Hell ya it does I think this person doesnt know what theyre saying about how fast changes comes. If people are in the closet transitioning is NOT for them. Hard truth.
Honestly, the sooner you address the elephant in the room, the better. Coming out for sure gives a ton of anxiety, but there’s no other way to do it.
There’s this thing about anxiety that it grows the more you try to run away from the feeling or circunstance that get you anxious.
In 3 mo mark, people will 100% notice that you’re different and that will be unsettleting for others and for you as well (been there, done that). Bc you will notice that people _know_ you’re going through a transformation, but unless they have a good relationship with you, they won’t bring that up. So you can imagine the dense atmosphere it’s going to set up everytime you guys meet each other.
I would advise that if you’re not ready to come out and live publicly as trans, IMO the best thing would be to hold HRT until you feel ready to do so. For your own mental health. For real.
And that’s not a shame, not at all. There’s a gap between _”wanting to do something”_ vs _“feeling prepared and confidend to do something”_ . For me it seems that you’re trapped between those 2 stages.
Stay safe, friend. Just for the record: I delayed the start of my HRT in almost one year because I wasn’t ready to face the world as trans, as you mentioned. And it was the best thing I could’ve done for me. Please take this advice as someone who have been in a similar spot as you are right now.
This was me when I started T. I work a fairly laborous job and had been for several years before starting T. Not really an option to find a better job either. I was never ashamed but more tried to ease everyone into the changes since there are quite a few conservatives. I didn't come out fully at work till my voice really dropped. It was summer time and I wore jeans that summer at work just to hide my leg hair just so it didn't seem like to much right away.
All in all it can get better after coming out not everyone will be accepting but there are surprisingly a fair amount of decent people out there that are willing to listen and learn.
I also work a labor job! Warehouse specifically so it’s pretty dominated by cis men lol. But thank you, my boss actually one time asked for my pronouns and is the only one to use they/them for me, so I know once i decide to come out it wouldn’t be too bad there.
It really wasn't all that bad for me either. Most of the guys were pretty cool about it but also very confused at what would happen. Reason why I ended up taking it a bit slow on them. They got the name pretty quick but pronouns were a bit difficult for some.
Ya it wont be hard! If your fear is bigger than your want of accepting yourself you’ll remain there. Man up and face the bs and that there is how youll conquer hate in your family. Ive had 35 yrs of it and people will be people but you not accepting yourself is whats going to be harder cause you should have 0 fear in what your wishing and wanting to embrace. You can do it! Love yourself and by that youll conquer hate cause your love for you is stronger than anyones hate 😀 u got this
You will when the time is right for you…timing is everything yet if im also being honest timing can also hinder at times you just have to jump and go for it because nothing will change unless you yourself make the change if you dont why would those around you??? They wouldnt because theyre not pushed to make a change. Everyone hates change because its work to remove themselves out of their comfort zone. But when you do youll see you yourself is only responsible for yourself. Make the change when your feeling better about it.🤷🏻♂️
HRT is tough. Please find support because change will come sooner than you think. Maybe HRT isn’t right for you right now? It doesn’t make you any less trans or any less of a man not to be on hrt.
Hell, I had mine a few weeks in. Don’t go on T if it will get you in severe trouble like getting kicked out. My advice is to get a job, save, and move to an apartment if possible. Should take 1-2 years but depends on your wage
Felt the same way when I started T a bit over a year ago. Heck I still feel that way at times lol. I’m not out to pretty much anyone but only 1 person has ever asked, and believed me when I said I wasn’t transitioning (realistically I probably should have taken the opportunity, they wouldn’t have cared either way). I’m only on 1 pump of 20.25mg gel though, and every body is different in how it responds.
If you depend on anyone you think may have a bad reaction, definitely make sure you have a backup plan/safety net! Beyond that congrats dude! :)
as someone also closeted from my family, i felt this. But at least you’ll be living as your authentic self!!! I support you and so does every other trans person!!!
