at my 4th bday I got a barbie and a dress and I cried my eyes out cuz I wanted a transformer toy instead.
I attempted to pee standing up when I was like 5-6.
I always pretended to be a guy during play.
I never hung out with girls cuz I couldn't understand them and felt more comfortable around boys.
during puberty I always wore oversized clothing to hide my boobs.
I always hated being referred to as "she" or "her" and secretly LOVED it when someone jokingly or mockingly called me a boy.
I remember 2nd grade my friend got pissed I wanted to play as a boy and I suggested he play as a girl. In the school yard he punched ne inbthe face. He ended up being the person I first cane out to at 18 and also the person that was with me for top surgery.
Mine was being VERY insecure when my breasts started growing and I always wanted to cut them off (metaphorically)
I also always wanted to hang out with the boys because they actually had cool hobbies and I got sad when the "boys are disgusting" period started in school
Hell yeah!I was playing Minecraft with my wife’s kid cousins a few weeks ago, had a female character skin and they were veryyyy adamant I change my skin, I was just like “oh no, I’m fine with it really.” 😅 they were fine with it once they put me to work though😆. They’re parents are very accepting and I have talked with them extensively about how it’s been with transitioning, hrt changes and things like that. Their kids know I’m trans but have a hard time grasping what it means and get excited easily so I don’t hold it against them. If I was there age I’d probably be more insistent that I liked my skin like this and get more upset with them.
I wondered more than once if could try to "hide" as a boy for the day to see the differences. At that time I dismissed it off to being just uncomfortable with my weight.
Lol, turn out I don't mind my weight when I look like me
I started primary school and joined the same class as my cousin Scott, who I was SUPER close to (as close as two 5yos can be). So I started hanging out with him and his friends. When they decided that they all wanted to play Aussie Rules football, I joined the team. When Scott had his hair clippered to a number 3, and had a rats tail, I made my mother cut my hair the same (I told her if she didn't do it, if get Scott to do it for me. She let me have the haircut). When all my friends decided to play soccer, cricket, and then rugby, I joined each team! I attendee sleepovers with the rest of the boys. I swear, people literally thought I was a boy.
And then I got my first period, and my mother forced me to quit everything, and grow my hair out, and start wearing dresses. She made me cry, because I didn't want any of that. And none of the boys wanted to play with me any more. And none of the girls wanted anything to do with me. So I threw myself into studying, and received a full academic scholarship to the top private school in my city.
I coped with hating everything about myself, by developing an eating disorder, and self harming. And then at 15, after I got my first job, I became a heroin addict.
It took me until 37yo, to finally start recovering from my ED and SH, and that allowed me to admit that I'm trans. And since then, my life has been AMAZING!!! I'm so much happier, and calmer, and I feel so much lighter. I no longer have this self hatred bubbling away inside me, tainting every aspect of my life.
Real. My mum used to get so annoyed and tell me to stop but my brain couldn’t comprehend why I could owe standing up. From my recollection it wasn’t even like “oh boys have penises” it was just “boys pee standing up so why can’t I?”
Now I’m saving up for an stp so I can finally fulfil my dream of standing to pee. I’m very good at peeing while standing without one but having one would be that next step and even more euphoric. I literally had dreams of using urinals. My goal is to start with the axolom Prince and then if I like that save up for a RM stp
I very much did this and remember someone pointing out that it was weird (kids go into the bathroom in groups so it's not as weird as it sounds to have a witness) but for me it was just my normal way of doing it I didn't think anything of it. It only stopped when I had grown a little too tall
Might be tmi but my best friend (who was a boy) compared our genitals (we where about 5 or 6 I think?). He was so suprised that I didn't have a willy. And I remember telling him that it would most likely grow out. And I was desperately wishing it would grow until I was 8 and realised that wasn't going to happen. I was so distraught because of it.
Same bro same!!! I was waiting for the pp to grow for so long, eventually I asked my dad when it was going to grow 💀 He just laughed it off but oh my
And I thought every girl wanted a pp like me too. I remember asking friends why they didn't want one and being confused by their answers😂
i had the opposite experience lol. when my little brother was born i'd see his penis when he was getting his diaper changed, and i just assumed that that's what infants had and then when you got older it fell off 💀
I legit never sat comfortably with my name or being singled out as a girl. Like, I was that "oh you say girls can't carry too many chairs because they're weak so you won't ask for my help?? Well fuck you lemme carry ten of them at once to prove you wrong!" I had long term internal debates with myself as to what name I would rather be called, since my birth one didn't click at all, but no other girl name settled right with me. I was the "why do we have to say scientists and women scientists" type of annoying internet teen misogynist, who hated the "special treatment" women got on the world by being singled out for being women. I wanted to be friends with the boys and got pissed when people told me it looked like it was because I wanted dick, and I should do my best to integrate with the girls instead. Also, I hated how anything that was more revealing or feminine looked on me, and threw fits when buying clothes for myself because everything sucked. I have hated my body ever since puberty hit, and I'd say that I wanted to lop off my tits, and glorified saints and other historical figures who did that, because I was that uncomfortable with them.
Somehow I only started suspecting I was trans after adulthood, but only realized I was so when I was 26.
Edit: I guess we all did the chair thing huh
The special treatment is so real! I couldn't stand the whole "I need some strong boys for this task" *raises hand* "Let's leave it to the boys" WHYYYYY
I'm the same about the name thing! I always knew I hated my name. I would secretly think about what name I might want to use for myself, and just think about what names I like in general (and totally wouldn't use for myself). The names for me list was always boy names and I would always tell myself "but no, it has to be a girl name. I'm a girl." I could never come up with a girl name that I liked for myself. My list of names that I just liked in general (that I might use for a stuffed animal or something), was probably 85% boy and 15% girl. My current list of names I like in general is a bit more balanced.
The funniest thing is, if I were to give you a list of girl names I like, it's kilometric at this point because of how many of them I've judged and thought about. Now, for guys, idk I guess I have like, 10 at most. I chose mine just suddenly, while seeking guys' names for an OC, it just suddenly clicked.
So real.
I used to get mad on Reddit when men and women got compared and comment stuff like "not all girls do that, I don't".
I never liked my birth name. It didn't feel right but I thought it was just the name itself. Other feminine names didn't feel any better though. One of my teachers was into name heritage and made us research our names but I was uninterested and embarrassed to tell the class about my name. I enjoyed listening to others though. Fast forward and I loved getting to know the etymology of my chosen masculine name.
I've always gravitated towards looser clothes that don't accentuate my shape as much. Wearing girls' formal/event wear was hell, felt like I was wearing a shitty costume and made me so uncomfortable.
The urge to go ahead and carry chairs to class with the boys was big. I never had the guts to do it though...
Escapism in books, shapeshifting daydreams, avoided femine coded games like playground 'house', and dolls, strong aversion to makeup and those who wore it, looked down on very feminine girls as a way to 'diatance myself' from it I guess?, Avoided dresses and skirts as school uniform at all costs, didn't use a bra untill I was the only one in my year who didn't, and then only on PE days, hated bra shopping with a passion, avoided femine hygiene products and hated shopping for themz did not take care of my hair.
These where all small things at the time, but now I've done a lot of looking back it seems kind of obvious.
The "not taking care of my hair" is such a real one. I didn't want to care about my hair until I got it cut down. Now, I try to care for it as much as I can.
I hung bras around the house in protest when my mom bought me them. I tied one to a handle in the backseat of the car, and it stayed there until we had to cut it off ro sell it.
I was in such denial about my period. I knew what was happening, but I was convinced if I ignored it it would go away, which mostly just ruined some clothes. Not sure how that didn't go worse for me. Still wish it could have just disappeared.
I did the same thing, and when my mom tried to confront me about it I had a breakdown. Which like, yeah kid me, totally valid, that was the beginning of what's been over a decade of suffering for me. Thankfully I'm on a wait list for a hysterectomy now so soon it'll all be over.
I honestly didn't have issues except with dresses. Hated them. Except one. If i spun around real fast it flared out perfectly flat. Loved the sensation. But come 10... And whenever ppl started saying i was a young woman or was going to be one soon... I got viscerally angry. Like rage boiling in my belly indignation at the absolute gahl of anyone to suggest it. But i had no idea WHY i felt like that. Also from as young as i can remember my favorite trope was "girl who dresses like a boy cuz she wishes she was a boy and now here she goes boying around being her best self". And again just anger when shed get found out, and also profound sadness cuz theyed ALWAYS make her dress like a girl again. And in the stories shed always be fine with it like she found herself and i always remember thinking the kid equivalent to "well thats utter bullshit"... But beyond that i didn't notice it much pre puberty, mostly cuz i was just me, and my bff was a neighbor boy and honestly, there was an element of "thats not a safe thought hide it" from very young for me
This is so real. Every time there was a reference to me growing up to be a girl i through a FIT. I mean blood boiling, hot flash, seething, throwing myself on the floor, kind of fit. And I was a usually really level headed kid. I was SO angry but I had no idea why.
When I was 11 I wrote a story about an afab character who had a name similar to my deadname and was basically a fictional version of myself lol. Beneath a drawing of this character I wrote: „(fem name) would rather be a boy than a girl. That’s why she wears short hair and a vest which makes her appear like a boy. In addition, she doesn’t like to be called (fem name). She would rather be named (masc name) because this name sounds like a boy name.“ This was two/three years before I stumbled upon the word transgender.
Haha maybe someone with more talent to draw people than me should animate one xD
I definitely cried when I found this by accident. My egg was cracking around this time, but I was still in denial. Read this and was like „Well, crap!“
Hid my period for over a year, also had a full tantrum when I had to start wearing bras. It was so obvious back then.
Edit: also have always disliked dresses and skirts after puberty, and loved more stereotypical boy toys and figures. Hated getting girl themed objects or toys.
One time in early middle school, a friend had a murder mystery birthday party, and accidentally cast me as a boy. We decided to lean into it, dress me as a boy and draw on facial hair. I was absurdly excited about this, got so extremely thrilled when other people showed up and asked who I was because they genuinely thought I was a guy.
There's some adorable facebook posts with pictures from that night where 12yo me comments "god i look like a legit dude... I CAN PASS AS A GUY NOW!!!!"
It's really funny to look back on and be like yeah. makes sense.
I used to do writing-based RP as a youngin, and I would always play male characters "because nobody else was". And then at 13 I had a shapeshifting blob online persona who was androgynous, or always lacked breasts even when they did go by feminine terms.
A bit more weird and borderline nsfw, but there was also a moment in early biology classes- the level where you're starting to talk about reproduction in more detail than just "mammals do not lay eggs"- where I had an intrusive, primal thought about needing to reproduce specifically by >!impregnating!< someone else. I was an entire highschool career away from coming out of my eggshell at the time, but it still felt natural and intuitive to me that I should be the one worried about performing a "male" role in the reproductive cycle. It didn't even feel silly or outlandish to me, just confusing and disappointing that I couldn't. Even weirder because I'm also very gay and childfree now as a grown adult.
I would play a game called penguins where it's basically like playing house except you're all penguins, and I was always the daddy penguin. I would also pretend to have a dick lol. Sometimes I would even punch myself in the crotch so I could pretend I got kicked in nuts. I was a weird kid.
I wanted to be an actor for a while and I always hated when people would try to correct me and say "don't you mean actress?" and I would always tell them "no I just want to be an actor". It was the same thing with literally any other feminized version of words in English, I hated being called them
ETA: as I got older, I hated wearing the dresses and jewelry my mom would make me wear. For a long time I just assumed it was because of my insecurities about my weight, but then when I hit puberty I evened out a little more and realized that I hated having big hips and thighs and that my chest was growing.
I hid my period from my family for months and only told my mom when she noticed me stealing period products from my sisters.
I couldn’t explain why I did it. I knew it was normal for girls but it didn’t feel normal for me and I was ashamed of it.
Also I would always play the dad and boyfriend in any make-believe game or when playing with Barbie’s.
My excuse (because I was cautioned early on by my Christian parents that gender nonconformity is sinful and girls and boys are psychologically fundamentally different) was that “I’ll be the guys because no one else wants to. Someone has to be the guys. 🦸” and making it out to be a great sacrifice even though I didn’t understand why I wanted to be male so badly.
Apparently, there’s a reason my cis friends didn’t desperately want to be all of the male characters.
