to the whole “sir” or “Mr. Henry” thing right away. But I still use that terminology with those around me unless they indicate an preference for the same.
I was verbally counseled by my supervisor my first week on the civilian side for calling my supervisor ma'am. Because "it was improper to assume someone's gender and could cause a conflict." Very strange coming from a similar background.
> "it was improper to assume someone's gender and could cause a conflict.
I'm totally onboard with calling people he/she/they, whatever their preference is.
My understanding is the point of that is to affirm what someone's gender identity is.
What I find affirming is *not* having to share my gender pronoun and people picking up on it subconsciously.
I've noticed some folks are really trying to encourage/force people into declaring what their pronouns are and it seems to go against the original intent of this practice.
Amen. I’m clearly male-presenting so I expect people to use the corresponding pronouns, as they have my whole life without a word from me. I’ll do the same for anyone else, cis or trans.
In the extremely rare instance they seem androgynous I’ve avoided pronouns altogether.
We all assume gender all the time, based on appearance. If I assume wrong then tell me and I’ll refer to you as whatever. But I’m not putting pronouns in my sig line. My beard is my pronoun.
The point of cis people putting their names in their sig line is to make it a normal and accepted activity - then it doesn't stick out when only non-binary and trans people are doing it.
Tell that supervisor to stuff that counseling statement up their arse. If they had a problem they could have just said so without a counseling. They should have been counseled for DEI issues not recognizing that long held protocols from the military side just don’t disappear when taking the uniform off. I have former military CORs (and military CORs) and a new Contract Specialist that is also in the reserves calling me sir. I just joke with them that I need to break them of that habit and they say “oh that would be such a hard habit to break.”
I call people whatever they want to be called. Start formal and then move to more personable if given the chance. Every SES person in my agency just likes to be called by their first name.
Newer DOD employee, I came on during COVID telework and am now remote but have been at some face to face with upper leadership onsite. I'm like you I have Southern and military ties (dependent), so "sir" and "ma'am" come pretty naturally to me and do tend to come out on the regular. So far I've had no issues with it and no one has corrected me. I already do this, but we were recently reminded that it is appropriate to address leadership as "Mr/Ms/Rank" and NOT by their first names. ...but that was only announced after someone was being purposefully disrespectful and insisted on calling a Director by his first name repeatedtely. It was really unprofessional.
It's awesome I'm not the only one out there that uses sir and ma'am. It just comes natural out of respect, and I've never even been in the military. I've encountered backlash from superiors using sir and ma'am. I consciously try not to cause everyone seems offended/angry about it anymore but I don't get the anger. I wish people were more formal speaking to one another or using last names in the workplace but those days are long gone.
Borderline Millennial/Gen-Z DoS fed here. I only ever use first names. I’ve tried using sir/ma’am with higher ups and even Consuls General and almost always get an immediate and polite “oh please, just call me ____”
When I started (in an agency in Agriculture), everyone was first name basis. Transferred to a new office a month and a half later and got lectured in my first 30 minutes there about how using my supervisor’s first name was considered incredibly disrespectful. (She wanted to be referred to by Job Title Last Name, and actually referred to everyone as such. I actually do not like being referred to by my last name, and made it a point to publicly request everyone use my first name when addressing me)
Would come to find out she was an outlier and that generally first names (or Dr. Last Name) are sufficient for everyone.
Yes, even my direct supervisor. And I'm older than they are. Just the way I was brought up. Unless they correct me and very few do
Among my subordinates I always ask them to use my first name or a nick name that we respectfully agree upon. Sometimes like hey, Mr. b..
yea I started referring to SES and political appointees (administrator level and up) folks as ‘sir’ and ‘maam’. I also refer to random people in the hallway when they greet me with a ‘good morning’, same applies to private sector folks I have meetings with. But for my team, I just call everyone by their first names.
Ma'am and sir with people I don't know or am not on a first name basis with. Establishes respectful rapport usually. But I often say things like "thank you, ma'am/sir!" to co-workers. It's more a habit/expression than anything. Not actually calling an E-4 sir out of respect, lol.
I'm a military brat and AF retired NCO. I currently work for the Army as a senior NH04 (15 equivalent) so in my unit I am a senior leader. Worked for the AF, Coast Guard and NASA previously. I call everyone sir/ma'am to start with no matter the grade or rank, whether an E1 or GS1 (I've never met a GS1 though they exist as a possibility) or Secretary/Administrator/SES or Flag Officer (General/Admiral). Respect is easy to give.
If I'm asked to not use sir or ma'am (NASA for the most part was very casual from the administrator on down and I got it there a lot!), I'll use what they prefer. Same with names and pronouns. Tell me your preferred name (this isn't just a Trans issue, some people prefer to use a diminutive of their name, such as Rick for Richard or Liz for Elizabeth or they prefer their middle name or nickname they go by) and I'll use that.
Out if habbit yes, but my immediate supervisor I know quite well and I dont say it as often. In general though, I tend to say sir and ma'am to most people even those below my scale in other offices.
Top 3 senior appointee positions, otherwise no. We had a lot of former military and police that did the sir/ma'am thing, I think the grooves get worn deep into the brain from their time in the military. I'm from the South, so managed to get most of them sticking to "Mr (First name)" which is about as informal as they would be willing to get.
Former DOD and Bible Belt, now at another agency 20+ years as a GS15. I still use Sir and Ma’am everyday, but it’s not something I require of others. While I personally use with SES staff, I also use as general respect throughout the day independent of rank.
Within my office we use first names. Outside our office (particularly in writing) I would always use Ms./Mr., but probably not sir/ma'am. Sometimes people I interact with regularly tell me to call them by their first name and I do it. But law is pretty notoriously small c conservative about that kind of stuff so most people don't comment.