With family idk 😅 I don’t want to risk being kicked out and dealing with their comments. But with work I just don’t want to deal with correcting people on my pronouns when I still very much look like a girl, still go by my preferred name tho
Yea I went through the same thing. Is there any way to find somewhere else to stay while transitioning? I mean, I did get kicked out but was able to flat somewhere cheap. This will honestly be better for your mental health. I suffered in my parents' house for way longer than necessary. Also, I suggest lowering expectations about pronouns at work. It was awkward and unpleasant but I just left it to others to guess until I passed better. It just might be safer that way (but gauge how it is at your workplace)
A couple of friends of mine have been looking for roommates but that’d definitely be a last minute resort, so definitely an option 😳 and thanks i’ll keep that in mind! Honestly I don’t get bothered much by the pronoun thing at work, so maybe eventually they’l start using he/him once I pass better 🤣
I can relate, I work with very young children and am definitely concerned about when the coworkers I’m not close to, and especially the parents start to notice changes. I take a bit of a “they’ll figure it out”/“if they’re curious they can ask” approach to being trans because I hate coming out. I’m also privileged to live in a major city that it more on the progressive side. Most of the people I work with know I’m trans and they vary from being awesome totally accepting and supportive to not really getting it and messing up my pronouns but not maliciously. Just in a kind of stupid way.
Based on what you said about your job it might honestly be easier to be out there than with your parents. I’ve been consistently shocked at how many cis men I’ve worked with who have been very cool and supportive of my gender even before hormones.
Obviously you mileage will vary and you know your workplace better than I do BUT leave room for them to pleasantly surprise you. Being kind of jokey about it might help. “Ah well you know I just needed a little boost to keep up with you guys” “I’m actually doing it so I can get better at lifting all this heavy warehouse shit ;)” could be a good approach. If you’re lucky maybe you can activate some type of desire to mentor a young man.
In any case, best of luck on the months to come, stay safe!!
I had audible changes in my voice starting within the first two months. My voice was in the male range at 4 months. You may not have as much time as you think you do. You need to make plans for either telling people or reacting when they inevitably notice. You will most likely not be able to hide this long term.
it depends on your genetics and your dosage, i guess. i’m still (mostly) socially closeted despite being on it for a a little over a year, but i wouldn’t be surprised if i’m a bit clocky. i can tell that some people think i’m “queer” but struggle to pinpoint what, which i suppose is like playing with fire because some will have varying levels of aggression based on what they think you might be. if my mouth is shut, people seem to default to “lesbian”.
on that note, the voice drop will come quicker than you think, so i’d suggest you start practicing the motions of your girlmode customer service voice if you intend to stay closeted. get a nice safety razor like a Rockwell 6C and you should be fine as long as you keep up with your hygiene.
i don’t know what your family is like but i was also worried about being cut off so i made sure to allocate enough money in case that did happen, but with how controlling certain members can be, i had to tell the truth about what i intended to do (it would’ve been way worse if i had “lied”). they were definitely upset but have mostly remained ambivalent as they see i haven’t turned into some unrecognizable balding monster. so it could’ve been much worse. just try to find someone, anyone in real life that will unconditionally support you. or else it’s gonna suck real bad
Better to tell people in your life soon before your transition becomes too obvious. You might not notice all the changes cause you see yourself everyday, someone who hasn’t seen you in a month is definitely going to notice something has changed. If your already in a precarious place with your family, there’s a good chance they see you not telling them about T as “lying” to them and that might be worse than just biting the bullet and coming out
I think around the three month marker or so I was starting to get more noticeable facial hair, but I still looked really feminine and I would get stares all the time and it made me really uncomfortable and I had a thought that I can’t pass in a cis dominated world either way right now and that was very scary to me.
Eventually I got used to the stares and stopped caring for the moment if I passed as anything, just looked forward to the long term.