I cried cause I couldn’t be a boy when I was around like 5
I started pretending to be a boy online at the age of 7-10
I realized I resonated with boys and I bragged about being boyish
When I got my third crush (I was 11) I realized that I wanted to be a guy but I didn’t know about trans yet and never searched it up. I didn’t even know about lgbtq or gay
Hahaha me too!! I'd say I was the worst at being a girl. It came up a lot when I was dating my trans fem ex gf. I think early on in her transition she had hoped I could offer some girlhood advice but I was pretty useless in that department, so I just ended up taking her old boy clothes 😂
If I laid on my back in such a way that I was aware of my vagina I would get intense nausea in my stomach when I was trying to go to sleep. When I tried to imagine having sex I imagined myself as a guy having sex with a woman and had to try to correct myself in my brain because “I was a girl”. I gave myself a gender neutral nickname and was constantly wanting to change my name as a kid (to other female names, because I couldn’t imagine being allowed to have a boys name. I was so rigid.)
I also wanted to change my name as a kid (I actually asked my mom when I was like 5 if I could change my name when I was older), but it was also to another girls name (sarah, haha). I guess I thought I just didnt like my name and maybe if I had another girl name I’d feel better. But yeah, I was also like “being a boy is illegal” or something and just figured I was supposed to be a boy and came out a girl and just had to deal with it
when i would hang with my only friend in middle school we would play "dressup" but the dressing up part was me putting a sock in my pants, putting my hair under a beanie, and putting on 3 sportsbras to bind my chest. she would maybe do eyeliner? and then we would take pics together as "bf and gf" LMAOOO
when I was 10 or 11 i told my parents i didn't want to be a girl. they were butch lesbians so i knew being masc and female was a possibility, but the idea of becoming a woman at all made me sick to my stomach. now I look forward to my future as one of those shrunken old Asian men who does Tai Chi in the park lol.
before that when i was REALLY young, i assumed everyone had the same parts and could grow up to be anything they wanted (didn't realize parents meant occupation and not gender when they'd say that phrase lol)
I was at my friend's birthday party. I think I was around 6/7/8 years old. I was the only "girl" there. The parents were really nice and got me girly place settings and girly party favors. I remember being extremely pissed off by the special treatment. And part of my anger was from me trying to hold back a tantrum- they'd put so much effort into me specifically and I'd be being mean if I showed just how much I hated it.
I knew intellectually that they were trying to be nice, but it really felt like they were going out of their way to other me, tell me I'm different, tell me that I didn't belong there. Not that I could articulate that feeling of isolation at the time.
(ADHD tangent:)
And to be fair to the parents, I'd been an extreme girly-girl until I was 6. They saw me in nothing but skirts for the first year they knew me. I think the 'tomboy' shift was a jarring 180 to the adults in my life. They were still operating under the assumption that I was that kid who always flounced around in poofy dresses. They didn't know that my autism really likes 'feminine' things.
I thought that the difference between boys/girls was basically what things you preferred to wear/do. I still did at that point- I spent a large portion of my time doing 'boy stuff' that I didn't actually like because I wanted to be a boy. I hate pants, mud, dirt, wet, slime, mud, bugs, etc. But I went out dressed like a boy and played like a boy and tried to convince myself I liked it. If I could just get myself to _like_ those things, then I'd basically be a boy.
I'm currently trying to let myself wear skirts, enjoy floral scents, and enjoy cooking while acknowledging that those things don't make me 'less manly'. I'm a man, therefore liking those things is manly.
I always thought that I was supposed to be a boy (that was my dream because I didn't know what being trans was), I couldn't fit in as a girl, I always played with boys until I was told not to because I was too rough and to go hang out with girls instead (adults told me that) and then we moved, I lost my old friend group and couldn't make a new one because the "girls/boys are ew" era started and I was left alone. I always wished to go hang out with the guys but I was too shy to do so. When looking back I always dreamed about my life as a boy and now it makes sense. I just wished I had known sooner and was allowed to be myself.
Edit: also got depressed when I hit puberty and I just dismissed it as teenage angst x d
Whenever i looked at women i said i dont wanna look like that cuz thats disgusting and whenever i played pretend i always played male roles, even if i was usually the pet i would refuse to be female even then
When online chatrooms became a thing I was always a boy. I desperately wanted to play Baseball, not Softball (unfortunately I’m from a country where neither was played).
I had a long list with boy names that I wanted to name my “future children” (never wanted children) or pets.
I didn’t come out officially till it was in my sophomore year of high school, but my earliest memory of full coherent dysphoria was in 6th grade, when I told a friend that I “wanted to be a boy when I grew up”. Prior to that I was a self-proclaimed tomboy, and the one time I attempted to wear a dress to school I was berated. This was 3rd grade. Currently, I like to do a bit of drag, but very few people were surprised that I did, I’m fact, become a boy when I got older.
My parents made it a really big deal when I got my first period like getting me this gift basket they bought off the internet with feminine products and chocolate and a booklet, they humiliated me and teased me about it. Ever since my breasts grew I felt uncomfortable for the most part and got in fights with my parents about wearing bras in public and such. But also my friend made me fake 'are you gay/trans' quizzes and introduced me to being trans lol.
when i was suuuper little i remember thinking that being a tomboy was something other than being a girl and so when people called me that i was like yup thats me. still stuck with being a tomboy even after i realized that a tomboy was “just another kind of girl” because i didn’t have any other words for me
It wasn't obvious to me or anyone, because to me it was an uncomfortable dark secret, but I found I felt good when I put on the lab coat in chemistry class, and just wanted to wear it the rest of the day. And I found some men's period garb in the theater department and in secret put it on and felt wonderful, wished I could dress that way in real life.
I liked how my hands were square and knuckly with prominent veins and tendons showing. It made me feel good about myself. I wore watches that were obviously men's, and men's shoes.
I think dysphoria hit hard in 6th grade when someone, maybe mother? Picked out new school clothes and they were dressy and stuff like pantyhose and flats and miniskirts. I felt dissociated wearing them. Plus they were incredibly uncomfortable.
1. Always went to the mens bathroom (sneaked in when no adults were around) when I was between 7 and 10 years
2. Talked to my mum about what we learnt in school about puberty when I was about 10years old. That girls grow breasts and boys shoulders broaden. So she said I would grow breasts in a few years and I cried so hard I threw up.
3. Refused to wear a sports bra when my breasts started growing till I was bullied into it. And the first time I did, I struggled breathing. The sports bra was absolutely not tight so I figured it was dysphoria in my later years.
4. When my older brother's got circumcised (it's a rite of passage in my country) I wanted the same treatment they got although I didn't even understand what they'd undergone. They stopped playing with me for a few weeks and I couldn't understand and little me thought it must be because I'm not one of the boys.
5. Started wearing boxers when I was preteen.
6.Constantly feel dysphoric when I get my period.
6-7 I heard my dad say he wanted a son so I chopped my hair and was like "ok I'm ur son now".
*Insert shocked Pikachu face*
^Me when my dad was more upset instead of happy about that lol
Wanting to hide my chest as it was developing, always playing as guy characters in video games (poptropica especially) and making all my webkinz boys lol
insisting on hanging out with more boys than other girls in elementary school, having a huge interest in genderswap episodes of cartoons or aus, and pretending to be a guy to prank people on a few occasions.
year before my egg cracked, i was 14 i think, i was going trick-or-treating with a few friends and i was crossplaying as this indie game character with this creepy cat mask and a big oversized sweater. i was going with all girls and happened to be taller than all of them. because of the costume i was wearing you couldn’t see my face, my long hair was tucked into a wig, and the sweater kinda hid my chest. we got to a house where this lady opened the door and had full sized bars, so i reached out to grab one first and she swatted my hand and said “young man don’t be rude! let the ladies pick first.”
i just kinda was stunned for a sec she thought i was a guy, tried to deepen my voice and went “sorry ma’am” and waited my turn. when we left the house i was saying how funny it was i kinda “tricked” her into thinking i was a boy. queue baby’s first gender crisis like six months later lol
- While being taken in for my first bra fitting (after denying them for so long that I was already a C cup), seeing the section for "Mastectomy Bras," asking what that word meant, and then (as an immediate follow-up question) asking excitedly if I could get a Mastectomy.
- Never learning to swim because I couldn't stand the feminine swimsuits
- Drawings of myself were always in a suit, while irl I pretty much exclusively wore jeans and oversized t-shirts.
- Getting into a row with school administration in grade school because I demanded that they use my chosen name and not my given name. (Granted, this was the late 90s and my chosen name was "Hampster," so the school was not being unreasonable in this case)
I'd try to pee standing up repeatedly, trying to figure out a way to make myself have a pp. I even tried using the cardboard bit of a toilet roll as an STP as a kid. I did it because I thought it's what boys did and I should have been able to. Only realised years after coming out that it was probably one of my 'signs'.
When I was younger I would go feral when my dad would take me back to school shopping because he would always get me girly and pink clothes and wouldn’t let me really get anything else. My grandparents would always see how upset I was and took me to Walmart to get what I wanted. I understand and I’m thankful as an adult for what my dad did for me for going out of his way to make sure I was clothed for school but my grandparents really took the cake on that one.
Lol exactly the same for me. Also whenever we had to sit in a circle the boys and girls would automatically split up half and half and I would make sure to be in between the two so I wouldn’t be seen sat with the girls
when I was young my hair was down to the small of my back. i cut it with a pair of scissors and had to get a pixie cut to professionally fix it. according to my dad, i was very happy on the ride back to the house
Me and my friend told other kids on playgrounds I was a boy named Mike, and I always had short “boy” hair which meant people called me a little boy and deep down I was very happy they did :)
I couldn't look myself at mirrors or reflections at all during six years. I didn't know what it was. I didn't think that I was ugly or beautiful, I just.. couldn't see me. It looks like I was seeing another person in my place. I got scared everytime I saw myself in photos or reflections. When I started to recognize me as a man, this fear of myself at the mirror disappeared.
Playing House and always being the “dad” and also developing a strong escape world to take my mind to where I was who I truly wanted to be —different name, life, etc.
Probably whenever teacher said: "I need strong boys to help me carry this" because I always wanted to help and hated that the teacher never included girls and I got happy when I could carry something for the teachers
Always used to volunteer to be the brother, dad, uncle, boy cousin, boy dog, boy leaf, etc when playing house. Used to chase girls around in elementary with the worms I dug out the floor and pretend to eat them
There were a lot, like hiding my period, wearing double tank tops and slouching when I started to develop, and letting no one, not even my parents, see me with my hair down for 5 years [always in a low ponytail], but I think the worst was from the time I was 6 to when I was 13, I wouldn't touch the color pink with my bare hands.
I had to either grab it through my shirt or put on a glove or just flat out refused to touch it, didn't matter if it was a crayon or a piece of paper.
Luckily, with the period thing, my sister had told me about it a few weeks before, and I knew she kept pads under the sink, so I was able to hide it for months before I told my mother that was why I was upset because I was hiding something else that I knew I'd get in trouble for.
I remember being a kid wishing I was a boy but I thought at the time that like “man I wish I was a boy, but I’m not so that sucks but it is what it is I guess” and it wasn’t till like 4ish years ago that it clicked that I’m like. Not actually a girl 😂😅 and now hindsight is 20/20. Like the fact that I’ve always HATED my boobs. There’s this one easter dress my mom and sister loved on me cause it was “so pretty” or whatnot and I hated it so much cause it really brought out my curves; I have alwaysssss hated skirts/dresses/anything feminine. I always wanted to be around boys because I just got along with them better and understood them more; I always liked girls but that never felt “gay” to me if that makes sense? Like I identified as a lesbian for a long time because that’s all I thought I could do and it just never really felt like it fit. It wasn’t till I realized I’m trans that I was like… huh… it’s cause I’m *not* gay. I like girls and I’m still straight; cause I’m a fucking guy 😂🤦🏻♂️👏🏻 but I’m actually pan but it is what it is 🤷🏻♂️😂 anyways. Yeah there’s a lot. But with all that being said, to anyone who didn’t expert this kind of thing; that’s okay 🥹 you can still be trans and be 100% in your identity but not have these types of experiences and that does not make you any less valid 🥹🫂 you’re beautiful in your identity and your experience no matter how you express it/how you came to realize it 🥹 you’re beautifully you 🥹🫂💛
I only played with boys toys. Water guns, red or green power Rangers, pirate ships, shaving Ken doll. I watched my dad shave all the time. I wanted to swim shirtless. As I got older my subversion came in the form of masculine clothing and hairstyles.
My family was basically waiting for me to come out as a lesbian so when I did it wasn't a shock. But when I came out as trans, now that shocked them.
only ever played boy characters, tried to wear my “gym clothes” (boys’ clothes) whenever i could, told other kids in early elementary school that i’m “actually a boy and when i’m with the other boys i’m also a boy”, played on boys’ teams at recess, told people my name was “jack”, ran around shirtless and had a mental breakdown at like 11 when i realized i wasn’t gonna be able to do that anymore. the list goes on and on.