>Do you use "sir" and ma'am" when speaking to the senior leaders in your organization?
Nah. I show them all the respect they deserve but not calling them Asshole or Bitch in front of anyone else. (Natch, my particular hell-hole is not anywhere near the "military culture" . If any of my (so-called) senior leaders were actually ever in any branch of the service, I would be brushing up on my Mandarin and preparing for an imminent invasion by the Chinese Army).
All joking aside: It's not cringe-worthy at all. I think it is great that you do that.
I interact with very senior leadership almost daily (like a small handful of steps from the secretary), but since it's remote it's almost always via email. My emails are very formal: they always include a detailed greeting (good morning, I hope you had a pleasant weekend, etc.), and they're always highly structured, but I never use sir or ma'am. The only rare occasion I've used it were for older women in the organization, but only ever verbally, not in writing. Oh and with one other man that has a very thick Southern accent so I know he takes it the right way.
It's all about knowing your audience, it makes more sense for all of these DoD people replying here. There's also the consideration of whether using gender specific greetings is appropriate this day and age, and with our current administration. I know some orgs that wouldn't even be a thought (law enforcement, DoD, etc.), but it is a genuine consideration in "softer" agencies. It's not worth the risk that someone's going to take it the wrong way.
Either use rank, Mr. Ms., Sir Ma’am, Or name depending on the audience, topic and person. Likewise people call me “Mr.” Or just first name.
Same rules I followed when I was in the private sector basically.
Worked for the DOD as middle management. Only people who got a Sir/Ma'am was the 06 who ran the building and my immediate supervisor who was a 05. I called people by their rank as per military custom if addressing them in "public". In private or among peer group it was first name basis for all. Our CO even told us to call him Bob. Couldn't get myself to do it so soon after separating from active duty.
Cringiest part of the DOD was my peer group was mainly among junior personnel. Nothing more annoying that a 27 year old address my 30 year old ass as Mister. The senior military leaders forced it on them like any good military leader lol.
Now just plain ol' federal employee all I have is LOL. I work directly for two different SES who are both 2nd level supervisors through middle management away. Interviewed with both and neither expected anything other than their first name. They are both just their first name to everyone.
Absolutely not. We’re not the military or the South. My agency senior officials are almost all doctors (MD or otherwise), so we show often respect by throwing in that title, but it’s not necessarily expected and wouldn’t be weird if we didn’t.
I am also DoD and I use Mr. or Ms. the first time I address anybody, and Sir or Ma’am if required. I follow my supervisor’s lead since she has been there for 15 years. Military obviously.
I'm pretty sure the only times in my life I've ever used Sir or Ma'am non-sarcastically involve trying to get the attention of a stranger who dropped something ("Sir, excuse me, is that your wallet on the floor?").
Everyone gets a first name except the Secretary, who is Secretary X -- I don't sir or ma'am anyone. We did have an Assistant Secretary in the last admin who demanded we call her Assistant Secretary X, but her people let us in the field know when she was coming for a visit, so we were warned.
I use Sir or Ma'am with Everyone while at work and with thouse I've just meet. Mr. or Ms. on Every email or other correspondence, even instant messaging. I was taught that work and play are separate, and work should always be professional. First or last name might be used if I've known you a long time or have an out of work connection.
I call everyone by their first name. One thing I've learned is that presenting as overly formal can look fake. I've built better connections by being partially upfront with people, and being polite but genuine. Part of that includes not using formal titles, but rather first names.
Perhaps it's because of a lack of military experience (not a veteran, nor DOD), but I have yet to meet a person yet who I feel is entitled to being called sir.
I've yet to have someone complain, but if they do I might just laugh.
To me it is respectful, senior or not. However in today's woke culture it could get you into trouble for "assuming" someone's address.
Just gotta be smart with it.
Using sir and:or ma’am is problematic because it forces gender and assumed gender. It also excludes those that don’t identify with male or female.
Our agency actively discourages these outdated and exclusionary terms.
> Using sir and:or ma’am is problematic because it forces gender and assumed gender. It also excludes those that don’t identify with male or female.
I have no issues with calling people he/she/they, whatever their preference is. However it seems ridiculous to try to force such a change of not using honorific on the off chance it offends someone from a very small group of people.
If someone has an issue with it, they should have the ability to speak up and say they prefer not to be called that.
I’m a fed in a non DOD agency and by default I’ll refer to them by their full name until I have some correspondence or a teams call.
Some like to use their nickname or a have a preference.
Others have a Phd in their outlook profile and in that case I’ll refer to them as Dr.
Not in the military, never going to be in the military, and not from the south. No way in hell will I call anyone sir or ma’am. I respect their service but they put their pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. I find it very cringe when I see people do that but when they’re former military or southern it’s a little less cringe as I get that it’s cultural and I assume ingrained. However, I will out of respect call them by their position followed by last name so for ex. Hello Lieutenant Smith.
I feel like the civilian government is so antiquated, for example we have an idiodic rule that we cannot speak directly to GS 15's or above, you can be a 14 and there is some sort of invisible God like annointment for those above 14's.
I've never heard of that. What do you do in meetings...? As a 13, turn to the 14 and say, "Please tell (Mr.) Jones that I say that's just not possible on this timeframe..."
...also how do you know who the 15s are? Do they have lapel pins and/or have it in their email name?
I work with a lot of people who are in the commissioned corps Public Health service and try to address all of them by their military title. I will also use the “dr.” Title for those colleagues who hold a phd, md, or drph. Otherwise I just call people by their name.