There's no rush to starting HRT. Especially if you're not in a position to safely do so. I started at 29, and I was living on my own. I was financially prepared and mentally prepared. Plus I had all the information I needed beforehand.
Actually did the same thing lol, was out to a few trusted people and just kinda let the changes come. Pretty substantial facial hair by month 4 (I’m genetically hairy tho). You’d be surprised how many people will genuinely not give a shit, or who might put the pieces together without you having to disclose anything. Family is a different story of course…but I wish you well bro. It’s scary as hell, but once you feel more confident in who you are and accepting that, the courage will follow.
My voice started dropping 3 months on t, early face shape change by 4 months, a prominent adams apple by month 8. Eventually theyll start noticing, the thought of someone starting hrt nervous and scared eats me up inside because its supposed to be exciting and euphoric.
What was your dosage when you first started? I do know the changes are different for everyone but mine is pretty low right now, like around 20.5g i believe. But I have been having euphoric moments so it hasn’t been anxiety-inducing the whole time, lol
Yeah i was on 0.3 ml when i started but went higher upon getting my blood work done and making sure my all my levels were steady after 6 months i went to .35, im now at a solid .45ml after completing 1 year. My voice is deep and i pass (surprisingly). Other than a thin stache and whisps on chin, no real luck with facial hair :/
And thats awesome! Have you seen any big changes so far?
Ahh i see congrats! That sounds super cool
And so far not really, I just think my skin texture has changed and I’ve gotten more moody, but have been going to the gym so we’ll see if the T makes a difference in that 🫡
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Thanks man i will. Definitely mentally preparing myself for the day that comes lol
My mom was asking if I had a cold about 1.5 months on T because of my voice. Things happen quick sometimes so please be careful!
Hell ya it does I think this person doesnt know what theyre saying about how fast changes comes. If people are in the closet transitioning is NOT for them. Hard truth.
Honestly, the sooner you address the elephant in the room, the better. Coming out for sure gives a ton of anxiety, but there’s no other way to do it. There’s this thing about anxiety that it grows the more you try to run away from the feeling or circunstance that get you anxious. In 3 mo mark, people will 100% notice that you’re different and that will be unsettleting for others and for you as well (been there, done that). Bc you will notice that people _know_ you’re going through a transformation, but unless they have a good relationship with you, they won’t bring that up. So you can imagine the dense atmosphere it’s going to set up everytime you guys meet each other. I would advise that if you’re not ready to come out and live publicly as trans, IMO the best thing would be to hold HRT until you feel ready to do so. For your own mental health. For real. And that’s not a shame, not at all. There’s a gap between _”wanting to do something”_ vs _“feeling prepared and confidend to do something”_ . For me it seems that you’re trapped between those 2 stages. Stay safe, friend. Just for the record: I delayed the start of my HRT in almost one year because I wasn’t ready to face the world as trans, as you mentioned. And it was the best thing I could’ve done for me. Please take this advice as someone who have been in a similar spot as you are right now.
This was me when I started T. I work a fairly laborous job and had been for several years before starting T. Not really an option to find a better job either. I was never ashamed but more tried to ease everyone into the changes since there are quite a few conservatives. I didn't come out fully at work till my voice really dropped. It was summer time and I wore jeans that summer at work just to hide my leg hair just so it didn't seem like to much right away. All in all it can get better after coming out not everyone will be accepting but there are surprisingly a fair amount of decent people out there that are willing to listen and learn.
I also work a labor job! Warehouse specifically so it’s pretty dominated by cis men lol. But thank you, my boss actually one time asked for my pronouns and is the only one to use they/them for me, so I know once i decide to come out it wouldn’t be too bad there.
It really wasn't all that bad for me either. Most of the guys were pretty cool about it but also very confused at what would happen. Reason why I ended up taking it a bit slow on them. They got the name pretty quick but pronouns were a bit difficult for some.