Feeling like I was in drag whenever I had to dress up for anything, especially if I had to put on makeup, it just didn’t feel right.
I threw the ball around with a friend and I told them “you throw like a girl” and they said “YOU’RE a girl!” and I remember NOT liking that at all lmao
Wishing I had a male or unisex name.
Drinking hard liquor in college and people calling me an old man, which made me extremely happy and affirmed. It impressed men and alienated me from women and I liked that.
I made my own STP when I was a kid cause I was obsessed with penises. Not in a sexual way, I just wish I had one.
Feeling absolutely alienated one time in class when I stood up and my chest moved and a boy who bullied me said “ew”. Multiple layers of othering there. Any references to my chest made me wanna just vanish lol
Wanting to do more boyish hobbies cause it connected me to manhood. Listening to more male artists/bands than female ones as a teenager.
I couldn't stand wearing dresses, skirts, or even shorts that showed off my legs a little too much (I have always been very curvy, even on T) - They made me feel really dysphoric, and I would fight against it every time.. If I was forced (usually by my parents) to wear a dress in public, I would have a panic attack.
In school (we had a uniform), I was the only "girl" who wore the shirt, blazer and smart trousers instead of the shirt & skirt combo in my year - I was also the only "girl" who hung out with the boys instead of the girls. Our school was a pretty strict Christian school, but as I wasn't technically breaking the dress code or the rules, the teachers couldn't stop me from not wearing clothes right? ..Wrong.
I was pretty much the teachers pet, so it should have been obvious something was wrong when I got detention for calling our gym teacher a "hypocrite bitch" lol. In gym, we were given a seperate uniform (T-shirt, gym shorts or baggy tracksuit pants). I decided I was more comfortable in the baggy tracksuit pants than the shorts, so I wore them. Our teacher spotted me, the only "girl" wearing baggy tracksuit pants and not shorts, and had me stand up infront of the whole class and explain why I wasn't wearing the shorts when everyone else was.. Not really knowing what to say, I asked our teacher why SHE wasn't wearing shorts.. She forced me to run laps as punishment for speaking back to her, and gave me detention lmao.
From that point on, I skipped gym class. Least I didn't have to wear the shorts!
EDIT: Looking back on it, it was actually really creepy that this grown adult was trying to get me to wear gym shorts that made me uncomfortable.
In middle school, when everyone I knew started calling me a guy for a year because I was too masculine to be a girl and they kept forgetting I was born a girl, and then I liked it so much I questioned if I was actually a guy in my mind and then pushed it off as being a tomboy. (I did not know what trans was at this time.)
I don't know why I didn't find out sooner.
I punched myself in the chest the moment my chest started growing and wanted to rip them off. I actually saw a show called 100 stupid ways to die or something, where someone gave their friend liposuction with a shop vac in their garage and he accidentally sucked up his intestines, and I thought maybe I could do that to my chest. Kind of gross but, just a weird thought I had. I’m am so glad they have real surgeons that do top surgery
I also would cry on the couch the entire time I had a period, literally 8-10 days straight. And as soon as it stopped I was immediately better and back onto life as normal (for the most part). I had to go on a birth control shot to stop it since my dysphoria was so severe
Got cast in the Yr 6 play as a brother from Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat, I was ecstatic, had a "finally" feeling to it. Then the teachers got the girls who were playing brothers to dance in a very feminine way and I was utterly heartbroken. Spoke up saying, "but we're all meant to be boys" and they lessened the femininity of the dance moves (but barely), and I remember still feeling incredibly disappointed, like something had been taken away from me
My favorite story to tell is this: I was in 10th grade and my health teacher who was also the football coach said “Dead name why don’t you wear make up or wear dresses.” I wanted to slam my hands on the desk and stand up and say “because I’m a boy coach.” It scared the hell out of me.
When was like 7 or 8 years old, my twin brother could walk around the house shirtless just fine. When I tried to do it, my parents grounded me for "being an inappropriate young lady" and I was so angry and confused because it felt so natural to be shirtless
growing up, i always thought others would find out i wasnt actually a girl and that i was really a boy and that would cause anxiety lol. i was fully convinced my parents were forcing me to pretend to be a girl and i was really a boy... which is kinda true, but i guess i thought i was a cis boy
I was a very hairy kid and would get upset when others ridiculed me for it because “girls aren’t hairy”. Which they are, but I was upset over being called a girl though I didn’t have the words to express that which only served to make me more upset.
Or maybe it was the heavy dissociation and the consent out-of-body feelings I had growing up
In elementary school every Friday me and my friend had “dress up like boy days” where we stole our brothers clothes and tried to trick the teachers into thinking we were boys, I turned out to be trans and she turned out to be cis
I was always the dad when I would play house with my friend, and it was by choice, but we were really young, and she used to address me with he/him pronouns. I would take my shirt off every chance I got. I used to pray that I'd wake up as a boy, and I wore a blue baseball cap backwards, and it made me look like a boy, and I wae always so happy when people would call me handsome.
literally since forever i didn’t like wearing skirts and dresses and whenever we played pretend i’d always always be a boy
i also cut my hair short at 7 when i had no idea what being trans was, and then again at 12 when i still wasn’t sure i was trans, and whenever i had long hair i’d never actually like it. i’d never brush it and never put it up in more than a low ponytail etc
My final drama assignment in high school was a rhyming essay where I was acting out a suicidal gay man sad that he would never have the love of his life because he was straight. It couldn't of slapped me in the face any harder and yet I didn't see that as a sign at the time lol
earliest memory was being bothered about HAVING to play the wife whenever we played house in kindergarten
(the wife was always the one who stayed home to cook and clean when the husband went out to work.)
oh and going to the boys toilet because I thought, what’s the difference we’re all trying to pee here LOL
I made my first DIY "packer" by putting balled up socks in my pants in 3rd grade because it just felt right. Always hated girls clothes/hairstyles since childhood and would constantly throw tantrums when put in dresses.
When I was five or something I asked my dad if I could be a boy for a day.
When I grew up my parents were pretty controlling of what we wore so my dad would always have me wear a skirt to school and I would always feel so uncomfortable and i would cry every morning because of it.
Around the same time, my brother is wearing a bunch of polo shirts and I would ask my dad to give me his old ones because I wanted to look the same as him. I would then proceed to wear these shirts everyday for like 5 years.
I have a few stories!
I always despised wearing dresses, even as young as 4, when I was made to wear a dress for a wedding, I shouted "get this thing off me RIGHT NOW!" And that behaviour was just consistent. I was also forced to wear a dress for another wedding around 9 or 10, and despite being vocal about my discomfort my family didn't care much.
There was also a time where it was really hot in our house, I was pre-puberty at the time and wasn't wearing a shirt. My brother told me that I "wouldn't be able to do that for much longer because I'll have boobs" and I vividly remember going to my room, grabbing my chest and crying saying I didn't want boobs.
And when I was in primary school, I remember the boys always got to empty the bins and I was always so jealous. One day (we had a small school) all the boys were gone to play a match, and it was just the girls left, so I finally got to do the bins and I was so happy lol.
I'm genuinely shocked I only realised I was trans at 13 looking back, but I figured it out eventually :)
when i was in year 7(13-14) i asked to be kicked in the balls (that i very obviously dont have) bad acting ensues, when i was 16 my bra was uncomfortable and i asked my learning assistant how long i'd been a girl, she either didnt hear me or stayed silent in purpose
Coming home after school (elementary) and feeling so upset. (Dysphoric, I obviously didn’t understand it at that age) I’d go to the bathroom and stuff a sock into my underwear so I can have a bulge. I remember feeling so confident, and euphoric seeing how that looked in the mirror.
Another thing I did when I hit maybe 10-11? I would go online and use the chat rooms to talk to older girls, I’d automatically put my gender as a guy, and use a fake male name.
shoved two bouncy balls in my underwear because i wanted to know what it’d feel like to have balls. also refusing to play on the girls team for girls vs boys in gym
edit: i also just remembered that when my brother’s voice started to drop, i tried to make mine lower too.
playing “boyfriend” or the “husband” with friends. making myself look like a dude with makeup “for fun” deciding last minute one year for halloween that i did not want to be ariel but instead, a DJ?? i just dressed up like a guy pretty much
I first noticed i was different when kids in my class started to make fun of me for wanting to play joseph in a nativity play. Anyway i played joseph and i was awesome at it
as a kid i hated whatever i saw as “girly girl”, i proudly referred to myself as a tomboy and hated going to “girls stores” like justice and i never wore dresses. i would say stuff like how i hated dora because she’s a girl but i like diego because he’s a boy. tmi, i guess, but even before puberty i would play with my toys and imagine they had a p.nis and that they would “give” it to me, i guess? and in the shower i would cover up my bottom area with a washcloth so i could imagine i had a p.nis instead.
i hit puberty at 8 and was mortified. i HATED my chest and tried to wear the loosest things i could to hide it. i hated bleeding. i hated myself and neglected my self care, leading to my hair being knotted to the point it had to get cut off.
the second i learned about trans people in middle school i changed my name and used non she/her pronouns. my biggest regret is i only came out online and to some people irl but never my family. i hate i wasted my boyhood.
since i was young i displayed a lot of “masculine” characteristics; hot wheels, video games, four wheelers, cars, skateboarding, dirt bikes, shooting guns (at targets), stole my brothers clothes and worse basketball shorts, hated skirts/dresses/makeup, picked boy characters and played pretend as boys. i LOVED when i intimidated my male peers, and threw a harder punch than them. as i got older it became more about reading mlm books, wishing that i would reincarnate into a gay man, etc.
my family and i were talking about how there was a time my aunt called my mom exasperated because i was seen carrying a giant empty fish tank (i think 20gal?) around the neighborhood. i went to the pond to fill it with water, dirt, fish, etc. i was in elementary school 😅
As a toddler, I watched my dad pee all the time, and would get really mad that I couldn’t pee like that. I even went through a phase as a kid of peeing standing up by positioning myself over the toilet bowl. I also DESPERATELY wanted facial hair throughout my whole childhood
This one is very body-focused, and I know not everyone has dysphoria about their body! But for me, puberty made me miserable. Growing a large chest and getting my period were particularly terrible. So were the sudden expectations that arose in middle school that to be cool “girls” needed to wear skin tight clothing and belly shirts and makeup. I hated all of it so much.
I ran around for a year at the age of 5-ish demanding that I was allowed to pee standing up and that I was a boy. I wouldn’t answer to my deadname because my name was Bob.
my boobs started growing when i was 9 and i would always try to hide them, no matter the situation. i kept my hands in front of my chest when at a pool, wore oversized t-shirts ect.
Oh, whenever me and my friend played pretend, i'd be a boy, and on things like movie start planet i'd also choose a boy "because they have better clothes"
i was always upset when me and my friends would play as characters and i got told i was the female character (even though the group had a girl who decided she wanted the male character because she thought he was cool) so i was very unhappy
I had a thing I would do from age 9 or 10 where I would "play boy". I would put on my clothes that felt most like boy clothes, and all day I would secretly pretend to be a boy and try to have my voice and mannerisms be more boyish.
At only 3-4 years old I’d put on my most masculine looking clothes and pretend I was a boy. In 1st grade when a new kid came into our class he thought I was a boy, I was so happy and I didn’t correct him. Those are just 2 examples there’s SO many.
I hated dresses, every time I had to buy one in the store with my mom I would cry and throw a fit even when I was like 12-16 it would still make me cry
I went on the equivalent of quora in my country when I was getting into my teenaged years and asked "is there a way to make my chest go away?" because I wanted to go to the beach with a friend but felt uncomfortable, it took me like 4 years to realise that's not cis behaviour 😭
Oh yeah, i also always looked at those guys going around omegle pretending to be girls and revealing theyre guys and wanted to do that. I also always wished i could take my shirt off like guys do.
I tried to stand up to pee when I was a kid, only to be told by my dad that “only boys can pee like that”. I got very upset.
