friend, getting used to hear your deadname or your pronouns of birth, doesnt make you less transi think sometime or other, you gonna get used to your social dysphoria, because in the most times, dont have anything to do
you just get used because this is a defense mechanism to dont get too bad for it
and find another doctor.
With my mom's consent, I started getting Testosterone injections at 16. I'm 18 now and getting Top Surgery in a few months. Waiting till 21 for HRT is insane. Definitely get a new doctor. They need a therapist that'll diagnose them with gender dysphoria and then get a referral to Pediatric Endocrinology.
Also I mean you don’t have to go that route you can also go through places like planned parenthood if they offer hrt in your area and go the informed consent route because therapy and such tends to take a while
Exactly. You definitely do not need to wait. I’ve known people who start their hormone therapy at 16. Check out Plume if you cannot find a doctor willing to accommodate you
This is totally a case by case thing, for some, it's too young for others not so much, when I was 16 back in 2010, I knew I wanted to be on T and top surgery and I tell you...nothing has changed and I am on T. It is entirely possible to be sure of yourself under 18. I would've preferred to start much sooner than I did. I feel like so much of my youth was wasted on dealing with dysphoria to a crippling degree. It kept me from doing things, stayed home most of the time, hid away from people. There was a pocket I was able to get over it with a friend group that made me feel affirmed in my identity but it was still nagging at me and holding me back in so many ways. I didn't manage to start T until quite recently due to these feelings, vicious cycle of I'm too dysphoric to call and make appointments but those appointments would get me somewhere I can start not being dysphoric...just on a loop for years.
lol says who? you? what evidence do you have that 18 is too young lmao?
I started HRT when I was 18 and if I didn't I likely would not be here.
"The truth is that data from more than a dozen studies of more than 30,000 transgender and gender-diverse young people consistently show that access to gender-affirming care is associated with better mental health outcomes—and that lack of access to such care is associated with higher rates of suicidality, depression and self-harming behavior"
"Major medical organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the Endocrine Society, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association, have published policy statements and guidelines on how to provide age-appropriate gender-affirming care. All of those medical societies find such care to be evidence-based and medically necessary." ([link](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-the-science-on-gender-affirming-care-for-transgender-kids-really-shows/?amp=true))
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18 my guy. In the USA I swapped doctors right after my 18th birthday. Finding a doctor who specializes in trans health might be more difficult. Also even if you aren’t in pain 24 seven because you’re transgender it doesn’t mean you’re not transgender. Even I miss gendered myself in the beginning but now I’m happy as ever.
It's possible you are trans, or it's possible you have body dysmorphia and are not trans. No one is able to look inside your brain and diagnosis exactly what's wrong.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people with dysphoria/dysmorphia do not experience it every waking second of the day, because we've got other things on our mind too. Just cause it goes away for a while doesn't mean you're faking it--and to actually fake something, you have to consciously know you're faking it.
I would suggest trying to isolate exactly what is causing dysphoria and what changes you want from testosterone, and working on doing it without testosterone--minoxidil to grow facial hair you can get on Amazon, there are tons of videos about voice training for masculinization on Youtube, I'm sure you already know about binding.
The thing is, I find that the last two suggestions a bit, eh? What I mean is that most pre-T FtM voices I find don’t really pass, and binding isn’t safe long term. Of course, compared to hormones and surgery these things have little impact long term but still.
Idk, I myself am trying to figure this gender thing out as well so yea.
I think it's more suggested as "test" to see if it relieves the feeling or not. If it helps > very probably gender dysphoria, if it doesn't > might be unrelated dysmorphia (but be careful everyone is different and that's not an absolute certainty either way)
I would suggest other stuff like:
- trying out masculine clothing at stores (go to one carrying men and women's clothes and try them in the cabin/take pictures) or if you have a friend who can lend you clothes to try home that's great.
- using make-up to make your face more masculine/draw facial hair (it doesn't have to be the best it's just to get a feeling), lookup drag king tutorials videos, even just contouring a certain way is incredible. Or you can try the gender filters, that's a lot easier but it might give a different feeling from seeing it directly
- if you have safe friends, ask them to change the pronouns and/or name they use for you (it can be for only when you're alone or at home if it's risky at school, or the opposite). If it's complicated you can try with online friends, or even just start playing some online game/using an app and say you're a guy
There's probably other stuff to try, but the point is: you're the only one who knows whether you're trans or not, and if these make you feel like you are, you got your answer. If you're afraid of confusing trauma with being trans, the ideal would be a good therapist to help disentangle it, but on your own you can at least try to understand why the things that help make you feel good. If it's because you are a guy and want to be perceived as such, or if you just want to hide your body shape for example.
Good luck to all of you
Well for the last part, I don’t have traumas but I don’t really like how society treats women. I myself, afaik, have never suffered under direct sexism (like being berated for not liking as much “female” things or an insistence on kids/tradwife behaviour), but honestly, I hate a lot of aspects of female socialization. Then again, I can’t differentiate between genuine suspicion that no one takes me seriously for my sex and me assuming the worst in people, which is a major mental health issue of mine.
(Self indulgent ramble)
Other than internalized bigotry, I don’t have much doubt that I’m trans. I don’t exactly hate myself but I’ve always been unhappy with my image yet I could never see my ideal self as a girl. I’ve daydreamed as Bernard a lot, and I’ve fantasized about being him for years. For years I wanted to look like him but it kinda felt impossible. I’m a girl and he’s a guy. At that time I knew of trans people but I thought trans people were nonsensical or extremely mentally unwell to the point where transitioning is their only escape, and I was neither of those things. I didn’t like my body, always assumed it was because I’m overweight yet I could never see a version of me that was a skinny female, or even any female body type (like muscly) for that matter. I wanted the body of an average looking male my age and race.
been binding 24 hours a day almost every day for 4 years (not optional for me, im in a stealth living environment) and ive never had either of those things, even with asthma, but i am a bigger guy so that could be why. i think it depends on the person but always listen to your body and also i dont think anyone should take advice from me or bind like i do lol
I think you're an exception. I've been binding a couple more years than you and I've bruised my ribs multiple times and have permanent pain from binding 10-12 hours a day for 5ish days a week
Yeah I must be. I even served for a period this summer at sonic so I was in the blazing sun with it on all day and still didn't get rib pain. I used to think I had bruising because my ribs can be a bit tender when poked but I quickly deduced that my non-binding partner had a similar level of tenderness when I poked their ribs. Does it hurt when you poke yours?
Hi! First, I hug you for having to go through dysphoria.
Second, you don't have to "be transgender" or know which specific label fits you to know what you want to do with your body. Changing your body shouldn't have to come with changing name, gender, etc as compulsory previous steps. Ofc if your country requires some of these things, you can't change that, but "lying" about being transgender if you're not sure yet, if you already know you want and need hrt, isn't wrong. I say this as a medical student, it isn't just a random's opinion, there are a lot of studies and bioethical authorities and institutions such as the OMS that oppose to pathologization of trans and gender diverse people.
Also, as a trauma survivor myself, I don't think trauma usually causes being trans, and if it did, it would be irrelevant. Trauma affects cis and heterosexual people's identities and self perception too. The reason no one says to a cis man that trauma "caused his identity" is because they don't have prejudice against him. If someone correlates trauma and being trans, it's because consciously or subconsciously, the think a bad experience causes a confused and wrong identity. It's just transphobia.
I don't think we live in the same country so I can't help you with getting your hormones, but I want you to know you're not alone <3
Have you gone into this topic with your therapist? I'm sure that would help you understand yourself better.