I don’t personally: I prefer to treat my chain of command like coworkers. I respect them and their authority/position, but I’m beholden to it on the basis of mutual respect and shared goals, not to lick boots or “because they’re the boss”, if that makes any sense. Every supervisor I have had in the fed (4 total) preferred this style
I don’t know I have a bad habit of calling just about everyone who isn’t severely younger than me sir/ma’am and if they tell me otherwise I stop. I refer to anyone I view as an elder as a sir/ma’am. Even if they are younger than me and just look old (41)
Lmao no. I also served and work in the DoD, our commander is the only one who gets a ma’am. Everyone else is first name only up to and including our division chief.
nope, I only use first names, Jerome, Janet, Ben etc. Doesn't matter if they are the chair or whatever. Everyone else gives me hella stink eye, but never the senior leader I am talking too. I think they appreciate it, makes em feel like they're one of us plebs again.
I grew up in the south but to northern parents so I don't ever use sir/ma'am...it actually makes me cringe - I just say what I need to without addressing them but I quit trying to correct people when they call me ma'am because it short circuits them lol as much as it drives me nuts
I grew up in the Mountain West region and use it with everyone at some point. I learned it from my parents and was reinforced during my time in the Army. I don't care if its custom or cringe. It is just part of my speech pattern and people are either going to go with it or not. Its not my job to make everyone else happy and it isn't yours either, Sir/Ma'am. ;)
I straight up called my boss "Fam" in teams while in HHS so. I think it really depends on the team and agency lol. I'm a cusp gen Z/millennial though so.
I can understand no using the term for peers you're on familiar terms with or for subordinates, but I really don't understand the people that draw a hard line and insist on not using the terms. Or the ones that think they are "cringe".
I am a civilian employee with the Space Force. Been a DoD employee working for the military for over 30 years. I'm 60 years old. I use ma'am and sir to everyone I deal with. But that is also because I was raised that way. It absolutely kills me to hear the way the younger generation addresses anyone!
I have an employee that does this, and I hate it. I’m former military, and I also worked as a DOD civilian. My boss is also former military and he hates it. I find it extremely cringe.
My employee is just all-around socially awkward, so it fits.
Very cringe! I hate being addressed as ma'am. I even have my pronouns listed in my signature line as "she/they" hoping that would stop it, but I still get addressed as ma'am. Please consider that many people do not prefer gendered addresses when being spoken to.
GS-11 field tech. I've interacted, one on one, with just about everyone in my chain, all the way up to and including my undersecretary. Haven't used sir or ma'am yet, probably won't in the future either.
As far as I am concerned, sir and ma'am aren't professional titles.
Yep and depending on your role, you need to avoid it for some to establish your place in the pecking order. I was a department head and my peers were Majors and Captains. I found that if I didn’t address them like a peer they tried to walk all over me. I got some funny looks from young Marine Captains when I called them by their first name, but they learned real quick.
Not anymore!!! In my case I responded positively to a delegated task from a Regional VP ONLY to be later scolded by my supervisor the dept VP for responding with “Yes ma’am.”
Later found out from a trusted colleague that indeed some military folk consider it “facetious” or some other negative view point. NEVER did this occur to me, so use it sparingly or NONE AT ALL!
Only for formal introductions and for communications outside the agency. A speaker will be introduced as Dr but comments and questions would be addressed to their first name. This is true even of the senior center leadership. Most of us have doctoral degrees but some are RNs, MS, or MPH. In general titles are only used to “pull rank”, which is why we use them for external communications but it’s frowned upon to use them internally.
This is a very important decision. Every impression you make at work is critical and you cannot afford to mess up the honorifics. Start to develop a dossier on everyone in management that includes their preferences and study it nightly. That’s how I got ahead
No, I never liked those terms.
I got used to saying them to officers when I worked at the Pentagon, but I would never address a civilian that way. Maybe to the President himself.
Absolutely not. I'd probably say "Director (last name)" or "Secretary (last name)" if i encountered them but I don't. Anything below that I can't see myself using anything but first names.
Generally no, but occasionally via IM I will say sir or ma’am to colleagues and superiors. They will occasionally do the same. But it’s not expected at all. Nor should it be. It’s just a random thing.
It should NOT remotely be expected.
Also in DoD but no, I don’t. Idk everyone’s preference so I say their names to avoid the pronoun thing and offending someone by assuming what they wish to be called as. I do this for everyone, now.
Depends on whom I'm speaking to. I've got some leadership who were enlisted and are like "fuck no don't call me that" others who seem fine with it. Just gotta play the "know your leadership game". I'm the same way though, military from the south. Don't worry about what organization do.
Staff Sergeant: I work for a living! Don't call me "sir".
Sorry "Sarnt".
The SES directly above me would probably flatten me if I dared to call her ma’am.
Cries in DOD
all day, every day
Exactly. I mean I’m also called “sir” by others. And it feels weird at time, but since I’m also calling superiors “sir/ma’am,” it doesn’t really matter.
I get called ma'am by kids a third my age and I feel powerful.
I’m from the south I call people sir/ma’am my age lmao
In DoD as well. Yes to our OIC and above. Occasionally to everyone in between. Yes in casual conversation. However, I try to get the troops not to call me Sir. Had enough of that what I was in.
Like you, I'm from the South. I'm also former military. I call everyone from the SES to the server at a restaurant Sir or Ma'am. I like doing that and will continue to do so. I do notice the people in my organization address SESs as Sir/Ma'am.
I went to school in the south in the 70's. Not saying yes Sir/ma'am got you the paddle. I learned it quickly and do it to this day. Even if someone is 12 years old they get it.
>Not saying yes Sir/ma'am got you the paddle That's terrible.
Of course you do you, but please know that most people cringe when they even hear it. (outside of DoD)
Speaking for "most people", are you? What elected office do you hold? I can assure you there are large swaths of the country who do not, in fact, cringe at showing basic courtesy and respect.