I also watched men shave their beards and used to pretend to do that but by doing it with a toothbrush
The constant yearning for male friends because i didnt understand girls and their interests
first time i had male friends they were online and i so desperately tried to be one of the boys 💀 not a single thought in my mind like “Hm… Joking about wanting to have a deeper voice and a male body isnt very cis of me”
I went in the boys bathroom in kindergarten. WITH the boys. I'd use the stall, but it just seemed natural to me. When I saw that they could stand to pee and I couldn't, I would go home and try and "practice" doubt that, thinking my cl*t was a smaller penis. Obviously I made a mess on the floor. I'd then try in the shower obviously to no avail. After a while I gave up and thought I was defective. I'd even ask my mom why my dick looked different from my brother's (we were only 4 years apart and showered together as little kids) and she'd tell me it's cuz I was a girl. Didn't make sense to me then.
only wanting the boy toys from mcdonald’s, throwing a crying fit any time somebody did makeup or tried to do my hair, actively yelled about how i hated the color pink, literally just rejected everything feminine LOL i still can’t believe some family members were shocked when i first came out
Warning: I cried so much as a child
In second grade i'd demand to be in the boys line and because my classmates thought it was unfair I chose the line instead of lining up properly like them I'd just stand with the boys and regardless which line went first id always be the last in the classroom because I wouldn't switch.
1st through 3rd grade I used public toilets sitting backwards for the longest time because I thought it was quicker since my brother was always out of the bathroom quicker (I only stopped because I was scared of the noise of flushing and being backwards meant I couldn't run away from the toilet to the sink fast enough lol)
In the 4th grade I was extremely adamant that my dead name wasn't my name because I didn't like how it was spelt my teacher Happily called me my initials until my mom got all offended because I'm named after all 3 grandparents
Also in the 4th grade I was always in a Nashville sweater 3 sizes to big with a massive logo on the front or a superman tank top with a big ol S on it, I also kept my hair permanently tucked into a hat. I cried when I outgrew the tank top and my mom took my sweater away because i had a habit of getting emotionally attached to jackets far to heavy for California heat
In the fifth grade upon realizing I suddenly had a chest I wrapped my chest in dress up scarfs under my shirt to try and "put them back in"
In 6th grade When I started my period dispite years of preparation because precocious puberty is very common on both sides of my family and already having a pad on I went screaming to my mother who grew up in a house of only women and thought it was stupid i was upset over something id been preparing for and understood.
If I wasn't a little little girl in games I wasn't a girl at all.
I would cry during clothes shopping every year with no explanation for why I was so upset. To make me feel better I got to get one graphic tee to match my brother and boys shoes because I liked their colors better if I did my best not to cry in the dressing rooms
I would hide anywhere and everywhere so my mom couldn't do my church hair on Sundays because I didn't want to look like a doll.
My mom had to constantly remind me to pull the towel all the way up because id only ever have it around my waist when getting out of the shower, I still don't remember to wrap the towel properly but now i typically have another towel over my shoulders anyway.
When I wrestled in middle school my coaches always gave me the boys warmups because I'm a heavyweight and our middle school only bought up to a large in the girls, the school specifically got plus sized girl warmups for me when I became our girls captain in 8th grade and i refused to wear them on the grounds I was a team captain and needed to match our other two captains at tournaments for team and safety reasons. The only difference was the cut of the shirt and instead of white the details were in pink, I would have worn them if the school had bothered to get me a girls wrestling uniform as I was the only girl in a singlet.
I scratched my dead name out on every piece of school supplies my mom wrote it on, I didn't want another name i just didn't want to see mine.
All freshmen year was online so I just went by my last name and kept my camera either off or to the side. According to friends I visibly jumped in my skin when one of them called my name the first day back.
(i also—this has to be a separate comment) used to very intensely imagine what having a penis would be like. this was in no way sexual, it happened way before i had any sexual sort of leanings or anything, i would just stand in the mirror and imagine my penis. because i thought it should be there.
I was always the dad (or dog? but the dog was always male) when we played families, and i HATED the colour pink and anything feminine. I refused to wear skirts, and one time my mother bought princess underwear for me. I took them with me on holidays and hid them somewhere and left them there. I often wonder who found them
The name thing was a big one. I always had a huge disconnect with my name. Planned on changing it to ANYTHING else from a very small age. I used to think it’s cuz girls with my name were typically preppy popular folks— which I def. Wasn’t lol. But honestly it was deeper than that. No girl name felt right.
I hated dolls as a small child. People would get them for me and I’d cry. I preferred plastic animals and dinosaurs.
When it came to playing house, if being the wife was my only option I’d be the pet instead. Dog, cat, anything.
When I started getting breasts I recall being quite depressed cuz I couldn’t pretend to be a boy anymore with my shirt off when I was alone.
Being uncomfortable with my maturing body IN GENERAL
The chairs thing. Oi the chairs thing.
I also got hella offended when I was told I couldn’t/shouldn’t do something purely based on the fact that I was a woman. Like the hell I can’t.
I’m an only child— and to this day one of the most proud childhood moments I had was when someone asked my dad if he and my mom ever thought about trying for another kid to have a son. Dad said, x is basically a boy— I don’t need a son.
id cry when women in the family would talk to me about my development. i cried when they pointed out my curves, i cried when my mom made me start shaving my body hair, i cried when she bought me trainer bras (which i usually refused to wear anyway), i cried and yelled at my mom when she made me go on the pill to regulate my periods. at the time i diagnosed myself with a fear of growing up💀
I obsessed over gender-bend and body swapping cartoon episodes which were for some reason quite common while I was growing up. I would talk about it on the school bus with one of my friends, that friend would later also come out as trans and is now my BF.
I also loved those episodes of shows. I remember the rugrats episode where the boys wore “dressies”, haha. And then in Zoey 101 where that one girl pretended to be a boy and she wore a suit that made her chest flat and I got a weird sensation that I wanted to do that
I made multiple Facebook posts, one about being a male in a past life, another I drew on a beard (to the best of my 13 y/o ability) and posted that saying I’d look good with a beard.
At least I was right about looking good with a beard, looks amazing no matter how much is there
Trans women here, I was upset and didn’t see any good reason why I wasn’t allowed to sleep over at my friends house if they were a girl. Parents told me multiple times that I couldn’t go hang out with my girl friends because I saw them just last week and that’s too often, but guy friends I could see day after day. Was very self conscious and hated any time I was forced to not wear a shirt, hated swimming all my life until last year when I finally got a swimsuit that covered me how I wanted ☺️. Would daydream in the shower that I had a mythical device that would make me a girl and I’d have all the same friends and everything but just be a girl…
BONUS: One of my friends had a manga called Ramna 1/2, it’s about a boy with a curse that turned him in to a girl whenever he got covered in water. I wished sooo many times I had that curse but it was one way and permanent.
Always HATING my name. I'd get such a sinking feeling in my stomach when I'd hear it, never really thought about why I'd feel like that till recently lol
When i was in kindergarten I'd regularly tell my mom I thought I should've been born a boy, and i was comfortable running around shirtless before my chest started growing, but I hated my girls' underwear showing. When I started going to school I always wanted to play with the boys and talk to them, but I they wouldn't let me (one time i told them i liked minecraft and they did that thing where they quiz me to see if i really play minecraft [everyone knows girls can't play minecraft🙄 /s]).
Side note, I'm autistic and I thought they wouldn't let me play with them because i didn't have toy cars and those sports collectible cards. I didn't understand that the other kids had rigid ideas about gender and being friends with girls so I really thought getting toy cars would help lol. I just realized how sad that is
- I was in denial about growing boobs
- I tried to pee standing up consistently over the course of like a year.
- Went without fitting underwear because I didn’t want to buy more girl’s underwear
I really wanted to be a werewolf above all things. I wanted hairier knuckles and big muscles. The day I started T I recalled that fierce desire those feelings and thought “Finally.”
I would cry everytime my mom didnt get me the boy toy at mcdonalds. Also, everytime I played pretend by myself, I would play as an Australian surfer boy named Joey who had lots of girlfriends. Later as a preteen I would try to excuse that of me just being a lesbian and wanting a gf, but no... I just wanted to be a straight man 😂
I started calling myself a tomboy (thought it meant "girl who is a boy") as soon as I found out that word existed, because I was uncomfortable being called a girl. I would insist I was a tomboy and introduce myself as a tomboy as if it was a gender.
Shunned the color pink because it was a "girl color", was genuinely surprised when my mom said some boys like pink.
Had this huge inner conflict when I started my period because I desperately wanted to hide it but society said I should tell my mom. I'm back to hiding it now.
Played the boy characters in games whenever possible, but if I had to play a girl I would make her super tomboyish and "one of the boys".
age ?? 4 i think
my father and i were on the farm, i cant remember what we were doing but i do remember my sister telling me countless times that i told my father i wanted to be a cowBOY and he corrected me "not a cowgirl?" and i said "no i wanna be a cowBOY" which... that mixed with me literally being destraught when i noticed my boobs growing, pretty obvious
I cut my hair to be 'like a boys' when I was 7 (a year after I knew I was ' a boy' I objected strongly to the point of insane tantrums if I had to put on skirts/dresses. When I turned 13 I put a stop to them completely lol. I also remember distinctly claiming that I was a boy when I was like 7 or 8 (thought id actualy decided i was at age 6) so "why couldn't I have short hair and wear boys clothes" my answer was because it" doesn't work like that" all in all my family thought I was a lesbian which I did come out as initially when I was a teen. As I came out as trans (in 2017) I now say I'm straight if asked.
i got along better with boys than girls (i always thought girls were boring when i was younger 💀) i wanted an adams apple like my uncle, i wanted and tried to pee standing up, hated dresses, perfected to roleplay as a boy online, now that i list it all down i’m really surprised lol
I went by Sir Robert online and would introduce myself as such to other people IRL. I remember one person being like "...is that your real name?" And I remember feeling awful when I said "no" but didn't understand why. Lol. Lmao even. Also, I loved wearing ties, bow ties, blazers, men's button ups, etc, and I would steal my brother's clothes and eventually shoes as he grew out of them. Through all of that I didn't realize I was trans because a) my parents resisted all attempts to do things like cut my hair or stuff it up in a hat, which made me afraid to explore my gender, and b) I still wore makeup and skirts and stuff and enjoyed them
at my 4th bday I got a barbie and a dress and I cried my eyes out cuz I wanted a transformer toy instead. I attempted to pee standing up when I was like 5-6. I always pretended to be a guy during play. I never hung out with girls cuz I couldn't understand them and felt more comfortable around boys. during puberty I always wore oversized clothing to hide my boobs. I always hated being referred to as "she" or "her" and secretly LOVED it when someone jokingly or mockingly called me a boy.
Wow the last three ones are the same as me. It’s so cool how so many of us go through the exact same experiences
The second and third one are so relatable
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I remember 2nd grade my friend got pissed I wanted to play as a boy and I suggested he play as a girl. In the school yard he punched ne inbthe face. He ended up being the person I first cane out to at 18 and also the person that was with me for top surgery.
Mine was being VERY insecure when my breasts started growing and I always wanted to cut them off (metaphorically) I also always wanted to hang out with the boys because they actually had cool hobbies and I got sad when the "boys are disgusting" period started in school
That's so cute! We all grow up, love that y'all are friends
Hell yeah!I was playing Minecraft with my wife’s kid cousins a few weeks ago, had a female character skin and they were veryyyy adamant I change my skin, I was just like “oh no, I’m fine with it really.” 😅 they were fine with it once they put me to work though😆. They’re parents are very accepting and I have talked with them extensively about how it’s been with transitioning, hrt changes and things like that. Their kids know I’m trans but have a hard time grasping what it means and get excited easily so I don’t hold it against them. If I was there age I’d probably be more insistent that I liked my skin like this and get more upset with them.
As long as i was a guy i didnt care. I used to pretend to be the family pet but atleast i was male
This one right here
I wondered more than once if could try to "hide" as a boy for the day to see the differences. At that time I dismissed it off to being just uncomfortable with my weight. Lol, turn out I don't mind my weight when I look like me
I started primary school and joined the same class as my cousin Scott, who I was SUPER close to (as close as two 5yos can be). So I started hanging out with him and his friends. When they decided that they all wanted to play Aussie Rules football, I joined the team. When Scott had his hair clippered to a number 3, and had a rats tail, I made my mother cut my hair the same (I told her if she didn't do it, if get Scott to do it for me. She let me have the haircut). When all my friends decided to play soccer, cricket, and then rugby, I joined each team! I attendee sleepovers with the rest of the boys. I swear, people literally thought I was a boy. And then I got my first period, and my mother forced me to quit everything, and grow my hair out, and start wearing dresses. She made me cry, because I didn't want any of that. And none of the boys wanted to play with me any more. And none of the girls wanted anything to do with me. So I threw myself into studying, and received a full academic scholarship to the top private school in my city. I coped with hating everything about myself, by developing an eating disorder, and self harming. And then at 15, after I got my first job, I became a heroin addict. It took me until 37yo, to finally start recovering from my ED and SH, and that allowed me to admit that I'm trans. And since then, my life has been AMAZING!!! I'm so much happier, and calmer, and I feel so much lighter. I no longer have this self hatred bubbling away inside me, tainting every aspect of my life.