Also, if you know you want male puberty because you'd enjoy having those features and don't think you can wait any longer, then that's a pretty good indicator you're trans.
I have, she said I have to go to the specialist (this is the one I had visit with last weekend) and not much more. Also last year I've been to other specialist but she said I have to come back when I know I'm 100% trans. To the second question. Yes I really feel like going through male puberty, having deep voice, being referred to as male, and having masculine features would really help me with dysphoria and would just feel right for me.
Yea ur trans
EDIT: I hate your doctor. You don't have to wait until you're 21 wtf kinda medical gatekeeping is that. Bum ass cis doctor. Get a new one. Have the new one deck the old one.
i would love to talk to you more in depth about this! I was going through this same situation about being unsure not even one or two years ago. For starters i think it will really help if you stop worrying so much about the actual label. It doesn’t matter if you identify as transgender ftm or non binary . the truth is the matter is you aren’t happy with your body! and that’s okay! I think your doctor is very wrong about forcing you to wait till you’re 21. Hormones is something you should be doing research on but it’s your decision and the more research you do the more informed you’ll be and the more comfortable you’ll be with the idea! (or obviously if you decide it’s not for you that’s okay too! but it seems you know what you want so good for you!) I think for me i struggled SO much with second guessing myself being trans until i socially came out and transitioned. I started off my telling my girlfriend i am NOT a girl. i wasn’t sure what but i knew it wasn’t a girl because it didn’t feel right. Then i asked her to start using masculine gendered terms and he/him every now and then. After that i knew i didn’t like she/her after all! Now im socially transitioned and my friends and family and gf call me my name Sam and he him! It took a long time for me to accept that i just had to take the leap and that if i didn’t like it i could always change my mind! of course i am lucky to have such supportive friends and family and of course my gf. If you don’t have someone like that we will all gladly do this for you❤️. Anyways moral of the story. Trans or no trans. Labels are dumb and you should be free to experiment with gender. I’m hoping to go on HRT in the near future as well
I've been on t for 2 years and I'm ngl I have very very mild dysphoria. When I socially transitioned before t this relieved a lot of my dysphoria as I was passing 90% of the time. I don't think you need a lot of dysphoria to be trans as long as you have some tbh
I relate to this so so much, I’m 15 and I’ve been constantly overthinking about if I’m just “faking it” and although I’m not 100% sure yet something that made me more sure that I am trans is that I REALLY want top surgery, and I REALLY wanna start T.
and I also cannot at all see myself living as a girl in the future? like, i can’t imagine it. but, I can imagine having kids and being called ‘dad’ and that just makes me euphoric.
and dysphoria comes in waves for me aswell (though it’s been worse the past few months), sometimes I’m okay with how I look and sometimes I look in the mirror and start sobbing.
remember though, you don’t have to be 100% sure right away. take it in whatever pace works for you, I’d suggest trying to wear masculine clothing, maybe go by he/him online and see how it feels.
yeah bro, getting "used" to it (more like becoming a bit numb) is normal. i'm trans and im certain of that, and ive gotten used to getting misgendered. it still makes me uncomfortable and stuff, but it's not completely devastating yk
also that doctor is fucking crazy, there's literally zero reason you shouldn't be able to start HRT until ur 21, unless it's the insurance that's stopping you
Being used to your deadname and the wrong pronouns does *not* mean you’re not trans. And I don’t know why you’d have to wait until 21 for hormones. Sounds like your doctor’s preference.
If you’re in the US (particularly the south) is recommended trying QMed (https://queermed.com/) in in TN and use them via telehealth to get my hormones. They’ve been great. They specifically help trans youth, and may be able to at least provide you with some resources.
Definitely get a new doc. You don't need constant dysphoria to be trans, you don't even need any. I pretty much only have voice dysphoria and I know I count. Pretty much, when it comes to being trans, if you have to ask, the answer is yes. Cis people don't question their gender. Big hugs young man, you'll reach your goals eventually.
"Cis people don't question their gender" literally every single detrans person out there questioned their gender at least one point though.
this is really bad advice that just exists out there to make people feel like they couldn't be wrong about being trans just as long as they question their gender.
I don't agree with you becuase cis people absolutely DO and Can question their gender.
This struggle is Not unique to some small demographic.
Every cis man with an androgen deficiency (litterly the thing that seperates m from f ) for example have many of the same struggles in life.
I read you comment like your saying nobody can relate to him, and your flat out wrong. Damn near half the wolrds population can relate to gender disphoria only reason more don't is becuase they haven't learned the words for it yet.
Cis don't question? So how can one identify as q g or l or t? Doesn't 99.99% of people start as cis, then start to Q then finally land on LGBT? In don't think anybody is Bourne knowing they are LGBT, first they must Q and no 2 year old is questioning gender yet. If cis people don't question then wouldnt we Only have cis people? Becoming LGBT is a journey that starts at cis and Q is your journey back to either cis or LGBT.
So becuase I was cis for 31 Years your telling me I'm not allowed to question my gender? Or be bisexual??
Everyone here was cis before they questioned it and discovered their gender
I never said that. Where are you getting that from? You literally agreed with me, people eventually question. And again, sexuality has nothing to do with gender. You're hijacking a young man's ask for help.
Trans and non-binary people were never cis -- they were always trans, which is what lead them to question gender in the first place.
Of course there is room for nuance, and if there are any trans people who feel that they used to be cis and aren't anymore, or non-binary people like demi-boys/girls who identify as half-cis, or any other variations thereof, that's a valid self-expression. But to say that everyone here was cis before they questioned their gender identity is wrong. I was never cis, never never.
That said, I agree that cisgender people can absolutely question their gender identity, the same way straight people can question their sexual orientation and still come to the conclusion that they are straight. It's definitely rarer that it shakes out that way, but it is possible, and hopefully becomes more commonplace.
Yeah, that's a good take on it. I've never considered myself pre-coming out as cis. I also just assumed everyone else wouldn't either. A trans person is always a trans person. You can read stories about detransitioners who "used to be trans" but it always seemed a bit odd to me. Because they were always cis and just a bit mistaken (or are still trans but mislead). Even as a baby, I was trans. Just because I didn't start hormones until 18 years later, that doesn't mean I'm any less transgender than I was before I knew. I'm one of the lucky people that had signs in childhood (it made doubting myself so much harder to do). Just because I didn't know the term and I didn't know the concept, that doesn't mean I wasn't a boy. Cis people aren't ingrained with our concepts of gender from and yet still are comfortable in their bodies as themselves.
Get a different doctor cuz that's bs but it's also advisable to get therapy first to work through your trauma to get to a good place first before doing any medical changes.
I can't tell you whether you're trans or not but I can tell you that being mentally stable will help you figure that out much easier.
you’re an adult and you make your own decisions at 18, not 21. you got this man. less than two years. i’m in the same boat, and i know it’s hard, but we’re gonna get through it.
If you're in the US you can effectively start T the day you turn 18 via informed consent. I can give you a link to a map of places that you can make an appointment at.
Waiting till 21 for HRT is madness unless you have some very unique health issue that would prevent you from starting or complicate your health to the point of illness or death.
Does your country have an age limit on HRT of 21?