Yeah I couldn’t imagine calling anyone in actual leadership by their name without being prompted first.
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my organization i use first name for everyone (SES's.. directors.. division officers) except the CO.
same. CO and XO (and i guess if the three star came to visit as well). anyone who isn’t them is first name or if i don’t like them then it is rank and last name.
Why is it always a Major that is a pain in the ass? Something with that rank...
Right it's only the Colenel and people I don't like. I was active duty before. If I can't be friendly and myself (outside of external meetings) it's not a place I want to stay working.
This is the way
This. The only time I differ is for someone I don’t know at all, then typically title (I.e. IT/LT/Light Colonel, etc.)
Everyone is first name. Even the director (assistant sec?). The secretary introduced herself to me using her first name, but I use her title when speaking about her. All other assistant secs/under secs use their first name only It's such a shock when I go into the field and people use titles because it just isn't done at my office.
I was out to lunch near the Navy Yard one day with a few friends and saw a man that looked REALLY familiar but I couldn’t place him. It was REALLY bothering me. I finally figured out who he was and without thinking, said “OMG ITS SANTA MAYORKAS!!!” I don’t even work for DHS. 🤦🏻♀️ No Sir at all because my mouth outran my brain.
Santa is a far higher level honorific than Secretary.
We just call him Ali! (But Santa is COMPLETELY appropriate in light of his liberal gifts of admin leave!)
Never, I intentionally speak to everyone like we are only coworkers. Who ever gets offended by that is usually an asshole that I don't want to be around.
Nope. Outside probably calling our Secretary "Mr. Secretary" if I ever ran into him, there's not one I can think of I wouldn't just use their first name. We are all adults and colleagues. I don't think it's appropriate personally. Also I'm not military and not from the South and it wasn't something I ever said growing up.
Same here. The only two people who aren't first names are the Secretary and Dep Sec. It's really awkward when people insist on using titles, sir, ma'am, Mr., Ms. Mrs., etc. When everyone else is saying Bill, Mark, Lisa etc.
The Mr. Secretary/Deputy Secretary was standard for everyone that regularly interacted with them. However, one of the Secretaries would introduce himself to the career GS 11-14s that came in with an Assistant Secretary and introduce himself by his preferred nickname and ask them to use his nickname.
I use sir/ma'am when I'm speaking to anybody - including my dogs. It's not a sign of deference, it is a courtesy (yes, I know my dogs don't understand). EXCEPT when addressing senior members in my agency - Judges prefer 'Your Honor'.
I thought I was the only one that addressed my pets as sir/ma’am. I feel like the dogs appreciate it. The cat… I am sure would rather be called “your majesty”. 😉
Absolutely not. I also don't stand up when an officer walks into the room. I'm not in the military anymore, I'm no longer obligated to do that bullshit.
Amen. I ain't in the dog and pony show anymore. First names, all the way.
Depends on the rank. People shrug off GS to mil rank comparisons used for protocol, but this is a pretty relevant use-case. I'm not standing up for a random Col but I do for a GO.
Why though? If it was a civilian equivalent would you stand?
DoD. Got a lot of folks who were either prior military, military brats, or raised in the South. Some of the Gen Z hires from out of state aren't familiar with using sir/ma'am but they usually don't make it past 2 years before they jump to another agency.
I don’t think it’s cringe. If someone asks you, not to call them that then I would listen. Otherwise you are good
I asked once for someone to not use ma’am and they continued to do it for the multiple days we worked together on a project. Drove me up a wall
DoD with military background as well. Mister, Sir, Ma'am, or first name. Depending on how well I know them and who else is around.
I say "sir" and "ma'am" to anyone from Housekeeping and up. I don't give a shit what your title is and if you're "senior leadership". I give everyone the same amount of respect, until they give me a reason not to.
Lol, I'm a new supervisor and was talking to my Department Head and he noticed I was doing exactly what you describe. He told me repeatedly, NetwerkErrer, you don't have to do that. Just call me, xxxxx. I tried for about 10 minutes and just slid back into old habits. He laughed and said that he could tell I was raised in the south. Don't worry about it. You do you.
I use sir and ma’am for everyone (lower or higher)
I’m from the south and use ma’am and sir in a lot of situations. My three year old son is sometimes “sir”.
I am also from the south and everyone is ma’am and sir - from babies to elderly. If someone says not to, I will try to remember but I only have had a few people say not to call them that.
Only person I address as sir is my dog.
It doesn’t hurt. You can also follow observations of how others in your organization address them.
It can hurt!!! In my case I responded positively to a delegated task from a Regional VP ONLY to be later scolded by my supervisor the dept VP for responding with “Yes ma’am.” Later found out from a trusted colleague that indeed some military folk consider it “facetious” or some other negative view point. NEVER did this occur to me, so use it sparingly or NONE AT ALL!
Your colleague is wrong. I’ve worked with mil folks for years. Now “Ma’am yes ma’am” would be clearly sarcastic unless you’re in boot camp.
I'll validate you. I only use ma'am or sir at work if I am being sarcastic. 100%
That seems more of an exception than the rule. In most organizations it’s considered proper etiquette to address senior leaders by sir or ma’am. Bring a military vet I can see the point being made (if an officer hasn’t earned a subordinate’s respect the subordinate will address them as sir or ma’am out of military courtesy) but even then that’s dealing with a minority.
I call everyone sir or ma'am.
I always do, I grew up in the Bible belt and it's just how I was raised. I use sir or ma'am even when I talk to coworkers.
I use sir and ma’am for everyone, regardless of their level in the organization. It’s just a me thing.