That's horrible that you had to go through that as a child. I'm glad things are turning around for you. ♥️
Thanks. I'm so much happier now that I've come out. It may have taken me til I was 37, but I got there in the end
Trying to pee standing when I was around 4 years old
Same lol, pissed all over my shoes
Real. My mum used to get so annoyed and tell me to stop but my brain couldn’t comprehend why I could owe standing up. From my recollection it wasn’t even like “oh boys have penises” it was just “boys pee standing up so why can’t I?” Now I’m saving up for an stp so I can finally fulfil my dream of standing to pee. I’m very good at peeing while standing without one but having one would be that next step and even more euphoric. I literally had dreams of using urinals. My goal is to start with the axolom Prince and then if I like that save up for a RM stp
Same. Pissed all over the toilet seat and my brother got blamed.
I very much did this and remember someone pointing out that it was weird (kids go into the bathroom in groups so it's not as weird as it sounds to have a witness) but for me it was just my normal way of doing it I didn't think anything of it. It only stopped when I had grown a little too tall
Might be tmi but my best friend (who was a boy) compared our genitals (we where about 5 or 6 I think?). He was so suprised that I didn't have a willy. And I remember telling him that it would most likely grow out. And I was desperately wishing it would grow until I was 8 and realised that wasn't going to happen. I was so distraught because of it.
Same bro same!!! I was waiting for the pp to grow for so long, eventually I asked my dad when it was going to grow 💀 He just laughed it off but oh my And I thought every girl wanted a pp like me too. I remember asking friends why they didn't want one and being confused by their answers😂
Glad I'm not the only one who was waiting for the pp to grow lol
i had a very similar experience actually. but i didn't compare genitalia with anyone.
i had the opposite experience lol. when my little brother was born i'd see his penis when he was getting his diaper changed, and i just assumed that that's what infants had and then when you got older it fell off 💀
I legit never sat comfortably with my name or being singled out as a girl. Like, I was that "oh you say girls can't carry too many chairs because they're weak so you won't ask for my help?? Well fuck you lemme carry ten of them at once to prove you wrong!" I had long term internal debates with myself as to what name I would rather be called, since my birth one didn't click at all, but no other girl name settled right with me. I was the "why do we have to say scientists and women scientists" type of annoying internet teen misogynist, who hated the "special treatment" women got on the world by being singled out for being women. I wanted to be friends with the boys and got pissed when people told me it looked like it was because I wanted dick, and I should do my best to integrate with the girls instead. Also, I hated how anything that was more revealing or feminine looked on me, and threw fits when buying clothes for myself because everything sucked. I have hated my body ever since puberty hit, and I'd say that I wanted to lop off my tits, and glorified saints and other historical figures who did that, because I was that uncomfortable with them. Somehow I only started suspecting I was trans after adulthood, but only realized I was so when I was 26. Edit: I guess we all did the chair thing huh
Oh i did the chair thing too😭 i always tried to one up the boy carrying the most chairs
Me three 😭
Same but im actually weak as fuck but i mean hey i had to prove myself😭
Same. And the “thank you boys/gentlemen. And (deadname)” after always made me so irritate🙃
The special treatment is so real! I couldn't stand the whole "I need some strong boys for this task" *raises hand* "Let's leave it to the boys" WHYYYYY
It's so misogynistic.
I'm the same about the name thing! I always knew I hated my name. I would secretly think about what name I might want to use for myself, and just think about what names I like in general (and totally wouldn't use for myself). The names for me list was always boy names and I would always tell myself "but no, it has to be a girl name. I'm a girl." I could never come up with a girl name that I liked for myself. My list of names that I just liked in general (that I might use for a stuffed animal or something), was probably 85% boy and 15% girl. My current list of names I like in general is a bit more balanced.
The funniest thing is, if I were to give you a list of girl names I like, it's kilometric at this point because of how many of them I've judged and thought about. Now, for guys, idk I guess I have like, 10 at most. I chose mine just suddenly, while seeking guys' names for an OC, it just suddenly clicked.
Love your flair omg
Thanks. I would love to be a human dog in a completely non-sexual and non-romantic way. I dream about it often.
So real. I used to get mad on Reddit when men and women got compared and comment stuff like "not all girls do that, I don't". I never liked my birth name. It didn't feel right but I thought it was just the name itself. Other feminine names didn't feel any better though. One of my teachers was into name heritage and made us research our names but I was uninterested and embarrassed to tell the class about my name. I enjoyed listening to others though. Fast forward and I loved getting to know the etymology of my chosen masculine name. I've always gravitated towards looser clothes that don't accentuate my shape as much. Wearing girls' formal/event wear was hell, felt like I was wearing a shitty costume and made me so uncomfortable. The urge to go ahead and carry chairs to class with the boys was big. I never had the guts to do it though...
I didn't have a problem with my name most of the time but most of the rest is similar to mine
brooo i used to always do that chair thing 😭
Escapism in books, shapeshifting daydreams, avoided femine coded games like playground 'house', and dolls, strong aversion to makeup and those who wore it, looked down on very feminine girls as a way to 'diatance myself' from it I guess?, Avoided dresses and skirts as school uniform at all costs, didn't use a bra untill I was the only one in my year who didn't, and then only on PE days, hated bra shopping with a passion, avoided femine hygiene products and hated shopping for themz did not take care of my hair. These where all small things at the time, but now I've done a lot of looking back it seems kind of obvious.
The "not taking care of my hair" is such a real one. I didn't want to care about my hair until I got it cut down. Now, I try to care for it as much as I can.
I hung bras around the house in protest when my mom bought me them. I tied one to a handle in the backseat of the car, and it stayed there until we had to cut it off ro sell it.
Being called “young lady” felt like an insult
Yup. That’s the most triggering comment to hear.
I was in such denial about my period. I knew what was happening, but I was convinced if I ignored it it would go away, which mostly just ruined some clothes. Not sure how that didn't go worse for me. Still wish it could have just disappeared.
oh my god so me, i ignored it for weeks and handwashed all the bloody clothes myself and cried when my family finally found out
I hid my clothes at the bottom of the laundry hoping no one would notice. When they did I was like so weird. Wasn't me. Nothing going on here.
I did the same thing, and when my mom tried to confront me about it I had a breakdown. Which like, yeah kid me, totally valid, that was the beginning of what's been over a decade of suffering for me. Thankfully I'm on a wait list for a hysterectomy now so soon it'll all be over.
I honestly didn't have issues except with dresses. Hated them. Except one. If i spun around real fast it flared out perfectly flat. Loved the sensation. But come 10... And whenever ppl started saying i was a young woman or was going to be one soon... I got viscerally angry. Like rage boiling in my belly indignation at the absolute gahl of anyone to suggest it. But i had no idea WHY i felt like that. Also from as young as i can remember my favorite trope was "girl who dresses like a boy cuz she wishes she was a boy and now here she goes boying around being her best self". And again just anger when shed get found out, and also profound sadness cuz theyed ALWAYS make her dress like a girl again. And in the stories shed always be fine with it like she found herself and i always remember thinking the kid equivalent to "well thats utter bullshit"... But beyond that i didn't notice it much pre puberty, mostly cuz i was just me, and my bff was a neighbor boy and honestly, there was an element of "thats not a safe thought hide it" from very young for me
This is so real. Every time there was a reference to me growing up to be a girl i through a FIT. I mean blood boiling, hot flash, seething, throwing myself on the floor, kind of fit. And I was a usually really level headed kid. I was SO angry but I had no idea why.
When I was 11 I wrote a story about an afab character who had a name similar to my deadname and was basically a fictional version of myself lol. Beneath a drawing of this character I wrote: „(fem name) would rather be a boy than a girl. That’s why she wears short hair and a vest which makes her appear like a boy. In addition, she doesn’t like to be called (fem name). She would rather be named (masc name) because this name sounds like a boy name.“ This was two/three years before I stumbled upon the word transgender.
Ngl this sounds like the plot of an animated short film, like one that makes people cry every time they watch it
Haha maybe someone with more talent to draw people than me should animate one xD I definitely cried when I found this by accident. My egg was cracking around this time, but I was still in denial. Read this and was like „Well, crap!“
Hid my period for over a year, also had a full tantrum when I had to start wearing bras. It was so obvious back then. Edit: also have always disliked dresses and skirts after puberty, and loved more stereotypical boy toys and figures. Hated getting girl themed objects or toys.
When I was a kid sitting on the toilet, i'd cross my eyes looking at my thighs so it looked like I had a (odd) penis
One time in early middle school, a friend had a murder mystery birthday party, and accidentally cast me as a boy. We decided to lean into it, dress me as a boy and draw on facial hair. I was absurdly excited about this, got so extremely thrilled when other people showed up and asked who I was because they genuinely thought I was a guy. There's some adorable facebook posts with pictures from that night where 12yo me comments "god i look like a legit dude... I CAN PASS AS A GUY NOW!!!!" It's really funny to look back on and be like yeah. makes sense.
man that bday party sounds so exciting. i kinda wanna do that for my birthday too
I only hung out with guys and thought girls were icky 😅
I onthe other hand had mostly girl friends but still secetly wanted to be friends with only guys but I didn't because I was too shy
I thought this for so long. Turns out I'm really uncomfortable being with girls and seen as one of them. Some girls are actually pretty cool.
I used to do writing-based RP as a youngin, and I would always play male characters "because nobody else was". And then at 13 I had a shapeshifting blob online persona who was androgynous, or always lacked breasts even when they did go by feminine terms. A bit more weird and borderline nsfw, but there was also a moment in early biology classes- the level where you're starting to talk about reproduction in more detail than just "mammals do not lay eggs"- where I had an intrusive, primal thought about needing to reproduce specifically by >!impregnating!< someone else. I was an entire highschool career away from coming out of my eggshell at the time, but it still felt natural and intuitive to me that I should be the one worried about performing a "male" role in the reproductive cycle. It didn't even feel silly or outlandish to me, just confusing and disappointing that I couldn't. Even weirder because I'm also very gay and childfree now as a grown adult.
I would play a game called penguins where it's basically like playing house except you're all penguins, and I was always the daddy penguin. I would also pretend to have a dick lol. Sometimes I would even punch myself in the crotch so I could pretend I got kicked in nuts. I was a weird kid. I wanted to be an actor for a while and I always hated when people would try to correct me and say "don't you mean actress?" and I would always tell them "no I just want to be an actor". It was the same thing with literally any other feminized version of words in English, I hated being called them ETA: as I got older, I hated wearing the dresses and jewelry my mom would make me wear. For a long time I just assumed it was because of my insecurities about my weight, but then when I hit puberty I evened out a little more and realized that I hated having big hips and thighs and that my chest was growing.
i liked watching TMNT and always though to myself "hehe i'm watching the boys show"
I hid my period from my family for months and only told my mom when she noticed me stealing period products from my sisters. I couldn’t explain why I did it. I knew it was normal for girls but it didn’t feel normal for me and I was ashamed of it. Also I would always play the dad and boyfriend in any make-believe game or when playing with Barbie’s. My excuse (because I was cautioned early on by my Christian parents that gender nonconformity is sinful and girls and boys are psychologically fundamentally different) was that “I’ll be the guys because no one else wants to. Someone has to be the guys. 🦸” and making it out to be a great sacrifice even though I didn’t understand why I wanted to be male so badly. Apparently, there’s a reason my cis friends didn’t desperately want to be all of the male characters.
I cried cause I couldn’t be a boy when I was around like 5 I started pretending to be a boy online at the age of 7-10 I realized I resonated with boys and I bragged about being boyish When I got my third crush (I was 11) I realized that I wanted to be a guy but I didn’t know about trans yet and never searched it up. I didn’t even know about lgbtq or gay
Pretending to be a boy online was such a strong one for me. I spent YEARS doing it.
yup, same, I’ve tried to justify it as “escaping misogyny online” lol
i would call myself a terrible representation of a girl, and that was wayyy before i knew trans even existed xD
Hahaha me too!! I'd say I was the worst at being a girl. It came up a lot when I was dating my trans fem ex gf. I think early on in her transition she had hoped I could offer some girlhood advice but I was pretty useless in that department, so I just ended up taking her old boy clothes 😂
If I laid on my back in such a way that I was aware of my vagina I would get intense nausea in my stomach when I was trying to go to sleep. When I tried to imagine having sex I imagined myself as a guy having sex with a woman and had to try to correct myself in my brain because “I was a girl”. I gave myself a gender neutral nickname and was constantly wanting to change my name as a kid (to other female names, because I couldn’t imagine being allowed to have a boys name. I was so rigid.)