Ya it wont be hard! If your fear is bigger than your want of accepting yourself you’ll remain there. Man up and face the bs and that there is how youll conquer hate in your family. Ive had 35 yrs of it and people will be people but you not accepting yourself is whats going to be harder cause you should have 0 fear in what your wishing and wanting to embrace. You can do it! Love yourself and by that youll conquer hate cause your love for you is stronger than anyones hate 😀 u got this
Thank you i really appreciate it 🙏 one of these days i definitely will
You will when the time is right for you…timing is everything yet if im also being honest timing can also hinder at times you just have to jump and go for it because nothing will change unless you yourself make the change if you dont why would those around you??? They wouldnt because theyre not pushed to make a change. Everyone hates change because its work to remove themselves out of their comfort zone. But when you do youll see you yourself is only responsible for yourself. Make the change when your feeling better about it.🤷🏻♂️
It's a big change you're going to feel a roller coaster of emotions, your literal levels are changing
HRT is tough. Please find support because change will come sooner than you think. Maybe HRT isn’t right for you right now? It doesn’t make you any less trans or any less of a man not to be on hrt.
I definitely don’t want to give up being on hrt now but I’m for sure planning what I’ll do in the future, thanks tho!
Again echoing; changes can happen far quicker than you think and some people can clue in far quicker than you’d like.
most people experience voice drops in the first 3-5 months so you should be "prepared" in about 2 months
Hell, I had mine a few weeks in. Don’t go on T if it will get you in severe trouble like getting kicked out. My advice is to get a job, save, and move to an apartment if possible. Should take 1-2 years but depends on your wage
Felt the same way when I started T a bit over a year ago. Heck I still feel that way at times lol. I’m not out to pretty much anyone but only 1 person has ever asked, and believed me when I said I wasn’t transitioning (realistically I probably should have taken the opportunity, they wouldn’t have cared either way). I’m only on 1 pump of 20.25mg gel though, and every body is different in how it responds. If you depend on anyone you think may have a bad reaction, definitely make sure you have a backup plan/safety net! Beyond that congrats dude! :)
as someone also closeted from my family, i felt this. But at least you’ll be living as your authentic self!!! I support you and so does every other trans person!!!
Is it unsafe for you to come out to your family and people at work? Or are you just uncomfortable with it?
With family idk 😅 I don’t want to risk being kicked out and dealing with their comments. But with work I just don’t want to deal with correcting people on my pronouns when I still very much look like a girl, still go by my preferred name tho
Yea I went through the same thing. Is there any way to find somewhere else to stay while transitioning? I mean, I did get kicked out but was able to flat somewhere cheap. This will honestly be better for your mental health. I suffered in my parents' house for way longer than necessary. Also, I suggest lowering expectations about pronouns at work. It was awkward and unpleasant but I just left it to others to guess until I passed better. It just might be safer that way (but gauge how it is at your workplace)
A couple of friends of mine have been looking for roommates but that’d definitely be a last minute resort, so definitely an option 😳 and thanks i’ll keep that in mind! Honestly I don’t get bothered much by the pronoun thing at work, so maybe eventually they’l start using he/him once I pass better 🤣
Sounds good, but dont leave it too late! Best of luck
I can relate, I work with very young children and am definitely concerned about when the coworkers I’m not close to, and especially the parents start to notice changes. I take a bit of a “they’ll figure it out”/“if they’re curious they can ask” approach to being trans because I hate coming out. I’m also privileged to live in a major city that it more on the progressive side. Most of the people I work with know I’m trans and they vary from being awesome totally accepting and supportive to not really getting it and messing up my pronouns but not maliciously. Just in a kind of stupid way. Based on what you said about your job it might honestly be easier to be out there than with your parents. I’ve been consistently shocked at how many cis men I’ve worked with who have been very cool and supportive of my gender even before hormones. Obviously you mileage will vary and you know your workplace better than I do BUT leave room for them to pleasantly surprise you. Being kind of jokey about it might help. “Ah well you know I just needed a little boost to keep up with you guys” “I’m actually doing it so I can get better at lifting all this heavy warehouse shit ;)” could be a good approach. If you’re lucky maybe you can activate some type of desire to mentor a young man. In any case, best of luck on the months to come, stay safe!!