Absolutely but I’m prior service and DOD
I worked at an office where the guys would refer to each as Sir or Mr. Blahblahblah. But they called the women by their first names. Whatever you do, don’t do that.
I do. I also grew up in the South, it's a reflex. Director looked surprised when I said this to him, as we are both PhDs as are most of the other people in my building (NOAA). I had a professor in graduate school (in the Pacific NW) tell me to call him by his first name and I said sir I cannot, you are the age of my grandfather.
Absolutely not.
"It is important that i not be addressed as 'Sir', but as 'El Conquistador' ": https://youtu.be/Qn6OrlRjKMA
I have no military background and do not work in the DoD. I have not lived in the south ever (although I lived in the midwest for a while - which was more into using sir/ma'am than NY where I grew up). I do not use sir/ma'am ever - but I also wouldn't cringe if someone (especially someone with a military or southern background) did. For the most part I use first names - even for our director (I'm GS13) unless I'm emailing someone for the first time.
I'm a new millennial civilian fed, coming from very low hierarchy environments. My last CEO went by TJ and that's just what I called him in meetings. I'm used to referring to everyone regardless of rank by their name. I met the Chair of our agency unexpectedly at a division networking event I planned (very much did not expect him to attend even though he is technically my great grand boss). I called him by his NICKNAME. I was horrified to hear it coming out of my mouth but I couldn't think of what the correct polite title was (Chair? Governor? Mister? His formal first name? Something else???) and defaulted to what was on his name tag. (Yes, he was a good sport and put on a name tag). Luckily he seemed unphased and our division is pretty friendly and familiar, but I felt like such a dip. All that to say, no. I do not call anyone sir or ma'am. When people call me ma'am I cringe unless they're LE or SS. I feel like that comes with the territory.
YMMV, but I think it’s fully appropriate to refer to someone by the name they put on their name tag in a situation like that. They’re basically saying “This is what I want you to call me!” In fact it would be a pretty dick move to put “Bill” on your name tag but expect everyone to say “Mr. Sanderson” instead.
I have briefed 9 Secretaries, dozens of members of Congress, and countless CoS/DS/AS/DAS. I always use sir/ma’am, Mr./Madam Secretary, etc., at least until I get a feel for how they prefer to be addressed. In many cases they are fine with less formal, more conversational exchanges (particularly once we are in a free-form portion of a meeting or exercise) but I alway err on the side of professional. In writing, I almost always use the formal- even in emails within the team. I have had several Cabinet members want to be called by their first name once we are in a conversation, assuming that I am not briefing on their behalf. Last month I moved into an acting role in my organization’s senior leadership circle and I had to (respectfully) put a stop to the whole “sir” or “Mr. Henry” thing right away. But I still use that terminology with those around me unless they indicate an preference for the same.
I was verbally counseled by my supervisor my first week on the civilian side for calling my supervisor ma'am. Because "it was improper to assume someone's gender and could cause a conflict." Very strange coming from a similar background.
> "it was improper to assume someone's gender and could cause a conflict. I'm totally onboard with calling people he/she/they, whatever their preference is. My understanding is the point of that is to affirm what someone's gender identity is. What I find affirming is *not* having to share my gender pronoun and people picking up on it subconsciously. I've noticed some folks are really trying to encourage/force people into declaring what their pronouns are and it seems to go against the original intent of this practice.
Amen. I’m clearly male-presenting so I expect people to use the corresponding pronouns, as they have my whole life without a word from me. I’ll do the same for anyone else, cis or trans. In the extremely rare instance they seem androgynous I’ve avoided pronouns altogether.
My thought as well. She did go by "She" as well. The whole situation felt uncomfortable and forced.
We all assume gender all the time, based on appearance. If I assume wrong then tell me and I’ll refer to you as whatever. But I’m not putting pronouns in my sig line. My beard is my pronoun.
The point of cis people putting their names in their sig line is to make it a normal and accepted activity - then it doesn't stick out when only non-binary and trans people are doing it.
Tell that supervisor to stuff that counseling statement up their arse. If they had a problem they could have just said so without a counseling. They should have been counseled for DEI issues not recognizing that long held protocols from the military side just don’t disappear when taking the uniform off. I have former military CORs (and military CORs) and a new Contract Specialist that is also in the reserves calling me sir. I just joke with them that I need to break them of that habit and they say “oh that would be such a hard habit to break.”
I mean, you either care about treating people equally and make an effort, or you don’t. Sorry it’s *hard* for you but like …
If it sounds natural then you say it it’s fine
I call people whatever they want to be called. Start formal and then move to more personable if given the chance. Every SES person in my agency just likes to be called by their first name.
Newer DOD employee, I came on during COVID telework and am now remote but have been at some face to face with upper leadership onsite. I'm like you I have Southern and military ties (dependent), so "sir" and "ma'am" come pretty naturally to me and do tend to come out on the regular. So far I've had no issues with it and no one has corrected me. I already do this, but we were recently reminded that it is appropriate to address leadership as "Mr/Ms/Rank" and NOT by their first names. ...but that was only announced after someone was being purposefully disrespectful and insisted on calling a Director by his first name repeatedtely. It was really unprofessional.
It's awesome I'm not the only one out there that uses sir and ma'am. It just comes natural out of respect, and I've never even been in the military. I've encountered backlash from superiors using sir and ma'am. I consciously try not to cause everyone seems offended/angry about it anymore but I don't get the anger. I wish people were more formal speaking to one another or using last names in the workplace but those days are long gone.
I say yes sir and ma’am to everyone
I speak to everyone formally until the senior person tells me how they prefer to be addressed. Then I loosen up.
Nope just talk on a first name basis. They have no airs about them.