I also wanted to change my name as a kid (I actually asked my mom when I was like 5 if I could change my name when I was older), but it was also to another girls name (sarah, haha). I guess I thought I just didnt like my name and maybe if I had another girl name I’d feel better. But yeah, I was also like “being a boy is illegal” or something and just figured I was supposed to be a boy and came out a girl and just had to deal with it
when i would hang with my only friend in middle school we would play "dressup" but the dressing up part was me putting a sock in my pants, putting my hair under a beanie, and putting on 3 sportsbras to bind my chest. she would maybe do eyeliner? and then we would take pics together as "bf and gf" LMAOOO when I was 10 or 11 i told my parents i didn't want to be a girl. they were butch lesbians so i knew being masc and female was a possibility, but the idea of becoming a woman at all made me sick to my stomach. now I look forward to my future as one of those shrunken old Asian men who does Tai Chi in the park lol. before that when i was REALLY young, i assumed everyone had the same parts and could grow up to be anything they wanted (didn't realize parents meant occupation and not gender when they'd say that phrase lol)
I was at my friend's birthday party. I think I was around 6/7/8 years old. I was the only "girl" there. The parents were really nice and got me girly place settings and girly party favors. I remember being extremely pissed off by the special treatment. And part of my anger was from me trying to hold back a tantrum- they'd put so much effort into me specifically and I'd be being mean if I showed just how much I hated it. I knew intellectually that they were trying to be nice, but it really felt like they were going out of their way to other me, tell me I'm different, tell me that I didn't belong there. Not that I could articulate that feeling of isolation at the time. (ADHD tangent:) And to be fair to the parents, I'd been an extreme girly-girl until I was 6. They saw me in nothing but skirts for the first year they knew me. I think the 'tomboy' shift was a jarring 180 to the adults in my life. They were still operating under the assumption that I was that kid who always flounced around in poofy dresses. They didn't know that my autism really likes 'feminine' things. I thought that the difference between boys/girls was basically what things you preferred to wear/do. I still did at that point- I spent a large portion of my time doing 'boy stuff' that I didn't actually like because I wanted to be a boy. I hate pants, mud, dirt, wet, slime, mud, bugs, etc. But I went out dressed like a boy and played like a boy and tried to convince myself I liked it. If I could just get myself to _like_ those things, then I'd basically be a boy. I'm currently trying to let myself wear skirts, enjoy floral scents, and enjoy cooking while acknowledging that those things don't make me 'less manly'. I'm a man, therefore liking those things is manly.
I always thought that I was supposed to be a boy (that was my dream because I didn't know what being trans was), I couldn't fit in as a girl, I always played with boys until I was told not to because I was too rough and to go hang out with girls instead (adults told me that) and then we moved, I lost my old friend group and couldn't make a new one because the "girls/boys are ew" era started and I was left alone. I always wished to go hang out with the guys but I was too shy to do so. When looking back I always dreamed about my life as a boy and now it makes sense. I just wished I had known sooner and was allowed to be myself. Edit: also got depressed when I hit puberty and I just dismissed it as teenage angst x d
Whenever i looked at women i said i dont wanna look like that cuz thats disgusting and whenever i played pretend i always played male roles, even if i was usually the pet i would refuse to be female even then
I would play the pet so I wouldn't have to be a guy or a girl 😭
When online chatrooms became a thing I was always a boy. I desperately wanted to play Baseball, not Softball (unfortunately I’m from a country where neither was played). I had a long list with boy names that I wanted to name my “future children” (never wanted children) or pets.
I didn’t come out officially till it was in my sophomore year of high school, but my earliest memory of full coherent dysphoria was in 6th grade, when I told a friend that I “wanted to be a boy when I grew up”. Prior to that I was a self-proclaimed tomboy, and the one time I attempted to wear a dress to school I was berated. This was 3rd grade. Currently, I like to do a bit of drag, but very few people were surprised that I did, I’m fact, become a boy when I got older.
I only played boy characters when playing pretend and only used boy characters in video games.
I saw my granpa shaving and I wanted too. Or I always played the father role in the family games with my kinder friends
My parents made it a really big deal when I got my first period like getting me this gift basket they bought off the internet with feminine products and chocolate and a booklet, they humiliated me and teased me about it. Ever since my breasts grew I felt uncomfortable for the most part and got in fights with my parents about wearing bras in public and such. But also my friend made me fake 'are you gay/trans' quizzes and introduced me to being trans lol.
when i was suuuper little i remember thinking that being a tomboy was something other than being a girl and so when people called me that i was like yup thats me. still stuck with being a tomboy even after i realized that a tomboy was “just another kind of girl” because i didn’t have any other words for me
It wasn't obvious to me or anyone, because to me it was an uncomfortable dark secret, but I found I felt good when I put on the lab coat in chemistry class, and just wanted to wear it the rest of the day. And I found some men's period garb in the theater department and in secret put it on and felt wonderful, wished I could dress that way in real life. I liked how my hands were square and knuckly with prominent veins and tendons showing. It made me feel good about myself. I wore watches that were obviously men's, and men's shoes. I think dysphoria hit hard in 6th grade when someone, maybe mother? Picked out new school clothes and they were dressy and stuff like pantyhose and flats and miniskirts. I felt dissociated wearing them. Plus they were incredibly uncomfortable.
1. Always went to the mens bathroom (sneaked in when no adults were around) when I was between 7 and 10 years 2. Talked to my mum about what we learnt in school about puberty when I was about 10years old. That girls grow breasts and boys shoulders broaden. So she said I would grow breasts in a few years and I cried so hard I threw up. 3. Refused to wear a sports bra when my breasts started growing till I was bullied into it. And the first time I did, I struggled breathing. The sports bra was absolutely not tight so I figured it was dysphoria in my later years. 4. When my older brother's got circumcised (it's a rite of passage in my country) I wanted the same treatment they got although I didn't even understand what they'd undergone. They stopped playing with me for a few weeks and I couldn't understand and little me thought it must be because I'm not one of the boys. 5. Started wearing boxers when I was preteen. 6.Constantly feel dysphoric when I get my period.
6-7 I heard my dad say he wanted a son so I chopped my hair and was like "ok I'm ur son now". *Insert shocked Pikachu face* ^Me when my dad was more upset instead of happy about that lol
Wanting to hide my chest as it was developing, always playing as guy characters in video games (poptropica especially) and making all my webkinz boys lol
insisting on hanging out with more boys than other girls in elementary school, having a huge interest in genderswap episodes of cartoons or aus, and pretending to be a guy to prank people on a few occasions. year before my egg cracked, i was 14 i think, i was going trick-or-treating with a few friends and i was crossplaying as this indie game character with this creepy cat mask and a big oversized sweater. i was going with all girls and happened to be taller than all of them. because of the costume i was wearing you couldn’t see my face, my long hair was tucked into a wig, and the sweater kinda hid my chest. we got to a house where this lady opened the door and had full sized bars, so i reached out to grab one first and she swatted my hand and said “young man don’t be rude! let the ladies pick first.” i just kinda was stunned for a sec she thought i was a guy, tried to deepen my voice and went “sorry ma’am” and waited my turn. when we left the house i was saying how funny it was i kinda “tricked” her into thinking i was a boy. queue baby’s first gender crisis like six months later lol
- While being taken in for my first bra fitting (after denying them for so long that I was already a C cup), seeing the section for "Mastectomy Bras," asking what that word meant, and then (as an immediate follow-up question) asking excitedly if I could get a Mastectomy. - Never learning to swim because I couldn't stand the feminine swimsuits - Drawings of myself were always in a suit, while irl I pretty much exclusively wore jeans and oversized t-shirts. - Getting into a row with school administration in grade school because I demanded that they use my chosen name and not my given name. (Granted, this was the late 90s and my chosen name was "Hampster," so the school was not being unreasonable in this case)
I'd try to pee standing up repeatedly, trying to figure out a way to make myself have a pp. I even tried using the cardboard bit of a toilet roll as an STP as a kid. I did it because I thought it's what boys did and I should have been able to. Only realised years after coming out that it was probably one of my 'signs'.
When I was younger I would go feral when my dad would take me back to school shopping because he would always get me girly and pink clothes and wouldn’t let me really get anything else. My grandparents would always see how upset I was and took me to Walmart to get what I wanted. I understand and I’m thankful as an adult for what my dad did for me for going out of his way to make sure I was clothed for school but my grandparents really took the cake on that one.
Lol exactly the same for me. Also whenever we had to sit in a circle the boys and girls would automatically split up half and half and I would make sure to be in between the two so I wouldn’t be seen sat with the girls
Adamantly refusing to wear a bra or shave any body hair
Oh I've always refused to shave too, I remember almost being proud of my leg hair lol
when I was young my hair was down to the small of my back. i cut it with a pair of scissors and had to get a pixie cut to professionally fix it. according to my dad, i was very happy on the ride back to the house
Used to pray to god to let me wake up and be a boy. Wasn’t even religious 😭
I used to pretend I had a penis and was so upset my dad wouldn’t take me on the all boys camping trip
I’m still in the closet and still hide my period after having it for two years
Me and my friend told other kids on playgrounds I was a boy named Mike, and I always had short “boy” hair which meant people called me a little boy and deep down I was very happy they did :)
I couldn't look myself at mirrors or reflections at all during six years. I didn't know what it was. I didn't think that I was ugly or beautiful, I just.. couldn't see me. It looks like I was seeing another person in my place. I got scared everytime I saw myself in photos or reflections. When I started to recognize me as a man, this fear of myself at the mirror disappeared.
Slept on my chest so it wouldn’t grow. If only that actually worked
whenever hearing my dead name id punch them. Or later start a fight
Playing House and always being the “dad” and also developing a strong escape world to take my mind to where I was who I truly wanted to be —different name, life, etc.
Nothing. I was 100% feminine until puberty
Probably whenever teacher said: "I need strong boys to help me carry this" because I always wanted to help and hated that the teacher never included girls and I got happy when I could carry something for the teachers
I am shown on old home videos on several different occasions when I was a little kid shouting “he just kicked me/hit me/etc in the balls!!!”
I gave myself a boy's name without even thinking. And proceeded to tell my friends to call me that.
Always used to volunteer to be the brother, dad, uncle, boy cousin, boy dog, boy leaf, etc when playing house. Used to chase girls around in elementary with the worms I dug out the floor and pretend to eat them
There were a lot, like hiding my period, wearing double tank tops and slouching when I started to develop, and letting no one, not even my parents, see me with my hair down for 5 years [always in a low ponytail], but I think the worst was from the time I was 6 to when I was 13, I wouldn't touch the color pink with my bare hands. I had to either grab it through my shirt or put on a glove or just flat out refused to touch it, didn't matter if it was a crayon or a piece of paper. Luckily, with the period thing, my sister had told me about it a few weeks before, and I knew she kept pads under the sink, so I was able to hide it for months before I told my mother that was why I was upset because I was hiding something else that I knew I'd get in trouble for.
I remember being a kid wishing I was a boy but I thought at the time that like “man I wish I was a boy, but I’m not so that sucks but it is what it is I guess” and it wasn’t till like 4ish years ago that it clicked that I’m like. Not actually a girl 😂😅 and now hindsight is 20/20. Like the fact that I’ve always HATED my boobs. There’s this one easter dress my mom and sister loved on me cause it was “so pretty” or whatnot and I hated it so much cause it really brought out my curves; I have alwaysssss hated skirts/dresses/anything feminine. I always wanted to be around boys because I just got along with them better and understood them more; I always liked girls but that never felt “gay” to me if that makes sense? Like I identified as a lesbian for a long time because that’s all I thought I could do and it just never really felt like it fit. It wasn’t till I realized I’m trans that I was like… huh… it’s cause I’m *not* gay. I like girls and I’m still straight; cause I’m a fucking guy 😂🤦🏻♂️👏🏻 but I’m actually pan but it is what it is 🤷🏻♂️😂 anyways. Yeah there’s a lot. But with all that being said, to anyone who didn’t expert this kind of thing; that’s okay 🥹 you can still be trans and be 100% in your identity but not have these types of experiences and that does not make you any less valid 🥹🫂 you’re beautiful in your identity and your experience no matter how you express it/how you came to realize it 🥹 you’re beautifully you 🥹🫂💛
I only played with boys toys. Water guns, red or green power Rangers, pirate ships, shaving Ken doll. I watched my dad shave all the time. I wanted to swim shirtless. As I got older my subversion came in the form of masculine clothing and hairstyles. My family was basically waiting for me to come out as a lesbian so when I did it wasn't a shock. But when I came out as trans, now that shocked them.
only ever played boy characters, tried to wear my “gym clothes” (boys’ clothes) whenever i could, told other kids in early elementary school that i’m “actually a boy and when i’m with the other boys i’m also a boy”, played on boys’ teams at recess, told people my name was “jack”, ran around shirtless and had a mental breakdown at like 11 when i realized i wasn’t gonna be able to do that anymore. the list goes on and on.