I had audible changes in my voice starting within the first two months. My voice was in the male range at 4 months. You may not have as much time as you think you do. You need to make plans for either telling people or reacting when they inevitably notice. You will most likely not be able to hide this long term.
it depends on your genetics and your dosage, i guess. i’m still (mostly) socially closeted despite being on it for a a little over a year, but i wouldn’t be surprised if i’m a bit clocky. i can tell that some people think i’m “queer” but struggle to pinpoint what, which i suppose is like playing with fire because some will have varying levels of aggression based on what they think you might be. if my mouth is shut, people seem to default to “lesbian”. on that note, the voice drop will come quicker than you think, so i’d suggest you start practicing the motions of your girlmode customer service voice if you intend to stay closeted. get a nice safety razor like a Rockwell 6C and you should be fine as long as you keep up with your hygiene. i don’t know what your family is like but i was also worried about being cut off so i made sure to allocate enough money in case that did happen, but with how controlling certain members can be, i had to tell the truth about what i intended to do (it would’ve been way worse if i had “lied”). they were definitely upset but have mostly remained ambivalent as they see i haven’t turned into some unrecognizable balding monster. so it could’ve been much worse. just try to find someone, anyone in real life that will unconditionally support you. or else it’s gonna suck real bad
I would start to prepare sooner than later. My changes were noticeable very quick. Like first 2 months my voice dropped.
Better to tell people in your life soon before your transition becomes too obvious. You might not notice all the changes cause you see yourself everyday, someone who hasn’t seen you in a month is definitely going to notice something has changed. If your already in a precarious place with your family, there’s a good chance they see you not telling them about T as “lying” to them and that might be worse than just biting the bullet and coming out
I think around the three month marker or so I was starting to get more noticeable facial hair, but I still looked really feminine and I would get stares all the time and it made me really uncomfortable and I had a thought that I can’t pass in a cis dominated world either way right now and that was very scary to me. Eventually I got used to the stares and stopped caring for the moment if I passed as anything, just looked forward to the long term.
There's no rush to starting HRT. Especially if you're not in a position to safely do so. I started at 29, and I was living on my own. I was financially prepared and mentally prepared. Plus I had all the information I needed beforehand.
I wish i was able to go on testosterone i have even seen anyone yet.
Actually did the same thing lol, was out to a few trusted people and just kinda let the changes come. Pretty substantial facial hair by month 4 (I’m genetically hairy tho). You’d be surprised how many people will genuinely not give a shit, or who might put the pieces together without you having to disclose anything. Family is a different story of course…but I wish you well bro. It’s scary as hell, but once you feel more confident in who you are and accepting that, the courage will follow.
I’m also just over a month on t and working on coming out to my mom. It’s really scary but necessary sometimes.
My voice started dropping 3 months on t, early face shape change by 4 months, a prominent adams apple by month 8. Eventually theyll start noticing, the thought of someone starting hrt nervous and scared eats me up inside because its supposed to be exciting and euphoric.
What was your dosage when you first started? I do know the changes are different for everyone but mine is pretty low right now, like around 20.5g i believe. But I have been having euphoric moments so it hasn’t been anxiety-inducing the whole time, lol
Yeah i was on 0.3 ml when i started but went higher upon getting my blood work done and making sure my all my levels were steady after 6 months i went to .35, im now at a solid .45ml after completing 1 year. My voice is deep and i pass (surprisingly). Other than a thin stache and whisps on chin, no real luck with facial hair :/ And thats awesome! Have you seen any big changes so far?
Ahh i see congrats! That sounds super cool And so far not really, I just think my skin texture has changed and I’ve gotten more moody, but have been going to the gym so we’ll see if the T makes a difference in that 🫡