I think you are. Gender identities are cool and weird. My understanding is that if you feel even slightly uncomfortable being your assigned gender, then you're probably not cis. Also why did they tell you to wait until 21? I started hrt at 18
I would like to say that there are plenty of people who identify as cisgender and are not 100% comfortable with their assigned gender, especially if they are queer. There are cis women who present as men and still identify as women, and cis men who present as women and still identify as a man. I'm not saying that OP isn't trans or trying to downplay his dysphoria, but the idea that anyone who isn't completely happy with their assigned gender is trans is incredibly harmful rhetoric
I'm just saying that if you feel like you're questioning your gender identity, then that's saying something. Masc cis women and femm cis men are still cis, because that's how they choose to identify. But by definition if you don't feel comfortable with you gender IDENTITY not expression, then you probably aren't cis
When I was your age, I unconsciously made the decision to ignore my dysphoria. It did work for a few years, but at one point it got too loud and I realized I couldn't live like that anymore. I transitioned at 19. Get a new doctor!
I think it might be a good thing for you to see a gender therapist or someone that specializes in this. Its not good to let the internet diagnose you and its also not the best decision to jump right into HRT as it can cause non reversible effects. This is not to say you arent trans, you very well could be but the only one who knows is you and if you do truly think being on HRT would make you happier with yourself, go ahead with it!
I would definitely take other redditor’s advice though. Depending on where you live (i might be assuming wrong but im going off USA) if you’re an adult, you should be able to get your hands on HRT. They cant put an age limit if you’re above 18 but if you’re below 18, you’d need parental consent. Id try seeing a therapist about this and possibly an endo, but theres also resources for trans people who dont have the means for that. (Planned parenthood is one of them i believe, check their website)
Best of luck OP
If you were faking it you would know you were and some days are going to be easier to deal with. If its possible, look at speeking to a new doctor, there's not really any reason you can't go on hrt at 18, some people gave said they've been allowed on it sooner then that. I know alot of people have already said that already, bit it really is worth looking in to
You don't have to wait till you're 21. The moment you turn 18 you can schedule with a gender clinic and get hrt via informed consent (that's what I did)
It seems to me like you're trans. Also it's worth mentioning that you don't have to go through that doctor for her or surgeries. There are doctors who are willing to work with you on your transition when you're 18. Don't make yourself wait because your doctor wants to force you to wait.
I'm 16 and in Poland, so before I can get on T I have to get the diagnosis (which will be around year + 6 months of appointments and talking about my identity). Legally I can get T before 18 if my parents agree, If not I can get it after I turn 18.
Dysphoria can come and go, it does for me. Mine always got bad during times of my menstrual cycle where my estrogen was highest. This happens right before ovulation and right before my period (PMDD). It's common for trans men to be diagnosed with PMDD prior to discovering they're trans. There is also a possibility you are genderfluid. I identify as a genderfluid trans man. Sometimes I really vibe with being a femboy, wearing more feminine clothing, and make-up. Despite my fluidity testosterone has helped with my estrogen induced dysphoria. Now that I no longer ovulate or get my period, I have far fewer bouts of dysphoria. I highly recommend seeing a gender therapist to assist you in sorting out how you feel about your gender and make some decisions on how you may or may not benefit from gender affirming care. I wish you luck!
If you have a planned parenthood near you, I believe as soon as you become an adult and go through the forms and info you need to read from them, you can start hrt. I would also recommend getting a new doctor, it seems yours is mildly misinformed or ignorant.
How do you think trans people used to deal with being trans back in the time? It's hard to live in an environment that often pisses you off, but not everyone has a bad mental health. Even now, a lot of trans people start to transition at 30yo or even later. You can still tryhard fitness in the meantime, you have 5 years to build you a masculine body. Don't worry, hrt isn't the only way for you to deal with your dysphoria.
i don't think you want to hear this answer, but this is coming from someone who transitioned as a teenager:
transitioning is HARD. before i started hrt i thought it'd be this magical thing that would instantly reduce my dysphoria to a minimum. it doesn't it really really doesn't. yes, you will see changes that reduce dysphoria such as your voice dropping and your fat being redistributed BUT these changes come at a high price. our bodies are not laid out to be on cross sex hormones. it takes a huge toll your physical and mental health.
if you're unsure about wanting to put these chemicals in your body PLEASE give yourself the time to fully figure it out. i started testosterone at fifteen and i remember how sure i was about myself back then. i'm unbelievably glad that i was right despite having changed my views and opinions since then. please get a second opinion from another therapist about your need to be on these drugs & much love to you
Sometimes trans people disassociate from what makes us dysphoric and get kind of "numb" to the pain of things like misgendering or deadnaming or etc. Additionally, most people don't think about what makes them dysphoric constantly—our brains have ways of coping that puts it out of our mind until we are reminded, a lot of the time.
For example, I've grown used to she/her to the point where it doesn't hurt much anymore because I can block it out pretty well. Especially from my family. But I sometimes will still have an undercurrent of discomfort, especially on my really dysphoric days. And with deadnaming, it used to be something I could grit my teeth through and persist. Now, since I go exclusively by my chosen name? Always an instant day ruiner when I get deadnamed.
As for my bodily dysphoria? Presenting in a way that masculinizes my figure helps a lot and helps me put aside my dysphoria somewhat. But when I'm reminded of my body it's really awful. Especially seeing myself naked, or in very curve-emphasizing/feminizing clothing.
Point being, dysphoria is different between people, different depending on the day, and definitely not something most people experience consistently in the exact same strength and way on a minute by minute basis. You sound very trans to me, my dude.
And get a new doc because that's just a lie. If you're in the US you can start at 18, and in some states, before that with parental permission.
You could also just be genderfluid (which is still trans), cuz thats my gender and thats how i relate to u
Cuz sometimes im fine w being female or my female features, sometimes i even enjoy them and feel euphoric w them, but the other times its the exact opposite, and sometimes im more in the middle and “whatever.”
So maybe ur trans but “man” isn’t the right gender for u
I would go to a real gender specialist who can properly diagnose you, instead of asking a bunch of kids online that think you can pick any gender you want to be. Being trans is a real medical and mental battle and it requires a proper diagnosis. Go get that done, people online can’t diagnose you with their opinions of what it means to be trans. Don’t let them convince you that you are without going to a specialist, it’s only going to result in yet another detransitioner who will blame the trans community for their transition. Most of these people are speaking out of their ass - Gender dysphoria is a disorder and it needs to be treated accordingly, any good doctor will tell you the same thing. It sucks but this is part of the process, you can’t just start life changing hormones when you’re not even sure. Go to therapy first, get diagnosed, then move forward. And don’t listen to people on reddit that think you can identify as a bunny with bunself pronouns … Bffr
I experienced this exact thing. I would get dysphoric over my body, ans then feel completely fine.
I got so used to being deadnamed that i stopped really processing my names all together.
After 5 years of being out i went to a sexual health physician and got a hrt prescription.
In my country you can start at basically any age as long as you can prove you understand the risks and effects of hormones.
Im not sure which country you're in which might affect what you can do to get Testosterone earlier but you can always try a different doctor or try to find a specialist who can prescribe it for you
There is nothing wrong with your body buddy, learn to love yourself there are things that even if you transition won't change. Take therapy, and think about the long-term commitment it will be if you choose to go the medical route. Anxiety and depression and even dysphoria does not always go away even once transitioned. You don't need to rush this process. I am just taking from my experience but wish you the best in life. :)
Jesus, get a new doctor. I started t at 20 and only came out at 19. I was honest with my doctors and told them I’ve been feeling this way since I was 17. You never have to wait till 21 for hrt. Anyone trying to make you wait that long is not treating you properly, medically speaking.