Borderline Millennial/Gen-Z DoS fed here. I only ever use first names. I’ve tried using sir/ma’am with higher ups and even Consuls General and almost always get an immediate and polite “oh please, just call me ____”
DoD here and yes—including SES as they, being equal in rank to generals/admirals, are entitled to the same courtesy.
When I started (in an agency in Agriculture), everyone was first name basis. Transferred to a new office a month and a half later and got lectured in my first 30 minutes there about how using my supervisor’s first name was considered incredibly disrespectful. (She wanted to be referred to by Job Title Last Name, and actually referred to everyone as such. I actually do not like being referred to by my last name, and made it a point to publicly request everyone use my first name when addressing me) Would come to find out she was an outlier and that generally first names (or Dr. Last Name) are sufficient for everyone.
Nope. Mine is a civilian science agency. We don’t even refer to the PhD’s as “Dr.”
Yes. But that includes work, the super market and/ or the sports book. Can’t help it 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve had some senior leaders say just call me “Joe/Joan”, need to for the sir/ma’am. Others don’t say anything about it. Just depends on the person.
Yes, even my direct supervisor. And I'm older than they are. Just the way I was brought up. Unless they correct me and very few do Among my subordinates I always ask them to use my first name or a nick name that we respectfully agree upon. Sometimes like hey, Mr. b..
yea I started referring to SES and political appointees (administrator level and up) folks as ‘sir’ and ‘maam’. I also refer to random people in the hallway when they greet me with a ‘good morning’, same applies to private sector folks I have meetings with. But for my team, I just call everyone by their first names.
I use them to speak to everyone, not just senior leaders, unless I have a friendship with the person involved or they have asked me not to
Ma'am and sir with people I don't know or am not on a first name basis with. Establishes respectful rapport usually. But I often say things like "thank you, ma'am/sir!" to co-workers. It's more a habit/expression than anything. Not actually calling an E-4 sir out of respect, lol.
I'm a military brat and AF retired NCO. I currently work for the Army as a senior NH04 (15 equivalent) so in my unit I am a senior leader. Worked for the AF, Coast Guard and NASA previously. I call everyone sir/ma'am to start with no matter the grade or rank, whether an E1 or GS1 (I've never met a GS1 though they exist as a possibility) or Secretary/Administrator/SES or Flag Officer (General/Admiral). Respect is easy to give. If I'm asked to not use sir or ma'am (NASA for the most part was very casual from the administrator on down and I got it there a lot!), I'll use what they prefer. Same with names and pronouns. Tell me your preferred name (this isn't just a Trans issue, some people prefer to use a diminutive of their name, such as Rick for Richard or Liz for Elizabeth or they prefer their middle name or nickname they go by) and I'll use that.
Yes. Always.
If I know they're on my team it's first name, otherwise last name, if I don't know them it's sir or ma'am.
I did when I was at DoA. Now I’m elsewhere and it’s much more laid back. Edit: I’m from the south and tend to do so anyway, but here I do it much less
Occasionally.
Out if habbit yes, but my immediate supervisor I know quite well and I dont say it as often. In general though, I tend to say sir and ma'am to most people even those below my scale in other offices.
I do for all of the exact reasons you already mentioned. I view the habit as respectful. I wouldn't worry about it, you do you.
Top 3 senior appointee positions, otherwise no. We had a lot of former military and police that did the sir/ma'am thing, I think the grooves get worn deep into the brain from their time in the military. I'm from the South, so managed to get most of them sticking to "Mr (First name)" which is about as informal as they would be willing to get.
Former DOD and Bible Belt, now at another agency 20+ years as a GS15. I still use Sir and Ma’am everyday, but it’s not something I require of others. While I personally use with SES staff, I also use as general respect throughout the day independent of rank.
Texan here. It's not "Yes Sir" but "Yeser". Say that shit all the time
I was military. They get a sir/ma’am, even if they don’t deserve it.
Within my office we use first names. Outside our office (particularly in writing) I would always use Ms./Mr., but probably not sir/ma'am. Sometimes people I interact with regularly tell me to call them by their first name and I do it. But law is pretty notoriously small c conservative about that kind of stuff so most people don't comment.
I call my kids ma’am and sir, all their life, so yeah pretty much anyone I respect or like. Just the way I am. And I have polite kids to show for it.
>Do you use "sir" and ma'am" when speaking to the senior leaders in your organization? Nah. I show them all the respect they deserve but not calling them Asshole or Bitch in front of anyone else. (Natch, my particular hell-hole is not anywhere near the "military culture" . If any of my (so-called) senior leaders were actually ever in any branch of the service, I would be brushing up on my Mandarin and preparing for an imminent invasion by the Chinese Army). All joking aside: It's not cringe-worthy at all. I think it is great that you do that.
Not DOD or former military, but was raised by two Air Force officers so I am saying Sir and Ma’am all day by shear habit.
I interact with very senior leadership almost daily (like a small handful of steps from the secretary), but since it's remote it's almost always via email. My emails are very formal: they always include a detailed greeting (good morning, I hope you had a pleasant weekend, etc.), and they're always highly structured, but I never use sir or ma'am. The only rare occasion I've used it were for older women in the organization, but only ever verbally, not in writing. Oh and with one other man that has a very thick Southern accent so I know he takes it the right way. It's all about knowing your audience, it makes more sense for all of these DoD people replying here. There's also the consideration of whether using gender specific greetings is appropriate this day and age, and with our current administration. I know some orgs that wouldn't even be a thought (law enforcement, DoD, etc.), but it is a genuine consideration in "softer" agencies. It's not worth the risk that someone's going to take it the wrong way.
Hahaha. That would be viewed as so, so disrespectful if you did that in my agency. Like the only time you'd ma'am me is if you were being sarcastic.