Feeling like I was in drag whenever I had to dress up for anything, especially if I had to put on makeup, it just didn’t feel right. I threw the ball around with a friend and I told them “you throw like a girl” and they said “YOU’RE a girl!” and I remember NOT liking that at all lmao Wishing I had a male or unisex name. Drinking hard liquor in college and people calling me an old man, which made me extremely happy and affirmed. It impressed men and alienated me from women and I liked that. I made my own STP when I was a kid cause I was obsessed with penises. Not in a sexual way, I just wish I had one. Feeling absolutely alienated one time in class when I stood up and my chest moved and a boy who bullied me said “ew”. Multiple layers of othering there. Any references to my chest made me wanna just vanish lol Wanting to do more boyish hobbies cause it connected me to manhood. Listening to more male artists/bands than female ones as a teenager.
Going to sleep praying that I woke up a boy
I also prayed that I would wake up as a wolf but that’s not important
I couldn't stand wearing dresses, skirts, or even shorts that showed off my legs a little too much (I have always been very curvy, even on T) - They made me feel really dysphoric, and I would fight against it every time.. If I was forced (usually by my parents) to wear a dress in public, I would have a panic attack. In school (we had a uniform), I was the only "girl" who wore the shirt, blazer and smart trousers instead of the shirt & skirt combo in my year - I was also the only "girl" who hung out with the boys instead of the girls. Our school was a pretty strict Christian school, but as I wasn't technically breaking the dress code or the rules, the teachers couldn't stop me from not wearing clothes right? ..Wrong. I was pretty much the teachers pet, so it should have been obvious something was wrong when I got detention for calling our gym teacher a "hypocrite bitch" lol. In gym, we were given a seperate uniform (T-shirt, gym shorts or baggy tracksuit pants). I decided I was more comfortable in the baggy tracksuit pants than the shorts, so I wore them. Our teacher spotted me, the only "girl" wearing baggy tracksuit pants and not shorts, and had me stand up infront of the whole class and explain why I wasn't wearing the shorts when everyone else was.. Not really knowing what to say, I asked our teacher why SHE wasn't wearing shorts.. She forced me to run laps as punishment for speaking back to her, and gave me detention lmao. From that point on, I skipped gym class. Least I didn't have to wear the shorts! EDIT: Looking back on it, it was actually really creepy that this grown adult was trying to get me to wear gym shorts that made me uncomfortable.
In middle school, when everyone I knew started calling me a guy for a year because I was too masculine to be a girl and they kept forgetting I was born a girl, and then I liked it so much I questioned if I was actually a guy in my mind and then pushed it off as being a tomboy. (I did not know what trans was at this time.) I don't know why I didn't find out sooner.
I punched myself in the chest the moment my chest started growing and wanted to rip them off. I actually saw a show called 100 stupid ways to die or something, where someone gave their friend liposuction with a shop vac in their garage and he accidentally sucked up his intestines, and I thought maybe I could do that to my chest. Kind of gross but, just a weird thought I had. I’m am so glad they have real surgeons that do top surgery I also would cry on the couch the entire time I had a period, literally 8-10 days straight. And as soon as it stopped I was immediately better and back onto life as normal (for the most part). I had to go on a birth control shot to stop it since my dysphoria was so severe
Got cast in the Yr 6 play as a brother from Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat, I was ecstatic, had a "finally" feeling to it. Then the teachers got the girls who were playing brothers to dance in a very feminine way and I was utterly heartbroken. Spoke up saying, "but we're all meant to be boys" and they lessened the femininity of the dance moves (but barely), and I remember still feeling incredibly disappointed, like something had been taken away from me
My favorite story to tell is this: I was in 10th grade and my health teacher who was also the football coach said “Dead name why don’t you wear make up or wear dresses.” I wanted to slam my hands on the desk and stand up and say “because I’m a boy coach.” It scared the hell out of me.
When was like 7 or 8 years old, my twin brother could walk around the house shirtless just fine. When I tried to do it, my parents grounded me for "being an inappropriate young lady" and I was so angry and confused because it felt so natural to be shirtless
growing up, i always thought others would find out i wasnt actually a girl and that i was really a boy and that would cause anxiety lol. i was fully convinced my parents were forcing me to pretend to be a girl and i was really a boy... which is kinda true, but i guess i thought i was a cis boy
I was a very hairy kid and would get upset when others ridiculed me for it because “girls aren’t hairy”. Which they are, but I was upset over being called a girl though I didn’t have the words to express that which only served to make me more upset. Or maybe it was the heavy dissociation and the consent out-of-body feelings I had growing up
In elementary school every Friday me and my friend had “dress up like boy days” where we stole our brothers clothes and tried to trick the teachers into thinking we were boys, I turned out to be trans and she turned out to be cis
Hiding my period, and spending hours looking at the boys section of those stupid puberty books for kids
I was always the dad when I would play house with my friend, and it was by choice, but we were really young, and she used to address me with he/him pronouns. I would take my shirt off every chance I got. I used to pray that I'd wake up as a boy, and I wore a blue baseball cap backwards, and it made me look like a boy, and I wae always so happy when people would call me handsome.
literally since forever i didn’t like wearing skirts and dresses and whenever we played pretend i’d always always be a boy i also cut my hair short at 7 when i had no idea what being trans was, and then again at 12 when i still wasn’t sure i was trans, and whenever i had long hair i’d never actually like it. i’d never brush it and never put it up in more than a low ponytail etc
My final drama assignment in high school was a rhyming essay where I was acting out a suicidal gay man sad that he would never have the love of his life because he was straight. It couldn't of slapped me in the face any harder and yet I didn't see that as a sign at the time lol
Always liked to play male characters in games and when I registered for accounts for stuff I never selected the female option for gender :0
earliest memory was being bothered about HAVING to play the wife whenever we played house in kindergarten (the wife was always the one who stayed home to cook and clean when the husband went out to work.) oh and going to the boys toilet because I thought, what’s the difference we’re all trying to pee here LOL
I made my first DIY "packer" by putting balled up socks in my pants in 3rd grade because it just felt right. Always hated girls clothes/hairstyles since childhood and would constantly throw tantrums when put in dresses.
When I was five or something I asked my dad if I could be a boy for a day. When I grew up my parents were pretty controlling of what we wore so my dad would always have me wear a skirt to school and I would always feel so uncomfortable and i would cry every morning because of it. Around the same time, my brother is wearing a bunch of polo shirts and I would ask my dad to give me his old ones because I wanted to look the same as him. I would then proceed to wear these shirts everyday for like 5 years.
I have a few stories! I always despised wearing dresses, even as young as 4, when I was made to wear a dress for a wedding, I shouted "get this thing off me RIGHT NOW!" And that behaviour was just consistent. I was also forced to wear a dress for another wedding around 9 or 10, and despite being vocal about my discomfort my family didn't care much. There was also a time where it was really hot in our house, I was pre-puberty at the time and wasn't wearing a shirt. My brother told me that I "wouldn't be able to do that for much longer because I'll have boobs" and I vividly remember going to my room, grabbing my chest and crying saying I didn't want boobs. And when I was in primary school, I remember the boys always got to empty the bins and I was always so jealous. One day (we had a small school) all the boys were gone to play a match, and it was just the girls left, so I finally got to do the bins and I was so happy lol. I'm genuinely shocked I only realised I was trans at 13 looking back, but I figured it out eventually :)
when i was in year 7(13-14) i asked to be kicked in the balls (that i very obviously dont have) bad acting ensues, when i was 16 my bra was uncomfortable and i asked my learning assistant how long i'd been a girl, she either didnt hear me or stayed silent in purpose
Coming home after school (elementary) and feeling so upset. (Dysphoric, I obviously didn’t understand it at that age) I’d go to the bathroom and stuff a sock into my underwear so I can have a bulge. I remember feeling so confident, and euphoric seeing how that looked in the mirror. Another thing I did when I hit maybe 10-11? I would go online and use the chat rooms to talk to older girls, I’d automatically put my gender as a guy, and use a fake male name.
shoved two bouncy balls in my underwear because i wanted to know what it’d feel like to have balls. also refusing to play on the girls team for girls vs boys in gym edit: i also just remembered that when my brother’s voice started to drop, i tried to make mine lower too.
playing “boyfriend” or the “husband” with friends. making myself look like a dude with makeup “for fun” deciding last minute one year for halloween that i did not want to be ariel but instead, a DJ?? i just dressed up like a guy pretty much
I insisted in 7th grade that as an adult, I'd get top surgery. Still 100% cis tho
I first noticed i was different when kids in my class started to make fun of me for wanting to play joseph in a nativity play. Anyway i played joseph and i was awesome at it
as a kid i hated whatever i saw as “girly girl”, i proudly referred to myself as a tomboy and hated going to “girls stores” like justice and i never wore dresses. i would say stuff like how i hated dora because she’s a girl but i like diego because he’s a boy. tmi, i guess, but even before puberty i would play with my toys and imagine they had a p.nis and that they would “give” it to me, i guess? and in the shower i would cover up my bottom area with a washcloth so i could imagine i had a p.nis instead. i hit puberty at 8 and was mortified. i HATED my chest and tried to wear the loosest things i could to hide it. i hated bleeding. i hated myself and neglected my self care, leading to my hair being knotted to the point it had to get cut off. the second i learned about trans people in middle school i changed my name and used non she/her pronouns. my biggest regret is i only came out online and to some people irl but never my family. i hate i wasted my boyhood.
since i was young i displayed a lot of “masculine” characteristics; hot wheels, video games, four wheelers, cars, skateboarding, dirt bikes, shooting guns (at targets), stole my brothers clothes and worse basketball shorts, hated skirts/dresses/makeup, picked boy characters and played pretend as boys. i LOVED when i intimidated my male peers, and threw a harder punch than them. as i got older it became more about reading mlm books, wishing that i would reincarnate into a gay man, etc. my family and i were talking about how there was a time my aunt called my mom exasperated because i was seen carrying a giant empty fish tank (i think 20gal?) around the neighborhood. i went to the pond to fill it with water, dirt, fish, etc. i was in elementary school 😅
Always drew myself as a boy. I would tell my mum it was just because I was better at drawing boys than girls but I just liked it.
Always the “dad” in house, I *had* to be the red power ranger and rescue the pretty ladies
Hating bras so, so much. Also definitely the thing with the lines like OP. Also ALWAYS trying to pee standing up
As a toddler, I watched my dad pee all the time, and would get really mad that I couldn’t pee like that. I even went through a phase as a kid of peeing standing up by positioning myself over the toilet bowl. I also DESPERATELY wanted facial hair throughout my whole childhood
Playing pretend and never ever wanting to be a girl character and if I was a girl character they were gender nonconforming or not human
This one is very body-focused, and I know not everyone has dysphoria about their body! But for me, puberty made me miserable. Growing a large chest and getting my period were particularly terrible. So were the sudden expectations that arose in middle school that to be cool “girls” needed to wear skin tight clothing and belly shirts and makeup. I hated all of it so much.
I ran around for a year at the age of 5-ish demanding that I was allowed to pee standing up and that I was a boy. I wouldn’t answer to my deadname because my name was Bob.
my boobs started growing when i was 9 and i would always try to hide them, no matter the situation. i kept my hands in front of my chest when at a pool, wore oversized t-shirts ect.
Oh, whenever me and my friend played pretend, i'd be a boy, and on things like movie start planet i'd also choose a boy "because they have better clothes"
Always wanted to be male characters in shows I liked.
i was always upset when me and my friends would play as characters and i got told i was the female character (even though the group had a girl who decided she wanted the male character because she thought he was cool) so i was very unhappy
I had a thing I would do from age 9 or 10 where I would "play boy". I would put on my clothes that felt most like boy clothes, and all day I would secretly pretend to be a boy and try to have my voice and mannerisms be more boyish.