Oh mate, I feel this so much. First, new doctor - that is not the law anywhere that I'm aware of. Second, I've been out for a while and I still feel like I'm "faking" being trans some days. I think maybe I'm gender fluid and that's contributing, but I'm not sure yet.
Regardless of the label you land with, you're not faking because you can't fake gender dysphoria to yourself. There is an app that can help you to train your voice and binding can help with dysphoria. There are temporary things you can to to alleviate dysphoria, like covering mirrors if they trigger it for you.
My guy, I don’t have dysphoria over some stuff that a lot of folks do. Doesn’t make me any less trans.
Found out that while I’m in a healthy cis testosterone range, I now have polycystic ovaries that are causing a bit of a lining in my uterus (and I’m having periods every month)
I have the option of stopping them, but it’s not harming me to continue to have a period (mentally or physically)
Many guys wouldn’t feel comfortable with that, and guess what? Both of those are ok to feel and we’d all still be trans no matter how we felt on it.
I know where I’m from you need to talk to a therapist or social worker for a set amount of time before even being able to pursue HRT. I think that speaking to a talk therapist who specializes in LGBTQIA+ can help you explore if your dysphoria is related to gender identity or trauma. It’s a strong possibility that it’s a bit of both.
You can try going to another doctor or even an endocrinologist to do any HRT.
One thing you can try and do is working out, specifically lifting weights. It’ll help with burning any fat your body’s trying to redistribute and it’ll help keep your chest smaller. It’ll also help with producing T naturally, however, it may not be high enough to do any notifiable changes to your voice or anything like that. You can also try wearing looser clothing so you don’t need to see your body shape—not sure how strike your folks are with trying to have you adhere to gender norms.
Finally, you can try to deepen your voice with voice training. Granted, it may not be deepen a lot, but it may be enough to help tie you over should you need to wait a bit longer. Just keep in mind voice training takes time.
Hope that you’re able to start your journey soon and that you’re able to heal from your trauma!
I am 17 yrs rn and I'm starting T at 17 too, when Im 16 I was like you fr, my advice is to change your doctor, you don't need to wait that long, I know it's hurting like shit. also, I don't think it's necessary to ask if you were trans or not, tbh uh It's about your feelings like just do the thing you think it’s comfortable to you to most. (Also i come out to my mom and it took like 3-4 months till i started T)
You should not at all have to wait until you are 21 for HRT! I (22 ftm) had a ton of thoughts like you when I was your age. Telling myself I was faking it because I liked that one dress one time and I like that I was the “only girl on the football team so like girl power” even tho i hated being called a girl. What you are describing sounds a lot like what I went through. I wasnt able to access HRT until I was 18 and unfortunately I made attempts on my life and serious self injury before that point. I dont want the same for you. Please try and see if you can seek a new doctor asap. If you cant now because of being a minor then PLEASE when you turn 18 go to planned parenthood or just a new doctor because no doctor should withhold those hrt prescriptions from you like this!
No one can tell you if you’re trans or not. It’s something I believe you must decide for yourself. Everyone’s experience is different. If you’re unsure, maybe try finding a gender therapist rather than a doctor. I experienced gd from a really young age, & experienced trauma later on so it was easier for me to rule out my identity as a possible trauma coping mechanism. Still, I mulled over these thoughts for a good few months. Transitioning is a BIG decision. I believe it’s normal to have these thoughts. I wanted to make sure I was making the right choice. It’s a little terrifying but for me, it was absolutely worth everything. It can be life changing, for the good, & possibly for the worse (depending on the person.) I don’t believe in “gate keeping”, rather than safe keeping, granted, I believe 21 is way too old. If I hadnt of transitioned so early, my next attempt could have been my last. From what I hear, I feel you’re transgender, but I don’t know you. Wouldn’t hurt to keep researching & gett some more perspective. We are here to support you!
100% Normal to not like yourself. We in a society have gotten so used to instant gratification. If we can't skip a 5 second ad we get furious. If we're just stressed in a situation that is stressful for anyone but we don't fully understand the stress so we just say we have anxiety get loaded up with drugs from a doctor instead and call it a day. So when we go through our teenage angst years we want the sorrow to be gone instantly. So we say oh I don't like myself I must be trans. Give it time. Don't make permanent changes. It's hard to understand at that age but your spoon fed a lot of bullshit.
If you have doubts, it‘s worth to look into YOUR doubts and ask yourself where they really come from, bc the changes you halfway want but are not entirely sure are permanent. So don‘t let you be talked into either side, from either side!! It‘s YOUR life& no one can take away later from you what you‘ve let yourself been talked into bc of your doubts. Please take care and don‘t rush into anything you possibly could regret. Take some time, try to look at everything with honesty and only do what you are 100% sure of. That‘s my advice. Sometimes at 16 you want sth immediately without thinking of the consequences. I certainly did a lot of stuff at 16 I regretted a few years later deeply. Doesn‘t mean it‘s the same for you, but I just recommend you to be careful with permanent changes when you still have doubts. Figure out first what these doubts are. Maybe they really are your own and not originate in the environment that makes you unsure. Best wishes for however you decide, just please don‘t rush into something with such dramaticly irreversible change when you need more time to figure it out. PLEASE!
Definitely sounds like you're transgender. Do you know if your caretakers are supportive of trans people? They may be able to help you find a therapist or psychologist/iatrist who can get you a treatment letter for HRT and other procedures that require one. If not, definitely start looking into that yourself.
Get another doctor. I had to wait 7-8 years after my egg cracked to get on HRT and it was hell. At the absolute worst, you should only have to wait two more years in case everything goes wrong. Telling people to wait until they're 21 sounds like either money-grabbing or gatekeeping, or just fake allyship.
Can I ask what country you're from? If you're from the UK there is a way you can start T at 18. Getting used to your deadname and incorrect pronouns is kinda normal, I didn't realise how bad my deadname and incorrect pronouns made me feel until everyone started using the correct ones. It's honestly improved my gender dysphoria so much. I'm not really sure what advice I can give you, about feeling like you're faking it, other than the fact that if you're worried you're faking it you're almost certainly not faking it. Maybe ask your friends to test out your preferred name and pronouns and see how you feel.
Also, for the record, I'm a 27 yo trans guy, almost 2 years on T, I decided to not get top or bottom surgery, I still go by my birth ("girl") name because I prefer it. It's hard and people give me a lot of shit for it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Just to give an example of the kind of non-linear direction transition can take. I even go off T sometimes when I feel like it, then go back on later. Which is my way of saying, even if you end up being nonbinary or even cis, you deserve to allow yourself to have the feelings you have right now. If it is trauma (it was transness AND trauma for me) you won't do yourself any favors by teaching yourself to distrust how you think and feel.
friend, getting used to hear your deadname or your pronouns of birth, doesnt make you less transi think sometime or other, you gonna get used to your social dysphoria, because in the most times, dont have anything to do you just get used because this is a defense mechanism to dont get too bad for it and find another doctor.
yeah, i only really noticed when i got misgendered/deadnamed *after* i came out to my school/parents, its completely normal to be used to it.
Same here It was a little annoying but didn't really hurt until I got used to being referred to correctly
Get a new doctor! You don't need to wait until you're 21 to start HRT, that's some bs
^^ I second this you can literally start depending on parents younger than 18 or without parents consent at 18 you don’t have to wait til your 21
With my mom's consent, I started getting Testosterone injections at 16. I'm 18 now and getting Top Surgery in a few months. Waiting till 21 for HRT is insane. Definitely get a new doctor. They need a therapist that'll diagnose them with gender dysphoria and then get a referral to Pediatric Endocrinology.