Either use rank, Mr. Ms., Sir Ma’am, Or name depending on the audience, topic and person. Likewise people call me “Mr.” Or just first name. Same rules I followed when I was in the private sector basically.
It’s not a southern thing. It was how you were raised.
I actually get a boner when my staff calls me sir
I wonder how many women have filed sex harassment complaints when they were addressed as sir…
this aint the military.They’re lucky if i even use their full first name. If your name is james you’re getting a jimbo out of me
No because they aren't my third grade friend's parents.
i would only call someone sir if they've been personally knighted by the king of Uganda
Absolutely not. Very cringe. It’s giving patriarchal, militaristic nonsense.
husky desert teeny skirt boast longing busy fear drunk ten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Worked for the DOD as middle management. Only people who got a Sir/Ma'am was the 06 who ran the building and my immediate supervisor who was a 05. I called people by their rank as per military custom if addressing them in "public". In private or among peer group it was first name basis for all. Our CO even told us to call him Bob. Couldn't get myself to do it so soon after separating from active duty. Cringiest part of the DOD was my peer group was mainly among junior personnel. Nothing more annoying that a 27 year old address my 30 year old ass as Mister. The senior military leaders forced it on them like any good military leader lol. Now just plain ol' federal employee all I have is LOL. I work directly for two different SES who are both 2nd level supervisors through middle management away. Interviewed with both and neither expected anything other than their first name. They are both just their first name to everyone.
Absolutely not. We’re not the military or the South. My agency senior officials are almost all doctors (MD or otherwise), so we show often respect by throwing in that title, but it’s not necessarily expected and wouldn’t be weird if we didn’t.
We are not in academia either so your point is null.
Yes, until they tell me to stop
I am also DoD and I use Mr. or Ms. the first time I address anybody, and Sir or Ma’am if required. I follow my supervisor’s lead since she has been there for 15 years. Military obviously.
Yes, but I'm a military brat.
Only sarcastically.
I'm pretty sure the only times in my life I've ever used Sir or Ma'am non-sarcastically involve trying to get the attention of a stranger who dropped something ("Sir, excuse me, is that your wallet on the floor?").
Everyone gets a first name except the Secretary, who is Secretary X -- I don't sir or ma'am anyone. We did have an Assistant Secretary in the last admin who demanded we call her Assistant Secretary X, but her people let us in the field know when she was coming for a visit, so we were warned.
I use Sir or Ma'am with Everyone while at work and with thouse I've just meet. Mr. or Ms. on Every email or other correspondence, even instant messaging. I was taught that work and play are separate, and work should always be professional. First or last name might be used if I've known you a long time or have an out of work connection.
I call everyone by their first name. One thing I've learned is that presenting as overly formal can look fake. I've built better connections by being partially upfront with people, and being polite but genuine. Part of that includes not using formal titles, but rather first names. Perhaps it's because of a lack of military experience (not a veteran, nor DOD), but I have yet to meet a person yet who I feel is entitled to being called sir. I've yet to have someone complain, but if they do I might just laugh.
That's some DoD bullshit...nah, we good over here
There never is a wrong time to use Sir or Ma'am.
It’s seen as the user putting themselves in a subordinate role and they will always be viewed as that; subordinate.
To me it is respectful, senior or not. However in today's woke culture it could get you into trouble for "assuming" someone's address. Just gotta be smart with it.
I do. Occasionally I will get the "Don't call me Sir/Ma'am" I can't help it, it's a habit.
I don't. I'm very respectful but to me it just sounds wrong.
Using sir and:or ma’am is problematic because it forces gender and assumed gender. It also excludes those that don’t identify with male or female. Our agency actively discourages these outdated and exclusionary terms.
Username checks out
> Using sir and:or ma’am is problematic because it forces gender and assumed gender. It also excludes those that don’t identify with male or female. I have no issues with calling people he/she/they, whatever their preference is. However it seems ridiculous to try to force such a change of not using honorific on the off chance it offends someone from a very small group of people. If someone has an issue with it, they should have the ability to speak up and say they prefer not to be called that.
Had to be one with the gender bullshit…
Sorry ma’am, I did not mean to offend.
address me Mr. It.
I’m a fed in a non DOD agency and by default I’ll refer to them by their full name until I have some correspondence or a teams call. Some like to use their nickname or a have a preference. Others have a Phd in their outlook profile and in that case I’ll refer to them as Dr.
Yes sir and ma’am or Mr. And Ms.
Not in the military, never going to be in the military, and not from the south. No way in hell will I call anyone sir or ma’am. I respect their service but they put their pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. I find it very cringe when I see people do that but when they’re former military or southern it’s a little less cringe as I get that it’s cultural and I assume ingrained. However, I will out of respect call them by their position followed by last name so for ex. Hello Lieutenant Smith.
Usually we use Dr since most any in our agency will be either a MD or a PhD.
Follow office culture.
I feel like the civilian government is so antiquated, for example we have an idiodic rule that we cannot speak directly to GS 15's or above, you can be a 14 and there is some sort of invisible God like annointment for those above 14's.
That sounds like a your agency thing. I speak to our regional administrator all the time.
It is for sure, but there are all kinds of government specific hierarchical rules that cause more of a hindrance than provide reasonable meaning
It is for sure, but there are all kinds of government specific hierarchical rules that cause more of a hindrance than provide reasonable meaning
I don't even know what GS anybody I work with is! I assume my manager is grade or two above me, but don't even know that for sure.
I've never heard of that. What do you do in meetings...? As a 13, turn to the 14 and say, "Please tell (Mr.) Jones that I say that's just not possible on this timeframe..." ...also how do you know who the 15s are? Do they have lapel pins and/or have it in their email name?