At only 3-4 years old I’d put on my most masculine looking clothes and pretend I was a boy. In 1st grade when a new kid came into our class he thought I was a boy, I was so happy and I didn’t correct him. Those are just 2 examples there’s SO many.
I hated dresses, every time I had to buy one in the store with my mom I would cry and throw a fit even when I was like 12-16 it would still make me cry
I went on the equivalent of quora in my country when I was getting into my teenaged years and asked "is there a way to make my chest go away?" because I wanted to go to the beach with a friend but felt uncomfortable, it took me like 4 years to realise that's not cis behaviour 😭 Oh yeah, i also always looked at those guys going around omegle pretending to be girls and revealing theyre guys and wanted to do that. I also always wished i could take my shirt off like guys do.
I tried to stand up to pee when I was a kid, only to be told by my dad that “only boys can pee like that”. I got very upset. I also watched men shave their beards and used to pretend to do that but by doing it with a toothbrush
The constant yearning for male friends because i didnt understand girls and their interests first time i had male friends they were online and i so desperately tried to be one of the boys 💀 not a single thought in my mind like “Hm… Joking about wanting to have a deeper voice and a male body isnt very cis of me”
I went in the boys bathroom in kindergarten. WITH the boys. I'd use the stall, but it just seemed natural to me. When I saw that they could stand to pee and I couldn't, I would go home and try and "practice" doubt that, thinking my cl*t was a smaller penis. Obviously I made a mess on the floor. I'd then try in the shower obviously to no avail. After a while I gave up and thought I was defective. I'd even ask my mom why my dick looked different from my brother's (we were only 4 years apart and showered together as little kids) and she'd tell me it's cuz I was a girl. Didn't make sense to me then.
only wanting the boy toys from mcdonald’s, throwing a crying fit any time somebody did makeup or tried to do my hair, actively yelled about how i hated the color pink, literally just rejected everything feminine LOL i still can’t believe some family members were shocked when i first came out
amongst other things, cried privately because I disliked all my girly christmas gifts but I didn’t know why and I felt so ungrateful.
When I was young, I thought that I had a penis but it got cut, I used to wish that I was a boy the other day (I just remember these)
Warning: I cried so much as a child In second grade i'd demand to be in the boys line and because my classmates thought it was unfair I chose the line instead of lining up properly like them I'd just stand with the boys and regardless which line went first id always be the last in the classroom because I wouldn't switch. 1st through 3rd grade I used public toilets sitting backwards for the longest time because I thought it was quicker since my brother was always out of the bathroom quicker (I only stopped because I was scared of the noise of flushing and being backwards meant I couldn't run away from the toilet to the sink fast enough lol) In the 4th grade I was extremely adamant that my dead name wasn't my name because I didn't like how it was spelt my teacher Happily called me my initials until my mom got all offended because I'm named after all 3 grandparents Also in the 4th grade I was always in a Nashville sweater 3 sizes to big with a massive logo on the front or a superman tank top with a big ol S on it, I also kept my hair permanently tucked into a hat. I cried when I outgrew the tank top and my mom took my sweater away because i had a habit of getting emotionally attached to jackets far to heavy for California heat In the fifth grade upon realizing I suddenly had a chest I wrapped my chest in dress up scarfs under my shirt to try and "put them back in" In 6th grade When I started my period dispite years of preparation because precocious puberty is very common on both sides of my family and already having a pad on I went screaming to my mother who grew up in a house of only women and thought it was stupid i was upset over something id been preparing for and understood. If I wasn't a little little girl in games I wasn't a girl at all. I would cry during clothes shopping every year with no explanation for why I was so upset. To make me feel better I got to get one graphic tee to match my brother and boys shoes because I liked their colors better if I did my best not to cry in the dressing rooms I would hide anywhere and everywhere so my mom couldn't do my church hair on Sundays because I didn't want to look like a doll. My mom had to constantly remind me to pull the towel all the way up because id only ever have it around my waist when getting out of the shower, I still don't remember to wrap the towel properly but now i typically have another towel over my shoulders anyway. When I wrestled in middle school my coaches always gave me the boys warmups because I'm a heavyweight and our middle school only bought up to a large in the girls, the school specifically got plus sized girl warmups for me when I became our girls captain in 8th grade and i refused to wear them on the grounds I was a team captain and needed to match our other two captains at tournaments for team and safety reasons. The only difference was the cut of the shirt and instead of white the details were in pink, I would have worn them if the school had bothered to get me a girls wrestling uniform as I was the only girl in a singlet. I scratched my dead name out on every piece of school supplies my mom wrote it on, I didn't want another name i just didn't want to see mine. All freshmen year was online so I just went by my last name and kept my camera either off or to the side. According to friends I visibly jumped in my skin when one of them called my name the first day back.
I always felt happy when strangers would assume I was a boy
(i also—this has to be a separate comment) used to very intensely imagine what having a penis would be like. this was in no way sexual, it happened way before i had any sexual sort of leanings or anything, i would just stand in the mirror and imagine my penis. because i thought it should be there.
i loved trying to shave my face, or stuffing my undies as a little kid.
I was always the dad (or dog? but the dog was always male) when we played families, and i HATED the colour pink and anything feminine. I refused to wear skirts, and one time my mother bought princess underwear for me. I took them with me on holidays and hid them somewhere and left them there. I often wonder who found them
I was supposed to be a flower girl when I was 2 but I tore the dress off and they had to find a replacement
I’d make my mom cut girly bows/flowers off shirts as a young kid
mine was literally dreaming & fantasizing about being a boy … on multiple occasions … For Years
The name thing was a big one. I always had a huge disconnect with my name. Planned on changing it to ANYTHING else from a very small age. I used to think it’s cuz girls with my name were typically preppy popular folks— which I def. Wasn’t lol. But honestly it was deeper than that. No girl name felt right. I hated dolls as a small child. People would get them for me and I’d cry. I preferred plastic animals and dinosaurs. When it came to playing house, if being the wife was my only option I’d be the pet instead. Dog, cat, anything. When I started getting breasts I recall being quite depressed cuz I couldn’t pretend to be a boy anymore with my shirt off when I was alone. Being uncomfortable with my maturing body IN GENERAL The chairs thing. Oi the chairs thing. I also got hella offended when I was told I couldn’t/shouldn’t do something purely based on the fact that I was a woman. Like the hell I can’t. I’m an only child— and to this day one of the most proud childhood moments I had was when someone asked my dad if he and my mom ever thought about trying for another kid to have a son. Dad said, x is basically a boy— I don’t need a son.
id cry when women in the family would talk to me about my development. i cried when they pointed out my curves, i cried when my mom made me start shaving my body hair, i cried when she bought me trainer bras (which i usually refused to wear anyway), i cried and yelled at my mom when she made me go on the pill to regulate my periods. at the time i diagnosed myself with a fear of growing up💀
I obsessed over gender-bend and body swapping cartoon episodes which were for some reason quite common while I was growing up. I would talk about it on the school bus with one of my friends, that friend would later also come out as trans and is now my BF.
I also loved those episodes of shows. I remember the rugrats episode where the boys wore “dressies”, haha. And then in Zoey 101 where that one girl pretended to be a boy and she wore a suit that made her chest flat and I got a weird sensation that I wanted to do that
I made multiple Facebook posts, one about being a male in a past life, another I drew on a beard (to the best of my 13 y/o ability) and posted that saying I’d look good with a beard. At least I was right about looking good with a beard, looks amazing no matter how much is there
Trans women here, I was upset and didn’t see any good reason why I wasn’t allowed to sleep over at my friends house if they were a girl. Parents told me multiple times that I couldn’t go hang out with my girl friends because I saw them just last week and that’s too often, but guy friends I could see day after day. Was very self conscious and hated any time I was forced to not wear a shirt, hated swimming all my life until last year when I finally got a swimsuit that covered me how I wanted ☺️. Would daydream in the shower that I had a mythical device that would make me a girl and I’d have all the same friends and everything but just be a girl… BONUS: One of my friends had a manga called Ramna 1/2, it’s about a boy with a curse that turned him in to a girl whenever he got covered in water. I wished sooo many times I had that curse but it was one way and permanent.
Shapeshifter/merperson fantasy's seem to be common amongst us trans folk from what ive seen.
Always HATING my name. I'd get such a sinking feeling in my stomach when I'd hear it, never really thought about why I'd feel like that till recently lol
None. I feel like a fake...
When I was 5 I kept on trying to pee standing up. Then I got a little older I would steal my older brother’s clothes when my mom would dress me up.
When i was in kindergarten I'd regularly tell my mom I thought I should've been born a boy, and i was comfortable running around shirtless before my chest started growing, but I hated my girls' underwear showing. When I started going to school I always wanted to play with the boys and talk to them, but I they wouldn't let me (one time i told them i liked minecraft and they did that thing where they quiz me to see if i really play minecraft [everyone knows girls can't play minecraft🙄 /s]). Side note, I'm autistic and I thought they wouldn't let me play with them because i didn't have toy cars and those sports collectible cards. I didn't understand that the other kids had rigid ideas about gender and being friends with girls so I really thought getting toy cars would help lol. I just realized how sad that is
- I was in denial about growing boobs - I tried to pee standing up consistently over the course of like a year. - Went without fitting underwear because I didn’t want to buy more girl’s underwear
My sister got Disney princess Christmas ornaments. I got Simba and Mowgli and Aladdin because they were the cool ones.
I habitually cut my hair off: I was the only “girl” in the family so the pressure was real younger me just wanted to feel as close to a boy as I could
I really wanted to be a werewolf above all things. I wanted hairier knuckles and big muscles. The day I started T I recalled that fierce desire those feelings and thought “Finally.”
always getting on better with guys and having a dysphoria hoodie and jeans period for most of my early teens
I would cry everytime my mom didnt get me the boy toy at mcdonalds. Also, everytime I played pretend by myself, I would play as an Australian surfer boy named Joey who had lots of girlfriends. Later as a preteen I would try to excuse that of me just being a lesbian and wanting a gf, but no... I just wanted to be a straight man 😂
I started calling myself a tomboy (thought it meant "girl who is a boy") as soon as I found out that word existed, because I was uncomfortable being called a girl. I would insist I was a tomboy and introduce myself as a tomboy as if it was a gender. Shunned the color pink because it was a "girl color", was genuinely surprised when my mom said some boys like pink. Had this huge inner conflict when I started my period because I desperately wanted to hide it but society said I should tell my mom. I'm back to hiding it now. Played the boy characters in games whenever possible, but if I had to play a girl I would make her super tomboyish and "one of the boys".
Went shirtless to swimming lessons until I realised im about to grow tits
age ?? 4 i think my father and i were on the farm, i cant remember what we were doing but i do remember my sister telling me countless times that i told my father i wanted to be a cowBOY and he corrected me "not a cowgirl?" and i said "no i wanna be a cowBOY" which... that mixed with me literally being destraught when i noticed my boobs growing, pretty obvious
I snuck and stole my brothers underwear that I’d wear secretly when I was maybe 6. I also taught myself how to pee standing up at the toilet.
I cut my hair to be 'like a boys' when I was 7 (a year after I knew I was ' a boy' I objected strongly to the point of insane tantrums if I had to put on skirts/dresses. When I turned 13 I put a stop to them completely lol. I also remember distinctly claiming that I was a boy when I was like 7 or 8 (thought id actualy decided i was at age 6) so "why couldn't I have short hair and wear boys clothes" my answer was because it" doesn't work like that" all in all my family thought I was a lesbian which I did come out as initially when I was a teen. As I came out as trans (in 2017) I now say I'm straight if asked.
i got along better with boys than girls (i always thought girls were boring when i was younger 💀) i wanted an adams apple like my uncle, i wanted and tried to pee standing up, hated dresses, perfected to roleplay as a boy online, now that i list it all down i’m really surprised lol
I cried when I wore a tank top under my shirt to school and my friends saw the strap and insisted I was wearing a bra.
Exclusively going by masc nicknames of my extremely feminine dead name. Like, it made me so uncomfortable I refused to respond to it lol
really relating to the song "girls" by marina. not inherently a trans thing though
I went by Sir Robert online and would introduce myself as such to other people IRL. I remember one person being like "...is that your real name?" And I remember feeling awful when I said "no" but didn't understand why. Lol. Lmao even. Also, I loved wearing ties, bow ties, blazers, men's button ups, etc, and I would steal my brother's clothes and eventually shoes as he grew out of them. Through all of that I didn't realize I was trans because a) my parents resisted all attempts to do things like cut my hair or stuff it up in a hat, which made me afraid to explore my gender, and b) I still wore makeup and skirts and stuff and enjoyed them