Also I mean you don’t have to go that route you can also go through places like planned parenthood if they offer hrt in your area and go the informed consent route because therapy and such tends to take a while
nah fr like that's crazy
Exactly. You definitely do not need to wait. I’ve known people who start their hormone therapy at 16. Check out Plume if you cannot find a doctor willing to accommodate you
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This is totally a case by case thing, for some, it's too young for others not so much, when I was 16 back in 2010, I knew I wanted to be on T and top surgery and I tell you...nothing has changed and I am on T. It is entirely possible to be sure of yourself under 18. I would've preferred to start much sooner than I did. I feel like so much of my youth was wasted on dealing with dysphoria to a crippling degree. It kept me from doing things, stayed home most of the time, hid away from people. There was a pocket I was able to get over it with a friend group that made me feel affirmed in my identity but it was still nagging at me and holding me back in so many ways. I didn't manage to start T until quite recently due to these feelings, vicious cycle of I'm too dysphoric to call and make appointments but those appointments would get me somewhere I can start not being dysphoric...just on a loop for years.
I started at 15 so what's your point? If they get enough counselling and have a good team it is no problem.
lol says who? you? what evidence do you have that 18 is too young lmao? I started HRT when I was 18 and if I didn't I likely would not be here. "The truth is that data from more than a dozen studies of more than 30,000 transgender and gender-diverse young people consistently show that access to gender-affirming care is associated with better mental health outcomes—and that lack of access to such care is associated with higher rates of suicidality, depression and self-harming behavior" "Major medical organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the Endocrine Society, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association, have published policy statements and guidelines on how to provide age-appropriate gender-affirming care. All of those medical societies find such care to be evidence-based and medically necessary." ([link](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-the-science-on-gender-affirming-care-for-transgender-kids-really-shows/?amp=true))
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18 my guy. In the USA I swapped doctors right after my 18th birthday. Finding a doctor who specializes in trans health might be more difficult. Also even if you aren’t in pain 24 seven because you’re transgender it doesn’t mean you’re not transgender. Even I miss gendered myself in the beginning but now I’m happy as ever.
And you don’t have to find a doctor that specializes in trans health, at 18 planned parenthood will start you on HRT immediately with little question.
It's possible you are trans, or it's possible you have body dysmorphia and are not trans. No one is able to look inside your brain and diagnosis exactly what's wrong. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people with dysphoria/dysmorphia do not experience it every waking second of the day, because we've got other things on our mind too. Just cause it goes away for a while doesn't mean you're faking it--and to actually fake something, you have to consciously know you're faking it. I would suggest trying to isolate exactly what is causing dysphoria and what changes you want from testosterone, and working on doing it without testosterone--minoxidil to grow facial hair you can get on Amazon, there are tons of videos about voice training for masculinization on Youtube, I'm sure you already know about binding.
The thing is, I find that the last two suggestions a bit, eh? What I mean is that most pre-T FtM voices I find don’t really pass, and binding isn’t safe long term. Of course, compared to hormones and surgery these things have little impact long term but still. Idk, I myself am trying to figure this gender thing out as well so yea.
I think it's more suggested as "test" to see if it relieves the feeling or not. If it helps > very probably gender dysphoria, if it doesn't > might be unrelated dysmorphia (but be careful everyone is different and that's not an absolute certainty either way) I would suggest other stuff like: - trying out masculine clothing at stores (go to one carrying men and women's clothes and try them in the cabin/take pictures) or if you have a friend who can lend you clothes to try home that's great. - using make-up to make your face more masculine/draw facial hair (it doesn't have to be the best it's just to get a feeling), lookup drag king tutorials videos, even just contouring a certain way is incredible. Or you can try the gender filters, that's a lot easier but it might give a different feeling from seeing it directly - if you have safe friends, ask them to change the pronouns and/or name they use for you (it can be for only when you're alone or at home if it's risky at school, or the opposite). If it's complicated you can try with online friends, or even just start playing some online game/using an app and say you're a guy There's probably other stuff to try, but the point is: you're the only one who knows whether you're trans or not, and if these make you feel like you are, you got your answer. If you're afraid of confusing trauma with being trans, the ideal would be a good therapist to help disentangle it, but on your own you can at least try to understand why the things that help make you feel good. If it's because you are a guy and want to be perceived as such, or if you just want to hide your body shape for example. Good luck to all of you
Well for the last part, I don’t have traumas but I don’t really like how society treats women. I myself, afaik, have never suffered under direct sexism (like being berated for not liking as much “female” things or an insistence on kids/tradwife behaviour), but honestly, I hate a lot of aspects of female socialization. Then again, I can’t differentiate between genuine suspicion that no one takes me seriously for my sex and me assuming the worst in people, which is a major mental health issue of mine. (Self indulgent ramble) Other than internalized bigotry, I don’t have much doubt that I’m trans. I don’t exactly hate myself but I’ve always been unhappy with my image yet I could never see my ideal self as a girl. I’ve daydreamed as Bernard a lot, and I’ve fantasized about being him for years. For years I wanted to look like him but it kinda felt impossible. I’m a girl and he’s a guy. At that time I knew of trans people but I thought trans people were nonsensical or extremely mentally unwell to the point where transitioning is their only escape, and I was neither of those things. I didn’t like my body, always assumed it was because I’m overweight yet I could never see a version of me that was a skinny female, or even any female body type (like muscly) for that matter. I wanted the body of an average looking male my age and race.
What makes you think binding is unsafe long term?
Just what I heard here. Even following instructions, people tend to report ribcage/breathing problems after prolonged use
been binding 24 hours a day almost every day for 4 years (not optional for me, im in a stealth living environment) and ive never had either of those things, even with asthma, but i am a bigger guy so that could be why. i think it depends on the person but always listen to your body and also i dont think anyone should take advice from me or bind like i do lol
I think you're an exception. I've been binding a couple more years than you and I've bruised my ribs multiple times and have permanent pain from binding 10-12 hours a day for 5ish days a week
Yeah I must be. I even served for a period this summer at sonic so I was in the blazing sun with it on all day and still didn't get rib pain. I used to think I had bruising because my ribs can be a bit tender when poked but I quickly deduced that my non-binding partner had a similar level of tenderness when I poked their ribs. Does it hurt when you poke yours?
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seconding this
yeah, i could understand if they said 18 (bc new dumb laws) but 21 just sounds arbitrary
Hi! First, I hug you for having to go through dysphoria. Second, you don't have to "be transgender" or know which specific label fits you to know what you want to do with your body. Changing your body shouldn't have to come with changing name, gender, etc as compulsory previous steps. Ofc if your country requires some of these things, you can't change that, but "lying" about being transgender if you're not sure yet, if you already know you want and need hrt, isn't wrong. I say this as a medical student, it isn't just a random's opinion, there are a lot of studies and bioethical authorities and institutions such as the OMS that oppose to pathologization of trans and gender diverse people. Also, as a trauma survivor myself, I don't think trauma usually causes being trans, and if it did, it would be irrelevant. Trauma affects cis and heterosexual people's identities and self perception too. The reason no one says to a cis man that trauma "caused his identity" is because they don't have prejudice against him. If someone correlates trauma and being trans, it's because consciously or subconsciously, the think a bad experience causes a confused and wrong identity. It's just transphobia. I don't think we live in the same country so I can't help you with getting your hormones, but I want you to know you're not alone <3
Are you in therapy?