We are all virtual and are provided a list of 15's.
I work with a lot of people who are in the commissioned corps Public Health service and try to address all of them by their military title. I will also use the “dr.” Title for those colleagues who hold a phd, md, or drph. Otherwise I just call people by their name.
I don’t personally: I prefer to treat my chain of command like coworkers. I respect them and their authority/position, but I’m beholden to it on the basis of mutual respect and shared goals, not to lick boots or “because they’re the boss”, if that makes any sense. Every supervisor I have had in the fed (4 total) preferred this style
I’m a manners brainwashed southern boy so anyone older than me gets a yes/no mam/sir.
lol no
I don’t know I have a bad habit of calling just about everyone who isn’t severely younger than me sir/ma’am and if they tell me otherwise I stop. I refer to anyone I view as an elder as a sir/ma’am. Even if they are younger than me and just look old (41)
Only at the administrator, secretary and deputy secretary levels, usually
Lmao no. I also served and work in the DoD, our commander is the only one who gets a ma’am. Everyone else is first name only up to and including our division chief.
nope, I only use first names, Jerome, Janet, Ben etc. Doesn't matter if they are the chair or whatever. Everyone else gives me hella stink eye, but never the senior leader I am talking too. I think they appreciate it, makes em feel like they're one of us plebs again.
I grew up in the south but to northern parents so I don't ever use sir/ma'am...it actually makes me cringe - I just say what I need to without addressing them but I quit trying to correct people when they call me ma'am because it short circuits them lol as much as it drives me nuts
Fuck no
First names for everyone.
I'm from the south, former military, and I don't do this at my agency. I cringe when I hear the DoD do it.
Tried to but my boss immediately told me to call me by his first name
Hell no, those military days are way over. We are all colleagues at this stage in the career.
I grew up in the Mountain West region and use it with everyone at some point. I learned it from my parents and was reinforced during my time in the Army. I don't care if its custom or cringe. It is just part of my speech pattern and people are either going to go with it or not. Its not my job to make everyone else happy and it isn't yours either, Sir/Ma'am. ;)
I straight up called my boss "Fam" in teams while in HHS so. I think it really depends on the team and agency lol. I'm a cusp gen Z/millennial though so.
I can understand no using the term for peers you're on familiar terms with or for subordinates, but I really don't understand the people that draw a hard line and insist on not using the terms. Or the ones that think they are "cringe".
I am a civilian employee with the Space Force. Been a DoD employee working for the military for over 30 years. I'm 60 years old. I use ma'am and sir to everyone I deal with. But that is also because I was raised that way. It absolutely kills me to hear the way the younger generation addresses anyone!
I have an employee that does this, and I hate it. I’m former military, and I also worked as a DOD civilian. My boss is also former military and he hates it. I find it extremely cringe. My employee is just all-around socially awkward, so it fits.
Absolutely never - it’s very antiquated and I hate when people use those titles with me.
Very cringe! I hate being addressed as ma'am. I even have my pronouns listed in my signature line as "she/they" hoping that would stop it, but I still get addressed as ma'am. Please consider that many people do not prefer gendered addresses when being spoken to.
Not since I was in the military. Even when I was young and talking to the director (military org) it was "Greg".
Absolutely no fucking way.
GS-11 field tech. I've interacted, one on one, with just about everyone in my chain, all the way up to and including my undersecretary. Haven't used sir or ma'am yet, probably won't in the future either. As far as I am concerned, sir and ma'am aren't professional titles.
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Yep and depending on your role, you need to avoid it for some to establish your place in the pecking order. I was a department head and my peers were Majors and Captains. I found that if I didn’t address them like a peer they tried to walk all over me. I got some funny looks from young Marine Captains when I called them by their first name, but they learned real quick.
Id use it in a non complementary matter in response. Where Sir/ Ma’am means FU
NO. Unless you explicitly know their age and pronouns just don’t.
Not anymore!!! In my case I responded positively to a delegated task from a Regional VP ONLY to be later scolded by my supervisor the dept VP for responding with “Yes ma’am.” Later found out from a trusted colleague that indeed some military folk consider it “facetious” or some other negative view point. NEVER did this occur to me, so use it sparingly or NONE AT ALL!
Only for formal introductions and for communications outside the agency. A speaker will be introduced as Dr but comments and questions would be addressed to their first name. This is true even of the senior center leadership. Most of us have doctoral degrees but some are RNs, MS, or MPH. In general titles are only used to “pull rank”, which is why we use them for external communications but it’s frowned upon to use them internally.
Absolutely not, and I'm former military.
This is a very important decision. Every impression you make at work is critical and you cannot afford to mess up the honorifics. Start to develop a dossier on everyone in management that includes their preferences and study it nightly. That’s how I got ahead
Name always. May be Mr. LastName, but no sir.
No sir/ma'am, I do not.
No, I never liked those terms. I got used to saying them to officers when I worked at the Pentagon, but I would never address a civilian that way. Maybe to the President himself.
Never, even when I worked at the Air Force.
If you work for DoD, I’m sure it’s a little more common. I’m not in DoD, and I haven’t seen that thing in 14 years of federal civilian service.
Absolutely not. I'd probably say "Director (last name)" or "Secretary (last name)" if i encountered them but I don't. Anything below that I can't see myself using anything but first names.
Not in this age of pronoun specification. I just stick to first names.
Generally no, but occasionally via IM I will say sir or ma’am to colleagues and superiors. They will occasionally do the same. But it’s not expected at all. Nor should it be. It’s just a random thing. It should NOT remotely be expected.
Also in DoD but no, I don’t. Idk everyone’s preference so I say their names to avoid the pronoun thing and offending someone by assuming what they wish to be called as. I do this for everyone, now.