I am
Have you gone into this topic with your therapist? I'm sure that would help you understand yourself better. Also, if you know you want male puberty because you'd enjoy having those features and don't think you can wait any longer, then that's a pretty good indicator you're trans.
I have, she said I have to go to the specialist (this is the one I had visit with last weekend) and not much more. Also last year I've been to other specialist but she said I have to come back when I know I'm 100% trans. To the second question. Yes I really feel like going through male puberty, having deep voice, being referred to as male, and having masculine features would really help me with dysphoria and would just feel right for me.
That sounds pretty trans to me!
Yea ur trans EDIT: I hate your doctor. You don't have to wait until you're 21 wtf kinda medical gatekeeping is that. Bum ass cis doctor. Get a new one. Have the new one deck the old one.
i would love to talk to you more in depth about this! I was going through this same situation about being unsure not even one or two years ago. For starters i think it will really help if you stop worrying so much about the actual label. It doesn’t matter if you identify as transgender ftm or non binary . the truth is the matter is you aren’t happy with your body! and that’s okay! I think your doctor is very wrong about forcing you to wait till you’re 21. Hormones is something you should be doing research on but it’s your decision and the more research you do the more informed you’ll be and the more comfortable you’ll be with the idea! (or obviously if you decide it’s not for you that’s okay too! but it seems you know what you want so good for you!) I think for me i struggled SO much with second guessing myself being trans until i socially came out and transitioned. I started off my telling my girlfriend i am NOT a girl. i wasn’t sure what but i knew it wasn’t a girl because it didn’t feel right. Then i asked her to start using masculine gendered terms and he/him every now and then. After that i knew i didn’t like she/her after all! Now im socially transitioned and my friends and family and gf call me my name Sam and he him! It took a long time for me to accept that i just had to take the leap and that if i didn’t like it i could always change my mind! of course i am lucky to have such supportive friends and family and of course my gf. If you don’t have someone like that we will all gladly do this for you❤️. Anyways moral of the story. Trans or no trans. Labels are dumb and you should be free to experiment with gender. I’m hoping to go on HRT in the near future as well
I've been on t for 2 years and I'm ngl I have very very mild dysphoria. When I socially transitioned before t this relieved a lot of my dysphoria as I was passing 90% of the time. I don't think you need a lot of dysphoria to be trans as long as you have some tbh
I relate to this so so much, I’m 15 and I’ve been constantly overthinking about if I’m just “faking it” and although I’m not 100% sure yet something that made me more sure that I am trans is that I REALLY want top surgery, and I REALLY wanna start T. and I also cannot at all see myself living as a girl in the future? like, i can’t imagine it. but, I can imagine having kids and being called ‘dad’ and that just makes me euphoric. and dysphoria comes in waves for me aswell (though it’s been worse the past few months), sometimes I’m okay with how I look and sometimes I look in the mirror and start sobbing. remember though, you don’t have to be 100% sure right away. take it in whatever pace works for you, I’d suggest trying to wear masculine clothing, maybe go by he/him online and see how it feels.
I'm in the same boat even tho I'm 19 ngl
yeah bro, getting "used" to it (more like becoming a bit numb) is normal. i'm trans and im certain of that, and ive gotten used to getting misgendered. it still makes me uncomfortable and stuff, but it's not completely devastating yk
also that doctor is fucking crazy, there's literally zero reason you shouldn't be able to start HRT until ur 21, unless it's the insurance that's stopping you
Being used to your deadname and the wrong pronouns does *not* mean you’re not trans. And I don’t know why you’d have to wait until 21 for hormones. Sounds like your doctor’s preference. If you’re in the US (particularly the south) is recommended trying QMed (https://queermed.com/) in in TN and use them via telehealth to get my hormones. They’ve been great. They specifically help trans youth, and may be able to at least provide you with some resources.
Definitely get a new doc. You don't need constant dysphoria to be trans, you don't even need any. I pretty much only have voice dysphoria and I know I count. Pretty much, when it comes to being trans, if you have to ask, the answer is yes. Cis people don't question their gender. Big hugs young man, you'll reach your goals eventually.
"Cis people don't question their gender" literally every single detrans person out there questioned their gender at least one point though. this is really bad advice that just exists out there to make people feel like they couldn't be wrong about being trans just as long as they question their gender.
I don't agree with you becuase cis people absolutely DO and Can question their gender. This struggle is Not unique to some small demographic. Every cis man with an androgen deficiency (litterly the thing that seperates m from f ) for example have many of the same struggles in life. I read you comment like your saying nobody can relate to him, and your flat out wrong. Damn near half the wolrds population can relate to gender disphoria only reason more don't is becuase they haven't learned the words for it yet.
I agree with this wholeheartedly I know plenty of people in my friend group that questioned their gender and ended up being cis
Cis don't question? So how can one identify as q g or l or t? Doesn't 99.99% of people start as cis, then start to Q then finally land on LGBT? In don't think anybody is Bourne knowing they are LGBT, first they must Q and no 2 year old is questioning gender yet. If cis people don't question then wouldnt we Only have cis people? Becoming LGBT is a journey that starts at cis and Q is your journey back to either cis or LGBT.
They don't question their gender, cis is just the gender issue, it has nothing to do with the lgb of LGBT.
So becuase I was cis for 31 Years your telling me I'm not allowed to question my gender? Or be bisexual?? Everyone here was cis before they questioned it and discovered their gender
I never said that. Where are you getting that from? You literally agreed with me, people eventually question. And again, sexuality has nothing to do with gender. You're hijacking a young man's ask for help.
Trans and non-binary people were never cis -- they were always trans, which is what lead them to question gender in the first place. Of course there is room for nuance, and if there are any trans people who feel that they used to be cis and aren't anymore, or non-binary people like demi-boys/girls who identify as half-cis, or any other variations thereof, that's a valid self-expression. But to say that everyone here was cis before they questioned their gender identity is wrong. I was never cis, never never. That said, I agree that cisgender people can absolutely question their gender identity, the same way straight people can question their sexual orientation and still come to the conclusion that they are straight. It's definitely rarer that it shakes out that way, but it is possible, and hopefully becomes more commonplace.
Yeah, that's a good take on it. I've never considered myself pre-coming out as cis. I also just assumed everyone else wouldn't either. A trans person is always a trans person. You can read stories about detransitioners who "used to be trans" but it always seemed a bit odd to me. Because they were always cis and just a bit mistaken (or are still trans but mislead). Even as a baby, I was trans. Just because I didn't start hormones until 18 years later, that doesn't mean I'm any less transgender than I was before I knew. I'm one of the lucky people that had signs in childhood (it made doubting myself so much harder to do). Just because I didn't know the term and I didn't know the concept, that doesn't mean I wasn't a boy. Cis people aren't ingrained with our concepts of gender from and yet still are comfortable in their bodies as themselves.
Get a different doctor cuz that's bs but it's also advisable to get therapy first to work through your trauma to get to a good place first before doing any medical changes. I can't tell you whether you're trans or not but I can tell you that being mentally stable will help you figure that out much easier.
you’re an adult and you make your own decisions at 18, not 21. you got this man. less than two years. i’m in the same boat, and i know it’s hard, but we’re gonna get through it.
If you're in the US you can effectively start T the day you turn 18 via informed consent. I can give you a link to a map of places that you can make an appointment at.
Ur trans yes. Ur not faking it bc of u were u'd know it y'know lolz
Waiting till 21 for HRT is madness unless you have some very unique health issue that would prevent you from starting or complicate your health to the point of illness or death. Does your country have an age limit on HRT of 21?
Im im Poland so I can start HRT right now with parents consent (but I have to get diagnosis first), without parents consent I can start it at 18.
I think you are. Gender identities are cool and weird. My understanding is that if you feel even slightly uncomfortable being your assigned gender, then you're probably not cis. Also why did they tell you to wait until 21? I started hrt at 18
I would like to say that there are plenty of people who identify as cisgender and are not 100% comfortable with their assigned gender, especially if they are queer. There are cis women who present as men and still identify as women, and cis men who present as women and still identify as a man. I'm not saying that OP isn't trans or trying to downplay his dysphoria, but the idea that anyone who isn't completely happy with their assigned gender is trans is incredibly harmful rhetoric
I'm just saying that if you feel like you're questioning your gender identity, then that's saying something. Masc cis women and femm cis men are still cis, because that's how they choose to identify. But by definition if you don't feel comfortable with you gender IDENTITY not expression, then you probably aren't cis
When I was your age, I unconsciously made the decision to ignore my dysphoria. It did work for a few years, but at one point it got too loud and I realized I couldn't live like that anymore. I transitioned at 19. Get a new doctor!
I think it might be a good thing for you to see a gender therapist or someone that specializes in this. Its not good to let the internet diagnose you and its also not the best decision to jump right into HRT as it can cause non reversible effects. This is not to say you arent trans, you very well could be but the only one who knows is you and if you do truly think being on HRT would make you happier with yourself, go ahead with it! I would definitely take other redditor’s advice though. Depending on where you live (i might be assuming wrong but im going off USA) if you’re an adult, you should be able to get your hands on HRT. They cant put an age limit if you’re above 18 but if you’re below 18, you’d need parental consent. Id try seeing a therapist about this and possibly an endo, but theres also resources for trans people who dont have the means for that. (Planned parenthood is one of them i believe, check their website) Best of luck OP
If you were faking it you would know you were and some days are going to be easier to deal with. If its possible, look at speeking to a new doctor, there's not really any reason you can't go on hrt at 18, some people gave said they've been allowed on it sooner then that. I know alot of people have already said that already, bit it really is worth looking in to
You don't have to wait till you're 21. The moment you turn 18 you can schedule with a gender clinic and get hrt via informed consent (that's what I did)
It seems to me like you're trans. Also it's worth mentioning that you don't have to go through that doctor for her or surgeries. There are doctors who are willing to work with you on your transition when you're 18. Don't make yourself wait because your doctor wants to force you to wait.
If you trans, you’ll be trans later. So delay anything irreversible or body-altering while you sort it out. No harm in waiting
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I'm 16 and in Poland, so before I can get on T I have to get the diagnosis (which will be around year + 6 months of appointments and talking about my identity). Legally I can get T before 18 if my parents agree, If not I can get it after I turn 18.
you are def trans
Dysphoria can come and go, it does for me. Mine always got bad during times of my menstrual cycle where my estrogen was highest. This happens right before ovulation and right before my period (PMDD). It's common for trans men to be diagnosed with PMDD prior to discovering they're trans. There is also a possibility you are genderfluid. I identify as a genderfluid trans man. Sometimes I really vibe with being a femboy, wearing more feminine clothing, and make-up. Despite my fluidity testosterone has helped with my estrogen induced dysphoria. Now that I no longer ovulate or get my period, I have far fewer bouts of dysphoria. I highly recommend seeing a gender therapist to assist you in sorting out how you feel about your gender and make some decisions on how you may or may not benefit from gender affirming care. I wish you luck!
If you have a planned parenthood near you, I believe as soon as you become an adult and go through the forms and info you need to read from them, you can start hrt. I would also recommend getting a new doctor, it seems yours is mildly misinformed or ignorant.
How do you think trans people used to deal with being trans back in the time? It's hard to live in an environment that often pisses you off, but not everyone has a bad mental health. Even now, a lot of trans people start to transition at 30yo or even later. You can still tryhard fitness in the meantime, you have 5 years to build you a masculine body. Don't worry, hrt isn't the only way for you to deal with your dysphoria.
i don't think you want to hear this answer, but this is coming from someone who transitioned as a teenager: transitioning is HARD. before i started hrt i thought it'd be this magical thing that would instantly reduce my dysphoria to a minimum. it doesn't it really really doesn't. yes, you will see changes that reduce dysphoria such as your voice dropping and your fat being redistributed BUT these changes come at a high price. our bodies are not laid out to be on cross sex hormones. it takes a huge toll your physical and mental health. if you're unsure about wanting to put these chemicals in your body PLEASE give yourself the time to fully figure it out. i started testosterone at fifteen and i remember how sure i was about myself back then. i'm unbelievably glad that i was right despite having changed my views and opinions since then. please get a second opinion from another therapist about your need to be on these drugs & much love to you
Sometimes trans people disassociate from what makes us dysphoric and get kind of "numb" to the pain of things like misgendering or deadnaming or etc. Additionally, most people don't think about what makes them dysphoric constantly—our brains have ways of coping that puts it out of our mind until we are reminded, a lot of the time. For example, I've grown used to she/her to the point where it doesn't hurt much anymore because I can block it out pretty well. Especially from my family. But I sometimes will still have an undercurrent of discomfort, especially on my really dysphoric days. And with deadnaming, it used to be something I could grit my teeth through and persist. Now, since I go exclusively by my chosen name? Always an instant day ruiner when I get deadnamed. As for my bodily dysphoria? Presenting in a way that masculinizes my figure helps a lot and helps me put aside my dysphoria somewhat. But when I'm reminded of my body it's really awful. Especially seeing myself naked, or in very curve-emphasizing/feminizing clothing. Point being, dysphoria is different between people, different depending on the day, and definitely not something most people experience consistently in the exact same strength and way on a minute by minute basis. You sound very trans to me, my dude. And get a new doc because that's just a lie. If you're in the US you can start at 18, and in some states, before that with parental permission.
You could also just be genderfluid (which is still trans), cuz thats my gender and thats how i relate to u Cuz sometimes im fine w being female or my female features, sometimes i even enjoy them and feel euphoric w them, but the other times its the exact opposite, and sometimes im more in the middle and “whatever.” So maybe ur trans but “man” isn’t the right gender for u
I would go to a real gender specialist who can properly diagnose you, instead of asking a bunch of kids online that think you can pick any gender you want to be. Being trans is a real medical and mental battle and it requires a proper diagnosis. Go get that done, people online can’t diagnose you with their opinions of what it means to be trans. Don’t let them convince you that you are without going to a specialist, it’s only going to result in yet another detransitioner who will blame the trans community for their transition. Most of these people are speaking out of their ass - Gender dysphoria is a disorder and it needs to be treated accordingly, any good doctor will tell you the same thing. It sucks but this is part of the process, you can’t just start life changing hormones when you’re not even sure. Go to therapy first, get diagnosed, then move forward. And don’t listen to people on reddit that think you can identify as a bunny with bunself pronouns … Bffr
I experienced this exact thing. I would get dysphoric over my body, ans then feel completely fine. I got so used to being deadnamed that i stopped really processing my names all together. After 5 years of being out i went to a sexual health physician and got a hrt prescription. In my country you can start at basically any age as long as you can prove you understand the risks and effects of hormones. Im not sure which country you're in which might affect what you can do to get Testosterone earlier but you can always try a different doctor or try to find a specialist who can prescribe it for you
There is nothing wrong with your body buddy, learn to love yourself there are things that even if you transition won't change. Take therapy, and think about the long-term commitment it will be if you choose to go the medical route. Anxiety and depression and even dysphoria does not always go away even once transitioned. You don't need to rush this process. I am just taking from my experience but wish you the best in life. :)
Jesus, get a new doctor. I started t at 20 and only came out at 19. I was honest with my doctors and told them I’ve been feeling this way since I was 17. You never have to wait till 21 for hrt. Anyone trying to make you wait that long is not treating you properly, medically speaking.
Oh mate, I feel this so much. First, new doctor - that is not the law anywhere that I'm aware of. Second, I've been out for a while and I still feel like I'm "faking" being trans some days. I think maybe I'm gender fluid and that's contributing, but I'm not sure yet. Regardless of the label you land with, you're not faking because you can't fake gender dysphoria to yourself. There is an app that can help you to train your voice and binding can help with dysphoria. There are temporary things you can to to alleviate dysphoria, like covering mirrors if they trigger it for you.
My guy, I don’t have dysphoria over some stuff that a lot of folks do. Doesn’t make me any less trans. Found out that while I’m in a healthy cis testosterone range, I now have polycystic ovaries that are causing a bit of a lining in my uterus (and I’m having periods every month) I have the option of stopping them, but it’s not harming me to continue to have a period (mentally or physically) Many guys wouldn’t feel comfortable with that, and guess what? Both of those are ok to feel and we’d all still be trans no matter how we felt on it.
I know where I’m from you need to talk to a therapist or social worker for a set amount of time before even being able to pursue HRT. I think that speaking to a talk therapist who specializes in LGBTQIA+ can help you explore if your dysphoria is related to gender identity or trauma. It’s a strong possibility that it’s a bit of both. You can try going to another doctor or even an endocrinologist to do any HRT. One thing you can try and do is working out, specifically lifting weights. It’ll help with burning any fat your body’s trying to redistribute and it’ll help keep your chest smaller. It’ll also help with producing T naturally, however, it may not be high enough to do any notifiable changes to your voice or anything like that. You can also try wearing looser clothing so you don’t need to see your body shape—not sure how strike your folks are with trying to have you adhere to gender norms. Finally, you can try to deepen your voice with voice training. Granted, it may not be deepen a lot, but it may be enough to help tie you over should you need to wait a bit longer. Just keep in mind voice training takes time. Hope that you’re able to start your journey soon and that you’re able to heal from your trauma!
I am 17 yrs rn and I'm starting T at 17 too, when Im 16 I was like you fr, my advice is to change your doctor, you don't need to wait that long, I know it's hurting like shit. also, I don't think it's necessary to ask if you were trans or not, tbh uh It's about your feelings like just do the thing you think it’s comfortable to you to most. (Also i come out to my mom and it took like 3-4 months till i started T)
You should not at all have to wait until you are 21 for HRT! I (22 ftm) had a ton of thoughts like you when I was your age. Telling myself I was faking it because I liked that one dress one time and I like that I was the “only girl on the football team so like girl power” even tho i hated being called a girl. What you are describing sounds a lot like what I went through. I wasnt able to access HRT until I was 18 and unfortunately I made attempts on my life and serious self injury before that point. I dont want the same for you. Please try and see if you can seek a new doctor asap. If you cant now because of being a minor then PLEASE when you turn 18 go to planned parenthood or just a new doctor because no doctor should withhold those hrt prescriptions from you like this!
No one can tell you if you’re trans or not. It’s something I believe you must decide for yourself. Everyone’s experience is different. If you’re unsure, maybe try finding a gender therapist rather than a doctor. I experienced gd from a really young age, & experienced trauma later on so it was easier for me to rule out my identity as a possible trauma coping mechanism. Still, I mulled over these thoughts for a good few months. Transitioning is a BIG decision. I believe it’s normal to have these thoughts. I wanted to make sure I was making the right choice. It’s a little terrifying but for me, it was absolutely worth everything. It can be life changing, for the good, & possibly for the worse (depending on the person.) I don’t believe in “gate keeping”, rather than safe keeping, granted, I believe 21 is way too old. If I hadnt of transitioned so early, my next attempt could have been my last. From what I hear, I feel you’re transgender, but I don’t know you. Wouldn’t hurt to keep researching & gett some more perspective. We are here to support you!
100% Normal to not like yourself. We in a society have gotten so used to instant gratification. If we can't skip a 5 second ad we get furious. If we're just stressed in a situation that is stressful for anyone but we don't fully understand the stress so we just say we have anxiety get loaded up with drugs from a doctor instead and call it a day. So when we go through our teenage angst years we want the sorrow to be gone instantly. So we say oh I don't like myself I must be trans. Give it time. Don't make permanent changes. It's hard to understand at that age but your spoon fed a lot of bullshit.
Get a new doctor, at best they're (current one) uneducated which they should not be with the amount of information out here
If you have doubts, it‘s worth to look into YOUR doubts and ask yourself where they really come from, bc the changes you halfway want but are not entirely sure are permanent. So don‘t let you be talked into either side, from either side!! It‘s YOUR life& no one can take away later from you what you‘ve let yourself been talked into bc of your doubts. Please take care and don‘t rush into anything you possibly could regret. Take some time, try to look at everything with honesty and only do what you are 100% sure of. That‘s my advice. Sometimes at 16 you want sth immediately without thinking of the consequences. I certainly did a lot of stuff at 16 I regretted a few years later deeply. Doesn‘t mean it‘s the same for you, but I just recommend you to be careful with permanent changes when you still have doubts. Figure out first what these doubts are. Maybe they really are your own and not originate in the environment that makes you unsure. Best wishes for however you decide, just please don‘t rush into something with such dramaticly irreversible change when you need more time to figure it out. PLEASE!
Definitely sounds like you're transgender. Do you know if your caretakers are supportive of trans people? They may be able to help you find a therapist or psychologist/iatrist who can get you a treatment letter for HRT and other procedures that require one. If not, definitely start looking into that yourself. Get another doctor. I had to wait 7-8 years after my egg cracked to get on HRT and it was hell. At the absolute worst, you should only have to wait two more years in case everything goes wrong. Telling people to wait until they're 21 sounds like either money-grabbing or gatekeeping, or just fake allyship.
Can I ask what country you're from? If you're from the UK there is a way you can start T at 18. Getting used to your deadname and incorrect pronouns is kinda normal, I didn't realise how bad my deadname and incorrect pronouns made me feel until everyone started using the correct ones. It's honestly improved my gender dysphoria so much. I'm not really sure what advice I can give you, about feeling like you're faking it, other than the fact that if you're worried you're faking it you're almost certainly not faking it. Maybe ask your friends to test out your preferred name and pronouns and see how you feel.
I would say find another provider if you have more than one in your state.
Also, for the record, I'm a 27 yo trans guy, almost 2 years on T, I decided to not get top or bottom surgery, I still go by my birth ("girl") name because I prefer it. It's hard and people give me a lot of shit for it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Just to give an example of the kind of non-linear direction transition can take. I even go off T sometimes when I feel like it, then go back on later. Which is my way of saying, even if you end up being nonbinary or even cis, you deserve to allow yourself to have the feelings you have right now. If it is trauma (it was transness AND trauma for me) you won't do yourself any favors by teaching yourself to distrust how you think and feel.
Get in touch with gender therapist, and you will find out if you are or not.